The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Get Awesome (feat. Julian McCullough)

Episode Date: December 14, 2022

Old friend Julian McCullough goes down memory lane with the guys.

I'm Big J. Ocarson. And I'm Dan Soder. You can listen to a full two hour long episode of The Bonfire on Series XM, or with the SXM app. It's easy. Go to SeriesXM.com slash bonfire for a special offer. And now, The Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. And I'm like, I know this is like epic scorpion King rock

But it's funny to know that these guys just get off stage and they're like fucking that was a hard course on There's so about you know fucking oh Do I hit all the buttons? Chew in what you're the music just not you yeah, nothing not here. No, so damn. It's just pure Metallica Yeah, nothing not here. No, so damn. It's just pure Metallica God's Mac but whatever they should tell They should tell God's Mac. You know what this is gonna be like one of those videos We're kids are a little is gonna be like one of those videos where kids get hearing aids and you hear them here for the first time You see him here for the first time?

We're gonna hear our voices. You're gonna be like you're gonna start reaching out for us. Yeah It's happening What's happening with the headphone, you think? Electronics. I can pose. I can pose the tweet once. Outside, yes. Do you want me to call our experts and come and say,

I'm thinking it's stand-do, do you get to watch? I almost want Julie and to see it. Yeah, you got to see. Yeah, you know what? We got you, dude. Well, we call for help for anything technical. They send, we've gone through the years, several guys, but they send right now to Hispanic guy.

Right now to Hispanic guy with an Asian guy, I think. Oh yeah, there's Jay's baritone. And they just, yeah. And then they just, they look at whatever the thing is. And they like discovering like the, do you remember the beginning of quest for fire with the monolith Yeah, you mean space Odyssey space Odyssey. Yeah. Yeah, and then it's like they're just looking at confused and then tell you it's fixed Yeah, right they don't do anything

They did nothing they didn't fix in our old studio. They didn't fix J's headphone jack, but they like gas lit them they went it's fixed What so now he's the problem Yeah, and then I was like it's not fixed and they went it's fixed Like what so now he's the problem I was like it's not fixed they went Oh look at more they go huh if you weren't such a loser maybe They were fucking with him how dare you look at a guy like Jay and say he doesn't know audio He is he's clearly the manager of guitar center yeah If it was what was the movie with all the emotions in your head, the animated movie?

Were there off in the brain? I blew this, no. Oh, are you talking about my head or in the movie? In the movie. Oh, that was. I remember a TV show called Herman's Head. And what was it like, you know? That one fucking ruled.

That was really good. That was on the air for what, 15 years? They got one. Oh, it's the only other thing. The old man's heart right was in that. I know it was the for what 15 years. They got one. Oh, it's the old. Nancy Cartwright was in that. I know it was the only other thing. And Hank is there. Wow. Not, not Nancy Cartwright.

Yes. Yardley Smith. That's what I meant. Who's Nancy Cart? Oh, that's March. Yeah. You're at least Smith. The Lisa rights part. That's what I was thinking of.

Yeah. And you're at least Smith does Lisa. Oh, okay. She has also an legend of Billie Jean. Everybody is the bonfire. Faction talk series six and one of three out of a cannon. Oh, okay. She has the same, she's also in Legend of BilliGeen. Everybody is the bonfire, Fection Talk Series 6 and 103 out of a cannon. When we slip, we off all. I said, I once, I once,

one of my two ever self-composed, thought of it funny tweets ever, was when I said that, I've only done two or three tweets ever. Man, this thing is getting built up. Yeah, so that Godsmack sounds like Joe Rogan's neck vein started to band. Yeah. That's pretty good. Thank you. I think that was just though a Jacob retweet from that laugh. Yeah. Good one dude. But yeah God smack also when they get off stage they're also five foot one each. Wow. Just hilarious. Little angry

man rock. Yeah. It is for sure little I got they definitely got smacked by God there There were all six feet and he gave a little slap on the top of the head you see one You see when they're little hemmed jeans or little man-man pants They're like they're like are you named after an house in chainsong? They're like yes Our original title our original band name was Godbunk. Remember Bunk? On Genesis? What was that?

You don't think every black kid in the middle school called me? Obviously. That is a cool name. Just they had no Bunk. Yeah. He probably also knows the head from MTV. For sure, at least thing also. Yeah, MTV Audities.

Absolutely. And he big head thing I got called. Yeah yeah, yeah ours was Brad Dawson was bonk Shout out all the bonks out there. Yeah, the All my bonks at The bonk fire. Yeah, that lived through middle school So the winners are shown today. I want to make it official. Oh, sorry introduction What are my oldest friends in comedy? I love them so much.

The hilarious Julie McCoha. I have him 82 years old. I'm your oldest friend. Yeah, we went to France for a couple years, but he is old. Sky's got it. Sky's Sky saw action in no. Yeah, we're still in the newlywed phase, but I have 96. Julie, I always forget.

Julie was there for such a funny day. And I think it was, it was Eagle's playoff scheme. I think they won that day though. But Julian got to watch and sort of figured out was happening at one point. I was still with Carla, Max. And I just got up at one point and everyone was talking and laughing having a good time.

And I didn't, Carla was upstairs or I just, she was at a site for a while and I couldn't find my phone. And I mean, I was doing the silent, trying to still talk to everybody cool, but like fucking frantically into my phone. Dude, it was so funny. That's crazy. And joy was like, is everything okay?

And I was like, yeah, it was why? Why, it's some diving head first in between the couch cushions. It's such expecting something to happen energy. Like, you know, like the like, He was sweating like he was trying to make weight. Dude, he's not wrong. He's not, and the funny thing was,

that's why I laughed so hard. And it's probably not a different, much difference on time there. When that mic, EPS, special came out the hour special. I forget if it never faded or whatever. Yeah. He's wearing the red suit

and he has that joke about, like, you wait, he goes, that's like, wiggit up in the morning, seeing your phone, not in your pocket. And he's like, you start calling out for your, he goes, baby, you try to feel out the energy in the room. You see your mama, she look mad. And it was just cracking me up as I was saying.

I was like, dude, I remember the panic, because then you find it was in the couch cushion really just kind of fell down a little bit. Oh, wow. And when you find it, like when you sit back down you just sit back down, but you're just like, yeah, parachute. Hey, I got a story about that. But then it happened to the way that you're afraid it's going to happen.

You found out this was a long time ago. Yeah, when I was dating that like everyone, her name was Adriana, but she was like the lunatic of all of my entire past. She was like the point. She's the craziest. Yeah, you dated her a cane Yeah, I did and even you and your girl you still use her name as a definition of crazy. I Won't bring her into this, but yeah, it's like a watermark kind of we're like and that was the worst she turned her life around Which is good, but you know Jesus? Kind yoga And that was the worst. She turned her life around, which is good. But, you know, Jesus, kind yoga.

Ah, that's hot girl Jesus. Yeah, yogas for hot girls, instead of finding religion, they just are like, omni go get. Oh, I bet you say the word stretch. I bet she says the word meditate so much. Or center herself. Sorry, Julian, I just center myself.

Guys, you have no idea how much she says that. I do have an idea. But I love my phone. This was when it was the phone that you can flip up. It just got taller. I don't remember that one. Of course, yeah. And the front just goes up.

Yeah, yeah. It reveals the keypad. You still have to text to get the letter. Then anyway, I left it in her car. And she dropped me at the seller. So I'm like waiting for my spot. And then I took, I'm in the hallway about to go on and I touched my pants

and I'm like, uh oh, and then I'm like, uh oh. And then it was that bad. Really? You got off, how long? Well, on the floor of a car. Wing. This is while we were about to break up, so it was like extra bad.

But when it's funny though, you go out and say you go, well, my sworn joy this set. Exactly. I literally was like, this is it. So, oh yeah, I said everything I thought. I bet you really. You're free in that moment. It's like you're about to go to jail and then you're like, alright, send me away.

She also, when you write bad things or cheating too, the effort she knows you had to go through by going like, B, right now. You had so many chances to rethink it. I should be doing this. It just took me five minutes to write. I don't even think it was, honestly, I don't even think it was cheating. It It was like just any lie at all. You know what I mean, but I don't remember See how long after you got off like a cheater. I was like a I was shifty. How long I never wanted to know where I was but I wasn't doing anything

Yeah, just guys off avoiding you this guy's off the grid, but we don't think it's fucking pussy No, he's how long after you got off stage, you did the hammer drop. Oh, like minutes. Like you got off stage and she was back. She was waiting in the street with the fun McDougal. Yeah. Oh, yeah, holding up your phone, like say anything.

In the, in the same. In the same. In your, he's in the back hall. He's in the back hall. He's like, do you guys hear the faint? In the same car that she had driven up to the door of a bar that she heard I was in. Damn, dude.

You're like a love after lock up couple. This was so I was like 24. This was so long ago because I'm 82 now. 82? This is right when cars came out. I had the only cell phone You're the first guy you and Zach Morris. Yeah, well Julian you get to be here last week with Jay's birthday December 7th Oh the day that will live in infamy Sagittarius with a with a Capricorn moonrise

I am so sorry Christine Capricorn fire sign Wow, but we but I was I bet Christine knows what my stupid whatever that is I actually do not know your rising. You know yours though. I always forget it. Yeah, well Thank you. If you knew it all the time I'd think you're a problem But my rising is always baby. Oh damn. That's why you got in trouble with that phone Because you can't stop rising. You can rise it up rising. I'm like the Phil's buried oh boy Dude going through a little tiny phone like that to find out things so you have to go so funny. You're like I want to suck Tants next line

T9er you gotta get scrolling up with the button if she read that she'd be like do you have Jay right this for you? Actually, I have a ghostwriter Your hand Jay yourself on you go make it central But I don't know if I've ever texted the words. I want to suck your tits. I want to suck your tits That's a red hot jelly pepper song My Stop working out check the drummer was like I don't think that's a good lyric guys I think it should be I suck my kids

I got a fight over them the other day Against after blood sugar sex magic he just went into straight up like dip it up, but do but do but do But I'm like he's right there with you. I would tell you California Cation I like the album. That's what I was like, mm-hmm, but that was my last album with them. Okay. Hey sketch. You're too nice I get it. It's not like they lost me at that line of that song being skebo double bang again The conehead soundtrack are you kidding me, but that's that line I was like He don't give a shit no more. That was a red flag. People tell you who they are.

Listen to that. I think my angel who said that. And that dance horders at it. And Anthony Ketus was like, scabbin' doma dame, but I am a new guy. And you don't do that again. And John Fruciante, I never say his name right.

Yeah, Fruciante. He wrote the most soulful guitar riff ever for Soul of Squeeze. And then Ketus was like like got it. Habondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabondabond Interstate with a model so skiba Home the don't do this you but you're the fronka don't go home Bang Anthony Anthony before you put your shirt on you have any lyrics for soul the squeeze Let's watch this Slab a ball bang a ginga gone bomb and now he's still the shirtless guy Well, here's the thing what he looked out on that's just the sound by the way of him dropping an an olive down his chest It just hits all the abs Here's the thing what he looked out on. That's just the sound by the way of him dropping an olive down his chest.

It just hits all the abs, and then we're talking about the end of the head. We know it's funny, he's always been in shape and continues to be in shape, but weirdly, even when he was young, he always had Ric Flair body. Yeah.

Like Ric Flair, not in under the bridge. Absolutely. No, he was in good shape. Wait, is that like large range? He's always in good shape, but he's just like. Ric Flair always had the pecs that kind of droop. I'm telling you this, it's not that. He's boxy.

He's just always, he's never been like a guy that looks like a muscular guy. He's like a boxy beauty. Not nice. Looking under the bridge, you're overthinking over the bridge. You're giving him too much credit. While Christine finds that, I was bringing up, it was his birthday. And he was in LA and we're in New York So I didn't get to give him his birthday present. So happy birthday to Jay. Oh, I thought we were still talking about Anthony Keita

So I'm like wait your friends with him. No, we got off track. We get off track on everything on the show I'm gonna brought you a present Well, do you want the rest of this Diet Coke? It's actually good. It's got it. It's got a paper straw just like you you like hey, Julian can you not give me give her? Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh Jason Kelsey Jersey nice dude fuck yeah, yeah, I figured you weren't gonna you know you were fucking awesome Yeah, dude. Thank you, man, so Eagles and you know Julian got the Philly connect. Yeah, absolutely amazing dude It's got the Philly connect. Yeah, absolutely. That's amazing. You pulled out an eagle Jersey and I wanted to be like, I think he has one of

Dan's right Kelsey's alleged and on the team and it's a Jersey I would never think to buy it yourself That's why I was even on this show. I think on air. I was like, would you ever wear Jason Kelsey Jersey? You're like, yeah, I was like done Adam this makes me feel extra. Thank you, dude. That's fucking so happy. That was so nice, dude. That's extra hard for me to watch because I just,

just like totally bifft my girl's birthday. Oh, it's a hard one. And you're buying birthday gifts for a dude. For friends, yeah. One of my favorite texts in my life, I ever got a million years ago. Uh, Joel, it was, I think it was me and Vecchio, and open for a tell. And on that weekend, Julian's cousin and her friend came out and me and Vecchio and

hooked up, I hooked up with Julian's cousin. Oh, I forgot about that. And, and, and, uh, Vecchio and hooked up with a friend and then a couple of weeks later. What cousin. I forgot about that. And Vecchio and I hooked up with a friend. And then a couple weeks later. I've never heard that. A couple weeks later was my birthday. And Julian texted me, he goes, happy birthday. Dude, I got you my cousin.

I hope you fit. Oh, God. That's so funny. That's so funny. This is on the radio. Yeah. No one knows who that cousin is. Oh, dude, that's so fucking funny. She was definitely in the McCullough family though because she was funny.

Yeah. In the morning, she popped up and she goes, oh no. She goes, no. She goes, you know what my pants are? And she goes over there, I got it over there on the floor. She goes, yeah, next to my dignity. Nice! That's pretty good.

Good thing. Anyway, here she is guys. Come bring her in. Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!

Come on! That's such a funny name. I don't know how to go through. She's like, whoa! I'm a mother of four! I don't fucking talk anymore! Would you be willing to tell the, again, I'm a mother of four I don't fucking talk anymore Would you be willing to tell the again?

stories that I've that I've retooled before though this isn't a bad is this was a is this where I save a child? Yeah, do not all your hero number all your heroic journey the time there was a badger in that elevator And I got the toddler we're gonna do the eight labors of Julian I got the toddler we're gonna do the eight labors of Julian Do you remember the time that Julian fucked that cycloptic slot Hey, guys, I thought we were gonna like break down the news Julian what's up with Elon Musk? Hit us with your opinion bro No, the story it was your I think I don't know if it was a plan remember that rash This isn't bad for any of us

It's I don't it was it might have been like a friend or or X girlfriend or yours, but it was someone was But broke up and they were Feeling bad about it and they're like I'm gonna fuck the next guy. That's one of my favorite stories Yeah, but you I think you, you know what's funny? I've been telling that story for years, but I thought you told me that story. No. You think I told you that story? I probably did.

You did. I probably did. You did tell me that story for sure. I do. Again, I always attribute you. I did. It is my story. Julian, I'm just gonna tell you right now, it's very shifty.

It is. It's a great story. If I'm finding your phone, if I'm finding your phone on the floor, I finding your phone on the floor anything between 2009 and 2000 Fair like for I cannot be held and I'm also gonna say something because I moved to New York in 2007 Yeah, I was time traveling you are full time and I was putting in time drinking because I wasn't getting a lot of stage time Mm-hmm a lot of drinking time And one of my biggest accomplishments in drinking was outlasting you.

I have to take your word for this one. I promise you, there's a two-way-trigger jugular. And I really remember being at my wedding. Dude, he didn't. I was at the dinner where you told Julian you were, that he was at your wedding in jugular. I was there. By the end, and it's so funny, because I see it.

I see it hit his turn. I feel really bad. Well, I'm saying, you see, because through the course. You said, fully was like it's gone But for the for the course of the meal though join leaner goes wait, I I think where was it? Yeah, it was really why the like remember it I was trying to just like make it about me But I've never forgotten something that big it was um it was almost like I walked away from it do something bigger

It was like sitting up to promise our remember You were saying. It was like sitting up. I promise I'll remember the next one. It was like a medium. You're like a medium trying to find someone. You're like, you're like, Dave, was there a, is there like an L? An L? I'm seeing an L.

I want to say in the black. It was in Long Island. I'm like, mm-hmm. The bridal party wore per, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, a few shots. Yeah. Tell them that. Okay, so this is one of the best stories ever. And that's so funny. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you've been sad for too long, it's time to get out there and just, just hook up with somebody. It'll, it'll, at least give you a different

feeling than you've been feeling. Yeah, she was like a slump buster. Yeah, exactly. I don't think girls call it a slump buster. They can, if they're progressive. Yeah. Or if they're from wherever you grew up. I don't know. They call it a rata women. Sorry, a rata woman have to take what's there. They know he knows woodland women.

Yeah. I don't know if you guys would learn your settler law. They call it a ravine rattler or something. Yeah. Yeah, she's probably got a good hunting season. And first four girls Dan hooked up with were also wearing long sleeve button down. They also showed me rope knot. They also were in the middle of rescuing you from a trail. She goes, how are you following this ravine?

And I said, take me right now. So, she agrees to it. They go out and she sees this guy from a trail. She goes, how are you following this ravine? And I said, take me right now. So, so they, she agrees to it. They go out, they, and she sees this guy at a bar and he's like a meathead, but she's like, that'll do. Like, he was, you know, that'll do pig. So, so they, she brings him back to her house and he's, they're getting at it and everything and he's on top of her. And right, like, I think it's like right, they're in it, but she changes her mind.

And to this dude's credit, he listens, but she goes, she goes, stop, and he goes, what, let's think in the middle of it and they're drunk, so she's like, get off me. And he's like, what? Because they have like music playing. And she's like, get off me. Could she change her mind?

Yeah, there's like R&B. Like she R&B behind you. But Megan, the main head isn't making me feel better. That's so weird Did she change her mind? Yeah, with her's like R&B. She's like, I'm banging the meat head. Isn't making me feel better. That's so weird. But also just Keith sweat behind you. Yeah, he's also whispering. Ah, body. Yeah, he goes, there's two whispers coming out of you.

I mean, I'm getting whispered at all over the place. He's like, mix signals. I'm hearing you want me to funky all night. Oh, my God. It's my body, your body. What is this? So anyway, I'm going to get freaky with me every single day. Yeah.

So finally she like pushes on him and she's like, get off me. So he's like, oh, and then he's kind of, she said he look kind of confused, but he gets up and he goes to the end of the bed and he starts flexing, like he starts doing this and then doing like, like Hulk Emanuea. Yeah, or, or, or American Psycho. Sure. Yeah.

I mean mine was more like fun. Yeah, mine's like real. Mine's mind the mind's letting you know where their brains at. So, uh, yeah, he's not doing the like hearing the crowd, but he's like definitely, you know, given him. So he's flexing at the end of the bed and she is like super confused. She's like, I just ended it. She put it in the rip course. He's like so psyched and she goes, what are you doing? And he goes, you told me to get awesome. What?

What? What? What? What? She said get off me. He heard get awesome. And then he knew what that meant. That's more of a story goes, but she said get off me goes.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You okay hang on a second. Yeah, I know exactly How could I have missed that reasonable request? Sorry the key sweat was glad We got in here and just got to it. I didn't realize you want full four play That makes me so excited. That's my story. I can do that on stage Oh, that makes me so excited. That's my story. I can do that on stage. Yeah, I'm gonna bang you. Yeah, I love that. Please stop.

You know what I think would happen? I probably told you that and then I saw you tell someone else and it was funnier and I was like, oh, he told that story. The story belongs to Jay. Oh, this is like it when Hendrix covered Bob Dylan. Don't bring up Kedison as fucking flappy brick flare tits. I'm telling you. It's not what you're hoping for dance stop it You remember this wrong you came to something you didn't think you got a body this song still works though like it's I'm still seventh grade on my bike Like I've also been under a bridge. I've done heroin. I know I know you do it's weird though you were the one that said that years ago

We're on a souljolt gig you're like yeah, I grew up loving Alice loving Allison chains Yeah, just thinking that they were sad to and didn't realize they're just talking about heroin Yeah, I'm a whole time. I was like velvet underground Allison chains And I was like man, they have unlock with women. Yeah, man. They just walk around being sad to yeah Christine go back to the Emily sings underwater Well underwater is not fair. Where he's running. What about yeah, there you go. Yeah, what are you running? That's what they're singing that part There you go. That's a good body. Yeah, he's straight up and downed. Yeah He doesn't wear it like he's like a twosley guy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah

You're right. I remember him being a lot more like action figure. Oh look how fast he's a fast dude Find another frontman to cover him. They're like, did you know that at the MTV Music Video Awards, he won fastest singer that week? Oh, and he did it again. It's Anthony Keeta. He ran a bumper to Boo 40. Yeah, I bet he's four.

He's got a four and five 40. He's got a four but if I have a number, you know, Anthony Keeta's coming in four and five 40. He's a dude in auction. We're nothing. He makes sense. He's coming up. He's coming up auction. We're nothing. It's been on them. It's been on them. It's been on them, damn.

And then up next, we got a little scum, and I'm a name, and now I'm a known name. And so, the man of the wild hat. I mean, Christine said this last week, we were in a pool, and then Red Hutchley Peppers came on. And I go, this is the best way to describe him. I really don't give a shit about the chili peppers, but I don't dislike the song enough to swim over,

to change the song. You know what I mean? It's like, we'll get through this one. It's fine. But I'd never like reached out for their music. You know, there aren't that many bands. She's in a concert twice and they're good. No, there aren't that many bands that are right

in that spot where you're like, I don't hate it and I don't need to change it, but I don't like it. Yeah, yeah. Because I either need to change it or I love it. It's like an okay weekday. Just let it pass. I know there's probably at least like four bands like that for me where I'm like, they can play. Yeah, and then the chili peppers is definitely one of those.

Chili peppers are a band where the older I got the more I realized it was for hot girls. Yeah, it's hot girl rock. It is. Our generate my, my generation. I thought it was for dudes that wear J shorts and smoke Newport. No, what? Not at all.

That is not their fan base. Oh, who's fan base? Red hot jeans. No, that's right. It's not them. I don't know how to make the know what they're doing. They're covering hot tan boys.

What is their fan base? Tan boys from beautiful people. Is it? Yeah, for sure. Beautiful people wrong. All right, like flea. Yeah, no, they feel good cheering him on. They're like, we even like him.

Yeah, we've got that toothless man off the street. And we'll and we'll feral in the back. Yeah. Yeah, they're not a super cool looking band. And he I bet just some of that Anthony keys the way he sings Tells me he is an intolerable person to be around Yeah, well he has a list. That's already a check. No, he doesn't does it? Yeah, he does Oh, please don't find out that it was one did they have a front yeah like that or a lateral list? No, he doesn't have a lot

No, I don't think you can You can be my kid No, he doesn't have a lot. No, I don't think you can My kid Oh Music I think it's probably the hardest What if like the least likely without you know shot a a look? That's right me being sexy with this list. It's gotta be You know patty libbell was born with a hair lip. Yeah, dude. Yeah, she has a she bites her tongue Yeah, somebody didn't even know that's what's that's how I know I'm getting all like all

I'm using old phrases for maladies Yeah, like you know like I said uh Somebody was touched the other day Yeah, what are you, an old grandma? And Meg was like, touched. What are you from the prairie? Yeah, you're taking a casserole out of the oven. But I said, hair lip and the person I was with had no idea what I was talking about.

Oh, I call that lose great grandma. I die from the sugars. Yeah. And hair lip is called perma-alvis. The modern. Yeah. It's called vital idol face. Yeah.

Oh, right. Oh, wrong, the word. Oh, but it's from having alcoholic parents. Hairlip is? Yeah. Yeah, I dodged a bullet. Well, not only, but that happens a lot like an Africa. I should have had a snow.

Mm. Tell you something. Old alcoholic Africa. I'm thinking there's a chance I missed a Water but you're gonna drink all those 40 those booze bags Nitorious lunches African tribes people Big big sauce

Runnin 12 miles sober. That was the thing that I wanted to catch on for a while one of our things was You just pull a friend aside and tell them that another one of your friends was emancipated as a teenager. Oh, yeah. That's funny. We're just doing it to like random people. I mean, I was like, man, that's because 13 is parents must.

Yeah, that's messed up. Yeah, you know Gary Veter, right? You know parents, you got a man's pedifers. He should have. Yeah, that one might be a sure thing. Yeah, you would have lost the trials.

His dad was a fucking criminal. His dad would have showed up as the lawyer on the side. I'm a good job kid. His dad was a criminal, right? Yeah, like a fun one. He's got like, he's got crazy stories. But a thing that took off, I wanted to follow the emancipation was Boo's hands when you do that to someone.

If someone says something to your friend, they walk by, go. Yeah. As soon as they start talking you go you go yeah Behind them just hitting that while they're talking and we're all out of party drinking. You know, I know but that one That guy this guy's Fuck we have some of the fun things to talk. Oh, we said talk about this outside me and you Dan. I thought Julian you how old you 43 are we sure to say mage basically yeah, by the way in that video Anthony kids looks straight up like a Lannis Morris set I never realized how they have the exact same head

They both have that like long face the puppet head and the Yeah, the mouth open straight across him. I about to oh yeah, I might about to fall in love with the Anthony Yeah, did you fall in love with Lannis Morris? That crush on us. Did you really? Yeah, I thought our pussy looking always stunk Jesus you stop it. It did look like our first time would be in a sleeping bag. Yeah for sure She had jeans box she had a thing when it's for an hour after she takes her jeans off You still see the outline of the button and shit You need to eat less salt.

Yeah, but you said that so fast and so like sure of yourself, then I feel like every time you hear her name, that's all you think. Yeah, he's a pressed flesh. Yeah, Dan's discovered all you hear is on Thursday, but then figured out that's my gayest thing is I am able to Take the wind right out of the sales of a gorgeous woman looks wise. I'll pick her apart You have no idea hill fucking cut a woman like like and she won't even notice Yeah, why did he say you mean like gay like like caddy? I noticed you like why did he say you mean like gay like like caddy yeah Catty and then she would be like what do you mean my noses on even oh yeah, she looks down

Like is anybody else lightheaded? She falls in half like a samurai do Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, look at that. It's like they have the same parents shut up dude He's much more masculine that puppet mouth. I'm not saying he's a woman clearly We're masking that puppet mouth. I'm not saying he's a woman clearly But he is I mean shaved face always she's got a mustache now which doesn't bode well She's an angel she thinks though. I didn't I didn't know you were a Lannis fan You look at now when she comes out dressed like the fucking night dress like eating the clerk and Ferris Bueller's day off now Dan we're so similar in so many ways, but you're a little more like

viewers day off now. Dan, we're so similar in so many ways, but you're a little more rough around the edges, because I'm like, hurt my Lannis is Tori Amos. So Tori Amos, I waited on her at those communos. Well, that doesn't mean you love her. No, but I was half drunk, and she was very drunk on a bridge line.

Yeah, that was your girl, Tori Amos. I mean, I prefer her to a Lannis more, says. Just, you know, she cries rape rape a lot Well, that's a song She's like she cries it like every concert. Yeah, she sings. I just see you guys know she sings rap Well, I know but she has songs I'm saying it's pretty little things that every time he sings the song she's like claiming yeah What happened? I didn't know she was like that emotional. I've never heard of Tori. I was being seen in public. You did. She was very nice. Who's the? Say what though? 12th thing in celebrity skin though was her playing piano sideways and just giving you a shot right that fire box. Oh yeah. Yeah. How do you

think it smelled? Jay? Um, hers. Get it. Get the same. I don't know, man. I mean, she did. So it's all right. She did draw rats. So I don't know if that's anything Wow remember the video where she's covering rats. Oh You remember that she fucked a rat Rats came in her because the stink. No, I didn't remember that. Oh wow. What which one is this is this little earthquakes? Were you huge into her? No, no, but I mean like, she would be your parent. In seventh and eighth grade and ninth grade, the girls I liked liked her.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God, they must have been unbearable. Oh my God. I were impossible. Are these former horse girls? One of them. Yeah.

For sure. I don't know. Horse girls love Tori. It's so funny that we can, I can just like straight up ring that name up, but I can't use this to radio. Okay. My ex-girlfriend in South Jersey, the one that was like into, she was like a rodeo. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Cheryl, but she was, the best part about her was like her trying not to show like Wigger me at the time, like her other side of life. What? And it was so funny. it was like catching her. Borderline catching her was one funny is now, especially how much I smoke cigarettes,

smoking cigarettes. And trying to sneak like listen to like Garth Brooks and just shit. As we were going into a room one time, she's like, Joys and the pains and the, hey, hey. In the call thing. Road, hey. And the call thing. Road, yeah.

She was stable Cheryl. She was running around. She was. She was. That might be the smartest pun I've ever said. Stable Cheryl. Stable Cheryl. It is, she, that's very funny hiding her life from you.

It's, I wouldn't care. I wouldn't care. It's, I should. Yeah, what song you sneak in. And she's like, this is the work. This works. I Yo, why the song you got no thumb to But how you know when you go pop that booty Well, of course there's no lots of things. Yo girl can't flap your skins it is. Oh my gosh. Why you got so many carrots? You got like a fuckload. Yo, you be looking like you be feeding animals. Can't wait. What was what was she? She's a hider belt buckle. She won

from different radio. Oh, that's so sad because she was so good. Yeah, that means there's a lot of time. I found out about the I was with this chick for I mean when I was young, it's a lot of years. Yeah, there's three. But was tight, but now I was like, probably five years at least. Oh, wow. On and off. You're so, you contain multitudes. Yeah. Yeah.

But she, no, eventually I mean, I went to go, I told her I think it's fucking awesome as you could do that. Yeah. She was like, like a ranked, like a barrel, you sure. She was judging you. Probably. Yeah, because he's like, this wig, you're ready. It's not gonna understand anything about the idea.

Meanwhile, you touch a horse and I'd sigill tears down your cheek now do terrified she got me to ride with her one time that's so fun terror that's what lost her is when you were like it should it's you were scared on a horse I was scared getting on it when they brought me over to get on it and they go put your foot in the stair but you have the helmet on the little riding it's on top of your head. We were Christopher re we weren't jumping fences. You just rodeo. No, we're doing Vesage. Yeah. Present and it lays down.

Present. Take a bow. Show ponies. I was, um, no, she got me a, they had horses, like down there a little dirt road there. And they, she got me on one time as big horse. And I remember grabbing this, putting my foot in the stair, grabbing the saddle and starting to pull my body up onto it

and the horse just started walking. And they were like, no, no, no, no, no, they just stopped, the horse to go, no, you just get on quick and I was like, it doesn't want me on. And they're like, what do you mean it doesn't want you? I go, it's very normal for them to get up. I go, I'm too big and they go, it's a horse. You're not too big.

And I go, it doesn't like it. And then it's like, in front of my girlfriend having people like push my ass up, to go to the horse. Oh, man. You're just doing it. It's like, she might as well watch me get out of a pool with no ladder. Is that going to be?

I'd like beach myself on to a fucking horse. Hey, that's the horse equivalent of asking a girl if you could kiss her first. Yeah. Can I kiss you? And then Jerry's going to save it by being like, yo, my obviously is just cool, right? Yeah, I go damn this horse big to the mug Yeah, so I mean and then she had to watch me on this thing the whole time go what I said whoa non-stop

Which he's like it's not gonna really walk that much of you keep saying it also won't react when you say it Free saying like Joey Lawrence though keep saying it also won't react when you say it. Free saying like Joey Lawrence though. Yes, I was. I'm like, cool. Whoa, whoa, whoa. And then she goes, and then she got me scared. Because she goes, just see all these horses,

like when they know it's time to go back to the stable. They get a run. They're a run. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I was like, I was going to act like I was like starting to get off while it was moving. So I don't want that. Oh, no, no, no, no, it won't run. Like we'll get, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Yeah, she must have been well she was And this is weird not this is when she was like 17 I think 17 or 18 when a the horse stuff on the store coming up

But man, I was so terrified I thought I and I've never got on horse again. I mean, I'm I have like fear stuff But that's what I mean that you were afraid of a horse watching but you're watching you be afraid of an animal Oh, dude so many I was the dumb idiot. I was the king of let your weird fucking animal crawl on me and then maybe we can fuck. And that's it. You're the king of this thing that no one's ever heard of. Yeah, it's right there.

You see me, the king when there's no others. Jay, actually, now that I'm here. I don't really want to ride this horse, but do you have like a salamander? Dude, dude, I am the emperor of eating my own shit. You are a county right now. That is possibly one of the most genius. If I was in high school and I heard this, I would be like, be the ferret king.

Go to the girls house who has the ferret and she's like, here, look it. Here's my friend. Here's Lucifer and you go, oh, his eyes are so red. You're crawling here and then they're like, the girl I lost my virginity to used to put a, a fucking iguana on me. And like, it's skinned and would like peel off. And it would lose like those things on the top. And just come off, I go,

I have to make it, she goes, oh, he likes you. And I'm like, is, his tongue, he's looking like he's angry. I had that. I had a girl, I brought home from a diner. She was a waitress at a diner that I would kind of talk when I would drive back from New York to Philly. I went back to her house after her shift. Yeah, it was like four in the morning or something.

That's a Billy Joel song. Dude, dude, that waitress outfit must have smelled amazing. First of all, did smell like stuffing. She was fat, she was fat and attractive, but so am I, and I went back to her place, and it was like, that's like, we're gonna do this, and she go, come see this, and then look at all my pictures I've ever taken.

Oh, and then the last, let's get to know me. And the last one was like, and I'm gonna wear an hour, at least in, and I'm like, it's like the sun's coming up, I'm like, is this happening? Yeah, are we friends? And then she goes, she goes last thing. She goes, I have to show you. She goes, this is my baby.

And she comes out with a white rat with red eyes. And she put it on my shirt and I went, oh God. I'm like, please get it, get it, get it. And I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, I really gotta go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go, and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I go and I let me, when you do the thing I go take it off, take it off, take it off, take it off, take it off. And she took it off and then I go, at least I gotta go and I just left and I,

yeah, I think once they bring out the white rat with red eyes it's like two minutes later, I was rock-hung. Yeah, I mean she wants to see how big of a psycho you are. And then when I first started dating Carla, she lived with her mom still, and her mom was always in the having, did so many weird things.

Her mom had at one point, she bought a gigantic fish, that's like a good luck fish, but she just kept it in a regular fish tank. No. And she had to get eight of them over time. They're like hundreds of dollars a piece. She had to get eight of them

because you'd come home sometimes and it just kills it so, just jumps out of the fucking thing and just Is giant fish dead on the floor? Will you walk by a dead fish? I won't touch it. It is a mere. That's how you get the luck out. Yeah, it's all over cat your cash and it in yeah, they a mere my old roommate in college who's a drug dealer So a lot of weed and there's a weed dealer bought like a hundred and twenty gallon fish tank It was just like buy a shit and he bought an eel.

He bought, I have no, that could be a cereal bowl, that could be it, okay. It's like this long as long as the thing and like about that high. Oh like a medium drug dealer size. Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah, you know, if you saw this fish tank, you know, it's not the scar face,

but it's, if you saw it, you'd be like, damn, all right. You move some weight. But one morning I was going to the kitchen and on the ground was just you'd be like, damn, all right, you move some weight. But one morning, I was going to the kitchen, and on the ground was just a dead eel. I just out of it, and I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, this is not having pop around when you were younger.

And my step-pop, not really being that guy, is I have no, like, wooded, like, I, by the way, I think I could possibly, like, hunt. Yeah. But when I was dead, I'm like, all right, I think I could possibly hunt. But when I was dead, I'm like, all right, let the nature sort that out, I guess. And they go, no, we gotta go get it and touch it. I go, oh, I am not touching it.

It's all your race. When you're ready, you're not. I did the cool part. Yeah, I mean, I won't take a fish off a hook. By the way, I don't want to touch a dead fish. I forgot about the live fish. I hate to interrupt, but I forgot about this, and this is a huge memory. In college, my friend had Oscars, do you know what those are?

Yeah, Oscar fish. Yeah, they're like the meanest fish. The sicklets. Yeah. And they, so I came home. That's what we had, dude. A real drunk one night in college, and it was pitch black in the house, and I think the lights weren't working or something like that.

And I walk across the house in the house and I think the lights weren't working or something like that. And I walk across the house in the dark. I had taken my, we always took our shoes off and I literally, one of them had jumped out of the tank and we had been laying on the middle of the carpet in the dark and I barefoot stepped on a full size Oscar. And it was the slimyest. No, they're so tough dude. It didn't even change its body.

Like it just, it was like a rock. How big are they? This one was like, you know, like a large rat. So I was like, that's what I hate when they have that stoop, that, that pudd mouth, they always have that. Yeah, we had a giant, giant, giant one. I can remember, I can recall with my left foot exactly that sense memory of the slimy fish by surprise under your foot.

Oh, nothing feels like that. Like there's not another thing. You're not like, hey, was that this other thing? No, that was a fish. We had a giant orange Oscar that had a chunk taken out by another sicklet. Yeah. It grew to be the biggest fish in the tank. And you would put a mirror would buy a new fish, some sicklets grew to be the biggest fish in the tank. And you would put, I mean, you would buy a new fish, some sickle or what other, put it in the tank. And sometimes the more sickle it's, what is that?

He's a scientist. It's a type of a fish. Okay. He's from Colorado. So, well, no, they're actually African. No, it's like you're from Colorado. But you know that African fish is from Colorado. No, I know because I lived with a fucking drug dealer.

A drug dealer who was dumb and from Long Island. Oh, a sickle. Oh, the Secleth. Yeah, he'd be like, yeah, I was like, yeah, how's the Oscar? Yeah, the Oscar's made big, right? He's like, yeah, fucks up other fish. He'd buy a coy fish. And be like, yeah, I bet this coy fish is going to be gone in the morning.

He was an idiot. What? Well, what you mean, a random fish? I didn't finish the thing before when I first started getting caught. Good luck fish. Yeah. Well, my first update in car. Those her mom had the fish and she had a bunch of Chihuahua's and which were fine. I think one bigger dog and a fucking parrot that she just

let fly around the house when you did when you first brought this up as good go well she's Latin was it a bird yes I was just gonna I'm big, I mean a big fucking parrot. What? And this thing in she goes, which she lived at fucking, it sounds like Ace Venture is apartment. Yeah, dude. Hello, my friend.

So, her mom's so Colombian, her mom will be like, she goes, oh no, he's nice, he doesn't know. What if you were a bird, but you went to being a cage? Cause I think I'm, hey nice to meet you for the first time. And also like, is it cool to have these birds out? I don't even tell you how to live.

But like, your house seems like not friendly first, get company. Yeah, you walk in it's just like, squawk. And they go, the bird never bothers anybody. The bird just kind of sits there and it goes up to this and then I kind of just stays around its cage. And I'm like, all right.

And then Carla, her mom was like, you know, not around. And then Carla goes, yeah, I'm just gonna go, change or something. And it was just me in the living room. With the bird. With the bird. And the bird was like, right next to the TV. And I was like, look at the TV and look at it.

And I just see the birds, like, the bird never stops looking at me. Directly at me. And I started looking at that, I looked over to once. And then we just look at each other for like 20 seconds. And he just go, there's no need to be so. And it goes and when Carla when Carla comes in I was screaming on my hands and knees on the floor And I just did a loop

She goes oh my god, I go it came right at you. She's like he likes you The bird doesn't ever ever go towards people I go Directly for my fucking face and I want to leave Wow, and I went outside and I I fucked your thighs in front of her mom's house And I left that's how you but that's how you win, but that's how you win dog The fucking bird No, no, no, and it came it just like sort like it didn't flap the wings. It just like soared towards it. It was so scary. Yeah.

Y'all, Mr. Bird, you better watch out. Yo, who are you looking at? Dude, that's terrifying. I would be terrified. Yeah, dude. Totally. I can't believe you're still able to hook up with somebody in the same day.

I would have been like, I gotta work this out. She go, why are your pants all wet? There we go. I should be going. I should go. I should really go. Did you say you fucked Carlos thighs? Yeah, that's not the point. Oh, Christine. Oh you in semantics. Yeah Yeah, it was like a standing HJ with thighs. Wow. She's wearing a skirt. All right Dude, and then you busted it out. You're like, I don't even think I did I escaped danger. I meanal big I did I don't think I did how could you after an experience like that? Yeah, I was still fraught

You know it's way every time we got close you'd hear The window and the pants just sitting at the window looking yeah, I go it's not your thighs It's the bird thing still her mom her mom's watching you with her third eye the whole time What in the hex on you Her mom's watching you with her third eye the whole time Because like birds don't ever do that and then he's behind her going, he's like, wink at me. He's a little burnt on your ass. First day of the day. First day of the day. She's a liar. We got to take our first break.

Yeah, take our first break. Where's the first person? Ever? There's some commercials. Did you get those videos? Did Jacob, did you get those video to Christine? Yeah. You did?

We got a fun thing for you when we come back, Julian. OK. Are we breaking down the news? Yeah. Breaking down current events, dude. Are we breaking down the news? Yeah, we're bringing that current event, dude. What you think about economics? Uh-oh. Very expensive.

Julian McCullough hanging out, we'll be right back. It's the bonfire. Hey guys, thanks for listening to the podcast. And always remember, you can go to seriousexm.com slash bonfire for a special offer to hear us on the actual radio as well. for a special offer to hear us on the actual radio as well.