The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Ghost Loads (feat. Mike Feeney)

Episode Date: November 2, 2023

Mike Feeney had a ghost-load the first time exploring himself and Christine exhibits ageism.

I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. O'Courson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bond Fire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now the Bond Fire with Big J. O'Courson and Robert Kelly. In the evening of a Friday night Hit a lion of shining through the window Let me know everything's alright

Summer breeze makes me feel fine Pulling through the jazz run in my mind Some of these makes me feel fine Domingo's a jazzman in my mind I'm not a fan of the song. I'm not a fan of the song. I'm not a fan of the song. I'm not a fan of the song. I'm not a fan of the song. I never knew what Yacht Rockin' to, told me it was Yacht Rockin' that tour of me and you and Ari did. Yeah.

And you were like, you wanna hear Yacht Rockin' and I was like, what the fuck is that? And you played all the songs I love. They had a great Yacht Rock band playing live on the boat. Really? They were the talk-siders, very, very good. They play actually their resident band at Notariety, the place we just can't fester in Vegas.

They have a residency though, they play every week. They were awesome. They were great. They played a bunch of little ambrosia. Oh It did an ambrosia medley and Olivia Newton John medley. They really brought the heat. They brought the good stuff That sounds fun. It always blows everyone's mind when I know all the words to the song It blew me away Because I when we would did the road trip and you were doing them you are the DJ and the driver and the drug addict

Okay Which was scary, but the songs you know the DJ and the driver and the drug addict. Okay, sorry. Which was scary, but the songs. When you started playing Yacht Rock and you knew all the words. They put me at ease. Yeah, you know you're dealing with a real man. You really do. Chris, this is kind of, this is going to Kenny Luggan's B-Sides? Yeah, I do.

I do know those. We have a great guest in the studio with us today is the Bonfire Faction Talk. Ooh, series XM 103. That you little ambrosia coming at ya. Biggest part of me. This is today's top silk shirt rock. It's KSLX, the slick.

We have Mike Feeney's in the studio right, sitting next to me. He's got a brand new special out. And night at the comedy special. Just Bobby, why do you say yourself up to do all this reading? It shouldn't say special. It shouldn't say special. It's a comedy seller. Yeah, that was. Hey, hey, why don't you apologize, Jay? I apologize. When I said, is this thing called, I said it before the break. Is this called a night at the comedy special and everyone said I I didn't I thought it was like a play on words I didn't I know I know it's a night at the comedy seller because he was on my

show and I know and he did it so I would I'll accept your apology now if you'd like to give it no it's okay because Mike said it was his fault him I didn't mind my fault no I'm saying because I read, I'm edit the comedy, and then I stopped because it should say seller, but it said special, that's why I paused. He does in the topologies, bro. Yeah, you really don't do apologies, Jay. Bobby, move on. You really don't do apologies.

Jacob, please, can you get to apologize? A lot of fighting. He doesn't. Hey, don't, hey, look at Jacob. Christine, does he do apologies? What I'm wrong? I mean, dude, you, I'm fucker you talk about What I'm wrong. I mean really just you just said it was because of me when it was because of that all right

Sorry, you know what that I mean that shit it wasn't reading it was you were confused It seems wrong. It seems like it's about something else you guys. It confused you. Your apologies are a gauze. I'm sorry, it was, it was better. That was better. You were confused. That was better.

Sorry. I mean, like that either. You didn't blink or open your mouth. Yeah, you're, you're, you're lipsed in move. You're like, oh, sorry. You were reading fine. It wasn't do with reading. You were confused because it said the wrong thing

and you knew that. And I stopped. Sorry. Yeah, okay, I accept that one. That one. Could you give me a little shoulder at least? Yeah, sorry. I mean, I don't like that one. Can you do my back?

I don't want that. You're gonna... No, you're gonna fall. You're gonna make mistakes sometimes. Okay. Let's... Let's... I guess ultimately it was mine. But yeah, I'm gonna be here.

Goddamn. I'm pretty skinny. I will say you're talking about the driving. There's nothing I enjoy. I do love driving, but I will say you're talking about the driving. There's nothing I enjoy. I do love driving, but I will say something about having someone else in the car and navigating through the playlist while you're driving. And really just, because I go through every genre, man, especially if I don't know the person's musical taste enough, I'll feel them out.

You know, you throw in a little little got rock, maybe like a light EDM, something with a beat, a consistent beat. You see how they react at the heads move and you're like all right not not that much maybe we'll go into a little heavier metal music. You start cranking 8 EDM in the passenger I might do the old C in hell and open the fucking door. But you can go and get it. How long is this ride you? No, no you gotta go very You got to go very slow introduction. Jay and Jay, I mean, your choice is the, you made that trip in the car because you knew how to take us on a Jax and then you you played a little heavy when we had to get somewhere and also when the night of Sun's going down, you want to music to become a little cooler.

On the approach. Yeah, music's not very cool during the day. So what I look forward to during the day is familiarity, fun, a head side to side, wavy kind of song, like something silly. Yeah. From your past. Night time, you're going to want a little more like, whether it be rap or... I do think it also depends on the speed that you're driving.

You can't listen to fast-paced music in standstill traffic. Doesn't work. My favorite thing to do is to drive home late night from drivable gigs. Like, I mean, it's like three hours or so, three and a half hours of Boston, come up with Boston on Saturday night. It's the best.

I love driving home. I do nightgives, but any music sounds good. It's like cruising. I get very, I get into one song and I'll just play it over and over. I'm like mentally ill. Do that too? Yeah, I get into a song and it puts me in a mood and an hour and a half, two hours

and I'm like, I feel this. I think that's called looping, right? It's like a thing looping where people just can't stop listening to it. I'll do that sometimes. I'll start with something. Especially if the first time I go through it and I didn't really sing it out loud, big and loud, some of them I go back to then sing one, then I'm like, oh, I should've smoked a cigarette with that one more time. Yeah.

I think I played porcupine pipe from Neil Diamond, like 17 times one night. Yeah, that brother loves travel and salvation show. Oh. Travel and salvation show. Pack up the babies and grab the old ladies. Are you going to go see the Broadway play? It's Broadway. Yeah, right.

I was going to say is it a movie or something's Broadway? Yeah. It's not going to be an interesting story. I bet. The Neil Diamond story, it's like a boy from Brooklyn. He came to pick a sit in the 10-way park. Forever. Yeah, this song right here.

It's not a thing though, like Neil Diamond's own those guys. He doesn't have a good voice, he just has his voice. Yeah, but it's a, it's... I broke it, I broke it, I broke it, I broke it, I broke it. What are these songs even about? But it's it is Bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip-bip What are these songs even about vanilla soup? These are nuts and doubles I Up in country. Yeah, it's clear. It's our batshit. Yeah, he's crazy

But this in the country road like up Swerving around and coming up over a hill and the sun's going down Start this over I feel like it's already been starting over it over This is the fourth lesson. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam where I'm like, oh, I know I know the ones I like and I was like download The few that I liked when he's playing but I mean one time we were driving up and he goes, you know, this is young fella I was like no he goes my hell you jack my hell you jackson the lady from like the oh you speak time life I only know the name from time life like sounds of gospel, but like this when gospel was like stop hitting me white man I'll pick your cotton, but you ain't my daddy And it was like I mean it was that kind

So good, Jay I just want to kill myself. Don't let him. A fat black lady just screaming about Jesus, dude, that is not a fun two hours in the car. No. No, I'm tired of fighting. Yeah.

I'm tired of fighting. Every day I got a clone, Scrape, just to get her hand. And that's back in the day before they made big fat lady cool clothes They just had a way like a duvet. Oh, yeah, she's just like a fucking she just like a Sumo wrestler. Yeah, she's like a fucking picnic table But she got wild player She's got great voice. I know It's got great voice. I know

Yes, so many of those old like soul songs from Keith Robinson driving Some good ones the mighty mighty Deles It was it was it was just terrible. Yeah, when he had full run it was pretty tough pretty I did six hours with a month. How do you drive? Did you drive fast? No, he doesn't he dry gets a he gets a die coke and He he grabs the steering wheel 10 or two and then leans over. He leans forward. Because he can't see. Hunt shoulders. Yeah, and then he just plays this shit the whole way.

Oh, yeah. You try to touch the, get off the player. Don't touch the knobs. Those are my knobs, player. Oh, yeah. Keep it so full. This is before that into the song. One time me and Ramon Harris fingered a mischievous.

See we're making fun of it but all of us are moving. It is moving but in the car you know, it's like the whole lot. I like any of these type of songs for sure. Cross 110th Street, Bobby Wilmack. These are all ones that he showed me for sure But when it would be when you catch one you didn't like he wasn't gonna change it for you right And he would tell you why it was good and then wouldn't brush his hair

You know the wooden brush keeps it a wooden brush to keep his waves going. Yeah It's star-tac phone phone. God keep the star. Star-Tack, man. That was, if you had Star-Tack back in the day, yeah. Put out of the one hand, snap it open. That was like a power, like power people had that. That was in, that was came out when I was in middle school. Because it snapped in half to like that cool shape.

Yeah. Because everybody, like my socio economic status was the Nokia just the straight Nokia sometimes you'd have the removable face play to go but like that little candy green one or something like that play a little snake But you got a flip phone like Jesus Christ. Who are you? I was when it did debt to get the newest Yeah, I remember I borrowed money from my grandmother to get the new the new Sony phone that had the little it had a little arm That swung down and that was the mouthpiece Boy the old star tech is that you and then people started getting next tells

But then the problem was when you have walkie-talkie feature you're an elevator and someone would be like hey mother fucker You're gonna show up to my hey Yeah, that little chirp, that was pretty... That was pretty wild. I'll tell you this. Oh, that's wild. In today's date, I say you have, if in the last 10 years, you've put your phone in the phone holder

that they still somehow give you for some reason when you get a phone case. If you keep your phone external on your belt, I don't, you're a jerk off. I don't know if I've ever liked a person in the world who keeps their phone on their belt. Not a single person needs that fast of access. They can't go the extra two inches into their pocket.

No. Also, here's the thing, like you've been thin, I assume your whole life. Sure. So, there's also something to wearing like a team-oval sidekick or something on my side. Oh, yeah. It was big. Also, you feel it digging in the your fucking fat a little bit.

Yeah. Which is another thing that's why I probably can't. Maybe I'm judging people wrong. It's just because I'm fat and can't wear. I can't wear phone. I can't wear phone. You can't wear your skinny though because it looks like a taffy waist. Yeah.

Yeah. Get a puff sound. But you put the phone in your front pocket. I hate that. I hate when I see a common sage. And they have the, when they, these comics that wear their phone in their front pocket, and you can see the square outline

in their little tight jeans. Yeah, you're an idiot. Where do you keep your phone? Where I keep my phone on the stool. On the chair. Yeah, I don't, I don't put it in my pocket. Oh, yeah, fuck that. Well, when you're walking. Huh,. Yeah, I don't put it in my pocket. Oh. Yeah, fuck that. But when you're walking.

Huh? When I'm walking, I hold it. Front pocket. I put it in my bag, my gooch. So my, on my Louis Vuitton, on my coach, either one. I don't know. Sometimes I forget. I try to take my phone out of my pocket when I'm on the phone.

Yeah, don't take it. Christine said, don't say coach. But when I look down and see that the phone outlines in the pocket, that does bump me out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's, I don't like it. You do that, not on purpose. I've done things where I found like my wallet was in my front pocket or something. And I'm on stage and I realize it like 30 seconds in.

And then I'll like punctuate a joke and like slowly like in between jokes. I just try to inconspicuously put it in the back ones. I'll be able to know. It's, yeah, it's really a, it looks looks bad you see pictures and you're like what is that right angle happening on my mouth it's my stupid fucking giant phone. I take my phone put it right on the stool and I don't even touch it until I sometimes I record every set though I've never listened to any of them but I record every set. Every single I just record it.

Yeah I've every set. I just look today I have 18 gigs of voice memos that'll just never be heard just sets. Yep Just sets why I'm supposed to listen back to it get better comedy and write and stuff I do I do I do mark that not all those go on stage and just wing it I do mark it as like if there's a good set I'll be like like this is this is like a hot set. If other ones I'll be like never listen to this ever,

you know, like just, you know, there's a ranking system. I do it to, I can touch, I go over and touch it. And I, or like now the phones always on, I can see where I'm at. Like I know I'm at 45 minutes, I get this much left. It's amazing to me. The comedy clubs still some of them have no clocks. Reference of time. Yeah. Which weird is when they show there's some clubs I get this much left. It's amazing to be a comedy club still some of them have no Clox reference of time. Yeah, which weird is when they show there's some clubs that have clocks But they have like it's just the actual time

So you have to keep you have to remember like when you got on and it's like okay So 17 now and that means it's been you're not wrong, but I've had that too But I do know it's that's better than just nothing. Just waiting for the light. It's better than that. I'll have it up here. And I hate when I had one club that had a countdown clock, which made me panic. Because it was like 10, 9, 8.

I was like, fuck, when it goes the other way, I'm fine. But if it counts down, you know what? It's the best one. The laughing skull in Atlanta. All of a sudden, a light just slowly goes on. A red light, it comes on and it says, hi, I'm your light. It's so gentle and nice.

Yeah, it's fucking great. Yeah, I like that, man. Hi, club. Old women hook up club, I'd say. But this laughing skull? Yeah, it's a good situation for like going to like taking somebody to a show it's like a full-night date you could have like right there right? Oh, cuz yeah They got the whole restaurant. It's everyone's like it's like a bar restaurant. Yeah, it's a guy barry thing Yeah, people like it's tattoo

Constantly yeah, yeah, I was like man. It seems like a real just like a fucking house. It gets a little crazy later at night though Cuz they have that gay club across the way. Trans club and it's violent. Yeah, what? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it gets a little crazy. A violent trans club? Yeah.

It's a name of it. Violence trans. Violence trans. But they say there's something going problems there. Constantly. Well, because there's a lot of guy guys. And a lot of straight men have lives that just dudes and they go to it and hook up.

So it's like that type of test. Like it's regular guys who bang chick test us around, meeting up with other guys, and it gets a little crazy. Guys, hookin' up with guys, meetin' guys. Who are women who are now, yeah. To new show on MTV. Yeah, it's right across the street, so it's like it does get dicey down there. It gets a little dicey. But not so much. See myself as a twink. No, it's pretty, it's right across the street. So it's like it does get dicey down there.

It gets a little dicey. But not so much. See myself as a twink. No, you are. You're definitely twink. Jacob, you wouldn't be a twink, buddy. He is. I prefer the penis with the trans woman. Of course. No, twink is hairless. No, he's a twink. No. Oh, look up a twink. It's his body. What about an otter? Now, the otter? You're taking just body size. There's different names for different body size. I know. You're just going by the names. We had a trans woman, Bailey J. Say what? Jacob is.

She didn't see how she did. She did say it. She knows she's a fan of the shop. She doesn't know me. Yeah, she does. She doesn't. She doesn't know you. She knows who you are.

She knows what she does. What would you call me, Jay? I'm sure there's a name for it, but it's not twink. What is Otter? Otter is Joe DeRosa. Yeah. That's what she said. Like a Pudgy.

A Pudgy hair. Yeah. Let's let's let's move on from the queer stuff. Before we get off, Jacob's getting nervous. I just want to say Jacob, I have your back. A big deal. A bit of a twink, dude. All over your back, you twink.

I wouldn't do that. I'm not in the twink, dude. And I'm in the U. You're in the U. I'm in the U. I told you, did I tell you about this thing with the Lufa? You did. Did I tell you this already?

Did we say it on the show? I don't know. I don't know if you said in the show, but it's interesting because it used to be a noodle. It used to be a noodle. Like a pool noodle. It used to be a noodle. Used to be a noodle. Like a pool noodle. Used to be a pool noodle on the back of their little golf cart a different called a certain pool noodle,

and that's how you tell you could tell a cool. Like a little golf cart? Yeah, a lot of people drive golf carts in these communities down in Florida. So on their golf cart, you put this color pool noodle, and that's what you're into. And now in the cars, they put the scrunchies, what is it called?

The Lufus. They put in the back of their cars. This Lufus, it tells, you know, if you're a full swap couple or if it's like swing or shit. But I feel that's my first question that I still haven't seen to get an answer. I'm like, why the coating stops when it red light like, hey, I'm like two miles from here,

you guys wanna follow me in full swap? You just slide the minivan door open, get in. What's the, what is it? White, what is it? Oh, by the way, it says from the villages, which I think is the place. Yeah, the villages where it's at, yeah. Did they,

Florida's friendliest, what does it say? Home town. White is for beginners classic us Missionary and dip in your toe and that's the yeah, it's like we just maybe we'll watch or yeah black is of course full swap Purple oh, wait, sorry. Let me just share Lou Yeah, black losing need this Black Lewis full swap. Purple is voyeur and people who like to watch. I'm purple.

You like to watch people. Yeah, I'm a purple, isn't it? I see if someone said that about a thing when you put the signs in front of your door, like the pink flamingos or whatever, and that someone's a creep if they do the thing where they want people to be watched, I would definitely look through a window at a couple fucking before I wanted to go in for sure.

I like to, I wouldn't mind watching because I feel like it's, you know, the swapping part would scare the hell out of me, because if I did something wrong or... Well, pink is soft swap. What's a soft swap? They like to do it with others in the room, So that'd be you banging Don, me banging Christine, but we're just in the same room. We're just congregated, but we're not really doing anything. I'd do that.

But I'm peaking over. I'm taking a look at Don's tit. Yeah, I'm looking at it. You're taking a look at Christine's butthole. Yeah. We're just drinking it all in. I'd do that. We should do that up to Tiny House.

This spring. You want to try it out? Yeah. You fucking throw Max up in the fucking shelf room you listen. No. No. We're gonna throw him up in that people shelf

you put him in. Can I put him in? No he's can't. We're gonna get James to come up. Hey, did you know Max is the only nine year old, not masturbating and looking at pornography? Oh, wow, that seems highly unlikely. You think, when did you start a watching point?

I mean, porn didn't exist until I, I mean, like, internet porn didn't exist until I was probably like, but porn, well, but when did you start a jerk and off to porn? I don't know, I don't remember the exact age, I guess. But at the time, you're an age now of internet porn.

I know it was pre-white come, it was still clear come. I'm a throw up. So that's, you know, you know, before your come turn, I do, ghost loads. Yeah, but yeah, yeah, it's like, it's like the clear come. So whenever that is, so that's like before you know you know before your come turn Dude ghost loads. Yeah, but yeah, oh, yeah, it's like it's like the clear come so whenever that is So that's like before puberty, right? Yeah absolutely My problem is my first time I jerked off was in the shower So when I came I didn't know what happened my knees just like buckled, but I didn't see anything

Yeah Yeah, I hit my head on the faucet Yeah, you need buckled. Yeah, I was like, I hit my head on the faucet. The max has. He's fucking found love with yourself. Yeah, yeah. Bobby, how many devices does Max have like, cell phone? Vibrators, three.

Yeah, three vibrators and one pocket pussy. Why? Maybe you're right. I don't know. Maybe you're right. You think he's just pocket. He's just for. Yeah, he's gonna keep changing them.

He's good at hiding it. He was putting his change in the pocket pussy. Yeah, he found my, he did find my blowjob machine. Did I have that? Well, I wanted on the Yankee swap on the regs a couple years ago. And I took it home. Yeah, I kept it. And he told me funny if I kept this,

because you know, you know, be fucking hilarious if I use this a bunch. Yeah, bring this on the road with me. Oh, do you know, be really hilarious if I named it and didn't tell anybody if I use this a bunch. Bring this on the road with me. Oh, do you know what would be really hilarious if I named it and didn't tell anybody that I do this? Does it work? I haven't used it. It was in the box.

Is that it? Don't hit it on me. Was that your suck machine? That was my suck machine, yeah. Nice. And I, she hit it on me. I didn't know what it was. And then Max found it.

The funny part about those things too is I've never used one of those either, but it feels like it would be, what they never advertise is how loud it has to sound. You know what I mean? It's probably like that. HMMT, HMMT, HMMT, HMMT, HMMT, I don't know how to do it.

Like get an actual proper, it's not quiet. It's not silent, I would imagine. Just loud. Not if it's gonna make a human being come. Right. Right. If you take it into the bathroom

and be inconspicuous, just hear it through the door. Yeah, sounds like an old electric toothbrush like the first one. The first son of care. Bobby, you did it though. You have the only kid who's not masturbating the internet pornography. Well, we'll find out. I'm going to find out and if I'm wrong, I will. It was a while. What was it? Because I got it. Because yeah, you guys are older than me. I got it like right when I was, I had to download images and it would, it would literally, it would be that 56k. I would just start seeing like, I always stopped at tips because it never got,

it took so long to get the full thing. I just be like, give me the tip, you know, it was like a printer. But also, yes, and it'll be blurry and then slowly like pixelate into like looking. But also if you like Google Google a picture of a pussy when you were a kid and just saw a close-up picture of a, it was like horrifying.

You know what I mean? Just a close-up picture, like a fully zoomed in. I don't know what you mean, but I still feel like I had like a, the reason I want to lick that. It did look like a crater on a moon. Yeah, yeah, it was all blasted apart very dusty Let's look at these other loophies here pink is soft swap people like to those the room blue is the lowest level of full swap Those who can play well with others now I'm assuming

It's maybe jumping into like you maybe a little touching I guess maybe maybe jumping into like maybe a little touching, I guess, maybe? Cause there's too many of these, cause like, there's yellow, is mid-level swap for those who want to have fun, but are still nervous. That's like, all you're adding for changing colors is nerves. Wouldn't that be reversed though? Wouldn't you be a little nervous right after pink swap? Yes, that's what I'm saying.

Yeah, that should be the next level. Then black is full swap. Full swap. Those who say what the hell, let it all go down. Which is what be the next level. Then black is full swap. Full swap. Those who say what the hell, let it all go down. Mother. Which is what makes the most sense. Motherfucker. If you're gonna do it, swinging with rules, like making them on the flag based off

Lufa colors is a lot to lay on people. Do you know what I mean? Like, you really just gotta like, I don't know where I go fucking or what. It's like, just don't touch your butt. Just don't touch your butt, it's like the one thing. But the bothers me with touch your butt. Right. And it just seems like.

I bet this depends on looks too. You know what I mean? Because if I hooked up with a smoking hot couple, I bet the rules would change on our end a lot. But their rules would probably change too with me. Did you overbang a guy? I'm sorry, what? Did you overbang a guy's chick in front of him? Thank you for adding chick. I didn't I haven't I've been wait No, I didn't bang. I got a I got a BJ in front of the guy. That's yeah, that's what happened to me. Yeah, I was that was in front of in front of the guy. That's, yeah, that's what happened to me.

Yeah, that was in front of the guy. In front of the husband. Was he jerking off or was he just like, no, no, no, no, he was actually punching his hand. No, I think he was like, he went the fucker a couple of times from behind while she was sucking my dick. I don't even know if I finished, it was all very, it was like way early on the road with a tail.

I think I would rather have that because mine just hid in the dark corner and watched see That to me would freak me out because I feel like there would be this anger that like maybe the guys like maybe I'll be into this and then Midway through the blowjob. He's like nope on piss and then attacks me when I'm at the most I have videos of that happening where I don't know if it's real or not, but it's very possible now this guy wasn't like It was he was definitely like, I think he was like upon mostly his suggestion, but it was,

but if he was just watching, I probably couldn't have done it at all. The only reason I was able to do it, is he was like, going down from behind or so, whatever it was, she was also like, but he also went fast because it was like,

in theory a good, like, you know, again, like full ball's decision, like yeah, it was fucking do it, it could be what, and because it was like in theory, a good like, you know, again, like full ball's decision. Like, yeah, it's fucking do it. It's gonna be wild. And then I was like, oh, she was like, she was a big, big girl. Oh, mine was hot. Yeah, this mine was really gorgeous.

And really like her body was smoking. And yeah, he watched, and he was cool about it though. He was kind of like, you know, talking to her and saying, do this, do that. And I was just kind of, I He was kind of like, you know, talking to her and saying, do this, do that. And I was just kind of, I was just a dick on a stick. Oh, it didn't matter who it was. No, they knew me.

They were fans. They were really cool about it. Have you seen them since? No, because the next time I saw them, it was a couple years later, they came to my show. And, but I was getting wait and they didn't want to do it. No, that's so. But they may want to do it. Yeah, that's It was bad. I was like hey guys, and I was all excited. I was like guys wait for me after that. No, we got to go

Yeah, I was like all right There's a weight limit at this party. There was Terrible was damn sucks. Yeah, that after a G8 huh about you eight Yeah, I got one of8. Huh? The B8? Yeah, I got one of those stupid jerseys, everything in a sandwich. You know, like fries, chicken, cutlets, sausages, and a fucking sesame seed on.

The final level, if you will, where you reach the glow, is a teal, but you know. Teal, which is bisexual. Yeah. For those who'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I've sang that in the shower. Talk about a song I started over three times in the shower, the last dragon main theme song. Luce says there's a call in the line. It says sister sells real estate in the village's community. Oh really? That's where everybody else is. I wonder if when you buy a place, do they give you all those lufas?

Because sometimes you'd be like, I don't know if I can find a specific blue. Sometimes it'd be a little more teal, but I mean blue. Yo Mike, you have to earn those lofas because sometimes you'd be like, I don't know if I can find a specific blue, sometimes it'd be a little more teal, but I mean blue. Yeah, Mike, you'd have to earn those loofas. There's nothing worse. Those are like AA chips. Yeah.

There's nothing worse than a fricacy Florida old lady trying to be sexy. It makes me laugh so hard, wearing Mrs. Roper clothes, and just like wacky makeup and leather skin with a big fake tits, and just like wacky makeup and leather skin with a big fake tits and just that wacky big chunky jewelry. She has liver spots on her hands. Absolutely.

Yeah. You notice a lot in porn, there'll be a lot of times where the the woman who just had a boob job like she just couldn't wait for the scarring to go down like where it's like an immediate. It's called paying for the boobs. Yeah. What do you want to do? Just change the camera angle. to go down like where it's like an immediate. It's called paying for the boobs, my. Yeah. What do you want to do?

Just change the camera angle. Work at Dunkin' Donuts for a few months. Yeah. You're like, you're still, there's still, there's still oozing because. She's gonna suck that dick to get that money. Yeah, then film up top, you know? Should we talk to this?

Yeah, why not? What's his name? Oh, you got a Lufa code. Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray, what's's up Ray? You're on the bonfire. Hey, how's it going? My sister lost Elz real estate in the villages. So when we go down there to visit, you see the golf carts riding around with the different lufas. Yeah, they have one. Yeah, it's so weird. Yeah, they there's old people like to drink and fuck and I think they had the highest rate of STDs in the state of Florida in the villages. I heard that now is there a is there a is there a one if you just don't want if you just

Just want to live in the villages because it's nice property. Is there a loofah for like? You probably find out quick though you see him there's hundreds of people riding around golf cars that's what they do and I think they bring over it's like hey I brought you over this pie when you take the lid off it your dick just do the whole you'll welcome the town bitch suck it there's a documentary about the villages is pretty good it's about two hour long I said it's kind of it's kind of sad as shit. There's one guy who doesn't have a house.

He's like homeless. And he's just banging old ladies to have a place to stay. It's kind of sad. If you're into old women though, I bet you, if you're like 30, you could just show up there and just run through that place. To me, it's the, what you think of the old ladies,

it's the receding gums. They sit there right there. They all have giant teeth and that's intimidating to my cock. Interesting. Like when I see that, do you know what I mean? They just have big toothy mouths. Yeah, their fucking faces are falling.

Right. They're 70. Yeah, yeah. How old would you fuck though? I'll be off throw it to you first. Yeah, yeah. How old would you fuck though? Bobby, I'll throw it to you first. Thanks, Jay. I would probably say 60s. I mean, I have to say that because I'm 53.

I mean, it's not that far away. Do you know what I mean? 60s, like 65. I would say 65. And now look, here's the thing though, as you get older, well, you're younger than me. So look at my boss is 66. Call him 65.

Could he look at a hot 65 year old, and see if there is one? Oh, for sure there is. I think 65 would be my cut off right now, but in a few years it's gonna be 70. Yeah, these are not fair. Christy brother doesn't care. I mean, Christy, I've got a drink here at 100.

Oh, there you go, right there. Us, right Yeah, that's not fair. I mean, this is a prankly at a hundred. Oh, they go right there. Right there. Us right there. Is that Elon Musk's new Helen Miran? Helen Miran. Yeah, why don't you fuck Helen Miran, Bobby? That looks like it'll be a fun time. I do it. You get to talk about theater afterwards.

You're not entering properly. Yeah, they're curvy Kate. Now we're talking. That's what you're running the mill 60. But that's what the village is offering. But she has my stomach stomach you got a fucker Gravity has taken a toll fucking belly button looks like a well-eye Susan Lucci There you go 70 right there Susan Lucci's hot

um No, Bobby these you're not supposed to have said I mean you ask me Christine please look up curvy Kate and her work, please. You also need to like, it's a different sort of set, you know what I mean? You're not gonna be having like aggressive, plowing set.

You have to, you have to rub that stuff under your nose, they do it autopsies, so they don't throw up. Did you have to, climb? Yeah, the, the, the, the, the worst is the the noises I've watched like elderly porn for the shits and gigs I mean the noises they I tell you if I whack to it the noises they make are really oh It's all like Dealing with it

It's because that's because their hips hurt Any that I've ever seen who's not very performative. It's a lot of just like Curby Kate porn silent almost which is so bad It was just showing her on the thing this has to be oh god. It looks so different. Yeah, it's not It's just terrible Kirby Kate was supposed to be an old lady Yeah, no other pictures. All right, never mind. Whoofy whoofy. Um, yeah, there's no Never mind. Whoopie, whoopie. Yeah, there's no,

listen, 65, I'd say for myself to base solely off the idea that there's someone who can blow your mind, that there's 65. Should we blew Nixon or something? But you're run of the mill, 65 year old. Well, I mean, run of the mill regular check would probably be maybe 58 for me, 60 at the most, but if you're talking a hot, you know, a top of the line 65

What's the youngest you go now and keeping my I'm saying it's all 10 and Fini how are you what 35? 35 years old so it's Nothing be different. It's nothing. It's the youngest. I mean, you know, it's in Thailand Just let me let me feel you answer if you don't laugh when I say something terrible like that. It's just me being terrible Being Bobby you're in the 10 year olds. I guess I'm not gonna go sign that I celebrate that. Yeah, maybe Face move them on I mean it was a joke guys was it now? Okay, you were salivating when you said it. Yeah, what's that go to commercial Jacob? Okay?

All right, if you say so Yeah, what's that go to commercial Jacob? Okay. All right, if you say so. I say I the youngest of a go would be 30s. 30 30 and up I would never go under. There's too much hopes and dreams. There's too many too much too much energy too much. They want to do things. They want to go places.

I still have late 20s in me. I don't. I don't. I don't think I do. I can probably do late 20s in me. I don't, I don't, I don't think I do. I could probably do mid 20s. Again, if it's a situation where it's like fuck and then, all right, nice bullshit with you. Chera, smoke a cigarette and get outta here.

I'd go like a long extended hang, I would be like, it wouldn't be worth the fucking cause I'd be like, oh man, I'm gonna be like, I almost feel bad that I'm being mean afterwards that my soul fault would be like, how do we wrap this up now? You know, I mean, I don't know what else to say to her and like, what to talk about.

Yeah, like after sex, what do you wanna do now? Put my mouth tape on and go to bed. What do you think I wanna do? Yeah, what do I wanna do? Put on my various creams and salves on my body. I have to do to make sure my joints don't freeze up I want to put one headphone in and put a Joe Rogan old episode on Slowly go to sleep and try to become a better person

Just wake up with the ability to fucking hunt. Yeah Hey, I got some super in the bison and yield the grass Tyson Bison Tyson 35 you go young I think it could be anybody. I love that we're all like three people in relationships like we're gonna fuck people It's like a layer. I can't it wouldn't be anyone that you had to be able to drink like legally It could anything below that is is seemingly You could anything below that is seemingly... 21.

...is predatory in nature. Christine is a genius. But even 22 tells insane. Tell that to most famous comics. That's it. Christine is so awesome. Christine, is you get older? Hello.

Christine, is you get older? You are. As you get older, I'm watching it every day. As you get older, does your number change? Because there's also a thing with women that switches. I told you that girl who said she fucked three people in two days on the boat. She was 41 and she was like embarrassed to say

the first question of the world was 25. And I'm like, but that's not that crazy to me. Because I think women, again, also an older woman who fucks younger guy will do like the Fuck the guy and be like, okay, I'm going to sleep now Yeah, and the guy would just fucking be like, oh, but I guess that was a win all around you know, I mean but like Guys like you can't just fuck a Twenty-one twenty-two-year-old girl and then be like get out. I'm gonna get you. Yeah, they're like what? Yeah, I mean god forbid. I'm not saying they want,

some of them want to leave, probably too. But I'm saying, if you do get into that, caught up where it's like, we just had sex, you want me to leave it. Fuck. Yeah, that becomes an issue. Do you remember on the Caltech cruise, that crazy woman, that old woman

who was giving everyone lap dances on the podcast? Remember Bob? She's banged like a 30 year old. She was, she must have been like in her 60s, right? She like took her pussy out and flashed it. And then she was grinding on everybody and getting that bit. But she was also black out drunk.

But I think she was probably, she said she had banged like a 30. How old would you pay her for? I'd say mid 60s. She had to be 60s. There was another one too, actually. Stop me up on the deck. She's just like, hey, I was like, what's up, how are you?

And she's like, fuck, I just want to fuck and nobody will fuck. And I was like, all right, see you later, I gotta go. That scares the shit out of me. You know, just some aggressive lady. Just, I want to fuck and nobody wants to fuck. It's like she's mad at me and every guy on the ship because nobody wants to fuck her. When I get upset with audiences for not getting a reference if I make it did I said a lady

This weekend on the boat had just no bottom teeth. She had all her top teeth no bottom teeth And I said well, dude if you come in her mouth, don't make her laugh for it's gonna shoot out like trondisks That's a go-un trond on discs dude. What a great reference Fuck everybody Oh wow The show's moving so fucking fast. I feel like you're a mid-question on me Yeah, how young would you go?

Or old, I want to know both Or old, yeah But young, I don't know if you, I don't know I feel like you'd go younger When you get older Do you know I'm saying I think I think now like a yeah Yeah, I mean, I don't know any 25 even seems like super young, but anything below that seems creepy Especially with like Isabelle being 21 same thing like yeah, so you know you don't want an old vagina You like a young vagina. No, so you don't want an old vagina.

You like a young vagina? No, I think I would go older. There's this woman we were gonna hook up with years ago. Remember, she was very pretty, but I was like, she's like a lady. I'm like, I don't, she's like my aunt's friend. You know what I mean? It just didn't seem like somebody I'd want to sleep with. And then also like, I mean, J's 45 going on 46.

It's like when I was in my 20s, the idea of fucking a 40 year old was like gross. Yeah. Sure. Still is. Still is. Still pretty gross.

I can't even just send your agent, you still somehow like, stick a little of offense to that. You're like, hell. Yes, but they did that. Did you talk to his manager? Chris Taylor. Wrap it up. Wrap it up.

Jacob, give her the fingers, please, in the face. She only gave the bottom not lower you gave 25 so what's your upper limit? Probably around 50 now. I wonder if it did the same for girls So close Although you could read for 50. I could do 50. I could do 49. What do you need Kristen? I could do 50 I could do 49 what do you need Kristen? Yeah, so Bobby's 53 so not Bobby's so Bobby's too old for you damn well That's a 16 year I don't know I wanted to hear what you said Bobby's three years too elderly for you to have sex with now. That is fucked up Christine.

You could say Bobby's age. 53. 53. You say you'd look younger. I think you'd go under 50 for that, right? Well, it doesn't matter. You are 53 and Christine thinks that's gross. Well, I thought the show was making me feel happy.

I don't think it's gross. It's like you guys are both over 15. See what I mean. It's like you guys don't seem like old men to me Where's like I think I speak for Christine when I say you? Gross to you Christine. No, you're not gross. She just does She doesn't want to fuck you either old twink I wasn't talking about me. Yeah, well, but he meets that he's still within the breath. You're under 50. No. Oh, wow. Jacob's over 52 out of the game. You look great. I work out. He's a over 52 instead of 53. But you'll see you know DJ DJ Lou you can still get it black Lou. You're still in dude. Wow.

Well, we're like the same age. Black Lou, you can tear that ass up if you weren't a cowboys fan That's the problem I have with it. You're gonna fuck some Cowboys fan. You can go, not only did you cheat on me, but you're gonna cheat on me with a fucking like J.J. Cowboys fan. Oh, okay. Wow, it's not where we thought you were going. Woof.

Woofah. Woofah, Loufah. He must've got to wrap it up hands again. Woof Whoofa, whoofa. Whoofa, whoofa. He must have to wrap it up hands again. Whoofa, purple, whoofa. I know we do have to wrap it up hands right now everybody. Mike Fienny. Mike Fienny. He's got a new special called a Knight of the Comedy Seller

streaming right now on YouTube. Make sure you check that out. Yeah, Mike Fienny.com for dates. Yeah, yeah, Mike Fienny.com for dates. I also did all four rooms of the comedy seller and one night I directed it, I edited it, and it's on my YouTube channel YouTube.com So I did everything. It's a great special.

Did too many things. We did say that before you came in, you know, I don't get that we whiffed on that one. Bobby told us that they put on Christine Austin. Yeah, yeah, of course. You edited it yourself. Directed it. Yeah, if you want to check it out, share with some friends. I appreciate that. Big J.O.K.S. is going to be a Cobb San Francisco November 4th through the 5th out that that he'll be in Milwaukee Philadelphia Cleveland Houston for tickets and all other tour dates visit bigjcomedy.com

Bobby Kelly's coming home on comics come home in Boston that's November 4th this weekend. And today's going to be post down PA Baltimore Donut Beach. Sarah Togo Springs for tickets and all tour dates go to robberkillylive.com. Hey everybody thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual Sirius XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to SiriusXM.com slashbombfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you. to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you.

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