The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Garold w/Greg Stone & Anthony DeVito

Episode Date: May 28, 2025

Bonfire favorites Greg Stone and Anthony Devito have a new podcast together and hang out for the whole show. Bobby insists that Michael Jackson's real voice was deep and menacing. | Greg loves his wife immensely but is having marital troubles in the bedroom. He asks for a free pass to cheat but his wife would only agree if it was with another man. Greg has his eye on a waiter named Garold and Bob gives advice on how to make this liaison happen. They role play a scenario with Bobby playing the part of Greg. | Jay wants to have the terms in writing if he is ever going to have sex with Christine again. "Welcome To Talk Town" with Greg Stone, Anthony Devito, and Alison Leiby is available everywhere you get podcasts. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more. FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Olkerson and Robert Kelly Sorry Bobby I say the guy died innocent in the court of law No convictions on anything. Yeah, so I know you're pissed at Michael Jackson. No, I'm not pissed. No, you're pissed. No Look man, you know what? I believe in this country. And I believe in his laws. Okay. And if you're proven innocent and court of law, you're innocent.

Yeah, I mean there was Dove's release to prove that he didn't do anything. Mmhmm. God. Didn't he dance in a car too, to prove it? Yeah, at the end he came out and did his fucking move. I'll'll tell you what even though I think Michael Jackson probably did plenty of pedophile stuff I subscribed to that if he walked out of jail though And they said he was innocent even if I was like damn really when he get on that thing and started fucking I'd have been Like oh shit. I've been way into it even if you want other kids. He molested yes

Yeah, I love that like oh oh there he goes. Walking out of pedophile charges is the way to do it. Absolutely. By the way when he does it yeah if you're one of the victims you still go you go you go son of a bitch he goes that's how he got me. You see the moves he goes son of a bitch just when I think I'm out he gets me right back in. They try to throw the book out on him he just leads forward goes right over his head and that it's funny that that's not his voice I mean, it's that he's you've latched on to this He has a like dude voice like a regular yo, what's up? I saw a video about this

There's people that are talking about it more masculine, but it's not I wouldn't say he's not He's more like yo motherfucker like you had the I wouldn't say it's very much. Well, he's not, hey, you know. He's more like, yo, motherfucker. Like, he had the thing where a guy. We didn't turn to a 70s fucking street guy. There's a guy, he was in the studio with him. Come on, Jack, you're acting all crazy now. I'm the king of motherfucking pop. He was in the studio, and he was sitting there talking,

and these people left, he goes, I thought those motherfuckers were never gonna leave. Yeah, huh? And the guy was like, what? That's right. He didn't understand. It's a barbecue He was like hey guys, and then they left you I think those motherfuckers really Blinky glove

I'm gonna get no kid dick with this voice I need to lighten this motherfucker up. You can't be like yo open your asshole for my son. Yeah, hey you like candy Jack You get this motherfucking ride. Why don't you stick your rollo in my mouth? Let me suck on it for a little bit Hey put this in your mouth and call licorice come on motherfucker. I'm not gonna molest you That's for perverts What'd you call it? Molestia? I'm not going on molestia. Um, yeah, this is supposed to be his real voice right here.

Listen. I'm gonna dance all over you so you'd be bad, huh? Yeah, that's it. I don't move over for no one. Call me the king of pots. That's it right there. He's not like, hey, I'm not going in. I'm going to get you my house. And you can ride by your ass.

Come on, Jack. Yo, I got cake upstairs. It's a whole fridge full of cake. Yeah, I'm here to get it. I'm here to fuck me some kids. He bubbles. Don't worry about him. That's just bubbles. What y'all want, juice?

You guys lack a motherfucking Rubik's Cube? I got a game called Simon, motherfucker. Hey, Macaulay, shut the fuck up. Hey, Cockbock and Macaulay, why don't you back off, motherfucker, and get that little crispy little motherfucker in here. Which one of you little sexy motherfuckers wants to meet a real dinosaur? Which, which, which, motherfucker, you guys want rides? I got rides. You ain't ever been on a loop-de-loop, have ya? You forget your penis touched in a house of mirrors?

Yeah Tryna ruin your own running yourself? I got a balloon machine in the corner if you suck my balloon you know I love bad llamas they watch everything say nothing yeah I like your nosy mother in the room next door I hear the cup on the wall bitch but the senor family off to a one-way helicopter out of Mount Everest. That's what he did. In that Finding Neverland documentary. Where is a one way helicopter out of Mount Everest?

He would go, hey I'm sending you guys tomorrow I'm sending you all like the Grand Canyon in my helicopter. And he would send like the brother, sister, and the parents like the Grand Canyon in my like helicopter and he would send like the brother Sister and and the parents like the grand can and just like leave them there in a helicopter And then he and he and he we have all day now I was a bad impression. We ain't got nothing but nothing fucking time I got a stove was peace in the oven as soon as that done. We're gonna be sucking some dick I got a Stouffer's Pizza in the oven. As soon as that done, we're gonna be sucking some dick. Absolutely right, absolutely right.

When they leave, no pants, no laces, in effect. Everybody put on these Japanese sweatpants. Poon Jab, put on some Parliament fuckadelic. Hey, we're gonna go for a magic carpet ride, right into my butthole. Let me kiss your ear. Oh, that's Wade Robson, right? Isn't that Wade Robson, the kid he fucked

into having wonderful talents? Let me kiss your ear. Oh, he's Wade Robson, right? Isn't that Wade Robson, the kid he fucked into having wonderful talents? Let me kiss you all year. Well, we said this yesterday. What if you fuck kids and they gave you, if Jacob could get height, he'd have to fuck kids. Would he do it? Like, what would you want? He wants height, what would you want?

Like, if you could have anything, physically. A wife that loves me? Your wife doesn't love you? We're friends. What? Can I just say something? Yeah. I'm gonna give you a little tip.

She's my best friend. I'm gonna tell you, yeah, exactly. You guys get along, right? That's what marriage is. Yeah, we always get along. That's what marriage is. That's my best roommate. That's what marriage is.

Marriage is not love, fucking, it's meeting somebody that gets you, you get them, and then you become best friends. She's always got your back, she wants nothing to do with your body, she doesn't want anything to do with your ding ding anymore. Those days are over. Yes.

But you should be allowed to get your wiener sucked on the road. You can by other men. My, so funny you should add that. Yeah. What, wait a minute, stop. Greg, I'm kidding. No, no, go ahead.

Before I say. What's the copy, I'd like to hear it. Oh, Jesus Christ, okay, go ahead. Me and my wife were in couples therapy, and I was like, can I fuck on the women? She was like, couples therapy and I was like, can I fuck on the webinar? She was like, no. And I was like, what about underage people?

Not underage people. I don't know where this joke is going. But I went. I just threw this joke out of the fucking car. I just oversold the ending. I've also never heard of anything called underage people. I don't know why I did that. People?

Well, you say it in the proper way. If you're in the community, you know. They're not called kids. They're underage people. People. They're people. Of any sex or gender. Underage people.

I think if you call them midgets, it's okay. Listen, don't be offensive by calling them kids. That's disgusting. I'm so sorry. Yeah, yeah. They're just young, underage people. As a bit, I went, what about men? And my wife went, okay, you can do men.

And that's when the training began. You started training? Yeah, I was gonna change my mind, I had to rewire that thing. Well, can I give you some, I have a feeling me and you are non-confrontational in a similar way. What, me and DeVito are?

What the fuck are you saying? Yeah, I fucking dare you, bro. Why don't you go, what the fuck, DeVito? I fucking dare you, bro. Hey, this fucking guy don't? What the fuck are you saying? I fucking dare you bro DeVito I fucking dare you bro Hey this fucking guy don't know what the fuck is he talking about You guys are confrontational Yeah because we're lighter We're like two feathers

In the night Two night feathers We're night feathers That's our gang The night feathers You guys are the fucking heavy pillows Deciding on when or how far you want to take this either Somehow AI or go ahead and have actual sex with another man. Mm-hmm

Tell her how much you loved it you and you actually think it's probably what your life is now And you're living a lie being with her, and then she'll leave you, and then you don't have to feel guilty about that. And then you can go back to having sex with women. Davido's laughing because he knows, he knows Greg better than both of us, and he's laughing of how close

fucking another guy is to this guy. Yeah, I don't believe, I don't believe it. I, you know, I don't believe in sexuality. I believe in coming. Any thing that will make me come. I'm gonna throw up. I'll come any which way, brother. What are you, Clint Eastwood?

Jacob has a mouth. Huh? Jacob has a mouth. If Jacob could keep it closed. No. Maybe he'll come. So you wanna, you'll fuck a guy's mouth the only he just keeps a secret.

Yeah. You know, as long as he doesn't open the envelope. Can I ask you a question really? Yeah. So you don't care. You'll go as long as he doesn't open the envelope. Can I ask you a question really? Yeah. So you don't care. You'll go have sex with a dude and as long as he's not yapping at everybody so it's not all over the place.

No, on paper I'd have sex with a dude, but I've looked and I've gotten pretty close and I went, I can't do it. You did. I'm pretty close. There's a waiter who's always trying to fuck me and I just was like, I can't do it, brother. At a comedy club? Yeah. Or at a Chick-fil-A or a Cheesecake Factory?

The Fridays I used to work at, he still hangs around. So at a comedy club, the waiter wants to? Every day he goes, when you're ready. And I go, maybe tomorrow. So he knows that you're in the midst. Oh yeah, I won't stop talking about this. He can smell it like a pheromone. Yeah, yeah. Plus I'm yelling it all about this. He can smell it like a pheromone. Yeah, yeah.

Plus I'm yelling it all the time. What are you yelling? Yeah, but the kind of guys I probably would fuck just wouldn't fuck me, you know? So you want hot guys? Ripped. Hot. Why don't you just get an older man to teach you the ways? That's not fun. Like Luke Skywalker.

You gotta be better than the things I'm jerking off to you. Yeah, but you gotta be taught by an older, wiser man. Are you that older, wiser man? Is that where we're going? What I'm saying. You're soft pitching himself. If you think you can. I'm actually hard pitching myself.

Yeah. I've been hard this whole conversation. It's called erect pitching. If you can get attracted to and come fucking a guy and your chick says she doesn't give a shit about that, I mean problem solved I guess. I also, I don't know if I should even say this because whatever, but my wife one day,

so we were having this conversation, I was like we need to talk about this right? And she was like if you want to have sex with other people you can. And I said I don't want to have sex with other people, I want to have sex with you. Just guys. I love you and if we, if this is a problem for you

we need to work on this problem because I want you to enjoy this as well I don't want to just fuck other women. I want to fuck you, but what I should have said was cool But she said it once and I don't know if it's enough for me to be like I don't I need her A sign of paper. It's like remember you said this write that down. I say something As long as she's not gonna leave you right she's not like did you you got it? You should go back to her. Did you mean that? Yes If she's it because I don't want you to leave me if I went and just got my fix somewhere else

Yeah came back and you got mad, but what you don't know won't hurt you. I'm cool with that Right, you gotta find out you don't want to fuck it up and have a leave, right? No, because I love her more than anything on earth and she also has my children Which are the things I love if you love her hit her? No, no, no, no, you know my uncle he's bringing up a point hitting women What if that turned your wife on you thought about fucking guys and not about hitting women? You're doing everything backwards, man. Is it hitting women then fucking guys?

Yes! Once you hit a woman, the word's going to spread, you hit women, so you're going to start fucking guys. Once you start fucking guys, you get a sitcom on Netflix. True that. You get a special year in the kitchen. What Corey Holcomb tells me is true. This is why I'm so pro-trans, because we need to get the surgery to be so good that that's the loophole for me

It's like technically it was a man and now this beautiful woman like that's the way for us Wait a minute. So you want a vagina in the woman or you want the penis still there? I want the trans surgery to be so good that technically their DNA says man, but this is a beautiful woman. There's a vagina. You want the vagina, you don't want the penis and the balls. I would like a, if look, if there was a vagina and also a penis, that'd be great,

but I need the vagina, she's gotta go somewhere. What about the balls? The car's gotta park in the garage. What about the balls? I never thought about the balls. Are you the garage for the penis? They're the garage. No, but they have a vagina also.

They have a vagina, I wanna stick my penis in their vagina. But he wants the penis. But there's a penis there. Yeah, but that's the- That They have a vagina also. They have a vagina, I want to stick my penis in their vagina. But he wants the penis. But there's a penis there. That's what I'm saying. But what's the penis for? Extra credit, it's extra fun. No, the penis is the hood for the opening of the garage. So if it rains. So that comes off your pubes.

So if it rains out, it covers your... You know what I'm saying? It's a two car garage. So you want the penis there for view. You wanna see the penis, but you don't wanna do anything with that other penis. You wanna fuck the pussy that is below this penis. I wanna have sex with the vagina. But hey man, if there's a penis there,

I'll try that thing out. We'll see what's going on there. I'll do anything. In your butt? No. I'll say this. I tried the butt stuff, I'm very pro, but I don't like it. It hurts why It hurts. Yeah, it's like it's not it's not what you think. It's gonna be

You know, what do you mean? What do you think it was gonna be? Oh good luck for seven years I'm coming but it's like there's something in my ass. That's how it feels Have you found your prostate though, did you find it? I don't think so. So what happens, you thought you were gonna be like some hot chicken, oh yeah, but you really just turned into an old Jewish lady? Yes. There's something in my ass.

Yes, I thought it was gonna be cool. The soup is cold. Yes. It says, it's uncomfortable. Oh lord. It's too big. Ooh. What size thing did you put in your ass?

Little guy, little fella. Little fella? Yeah, little guy, little pink guy. What'd you do with that little fella? I gave it back to my wife. I was like, I'm just kidding. I'm like, I'm like puked. Now she has warts.

I struck it to a pigeon. It's our best pen. And I flew it away. I said, be free. I tied it to an old dog and threw a steak down the street. You tied it to a pigeon's foot, write a note on it, and send it to another gay guy across the way? Greg, I feel like you got a lot of loophole

road pussy things here that are good. Yeah, I think so. I gotta really get into my wife and be like, hey, are you cool or are you fucking cool? I think she's gonna be like, why? And that's the other thing too, you have to get over it really quick. In their head, if they say yes,

they're saying yes to it just being a storm of pussy every weekend that's coming through. When you're like, you realize here you're agreeing to, listen, sometimes it'll be twice in a month and it would be a mind blow, right? But possibly once every six months. The reality? Never.

Never ever. The reality is, I've been, it's never been offered to me, maybe like 60 pounds ago when I was doing open mics, I had some chances, but now my wife looks at me and she goes, yeah, go try it. See what you get. And you can pay for it. That's gonna bite her in the ass. My wife would rather me have a full on relationship with someone else

than waste money, than spend money. My wife is very frugal. She doesn't want that money going on she's like do not spend any money you can get it for free if you get for free you could have she's like I'll go to dinner on a group home with you and your new girlfriend so why don't you try with the waiter have sex with the waiter well let him have sex with you do you do nothing except come that's not how that works he'd be getting his ass fucked no no no no, no. Do you understand how gay sex works?

Yeah, buddy, there's different levels of gay, bro. So you're thinking he's gonna fuck Greg's ass so much that Greg's gonna cum from nothing, just that. You gotta understand, you don't know the gay community. You're coming at it from one gay perspective. There's different levels of gay. You could be, I don't take it in the butt, I just get it. Yeah. I'm that gay.

Yeah, yeah, you can suck my dick, pal. No tip. You can suck this, I'll cuddle with you, watch maybe a Netflix show, and then I gotta go back to my fam. That's a level of gay. That's called alpha gay. Cuddling and watching Netflix afterwards?

You don't cuddle, they cuddle on you. Like, he'll lie to you like a man, and be like, and he'll have the remote. You can't give the remote. You have to have the remote, you don't cuddle. They cuddle on you. Like, he'll lie to you like a man and be like, and he'll have the remote. You can't give the remote. So I think you have to have the remote, and you pick the show. Like, he can't pick the show. Like, yeah, we're gonna watch this shit.

Love on the spectrum. We'll watch Tom Segura's new show right now, and you hold her or him. And then you go like this. I gotta go and just get up and leave. But, you know. Shit's Greek. This is the move. I get up and leave. But I, you know. Shit's Creek. This is the move.

I know. Four seasons. To Christine Walsh. I love Shit's Creek. It is great. I love Shit's Creek. Such a great show, man. The move is.

What is his name, Michael? Michael, right? Yes. Yeah, that's his name. Right? I can't remember right now. What is his name? Radio guy.

It just fucking froze my brain. The move is, I get this gay guy, I go, hey listen, I'll have sex with you. If you can get a woman involved, we do a radio guy. He just fucking froze my brain. The move is, I get this gay guy, I go, hey listen, I'll have sex with you. If you can get a woman involved, we do a three way. Right, and then I spend the night, you know, Benny Hill trying to run away from him and have sex with the other girl. He just keeps trying to get me and I,

he's sliding away. You gotta wear that hat. Which hat? The one on your head. Oh, I think I got a big old golden hat. Oh, you get a golden hat, like a boss hog hat maybe. Yeah a Twinkie hat so let me ask you so he's saying he's saying The waiter's offering himself and a girl. No. He's not he's adding the girl. I think I could make that happen No, you can't well. I'm gonna tell you this is we gonna do he's gonna see through you. Yeah, he's gonna see through you

He's okay. He's cool, man You do this you go yo bro, tonight's the night. After you're done, let's go back to the play. Fuck my ass in front of my wife. But no, no, no, no, no. Well, she paints us. You go, it's art. It's 30 seconds.

Hold still! We fuck for 30 seconds, then we change position. Yeah. No dude, listen. See, but here's the problem real quickly. The issue is that I take this guy home, and then I get there, and then I go, ah, I don't think I can do it. Why do you take him home home and then I get there and I go, ah,

I don't think I can do it. And now I've done to this man. Why do you take him home, where your children are? Now I've done to this man, I go to his home. Yeah, you know what, you said take him home, are you nuts, you don't get kids seeing you fucking doing weird shit. I take him on the seven train

and we wait for everyone to get off. No, see I take him home, or to his home. You go to his house. And I go to his home. You're not gonna bang him in that room with the figurines? Bobby. You know what? I don't like that.

I don't like that. And I get a fucking joke out. I apologize and I didn't mean to say figurines. Go ahead, you take him home. So I take him home to his home and then I look at his dick and I go, fuck, I can't do it, right? Now I've done to him what my wife has been doing to me

and I don't wanna do that. You got it wrong You don't look at his dick you take your dick out No, because why would I why do you roll? Why don't you guys roleplay this if you're in Disney World you gotta go on Space Mountain you if I got a dick there I got a ride what he needs If there's gonna be a dick in the room, he's gonna put it in his ass. I understand the logic of what he's saying.

I don't agree with it. I shouldn't say I don't agree with it. It's not my thing particularly, but I understand what you're saying. It's the same thing I said about... I've always argued that when someone says, could you be with a tranny? And I think it's like, oh yeah, but if they had like the littlest littlest like tiny little dick I'm like well. Yeah, if I'm going if I'm going for it Give me the big old flopping credit is crazy that there's a beautiful looking woman with this monster cock

That's the the the show of it. You want to say you're going for purely sexually right? That would be the thing we had a girl a transgender girl in here, we were drawing her, and she was beautiful, she was nice, we were a little disappointed with the cock size, let's say. It was cool, but it wasn't worth drawing. Then we had one with a 10 inch cock in here, and she never shut the fuck up. That's crazy.

She's got the dick to back it up. I mean, that's her, look at it, she's beautiful, right? Oh yeah. Now, let me ask you a question. So here's the scenario. You go back on the seventh grade to his apartment, not a house by the way, he's a waiter. Yeah, he's got many relations.

Be sexy here, Bobby. You go back, we go back to you. Hey, just give him a name. Yeah, Geralt. Hey, Geralt? Yeah. Why? Geralt.

How could you make his name? Family name, Bobby, just go with the roll. How did you make his name? Family name Bobby, just go with the roll. How did you make his name? He's gay Harold. Irish German, just go with it. You made his name the gayest name ever. Harold, what just happened? It's getting sexy.

I thought I was having a stroke. That team is kicking in. We can't lose Harold. Harold walks in. Greg meets Harold. Hey, hey. Go. Hey, Harold, what's happening?

Wait, I'm Harold? No, you're Harold. I'm not gonna be Harold. He's Greg. I wanna be Greg, cause I gotta tell Greg what to do. Oh, you're being Hey, hey. Go. Hey, Geralt, what's happening? Wait, I'm Geralt? No, you're Geralt. I'm gonna be Geralt. He's Greg. I wanna be Greg, because I gotta tell Greg what to do. Oh, you're being Greg, that's Geralt. You're Geralt.

Apologies, Greg, Greg, this evening, Greg Stone will be playing the role of Geralt. Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. Hey, what's up, Geralt, how you doing? Not so bad now that you is here. You know what? You make me happy. Did you guys know Geralt was black?

I'm not sure. Is Geral just black? Cuz I gotta approach is totally different and pretend black what He's a flamboyant gay who is chill went so over flamboyance that it hit black. I got it. I got it Don't like it But please Geralt Buddy. He's so gay he's black. Buddy, oh yeah, ooh that winds me up big time. I don't like that. All right, let's start over, all right?

Hey, hey, what's up? Hey, Geralt. Hey, hey. What's happening? You know, just waiting some tables, waiting for you. Wow, man, you're so Eminem. I love it. Yeah.

Hey, what are you doing tonight? I was going to go back home alone. Yeah? Well, listen, I talked to my wife. Shit. Look at me. Come here. Come here for a second.

I want to say something. If I get too close, I can't talk into the microphone. No, that's all right. Bring it over here. The microphone will go with you. I think I want to go back to your apartment tonight with you for a little bit. Lucky day. Lucky day, but listen, I'm going to tell you right now. This is the first time I'm fucking around with this stuff.

I want you to do some stuff to me and I'm going to see what happens after that. Are you good with that? Okay. Alright. You booped me. You booped me under the right. You boo me. You got booed there. You're done. Boop me. I'll tell you what, I think I feel I don't know why. Why is he so adorable as a gay black man? Because that's who I'm supposed to be. Bobby, something about the boop would have melted me into having sex with you right there. It was a human,

it was a very, it was a very, when you booped, it broke the tension. Where you were like, I guess I'll try gay stuff. I saw how you could rope somebody into that. It made it so warm. The boop did. Yeah, you need the little boop at the end, cause then he knows, hey, I said what I had to say,

it got a little tense, boop. I'm gonna fuck my ass, and then we'll see, maybe I'll fuck your ass, and boop. There was a thousand guardian angels keeping me from kissing you right there. She's holding onto me with all my strength. A thousand who are supportive of my wife. You are a heartthrob.

What a heartthrob. A thousand guardian angels! From the suck of my dick, and still alive on the bonfire. Crackle, crackle, motherfuckers. Oh my God, God damn it. Listen, bro, I'm saying that you should keep it to yourself, never tell anybody, and go say,

hey man, I just wanna check this out, is that cool? He'll go home, he'll give you a little nut, and you see what you do. He's gonna tell everybody. And I gotta say this. If I know Geralt. If you a little nut, and you see what you do. He's gonna tell everybody. And I gotta say this. If I know Garreld. If you know Garreld. I'm just telling you.

And if you know Greg, it's gonna be on a podcast the next day. Yeah. Yeah, gay, and I'm sure Garreld is just Greg. Oh yeah. Hmm. It's just another word for gay Greg. It's actually, those hands from the video

look so familiar. Oh, that's sticking a bit. When you fell asleep, Geralt took money out of your pocket to go take some studio time for his raps. Ha ha ha ha! But I also need to say... Yo, hey, Jay Dizzy, I got that studio money. Let Geralt go one more time.

This needs to be said. I always feel like this needs to be said. There is a caveat. There is no Geralt. There is no Geralt. See, Jay, you said it's not your thing. I do want you to know that it's also not my thing He is Greg shirt and he smells it from inspiration I'm ready now. So it is.

You gotta turn my levels up. Oh sorry, it's not. Baby, I'll pay you back some day. I swear, I swear. I believe that it's more, there is, all of the countries have been discovered. The only true adventurers now are sexually. The only real fear I have left

is to do things I don't wanna do. Are you calling yourself Christopher Columbus of sex? The goddamn right I am. By the way, I think much more like you, but just so you know, we do have plenty of uncharted and discovered sea, deep sea, but so there is adventure left in the world. I can't get on a boat.

I agree. Not, no, no, no. There's also diseases that need to be cured. There's a bunch of stuff. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff going on. There's a lot of other stuff between exploring. boat I'm pretty sure I agree diseases that need to be cured there's a lot of other stuff between local I can fuck a guy I know you're like well I can't be Indiana Jones I guess I'll get butt fuck did they just discovered a new oh well there's no more archaeology so I guess I'll just fuck guys I didn't discover that ocean. Darn old.

There's a fifth ocean they just discovered. How's that possible? They just, the ocean around Antarctica, they're calling a. Near Milwaukee. What? What'd you call it? I don't know about geography. Yeah, around Antarctica, they called it the Southern Ocean, I believe it's called, the fifth ocean.

So they just decided it was the ocean. They didn't find it, it was already there. It was there, but it wasn't. All of these things, this is how slowed down science and things like Southern Ocean. Astronomy and stuff has become, they just, Pluto's not a planet now.

Yeah. And then maybe they made it one again. They made it one again. Which is even stupider, it's how fickle it is, it's not real. So this fifth ocean is not a real thing. It's just a part of an ocean we already know. It's really all one ocean anyway.

Well because, no, they had to make it an ocean because all these other oceans came in and met. So they just made that an ocean around it. You said I'm a J-date? Yeah. Yeah. You said I want a third bedroom. Your wife walked into the second bedroom,

cornered her off and said, that's your fucking third bedroom. That's what happened. That happened at Richville. That was great. Hey, can I ask you a question? Have you tried the dating apps and saying, hey, I'm married, I have a pass,

I think you'd have success? I gotta, well here's the thing, I'm not doing anything until I get this Ozempic cooking. Once I get that, the world is going, baby. The world's gonna be yours. And I also gotta talk to my wife, I gotta be like, hey, is this cool? Because we've been having sex again,

so now I don't know if all of this stuff has been retracted. Wait a minute, you've been fucking? You said you don't fuck. Well, we don't, but we've been having sex again, so now I don't know if all of this stuff has been retracted. Wait a minute. You've been fucking? You said you don't fuck. Well, we don't, but it was a bit, and we went so far, I didn't wanna break character. I fucking booped you, dude.

I know, but it was, did we have more fun in the? I don't give a fucking boop out. Greg, you made a mistake. I don't start fucking Christine again until there's a contract of what things are like moving forward. What the fuck, dude, I booped you, man. I know, but wasn't it fun?

Yeah, it was fun, but I don't boop, dude. It's just booping, guys. I thought you needed the boop. I do need the boop. God damn, Greg. Give that boop back. Give that boop back. Boop.

No, I don't need it. You didn't tell me you guys were having sex again. I'm disappointed in you. I almost kissed you. You gave it. But those guardian angels. I'm not wearing my silks. Wow.

No. Me and Christie, see, you said now you don't know if everything's retracted because you have no paperwork. Yes. I do not start having sex with Christine again unless we have some real terms laid out for sure. What do you mean?

I hold out until. You want a prenup or something? I'm not talking about marriage. Oh. I'm talking about fucking again. We don't start fucking again until I know, yeah, the opposite of marriage. So what do you need in writing?

What do you want? I don't know, I don't wanna live in fear, like Greg over here, where he's like, things that were said maybe aren't meant anymore. You need to keep your, not show your hands so much. I think that's why a lot of guys who get married wind up doing gay shit Because you it's it's almost like you know these guys who go into cruising and suck each other off You know you could just cheat with girls though, too, right?

Yeah, but it's harder to cheat with girls because girls might girls want a commitment girls want to fucking you know go to dinner You know what? Yeah, man You don't want to have to meet a chick at a bar and have to talk to her. These fucking dudes got it right. It's just they go to the woods, and they fucking jump back in their Honda Civic, wipe their chin off and go back to their family.

Way more fun. It's much cleaner. You don't have to tell them they're great afterwards. Yeah. Would you prefer I fucked dudes? No way. I feel like you wouldn't like that at all. I found out you were fucking guys. I'd be like really... Would you prefer I fucked dudes? You're fucking guys I'd be like really okay, it really like let me ask this like would you leave

What if you thought it was just getting his dick sucked behind a Best Buy at the Palisades Mall by a dude? Would that make... The Willowbrook Mall's closer. I'd be like, oh my God, the man's insatiable. Like, he needs to go to therapy for his sex addiction. You think that would be a sex addiction? That's not on you. Getting your dick sucked behind a Best Buy?

But you should be sucking his dick every time he wants it. Right? He doesn't want me to suck his dick. What about Garnel's shirt? Let's just test off for a second. That's the saddest thing I've ever heard in my life. But I'm pretty sure Don feels the same way. Really, do you want your sister Lisa to suck your dick?

Whoa. Do you? Why do you think your sister? Is Christine, Christine's my sister Lisa. I mean, I guess not. Yeah, there you go. No, I don't want to do it again. Yeah, you're not going to have your sister suck your dick

without having some sort of a contract first. But I would love Dawn to suck my dick. I would like her to try to do better at it, but I would like her to do it. You trying to pay her? I was thinking, what if I just pay her? What do you mean, if I just bought her a fucking house, what more do I got to get?

You got to get actual cash. I bought her a fucking robot vacuum cleaner. I know, I get that, but they don't see that. They have to see the cash. I got her a scale. He's not wrong. Christine has the least appreciation for the things that are the most,

the transactional things she's not involved in. When she pays for something with my credit card, I do feel like she's a little more, like it's tangible. So if I give Don like 400 cash and say suck it. First of all, start at 50. Because maybe you don't gotta go all the way up to 400. That is crazy. That is nuts.

Before we started, 400. I wanted to fuck it. I wanted to do a good, I wanted to treat it well. Once? Have you tried cocaine? Just so you know, for $100, you could probably get a good blowjob somewhere. Where?

Where? Where I'll pay for blowjobs for the room. Just a blowjob? I'm going to get Jacob a blowjob every Saturday night so he doesn't do laundry by himself with old Mexican ladies. So if I show you the blowjob. It's true. Pay for blowjobs for the room is way better

than calamari for the table. Fuck yeah. Not wrong there. Blowjob. Look under your seat everybody. You get a blowjob, you get a blowjob, you get a blowjob. Asterix, unless it's calamari or raviata, am I right? Does me a little Italian.

Gabbas a gu. Am I right, a little ragu? A little bit of ragu and a matta gu? You get the fucking little pepuccinos on the side, right? Look at the. A little scabagic and a babadooch. I'm rooting for you Greg. I think you're Gonna get out there and fuck guys or girls or whatever it is But if you'd write so but you think if your wife was like you can go out free pass to fuck women

Whatever women you want out of like sight say As now it's not even a conversation about fucking guys anymore Yeah Are you being driven to fucking guys because of just the possibility of fucking someone beside your wife? The original idea of fucking guys was that I had in my head, my brain said no.

And if my brain says no, I say you don't control me, I control you. It sounds like you wrote a hit song in the 80s. The original thought behind Fucking Guys was... It was real behind the music. You control me, I don't control you. Yeah. So anyway, this is Fucking Guys by Greg Stone.

Hey Brain, you're not gonna tell me I can't suck a guy off? Because there was something in that it was like, no, in a way that was so angry and scared that I was like... It's heterosexuality. Is that what that is? Yes! I think it's homophobia and being a real stuck-up bitch. No, it's... You don't have to suck a guy's cock to prove you're not homophobic man. I just believe you

I believe you cuz I want to believe Just like wildly impressed that you guys don't just cheat like I'm like wow, that's really good I'm wildly impressed that you fucking don't catch us Wow, that's really good of you. What is it? Guys, very good of you. Hang on, sir. So good. I'm wildly impressed that you fucking don't catch us. You fucking ditzy broads. Why don't you look at our phones? No, I'm kidding. Shut the fuck up, man.

I know, I do. What the fuck are you doing? Buddy, I'm joking. We do not cheat. We are good men. Bobby, phones are bad. And don't check our phones. Phones are a bad place.

I'm getting so horny lately that it's getting uncomfortable. I'm really horny lately. And it's so hard out there. It's your teeth. I just start sucking Greg's thumb. It's just, if you guys just maybe just have a little bit of pleasure mixed in with this pain in his life, right? Yeah.

Do you not mind, you don't have sex that much anymore. Do you mind it? Do you... Let me ask you a question. Because I don't know this about you. And I'll tell you what I... I masturbate. When I go on the road,

that's when I pleasure myself. I make love to myself. And I enjoy it. When I'm home, I don't because I have a son. I just don't want to be caught and have him have that over me. Sure. You know what I mean?

Do you masturbate at home or do you wait till you go on the road? On the road if I do. But you don't. You're not into it. It's not a thing anymore. Not much. I end up getting tired before it happens.

Jerking off during the day seems weird now. So it would be like if I was back in the room at night and it's like oh to get tired almost and stuff. But half the time I'm getting tired, so I'm like. You're using it as like battery. I'm already watching. Yeah, I'm like, I'm playing Candy Crush and watching some YouTube video,

True Crime that Christine would never wanna watch. That's most of what it is. You're jerking off to get more sleep. Not all, no, I'm saying, somebody's just jerk off to jerk off. I'm saying, I almost think though in my mind, I'm like, I do it at night cuz then I'll be tired afterwards Cuz I'm getting

Horny. Yeah, like I'm looking at girls like man I wish I'm almost having this thing where I'd love to just go talk to that girl right now and see what's what Yeah, but if I was getting that horny, I can go try to fuck who oh, yeah You get to fuck anybody you want if I was but I'm saying I also just like don't like my will of not Getting like in a late-night drunken hang is much more than Then like maybe there's pussy there. Does that make sense? It makes sense. I'm not on my heart I don't have a hunt in me at all I don't have I don't have but I mean like if I was in a situation where it's like if I'm attracted to the girl

and like it was she was really like laying it pretty hard like It would have to fall into your lap like out of a tornado yes it needs to be so presently I could have like a stick here's things sometimes I go out and I meet people it could just happen like that I guess but it's also my audience is 97 percent dudes yeah like so it's it's not even that rare the rare time that there are hot chicks there sometimes they are coming the fuck because it's just like the only reason. You know what I mean? Like they're interesting.

My audience is 97% they got free tickets from the club. So it's way harder. So they definitely. Can I tell you something? I'm gonna tell you something, honestly, I mean this. I feel like when I was the unknown in any of those things and I'd go out and meet people, I hooked up more. Really?

Because it wasn't my audience. Like you'd just get, because they were like, girls came to a comedy show, and you happen to be the, much more girls came in groups when it was a bachelorette party or blah blah. They don't do that now, because they know what they're coming to see.

For the most part. I did one of those pop-up shows, what are they called? Don't Tell. Open mics. I did a Don't Tell in White Plains. I love that company, they're so cool, but they always do it in a different place. This time they did it in a museum in White Plains on Friday night.

Just popped down, 20 minutes from my house, in this art museum, and they put all the chairs, and it fills up, and there was some smokers. There was some, and you could always tell when one of them is kinda, cause they're looking at you, they can't take their eyes off of you. There was some and you could always tell when one of them is kind of cuz they're looking at you They can't take their eyes off of you and when you stab it and I was like fuck that one right there If I had any fucking game left in me, I would I go up last

I hang out to the end and as soon as she was like, what's up and I Bap and then let's go wind up in my fucking car car, gg, gg, gg, gg, all right, I gotta go. But I have nothing. Pablo Francisco. It's like sitting next to Pablo Francisco. All I wanted to do, all I was, grr, grr, grr.

Hey, you're in good hands, Alston. In a world where I'm getting my dick sucked. What's that, sir? What's that, sir? All I could think about was John bought these little new ice creams that are only 60 calories, the ice cream sandwiches. I was like, I just want to go home and have a couple of those. My sex drive is still there completely.

Mine's been coming back since I got on the T. Since you're on the junk? Since I'm on the tea since you're on the junk since I'm on the Joke, yeah, my sex drives never been down, but it's I But I'm not like I said, I'm not like a hungry like the wolf Yes, I think I were talking about this before and it's like I would rather take a pill to get rid of my sex drive Then take a pill to have more sex drive. I would love to just cut that shit off It just you said you know write a screenplay well time with my children I'd ask myself that question a lot that kills me. It just, like you said, write a screenplay. Spend time with my children. I'd ask myself that question a lot, that kills me.

I go, I don't know, like what is the reward if one of those people, like you're paralyzed from the waist down, your dick never works again? What's your life's rewards now? What is it? Ice cream. Just ice cream? New jokes?

Not ice cream, but you have, we talked about this a couple weeks ago. It really hit me that I'm never going to do like crazy shit anymore, like I'm never gonna have those ass-eating moments again. You can. I won't, I won't. Kill Dawn.

I can't kill Dawn. You can though. I love her, I love her. Bobby, I watch so much true crime, dude, I can tell you exactly what to do. Jay, I am not killing my wife, and I'm not gonna discuss it on the radio. So when it does happen Evidenzo you just need to get rid of teeth and fingertips because by the time they find the body in the full state of Decompo and we say decompo in an industry term and that's Spanish too

Though decompo then you're by the time they get it's too to identify. And you took off her fingers and her teeth. Just listen! She's my best friend and I don't want to kill my best friend. I know. I love Dawn and I don't want to kill her. I just want to get the pass like old fucking gay Lord McPhee over here, Don. It's restricted and I'm not that gay. I'm just Christopher Columbus. You're just covering... I'm an adventurer. You're just covering new caves.

I'm a sexual adventurer. But I do find that strange. Gay belittles what I do. It's not gay, it's quests. Don't be reductive. You do quests. I'm a quester. A gay person would enjoy it

and that takes away from how hard it is. Not enjoying it and stick your face in a man's dick, that my friend is impressive. That's a quest. It's a quest. It's called surviving in jail. Well, let me tell you this. Anthony DeVito and impressive that's a quest. It's a quest. It's called surviving in jail Well, let me tell you this Anthony DeVito and Greg Stone have a podcast if you want more of this quest Please go check out their podcast

No, whatever. There it is. Welcome to talk town wherever you get podcasts. Make sure these are my two my favorite Okay my two favorite people in the world. Gay Adventures. Gay Adventures. Gay Adventures. Greg Stone has a special. Nobody presented by Greg Stone. A black guy, a white guy. Nobody presents Greg Stone. I'm gonna make so many gay messages from this episode. He's streaming only on YouTube right now.

Make sure you check out his special. Greg's available for a kid's birthday party. And a bukkake sesh. And Big J's gonna be at Governor's 11th town, the sixth and the seventh. And with some guys. After that, San Diego Charlotte Tacoma bunch of big J comedy calm and YouTube calm at big J

Okerson watches specials this weekend and Bobby Kelly's gonna be at the parks casino this Thursday Philly, Oregon Stakes cuz G sticks That's in this Thursday May 22nd one show only been sailing PA the parks casino Philly show the fuck out He's also gonna be the dojo of Carmody and Mars Plains, New Jersey Portland, Maine Rochester on deck for tickets and all tour dates go to punchup.live Robert Kelly, I'm pretty much done for the summer. I'm excited Done for the summer. Are you doing garn old?

Done for the summer. Are you doing garnal? Sup man, I'll suck your dick tonight Yo check it out crackle crackle yourself when you listen to this is garnal Yeah, I like getting two things done my butthole lifting my shit sucked. Yeah, I'll get those drinks to your table when I do Yeah, what you suck this fart at my butt while I jack off this motherfucker does the same set every time I'm sick of them. I've been seen it. I've been seen it. We get it been seen it helicopters do do do do do do do do You just crossed the line I crossed the line We'll see you guys. I will catch you guys tomorrow right here on the bonfire.