The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Good Vibes 4 Gary

Episode Date: June 3, 2022

Jay dives into the new season of America's Got Talent and points out the ridiculousness of the show.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

Ari Shafir is going to be taping his new special Jew again in Brooklyn. That's June 11th and 12th. Get it, Jew for June. That's June 11th and 12th. Saturday and Sunday. It is awesome. It is going to be fucking amazing. There are some seats available. Get tickets again at Ari Shafir.com, ARISHAFFIR.com. Don't blow it. Get it. Dan Soder is going to be in Grand Rapids this weekend. Everybody June 3rd and 4th Friday and Saturday. Then he's going to be in London. Everyone to Soho Theater. You can get ready. That's June 13th through June 19th for tickets. And all of Dan's tour dates go to DanSoder dot com.

Tulsa Oklahoma, Albany, New York, get ready. Bert Christchurch's fully loaded festival is headed in a town with big J on it. Going to be a hell of a show going all over this fine country of ours. For tickets and tour dates, go to bigjcomedy.com to see where Jason's gonna be. And we'll get back to the podcast. And now the bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. Alright, before we introduce the show, let's see if we can all do the thing. Let's see who makes it first.

Oh, I... Jevani, I don't have any confidence in myself in this. I have not. I know there's a spot while check out. Do you know what, Lou? It is where we need a long time camper. Fucking Jesus Christ, I've smoked too much pot. Stephanie, Falconi.

Yeah, she knows the whole thing Chinese chicken come on though all together now Right here Tell me in Two three four chickeny China the Chinese chicken you have a drumstick in your brain stops sticking watch the next files with the lights on with on amazing I'm gonna make this one. I'm never seen for them. Yeah, I'm out. I think I can't trick. It's nickers. Can't I see the satisfy Yeah, yeah, you made it far though. There were the BSM or I Never realized this and I don't know if I said this before but he's white busy bone finest of the flavors

And I don't know if I just said this before, but he's white busy bone. Find us to the flavors. We're needed. We're gas to know. He has to reach out to you and go, Hey, do you still putting me in fix? How are then, Mark? Gaston. No, it's been one week since you left. What are you saying, Christine?

Brian Baldinger was in a car commercial. We had to like lip sync this whole song. Hold had to have it down. Yeah. A car commercial. I remember I lip sync this whole song. He had to have it down. Yeah, song car commercial. I think he knows it word for word. I think that's why Jared Logan has that joke. Oh, yeah.

It is the the biggest earworm just with that sentence. We've talked about that. That was like first year bonfire. There's a new earworm in the world. Everybody on a GT as caught. Please, I just want more parmage on well well I introduced the show and then I will is that for four X's to them turning around and we ain't like even Simon had to go damn it take my X down he's moving

all he's going to the next round well welcome to the bonfire serious XM facts talk 103 I'm Dan Soder that's big Joe Crescent most of the crew is here Christine Marie Evans DJ Lewitsky, Jacob Patat, our black king, the black tiger, Lewis, God, son of a bitch. I'm a huge. Taking off early for June Teeth. Washington Hendricks today.

Okay. He's doing a June Teeth month. He's self, he's celebrating like black people with celebrate birthdays also. Yeah, how like, how like girls celebrate birthdays? All black celebrations are measured in months. Yeah, they're gonna give me. I mean, he thanks giving month.

Christmas month. Christmas month. Get you check it. Come on. You're back to AGT. I am back to AGT. First, let's say, because this is my idea of a fun pick me up for the show because my dad, I found out it's going through all kinds of

heart shit. Well you got to call yesterday that was. Need to get some procedures done. It appears and so give gear. Give gear your best wishes. Yeah man. Remember here's no gear. There's no gear stories.

So well I mean I've had a dead Gary for a while but you're the one you're the living Gary you have to continue that tradition. Yeah Gary you got to live dude for the Gary's give him robo Give him robo-co-body Robo Gary Need him. Yeah, two sons in need him Yeah, that's why I said I go I go he's a father of two. I said last night I go I hope nothing happens to father of two Um, he's going he's getting transferred to Cleveland if he's getting traveling for a consultation Yeah, they got to do some, looks like some pretty serious shit,

but let's hope he's gonna be okay. I'll keep you updated on that. If you send out gear bear, you're gonna, send out gear bear, you're gonna feel it. Good for us. Pairs up for Gary. Pairs up for G-Dog. So I definitely need a little cheering up

and I thought, what's my favorite thing in the world to make people laugh? And it's thinking of one to two name fake, or of terms for penises and vaginas. It's my favorite thing in the world. You think of different, you know, your crank, your hog, your, I love all that. I would also, if I were doing like the, the big J Marvel movie, I would make that like where you learned your superpower by just coming up with one and two name words for Dick and Pussing. This is my one power.

So you're like, oh, you want to see my Brian Gumbel? So we don't have a black loo today for the call. So we don't need to, this doesn't need to be a caller thing. Christina, go to the socials at the Bonfire SXM on all platforms. And if you always been that way, oh, just since day one, straight mobbing. And, uh, yeah, I want you to say, we got to find a hashtag to make this catch. Cause it's just fun.

That's taking pussy names. Doesn't work. Hashtag dick and pussy names. That's fine. How about prayers up for Gary? Oh, yeah. That's fucking great. Hashtag prayers up for Gary. Prayers up for Gary or prayers for Gary. Prayers for Gary. Oh, yeah. That's fucking great. Hashtag prayers up for Gary.

Prayers up for Gary. Or prayers for Gary. Prayers for Gary. That works better. Hashtag prayers for Gary. And then in that hashtag, just have your two or one word name for Dick and man. What if someone famous name Gary,

you like almost dies and then this just gets mixed in with it? Or they're like like I think they're referring to pussies and dicks. Damn picture of lose ass up there still. Damn that juicy plump piece. Oh I want to bite that cheek. No no no no no. You know what I really want to do I want to lift it up and let it go. Damn you know it make me feel better about everything my dad's going through. A little peek at that fucking little peek at that trunk. I heard Jacob changed lose name and his phone to back splat Why would you deny the world? His prayers for Gary sound like he's something bad happened to him. Yeah, well something bad did happen to him

He has to go in and like get surgery So that's a prayer, but could be prayers that you're gonna be okay. Yeah. Okay. He old. Good vibes. Good vibes for Gary. Yeah, that's a good vibes for Gary. I like that.

Can you do Z? Yes. Gary haven't, Gary. Dude. Um, good vibes for Gary. Yes. On brand. Dude, if my dad was alive, he'd get drunk to that hashtag for that hashtag. No, he's like good vibes. That's all good vibes. So good vibes for Gary

It's really it's crazy how much the steel drum overlaps with Jamaicans and white trash Like steel drum. I know I know this is still drum all day. You can catch a real trashy white with a steel drum Christine's giving up on femininity and- Good for her. And public image. This girl was just standing in front of her thing. I go, Christine, do you want me to be attracted to you at all? She was just staring at her phone.

Fucking five chins because I don't know why she hit her chin in her chest for some reason. She was having a looktuck. While she was also taking her other finger pinky and digging in her ear, making like the, eh, face. It. It was I'm like Christine. I don't know what to tell you how to do. I'm not your dad, but I mean this is a bad look. Stop doing what you're doing. It's so unattractive. What you're doing. She's like, Oh, sorry. Then she puts her fucking ear finger in her pocket. Like that's changing everything. You pull on a new finger out of there. You creep. Oh,

you get some good wax out. Jacob's shaking his head his head damn I didn't know Jacob was gonna go that hard on Christine Jacob's like you fucking ass damn you should start you should start holding it up sexy And being like Why would you Shower me and come everybody can smell my dirty pussy. The point our relationship where I'm like, I'm like, it just seems silly to be sexy. Yeah. Dude, I forgot.

I'm worried about sexy. Let's get it just like, someone's like attractive. I would not ever, to me, what you did as the equivalent of I was like, why I would be mortified if you were in a room and I was butt naked rolling around on a bed. I'm just swinging my legs around. And Christine walking the room. So I'm like, that's so she wouldn't and shouldn't unsee that.

Why is Jay roly-poly on a bed by a son? They can't. She should know you do that. No, why is that a big deal? I know that. My fat all. Come on.

You're an insecure DJ. Lou backed me up on this. She's not, but she's not a commercial photographer. I mean, you've been with you. You've been with you check for a decent amount of time now. There's things you don't want her to see still, correct? Oh, yeah, I don't let her hear me fart. I don't want her to see me, uh, totally nude in this sunlight.

I'm like, yes. I miss that. You know what though, I'm trying to, I've been trying to just work on that because I've always been super insecure about that. So now when you just try to do it, you're like, look at me. I'm fucking naked work I've been trying to just work on that because I've always been super insecure about that So now when you just try to do it, you're like look at me. I'm fucking naked. I think naked in the light. I'm naked and I'm not aggressively sexual I don't want to have to do anything with myself that I have to be proud of myself for like over I don't want to overcome humps when I'm trying to do something that would involve being Undressed or fucking you know, I mean Yeah, but you shower in the dark dude.

Yeah, there's a difference. We gotta get you up to regular shower in the light. Yeah, I mean there's light. The lights are off though, right? Or do you candlelight? It's a flashlight from his phone. Flashlight my phone. That's fucking good, sync.

I make a little, I make a little ampitheater with the sync. Dude, you're not in a missile silo.'re in your apartment so you should have like this is why I think good vibes for Gary bed I think if I can't have this way in on me now I'm already showering the dark what's next everybody please send me your one and two word dick and pussy names I want to get you shower how about hashtag shower in the light how about stepping to the light Me and Derosi all the time, they were calling it weirdo's one of my favorites ever. Just showing weirdo for a penis. Yeah, my weirdo.

What's going on? I'm gonna do my weirdo's like mushed into my pants right now. What's the best one for vagina? I don't know. I don't know the best one for vagina. I don't know the best. What's your favorite one? I don't have a favorite. It literally can go with the breeze. I've done you know what people say about like porn

They've gone so dark with it that they've had to go back to like dry-humping Not that but like no just like watch like it's back to girls and bikinis and shit hell yeah Welcome back to everybody. I'm keeping your seat warm I haven't gone that far but I've gone so far with curse words and dirty stuff. Dude, when you see the pictures of comedy, I'm saying I've gone so far with it that like now it's back to like, sometimes the simplest ones, I know this in the sense that I kind of know what makes Jacob laugh and it's that Jacob likes a blunt force trauma classic thing. So just calling someone, so now it's like, I'm back to seeing how funny it's just a

call someone to flat out asshole That guy is a fucking asshole Like a fuck face makes me laugh again like over again like yeah, well you just Dickhead is such a it's so overlooked because it's just been there forever I tell you what I'm gonna. It goes back because you fucking dickhead It hits like thunder if you nail it right. So I know that with Jacob jerk off is good. Jacob loves that. I love a nice.

I love a nice quick prick. prick. Guys are real prick. Guys are prick. Prick. Prick it down the word. When Jay calls somebody a dildo or a jerk off, I'm in heaven.

Yeah, yeah. He did it. He's done a report. I can't. The favorite number. He goes, if you have a favorite number, that's a real dildo thing to do. Oh, yeah. You are a world class deal though. The world class deal though is great.

One of my favorite lines there. Which one? What's the one weirdo with Deroz did Deroz that Jesus Christ can't talk? Did Deroz have any other ones? Oh, we've had a zilly. We just go back. I don't even remember what they are. Because Derosa was the guy that didn't was the inception of like getting a J.L. You know, like doing the front letters.

Yeah. Have fun, everybody, and send in your one, two word. Perse for Gary. Perse, no. Good vibes for Gary. Good vibes. Good vibes for Gary. Jump on the hashtag.

And let's just have good vibes for Gary. We can a bunch of the, let's have my step mom happen upon this one day. Let this be his legacy. Let me just keep you on it. It's like a cum dump. It's funny though. Can you call it?

It's funny when your other brothers are like, yeah, my brother has a radio show and my dad was the hospital. They got people to send in dick and pussy and brand. It's on brand. Very on. It's very on brand. Now, why that's all going on, Kristen, you put that out there in the world.

It'll come back to us if it loves us. I believe that's what it says. I've been, yes, A.G.T. first episode premiered. And boy, was it a fun surprise? Or a pie go, it showed up season whatever episode one I was like who summer's here dude you didn't know it's coming didn't even think about they just did a season in between that was the shittiest television oh that's the outside one the out it was all the major like the big the things that I hate when they go when someone walks out wearing like a fucking

evil con evil costume and you're like I'm about to go outside for something that I don't give two shits about you don't care about them jumping buses and shit? I'll watch it, but it's just so much to get there. But then what? That's the point. They're trying to win a $1 residency. You can. You can't make people pay to come into a place.

He jumps over a bus once and then stops. The crash show. The crash is inevitable. So it's, human canning bowling is the stupidest shit ever. There was the girl who failed shooting the baskets was my favorite I watched that at the fat black walls waiting to go up. It's one of the funniest things And she was like it she goes you know what at the final once you go. Let's set a world record She missed all of all of all of us all of us

She was like Christine AG T. Football. She was like laws and basket. She was like Lady she was like, Christine, A.G.T. football. She was like, the laws in basketball. She was like, Lady Uncle Rico from the point of the night. She was like, the last one she goes, you want me to nail this world back? And then just don't go right off the bat. And she goes, I can't get out of here. Please place the only thing worthwhile on that season of what, I don't even, did they even finish it in somebody one? Like, no one talked about her gave a shit.

There's some talks sometimes about the actual AGT show. Can I tell you as a person that only knows about AGT through you? Is corny magician still in Vegas doing his? I have no idea. That's what I learned. My daughter was born. Now we should find an update on him.

Yeah, Dustin something I think, but he, yeah, I don't know the update on him at all. I know my favorite in episode one is a dude who's a magician from Philadelphia. Yeah, and I turn this up. I'll wait, my story will wait. Just get the hurt doing it. She post videos of her whaling, fucking footballs into a basketball ball. She's tossing them into a basketball.

She's talking shit the whole time. She has a crisp tightest mic on. Go back, go back to where it's starting to do it. Dude, I thought she was gonna sell supplements at the end. Come on, guys. Yeah. Which my system, you'll be able to throw a football through a basketball who by the way fun game.

Can I do it? Do you remember who the fitness guy was? You probably do. He did the... Tony Little. Tommy Little. Tony Little. Tony Little, she's got Tony Little Mike.

Oh, yeah, yeah All right guys, are you ready? This thing right here exercises your quads your hands stop the insanity Mike Yeah, the gazelle There he is Tony little go to back to that video too much. You're overloading us She's dumping it in yeah Christine dire Christine diarrhea contents we're like we're it's nothing's coming up well this plays look for if anything happened with that guy who won the

magician from last time yeah this is this is gonna be good so they set her up the throw and then she's like fuck it let's dance it's. So there's got to be elements She's a sports inflow farthest female football throw into a target Yeah, dude get into it Can you bring that back? She walked up and she goes ah, it's farther than it looks Ah, it's farther than it looks. Yeah.

I wonder at what point you want to see at what point does she be like? Fuck, except for the first one. After the first one, I'm a mess. After the first one, I'm like, shit, I don't know. Describe this other than this lady has what I can only describe as dyke pelvis. I don't know if that's a medical term. She seems like a lonely lady. Oh man, I'm a spit at her. Dude, you spit because you understand what I'm saying, right that's a medical term. She seems like a low-moaning lady. Oh man, I'm gonna spit that out.

Daddy, you spit because you understand what I'm saying, right? She's built it. You don't fuck this girl, let's check fuck you. I'll tell you exactly what she is. She has a softball catcher or a hip. Without a doubt, dude. She can squat. She can catch a whole game.

She can squat forever. If she bucks you in the chest, dude, she'll put a fucking heel through your tip. She can pop her hips and get under you. Well, that a doubt. She is a Jenna bandy thick But she's yes, whoo. It's pretty far target Yeah, I don't know if she says farther than it looks or that yeah, I play it back

She runs up the stairs and she's like shit Father then it looks All right Eminem I like it just getting yourself pumped Yeah, it's totally our ball big miss She was nice Yes, it's all your mom big miss She's last I'm gonna warm up a little bit and then go big or go home yeah, I'm gonna warm up So she think I'm gonna warm a little bit. I'm gonna get closer so she basically does the old She gets so stanchly closer. This doesn't count Right off the back now, but here's the thing

Just until I'm till she whiffs at her lofty dumb shit idea You got to be impressed right away. You're like the chicken crank a football. Yeah. It's better than any woman I've seen from a football in my life. But she doesn't even come close to hitting this. Also her doing the fake dropback is makes it almost worse where she's like,

oh, you know what I gotta do? I gotta take a snap. Yeah, put the volume up. The failure is, the failure's never not funny. Yeah, well, her crankanking this one off the fucking. She's like, you know the positive. He almost want her talking to the judges. Like she's she goes guys, hang on fucking buckle your nuts on for this one. This one's going. How long you guys been out here taping?

Change. You know, you guys, oh, just dunking don't it still sponsored huh? Oh, I loved you and divas love you Okay, I'll help you see that like you'll jump after that bug x-tip Yeah, yeah You got it where they start cheering for you there it is nothing This fake dropback I would love to do the theory crews just Sack rocker s actor just one of those old NFL hits where she gets hit from behind Okay hits where she gets hit from behind. Boom! Yeah. Slam! Okay, let's get her.

This is really easy. She has to get the snap pose. Anyway, I'm watching this, I'm waiting to go up at the fat black and they're like, show her you're up and two and I'm like, yeah hold on. How do you do it in movies when they show a meteor hit earth? That was my attention on this clip. It's just waiting in the bar like hold on everybody. This is more important.

I got to do this lady's gonna go over. I think this lady's gonna go over. Okay. This black lady in a mask couldn't be less impressed. Yeah, she goes. She's like my son my son Dorek can do that. Should have signed him up. They set up a full outdoor event for the entire thing outdoors for this one.

No, this season was all big outdoor. Okay. Yeah, they make everybody put up bleachers for this. But this, but this, I'll say what they did do, wasted money on a basketball of that. Someone, someone, the, the PA that put together that basketball net, it's like, hit fucking one lady. I find sand to put in the bottom sand. Do you know tedious it is to put the net. This is a little loose. You know it's two loops. You got to go up and under.

It's the sun. Everyone. The sun's just beating down on it when he's going. Why are you just masking tape the net up because because then she's going to say that's why I didn't go in. I't know she was gonna Not even hit the backboard more than twice. I need to run a clean race Because I have a job Fake dropping back great All right, we're gonna do a little zip fly 86 cross right Then Terry Cruz just rips He just does the NFL films breathing

This is a GT I This is a GT. I'm gonna make a city which is tenise bounce. Oh Give us some Simon don't be a hater for the set to know she did talk she did the talking thing Oh I think I think I gotta move it back. Yeah, that's the problem. It's hard now. She goes you know what I'm doing I'm not fucking wet someone come out here and fucking kiss me. Yeah, get over here problem. It's too hard now. She goes, you know what I'm doing? I'm not fucking wet. Someone come out here and fucking kiss me. Yeah, get over here, you shitlin' bitch. I'm there, dude.

The new guy's being nice. I get that. I always want to be that guy. You guys got it. You could do it. Zing garbage. Oh, fuck. It's a real winning.

And they show it, they do like the, oh. Dude, how humiliating over and over fail I have to fail she's thrown 10 by now even if she got one in would you care at this Exactly what I do at Bencher ass. She goes you know what There it is time to go for the big dog Now you think right here. You're like you hit this one okay, oh it's a push She doesn't get moved on damn dude her pluses swallow in those pants Plus I bet she has grip. I guess you pink socks. You know what I mean? You pull out like the inside of the pussy comes outside

Here she goes the one tap. I mean, got a gun. She's seeing it, let it, seven in it. Kind of a duck. It's a bit, listen. It's a little tight about just girl hands, dude. It's pretty fucking amazing. And then it just fucking died. I Yeah Simon you're like what you're mad at eliminating you I mean She deserves that she's just drinking a cooler's light with an ice pack on her shoulder She's in an ice bath. She's just like an old 80s reliever. She just has an ice fucking bag on her she goes, I'll tell you what, I wasn't throwing my best out there. She's hot.

She's got a zillion tick-tock followers, I'm sure. You know what this is? Yeah, she's going to be the mom of some middle linebacker for the Colts and then when they go to the Super Bowl, they're going to be like, fun story about Trenton's mom. What's on my mom? He humiliated our whole family by thinking she could throw. First of all, I told her the miracle should have been, you should have said my extreme, active feet of amazing is look at me throwing even sort of a spiral

as a girl this far. She goes, hey Simon, that's unreal, impressive. She just has a catch with him? Yeah, I love a catch with Simon. I mean, I can throw further than Simon. Super impressive. That's actually a better idea. Now she's like, how about I give you some real pinpoint firing? Fucking yeah, that's nuts

Hamlin only a couple of tear drops in a basket over here All I'm saying is if I was quarterback in the Niners and Super Bowl 47 I probably would have dropped that into crab tree corner of the in zone Oh, there's a heavy set black one more than neck tattoo in the front rows not really seem to be enjoying it So that's not making me feel more confident about this throw. I also don't think she's here for the motor cross That's not making me feel more confident about this throw. I also don't think she's here for the motor cross. I don't think she's here to watch it. I think she's here for the guy doing a flip on a wave runner.

I don't think she's here for a guy named Toby to go back to back, back flips on a dirt bike. So the new season started. Christine, bring up where you do it and they give you all the clips of everybody because there's probably a few you should see. But the guy, the guy at the end is the obvious story. How long have you been watching the show?

A G T since the beginning? No. Six, seven years? Six, seven years? So when Stern came over. Yeah. I think I always kind of watched it before Stern. Stern's still there?

No, he's been gone. I've watched, I watched before Stern a little bit, and then he keeps, I watched, I shouldn't say that. When I started watching it for, was Stern talked about it a lot. Yeah. Also, so he liked it before he was on it. But he talked about a lot. So that's got to be fun.

That's got to be fun to be a witness to that phone call. Where's AGT called Stern? And it's like, you want what? And they're like, why don't you host it? Well, there was one of the judges. They was kind of the fun of him like doing,, you know, Howard Sternstyle, not like NBC style, talking about the XO. I was following it in real time, like I'd watched the show too. And fast forward the commercials and then it's like him laughing at the person who

couldn't really sing or whatever, you know, him or saying how good somebody was or something or maybe it wasn't just doing exactly what we just did and right in front of that lady exactly. Exactly. Exactly. So this time, I go immediately through, first of all, this girl's out for you, dude. There's a chick who's coming for the game, dude. You in Winslow. Why?

You bet it could be not that. A voice from analyst. A voice from. First off, let me just say this, I am a recreational voice from analyst. I do it simply to jam out. Yeah, dude, dial it back if it makes you feel better. It does. It does, man.

He goes, I'll be honest with you. I don't even do it. Like, it just happens. Never done professional voice work. No, that's ridiculous. Anyways, paradise, paradise, paradise, it's got a whole secretive voice career, everybody. You don't even know it.

Paradise. It's on 70 cartoons. And paradise, PD on Netflix will be out soon, but no Yeah, I want to see your dude. Let me see. I want to see my club or laying. I don't like it I don't like what she does but she does is weird to me and I definitely couldn't watch it for an hour But they love it. Wait. Did she come out dressed like rhythm nation? You can get it She is awkward and weird and then she's like I do but I like her already like her of course she's looks like she's a little

sassy yeah she does things while she's singing with her mouth closed but it's such dumb shit why she goes up I guess I'm gonna floss now. She's gonna floss while she's doing it Flossing wouldn't change anything you were doing with your voice. Oh my god. There's not a thing Why are they cheering so loud my favorites the shot of the two young girls in bad fake eyelashes being like Here she goes she gonna brush her teeth. She's gonna put it in her cheek, which changes nothing. This black lady just flipped out like Chris Angel floated. Do you not love it? I love it when they put the lamb chop fake eyelashes on.

Oh, she could take a call. She's not gonna take a call. I bet there's already shit about this because she says all the things you hear her voice. Kids, and the phone ring. People went nuts because of the phone ring. She didn't do the phone ring voice noise. That's coming in buzzing. She reacts to it. It's not happening. True voice to man voice to romanticists would have done it right, Jacob. You would have done the fucking. Of course. Well, she's a ventral treat not necessarily a voice that's more of the dark arts Jason We're saying about loud with our our noises and voices Chris he's your argument that a ventriloquist

Isn't their voices in an instrument Well, we're all instruments of God we all listen Okay, that is so I am the hand of God's wrath. If you want to zoom out, I don't really know if it looks the same. Me, I may have got wrath. I have a list that God gave me if people I have to kill, but they've done bad things.

Did I just have the realization that I'm having street meat tonight? Is that what it is? Oh, big boy getting street meat. Oh, my heart is about to smell street meat. Jacob's going to watch me to hot dog like a piece of shit You're gonna look at me so I feel so hard balls Oh, let's get like what's like we're not gonna have dinner really. I'm like let's get a

You guys are gonna see top gun. Yeah, let's go have movie snacks. Oh my god. Jacob's gonna be fucking judging the shit Well eat a hot dog to enjoy yourself Think Kevin Farley's going with us. That's gonna be fun. That's fun. Hell yeah I want me and him to do the Kevin Farley I want to do the Farley household thing where you fake heart attacks together That's the Bakers doesn't Wow, this while this child with a goof tooth is a future is pretty excited. It's future CEO Are you gonna keep playing or voice? I'm on the stage right now. Okay, it's gonna stop me, I'm gonna go down.

Yes, so if you ever got a syskier, syskier. Okay, syskier. How does she do that? You can do a mumbly voice, and no one can really understand, sort of with your mouth sort of closed. I mean, what are we cheering for here? All right.

Hey, what's up, everybody? Look, this is just clump your little teeth and then you can talk hey this is me talking to myself on the phone what do you think perts me on the phone I think you should never think I don't know I don't think we should do what I mean oh yeah

what yeah that is Steve at Scott Winslow coming for that I am Steve at Scott oh yeah makes me wet do you know is. That's how it goes. Oh, what? See what I mean? Yeah, that works. Yeah. Oh, that, ooh. Oh, that's weirdo.

Oh, leaves the judges speechless. It keep going. It's... Am I crazy? How? How is she doing it? Heidi Klum? He scares me. It's not hard to...

I don't know how she's doing. It's terrifying. Wow, wow. I would love to be that. That guy gets in the audience and they show you and I go, holy shit, are you fucking can't, you give them all stuff they can't use? Dude. It's not dragon.

This? Standing over there. It's like this is be propaganda film for build that wall. Yeah. It's that was to Jacob. No, it's like idiocracy That's like a that's like a clip from idiocracy. She didn't do anything that good. They got a standing ovation in a theater I remember when the arts were the arts. I mean really when performances mattered. Oh do you remember? Good time go back to the other That was complete shit. It was complete shit Dude they need to start they need to start having judges that are just regular people that work very hard jobs

Do AGT so they're like no, I got to wake up at 8 a.m. to do sheet rock. Fuck you. You suck. That's not me worth thinking my night off and not seeing my daughter to fucking judge this. Oh, this little pedophile's dream over here. Some famous dance lady. JoJo Siwa. Yes. You know that name? I just know she's a famous kid and it's creepy as fuck. Everybody knows this. So I don't know what she does. So her, her, her, and her wife so woke of me. They built a pop group of young girls who are mildly talented. Don't really dance well together and none of them really

sing good. It's mostly just recorded. They're singing over. Can I ask for a so stupid shitty and I'm wrong. It'll be a million dollar ID, I'm sure, but this is so stupid. Why is Simon in the Nintendo glove? Oh, I think he's a bowling alley waitress. Yeah, you think he's about to roll a 300? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He never knows when to win a game's about to break out. Yeah.

Candy Apple in a music way and loving everybody as we do. Of course. That's right. Yes. Yes. And the song is... The more we hear these stories, the more you just see it, where you're like, it's all fucking weird and gross. It's so weird.

These kids are like, I act like an adult, but I'm a tiny child. Then all the adults are like, yes. If my daughter acted like that, if my daughter spoke in groups like that, in a group like a positive or a second, if my daughter spoke in front of a fucking acted like that, if my daughter spoke in groups like that, in a group like the positive or second, if my daughter spoke in front of a fucking theater like that at nine years older, whatever this is, I would have taken it to an exercise.

It's something's possessing her. Why does she talk like that? Hi, we're here to have fun and make you guys laugh through positivity and smile. Are you supposed to be hiding behind your dad's leg? Daddy, cheer up. I know it'll help these kids Come on gang. I hope I'm I hope your mom cheated on I'm a good opportunity test

Oh, man, I hope someone like go play it play this horse shit Do you think pedophiles have America's Got Talent DVR? Yes. Well, no, they don't, because I do, and they don't. Stand up, turn around and bend over. Jake Jacob, these are show. We're doing a show show your ass. We're coming in. We're coming in.

This is so stupid. I don't like it. Take it to the mall. Dude, I almost kind of like Simon knows he's about to fucking lay them all out. And like, no. No, you guys stink. All my old man. Oh, break it down. No. Yeah, I know my is adorable. How about now those lesbians are of these girls? It is it's her and her wife

Come on My niece would love this though, but she's six. Yeah, well, you know, I think that's the demo I don't think it's for your men your children Vegas show are you yeah? Fuck up. You see This is dark and yeah, this is a real bad This is dark. Yeah, this is a real bad thing. If you're out on your ass 20 grand and you're just hammered and you just find yourself

and sitting in that theater watching these fucking... Lunch or kids? Yeah, I can't tell. I can't tell. I lost it all. We were so hard. I got to fucking kill myself. I'm gonna kill myself at Caesar's.

Dance, dance, Can't eat hearts. He's like uh, if by numbers and averages in the world there's a child predator in that in that theater and that guy is making a weird face during this. No. No. How many many night of them oh my god. This huh. No. Oh my god. Oh, no Slyver overload. Oh Jesus in my birthday Son of a bitch. I'm sweating Son of a bitch Lloyd for the keep it cool in here for the cameras. Oh Lloyd. I'm getting peanut butter mouth I'm shfits it over here. Oh my god. One of them's just my type

I'm shfitsin over here. Oh my god, one of them's just my type No shit. Oh shit, so that creepy fucking parade happened. Yeah, so the thing I want you to see The guy at the end is just the obby. He's 21. I Think something's like he's developmentally challenged. He says he was born. You know for a fact that I love Mentally handy cap singers If you if you have a hard if you have a oh damn it if you have a hard time operating day to day But you can fucking whale you'll get me crying Cody Lee come on I mean it's one of the great you show me that and I was like I think I'm a better person for watching this angel See you felt for the first time in your life you felt watching car his mom his mom goes okay

One two three boom one two three we go boom. He's like I'm fucking you turn me into Dan Soup. Obviously. I'm fine. This guy's got that sort of thing too. He says he was getting, but here's the problem with him. What does he do? He says he has a lumpy head because he was born premature.

His mom's a little guy. But he says that's the only problem. He was born like a pound something. No, and there's something wrong with his vocal cords too. And he tells a weird voice, speaking voice. So what does he do? He plays saxophone. That's cool.

But he has a weird voice, but here's the thing. If he has a weird voice and just a lumpy head, and he was made fun of for like, he's 21, and I don't know why, I know that's still young, especially at 44 now, young that is, but 21 to, I feel like AGT, he came to audition and a GT drag this backstory up. You know, I mean it's like they go wise your head lumpy My I don't know I was born premature. They go. I'm kind of you a force that baby like that's the story where this kid comes We can work with this

Hey Chris you want to come in here? Do I tell him about why your head's lumpy? Hey Chris you want to come in here? Do you want to tell him about why your head's little piece? Chris you want to tell the answer? What's your stuff from the beginning? What's up with your son's head in there? Is it good story? You guys know?

They sit around in an interrogation room. Have you ever do drugs in your pregnant? Kids may funny you. You might have a smoking spot. That's like that South Park drug? I love that so much. Why do you wear your pants up to your tits? You guys do the kids ever say why do you wear your pants up to your tits? You guys do the kids ever say why do you wear your pants? Nice pants. Nice pants. Why do you wear them up to your tits? No

The boy No, did they say nice kids? They ever call you ugly. Yes They ever call you stupid. Yes. Do they ever say nice pants why you were up to your tits? Triparker. No triparker Matt's down the goats the greatest of all time on any level. But this guy again. He's he's 21. Yeah, so I feel like he should have audition when he was 15 16 even 17 It makes me happy

Kids pick on you call your names They say nice pants, why do you wear them up to your tent? No No wear them up to your tent. No. No. I mean, it does fucking rule. It's fucking rules. He's watching it. I mean, fucking. Oh my God.

So funny. The one that got me this season on that last season is when they were like, when they tell them they can't wear pajamas to work and they're like, what is this Nazi Germany? And then they go to the local reporter and he's like, good evening, Tom, or should I say good talk? Not from Nazi Germany. Is that reporter voice? The reporter voice always gets me during the Game of Thrones one where he's like, and Sony

is announced, it will release. It's bending. The action action. All right. Back to AGT. Back to AGT. I'll suck off, tray and mat, all fucking show if you want me to. It's special coming out.

Yeah, I can give you a little time out on that one. Yeah. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do are gonna have to what it goes and it's just 21s of point where I think some of these bullies have probably been like, I was a little shitting you in school, I'm sorry about that. Hey man, I didn't realize that you were premature and fucked up at midfermin. That's because of your lumpy head and that you have vocal cord retardation. Yeah, but also at the same time, those people should be, he should be thanking those people for motivation. Yeah, actually I should thank you. That's right, lumps. You should. Kiss my feet again. Remember like you did in eighth grade You pussy remember when I tripped you in front of that hot girl and then we all laughed

Yeah, we poured milkshake on you and everyone laughed and we got that skating ring Can you do the middle of it and the parents are even when they don't have they're like the rules no one stopped it No, it intervened. There's a time when every kid realizes the cute has worn off my nephew Used to he loves baseballs. Yeah. Go to the Marlins and Mets as much as he could in Florida. Every, and he would always be there for before the game. Yeah.

And he would always get a baseball. All players would always come over. He was just a adorable kid. There's always a kid being like, I love baseball. Yeah. And then 14 happened. And then he was what, he almost had his hand out. Like here it comes.

Throw this on the pile. Baseball number 57. And the guy came over and went like this and then gave it to like a seven year old girl. And that's come. Damn. He knew it was over. He was broke, right?

Yeah. Yeah, he just knew. He's like, God damn it. Now I got nothing. You're like, you're fucking, you're old with your own, that's cool. And he knew it was over. He was broke, right? Yeah. He just knew, he's like, god damn it. Now I got nothing. You're like, you're fucking, you're not a child. I knew when I was too pessimistic when I was watching NFL games and players score touchdowns and they go over and give the kid a football. I'm like, fuck that.

That kid's got great seats. I've heard other people say that too. And it's the truth. It's like, that kid has great fucking seats Wing it you got a gun cam Newton fired up into the fucking second deck Yeah, give it to a kid that's like they're on $10 tickets. Yeah, it's drunk. This kid who gets to ride around everywhere and never walk Oh, you're wasted on him. Oh, they throw it you can't throw from the legs also J your laundry in a forever wheel chair You're logic area your logic's bad

Because they put all the they put all the transformers up at the top of the section. No shit. Yeah See if they're willing to leap out of their chair to get that ball drop a dime in that fucking blockoff section That's right. What are you that lady missing a bunch? Your professional quarterback dude, right? So put in the numbers show me where I got theip it right to him, put it in the numbers. Show me where I got the big contract, cousins. Yeah, put it right now as fucking hospital bracelet. Put it right in his lap if you're so fucking good.

You think you're so great. Dan's right. Any time you see a kid get a football, that's his 20th. Yeah, where he's like, oh, my dad actually owns the team. So I can... He makes them always come over and give me the ball, if you need. This is awkward. My dad's their agent, so we actually get 10% of all their good. And they have to call me master Jason.

They come to my birthday party and I sit on them while they do push-ups. But anyways, I guess thanks for the football. I guess or whatever. Then there's a kid up there. There's a kid in the fucking third deck who's eating a sandwich that is dad snuck in. And he's like, I have to be fucking cool. On this, the 21 got so far away from this kid. The 21, well, they're not even playing this thing.

It's saxophone, but like, it's good. You're not respecting sax? It's fine. He kills it. Thank you. He gets the golden buzzer, in fact. What's more important to watch is the golden butt because I'll tell you what, Terry Cruz, every time I think, look at this monster of a man,

just this physical specimen of a dude. I'm like, what is he trying to say some fucking Woody Al and looking mother fucker, look at his dick or grab his hog at a party and he's crying about that? I'm like, come on, Terry Cruz, you're not that guy. This, the lump head kid, whales a saxophone dude, rules, he's great.

And Terry Cruz of course, I mean, you couldn't have seen it coming more. Terry Cruz is gonna give this kid a go, but he's crying before this kid puts lips to the sax. Yeah. You know, I think he wants to bang his mom. That's hilarious. He's like, your son's got something special. Anyways, I'm in room 412. And by the way, by the way, the face he's making is so great. The saxophone player kid. He's a come on man. He's making such a

dude this. Well, because he knows Terry Cruz, of course, takes it for a nice little walk the whole thing you have touched my heart Yeah, he points to him. It's so adorable But Terry Cruz is hysterically crying as we speak We all have faith. We all have sorrow. It would be fun to edit this with like, myrtle running and then her slowly stopping to take a dump. He wasn't able to make the next episode because of complications from Lump head. No, it's spread. His Lump head spread. It eventually became...

He goes, you owe me for that one. He's hogging up and he goes, hey, I'm he goes you owe me for that one. He's hungry. Let me go. Hey. I'm serious You owe me for that. I mean if I want you to play my birthday party at my fucking house you will drop You're gonna do a week-a-week-a-wake-up music for me Okay, you're gonna be my alarm. I'm gonna need you I don't need you to play taps But I'm gonna need you to wake me up with something soft and sultry. I want your mom to walk around something slinky Okay, I'm gonna put it on your mom. First things first. I'm gonna lay it down on your mom.

I think you're gonna wake me up with a saxophone. Dude, that'd be great though. If Terry Cruz became this kid's stepfather, that'd make me so happy. I don't know why. Yeah, the girls have to leave. It was not a dryer in the house, because please get this camera off me before my makeup runs.

And you see that I'm a fucking 75-year-old lady Wait, why is the national suicide prevention Lifeline oh and after that because the long-ped kid said he thought I'm a committing suicide at one point He had to do it. Listen. You can't just play the fucking saxophone. You can't come out and be like hey my name's Whatever I'm gonna play the saxophone took three years of lessons like, hey, my name's, whatever, I'm gonna play this saxophone. Took three years of lessons.

And it turns out I just had a knack for it. I'm actually just really good. He goes, I want to say hi to Mr. Bragg, my music teacher. You're an orphan though. He goes, parents both alive. This is supposed to be a hit marathon, actually. I'm gonna say barb, Tom. Debbie and it, one of the ways to hit it.

My brother and sisters are there, honestly. I could probably tell you the problem in my houses, there's too much love too much love. It's a little saturating sometimes The second I said I was in the saxophone my father would drive me two hours each way to the lessons and This is a song I actually wrote saxophone song about my healthy relationship with my wife How we have passionate sex still? 16 years later. Zero kinks or nothing weird. He goes, uh, the magic is still there.

Anyways. I do pretty well for myself. I make a nice little penny in the market and, uh, I own some properties. It's good to best get some properties. And, uh, I'm sorry. I'm just better at saxophone than this lump head kid. It's just it's a pain to me to say it I thought that kid was tuning up for me

All right guys here we go For Gara might want to hold on to your test Hey, Clume Lock yourself in on this one. I've been told on miles Davis if he wasn't half a quif so let's roll Guys try to keep up what you mind? I'm gonna take you for a walk you guys are all gonna say yes I'm gonna get some of those mini sandwiches backstage. I'm gonna go hit crafty. Hey cruise count me in with those packs Yeah, they should have full villains.

They need more villains on AGT. Someone who's a piece of shit. That's what I'm saying. Like their act is phenomenal, but they're just unpleasant. Unbearable dickheads. Yeah. He goes, I just really, really good. He goes, of course, really, really good.

I just fucking, like, I aerial danced over a fire pit. Is how he's still there? Yeah, I danced with death for you guys. It was really good. Like, go ahead. I just, give your scores. I just stacked, I just stacked myself physically on six of my students and then I'll touch the top of the theater and you're gonna tell me it was okay.

One slip and several people get hurt or die. It's death defying. Hey Simon, just a quick note. Stop several people get hurt or die. It's death defying Hey Simon just a quick note stop taking the knife to your face. It's kind of obvious right now I'm gonna head to the back and grab a water real quick while you guys vote on this you guys mine I got I love my pack of smokes with crews I'm gonna have one he gets four yeses and he's pops out of the back and gives a little thumbs he goes Thanks guys next I'll see you guys in Hollywood hi Heidi so Fia you guys I don't know if you guys want to get into the group stuff Root 1913. Yeah, yeah, does the eyebrow one you can ride my face and my boom. Yeah, who wants the face who wants the mace

But I want you to see the oh god damn it. We got what we don't read we don't have reads at all But we still have to take breaks right? We have to All right, then we'll come back and we'll fine before we go to break actually use what we'll do for a great Then we'll show this the Palmer John guy Christine could you go to the social media and see what good vibes for Gary's Brought to us. Don't have responses not one response We have Swained it No, I think he did We have Don't swing it

No, I think he did Shit that's so funny Roger got in the mix dork and charge thank you notorious RGA dork and charge our game changers And a lot of people use that term loosely But when it comes to dork, he looks sleep putt is fun You don't have to throw something on my idea I don't care. Come on. We'll have to catch with it. It sucks. Jay. I'm a catcher. Damn, dude. I am a fucking radio failure No, you're not we're gonna have it we're gonna have a catch dude damn dude sometimes I like to call it a radio

sometimes I like to call it my Peter McNeely interior that hurts so much no I don't know why we out the direction should I tweet out the direction, don't over explain it's stupid. Let's go to the Twitter first. What if you people probably staring up what's going on there's probably a thousand I'll read some of them before you go to break. Just a tumble we go by. That's fucking great. Yeah well we'll be right back and we'll watch this a gt thing We'll be sitting here with our Dorks and

Shlongs weirdos peckers. I Love luke I love whiskey jumped in it was like slits. I like I think he's gonna stop it Just try to help I know a good one a good one. A good one's like a muff. I like a muff. You're like a guy who likes my mom putting his arm around me. My dad didn't show up. Hey champ, I'll throw the ball with you.

I don't want to throw the ball with you. If you play the sax, he'd be moving on it now. Oh man, that's what it is. This is my payback. Long, Doc Don. No more Yankee, my Wankie. The Dunker Need Food. Thanks Jacob.

That was trying to... No, you did. Hey. People likes a bit. They just... They don't know. They just see what's your favorite, Christine? Uh...

Jacob. I knew she was going to fold in her press. She was I'd... I like slide. What? Like drop pussy. Slide. I like slide. What? Like, you're not pussy. Slide? Yeah.

Watching J.J. I'm not even a fucking J.J. You're just a single one that's never ever been used ever. Watching J.J.s face go from neutral to completely disgusted when Christine tried. This is why no one wants to play with you. You know, breaking bad wasn't a hit until season 3. Nobody even came. You're right, it's the third time I picked this up.

Yeah. Alright, well try again another day. Good vibes for Gary, up your ass. We'll be right back everybody. This is the Bob Fire.