The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Heckling Dio with Jim Florentine

Episode Date: August 20, 2025

Ozzy superfan and hilarious comedian Jim Florentine returns from England to talk about the final Black Sabbath show he attended with Jim Norton. They actually got backstage and shared one last moment with the Prince Of Darkness. | As a teenager, Florentine once heckled Ronnie James Dio from the fourth row. Jim gives the guys a history lesson on what Sharon Osbourne did for Ozzy when he was kicked out of the band and stuck in addiction. | Find out why he hates beachballs and dancing. | Old rock stars feel the need to go shirtless while performing. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. We have Jim Florentine joining the show today. Funny comedian Jim Florentine. He's playing the improv all weekend. Seven shows. 17 shows. 17 shows. We have right here you know from Crank Yankers. Yeah. Special Ed. Can't do that now.

Jim Florentine. Go to Jim Florentine.com. I'm trying to think if I looked any Aussie ballads. I love the Aussie ballads Mom, I'm coming home I liked it when it came out But it's like I never go back to it ever This was a good one when he sang it with his daughter

Yeah It was really they switched it up a little bit That was pretty nice Speaking of I saw a tribute That Lita Ford I guess performed the other night And did Close my eyes forever With her guitarist

I can only assume maybe is her husband or something Like I couldn't tell in the video If she looks good or not She looks all right I've seen her over to Yeah She got rough for a minute Yeah I mean she's you know

She was in the runaways in In 1976 Joan Jett's crazy looking right now Yeah I know She looks nuts She's 90 I know but she looks nuts She was pretty

I just think Joan Jett was pretty In her way You know it looks like fucking shit right now And I'm really sick of it Is Iggy Pop Stop taking your shirt off dude You look fucking You look like you just

He still has definition He's at the outline of muscles though No, he doesn't. Bring this up. Iggy Pop. Iggy Pop right now looks like just meat hanging. Oh, dude, what the fuck, man. Well, when Bill Ward took his shirt off the drummer and Sabbath.

I love that. Two, did you see that? No, at the show? Oh, at the show. Fat is ever. Brutal. So fat? Yeah.

Yeah, dude, he's, Iggy Pop is old fat. It's just like, it's just like. No, he's not fat at all. His skin is just falling off his body. No, his stomach has just disease. you don't know why he wants his shirt off so much Bert's going to be doing that when he's

at that age he's going to have to take that shirt off yeah he's like I got it he's going to be doing when what is he doing it his age at that age what are you talking about what do you mean

he's doing it now no I'm just saying he's going to have to continue to do it in 70 he's going to be 76 still taking it off yeah I mean he looks like he's fucking dead I don't know why he thinks he has to do and he has some twist

in his body, dude. It's bad. Oh, I fucking hate it. I fucking hate it. Well, he's a 100-pound man and 150-pound bodies worth of skin. He looks at the Grinch with no hair. I don't like it.

Someone at that point should be like, yo, man, hey, bro. You're my dad or you're my friend. Leave your fucking shirt off. That's Bill Ward. That's Bill Ward. Wow. I love the Bill Ward.

Wow. We're in a very accepting society now, dude, so you have to accept everyone's weird things. you can't be superficial anymore, so you're allowed to do that. So Lizzo can have background dancers. I hate woke, Jay. I'm not for it. I hate I want to make it, Jay.

Nope. Make no mistake on that. I think pretty people should still be allowed to do pretty jobs. Do you know what I mean? I don't think you have to accept everyone's weird disgusting grocery. You really think that Jay is turning woke. Yeah, you said about Amy Schumer. No, it's a lot of opportunities.

I'll always give Amy props, too. Hang on what I'm not woke. Yeah, you are. I'll give her props. She gave me some good opportunities, yep. Yeah, she's fantastic. No, she gave me props, too. I mean, she's good props.

But no way. What? I never thought I heard something. Jay is woke. Jay is Hollywood Jay, dude. Look at those teeth. He just got those. These are Jew, these are Jew, Hollywood teeth.

Yeah, those are from, he actually got those from his management team. Those are from Levity Live. Everybody who's with Levity gets those teeth. You have to. They took Jay Moore's back. The bird specials I almost got a pair when I signed with bonfire I was this close

I was this close Now the balls to take off the shirt Especially when people know what it is It's going to start happening everybody How long as long as long as long as it has Before you start seeing age on his body He's doing pretty good still Navarro yeah

But it's going to hit his body at some point Where it's going to look weird It's going to become like more of a tit than a peck Anthony Kitos from Starting to look weird Yeah a little bit even flee put you know

wear some clothes yeah wear some clothes dude and where's he getting those tidy whitties did they even sell them anymore they're the target in the boys section

now you gotta get me got to get them in back to school oh okay they only come out the beginning of September and then what you recall

it's been smart he's kept himself covered up for a long time now Axel Rose yeah well he wears multiple layers lots and lots of layers multiple layers

and he was but he still wears those fucking stupid affliction jeans You know what I mean With like the dragons Whatever it is It's a little antiquated for sure

And here the thing that sucks about that Is he sweat so much There's like there's always video of him With like ball sweat Around his groin From just being so hot And it just I don't know It just grosses me out

Like I know that your balls are so hot You have to see age And none of those guys Preped for age In what they how they live their lives Well what I hate is when all these rock guys wear a vest. Vests were in for like one year

in 1996 to 97. And that was it. And they're still fucking wearing them. Joey Lawrence, Joey Lawrence putting in the fucking vest. What a band. Are you talking about the vest like the leather? No, just a little like vest thing over with the t-shirt.

Every fucking old band guys wear that shit. I had a vest stage. I did a nice hot vest stage. Yeah, I did a vest. Yeah. I had that. I tried it. Yeah.

I tried it for a day and it's all, I said Joey Lawrence because it all bounced off of Joey Lawrence. There's nothing worse than getting fat and you can't button your vest and you realize you're not a vest guy anymore. You're an X-L. Didn't even assume I would ever be able to button this vest, but I will say with my vest,

what I preferred was a rolled-up sleeve on the T-shirt under the vest also. Like I was going to go pool shark people. Yeah, or get people into a restaurant. Yeah, I had one vest. It was just, it was like a checkered, dark, like flannel-y-looking. I had paisley. Paisley vest.

Yeah, purple, black, paisley vest. And I got it, and I was in shape, and I look fucking all right. And then I slowly. Right, T-shirt underneath. Oh, T-shirt. Yeah. V-neck, white, haines, tucked in. Oh, yeah, there you go.

Jason Priestley. I was doing a full-on Priestley. Yeah. Except I looked like, except I was like the size of four Priestley's. I was four priestlies. I was four Priestley's big when I was young. But you look at these rock guys, like Leonard Skinner, whatever, whoever's in that band now,

seven out of ten of them are wearing vests. And a large brim hat also. He's even Duff from Guns of Roses still wears a vest. No shirt, no nothing, but he still wears it up. I'll tell you what, though, still looks good. No, he looks amazing. Yeah, he looks. It's getting a little Iggy poppy, though.

But if he's got a wife that hot, he has to stay in shape. I mean, his face, though, Jesus Christ. He looks like, he was in Greece, one. He's got Jeff Conway face He's raising Canicky Down at the old The old fucking water place Crater face

Crabb, remember that? Phil Colin from Def Leppard is still ripped Yeah Who's that? And he's like 607 Yeah, he'll go out with no shirt on Wanted a guitar player It's okay

And that works for him Because he is still in great shape Yeah, he is great shape Goofy face, hairline that's been receding for years He has a Steve Byrne hairline Like is it going or not And stop He really has.

He has had like the Bruce Willis forever. Yeah, the Bruce Willis. It just never, I hate that. I hate when a guy is balding and he just doesn't go. And I'll tell you, so like, long hair, it's got to be, I appreciate when a rock star keeps their long hair. Stephen Tyler-esque, things like that, because outside of stage, where it looks fantastic, you look like a jerk off all the time, aging with long hair. I've had long hair, Jim you've notoriously long hair

It does come a point You just like I'm an asshole if I do it In life But on stage you can still pull it off Kirk Hammett was like He didn't like the way he looked on stage enough With that short hair

That he had to grow it long again And look like a lunatic all day With that thinning long hair But on stage That's what he's right That's what we want to see That curly hair flying in his face They do it for us

So these guys Have like I know the lead singer of the cars had a wig O'Casek O'Casek? Yeah, his was a fucking wig Really? Yeah, dude, you didn't know that? Oh yeah, look at his hair.

You'll notice it now. Yeah, a lot of guys have like a piece. Yeah, they have a piece. A lot of guys have a piece, right? You know, who has a piece? I mean, the guys in kiss. Maybe the former guys in kiss. No.

Possibly. Yeah, that's it. You can tell now, right? Wow. You can tell it's a wig now. But you kept it going Dude, the sun went down. You kept it going.

Go it. I met him right before you died. Some say that's what did it. That's got to be a bummer to find that out. Look at the way. Go over to the right. I'm bad at all this, though. It sucks because the older you get with a wig, you get lazy, like regular hair,

and it's like, eh, I'm not going to put it on right. He looks like my mom on. He's got to look at the fucking, the little tag in the back. This is the back. He put the front on the front on the back on the front like a hat. I mean, that thing is, he's been bald for years. That's a woman's, now that I know it's a wig, I know he's chose a woman's wig. He got a fucking Monica.

He got a Monica from Friends. He got Patty Smith's hair. What's, what's, uh, Courtney. He got the Pretender's hair. What's Corny Cox's name and Friends? Does he look like the chick for me? Yeah. Monica.

I said Monica from Friends wig, and you gave me nothing. That was, uh, Kevin Downey, Jr. I didn't hear you. Wow. She was buying bags. Bags left. Christine's not, Christine's not focused today.

No, she's focused. I think we're all yapping at the same time. Yeah, that hair, who else? Kiss has a wig? Well, I mean, Gene Simmons, there's something going on with his hair. Even Paul Stanley's rumors over the years. Yeah, but he has to because he had the baby ear thing. He had to cover that thing up.

The what? He didn't know about his baby ears? No. Dude, bring up Paul Stanley's ears. You didn't know about that? No. You got a little teensy ears? Buddy, bring up Paul Stanley's ears.

You didn't know. You told us here. One of my favorite things is finding flaws, like Denzel's pinky finger, was a disgusting mess for years. See, it's fun. We're a good one, too, punching that way, because you like to pick apart guys who you are like, this guy's too perfect. I want to take him down. I go the other way. I go, show me the hot chick.

I'll tell you what's wrong with her. I like to take that one down. I can tell you, I'm better at that than pointing out flaws in a handsome dude. Look at those little ears. Can you zoom in on that? Those are tainty little ears. He's got a, it's actually a condition that he was born with these little ears, and that's why he covers them up for years. Now he's kind of okay with it, but he still has him covered.

We're crazy, right? Huh. He never knew that. He has little baby bat ears. He looks like little Stephen. Yeah. Yeah. There's a better picture of it, too.

I think he got him. Isn't that weird? It was a little baby tiny ears. I'm trying to think of, I mean, Brett Michaels, they always say it's attached to the bandana. It's got to be. And someone has to have a photo of it. I just felt the other day for the first time that I've seen that I believe Hulk Hogan's hair is completely attached to like bandanas and stuff also.

I don't think so. I think it is because when he showed up to pick up his son on the body cam video, there was no bright white hair coming out of the back of anything. He was just wearing a hat and it just looked like there was just nothing there. Like he was just a bald guy, I believe. I think that I think I just saw Brett Michaels. I told you he was he had to drive his bus. At one point, he was driving the bus, the tour bus, because the bus driver had to take a nap, so he took over.

And I think in that, he was wearing just the bandana. Well, the one time he got hit, he had to go in the hospital. He got hit with some, like crane or something like that. And he was in his hospital bed with the bandana and everything on. Yeah, it's not directly attached to his bandage. It's saying that it uses to keep on a wig or some kind of a thing. Yeah, but everybody knows he's bald on top. Why would you have a side wig?

how do you buy sideway no no it's not the side he just leaves the side to be the side he just wants that hair coming out of the back right well yeah it's the it's the it's that little the side in the back he has hair but he's bald just be bald why why do you have to have that he could have just gone all bald but he was hanging on to something but he's notoriously a wacky liar he says that Elvis used to come to his shows in memphis and it turns out he never wrestled while Elvis was alive he said he auditioned for the bass player metallica and the Rolling Stones also asked them to know there's to play bass. The Rolling Stones think that's true. They're both lies, Bob.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You believe everything the Holkster says. Oh, I do. Because that's what they want. They want, you know, Keith Richards next to Hulk Hogan on stage. That makes sense. How great would that be, though?

Fuck you. How great would that be? If he was just posing. Hey, you guys want me on new baseball? He's got 24-inch porthons. Yeah, brother. Everybody wish Dan is here right now. we do Hulk Hogan?

And then the macho man? You were doing great. There's no mach man in the story, buddy. Don't do that. I would have thrown it in. He's going to totally handle the Hulk Hogan car. Yeah. Motchum. Yeah.

Who else has a wig? It's a weird thing because Stephen Tyler must have hair extensions. I don't know. I saw, he was at the last hour of show. Was he? Yeah. Did he sing at all? Yeah.

He was amazing. Was he? Yeah. Who was the best out of the night beside Youngblood? Well, Stephen Tyler was unbelievable. Because he hasn't sang in like three or four years. He had some issue with his throat or something like that. So he couldn't sing.

And all of a sudden he pops up out of nowhere. He did Train Caparola and then he did a whole lot of love by Led Zeppelin. I love toys in the attic. And when he walks in, like he's walking backstage here, he's dressed just to the fucking nine, just like he is, the fucking rock star. The shades on, the little shades on, just fucking bandanas everywhere. Little guy. I already had a little tiny pud, by the way.

I knew a friend of mine was in rehab with him I was going to meetings at the time in Boston and he went to rehab when he goes Yeah man he used to shoot up in his fucking pecker He's got a little tiny ding ding Really? Yeah it's a little fun fact Throw that in like a snapple You know he take a snap pop it off

I'd say he's tall and skinny is he tall Probably 5-9 No 510 That's not that tall So maybe he's got a little wiener You can tell when he wears his little things He doesn't have a big fucking

And Ronnie Wood showed up too here Wow Can we hear that? Tom Morello is such an amazing musician and seems like an intolerable person It just seems like a guy I feel like you had to take an hour car ride with him He'd be like, yo talk to your boy

That's enough This guy thinks he knows a little bit about all of it God damn Listen this What a good song from Boston. He might have actual extensions. I'll tell you this, dude.

This, this, this, this, this, Arrowsmith was fucking awesome. I've seen him a few times. They're great. They're really good. He is great. Perry's great. Yeah, the whole band.

I mean, the drummer wears gloves. What are you going to do? Man, Rudy Sarzo aged pretty rough. Yeah, he's 72. Rudy? It's wild, man. Now, so these guys... All these guys were the coolest-looking people

when I was younger. I remember Rudy Sarzo. Even the stupidest shit, but, like, still of the night video, right? He was in White Snake at that point. He was the guy where he flipped the hair around. You're like, yeah, that's what I want to do. I want to do that thing. I want to do that.

And I want to wear my red boots outside of my black jeans. Did they have the beach balls? What did the beach balls? That fucking drives me nuts, these beach balls. I love him. I would take one. I want to bring a shank. Nope.

And fucking pop them. Deflate it, put it in my pocket, sell it on fucking eBay for a million bucks. I mean, Ozzie's playing his last show ever, and everyone's turning around. Oh, where's the ball? I'm like, just fucking watch the stage. You didn't like Metallica? It took you three days to get the fucking Birmingham and you're looking for the beach ball

while you're saying, Mom, I'm coming home. Can you focus on the fucking stage? We're not at the beach. Did you like Metallica when they beat the... No, I fucking hate them when they come on the beach ball. Everyone's like, whoa, let's hit it. You paid fucking $800 for that ticket and you're worrying about the beach ball.

That's fucking James up there. You got Metallica, Guns and Rose. Where's the beach ball? It's what sheep we are, though. And that ball... Same thing, too. I go, oh, here comes the beach ball thing, and then when it's getting close,

it's getting close. Yeah, it's true. It's getting close. Yeah. I'm going to start popping them. I'm going to bring a fucking shank in. I love it. Be the ba humbug?

Yeah. That's Jim Florenton. Just fucking pay attention. These people are doing a show. Do me a favor, just bring a pencil. Don't bring a knife to his concert. It's a fucking asshole. At PNC, I know I could throw it over the fence.

Yeah. And I know, and then I'll go get it when I get inside. Just bring a pencil. No, it's got to be a shank. Okay. You're right. It's got to be a shank. You're going to stab it and kill it?

In case some guy behind him wants to kill me for popping the beach ball and ruin his fun. They were on that Mayhem Fest. I was on to Rob Zombie released 200 beach balls every night. Why? I don't mind that the end of the show usually, but Metallica and whoever, they did it like in the middle, in the beginning of the show. And they were going the whole time. It's like the yellow and black Metallica. And there was some other ones, some Ozzy ones going the whole time, the whole thing.

fucking day. That's annoying. Kiss was great. They dropped a bunch of shit at the end of that show. That was fun. Oh yeah, I thought you were saying at the Birmingham thing. They didn't go to that. No, no. No. Surprised. Did they have a guy, it's probably kiss, but didn't come to something like that? Well, you know, they're supposedly retired. Yeah, they were never that

close with Sabbath, so Judas Priest is coming around again soon. Was it Alfred there at all? Was Halford up there? No, because they were doing a show in Germany with the Scorpions, the same nights. And he doesn't like, what's his name, right? Who? Ozzy. Ozzie and Halford, you know, not a good friends.

He doesn't like Dio, though, right? James Dio? They always had a problem. Yeah. Could I tell you the time I get kicked out of a concert because I had an anti-Dio banner when I was a kid? No, really? No, what was it?

Anti-Dio. So after, when Ozzy left Sabbath, you know, when he started his own thing, Dio came into Sabbath and I was on Ozzy side. So I hated whoever to, who the fuck is this guy, Ronnie James Dio. You really love wrestling. Yes, I was an Aussie guy. So me and my brother were down in Florida

I was like 16 years old We're going to see Black Sabbath with Deo And it was only his third show ever with the band And we'll go, I will go anyway, right? And on the way down that we bought a banner At some store like a tablecloth A white table log We wrote Ozia's God

Deo must pray to him for forgiveness So it was a general mission show So we're right in like the second row It's his third show As soon as he comes out We're fucking holding the banner up But he's like fuck you He's like, fuck you, fuck you guys like that.

Every time he came to our side, we held it up again like that. Next thing, you know, two fucking bounces come grab us, bring us in the back. They brought my brother in the room. I was a little kid, so they just had me outside. Next, they talked to him for a couple minutes. They opened the door and just threw us out into the parking lot. We're out after the third song. And it was funny because Dio brought that up like 30 years later in an interview.

They go, Jenny gave Flack, you know, taken over Oz. He goes, eh, it wasn't that bad. He goes a couple times. I remember it was one time. There was some ban. It was really bothered me. It said, Ozzy is God, and I have to pray. I forget what it was, but it just bothered me.

You had long hair, right? Huh? There wasn't any long hair? Yeah. So it was like some ugly woman was holding up a sign. And I was friends with Dio at the time. I was like, I can't tell him I did that. Yeah.

I go, there's no way. But when he died, that's when I started telling the story. I go, I got to keep that. Because he would probably have been pissed. If he remembered that 30 years later. How'd you become friends with him? He did that metal show. He did the metal show.

And you, and you? He came to one of my comedy shows. and Rudy was friends. Rudy was in his band at the time. So when did you let the Aussie Dio thing die? Like... Then when Ozzy's album came out, I'm like, that's fine because the Sabbath album was out first.

Did Dio? So he had a head start. But when Blizzard of Oz came out, that album was fucking, I'm like, I'm like, all right, I'm in. He said third show of them. Did they just play the album they did with Dio only? No, they would do the Ozzy songs. They opened with, like, war pigs.

Really? Yeah, they did like half and half. I think that's kind of neat when you get to hear that. You said about Rob, Halford and Aussie being friends. I was such a cool moment and I said Philly it was such a bummer how they reacted to it at Oz Fest years ago when it was Judas Priest and Black Sabbath Bill Ward came out and said that we have a message from Ozzie and so he's not going to be able to make it tonight and the plays booed and he goes but my good friend Rob Halford has agreed to

sit in for me on the set so Black Sabbath is going to play with Rob Halford. It was Rob Halford's birthday, 60% of the audience left. Really? I was like, what are you guys doing? This is going to be such a cool, like, I know it sucks. It's not exactly we came to see, but like, how many times you're going to see Rob Halford sing a set with Black Sabbath? That was so dope.

You got that show? Yeah. Wow, that's pretty cool. It was very, very cool. But the place cleared out, like, pretty big. Ozzy was kicked out of Sabbath, right? Yeah. For just being the drunk.

Drug addict. Yeah. Drunk could be a drug addict. Yeah, probably a major problem. And Sharon was the manager. Yeah, her father managed, Sharon's father managed Black Sabbath. And then he's like, Sharon was just like his assistant. She goes, if you want Ozzy, because Ozzy was just in a hotel room in Hollywood,

just drinking himself to death. He didn't leave for like four straight months. Really? Yeah. And he goes, well, you can take Ozzy because he's a loser and he's not going to do anything. So she went and got him out of the hotel, got him a band, got him, sober and got him, you know, got him Rudy Sarzo and Randy and all that stuff

and started his career. If it wasn't a Sharon, he probably he would have died. Oh, yeah. My question is this, he's such a drug addict, he's so crazy. Did he write any of his music? Or did somebody write these songs? Like, the, you know, Blizzard of Oz or all his, because they're such good songs, and they're so him

when he sings it, did somebody write those for him? Did he write those for him? Did he wrote the melodies to the songs? Like, he'd hum along and they would kind of come up with some lyrics. He never wrote the lyric. Only in a couple songs he wrote the lyrics and tony oma would come up with the music in sabbath and other guys but they said he was amazing in the studio because he would just hum something like holy shit that's a fucking great melody and they would just kind of write songs around it around the melody so he

come with the melody but he didn't write the words not a few songs that was it wow not too many really yeah okay such a lot what a loss it's a bar maybe we're gonna make any more music i can't believe how big it was like that was like a huge like the tributes for him and stuff I didn't know it was going to be that big worldwide. Well, nobody... Look on that, Hulk Hogan. Nobody can sing like him, and nobody... Like, even his physical appearance, his hair, his face, his attitude, and his voice,

does nobody... Who the fuck could even jump into those shoes? No one sounds like Ozzy. You also freaked out, like, the biggest freaks in the game. Like, Molly Crewe was terrified of him. Like, when he snorted the ants, right, and all that shit. Oh, you know, and Ozzie used to... You remember the hotels he used to have the...

ice machine really low and you had to lift the lid and get the ice. Well, Rudy Sazo's convinced that they put them up here where they made them where you have to go up, get the ice up top. Because Ozzy on the road, when they get to the hotel, he would shit in the ice machines. He would do it every time. And then... Just right away. And they would stay in like five-star hotel. So, like, rich guys would leave their shoes outside their door to get polished, I guess, in the morning. I never heard it. That's why Ozzy was shitting their shoes. And then he would stay up all night, like, and watch. And wait to see the react. Like wait to see the guy come out or whatever.

Are you talking about Norton? Or you're talking about Ozzy now. That's why me and I didn't even Norton like him so much. It's getting out of party. Ozzy big on the upper decker. That's crazy. That fucking Iggy Pop was a haunting picture, by the way, that first one. There's got to be a point where you just put a t-shirt on.

You can get a really nice t-shirt. You can have to accept age at some point. If you're a woman, you can hold it off for a while. But seriously, like a bird is still going in 20 years from now. See, he's going to have to take a shirt off. 100%. So what's going to happen? I mean, he is already out of shape, so it's not going to be that bad.

Here's the thing with Bert. He's got a belly, beer belly, whatever it is. But he's built like a fucking silverback gorilla. Yeah, he's strong as shit. Yeah, his shoulders, if you look at Bert, he's like a gorilla, man. He's strong as, he's a freaking nature. But he can put that belly on and then, I don't know, I guess he trains or whatever and hires a bunch of trainers and just loses it quick.

He's just people like literally they keep him up like a machine They just keep him going Yeah Like if you go now If you go to like his thing now You'll see he's got He's got these big big ass shoulders

He's a big dude man Yeah look at that It's pretty short Florida's finest Yeah look at those shoulders Well that's when he got like Actually in pretty good shape for a minute I don't think he looks like that this minute

Yeah that would suck if you But I mean look if you If you go If you start doing the The fucking puppet thing You're going to have to fucking travel with a puppet later in life. I can't do that. You're going, hey, where's my, hey, my puppet was in the, it was in the thing.

It didn't come out of the play. The noises you have to make when you get under the table. All right, guys, see you guys on the other side? Slide that. Can't do it. Nah. That's why I hope Norton would make it as chips. We would have to travel with those outfits.

Oh, right. Yeah. Oh, it made me so happy. Where's my bag? Where's my bag of props? Hold the F on. Who's this girl with Bert? I think that's his daughter.

That's his daughter. Is it giving me the girl a play's the daughter? No, that's not his daughter. That's a chick. I don't know. Oh, dancer choreographer, so maybe she did his dance video he did? Maybe. It's very possible.

Yeah, I would do a dance video, too, if she was my instructor. Yeah. I'd love to see you on it. I got to spend time on my choreographer, if you don't mind. Have you ever, do you, did you have a dance in your life? Like twice. Where? Your wedding?

Um, not even. Like, we went to a, um, you didn't dance at a wedding? A frat, well, slow dance. Okay. Slow dance, but a frat party, we'd sneak in frack parties of Rutgers. So you would, I'd be, I was so bad. Can I just, I know you're not, can you, can you, what was your move? The no move.

I just, I have no rhythm. Did you, even though I love music, I just don't have a rhythm. Did you move your, just your hips? I'd move my feet and my hips, yeah. I bet you snapped. You look like a snapper. Did you snap? No, I hate that.

When I see a woman snap, I want to fucking lop her fingers off. When they snap the songs, that fucking drives me nuts. I love a snap. I fucking hate it. My wife hates it, too, but I snap. You do? I snap like this. Yeah, but you're doing it to be goofy.

I'm doing it to be goofy, but also because it feels. Wonderful. You got a good one. I hate that snapping. It's a good video, Christine. When the cocaine was pure, white people had rhythm. Yeah. God damn, we did.

I tell you what you black people aren't wrong it's just not it's not that there's the white people that can't dance there's plenty of white people that can dance but on the most average level it just doesn't look fucking cool I just think we're hearing

some different things yeah I was always a guy to just I think we're hearing like you know you know I'm like we're hearing the bump bump bump bump bump

I'm hearing bam boom yeah because you you got you got brother in you you're actually hearing the beat. See, my move was like, look, you guys go out and dance with girls, whatever, I'll hold your purses and watch your drinks. Maybe I put something in them. And then exactly, you'd sprinkle stuff in their drinks. It's just a little. It's stuff you found in their purse.

Need a little flavor. But I would be like, so they're like, oh, I'll hold your jacket, go out there. No problem. I got your stuff. Don't worry. Have fun. So I'd get out of it. Oh, yeah. It's like, oh, he's so nice. He's watching our stuff. Yeah. Yeah, I was never going to be it's a short-lived world though to be known for being good at dancing because it is funny when we went to that 50 years of hip-hop when kid and play was doing the dance yeah like the kid and play dance it doesn't it looks very similar to when me and you jokingly were doing the dance outside like it's just that like it just gets clunky no matter what and those guys were rhythm personified kid and play but I mean now when you watch it's like it's two 60 year old

men like you know jokingly and they're even making jokes about how old they are and it's Like the moves are like just kind of haphazard and not really into it at all anymore. It's because if you hit your foot on the other guy's foot mid-air, you might pop your MCL out. Absolutely. But they used to jump over their legs, but you can only do. Dancing is a very short ability to like do the career. You could teach it forever, but like doing being a dancer. I jumped out of the back of my pickup truck last week.

I was like, I got this. And I didn't. As soon as I hit the earth, I was like, I'll never do that again. I'll always go to bum, bum, bum, bum, to. To foot, to foot. I jumped out like I was a fucking 10-year-old. You blow out your knee years ago, right? It tore an ACL.

Yeah, I tore my ACL and MCL. Wow. In the Dane Bowl. Yeah, in the Dane Bowl. I forgot. That was a big day for you. I forgot you bust your knee in the Dane Bowl. I broke my knee, man.

Broke my knee, dude. Yeah, that was fucking terrible. I heard it was Torgasmic. What was that? What was that? What did you say? I said, that guy, you had to dance him for a while. with the broken knee

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah Oh, you didn't stop dancing Bobby, you would definitely walk into a place confident and start dancing Like in your heyday Yeah You know, before marriage When you, you know, hook up

A girls is up Well, you were dancer I was, I told this to Jay I used to go to AA meetings I used to go to AA dances That was my social life Back in the day On Fridays or Saturday nights

In Boston Me and my friend Mark Caesar Who was like in a band you know he went to berkeley right he was his he was going to be like a fucking rock star type dude you know he played piano and every instrument and we would go to these fucking dances at like st mary's church and lynn just in the basement there was just coffee water and chicks that are still in rehab or just got out of rehab and all they have left is frivolous sucks yeah dude i remember just going down there and you'd walk it where you make your round and then you'd fuck when that yeah like

This, exactly. But would you dance with them? Fuck yeah. Hey, this water's pretty good. You want to suck my dick? Hey, you know what's better than beer? This soda. I know.

Hey, you want to go fuck by the fives? I know. Before we have some cake, you want to suck my dick? They did have cake. I know they do. They did have a thing. Hey, guys, before you have your tea. But they always played rock lobster in the middle.

Yeah. And then they'd end with stairway to heaven. And stairway to heaven was your chance to grind on them and slow hands. To get the girl and the girl you're working on all. I told Jay. You can't slow dance straight through stairway to heaven. Yeah, you can. Yeah, you can.

No. If you're at the end, it gets a little heaven. If you're a drug addict, they're recovering alcoholic and drug addict, you can just hold on tight. A full shred. Yeah, the chick is still shaking anyways. She's just trying to stay up. Yeah, I met a lot. I mean, a lot of girls.

I picture you danced, though, like, what's Jean-Claude Van Damme? double impact when he was the twins when he goes and like dances like it's a very like hip swayy kind of thing i did have z cavarichies and you were tan as fuck i bet suspenders shredded i used to wear suspenders and the pants came up over my belly button the pleaded z cabarichies and the don don't johnson jacket oh yeah i had the don't johns yeah the miami vice oh i saved up so much to get that at uh tellos remember tellos it was it was a it had z cabarechis and Department store kind of thing, right? Yeah, and it had just all the Italians.

Right, so you order a T-shirt with the sports check at the dime. Yeah. Suspenter, suspenders, some type of fluorescent color. Wait, suspenders in lieu of a belt that definitely has a metal piece, a metal piece on the end of it? I would do the metal. I would do the belt once in a while, but it was the belt that would, it had metal and then metal at the end. Yes, for me. You'd snake it back through, so it would point right to your car.

Yeah. yeah absolutely you put it underneath yeah right and through oh and then if you have no belt that's easy access that's one less step one and then and i never wandered i never wonder i was always freeballing it just i wanted zip right so once she puts a hand down there she's committed she thought there'll be underwear and it's like oh shit right little tricks of the trade i would call it you know she thinks she has a couple more minutes you don't because now you touch him I've never even, I've never even overthought what two notorious coxman

you and Jim are. Yeah. When we got to the cellar at least, did you guys have overlap on like chicks ever, like at the cellar, like the hot girl waitstaff, the comedy clubs or anything? Were you guys like dip it in the different pools sort of?

No, he was, he was, you were always banging like outside chicks. Yeah. I never, I never did, already and Godfrey got him. mall. Wow. That's what, yeah. Bobby would have to pull them away from them like a, like gator's got a hold of your dog. Well, they were my, they were my chick test.

If I liked a girl, I'd bring him in and sit him with Artie and Godfrey. And if we left and they were like, they were fun. If she wasn't impaled on their black dicks, like Cannibal Holocaust? The reason why I'm married to my wife, I brought her in there one night and we left, they're like, those guys are annoying. I was like, you're the one.

Yeah. She called him the N-words to her face. Not to the face. She said it in the car on the way home, and I said, don't say that again. And then you said, And you pulled over and married a rental 95. I really gave her a ring right there. No, of course not. Yeah, I used to, I was never, I never dated a comic, but waitresses, man.

God, back in the day, the waitresses were so fun at clubs, man. God, they were. On the road, yeah. On the road, but that's the seller. The cellar was a, it was like Plato's retreat. We had a, we had a, we had a, we had a, we had a, keep feeding you fucking, new hot waitresses. I remember the manager and one of the waitresses just both pulled their boobs out,

was on stage, and they started licking them, and they were just doing a, shits and giggles and I was just like right in the middle of a joke I was like ma ma ma ma mash me oh this place is cool back before cameras you know what I mean back before I mean when there was no cameras there was no cell phone videos you know you just did weird shit and nobody knew

you know now you can't do that no no no more no because my pubs are gray now your pubs are gray you get on the road you always knew the new waitress because she was always friendly to comedians. She must be new. She doesn't know. Oh, she hasn't been beaten down by life. So she's only been

here a couple of weeks. She's like, yeah, let's go out and get to have a drink. I'm like, okay, she's new. She doesn't have to get some assholes feature acts abortion. You have to get an abortion because of someone's a Pablo Francisco's feature act. I had driven girls to this.

Christine was the abortion nanny. Oh, always the abortionee, always the abortionee, never the abortioner. Here's a number. Her name's Christine, call her, say code red. She'll take care of it. Oh, my God. Did Joe Coy put a baby in you?

We have a hotline for this. Christine, you're on duty. This is why we gave you that pager. I would have kept that. Bring up Jim Florentine's plugs. We've got to get out of here. Jim Florentine's going to be at side sputters in Tampa, August 15th and the 16th. It's one of my favorite clubs.

And on the 17th, he is one of the best clubs in the country. It's phenomenal. And they just redid the whole thing. It looks amazing now. Is there two locations? Yeah, there's one in Wesley Chapel. So he's doing West Chapel is Friday and Saturday, and then Sunday is Tampa. Oh, Sunday's Tampa.

Oh, the West Chapel is terrible room. But Sunday, Sunday is a movie theater one. It's awesome. It's great. It's great. It's great. Make sure you go check them out. I tell you what, it's going to sell out.

So make sure you check them out. And check them out on my Calta Show, number one best friend. you can also check out a special I'm sorry Jay you're my you're my best friend but he's my number one best friend all right I love you dude

I love you who do you like to do him radio better with I do only radio with Jay okay but you did it with Mike no we did podcast all right same thing just saved my life

because the pandemic took away all my money and then we would do and I'll tell you what he would do is he would get Bobby on the hook and Bobby would be so excited about doing this show

and then when Calta would get in the fights of people he'd go I don't give a shit about this show This is just a dumb hobby I do This is what I just do for Bobby I don't give a fuck And you can see it kill Bobby inside

Oh he did that I would never hurt you like that I would never hurt you like that He really I think that was fucking It was soul crushing It was Lewis And Lewis

Lewis makes everybody Fucking crazy Lewis goes you're doing a podcast Because he was like He's like I'm on radio I'm on morning radio He goes he's doing a podcast Right now

You're doing a podcast He goes I do this for just to see Bobby And hang out of I don't care about this Bobby's in the bedroom. He's got his changed rooms in his house to be built for the show. Literally in a Zoom thing. You just see me like this.

And it's fat Bobby. You saw my face change six times in six different fat places. I'm just trying to get this guy a couple bucks. I don't need this shit. Jim's got a special. You can't please them all. It's streaming right now on Amazon Prime. And it's also on YouTube, my YouTube channel.

Oh, YouTube right now. One of the fucking greatest guys in the business. one of the funniest guys. Make sure you check out all his stuff and go see him live. And Big Jay, he's going to be this, he's going to be Gathering of the Juggalo's in Thornville with Zach Gomez

and Butterley. I knew you weren't going to let me say it. You always going to finish it, dude. I thought we're going to have together. I'm right there, dude. I thought we're doing a thing together. We'll do it together. Let's do this together.

Appleton, Wisconsin, and Calgary. For tickets and all other tour dates, go to BigJ Comedy.com.com, bang. And go to his YouTube page. You've got on my YouTube page. Robert Kelly is going to be at the Comedy at the Carlson in Rochester, New York,

October 10th, and 11th. After that, Tampa, Emaeus, Pennsylvania, and of course, New Orleans for Skankfest. For tickets and all tour dates, go to punchup.org.com. Slash Robert Kelly, check out his YouTube channel, YouTube.com slash at Robert Kelly Comedy.

Of course, tonight on my YouTube, I'll be doing that live stream right after Skanks. 930 will start it up. Until next time, everybody, peace.