The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Getting To Know The Neighbors

Episode Date: January 22, 2026

Jay's new neighbor tries to recruit him to come over for some day-drinking. Although Jay gives him a poor first impression, the guy still tries to hire Jay for a venue that doesn't exist. | Bobby's neighbor may have snitched on him about permits for some light construction. | The gang enjoys Bradley Cooper cheesesteaks curtesy of The Bennington Show. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do I forget the world changes when the show starts. I was just in the room singing and enjoy it and then oh shit. And then it's just I feel like a fool. You fool. By myself. I know.

We could just sit here and listen to music for two hours. I think legally we can do that. I think we got in trouble for doing that, didn't we? Well, you say they don't It's something about 30 seconds But that just had to be a lie To get us to stop doing it That can't be true

It's serious XM I'm too fisted coffee right now Watch out Watch out dude Oh dude body brain and regular brain I got body brain A regular brain I got protein

Starbucks has protein now That's weird I love it Why Bobby you don't You don't You don't Yeah I do You just drink protein shit

Any protein bars Why are you going to go against me? I'm trying to do something healthy. You're not. You're eating regular and then having protein things on top of it. I am eating. I'm working out and I need... You're treating protein shakes like a handful of peanuts.

What? You're treating it like... It's like, well, I'm in between meals. He goes, well, I already... I had a burger, so I don't want to do any more meat. Let me just grab a protein shake. Here's a problem with it. If I didn't just fucking house a steak of cheese...

Drinks for your protein. I would fight you on this. But that's the only... reason you got me. The only reason you got me because you know I just swallowed one bite of a cheese steak. It's just in my throat and it makes me

mad that I can't defend my honor. I want more but we're on the air now. No, it's so good. I'm done. I'm full. That was perfect. I'm full too. I ate a cookie so I wouldn't eat any more of that. Now I got the chocolate on my mouth. I don't want cheese stick anymore. It's stupid. I would totally put cheese stick on top of that chocolate. I would put a cookie on that

cheese steak. That cheese steak is good. Thank you, Ron Bennington for, what a nice thing. That's so sweet. They sent us over, well, I guess they had Danny Coupes today, and so when they had left over, they gave it to us, and it was awesome. Very good. It was a sweet show. It was pretty good. Danny Coupes. It's not super Philly official, but it's a good motherfucking sandwich. That's a good goddamn cheesecake. It's a sandwich. Somehow, again, I'm maybe an old man, but like the seeded bread is now a thing in Philly also. It is. But it was never. I love it.

It's wrong, though. I know it's wrong, but I don't know it's wrong, and I love a seated roll. I'll throw a seated on a hoagie. You get a hoagie with a seated roll all day long. Isn't that a... What's that? Is that a hoagie? No, it's a cheese steak. Yeah, but what are you talking about a hoagie? If you made like an Italian hoagie on

a sub, hero, whatever... I'll take a seeded roll on everything. It's my favorite. And it's toasted. A little toasted. Which is also kind of wrong. I mean, come on. Yeah, it's a little wrong. It's delicious, but they didn't like, they reinvented the wheel a little bit. They didn't have to.

They also give you zero options right now, which is probably because it's new. But they really, uh... They're probably doing that to add. You're like, can I get mushrooms? And they're like, no, it doesn't exist here. They're probably doing that just to be that thing. You know, they do that thing.

They give you hot peppers. Yeah, it's like a pop-up place, basically. But it's, I think they're killing it. It's good. Yeah, it's tasty. When I took that first bite, It made me happy inside like I met a girl. I think I'm just sick of, I think I'm just sick of fucking Bradley Cooper being like the Philly guy.

It made me happy like when you meet, like when you meet a girl and you get her number and you give a little and then you leave and you're like, oh, I'm so happy. Are you saying this cheesecake tastes like a camp kiss? Yeah. It's like a young love. Kiss camp? Oh man. God, that's it felt good. Yo, you'll coop.

You know, throw on an apron. so we can take some pictures. Exactly. That's the only part that bugs me. Oh, yeah. I get my hands dirty. Like anybody else. Sure, I happen to be around the corner

filming a movie at the comedy cellar, and this is pretty convenient for me. I do stand-up now. I make cheese steaks. I act. I get Emmys. I get fucking Oscars. On the Eagles, I think.

Exactly. I think he's third string safety on the Eagles. Why does that annoy me? I should be happy for the guy. I want it. You want it for your teams and city. Yeah, I take it for Philly. You want Bobby.

You want Bobby Steak and Cheese? I'd switch over to the Eagles if they're going to let me in the fucking owner's box. You know, Bobby and D's fucking Steak and Cheeses? Oh, that'd be fantastic. You love that. Seated rolls. Confuse the fuck of everybody. Do you know I had a dream, like, not a dream, but I had a plan in my head.

You know, every once in a while you're like, what's next? What am I going to do next? And I was like, I'm going to open up a steak and cheese truck in New York City. What are you laughing at? Why are you laughing at my fucking dreams? Because you have the same dreams as Lewis? You guys want to be food truck We should do that

Steak and Cheese body brain Staking cheese and coffee Steaking cheese and coffee That's what everybody loves We came today A couple things I wanted to say Started Beast games last night Watch the three episodes that are out there

And I gotta tell you That show took a fat shit That first Beast games Mr Beast? And Mr. Beast does a thing $5 million you compete We went over it a little bit on the show you're competing in all these different like events

whittling down to one person who gets $5 million but they try to bribe you during it they try to make you turn on people it's a fun concept first season after the first episode I was like give me more of this immediately it's so good now it's fucking terrible

I don't know I don't even know you don't know why it's bad is that the games the games are all pretty shitty is that the one where they got to run through a room and not be hit by a laser or some shit or the floor Things, the floor. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, the floor one. They're playing dodgeball, and the floor separates. And then you kind of run the one. It's like musical chairs, and then whatever side you're on, you start playing dodgeball. That was one of the game. And by the way, there's been one or two games where I've been like, by the end of it, you're like, oh, this is, I wonder if they're going to do it or not. But the, man, I don't give a fuck about anybody on it. It's just bad.

It's not good this year. So that set me off in a bad mood. but didn't the cheese steak make you happy? I didn't sleep last night at all I slept like four hours last night Why? What were you thinking about? I don't know I was just a funky mood

And then like And then I woke up Had to do skanks And I did skanks And while I'm doing it I hear the doorbell ring at one point Christine answers it I assume it's delivery or whatever

I finished Legion of skinks And I go, Christine goes, you hear the doorbell ring at all? I said, yeah. She said, that was our neighbor from across the street. And she preface this, which I will say this a thousand times over. Very nice. He didn't do anything shitty at all. Very, very nice.

He came over and asked Christine. She goes, he asked me if, well, you should tell what happened with you. I opened the door and he just asked, he invited it. He's like, hey, I was just thinking we haven't really hung out yet. I want to know if you and Jay wanted to come over and have some drinks. He said hung out. Yeah. You haven't hung out?

Yes. Yeah. That's fucking frightening. No, it's fine. It was nice. And we've seen them like, the nice family. Very friendly. And we've seen them like in the street and we've said that we'd come over and have drinks.

You know what I mean? It's like we've neighbors with them. I would go over and have drinks. Is the thing that he asked Christina do this at 1230 in the morning or, you know, in the afternoon. Yeah. And so she was like, well, he's doing his show down there. He's doing a show in the basement night to get ready for work or, you know, I have an appointment today. So I can't.

And he's like, ah, oh, you just kind of said, all right. Yeah. Oh, he meant it for right then and there. Right now. Right that moment. He wanted you to hang out now? Yes. He said, we're over here, Jay if you want to come over now. Dude, I'm sorry. He had hang out with some friends. And what it was was him, their friends, him and his friends were watching clips of Jay. Wait, why? It's unreal. I couldn't even pretend to guess why I tell a story and involve Christine in any way.

She buries the lead so hard, so heavy, so quickly before we even anywhere near that part of the story. Oh, that's what he said to me. I know you did. I know you felt it. I don't want to. I'm trying to. Hang on one second. It's crazy.

It's insane. It is storytelling poison. How do you manage to do it? How? I thought you wanted me to say what he said to me. I have to use my stress whistle. I get, oh, hang on. Unblow the whistle.

Unblow the whistle? Yeah. I'm going to have to rewind all of this. Okay. He says to you. Yes. We're over there watching his stuff. Yes.

Didn't know that. Apologies, Bobby, unbore your whistle? Hang on a second. Christina, I apologize. There you go. Put that back in there. I told you that because he said you're so funny. Absolutely.

I just spilled coffee all over my brain in Nike Tech. I, damn. This is why I don't wear a fucking cool. Fucking body brain. Whatever, man. Cool clothes. Just the chlorox wipes. I think that'll help.

I'm not going to. Yeah, bleach you, dude. No. No. What are you talking about? I don't know how to read, but I don't know how to read, but I don't. I don't know how to fuck it. I know common sense. It can't hurt what's already going on.

So he said they're all watching my stuff and they're hanging out. So she tells him. Christine just pulled a secret snack out of her bag that we didn't know about. Oh, she lives with snacks in that bag. Oh, fuck. Is that a cookie? Oh, it's a piece of pumpkin bread from earlier. You took some later cookie?

Weird. So Christine tells me all that. And I was like, oh, wow. I was like, oh, it is nice, I guess. But she says, definitely he's drunk. He's hammered. Well, I said he's drunk and definitely the kind of, he wouldn't say he was drunk, but I'm 100% sober.

So I'm like, you know, he'll be drunk. Yeah, he's drunk. He's definitely drunk. So then I go, I'm going to go get gas and cigarettes real quick after I'm done the show. So I go and I pull back into the driveway and I get out of my truck and I got stuff in my hands, you know, the stuff I bought, and my jacket. And he goes, out of his door, Big Jay! Yo, Big Jay!

He goes, get over here! Get over here! Jay, get over here! And I, again, I know it's not how he means it. I know it's not, but a genuine pet peeve of mine, very particularly. And I'm sure this isn't a bold statement. I'm sure it's a lot of people. I don't like being fucking summoned.

I don't like that. Because it happens a lot to me. There's a lot of people who do that. I just get kind of like a bold thing, whether it be a fan or something. something he goes jay get the fuck over here right now my chick is dying for a picture with you and you're like dude don't say it like that please i fucking hate that i actually love it and i run over and i'm like where why do you want to let's do it no i don't run over but it things like i don't i don't i know they don't mean it in a kind of a way and i'm happy to take a picture with all these

people just some people just ask in a weird way i think these don't know what they're just just social awkwardness so he comes out of it's like get over here right now which i'm not doing and i'm just kind of like stay in there like oh hey man and then he starts walking I kind of met him in the middle of the street and I was like, what's up man? He goes, dude, he goes, I just talked to Christina earlier and she said that you were working or something, whatever,

but we're all over here watching your clips dying, man. He goes, come on, come in right now, you're having a drink with us, and I go, but I didn't even brush my teeth yet. I'm in sweatpants and stuff covered in dog hair. So stressing me out. I'm covering in dog hair, and I just go, oh, I was like, oh man,

I was like, I said I can't right now. I got to get ready for work. And he goes, oh, come on, just a shot then. Come in for a shot. And I was like, no, I got to work still, man. It's like, it's like 1 o'clock. He's like 1.30. I got to work.

It's like 1 o'clock. And he goes, ah, okay. All right, all right. And then I was like, well, we have a good day, man. So I'll come over for a drink soon. I'll come over for a drink with you guys at some point. And he's like, ah, I got me and my boy, you're funny, man. That's good.

And he goes and starts getting back into his house. And I'm almost in my house. And he goes, Big Jay, whoa! One more second. DJ Lee, you can't post this. He's definitely going to see it if you're posting like this. You can't post any of that. Yeah.

Yeah, what are you doing? Well, hoping he doesn't listen. He got a serious XM subscription today. He certainly is watching my clips. He's 100% listening to the show right now. I don't know if he's listening to the show, but he's definitely watching the clips online. That's what he said he's doing, watching clips online. And by the way, I will have drinks.

I have no, he was drunk. I can understand, but he comes and then goes, it's just funny. He goes, Jay, wait, whoa, well, before you go, one more thing, man, I'm sorry, man, one more thing, one more thing. And I'm like, okay, I'm like, so I go back towards the street, I go, what's up, man? He goes, I'm opening a new diner up. It's being remodeled right now, or en route, whatever. And I go, and I know where this is going. And I go, oh, go, good, I look forward, man, trying the food.

I'm like, is it going to be 24 hours? And he's like, nah, he gives me all the reasons you can't do 24 hours anymore. I'm like, oh, I go, well, it's good luck. I look, I look forward to trying the food. He's like, so I'm thinking. Oh, boy. You know, I'll start doing like some comedy nights there. You know, you come through and maybe do it five minutes.

I was like, oh, I go, well, he's like, I know you're big. I know you're big, which is, again, those statements. You're like, I know you're big. And you're like, I'm not saying I'm big. Like, you're putting that on me, like, as a sort of a thing. I'm like, no, it's just that, like, I definitely don't have time to go do. You got time? And he's like, you go to, yeah.

Bobby, Bobby, you're going to tell your story a minute. You can tell your neighbor's story in a minute. I'm in. You're going to tell your story a minute. Mine's not giving me side gigs. Oh, I know. But you said you made nice. I made nice.

I didn't make best friends. How fast you think I can make it not nice. I'm not having drinks with them. I'm not coming over for Thanksgiving. I'm not either. Yes, you are. And he goes, no, he asks me to think so I go, no, there's a lot of young comics.

I go, there's a lot of young comics in Jersey that would probably love to have a place they can go do like once a week or some news. Yeah, I'm thinking, like once a week or something, he goes, hey, you know, you can combine to like five minutes. You can't come by to five minutes or whatever. I was like, oh, man, I, look, you know,

I was like, if I can help you out at all, man, I will. But I don't know, man, at all. And he goes, I got you, man, I got you. And I go, hey, man, you have a great day. And he just goes, you're real serious in person. Oh, shit. He goes, I love your stuff, though, man. You're so funny.

You're serious in person, though, huh? And I was like, oh, I'm like. Do you want to hear what he went back in? Guy's a fucking dick, man. Oh, don't say that. He's not fucking cool at all. He didn't want to have a drink. He's not doing five minutes at the fucking dime.

It's not the case. Because Christine left two minutes after me. He came back out of the house to give her another dose. What do he do? Well, he told me that his friend had a totally healthy English bulldog. I'm putting Dawkins in the car. I have my arms full. I'm running late for the vet.

And I was just like, he told me that his friend's English bulldog. There is nothing wrong with it. He was five years old. She dropped it off at the groomer. Dead. I was like, oh, my God. That's my worst fear. I go, are you out of your mind?

This guy. Anyway, tell Sirius Susan over there. I don't need him no more for my fucking Dana comedy show. The diner's not done. He wants me to agree to his future restaurants comedy show. I can't wait till you fucking, he just pitches all over the place of you in front of a pie, a spinning pie wheel.

Hey. I'll do it all the commercials. Is this, is this Boston a green pie? Real? This is too good. Ah, dude. They just had friends over their party. Because his wife's due in three weeks, like their mom or the son, like their good family. I feel no, like, there's no weird thing with him at all.

It was just a weird thing. Buddy. He was hammered. At one in the afternoon. Right. I don't know. And he wanted you to come in to hang with him and his friends as they're watching clips of you. Everything about the story is fucking weird.

And he wants you to do gigs at a diner. That's not hoping yet. This is nuts. And then he walks up to Christina and goes, yeah, dog's dead. Hey, how you doing? You take your dog to the groomer? I don't got a dog to groomer. Dog died.

Yeah, this is all fucking weird. He also, this is the neighbor that saw me shoveling and came over and was like, no, no, and took the shovel out of my hands. Listen, he's a good dude. He's a good guy. You can't let him do it. You can't let him do anything for you because you're going to haul him. Buddy, you're going to home.

I would rather have full swap swinger sex with him and his wife than do whatever that thing was today. This is how every Fucked-up neighbor movie starts, by the way Jay! Come here! No, right, exactly. I'm not giving enough back, and you're right. I'm worried that it's going in.

You know, he goes, you're real serious in real life? In real life, I'm like, uh-huh? Do you ever see Cable Guy? I go, you mean not on the internet? You ever see Cable Guy? Mm-hmm. This is Cable Guy. Oh, yeah, these are giving me stolen goods in my house.

Hey, you want this big TV? You cannot accept anything from this guy. No gifts, for sure. No gifts. I want to go have drinks with them. Do you? At their house. Yes.

Wait a minute. Let me ask you one more time. Do you? When you come home, you want to... Go and ask me. Go, hey, Jay. Yeah. Come on.

I know you just get back from work. Come on over. Have a couple drinks with me, me and the boys. Ah, I could probably do one or five. What's up? Yeah. Jay just becomes a regular guy. Bobby, I got out right now.

I know you got to get down to the... fat black pussy cab but I got poker night with the guys Jay's turning into a man Jay's turning into a man you're gonna start not painting your fingernails because the guys made fun of you yeah I take off in the summer because that's when I go for hunting trips with these guys

you're gonna start smoking cigars and be covered in deer piss and gilly suits feet come over last night at like 930 we probably would be gone over there buddy I was ready I was ready to stab chopsticks through my eyes last night Tuesday nights are the worst he should have

Come last night at 9.30, I would have went over there and gotten obliterated with him. Well, maybe you got a new friend, you know? Yeah, it was just weird at 1230 and then 1 o'clock. What's his name? I don't know. No. What's his name? He knows his name.

Fucking name. Oh, at first of all, dude, I know his name. I'm not going to say it on the radio. Italian fellow? I think Greek. He said he's a diner owner. Yeah. Did he slap you on the back?

No. No, he didn't slap me on the back at all. No, I like him. I like him very much. It was just funny dealing with somebody who's like a drunk neighbor at that time of day. And I said what it was. They were watching the thing. I don't know when he went back inside.

I hope not bad. Oh, it's bad. But on the beginning of it, the beginning of it was there watching. He goes, yeah, the guy was ready. He goes, that fucking guy don't live over there. Go talk to him then. Yeah. Well, just go ring his bell.

He's your neighbor, right? He's rang the bell and said, come drink at news? Everybody in the house was preparing for Big Jay to come in because their leader was going to go get him. You know what I mean? Because he's the king of the neighborhood. Dude, I got this. Jay!

Where is he? He's got to go to where? He's not that far. Fucking guys of Gugats is what's going on. They had clips queued up for you to go over with him, Jay. Hey, Jay, when you were doing this. That's exactly what would happen. Why would have went in there?

Here's what have happened. A movie-esque style bullying. A booing. situation. Like you've never seen it. It would have been guys standing in a circle around me. They would have told me the guy in the groove that that is funny. This fucking jerk off thinks he's funny over here. He goes, I don't think I'm funny and not. I don't know.

He just says, dude, this guy won't the dude, fucking roast his ass. Yo, this guy's fucking girlfriend is 10 years younger and I'm roast his ass. And I sit there like with my hands folded between my knees like this sitting like, okay guys. Can I leave?

Yeah. I can wait until Jay comes home. and he's in his jacuzzi jay what's up buddy you don't mind do you I think they want to come to the jacuzzi I think they mentioned something about the jacuzzi once I was at the delivery day

yeah delivery day you're part of a neighborhood now brother by the way way way way better than you know Lewis is going through a thing about his tree what has happened with his tree his neighbor came over

a black Karen a blaren if you will or a kuh apostrophe a Aaron Karan We got it Q U A-R-O-N

I don't like that he looked at me and went Karon You don't know what apostrophe is Bob Karan Thank you I didn't get it But now I also like the K-U apostrophe A-R-O-N Oh man

What's happening? She came over to him And did like I know why this would be annoying too. If I was Lewis, I'd have moved for this one. My house would be on the market. She came over and said Hey, nice to meet you.

I don't have officially made yet. My name's blah, blah, blah. And I wonder if we could talk about your tree in the backyard? I just kind of had like the leaves go in your yard or something. She goes, yeah, they really do. And I just wonder if we can talk about, and he's like on a meeting at the same time. So he's like, we could talk about it later. But she's like, I just would think if we can get rid of it, you know, again, maybe split the cost of getting rid of it or something. He's like, well, I want to see

like, do I have to get rid? You know, it was like, you're, and she's just doing the thing. And then as soon as he was like, yeah, let me, he looked into what he was like, I'm not really sure. You know, I got a few more things I got to look at to see if, like, the tree is, does it need to come down or something? Because she was like, what he said he got mad was in that first conversation, she goes. And also, you know, like, if the tree falls down, you see where that's going, like, that's going right in your house.

And it's like, bitch, the tree's straight up in the air. You have no fuck. You know what I mean? She's just doing that to kind of get him to be like, oh, geez. and he's just getting he's like well I'm going to go find out if that's like the case and then right away she's like I did the nice thing and came over like I'm supposed to so now I guess if you just want to look up the guy the guidelines of the borough kind of shit like that and like oh Christ so he's in that now that's and it's all passive aggression it's all in the

and I'm like I can't live like so this I say it's nothing like that I this is worse you have to have a new friend no you have to do gigs at diners you're going from stadiums to diners. You gotta make all your friends happy. Lewis knows where he stands with that one. This week, I can't wait to read your your dates. My obituary. Big J.

is going to be at the Comedy Works in Denver and then in New Jersey. Yeah, you can catch me in a fucking Patchy's Diner, everybody over there on fucking Route 46. That's 715. 17. You can catch me on a very loud flyer

that's got, the theme is Greek coffee cup. You can see Bobby every Tuesday night at the Fat Black Pustickette. And Jay every Wednesday night. Yeah. Featuring Ponso the Magician. And Gemini. Gemini, hosted by Aaron Burke.

But Bobby, let me throw this back at you. Yeah. Switching around, like, you run into Bradley Cooper, your neighbor. Or you run into one of the other very famous neighbors you want to run into. I live in a rich neighborhood. Oh, Bobby, you're going to be that psycho. Are you going to be his neighbor? No, I had a neighbor problem, dude.

I have a neighbor problem. Yeah, you're the neighbor problem to Ryan Reynolds. No, no. Well, I don't live in. I live in the section of my town where... You go try to watch him buy pastries. No, I work in a grid. I work in a grid.

Yeah. And I'm trying to bump into him just to see if he... Which ones have a drink at 12 in the afternoon? Whatever you're asking is going to be a drink at noon to him. First of all, I'm not going to ask anything the first time. The first time I'm just going to see if he catches any vibe. off me. Dude, does anybody ever told you? I want to see if he goes,

hey, do I know you? I know you. Dude, I was thinking Deadpool should have an alternate uniform. I don't know. I don't know. Dude, it doesn't matter that I have the action finger that I had him signed to me, not Max. I'm not going to have that on me. So what? It's just in my jacket.

Who cares? My Dawn makes the best hamburger helper. You got to come over some time. How dare you? How dare you say hamburger helper? She makes homemade hamburger helper. No, she doesn't. She doesn't. What's it called? She doesn't make hamburger helper. What's it called? You call it something?

Chop suey. It's called American Chop Sui. It's a hamburger helper, dude. It is not. It's American Chapsui. Your wife takes three hours to do what a fucking hand puppet does in 15 minutes. You're lashing out at me because you have new friends and you don't care about me anymore. I'm okay, yeah.

I'm fine. These guys would fucking fight. These guys would die for me. I don't have to worry about Ryan Reynolds and Chas Palmetry going, hey, come on. Who's one o'clock? I'm going to run. I'm going to run for a local office, but let me tell you something. The genuine letdown in his tone when he said,

they was definitely saying the inside things on the outside. He went, wow, you're real serious in real life, huh? Oh, my God. He said to me, I go, what is he you wanting me to do? And I said, I think he's expecting, from he's watching me. Not even best friends. He's going to come over and go. Come have a hang out and do a shot with me and the guys.

Like, what, I don't watch you fucking queer just suck each other's dick. I'm good, buddy. He's the fucking out of you. And he's like, yeah, you're fucking nuts. That's what he wants. That's exactly. And what I do is I squeeze my hand between my legs and I go, I have to get ready for work.

I just take a shower. Can I make a bunch of promises for next week? Next week I'm going to come up for dinner three times. I'm telling you right now, dude. You're real serious, huh? Damn, I didn't realize. I thought you were funny. That is a nightmare for me to have somebody want me to be their friend in my neighborhood.

Yeah. You wore that nightmare for Ryan Reynolds. Yeah, for Ryan Reynolds. but I told you, I don't live in Ronald's neighborhood. I live in where people work for... You go out of your way to stalk him? The people who work for Ryan Reynolds, that's my neighborhood. Do you understand?

No. Like, his neighborhood is... Where Martha Stewart and all the rich people live is on the other side of town. So you're... Like, where the serfs live? I live... You're in a slave court. I live...

I live where... I live where, you know, guys who work on the stock exchange, like, lower... You know, I had dinner at that place. Ooh. I don't understand. I don't know we were in the guitar. So he's like the He's Wayne Manor

You're Gotham City There's two different parts of my town There's Catona and then there's Bedford It's town of Bedford But that Bedford is where like all the horses are They don't live near you Bobby We're looking at it Rich people live

What's that? He's been exposed What are you talking about? He's not in your town He's in Pound Ridge He's in Pound Ridge He just moved to Pound Ridge He was in Bedford

And he moved to Pound Ridge Which is the next town over? Oh he just moved to town over To support your narrative Well guess what? Guess what Pound Ridge doesn't have? The L M&OP Bakery. That's fine.

Once you get hooked on it, you can't leave it. He's going to go back there, and you're going to find his ass. Dude, I'll tell you, who? Chevy Chase lives in my town. I have so many famous people I can get in touch with right now. Me, dude, I'll be having laughs on a cabinet, big screen TV and watching fucking this guy's high school football highlights. Yeah, you should have seen me go, dude, I was lightning.

Look at that. Look at that hole right there I hit. Look at that hole I hit right there. I can't wait. We don't see running backs hit holes like that no more. You have football. pals now. Yeah.

Dude, you got you got your crew. You got bros, man. You got bros now. You got fucking bros, bro. You'll die for me. Yeah, they will die for you.

Him and all of his boys. You're going to have to loosen up a little bit, though. I'm going to have to loosen up a little bit. That's the problem. That's the wall I'm hitting here is like, I'm going to have to play their game. I'm going to have to be wild crazy J for these guys. I'm going to get looser in the neighborhood, I guess.

Christine, look at it. I'm throwing parties. Yeah, dude. For the boys. Yo, go over and hang out with the pregnant. lady the boys are coming over we're getting a prostitute we're all splitting her hanging out with jays animals

you're gonna get jerseys oh dude jays gang i don't want to be jay i want to be this guy's gang yeah you're not in i want to be in his gang you don't have the personality to be in that gay it's not your gang it's his gang yeah and they go who's the wallflower over there he goes famous comedian j ogerson hi they made me wear this and come here

how close is the nearest bowling alley You're going to be in a softball team? Possible. I might have to say yes to a softball team to not do comedy in a diner. They're going to have Jay and left field. Nah, Jay, just stay out there, buddy, you're good. Oh, and it's the diner. It's for the diner.

Jay, would you mind performing at the softball team benefit? We're trying to get new shirts this year. Come on, big guy. We're looking for new equipment. Oh, you know they're going to be calling you for benefits, dude. You can't do five minutes? Dude, the kids. Dude, do five minutes in my kids.

future diner. I can't wait. I can't wait until it goes down. I'm committed heavily to five minutes to the future diner. I'll go. I'll go with you. Apparently, I think I also have to draw the audience, I guess. Or he wants me to do five minutes in front of his just like one flyer up in the place. Oh, dude. If they put your face in. Or it's going to be everybody he knows ever will be at the diner that night for my five minutes. I hope it's you and then his sister who sings before you. Me too. Me too, dude. Just Greek shit. Just a night of entertainment. Tonight is entertainment. Now, this is my sister who does puppets with her boobs. Enjoy you, Musaki.

She's going to make the hair on your back stand up, ladies. Yeah, don't get too full. There's bagelava after Jay. Oh, dude, you're in trouble. You got a belly full of lamb and a fucking face full of laughs. Dude, my guy, my neighbor, I love my neighborhood. I'm on a cul-de-sac, so there's no three traffic, which I've always wanted to live on. And when we moved in, you know, the first house we moved into, we had a purple house next door, which I thought was going to be trouble.

It was. Anybody who's a maniac who was just Steve Harvey's closet? They did that thing with me when there was bushes going over to their yard, and I wound up ripping them out. I just panicked. I was like, oh, I'll take care of that. And I ripped them out. And she said there was poison oak. It wasn't poison oak.

It was just a bush. Yeah. But... We don't have any... The tree that fucking whacked our house, that guy was like, I'm having that tree cut. Like, he told us he was cutting it down.

And then they did. It was the most cool experience I've ever seen. It looks so fun. If I can go back in time, I'd have been a logger. Now you're just a drop in longer. Good one. Thanks, buddy.

You got me. I take poops. More like... So my neighbor, everything is fine everything like the neighbors to the left to me Giants fan Italian guy his wife is fun

you got kids You just like Giants fans? No they're just he's just a guy's guy I like him he's a really great To the right They're a little more Am I looking at your house On this right left

Or am I looking away from your house? If you're looking at my house They're on the right They're great They're just fun family You know what I mean But not too fun You know where it's loud and crazy

But, you know, they'll call us up. I'll be like, look, their son is an old. He's in college and the daughter. He'll be like, hey, they're having a party tonight. Just want to let you know. You want to get fucked up with me and my wife at noon? No, it's not that fun. But to the left, if you're looking at my house,

he's the type of guy that during the fall, he just rakes every day. You can never see a leaf to the point where I'll come home and I feel, I feel shitty that there's leet. You know what? I can't rake every day. No, Bobby, but you're aware that, like, it's called fall. The leaves keep falling.

If they create a season called fell, you could do this once, and we could be done with it. Yeah, God named them, leave. Leave them there. Leave them there. One of my first jokes. That was me and Bobby doing a two-man production of Bobby's early set when I met him. Great joke, by the way. Mushmelio!

We said, and sing it, Christine. Let me live. Leave them now. No, I know. You guys got a nice tape. We couldn't get through two open mic sets of Christine's comedy. What a great time we were having. So we're going to be having part two.

Next week's pre-record will be the Christine's other set when she was more seasoned. Right before my retirement. I think it was the show they hung her jersey in the ranchers. You did everything. You did it all. You did it all. So I, I, uh, they just, they're just little up you know he rakes every day he's retired he's like a firefighter or whatever

a nice guy the wife does the um you know there's a farm that will you know she'll sit in her driveway and people come by and you kind of join this program and you come by once a week and get apples and you know fruit and stuff and it's from a farm and you pay like 30 bucks or whatever and you can just come by and get your stuff and you know i was like oh yeah membership to a farm? Yeah, it's like a farm will deliver a monthly assortment. Right. It's pretty cool. Yeah, it's cool. Dawn was like, no, it's fucking mostly apples.

I don't need that many fucking apples. I'm not paying 30 bucks, whatever, to just get apples. And whatever. But she's very nice. They're very nice. But not Apple-loving bitch. The people over to the right are more like me and Dawn. You know what I mean? But the people over to the left, like at 7.30 at night, you can see all the lights are off. Oh, Christ. Yeah.

I don't like that at all I don't like that either I'll tell you what my neighborhood deals with with me I have to say just by our schedule we have a brick driveway and for some reason I guess our trash can wheels are made out of like

whatever it makes the most amount of noise against brick because there's no way to do this without it going and sometimes we go it's like oh shit it's midnight we forgot we got to take the trash that night twice they have to hear and then I'll walk back and they're like, what the hell was that?

And I go, oh, you didn't know? Here's it again. It's so crazy loud. I do feel bad. So I think I'm owed one drunk and accosting in the middle of the street a month. Oh, it's not going to be one. It's the first time in a year that we had, we had, we've done work on the house, whatever, but you know, some of the stuff, whatever, we did it.

And then it's like one of the last things we're going to do is we have a shed on the side of the house that is to put stuff in. And the oil tank is in there, but there's a lot of room to stuff. Neighborhood children. It was made for the barrels, but the barrels in the last 10 years became bigger, right? The city, the trash company will give you barrels, but they're bigger now. My barrels don't fit in it. So I had to leave my barrels in front of the garage, which I didn't like. I thought it was kind of cheesy, and everybody kind of takes their barrels in somewhere.

I don't know where they take them, but they take them in. So I'm like, I'm going to just raise it up, make it higher, so my barrels will fit. Just for the record, you're hammering home barrels like at me, right? Yeah. Okay. And then so I... It's making me less irate now that I know that was all for me. So I'm like, no one says barrels as much.

No one says it. You're hammering. The barrels didn't fit. So I needed a place to put that. the new barrels. New barrel sizes for your barrel holder. You weren't even calling

a shed anymore. You were going in the barrel holes for the barrels. So I have my guy, you know what I mean? Fabian, he comes over. I go, hey,

how much to do this? And great, he comes over and they just come over. It's a day's work. It's a fucking day's work. They're just, I'm not moving it. I'm not making it bigger.

I'm just making it higher. It's still in the same footprint. It's just, there's nothing to it. And, uh, tall barrels. All of a sudden, uh,

the, the city and, inspector is there and I'm like oh yeah city inspector and they don't they don't they don't fuck around I'm like so I got to go out and he part of an HOA no just the city inspector you in this town my old town you could do whatever you want yeah they didn't really give a fuck Ryan Reynolds didn't live there yeah this town it's you got to protect Blake lively you got to fucking get everything through the city you're also those gay football dads will get you and bear bear

so I love those guys I wish that guy would come out in the middle of the street and ask me to hang out you gotta come over oh my god we have a dance studio in the basement

I go shut the fuck up I'll come hanging on a dance studio it's my gayest dad's birthday you have to you have to go over and be a guy guy hey girl I know I know exactly

they're gonna be like dude did you ever fix the guy who lived there before was such a queen have you ever go in there and finally fix that thing you didn't do I go

what? Yeah slowly take his mittens off under the table. That guy didn't even know how to cock a tub. I go, what a fucking loser. I'm glad he's gone and I'm here now. So the guy came and he was a total... I think he was drunk, by the way.

He was this little tiny dude drunk. And he's like, yeah, dude, one of your neighbors. I'm like, somebody called you? And he's like, yeah, I go who? He goes, I can't tell you, but he just looked at that house. So he's like, you got to... out and he had the thing, the piece of paper with the city thing on. Oh, that guy didn't give a fuck if you killed your neighbor.

No. He didn't care if you did that. Because that's giving any advice, you don't know what that could lead to. That starts neighborhood wars. Well, I was like, well, what do I got to do? He goes, you got to go down to the city hall, you got to file for a permit, you've got to give him drawings, you got to let them know what you're doing. And I was like, you're kidding me, right?

I'm not doing anything. He's like, it doesn't matter because he's getting paid. This is his job. So I go down to city hall. wherever the fuck it is whatever I go up to the top floor and I say to the lady and the guy I go is there the guy here he comes out I go hey what's up bro listen I'm just doing this I'm making it taller I'm not moving it I'm not staying in the same point I'm just trying to put my barrels in the sorry barrels trash cans is that better I'm looking at that cheesecake so I go I've just

making it tall he goes yeah you can do that you can do that and I was like I can do it he goes Oh, did he already file the thing? No, I'm sorry, it's already filed. You can't now. But I wish you just came here first. I would have just let you do it. But now you can't. $1,000 to get this done.

I had to pay a fine, and I had to pay for the permit to get this done. Then, so work is stopped. The only thing left that they had to do was put the doors on. Hinges and we're done. That's it. And I had to go back.

I was so mad. I had to go back to the house. Everything shut down. And I had to wait for them. And he goes, it's going to take a while because I got a lot of stuff, a lot of these things I have to go through. So I'm like, well, how long? He goes, I don't know, weeks. I was like, weeks?

I go, I'm just going to put the doors on, bro. He's like, look, I'll try to fast track it, but blah, blah, blah. So I go back and the neighbors are coming down. And I had the thing in my hand, the stop work order that I had to put on my. thing. And I just, look, old Bobby would have been like, you know, what the fuck? Why, you couldn't have called me? You couldn't, you know, blah, blah, whatever. I just said, hey, just to let you know, I went down, we had to, you know, get the permit and blah, blah, blah. And she was like, what? Oh, no, I didn't call them on you. I called them because we were, we were going to put a

fence in. I called them to come down and just look at our, see if we could put a fence in, what it would be. And I was just like... Right, bitch. I was just grinding my teeth. But it's not... Here's the thing. It's not worth...

In my brain, I'm like, if I start a war with them, I'm fucked everything I do right now. You're already in it? I'm not. You're in it. You don't even know it. I'm out.

They're plotting. I'm out. No, they went... They are not aggressive, so they took your passive aggressive and went home and got behind your back aggressive. Trust me. There's hatred for you in that household.

Nope. You think there's not, but they are. Nope. I had Don't make a... cookies for Christmas. Yeah, keep your enemies close, dude. That's how it works. You know what I think it stem from? From Halloween. We didn't go to their house. You didn't go by their house? Max went to every other house except that house. But their fucking lights are off. Are they giving out toothbrushes or something? No, the lights are off. I don't think anyone doesn't like a neighbor kid because they don't come to

their house for Halloween. Well, she said it. She said, we noticed you didn't come? Well, it was right near Halloween and I was like, oh, yeah, you know, she's like, oh, you guys, I went down to the thing. She goes, why didn't you guys come by? I go, all your lights were off. You guys were, I didn't thought you guys were asleep. They were like spooky, right? She goes, she goes, she. That deserve way more, you fucking have.

Lights were all off. Yeah, Halloween. Spooky. She was, no, we were up. We had candy. I guess nobody went to the house, which is kind of sad. Everybody hates them. Because the lights were off.

Yeah, dude, you got to have the lights off. If I don't see a TV playing in the window, I'm not going. Like, I'm not sending Max up. You don't go to rats. for candy. Well, here's the thing is she's, how am I supposed to, she was like, she said, she said to me, we were called for the fence. What if he did come over to look at the fence, but then saw them working on something?

I can't prove that. And I can't go to war. You can't have a war. I don't have a kind of relationship with BJ and the boys. That's what we call ourselves, Big J and the boys. You're not the leader of this game. You're not. You were going to be the leader.

If you were going to be the leader. If I would have been. If I would have been three seconds of funny for this guy outside on the street, I would have been the leader. All you to do is stick ahead of the door? Now he knows, I got you. You're uncomfortable with me. All you do is stick ahead and the fellas, what's up? I'm on my way to work.

But hey, is that me? What the fucking are right? I'll send you some more clips later. I'll have my guy do that thing. I said it all over. I'm going to be at the diner and whenever it opens up. So I expect all you guys to buy tickets, right? You guys better be there for my diner show.

You guys all going to be there for the diner show? That happened to me with my cigar lounge, though. When I first joined, one guy told another guy, and all of a sudden it's like, yeah, what are you going? Why don't you do a show here? I did a show at Ridgefield, and they tried to get me to do a show there. I didn't do it. I did a show to Ridgefield, and all 50 guys from the cigar lounge showed up.

But you remember my first glasses? I got the black, fat-rimmed black glasses. They all showed up wearing those glasses in the crowd. Weird. I was like, oh, fuck me. Are all of them old bookies? No, they just showed up. They thought it was one of a guy.

It would be fun if we all have the same glasses as that fucking moron. Oh, oh, the schick. I thought you said everyone just had old man glasses. No, they just did it as a schick. That's so funny. Yeah, but you get used to it because you'll be doing a lot of schicks in the future. That's fine. At least I don't have to talk to my neighbor.

That's fine. I know because they're rats. Yeah, they are. They rat you out. They can't wait to turn you in. Maybe. Not this guy. I'm so nervous to do anything now.

Like, I'm so nervous to even be, it's so uncomfortable when your neighbor isn't cool because now you can't, I'm afraid to be louded. I'm like, I smoke cigars on the back, and it's like I have to muster up courage and be like, fuck it, this is my house, I'm smoking a cigar, because I'm waiting for the her to come over and go, could you not smoke cigars?

Christine, could you absolve my guilt and see if there, if not, by the way, we should hit Shark Tank with this. Some kind of a booty you can put over your trash can wheels that make it not make noise when you walk them out. If not, that's something we should invent immediately. a tire booty for your loud plastic trash can tires. It should be a thing. Why don't you just get almost like a red carpet that goes down your thing so it doesn't make noise?

It's trashy. I thought about that. I know you were kidding, but I thought about doing a cardboard like thing. No, get a red carpet and put stanchions up. It's almost like it's an event when you put the garbage yard. Maybe a step and repeat? Yeah, and have a little light going back and forth, like the Hollywood premiere. Oh, nice.

Hey, everybody. Welcome to me taking me trash out. James. Yeah, you're fucking nuts. I saw your stanchions last night, kid. With quiet wheel replacements. Does it just eat oil? No, it doesn't eat...

No, he has a cobblestone driveway. It's not cobblestone, it's brick, but like... Yeah. It's just something about... When it rides over it. Cobblestone is brick. It is, uh, sure. No, it is.

No, I'll tell you, there's a simple solution for this. There's booties you can put over these things. You're not going to get fucking wheel booties. Maybe. Don't get wheel booties. There's no such... There's not this thing as a wheelbootie. Oh, well, thank God.

You're not Mr. Wonderful or Lori Grenier. First of all, you get wheelboodies. They're going to have to be ugs. They're going to have to be, like, designer wheelbooties. Maybe we could talk about a collab or a partnership. We got Louis Vuitton wheelbooties. Possible. It's very possible.

I bought corn brand dog clothes from Dawkins. Does this guy, he must follow you, right? Has he hit you up in your DMs? Has he slid into your DMs yet? No. You sure? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. I can't wait until that happens.

I'm going to lean in hard. I'm going to become part of this crew You should Yeah The only way out is in Well I say I gotta say what I'm just When I'm just at home

Dude I'm like fucking lost Like I want to kill myself So I gotta find something to do Yeah you got friends now Now I have friends across the street Yeah you go play cards Christina I'll be back When I'm back when the boys are done

Good I'm getting you a brand new Majan set What's up guys You're ready to have a good time laughing With not serious Jay You remember you guys thought I was serious, you fucking lungheads. Get over, you fucking guys. I'm giving you all a bunch of punches.

This guy over here's open to a fucking diner, am I right? I hope he never talks to you again because of your first encounter. He's like, fuck him. He hits my guts. Oh, they probably hate you right now. As soon as he walked in, it was like, this guy's a dick, man. How was he?

Poker night. It's going to be the best. Do you know how excited they were when he was going to get Big Jay? They're watching TV. Two times he came to get me. Yeah. One time he had me on the hook. I'm becoming best friends of this guy. Yeah, you should, man.

Did you show him your truck lights? No. You gonna. Yo, don't check this out. It was during the day. Bro, that's fire! You know, he's a 50-year-old guy who says fire still? That's fire.

But you got to be careful, though, because you should test it out. Because what if he is a great guy? No, I already think he's a great guy. What if he becomes like your new best friend? Like you don't have a straight friend. You need a square friend. No, I don't. Yeah, you do.

Not even a one. Yeah, you do. You need a square friend. Do you need a regular guy friend? Nope. Yep. No. You do.

You do. You got to stop, you only hang out with comics and people in the business. You need a regular guy in your life. Yeah. You need a bro, dude. I need a boyfriend. You're right, Bobby. I need a boyfriend.

Yeah, you and Christine didn't get in a fight. You need somewhere to go. Though she did it again. I told you, man. You just got to let her go through these things. My wife's going to it now, though. I might try going gay. Spice things up.

You don't have to go gay, full. You can just go bro. You know what I mean? I don't know. I think I'd rather have gay sex with this guy and all of his friends than do whatever it is he wanted me to do when I went over there.

I can't wait till Jay comes home. Before I'd rather perform, I would have rather taken all of them individually as they use my holes like a slut. My favorite part is Free use Jay, they're going to call me When Jay, Jay comes home, tired after his show He's excited and he just says,

Ding dong Get your fucking ass in Fucking CASSid to Tim That's the worst sound ever When you're in your house And your doorbell rings I saw you come home and thought you'd want to be bothered Maybe we could do walkie-talkies from the window

I'll do a walkie-talkie system with this guy I'm telling you, we're going to become besties. Jay, you up over? I'm telling you, we're the weirdos. Jay, are you up? Over? I'm completely content to believe that we are the weirdos. We are the one.

That is, I'm sure, in many ways, especially you see somebody who's home during the day, the times that we're home during the day, he's being a fantastic. That's why I said it outside, but I was like, I got a funny story tell, but I go, but the guy's not, because Christy was even like, well, what if you listen? I go, oh, it's nothing. Listen, I'll be happy. I'm happy to say at a time when I see him sober, I was like, yo, you guys were celebrating, huh? Over there.

Like, I could talk to him like that, I think. But it's just like, it's just more that what it was in the moment and this, and at the end of that, caught me so hard when he just goes, hey, you're serious in real life, huh? You're not a fun guy. He's so let down by that. He goes, I thought you're going to call me a fucking noodle head or something. He thinks he, I should say. I think he can call me a fucking stu nod. Dude, he had such high expectations.

He was, you know, he was looking out the window, too. Oh, yeah. He was waiting to catch Jay. He's like, yo, guys, set up a game Monopoly. I'm going to get him over here to play with us. I bet he has a full game monopoly. I bet when you go over his house, you're going to see binoculars in the windowsill. Hey, what are these for?

Oh, not then. I just, you know, bird watch. They have a baby doing any minute, right? Three weeks. Three weeks away. He needs a baby doing. He needs somebody. Hey, I didn't know you were leaving just now.

Yeah, I didn't. My new goal? I've been watching you all morning through these binoculars. Guys, here's my new goal. I'm going to become this new baby's godfather. If you're listening, Jay wants to be the godfather. If you're listening, I will go through all the process of becoming the godfather's child. And then if anything should happen to you, I will raise your child in the Catholic or Christian faith, whatever it is, whichever one it is.

I won't muck up the waters when he's any of my Jewish bullshit. I just, I just think, I was Jewish. She goes, I know what's weird. I feel like I'm the only Jew in this neighborhood. He even go, what? I just pray. Big J's a what? I just pray that this relationship just, I really pray that this guy doesn't.

not give up after this first thing. I pray that you don't try to change anything on your lawn before your fucking stooly-ass neighbors fucking tell on you. Well, you know, that's fine. You need to kick that out. At least they're not going to ring my doorbell to come over fucking parties at one.

No, they're going to have the cops ring your doorbell to fucking have Max taken out because they're just going to say they heard you yelling once and think you're abusive. I honestly don't know what's worse. I think I would go. I would rather have Bobby's neighbors. Of course you would. What?

Yeah, I mean, a bad neighbor can ruin your beautiful home. ruin you would want to move but now you have best friends that you have to I don't have best friends um you have a crew I got a crew you have a crew you have a crew it's different you're your rider dies you're either gonna have an enemy this is the problem you're either gonna have an enemy or a new best friend there's no middle ground of course there's a whole bunch of other possibilities to this there's the I can end up fucking his wife and some kind of a lifetime movie twisted thing and then he kidnaps and kills Christine and then all kinds of stuff that

sounds fun. Yeah, that's an enemy. Yeah. You're either, you're either gonna, he's either gonna not like you, or he's gonna fucking love you. No reason for him not to like me. Yep. Well, there is today. There isn't. He walked in, he goes, not what I expected. I gave him a lot of engagement. You gave him nothing. It was very matter of fact, and serious. You didn't even, you met him, you didn't even go, to his house. You met him halfway in the street. He summoned me over. Because you're his pal. You do it. Huh? I over. Go over. Bobby. I would have ran over. Get here, boy. Get here, boy. What's up, man? Don't sit the fuck down.

I'll do whatever you want. I want to be friends, man. He really thought you were more of a party than you are. Everyone does. Hey, you know what, Jay? You know what you are? You're a dud. I am, dude.

Fucking a wet firecracker. He went back in and he went, Jay, big to dud, Jay. That's what he is. Fucking loud, trash can, cock sucker. I am a letdown. I'm such a letdown, people. Gathering of the juggloes, how many people go, he goes, dude, I got Coke.

And I go, I don't do coke. And they go, come on what that's that's fucking normal that's not crazy I mean I know they don't believe it they can't believe the thing

what isabel Isabella is the best because Isabella like goes like all our friends because all my friends when I was growing up would be like they go

your dad you know what your dad does and the thing and they see me smoking he goes you probably been smoking weed with your dad since you were 17 years old

and she was like what have you met this guy like no they have not I would never I'd be so wigged out, but I'm still wigged out by you know what's going to be so fun is when he's doing tummy time over that guy's house. That'll be fun. I go, dude, if you get set up a tummy time area, I would hang more.

Hey man, do you know who Joe Matterice is? Come over here. Jump on the bed. Get over here. This is how me and Bobby became friends. You want to watch a docu-series? It's going to blow your fucking mind. This guy keeps going.

Jay, I set up a separate bed downstairs for me and you to do tummy time. Yeah, what if after I'm there for an hour, he goes, yeah, it isn't working out. I thought, I thought you were going to be funnier. I'm telling you right now. It's either he's going to... Is this your best stuff? He's going to not like you or fucking love you. There's no reason to not like me.

Well, if you don't fucking do what he... If you don't live up to his expectations of you... Listen, all right, I got to become the godfather of this child and do one five minutes set a week at this guy's diner. Don't forget hang out. You got to go over there in the afternoon and get fucked up. Yeah, I subliminally said it it's Tuesday because that's the one day I'm off normally at night.

So now I need to fill it with the diner show. Say you don't want to be home without saying it. Christine, I have to do this diner show, or we're going to have a weird thing with the neighbors. When me and Don were picking this house, we looked at one house that was way out, no neighbors. It was way out in South Salem. But in my head, because I had neighbors so close at that old house,

I was like, this would be nice to just go out in the backyard. I could be naked. I could fucking scream. I can do whatever I want and not have to worry about anybody else. which is fucking great. But it is, it's a little, it would be a little, it would be too lonely for Max.

It's eerie also. I love that shit though. I love being out in the woods, have nobody around you. But I think on a daily in that life, I think Dawn. I think Dawn that's eerie as you're going to be,

yeah, it would be, well, she was the one who said, I can't, I'm not, I'm not going to be out here in the middle of the fucking night and, you know, just me and Max. That's too creepy. Because the problem is,

if you see headlights coming up, you're dead. Too late. It's coming to kill you. But, yeah. Well, I hope this. I hope this. Oh, that was somebody's neighbor in Costa Rica trying to get a spider off the wall.

I just had this. If you're wondering what the correlation was? I just had the surf guy. We did surfing. They hit me up on instant messenger trying to get my bank information today. Really? Yeah, he was like, hey, man. He didn't do it an accent, but I just read it an accent.

Hey, man. Mondo time hanging out. He's like, we need your bank information. I go, your boy, I paid you in cash. And then he goes, all right, bro. Hey, man, don't be scared of spiders. They're not that big. That's not what he said.

Yeah, he did. That'd be great. Don't be spares of spiders, you weirdo. Yeah. Well, Jay, this is going to be, this is going to be great. I can't wait for the next episode of, uh, of, uh, of, BJ and the boys. BJ and the boys. Oh, yeah, dude, for sure.

Yeah. You're going to have to go over there soon. Well, yeah, we got to take a crew pit. picture. We got to get a crew picture. I think I'm going to start wearing a lot more short sleeve button-down shirts. I feel like that's the look I'm going to bring into this crew.

You're going to get a bowling shirt? Yeah, like a bowling shirt. Jay's going to start new Big Jay. And then I'm going to start having weird tan lines on the back of my neck because I wear my sunglasses backwards in the back of my neck a lot. Yes. Do you know there's still Oakley stores? They still sell Oakley's.

I'm about to find out. this is going to be great we should have the college call in with weird neighbor terrible neighbor situations black lou had something funny to tell us too when we come back about his neighbor's thing so we'll get into that and then yeah call up everybody 8669 169 that's the last live show of the week we got a pre-record for you tomorrow but i mean calling today and talk to us guys talk to me i promise you i'm much funnier in real life j's a dud you're a dud in real life it's a fucking wet match

He was so real I don't know if he was sober If he would have said it out loud He goes hey He's real serious in real life I'm like in real life You're watching clips of me at a comedy show On the internet

Hey I just got the fucking high hat From that silly fuck Yeah That's not the guy from tires What does that say? Can I read that? Go back to Captain D Our old friend Captain D

Says Jay I got to admit I avoided my neighbors for years and years. This past year I finally got friendly with the dude across the street. It's been awesome hanging out and smoking and helping out with anything. Oh, no, no. That's what I hope to have with this guy, genuinely. It was just today. He was drunk.

I was not. It was noon. That's the whole story of today. But don't forget, he beckoned you. Also, I didn't love the summoning. Yeah, he summoned you. I do not like being summoned. He summoned you, and then he called you a dud to your face.

If Christine... And then he employed me. And then he employed me. He also did say out loud, I'll pay you in food, which was weird. He did say, he goes, I'll pay you in food, and I'll feed you. I'm like, yeah, what? I'd hope so. At very least, I am doing your show.

I'm doing five minutes a week at your show for free. Big Jays' Comedy Hour at the old Future Diner. Bobby Kelly, where's he going to be? I'll tell you where. McCurdy's Comedy Theater in Sarasota. He's leaving there tomorrow, right? You're going tomorrow? Friday and Saturday I'll be there.

I'm leaving to go tomorrow, yes. You're leaving tomorrow. You like to go in early and get a little friend time with an old Calta. A little Calta time. Trying to get him to walk and yelled him and screaming him to walk like he's an awakening's character. Get up and walk! That's this Friday and Saturday. Is Calta coming to hang out to shows?

Calta's coming down. Sarasota, we're hanging out. Lynn Coplitz on Friday night, Middalen. She's actually... What? Yeah, dude. She lives down there, right? She lives down to Florida, but I think she's headlining Thursday.

Thursday and Sunday, and she's going to middle for me, oh, a feature for me on Friday. Nice. Did she call you to ask you that, or did they just assign that? No, she called me and asked me if that'd be okay. Nice. That's awesome. Yeah, it should be. That's awesome.

I miss Lynn. I love her. We did a TV show together for two years. No, she's the best. Bobby's going to be, of course, Sarasota this weekend, Friday, Saturday. After that, Poughkeepsie, Comedy Works, South in Colorado and Batavia, Illinois. For tickets and all their tour dates, go to punchup.com. live slash Robert Kelly.

And check out his YouTube page at Robert Kelly Comedy and every Tuesday night the Fat Black Pussy Cat Lounge at the Comedy Sower. That's a comedy club. It's a comedy club. That's their actual comedy club. And Big Jay is, he's going to be at Good Nights and Raleigh this weekend. I might add a diner show to that.

I might add a diner show to all my runs so I can get ready. This weekend, tickets still, limited tickets still available. Chicago Improv the 22nd through the 24th. Then he's going to be in West Nyack and Dania B. and then Fort Worth, Nashville for tickets and other tour dates. Please go to big J comedy.com and he's going to be working the Baclavar diner out in Jersey. Dates coming soon. Dates coming soon.

YouTube.com slash Epic Jocas for his live show and a special. Live streaming tomorrow night. We'll be back very shortly. It's the bonfire.