The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Getting Tased with Dave Temple

Episode Date: August 28, 2025

Dave Temple co-hosts for Bobby and will be performing at The Stress Factory in New Jersey this weekend with Big Jay. | Jay continues to have a burning desire to be a part of a synchronized dance performance. | Both guys are from Philly, but Dave doesn't know about Philadelphia's most famous pedophile. | Jay uses the Citizen App to see what crimes are happening in his neighborhood. | They watch a woman hilariously get tased on body cam footage. | There is a major racial oversight in the movie "A Bronx Tale." For all Dave Temple's tour dates go to @Iamdavetemple on all socials. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Did I tell you yet about Stephen Flo, the wrestler? Yeah, I know about him. Oh, you already knew about him? Everybody keeps hitting me with that guy. Oh, really? But you've, I never talked to you about it yet? I think you have... We saw him wrestle just this weekend, so if it's not that.

Oh, okay. He wrestled a J.C.W. wrestling, and his walkout song, you've heard it? It's got to be even flow, right? It's even flow, so it's a wrestler by the name of Stephen Flo. and he comes out dressed in full grunge she's got like long hair and he comes out to a parody version of even flow but it just says Stephen flow but the core the verses are so funny he just goes Steven Steven Steven Steven Steven Steven Steven Steven Steven oh we laughed but I was in a lot of Noss balloons it's the bonfire faction talk series XM 103 I'm big

Jay Okerson the great Robert Kelly is off New Hampshire probably at this point doing something making sure his son's not gay with masculine activities keeping him out of that Louis Gomez fear of musical theater for your boy karate and musical theater the most balanced child ever

Lewis J. Gomez's son sitting in Bobby's seat you could check out his podcast, no need for apologies that he does with Derek Gaines on Gas Digital Network and available wherever you listen it is the hilarious

great Dave Temple in the house What up, what up, what up? Thanks for coming in, dude. Thanks for having me, man, yeah. We're going to say a lot of each other, man. We'll spend the weekend together. It's right. We are.

We're doing the stress factory together, everybody. So if you're in Jersey and you don't like black comedians, stay away from the show. If you like me, you have to like my black friends also. I'm talking to you, skanks, fans. If you like me, you have to like my black friends. It's funny, though, with the audio, how long it took from them to figure out I was black. Is this guy black? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I get that all the time. Oh, bring out Stephen Flo's entrance. This made me laugh so hard. So what's the thing? Does he, you know, mosh around? He just comes out looking like a guy who is in a pearl jam. That's it. Is the guitar a weapon, at least? Maybe, maybe sometimes.

He got his ass kicked super quick. Yeah, he doesn't look like, you know. It's just like a skinny guy. Yeah, here you're right here to seemer, steamer, seeer, seeer, that's a good friend that recorded that for him. Man, that juggalo wrestling at the gathering of juggalo's, is violent. Not only do you,

it's the only wrestling I've seen. I've been to ECW when it was a thing back in the day in Philly. And they used to throw shit at the ring and there's the famous where they said don't throw chairs into the ring. Yeah. And everybody threw their chairs.

It's one of the coolest videos ever. Yeah. But the gathering of the jugglers, that was like at the end of the match when they were in the middle of the ring talking shit with the chairs or whatever, that that happened. While these guys are wrestling,

you could have a full Renaissance Fair turkey leg thrown in your face I mean they just people just go into the trash cans and just pick up the first thing they can find and just zinging at the stage

one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life felt terrible but it was funny some Jerkoff guy kept reaching in the trash pulling out like a bottle of something that's got something

in it and just zinging it at the wrestling ring and sometimes hitting the guys sometimes not hitting the guys and all that was noticeable which is always noticeable to gathering of the jugglers when you look through the smoke and see one really pretty fantastic person.

Just in the sea of... Yes, and there was a girl who, I mean, she just looked like she was probably one of the best-looking girls there against the gate to the wrestling, you know, to the wrestling, right? What do you call it? Like the barrier? She was right against the barrier. And just like, I don't know if she was one of the wrestlers or his girlfriend.

She didn't seem like she was super into it, but she was there holding her place. And this guy who kept throwing stuff out. out of the trash. He just picked at one point like a bottle of water like this, like a fucking 14 inch bottle of water that had something in it and just zings it

and just lost it on the throw and I mean peg this girl right directly in the side of the I mean she could have been looking to the side more at that time to be like hey and I mean just caught the whole thing and I don't know what it is

that the equilibrium of the world that I feel even though I feel bad of just whenever a gorgeous girl is humiliated I don't know why it brings me such immediate happiness for a minute Because you know it can't be there forever, dude. I saw it last night.

I was coming out of the train to go through a spot. And as I'm walking out, it's like this vagrant woman, you know, homeless with the big ankles all swollen up. But she's struggling to get up the steps. So, you know, you got to go around and get this. And as I'm approaching, her sweatpants are, like, falling off to reveal two of the biggest, most delicious ass cheeks. I mean, just, like, old school running track ass. I didn't see this going positive. And she had, like, a tramp stamp.

you know, the old-school print. So it's like, oh, this girl used to be like a bombshell, and she was probably a good time. Got away from her. Right, right. And then you realize, oh, this is what happens, the hose. Like, you know, like the real fun ones, the real fun ones? Yeah, by the time they're 40, 50, they just die in a subway in Times Square.

Well, they were so fun at one point. They also became, like, the late-night eating with someone they love. Man, this chick's great. She was ordered pizza with me at 3 a.m. She eats as many pieces as I do. This girl's great Well any I mean I had when I was

On that Yeagermeister music tour I always tell that story of the The Yeager Meister girls came on the bus Afterwards with the producer guys With the guys that worked in production And Alpredy One of the girls asked to use the bathroom Only person who went to the bathroom

We were there And then like 45 minutes later Or something When the bus driver shows up He just comes in the bus And he goes Who took a shit in the back Because you can't shit on toilet

buses and it was just so obviously this smoking hot chick and it just evens everything out because you can see her face like she just shrivels and you're like ah ha things have never been bad for you look at this look at me now this fat guy knows you just took a dump on my bus right right we haven't seen an episode of family guy where they go to the cabin and immediately they discover the shit and then trying to figure out who it was yeah yeah yeah and it was lois and lois is like peter i need you to take the fall from me like i can't come back from this It's just, I mean, anything like that. They, there was a gathering jugglers.

They beat up a person they just decided was a pedophile and just beat the living shit out of them. That is the go. That is the go word right there. Like, that is legit reason to pound someone. I was just at the DMV in Philly, and I had to talk to some goofball that sat next to me, and he brought that up, like, yeah, man,

you know, fucking pedophile. You want to beat their fucking face in. And I'm kind of messing with him. I'm like, you know, some people just want to beat faces in like there's not even there's not a pedophile in sight and you're getting yourself worked up well I don't know what it is

maybe someone doesn't have enough going on their own life or whatever and like by the way a noble cause to go off like I'm going to go stop pedophiles for sure but to have like a visceral reaction to the concept of just makes me think you got pedophiles when you were younger when someone gets like that I was on some podcast somewhere

was the drink I forget what the fuck it was called these guys it was in the middle of nowhere But it's like a popular show And the guy on the air Was like you know Show me he carries a gun He was like To something about

I was like how I watched The pedophile hunts He's like I couldn't do that man I'd put a fucking bull in the middle Every one of their heads And I was like Well most of them are retarded people

Who have been roped into this So don't just go shooting Willie Nilly You're gonna get trouble for shooting a retarded guy That people Bullied into coming the fuck A 14 year old Because he doesn't know any better

You open my world up to that When we went to Indianapolis Or Indiana And there were people there that were like front row Courtney Elizabeth dude she's wild well this was a guy

remember there was a guy up front who had a hat with a revolver on it like the picture but it said death to all pedophiles I'm like what's going on here the guy he went like yeah it's my merch and then like even after the show

he that came up and explained himself and he does a pedophile hunts he's like yeah if you want you can come along with me tomorrow you know what I'll I'll go like he was ready to go home and get on the computer tonight and rouse someone up.

What's why I say, it's so funny, like, the amount of, like, police effort that goes into a long-term sting operation to catch a pedophile, just to, like, triangulate where he might be in the tri-state area and get him, and what could his real name possibly be, and how do we, you know, reverse engineer, like, finding his name through his weird handles and encrypted, whatever. And meanwhile, Courtney Elizabeth can just go, oh, that guy flaked, he didn't show up. hey I'm 14 and so horny and bring bring bring bring Jesus Christ dude that's the most discouraging thing of all of it that it's like it is that easy

the way the police do it makes you seem like they're catching the town pedophile like the town pedophile every fourth house has one of these motherfuckers what's happened is that I mean look again it's that thing of like you're just easier to be caught nowadays but I mean the Philadelphia

Uncle Eddie everyone knew Uncle Eddie It's not that there wasn't other pedophiles in town or whatever. It was just like they seemed so few and far between. You knew the guy who was like the town pariah for that. That's how I was when I was a kid. I never forget my first weekend ever to go visit my dad in his house. My dad lived in West Oakland, right? So it comes to pick me up from Southwest Philly, takes me to West Oak Lane.

He had a duplex. His sister and my cousin are living downstairs. Great. So I have a guide to take me outside, introduce me to all the other kids. And I lie to you not. Their first order of business. We're standing in a, all right, usually we play between that driveway and that driveway. Don't go near that house because he's a pedophile.

And it's like, there was a dude just like in that basement window, you know, next to the staircase. And he's just out, he's just looking at us, right? I never went to the house. I never got molested. I don't even know whether that's true, but I went off of that fact. You should have. You should just live your life by like, you know what? I'm going to err on the side of caution and just not go to his house.

No, there was that. It was like, when you were a kid, it wasn't like, hey, we're. taking down, you know, Freddy Kruger style, we're going to burn up and kill the town pedophile. It was just like, hey, if you see this brown and Paula with, like, you know, pinstripes on it, don't get in it. Yeah, like, that guy's looking for kids.

Yeah, yeah. And everyone knows about that, but he's never stopped. Uncle Eddie, I believe, even went down for, like, fucking tack shit. Okay, I'm not familiar with Uncle Eddie. I don't know who Uncle Eddie is. I'm a little older than you, and that's what it was. When I was a kid, they were like in West Philly, this guy would come, and the big thing was that he buys,

he tries to buy your underwear off of you. Wow. And they were saying money to a kid, he'll give like 50 bucks for your underwear. And I was just like bummed out. I was like, where is this motherfucker? I'll fucking give my goddamn underwear. I got a few pairs of underwear.

I could part with three. $150? That's wealthy to a fucking eight-year-old who walks to school every day. Right? That's a down payment on a mongoose. Are you kidding me? I don't know if I would have even been, like, frazzled by the situation.

50 bucks for your underwear, I go. Yeah. Do I have to take them off right here? I have a key to my... Hey, follow me in my house. I have a key. Hey, I have a key on a shoelace around my neck. If you want to come back to my place, make this more convenient for you.

I was ripe for the picking. I was a latch key kid. Man, I was so... I would have been so easy to fuck. You could take me to wrestling and just pull your wiener out. I guess they also knew not to go to certain neighborhoods. These kids were no good. Like, it's like, we'll all say yes, but it's not going to be what you want, you know?

I heard that if you're looking for a house and you actually look in the registered pedophile offenders, you'll never, you won't be able to buy a house anywhere. Oh, anything you pop, anywhere you're looking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave, you could have you come over here and type in your address. I got mine in the Citizens app. I paid for it because they got me. The one day I looked, and I'm like, man, there's no activity where I'm at in Jersey, because it's in Jersey and a neighbor. And I'm like, damn, I missed turning the citizens app on, though, I'm being like, oh, my God, someone just got murdered two blocks away.

Man, I don't need that. The excitement of that, though, is gone. So I was like, well, what is going on in my town? And then it goes, see your local pedophiles, but you have to pay for the app or they're blurry pictures. And they just got me. I was like, I'm paying for the app. I have to see who it is. And these guys are not good people.

Surprise, surprise. Anybody that you see, like, on the block or anything like that? No, but, like, they tell you, like, the disc, they give you their actual. address and the distance see my wife and I we sit out front like we're on a front stoop smoking every day like if we had that app it'd be a problem like I got obsessed you guys are that app I know I think we they probably think we are Mrs. Johnson's across the street bitching again incident only minorities on our block if I'm not mistaken but I got obsessed with this uh one girl that's why I know I don't need it I sent you that I sent you that long group of videos that I sent

your body cam videos and it was the white girl who was just yeah man and it's like that's what i do now i watch body cams in my neighborhood and man it's a lot going on it's a whole other world going on you know and you know what else i love to do i love to look on my calendar to see where i was when these things happen you know what i mean yes it's always like oh wow i just missed that i went into the city to go do spots and then like well how about the craziest one i mean we left here two weeks ago while we were on air the guy was fucking shooting up the football NFL thing. Oh shit, you guys

were on the air while it was happening. Wow, yeah. 51st and 6th. Yeah. Or fifth, right? Fifty first and fifth and over in Park, right? It was kind of all around that area. But I mean, like, it's like... Okay, this may sound crazy. I don't fear that kind of stuff anymore when it happens in New York. Like, people used to check on me when stuff would happen. Oh, my God, they're shooting on the train or the Senate of there. And I've been saying this for a while, like the kid from a home alone. I'm not that lucky.

I have too much responsibility to, it's not just going to end that way for me, you know what I mean? It's too much to take care of. Right, right. Like, I would love to get randomly shot on the F-Tran. Are you kidding me? Who else is going to pay all of this money with no return?

Right. Oh, no. Oh, no, bills, bills, bills? Oh, shit, all right, please don't kill me, sir. Yeah, that's pretty well. But I, when I watch the body cam videos, the satisfaction those videos give me is I feel the pain in those videos

of everybody who's driving by because I feel like I have so much of that in my life is the driving by a thing happening and you're like, oh, but oh, I have to keep driving. You can't pull over and get out to watch. Yeah, man. So, like, seeing all that stuff has been just fucking great.

Brian, I got hot, I made it uncomfortable. It's a sleeveless summer for Dave. Dude, he looks fantastic. I've been cutting the shirts off of the sleeves off of everything. It looks like you're about the service. Absolutely, right? Like, fuck it's like, oh, you know what? Clear the floor.

I'm about to do flips. I don't know what's happening. I feel like I'm aging backwards. Yo, who brought Omari on to the studio? Yeah, that dude looked like a birthday. Is that Omarion serving my ass right here? I don't even notice. Speaking of, that dude is in so many Tooby movies, man.

Omarion, you've got to do something. He, I will tell you, I have a unnatural. for my race, age, interests, abilities. It's amazing how much I love the film you got served. I mean, if it's on, if it's on a TV show, if I catch it on a channel, I'm leaving it on. I know exactly the dances I like the most. Oh, they do the Three Stooges thing where they're like being like little floppy things.

I'm like, I want to do that with my friends. Oh, my God. Why will my friends work on a choreograph dancer team with me? I've brought it up as a joke on every show I've ever done broadcasting over the 14 years I've been broadcasting. I go, we should all learn like a choreographed dance. Like, wouldn't that be fucking hilarious and stupid? I'm not learning a dance. I go, yeah, the idea sucks.

Come on, these guys were killed. Christine, don't waste time in the preliminary rounds. Get to the fucking battle. Little Kim's titties are out. Steve Harvey's there for some reason. Steve Harvey's got on a, uh, color sweatsuit. Come on, play. You got to get out there and dance with your boys.

I don't want that These kids got guns And they book bags But Steve Harvey Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey Hey Keep it on the dance folk Gotta keep it on the lowly

Young player Is the guy from Finding Neverland in this I don't know But I will tell you this They also showcased a lot of white dancers Which made me think it was possible That's him

He's a judge with Lil' Kim All right Christine I know you've cataloged every single White Dancer in your life There are a lot of white dancers It's like, yeah. It's a different time. But they really do, they do that, I think, only to show you how easy it is for O'Marian

and the kid from Immature to beat them. Yeah, yeah. Marquise Houston. Which, there's no way he didn't get molested, right? Which one? Marcus Houston? Too adorable. I'd say all three of them done it.

I mean, even when he started off at Immature. And I'm going to point a finger right now, unjustified. Michael Bivens. Ricky Bell and Michael Bivens did something terrible to immature. You heard it here first. I remember I was young, so I didn't fully understand what immature was. Oh, hey, nice pant makeup on the Adidas pants. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We wonder where you got that from. Probably from this film right here. And the fresh white Air Force ones. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, Jay, you still dressed like this to go on stage. Yes. If I could only spin on my head. Also, I believe I could spin on my head, Jacob, if I believed I could.

The only reason I can't do it is because I don't believe I could. Chrissy, I have shows to do. My hair's done. If I was wearing a hat, though, I'd give it a shot right now. Too many white guys. Yeah. You need one of those... This is also the Scullies with the slight brim.

Mm-hmm. I've been working on... Last night, I did a little in-house work on my born-na-hand-jive dance from Travolta, Lou, you'd be happy to know. Yeah. And I will tell you, a dance routine in a movie, even all of these right here. It's the... Oh, they're doing this is it. This is the part I love.

He's a bicycle Could you imagine seeing these guys Like in the Bronx practicing this? They do the silly guy things That's almost my point though Yeah Is that it's the sum of its parts When it's all done together

Because dance moves Way early in comedy Christine Stop is gonna keep distracting me Way early in comedy At the Laugh house Some guy caught me afterwards And at the time You would do anything somebody wanted you to do

That was like Oh this I'm an entertainment yeah some guy wanted me to be in a video for i think it was like a local rapper or something like that and like i don't know why he chose me for this because he didn't have me doing anything in it that was like comical or funny but i went to two only two rehearsals of real like dance studio with a bar on the thing okay to do dance moves and it was two times in where i was like this feels weird it wasn't that when it was all put together to be fine but even watching that john travolta scene last night bring up that bore in the hand jive it all

look cool when I was a kid just the way he's like moving but these at the end of day he's really he's really doing this yeah it's like really and all dancing all dancing at on its own you look stupid as shit by yourself yeah I mean look what he's doing yeah but when I was a kid I was just like Travolta's killing it Christine get to where he kills it kills it you would try to dance like him or one of the extras excuse me Lou okay no one tastes like an extra I bet who tries to blue oh oh that's easy doing the lasso. Look at this cowboy. Oh, yeah? Is it easy, Lou? Could you do it?

Holy shit. You don't think Lou's practice this? It's his favorite movie. I bet Lou knows every word and every dance. Yeah, this scene, by the way, the born-in-hand drive scene, when I watch it, do you remember this scene? Yes, I do. But I'm also recognizing that dance. There's a trend

that's happening now with Connecticut TikTokers. They're doing a move like this, where it's like the last thing, it's this, but they change that move. It's the last thing you see before you slime in rocked you know

rock it's a weird trend they're doing I don't know this scene falls the weird pieces for me

they were a competing team of dancers his friend just rips her away and throws this 40 year old

Latino chick from another school and then by the way he's so he's like hey where do

my long time love go who I've been working so difficult to get into my life

are you know what I'm going tea bag this fucking old Hispanic lady for a second. Get the trophy and then I'll circle back with her. Right, right. I got caught up in the moment, man. He's outside, still out of breath. He's like, why'd you leave? We won.

What do you? You took off so fast. We took the thing. Everybody's old in this movie, but she really is like 50. Yeah. I said it forth. I'll say it again. First concert I ever went to. Sean-ana, the band playing in this scene because my mom wanted to fuck, Chico.

Christine couldn't believe that Sean and I was a show I had to her Had to But even I said I watch him He's still not even checking for his girl He's so into this shit Oh he's way past that He just wants to win

Tell you what Go back Christine Go back 10 seconds If I could do this split move right here And pop back up I'd quit comedy tomorrow I'd just split around the world Yes Right here

Come on, it's a big deal Oh, you could tell him from the 90s. That was a big deal. Kid and play splits? Yeah. And going to a party where they would give you the space to split, you know? I always thought Sandy overreacted because she left so soon, but then he totally gets into it.

Yeah. He does completely forget about it. I'll tell you what. But that's also a chick move on her part. I'm going to leave the room to see how long it takes you to notice. Yeah, but sometimes fate deals you to the right hand because if she walked out when he still seemed confused by what was happening. And then she was like, I'm leaving.

Thank God. They would have never got back together. There was no camera phones back in the fucking 50s. They were totally fine because she's going to hear her so goes, I don't know, I looked for you, but there were so many people dancing around, I couldn't find you. If she would have stayed five more seconds, it would have been like, ah, fuck her. Just fucking dry, humping some fucking goofy abuela. My name's Chacha, by the way.

There was no honor. No honor with these chicks. with these gangs, by the way. That was Craterface's girlfriend. Craterface then went with Rizzo, who was mad at Kinniki. Kinniki's just fucking... Oh, he was fucking Crater Faces, girl.

And then she leaves him to go with Danny Zuko. Would you believe until I was my mid-teens? I didn't even know the song, Grease Lightning existed, because I always watched Greece on a tape my grandfather recorded for me off of TV, and the song says tit and shit, and they don't have the song in the TV version.

Didn't even know it was a song on the soundtrack So I was probably like an early teenager They found like a full version of the movie Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, someone had on VHS or something You're watching for it. I was like, grease, like, I'm like, Where was this scene?

That was also, they say shit and tit, that would have made much whole childhood better. That's funny, your childhood was like mine too Where it was like for some reason We were watching a lot of movies Just taped off of television. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah, a lot of times you see it

My grandfather was great. He had a VHS with a thing he bought for it That was like a cord, a long cord that could basically pause and unpause. You know, you'd do on the radio. You just unpause your recording, let us start recording. He just had that so you could sit there

and watch TV movies and then push a button and it would stop recording. So all the movies we'd watch at some point would, like, fade to black and then be like, Bitt! You'd pop back on it was like in the back on the movie again. My grandmother used to do that.

She would just sit there and just edit it. But she would do it because she would get all the movies. That was her thing. I want them all for free, you know? Yeah. And he's, his whole collection was a lot of made for TV movies, but I never saw Greased Lightning ever. Greece. That's crazy. It's like one of the main parts of the movie.

Yeah. Yeah. It's huge. It's not like not a part of your memory of it from childhood. I just fell asleep to this movie like Thursday, I want to say. What a strange time, too. This is a time when you were only presented white people so much that even black women had to have crushes on white guys. Oh, yeah. Black teenagers of these times had crushes on white people just like anybody else because that's all you were given. My mom, to this day, I know about Frank Sinatra because my mom was such a huge fan. Frank Sinatra and you're like What Italian took you out one summer?

You go to Black Grandma's house and she has a Kenny Rogers picture on the wall? That was the time I met Kenny Rogers. What the fuck were you doing it at Kenny Rogers' concert? My daughter's like that now. My youngest daughter, she watched a Bronx tale

and she has a crush on young Collosuro to this day. Because he was willing to fucking go for it. Yeah, yeah. I also didn't realize how like uniform the Italians were. When you watch that movie and he's wearing the same outfit as Rocky like in the high school

He's in New York And he has the same stupid leather hat In the leather jacket Yeah, just bouncing a fucking A racquetball It really is his dumb look Right And they're all just aggressive and rapy

Yeah, you make a suck your dick And when the truck is looking You make a suck it and if she does it willingly she's a piece of shit oh god man yeah this weird little hats

good movie though but yeah that was by the way that is it's one of my favorite songs too nights and white sat and that's the funny that song's playing while they're beating the shit

out of her brother and he's like stay down he's like I'm not gonna actually defend you but like pretend I kicked your ass which all right

even as a black man I was on collodado side and he's like yo fuck you you fucking nigga. I tried to help you you, you fucking piece of shit. You know what you're doing. But it is funny that it went that way, and again, there's no camera

phones around, so she comes back at the end of the movie after she's mad, and she goes, my brother told me what you did, he goes, your brother's cool, because he lied for you. You should still be mad about how it went down. My brother told me you tried to help him, he goes, no, he definitely still yelled the N-word, though.

That is a weird thing that she overlooked It's like within a few hours. It's just like, all right, yeah, we're going to start our relationship, but I know you have that in you. Yeah. That came out really quick. Sure, I hope you'll get frustrated at my family's Thanksgiving. Because it's going to be all of them.

Oh, God. This guy, you know, Colosiro ended up just having a horrible actual life. Yeah. Like a major criminal. He's involved in a murder or something. When I'm watching him, when I watch the movie over again with my daughter, you can see with this speech pattern. This guy's a meathead.

Like, he's... He's like a little bit autistic, and they just caught him at a good time where it works. He's good-looking. He's dumb as shit. Yeah, he's got quirky eyes. You know what I mean? You remember quirky from Life Goes On? He's got the same, you know, empty look in his eyes.

He does. He's also in the Sopranos, and he's playing a dumb Italian also. Yeah, he does good at that. He does real good at dumbass. But yeah, his real wife is involved in a... But you can see, there's so many celebrities. Chrissy, look at a list of celebrities who are involved in, like, violent crimes.

It's always somebody stupid who was just like... Hey, you see those eyes? You can't tell me that guy doesn't look like Colodoro? Damn. Is that Corny now? That's corky. But that, come on, that could easily be Colodoro. It looks disturbingly like Colosro.

I wish somebody could superimpose a fucking Rocky hat on him right now. Oh, corky aged bad. Who saw that coming? I thought he was going to age like Brad Pitt. It's always stupid celebrities who... It's the Ja-Morant thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a guy, it's like, you could be sitting on top of the world with all the money and pussy and whatever you want.

And then someone's like, you're a pussy, dude. You're not street anymore. And they're like, I'll go rob a store with you right now. Right now. Yeah. Just to prove you're still from the street? I'm not going to lie. I was victim to that.

I still had that. That's why I had to cut all ties. Like, I don't even really go. Like, if I go to Philly, I don't even leave downtown anymore. The braggadocious nature, we all did. The braggastodosious nature. These are all things that are so funny. And listen, you are the sum of, like, you know, who you are.

Like, everything that happened in your life makes you who you are. But, like, so much time in my life where I'd have been like, no, I like that we were broke growing up. It gave me character and made my family work hard together. He goes, nah, I would have been okay if I had, like, a little choo-choo train that came through my entire house, like Silver Spoons. Who gives a fuck? In hindsight, you only live once, man.

That'd be awesome. You grow wealthy and rich. Yeah. But when you're young, you're like, these rich pussies don't even know what it's like, I'm fine with that. Right. There's a kid in my neighborhood now who he's always zipping by on, he's got like one of those motorized scooters, but he's always on a scooter. He's like nine or ten. He's on a scooter, on his cell phone. He's always got like the late, every colorway of Jordans and the like flyest outfits. And he's like, nine or ten. And I'm like, yeah, fuck it. That kid's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah. I'm doing all right. Hang out with him a little bit. Like, where are you going? He's like, stuff, Dave. Got a couple bitches swinging around over to park. Yeah.

that's fantastic do you find a list christina of major I mean there was violent crimes yeah here look OJ Simpson obviously Phil Specter for sure

Danny Masterson oh I guess rape is a violent crime I was thinking of murder I don't know why that really went past me I go by the way

when I saw his name I was like Danny Manston he just raped two chicks oh that's violent oh that is violent Sid Vicious Don King like the boxing promoter

Don King yeah I always forget Sid Vicious wasn't a murder suicide. I don't know why I always thought that was a murder suicide in the hotel room. He just killed her. He woke up out of a heroin haze and she was dead. Dude, Mark Wahlberg wakes up every day at 3 in the morning to do his first of seven workouts of the day,

trying to run away from the idea that he went to prison for just beating up two little Vietnamese people. He sucks. Causing permanent blindness in one eye for one of them. Good. That's crazy. They only got 45 days for that. Yeah. Those Asian guys now need good vibrations because they can't see anything.

They operate completely off vibration. Was he already Marky Mark when he did the beating? No. He went to jail for 45 days, got out, and his brother produced him. Me and him, Marky Mark? Yeah. Yeah. It is funny they talk about it, too, like, hitting two white guys from the 80s talking about.

He goes, my brother was a better rapper than me. Both of you were terrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone was awful at it. But Mark Wahlberg reinvented himself as the thing. But I hate the... I hate the unexplainable

like personality change without even like having any reflective on your look back like he's just such a guy now comes down and goes don't make jokes about a woman

and don't do you know what I mean like he's so like moral high ground and everything it's like you punched a guy to blindness you were a kid

but like relax dude relax Sean Penn that's right he beat up Madonna wow we just let that go huh

Madonna that really is testament to how annoying Madonna's been through her career that it's like someone had the pop or one.

Who? It's the same thing with... Someone had to give her a pop. It's the same thing with Holly Barry. She's fine as shit, but everyone has put their hands on her. Everyone. Like, everybody? And people with careers that had shit to lose.

You know what I mean? Like, you should never hit a woman, but she shouldn't date. No men should be allowed near her. Right. Like, I was like, you can't tell me I'm not allowed to fight, and then put me in a room with all of my enemies. That's so funny. Every guy.

Guys is like, David Justice. That guy was America's sweetheart. Right. Even he had to put the screws to her. Chris Brown, everyone just let that go. That must be a testament to how annoying Rihanna must have been because my daughter was trying to get Chris Brown tickets right down to the wire. I met life.

And I'm like, I go, you've forgiven him and stuff? She was like, I didn't go to jail for it. I'm like, I guess that's true. I mean, I'm kind of on that side, yeah. Because he hasn't done it to anyone else. You know what I mean? There might have been a freak thing Because that's like the girl

Remember Michelle Lee? He's playing the God He's praying the God That fucking A-Sap Rocky Just fucking kicks her in the ribs once Yeah, yeah You see? So we can come out first thing

Chris Brown says See? You see what I mean? A-Sap Rocky was not available for me He beat the hell out of her Yeah, he'd be the hell out of her But see, that's the other

thing, too, if you see this concert footage of, like, you realize, like, he's way stronger than he looks. Like, I mean, he is, like, ninja strong. This guy is doing, like, one-leg flips, landing in a push-up, and then jumping back up, like, yeah, and he's been doing that shit since he was like 17.

Theoretically, Rihanna just got served, but served a lot. She didn't know when to tap on that serving, you know what I mean? Sweet, sweet chin music. Yeah, the first hours of that beating were mostly just almost hitting her with doing crazy flips, like subway performers.

if you would have stood still it'd have been fine man people let fucking domestic violence go quick huh they always have some kind of sub thing in their life though where there's somebody coming at that but here's the thing you see a lot of body cam videos now

where people call like the amount of body cam videos I see now where women call for domestic violence and then end up getting arrested themselves because like the cops are there and everyone has ring cameras and all kinds of stuff like that no no no no no you like that shit's not flying anymore So, who knows how much of this shit was legit? I don't, did you ever see the best body cam when I saw recently?

I saw it a while ago and I rewatched it. It is great. It popped back up again. It's all such white, trashy people. It's some super skinny, long hair, mohawk guy who comes in and he goes, oh, man, it's crazy. My wife's in there. I came in, and she was just having sex with her son. And then her other son, who's got pink hair, is out there just freaking out.

And it's just, and then they have to stop. stopped the son who wasn't fucking her from beating the mom up on the ground. Jesus Christ. And also, I think we have had a conversation about this. What's great about body cam? I should start just making like picture and circling it on everything. One thing's for sure about when people end up on body cam. No one dressed for body cam that day.

Nobody dressed for being involved in a have to go to a police station for a... When there's someone just sitting, seeing like a fat lady saying there on a who farted shirt, having the answer real questions about her son who just shot people in a mall, he did no what a big Marvin the Martian shirt or something and like you know you ran over

that little girl back there she goes oh no would you guys mind if I get shoes to be that high out the house driving with fluffy slippers on is insane oh and there's something great though

a black mom or grandmother coming to pick up the grandkids or kids and just yelling at them in front of the cops is great when the kids are like attitude before the cops get there or before the grandmother gets there? Oh, I thought you meant like when they got to pick up the kids

because the mom is getting arrested Oh, no, no, no, no. They're like, is your grandmother? All right, she can come down, she'll be here, and then grandma gets on the scene and then it's like she's yelling at the ground. No, mom, hey, man, you need to calm down.

That's how you got in this situation to begin with. And they go, and you're going to take the kids back to your house, grandma? She's like, I ain't got no home. I'll sit with them. I got to be. to work at 430 that's grandma always has to be to work for a third shift you're fucking

family when they whenever they pull whenever they have to pull white kids out of terrible household situations oh yes those kids never want to leave i don't know what it is the little white kids they're always like are you taking my mom away and said yeah we're going to stop your father and mother from raping you and they're like but they love it mom it's hilarious she's fun what you But she always, yeah, she picked, let's be picked the movie every night we watch. Small price. Did you see the one where the woman did not, she didn't relinquish the kids to their dad at the proper time? And she just like went to her boyfriend's lake house.

And I guess these guys had a great attorney because the body cam is the cops on a boat sailing out into the lake where they are on the boat, like hand those kids over, right? and she was like, no, this is crazy, right? A lake exchange. Right. And like the boyfriend, whose boat it is, he's just on it. Like, even the cops are kind of getting, hey, you can say something if you want. Like, can you help us out? And, yeah, like, it's not a long video.

It's like eight minutes, but she gets tased. I feel like you've already dipped into the world. Well, I showed you the best white woman getting tased. And Christine, you know what it is. You can show him if Casey Hasson, the lady, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, Fat lady in the bathing suit? It's the beginning of the life train. Easy.

Fat woman tased hotel. It'll be the first thing. It's great. Thank God for keyword searches, right? But I will say this is a tasing that I've never seen someone's emotional turnaround in a heart because she's a problem. She's not letting them in the hotel room. Then she starts letting the hotel room and starts cursing it all of them.

That's not it. Oh, it is, but it's not good enough. I know it. It's fine. Pause right there. It's got the big melt knockers out too. This is great. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Buddy, I've put in hours of chatting up a girl who's looked worse than this. I'm not judging her. I'm saying when she comes in, she's off a rocker. They zip her. I mean, they three tasers they hit her with. And one taser, when you see someone get tased, and I've seen giant muscular guys to small women, fat people, whatever it is. The general reaction is they're either able to take it because it doesn't hit them right.

or it's a freeze no it's like a freeze up and they like drop because that's what it's supposed to do this lady almost like she's power like what was Jamie Fox's character

in the Spider-Man movie like it's juicing her up oh freeze yeah it's juicing her up so she's like it's one of the funniest things they're got because you play it And it's hard to hear it so many times. It's hard to hear. But how quickly in the YouTube video, that's a snippet, the YouTube video, how quickly she goes, my hands are behind my back, I'm sorry, that was crazy what I just did. You know what? She's like, and by the way, you look around her room and you can see, her room is very normal. She had a laptop set up. She's in a bathing. I think she's literally off meds. And that thing's that. And she was, and she was. He was like, because my doctor was gone before I came on this trip.

I wasn't able to get my meds. I have been a few days since I've taken them. And I'm so sorry. That was crazy. I should not have done that. She's so, and they're like, okay, man,

like she puts her own hands behind her back. I have a good job. I'm a normal person. This is not me. Like, I believe her. Yeah, I think that's what's happening in a lot of these things.

Because there's, I was watching one this morning of a nurse who was just stealing from Target before I headed to work. Like she had the white jacket with the shit on. And you go like, yeah, you must be a sleeper cell at this point. Like, what is it happening?

But I was saying you seem to have found the people getting, that's a whole genre in itself. The body can't people getting arrested on boats. When people are on boats, they really think that it is like laws don't apply. They really, they can't even believe they're going, well, we have a problem because on this boat, I see that there's 12-year-old kids drinking like, you know,

Mike's hard lemonade. And they're like, yeah, we're on a boat. Like, they don't seem to be suppressed. Okay. The open scene. Do you want one? They think as soon as you're in any water, it's international. Hey, honey, I'm going to go out in this dinghy and fucking murder you.

And they'll say, wait, wait, wait, wait. Did you kill your wife? I need to get my lawyer here. Like your lawyer is getting out on a boat on Saturday afternoon. You're not that connected. Hang on. The lawyer goes, honey, I got to go to work and then put zinc on his nose. Honey, I got to go see a client.

I'll be right back. Do you have my son umbrella? By the way, that was a thing that was, I thought, strange. For how little the juggaloes give a fuck about health, cleanliness, like being clean, shitting indoors, all these things they don't care about. And a surprising amount of sun umbrellas at the gathering of the juggalo's, just like it's a little hot. I don't want to get skin cancer. What's shitheads.

Yeah, the boat, the boat arrests are fucking fantastic. And I said they never, there was one, I'm trying to find, I don't know if you'll find this. steam but that's the bet the one of them was like a couple they were fighting over like i guess like cheating or something she was accusing him of cheating and it's just a funny guy any guy just understands this in general the cops were like uh they were fighting over this and they had to confiscate both of their phones and they were like sorry we need to take your phone he just throws in the ocean and he's like nah that's the joke i was making it say If you're dying on the ground, that's what I would be.

I'd go, throw my laptop in the ocean. Clear my search history and blow my laptop in the ocean. Oh, God. That's how I roll. Boat life. I've also never been, that was always the bummer that that cheaters episode, where you get stabbed. Stapped, yeah. Fake.

Was it? Yeah. Fuck. I think a lot of that's fake. Finding out that all those airplane freak out videos, 90% of them are fake as a bummer. And then what really makes me feel stupid is they go, you couldn't tell they were. fake and I'm like no it looks like somebody freaking out on an airplane and then all of the fake ones have like LED like light strips like across it's like Christmas lights is the way I'm like how the

fuck did I not notice that I'm so wrapped into this person having a moral argument about whatever yeah about putting your feet up on the seat or whatever I began to spot it because it was everyone was in first class or at least the spacing yeah yeah you don't get that much leg rim I fly a lot now it makes the ones hit like thunder when they are real yeah I've never had seen a freak out on an airplane in my life. You know what's funny? I've never even seen a major problem in an airport. For all the air, you'd think I would have seen some.

I've seen people like, myself being the person before, like arguing and like getting kind of like frustratingly loud, but like a real people need to come over. And those are, those are great body cam videos because those cops aren't really sure what their jurisdiction is either.

Right, right, right. They don't seem to know what they can do either. Yeah. I've seen they let people talk to them all kinds of ways. Yeah. The cops of the airport. And they're just sitting there, like waiting for backup and And they're usually at a gate that's so far down the terminal. The backup doesn't get there for a while. Some guys in their face going,

just tell me why me and my family was kicked off the plane, motherfucker. And he's like, we'll speak with you in a moment. 5-78. We need 1,000 more people here, please. I'm not allowed to you. I am worried that I might get there. Like, because I've been having a lot of flights, like, even last week, I took a red eye back from Phoenix, and I got to the airport hammer.

Like, I just got hammered at the Delta Lounge because there's a red eye. You know what I mean? You're going to fall asleep right away. It's great. a goal, but if I could imagine like after like six doubles of tequila, if I get to the gate and anything is not going

to the way I wanted to, like it could get bad. Like, because this happened to me recently, I didn't get upset about it, but I was just, I've been obsessing about it, even talking about it on stage, but I had a first class flight and the flight attendant was trans. And I just feel like

I don't have any problem with that, but for a first class ticket. Give the fucking trans to the people back in Jen Pop. I don't want you bringing over my fucking my grill lines, my confusingly grill lined chicken. When I can see your wiener through your skirt?

The thing, Jay, we're not talking about like Thai, lady boy, beautiful. No, we're talking about built, Ford American Tough. You know what I mean? Didn't even change their name enough, right? No. Her name's like Jefflin. Yeah, like Sean used to be a bodybuilder, okay? Like, Sean played

D-1 basketball, and now we're pretending Shannon is, you know, fine, but just... What's her name? Markifer? Markifer. Put some effort in, man. Fucking beard coming right, stumble right through the foundation. You know what I mean?

It's just like a state trooper with lipstick on at this point. You got to work it better, bitch. And my thing is, for $2,800 for that ticket, like, you know, I want to kind of flirt with the stewardess a little bit. You know, like, let me ask you this, though. What would you, would you rather have, um, uh, uh, this. It was like I say, it's a guy to woman transition. Would you rather have them wearing the male uniform and have just like a ponytail back?

And you can tell that like in downtime this thing really cuts loose. Or would you rather have it just go full on like trying to be a woman? I want to full on trying to be a woman. Give me the experience. I feel like the first like give me the Emirates experience. You know what they bring all of these bad bitches through the TSA checkpoint? You know what I mean? They're a problem.

It really looks like they're a problem. trying to make from, I believe they all come from a place where you can buy them individually, the ladies and when they parade them through the fucking thing

and they're all like walking like, uh, it's like, what they're fucking the same haircuts? It's like the, what's the, uh, simply irresistible video? Right, right.

Simply irresistible. Like that to me is... They're so hot. There's not a, there's not an unattractive one and weirdly, they all look identical the same. Right.

It's like the exact same makeup, hair. And that's what I'm saying. Like, where's the discipline at in American business? we're just letting everybody get away with anything now you're saying the UAE

that's so fucking wild yeah that's yeah well I know on the American Airlines it's a lot of 10 years involved so if you're actually in first class you're bound to get a trans person's almost a bright upside what you're going to get mostly is the

grizzled like heavy set lady who's been there forever. She was hot at one point, but she has tenure now. So she gets like the flights, like the long flights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And stuff that'll be the thing. So they're... Yeah, you're right. Because the trans person would at least flirt back. You know what? Hell yeah.

Hell yeah, they would. This lady would be like, you look really great in your office. She'd be like, son, I could be your grandmother. Right. Okay. This buff trans person will give you a hand job if you want. Yeah.

What do you want to do in the bathroom? Yeah, wherever you think's good. I don't think we'll both fit in the bathroom. I still hold my masculine shape. My shoulders are too broad. You probably don't run in this problem a lot with ladies. There's an empty seat in the exit row in the back. Meet me at 27C.

This toilet seat's too small to fit my butt hole and dick into. I have to shit then spin over to pee. God damn it. Yeah, they are beautiful. those guys and they all yeah that's weird outfit they all wear i've never been on those flights before have you ever flown those airlines no but could you imagine you finally make it there those are the planes though they're also they have like you know they're like there's a first class but for a couple tens of thousands dollars more you could have your own suite

that's weird i don't need that the jet blue mint where you can close the side it's still wide open over here yeah yeah the door closes yeah that shuts out the world to me me and derrick we're going to try to take a... I'll hold my ball bag while I'm behind that thing while I'm sleeping. I don't care. Don't look over, you creep.

This is my room. Derek and I were going to try out Spirit Airlines new first class section. Like they have new wider seats and a first class section to try to, you know... And they recline and shit?

Yeah, yeah. It's like they basically just carved out a first class section and spirit. We were like, oh, we should go check it out to see what it's like with it because it's like literally like a comfort plus seat.

Like it's probably like 250 bucks to fly. Chicago but like it's supposed to get it but look at this guy um Spirit Airlines yeah they have to do something they've become a joke yeah yeah yeah never involved in the crashes though no for all this shit they catch they're never it's Delta's upside down on a runway and fucking United's dropping out of the sky which is a conspiracy I like to think about Lou yeah look at this guy in this lounge is that emirates yeah a 380 first class suite it's so funny

all these things do let me say that they always go how great is first class it'd be the worst seat in your house still isn't that crazy how much they charge you for it the shittiest seat in your house it would be

also any of the seats that recline with the electronics on airplanes drives me nuts too because it never you're looking an idiot because they're never they're worked every day

a thousand times and any electronics like it just starts to go so you're trying to like lower it down and just starts setting you back up and you're like I'm not an idiot this thing's broke

no you're this thing sucks yeah you gotta do it damn it I got drilled by the cart in the elbow and head about my last flight they didn't give a shit yeah they didn't even give me like a pardon me yeah I got a little seat now just for that I can't I was window but it was

the one where it's just one seat only and they came though so look granted it's a narrow aisle but I mean you know give me a heads up before you just clunk into me yeah sorry did I hit you with the fucking nuts and fucking Coke Zeros? Ooh, you pieces of shit.

Oh, my God. Time is flying. Look at us shooting the shit with our body cam stuff. All that body cam stuff, huh? Dave Temple. No need for apologies. You know that's right on the Gas Digital Network. Everybody works for Lewis.

Available wherever you listen. Every time. Oh, how long for he comes from me for this live stream? You should just do it on Gas Digital, dude. For tour dates, make sure you go to I'm Dave Temple I am Dave Temple

on Instagram Bobby Kelly you know where he's going to be Rochester October 10th and 11th after that Tampa Mayas Pennsylvania New Orleans and Skangfest For tickets and all tour dates

Go to punchup.com slash Robert Kelly Go to his YouTube YouTube.com slash Robert Kelly comedy Me and Dave are going to be the stress factory this weekend Thursday Friday and Saturday

Appleton Wisconsin after that Calgary if I can get my passport Pittsburgh, Portland, Oregon. That's right. I'm coming to all your bum-ass cities with your liberal, homeless problems. For tickets and all the tour dates, go to bigjaycom.

We'll be right back, everybody. This is The Bonfire.