The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Hot Boy Day (feat. Lev Fer)

Episode Date: July 6, 2022

Comedian Lev Fer joins The Bonfire for Hot Boy Day as Jacob tells tales of his hunky roommates hookups!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com@LevFer https://thestandnyc.com/shows/show/4744/20220721-1000-pm-lev-fer-friends

And now the bonfire with big J. Ocarson and dance odor. I hooked up with a girl a couple times. Who I mean laid everything out that she could have laid out slowly. But like, hard, but it was a guess major drug addiction. And then she was just cute chicken. I'm like, sure. And she goes, I don't know how to be able to come on a lot of Kalanapin and I did something like, you're like, sure man, whatever.

And then she was like, you can fuck my ass, but I wouldn't do it wrong because I'm pretty sure I have hepatitis C. Jesus Christ. God, did nothing like that. Every time she would say something else, I would just go, yeah, there it is. Oh, that's good.

That's fun stuff, huh? You fucked her? Multiple times. After she told you she had hepatitis C. go yeah oh huh you factor multiple times yeah I always fuck you with a condom stuff but yeah what do you Gary Soder where you stop that if you said that that was the tipping point right I think we did stop hooking up shortly after that but I'm almost certain I got it in the night she told me before I she goes damn did you like maverick but with

FSTD she goes you want to fuck she was you want to talk that's a low ceiling in your fucking she goes you want to fuck my ass and I was like yeah sure and she goes but you should use a condom with that too because I think I've hepatitis C and you know what she definitely had it for sure you know what I'm feeling a little hepsy. Yeah, she goes. And by the way, this was this was before they could cure it right. Hepsy was alive. Hepsy was alive.

I mean, that's what both my dad and I was a while ago. That's what both my aunt and dad died of. Yeah, I don't know a lot about it. It turned into cirrhosis. Yeah, no, it'll fucking whack you. No, that girl's funny. But that's the one though. Like I said, she was that girl and like tell me about

Other dude she was fucking if the why if the wine down is hepsy I'm sure her stories were crazy No, I don't want talking that much about it. You want to pound my ass? But she thought a rubber I got I did the dickiest thing to Dave Smith Have I told this no show before it was such a fucking bad dude move. You gave him hip-sci. No, insecurity just smack it. It was so crazy because Dave was like hanging up me all the time. And I was like, yo, this girl wants to do whatever. Win-A-L.

And she was pretty vocal about it. And so I got- I'm between fucking drug runs. Yeah. I'm like, Dave, you come over to this chick the six place me for me. I go show definitely like At least blow us both if not like fuck me and blow whatever you know, I mean he was like a He's like yeah, and Dave. You know he was a game. We're like sure. Let's go Dude, I love that you like with like sex you do the same thing that friends who like work at like a fast food or restaurant

Do you spend dog give it or something over come with me I guarantee you for free it's so funny it's so funny how much those day and I mean this I don't mean that like fucking or fucking I'm about like my days of like doing that are behind me you're less dvs I just not dvs is the wrong word not even less dvs I just whatever reason I just don't wanna like, if it was like, hey, this girl wants to fuck you in Lewis, that I'd be like, now. Well, it is, I've never known buddies to fuck together as much as the skanks have.

Like, I've had a lot of time friends in my life. What a great description. I have a friendship. The skanks have had like three way, I mean, I guess not three ways, but double teamed girls with each, in different groupings like a Lewis and Daypad David J Lewis and J it's like a whole

Day and everybody everybody got a little bit from a little bit from everybody Yeah, you guys are a little because a little hippies. Yeah, like I've never known like my comedy imagine You know, it's crazy is if you flip the skanks love upside down it looks like a pineapple me too and then also Christine but Christine is also like all of her friends fucked all of their friend like that happened people being people touching California touching kiss and I'm just saying like that was the difference but we I didn't but those days are so far past my time. I remember the point of it was though. You were talking about a fucked up thing. You did the day about

a genius. Oh, that girl coming. So he came over to the girls house and like, yeah, she, uh, she starts blowing me and, uh, and then she goes, uh, I don't know why just by ego hit it that moment because I go, uh, I go, I brought Dave to, if you want to like do anything with him and she goes, I'm down, like pull your dick out. And then I was like, and then I started just being weirdly going like, yeah,

I think we're making it like uncomfortable or something. And she was just like, what? She was so like, she's not ready to suck some cock. And I was like, yeah, she's like weird. And as soon as we got in the car, I started like laughing like out loud and apologizing to Dave's go, dude, I started like laughing like out loud and apologized and the day was going, dude I'm sorry. It's just hilarious. I was like

Some part of me wanted to believe that she just like liked me actually. Yeah, and she's like, I'll suck any one's dick Bring all your friend not the days like any but you know, I'm saying like she it didn't matter who I brought over Could have been Dave or whatever go outside grab that homeless guy out front. Oh no shit and You're like no, you're not like that. Yeah, exactly. Yes, as I said, I will suck your friend's dick. And I'm like, really? It's immediately.

I was like, you should do that. And she was like, I'd love to do that. I go, you would. Oh, shucks. That's how it is. It sounds like you were suffering from a minor form of Captain Saevaho, where you're like, yes's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, I can, I can, he's like, I can't,

you were like, I can rehabilitate her. She told you she had Hep C and you were like, let's work through this. Yeah, I've never knowingly hooked up with somebody like, like, I had somebody tell me they have like, Hep C or Herpes or anything, I've been like, I'm just doing it. Are you knowingly showing Dan and Jacob your gash right now?

Oh, gosh. Oh, I'm fucking bike shorts. That's what? That's not turned again. Let's talk about this. Back in this woman that just had zero boundaries. Christine was a suck, Dave's dick. Um, no.

It's just dick. It's just dick. That idea of that. No, that idea of that woman being like, I'll do it, and J.B. I'm like, see, why he mean? It was the most of weirdest turn I suggested it you know you know you know you know you know you probably want to bake some shucks you're a sweet lady so funny she dead maybe she's I

don't know she wasn't a good good place. She was in New York. Yeah, obviously They have yeah, I'm still from the Upper East Side damn It was weird. She was like how'd you meet her? She worked in a comedy club damn upstairs, but she was like Related to somebody from it. It's pretty wise. I can't wait to get off here to find out more stories And you owe Somebody from a guy it's pretty wise. I can't wait to get off here to find out more stories In you oh God-parent situation Yeah, yeah, mm-hmm. Oh, what I'm very excited to hear about all this

It would be so boring you already have no idea where you even talk about but you know they are damn dude That's fucking crazy finding out that someone's got Hep C just casually. I wonder if my dad did that because that's how we got it Was by banging this fucking slutty lady. I just read, I was reading a biography and the guy said, when you catch Hepsie, you cannot know for, for years. That's what happened to my dad. And then, but it's slowly turning your organs into, he found out, oh, I got it. He found out, oh, then I have to put that. He found out because he was like, he found out right before he died., Dan. He found out, oh, then I had to put that. He found out because he was, like, he found out right before he died. Like, my dad found out in, like, August

that he had hepatitis C and was dead by December because his kidneys and shit started failing. Yeah, that's what it was. And he was just like, oh, no, but also, that's the pain on my side. But he was just drinking like a bottle of booze a day. So you're like, I see my body shutting down. Yeah, Jay's like

That's tingling in my feet. I don't know if the girls butt was all worth it. You are very infected with But now they can cure it. Yeah, some That girl something happened in her life, too. That was she tell you into drugs and shit, huh? I mean, I thought she told you right on day unlike that second. No, that's me No, I know you did. I didn't know she did with her problem. She just told the other girl with the hep C. She didn't like, did she ever lay it out? Like here's why I do the drugs or she just like, you know, you about the drugs.

I think she was now, I think she, by the time I got to her, I think she was all prescription drugs. She was the big thing was like, it's like a classic rich girl. Shit. Like she had a, it was a small apartment, but it was her own apartment. She was 22 maybe You know, I mean yeah, it was a small apartment on the upper east side. It was like nice You know, I mean

Studio kind of place, but it was fine for her paid for completely Her job was like nepotism hookup and she was and I think it was all like same thing thing to do with my ex-girlfriend. You used to do heroin. When you come from like, Christine, you got to feel good about yourself. You're like, I only did crack on on 17. Get off me, bitch. Yeah, I got a drinking problem. It's easy. No, but the heroin girl seemed fuck. I'm not sure if I was. You're talking about Rich Girl. Yeah, well, the idea of like, yeah, like when she,

when they were like, if you stop snoring heroin like, we'll get you that nose job you wanted. Do you know I mean, it's like rich solutions don't like really help the fucking thing at all. And so is that girl exactly like, I think she thought she was doing good because she wasn't doing like a cocaine problem anymore. But then I'm wrong. No, I'm wrong. She did cocaine still also because she did it off. She's the only girl ever did cocaine off my weener. It was weird. It was so weird. And her parents would just ask her to stop doing coke in order to pay the like they'd be like, we'll pay your rent. We'll get something like that for sure. I don't, you know, it's like the long time ago. I don't remember if she told me that story exactly whatever it was though. Like please stop using cocaine and we'll take care of all your bills She was in a cushy spot to be working like a job that required nothing of her and then like I

Dummy can like stroll over to replace just power out like in this place How did she Do coke on your wiener? How do you think? No, I mean I'm like the process like the pros. Was it? I get it, Jacob. It's probably not that much coke you're saying. Did Jacob just come in an unintentionally fucking slam on you? What is it? What is it a key bump? I just put a pile mid shaft. I go to the thickest point and put a pile. Jay, quick question from a scientific standpoint. Could you fit

enough coke on your dick for her to get hot? Shut up, damn, stop funny. For her to actually feel, you know... My dick's a lot of coke! I'm gonna lease some fucking gram! I definitely gotta get up over the head ridge though, if you're gonna get high. If I just go base to bottom of head, that might not be enough coke. Did it make your penis numb?

Yeah, when you do gums? Like when you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums.

When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums.

When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. When you do gums. I have not been around cocaine like a lot of times in my life. I really haven't and so like when it comes out I Don't think I've ever I don't have ever seen heroin in person. I'm sure I have in some capacity

But like whatever it is when they come out a little bit so crazy. So I'm gonna hold a little baggy And I'm like right away. I always go like oh, man. It's like heroin or coke. It's freaky if it's simply it's like Adderall or something. I'm like. Oh, yeah, whatever. I want it. I'm just simply, it's like a adderol or something, I'm like, oh yeah, whatever. Nothing I want it, I'm just saying, like it doesn't freak me out. Even pain killers, like it doesn't freak me out, but like that little powder and shit always makes me think, I'm like, oh this is like drugs, drugs.

My freshman year, I was at my realm here. I didn't see a lot of cocaine in high school, but my senior year saw a little bit, like people started doing coke around. I never did it, just cause I knew I'd fucking love it and I didn't want to get hooked on it. But when I went to Arizona, I want to try it now. When I went to Arizona, they Arizona other college towns do this where they build apartment complexes, but they make them like shit. But for the first two years that these apartment complexes are open, they're like the party spot. That's like where a lot of the house parties are.

And these apartment complexes. And so when I went to Arizona and had the fall of 01, they just opened this apartment complex called Star Ranch. And it was just out in Tucson. It was just out long fucking drive down a desert road. And I lived in the dorms. So you get a ride and be like, well, we're going to Star Ranch.

And there's like house parties. And I was wearing jean shorts and like shitty t-shirts in a way of like not cool at all. And dude, I'm talking about, you look, you were George. I was wearing. No, I like the idea that people at home like have to assume that they saw my face doing these things. Just crusty shirts and shorts.

All right. They're like, and no, no, jeez, not like you. All they heard was like, and just like, crust, no, Jake, no, no, no, you're doing it different thing. You're doing it different thing. You did that for this perfectly. Where I was like, no, I just described you. If it was your, the only thing that could tell

was your change of like shorts and fucking dumb shirts. And no, I had a keen, I don't wanna change wallets. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no you wanna get high? And I was like, fuck yeah, I wanna get high. And we were in an apartment. And there was all these hot girls in there. And I was like, this is what college is. But you hot girls gonna smoke bowls. And then I kinda noticed they were in a line. And then I noticed they were going into the bedroom.

And there was a guy at a desk chopping up cocaine. And I was like, oh, I chopping up cocaine and I was like oh Fuck I'm a dork Does anybody want to smoke a bowl and they're like go outside if you're gonna smoke we go outside and you're like don't be a nerd And that was the first time I like really sauce like people just doing it casually and I was like and then everyone's like yeah Welcome to the U of Yay me a, me and Kim to loving arms of a, of a cocaine addict to a Hepatitis C, let me butt fucker the fifth time I fucked her. That's pretty cool though. I asked for it. That was weird.

Also, you didn't get tested for Hepatitis C. Like immediately after 40 times in my life after that, yeah. Girl, ask you on the first night to put it in her butt. Really? She's not wrong. She's not wrong. How did that go down? It she goes, you know what? Okay, I feel like that. Yeah. Girl, ask you on the first night to put it in her butt. Really? Not wrong. She's not wrong. How did that go down?

It goes, you know what? Oh, suddenly. She goes fucking top hole ain't doing it. It's where the God, she goes, I think it was like, yeah. I was like, you could put it in. I forget what she just said, but it was like, absolutely inviting you down like, hey. She's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She goes, no happy either.

My French roommate had that happen to him. I know because I heard the entire dialogue through the wall what What was it was he like I cannot I do not want to put it in your You sweet butt her You know You want me to put in your butt? So Jacob here's why are you saying you want me to fuck you in your ass? You are Charlie Brown, bear

I'll do her there. I wanted to try everything with him and you'd have to hear it through a wall I'll do the girls you do I understand you think that I cannot please you as much as I have done in the past three of our journey. I will not try your asshole on the first day nonetheless. Oh, don't worry, I will be soft, but also very thin. Oh, my little friend's pen. Oh, you fucking bitch.

Oh, you fucking tylanid dolphin. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh Seven It's like I'm in my room again There's nothing more depressing than hearing the hottest girls in New York morning And then you see them an hour later. I've said this several time. Hey, hi I've said this several because I had, hi. I've said this several times. Because I had some Pete, I've always said the, when I would hear handsome Pete blow a girl back out, it always sounded like they just hung up a picture

on their wall and they were like, perfect. Yeah. Dude, he fucked this lady one time and I was playing NCAA in the living room just stoned being a loser. And he fucked this lady for like 90 minutes Which is how do you have it's a lot of minutes?

But he moved from the bathroom from the bedroom to the bathroom that we all share and I was kind of like They were both naked. I don't know my back. You know, I have a model department was oh you're on your own I was on the couch playing video games and they just I just heard the bedroom door open I heard the bedroom door open and then I heard the bathroom door shut and I thought like oh that's pretty Let's go shower fuck now. No, I thought they were like the late you know they wash up They're like washing up after sex because I just heard them fuck for maybe an hour and then I heard the shower turn on and then I just heard The round two. You're like hey some of us are playing the big 12 championship out here. A little respect for your Colorado Buffaloes. You know I would whack

off to a roommate going hard. I know I cried one time. I was so sad about my life. Oh Jacob. Sweet boy. That's so sad. Oh life. Oh, Jacob. Sweet boy. That's so sad. Oh, sweet. He just heard you have given her the business and you're like, dude, it was like girl 38. Oh, my God. It's just the perfect, your perfect girl. They, I can still see one of the men. She was so beautiful. She came out like just in a t-shirt in her underwear. Hi, because I was like, I just worked a double shift

and I, it's two in the morning. Oh. And I was like, fuck my life. I'd say this though, girls never more comfortable than right after they fuck sometimes. So like, the benefit of that, I've had to do comedy condos where it's like the guy brought his girlfriend and it's me and like

at some point of that weekend, just by chance like you're gonna see a tit or something. Like I didn't wanna go come out and she was like thanks for not minding that I'm like staying here with so and so and she's getting with like a see through white shirt on after a shower and big fake titties and a thing I'm like

I I had one time where I was asleep in my room Enhanced some Pete brought home two blondes that were just loud and drunk in the living room And I remembered my fucking wallet was on the table outside and I'm like I'm not getting fucking you know I mean so I had that thought like what if I wake up tomorrow my wall It's gonna work you get jacked by these flusies. Yeah, but fucking these hussies are out here grabbing my fucking wall People at tramps and it's like fucking three in the morning and my girlfriend at the time was just we were both asleep in my Windola's room and I'm like let me go get my wallet and I open it in the girl goes Just it's for the morning in Vecchio and I know it's asleep and I open my door to get my wallet and I'm gonna get my wallet and I open it and the girl goes just It's for in the morning in Vecchio and I know it's a sleep and I open my door to get my wallet and I'm like

I take a mole coming out, you know, I'm coming out of pure darkness You guys doing the group thing And I just remember opening the door The girl going we're having a pizza party I think I've told you this story before I was like shut the fuck up. I grabbed my wallet went back in. Oh, it's the worst to really tell you guys things are just getting started out here One Man first the guys that the he was only one of the he was one of the waiters. Sure.

They bang so many girls in the restaurant. Was it women that would come in to eat at the restaurant or was it women that worked at the restaurant? Women that came in to eat. They were just fishing a barrel. And they pulled them from the table to fuck. Right. My roommate is defying them on the bank.

On the bank. on the bank. That's exactly what you're understanding me. My roommate only brought them home once a month. Most of the time he would bang them in the restaurant after it closed on the bank yet. How would they just stay and drink? Were they allowed to stay and close down the restaurant? Yeah, they weren't going anywhere.

These guys were so hot. One of the times, a different waiter banged a girl, super hot girl, in the bathroom while her boyfriend was at the table. She just disappeared. And he broke out. He was so fear. He knew what had happened after the fact that he threw a glass. I'm not gonna fucking tip this guy. All right, I will, but I'm gonna do for you. You just fuck him in the bathroom, Darlin. I'm not tipping this asshole. He broke a glass.

Come on, he only makes 250 an hour. You know, it's fair. He broke a glass at the... Broke the glass of the door. Like he, he kicked it. He was so furious, because you know, his girlfriend had shamed him in front of the entire... He made it.

Now hold on. We gotta take a break. We gotta take it. Hold on, we have to take a break, but I wanna hear this. How did he- I don't think it break just yet. We got reads, but how did he discover? Did she like come back with her hair messed up? Or was she like one of those bitch, or was she one of those ladies that does it like in a bitchy way where she's like,

I just fuck the waiter, what are you gonna fucking do with that? A hot dits, She disappeared for too long. And he knew that yeah, it was just obvious. It's not a big red. No time it is, sir. And he goes, uh, it's 5.50. Seventy goes seven minutes. She's boning somebody.

Even though she's gone. Sir, I'm always fucking a waiter. That's so funny, though. You go, excuse me, sir, to another waiter. I was wondering if you saw my girlfriend, you went, Rafael got her in the private dining room. Yeah, you saw her. I saw her, I heard her.

So they, I checked if she was okay. And I watched, we're not gonna move forward from this. He bangs his girl in the bathroom. In the bathroom, she comes back to the table. Boyfriend finds out somehow Yeah, obvious. She's just been railed She's flushed face covered in calm. She goes ahead Sorry turns out they have the kids choice awards out

My lashes are come down to her fucking cheek. I didn't I know I wasn't glazed when I went to the bathroom We're talking a restaurant the job is like I sneeze do you have a tissue? Yeah. The restaurant was only a hair bigger than the studio. So there's nowhere to you couldn't you get spot everything going on in the restaurant. And then you had some hot French waiter that was a restaurant was this where this place has to be covered in semen. You did you work out a cinema show? So much fucking. What was the restaurant? I can't say on the air. Why now we know it's covering calm all the time I'll tell you I'll tell you afterwards

Yeah, I don't want to get me a warning out anybody is it still a restaurant? Yeah, text me so everybody when you're on it on the air Everybody when you're out there and the well he's he'll tell us on the commercial break. Yeah, we're going to break I'm gonna fuck down. Are you smoking crack you? They were so cool? Shut up guys. Are you back on the shut up guys are you back on the shit no you back on the rock these because Little try some well come to the rock. He's like, no, but do you have any how do you how do you not say that if you do crack Or someone for the first time you go well for them to the rock I In everybody you know if you ever see me in a holding cell you try this country I will do crack with you and I what if you see me in a holding cell, just know, I'll give you half my vote on his hand.

Okay. Here's that, quit smoking, guys. I have picked up crack, though. Our guest is a good person to talk about this hot boy shit with. Love first coming on. He's a former hot boy. He's a reformed hot boy.

He's a former hot boy? He's like got big and then he got hot again. And then I think he got big, you know, he's up and down. Oh, his hot boy is more of a personality though than a fucking body. But they gotta look at it. No, they can't look at it, but yeah, Levin, for a piece of handsome guy,

we gained weight, but that's not it. Do you remember when you met? I'd still say he probably like can get plus pretty easy. Yeah, when you met a handsome Pete outside. Yeah, after we watched him on fucking love connection, he's looking at real con dude, but look at that that's hot boy stuff. Christine knew what's pretty was Christine knew exactly which picture we're running up. That's not it. That's her phone. That's

too. So it comes up when he calls. But if you see that one bookmarked, also he fluctuates and wait, huh? Yeah, but he was he was thriving right here. We got to talk to him about when it was just fucking Hey, welcome to the show for a son love. So what's like to be fat now? That didn't seem like a nice conversation Yeah, that was good. No, he's great And the live very well from this stand My point is I was being like I get what you're saddened rise. He was like that in shape at a time But he's very I thought he's handsome either way.

Damn, you're saying you're the bang in any stage. It was like, oh, I'll give this kid the bit. I mean, that one right there. All right, Christine, that's the one you like. Yeah, we, you and Karen Margolis. Yeah, Karen, like that one. Instagram telling on people, bring the Jacob's heart.

It really does. I love Instagram for that reason. I love the bunch of, it's a paddle. Oh, and then someone says that uh, Karate and Christina were right. You are hot. I'm getting hard says somebody. Uh, he's his, I don't like that. I don't like his post for it. I'm getting old. Shit the fuck up. I mean, this is such a hot boy post. It's not even funny. Guys, he's gonna be on the show a little bit. We can address it with him directly.

Yeah, we're gonna beat him with soap and socks. Yeah, gay ready for, I'm gonna put soda cans in a pillow case. Can I say one more? Yeah. Well, one time my roommate was out, so he would rent his room and he rented it to a Wall Street guy.

Another guy who fucks, who fucks nonstop? Like I couldn't get a break for the one month of the month. Oh God, did you know in the second the Wall Street guy walked in that you were in trouble? Were you like this guy's pride pulling a lot of pussy? Yeah, because so one night my stupid room was There's no windows sure. I had to plug my alarm clock Through under the door into his outlet As a no they bang they must have banged so hard That they knocked the the plug out of the wall. I'd knock

I so I got in and I knew I had to set my alarm. I remember I had something to do in the morning Not no answer. Oh, no answer. So I had to go in Well, they were fucking no, no, no, they it was all quiet calm down. They were sleeping But so I kept knocking like trying not to be loud, but I And finally I said fuck these two are not getting up so I open the door and He's lying on his back and the hottest naked girl She's got her she's she's just resting on his back and the hottest naked girl, she's got her, she's just resting on his chest. And as I'm walking, they both open their eyes and look at me like a permanent, I have

to plug my clock in. And she gave me the most disgusted hot girl. You got to plug one in and you're my clock. You're what hot girl look you got a plug what is my clock? You're what why do you have a clock? Why do you need are you saying cock or clock? What it's wrong with you? It was a freak. Why are you freaking me out? Sorry along? One of the lowest points of my life right then in there and he's like get out of here Sorry is the guy that this is the guy that Renee gay told me was his roommate listen to him fuck on this is no fuck non stop

I knew he was never seeing her again, and I was like oh Anything for you miss you Hey, I'm Jacob. I'm next door. I can save you You should fucking yell to him when they come out. I said you get when they come out and you like that Hey, get out of my house you pig fucking slut slut you believe you just did in there yuck you know you know you get out of my apartment Jacob you should have done the uh you should have done the farest comp when they come out they go huh are you the roommate you go uh uh uh uh uh oh she's stopped doing that to me oh god it's so big is why you're fucking roommate doing that to me yeah I gotta get out of here it's so big. Why is your fucking roommate doing that to me? Yeah, I gotta get out of here. It's fucking scaring me

You're a me it's freaking me out. He's fucking really freaking me out. I gotta go Fucking leaving. Thank you for the incredible dick It was thank you for I don't think I think you're for ringing me out of come I'm out. There was a Go ahead, Jacob. We can tell these stories when love's on because it's gonna be hot boy hour. We thought we're gonna do a show, you know, and just turn into hot boy hour. By the way, I love these guys. They're so funny. Oh, yeah, so much fucking one of the guys. Great for some outies. He was like a French Leonardo

to Caprio. That's what he looked like. We see the one that banged the check where the boyfriend was in the restaurant? No. That was another French dude. He's French fuckers. These are the fucking frogs coming over here and fucking all over. And you know this is modeling school, Jacob.

Yeah. Where you wanna from? They bus you in. They bus you in. They did a whole photo shoot on these guys. Oh, no. Can you get perceived by it? Can you get perceived by it? Can you find it? I don't know I should probably even said that Let's go to commercial we can look it up. We don't have to put it out there when we go to commercial

Let you know we have to see how hot this dude Yeah, he's here hot boys. Yes, so Christine was a fuck one in front of you Christine was a fuck one in front of you. No, you're a fucker. You're a dick. We don't. One of them had that rugged look that you like. All right, let's get, Christine all hopped up.

Let's take our first break. We'll be back with Lev Fer. Hot boy. Looking to a hot version of the bonfire. Kind of sensual. Jay, throw to my ass. F-I-I, I got a hip-sea. Is it sexy Tuesdays?

I don't care. I'll put a very thin condom on thinner the better I say. I like to live life by the sea of the bands. I really want to see if I can tempt God in this story. Yeah, I'm just going to scream at God for a while while I fuck your hepatitis butt. Um, we'll be right back everyone. It's the Bond Fire. And now back to the Bond Fire with Big J. Ocarus in and Dan Soder. No more Yankee, my Wankie.

She's a pig. We'll get to those talking later. I Will get to those talking later welcome back to the my bad broadcast. I was like turning music back on here this What's that? Oh, we'll get to it. It'll be a little treat that we have at the end of the show or the next commercial break Welcome back to the bonfire serious XM faction talk 103. I'm Dan Soder. That's big J. Eucharson our guest Monthly show at the stand which I've done great time This one. It's July 21st. You know, be at the white bull tavern in Boston on August 4th. Welcome love for to the show What's up, Regis? You love first show doc. Get the heavier man first time on the show. Yeah, yeah, first and last it's gonna be great

Right gonna blow it. Yeah, I got a lot to say you gonna fuck you in the way Christine has I mean do shopping into one photo of you? Because I was like, all right, we get the one you like, she kept bringing it up. The hottest photo. Yeah, because when Lev first showed up on the scene, very nice, very nice kid, very handsome, fantastic name. Lev Ferr is a great name. And I remember Shane being like, loves a good dude. I know he's like, I know he's a hot boy, but he's a good dude.

And then I followed Levin and I met and I followed him on Instagram and there was a lot of hot boy posts. This stuff like, is the sink broken? And it's him, you know, sure, doesn't make it in the right place. And Christine found one of your pictures so attractive, she just kept bringing it back up. We're like, right Christine this one

I'm getting old and it's just all these ladies being like Please fuck me. I was literally 21 there. Oh my god dude handsome 21 year old energy. Oh, we know 25 25 she's had four years to cool off. Yeah, I've been in relationship for three. I can gain in about 40 pounds a year Where she mad? Where she like this isn't what I bought I think chicks are a lot better than dudes about that shit Well, she's like you're cuddling now. Yeah, it's that and I think they also want to make sure other women don't want to fuck you nice You know, yeah mark you up. Yeah, they want to make you unfockable. That's their version of pissing on you Oh, yeah, then when you're like 50 she can like you get again shape I don't want you to die young

Yeah, like in crazy shape again, then you're too old to care about fucking other people. Yeah, she that like, you get a gun in shape, you go, I don't want you to die young, you get like an crazy shape again, then you're too old to care about fucking other people. Yeah, that's what's gonna happen. It's like those billions. It's just the billions. Yeah, it is, what a strategy. I don't have a reason to fucking lose weight now because the fatter you are,

the more comedy podcast book you. Oh yeah, you're jolly now. Yeah, so. You went from being a threat to every man, to being just a jolly fun guy. Yeah, the shame co-sign is everything too Because if shit like if somebody tells me they're a fun to shames in a media like this is a good dude Yeah, well shit. I was like, you know, I was like who's this love kid and he's like, no, he's good He's a good dude, and I was like he's a hot boy and Shane's like he's all right. Yeah

Well, it's funny. I didn't Interact or no left very funny. I didn't interact or know, left very well. I guess skinny left. I didn't know at all. Well, so when people would say it was a hot boy, I assumed and concurred that this is currently the situation. I'm like, yeah, it's very, very handsome guy.

I don't think a couple extra pounds causes him any problems at all. The guy's probably still crushing it. I probably wears it well. But other than they go, no, then he used to be like in super shape I don't say I But that's the hot boy because I'm easy to please All right, I just love I like work to the other side for like four years and I didn't even enter your mental orbit

Oh, man probably to handsome Yeah, so I was probably like this guy's not a comic look how good looking he is. Yeah, who's this good? Yeah, who's this hot guy this's coming up here on stage, given speeches? Let's how I feel now. I fucking hate hot male comics. It's the grossest thing in comedy. It's like one step below dating podcaster comedy. Well, but if you, again, it's being a handsome hot guy

comic and your comedy is about that. Yeah. I've talked to a bunch of Justin's come on here Into that before like Justin Silver, he was younger. He had jokes that were like I'm so I'm like who is relating to this It's one girl's pass out The only thing I can say is the only people laughing or guys who have a shirts that when you Flip the the wrists upside down of the button on shirt it's paisley's right bro can you believe she thinks you eat bread he's like I'm

not getting enough pussy I should get good with dogs yeah you know what I like to do is train the animal that gets the most posing yeah it's funny you train their dogs they let you play with their kitty yeah is that a good wink joke I'm working on my winky jokes. What a fucking joke. What a fucking joke. Justin Silver, you idiot. I think about that next to my leash has a nod on it. Idiot.

The funniest thing was knowing when realizing that I knew that girl, Sarma, from the bad vegan documentary. Because of Justin. Was in the documentary. She's walking your dog and you see that knot in the leash and you're like, that's classic silver knot right there. Have you had like people that you knew back in your hot boy experience thing like be like, we were not hanging out anymore. Like truly superficial people that are like, you know,

you're just gonna get into comedy and just be a regular guy. Honestly, most of the people that I was like, did podcast and shit with then, I don't speak to it all anymore. Really? Yeah, I hope it's not because I got fat. I think it's just so funny. It's so funny. They go, it's calming back tubs.

Yeah. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. And then I've roomed this duny out. Now just most of those people you find out that are like comedy adjacent, just fucking suck. Well, what you're realizing is that comedy has got all the people that 10 years ago would have been DJs.

Yeah. DJing is not as popular. Now it's stand up comedy. Yeah. DJing like trance fucking rave DJs. You know how like Hot Girls just put on big headphones and hit play. Dude.

Like, here, this is Nate Dogg. I love Nate Dogg. That's them now being like dating is weird. Right. And they got a millionaires from it. I watched Carter Cruz Hot chick DJ former adult star on Bert Khrischer's tour and she was like She was DJing she was like working man. She was like everything's like dancing with it

Like really changing the songs whatever it was. I don't know the That would be insulting to say to Siphon sounds changing the songs, whatever it was, I don't know the technical. Do you feel like that would be insulting to say to Siphah Sounds? Well, I'm sure what Siphah Sounds does is a much more intricate thing. He goes, Siphah Sounds is from the days of like, I think you can go scratching and shit back and forth.

Dude, one time Che told me that, San Francisco just said, Chris, I'm sorry that Siphah busted out the, like the Vinyls. And Che was like, it blew my mind, because he was like timing it and then like letting it go and mixing it. Yeah, I think that's fucking awesome. But I'm saying when I saw the funniest is when you see like the Paris Hilton, remember that documentary, Paris, yeah. And when our boyfriends yelling at her backstage at her big shows, she goes, I can't, this is really, I have a big, big show.

And this goes on, puts giant headphones on and just like, yeah, she's just pushing play and just points to the sky a bunch. then when we had around the bonfire I spent my summer DJing in Ibiza I Like did that I think even in the room working the boards and shit here. Yeah, that she gets spliced together Lou looks up to Paris Hilton. Yeah, that's lose P.H. She was walk shoes at a she had a higher profile interview next door She's fucking with her phone while she's doing it that you can't play you no one checks their phone the middle of the

Trying to look you're doing hammer-ons with this hand while you're checking your phone Actually that would show that you could fucking shred like this guy knows what he's doing This guy knows what he's doing this people that go to a pair of What he's doing this guy knows what he's doing this People that go to a pair of Stuff Fist of all this nonsense all day it sounds like you're an annoying clothing store all day the pay to go to a festival for that Sounds seems not to be shooting. They're always in the wrong locations. Yeah, that's the problem dude. This is That's hot. That's hot pretending to DJ. She's not really DJing

That's hot that's just pretending to DJ. She's not really DJing Front of all these norwegians are like I love it your way that should be a dress But honestly, I feel like everybody there deserves to lose this $200 They like for showing up to this. I feel like that's fair. I hope there's no drug testing kits And they just start dropping like flies. I mean, in fact these guys are gonna go dude Paris Hilton actually crushed her set And then we all got scared because everyone started dropping a fentanyl. But yeah, she doesn't do anything. That's right there that computer is doing the entire thing. She's like, it's hot.

Time to take off my headphones. I don't even need the headphones. I'm not just doing any of that. I'm just pushing buttons. She's not even pushing buttons. She's pretending to. Yeah, that's exactly what stand- comedy that there's like a lot of standard comedy that's just that now.

That's girls going on stage being like, it's weird when a guy won't call you back and girls are like, that's a joke. That's such a good joke. Am I wrong? Am I wrong? All this said. It's one club in particular that likes the book of that said she was a sweet heart when she came in and immediately has that energy of her that me

and Dan immediately had an involuntary challenge of making her like one of us would make her laugh. Dan Ferrer, I remember Dan making her laugh and I was like fuck I got to make her laugh. I think her laugh is then Dan but I was like, I'm a f**k, I'm a f**k, I remember Dan making her laugh and I was like, F**k, I got to make her laugh. And I think her laughing and Dan, but I was like, I know the thing, I go, it just happens, huh? And then she comes in with you like, we got all, notice me, notice me? The most, and you've probably watched your friends do this, and you've probably been a friend that does this.

We were all in Vegas for a friend of ours, Bachelor party, and we were doing like, it happened to be a goddamn comedy jam was going on Yeah, and Chris the stuff. No is there. He's one of the people there and he this is what before his kids This is like any he had this girl there that showed up at the pool with her friend and we were both like What the fuck? I'm Chris. He I'm Chris, he began, she was a big kid. She likes that shit. She was a natural head turner.

You watch? She wasn't like fake or plastic, she was kind of on the skinny end and everything like that, but it was just, she was just a lorry. Yeah, yeah. So she comes out to the goddamn comedy jam, because Chris does it, and then we're all like everyone's staying out drinking

and Jay, Jay's got to fly out early, and I was like, I was tired. So I was like, let's go back to the hotel. So we all took an Uber XL back from like downtown Vegas to where we were staying at the Aria. Was the XL to impress her? That was Chris. Chris got, I think you ordered, who ordered it?

I think I ordered it. He ordered it. I think now let me get us a second. You're like, they're out of blacks. We're just doing an extra settle. So we got in and it's a Hyundai Santa But immediately Like that no we actually got some sort of like a spring no, you know what it was

It wasn't it wasn't that it wasn't that we didn't get an Uber at all They had a transport we were going back to the hotel so they got one of those sprinter vans We got spread vans nice. It's great So there so they're in the back back seat. I mean, they're like thinking they're going all unnecessary to go that far back. They're like the fourth row. Yeah, they're all the way back in J and I are like right

by the door. We go third row. Instead of giving them this, but clearly, he wants to get his peg slapped around while they're driving. Yeah, he's going to finger her on the way to the hotel. We're just awful. We just go in the third row to get closer There's nobody else in the van and when I tell you that you're gonna do like that. You go with the hot chick side

But I'm telling you right now for this 20-minute drive back This woman and Chris just had their own bonfire Jan I were just trying to be funny the whole time Chris is a stop on because his cheeks were hurting so much He wasn't even like mad about it. He wasn't even freezing us he's so confident. He wasn't even freezing us out of like hey guys like I'm trying to impress him with my funny and early get they sat back and enjoyed it and me and Dan's doing voices and I'm like this. I'm like this. I'm like bossing out stuff. I'm telling my best stories. I'm like oh it was okay Dan you thanks for bringing it up. One time and we go and they're like oh god okay, and then we get back to the thing and I I light a cigarette at

Front of the hotel like oh smoke's here and dance like okay, and they're just guys go like oh that was so funny Like I see you and they just go up to the room that could proceed to probably aggressively hot people fuck and me and Dan are like We're gonna go pull the slot machines for a little bit and me and Dan are like, we wanna go pull the slot machines for a little bit. 100% of the soccer. I saw Chris a week later and I was like, how the guys like, bro, I ate or asked for like 20 minutes.

And I was like, Jay and I went and got gummies in the shop. Yeah, they have the kind of candy where you can scoop it into a bag. They got pretty, they have scoopable candy. Do you know that a Dylan's candy is in the lobby? It's pretty cool. Well you guys did like all the heavy lifting forums.

Because that shit, we're in 100% of the heavy lifting. It's not processing where the laughs coming from. She's just getting into f**k's. She's like, I think a time. Yeah, I'm pointing. She showed me a fantastic night all around. Do you think? People look like these two comedians in the van for us?

It's like a private show. By the way, I'm so glad glad at least in this girl's history will she remember is this funny because we took such a fat Like punch in the in the gut on the cut. That was that comedy Jane was the worst one We've ever done people didn't want to be there And we all everyone bombed and I'm already insecure about doing the That was literally the last time I'll ever do it. Dan's like, I was watching Dan's fears come like, I think two snotes in you singing.

I was like, he's never doing this show again. I got off stage when I was sitting in a quiet room. Dan, what song was it? Did Blink 1-8-2 on this? You bought up with Blink 1-8-2? Did I bomb hard? Yeah, man, Joe DeRosa had the best song out of every really. Yeah, Chris bombed, still got laid.

Yeah, of course. I bombed, and here's the thing, here's the thing. Chris didn't bomb. He didn't do his song good at all, but he didn't bomb because he was on the road with Sal a lot and Sal was out there for this. And like the crowd like new, you know what I mean?

Like they knew him a little bit. Like they didn't know any of the rest of us. What was it? Like, South River show I think, and we did not draw it. And it was, I went out there, I had the ball bag to go, you know what? I went to Medley, two 90s rock songs together.

They're gonna go up, they're gonna go up. They're gonna be sides. We bombed with two songs back to back. Neither one of the songs did well. Yeah, you guys are fucking cry, get a quiet ruby at all. Chris is getting up. It was the crowd blow job.

Oh, by the way, that's why we had to redeem ourselves in that fucking Excel. And that's sprinter event. It turned it up. We need to score some points. Have you ever started carrying it all the way well? I mean, the end can just walk around and be like, if we wanted that shit, we probably could've gone.

When you were... We're both in committed relations, she's your... When you were in your like a man-meat phase, did you ever bomb in front of a girl and then still get laid? Yeah, all the time actually, I have like my main ex, I've never done wall in front of her in my life.

And was she like, why are you doing comedy? No, she's like, she would still keep showing up, but like, to her perception, I'm the worst comedian on earth. What's funny about that is I had a girlfriend like that when I was about 23, 24, J-New, or everyone, like I would, she was like my New York girlfriend when I first moved to that.

And she watched me bomb in ways that I'm like, Crate Mo Pickens, I bombed it, stand up in New York, I would do check spots that she'd come watch me and be like, whew. So then when I started getting stuff when I was older, she reached out and she was like, Hey, wait a stick with it. Yeah.

Fuck you, I was doing all right. I said, I definitely, I'm sure I've had check see me bomb before I'm certain of it, but like more than that was like seeing me like young comedy, what I thought I was doing good and I was in the room. But you know, what they think I am probably from the, I'm, you know, like, again, like walking back and forth in the stage, like, oh, you know, you know, you talked to a girl up in a club and shit.

And she, you know, whatever that difference when I was doing the black comedy rooms and trying to pander more and knowing how to murder But they'd watch me go in the back literally was funny from being like I have to just like we can get another drink over here and we'll get some neat or something I go see as it goes all right. I'm right Too right that's my dude right there. That's my Fuck it. Love it one time Okay, yeah, be fucking a bitch like this Okay, you know be fucking bitch like this

Sometimes I'd be going to be like booty hole like a black I I bombed in Queens in front of a girl and it was the last time we hung out Yeah, it was at an ex-conrestrials. What was that this? She's white. Oh red hair cuz I feel like it's like a she's a ginger So a mannequin chick or something and she sees you bomb like then she's like fuck that yeah you ain't a man yeah you're not a man poppy if you try to impress a impress a black one at a comedy show if nobody's head doesn't explode from left or your snuck going home yeah she's like my cousin fucking yo I noticed nobody's head even exploded yeah my cousin

right from it and you get the fuck up yo everyone's heads didn't explode it did yeah did you ever have a girl be like that was terrible Never like that bad, but it's funny cuz my ex I've only ever bombed in front of her and my current girlfriend I always do well in front of her so makes me think I don't love her Oh, why you know to me cuz like I'm not afraid of her like I'm not afraid of her wanting to leave or anything I'm just like fuck it whatever I do up. There's good enough Yeah, I mean if she gets the audio clip of you being on the show

I'm like I'm fucking she didn't care. I'm gonna get fat as fuck. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. She goes that was really funny. He's like hey, I'll only hell with you. Hell with you. Hell with you. Don't you feel like that that must be something.

If the chick you're always bombing in front of like that means they put you in a place. Yeah, Christine's watching me for so many years. And then like when she's watching me sometimes I'm like, Oh, Christ, I think it's so bored of seeing this shit over and over again. And then when I get off stage and I was like, did you see that thing with that girl on the front row? And she was nodding and watched the set. I'm like,

and the worst thing is like just saying something's just casual, I'm just making up a thing but it's like, while I was talking I saw Dan Stancher main upstairs, like, what, talking to somebody else instead of talking while I was doing my own. There wasn't an emergency while I was bringing laughter to the people who need laughter. I was shining my light and you were not looking at it and you were not basking it. I was shining my light. You don't care for the neighbors. With you to one of your shows and didn't watch your sex. I was talking to

Linda at the seller outside. We just got caught up in conversation. I remember being like, oh my god, I can't believe I like didn't go in the room at all. Guess who else can believe it me? We probably keep looking in that hallway at the seller. How long was it going to stop? I'm like, so, blah, blah. Christine. Christine. How long was it where she stopped watching your set? I don't.

I usually watch. I'm like, she's not watching that. I mean, she still watches. I mean, she watches my set now. She comes. Yeah. That always makes me feel good when Katie comes. And she's like, I like watching you. And you're like, you do?

You watch? Yeah. But the thing, well, of course, they, I mean, it's like such a cool thing to see ultimately. But Christine is like, she's not a row at me that ton much now so like She doesn't see me as much as much as she has so come watch But if you were I got a weekend gig with me you'd watch a couple of the shows at least I mean You probably watch most of the all of the shows, but she would go like you know take a phone call or whatever

I wouldn't give a shit I wouldn't give a shit about that either, but like it is fun to do nothing at all You like hmm thought We're hanging here together I wouldn't give a sh- I wouldn't give a sh- about that either, but like it is fun. It's not there at all. You're like, hmm, thought. We were hanging here together. Dude, I had- The worst one I ever had was when I graduated college from University of Arizona, I was doing stand-up at laughs, and they called me and they were like, hey, our feature can't make it on Friday. Can you guest feature late, uh, eight in ten on the Friday Friday for this whatever whoever comic was headlining?

And it was the weekend of my graduation In fact, it was the Saturday shows because I graduated on Saturday and my mom is like, oh, we're gonna go to dinner We'll go to dinner early and then I would love my mom had never seen me do stand up She's like, I would love to come to your show. I was like, yeah, done. I'll leave you tickets We're at this steakhouse, and I'm watching my mom and her boyfriend drink, and I'm like, damn it, it kind of fucking tuned up. And we're all drinking, but I'm gonna go home and take a shower and go to the comedy club. We're drinking. I leave the tickets. Probably one of the best sets of my life at that time, and I was like, damn, I fucking killed.

Just knowing my mom and Keith were in the fucking audience, and I was like, here we go. And I waited by the bar and just kept like looking at the door for them to walk through and people would walk through and say great job And I'm like thanks, but I was doing the look around like where's my mom and then nothing and then I'm like I hope they're okay, and this is before texting so you had to I call I called her cell phone Now I'm like kind of worried right and I call her next day and she goes Dan Keith and I got too drunk at dinner and I fell asleep. And I was like, yeah, no, I love that.

I love that for you. I have to do that. So then my mom was like, it actually got me an out. Cause then my mom was like, when I would come to Denver and do bar shows, I'm like, you can't come. You missed your chance. I'll tell you when you can come watch me.

I took my, my mom and stepop, got a bless him, came out to see me in places like, warm daddies, there's like these all black shows and stuff where it was like, you know, and it was like, soul comedy cafe, two Ray always the shows were very like black centric, like the saline, like the, like a branding of it and everything. So my, and my parents, they'd always have to be, of course,

like, this is why I'm on the fucker right here doing it. He's only gonna swear the whole thing. But I'm saying that was like, they were the ones in the audience that did deal with that. And they would just sit there and go, but they would like cheer me on. And I was doing comedy that I know for sure neither of them thought was good.

Cause I was still very pandering stuff, but I was almost like, I was always inviting them knowing what I knew what I was good. Yeah. Because I was still very pandering stuff, but I was almost like, I was always inviting them to knowing what I, I knew what I was doing. Yeah. You know, I mean, I knew I was just trying to like get a stage confidence. I knew the jokes weren't like brilliant shittering like, but I was like, let me get this. So I was more, I'd tell them to come like, watch what I do, not what I say. So, you know, I mean, I'm almost like just taking it. I'm like, I've learned how to like do well in this situation, but the best one was bringing my uncle came to see me. It's the moment I went to his house and everything and land up for comic.

Oh yeah, you sleep on the couch. He was just uncle Vinny was just the white asshole in the audience for every black comic for like four hours. That's fucking great. But his goofy as my fucking mouth will be like, like my dad's actual brother, my dad's like, he had to bulb those. How long have you been doing comedy? It's about to be eight years, but I was gonna say my my parents have only seen me have that fucking brutal like before you have any jokes That's like my mom only saw me once and she I called her after and I was like what'd you think of the show?

She goes do you want my honest opinion? Which is how she open and I was like yeah, do you think of the show? And she goes, do you want my honest opinion? Which is how she opened and I was like, yeah. And she goes, I mean, you good, but you talk about anal sex. How you can talk about this with the people, this is private. Like that blew her face. That's hilarious.

Where's your mom from? She's, she was hit by a bus, she was from here. She's just brain damage. She's like, love, I have an accent now. And Vibas no in, accent into me. Those anal joke hits harder than BAS. I know joke. I'm originally from Springfield.

That's the, they're both Russian Jews. Damn, dude, you got Russian parents being like you. Oh yeah, dude. Dude, look. My little old Jewish grandma, I was told you, when they were showing her my like white boys in the hood set when I came home one holiday And I just saw my little grandma standing in front of a big screen TV. I saw her silhouette. I was like no

And I turned it off and I was like oh mom, I'm like, I'm so sorry. Why are you showing her that and my grandma goes like the people seem to enjoy it That's wait at least she's like you know, oh no, yeah, she would never have had a bad word. I'm just saying at my comedy, certainly what the reason she'd never seen me do comedy, it ain't for her. Yeah, to my and I love my grandma and I wouldn't want it to be upset hearing me talk like this. One of my favorites was my best friend, one of my best friends growing up, Gary Paye, like grew up all through high school. No, his parents very well. My comedy central half hour came out and I was like back home and we were like getting high or something. And he's like, my mom, I was like,

oh, how are your parents doing? Somehow the conversation, he's like, my mom didn't like your half hour. My mom doesn't think you're funny. He didn't say it in like a mean way. We were like, it was on the topic and he goes, I don't mean to be rude, but my mom like didn't like it and I'm like,

that's fine. But why even say that? Why you let that out? The back in a confidence that comes up a lot. You don't get it, and he goes, but it's the most awkward when like girls do that. You probably had a lot of that in Hot Boy times. And he goes, I thought you were fucking great.

My boyfriend says, you're stupid. You know, I think you're fucking hilarious. Please stop doing what you're doing. Please don't do that. I've had friends now go like, dude, to stand up you're doing now is funny. Yeah. What's up?

I've been doing the shit 18 years and they're like, yeah, but now it's like good. But they're right though. This is like, they're absolutely crazy. They're right. I go back and watch my old shit. I'm like, that's me doing what I think is stand up. Yeah.

Oh, of course. Yeah, my the first time I headlined in my town my dad invited like his whole company Like everybody he worked with his dad gets like party vans and shit in Cleveland. Oh really? Like limousines and shit. That's fucking awesome party van cuz boss owns a party van Coffin y'all like even a party van one thing was there in a fubu So your dad promoted it dude boss owns a party van, Kofi Y'all. It's like he went a party van one time. I was there in a Fubu. So your dad promoted it. Dude, he brought his whole fucking, every person he works with came out

and like I was like three or four years in. And I'm, dude, my closer is a bit about how a couple asked me to fuck them. And then like how me and my dad were on a trip together and we shared a honeymoon suite. And all the jokes are like, there's throw away like then my dad were on a trip together and we shared a honeymoon suite, and all the jokes were like, they just throw away, like, then my dad fucked me. Like, and this whole company's just in the back just staring.

Oh my God, dude. So brutal. One of the first times I ever was, the first time I had a headline back in Denver, they gave me like a split weekend, where I did like, the comedy work South, Thursday and Sunday, and then I featured, or Wednesday and Sunday, and then I featured downtown Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

And I was like, yeah, all right, it was like, trying to see it. It was my mom's 65th birthday, and all my family, all my friends and their family came out, and I fucking did, worse than bombing, I did okay. And my mom was hammered. And she was like sitting there like this. The first time she watched me have like that. She's like, did you just do okay or am I shit face?

Did she came back the thing that hurt the worst was she came and saw my Sunday show, which was like half as full. And it was just like fans or whatever. Yeah. And or just people. And it went much better. And then my mom the next day driving me the airport. She went, that Sunday show was so much better than Wednesday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I know that. I felt that. I just thought,

I went in here as the nuance as to why. Oh my God, dude, when they're shaking hands after and they're going, hey, good job. And you're like, you know it wasn't a good job. Yeah. You've been listening to Sirius XM's Bum-Five. Yeah. you