The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Good Times Gone Wrong

Episode Date: December 23, 2021

DJ Lou makes out at The Stand and Jay's threesome goes horribly wrong!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

I'm Dan Soder and I'm Big J. Ocarson and welcome to the Bonfire podcast. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. It's the Bonfire on SiriusXM Faxon Talk 103. I'm Dan Soder. That's Big J. Ocarson. We are at home for the week. We're joined,

of course, by the crew, Christine Marie Evans, Jacob Atat and DJ Lewitsky, Black Lou out for the day. But we're all at home, you know, because of this COVID ripping through every time. DJ Lew has Ebola. There it is. Yeah. Secret time. That's it. He got into cannibalism and it turned out that there was some Ebola I just want to play it say Lou has all come because DJ Lou has botulism now we keep coming the studio He ate raw chicken like a psycho he had scurvy because he was out at sea and he lost all his citrus and his body What? Who?

The vitamin C That conversation with you Who is having that conversation with you? With you nice to be on this side of it where I can hear the drops unlike when I was in the Pacific Northwest And I just had the fake it. Yeah, so what Christine you hear no sound effects, huh? They're in and out sometimes I get them sometimes I don't the sound effects come to make sense I don't know it does though. It really does sometimes it comes through and sometimes it doesn't who why is that? I don't know it does though it really does sometimes it comes through and sometimes it doesn't Who why is that? It's it's the it's the fidelity of whatever is playing if there's too much highs too much lows

High fidelity Check out the show on Hulu starting Justin Silver. Thanks Jacob. You know, you're a lot of the cool Jacob Jacob Christine and DJ little of course here with us Well, not here with us on zero us. Yeah, we're all back to our old setup. We're 2020 setup. It's been a weird weekend. The Omicron. I think so. Omicron. Omicron. Omicron. Is there an N? I think so. Is it Omni? I want to say Omnicron. So do I. What is it, Omni?

Jacob, what is it? You're shaking your head. What's your research? Omicron, I'm typing it in. Looks like it's Omnicron. Omicron. OMI, C-R-O-A. So there's no it.

Omicron. Omnicron. Omni sounds right, but that's even scary. It sounds like it's everywhere That's the corporation from life and times a 10 what is on the corp on the court? It's making it's making me feel right about myself Never not funny never not funny What a weekend Daniel you were out in Boston. Yeah, you'd shout out to all the campers for coming out at an awesome time in Boston. They even got to see me go zero to 60 on the Friday early show, which was fun. Ooh, one who?

A lot of drunks this weekend, a lot of drunks. Thursday late show, a lot of bread. 60 to person in the audience. Yeah, kicked them out, like pretty early in my set. It was a work party for advertising firm and they were just obnoxious assholes and they kept talking during your scene set and then I went up there and they like, the show was awesome and I was like, who are these people talking and they all went to the bar to get shots and came back in as a group. And I was like, you guys are a work party and they're like,

we are! And I was like, what do you guys do? And they're like advertising. I was like, bch. And they started getting butt hurt. And then this lady kept trying to get me to take a shot. She was like, take a shot. I'm like, I'm an alcoholic. I don't drink. And she's like, even better reason.

Exactly. She really hit me with that. She goes, so take a shot. And I go, because I don't want to, you deaf asshole. And then she was like yeah and then this guy in her group was like trying to talk shit and I was like just get the fuck out fuck you guys get the fuck out and they did it left yeah they kicked him out and I was like you fucking idiot sounds just how many were

there I think like four or five they kicked out but it felt really good felt good just like fuck off dude. Just go fuck yourself. Josh Edomire is just an Edminton. Oh yeah. He's a semi like, man, they don't police the room at all. He had a great time, but he was just like every show had like drunk people that had to be dealt with. Yeah dude, it's the Dallas, the Canada. Those are all oil boys.

Yeah. Those are all oil boys up there and they're they still wear aff fliction t-shirts because they're 10 years behind because they're Canada I'm right So they wear a fliction shirts and they're like, bro. I'll fuck you up, bud That was the only guy that was the last time someone tried to fight me in a crowd was in Edmonton like from years ago really Yes, I was like I kicked him out on I'm like get the fuck out of here, dude You're a fucking idiot and he was like yeah, bud is that what you want to do? And I was like sure is bud, but then you forget you're in Canada

Yeah, it's not like I was like oh he's talking like us now. He's pooh. Oh no this fucking poser hoser What a poser hoser what a loser poser and they uh and then they had this guy was like I'll fuck on see outside And you like do you think I'm gonna get into a fist fight before I leave Canada you fucking moron? I'm going back to the greatest country in the world. That's when you start healing it up. That's when you start being real heal. You're like, I'm going back to America. Where freedom comes out of the faucet, like fucking water.

Was it a new, was it a new always, you haven't seen it or was it an old one? I haven't seen any of them. No, I know, I'm trying to remember if this is an old or a new one, where they find someone's wallet and they go to a sky box. I think that might be a old one. I haven't seen any of them. No, I know. I'm trying to remember if this is an old or a new one where they find someone's wallet and they go to a sky box. I think that might be a new one. That might be a new one. D does a one of her over the things that she supposed to be a Canadian. And I love. I love it. I love it. D does accents. It's really funny. But yeah, it was a Boston was Boston was awesome. It was awesome. The crowds are great. You know, it was awesome. It was so awesome. And then, uh, yeah, fun foods while you're out there. That's a good time for food. Get some Mike's roast beef. Yes, slut.

God, I love Mike's roast beef and that fucking trip. Oh, good. I didn't go. It's so fucking good. But, uh, no, Racine was open and for me. And he brought his, that's what Christina and I were talking about before the show. Racine bought his baby and his son is very cute. He brought his baby. Yeah, well he brought his wife and baby and so Devin the baby were hanging out in the green room. Those big old cheeks. What a third. We brought myrtle. We brought myrtle to the hotel because the hotel allows dogs. She hates hotels. You're putting it here. Because anybody that would walk by the door, she'd be like, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh I'm right. I'm right. I'm right. I'm right. I'm right. It was interesting weekend here in New York. I heard DJ Lou came out to the shows. DJ Lou did come out to the shows with a date What a white of all things a one like here and that dude. I don't like hearing that you're a trader You know you need a light. I'm back. You're back to the Queen. He went Yeah, he went Latina and then came full circle circle you know how white how why do we talk about

white is can be uh... she was white dude for sure i met her i met her to stand and uh... well you know she was with the who was blitzed

uh... had a conversation with her he doesn't even remember She was with Lou, Lou was blitzed. I had a conversation with her, he doesn't even remember. He doesn't know. I talked to her for half hour. He smoked a bunch without her. He was drunk, they're alone. So I picked up the slack where he failed. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, I have my amount of lines. Now Lou introduced me to her and then I fucking sang loose praises and then Lou split.

He walked off and I talked to her for a while and why I really gave the fucking no better person at his job and what a great guy and I gave him the works. I couldn't tell if the date was going great or not because Lou was definitely Lou was stewed and she seemed maybe like she wasn't even drinking alcohol at all. That is incorrect. She was drinking tequila which is why I think I got so far with her. Oh all right. I don't know why you got to devolve so much. Did you show up, hammered, Lou? I wasn't until the show is over,

and I kept trying to keep up with her with my vodka versus her tequila, and I was a little bit too tipsy at the end. I remember that. Yeah. She didn't seem hammered at all. No, she could hold her liquor. She was a great comedy audience, man. She was awesome. Yeah, she was she

Don't she wasn't like a loose. That's good. That's a good test. She bring her a show see if she's like bitchy about comedy He said she loved it all She was a very complimentary when we got off stage, but yeah, I sang I gave Lou the works of a talk up I mean all true stuff, but I mean I just really say like just the fucking best guy and just like what he does is like he's the only person in the world that can do that at the level he does it. He downplays himself so much. Then you go you know there's two of them. Yeah. Also you know it's really cool like him as brother looks so much alike like one could slide out while you're fucking the little one could pop in you wouldn't know any difference. know, it's really cool. Like him as brother looks so much alike, like one could slide out while you're fucking the

little mucca pop in. You wouldn't know any difference. Yeah, dude. That's pretty chill. Then you get to be a whore without saying you were acting like a whore. It wasn't your fault. And that's pretty hang on. So I told her, Lou was my friend.

And then she looked at me very confused Blue was gone for at least 20 minutes He didn't care that she was alone But... Eww But she picked up the slah-haw! So what happened Lou how far did you get dude? I'm clapping alone in my apartment. I can't wait for you. The official bonfire soundtrack with weekend loving starring Lou singing the song. Jay picked up the picked up the uh...

what happened uh... we made out after you talk to her heavy yeah like we do have it to be done in public yeah we're inside the stand uff outside the front door outside the big windows right side right outside the big windows you know it's fine let people know

you you say hot heavy like some ass grabbing maybe or just like we're hands moving a lot. That's a big tell. That's great. Yeah, she patted by dick a little bit. I got. Yeah, like in front of the windows. Yeah, she just gave it a little tap tap just to see what's doing. Here's my question. Did she do a grab in a pump or just a pop pop? No, no, no grab just a little, hey, what you got doing down there? Really? Were you, were you showing nice? Yeah, outside the pants I was pretty impressive. Okay. Okay. Okay. So she got a little tap, she got a little tap on your bone. Then what?

We made out touchy touchy feely and then I put her in an uber. Did you grip a titty? I didn't. I didn't. I guess it was saving that for later. Were you so hammered that you mumbled out? Look what you do to me. No, but I did go home and text her.

You're so special. Wow. Like a retard. Did you dip your fingers in. Wow, like a retard. Did you dip your fingers in the front, your fingers in the front of your jeans and get a little, so you can get a little tickle the edge of the fairway.

Yeah, it is. That's a good move though, no. You get it on the berm, you feel the berm a little bit. I feel like Lou would have done it wrong and put palm into the stomach and gone full hand in. He's like, well, I got it. Wow, that's too much. No, no, no, no, you dip down the front like you're pulling

or towards you a little bit, but you're down there feeling if there's panties or a little beef work. Yeah. Well, here's the thing though. Maybe a bandaid, maybe you pull a bandaid out. Yeah. Yeah. Well, here's the bad part.

I haven't really heard from her since then. No, no. Did you just do it, sir? Yeah, we texted back and forth, but she's just keep writing years so special. Then you're so special question mark. Then you're so special question mark. Sad face. You're so special question mark angry face exclamation point. I was about to say what a great move. Like Lou, you ditched her for 20 minutes.

Made her feel so insecure. She tapped your dig. Yeah. But great move. I don't think the 20 minutes bothered her, but I did send her the clip of our show where I got scammed by the cam model. Oh, Jesus. That might have ruined it.

That would have been... Yes, my move. Did you send it that night and you're weird behavior? She watched, I know at one point, I hung with Lou for a solid 30 minutes, smoking cigarettes while she was downstairs watching the show by herself too. So when she came to she made a realize that she spent half that date with other people or by herself. Yeah, I think she thinks she works at a comedy club now.

Well, she knows I have a smoking addiction. Sigarettes. Oh, she knows she knows you crack. Oh, no crack cocaine I thought you were saying she had one no, she actually beat Smoking through the book the Dan Red Alan. Oh, shut out Alan Carl then she beat your dick outside of a comedy club She least padded it. I should have got it hard to get man. He's totally Yeah, whatever sit by yourself. I don't care. Yeah, he really does. When the booze gets in him, he's gonna make two choices. It's not confidence. When Lou gets hammered. I'm telling you, when Lou gets hammered, smoking is sick. And I get I'm a smoker, so I get it. But smoking above all else, above all else. Yeah.

else above all else. I'll even tell you recently in my house, which is circumstantial. I was like, yeah, fuck it. It's freezing outside. We're doing something. I'm smoking out the window. And I took three puffs out the window. And I was like, I don't know, it's weird. It's just weird smoking inside. I did my house for sure. Yeah. I'll smoke inside. I'll let me smoke in a green room. I'll smoke in a green room and all that shit. But like, you should enjoy the once in a while though, where you give yourself a permission. When you don't smoke inside and you're like, I'm going to smoke inside right now.

It really is very satisfying. Now this one wasn't. I felt the shitty media was like, I'm being lazy. It's stupid. I shouldn't be smoking one more track. One more track. Okay, I'm done. Okay, I'll put this out, but still. And then you put it out and you go, man, I really I shouldn't be smoking. One more track. One more track. Okay, I'm done. Okay, I'll put this out, but still. And then you put it out and you go, man, I really

should have enjoyed that more. If I could smoke Doring Bonfire, we could do a five hour show a day. It's never for lack of things to talk about. Is it eventually I have to go smoke cigarette? That's why losing is happy place right now. He's just fucking ripped butt. Lou hopes everyone gets armacran We're gonna stay back at home all right. I guess I'll smoke again. He's kissing it in the people He's kissing it into people's mouths one fucking producer at a time. Yeah He opens his mouth like oh Falles in like Jason and that fucking Jason goes to hell movie. Lou, did you did I asked her to come home with you? No, I didn't. I should have

wanted to have a company. Was it lose night? Or was it a will's night, rather? Yeah, plus she's not coming back to Jersey. She's from Brooklyn. Would you have gone to her? Another Brooklyn. Another brother girl. Yeah, she's a producer too, Jacob. Are you going to see if every single race tries to make you move to Brooklyn. Wait, where did you meet her? Hinge not a No kidding. On the app. Yeah.

Jacob, do you play the dating apps at all? I stopped. Why Dick was getting so close to that pussy? No, just kind of hit a brick wall. Yeah, but what does it take to just play it? Yeah, did you're down in Florida? You're like the fucking. Where am I going to bring them back? Me and Christina have a tender profile that I literally use for the sport of like just going, you're ugly, you're not, you're ugly, you're not, because it's honest to God,

it's never been more than one sentence worth of conversation with anyone we've ever met on it. It's useless. But I just go, but it's just in my thing. So when I've checked everything, I get checked and I'm just dicking around on my phone. I'll be like, I'll go tell some people to ugly with that telling them, you're ugly.

You're ugly. Project runway muscle up. Everyone who reaches out to us or likes us is horrible looking. It's 100% of them. And so we're or fake. It's horrible looking or fake would be my assumption. Is it all when it comes in fake? Is it totally obvious?

It's fake. Not to me. It's not. No, I don't know. I don't I don't. I really honestly got on it. If I look at it once a month is a high estimate, but like it's been it's it's you it is utterly useless, especially for a couple trying to hook up with like a check, you know, it's like it's even the apps that are for that are just worthless. Also, I'm I'm not speaking for Christine. I'm speaking for myself here. I'll say that I fall into an odd place of, like, sex apps like that. You know, not sex, but like trying to hook up. Hook up, apps.

What place do you follow? It's a weird, but I'm certainly not like very good. Like Josh has a lot of success in like Josh had a a Myers you probably puts up stuff of his body and like doing whatever you know I'm saying like he knows how to like play it and like so he's gonna get girls like if they don't like him because he shorts on my gap but he'll get plenty of really good looking girls because like oh he's a good looking guy in good shape right so I don't have that I don't think I'm ugly and I think if I put up pictures particularly they're not ugly pictures at all but I think you have to be on these things. Good looking or just not give a shit at all. Do you know what I mean? If you're just looking to hook up and you'll fuck like, you know, girls missing half their teeth or guys, wherever like that, like you'll hook up probably regularly.

It's just that like if you're particular, it'll take you, if you're doing it, but that particular is even the wrong word. It's just like even the middle of the row because if it makes sense, like I'm sure on a, especially a hookup site, a chick whose cute and chubby can get a super muscular guy for a night, you know what I mean? Don't come over and just throw it down. Yeah, dude. Lift you up. It'll be a workout. Get a cardio. Not even, not even a magazine won't be attracted to. I'm just saying like there's a higher chance of a really a good looking in shape guy, fucking a girl who's like, he thinks is like less attractive than him. himself, then of a girl doing that, I think. Yeah, I think it's on a hookup men. Yeah. No, I think in the world,

God, he said, you know, I said successful guy who's not super attractive and get at a confuck out of his league for sure. But I'm just talking about on the pure dating app thing. You're just swiping and swiping and swiping. I think I am middle, like lower end of middle of the road on that. So it's like, come on.

You got a lot, you got a lot. If you, if I think you need to pick the right pick, I think if you guys put the right music on it. Well, I'm also, I'm not, I'm not gonna move. But I also am not going to style, I want the picks to be relatively indicative of what you're gonna see also. Just the bottom of your chin. Just the bottom of your chin.

Just the bottom of your chin. And you'd be like, ugh, ugh, ugh. By the heat you'd be to see. By the way, I sold so hard on the picture. The picture's like me and Christine a couple, and then I think my album cover, like me walking out on the stage,

and stuff, I'm not a picture. No, I think it's using all the superpowers cuz you're like Here's me paying my dues here's me here's my office Why is it just a picture of an email address you go that's my business manager, why don't you hit him up? See how good I'm doing Ask him what mine. Ask them what my net is. What's your name? I mean, I told you this before though, like, I used to go out on a few dates on dating

apps, but mainly Bumble actually. I never used Tinge, but I had to put my height because I couldn't take the stair when they got there. Yeah. Once I put my height, that killed 95% of it. Yeah, I would never hurt myself on level. But those 5% knew what they were getting, those though. Yeah, you're honest. I would never, I would never hurt my ass feeling.

I mean, I didn't feel like I was lying. I didn't feel like I was lying to them before. I just realized sometimes you forget. I think Dan, I think to them, Jacob, you maybe too, I think I would do better, weirdly enough on like, if I was single, I mean, like, or, uh, or maybe being Christian, I don't know how that works over there, but like that raya, whatever the one is, it's like the, you know, is the illuminati tinder. Oh, yeah, it's what Jerry's crazy. Yeah, you told me that I think so it's like Jerry's like you got to get on what it was like back in 2015

He's like you got to get on that Illuminati I'll never waste my time. I'll never waste my time on it, but that said It is like I think I would do better on that because some on some of that aren't people actually looking for like Whether be success or notoriety or something. So maybe I would Yeah, I think it's like a clip in the world of late night fuck dude on the swiping. I am just not a An obvious right swipe I feel like you are dude. I feel like we can give you a whole profile makeover and you and Christine can just come into a Wealth of give you a whole profile makeover and you and Christine can just come into a wealth of range. Just me and her dress and like loin cloth and she's Jane.

Oh man. Oh my god. We'll have her. We'll have you feeding her grapes. We'll have her massaging you in one and it'll all be stylized. It'll be great. It'll look a lot like oil paintings. What is Raya then specifically like what do you have what do you have to be? You have to apply and then they look at your social media and see how much it's a cloud chaser is dating out. Yeah. That's all for people that are like are like somewhat relatively known or have like a little bit of fame. No, that's from saying there's a point. There is out there like a mega hot chick that'll fuck for the complete sake of like being talked about

in a radio show. I mean, you're like being with the person. So it's like, you never know. But Jacob, let's get you on it, dude. Let's get you on it. Do it, John. Yeah, you want to ride, dude. We'll do it.

I want a data celebrity. All you have to do is because you have to put in like, um, I think you have to give references in order for them to see like the day follow you and you follow them. One quick call to Michael Che. One quick call to Pete Davidson and Sal Volcano and you're fucking in dude. You're like, I'm telling you, you're in. I mean, saddle alone will probably put you over but we also have fucking Chey and a little Pete Davidson

hell we'll ask if you can ask his lady Kim K to put you over yeah put you over dude I can see I could totally see you having like late night CW TV watch a thons with Kylie Jenner oh my god you think I'm joking but I could see it just taking care of fucking Travis Scott's kid. She's like so star girls like what? That's not super girl. Oh god sweet Kylie. Now super girl comes from Krypton. Where is star girl? Yeah I mean if I could date somebody who had a guest appearance in the flash. I guarantee there's a woman. I guarantee there's a woman that's appeared in a CW show that would follow them with you.

1000%. I guarantee it. I guarantee you could pull her out of you could pull her out of LA just some lady that lives in LA just bumbling around to CW show to Enterprise commercials, you know, and you just pull her out of that life Bring her into you know bring her to New York City get her into Broadway or some sort of stage I think Broadway dude Broadway. Yeah, we maybe have maybe I find you a hayseed. You could take out and teach Oh my god dude. Absolutely. You need some po-dunk queen that'll get you a feral bitch. Yeah dude Let's get you one right out the woods like Nell I'll learn your language Havoc Hala to post it. Dude just Jacob translating for it. Did anyone she's like

She doesn't like the lighting it reminds her of thunderstorms. She'd like to know if you have olio instead of Butter that's like margarine. Yeah, she brought owl meat with her. She usually Birds that hunt Can you guys eat this grass who flays she made she doesn't know it's gross It's a mud pie, but a literal mud pie Look, it's a slow burn guys. He's getting something she's sleeping Guys, she's putting clothes on the go outside again guys. Can I cut to the chase this chick is toned We're talking zero percent body fat. She lives off the land Jacob. You're gonna grace. Doca chick

Yeah, dude. It'll be awesome. You got a gray stoker take her out of the wild and make her right You're gonna pick Malian somebody you need to talk you got to Jacob. We should take you down to like camp in a real bail like like Like East New York or something and find like a new junkie who you could see the framework is there for a hot hot chick Jacob Jacob you're out of this actually now. I'm starting to think is that we're gonna find DJ lose girlfriend Jacob Jacob you're out of this actually now I'm starting to think is how we're gonna find DJ lose girlfriend is we have to go find a just a Junkie animal, but you could see there's something there you We could do this old house, but with humans and just renovate a lady Who keeps going though I admire him look I mean I I bailed on those apps

It's a number It's a number. No, I mean, I bailed on those apps. It's a number. I'll give you a hug on. It's a number. No, I know. But the biggest handicap is, yes, like you said, height, but also age is a big factor. Nobody wants a guy, because they want to marry a guy in his 40s, you know? No, that's... They are upset that you're not, you're never married before. That's what blows their mind probably right

Something's got to be wrong with me. Yeah, dude, but then you'll get in there and fucking nail it And you go there's no room for a wife Me my brother. Sorry. You're in the way again Yeah, could you shop for us? Hey, huh not to complain, but Will said you didn't make his bed today I don't want to be that guy, but will you in the bathroom not cleaning up after all? Yeah. Did you forget to bleach Will's whites because he complained? Hey, our ass tray is kind of over ran yesterday.

Just make sure that doesn't happen again, but anyways, you good shit. I like a fresh ass tray. I think I would say the only man that was never looked on as creepy for not getting married until he was in his 50s as John Stamos. Oh, oh, Clooney. Yeah, I do find it weird actually, but they did that. They married at that age. It's like the settling there because what they're also doing,

I don't know about Clooney, but what's the other one you said? He has a kid. No, sameos. Yeah, doesn't he have like a kid? Like a little kid or something? Yeah, he seems very happy now. I like Baldwin Mary Lee and have like five kids with the girl. Yeah, it's gross.

Old dad. Yeah, old dad sucks. Is that really what you want to be those kids are barely gonna love you when you die if I if I am one I'll probably be that if that ever happens no damn for you it's fine I mean I just rise I'm just insulting everybody on the show no Lou Jacob you guys are all gonna find love and and family eventually no stop it don't get weird I think we can I think we can get I think we can get, I think we can get Jacob on Raya. And I think we can get Lou a fresh junkie that'll work if we

get Suboxone in her. That she's my new year's shoot. Yeah, we get a little Suboxone. I don't, you don't want to go on through withdrawals at your place. You're going to see two ugly of a side of her. Yeah, you want to put her out. You're going to want to Suboxone off. Yeah. Pull her out of the swamp, get some Suboxone going so she doesn't want to shoot. And when you don't understand something understand something Lou by the numbers alone She's gonna relapse but she's hot So and also Jay has watched enough pedophile hunter videos to know where to track her down when she does go rogue. I do Really do I mean we've got all the tools. We've got all the tools. We just need to use them

Absolutely, I'm mean junkies can fuck Oh man, I wish we had a drop of yourself because that's the drop for you junkies can fuck you know junkie straight fucks Straight fucks Speaking of banging it out Oh, yeah, I don't know if you want me to talk about this covery plus show Do you want to talk about discovery plus or do you want to talk about what happened over the weekend with you and Christine? Maybe we wait for a tell for the weekend. Will it tell like that? We tell it now or should we tell with Dave?

Yeah, we'll talk about Discovery Plus thing with Dave. Yeah, I think Dave would do that. I think we fun to talk the threesome with Dave. Okay. I don't know. I don't know, Jacob. I think this is going to be a great. Yeah, it's going to make it's going to make. I'm sure yeah, it doesn't give a shit, but uh, yeah, I could see Christine being like, it's like her uncle hearing it.

Yeah, it's like family. Yeah, I'll tell you that we'll tell you now. I'll tell you that we'll tell you now. I In this segment So mean Christine at the stand Friday night Do my shows and the last show There was a girl who came outside. It was a fan. Okay, and like Legion of Skanks and like the whole universe of our stuff Yeah, she's in the the big J. Oakerson universe. She's a big fan. SDR maybe a little.

No, not even like, not even that. No, it's like, no, it's more like sketch. Well, she works at a comedy club somewhere in the country. She's just here visiting. Got it. Cute, 30 years old. She did someone say she looked like Margaret Kuali. And she did look like Margaret Kuali.

Who's Margaret Kuali? Andy McDowell's daughter. She's very, very cute. Very, very cute this chick. He dated some girlfriend. We're not going to be dates and girlfriend yet for sure. We're really? Yeah. Damn, dude.

Is he getting a jeeter list? Yes. He's belonging to that. Might be better. Yeah, it might be better. I don't know, dude. Dude, someone told me this weekend, I think it was column, uh, Teryl said he saw Pete once walking in Brooklyn just with like a girl who was like a gorgeous model quality chick and it wasn't even like a celebrity. Just

like someone just like regular chick that was gorgeous. Yeah, that's her right there, Dave. Okay. And I'll be honest, actually now that I see Margaret quality. Yeah, that's our right there, Dan. Okay. And I'll be honest, actually, now that I see Margaret Quali, yeah, I guess I see it a little bit. I see it a little bit. She's at a very intense features, but she was a cute, great body and stuff. And so after the show, we went in there, it's always funny thing is me and Christine.

I said, we only talk about the busts anyways. That's why they're only telling their funny. But like, me and Christine, like, she's like, okay, she's like, she doesn't like grab my jacket. And I'll, we're like, yeah, great. And when she goes, it was like, I'm looking at me and Christine to look at each other really quick and be like, okay, like you have to ask her to come back. If you do, you have to come back, like, I don't want to ask her to come back because I always worry they think that I'm putting Christine up to getting her to come. You know, I mean sure sure sure like she's just going Oh, you have to have her you have to have her be your gazelle my Galeine my lane

Yeah, I don't know I call their gazelle, but yeah, your galeine Maxwell dude. Yes, the fuck I prep him this show was 30 this girl was 30 and free to leave whenever you wanted exchange no money with her when you guys were at the club talking to her, did you have the feeling of like, oh, she wants to come home with Christine tonight? Yes. Well, Christine, you can answer that too. Yeah, I didn't, it was funny. I didn't realize I'm like, she was acting nervous. And it's almost like you can't,

it was hard to see because I'm like, oh, is she being weird? And then you're like, oh, no, she's kind of nervous because she's a single girl trying to approach a threesome and has no idea how to do it. And it was weird, almost like having the compassion Oh, is she being weird? And then you're like, oh no, she's kind of nervous because she's a single girl trying to approach a threesome and has no idea how to do it. And it was weird almost like having the compassion of that angle of things,

because I'm always like, I'm always so not uptight, but like in my own nerves that like I don't really think about like they're the more nervous situation. I don't know if Christine's right about that at all, maybe, but the girl was, she was definitely like giving the thing. thing she was like are you guys going home now or something like you're not hanging out I'm like it's just like that kind of thing and I was like oh yeah, we're gonna go back and she was like I Guess I'll go home then just like that you know I mean so then when she walked away to get her stuff and I was like oh I can give you a then I let throughout the little like

Where's your hotel long-hound city like I can give you a ride further up town and get you closer to the thing And then I was even like you know as a long on city. It's right over the 59th Street word You know midtown west, so it's like it's not really that big of a deal I go I will spin you drop you off But I had a feeling also this wasn't going there. I mean, yeah, we'll take you back and she was like Oh, that's that's so sweet. Yeah, and then when she went to get her jacket or stuff or whatever I go to Christine I go you got to ask her if she wants to come hang and she'll let you know quick and she goes Of course we get in the car Christine goes do you want to come back to our place and hang for a bit?

And she goes 100% absolutely yes, but she said and we were like nice So we go we drive back to our place I So we go, we drive back to our place. I think she wanted a little more like to drink, where we were worried about it, and I have like, we don't have much alcohol on her house, but I was like, oh, I have from when Christine was gone, like, that white claw is in shit. Yeah.

So like, oh, you can get like a white claw or something, and she comes back to the place. She's drunk, for sure. She's definitely drunk, but she's like completely there. Yeah. Everything she's talking about makes sense. She's not rambling like not so well She's chatty for sure, but like She was chatty so was she chatting the car like was she like Let me change your station to something I want to hear kind of chatty. No, that's how you kind of know someone's a little hammered when they get the car And they're like what's this? I'm gonna change the channel. Just talking with a little bit of intensity about things that no one would possibly give a shit about.

Okay. She didn't seem there was no inclination of her being any sort of problem drunk whatsoever. None. Nothing. None at all. Okay. So then we go back to our place. We get up there. uh, we go back to our place. We get up there. It's so much funny on a make sure I get it all. Yeah, so at this, you, you return the card of the parking garage and we'll go over. Yeah, I didn't drop her off mistake. I didn't drop Christine. Her off in the front.

We all parked. And then that wasn't even a mistake. It was fine. Uh, it was just like, we get up to the apartment. She comes in. We're chitin' chatting and I was like should I put on music or should I put on TV and Christine goes put on music on the TV like a concert on YouTube or something. This is a good mood set great What did you pick on Live and live in Japan. Yeah, no, I went with a war on drugs. Okay, great live war on drugs.

Concerts. You always love it when they got a little dire straits in them. Seven and said to seven my boo. Seven. That's so you know, they're a little jammy, but also like that moody. It's good. It's good for this. Also one of the favorite sweatshirts I've ever bought at a concert. sweatshirt great, so it's I put the concert on and we're just sitting there and Christine gives her the white call and I light I have a quarter of a joint a quarter Okay, less than this Dan less. Yeah, I like that I Take two puffs. I give it to her,

where she could take about two puffs and put it out. Oh, Christine could take two, you know what I mean? Whatever it was, no one's getting high off this is my mind. So I go, oh, I should go roll something in the other room. So I roll, I roll something. Oh, another thing that was going on. Always in that story, you know, Dan, there are all these stories that you're always looking

for the window to like get something going. Sure, going sure. I mean usually that's when the window happens is when you go fill the ice trays Yeah, you know it's a while the window had that what happens and then I do some light stuff got it after the window launch Is that's when you tidy up around the house while there's some kissing and some to do some light tidying yes so I I go roll a blunt and also frantically look for a blue chew. Cause I had had like a couple of white claws at night. So I was like, oh, let me just make sure, you know, good and sure. Yeah. Hey, couldn't, couldn't find a blue chew. And I was like, all right. Oh, but what's that? It's, uh pill. Chewable dick pill.

So, on the way up to spinach for boys in their 30s and 40s. On the way up to the apartment, she was talking about these dresses that she had, whether she bought, she still had the bags. And she was like, and she was like, oh, I'm so excited about these dresses, because maybe I'll do a fashion show for you guys. Like, sick, great excuse to get a great show.

Great, great. She's gonna do it right in front of us for sure and like it'll be great and we're like oh this is gonna go good When I go into the bedroom She with her elbow accidentally knocks her white clover. Oh, no And Christine starts like wiping it up a little wreck. She turns around very quickly after she knocks it over. So you know my apartment, Dan. Christine's in the kitchen, side of the counter. This girl's sitting on the bar side of the counter. Got it.

She knocked it over. She spun around quick to face the counter. Both hands on the counter. I'm finishing rolling a blunt. Yeah. No blue chew, and I come out of the room, and I go, there's my Justin Silver so we're wanting to come on. This has been his favorite thing for the whole weekend.

I told him, I came out in Christine's, she's staring at Christine, I think, wiping this white cloth with a rag. Sure. And I go, and I make a joke, I go, oh, no worries, sweetheart, it's fine. It's just Christine's great-grandmother's antique rag. It's not a big deal.

I go, and then no one laughs at all what I say. So I go, so I do the thing where I go, ah, you see, it's just a regular rag. So the joke was, it'd be funny if like, I don't think everyone was a rag. I'm doing it purposely like, joky, like, isn't funny that no one left, but still no one laughs.

And then I go, so what's up with this fashion show? And then nothing. And then this girl just turns and starts staring blank. Blank, her arms down by her side and just staring blank and unresponsive towards. What? Completely unresponsive towards. What, you know how much

I would freak me out and I'm thinking Jake I do Dan I do Dan because we were also equally free was it like this I know sort of yeah yeah it's more like more like just complete you you didn't realize that great great grandmas you didn't realize great grandmas rag was her Manchurian candidate after kill the president. Let's go Brandon. I have to kill Joe Biden. Oh no, I have to do it. I have to do it.

He's assassin. She's an assassin. She pulls a gun out of her leg. Yeah, I must kill. So she's just standing there arms to her side, staring at what? Great music, Lou, for for this you're not wrong here Actually do me another favor. Can you put on some live war on drugs music in the background? This really will paint the picture because

This comes back in the play. Don't worry. Oh fast. Do you try to get her out of the apartment at that point? Maybe you get a rope rope her down the side of the building like a piano. I He's got a rope rope her down the side of the building like a piano. I genuinely go I genuinely go right away at that point I go I'll go you okay? Go you drank a little too much, huh? I was like so must kill Must get revenge so at this point. I know This is beyond fucking. It's not happening at this point immediately. I know that I'm like whatever she's at right now She now a cover from enough to fuck and I ask you something mm-hmm when you're when you're talking to her You're going hello. Yes, hello. Yeah, and she's just giving you nothing a saying her name over and over again It's giving no and I'm going like do you want to just tell me the address? What's the name of the hotel?

You're staying at again So I could you know we'll get you in Uber and stuff again. She's just staring. Just staring at us. What's she staring at you and Christine or just like the wall? Like between us almost. Yeah, she's staring at nothing and not responding to anything. Yeah, awesome. So I'm like, why don't you sit down? I think that would have sat in on me right at that point. Oh my god. I would, Jacob, I would immediately be in on me right at that point. Oh my god.

Jacob, I would immediately be in this mode. Oh fuck man, oh what do we do? What the fuck do we do? So fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, dude, she's having a brain fart. So she's got this phasel. And it takes me about no exaggeration for five minutes to get her to just acknowledge words and not saying anything back

but just I'm like go sit in that chair that chair is comfortable like take take your get off your feet for a second and like see if you can like feel better you know I mean she's not answering anything but then she finally eventually walks over to the chair which was facing again Dan my apartment. Oh, let's just call this away from the couches at like the Where the washer dryers got it. It's like basically it tilted at the front door But me and Christina standing there at this time sure So then we're like all right, let's give her a second here and then me and Christine go and sit on the couch Which is behind her now while she's sitting there

Sure and for five minutes. We have a conversation about her Saying like we're going to be like hey, why don't you turn the chair around? Hey So Christine eventually just turns the chair around with her and you know like when they turn around to get dead body like Yeah, there's like there's gonna be a knife in her head or something. Yeah she's weakened at Bernie's. Now her eyes are like open and dead looking and her mouth is wide open. No wide open. No. And I'm still there and I'm still doing like the hey tell me I think it started with a C what's the name of that hotel? Let's

go down to the lobby and you can sit down her eyes are just her eyes are like rolling back in her head and her eyes are open So you see like whites of her eyes. So she's going like this? Yeah, yeah, yeah Just a little toothy so they're teeth you guys have watched a enough horror films that this should immediately you should leave buddy I swear to you I said before I go this it came on so fast and yeah she elbow the thing her she goes oh I'm sorry turned around put her hands in the desk and was never spoke another word again what the fuck never spoke another word again we were asking her we're like tapping or going like did you like, did you take something? Did you take something?

Like, is this just alcohol or did you take something else? And she's going like, no. No, she's not saying no. She's just sort of not like shaking her head now. But she was saying the chair and her breathing was fine. Because at this point, we're like, do we need to call an ambulance? No, I was, I'm definitely was on team ambulance. This point is then she did a thing where she starts like her head.

I think it was like the nodding off of like falling asleep. Like it's what it was. I guess, but this is what it looked like. I don't know if you can describe. She was just like everything was like a bounce. She did like a like a bounce and then like a bounce down. So it was she was seizing almost too So what more and that's what I said look like a fucking

It looked like a possession almost cuz she was like doing this like kind of shaking almost and then Then when she sat back up, you know, she picked her head back up and I was like you know going like hey What do you want it like do you want to lay down in a bed? You want to sleep and she goes, and she starts making like a face like she sees something that's not there. Oh, no.

No, no, this is the funniest part. She makes me say she goes, this music, I can't, this music, that's the only thing she says, this music, it's like, I'll never forget this rest of my life I panic just smashed a TV button and it went from a war on drugs live concert to a post-game Carl Anthony Towns in their views So funny dude, well, I'm telling you right now. We put a good game My teammates and It's a new coat. We have a winning culture here. It's a process and you just gotta learn that it's a process.

It went right to that because she was like the music and then she just like dropped her head back mouth open started making kind of wailing noises like. And I'm like, and that's when I said, I was like she's getting into being here for the night now and I went, I'm gonna go smoke. And I ran downstairs and smoked cigarette and called you Justin and Josh.

You didn't answer, thank God. It's fun of your tell-to-you-fresh here. But Josh and Justin were just over the top laughing. And they're like, right now this is happening. I go, she's dead in the chair of my house right now. And I go, I don't know. And I was still like, I don't know if we should call an ambulance. I go and make sure you call an ambulance.

I go, this is like, I don't know how to, this is alcohol poisoning or if she did take something it didn't tell us, but like, I just didn't know idea. I was like, I don't know what to do, but like I want to make sure she's all right. At a point when Jay was downstairs, I like, sugar. And I was like, hey, hey, are you there? Are you okay? Are you okay?

Are you okay? And she kind of came to a little bit, where her eyes opened up and she came out. And I was like, oh, she's just drunk, but to go from literally nothing saying that this girl was too drunk whatsoever to just, I've never seen anything like that, like a complete shut off to anything going on around you. Like if she

had started passing out it would have been one thing but that blank stare for however long. Buddy her last words were sorry she did a fast spin which I think added to it also like that she's probably drunk on that spin got her because she knocked the thing over and turned around fast and that was it but I'm telling you before that I'm before that while I was looking for a blue shoe and listening and rolling a blunt in my head I was going like with this broken yeah huh it was so weird I started thinking it was a test and she was like an SJW blogger trying to see if like me and Jay would fuck her anyways she was just so bizarre? How bizarre how bizarre

Stares at you I would have been panicking like somehow you're gonna get in trouble for some reason How did it end? How did so did it? I'll say how then so me and Christine as good people uncomfortably both slept in our clothes on the couch While she was in the chair just kind of like look over and then At one point I got up and switched couches Then I got up another time and realize that she had switched couches to like be Like it was like her and Christine were almost like an align on the long couch. Yeah, and And then I went into the bedroom with the door open and then Chris and then in the morning she was

She woke up left to note and left was the notes. Hey guys. Sorry. I saw Actually was pretty funny note. She was like it was like basically was like thank you so much for Let me stay and take me sorry. I don't know what happened, but like that was crazy I'm so sorry and embarrassed whatever and then she wrote PS by the way I'm 14 years old and the thirties have been notified. That's very funny. That's very funny. You've got 40 years old in the pan in the app. She left her phone number. She just didn't awakenings the whole night.

Yeah, I do. So no, no, no, no. The audience is back. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I know Christine doesn't believe she snores like she does because girls never believe that But that was pretty funny at one point the TV was like low for something or we just changing channels and you just heard like That's another and I mean I look to Christine. I was like there you are There's how pretty goes ugly quick First time in the story is like she's like oh my god I met one of my favorite comedians and him and his girlfriend were the club or ever drinks we went to their house and we like I don't know next thing I know I knocked over water and then I saw dead Navy sailors from World War

War and I couldn't get they kept they were eroded and they told me that they needed my help to get them back to the to to air They need me to get to the heaven. They said Dude, that's fucking scary and hilarious. It's hilariously scary. It's how I put it It was terrifying We really were like are we going to have to call an ambulance on this girl, and then you do get that thing of like oh god I hope this girl, you know, I hope she woke up in the morning and knew nothing happened.

I hope she didn't wake up and was like, ugh. I was frozen while they did things to me. I even thought about it. I'm breaking into a new belt loop, Dan. Oh, cool. A bit of a tighter belt loop. Hell yeah, dude.

I'm breaking one in. So, you know, it's like a little uncomfortable when you're there. So at one point, when I was laying on the couch Like sleeping. I was like, well, let me unbuckle my belt a little bit. It's a little uncomfortable And then I was like if she wakes up and sees my belt unbuckle even it just looks funky so that I went and switched the sweat That's a duet up to you like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no No, she doesn't remember she didn't want to hang in it. It was wild. It was it was like That's a duet cup tune you're, by the way, if she was outside and

just had that moment, you understand she didn't drink anything in her house. She took two puffs of weed and said she smokes weed. So like, whatever it was, if that combination just hit her, like walking home or going back to her hotel or something, you're like, yo, lady or what a very dangerous are you listening DJ Lou what have I told you that she was a mannequin. It's like control. It's a mannequin game. I like DJ Lou, if you did that with me in Christine, we'd fuck you anyway.

I'd fuck I'd fuck sleep and Lou. He goes, I was asleep, but I was awake. They both were touching me. They got that new black dildo. We got to bring you black dildo in the house That by the way I clean the dust off of that black dildo. There's no way to do it other than just giving it a full Soapy fucking hj. There's no other way. Did you send an alchristine? Yeah, I put it out. Oh, you see the video of it Me clean the dildo

I want you put it on bitch on our next to story. Oh god damn it win Like three days ago fuck that dude. This is why you fry just busy. No, I don't eat social media My phone because I think I'm better than I'm better than it and then I realize I need it Put it back up Daniel let's take a break and do these reads, shall we? Yeah, that way we can come back with our guests. We got reedy reads to do. Let me do the first two. The first two. Yeah, okay, okay, six clock. You can kick it off and then I'll do the

second one and then you can close it out. Okay. No, no, I mean, yeah, right back, it's the bonfire. Whether you're awake. Oh, my God. Sleep waking. Who knows? Waking sleep. Wake sleep. Awakening.

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