The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Givin' The Pivens

Episode Date: November 22, 2024

Bobby has yet to watch the premiere of Yellowstone and Jay tries to tell him about it without spoiling. A pile of fliers for Jeremy Piven's stand-up show were left in the studio and Jay is still giving them out as rewards. Bob was surprised to learn that Dan Soder made a romcom movie and watches the trailer. Jay's stayed in a condo instead of a hotel when he played The Mothership in Austin. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big J Elkerson and Robert Kelly Before we even turn the mics on Christine's already down Now to pivot flyers you gave her a whole pivot took away a whole pivot for her behavior today trying to start up Show worthy conversation just anything goes. Hey guys before we turn these mics on What was everybody's first concert? I'm like, why would you waste that on? Yeah It was very interesting. But in her defense, no, I don't listen, I don't, don't take any pivans away. I don't want to. Well, you're zero pivans right now. I know. I just don't want to be minus a pivot out of the gate. In her defense. Christine's the

only ones whose negative pivots carry over. Okay great. In her defense, she was...we were having a conversation about who this guy...I asked who this guy raped and you said nobody, that's why he never made it. And then she was like, this is my first concert. I had a little one-off thing. Now she didn't say this was my first concert. She said this is my first concert. It was supposed to be blah blah blah blah blah.

And then someone said it didn't show up and then he had to come out And open and then and then she was gonna tell you The best part of the story is that he and I'm stealing it from her He opened and closed with this song, which is really hilarious. Although limp is good was supposed to do that and they just didn't They ran out of time. They were supposed to open with this song. They're supposed to open and close, but this is how we do it That's how. So funny. See, that's how bad Christine tells stories. Now you're confused.

I have a present for Christine. Yeah, he didn't show up because, or no, the TLC didn't show up because Left Eye burned down Andre Risen's house, right? Yep, it was right then. Oh, Christine, look, a bag of coke. You might not, and that's not a coke. You might not get a P pivot, but you got this

What is so cute it says Cuban it has a little heart it's a little keychain Okay, just so you know that can be taken away at any time by Bobby now That's the beauty of giving is that you can take it away. That is true. So are we allowed to call it Indian giving stiller? Yeah, yeah native giving away. That is true. So are we allowed to call it Indian giving still or? Yeah. Yeah. Native giving. Is it indigenous giving? Indigenous giving. I like that. Oh, my armpit hurts. What does that mean? Um, I don't know dude, something's wrong with my left side of my body. Uh, you know, when we go to that, uh, the doctor lives across street from me. Yeah, Dr. Gill. Yeah. And his, um. His laboratory? In his apartment laboratory.

His fridge laboratory? Every time he does the Botox in my armpits for sweat, he literally goes, ooh, we got a little deposit right there, little things that that hurt, and I go, yes, and he goes, it's fine though, a lot of people have it, and I'm like, stop, I didn't know it was there at all, though, now, you fucking son of a bitch.

What's a deposit of what? I don't know, man. Of fucking cookies? Yeah, AIDS, cancer. It's from French fries. You got a little cancer pocket in there? Oh, that's weird. Do you have little nuggets?

I guess. I have one right here. Look. See it? Fat noog? Look at my little fat noog. He actually, when I was over there getting something done on my shoulder, he stuck a needle.

He's like, I can take care of that. And I was like, what? And I was like, go ahead. So he just stuck a needle in it and started sucking out. And it did nothing. It did not, nothing was coming out of it. It did nothing. He went and tried, he goes, I had a little bump on my face.

Still have a little bump on my face. Yeah. And he goes, I was like, this has never been there before. It's literally goes, oh, it's just like a little clogged, whatever, something. He goes, I can zap it with the laser. And he zapped it with the laser and did nothing. Jesus Christ. Can I see it? Can I see a little bump?

I see it right there. Yeah. Yeah. Where? Right there. Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, right there. I'm all the way up. Nope, that's not what I'm talking about. Oh, you get another one. I got another one down here. You get two. I don't know, it's somewhere. Isn't it weird, the older you get, little nuggets just start popping up.

You just wake up with a ball. I have one on my hip. Oh, God. I don't know what it is. It's like a thing, and I'm like, do I? I don't know. And then, sometimes when I feel knots in my neck, I try to work them out.

And it almost like you hit it, and it makes your whole body kind of go numb. I'm like, oh, that's probably the stroke I'm knocking loose, right? I'm not going to lose stroke stuff. I'm working this knot, and then it's going to release something that's going to go into my brain, and I'm done.

I have a little thing on my hip that I want to cut open. Just yourself? Yeah, and kind of Rambo it back together. I'm not opposed to, we call this crazy, Rambo-like field surgery. Yeah. I've done a lot of field surgeries on myself. You have?

Yeah. What'd you do? Just like taking something off yourself. I had a skin tag once on my neck. Ooh. Like a small one on my neck. Yeah. I don't know if it was from,

I would wear like necklaces or something before. It's from, can I tell you what they're from? What? Being fat? No, not where it was. It wasn't like a roll-up place I know you're saying though. Yes, but you know, it's funny I luckily have never gotten the armpit ones or anything like that I literally had one on my neck and I believe it was from like when I would wear a necklace and take when I got Really fat I started getting skin tags. Yeah under my armpits Yeah, and then when I lost the weight, skin tags gone. They went away?

The ones I had. Ah, your stomach says you're lying. The ones I had, I got removed, but I never came back. Gotcha, yeah, yeah, yeah. You understand what I'm saying? Yeah, skin tags, because if you look at fat, fat, fat people, they have a lot of skin tags. When you have like a farm of them under your armpit

is one of the most heinous things I've ever seen. You know who had one on their neck? We ever see them on the neck? Oh yeah, that's what I had. But again, it was like a, I don't know, that was very small, it was like a little flap. This looked like little, Liz's ex-husband who used to work at the cellar was big dude.

And on the back, loved him, but the back of his neck, it looked like little villagers crawling but the back of his neck, it looked like little villagers crawling up the back of his, inside the rolls. Yeah. Blech. Yeah, skin tags, look at man, skin tags, disgusting. I don't like them. I actually tied one off with dental floss.

If you have them like that, don't kill yourself, but just know I understand why you wanna. I think you should try and kill. That was responsible, that was very responsible of me. You should cheat. Don't kill yourself, but just know I understand why you want to. I think you should try to kill. That was responsible. That was very responsible of me. You should shoot. Don't, but... You should get them off. 100% get them off. Yeah, well, turns out you can just cut them off

with nail clippers. No, you can't. I did. You shouldn't? I did. There's a blood supply to them. You're supposed to kill the blood supply, and then they fall off.

Right. If you tie, like, tie... Who's got that kind of time? How about this, nail clippers, neo sporn, ship shape, never had a problem again. How about this, just have Christine one night, tie off all the skin tags on your neck. Make it a party.

I really need Christine to not look at me as the person she has to do that for. What happens when you get older, bro? Huh? What happens when you get old? One of you is gonna get sick at some point, and you're gonna have to take care of it. And she's gonna have to take care of it. I hope she has to wheel you into the bathroom

and wash your butt. No, it's gonna be difficult. No, that won't happen. I'll just sit there. I'll figure it out. I'll die quick, probably, because I'm not gonna let somebody... Wipe your butt? ...wipe my ass and stuff. You're not gonna let it? I can't wait.

Fucking Dawn has to wipe my ass. I'll lie there and giggle the whole time, going, ha ha ha. And Christine wouldn't be doing it, I can't wait to, fucking Dawn has to wipe my ass. I'll lie there and giggle the whole time going, -"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I made it on the wide mirror of Jamaican. I don't know accents. That's all right. That guy left. That guy's gone now. That bad man's gone. You know what, good call out, Bobby. You just got yourself a pivin, buddy. Your first pivin of the day. Thank you, buddy.

This feels good. You're the best, man. You are the king. Now, I said I really do a lot of soul searching and thinking here because on Tuesdays, we do, full disclosure, two shows. This is the Thursday show, but we're doing it early on Tuesday.

When we go into our Tuesday live show, emotions could be high because of the pivots, depending on how they've been divvied out and or not divvied out. I wonder if Tuesday's live show, do we have to pretend and just erase? Or do we tell people, hey, just so you know, we're coming into the day,

this many pivots already, and, just so you know, we're coming into the day, this many pivans already, and you just continue from there, because it's one day's worth of pivans. No, you erase the day. When you go on a Tuesday live show, that is a new pivan day. Start from scratch. That's a scratch, just a scratch.

So absolute scratch. So Christine could theoretically be down to negative three pivots, confusing everybody by the live show tonight. Or she could be up two or three pivots. She couldn't. Depending. We'll be like, oh, everybody,

make sure you listen on Thursday because Christine was able to get some of her pivots back. Yeah, Bobby's flush with pivots. I got the second pivot of the day. Second pivot of the day. You gave a pre-show Piven, which I didn't think was a thing. It wasn't normally, it was a game time call,

it was overcome with emotion because I said, I go, oh, who made sure, I, you know, we're moving and shaking, baby, me and you, we're all over the place, our brains are in a thousand positions. Already forgot about the new long-term Piven flyer bit. Right. And when they were just sitting down here on the thing, I said, who brought them?

DJ Lou said me. Zung a Piven right at him. Right in his face. And it's changed his attitude the entire time since it's happened. He's been so excited and very happy. He's so good. I mean, it feels good to get a Piven. I'm vying for these Pivens.

Ear to ear over there, DJ Lou. And it's all because of one man. You don't realize you want one until you get one. Right. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't seem important. If we told somebody else that doesn't understand this at all, right now they'd be like, who gives a shit?

You give somebody else all the pivots. But you get that taste. It's also the way you throw them at us, like, you're Trump and we're Puerto Ricans and they're pivots. That's absolutely right. Clean yourself up. Here's a piv. That's absolutely right. That's what I'm gonna do, clean yourself up, here's a pivot. Get yourself right.

Pivot, that is such a weird thing that he pivoted. Nice, pivoted? He pivoted to, thank you Jacob, appreciate that, to stand up comedy when he got me-tued. Did he get me-tued? He got me-tued in huge way, and he pivoted, pivoted right over to stand up and never stopped. Like this became his thing.

Like he is a... Me tootin' on... No, he's a stand up comic. No, he's a stand up comic. Oh yeah, he's a stand up comic now. No, I know, it's funny, I saw him at the stand one night, and true to comedic form, when he seemed like he knew who I was and he liked my comedy, I, well,

now we're best friends. Oh, you, you, you... No, we didn't exchange nothing. I don't, I've never seen him ever again. He said one day we're gonna have to catch up and really talk, and I was like, blah, judgment night, blah, blah, blah. Oh, shit, by the way, this is bad, this is,

I've never done this before either. This is another unprecedented thing. You fucked up the name of the movie. Judgment Night? No? No, that's the correct name of the movie. No, I've never done this before either. This is another unprecedented you fucked up the name of the movie Judgment night. No, no, that's the correct name. No, we've never done this before When we came but this has nothing to do with you Bobby. You're safe. Okay, you're just safe. This is positive I questioned you though. This is and I questioned you and I was wrong and I I do apologize my Okay, okay powers out of control. Hey, why don't you back off? You guys are all just bowing down to the pivots.

Okay, whoa, someone's cruising for banging down three pivots. Fucking put me down, whatever. What the fuck is wrong with you? Bite your tongue, witch. Oh my god, I know, high gloss. Okay, Christine, you don't want it, it doesn't want you. But yesterday, when we came back from break at one point, he played the song from Judgment Night, You don't want it, it doesn't want you. But yesterday when we came back from break at one point,

he played the song from Judgment Night, Helmet House of Pain from Judgment Night, and I was like, yeah, Judgment Night, because you and Ari were walking around this dangerous place trying to get to where you belonged and not in this scary terrifying thing. The light. What I also forgot, I don't know why,

it hit me when I was driving the Legion of Skanks last night. I got in the car and I was like, man that is such a good song. I even went and put on some Judgment Night soundtrack and I went, son of a bitch, who's in Judgment Night? Jeremy Piven. Lou? Yes.

That's due from yesterday. Fuck yeah. Wow. That's due from yesterday. You got two Pivens, bro. How do you feel? Two pivins, way early in the game today. I mean, he's out of the gate. Jacob's eagerly waiting for a pivin.

I'm just staring at that stack of pivins. No, dwindle him because it's all going over to DJ Lou. He's having a hell of a day today. I was trying to find pivin drops last night, and it is a hard thing to find. Oh, wait. That's a, oh, he's got a great got a great line though, be a goodie. Well I'm not.

What's uh, fuck. Ari from, he plays Ari in Entourage. Never watched an episode. Well good, cause those drops stink. Yeah, never watched an episode of that. Say Anything, I'm sorry, Singles movie, he was on the cash, he was the cashier and he starts uh, he says this to him You're the best man. You are the king

All right, that's obscure. What about the movie with aces the casino movie with Everybody was in it been very bad things. No, I think smoking aces I think here I think for one you should go to Judgment Night one. You'll enjoy watching it again. It's been a while I'm sure it's a great movie. Yeah. Two, he's got a lot of when he tries to smooth talk Dennis Leary so they don't throw him off the roof before they throw him off the roof. Right, right.

He's got a couple smart-ass-y things in there. He was a great Piven character in that. Right. Also severely bald-er. Oh, I know. Back in the day. And then he, but he's got great in that. And then also, let's not forget old school, he's's the Dean that's a great line when they go he goes remember we

put you in the locker because if we put you in locker room cheese and he goes I got out gross point blank what great movie gross point blank that a film you never saw the movie one of best. John Cusack. I know everything about everything. I just never watched everything. Okay. I can tell you what the cover of the VHS looks like, Gross Point Blank.

What is it? It's white lettering, gross point blank. It might be people with guns, but it's definitely like long red lettering, G-R-O-S-S-E, point blank. That's crazy. And then Minnie Driver. Minnie Driver. Minnie Driver was so hot back then. Five seconds. That's crazy. And then Mini Driver. Mini Driver.

Mini Driver was so hot back then. Five seconds. That was her hottest. She was hot, no, I think her hottest was. I know what you think it was. You like apples? Yeah, of course you think it's that because everyone talks like you.

How do you like those apples? Yeah. And then you think a girl is a. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. What did I talk about? Talk the cats out of the ad. That's not the way I talk, you fucking cunt. That's how I read some Costello tweets.

Easy, easy. That's the voice. Ha ha ha. Now that park the car, the park the car. Park the car. No, but that is definitely what it is. It's a Boston story. You're like, oh my God, all of my friends

would have been blown away with anybody from an accent other than our horrible accent pulled into town. And look, she's super smart and hangs out with our piece of shit friend who's a genius. The movie made no sense, but I did love it. I did hook up with a college girl once. Yeah? Yeah, I hooked up with a college girl.

She actually used me. She sexually, like a. Good flip flop. What would that be? She would just make me come over. I really liked her, and she would call me just to come over to eat her out. Okay. You said what is that called? Awesome? Well, yes.

Okay. But it is, if I did that to a girl, what would that be called? Selfish lover. Selfish lover, yeah. She was a selfish lover. She was a very selfish lover. Yeah, I would come over to a dorm, and late night, and we'd hang out a little bit and then I'd eat her out and then she'd tell me to leave. You should get me and Christine are both selfish lovers that's why we never have love. We keep it to ourselves. Didn't you date someone that would do that? What? Just have you go down on her and then kind of be like later?

No no no I think what you're thinking was probably wrong is that my ex that my ex, when we, my ex-wife, when we got together, she didn't have like tons of experience. We were young, you know? But she said in college, she was a real big on like, hook up, let a guy do that, go down on her, and then not return the favor. I'm like, oh, you're lucky you didn't get murdered. That's great.

I didn't, I felt, it made me feel, it made me feel bad. It made you feel hard and no one touching your dick. Yeah, the ride home sucked. Yeah. Yeah, it was sucked. You didn't feel bad about yourself, like, why does she treat me this way? You were like, you're supposed to suck my dick too, you idiot.

Yeah, I remember I used to just play with myself. I felt like a woman. Call it masturbate. That sounds better than playing with yourself. I used to fiddle my bean. Beedle-doodle-doodle-doodle-doodle-doodle. Oh, there it is. Bobby's going to work.

Put a sock in the door. I think she didn't want to be associated with riff-raff Boston douchebags. She was really smart and in college. Right, that's what it was. That girl in Good Will Hunting, Minnie Driver, was over here. She was looking to slum it for a little bit with someone. Right. Before she goes back to her high society family. Yeah, didn't they? I'd have it.

I wish they did a part two of that. Good Will Hunting 2. He's just in jail. That'd be great. Yeah. He fucked. He beat her. He beat her.

Because he never resolved the problems with his own father. He doesn't know anything better. So he beat his own child into being an autistic genius. It's not your fault. He goes, no, my dad put cigars out on me, and it made me smart, so I just want our boy to be smart, you see. I don't know.

I left my therapist very quickly. My therapist died. Because my therapist and me only had about seven or eight sessions. We broke through, and then I left town to follow you. And my therapist hung himself with a sock and a doorknob. All the other guys are in jail. Did anybody watch the first episode of Yellowstone Back?

The new, it's out? It's out. I didn't watch it. I didn't even know it was out, dude. Didn't even know it was out. I didn't even, I. So you don't know what they're gonna do. You know, obviously you know, you were the one

who told me Kevin Costner's not gonna be in it anymore. I knew Kevin Costner was not gonna be in it, but I don't know. Do you know what they did? No, I don't. Interesting. Okay, listen to me. You'll like it. I want, okay, do not spoil it.

I didn't spoil it, I just, you'll like it. I know, but I see your eyes. In what? I don't know, I feel like you wanna tell me what happened. You know, it is a show that's pre-recorded, so I could tell you and then just have Lou remove it and only ruin it for you, But why would I do that? I love you.

It would feel good though. Who hurts you on your life day today? Louis, it's Louis. Louis treats you bad and then you come here and you think everybody on a microphone with you wants to hurt you. I don't wanna hurt you. Louis doesn't treat me bad.

He treats himself bad. Was it, but just to answer this question. Was it, because I know you're finicky when it comes to stuff like that. Okay. Like how they do things. Sure. Was it, did they solve him not being there

in a way where you're like, okay, this works? Or was it stupid? Yes. Yes, particularly when you take in, like at first, my very first thing, I was like, what? And then when, what what we did me and Christine very smartly watch is a 37 minute on Hulu a recap of all five seasons get you like it gives you all the pretty much meat and potatoes you need for everything okay for it which was great

so when you take everything into account yeah yeah. Yeah. I'd say right away like, Oh yeah, yeah, it's so long. I forgot how the show was cliffhanged. And I mean, when the show cliffhanged the way it did, I'm like, Oh yeah, for sure. Now, now someone has to take his place. The person who takes it was abducted. I'm sorry. What? He got abducted. By who? Aliens, man. No, no. No. They're out in the big sky country. Sorry, you're right, I couldn't hold it any longer. He got abducted. You know what?

That's one negative pivot for me. He was abducted. They threw a fucking carrot ball in there. And by the way, the show does not move to an alien abduction format. Life moves on on the ranch. He's just been removed in the middle of the night show him getting sucked up into a ship no no it's just his clothes a burn mark and then and then a weird design in a field and everyone just kind

of knows and I think Beth was like I did hear like something there's some lights but that's then they move on quick and then it's like oh shit we gotta get these cattle south who takes is the person who takes his place Is it is do they do a good job of replacing who he is on the show? Yeah, Dan cook no No, it was seriously just for flashbacks though. He plays young John Dutton The person who replaces him is it good Who replaced we mean like someone has to fill those shoes in the show. It seems like they're just going with the...

They're trusting the cast. So it's just the cast. Nobody else... I mean, I guess you have to say who's gonna be a... Like Matthew McConaughey doesn't step in. Seems like Beth's the focal point, but I have a feeling they've really pushed in the... In the remember this, remember this stuff, which is always a little bit telling,

that he told Rip that it's all his. But they don't replace, like they don't add a new character. Not yet. Not season one that I can say would be like a take place of that. They just really focused on Casey and Beth. Wow, I love Casey. Everybody loves Casey, dude.

Even though I think he has a hair lip. He might have a hair lip. It wouldn't matter. It would. I wouldn't matter. It would. It would bother me. Why, you think he got that from eating unreciprocated pussy? His lips split? Because he always had to do the work

and she would never suck his dick? Maybe he does. I think he does. Might. I think he does. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I just, you know. A replay? He can never get that mustache removed.

Like when Joaquin Phoenix takes it off, it freaks me out. I think he does. Joaquin Phoenix, yeah, he's got something wacky going on. He's got a hair look. Yeah, he's got a hair look. Doesn't matter if he does or not. He is a good looking guy, god damn it. We found his look.

He did. Remember we looked him up in the other movies, and I didn't even know he was in those movies because he had short hair? Yeah, he's got one. No. He's got one right there. Right there.

There's a scar. Right there. There. There. No. Go back. Go back. Slide over.

Other way. No. Other way. There. There. Up. No. Back. There. Right there. Right there. Right there, there. I don't know. He's a fucking freak. He was playing at Westwood Hall last night.

I know it took us seven minutes to get you to see it in a picture you're looking at up close, but he's a fucking disgusting freak. I changed my mind, too. Although I gotta say this, too, when they show him candid, it's never as exciting as Casey the character, which is why the guy from a lot of the guys in Sons of Anarchy were like, oh you know what, I do look way awesomer as a biker so I'm just gonna live life as a biker. He should do that with ranch, with ranch wear. No matter where he, I don't care where in LA he lives, he should dress full-time like

a cowboy. Well Rip is from Boston. Right, no I know. He he now is- He built the car for Will Hunting. Yeah, he's country now. That he left therapy for. He's all country now, like he's all cowboy. Oh really? Yeah, he goes to rodeos and shit. Nuh-uh. Yep. Oh, I love that for him.

I love that he did a complete personality shift in the middle of his life, that's great. I would too though, if I was on that show. So would I. You think when I get a house in Jersey, I'm not going to go full Jersey Shore? Fucking visor hats with spiky hair underneath them? I do have my Westchester quilted green jacket that I wear now that fits me. It's everything you believe.

I told Don when we went into the bakery up there, I go, I need an earth tone jacket. I need less black and more greens and tans. You need some, yeah, you need some, what do you call it, khaki colors. Khaki. Do you like the quilted jacket now? Right here. Don't go away from me.

I have a quilted khaki green jacket. I fit right in the neighborhood now. Yeah, you, the ghost of the bodies buried in your yard. Well, it was kind of freaky going into the bakery with a skank fest hoodie on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were just looking at me like, what's Skankfest? I know, I can't wait.

I want to get a truck and then I want to start wearing, I finally understand Carhartt jackets. In regular life, in my mind I go, Carhartt, why is this jacket as stiff as it looks on a hanger when it's on me? But I'm like, oh, because it's supposed to be on me in a truck.

Yeah, it's supposed to protect you from like flames and oil. Yeah, it's supposed to be on me in a truck. Yeah, it's supposed to protect you from, like, flames and oil. Yeah, it's supposed to be thick. Yeah. You punches from other drunks at a truck stop. Yeah, a wrench flying in the air. Yeah. I love Car Hyde.

Car Hart. That too. I love both of them. I love Car Hart and Car Hyde. Shit, this one's perfect for you. It's perfect for me. The gray. It comes with a hoodie in it, too Oh my god, by the way, I like dressing as someone's real-life work wear as fashion I want to show up in a truck wearing pristine super clean Carhartt stuff

Right now you dress like you work at Party City That's my perfect Carhartt. You're right, Christine. Order it. When I'm up in New Hampshire, I wear shit like that all the time. What are they at? They have it in tall. Fuck me running.

What do you got, a double X or XL? Two XLT. Two XLT. Two XLT. Two XLT. Order it, order it, order it. Because you're saying I'm gonna have to start wearing some T-shirts under that

because I need to wear a nice T-shirt under my rugged outerwear. Well, you gotta get a T-shirt with a pocket. You gotta wear pocket t-shirts. Well in case I want to put pens or rulers in there for construction. Cigarette and a lighter. Maybe a piece of paper to take you know measurements down when you're doing stuff in the backyard. Right maybe I could snap a line or maybe do a laser level. A laser level? Snap a line. Men don't use laser. What does snap a line mean?

You don't know what snap a line means? No. That's a pivin taking back. That's one pivin taking back. Come on, snap a line, Christine. I thought you were rugged, more rugged than that. It's a chop. G.J. Liu, you know what snap a line means?

No. Give it back. Give it back. Oh, he gets one back. That's one return. That's not masculine. Yes. That's not masculine. That's not masculine.

Bobby, I already know. Black Luke, do you know? When you're trying to get a straight line doing something in construction, you get a chalk piece of string and you snap it. Also, I think Saquon Barkley is a fantastic running back. I mean, you know, the way he just did that reverse hurdle. Wow. Fantastic.

I don't know. He's kissing ass for a Pippen. He's a Cowboys fan, though. That's big. That's real big. Black Luke coming in hot. Thank you. That is a legitimate ass kissing Piven.

I mean, we could all do that. It's a Cowboys fan. Listen, it shows you the value of the Piven when a Cowboys fan sees it imploding the week of that very player putting in the screws to them. But Jay, I want wanna say this right now. I love the way your little red bangs how it hangs out of your hat.

That's ass kissing. And I know you do not enjoy the way my bangs come out of my hat. I hate it. I hate. I know for a fact you hate the way my bangs come out of my hat. I don't like bangs. But your personal judgments of me

will not lose you a pivot. All right, I'm just saying, bangs make me sick. It's got nothing to do with it. I can't make it personal. I can't make it personal I can't make it personal If it's personal then I'm dead. It's willy-nilly. I have to go by the rules, okay? Yeah, by the rules of actions you can take shots at me. I'm just saying you look like a little trans boy that wants to play baseball And suck a dick. God damn it. You know what dude your balls to come at me like that No, I control the pivots got you one back

The balls to come after me when you know I have all the pivots It might be the last pivot you ever get Bobby, but son of a bitch you deserve that one Little pivot for you. Yes, Christine, please. Can we find my jacket? Do you guys buy yourself like big gifts? Do you get like one big gift each, or do you buy like a couple's gift? No. Jay gives me like the best gifts ever. Really?

I try to keep up. I've gotten him some good gifts over the years, but he really like kills it for Christmas and birthday every year. Sometimes I have a hard, his birthday and Christmas are right next to each other and like last year I felt like, last year I felt like I got like a good birthday but like couldn't get something else for Christmas. What'd you get him for birthday?

I got you the Louis Vuitton wallet, right? Yes. Yeah. What'd you get him for Christmas? For, what did I get you for Christmas? It wasn't great, I remember I was like disappointed with it. I guess, cause he was too. I remember I was like disappointed with it. Um... I don't know. I guess because he was too.

I can't remember. I don't know. I get... nothing. For Christmas? For my birthday this year? Yeah. I got nothing.

Okay. I got it. Which I'm cool with. I'm fine with it. Doesn't sound like it. Well, here's the thing. When you set it up like I'm going to get something. Yes, that hurts. And then I don't get something, I get a card and, Dawn didn't even make me a cake this year,

she bought a cake, which is fucking nuts. Wow, you purchased her a home. I mean, she has a brand new fucking stove. Yeah. I mean, state of the art. State of the art stove. State of the art ta ta ta. Mm-hmm. And I was expecting my favorite yellow cake

that you know that I love. And. Of course. I mean, she got me a cake, but I got a card and I was cool with that. Is it sheet cake? Is it Entenmann's? It was one of those fucking supermarket cakes. Sheet cake.

Yeah, the higher ones. And no effort cake. Yeah, no effort. Like Wegmans. Yeah. It's nice, but there's no heart. I mean, Wegmans is Sheet cake. Yeah, the higher ones. The no effort cake. Yeah, no effort. Like Wegmans. Yeah. It's nice, but there's no heart. Wegmans is a nice cake. It is nice. Might not be Wegmans though. It was not Wegmans. I'm sure Jay would prefer a store-bought cake over a baked cake on my end. Oh, can I say something real quick? Do you remember the casserole debacle of 2024 yeah I took that recipe I gave it to Dawn and she remade the recipe really lose no mine my awful or awful chicken one remember that terrible it was bad it was bad she made chicken last week that was pretty good

Dawn remade that chicken dish and let me tell you something I got a picture of it somewhere. It sucked. Yeah really? It was not you Christine it was not you. It's a bad recipe. It was a bad recipe. Wow well that makes me feel bad. It has great ingredients I don't know how those ingredients can be so bad. It tasted. They told you to put in dry pasta. It was it was something it was it wasn't, it was good, like the first bite, second bite, and then by the third bite you're like, this isn't good.

Like this is, this second bite is fucking missing. It tastes like if someone was making you eat healthy out of a pre-packaged thing or something. Yeah, it was weird. It was like, this looks like it's going to be fine. I scooped a big bowl. It wasn't even that healthy.

It was school lunch. Terrible. Yeah, school lunch. It wasn't you. It was not you. Well it's going to be fine. I scooped a big one. It was school lunch terrible Yeah, it wasn't you it was not that makes me feel better because it was really yeah, I made chicken. It was all right By no means means you can cook but that's it Actually chicken last week. That was pretty good. Yeah, I enjoyed it. Yeah skirt steak one week. That was pretty good Don made homemade I've been very into hog rotten potatoes, but they're just like boxed potatoes and or Refrigerated potatoes and I heat up you don't make your own Don't make all grime potatoes. She does she's never made a grub from scratch She's from the box from no cuts the potatoes puts them in and makes them from scratch all grotten potatoes

Yeah, a little super slice a little thin thing super thin she yeah super thin cheese potato cheese potato Yeah, the little thin thing. Super thin. Yeah, super thin. Cheese. Cheese, potato, cheese, potato. Broil it or bake it, whatever the fuck she does. Slice her own potatoes. She slices her own potatoes. She made homemade chicken soup last night in like, I don't know, an hour. Went to the store. She goes, I'm making chicken soup.

I'll be right back. Went to the store, came back. Who's sick? Chicken soup? No, she just makes a good chicken soup, dude. I mean, sick chicken soup. Dawn is a crazy good cook. Except for short ribs. Her short ribs suck. Terrible.

I mean, I would rather just bite into the side of a live cow. I made the mistake this week when I was in Austin. I had a Sunday show, so I had everybody over for the Eagles and Cowboys game to come hang out. We got Terry Black's barbecue, which people love. It's fantastic. It's great.

It's really good. How'd you get it delivered, or did you have somebody go wait in line? No, we went and picked it up. They are, luckily, they're huge comedy fans. So it's like, when we're in town, they send word, like, come through, we'll get you guys all taken care of. But we were taking it to go, so like, but when we're in town, they send word like, come through, we'll get you guys all taken care of. But we were taking it to go. So like, I mean, they still, the

guy Jason over there, the manager, he was fucking great. They come over and they just, I mean, the game is a felonious, but probably fed the creek in the cave for two months. I mean, how much they brought back, but it is funny. Housing barbecue before a show night. I've never gotten that, by the way. I've never had anybody go, yo dude, you want something? That's not true. At the mothership? Oh, the mothership.

Did you go there yet? Wow. Twice. Headline twice? Yep. Two full weekends. Two full weekends. Where do they put you up at?

The Thomas? Thompson. Thompson? Nice. They have got a condo in that building now. But I will always say, I'd rather do hotel. Condo was awesome. Was it two floors? No, two bedrooms.

Two bedrooms? Me and Fanoia stayed there. Right. I liked it, that was fine. Like it was fun in that regard. Isn't it the same thing? It's the same place. No, it's not. Here's why. Because in a hotel, I have no respect for most of the rules.

I don't want to smoke cigarettes in my room, and that will also draw a lot of attention. And I don't like doing that. I don't like smoking indoors. So I never have to worry about that, but I'm gonna smoke pot in that room. And there is a list of rules when you have to sign for the mothership's condo that are very like. Like what?

Don't smoke anything inside. There's a balcony. Okay. But then don't, no open drinks. What? Or food in the bedrooms is something where I'm like, I mean, you're talking about my plate, man. That's my coffee table.

Laying down on my belly and eating food in front of my computer is how I do it, man. Are you out of your mind? But I didn't. But that's from hotel living, where you don't have a kitchen or a table. They must have a kitchen and a table. Absolutely.

But I don't want to go live in a responsible apartment on the weekend. You want to live on your belly. I want to sleep on top of sheets, be cold until I'm not, wake up chilly, cover myself with the spare blankets because I don't want to mess up the blankets or sheets. Fuck rules. Fuck rules. cover myself with the spare blankets because I don't want to mess up the blankets or sheets.

Fuck rules. Fuck rules. And then, and then, alright Jacob, come on dude. You know what, there you go, you got yourself a bit. Wow, he waited, I mean a half hour to say something to get a goddamn pivot. I respect that. It was good, it was good, fuck rules.

I respect that. You really, you picked your shot. I also have every belief that Rogan has nothing to do with this, but the rules are written in the tone of like an MMA person telling you like, dude, don't even think about it or you will not be paid. Really? Where it's like a lot of like, it's like, or you know, if you do that, you'll just come out of your money.

And essentially is like, also clean the bathroom when you're done, put all dishes in the sink and fucking, I don't know, pass a vacuum or something, you piece of shit. You have to clean the bathroom when you're done put all dishes in the sink and uh fucking I don't know pass a vacuum or something You piece of shit you have to clean Nobody on my life. It does say like tidy up basically before you leave, but it's almost like isn't somebody coming in buddy I don't like condos. I don't like I'm saying it's a beautiful condo. It's great. It's a lovely car They gave they had so many snacks and like so the fridge was stuck with so it was great in that regard It's just that I'm going to respect the rules of your condo I I'd like to live not respecting the rules of a hotel

And it'd be my own peril by the way if they get if they get me smoking weed they go you're charged $250 okay, I got eats that shit sometimes. We really didn't eat or drink in the room I thought that was like just kind of a I was so happy I didn't know but the eat or drink one. Mike made a joke about it the next day and I was like, yeah, because I walked out with a Gatorade I brought in the night before and luckily never opened it. Thank God there's no open drinking in that container.

I don't want to sleep where I know, no offense, where I know you and Joe DeRosa slept. I don't care, but I care. Oh my God, the loads of a thousand hacks all over the place? I don't want the fucking... Didn't somebody leave a dirty sock in a pillowcase once? Was that you? That was at...

Edmonton, wasn't it? Edmonton. They were like... We clean it every time someone does it. Well, they said, I just don't do condos. I don't want to stay in a condo. I have so many bad condos experience coming up. I was just, I don't wanna. So they're like, okay, you can go to the hotel.

It wasn't a hotel, it was a motel. It was a shitty motel. So then I was like. Oh really, it wasn't? Because they also will put you up in like, they have a hotel attached to the mall that's apparently like, do you want the champagne glass blanket or the champagne glass hot tub for yourself?

You're like, no. They have the jungle room. Yeah, Arctic, there's like one's like an igloo. Yeah, yeah, it was a fucking weird theme. I've never done it. Every last minute I always go, ah, you know, I know the dumb condo, just put me in the condo.

Well, they were like, the condo's clean, it's my, I love the, you know, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, all right, fuck it, put me in there. First of all, I went in and the utensils always have like some type of egg. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And and I was like, all right, fuck it, put me in there. First of all, I went in, and the utensils always have some type of egg. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, okay.

Electric stove, which I really do not enjoy at all. I have an electric stove. I don't like it. It's actually, they improved it so much. You said it the other day, I'm sure, I'm sure, but also because. Because I hate them too. But I believe in a new, a lot of times,

if we're building a new structure, I think legalities are like, they're moving to electric stoves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm sure they're better. I was in a new how a lot of times if we're building a new structure, I think legalities are like moving to But I'm sure they're better I was in there and I've got one's an old one that you have to wait for an orange Circle to show up. Yeah, you have to wait 30 minutes with the cool down or you'll burn your hand Is it still orange is it still an open is it still open to the touch dangerous? Yeah Looks like a fucking the the starship deck Buddy so the So yeah, I talk to I go dude you clean the he goes I clean it and we have a maid clean it

I was like, okay So I lie intentionally. I jerked off in the bed twice a day I lied in the bed naked every day, slept naked, and I don't sleep naked. I can't do that, but I did it for this reason. And then I left, and I took my dirty socks and I put them in the pillowcase underneath, and I flipped it over so it's on the bottom.

And then Joe DeRosa was the next week, and I called him up, I go, hey dude, ask him if they cleaned the place. And he came back that night, I said, yeah, he cleaned it. He said they made claim, came, and he came, just what he said to me. And I go, do me a favor, go to the pillow. He goes, yeah. I go, yeah, I cleaned it. He said they made claim, came and he came, just what he said to me. And I go, do me a favor, go to the pillow.

He goes, yeah. I go, take the pillowcase off. And he goes, what the fuck? I go, what? He goes, there's socks in here. I go, those are my socks. Wash them and bring them home. I, yeah.

And he washed them and he brought them home. They're really nice of them. Listen, that is always the thing too. I also am fine, this is a personality thing of mine too with condos, it hits me. I'm absolutely fine bringing home all my clothes dirty, even if something's clean, and then just throw it in the laundry when I get home,

and just it'll be washed when I get home. When there's a washer dryer, I find myself, I wanna go home with all clean clothes. So I'm doing, I was literally folding laundry up to it including about One o'clock in the morning on the night we left just cuz I was like well I can get this cuz if not, I'm gonna be putting the dirty thing in with all Clean stuff, you know, I mean it was such a pain in the ass, but I do it I can't I'm folding laundry

Where's every other thing just like plop it back in the back. The repacking to go home is the easiest. But now I'm folding everything. I don't know how to do laundry. No, you don't mean that. I used to do it when I moved to New York. I had to do it, but I haven't done laundry in so long. I don't know. Just take it down to the East River.

Huh? Just take it down to the East River and rub it on rocks. I actually throw socks away. I know, someone else does that. I just leave socks. Who else lives up there? Did Chase say he does that? Did Michael Chase say he does that, I think? I think Chase said he also does that. He just leaves them on the Michael chase. He does that I think I think chase said

He'd also does that he just leaves them on the road He just takes him every time he takes his socks off. He just throws them out throw them out another pair Yeah, nothing feels better than a fresh Paris. You're not wrong sock a Brand new sock every day would be unreal you go to Walmart and what ten bucks for a bag of socks who gives a shit I also like I also like a nice sock. You don't wash the socks first? All my t-shirts I brought to Cuba and all my socks, I left them there.

T-shirts? Yeah, I got the white V-necks. I got white V-necks and I got brand new white socks at Walmart on Sunday. What are you leaving there for? A Christmas present for a local? No, I support the Cuban people. You don't though.

I do. You don't. I support, they all. You're afraid of them. Buddy, they have new. You fear them. They have new shirts and new socks because of Kelly.

How's that? Just once worn socks? There's four white t-shirts, V-necks, and four pairs of socks. They still don't have water or electricity, but they do have nice socks. I mean, I don't know how they get, they have flip-flops on,

but they do have nice socks. I don't know how't know how they get, they have flip-flops on, but they do have nice socks. I don't know how they're gonna play baseball without their flip-flops on. Yeah, the condo thing is, it's a weird thing to me because they're always like, oh, our condo's the best, but it really is just a way of getting out of paying for the hotel room. Because the hotel room fluctuates, I bet.

And it's like, we own this thing and after we're gonna own it At some point and it's gonna be an asset to whoever the fuck owns it And you know, I mean the Thomas isn't is it the Thomas Thompson Thompson See I corrected myself before you corrected me. Mm-hmm. See that Thanks, buddy. The Thompson is a nice hotel, but most of the condos are in garbage places No, no, and I said this condo is it's beautiful. They have giant TVs in every room for it. There's cable. There's everything it's It's great. It's great. I said it's not that it's just what I'm looking for person You know I'm saying you could say a mansion is beautiful, but it's also like too much for me. I wouldn't want that you know

So it's like what's good for you? Hotel living just makes more sense to me. The balcony was great, because you can go out and smoke on the balcony, so it wasn't an issue. What's crazy though in learning is it's on 6th Street, that hotel, you know what I mean? It's on 6th Street, and the balcony, very fun, people watching, is over 6th Street.

But at noon, when they open the doors of the bars for live music It is a non-stop battle of the bands at the same exact time playing in the apartment and on The balcony the balcony particularly since it's a recessed balcony. Yeah, like it just gathers All three things so it's pretty wild I mean the people watching is world-class and the convenience of it is unbelievable But like it is funny like damn dude that is a fuck if you bought that as a guy I'm gonna live here You'd be like oh my god if you if you pick that place out and bought it sight unseen on like a Sunday morning

You'd really be like oh shit when you moved in like fuck we blew it. Yeah Yeah, yeah, there's a nice hotel. There's the pool. Pool is $640. I mean, that's why. You know, they're probably throwing fucking $3,000 out a weekend just on hotel rooms. Holy shit. $922 a night? Even if they-

I think that's for the, it's booked, it says the 13th to 15th. I think that's for the whole time. Yeah. Really? Yeah. It's not actually too bad. I just don't like, I don't like using, when you go in there and there's condiments from some other comic, That's for the whole time. Yeah. Really? Yeah. It's not actually too bad.

I don't like using, when you go in there and there's condiments from some other comic, I just don't want to. Oh, yeah. I don't want to use fucking Joe DeRose's mustard. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have access to the hotel amenities?

Yes, which was very, very cool. You do? OK. But it's, yeah, the gym there was fucking crazy. Gym there was awesome. Not only did they have a gym, it was awesome. They cool. You do, okay. But it's, yeah, the gym there was fucking crazy. Gym there was awesome. Not only did they have a gym, it was awesome. They have a room off the gym. We never did it, but they got the simulator,

like the golf simulator and the football, like you were, there's a couple different games, like soccer you could play on it. But like the one that Barghetti's got, like the big screen, like the Kevlar screen that you hit against, that was pretty fucking neat. Yeah, I do like that hotel. But you do have the amenities,

and the hotel's beautiful, yeah, absolutely. Is the diner open, or is that, that was closed when I went. We didn't go, but it's open. I love that diner. And the bakery, the little coffee shop is the shit too. Austin's got so much fun stuff. We went to Cisco's one morning for breakfast, which I love.

Oh, that's where we went, all right. Yeah, the Mexican place for breakfast. It's, I said Terry Black's for the barbecue, but the point of that whole thing was Terry eating barbecue, watching a great, well for us, great football game, and then being like, all right, in a half hour we gotta go do a big show. Everyone was like, I've never done this much in my life.

I tried to shit two times in the half hour before we left for the show. Didn't work either time. I was like, something's gotta be in there. Why isn't it coming out? Did you go to Iron Cactus? Went to Iron Cactus for lunch one day with Mikey. What's that?

Great, just a good Mexican place. Right next to the mothership. Oh yeah? But we've always gone there for a dorm moon tower. It's great. Yeah, the food down there. It is a good town. It's a little hectic. No, no, no, I don't. It's hectic at night though down there. It is a good town It's a little like no no I don't it's hectic at night though after downtown is bat shit fucking crazy

It's just a bunch of chubby Mexican girls dressed in doll clothes And it's not where I'd want to be the homeless is still a thing and it's not where I'd want to be Like I said the issue with that is Someone's right. I mean the Eastville going to the cellar and stuff on a weekend, you're going into that kind of chaos, for sure. But it's not, it's not, it's not, there's a different chaos, though. There's some type of, it's kind of organized chaos. People are moving and walking there, it's like-

Well, there's moving, there's also, though, it's like the street- People are hanging in the street. But that's what I'm saying, that's the big thing. To me, the difference, and I said that, the West Village is still organized in the sense that like, you'll be removed from the middle of the street if you're just walking in the middle of the street.

They closed down all the half side streets in either direction and the full thing of Sixth Avenue, Sixth Street? Sixth Street, yeah. Sixth Street every, every night. Yeah, every Friday, Saturday. Is it every night now? It was Sunday too. Yes, because at 2.15 in the morning Saturday. Is it every night now? It was Sunday too.

Yes, because at 2, 15 in the morning, we watched it every night, you see in the distance it coming, there's a fleet of cop cars that come down and over a speaker also by the way, every night at 2 and 15 in the morning, going down saying, the streets need to be cleared out, traffic is resuming, and just like it never happened,

cars start coming through. But it is. Yeah, they do that in New Orleans, too. They do, they have. Bourbon Street, yeah, yeah, yeah. They do horseback cops, which is intimidating, and they don't give a fuck. But isn't Bourbon Street not even like street street?

It's like very like cobblestone. It almost seems like you're not supposed to drive on it. Like Sixth Street is just a street. I know. And they go, and then that was fun to watch from the balcony, too, is the, you know, the two in the morning city so at two in the morning we were up and we were like oh let's go outside and watch the other people pour out of the bars and I mean talk about staying in the last minute it was like

1 45 I'm gonna go out on the balcony smoke a cigarette and enjoy and let's watch the people Mike goes okay and I'm like it's fucking quiet and I think for a Saturday it's so quiet and then it was because it was the last 15 minutes of getting drinks. And then at two o'clock, I mean, it's crazy. I mean, chaos in the streets. It's chaos. Wild.

It's very stressful. But the cops do clean it out fast, though, too. They have about 15, 20 minutes of chaos in the streets, and then it's like everybody go different ways. Yeah, there's a lot of alpha male energy too late at night over there, like a lot of dudes looking at other dudes waiting to say something, I feel like. We saw a fight, like we heard the cops whistling

and everybody running and a bunch of people running over to watch it, but we couldn't see it from the balcony. Yeah, a lot of fights, a lot of alpha shit. A lot of bum tits, I mean a lot of homeless, disgusting, just naked tits outside a lot. Yeah, the homeless people over there are fucking nuts. Well, they are, I think, and again, we live here, so I know it, I think the homeless here are more like

the decrepit sad, like you have to step over them laying in the street. These are taking up a lot of space and aggressively coming at you and also asking you to do weird, I told you that was the, I've never been asked that before. He goes, you got any money I can get, man?

I was like, nah, dude, I don't have any cash on me at all. And he was like, there's an ATM right over there. I'm like, does that ever work? Like has anybody ever been like, oh, there is? Oh yeah, walk over. He goes, me uh, hey I'm gonna tell you my pins. I always forget remembered for me. I Hate when the homeless people hang in the ATM. Oh cool. Oh, yeah

They're like and they see you just get like two hundred and twenties. Do you got any money? You know, I have money fuckface. No, not the amount that I would give some piece of shit like you Do you have a change for hundreds? would give some piece of shit like you. Do you have a change for a hundred? Change for a hundred? The homeless people in Austin though, they either could be like, There's the Iron Cactus right there.

They could be construction workers that just get off the job or a homeless person. Like New York City, you know the guy walking up with no shirt on and one sneaker is homeless. There, Oh it might be a world class performer. Yeah, you don't know who the fuck it is there. It could be the best fucking slap bass player in all of awesome, Texas

You know, isn't the iron cactus is right next to the mothership. I know I forget that A little further It's right at the beginning of the video. There it is. There it is. And there's some other shit. We always go to P. Terry's for a burger because P. Terry's is a good place where you might find a nice fight happening. When we were there one year, that was Moon Tower, right Christine?

See the girls with the, all the chubby girls, they just have little doll clothes on. Just their asshole and tits are hanging out. Oh and they have no idea how bad they look. Oh they just look terrible, dude. I mean, there's some smoking hot. Then you see a group of girls all doing like the exact, here's what's hot.

Not local girls going out in the Austin, and being like, this is the night, oh, we're in Austin, so let's all wear cowboy boots, shorts up our assholes, and white fucking country girl shirts, and I mean, they all look fantastic. Well, it's like, there's always one smoking hot girl with two or three just chubby chicks that are barely fitting into their skirts.

Oh, no, absolutely. And those are the pigs who get into the fights. There's the blind pig right there. Pig pub. What's going on? Everything's got a pig down here? Goes into pigs? It is a cool little street, though. I would... That's like the street you wish you

fucking just got hammered. Not me, man. It looks I did drink in Austin. I quit drinking after we started going to Austin. It is it is a fun bar town. Yeah. If you if you drink, if you if you have all the outdoor hammer

some bears back, this would be great just to go in, go to a bar, live music, get fucked up and then hit the street without worrying about getting hit by a cab I guess look at those two dudes they having a fucking boring night those two fat dudes chicks your sock man yeah let's go get a breakfast no chicks here fucking all suck I hate this where we were but all the girls were just so fucking cute and they were all like it wasn't Austin they were all like cowgirl style thick I forget where we were, but all the girls were just so fucking cute.

And they were all like, it wasn't Austin. They were all like cowgirl style, thick thighs, like shorts, hats. I don't know if it was Nashville or something, but. Oh, Nashville is also another fun one. When you go to that Broadway on a weekend, it's like the girls who were in town from Minnesota, they're like, let's dress like cowboy sluts. The good look. Cowboy sluts, a pretty good look. It's a hot look. It's a good look. Cowboy sluts a pretty good look.

It's a hot look. It's a good regional look. No one ever looks like New York winter hot. You know what I mean? It's not really a look you could look hot in. Do you ever fuck around with a country girl? Like a cowgirl? No. No, I don't think so.

Like a real country country chick? I go ahead from a country chick. She had a pickup truck. Yeah. And she was just country. I mean- Huck to a girl? It was almost like getting blown by a dude. Just really know how to work it.

It's a huck to a girl, you need an accent. And she slapped me on the butt. She's like, come on, let's go get some food. Hell yeah. Yeah. Have I ever fucked a cowboy girl? I love country. I call them cowboy girls.

I like cowboy girls. I like cowboy girls I like those chicks in Yellowstone Of course those Catch it tater. I like not tater not tater tater. Is it tater or tater? I thought it was tater. It's writing it on the screen as tater. No, I don't like her because she's I know that She's just a woke blue-haired fucking in real life actress. Yeah but the other girls I think are... You know Beth's British in real life?

Yeah, of course. I had no idea. She was in Sherlock Holmes. She was Watson's wife in Sherlock Holmes. I didn't know that she was British at all. I just saw an interview with her. Yeah, she's British. That blows my mind.

It's fucking nuts, right? She doesn't look British at all. At all, she looks like a redhead. A lot of people will be like, how do you look British? And you go, you know what I mean. You know exactly what I mean when I say you look British. Fucked up teeth.

Teeth coming out of her fucking face. Just one swept up sang tooth. Yeah, fingers are too long. Yeah, she has no warts on her face. Yeah, she'll eat anything. Damn British, I wanna hear a talk. Can I hear a talk or something? Stop looking at Austin. Streets of Austin. Oh my god, Austin's fun want to hear a talk. Can I hear a talk or see a stop looking at Austin?

Streets of Austin. I feel like Austin's fun. I want to go back. Austin is a fun town, but I'm done. I usually go right from... It's a fun young town. If you're going to go to the bike... Listen, everybody down there, I saw Catherine Blanford one night.

Like, Young Comics, if you're performing at the mothership or the Creek in the Cave, I mean, no shit. If you're like, hey, let's all go over to this crazy fucking mechanical bull night in a live band and everyone's going somewhere. Tony seems busy like night to night Hinchcliffe. Was he there this weekend? Yeah.

Did he stop by? Yeah. Oh cool. Yeah, I saw Tony. What'd he say, how's he doing? He's fine, right? About what? About all the shit.

What shit? What are you talking about? You guys were in Cuba, what are you talking about? Something happened to Tony? It happened before I went to Cuba. What shit? What are you talking about? You guys were in Cuba. What are you talking about? Something happened to Tony? I was, it happened before I went to Cuba. What did? When he did the, the, the speech at Madison Square Garden. He did the speech?

The speaker? When he talked. Speaker tone? When he said Puerto Ricans are garbage people and black people like to watermelon on Halloween. Okay. I don't think that's a quote. He didn't say Puerto Ricans were garbage people he said Puerto Rico the island is an island of garbage It's a subtle joke. You really have to you really have to think about it. I was a goody

It was a good well. Yes, that's the problem the whole problem with all of that I've been said it nauseam now, but they were like our next speaker No, no, no, but it is funny that we heard a thing today of Obama mentioning it. Obama mentioned what? Tony Hinchcliffe said. Oh, that's great. Honest speech. That's crazy.

Like everything, yeah. How great is that? How's this her? Let's go. Hello, little baby. Now, she looks British here. She does, looks like her teeth are getting fucked up. Oh, look at her fucking overhang.

That's what it is. They fucking use a lot of makeup to make her look American and pretty It's the accent we use that actually British and ugly shit. She gets sunken eye sockets like British people look at her She aged 30 years That she's just not interested in how a wedding party or wedding dress Shut it off shut it off shut it off. I can't watch it. Don't do it. I can't don't do it I hate it's gonna ruin the whole show for I'm gonna spoiler alert now

No, no that made me so angry your voice. I'm gonna tell you everything. I thought I got abducted by an alien Oh, yeah, I told you already I hope that's it. What I hope that's really it you made that up Thought I made it up here I hope he really does. You thought I made it up, you're gonna be like, holy shit, the son of a bitch was right. He gets affected by aliens. There was a bunch of dead cows around him in a crop circle. And he just accepted it.

In his boots. And then his story just moves forward. Oh, we gotta find a new commissioner of cows or whatever the fuck he does. His other show, Lioness, is great. Kevin Costner's back in that? No, he's not in that. Taylor Sheridan.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Taylor Sheridan, Lioness? Yeah, but it's, we talked about it though, it's special No, he's not in that. Taylor Sheridan. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but it's... we talked about it though. It's Special Ops, that's not my deal. I love Special Ops. No, he does another show. Tulsa King, right? Tulsa King is good. First season was better.

You're not licking this at all. Second season was good. It's good. I like it. Well, I haven't finished it. I have to wait. I watched From, I watched Teacup. Now I watch Yellowstone again. You know what? I mean Penguin is probably my name was crazy. What ending finale? I didn't I only watched the first episode, please. That's hilarious. How do you know? It's all amazing then one episode

First episode was I mean the first episode was some of the best TV. I've seen in a long time I think I'm on I need to watch one more episode. The first episode was so The backstory of this dude, and all his mom. Colin Farrell's pretty great. It's a handsome kind of guy that you really wanna not like, but Son of a Pixie's good. He's so fucking good, man. You don't even see him.

We love the finale. You don't even see the guy. And the girl in it, the daughter, is fucking smoking. Oh, you like her? Yeah, she's a little pixie, waify. She's something from a... Kristen Milioti. Yeah, she's from a...

She was in Dan's movie. Dan and her did a movie together. Dan Soda? Oh, that's right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, she's the mom from... What? How I Met Your Mother, right? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, she's cute, man. She's so cute. She's adorable. That's right, she does the movie with Dan. They were in a... What movie did they do? The rom-com. The rom-com. Dan was in a rom-com? Oh, you know this? What the fuck are you talking about? Oh, here, she does the movie with Dan. They were in a... What movie did they do? The rom-com. Rom-com.

Dan was in a rom-com? Oh, you know this? What the fuck are you talking about? Oh, here, for the regs next time. What's it called? What was it called? It had to be you. It had to be you.

My Best Friend's Grill 2? Oh, you gotta show, please show Bobby the trailer for this so you can see Dan. Oh my god, Dan. Like a Dan. What the fuck? What the fuck?

What the hell? Stop it. I never wanted to get married. Oh my god Dan. What the fuck? Stop it. I never wanted to get married. When we were younger, romance seemed simple. Hang on, hang on. Don, he has fucking 100% rom-com face. Yeah, and voice. Hasn't even spoken yet and his big, goofy, adorable eyes are like, I love you and you love me too. I always thought that by the time I got married.

So she stopped. She's the star. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, but he's the direct co-star. Right. I think that's too sheeter. Women give men allums all the time.

Maybe he's right. You're not going to let him extort a yes out of you, are you? It's not extortion. An ultimatum is an acceptable form of negotiation. Extortion is illegal. What? Does he talk at all during this trauma? Yes.

He said something earlier. What is that? One napkin? Yeah, yeah. Is that William Stevenson? No shit. I only played a bus driver And you said no, yep, that's a drink no, oh he hits you what no no But if I don't know how long I'm gonna need it's okay, he's gonna die a few years younger now I don't know how long I'm gonna need. It's okay. I was gonna die a few years younger now. It's a real film, Jack.

Okay, so... That's the movie that made, uh, Dan Sutter get out of broadcasting and move on. He's like, you know what, dude? I caught the bug.