The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Harry Jewish (feat. Eleanor Kerrigan)

Episode Date: March 19, 2024

Eleanor Kerrigan has stories about women's wrestling, working with Dice, and why she loves Jerry Lewis.

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big Jay Okerson. We're actually a full radio show on Sirius XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on the Sirius XM app. Go to SiriusXM.com slash bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly. Oh, everybody's the Bonfire faction talk, Sirius XM 103. Big Jay Okerson, the great Robert Kelly. We have an awesome guest for the whole show with us today, everybody. She has a new special, No Country for Old Women, streaming right now on YouTube.

Everybody, you can hear her as one of the hosts of the Comedy Store podcast, available wherever you listen. Make some noise, everybody, for Eleanor Kerrigan. Make some noise. That's our thousands of people cheering. That's amazing. That's a great name for a special. You know, coming up with a name for a special

and some of them come out, you're like, all right, whatever that means, that's a good one. No country for all women is fantastic. I like to say it, no, country. Oh, oh, there's a- I love it. Country. I love it.

You love what, country? Yeah, I love country. You love a, you like a nice country? I like outlaw country. I wish there was a thing called, I wish there was a tree with country in it. Eleanor, it's good to have you here. Thank you, I'm so excited to be here.

You have such beautiful hair. I really miss Soder, but it's so good to be here. You're a dirty Philly trash. Yes, well. So what? Soda, but it's so good Dirty Philly trash, yes So what sit next to really? Filth oh yeah, Phil. Oh, you know what no you just went to Boston you had a fine time safe Finds not a good way to put it. It's perfect. You had a good enough time. You didn't get killed I did it no sexual assaults on either side. Yeah, you can't. You can't, because it's a nice town. It's safe, unlike Philly.

You tried? I did try. What did you do? I was just walking around it. Did you tell them that Jason Tatum was black? Yes. They freaked out. They freaked out.

Why has he got that good hair then? It's a good town. Sorry, guys. She walked around the garden, the commons. I did. I was walking. It's like Boston Central Park at night. What a maniac. Let's see what's going on. You just want to fight people? What are you guys doing? Yeah. It's like Boston Central Park at night. What a maniac.

Let's see what's going on. You just want to fight people? What are you guys doing, yeah. What's all the hubbub about? It was St. Patrick's Day. Let's see, somebody's out to fight. What, did you have your nunchucks on you? I did.

You don't need nunchucks when you're from Keighley, dude. That's right. Just go there with that Philly swagger. She had Wonder Woman nunchucks. You're like, yeah, is this your fucking ghetto? Because it sucks. Yeah, this is real like, pushy shit here. What are you guys fucking doing? Yeah, are these your houses? Because they sucks. Yeah, this is real like pussy shit here

Here these your houses look nice compared to the one I grew up when you got grease in the front Are you stupid hate your exit? It's the worst. Oh, this is fucking bad You as your fucking tool you sound fucking retarded the only ones that can say it I also know why Boston's is a racist town, because they accidentally put E-R on the end of every word. I sawer it. I sawer that movie. I'm stuck in it with two Philly asses with steaks. Can't wait.

I didn't. We're gonna tag team ya. I don't know if I sent you any pictures from it, because I have a few, and some videos from the TV. I, Saturday night at about midnight, 1230 when I put my daughter in an Uber back to her house, I could have just been hit by a bus and been fine and just ended it.

It would have been a great night. That just would have been the good ending to it. I got, I did go for the hookup for the Sixers Yeah, with the organization get me tickets. Sure. Oh, it was awesome. I didn't ring the bell where I was hoping but They you pull and they go go into this lot and they'll have your name When I pulled into the lot though, it was just one of those things where you they take the money Yeah, like any other one so I was like, oh shit. I Go, this is gonna sound weird.

I couldn't imagine you could do this. And I pulled up to the guy and I was like, I think I'm on a list. And they go, yeah, what's your name? And he looked it up in the phone thingy, whatever, and he goes, yep, VIP. And they move a cone and I go into this lot. And then we went in through the executive offices entrance,

which is just one little metal detector check, and you go to a table where the tickets are all laid out in envelopes, and you tell them you know your name, and they give you the tickets and they walk you down stairs through this whole place. Free food and drink, I asked, classy. Wow, so classy.

Of course you did. Classy. Oh, you're gonna say it's not classy? Why, because we had shrimp cocktail that was in a tin can, or a plastic container you didn't want me to put french fries in? Yeah. Yeah.

Was the cocktail sauce frozen? Sure was. But I'll tell you this, when you got it thawed out, super horse radish-y. I hope this video of you just eating shrimp cocktail at a basketball game. Was this in Philly or? Philly.

Oh, okay. So then they put us. Makes more sense. They put us in the seat. The first thing I thought was hilarious, me and Isabelle, how much little we both know about good seating, is the ticket says section NFL, and then like row one seat, whatever.

And I was like, yeah, me and Isabelle both were like, I guess we're sitting, I guess they have a section where they put the NFL guys when they come to watch the games. I would've done the same. And I'm like this, I go, I'm looking for this, like, NFL section, I give it to the guy, and he goes, North floor.

I'm like, ah, NFL, North floor, got it now. That's not having good seats all the time, that's just dumb. Section said NFL, what would that possibly mean? You thought it was another sport. I thought it was another sport section. I thought they let each team gets their own little section to the other team's sports.

They're very supportive of one another in Philadelphia. It wasn't a bad thought. You guys don't support each other. But they, we were sitting first seat right under the basket. Nice. Sixers coming at us first half of the game. And I got some video of it. Tyrese Maxey landed on our laps at one point.

Crazy. Don't hurt him. No. That's all we got. That's all we got. I didn't, I made sure. Did you kiss him? No, I didn't kiss him.

Catch him softly. But I'll tell you what I was surprised to see that close up. His hog? His hog. Yes. Now these guys, they wear the such short shorts now in the thing.

It does sound like I'm talking about his dick, but it's not. Their compression shorts like come lower. Oh yeah. Those things are covered in like crazy padding. It looks very uncomfortable actually. I thought they were just kind of like tight underwear almost. Do you feel them up? How long was he in your lap?

No, you see them. He has so much detail. I'm saying that the shorts are so high that you see these big, huge pads, like on all their stuff. Jay's just looking at his legs. I definitely handled it. My daughter, if she was ever gonna think I was less cool, it was this moment. I told her several times ago, I'm stopping myself,

every time they get an earshot of me going like, good shot Tyrese. They went, I didn't do any of it. I didn't do any of it at all. It was in you. I kept informing her of how attractive Kelly Ubre is the player on the Sixers. How many times did you mention his compression shorts to your daughter? She said, I get it dad. They're weird. Stop talking about it. She made an actual face at me when at one

point the ball goes bouncing towards her and she grabbed the ball and like threw it back in the play for them and I first thing she looked at me with a face I looked at her and I went I go I go what did it feel like? She went what? She goes pretty cool I go no no not the act of throwing it back in like was the ball that had a lot of grip like what it does look like it has a lot of grip. Is it sticky? It's a different color and she's just like I don't know I just slapped it and then it happened the second time and I went that time she goes I don't know dad. I slapped it. And then it happened the second time, and I went, that time she goes, I don't know, dad. I go, when you did it the second time, you think you would have figured out

what it feels like for your father. What does the ball feel like? I put you on the end, so you can do the ball thing. You're taking my moments. Does it have cocoa butter on it? What does it feel like? Yeah, it's gotta be cocoa. There is officially, I think this is funny, after the trade deadline this year,

they got rid of their final and only white player on the team. It is officially a 100% black team. They wanna win. They wanna win. They have to. They have to. When you have all black players,

you're in win now mode. This isn't planning for the future. And B might not come back. Let's figure this out. He's coming back, he's coming back. He's coming and B might not come back. Let's figure this out. He's coming back, he's coming back. He's coming back, he's coming back. He's coming back. But what an experiment, I had such a blast.

That was so neat. I've never sat that close, that's amazing though. Me neither. That's dope. The people I took pictures of are so funny. I'm like, look, I'm on the same part of the court as M. Night Shyamalan. Was he there?

And I take a picture of him, he's there every game. And he sits on the sideline. But I was like, we're both on the floors, so I was like, this guy. And also, famous Philadelphia lawyer Tom Klein and his child bride, I always point them out too. Because they're at every game barely giving a shit. I'm talking about talking about two people in their phones

for a game, it is them too at every game. Taking it so for granted, it makes me furious. They're just looking for clients. I know. He's a lawyer, he's like, did you fall? Did you get, when your daughter had the ball, did that hurt? He's looking for people. They didn't let me ring the bell, but I'll tell you what, the guy, his wave wasn't as good as mine,

after the bell ding wave I'm practicing. You practiced in case they were gonna let you do it? I would have. Of course, do you wanna see it? Sure. Okay, it's three bell rings you do, they come out come out to give you the statue or the Liberty Bell is a symbol Where are you where are you in the middle of you'd be standing on the yeah the logo in the middle of the court? Okay, yeah, this is good ready. Yeah, you're in the boat

There's a little guy squats down here, and he tells you he counts to three three times He goes one two three go you know Bing one two three go Bing One two three go Bing and then they're gonna say everybody Jay Okerson and look here it is One, two, three, go. You go, bing. One, two, three, go. Bing. One, two, three, go. Bing. And then they're going to say, everybody, Jay Okerson. And look, here it is. You wave, you're waving like a cheerleader on a float in a parade.

Exactly, because that's how you wave to an arena, Bobby. Nah, dude. You can't just go, no, no, no. Come on, this dude, what am I, the cool guy? Hey, everyone, not a big deal. Hey, hail Hitler. Sure. This is Nazi-ish, yeah. Yeah, good idea. You should have saluted us something.

No, you get cheery. Oh, your hand is fucking. Hand out your hand. Oh, you have a, you little mitten. And everyone cheers for me. We're like, ah, hi, everyone. Hi. Let me give my kudos.

Philadelphia's native son. I'm not going to say that, but I wish they would. It's a forearm extension and just a lot of wrist and smile. Big smiles. Big smiles. Oh, God. That really is bad. That's great, though.

You look like a drag girl after a show. Oh, my God. My makeup's sweating off. Oh, my God. My niece was sweating off. Oh my god. My niece was a dancer for the Sixers last year. Crashing it. Your niece I've met. Were we in Hustlers together?

Maybe. I was with your niece in Hustlers, and she was a calendar girl for Preston and Steve. Yes, yes, yes. That's hilarious. She gets around. Beautiful. But she was playing one of the extras. There was hilarious. She gets around. Very hot. Beautiful.

But she was playing one of the extras, there was a strip club scenes. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And she came up and she was like, hey, we met at Preston and Steve's, I'm Eleanor's. And I was like, oh gee, her nips were almost out. No, no, no. It's a strip club movie.

Really? No, she wasn't naked. Alexa, put your tits away. Her tits weren't out. I taught her everything. I'm saying more it's funny when someone comes up to you and she goes, she's like, hey, we know each other. And I'm like, nice.

And she gets Eleanor's knees and goes, oh God, hey kiddo. Oh, she's hurt at all. Still staring at her nips. I'm sure. You can't scare her. In Philly? Absolutely. How old is she?

30? 30 now. Shit. It's hot. Very hot. Your niece is 30. Isn't that embarrassing? The Kerrigans produce-

I'll be dead within the hour. The Kerrigans produce hot ladies. They do. Our sister's hot too. Oh yeah, Karen. This is Karen's daughter. Oh really? So you know Karen, this is her daughter.

Yeah, yeah. Karen's hot. Alright. I like when Karen- You don't have to get that clipped. Karen shows up to my show. She comes by herself. I like that. She brings condom in. I bring condoms.

Just in case. I was thinking about Eleanor, if people don't know, Eleanor, it was ECW, right? You were in? No, WOW Women of Wrestling. Women of Wrestling, okay. Trying to give me a lot of credit. Is that worse than ECW?

Yes. I don't know. But, by the way, ECW ain't going, and WOW is still going., and WOW is still going. Yes, WOW is still going. I'd say it's better. I love that you wrestled in jeans. The best.

It's the fucking best. The jeans you were on stage. You came right from your job at a right age. These are the same ones. You came from a right age job, had to go wrestle. Well, because you know, like wrestling, it's like racist slightly. So we were white trash, in the trailer trailer park so biker chicks whatever so we had to wear jean like yeah get it she gave me that move you still have that

thing she want yes I do I have the whole outfit Bobby I can't I don't know if it still fits but we just want to go from that to like years of working with dice it is a hilarious it means a very it's a very makes sense transition. When I was doing this, I would tell Andrew, you should bring the kids, you know, because we were trying to gear it toward kids, and he goes. I didn't know this overlapped.

I didn't know this overlapped with knowing Dice. Oh yeah, well I've known Dice since I moved to LA. Him and like, I rarely, because I worked at the comedy store, it was my first job, so they were my first friends. I rarely, Dice, it moved to LA him and like I rare because I worked at the comedy store. It was my first job So they were my first friends. Yeah, I rare a dice. It was whoever was around. What was your I thought this was back in Philly I thought the wrestling was back in Philly days. No, what was your finishing move? Did you have that was it You should have you know you should put a double on one of your cheeks and a double you on your other cheeks pulled your pants

Down and went wow, we were We were heels, so nothing. Now I'm giving you nothing for that. I'm giving you nothing because the O would be too big. It would have been like, eh. All the kids would have thrown it, eh. It's a long O? Moam. Ma, why does she have grapes?

It's a Philly O. Why does she have grapes on her butt? Mine would have umlauts over it. What are those? Hemorrhoids, but they're umlots. It's like Molly Crew. Ew. Ew.

Ew. We used to, me and my partner, because we cheat, we were heels, so we would do a double DDT, that was our thing. Nice. That was our, look at her, Selena. She's still wrestling, hilarious. She's called this whole match in my ear.

I have no idea what's happening. Really? No, I broke my, I had a hairline fracture in my collarbone, I broke my pinky, she hit me with a chair, I went street, I went to grab it. I've been watching a bunch of wrestling documentary stuff again, and like, you know, top 10 matches

that should have been stopped and everything, and when they talk about it, it is funny, like the things, like when you see a guy, like, do something, and obviously the guy's leg was broken in this move. And then you see the guy's watching the video, and when the guy gets in his face, the guy who just broke his leg by accident is in his face and looks like he's going,

like you cut, he's just going, in that face he's going, he's like, are you okay, do we have to get a doctor in here? Like he's just making, he's like screaming in his face. It looks like he's screaming. But that's exactly what he's doing, it's like all this friend talk that's happening, but he has to keep the angry face, like he's talking shit to him, it's like screaming at his face. Can we keep going? It looks like he's screaming. Fans are into this. But that's exactly what he's doing. It's all this friend talk that's happening, but he has to keep the angry face

so he's talking shit to him. It's like, seriously, are you okay? Do I have to get you a doctor? I'm very worried about you. I'm sorry. I'm so worried about you right now. I love you, I love you so much. I fucked up.

Isn't there a sign that when you get hurt, the ref gives or something, they know that somebody's really hurt? Nobody told me that, no. I didn't tell you this was a film? This was an audition I went to in LA. Really? Yeah, yeah, and I thought it was gonna be a big show.

I thought this was exciting, you know. I joke about it in my special, but it literally is like, I thought, oh yeah, this would be great. I'm gonna be acting, you know, I'm like, it's gotta be a good audition, cause it's in a hotel room. So, you know it's good. It must be. I've had those. You know what, it's gotta be a good audition because it's in a hotel room. So, you know it's good. It must be.

I've had those. You know what, it turns out it is good when you find that it just wasn't porn. You're right, you're right. This was a great audition. I'm pretty sure I was gonna get gangbanging back there. And they were like, yeah, do a character,

do a whole thing. So I came in and I had like a baseball bat and I'm hitting shit and I'm like yelling and they were like, okay, okay, they thought I was crazy. And I was like, oh, I'm not getting this, but then my friend was one of the, on the show, she was a PA or something, and she was like, oh yeah, no, she'll be good, she's really athletic.

I was like, you can tell I'm athletic by swinging a bat at people. I'll tell you, that's pretty crazy is because, and they seem like the, whenever I watch documentaries on wrestlers and stuff, like the schooling usually for it is like a whole ordeal. Yeah, we didn't do schooling. Just no schooling, just right away.

They trained us, that lady that I was just popping my cooch on in her face, the Bronco Buster. The tape blaster. Yeah, the tape blaster. But we were doing that, like they trained us, that's it. That's so wild. It was tough, but it was. You didn't get training, like you didn't, you just.

Yeah, they trained, we did like three months before, I think, it was three months, it was a while, yeah. So you didn't like take a fall and all that shit. Yeah, we were at the Forum in Englewood, so we were just at the bottom, which was awesome for me, because like I'm a sports fan, so the Lakers just left to go to the Staples Center, but the Sparks were still playing.

But Lisa Leslie was, this was 2000. Only girl can dunk. Yeah, so it was awesome, and Michael Cooper was the coach, so I was like, oh shit, this is amazing. You don't know who Michael Cooper is, do you? Bobby's not really a sports guy. That's a blank stare. He's the coach of the team.

Whatever, man. Michael Cooper from the Lakers. Yeah. He played for the Lakers during the heyday. With the Celtics. With Larry Bird and Mikeo and all that. My favorite player. But what are you looking at?

He got in there. He figured it out. I want you to know right now, if we had like an EKG on Bobby he's a little. If we had an EKG on Bobby's body right now. He's not that big. He's not that big. He's actually small, thin. Yeah, I know Michael Cooper. I'll draw him.

I'll draw him right now. I'm an artist. Want me to draw him? You got a black pen? Michael Cooper. I can draw him. He wears glasses now. Probably lose his hair a little bit.

I'm an artist. I'm an artist. Want me to draw him? You got a black pen? Michael Cooper. I can draw him. He wears glasses now. Probably lose his hair a little bit. This thing's a bit.

I'm doing a forum with Bert for the Netflix as a joke. Who is that? Who is that? It's awesome. Oh, that's so killer. He's a comedian. Oh, okay. That's awesome.

Yeah, Christine got so excited because being from LA, that's like such a- Yeah, because I've only played there as Easy Rider. I would kill to play as a comic. I would kill to play as a comic. I would kill to play as a comic. Yeah, but they still talk about the night Easy Rider brought the house down at the old Forum. I played the Staples Center with Dane,

and Tommy Lee was in the front row. Wow. That fucked me up. Front row. Front row, fucking yeah, with his long ass drum arms. Fucking, eww. I was just like, what the fuck? He comes with that girl to the comedy store now, right?

Will you say that girl? His wife? Yeah, Britney. Oh, what do you mean that girl? I love Britney, because when I started Stand Up, Britney was a comic. So we were all doing, she was like part of our class, if you will, yeah.

I thought, I know Josh Eddermeyer's dated her for a long time, yeah. They were dating. But she was in comedy then. Yeah. He never mentions that. Why? That she was in comedy.

Well, then she got on, I think it was Vine or something that went huge. Yeah, so Brittany, there she is. Yeah, she was on one of those. The other is Josh Edemeyer's ex-girlfriend. She's awesome. She's Philly, suburbs. Is she really?

I didn't know that at all. Everybody's Philly. Yeah, yeah. Calm it down. Now I love her. Calm it down.'t know that at all. Everybody's Philly. Yeah, yeah. Calm it down. Now I love her. I know it was funny. Now I love her.

She got into the Vine stuff early. And what was the other one? Periscope and all that stuff? Vine was like what, six seconds? Yeah, I think Vine was six seconds. But she would do whatever one got popular, had a little bit more time, I think. Is when she started, there's a documentary called

American Meme or something like that. What was it called, Priscilla? American Meme? With Paris and. Yeah, and it's got the Assholes Live Forever, Carill from, you know Carill is right. The, what's it called? Whisperer, he does all the photography.

Yeah, you know he was actually my son. Like I swear to God, dude, he used to stay at my house. Oh, for real? I believe because he was with Cringe Humor early and stuff. He was just like a photographer around the city. He was a comic house photographer. He was a photographer and then I did a, I was going to USO, Iraq, with Quinn,

and I did an impromptu show at The Cellar called Full Metal Comedy. So I just recorded the show at The Cellar with him. He stayed at my house for three days. We were leaving in like four or five days. He stayed at my house and edited at my house, brought his computer there. This is back when he had to bring like a tower. Yeah.

To sin. He sat on my couch and I just kept feeding him popsicles. Because he was falling asleep. I was like, dude, wake up, Caril. And I would just put a popsicle to give him energy. Just to give him some sugar so he would stay up. And now he's like this crazy, you know what he does now, right?

Merch. Yeah, he's just a. It's assholes live forever. It's merch and party photography. Yeah, he goes to parties and gets checked to take their boobies out and put champagne all over their face. He's like a sweet little Jewish boy.

He is a sweet kid. He came to me when we already did the crowd work thing not too long ago. He came by to hang out. He's such a sweet little boy. Now he's just a degenerate. One million followers. Wow, good for him.

Oh, I think that's a redo, too. He's been kicked off so many times. He's been kicked off a lot. Oh, really? He gets back to a million many times. He does stuff kicked off a lot. Oh really? He gets back to a million many times. Yeah, he does stuff to girls in nightclubs that is just ridiculous. His girlfriend or what? I don't know if it's girlfriend or what.

That doesn't sound good. She's so hot. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh wow. That kid slept in my, I fed him popsicles. Now he's with an 11. Now look at the popsicle he's got.

Now he's with an 11. Wow. Shit. But um. Yeah, Don used to get mad at me because I'd yell at him, wake up. Well, Brittany Furlong was in the documentary also, was going with her.

Oh, okay. And it was talking about the thing, like when it first came out again, no one knew how big it was gonna get, and no one was ready for the, it was, the documentary basically cuts on the beginning of people watching all this stuff to be upset, and they just got her,

she would just do a lot of, in the very beginning, she goes, every Indian cab driver, and she'd be like, hello my friend, hello my friend, just doing that stuff, and they just got her, she would just do a lot of in the very beginning, she goes, every Indian cab driver, she's like, hello my friend, hello my friend, just doing that stuff and they're like, it just didn't age good, and that's considering, I don't give a shit, but the stuff that's in the world, everything she did is considered racist now. We really need Dan back, he used to do a Mexican,

hello my friend, hello my friend. That was not Indian. Hello my friend. I'm doing the impression of what she did. Oh sorry. I'm nailing it. You're nailing it. I'm sorry. I apologize Jason.

Was it really six seconds the vine? Jay, Jay? It's only been that? One of them was and then it got a little bit long. Periscope was a little bit long. Jay, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's okay.

My friend, my friend. Now I can't think of how to do an Indian. But speaking of vine, Jake Paul, do you think it'll take Mike Tyson six seconds to knock him out, how long you think? I think. What are you thinking about? I think they know something, and either,

I don't think Jake. They know something we don't. I do, I think Jake Paul doesn't. I'm not sleeping on him. I know he's. Take too many fights. Oh no, no, I think he could definitely fight and I think Mike Tyson is something you wouldn't sleep near. No, for sure. But I think he's like a little out of gas.

Mike Tyson. Big time pothead. I thought Tyson was gonna definitely... did you see the videos they're putting out? I'm like he's gonna fucking murder him. I thought he was gonna kill Roy Jones Jr. Yeah, but I was talking to Lewis today. He's like, no, he's not, I'm not gonna do that because of this, and he gave me all this. He's like, dude, it's only three seconds of him punching, and then they cut, and then three seconds of him punching.

So if he knocks him out in the first three seconds, it's good. Other than that, we're gonna go whatever rounds it is. That's what it is. If he catches him with like two good shots right away, it's over. It goes any kind of distance. Lewis also said, too, if he does knock out Tyson, it's over. If it goes any kind of distance. Lewis also said too, if he does knock out Tyson,

that's bad. This is Lewis. Lewis Gomez, Lewis J. Gomez. There you go. He fought Ryan O'Neil, I saw that fight. I don't know if he should speak on this. Ryan P. O'Neil. If Jake knocks him out, it's bad for everybody.

Why? Because people are gonna be bummed out. People are gonna be like, ah, dude, what the fuck did you do that for? No, they're not. No, I don't think so. It'll go away. I don't think so.

That Kevin, the guy that retired him the first time when he came in, he was like, I don't even care about this. Yeah. You remember when the guy beat him, he goes, I'm just trying to get a check. Yeah, exactly. I'm disrespecting this boy.

Yeah, I don't know. After he bought Kevin McBride, that's who it was. Watch the speech after Kevin McBride, Christine. Bring it on. It's so sad. Yeah, yeah, you're absolutely right. I, that's who it was. Watch the speech after Kevin McBride, Christine. Bring it on. It's so sad. Yeah, yeah, you're absolutely right, I remember that. I remember that. So I mean, this guy's lost in devastating fashion

before Mike Tyson. It's not that everyone's remembering 25-year-old Mike Tyson. But to a fighter or to a Vine dude, you know what I mean? I'm telling you, Jake Paul is not even semi-afraid of Mike Tyson, right? Not at all. No, no, no. They live in a different world.

They're famous from Vine. They live in another universe. Who do you want to win? I mean, the best thing for my money is Mike Tyson knocks Jake Paul's head off. Right. I just think Jake Paul's probably going to beat him in boring-ish fashion.

If he wins him. In boring-ish fashion, or he's going to, like you say, he's going to catch him and knock him down a couple times, and then you're just going to see the rest of the fight will just be like, oh, this is just not Mike Tyson. We all thought it was going to be Mike Tyson for some reason. I don't know why we think that, but we did. You don't think if he knocks Mike Tyson down or out, you don't think that's going to be

a sad moment, like people are going to be like, oh, I'm out, fuck this. Because Mike Tyson's getting paid more than he got paid for he made for like Lennox Lewis fights. It's crazy. It's Netflix, it's crazy. How much money is he getting? They must really get UFC, I don't know yet, but they must really get UFC people to buy into that

long term damage of this sport is better than boxing, even though there's no data yet. Because why you would take that little amount of money for what you can box? Boxing is insane. I don't know if, I don't think the main card of every pay-per-view are over million dollar paydays. That's crazy.

Mike Tyson's paydays used to be 57 million per fight, like stuff like that, like 60 something, like a lifetime of money for one night Yeah, and they do multiples of those Five Tigers you lose it all Is Mike pockets are getting a little tight right now you might have to get rid of your I don't know the tiger habitat first they need to be in the natural environment. I'm so stupid.

It's so funny. I have to have a temperate jungle in my backyard. It was a stage where everybody just bought an exotic animal. Yeah. What was that chick from Cheers bought a bunch of monkeys and put it in her backyard? Oh my God.

Oh, no, not monkeys. Lemurs? Lemurs, yeah. Oh. Kirsty Alley. Yeah, she did? She joined the cult of another thing too I always thought was interesting Howard Stern for all the world dig on people

He leaves Scientologist who he likes alone on science. Oh, I didn't know that died a Scientologist And when he has people on that he likes these friends with their Scientologist doesn't even make that a thing at all I don't like just stays away from it. So do we. Correct, but we're not the people who, we're not known for being the ones who dig. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, we'll move on. No.

He said move on. Yeah, yeah, we'll move on from that, that's fine. You're a Scientologist, aren't you supposed to drop that accent? Hold those cans and talk better? Like they would let me in. Even me, they'd be like, we're good'd be like we're good we're all full here that guy from was Danny Masterson the one from that 70s show yeah sorry I'm talking to me he's gone he's gone away

yeah that happens when you rape yeah hold on a second He's fighting Jake Paul. Well, he went away for three years. He did. Not even, dude. Two years. He did two? Two. Yeah, 30 years to life. Danny Masterson. He must have done a lot. He did a lot of rape.

Danny Masterson? I think there's several things coming his way. Yeah, it's not just one rape. One rape. Tons of cover-up, too. I'll tell you what, that's really how they get you. That's why you know this is real. Because Marilyn Manson had all those charges. And it was big news, but they get you. That's why you know this is real. Because Marilyn Manson had all those charges.

And it was big news, but they all dropped. Every one of them dropped the charges and said that one girl was trying to get everyone hyped up. And that's kind of why it happened. It was almost like group think, they said. Mob mentality. But this guy, I thought it was gonna be the same thing. I thought he would just go through the raindrops.

And this one fell down fast, number one, and hard. But he was a guy who was still pretty famous. And they they're like I think this guy's into some weird stuff. I like when they show they go back in time and they say like people knew they knew and they'll show something like Danny mentioned said some joke about women or something on Conan O'Brien and Conan O'Brien goes Oh, no, I know I've heard about you and people, then why didn't Conan do anything? If he knew, I'm like, settle down. He can't. Hello. One, he's joking.

He's like, I heard about you. It's probably just joking. You know, Bobby, you should be the person who brings down Louis J. Gomez. You bring down your own Padawan. Yeah. Yeah. Poor Louis.

Two counts of rape. I know, and the best part the the ultimate irony the woman he leaves behind outside of jail Most notoriously in my mind being raped on camera in the movie bully Oh, B. Ju Phillips. Yes. Yeah, is that is that why he met her? That's what saying goes. Hey, you seem to like this. So Great movie I made this it's gonna sound like a weird question What kind of rock? This is gonna sound like a weird question.

What kind of rape was it? What, Danny Masterson's? Yeah, like what is. Scientology rapes. No. You have to listen to him talk. Yeah. You have to wipe his feet-ons off your tits afterwards.

Feet-ons, feet-ons. How many, how many? But like, you know what I'm saying? I'm saying all rape is bad, but there's different- Thanks, Bobby. Sure. You're welcome, no problem. I'm just saying-

He's on our side, girls. I'm asking what kind of- What an ally. Like, you know, Bill Cosby raped in his way. He had his like, they have their own little- Everyone's got their own little way. Yeah. Michael Jackson raped in his way.

Bobby, what would be the Bobby touch on your rapes? Yeah, yeah. Well- When you get your rapes, what would be your touch? Well, yeahes? Well. When you'd be raised by what would be your touch? Oh well, yeah. Is it a little gift bag afterwards like you did with the hookers? I wasn't raped, that was paid. You'd give him a tank top and some men's deodorant?

I was helping the community in the jungle. Okay. Bobby gave care packages to Brazilian prostitutes. Well. I was a good person. I gave him wife Peter's toothpaste and deodorant. Oh that's so nice. Yeah. That's. Yeah, and then he brought electricity to their village That was Petriss Petriss Petriss who bought them outfits and he brought one girl a TV

Yeah, I bet it was a Vizio though, they don't know any better it was actually a little square one Still a tube. Yeah, it was still a tube TV. It says forcibly raping. There you go. That's it. That's rape, rape. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah, I got what you're saying.

Oh, man. I mean, that's the top of rape. Totally. Top of the rape. That's forced rape is rape, rape. Then there's Bill Cosby where it's like sneaky rape. Got it. I see what you're saying.

Well, it's forced because they're waking up door-ing it and then it's not like he's going like, oops. They're kind of waking up. Must've miscalculated. I was trying to give you some pudding and not even know where I was. You went to sleep, I thought you were still awake. Oops-a-doodle-sup, but I woke up a little bit early

and I'm taking a long time to finish. Is this all the way Britney does it? Should they ask him? My friend. My friend. My friend, you are the rape. My friend. And then what was the exact?

How lucky is he that he got tried during the pandemic where he got to cover his face with a mask? Yeah, really. But they said, then I'll watch videos of guys who have been to jail before who just say why they know for a fact he's just getting nonstop raped in jail, Danny Masterson. Hope so. Yeah, but he doesn't mind it.

He's like, oh, this is how I do it. I've been waiting for this. Yeah, he goes, you know what? He goes, is this how it feels? Because I gotta make some calls. Hey, just caught the business end of a rape and I gotta tell ya, not as cool as I thought and I just wanna say, bottom of my heart, I'm sorry.

At his parole, at his parole. That's how he says it. I just found myself on the business end of a rape for the last four years. Perfect. I've had somebody digs in me. He goes, and I gotta tell ya, I feel bad about it. If you felt even halfway like this,

it must have been pretty shitty. It must have been not good, huh? Girls, here's what I've learned since I've been in jail. No does mean yes. I won't apologize for that, because I have yelled no nonstop and I have taken part in everything I've said no to. No, I'm not gonna give you both hand jobs while you watch TV.

Oh, I guess I am. That's even worse than rape. Having to jerk guys off while they watch court TV. That would be, I'd honestly, God, I'd rather get butt fucked in a closed cell than make a guy have me kiss his neck and massage him while we're in a TV room or something. Have to put your hair in pigtails and put your thumb in his little belt loop. Doing his laundry for him while I'm singing. You know like a little tender kissing. Folding his fucking wife beater. Gonna be some sweet sounds. You have to give him a little butterfly massage on his swash stickers. Ha ha ha!

Just outline all those tattoos with your finger slightly. Tickle my back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck. Let me see your nails. Jay would be great in jail though. You'd fucking have such a clean cell. I would have a clean cell.

Are you OCD like that? They would think I'm getting fucked. Why is the cell so clean? I like this. Are you like that? Not OCD, but definitely, yeah. Especially in a place like that, it's gonna have to be some sort of clean.

And I would have to fashion something to go in front of that toilet. I love it. Because I am not just, you'll never catch me in a place where while I'm shitting someone can say this, Jay? And I go, yeah? Yeah.

Just lower my newspaper and go, what's up, guys? Let me just finish up. I think I got, I feel like a log or two in there, and then I'm gonna meet you guys in the yard, and then we'll sort it out. I'm gonna clean my ass. You would definitely get raped because you have the cleanest ass in jail.

You're right, that's the problem. Yo, you're gonna get that big guy. I didn't even get shit on my dick. Bobby, this is real. If you were to ask me. It comes out clean. He's doing, he's doing his fingers. Because this is a real. If you were to ask me. It comes out clean. He's doing, he's doing his fingers. Because this is a real thing, I believe.

When he starts tapping his fingers. When he puts his fingers together. This means I'm having a real thought. This also means I've just realized it myself about me. If you told me that I will be raped constantly in jail, but I get to keep my asshole the kind of clean that I prefer to be, versus never getting raped, but I get to keep my asshole the kind of clean that I prefer to be, versus never getting raped,

but I gotta always have itchy shit ass. I'll get raped. You get raped? I'll get raped. I'll accept the rapes. Okay, all right. I'll accept the rapes. Yo man, they're guys' asses.

I could scratch, I'm a scratcher. And then I'll feel bad, I'll be like, look, it's not their fault, I got the cleanest ass in the jail, I understand, I get it. It's my fault. I got the cleanest ass in the jail. I understand I get it It's my fault. I get it. It's my fault. I said shiny Yeah, I shouldn't talk to him when he gets back from doing work like that. Yes, my fault I'm always running my stupid yap

Danny Masterson, you know rape in girl Joe, right? Who doesn't I mean, wait a minute I'm not saying I do the way I answered that Oh, you don't think Bobby I think so watch this no, I I think they do I think they just fuck around right you don't hear of rape I mean, you're not gonna like I mean you can't penetrate the way you can It's those things like hold them down like rub on your knee or something. Definitely like hold them down and aggressively take off your fingerless gloves and get in there. So I keep my palms warm for the hand jobs. Yeah, fisting is a thing. Hey where's Jada whack us off while we all watch the Super Bowl? Who's winning boys? Did we get a good box this year? Can you wear the leather ones, not the cloth ones next time?

It's so funny. That's the dice thing when he always goes, he wears the glove. He has had cloth on the last, he had them on in Boston all week. Was he really clothed? Yes. Interesting, because when people would say that, they go, and he would say it, he goes, it's the tribute. The kid does the thing.

And I just go, yeah, it's the tribute, the kid does the, and I just go, yeah. It's a tribute. He doesn't know it was a midlife crisis on a corn tour. Midlife crisis on a corn tour. Do you have leather ones or is it? No. Shut up.

Not at all. No, he wasn't given leather ones. The guy from the band was like, try it on, kid. Yeah, he used to make me wash the leather ones. Oh, God. Christine has to go, do you have to wash his mittens to wash his mittens to wash it and you have to fold them, right? It's a no it's a no sense. She didn't follow my balls my socks. Did he ever yell at you for shrinking them? My show gloves But it's so funny how much of my stuff and comedically particularly, is super inspired by Dice Clay,

but he always points at the gloves. He goes, hey, does it look? I know, and I go, uh-huh. Like, this isn't a Dice thing. But I guess it is, but that one's not on purpose. Not on purpose. I like that. Everything else, though.

Everything else, though. Completely on purpose. The funniest, I think think for a long time, the funniest Instagram was Dice and you and you just yelling back at him. Oh yeah, we got a good one from Boston yesterday. But you are so angry. When you beat too?

When he was at the gym. Have you spent an hour with him? When he came up, you had your hair up at the gym and he goes, what are you doing with the hair up? And you go, it's my fucking hair. That's a bun, he doesn't like a bun. He's broken up with girls if they wear a bun. She had a bun at the gym, and he starts degrading her,

but nobody else at the gym knows what's going on. He's like, you gotta keep your hair up like that. People can see you. I'm like, what the fuck? Is he still with the girls from the cruise? Yes. Really? That's years now really yes years now yes that great I'm a good I'm a good hooker-upper you hook that up yeah I met her on the Impractical Jokers cruise yeah the one we were on yeah I think I think DeRosa tried to go over the kill

on cruise so good I know Andrew's not gonna listen to this so I can tell this story. How do you get serious? No, I'm kidding. But DeRosa, I think he did kiss. We were at the stand one night and Andrew and Dice and DeRosa were like hitting it off. And then- He was just trying to get him to do a podcast with him. And DeRosa's like, oh, this is great. I never really hung out with Andrew.

I never like... So he was all excited. And then the girl shows up and his face drops. More than it is? More than it is. He actually grew shoulders. They cinched up. Joe could wear a jacket. Sorry, Joe, I love you.

Don't say that. But he was so nervous. And I was like, oh, he's acting. Whatever. And then I saw the girl, like Andrew's girlfriend, pull Andrew aside and tell him, listen, on the cruise, she hung out with Joe a little bit. And then he found out I didn't have a penis.

So we didn't do anything. And they didn't do anything, but Andrew, of course, made it so uncomfortable for Joe. You know he loves to fuck with people. And so it was just so Joe is like, does he hate me? Is he mad at me now? That's the best. He's so nervous.

Dice is the best. But it was so, I was so funny. If you could see his face, like fuck, that's his girlfriend. Of all people, yeah. He goes, we just hit it off his girlfriend? Of all people, yeah. We just hit it off. From that cruise that one time? It was so good to see him get that nervous, I love it.

Yeah, that was good. Joe really likes famous people. I remember we saw Jerry Lewis was in a limo driving down the street. It was awesome. He had the window cracked just a little bit. Joe Dukes a hazard through it. Joe ran down the block. No, he didn't, did he? I through it. Joe ran down the block. Jerry!

And he ran. Where are you going? He's like, and he opened up the window and he goes, I'm such a big fan. That's kid. He just rolled the window up in his face. Yeah of course. Where was that? It was on 10th of New York. 47th Street. Right, 47th Street. He ran. What a lunatic. There was a King of Comedy, too. I mean, yeah, I wouldn't, I can't say I wouldn't, I wouldn't have chased him, but I would've got excited. I wouldn't have. Jerry Lewis? I love Jerry Lewis. I don't know why, when I was a kid,

like, they would put cartoons and stuff on or whatever, and I guess it was either my mom, somebody was watching it, and I liked it. And then for weeks, I'd be like, hey, put that Harry Jewish back on. And she's like, who the fuck is Harry Jewish? Fuckin' racist, silly person. Yeah, I know, I was an anti-Semite from the beginning.

Put that Harry Jew back on. Put that Harry Jew back on, mom. I didn't know. And I'd be like, she said I was really little and I'd be screaming, put Harry Jewish on. I just was like, who the fuck is Harry Jewish? Took her forever to figure it out. Jerry Lewis. Yeah that's who I liked. I never. But he was just silly. I prefer watching that to cartoons. We know what it was. What all I got from Jerry,

my first taste of Jerry Lewis was the telethons. Yeah. Oh wow. So it was always and I mean those, I mean Sterns played those for years but the outtakes of those, like I never put that kind of time into watching them, but just if you put up Jerry Lewis outtakes from the telethon, I mean, he would be like, do you think we can not be morons for five seconds and get the number up on the screen? Oh, shit.

Do you think anybody here can pull their head out of their asses for five seconds? He was so mean to everybody and just serious. He goes, well, the band played the wrong song, but that's what usually happens around here when you have a group of idiots. Anyway, give money to these bald kids. What the fuck?

But he went from the biggest guy in the world to doing telethons. To doing telethons. And that's not like the best crew in the world, you know what I mean? We did, at the Comedy Star, I'll tell you how gay I am, Jay, we did a telethon they had the We were doing 24 hours, and this is when I was waiting tables So I was like oh, I'll do the whole 24 hours cuz I thought Jerry Lewis

Who came in Bobby Lee only Jerry Lewis does Well to tell him it must be Jerry Lewis the god The guy. The guy. Well it's a telethon, it must be Jerry Lewis, the guy on a telethon. He's definitely coming, why wouldn't he come here? This is amazing. I like, he shows up with his own,

like he shows up with his own unfilled in thermometer, you know the thing they always gotta put up with, oh look we've hit 50,000. I really thought he would show up. Oh yeah, aggravated with floor staff, do that. Yes. That's great. This is where we just snap.

What is this again? Jerry Lewis aggravated with the floor staff. Oh it's at the. Of his thing, of his thing think you turn it up. Look at the money though South Point Tom Segura makes that in a minute Tom could cure MS with his tour. We're doing it all wrong fucking assholes Lifford career also makes that from t-shirts in a week. Exactly. Yeah, we gotta take better pictures All my pictures are of me. Not some girl's tits with champagne all over her face.

What am I, an asshole? This ticket's still available for Paramount this Thursday. Everybody. I love the Paramount. We're raising money for MS. By the way, I don't know if this is illegal to do, Bobby, so you cut me off if this is illegal to do. Just confirmed for our show Thursday,

this Thursday, three days from now, three days from now, at the Paramount Theater in Huntington, New York, just confirmed, jumping on the show, Shane Gillis, Dave Chappelle. Wow. And Dice. And Dice. And Dice, Dice will be there.

Allegedly. Allegedly, now look, are they gonna do time? And I think June, if you really are listening. Are they gonna do time? I don't know, you really are listening. Are they gonna do time? I don't know if you chant their name loud enough they might come on. Alls we have to do Jay is do our impression of them. You go gay, I'll go haaa and laugh at my own shit. And then we'll have guys go oh with your gloves.

All you have to do for Dave Chappelle is very easy. You go Dave you're coming actually you're to perform on the show this Thursday, one slap on your chest for no. That's Mars code. I didn't ask yet. Better. Dave, how much time do you want to do? An hour of seven. Seven.

Seven. Okay. An hour? Oh my God. Yeah, but they're all confirmed for sure. Definitely gonna be there. So make sure you show up. Gonna be a great show. Congrats.

Thank you. That'd be awesome. I think it's good. And me and Bobby are just gonna do a little bit of time up front and then just let the big dogs take it over pretty much. It's pretty much gonna be a Dave Chappelle and Shane show, but they can't sell it like that because they're both on tour, so they're calling it

our show, but you can just get tickets to our show and then just know, as soon as me and Bobby are done, those guys are gonna come out. Yeah, stay in your seats. Even if the lights go off, just stay there. They're coming. No, it's because they have to change the set and do a whole thing before they come.

They're coming in like Kiss, dude, from the ceiling. How funny would it be if they heard this and they did come? We just bumped off our own show. We get the wrap up sign, get off. Can I tell you something? Right now, if it would get us our sell out bricks from the Paramount Theater, I would just, I will never know.

I'll uh, well I'll tell you. I have one. Bobby's had one from a different time. I will not have one, but I'll tell you what, I'll take the brick and just make it, I think the brick from the Dave Chappelle's Shane Gillis show. They can cut us off the show completely as long as they get our brick for selling us.

Well, technically, it was our night. And he did sell it out. I carried the brick. Does that count? That is nice stuff. I have to carry it out. It's a nice brick, huh? It's a nice brick.

I have one hanging up in my office. I'll tell you something. I'll tell you what. If they do a brick for us, Bobby, whatever they write on it, is it carved or written? It's a brick. It's carved. Like chiseled?

Chiseled. I bet that dust is going to be fresh. whatever they write on it, is it carved or written? It's a brick, it's carved. Like chiseled? Chiseled. I bet that dust is gonna be fresh. He's gonna be right off the stage. He goes, oh, one person just wandered off the street, there it is, finally got it. He goes, oh, okay, I thought I was gonna have to get the night off.

King, king, king, king, king. Just an old Italian guy. Oh, I gotta make it a bricks now, okay. If we don't sell out, I'm gonna use my brick and tie it around my ankles and jumping a fucking lake Why are you guys not getting tickets because it's a Thursday night and they're $75 a piece Is that why you're not buying because those are all good reasons. I understand those reasons. I Got so high from they go you and Bobby won a co-headliners show at a theater. Yes. Yes

This is the beginning of what we want to start doing. Let's go. I think until three weeks ago I'm like, this is on a Thursday? Let's make this unattainable. It's how much I think is what they do. I think they threw us in a bad spot so we stop asking. I think the last one we did with Dice was on a Sunday. Okay. Sunday good? Yeah. The key word in that sentence was dice. Oh, my fault, my fault. You're right, you're right. Yeah, I don't think Jim Brewer had a tough time with this room either. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. You know, I don't think they understand.

Do you understand that me and Bobby are both going to be there, people listening? I think they think we're not going to be there. Do you understand that we're both going to be performing our comedy? Stand up comedy, guys. Live. Well, it doesn't make sense to me.

I sell lots of tickets. Well. I'm kidding. I'm fucking mixed. Well, we tried everything, dude. We tried to sell lots of tickets. Well. I'm kidding. I'm fucking mixed. We tried everything, dude. We tried to get the Luis J. Gomez guest spot bump. I've been sleeping with everybody. We tried to get the Mike Fennoyer hosting bump.

None of it moved the needle. We really didn't try. None of it moved the needle. We know every famous person in the world, and we asked Mike Fennoyer and Luis J. Gomez to help sell tickets. We suck at fucking promoting. Guys, I don't know if you heard this, Mike Fennoyer is going to be there. He's going to be hosting. That's not enough. Luis J. Gomez. Luis J. Gomez guest spot. Also in attendance but probably not performing. Justin Silver? Yeah, we're gonna have Mike Suarez might stop by.

Woo! Oh shit. Who else? My ex-wife, more than likely. She's local. You know what's funny, at first my daughter goes, can I invite mom to your show Thursday? And I went uh oh no actually yes tell her to bring everybody also.

I'm like oh yeah actually tell her to bring everyone if they hate me if they love me her divorce lawyer everybody everyone gets a free ticket. I want that brick. I didn't know there was a brick. I want you to get that brick I hate this. Gemini the magician is coming too by the way. Oh that's very exciting. Oh good, good, good.

Also we're gonna have a human traffic raffle. We're, there's gonna be a lot of stuff going on this show. A lot of Long Island things. Yeah, I like it. Smelt bagel, probably do a bagel. There'll be some Jews in the house, my guess. My guess. My best guess, there'll be some Jews in the house.

There's gonna be a few racists. A few racists. And a few not racists. And it's good that those two can come together. Yeah. I mean not in droves, but they can come together. Five guys who used to play cards with Anthony Kumian. You might see some confused former members of the ONA WAC pack

Maybe a double a floating around or perhaps a couple of them are gonna have feet I'm sure Bobo would roll in if we put the word out all points bulletin everybody Kevin Brennan also show go all the people who are angry Kevin Brennan Damn we're gonna be fine. We'll be fine. We actually sold a lot of tickets over the weekend. Let me tell you something. If the room was the size of what we already sold, I'd say it was a great, fantastic turnout so far.

That's awesome. But it's double that. Yeah. Yeah. You assholes had to make such a big place. If you guys didn't, on the blueprints of this place, didn't make it as big as you did, we'd be fine. Yeah, if you guys would have given everybody

a little bit of fucking elbow room, instead of trying to cram them all in like fucking sardines. You know what, this is the theater's fault. Yeah, they put a fucking balcony in, dude. We're taking our own bricks. There's a balcony, fuck you. Who needs upstairs at a comedy show, you jerk-off? What comic looks up?

Except for Shane, Nate, Bert. Oh, Nate. Dude, what if it was gonna be worse, and me and Bobby, we get there early and we watch him pulling a curtain close on the top balcony, like, oh, God, that hurts. We look at the top, it's just a bunch of old ladies at work there, looking down at us in disgust.

That's not gonna happen. I bet it could happen. I bet watching them close in here, I'll tell you what, do you remember, they just ripped it down, but the West Palm Improv, huge room. The West Palm Improv was enormous, the newer one. 500 seats. 500 seats.

So I, one time I was there, I was like, how am I gonna fucking sell this? And then I go in the room, and I uh I go whoa I go this thing is fucking packed I go holy shit. I go this is 500 seats and he goes. Oh, no. He just moves a curtain. It's like a whole other room Yeah It's a completely second room. I'm like like the punchline of Philly You know you suck when you can pull right up and And then they pull the curtain on the thing during,

it's the worst. Oh, is that all? Yeah, it's not bad. Can I be honest with you? It looks smaller than it's selling. That's actually the amount of tickets that we sold. Um. That's all right.

That's our audience. That's all right. We're just going to suck. That's what I would sell. That's the seat. The empty. That's the seat map? That's the seat map when you're buying tickets?

All right, I think their parents are sitting up front. Here's the problem with? That's the seat map when you're buying tickets? All right, I think their parents are sitting up front. Here's the problem with it. I think they have a VIP thing, which is front, which people don't, if they don't, if they don't tell us, we're gonna have to have Mike, hey guys, if you wanna move up. Oh yeah.

Please. Whose phone's going off? I don't know, not mine. Oh shit. That's yours. Who is it? My friend Lauren. Tell her I said hi. She's crazy. Tell her what's up. She's don't know, not mine. Oh shit. Who is it? Who is it? My friend Lauren. Tell her I said hi. She's crazy.

Tell her what's up. She's cute. She is cute. She's adorable. She's cute. Bobby's so married and horned up. You really are, Bobby. Calm down.

Everyone's cute. She's single. I tried to masturbate at Mike's house this weekend and I couldn't. You tried to masturbate at a friend's house? Yeah, is that bad? It's weird. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, back up.

Go ahead. You're at a friend's house? Mike Caltow.? It's weird. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, back up. You're at a friend's house? Mike Alta. Okay. Yeah, well, I can't help it. I fought it all weekend, but he has a shower. Florida. Did humidity get you excited?

No. He fought what? He was trying to watch you masturbate, and eventually you had to do it? I just couldn't do it. Hey, Bobby, I don't want to be this guy, but you are staying here for free. He has a shower head upstairs. What? Okay. This is a girl's fantasy

The shower head is my thing. So he has a shower head and it and it has a certain amount of pressure It's perfect. It's in your ass. It's perfect amount of pressure like I I Love like a little tickle. I don't know if you're ignoring Eleanor's question Where are you? You keep saying this thing, it's the pressure and blah, blah, blah. So I. Where are you aiming it?

I put one leg up and I, you wanna know what I do? Yeah. I soap up everything and then I shower off. She puts on OnlyFans. And then I go from behind and I usually put a leg up and I tickle my little nuts from behind. Why?

While you whack off with the other hand? Well, I wait till it affects me because not all shower heads affect me. Oh, you just get, so you get a little blood flow going. Well, if it's the right shower head, it will affect me and all of a sudden I'm like, oh my God. The right amount of pressure. And then sometimes I'll talk.

To? To. The shower head? I'll be like, look, I can't do this. Stop, stop. Stop blowing water up my ass? Stop tickling my stamenks. Okay.

Right, cause I picture it's a girl down there. And then, but this shower head, I actually tried to put both legs on the wall like Jean-Claude Van Damme. What the fuck? In blood sport. What, you tried to go full split? I tried to go full split.

I fought it, I fought it. The first two days, I did it and I was like, stop, stop, stop, stop, I can't. It was so good. You're like shutting down an aggressive partner. No, no, no, no, no, people will know. But the last, I was like, I'm gonna go for it. I went for it and it didn't work

because I felt too guilty. I felt too, it's a friend's house and I didn't wanna. Oh, that's what you felt guilty. I thought it was the shower head you felt guilty for. I was gonna say, that's what I'd feel. I'd feel guilty more for fucking my ass with a shower head than coming down his drain. I didn't fuck my ass, I tickled my balls. You're taint. You fucked your ass with water. You fucked your ass with a shower head and coming down his drain. I didn't fuck my ass, I tickled my balls.

You're taint. You fucked your ass with water. You're like behind your balls? Not with water, I tickled. Fucking your ass, you have to put this jet on, and then try to smoke. I put the jet, when I took my shower head off, this has nothing to do with masturbating.

I spread my cheeks. Oh God. And I try to like, I try to do a thing. Clean your ass a little more. Well I try to like, I try to like bulb my asshole out, and then when I spray the water in it, like I try to like I try to like bulb my asshole out and then when I spray the water in it like I Try to let it retract in and try to suck in a little bit so I can really get clean out there You have an out it you can make it go out and in I'm sorry. I'm not using my asshole properly

I'm sure your assholes fantastic. I don't blame yourself for this. He's preparing for prison. Yeah They're like pucker up Jay and keep in mind no's going to have to pay for commissary on this guy's dime. Your book is full. My book is full with a couple of favors. No, it's just a move where I try to relax my asshole and then almost do like the, where it would go like in a little bit, like suck in and take a little water. I mean, I got to get a mirror when I go home, but I've never seen this. Well, Eleanor, I'm sorry that you have a fucking... Just a regular... Just an asshole can't move.

Blue nut that doesn't expand. Your asshole's not like a dolphin hole, like Jay. I bet if you filmed yourself masturbating from the... From the... Okay, now we're seeing where you got it from. Okay. I think as your body reacts, your asshole will go out and then retract back.

It almost goes flush. Holesating, I get. It almost goes flush with the butt and then it'll go back to butt cheeks. Like back and, you know what I mean? It just kinda moves around. No. Christine, of all things, you don't look up.

We have to take a break. Puckering asshole. Porn hub. Yeah, we have to take a break. Puckering asshole. Pornhub. Christine, we have to take a break. You have time to find it. Guys. We have to take a break. Oh my god. Eleanor's it she's got a new special coming out. Right? What's the name of it again? All dried up. I mean, no country for all women. Streaming right now, everybody. Also, you can hear on the Comedy Store podcast, available wherever you listen to podcasts.

And make sure you check us out this Thursday. The Paramount and Huntington, New York tickets still available. Guys, bullshit time is over. I know we've been playing around for the past few weeks, making this joke because we were pretty sure it was going to fill up. Ha ha ha ha. Let's go. Yeah, stop it. Buy them. Yeah, and then also come Big J watch your asshole big J is gonna be where's big J gonna be Christine big J

He's gonna be levity live Westniak March 22nd 23rd He'll be in Las Vegas Jacksonville, Virginia Beach for all tickets and other dates visit big J comedy comm if we sell this out on stage Me and Bobby will kiss peaholes Yes, what? I don't want to kiss your people no no no we'll make our peaholes. Oh, okay. Yes. I'll do that nothing gay I'll do that Robert Kelly's gonna be at laugh it up in Poughkeepsie March 22nd and 23rd Houston, Texas the comedy mothership in Austin Texas and of course San Antonio for tickets and all tour dates go to Robert Kelly live.com. We'll be right back everybody. It's Hey everybody, thanks for listening that was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show

If you want the whole thing go to serious XM comm slash bonfire for a special offer Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to BigJComedy.com and RobertKellyLive.com to check out our stand-up dates. Coming to a city near you. Grapple, grapple.