The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Go Find Love (feat. Liz Miele)

Episode Date: May 1, 2024

Everyone is getting excited for the upcoming Bonfire L.A. trip. Jay defends the attractiveness of Doja Cat, who is not Bobby's type. Liz Miele has a new special "Murder Sheets" out now on YouTube! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

And now the bonfire with Big J Elkerson and Robert Kelly I've never wanted two people to karaoke a song more Than Jacob and Christine doing this song karaoke I mean, I think we have that capability right here Jacob how do you feel like abouting all the way up right now? I don't know the song. Right? Is there something I'm gonna be in trouble for potentially?

Well, don't read that word out loud. What, do you have that problem if you see it, you gotta say it? Yeah, it'll just flow out of me. Cause you're hearing it in rhythm. Man, that means Jacob says N word at home a lot with this fucking music. When he's house cleaning, dude, Cuz you're hearing it in rhythm man. That means Jacob says n-word at home a lot He's house cleaning dude

You just throw it on you turn that fucking that Nazi book around Never say we should have them do the Christine has to masturbate him all he sings this song see if you get through it Oh, yeah, that'd be a fun karaoke game Christine whack off Jacob and see if he gets a song Showed it what you need. Oh That's not bad no Jacob where you at? All the way up. Yeah, he's all the way up He's all the way I'm feeling good

Sixers get back on track tonight with a big win stop laughing sorry sixers get back on track with a big win tonight Then they take it back to Philadelphia for a game six We're gonna walk through right and then game seven is the real pinnacle moment So if they win tonight the Knicks win tonight what happens hmm if the Knicks win tonight What do you mean what happens then they're gonna how many how many of the up? If the Knicks win tonight, what do you mean what happens then they go to how many how many of the up? To two. Okay, so if they went to that three and then they win the next night. It's four. No No, no, no, no, no, you're asking. They're up three. No, they're up to drop to it's one to three Sorry, okay. It's first to four

Sports people would know that I just don't follow the sixers. I just know they lost the other night Yeah, they did they did did, but tonight is in... You're going home right after the show. You got food. Christine, she's got snacks coming. It's a big night back at the... She's got snacks coming? She said she had snacks. What snacks do you have?

I do have snacks. I bought charcuterie stuff. For tonight? We don't have to have it tonight. I don't know. We don't need charcuterie for this. You don't want to have charcuterie? Well, who turns down charcuterie? It. You don't want to have charcuterie? Well, who turns down charcuterie?

It's just, it's unnecessarily for what? For this game? Dude, a charcuterie plate is for any, you never turn down charcuterie. We better figure out what we're getting during this show because we have to order it right away. Well, she got a charcuterie.

No, nobody wants the stupid charcuterie. First of all charcuterie is never stupid. Are you crazy? It's almost exclusively what I eat at the Delta Lounge, but I'm saying that it's in the half for this We're all gonna be full that we're gonna have charcuterie. And then what are we having cheese steaks? That's gonna be Yeah Even charcuterie doesn't make sense with pizza if we go pizza route. Charcuterie. Because there's charcuterie on pizza.

Charcuterie and pizza never go together. Big news, I cooked last night, like I found a recipe and I cooked like with wine. I made it. Well, little for the- It was a big deal. What was it? She cooked on wine.

Lemon. Yeah, sounds like she's still on wine. Lemon pasta with blackened chicken. It was so good. Was it good? It was wine. Lemon pasta with blackened chicken. It was so good. Wasn't it good? It was good. Lemon pasta with wine sauce? Well, I mixed in the wine and then the lemon juice

and then the half and half. Like a white wine. Little for the pasta, little for her. Little for me. Little for the chef. Little for the chef, little nip. Dawn made shrimp scampi last night with a broccoli. That's lemony, right?

Little lemony, little lemony. I didn't have the pasta, the rigatoni, which is my favorite, because I'm watching my last. Yeah? Yeah, I'm going to Hollywood next week. We are going to Hollywood. I don't know how to pack for five days or six days.

Five pairs of underwear, five pairs of socks, five shirts. Right? No. Two pairs of pants, maybe two pairs of pants? Yeah, two pairs of pants, you're done. What are you talking about? I told him a pair of pants, five shirts. No. Fuck, two pairs of pants maybe, two pairs of pants? Yeah, two pairs of pants, you're done. What are you talking about? I told him a pair of pants, a pair of shorts. And all my workout stuff.

Yeah, you wear one pair of workout things. For five days? Yeah, you get the WIC stuff, and then you sweat into it and it doesn't smell. And if you gotta wash it, you wash it. Wait, what's the WIC stuff for? Your what? It's WIC material, WICs.

For what, your underwear? No, for the workout. So you have five pairs of workout underwear? No, oh, for underwear? I mean underwear, Jacob. Here's what you do, Jacob. Yeah, if I'm gonna sweat during my workout, One momento, uno momento.

Please. You work out, you get there, we hang out. We're not working out the first day. If you work out the first day, I'm gonna slap you. The first day we hang. We can work out before, if he wants. Well, the first day we hang. The next day, wake day wake up right you have those dirty underwear from the day before those are the ones you wear To the workout when you're done with the workout you take those off take a shower put the new ones on for the day

Right then you go next day wear those underwear to work out throw those away take the next pair Just keep I do like that. Keep flipping the underwear. Yeah, you use, yes there's underwear. I'm panicking over enough underwear. But why don't you do, we'll pack a lot of underwear. Wonderware don't take up a lot of space. How big are your tiny little underwear?

Yeah. They're man-size underwear. Small man underwear. Little tiny whiteys, right? You a tiny whitey guy? Just picture that I'm also packing a larger man's underwear. Black box.

And I'm not gonna get that many. Yeah, but you pack like you're going on the Titanic with your trunks. You do. Me? Yeah, you do. You pack like an old rich lady from England. Please.

Couldn't be further from the truth. You have like a Louis Vuitton barrel. You check your bags. Couldn't be further from the truth. I check my bag. I bring a bag, but in that bag, when I go, like do a two night weekend, I Bring two shirts and a pair of jeans two pairs of underwear two pairs of socks. I have a I have a

Extra wide to me that they don't know about you're not supposed to bring on but it fits They don't know about that. I got and I have the a Backpack that is a travel backpack that is a travel backpack that fits, I could fit a week's worth of clothes in that backpack. Well how do I pack like the queen is what I'm understanding. Well because you have a big bag. It's a big thing.

You pack a big bag like you do sound for a band. You should see what I pack. I mean it's real, yeah Christine over packs by far. It's insane. I pack, no I don't over pack really. I don't check. Oh yeah, but I check my bag, but that's for toiletries. How many fucking toiletries do you have?

Well I got my toiletry bag, it's not that, it's that I have full sized toiletries, it'll stop you from taking. What is that, what do you mean full sized toiletries? I have like spray deodorant and- You use spray deodorant? Currently I'm using spray deodorant, yeah. My armpits really don't sweat.

Cause of uh, Botox. You got Botox in your pits? Dr. G dude. I didn't know that. Yeah, that's the only thing I go to them for. Wow, I didn't know you could get that. Botox your armpits, you never sweat in your armpits. Dude, just make your shit smaller. Go get the small stuff.

So you don't have to bring all this big shit. But what's the benefit to that? You don't have to check. Yeah, but I don't mind checking. I don't mind getting rid of my bag before I go into the airport. I don't like dragging a bag with me. I like having my bag.

Something goes wrong with the plane. I don't have to worry about where it is. I don't like waiting. I hate waiting by that stupid conveyor belt of dumb people waiting for your bag to come out. Everybody starts panicking. Gah! Well, I go outside, and you know this, Muv-Luv.

I go outside, smoke a cigarette. That's what you, that's what you. And I look and wait for the conveyor belt to start moving. I didn't, I didn't mind. When I smoked, I didn't mind checking a bag, because you want that cigarette break. Yeah. Go outside, smoke a butt by the time you're done.

It's coming out. You hear a little beep, it's coming out. I get it makes sense We all have our things Was this for Jacob's thing with fitness hours? Yeah, 24 hours, dude. I'm going there The first day so six six pairs then just one extra pair then where are you staying? You have to work out every day? Yeah, yeah, why don't you get this? It's weird. I will I don will That's not weird. It is weird especially on a trip. I want to work out every day and we're talking forever You think this body stays like this on its own thing. It just happened. I think it probably could stay close to like that

It was very little maintenance you can keep your body exactly how it is I Think with your diet yeah, I think your daily activity would probably keep you about where you are. Yeah, what do you do at the gym? I mean, you don't have 24 inch pythons. Yeah, what do you do at the gym? I work out. You're not bodybuilding. Well, I mean, mainly I do legs at the gym,

and I do band work, because of my neck. I can't do a lot of things. But can't you do that at the gym? I used to crush weights all around. That's why I was saying why don't you just do the band workout. I'm bringing my bands with me which is also taking up space. But if you work up that doesn't take up space either. How small is your bag? What are you bringing? A Ziploc bag? I have one bag.

He only has a carry on. Is it a plastic bag with two handles on it? Yeah, are you homeless? It's that big. Yeah. That wide. Okay. I'm bringing my bands, I'm bringing the resistant bands. We'll work out together.

Well, no, Bobby brings them so you can hang from a doorknob and jerk off. But you could use them for working out. Yeah, if you want to, you can use mine. If you just say the word, dude, you could use them. He'll wash them. But if I'm at a gym at a hotel, which I rarely ever am at a hotel,

then I work out at the gym hotel. It's interesting to me that you like to go to public gyms with how germaphobic you are. Well, yeah. I mean, like I said, this is a special occasion. I'm at a hotel gym, so I'll use it. But I don't like using the gym that I'm a member of because people are disgusting.

They don't rack their weights, which makes me just murderously angry the whole time. I hate that. They sweat all over it. I don't know. I hate that too, when they don't put, I hate when you go for the 20s and they're just, somebody's just hoarding them

and they're not even using them Yeah, in my gym. I would have it's two floors I've had to go scour two floors to find another dumbbell that matches because they don't put it they don't put it down 30 pounds 30 pounds. What do you do with those? Yeah Bulgarian split Bulgarian split squat. That's his name. A Bulgarian split squat? Lift and weight is his game.

Yes. Oh. Dude, I'll work out with you. We'll do a little band workout by the pool at the Chateau, at Bonfire Chateau. If you pull bands, if you pull out bands on the pool deck, I swear to you I will throw them into the house. No, I won't do that.

Why? My band exercise I'll do in my room. Dude, we're gonna- If Bobby exercises outside, his bands are going off the side. I am, I'm 100% bringing my bands to work out. Bring your bands. But I'm not, you're not gonna throw them over the thing.

You don't make a scene of yourself working. We get it, you're exercising. I need to- You don't have to show everybody. I need to exercise. Go exercise. Is there a gym in this place? There's so many rooms in this place.

It's a house. Does the house have a gym? No. It's gotta have a gym. No. It's a gym. Oh, wait, a gym? It's gotta have a gym. No. It's a gym. Oh wait, you're not staying with us, I forgot. Where are you guys staying?

The place you're gonna be hanging. Bonfire Chateau. What? The Bonfire Chateau. You got a house? Bonfire Chateau. Jacob, we've talked at length, all of us together, about how we're gonna hang out at this house

and swim and barbecue and everything. I was thinking the pool hotel. I wasn't thinking. If you think I'm going to hang out, first of all... I don't want to go. I wouldn't go in. That's why I was going to watch you go in. I wouldn't go. No, we got an Airbnb in the hills. Remember the photos? Remember the barbecue? Remember the talks?

Do you have the thing up, Christine? This is mind-blowing to me. Are you kidding me? You're wide aware of this, right? How would I miss this? I'm excited for this I remember the to go into the Italian restaurant. I'm looking forward to that and then after We go. I mean look at that's your spot. That's where you're staying. It's the house

Damn, you're gonna be there hanging out. You're coming. Oh my god. That looks so nice Me and you are gonna be working out by that pool multiple days days, you'll be in that hot tub slash heated pool. Christine, you're not gonna see me with a shirt on the entire time. How's that gonna make you feel? You're gonna see Christine's pussy hairs come out the side of her fucking. I'm gonna oil myself down.

You're gonna see Christine's box hairs coming down her legs. Christine, I'll give you the money. Get it taken care of. She gets it taken care of, I'm kidding. Everybody can smell my dirty pussy. True though, everybody will smell her dirty pussy though. Can't help that, it's care of you. She gets it taken care of I'm kidding everybody can smell my dirty pussy Everybody will smell her dirty pussy though. I can't help that that is nice. So you're the three of you are staying there. Yeah Beautiful look at that sunset

Guys we can watch that sunset from the pool Monday and Tuesday well Tuesday Monday we're gonna be a dinner. Yeah, but Monday night we're gonna go back to the chateau. Absolutely. We're going back, we're gonna hang out, smoke, dude, I'm bringing cigars. We're gonna smoke your first cigar. I wanna smoke my first cigar with you at the pool, son. We're gonna do that.

I'm gonna get Lou back on the cancer sticks and we're gonna roll, dude. Me and Lou are gonna get so drunk, we're gonna start fist fighting everybody. Fuck yeah. Look at that, that's the outside. I also order barbecue, but there's such a cool place to barbecue. Yeah, there is a cool place to barbecue,

but it's also not, that's like the outside upstairs. It's the front of the house, the pool's in the back of the house. Yeah, so it's not as like, if there was a thing back there. Look at that. Damn, man, this place looks nice. It's nice.

Oh my God. Look at that. Jacob, you could take a little bath in that tub Do you little bathy they probably have a washing machine to you could probably do wash your clothes She that relaxes me now. I was worried about running out of clothes now I can come over and do the laundry there come over to long you come over to our long Well, you know what I should cook? I should cook American chop suey. Maybe Wednesday. Why did you make that face?

Because it sounds ridiculous. American chop suey? I know we looked it up before. It's good. I'm sure it's good. I want it. You don't want it? I do though. But for like a snack. It's a good snack. You could eat it cold. Oh, dude. It's good. Jacob cook a little something. Maybe Wednesday night

goulash No, it's not goulash. Stop making it Armenian. I'm not it says American chop suey is goulash Yeah, whatever. That's nothing there. Look at that. That looks good. I does look Jacob will not eat that I don't eat that. That's called hamburger helper, Bobby. It's not my thing I does look Jacob will not eat that that's called hamburger helper Bob my thing Now dude you get the you get the meat you get the I make it where we get Tony No, I like exactly my thing it looks great to me. Yeah, I would eat that but Jacob is not gonna eat that What do you need salmon? Oh? Yes, yeah, he'll eat barbecue when we get barbecues. He'll be all over barbecue

He'll eat barbecue when we get barbecue. He'll be all over barbecue. It's just me. Let me ask you another thing. Jacob, please. Because you guys travel every weekend. Yes, we do. Shoes. I only, was gonna come with one pair of sneakers.

Sneakers, that's it. I always pack one more somethings, what I wanna wear at night, and then what I travel in will be my knock around daytime stuff, I consider, and then I bring like boots or whatever Where for show? Yeah, we I was I was wear my comfortable shoes and then I bring the show shoes Yeah, so bring four pairs of shoes

Do not have the luggage for Christine zero responsibility washes there is gonna bring them both shoes. I don't think that There is your responsibility. We're doing the show for Christine Christine. It's crazy Christine you gotta stop getting triggered You gotta let it listen Set a trap and then you went I'm in mid thought but I heard it no, it's okay You know, we know you're gonna do stuff. No, no, you gotta do the bonfire stuff. Yeah, there's nothing else You're out there to have to do so I'm saying you could You're right. I don't have to see my family?

You don't. I know. Why don't you invite your family to the chateau? They won't come. They won't come. Why? They don't love her. I don't know why that is.

I love her, her family doesn't love her. Your family won't come and hang? My uncle might. This sounds like, as I'm saying it, it sounds like I'm doing the grooming thing while I'm trying to separate her from her family. I've never done anything to keep Christine

from her family in one little bit. They don't care. They don't come. Well, why don't we do this? Why don't we take a day the day we have off, like Wednesday, and we go visit them? Because they live 100 miles southeast of Los Angeles. That's a good point.

That is the reason why. But Christine will go. And Christine, I swear to you, she'll be like, hey, I'm coming down to see you guys And they go. Oh, we had to go to the grocery store that day It's crazy. They know I key they don't like you That's what I say But it sounds like I'm grooming her. I want them to like there Christine go there every day

We're there and try to get them to like you I don't understand I said I was coming down on the fourth and my dad was like, well, we have plans that day. And I was like, okay, I could maybe come on the 11th, and then at no point in there was he like, or maybe we could drive up to Los Angeles to see you while you visit from 3,000 miles away. Families don't come, you come to them. When you go to their town, if you don't go to them,

they're not coming. I go home, my family's like, you coming over? It's like, I always gotta drive out to my mother's house. She's never gonna come and see me at the, I'm at a fancy hotel, we could have dinner, I'll pay for it. They want me to go there. You're going on the wrong issue. She'll go there.

Oftentimes when she's like, I'm going there, they go, oh, fuck. I forgot. I was going to go do anything else in the world that day. It's very, very bizarre. Why don't you just show up? Well, no, the last time I couldn't see them, it wasn't that they had plans.

But their plan was to come up to LA and be in my hometown, where it would have been much more convenient for me to see them. Also, Christine's parents are extremely old. They're really, it's like, and it's, so I mean, they're not super mobile, I guess, but I remember the only time I ever that something was like concerning enough

in me and Christine's like life that I had to reach out to her parents about Christine. They were like, good luck, good luck with that. That sounds like, it sounds like a rough situation. Wow, well, good luck. Good luck with that. That sounds like a rough situation. Wow, well, good luck with that, dude. Really? On my life. It was bad shit.

Christine's friends, who I'm not very close with either when I did reach out, they were like, oh shit, all right, let's do something. You know what I mean? Like, let's help. But like, yeah, apparently they're gonna, wow. Sounds like a tough situation. Anyway, I got a show on pause, so.

Is that all? Is that all the info? Hey, I'm in the middle of making lemonade, are you good? You got this? Yeah, yeah. But you can handle that, right? You don't like need anything from over here, right? I know too, I wanna ask what the plans are,

but I'm scared they're gonna hurt my feelings more. Christine, you can. I'm taking a shit that hour. Oh, are you having a family dinner? Scared they're gonna hurt my feelings more Are you having a family dinner What time it was the one time was like we're gonna go hang out with this other family member who we see constantly Your third cousins coming over we're gonna have we're gonna have a picnic. Why don't you just go? That's weird do though. I get that fuck it. You should go see if you should see them while you're there. You know what I can compare it to is my stepmother, I would never just show up at my father's house one day,

being like, hey, I'm here to hang for a bit. No, they say they have plans, they have plans. I was like, listen, that would be, it would be much more convenient for me to go on the fourth, because I was going out a day early to do that, whereas on the 11th, I'm like, we have this nice house with a pool, I kind of want to fucking stay there and hang out.

I don't really want to go to, you know, to make it by that day. Last day of the pool, just me and Christine. Oh, but it's, I kinda wanna fuckin' stay there and hang out. I don't really wanna go to, you know, Temecula that day. Last day of the pool, just me and Christine. Oh, but it's, I had the show that night. Yeah, so I had, so. I went to the forum that night, so she won't enjoy the pool with me during the day.

A lone pool in the hills, I'll be alone. Ting. Ting. Jay, are you gonna stay by yourself on that last day? Oh, dude, of course, I think Christine should go see her family and I'm just gonna hang out at that dope ass house alone in the pool by myself, unfucked. You're not gonna invite anybody up there? No, I'm not gonna invite anybody over.

I'm certainly not gonna reach out to Doja Cat. I mean, best of luck to you if you're able to pull that one up. Those new pictures, just, I'm gonna, I really want, it makes me want to clunk both your heads. Have you seen the new Doja Cat pictures, by the way? Of this ass you hate so much? She now got her titties to match her ass and she's killing it. I don't like a big ass, Jay. No.

Christine, please find the new pictures of Doja Cat. Now there's new. New pictures of her. Go to Christine. Just go to thenipslip.com please, the site that. Stop getting angry at me. Stop turning your family anger on me. What is your obligations at night, unless, not aside from Thursday. I'm not doing anything.

I was gonna do shows, but I don't think I'm gonna, I'm not gonna put a veil on. Are you going to show? What's Thursday? I think we might go Wednesday. I said Wednesday, and we could even do this as a fucking gaggle too,

because I hang outside at the front bar or the back bar. I said we're just gonna go to the store. Yeah. We can go as a crew. Commit to the store, nine, 11 latest, and we fucking, then we just go, get back to the store nine, 11 latest, and we fucking, you know, and we just go, get back to the house. Yeah.

And by the way, Mike go there, and it's just in an hour we'll be like, it's only, the store's only 10 minutes, she's un-fucking-real hot, right, tree. Hang on one second. She has a divot in her ass. That's the way the sunlight is hitting her fantastic It's daylight out dude. That is funny. God is it gross. That's not it's not for me. Yeah, let me see it's not

She's awesome. I don't the fuck you guys are talking about Take a nice for me the other one looked a little weird That picks for me. Oh, okay. The other one looked a little weird. Yeah, I'm back. You have to admit. Gorgeous woman with a fucking hot body. Yeah, that one.

Oh, not for me. Not my type. Yeah, that's for me. I'm back in too. Let me see the butt though. Can I see the butt? It just looks weird there. It looks big. What? I like that she got her boobs. I do like the proportion.

She's tiny. She's like tiny. So, you don't like it, Lou? No, I don't. Huh? Lou's eating chips. I don't like it Lou? No I don't Huh? Lou's eating chips I don't like short hair Oh forget the hair, no one does I don't like it either Fucking her hair

I mean literally I couldn't, her hair, yes I agree I don't like chicks with bald head I love it I can't look past it This is, you love it? I love it and not her. I love short hair Okay, I'm gonna say this this right here with the new boobs better proportion I like I gotta take it back. I think it says she got new boobs. Those are nice. Yes

It looks like she has reduction scars. Honestly, doesn't it? I don't know right there Well, that's not always reduction scar. Would you call it an anchor? That's what I said That's a that's a reshaping Yeah scar Yeah, no, she's hot you guys are just wrong I mean I just don't I mean You know what? I might have been wrong. Yeah, I might have been wrong while we're in the while we're in hip-hop talks here I'm curious. This is something you brought, Lou? Quavo?

Oh no, Quavo, Bobby talked to me about this one. Quavo. Bobby, Bobby came with this one? She is hot. All right dude, I made a mistake. Thank you, I'll accept. I made a mistake, her old boobs weren't good though. That face is goofy as shit though.

Her old boobs were absolutely fine. Go back up to that goofy smile. Lou, here goofy smile. Yeah Yeah, hi, my name's fucking blue. I'm not gonna lie. I mean that's good. It's not a good smile. Hi. I'm doja I'm out again. No you're not I'm sick of that look at that. She would like your comedy My comedy I'm back in I'm out out. Is that chicken, rice, and mayo? Mayo. Awful.

Yeah. Maybe it's an aioli. Well, yeah, you all you want. That's how she got that bod. Bitch, I said what I said. Whoa! She's hot, you guys are insane. She's all right.

She's hot. She's not the hottest. You're insane. She wouldn't make Jacob's top ten. You're just trying to... Oh, too bad for her. Thank you. Well, I hope no one breaks the news to her before her big tour. I don't want her to get the press.

Are you friends with her? Huh? Are you friends with her? He met her. I met her. You met Pink, too, and that never worked out. This worked out better. Did it?

I'd say so, yeah. Why, what happened? We took a picture together. Ooh. She said that I was her favorite comic on the show. She did? At the Burt thing? No.

What show? Just a show at the Comedy Store. So she went to the Comedy Store, you were on it, and she came up after and said, you're my favorite comic on the show, and you have a connection now. No. So if we saw her, she'd be like,

Jay, oh, shit. No. She'd be like, hi, how you doing? My teeth Jay, oh shit. No. No, not at all. She'd be like, hi, how you doing? My teeth are too big for my face. No, not at all, but maybe meeting her, what I'll say is the thing, I don't think she said that, Bobby.

Hi Jay, are you my favorite comic on the show? I don't think it's how she talks, Robert. I think, can I get a picture with you from my Instagram? I don't think, does that make you feel good? Does it make fun of people? There's people who speak like that who have problems. I love comedy so much. Okay, so Bobby Kelly now, he's a, what do you feel good? Does it make fun of people? There's people who speak like that who have problems. I love comedy so much. Okay, so Bobby Kelly now, he's a, what do you call that?

A brainist. What do you, you hate me with dumb brains? No, but I will say when you see somebody in person, oh too, you could tell when I met her, I never thought overly much about her anyway. She was always kind of peripheral in the thing. I liked that new song. And then when I met her, for the brief moment that I met her,

I just saw, I was like, wow, she's very pretty. Do you know what I'm saying? You see that thing? I just saw the person. And I was like, she's very, very pretty. What's her new song? And so tiny. I like the one.

That was the one I was just playing. But I like the other one. What's it called? Attention. That's the one, dude. I like attention. That's not how it goes, Bobby. My ass is so big. I like attention. It's not how go my ass is so big. I got attention

My titta brain knew I got attention. I take my afro down to his sword Are you attacking women now you attack women? I'm just wondering the song is that the song? Oh? I don't respect women. I don't know I guess that's where me and you cross paths I like all attention bald head wouldn't you drive you mad? I love baldheads. Where's wigs? She wears wigs. Yeah. Yeah, but I'll know Of course you will because it will come off when you grab her hair. Exactly Oh, wait get to the get to the part where she throws it down dude. If you.I. God you can turn it up. Yeah she's hot for sure. You guys are crazy.

Fuck her. No. Jacob you hard? No. Yes you are dude. Get over here hard check. Her titties before were fine. How tall is she? She's like five, five one? Five foot yeah she's five foot. She a little girl. Oh pussy line. She's got so many chains that I want. She looks like a rescue dog.

She's a stray dog. Well good, if she comes by the cellar and she wants to talk to me, I'm not gonna introduce you. She says she's ugly. That'd be funny if you were like... I think that's my friend Jacob and Bobby. They think you're fat and ugly. They think your ass is too big. They don't like that your bald head match your pussy I love you think she's gonna come to the cellar and talk to you and our Godfrey and arty Store comedy yeah, she'll walk right up to you Who's gonna be the one in LA is taking her She's our neighbors. Oh, she's naked in that yeah, she's super hot

DJ Lou mean you're the only ones with, making any kind of sense in this room. Seriously, she gets hotter by the minute. Yeah. Yeah, but that, DJ Lou legs a big ass. You didn't like, but you know what it is? You don't like black women feeling, you don't like women of color feeling open sexually. You probably hated Lil Kim too, I was a big Lil Kim fan. I like, I like.

You hate Lil Kim? No, that's not true. I don't hate little Kim. I just like a smaller bum So you think little Kim's a slut pig who you don't respect? because She's like a small black woman. Yes, not your thing. Yes, okay. I uh, no, I like little Kim I just like a little bum. I like a smaller, but grab both of those cheeks with one hand. Absolutely I don't want to do that. I like a small bum you just argued no point He's making that that ass right there is huge no massive and it's a fake. It's not real wrong

It's real And I'm telling you can reach around Bobby and you can grip it the whole thing in your palm it looks big proportionally We meet her let's try this like ant man when we meet her you prove this to me. It's just juicy Yeah, if you were this if you were an ant, this is the size of the fucking freedom tower It's a bottle of water. You have to plan for the future What it's gonna be later. What's it gonna be later a great ass? What when she's 45? Yeah, I'm gonna fall

I'm sure her ass gonna be fine And I'm sure if it's fake like you say get those fucking big old fucking ham hocks out of there Yeah, and then sew it back up to your little normal, but She's sexy fuck all y'alls. I don't know. I mean it's a thing go out there and find love guys Guys are going out there and find love guys guys guys go on out there and find love no are you crazy look at her hair she's not white no she doesn't have a way she's probably half white or half something she's black but she's black for sure I mean she's hot dude I'm I mean I mean she's pretty but she's it's too now Look who's getting worried. He's gonna meet her now Too bad, dude me and DJ Lou are gonna be double team fucking her in that pool while Christine's visiting her family doesn't want to see her

Not invited I Don't think they want to see me. Well Christine just go to them Me and Bobby need a half hour with doji cat make sure be a baby wipes Only a quarter South African and black why would you say South Africa South Africans are white and then her mom is Jewish American and white so White so that's three-quarters white So white, so that's three quarters white. You're a Jew. I think it's South Africa.

Jesus Christ. Her father's name is Dumasani Diamini, so I'm pretty sure he's black. That makes you half black. She's half black. Yeah, there's no way your father's name is Dumasimi Mamamini. She's at least half black.

Her hair and everything, yeah, she's half black. Yeah, she's mostly black. I'm not sure why it's saying black. Yeah, half of my family is black from South Africa and I'm very proud of where I, yeah, it says it right there. Black from South Africa. Oh, we have a guest coming in, is our guest here? We have Liz Mealy, the hilarious Liz Mealy

coming in to hang out with us. She has a new album out right now called Murder Sheets out right now. Check it out wherever you get albums, I guess. it's a special. It's a special out. She has a brand new special out that is, I believe, on YouTube. It's Murder Sheets. It's out right now. Very funny. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm out That is I believe on YouTube. It's murder sheets. It's out right now very funny Liz Millie's is coming in and show before maybe she won't shame me out of what I like She will in a woman. She's going to no she's not okay. I like First of all, she's gonna judge you and Jacob a lot. You both are in the fucking children, and it's gross. I'm not into children, I like women.

As long as they look like little boys. Yeah, you like girls who look like little guys. You like little guys. That did not look like a guy. My choices did not look, Bobby's looked like a guy. Don't throw me into the bus. I like you and Bobby together because you guys say the same stuff a lot.

Yours look like a guy. Do your break hands. We're gonna go to break. We'll be right back, it's the bonfire. I like you and Bobby together cuz you We're gonna go to break we'll be right back it's the bonfire Hey, what's up, I'm BK burglar Bob Kelly aka the rooster I'm big Jay Okerson. I only have one aka I'm a cowboy. Look if you love the bonfire, which you know you do you this is just half of the show That's right. There's the podcast version everybody So if you want to hear the whole thing go to serious xm.com slash bonfire to get the whole thing Yeah, you get tons of other entertainment, too

It's not just us you got other shows that you can go to after you listen to our show You can go to all kinds of other shows. And you know what, tell a friend. But most importantly, this show. Yeah, this show, just go to this show. Do something resembling anything. Liz Millies is here. She's got a brand new special. It's on YouTube, correct?

Yeah. It's on YouTube. It's called Murder Sheets. Out right now on YouTube. That was a discombobulated introduction. Well, I was getting to it, but you're impatient. I like to slow roll it well You got it. You know explain it were all about your weird Women fetishes I even told the world who she is much. It's special. It's not a weird weird woman fetish It's just my type. Thank you. No no no it's Liz. It's specific

Just my type. Thank you. No, no, no. It's Liz. It's specific per race. No, well. Each race gets their own little thing. But isn't that like... You could be, you honestly might be 50 pounds to, I'm not sure what Bobby's thing is, but whatever it is, you're 50 pounds to light or heavy.

Well, I'm also ethnically ambiguous, which has to be very confusing for if this is done racially. I'm just going to go Jewish. I'm not. Jewish is all I know. She's Italian. I'm Italian. She's Italian 100%.

You can see that. 100% Italian. How do you like your Italians? I like them. Hairy-backed. No, I don't. Done. No.

Ha, ha, yeah. You got hair in your back? No, but I can grow a mustache. You can. Oh, very much so. That's hot. Yeah. You and fucking Christine, she looked 70s detectives

for a week. I remember I was really in love with this girl, smoking hot. And I showed up at her house a little too early once to pick her up. And she had the bleach on her upper lip. And she answered the door. And I was like, what? She goes, I'm bleaching my lip. I'll be right. I'll be right out I was like

You'd rather have them. I'd rather find the come in and be like always in the middle of waxing my mustache You least you know when they correct that it's gone When it's bleaching the rest of the night, you're just looking at the blonde mustache the whole time I don't understand the bleaching I don't like like so I have a bunch of friends that are blonde and actually don't understand the bleaching. Me either. Like, so I have a bunch of friends that are blonde and they don't shave their legs because they're like, you can't see it.

And I was like, well that wasn't what the point was. It was, I thought it was to feel like sexy smooth. Yes, it's gross. It's gross to have leg hairs. You can barely see them, like, nah, it's gross. Now, listen, I'm not a pro. Bush, grow your bush. But it shouldn't be going down your legs. I wouldn't tell a lady.

I love that you have like, you're like, here, this is my itinerary. Armpit hair, armpit hair. And again, it's nothing to do with like, when I say it's gross, armpit hair on a girl, it's because it makes it masculine. But it's gross on a guy. I mean, I don't think it's, it's just like,

you know, these are just like American standardized ideas of what femininity is. Sure, and we nailed it. Yeah. We did it. But I don't see armpit on a guy and think like, hmm. I would assume not, yeah, I know, for sure. It's still gross.

I agree. Hair is mostly gross. Some people like a hairy guy, though. I'm not a very hairy guy, but like, I know some people like, like, DeRosa looks like fucking John Bon Jovi when he takes a show. It's just straight carpet. Yeah, it's disgusting.

But some girls do like that on a guy. Some girls like rubbing their fingers through a teddy bear. It might be a time thing, though, because whatever the standard is, you say at the moment, because Tom Selleck was everyone that had to have The idea was to show your hairy chest. Yeah, you know, I mean, but I would never think that would be the case

Yeah back in the day men used to have hair on their chest That was a thing now most men who would wear any clothes that shows their chest at all shave their bodies You're ie your Justin's your Josh. I shave their arms now guys don't want arm hair You just sandpaper me like it doesn't read it doesn't feel good I mean if you're a swimmer you do what you got to do to win the gold But like I don't get that dolphin skin Nope, I shave my uh, you know around my facial hair Ball bag, that's it. That's all my shaving needs at all. I don't go anything crazy I shave my, you know, around my facial hair, ball bag.

That's it. That's all my shaving needs at all. I don't go anything crazy. I have to shave my head. I can't have, I don't like any, I'll let it grow a little bit, but then when I shave it, I have to make sure it's perfect. I hate like a little stubble.

I hate it. What's the longest for a bet that you have a fair shake to win the bet? You feel it's 50-50. You have a fair shake to get you to agree to that if you lose, you grow your hair for like the next six months. But if I grow my hair for the next six months,

everything changes about me. Do you understand? Yeah. Like, I won't be as funny. My shows will suffer, I'll lose a lot. My wife, I'll lose, my kid will have to. Your son's respect you'll lose for sure. Yeah, because I'm older. He'll have to sell the house.

This is an unfair bet. You go from a shaved head badass to being his fucking goofball dad. I go to Tom Papa. I don't do that. I can't, cause I have. When's the last time you had hair? Like I can't imagine like John Fish with hair.

But like I've seen John Fish pictures. I remember with John Fish. I think my 30s, but I preempted. Like I was. You saw it down the road. I saw it going and I'm like, I didn't wanna get successful, not that it ever happened.

I could've just kept it going. But in my head, my dream was like, if I make it and I make it with hair and then I become this. Yeah, and then people don't remember you. I would rather just try. There he is, this. Where? On the right there. On the right there.

On the right top. In that scene. Shut up, you had black curly hair? I had beautiful ringlets. Look at him there. We had the same hair. He looks like Eddie Gordo from fuckin' Tekken. That's American Indian Bob right there.

Bob, did you used to use a lot of hair product? I used Pomade, Paul Mitchell, Apapooey Cream. Apapooey? Yeah, I used, I mean dude, Paul Mitchell, Apo Pooey cream. Apo Pooey? Yeah, I used, I mean, dude, I loved, I used to do my hair. I used to have hair dryer on the road. No.

Oh, dude, I used to hang upside down. He's scrunching. Yeah, dude. Scrunching, you gotta scrunch. I always had scrunchies on my wrist for my little rat tail. When I had long hair, I would keep a, I had always a,

Scrunchy? You know, rubber band hair tie. I had beautiful hair, I loved it. But you're so lucky you have a good shaped head. There's a lot, like honestly, I have like a huge dent in the back of my head. That's because your mother didn't turn you in the crib. I swear to God.

No, it's not a turn, it's like, it's a drop. It's a drop. It's definitely a drop. It's a drop. It's definitely a drop. It's a drop. A clear drop. As somebody that raised my little brothers, I know the difference between not turning and like. A full drop.

Yeah, because I've dropped my brothers several times. A lot of babies have weird shaped heads because their mom just let them lie there for hours. And their heads were deformed. They had to wear it. They have to get helmets. There's a certain kid helmet that kids have to wear. Yeah, Travis' kid had to wear a helmet for like a year.

Who? Travis from Opie and Anthony. Oh. Yeah, just to give the kid a shot at having a good, you know what I mean? That's the worst, dude. When you're a comedian, especially if you're like a person who's on a show like Opie and Anthony,

it's so aggressive and vicious and then it's like, can you guys chill out for a little bit because my kids gotta start wearing a helmet like in that world. Like shit. Yeah. Shit I've made fun of so many helmet kids in my life. This is really coming back to eat my ass right now. Mother F. But yeah before you came in here, Bobby was telling us that he likes his black

women as African as possible with striations in the middle of their chest because they're so malnourished and hungry. Because he likes Cardi B and the big booty. You're jumping ahead. I think Megan Thee Stallion's very hot. Big butts. We're arguing specifically, Doja Cat,

I think Doja Cat is hot as hell. Yeah, but we're arguing that the people that the industry picked as beautiful and talented are beautiful and talented. It's like, no duh. You know what I mean? Correct. How many unattractive female singers in any genre

are there, right? Adele. Adele is a... The chick from Heart. Yeah, but first of all, these are preferences. Also, she's from the 70s. She was hot as shit in the 70s. I'm talking about, you know what I mean?

Like, I'm talking about modern, like you cannot make it in this business if you aren't first fuckable and then talented. So, in general, even if you're not attracted to them, they're attractive enough for society to be a musician. Every female Christine likes to listen to in music is ugly. No, that's not true. What's the one she loves?

Adi DeFranco. I got these in 90s. She's not really commercially successful. Yeah, she's not making it. I mean, you know who she is because we listen to depressing music. Christine likes festival. Festival.

Tori Amos was very pretty when she was younger. She aged a little rough, but that's just time. It's gonna get us all. Fiona Apple, I mean, she had the little girl sex appeal, the heroin chic. Who's that, who says that? You creep? It was, you've seen the criminal video?

Yeah. Yeah, it was a heroin chic teenager rolling around on the floor. I didn't fall for the, it's a bit of a weird, when I first started comedy was around the time of a lot of people started the jokes about like, Britney Spears, are they trying to convince me

to fuck this 17 year old? But it didn't hit me that hard, because I was like 18. So I was like, yeah, I guess. Also, it hit me baby one, you're like, it didn't hit me that hard, and she's like, oh my God, I was trying. Yeah.

She was like, that was the whole point of the song. Let me hit you baby one more time. And now she's fucking nutty as all hell. Yeah, but that's like did you see the new documentary? Quiet on set like it's just all child actors like like I saw an interview at set I think my family was in it huh Jacob's family was in it your whole family was in it They were the off-the the grid quiet on the set documentary. 120 years ago, my family were. 120 years ago and 80 year olds in Jacob's family started dating six year olds.

Great, that's great. It was like 56 and 12. But it was called marriage back then. I don't agree with it. Okay, I'm really catching up. What I'm saying agree with it. Okay. I'm really catching up What I'm saying He was American Also considered Jacobs family comes from pedophilia over in

It's a crazy country over in there I'm just saying that you know Young stars that start in this early it's not this business sucks today like we're all adults and this is a horrible business like I can't imagine also being seven and like being the breadwinner and having to deal with rejection and pedophilia. Sorry, how much do you put on the parents though for that? Um, it depends. I mean if they're if there's actually like some Self-awareness and like you advocate for your kid like think about like even on that in that documentary The mom that advocated for the kid the kid got fired because he was she was like you're not listening and these are the hours And you need to respect his boundaries and they're just like this kid doesn't know how to play hard and you're like no

He's nine. Like, this is crazy. So it's like, the parents that advocate and actually care about their kids don't work in the business, and the ones that don't, you know, are- I think it's, but I'm just, the beginning level of it's hard with those kids,

because I don't know what their things were before- But if a kid wants to play baseball, what are you going to say? You can't play baseball because you're not going to make it, or you might get hurt? No, no, no, of course you should let them do it, but I'm saying more like how many kids come in saying they want to do, like that's what I'm saying,

when you say like a seven-year-old kid going like, I wanna be on cattle calls for commercials constantly, do you know what I mean? I've gone to those things and I've seen like stage parents, just a little bit of firsthand I've seen it, it's gross. And they all know each other at the auditions and these kids just playing with toys, they don't know what the fuck they're even there for. That money's good.

Sure, yeah, as I'm saying, people put their kids in it. But I think as soon as your kid says, I don't want to do this anymore, like I did gymnastics, and I mean, I got hit by my coaches, like I had Russian and Polish coaches that absolutely were horrible influences. And I remember when I was 14 and I was old enough

to be like, I was like, this sucks. And I told my dad, I was like, I don't wanna do it anymore. I loved gymnastics. I still to this day miss gymnastics. I don't miss how they would criticize my body, tell me that I was gaining weight. You know what I mean?

Tell me that I sucked at something. With literally- Is this male and female coaches? Yes, both. Both. I mean, males are actually kinda nicer. It's these little like, waify fucking Russian women that I sucked at something. With literally. Is this male and female coaches? Both? Yes, both. Both. I mean, males are actually kind of nicer. It's these little like, waify, fucking Russian women that were just awful.

But like, at the end of the day, I told my parents I didn't want to do it anymore. I don't think I was able to articulate why, but I was like, this isn't fun anymore and I don't want to do it. And I had done it for 11 years. And they were like, okay. You know what I mean?

As opposed to, like my dad talked to me about, you know, if you're gonna stop doing something, you should know why you're stopping, and not just be this person that stops when things get hard, but other than that, I mean, if your kid wants to do it, great, be parental about it. Could you have been in the Olympics,

could you have done that? No, I would have been somebody that competed and... Maybe college for it or something. Yeah, my older sister did it up until college. She did it until she was 21. Did she have the same experience? Yeah, of course. But she was, you know.

Well, you almost recruited for gymnastics stuff too when you were, because your times, you were very tiny. Yeah, no, oh yeah, yeah. So you were so small, they loved that. I haven't grown at all. But I think, it's funny, like I was talking, because I'm one of five kids. So like I'm the second oldest of five.

My little brothers are nine and 11 years younger than me. I remember taking care of them as babies. I have the same kind of gaps. I have 11, 15 and 19 years younger siblings. Yeah. My mom got remarried when I was 10. Yeah, and you like, it's weird to be somebody that doesn't have kids to have this awareness of kids,

but one of my brothers is 30, the other one's 28. They are kind of the same dudes. Who they were when they were three, I do think a lot of your personality is kind of set, and then life and parenting and society can destroy you or build you up or what have you. But my brother's really crafty and really, really smart Society can destroy you or build you up or what have you but like Who like my brother's really crafty and like like like really really smart and like can pick things up super quickly But also it gets super overwhelmed

And so it's just like you can see this in a child and go hey Everything's gonna be overwhelming just so you know it never gets easier. It never slows down everything kind of sucks So you find what you're willing to push through the overwhelmness and here are some life skills or whatever. But I think society just goes, this is how you can make money and you just have to do it and pushes you through. So I think good parenting is seeing who your kids are

and letting them kind of, nurturing them so that they can discover that as opposed to pushing them in a certain direction. Hence, every immigrant friend I have, every friend that had immigrant parents, became a doctor and then quit. You know what I mean? Is there a child-heavy situation at all,

whether it be acting and stuff, like a Nickelodeon or sports or anything, where there's just not an immediate draw for the worst people to be in. I mean, the doctor who would finger all the gymnasts, Nasser, going through all that shit, or just gymnastics in general. I mean, Becky Rodriguez came here, I don't think, she didn't even say anything

about inappropriate, other than it was made clear that she was backburnered on the Gymnastics squad because she grew tits and they kind of said it to it They were like, you know, it's like you have like adult men going like, you know, this is kind of the problem You know for any like damn that's fucking a lot to lay on a On a teenager who's like, oh, this is how your this is how my body grew. Sorry You already feel we already dealing with the guy the the guys, they're treating you a certain way. And then also you're going, also you can't do this thing you like anymore

because your tits are in the way. But I mean, in general, you have kids, right? Just one daughter, yeah. How old's your daughter? 21. She's 21, you remember what she was like when she was two? Oh yeah.

Right? I still like stickers, dude. I still like cats. I am exactly the same I just have credit cards like it is dangerous specifically though my daughter I like stickers I love stickers. I have an algae in bottle full of stickers. Yeah, he likes to put them Put one of his bushcraft knives. I do I love it to kill stickers My daughter when I was doing the show's Iraq I'm, let's put them on, it's Bushcraft Knives. I do, I love his stickers. Born to Kill stickers.

My daughter, when I was doing the show, Z-Rock, when she was maybe like seven, six or seven years old, and she came to set a few times with her mother to just hang out and meet people and stuff, but they would always tell me, because the show was about a band that played for kids' parties. So there was a lot of scenes with a lot, that's how I met a lot of these stage moms, I'd see them.

And just watching the interaction with these kids, and what these kids, I mean, the director or the assistant director doesn't give a fuck that they're kids. There was no kid gloves at all, it was like, guys, what did I say? I need everybody to be quiet. And I just thought, and when they would say to me,

hey, we're doing another party scene for the kids tomorrow, like bring your daughter, if you want your daughter to be in it, I was like, buddy, I'll attack the assistant director. If he tells my daughter, like guys, I need you to really shut up and listen right now, I go, buddy, she's a kid, and she doesn't know that we're doing this massive production,

it's not registering with her, so like, I couldn't put her through that. I didn't want to see that. I had Max in a movie. I played Santa Claus. Yeah, but you directed it, and it was in your basement, and it was black and white, and you were selling it to a guy overseas.

It was the worst movie in the world. It was a Christmas movie that I played Santa Claus, a Boston Santa Claus. I was like, you want me to change my accent? He's like, no, go ahead. Hey, where you going over there? But he was in it. I mean.

But how old's Max, too? He was, he was like six. Okay. And he played a security guard. Like, he actually paid a cop in the jail where, you know, I mean, they were actually sweet to him, though. You know what I mean? But I understand that because I was very.

But you were the guy. I was very protective of him when he came in and it was just to have my son in the movie. You're also Santa Claus in a Christmas movie and you're having your son. I'm not saying. But he did get the line wrong a couple times. And you hit him.

I didn't hit him. That's the only way he was able to learn. I just grabbed him by the neck. I go, don't fuck this up for me. You go, if you do this, you will be molested by Harvey Weinstein one day.