The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - He Casts A Wide Net

Episode Date: May 18, 2022

Jeremiah Watkins and Josh Adam Meyers join The Bonfire and the guys dive into Lizzo's show trying to find new backup dancers.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com@jeremiahstandup www.youtube.com/jeremiahwatkins@joshadammeyers www.joshadammeyers.com

And now the bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. Damn, that's such a good song. It's really got the room moving too. Damn dude, everyone's feeling good. A good Lou feels. I'm a vibe curator. You are. You're a virologist. The chocolate boy wander.

The down from thunder from down under. I think he's still riding that way from church a twerk delicious yesterday The twerk you later Times last night. I'm intrigued by the idea. They call it twerk you later like instead of because Percolator is what they're definitely using the tune of and But they're using twerk you later like it's a calculator. There's a you And but they're using twerk you later like it's a calculator. There's a you But you know then she've had her pussy hanging out. I forgot about all that It's spelled very odd right now

It is the bonfire everybody faction talk series X-M103. I mean host big J.O.G.R.S. and Dan Soder over in Mexico doing God knows what I Think putting together a donkey at the series X-M 103. I'm your host, Big J. Congressman Dan Soder over in Mexico doing God knows what. I think putting together a donkey show if I had to guess. He of course this weekend is going to be at Side Splaters in Tampa, Florida. He's making his way across the

border to Tampa. That's this Thursday through Saturday. Make sure you check that out and grant rapids.'s coming up sitting in his place tonight once again everybody you know him You love him from the 500 podcast the cure the viabolologist of the comedy jam everybody is the hilarious Josh out of my ears sitting in Where's my guitar dude Snap noodle snap doodle and joining us today also in town so cool to fucking have him here Everybody you can go to his YouTube page YouTube comm Jeremiah walkins and check out the new stand up on the spot series

Recording next one is dropping on Monday. You're recording in New York while you're here, which is fucking awesome Everybody's hilarious Jeremiah walkins. What up? Get to be here. Oh, yeah Christine take your time You know, her just really strong and you're on tune. That's how happens. You get pink drink in you. Yeah. Slow down. Well, that coconut milk. Christine's like really, yeah, you're really taking a firm meal out there. There's just a slow, methodic walk. What song are you singing in your head? What song are you doing in your head? My pussy is the most expensive meal you'll ever eat Damn Some grips some ribs so hard. We got the whole crew in the motherfucking house DJ Lou

Christine Evans Jacob a Todd of course are black King the black tiger Lewis You know shit. Well, I love about youJ and it's with the twerculator, it really is showing that you really just cast a wide net of the music that you love, dude. I don't like the twerculator. Oh, you've been singing it. Oh, yeah, I mean, it's so funny, and it's time for the twerculator

and then these two non-talented fat ladies come out and show their snatch to you. The cover of that song, single, is them both looking through their own butthole. It's insane Just spread and lips the video for it is nots. Yeah, it was just them just like their asses busting through a town like Godzilla. It's bizarre These are oh there it is Don't mind

The inclusion for some reason I don't mind the inclusion for some reason I don't Get it, but I kind of like the inclusion of like the the pudgers dancing now You know, I mean huh? I love it. Yeah for one when they do a split they do a split Yeah, that's a 20% chance there if they're wet buzzing it stuck to the floor. Oh, it's going down with force It's come yeah, they really like hit that fucking stage. Yeah, when they do it. So it's so much more impressive. Like watching a fat guy do a backflip. Oh, shut up, dude. Really? Right? You could do that. And there are guys who can have you seen the guy? Surely I'm sure you're seeing the internet video, the guy shirtless who does a backflip on roller blades at a skate park. Fat dude? Uh, you have

to see this. Oh, I have not seen it. I thought it was on a scooter. No, no, I thought it was time for the twerk-u-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a-t-a- I'm just shaming them. I don't mean it. I would hook up with all these chicks. They're also fucking Get to the fat guy rollerblades come on. Yes Whoa, yeah, dude damn dude. What he says is pretty great Yeah athletic form looks like and there ain't a fucking thing you can do about it I was hoping he was gonna say like not 11's an inside job Go ahead and see you guys on January 6th inside job. It keeps going. You're hands in his view. Yeah, right? January 6th.

See you guys on January 6th. Yeah, I like these alt lines. Are you making fun of everybody? He flips on. Time to take up arms, motherfucker. Race wars are coming. Nancy Pelosi is the devil. Yeah.

It's what he looks like. He really does. The ass row trucker also professional rollerblader. It's the he looks like. He really does. The ass row trucker also professional rollerblader. This is the peak male athletic. I feel that same, the same, the happiness I feel for this guy is the same happiness I feel when I see Lizzo's just bald fat dancers behind her just cooking it. Oh yeah. Have you watched, given the biz?

Have you watched that show that she does? What is it? Give it up for the big girls. Yeah, I haven't watched it. I wonder if it's good. You know, let's watch a trailer for it because maybe I should get into the show. It could be a laugh, right?

100% that is in your wheelhouse of repertoire of TV shows. If you're watching, like, love after lock up. God damn, she is so much better. Fucking intervention. Not herself. Feeling good is it. I know, she's so, she feels so good about herself. I don't know why I wanted to destroy that so much God did not clear that flip with a lot of wiggle room that what I mean he just cleared that flip

Really? Yeah, I think I opinion he has pockets. I know, but he just cleared that flip I feel like by the way I feel like you would have the same outro if he nailed it or landed on this fucking Anyway, I don't give a fuck that's what I'm trying to say and if you don't like it you could suck my dick freedom con boys next week Go ahead give it Lizzo. Oh my lord Lord. What's up, y'all? It's Lizzo. I'm looking for dancers to join me on my tour. Girls that look like me don't get representation.

Trying to pull up my sleeves, find them myself. We think and we pretty and we know what we battle. It's the battle of the big girls. Yo, shut up. One of them just said, yo, is that one's a guy? It's the battle of the big girls. Yo shut up. And one of them just, you know, is that one's a guy? It's just awesome moments. Now one was a guy. Are they here background dancers on the Boo-ya tribe?

Damn, I'm gonna do a parody of Lizzo named Jizo. That's me. I'm gonna be Jizo. It's a bunch of fat guys dancing behind me. A bunch of fat motherfuckers dancing behind me. Jizo, I'm a fat guy's dance in my heart. What the fuck? What the fuck, motherfucker's dance in my heart? Jizo, I'm gonna dress scantily. I don't give a shit, respect me. I'm a big girl.

Jizo, can you have to list socks on? Just a magic gloves on stage. I gotta tell ya, at least one of these contestants isn't a big girl, and I'm just speaking fanatically Oh See the whole everything in that you see the heft on that split. She came from up high Dude she jumped into it, then I'm so jealous of that So realizing that I do deserve a spot on that stage.

It's hard to love yourself in a world that doesn't love you bad. You are created, especially in your image for you to enjoy. You don't have to be a lice-can. You don't have to be skinny. You're just people who love you. In fact, it seems like you have to have back fat. If there was ever a time where their body image was being loved the most, it's now.

It's like, there's no body shaming in the world. Have you even attempted to do it? It's like people will fucking cancel you. Oh, but do you should know it does happen behind your back constantly? Yeah, that'll never end. Oh my God, whenever I see brave, morbidly obese bravery, yeah man, I'm talking about that.

She's sad on fat crime dude. I'm the first one to start talking that shit It's not being so proud of yourself like goddamn animal Eat a rice cake. Yeah, you fucking idiot lose weight if you're gonna dress like that or be fat dress like me You can leave the house anymore. You can get a peloton I'll put my hair Jack my nails That's still I'll say what this yoga class they're showing

in the commercial right here for sure has the most amount of girlfarts in any yoga class ever. And they are beefy, they are beefy, they're thick. The editor on the audio got it all back and he's like, what am I supposed to do with this? It's just fucking hard for 30 minutes. It's just like mopping those is hockey. Huh. I can earn, earn. I hear indigestion and farts coming into the boom mic. What is happening over here? Sorry, Ted.

Sorry. Girls, let's be body positive. Guys, Ted and the boost says the guys are really freaking out here and one of them is starting to get pink eye I want to see the extended cut of this trailer after their dance and really hard and doing yoga where it's just heavy Breeding, oh my god Oh, man, they showed they showed their girl hit the ground by the didn't show her get up off the ground No, she goes through the stage She never came back up she goes to the center of the earth

She belongs to the theater now. It's like one of those like basketball videos where the guy like juke the dude and he breaks his ankles and then they show him like go to a different planet. It looks just terrifying as I bet it is to do when she jumps into that split. Christine, after we watch this trail, can you look up another video of fat girls doing splits?

It's gotta be its own YouTube series. It's so genre for sure. It's got to be. There's at least a one compilation of it. Type in compilation also. Also the word compilation. Just for shits and gigs, you know what I mean? But the compilations with the fat girls doing splits, like it takes them so long to get up that it's like a 90 minute video of like three women doing it. Guys, who do you think came up with the word? Does anyone take credit for coming with the word compilation? Instead of compilation?

Instead of comp- Instead of come-shot compilation? I- I- I feel like there's a guy out there who are the exact same thought as you and be like, guys, who's not seeing this right now? No, I'm saying, I wonder who gets,

there's someone in the world once credit for that. I think I did compilation. And it's like Randy West or something. He's like, I did that years ago. At an old porn store, star bar. He's hanging out with retired porn stores hanging out at. That's fucking great. Him and Ed powders. Oh yeah. I remember young Janet James and new bio. That's Nothing on my creep impression just have Josh voice Get over here put it on my face because you I don't care. All yours. You're ID say 18 turn around stick out your booty But all right these girls are cracking out a few go ahead Some people are not at the same level that I am I'm a call you little says he's trying to demean me. She's not how do you think they create drama on the show?

They go girls. We have eight slice of the cheese cake. There's not a view. It's going to say yeah, it's like a withhold food. There's pizza hanging on fishing wires around the apartment complex that they're going for. Pizza hanging on fishing wires around the apartment complex that they're going for Guess what was lunch for again salads. How is she managed to find every large woman who doesn't have big big titties

It's crazy Lizzo's got weird small boobs. Yeah, she had crab cake titties Lizzo's got weird small boobs. Yeah, she had crab cake titties. What kind of crab cakes like weepy not Maryland Maryland. Oh come on. Come on. Come on. If Lizzo thinks that she's not actually exploiting whatever this face is How to read the room? You might not make I mean come on James hey, you it might be me. I don't remember doing this that looks like Bobby Kelly It does it looks actually exactly like Bobby Kelly put it out and ask if it's Bobby Kelly on give it up for the Gizzo's watch out for the big girls You got a good picture of that Lou oh Oh my. I mean them you got a picture

of them not that. I see a lot of potential but this is not the time for potential. Okay. Her higher her. There's a couple that make complete sense get the fuck out of the guy yeah this is about to be my new guilty plish I just haven't watched them like it's gonna be probably pretty boring and now I don't know if it will be better television There's gonna be drama in the house. You're gonna try only one only one retired football players coming over. Oh girl

How be going to split them up I do it the second I saw the billboard for it. I was like, oh man This is gonna be cheese tanks and big girls. How many people are on the stage you think Christine take out your Chorculator for a second and let me see it's five rows by ten girls Jeremiah you're doing SDR show tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, they were coming in. I was like really like it's I Think we have like a real launch porn lady coming in. I was like, really? I'm like, it's, I think we have like a real launched porn lady coming in.

Oh, really? I don't know much about it. We can look her up now. I'm curious to see her. Her name's, her name's whatever Amy. Ooh, whatever, Amy. She's probably EVA. Whatever Amy.

EVAH. Whatever Amy. Okay. Whatever Amy and, I guess you'll do whatever. I mean, that's her name. I know, but maybe she's just like not that attractive when you see her, she's like whatever Amy. Is this through Laney?

Is it hot Amy? It's like, it's whatever Amy. She's whatever. It's her name. She's whatever Amy. Yeah. Amy, she's whatever. She needs some Lizzo confidence.

She labeled herself that I'm whatever. I'm whatever. I'm whatever. No, dude. You put your hair up. Suck some dicks. Put it in your butt. Feel it. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, song to this. I put my hair up. Now yeah it's like your mom's friend Don or something.

Is it that she'll fuck whatever or because she's not bad looking. No we've already met the girl who will fuck whatever. That was subgirl whatever the numbers were after it. She's the one that had the thing on her only fans. It just shows her fucking a guy with one arm and she goes, I will literally fuck anybody. Just they had her on her thing. But she does also mean for money. We found out. A caller tried. That's a pretty big asterisk next to saying it is. It is. So whatever Amy tomorrow featured on the SDR show, we'll Christ, I don't know.

Jeremiah, how old are you? 33, 33, Joshua, 41. I want to be I was I don't know why this was coming across my head earlier. I have a fun topic to talk about, but I was no reason yesterday thinking about buying. Like you know, what I haven't had in this house ever? One of those dome clocks, the cheap clock with it has a little dome over it. It was like this tall.

And the thing on the bottom would just spin around. Like a, come on. I have one in my house. You did, didn't you? Exactly, that's gonna say, Lou. Do you know what I'm talking about? No, fuck, I can't see. It was the gold, yeah.

Did you ever, I feel like this one, I've got to see it. The point of it was thinking though that like every, but I think when you see it, you might even recognize me, go shit, maybe, but it was just a thing that everyone in your like money range, like we were like middle class, remember this? Yeah, yeah.

I was, we were like lower, lower middle class, I guess, and everyone in that world, it's like, the people who buy like paintings at Bed Bath and Beyond, do you know what I mean? Like, not that they're not a nice thing to put on your wall, but you bought it from like bed bath and be up. Do you know what I mean? It's kind of like the funny thing of it.

And I'm like, how many of these things are there that just like every, do you remember that everyone in your neighborhood like had one of these? I remember these, but not literally. I remember having the same answering machine with a little tape. A little tape that went inside of it. I think everybody had the same alarm clock for a long time. Do you know what you want to talk about with the kind of wood finish top and the dials?

Absolutely, yep, the dials. Industry standard alarm clock. I hate that. Yeah. I still have that. Do you remember the first time someone showed up with one of the black, when you went to someone's house and saw the black plunger with the,

with the actual little mouth on it, the little alien mouth that comes out. And you were like what have I been doing my whole life with this stupid suction cup? That's never unplugged anything ever. Damn, you're just like basically punching your own shit down the thing. But the problem with the black one is it sucks up the water in the shit. So after you get the clogged out clog up You gotta like you gotta like do this but yeah, so what a chair in the butter. Yeah Chair in the butter. Yeah, but I definitely you had this Christine Yeah, we totally had one of these and I don't know where it went You know, I might be in a box at my friend Emily's house still

I feel like it's something that I would have saved because it was like special to my mom. Christine's got a great example. Call in everybody. If you have anything, if you could think of something I'm talking about like this because Christine, I'll tell you, has a thing in our apartment that my mom had a bunch of scrolls that came down, but like their wooden scrolls

that have like pictures of like tigers on them with Chinese writing. It was just a basic thing. It's a bamboo school house. It's a bamboo school house. It's like a painting of a bird. My mom had frame posters in the house. It's like Venice and Paris or something like that.

It was just meaningless. No relation to anything other than it was just something to put on the wall. And it was like nice colors, I guess, you know what I mean? Everybody had the cat. Everyone had this a cat on a hot, does that what it is? Cat on a hot tin roof picture? The chat and war?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, that's always the same. You know what I'm talking about right now? I know, yeah, exactly, we were talking about that. We had like, because we were actually upper class until my dad lost a job then we became lower middle class. So they still bought all the shit when they're upper class, but like it just aged. Because we never updated anything. So all the pain in the real paintings and the couch was a nice class, but like it just aged. Because we never updated anything.

So all the paintings, the real paintings, and the couch was a nice couch, but it just got beat. We had like the same couches for fucking. Get real paintings that just got beaten down. You just beaten down. Yeah, well Josh and his sister used to wrestle in the living room.

This is Josh's mom by the way. You don't remember this here? The Torne du Chet and more. I love this guy. You have a look at this picture while you were fucking some grown-up one-fights the end of New York ever I mean 55 times I've done that I'm gonna get a magnet of this Why wouldn't you? Christine you've definitely been pegged under this thing a few times. I'm sure

Some guy trying to act like he knew how to decorate No, I've never seen that in a guy's house. Do you know remember the scroll things? I remember the colors on them. I remember them. Yeah, my mom was a hack. So you guys have to do that. I'm not mad a lot of like MacRame that she would do herself.

What's MacRame? Like the plant hangers that are here, let me show you. It's like what we have in our room. Do you know one of the most unattractive things in the world is when a young hot girl for no reason it all takes on an old lady hobby. Oh, yeah, like a hot chick like a hot young chick I'm really the needle point like the fuck out like don't ever waste your time doing And don't give it to me. Yeah, and don't give me something that you fucking needle pointed for me Because I'm gonna fucking disc it out the window like a frisbee.'s stupid if Christine needle pointed you sound that you're she's old I crochet yeah she crocheted nothing's

ever turned up from it I think she's making a scarf once and it became like a fucking gerbil belt she's crocheting making pick and pie well disjointed over here today also Chris what is this Christine? This is Macromay. Oh, the thing that's holding the thing. Yeah, the thing that's holding the plant. Oh, did you make the one that's in our house that has a dead plant and that you won't get rid of? We just have an evil dead plant

in our living in our bedroom. I can't believe I killed this plant. It was like my dream plant. It's called the forever plant or something like that. It's like you don't even have to like this plant or water it. Like it'll be fueled by your hatred or love. It's called the forever plan or something like that. It's like you don't even have to like this plant or watering Like it'll be fueled by your hatred or love. It doesn't matter and it died.

She just leaves it there like and now in the A.C. on every just here the dead leaves crink Yeah, they just crinkle around it. It's so evil looking. Such a bummer. She's waiting for them to fucking evil dead me and grab me. She pulls you in.

Yeah. Ah! Jesus Christ. Will you do MacRame? No, my mom did. I don't know how. Oh, okay. She didn't teach you?

No, she. Good moming. What? Her hand stopped working. Oh, so you just, you don't do have any of her macrames? No, I have stuff that she crocheted. don't do have any of her mac remains? No, I have stuff that she crocheted. I don't have any of her hangers. So you're just going on stories that she macrameed? No, yeah. Your story's fallen apart. I think about things for you

seeing me selling an ass. Which is different between crochet and macrame. Oh, this question again. Christine, you're telling? Oh, Christ ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We don't want a tutorial. What's the difference between that and crochet? Well crochet you use the hook needle and you make like scarves and clothes and stuff. Oh, this is just great. Oh, this is like braiding and shit. So it's all braiding? Yeah, and it's a lot of stuff like when you make um, I think it's the same stuff you do when you make like friendship bracelets out of like embroidery thread Which I think it's like a you know like the loop is through and making a bunch of braids cool Once again, why people appropriating black culture black glue? I'm sorry You didn't have the internet in the seven oh you can't find a black friend to weave into her hair So you just make weaves at home and hang fucking plants and

Use hang plants and weaves Did you guys have did hair wraps ever come into style in your style in your like communities? Yeah, if your family went on vacation you came back No, we had a period of time where it's like hair wraps were just kind of a thing like a little dress the little dreadlock of Yeah, like embroidery thread. Yeah, but you're in a beach community You know, I mean like we're in fucking the East Coast. He's in Getting Bob a brains in South Jersey. I remember like girls from Kansas,

they would go to the Bahamas or Cancun with their parents and then they'd come back with like rates. Yeah, yeah. Oh, they get the actual braids or and one of them like wrapped in like corn rows or braids. Yeah, they get the thing wrapped in a, a girl can get away with it when a guy does it You look like a dildo

You gallon Iverson fan back in the day. Yeah, no, I'm gonna say look a black guy could always of course Get away with it in that regard but if you're a white dude coming back from vacation having corn rose man What a jerk? Oh, did I did that promotion city? I came back It wasn't even tropical you went to ocean city you got it done I came back Corn Romeo me up man, it's like dude my name's Douglas I live here. It's like a crap place. Yeah, I'll fucking corn row your hair. We're stop talking to me in that accent Come on. Where's the guy playing the steel drum man?

I'm gonna go under the jolly Roger after this to make sure we get going with the pond to replay. Get it going in afterwards, whatever, red stripe. I would do my entire hair in those. You cut it when it was long. You should have done it. Did you do anything fun with your hair before you cut it? I really should, I should put all that dog the bounty hunter shit and it like fucking feathers. Oh, I really should, I put a shell in it.

One long wrap. Yeah, one big wrap. I think a lot of people would watch Jay the bounty hunter of that series. It's real, he's now a pedophile hunter, so. Yeah, well, oh for two, There's two pedophiles still out there because I didn't do my job. Every day I got to go to sleep with that.

I just did leave kids. You're gonna stop it. He's son of a bitch. He drove right off and we watched him drive away. He laughed us and said I knew it. and then he told us he'd come back And he didn't even come back. He's also a liar. Jacob, we don't put the heat up a little bit Oh, it's a lot here right nice Buried dude

Fuck that's funny as shit Where were we? Whatever Amy I have some plus-sized splits. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, lay them down Hey She's teaching that to you. Yeah, I was I must he finished product dude. He's girls fucking lay it all down Dude, you can do the part where she's like lift up your fupa. Yeah right here where they sl- Smash those cakes Are you gonna hear your vagina go Like he's gonna be the part to

The guy tell you something she's using her fat to cheat there too much I must say she's not flexible. She is. I'm not talking about that. Some of these girls do like a kid and play Blast on the ground and fire back up. I Mean it looks like someone just fucking just Bounce the bag of fucking cheese curds off the floor. It's amazing It says how to do the splits in one day. I mean I don't think there's any way that I could do a split one day I mean maybe we should do that. I want to so bad.

TikTok challenge. I said on many occasions, what challenge I be? Whoo. A lot of people would say I've said on many occasions, one of the things in my life I've always wanted to do is a dance style split where you go down, pop back up. Fuck dude, it looks cool.

If you're gonna do it, you gotta do it now, man, because you're getting too old. It's never gonna happen. She says you can do it in one day. Yeah, but what's she? How old is she? It's just fucking 40-something year old mama coming in here? Can't you all ask a big fat J?

It's just big J miss. Shut up. Big fat J? You'll split. Give it up for the big girls. Dude, I should audition for next season's give it up for the big girls. They have to take me. I'll say I'm them. They oh my god for sure

You don't think I want to be on the things like punching the fucking floor Put them on the glass to let my nips hit the glass. I wanted to see you perform once his background for Lizzo Just one. Oh, absolutely. Do you remember when that was the saddest the most hilarious while while hilarious the most oh My god, I felt for them what's that is that empathy when I'm feeling it also yes that one's empathy when she was I forget what awards show it wasn't she performed and the stage the stage was with screens and from an up view they show why she's doing her thing like you

know feel good just like jumping around one of show on she's doing her thing like you know, if you don't get it, you're like jumping around. Wanted the screen she's doing on just goes. And just the only one that's like there's like a dead square on the screen. Cause she broke one of the fucking TVs on a jump and you're like, Oh man. Oh, that sucks, dude. It's such a fucking awkward thing to see that. But I would be afraid of that happening. If I dance by my toes. My friends as a kid, this fat girl, was on her swing,

and she broke the swing, and it was epicly funny. And we couldn't, like, my dad got so mad. My dad would get so mad anytime we would laugh at like other kids getting hurt. Sure. But I mean, it was just iconic. Now, fat kid falls, always hilarious. I mean, there's fucking, there's compilations of it.

My favorite clip. Really trying to get that going, guys. Let's get into the lexicon. Come mean, there's fucking there's compilations of it. My favorite clip. Really trying to get that going guys. Let's get into the lexicon. Come on guys. For sure is a compilation of that. Hey, yeah, can you look at a compilation? My favorite clip that I used to watch with with Angelo Bowers was a YouTube clip called Fat People Falling. And it's just got this song on it. And it's just five, six minutes of just get down the compilations that you should show me of the with the uncle cracker mixed with porn.

Follow me. Everything's alright. I would like put on like a two YouTube pages and one of the one of the page would be like, you know, the uncle cracker song, but then the other then the other page would be a porn hub thing of girls getting boot cocky on. Oh yeah. And so it just be like, oh, she got me to beat boys and freeloads. The girls just like, ha, what the hell. I told you, 1997, I would say it was when we first got the internet. My house dialed up and I downloaded a triumph by Wu Ten clan, the music video.

It was this big on the screen. It took days to download and the other one was a compilation I swear to God While while the girls just getting loads on their face the song brandy you're a fine girl playing That's that that my yeah, that's my was my first exposure to that song and I've known it since always been I never There's not a time where I hear it when I don't remember I go so funny It was just I'll see it just guys like one after the other is like load load on the girl my love of my lady Is the seat I'm gonna take a much guardian of the galaxy

That's who's it came on that I was like do that so fucking funny because again When I heard it there I go, maybe it's not a very popular song and then as years go on You're like oh, I know this like kind of song no one knows and then you realize it's actually very very popular It's been around forever. You know, I mean it's a But I did it came into my life like that Really is my oldest friends like funeral video is like montage was to this song Jay Salar so I always associate and I didn't know it for a long time. How was he?

He would when he passed 24 as a sailor Yeah, we work on boats We just being a sailor. I know he worked on boats. I don't know what he did Why do you say things to get angry when someone asked for any kind of clarification on it? He's like, why do you have no idea the master? It's Tuesday I still have no idea like Christine's not going to see the offspring tonight And you said it was the montage for his death. I believe it's a compilation You want to get this word going or what Chris?

Are you with me or against me? members funeral Why would it not be called that ever a funeral compilation man is sailor seeming compilation Good and looted anybody call with a charge keys from the past that everyone had Yeah, Christine which pull the screen up. It's not loading on my load Nice Sweet, remember from before the calls are ready on my screen Lou

What's happened here which Lou is this the problem of? Jacob where do you feel oh, you you see a check I can't see it? Oh you need it. So these calls better be fucking great for all this all this to duties All the stuff that I was talking about is it hobby lobby currently Josh yeah No Yeah, what you want what do you want man compilation this? We talking both the wood we're talking Josh everybody Well, you said hobby. Is Yeah, what's up? I didn't think I was going to get to talk to you yet. Well, you said Hobby L...

Is that a place exists Hobby Lobby? Like, currently? There is a Hobby Lobby. I live in, like, it's actually Union Town, Pennsylvania. There's a Hobby Lobby in my town. There's one in there, they're sort of everywhere, honestly. They're still in Kansas. My vehicles?

You got a Michaels. Uh-huh. You'll that kind of shit. I mean you can definitely find that find your hair feathers there too. Is it be nice? Is it because they're like throwback shit or is it just the place that still makes those things? I don't know. It's just like I said, I run is it hipsterie ironic or on ironic like? Yeah, you know this room needs a bamboo scroll with a tiger. That's where you buy all that shit. Hobby Lobby's Michaels Yeah, those are art places Yeah, but they sell all those things. Yeah, they said they're selling the basic arts and crafts for your like apartment or new homes You can be classy and not be too abrasive. Now that's not reading, right?

A Michael's, I wanna go by paint and also a framed poster of Venice. Yeah, really? Yeah. What's art about the framed thing of this not making art? Is that art supplies? Yeah, but it's a frame still. And so you can also take that picture art about the frame thing of, it's not making art, is that art supplies? Yeah, but it's a frame still.

And so you can also like take that picture out of the frame and use the frame for something else, but they sell stuff that's art. Like if you go to Blix Art Supplies, do they also sell finished paintings? You just walk out and be like, done. Oh my god, sit here looking into sunset for the next four weeks, now here, done, did it.

Do you think they sell actual art at these places? I don't, I never been. Yeah, they do. All the stuff that we're talking about, those they sell those clocks that you were talking about that's been around. I don't even know how you got it, art stores, dude. My apologies.

I bought frames, bro. I don't know everything about you. Sorry, I framed the shit that I put up on my wall. Why wouldn't you go to a frame store for that? I do now. Josh, we frame. Yeah, this ass, how I think we don't frame't frame oh let me see a compilation of you framing compilation hell yeah I've never made a compilation my come wouldn't be good for a compilation

to a consistent now I wouldn't be a good I got fatty loads dude do you really yeah yeah great dude he's never think super he's never done a drug in his whole life like his body is running It's working man. Yeah, it's working. Oh, I bet it's a nice piss like a soupy batch Milky Milky cereal clear soup though, you know, I mean it's got substance to it. We got that whole milk downstairs Yeah, oh my god. It's a jellyfish leaf behind Mine skew I leave snail turtles in the head I leave snail turtles in the bed. I come socks. It's liquidy.

Hey, come on, Jay. Don't say that. No, it doesn't matter. Jay, you have good calm. Jay, quicking hard on yourself. You think? Yeah, you know what, Jizz, oh, you can do anything you put your mind to. I burn my hair.

Jay, my nails. Barcelona. Feel like I'm out of there.'m a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man.

I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. I'm a man. it's a lot of load, but I picture lose a real sprayer. Like a couple of drops really fire off long.

It's like a very, like all jabs, like jabs of comp. Not on the chantix. Now it's like, it's probably clear. It's probably like one sperm in it. Why chantix? All the like anti-getting off smoking shit is like not good for your dick. Why? That's what they say. Are all antidepressants kind of not good for load? For sex. I don't know man. I'm on testosterone now, so my So my rage is probably fucking nuts right now. Have you nutted since he started? No In two weeks I don't know maybe have you gotten like random bone dogs?

No, yeah, once I did yeah, yeah, it was nice and it was fun You know what it was I think it was getting Yeah, it was nice. And it was fine. You know what it was? I think it was getting, uh, awakening up on an airplane to get off the airplane. And while sitting there, I felt it. And I just kept doing a weird, like somewhere in sweatpants.

You just kind of keep your hands in your sweatpants. It's still kind of knocking around your finger. And I just sat there, I just kind of go like, air, I mean, Halloween, Halloween. My own white. I'll buy your own, your own. Lou has Chantwickus affected your load. I Really haven't seen my I haven't looked at it. Why you just eat it

You just want to know as soon as it comes out on the floor. I'm not a fan just You just go with down real quick and don't make it whole thing about it. That's pretty cool What is season oh classic Rob is 100%. Right? Everybody had that. Not your family because you're Jewish, but the footprints. Christine, shut the fuck, what? Everyone had footprints. Everybody had some version of footprints.

Only Christians have footprints. I grew up Jewish. I grew up Jewish. I know, but my mother always, you know this. My mother accepted only fucking Christmas dicks inside of her her so we got to enjoy Christmas all of our lives because she was willing to go there Madriguel, huh? Yeah, I agree with Christine on that because we do Christmas my brother has Jesus tattooed on him three times My brother yeah, brother Bob Bobby my brother Bobby's got Jesus tattooed him through them. No one's committed to Judaism and that.

Three different times. Are you sure it's Jesus or there's a Mexican dude that he was hooking up with that he loved named Jesus. Don't you dare call my brother gay. I didn't say it was gay. He's fluid. He's just looking up at his. This man, he gets Jesus tattooed.

Compilations. Compilations. Oh, compilations. He's got a Jesus compilation tattoo. Three separate spots. Well, I have to check out Hobby Lobby. The Jesus footprint picture, everyone had it. Yes, that was it.

That's a classic one. Everyone had fucking that. For sure. D-Daw-Yulu. We didn't have it. I didn't have it. No. You just said everyone had it.

No, you say we didn't have it. Christine, be with me or against me? I'm more of an outlier, but everyone did have it. I didn't have it now. You just said everyone had it now. You say we didn't have it Christine be with me or against me. I'm more of an outlier, but everyone did have it Yeah, that's how I know there's only one set of footprints in the sand what happened and What happened was Jesus was carrying you and I don't think you actually have that in your house At some point. Yes, I promise you it was there's bibles and shit in my house That one gives a fuck about Judy is when my mother's house. We just happen to be Jewish. That's all. Does your mom have a Jewish star tattooed on her? No, tattooed on her? No, it's the logo. She was, oh no, that's the logo for the band hymn. Oh, I'm sweet him, that's it. She's got the heart of Graham.

Yeah. All I know about the band him is that logo. I don't know a thing about them at all. And that band, my Jared loved them. Yes, for sure. Yeah, he loved them. He was all about them. Then in Turbo Negro.

That's another band. That was a did the theme song for the show. Did you guys have we had this up on my wall? I remember that I saw this at other people's homes too. It was the thing that said any man can be a father, but it takes a real one to be a dad. What the fuck? Where'd you go? And like an urban society drove the projects?

No. Did you live in a nursery? Look, this isn't my father, but this is my daddy This is George you a good man to care me Jeff pulled a hamstring time to a split Sunday while I'm assuming Jeff that you're not a fat black woman So save that story for someone who give a shit Giant spoon and fork on the wall. Now, I think I know people who had that, but that's really, that's bottom of the barrel. Giant fork and spoon on the wall. Hey, we're

going on radio show everybody. You guys know what it is? Good, good, good. These calls are all over the place. They're the call screens though. I don't know, we're talking about giant fork and spoon. On a wall? Yeah. I mean, I can understand that it's right there in the title, but I didn't know anybody that had a giant fork and spoon on the wall. Did this person live in Peewee's playhouse? Like, I've never even heard of that.

Giant spoon and fork? I've never seen this. It's a kitchen. It's a kitchen. No, it's a kitchen thing. Dogs playing poker photo is sure, but I don't know a lot of people who had that in any way. We just don't exist it from like reference, I feel. Right. And a lot of movies and stuff like that. Yeah.

For my friends family, I think people had it. The sign fell drawing. The sign fell painting with the frame. It was like people would actually frame. Of creamer? Of creamer, yeah. A lot of people did have that. That is trash. It's like a lot of people. It's like college shit, that's not. That's trash, although my mom and me,

we did have a poster with tape up in our living room of Iverson in 1990. Yeah. Tape out. I had a picture that I cut out. I had a picture that I cut out of Larry Johnson, like are like driving down the lane. And then I took my my high school yearbook photo and cut out the face and put it on top of his body.

It's the top of Larry Johnson's body in your apartment. No, in my parents, in my parents' house in my bedroom, in my bedroom, put your face over Larry Johnson. What a psychotic thing to do. If Larry Johnson saw that, he could have gotten a restraining order against you. Did you play basketball that much? I did, I played basketball.

I won a beer. I just don't play now because I don't have health insurance. I don't want to play sports because I don't want to be Larry Johnson. Graham, I want to be like you. I wrote him an Eminem stand like a letter. Like join this fan club. Also, we should be together to

Please disregard the previous three hundred Messages I have sent you Jason come on in Canada put him through because he just gave one that is just it's never out of your life Jason Jason for what everyone's house is yeah you got them right and what is it it is the top or where the dirty top where it's all the containers like the one that has like the starburst lid that has like like burn on a heater from a cigarette because there's always a burn like one. One's always got a wicked black burn on a red lid. Or there's like the jug that's got like 15 different kind of

cool eight standing in it. Yeah, ice team never not in it sort of yeah, the tougher the permanent pasta stain the ring around it. As soon as you put pasta in top of where it's part of that's it belongs to the bowl. And you get to run through dishwasher and dish So it it's not really reusable unless you're just a live with the fact that One day you might see really out of something that's stained with marinara sauce Serial's tasting a little Italian Only if you're up to do though, because I mean, that's pretty expensive stuff,

those top-aware party. Well, especially the ones when you get a good top-aware, the knot see through ones. When you put the lid on, it takes a bit to get it off. You know, I mean, you got to give it a little... Yeah, as they get the suction down on them, they're not coming off for anybody. A little bit of elbow grease, maybe a thick green rubber.

You know, I mean, you get to really clunk it off someone's head and make a difference. Honey, will you come in here and help me? The top of it is stuck again. Thanks for the call, John Jason. That was a fucking great one. Stained Tupperware. Cast iron wine racks for sure. I don't know that. Yeah, you do. Like the smallest of wine racks. Yeah, just like a nine, a six or nine. yeah, just be there in the kitchen sort of. Oh, how about this? I've never, I think you can even get super expensive ones.

I bought expensive ones and cheap ones. A fucking knife set always sucks ass. I've never had a good knife set. And I've paid a bunch of money for not, I don't know if you have to pay thousands to make it worth anything, but is that what it is? Yeah, you have to divide like the really legit knife set you guys spend at least thousands I'd say at least over a thousand

You I think we spent like four hundred five hundred dollars before and these things are just like they're oh Plastic hunks is shit always better to get like a couple good knives that work. Yeah, my mom's spending like a Benny Han over here Well, yeah, it's like, he's a knife expert, he makes them. Cause I back up with Christine saying, like that's what my mom did. She bought like three separate knives. I think that's what my dad got her for like

an anniversary or something. And like one of the knives itself was like five, six hundred bucks. One knife. One knife, but it was like butter dude, just like that lamb shank she's cooking. But you eventually have to sharpen it and that's a whole thing. Yeah, but she loves that.

Then she's like sinking. Yeah, get the log in the wetstone out. Yeah, dude. Do Christine sharpen's ours and this thing where you put it in and roll it, like roll it out like that. And she'll do it over the food. She's getting ready to cut. So there's just knife.

She's all over. She's got a birdie pulling poisoning. food she's getting ready to cut so there's just knife she's all over Charter she's slowly poisoning me she's she admits on the show that she's given me floor food a lot I didn't say a lot you did say a lot you say I've given Jay a lot of floor I was like how much you go a lot it's happened a lot floor foods give me month house and by proxy yeah I'm fucking gypsy rows yeah come on gypsy rows and time to going to go and buy proxy. Just give me a, I'm fucking Gypsy Rose. Come on Gypsy Rose.

And time to go to the mall, you're sick. And we're gonna get a- Hey Gypsy Rose, time to get to the front of this roller coaster. Yeah. It's good for your immune system. Shavings? No, not the shavings. The shavings by, I didn't want to over the cutting board.

Oh, wow. Now I do it over paper towels. Jay is out of the bonfire today due to a ripped colon. My end to meetriosis is acting up again. It's looking by Christine. Good Jacob in here. I want to talk knives for a second with him. He's a lot of guys.

He's really good to go down. He really is, man. Everyone is taking their time. Jacob. He's looking outside. He's looking at the window right now. He's walking backwards, guys. Jacob. Jacob, what are you fucking staring at

birds? We need you. What a beautiful day. We're not. We're talking. It's a whipper well out. We're talking knives, Jacob, but I gotta say we're talking the kitchen knives though. Yeah. Okay. Your expertise lies there also, right? Yeah, I know. I'll say if you have a knife set at all, it's a hunk of shit. Yeah. I've never, I've said I've spent a decent amount of money on it, up to 500 bucks I'd say, which is a decent amount of money for a knife set when you're buying knife sets and they all suck.

They all turn to shit immediately. You got to buy separates. Yeah, that's what it is. You got to piece it together, right? Yeah, because the steel is what matters. And you know, if a set is going to be cheaper steel, do I grow up because the steel is what matters. And you know, a set is gonna be cheaper steel. Dude, I grew up with the one we're talking about those ones, the ones I grew up with were the straight up,

came art. Stayed out. And it was like in a spinning, green plastic, and the handles were the same green, one that's in a while when you were cutting into something that nose knives would snap. They were just such garbage. I learned that when I worked the cut-co for two days.

Oh. Yeah, I'm just beginning to speak out of my ass here. The, ooh, that's a good one. The cat clock with the tail going back and forth in the eyes. I've seen that many hives. That's a fucking great for a while. That is a great one.

This one came up before. Laga burger baskets. I don't know what that is. Black glue. Black glue. What is that? Chris, Chris, new ham sure? Yeah.

Yeah, hey. Hey, buddy. There you go. Laga burger baskets. I'm trying to see what this is here Oh, just a big wicker basket Yeah, these things are like heirloom quality Wicker baskets of all kinds of sizes and shapes My mom and all of her friends these to collect these things and they're like hundreds of dollars. It's so foolish. It's absolutely

It's absolutely ridiculous I like to lose about a finit finitically. It was log a burger So expensive they just love their baskets for picnics, I guess what a dumb thing. Well everybody wants to die in a park I guess I'm getting a Maryland basket. Yeah, Wicker, first of all, I've never said, oh, you know, be better if this was Wicker on any piece of anything in my life ever outside. Wicker furniture, fuck right off.

I like Wicker, California vibes. You don't, though. No, I do. You enjoy the field Wicker? Why don't we make this to your side of the bed wicker then All wicker up your side of the bed you're gonna wicker it up. I Didn't say I want a wicker. Tell me how much you love wicker again You just scared a wicker why?

Cuz you know like sitting on fuzzy stuff Come on say what you're trying to say Christine Why don't you say in front of all my male friends here what you're saying? Go on you're worried you're gonna break it. Why would I be worried about that? We have to take our first commercial break when we come back maybe we'll find some fat splits. They're out there. I know they are first commercial break when we come back maybe we'll find some fat splits. They're out there. I know there. Ooh. We'll be right back, we're hanging out with Jeremiah Watkins. Josh Edamire is also sitting in with this co-hosting with me today. Josh, of course, 500 podcast. And then June 24th and 25th is going to be

the DC improv. And June 27th is going to be hosting the the DC improv and June 27 He's gonna be hosting the god damn comedy jam with the 9 30 club his dream gig so he tells me I Haven't really overpay attention to why it means so much to him Get tickets at Josh at a Myers dot com. Oh, it's the first club where you saw a thing You're close. Yeah, you rave there the first time you sucked dick for coke. I put my hair rave there the first time you sucked dick for coke I put my hair up check my nails check it out you do you gotta suck it youtube.com slash Jeremiah walkins check out the new standup on the spot series it is such a fun fucking show check that out and uh you know dance gonna be a side splitter's

tamper this weekend I'm gonna be in Phoenix standup live dance over .com big jcomedy.com we'll'll be right back, it's the Bond Fire. So many ads, so many ads. You've been listening to SiriusXM's Bond Fire! New episodes, every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on SiriusXM.