The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Gators and Hookers

Episode Date: September 23, 2022

@siriusxm.com

And now the bonfire with big J. Okreson and dance odor I have a question. Yeah, the thing we planned I thought we were doing the thing oh I did I thought it was too late because we were in the middle of a story. No, that's why I had you caught it We never came with a subject though damn I was trying to lead oh What you say? We never came with a subject though damn What you say Christine into how's the scout yeah, yeah, that's not good. That's not a good leave. I know that I tried you know doing a little Lewis thing a push Oh that Lewis gets out of it. I started talking to free. Well, that's why I was like oh, okay

I fucking Of course Lewis cancels. I was like okay our plan was Christine It's to come in here and act like we were off the air and see if we could get you to talk shit on the mic and because it's a pre-record We had the safety net so obviously If you say we were crazy, I thought I really I'm sorry so I was so Jacob and I were like that's why my energy was like oh yeah How was the how was the scout? That's when Jacob asked that and then we were like, hmm, so we were like, I'm the whole time, like when Jay said, let's come back from break.

That's theoretically, yeah. We were recording. You were still recording. Yeah, but I don't think we should use it. Yeah, we can actually go to commercial and then come back. And then it was so mandated to really make sense. Yeah, no, it was just like I might as well have asked how the coffee was. I had a good kind of a cup. I just wanted to know what you're scouting for. You, uh, you're gonna, you're gonna pay a million. If fairness, I didn't give any lead either

because I didn't know. I thought when we said it could only, the only thing that would be interesting would be hugely bad. Do you know what I mean? Like the only thing that would be interesting would be hugely bad. Do you know what I mean? Like the only thing is she said something like I think horrible. It just would have been funny to set her up to do it and then edit it no matter what. Oh okay and everyone will guess what she said. Exactly and then I would have led to the old Odyssey of the mind where you're like I don't know what happened to edit it because you even said like if you hear editing. Yeah some terrible happened. So that's what don't worry. We can get we were looking for like a more like an I love snacks But I was worried that we were gonna get hard-end bombs

for me. Yeah No, you just came in the people don't know you Christine They don't know you we're in a hard-end bomb type of girl cow We were trying to think of stuff that we could and and then we got too far away from the subject, started talking to Cobra Kai, things spun out of control. How many things in New York? How many things out have you guys both indulged?

That's what we were talking about. We haven't. Get the work on time, you'll know. And then, so we brought up the sopranos, the movie, The Many Saints of Newark, and how dumb it was, and then we found a video of all the references to the sopranos that's in the many saints in the work which is it's so blatant just

give a little taste. Remember some of these references into last viewed the show or saw the film without seeing the sopranos this video will catch you up on all the references that you may have missed. Before we get started be sure to like smash the subscribe button. Guys before I explain why Christopher loved heroin just make sure you go and subscribe just completely annihilate that like button just like you did that dog when you laid on it high on junk highly suggest that you watch it before this video. So sit back, relax. Jesus Christ, for five minutes of video, the first two is him telling you how much...

Him priming you. You go out to a ditch room, huh? The one's burning a city down. I think we go over through, huh? It's like everyone in the movie was like, we're gonna make the most sopranos movie we can. You know. Let's take this up to... ...Supranos.

You know those old Italian actors love getting to play characters that say racial references. Oh my God. He love it. That's there playing catch with their dad. It's got a few of you. It does.

It goes so organic for them. Can you pull me in? I'm an actor. Can you pull me in something that looks like a bowling shirt where I can say mean stuff about blacks and gays? Yeah. I'd like a bag shirt where I can say you mean stuff about blacks and gays. Yeah. I'd like a baggy yet tight tank top.

Stock white with some sauce stains on it. Do you have what I could only call a lady's necklace to put on my very tan clavicle? Well, I want to say that I'd like it to be so light, so golden and light that it can't even weigh down my obnoxious chest hairs. And just dump the grease in my hair. Let me slick it back and I got some opinion. Browl cream me.

I'm out. Aim me and fire me off. Uh, all right. Can't you use the block no more? Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! He's not telling you the references?

That's this video sucks. Or is this the... Is this the... These are reference to... I... Even go go tro one day. What? They say they both use the word goots.

See? These references... Is a reference to... say they both use the word good goods. See these references. Is a reference to this is terrible. Stop this. Stop this video. Like you know what? Don't smash that subscribe button. Unsubscribed. Jacob's about to cry. That was like is a reference to it's a reference to that was that was insane.

There's that was done so poorly. Jacob, that was a really bad video it was I apologize for the you guys down that I think we're on the same page that that was not a good well you couldn't have known but that was a particular we just happen to pick a particularly bad one I thought it's going to be like oh this is a reference to boom yeah guys you want to see what the references are watch here's boy oh boy here's another if you had flashcards you're just gonna do in this is this is this is this is this is

this by the way there's no way that was gonna be all the references all the reference you talking about is the one time he goes oh you stew nod is reference to you go hey you stew nod yeah usually you're gonna eat your noodles because you always eat your noodles because a reference to you always eat your noodles there really one was just a bird and you went look another all the diet coke please is a reference to all of a diet coke please Uncle Junior ordered the diet coke when he was eating a chicken Remember that pigeon was outside. Ayo! Is a reference to? Ayo! It's a reference to. It was a burden boat. There was a burden boat.

Christopher walked by a pigeon, too! Man, many saints in Newark blows. Cobra Kai rules, and I'm excited to watch Season 5. I'm excited to watch it, too. But I just... What I'm more blown away by is my lack of inspiration to Russian watch. Inspirato?

But I am tearing through 60 days in. We know. Do you know there's a guy? This is interesting. It's funny because this is the adult version of new girlfriends. Oh yeah. Because you guys bring her up.

You got to realize something that's 60 days in. Well, let me tell you something about this show. I'm not showing you yet. He's no reference, no videos to show. But I'm saying that a guy who was in two, now it's weird. Who lose got season one, two, three, not four? Can't find four anywhere. Hmm.

Some shit. I probably have to order on Amazon Prime, which I will. I'll go back. But I did five. Now there's six and seven, I believe, as the newest one. But season three, which I will. I'll go back. But I did five. Now there's six and seven. I believe is the newest one. But season three, which I did watch and four, they had a guy that was doing so good at marine stay in. He stayed in for, uh, for an extra 60 days to get more stuff. Seen like a pretty good like all right guy. Uh, killed himself recently, uh, accused of like sexual assault and rapes and he left the suicide note and like blew his brains

It was fucking wild damn and you watch him do and like yeah, that's what's weird about why didn't see his second season That's the one the one but his first season he was like killing it Get it Killing it. Yeah, but then you just go to jail for fun. You like go bad. But I'll never understand it. I'll never understand it. You're watching make it in afraid. No. They go. They censor it. Yeah, they do. Yeah. I wouldn't have watched. I would watch it if they didn't censor it. I bet they should really sit on Amazon uncensored. They should. I'd watch it. They these people do this. They go live 40 days, naked in these terrible conditions for no money supplies. Why?

They get to bring one thing usually, one or two things. They bring like, usually one of them brings like a pouch in a fucking machete. They give them like a pouch. I bring a butt plug and raise eyebrows. Hey, you want to, I know you're afraid, but I'm going to loosen you up a little bit. There's, there's times where you're like, I bet these people at the beginning wanted a bang, but then they become hungry and they don't care about banging. They care about making shelter and getting food,

but it's not for money. They never bang? I don't think I've never seen anybody bang. I've seen a lot of them in not one bang. Yeah, really? You know what's crazy when they do like negative and afraid XL or they do like the other like the big ones? It's never for money.

I didn't realize that. It's always just like, oh my survival rating is up. I like, off my survival rating. I'm silly rating that. But they made up. Also naked in a freight. They also make clothes immediately, all they. Oh, they usually make it through sometimes.

Sometimes people just go barefoot. Usually they make shoes, but most of the time they're just like sleeping naked and it's like 40 degrees and they're like, and they're like grass there's in like like grass tents, but then do they snuggle together for warmth? It's happened. They do yeah, and the guy doesn't bone up at all black as the girl probably stinks like shit at that point I mean they both do our charge probably smells like just there's one with a sewage There's one where they're doing teams and there was like three cute girls and this guy showed up

and he ate they like cooked up the snails and he just jumped in and ate it and got sick and then he was just blowing ass around these three girls really he's like I'm sick I can't help do I be on the other side of the island fucking crap it in the water dude he just go out back of the hut but they never do it for money and then we started watching or Katie watched alone and I would go in and watch alone and that's like those people go live alone and fucking Canada and they have supplies and that's for like $500,000

and you say how long? They do like 40 days. Yeah. But so do naked and afraid. They're doing the same thing naked for no money but then you can go on alone and win like $500,000 to a million They got greedy. They wanted to get on TV. They were fame horrors. They want to be on TV too quick They didn't wait for the money to roll in on the idea

You know what it is also alone is all they go through cold weather where naked and afraid they they it's cold But it's most time in jungles and shit where they can be naked the whole day I'd be willing to bet that 60 days in has gotten more lucrative for the people doing it as the show's going on. For one, you're a little more danger because everyone told me this was coming too, but as the season number now, six and five even, even by like three, season three, they started the people like knew what the show was.

So when someone's not like partaking in all the activity, oh yeah, you were saying that. Yeah, they start going like, yeah. but and all the activity you were saying they start going like yeah 60 and that when that rumor spreads to you'll just get jumped it's why they are getting more more violent each season the episodes either was it I think Christine's friend since told you to show fake like is it they dominated like a fucking yeah I don't think it's fake I bet that they're just very good producers people get punched and people get attacked. I mean, you imagine that coming over your headset, Christine,

as a producer, they're like, gyms punched. They got them. Cell block A, they're punching the shit out of them. Go get in there. Yeah, because they have to do so much protective stuff over them too. Like, if someone's like, hey, I went out, it's not like they go, all right, get your clothes, we're sending outside.

Like, they have to like run through a whole process to get you out so there's not chaos well because there's only two people who really know it's happening in the jail it's supposed to be just like the warden and like the the sheriff or whatever Jesus is it but I think some of things are changing as they go but it's still pretty wild telling you I get so frustrated that I just let it slide one day oh yeah yeah, cause I know. A lot of people have done that before when the COs being mean to them,

like you want that attitude on TV? And you're like, what does that mean? She goes, you'll see. It's like, hope you have friends. Just hold them everything. Hope your friends don't have A and E.

Saturdays. Saturdays, Saturdays, APM following Bigfoot Hunter. Yeah a Bigfoot Hunter's lead in. Terrible weddings. That's 630. But sure, I don't keep treating me like shit. Say that place. See which between terrible weddings and survived. It's a locked up summer. I'll see yeah you can't give it away you're gonna get fucking killed you give it away when I talk to

Christine from the road and I'm getting ready to go upstairs and start watching the show I guess all right I'm about to jump in yeah I'm gonna go in 60 days in Jacob did you try to get behind Christine and change the thermostat I mean nice nice, dude. You try to make it look. You're, by the way, in the short amount of time, you're cold now. It's fucking freezing.

It's cold. It's all white and hot. It's unbearable. It's terrible. You're freezing. You're freezing? I have the vent. We have the vent blasted.

We'll turn it. It's facing us. And you unfortunately can't. Actually, the vent's going into a big dome. Christine, turn the thing up a little bit I'm trying to bring panic Yeah, it'd be so funny if we look back and blackloon Jacob and vice-calls coming off their noses The end the shining

You got into shining cold Sorry, I love thinking of the CEO be I'm like, okay, treat me like that. See what happens in a 13 week run What what did you say? What's up? Is it? Do I get outside time What's went to Jacob your freezing cold missing Florida more than ever? Do you miss it? He is so bad. I do he's officially he stopped he stopped even giving it Can I ask you something do you wake up and do you check the weather in Florida?

No, I don't have to. I know it's good. He doesn't know. Sometimes I do that when I miss home and I'm on the road. I just looked at New York weather. Did you ask you brought it wasn't good? The Saturday night that I was in West Palm at first of all rain the entire weekend in West Palm at first I'll rain the entire weekend every day and then the Saturday night I had to stand under an awning for an hour and a half because it was torrential and I was just stuck in the middle of it. It was right there. Yeah. They do anything. It was insane. But I know you love it, but we're here to tell you so many stories of people who should give you reason to hate it so much. Black Lou put together a list of all the most recent Florida man stories we've had. Oh, yeah.

And these are fucking rough, dude. That state is not built for humans to live in. No, there's a lot of Florida garbage. But this is good stuff, too. It's good people, too. God, I'm sure that I'm sure there's good people. Sure. Funny good people. Sure. Funny good people.

But the place blows. I found out about this story and then brought it to the group, but this Florida man who went into the swamp and was out hiking and got his fucking arm bit and then made it for three days. Here's the thing about Florida. I survived you can make fun of How fucking garbage there or whatever? Toughest nails. I would probably say the toughest people the way Boston is the the people have the best sense of humor I think across the board Boston's the funniest city. I think Florida is the toughest state

Texas might get mad, but I think Florida has, you have fucking stories like this. Well, they're not tough on dentistry. No, they don't care about an ammo. Best an ammo, I'd probably put that in Minnesota or maybe California. Yeah, California's got the best an ammo. Texas got some big old teeth. They do have teeth, that oil money comes in

and you fucking get some shivers. We start getting into the, you get about the St. Louis, Colorado, a little of Georgia down the care for your teeth is not it's just not there It sweeps like the jet stream it sweeps eastern down I'm also most impressed with the full-blown acceptance of like a frigged up grill love it love to see it the Related when're just like, some of them are red, some of them are sore.

Look at this guy. Some of them aren't there. This guy's got eight, some teeth popping out. You can see from a good 20 foot distance, that man's got some chomps. He might have more arm than tooth. And he's only got one arm. He spent three days lost in a swamp

after losing his arm in a gator attack. And when you read the story, he's like, the gator bit down and I knew she was serious. You know, like, we go down Christine. That's what I knew. I'll put the news story. That's what I knew.

We were in a tuss. Me and this gal was about dance. I knew my dance card was full for the evening once you bit down. Let's see what the news story says because they always what it what's fun about local news is they bring that generic tone to try to act like what they're talking about isn't batshit and say. So she's like, I'm here by a lake, where a local piece of garbage got his own money by an alligator. By a gator.

You guessed it. An alligator. And what did the alligator say to the man? Suck my dick you fucking hick. Alligators say to the man suck my dick you fucking hic Says he spent three long days lost here at Lake Manatee over the summer after being bitten by an alligator and losing his arm Floored-efficient wildlife says so far this year. There have been 22 gator bites 22 gator bites and Jacob you took a video you face time me like oh look at this gator really close to me Yeah, they're just walking around you've accepted gators the way people have accepted dinosaurs in the last

Heart movie Jacob you're a fun-sized snickers to an alligator my god dude. Yeah two bites. I think exactly it is He's a shorty hoagie. Yeah, you're shorty-hagged Yeah, you're still delicious as shit, but I probably have to I'm gonna have two eeks. I want to get different kinds if I get iced tea I'm gonna have two I Fucking bit look at that a wall wall. I mean he's that something he's either look at that fucking That's in that's a fake those are fake Welcome shit. I'm Jacob. That's real

That monster's real you want to get down there when I when I would see that by the way We'll tweet it out at the bonfire SXM gator estimated to be 13 15 feet long. We're gonna the 13 foot gator Welcome Jacob to Jurassic Bob Jacob I would I would only say that if I saw that Every time I would only say that if I saw that. Every time I would say that. And we only look at the fact that you're my house from here. That's cool. It's crazy.

It's my small son with chewable bones. Loves to play ball in that field. You know Michelle, our friend Michelle bought a house in Florida and she says their backyard is just dominated by a giant alligator they call the captain. You just kind of get used to it. No, you don't. No, you don't. No, you don't. You're excited for the captain to come by.

She's like, oh, look, he's here. Does she feed him? No, no, no, no. Yeah, she gets like fucking turkeys. She's like, oh, turkeys. She's a fucking pink carcassist. I think she likes to hold on to a drumstick and fight a little bit with it.

Yeah, get it, girl. She's getting it. Oh, that's 400 million years of evolution right there. Was that just killing another alligator? Yeah, he it girl. Get it. Oh, that's 400 million years of evolution right there. Was that just killing another alligator? Yeah, he, other alligator. Whoa! Damn it. They eat each other?

Yeah, they don't give a fuck. Gators eat everything. That one actually, I think that's past the legal limit. They catch it, they put it down. What are they doing in the ecosystem? Alligators, why can't we not give it to them? That's for the ecosystem. What do they kill?

What do they do? Well, they keep everything in check. Yeah, they kill stupid people. He's right Oh, he's no a natural selection of dumbed-ums. Yeah, this guy deserved to have his arm bitten off. Yes got you Well, I know what he was doing to get probably pedifying or something else Trojus, so the girls Florida. He's probably trying to pedify on a Walmart party. I kill a bully It's just on the golf course Yeah, that's a fucking monster. Christine go back to that news article He's probably trying to pedophile the Walmart party like kill a bully Christine go back to the news article Yeah, you're just hitting around it Because it says I would go get a sword and fight it Do you have to get more than a sword looking at a picture of it?

The shields also. Oh, yeah, you have to get the shot dude You'd have to go get a fucking bazooka for that thing. No, dude. I'm gonna fight it like a dragon Can you make it bigger? Because it says, Oh, this guy is so annoying. No, the actual story, yeah, cause I wanna read the article of what happened to him. He said, this is great.

This is Florida where he's like, Eric Merta 43, so he's right in between us, Jay, and age, says he was reborn on July 17th when he lost his right arm to the gator. Yeah. Now I'm a one-armed guy Yeah, oh three-born as a guy who can't give hugs. I can't yeah In my new life. I can't it's the right side of my head. Yeah, I have to raise the roof lopsided for so many things I've learned how to hold up learned at a wipe left hand. Yeah, I'm jerking left He said I looked over and there was a gator and I'm getting really good at voice to text

Dude look at that see this is what I mean by the comfort He said I looked over and there was a gator and I went to swim like a limpyk style swim And she grabbed my arm from the outside The nearly set-foot gator It wore off Murt as right arm. He spent the next three days lost in the swamp with a bone poking out a lot of pain The whole three days. There's enough screaming at the top of my lungs. He found his way out and was airlifted to the hospital where doctors amputated what was left over the arm. There was no way that this is real here. Remember thinking my arm is gone.

I don't have an arm anymore. There's no way I have to be dreaming or something. These guys are munched right off. Do you think you had this much sense of loss with his teeth? I came out the swamp naked with one arm. I was reborn for a reason I believe that's the motivate people you did not go swimming in a swamp dude. You went to swim naked He got naked and swim in a swamp. Mm-hmm cuz he says he was naked, but I think he got like Bitt Peter took his clothes. He's like to see the date and he's wearing it These are mine because what does a lot of shirt?

Yeah, I wore this to the swamp. The lot of share with the changeable decat with the changeable logo. So what you like my fucking camp bust them buddy, Lee's. I like I'm trying to swim a limpic style. You mean swimming? Yeah, also what were you doing laps in a swamp? I Make it so close off. I gotta go down for my naked swamp swim Well, there's gators in there he goes ah I could swim around you get used to it Jacob told me I'm called the Michael Philps You get used to seeing them. I nobody. I know Swamp dives swamp dives. You just don't you know. Oh, you don't swim here. Oh, I don't realize you got on there and do pussy shit

He said he was swimming in like Manatee which it does say like is a place you can swim in Florida. Yeah, it says he was just in some swamp somewhere Okay, but then how did he get to the swamp? Why was he lost for three days? Also, if this is a swimming area, I would assume other people would be around swimming and There'd be people who yeah, there'd be people. Is it a swimer? You're gonna just say that because I don't know anyone. It says that right under swim at your own risk right there. Like man, the state park. Damn. So you're just like, all right, well, there might be a gator. He took the risk. He got naked. What if he was fall asleep?

He made a chair by the like, like, you're, it wouldn't dawn on me to swim. When it dawn on you to sit on a chair, though, by a lake and this relax, maybe fall asleep? You're made a chair by the like you're it wouldn't dawn on me to swim. When it dawned on you to sit on a chair though by a lake and this relax, maybe fall asleep reading a book. I'm always got, I'm always aware, look I'm always I'm always aware of gators. I always look for them. Damn man.

How long does it take you back? How long in how long back in New York does it take for you to stop looking for gators? How long until you like oh sorry a search for a gator around their corner to story. I don't know if I'd rather Texas than Florida Texas got like scorpions and snakes and shit, but I think Florida's got a lot more dangerous stuff Also the humidity in Florida, you know, that's where I hate yeah Every day was so sticky hot there I'm raining and then the I didn't have raining.

And then the rain didn't make it less humid. That's what it's supposed to do. It's supposed to take humidity out of the air. Isn't that it falling to the ground? God. Suck dick, Florida. I've seen it as a picture of an alligator on screen right now that's the size of a baby taranosaurus wreck.

It's fucking crazy. And this is just a fucking big gator that they just let walk around I'm afraid of people walking on a golf course. Yeah, then manicured grass I'm just saying he's not at all all right gator going to a fucking target I want to see you make people this guy filming that close to me What if this thing turns out is really fast and hungry? Oh, dude if it just started Like he's killing right now, but it's like also. We're looking to shoe where those shoes are gonna pop off

I always heard these were fake though What do you think real like they're animatronic robots? There's like multiple videos of them. Yeah, but it's always like that one Wait, you think it's like Sasquatch the tail is always identical Alligator always identical. A lot of alligator. Dude, do we find your conspiracy here? Is Jane anti-biggater? Dude, you should start a fucking queueing on of just people that are anti-biggaters.

Are you still marvel at the wonder of life on this planet? If I saw that, no marvels wrong. If I saw that, I would go into a hyper panic attack do you remember yeah they do need to get eaten by fucking pop a gator go get them pop a gator I'll say what I say this gator I go oh you must spend a lot of time on your knees I see those scabs on your knees sucking that dick there you go I go what's up you want my arm baby one arm? Sorry, come in your homes. No, oh that

There's a picture of an alligator in an old lady's house the old ladies like oh, oh Well, hello a new friend who are you new friend that dude? You friend who are you new friend that dude? Common Oh, you came to the doggy door do you like cookies? She goes who you I'm being nice. Oh, no miss you be nice. What is this dude? Here's the second guy in the rain This is this is Jason's conspiracy theory. Same tale every day. No, she's been a lifetime in this one golf course.

One golf course in Florida and the other one was in South Carolina. That's just a community. That looks like my parents backyard. Jesus. A massive alligator. Have you seen one of these in person? I see them all the time, not that.

The massive ones? No, no. What's the biggest gator you've ever seen ten feet what are they called you've seen a ten feet you've seen a ten foot alligator yeah daddy where you where you scared I'm gonna sound like such a pussy right now how was that you did you cry I would have cried did you cry and ask God for mercy God I said before you're big beautiful. Oh, oh, it's plenty of fans Yeah, yeah, I don't get near them, but I love if you can draw if you can draw if you're an excellent artist Can you please illustrate Jacob riding holding two alligators on chain? Collars like DMX with pit bulls. Oh where it's just his one hand and then two chains

of gators with leashes on them. Has anybody tried fat bull? Has anybody tried the tame one of those biggies? Yeah, like you know sometimes you see videos of people that keep exotic animals in the hood like an alligator in a bathtub. I think that one already see like it's always like oil sheaks suns that have tigers as like house pets. Do you ever see those videos? The pop up on World Star. Just a dude with barrel of oil money and he's like, see dumb, see dumb fluffy. Yeah.

Everyone they just had there is the biggest one in the world in Dubai aquarium. And that's not nowhere near the size of that. going on the course. You have to euthanize ones past a certain length because they eat all the other alligators. Yeah, they get a little bit of population. Going those on the course. You have to euthanize ones past a certain length because they eat all the other alligators. Yeah, and they get a little too. Oh, Christine looked up. World's largest crocodile, I think that was. Oh my God. Is that difference? Alligators want to get really big. Alligators get bigger, but crocodiles are more aggressive. Am I right,

Jacob? I'm not sure. I think Crocs are the ones that you got to worry about because they get mad and they'll come get you out. We're smart. you're describing it feeling like you don't believe what you're saying as well. I'm not saying you're wrong. You might be completely right. This is one of those facts that I think I knew in my 20s that enough resin in my brain is pushed back out where I don't know. Like one of them's this.

You're not seeing this emotional support alligator. No. We're going to let us watch that and enjoy it. Hit pause. Look up alligators vs. Crocodiles. Cause I think Alligators, again, aren't as aggressive towards humans. They're still aggressive, but I think crocodiles and ones that are like, I'll fuck your shit up if you get near me.

I think it should be open season. On all of them. Do you think on all lizards though? Yes. There's no need for lizards. Dude, if I ever ran against you for Senate, I'd be like, Jay hates all lizards. Hate lizards. I said against you for Senate, I'd be like, Jay hates all lizards. Hate lizards.

I said that by the way when I was describing on stage the Florida I was like, man, it's placed sucks. They'd be like, no, and I'm like, it rains constantly. And then when it's done raining, you have to share a wet bench with a fucking lizard. And then it's sweaty all the time. It's people go, yeah. Yeah, they know it sucks there.

Great article. They just like wearing orange button downs. risk crocodile six key differences to who wins in a fight We'll just go down to see what are the differences I think there's one American or North American version of crocodile but rest are alligators. I don't even see where we can see this Okay, so the crocodile is actually the one that's can give up to 20 feet long. Damn, to 2000 pounds. So the crocodile is the biggie. Damn, alligators can only get 8.2 to 11 points.

But it says world's largest crocodile is in that Dubai Aquarium. It didn't look anywhere near the size of that fucking, uh, that's Chrysaritops that was walking across. It's just like anywhere near the size of that fucking, that's pricero tops that was walking across. I was just like perspective of the tanks. Was I wrong about the aggression? Because I feel like I'm right about the aggression that crocodiles are more aggressive than alligators. Just look that up, just give me one win.

Just need a win, come on, I feel like Lionel Huts. Oh, come on. Oh my God. Crocodiles are often regarded as much more aggressive than alligators. Well, you should avoid contact with both animals, I would say so. Alligators in the Everglades tend to be more docile

than crocodiles, only attacking if hungry or prevent. Wow, so that big thing is the more aggressive context. Yes. Yes. Then why is it just chilling on a golf course like let everyone take pictures of it? Look at you, who're taking a ride on it If you want to learn a mother fuckers of wild

And it eat no it wasn't freaking out itself. It was just walking like No, so but it's that's not the attitude. Might if I play through is walking like this Jay, this is the attitude. There's a crocodile's one But he wasn't he was just walking he's walking, but you got close to him. I'm gonna take a drop here Come on again, you know, well like when I face time you to show you the alligators They I know they're eyeballing me. Is this guy gonna do something stupid? You'll walk up on me But is he gonna not realize I'm my parents you know that that development they live on a golf course and that's where my daughter my sister got married at

to the gatories came up we out of went home and put on chain mail like oh we've got apparently we've just quantum leap to medieval time I asked the Duke of Delco has to rickety again rain of fire all a monster attacked me. Do you think that's what Dragon was doing? I'm gonna throw this so stupid back then that we're like, a dragon.

It really is just a gator on a golf course. I'm gonna head over to our blacksmithery and get all of our weapons. That's how funny, that's how stupid we were back then. The alligator, we're like, a monster, but we weren't wrong. No, it's that thing on the That's a monster that we weren't wrong. It's just funny the way we What does that thing monster do good for the environment?

It's other monsters There are no other monsters like that. That's the only monster that thing doesn't eat monsters It eats you've seen a kimono dragon those things are nuts. Does it eat kimono dragons bring up kimono dragons bring up I think that thing will definitely eat a who wins in a fight Aguana, which you want so I want him to eat all the iguanas you can get you want them to snack up on all the iguanas Yeah, who never gonna hear him but who will invasives who's gonna win in a fight wait iguanas are invasive? Harborly invasives they come in your house kill everything in Florida you have to kill your supposed to know I know I know your house

It's all they know I'm gonna kill everything. In Florida, you have to kill your supposed to be. I know, I know, I'm in your house. No, no, no, no. Oh, they don't. Look at that, dude, look at that. What, that's a kimono dragon. Are you relating that to that thing that was on the golf course, dude? I'm on it, I've got a wicked tongue. I just didn't even look at any teeth.

Kymono dragons are more poison, they have poison in them. And they're giant. Really? Why did the rookie dragon seem both have one? Because he had a little one. Look at that. Actually didn't they say that was a monitor lizard? Was it? Maybe. I don't know. One of my favorite moments in the comedy is Bert Park saying,

uh, there he is. Your kimono dragon in the freshman? Oh yeah. Dude, oh my god. So you just walk around and flush. So this guy got his arm bit off and then was just lost in the freshman. Oh yeah. Dude, oh my God. So you just walk around and flush this guy got his arm bit off and then was just lost in the swamp for three days, survived. And then he just realized he goes, I'm just some dude who lives in Florida

where sleeveless shirts anyway. Yeah, I can live with that in arm. Whatever. You think my fat pig wife's gonna have a problem with this? She can't believe I'm still with her. She's in a nub stuff. It's gonna get rid of me. She's gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room.

I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room.

I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room.

I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. I'm gonna get in the room. She never doesn't put on eyeliner, but it's always smudged a woman that can be blotchy and sweaty Look at this emotional support. Where is this from? This guy that lives in Florida or jerk I Google to alligators as pets He deserves what he gets if you have one of those. Yeah, this is the Pippa and one at one point this alligator is gonna bite this guy's face Do you remember I love line or they give you a face dude uh do you remember I love line Christine will kick her out

Get back to the gator thing and I remember they always used to play Florida or Germany And I was I was like oh that's a funny subject, but I didn't really so much they nailed it Every news story like this guy looking at this story. I'm like it really probably seems like it's a Florida guy. Oh for sure. Or Germany. Yeah. Good job Adam Coroll. Or boxer.

Yeah boxer. Heavyweight champ you gotta have gold around your waist. Yeah. Go play this. Federal League license in motion support alligator. He is far from a typical alligator. We're gonna go have fun today huh. I got your tail.

I don't want to imagine life that lonely. Oh, oh, oh, oh. He starts kicking. Who allows you can't bring it out. He's bringing an alligator into a mall. Looks like Chris the Stefano's dead. Oh, my God. What an ass.

He's got a bunch of lizards. That's why I do. These are all people that are like... Oh, that's the bearded dragon What's a blue-tongued skank dude no that thing slips out of my The bearded drag remember I told you that when my My daughter had a gay like Elementary school teacher, okay, and we went it's per progressive. So totally pretty well.

But what was just funny was he just kept saying he had a bearded dragon lizard in the room. And his, I told you it's for right, you just kept saying over and over again. When me and Carl went in for like parent teacher conferences, he goes, if the kids get a good grade, they get to see the bearded dragon. If they get 100%, they get to pet my bearded dragon. He goes get 100%, they get to pet my bearded dragon. He goes, the kids just love playing with my bearded dragon. I'm spiting my lips like the whole time, going like, you do us on purpose, dude, for sure.

I think it was so, he goes, it always comes back to the bearded dragon. These kids love the bearded dragon. Not one of them's afraid of it. They all just go right to my bearded dragon. And he just, they put their hands all over it. Yeah, he goes, honestly, couldn't even stop him. And the thing to my bearded dragon. And he just, they put their hands all over it. Yeah, he goes, honestly, couldn't even stop him. And the thing about my bearded dragon, always ready.

Always ready to play. Locked loaded. Yeah. It goes and, Day, night, that bearded dragon. Dragon disease free, HIV, NIG. Bearded dragon. So what are we talking about? pole? It's pulling out. Yeah, I'm your dragon my beard dragons 420 friendly No Greek

Get back that that's just some teacher being like you got something Dude there was such a fun. I wish I were taking a picture of it. I told Christine when I was in West Palm, going to the 60 days end, just like dicking around on my phone. I was like, oh, I bet West Palm, if you go on the escort sites, has like some porn starry people.

I wonder what it would cost like to fuck a porn star. And so I just looked at this and this, and this ad I went to right away. It was just like an old black lady wearing like baggy lingerie. Just like that with a good body. It's just like looking at it. And their ad to goes, it goes, no Greek. And in parentheses it goes, that mean booty hole play.

To live walking it to a, just exactly what that means. No, booty hole play. Not gonna touch my booty hole. They, well, I mean, the next story that we have about Florida, your sweet state, was a man who was arrested for calling a sex worker on his honeymoon. Booty hole play.

Trying to get that Greek. Trying to get that Greek booty hole play. Like a salad, I like to toss your salad. I don't know if you have a Greek salad. I don't do booty hole play. I don't know, booty hole play. salad. I don't do bootyhole. I don't know. Boodhole play. But dude, getting caught by your wife calling a f-

it's like the... I want to go on a... We gotta read the story because here's the sex worker that he's like previously has like some relationship with. Or he was just like, well you know what, let me set up a hooker for when I get home next week. Oh, so do I mean like setting a play date?

No, look. Look, wait, set up a hooker for when I get home next week. Oh, so do I mean like setting a play date? No, look. Look, uh, bring it in because Jane and I both have old man eyes now, even though I have laser eyes, I still have bad eyes. I think I need glasses. A Florida man was arrested on his honeymoon after he answered an ad for a prostitute. Paul Trevusky, 34 left his new bride sleeping in their hotel room in Tampa. Nice. And with, of course, dude, him doing the quiet door clothes, leaving your wife, 34 left his new bride sleeping in their hotel room in Tampa nice

Dude him doing the quiet door close leaving your wife I'm gonna see if they have it I think they have a snack machine I think they're so to tell I'm gonna hit the market place once a hour Come he's a lot of feel like walking to a gas station for a sandwich Crazy, oh, but no, please, sleep, heavy. I'm good. Oh my god, baby, stay asleep. I really wanna see if they have twizzlers down the street.

I'm gonna go shit in the hotel lobby so I don't stink up the room. You're gonna think this is crazy. I wanna see if there's any go kart places open. Yeah. Oh my god, somebody go look at the moon for a little bit and write. I think I'm gonna try to find a cappuccino

and a blockbuster. See if there's any online, tolt stores open. You know what I'm back in the action. I'm gonna get a pocket buzz. I'm back in action figures. I'm gonna come write GI Joe's and I'll set up a little thing outside. I'm gonna get in line for Madden 23 now. I think there's an iPhone, just picked me up at the Apple store tomorrow. He left his bride. He got camp out for American Idol Trials. I think I got a shot. I think I got it.

I don't know how to say it. Don't see how Katie Perry's gonna say no. He left his new bride sleeping in their hotel room in Tampa and went out to meet a prostitute he had connected with online. So it might be pretty. So it wasn't just calling or he went to go meet her. When he had connected with online. So it might just calling or you would go meet her. When the self-employed business man arrived

at the Hyatt Hotel, he was placed in handcuffs caught up in a sting operation by local police to crack down on sex trafficking. Definitely when those fucking those handcuffs went on him, he was like, you know, it's funny. That is what do you mean? At what point do you think he thought? I'm just. That is what do you mean at what point do you think he thought I'm just asking you? What do you think was the order? Oh? No, I'm in trouble with my wife for I'm not gonna fuck what do you think was the first one wife? Wife my not even wife life's kind of over here

I mean they have his name and he was going and he was involved in a sting for sex trafficking That's how it's going to read. Dan, this guy's a Florida story of she stays. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I should say it's more of a story if it ends up being that they're a thrupal. It's a political country. If you were trying to crack down on sex trafficking, wouldn't you

like be sending guys into prostitutes? Well, find out where they're coming up from. I think they're just trying to crack down on who's getting prostitutes, kind of start shaking some names. I don't know, he seems kind of shitty to like, when they... To get the Johns. Yeah, it just, when they like, I don't know, when they're like arresting Johns, it just seems like...

But it's like when they're arresting someone buying drugs to the same thing. I get it, you know what I mean, but like, it's what you call it, man. I've never, you know what's so funny? I've never's what you call it, man, I've never, you know, so funny, I've never even thought in prostitution of getting caught up, like in a illegal operation or something like that, but like, I was, uh, but Carla, my ex wife, I spoke so casually to her about the minimal, like, you know, massage, parlor, like fucking and hand jobs and stuff like that. That's happy.

Where you got your DeShallah Watson on. Sure. Or just the very few times that I paid for Pussy. I told her about it and she was, so I thought we were gonna laugh because at that point I was saying it with like, yeah, it's not really my deal, but like I've done it.

You know what I mean? And she was so appalled and I was kind of like, and she was like no, and her being appalled, it wasn't that like my behavior necessarily. It was that like me singing away, I don't not realize it, I'm like polluting, or not polluting, but like you know, like contributing to these girls fucked up lives,

like they're probably, and especially when it's those Asian hand job places, you're like, oh yeah, probably for sure Involved in sex trafficking in some way. It's not like it's not a cinematics movie where it's like a hot babe It was like I'm so horny. I got a massage men. I think no, there's not that doesn't exist But I think there's just beautiful girls who like prostitute themselves for sure. I don't think that's not in like these That's what only fans discovered is like only sure it was like women People in general because we found out about Tommy Lee,

we found out that people are just willing to be like, I'll participate in sex work somehow, which is fine. Those massage parlors are women that they're like, do you want to eat? You want a place to stay? We kidnapped you from your family. Shirk this guy off.

For me, it's become ego though. That's the reason that I couldn't even like, wrap my brain around doing it. And I'm like, oh man, I want somebody off for me. It's become ego though. That's the reason that I couldn't even like wrap my brain around doing it I'm like, oh man, I want somebody to fuck me. Same. Forget even paying like a prostitute. Same thing I'll fuck you to get access to something. Yeah, the old Weinstein way. You know, I mean, I'd be like, yeah, that's no Well, girls of text Jay and been like, I'll fuck you and Christine for Skankfest tickets. I'm like, please Yeah, I was like, I was like, well, long. It's so funny when you guys both come and you go, and there's two badges, that's going to get you on Saturday.

Sunday, you're going to be fine. I just said, neither of my personalities is like, neither of my personalities is like, I'll fuck you for a thing. No. God, the interns at gas would be so much hotter. You just have a bunch of people that are just fucking you guys for stuff. I mean, the show, we can't even get it on the air. I do skanks, I'm like, it's off the air again.

But speaking of a guest digital crew, we should give a big congrats. Alex Scarlotto. Yeah. Predate. Alex and Mike Harrington. Congratulations, Mike and Alex. Congratulations. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, Skank Turn baby. Holy shit, that's crazy crazy. Crazy. There are first intern Olympics, like our second Skank Fest. the gasage babe holy shit that's crazy crazy there are first intern olympics like our second skankfest that they can on the other yeah with Becky Rodriguez that could hold a robot girl also can i say what a good guy my carings is that the core well

sweet is a sweet sweetheart we found something on skanks this week the don't mean that was don mean it. I was saying it. So long time ago when Alex would like she would be like mean to Mike. Sometimes you know, I mean like say something to and they got it in an argument at some point. And Mike goes, yeah, well, guess what? He goes, actually, I fucked her and like dropped the mic and walked out. And like she got really upset by that said it wasn't true and it was like a thing for and then just kind of went away like everyone just accepted like he

probably bullshored about then it came up again and I think and he ended up saying when it came up again going like I lied I was just trying like whatever and then where the right now I didn't think I was years ago I didn't even think that all. When we were thinking of them together, I was like, wait a second, Alex. This is a guy you said at one point lied and told everyone that you guys had sex. And now you're like, with them, that's pretty. Like, who you really forgave or forget? I go, unless I'm thinking to myself now, Alex, that did you go and she had to have made a speech because yeah, they did.

And they did for a while. Then they didn't for a long time. And then they got back together. I'm like oh you bitch you Mike liked you so much that he was one because until you last night yeah they been together for a while she's pregnant now he never even made it a thing that goes hey can we like reek can't that like I didn't fucking lie about you at least so that I was least telling the truth you know it was a dick move to yell it out when you were being mean like You know that I wasn't a liar and then reality was just telling you just telling the truth like we just tell it the truth Fucker that he was fucking her for a while

Yeah, give the biz for a picture like yeah, Harrington well this guy. I'm so excited for this baby. Yeah, oh a little mush This this guy waited till his wife was asleep, and then went and called a hooker. It got caught. I wonder if there's a picture of honeymoon sex. It was honeymoon, too. The only question here was, as a wedding guest, was it too late to get the gifts that they gave return back?

This was his wedding. It was his honeymoon. Was it a baby? Corbin Burnson famously did this. Yeah. Who? Really? Mario Lopez too What also yeah, what calling a prostitute or something or just I think just cheating cheated on the honeymoon cheated on the honeymoon

She did on the honeymoon. Yeah, and cool. Yeah, this was this one Mario Lopez married the Doritos girl Oh, no, did he cheat the bachelor party? I? Think so I think it would he cheated the bachelor party. Yeah, you better. That's your bachelor party You do that's where you cheat dummy Don't you know bachelor parties work? Turn on the internet once in a while Calling a sex worker. I mean what is this your horn? What is his wife not doing?

Yeah, I mean even on your honeymoon go to your call go to your honeymoon, go jerk off. I'll say, go jerk off and you're still calling. I'll say getting your period on your honeymoon that would fucking suck. I confronted him and he's still to this day, denied it, and never apologized. Lopez also reportedly cheated on their honeymoon just three days after they tied the knot when he left his new wife at the hotel while they partied with a 20 year old girl.

All right. There's definitely man, that's got to be crazy hot. That has to be a crazy a 20 year old girl. I'm like, there's definitely. Man, that's gotta be crazy hot. That has to be a crazy hot 20 year old. Or does it? Because Allie Landries smoking hot. Because you know Adam Levine just got caught cheating on his and then DM. Well, it's all, oh, did he get,

did he call it sexual DMs and shit? Oh, I saw that, I didn't see the picture. And he was like, I'm gonna name my baby sort of after you. He's gonna name my son after you Sumner by the way already a shit name. How much do you want to impress this chick that you're gonna give you a kid some dumb fuck name? It's good last name though. What about best rinses? Yeah, no rules is the last name I only know that name it from the ritt is some to redstone right the rich guy. Yeah, he runs he runs

Just dead now, right? Stings last night. Is there really Gordon Sumner? Uh, does Sumner Redstone, is he still alive? I think he's dead. Remember he got caught when I had three Sims where he was like telling you, he's still kicking. Yeah, but he can't like,

he's having a three Sims, but he's not involved. He's in a hospital base like, have sex in front of me. And touch my leg. Just put your hand on my thigh. Grace might, big toe. I think that's why we got let go from Comedy Central Why could we busted something else? We make fun of some of the rest on all of a sudden

Comedy Central stopped with original content Jacob. You work there. What's going on? Was that it Jacob? Do we hit a nerve? It's just that we talk about his pervy way. It's just the Da Vinci code of the bonfire I can't see are we gonna work our way all the way up to the top and realize that I'm not telling I know about big Jim It's pretty dark Spaction talk dude lay off We're only going I'm saying but we already lost our one so like this is like the wire do we implode everywhere? We go and I tell the dirt we have on people

We're that's our first meeting with them in the morning like we want all of your dirt. Philip serious XM is a whore monger. Dude, that's so horny to call a fucking hooker on your wedding. Or to cheat on your honeymoon. You gotta be horny. And then to have it go exactly, you know that's the funny thing with those pedophile hunts. Now most of the time they go to go, I I knew I knew it was you that's like the move so it's like I Mean this guy walks me with sting of it. He goes yeah, I just had a feeling this is all bull. Oh, yeah you guys are here. I was hoping you guys are here I get I don't know it's so weird. I'll tell you why I couldn't get a hooker anymore even if I like had the interest to they all or even if I had the interest to, they all, the ads to are like cash app,

cash app deposits and you're like, what? Oh, now there's a paper trail. It makes total sense for them. Oh yeah, they're like, but I mean, what? You're not gonna rip me off. I'm not dealing in cash, but also, doesn't that make it a lot more bustable?

Like people can just go over your taxes and be like, why did this guy give you $200 for friendship? I wonder if you go, I think the website was called Escort Alley, just click the first one when I typed in West Palm Escorts in the Google. I think it's got Escort Alleygator. I want to see the first few pages because you can see the girl, the black lady,

you go, no booty hole stuff. Dude Escort Alleygator, it'd be very funny if we went to the website and it was logged in under your name, where it's like, big J blazing, 21. It's logged in. I bet where it's like big J blazing I bet a lifetime I could do this is right here. You're a platinum premium member What is that you get a membership to escort you this?

They go yes, son. We feed you the women when you come down to Florida like a gate on the golf course It's me your escort alligator. I'm here. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, who's ready to get her nom nom? I'm on with some dirty pussy. Yeah, there's some real skis on this website for sure. Were you going hoping you were gonna see like escort alligator? No, I literally was just looking. I'm like what I wonder what Escorts in my cuz I've I've looked this particular thing escort Alligators always a first thing comes up. No, it's more interesting when I go to like, Omaha and see what's happening, you know, it's like four people.

Do you know what I mean? So I was like, Wes Palm probably has a bunch of like porn stars and stuff. Dude, if you're a lady and you see that email in your inbox that's from Escort Alligators, you're like, uh, yeah, yeah. Keep going down, Christine. I'm sure we can see what it's an old black lady. Oh

I wonder if you can go like if it goes back to the day I looked Because that would be some of these leaves are hot. Are they real? Yeah, probably God damn dude West Palm beaches got some porn star looking ladies like you said look at the cans on that one. Yo post so much how could you possibly go back that many days at sucks. Damn that's how frivolous that's how many hookers live in Florida. Oh the search history. Yeah.

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