The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Hot Dogs with Rob Dukes

Episode Date: May 6, 2026

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fire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. I'm auditioning. You fucking do it! There's too much Boston in it. Too much, yeah. Suck my cock! You have no fucking idea! You're listening to

the dirtiest of the dozen by Exodus. You're listening to Shock Comedy. Shock Comedy Radio. Be a part of the madness. Tomorrow night. the Wellmont Theater Exodus attack.com Spell just how you think

Exodus attack.com get tickets to wellmont theater it is going to be a volatile pit I can only say I've been to the wellmont many times there there are no seats in the front it's one of them theaters they don't have seats it's just open floor

Is it pit? You son of a bitch You're trying to set me up No, it's until you go down the front row, you'll be fine. In the front row? Right about 10 feet back from the front. You'll be fine. Now, I'd love to tell you, the fun you're going to have is touching a bunch of hot girl butts as they coast over your body.

But it's next to the show, so it's going to be just like a bunch of us that you're going to have to have a hard time carrying. It's just us. Just a bunch of sweaty Rob Dukes and Bob Kelly's? Absolutely. And I'll tell you what, more than plenty Big Jays running around there. Dude, we have 5x t-shirts. Suck on that biohazard onics, you fucks. I had to make my own merch.

A 5X is a fucking bed sheet. Hell yeah. That's a lot of material, man. I know. You should have to make, you know, how much better we would all do if we charged, you know, like airplanes do. Like if you're too big, you have to buy two tickets for my concert. If you're four, every 200 pounds, you have to buy another ticket.

He's way in the door Like 26 people at the show I don't have to sell 50 tickets to show But it's fucking but it's fucking full Dude I can play Uncle Vinnie's every weekend Damn right dude it's gonna look like a fucking mush of Plato Fuck yeah Man dude skankfest

If we weren't any more of a hotter place The whole audience would just catch on fire Just see through vampire people Being exposed to the daylight What is this here? That's the show tomorrow. Oh, biohazards on with you guys tomorrow. Oh, nice.

Yeah. Well, let them know I pirated their merch because they don't have my size. They don't have your size anymore? No. Really? That's why I made the onics and the biohazard. Try to support both merches.

And you know what? I don't know if they had them earlier in the day because their merch people were like this. No. I was like, did you have? them they're like, huh? I'm like, never mind, man. I'm going to go. Let me take a look at this again real quick. I got it. I'm going to go have my friend Johnny make that.

Dude, I think I'm getting a little sick from that hot talk. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on, dude. Let me introduce our guests. You should have went to the place I went to. I gave so much hype and then Bobby thought to be. Bobby. Bobby Biff today pretty hard. It's been a rough day for Bobby. Let's bring in, first of all, our good friend. Good friend to the show, everybody. Again, Exodus playing tomorrow night. to Wellmont Theater. It is their singer extraordinaire, the great Rob fucking Dukes.

Thanks, Lou. Barely, too. You lost. How much did you lose? I don't know. A lot. You don't wait? You didn't know.

150. I think of 180 or something. You lost 180? 170, I think. You lost 170. Yeah. Holy shit. That was a fat fucking.

fucking retort. No, we saw you. We were there. We saw you. We were looking right at you. You lost more than a Jacob. I'm pretty sure I'm one of the guys who was, hey, dude, you got to do something about that. Yeah?

Yeah. Rob, you lost more than a Jacob of weight. I did. Yeah, you lost it. That's amazing. And I know that should make you feel bad, but I think it makes me Jacob feel like less of a man. Yeah. That a man could lose you.

That a real man can lose all of him and still be a man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look at you. Yeah.

You're looking at you're all. We were all. Fat. We were all fat and gross. Well, okay. Yep. Yeah. I mean, the fat part was good.

No, we were all gross too. Okay, yep, yep. I don't know. Lou was never a gross guy. He was always... Am I the third person? Yeah, you're the third guy. I started talking about Lou and I looked over and I was like, wait a second.

I saw a reflection of myself in his glasses and I was like, I think they're fucking talking about me. Yeah, we're all three of us with fat, gross ones in the studio at one point. I would have gone to Christine again before I went to me on that one, but okay, I guess. I guess the three of us were fat and gross. Well, she looks good, too. Yes.

Okay. But was she fat and gross before? She was not fat and gross. That was just me. She was not gross. I didn't think so. No, she was not gross. I thought maybe we were just all lumping in.

Definitely, she wasn't the F-A-T fat. She was the P-H-A-T fat. Well, we were always the kill on the fuck-marry-kill list. Yeah, because we got on top of them to fuck them. Yeah. I fucked them, married them, and then killed them. By fucking them. Kill by fucking them.

Yeah, Jacob, you never have to worry about killing somebody. Kill by fuck, great song, write it down. Here's your harmony. Work off that. Jacob's never been on top, by the way, either. Oh, my God. If you do, do you put your legs over the woman? You should be on top, but like that.

He should be riding her, but your penis in her. And I know you're thinking you might not have a long enough penis for that, but you will once we get these fucking knee-strapped dick extenders that we talked about all on the pre-record. Yeah. It's going to be the new biggest thing in my life. It's your dick. Yeah, it's the new veneers.

It's my new veneers. Bobby's having a rough day, Rob. I don't know how much you've communicated with them today. I haven't really. Well, it started off, and you'll hear about this more on Thursday because we read to calm Bobby down. He was a little hot. on the way here.

And here's the thing, let's just admit, I peacock a little more in the daytime. Physically. Just, yeah, naturally. Yeah, you peacock at 11 a.m. Peacocking at 11, for sure. Most people peacock around 9.30, 10, PM.

Let me tell you something. Jay wakes up peacocking. Somehow. I could go sweatpants or whatever, but I can go to a car wash dressed down as hell or them all, and someone, if they recognize me, they don't go like,

who's that? Why do I know? They go, that's him. Yeah. Isn't that the guy with his one sweat pant leg pulled up for no reason? And I'm telling you, they see that and they go, oh, that's funny. People always joke because Big Jay does. Oh, shit, it is Big Jay.

It is him. That's what I say you follow up any of the things you think of me, a wallet chain, all the dumb shit. Is that guy washing his car with mittens on? Oh, that's Big Jay. Only Big Jay would do some. That is fucking Big Jay washing his car with mittens. Just sopping wet mittens. I'll tell you what.

When I wore the gloves more, there were time. where it's like I wore the gloves even in a situation where like they've gotten wet while you're just like we're already committed to the look man I mean just from simply like picking up like wet cold beers and the gloves just like wet and you're like I mean I'm already committed to the look though but you've uh you've you've you slowly got out of them I haven't seen you with them on he's worn pink ones the other day yeah yeah no I wear them still it's just like uh you wore them every day for a minute well winter time I wear them every day right okay so it's a winter thing it is to Well, no, I'll do it.

I'm doing a big show. It's to keep your palms warm. Yeah. Fuck the fingertips. If I'm doing a big show, I'll probably wear him a couple times, maybe out in L.A. at the old Netflix fest. It's possible. Why was he crying this morning?

He wasn't crying. He was just in an upset mood because, on our walk-in, again, because I'm a statue-esque. And, you know, the natural peacock that people on the street, a couple people stopped to say that we're a big fan of mine. Yeah. and then Bobby, he calls this giving it an opportunity for them to recognize him, but that starts with, hey, and then the person always is jarred, and then he starts fucking motherfucking them for not recognizing him.

That's right. Yeah, I've earned it. I've earned it. I don't put up with that shit. It's not like he's trying to go, hey, do you recognize me too? And then he goes, fuck you for not recognizing me. And even if they do, when they go, okay, no, I do recognize you. But they're also like, I do recognize you.

fucking asshole why are you cursing at me and then bobby's like fuck you and then they're in that no first of all why should i keep it with the uh the anger the you can have it you gave it to me it's for you fuckface in a suit how's that i don't have a good argument against that you can't i either take it with me and then i got to go to bed with it and then some guy in a fucking vest is in my head or i just give it to fuckface and the guy actually said no dude i know i No, you, dude, I've seen you like 10 times. Well, fucking mention that. We were in, he was coming this way, we're going this way.

I stopped to yell at this guy's face. I was right there. I stopped in my tracks. And Bobby? Yeah. And the reason this is hitting Bobby so hard today that he feels outside he's been jilted, thank God. The next guy that we passed by asked me for a picture,

but Bobby dipped in the Starbucks mercifully. Yeah. Mercifully. Because this guy was a big fella and Bobby was going to give him the business. This guy had a lot to go on if you wanted to start tearing him apart and Bobby would have given them biz. Then, mercifully, while we were getting our hot dogs, somebody stopped by and recognized both of us. So recognize me first and then recognize Jay. By the way, I almost wanted to stay turned around because when he got Bobby first, I was like, I hope he doesn't know who I

know. Of course I'm going to know who you are. You're dressed like you just got out of a fucking video. A cool video, though. It's very cool video. I play keyboards and gotsmack. That hot dog is fucking coming up. Well, so Bobby is feeling a lot of this coming down on today on a day that he thought was going to be possibly the beginning of the rest of his life. Yeah. It was set out to be a phenomenal day of a new experience that I haven't experienced in my life today.

And when I was walking here, I felt fantastic. And it's because Bobby is wearing. And you may have just noticed if you look down at all, his hilarious gigantic height-giving shoes that put three inches on his height but he has been not noticed in them and he is also, his feet now as the day has moved forward

are killing him because inside they are high heels he's wearing high heels his feet are killing him I had I had to walk like Christy Brinkley on the way back from the hot dog place here I had to switch hips That's the only way it felt good And by the way, because the heel

Bob, if you wouldn't mind taking a little stroll for us What you'll notice is Because the heel Is completely up to the ankle of the shoe He's stepping out of them Every time he steps walks They're too big for them They're too big for you

They're way too big I have to switch hip on the way that's in the way Show Jacob the backs You're coming out your whole foot's out of it of them. I didn't tie them. Work it, girl. Thank you. They are. Watch this.

Come here, Jacob. Stand up. I'm sorry. Watch how tall Jacob gets. Put these on, Jacob. This is his dream. This is Jacob's dream. What the fuck. Yeah, dude.

They work. They don't work on you, though. Yeah, they do work on me. What are you talking? Jacob. Don't you eyeball me, Bobby. All right, I won't. Don't you eyeball with you.

I'm sorry. Bobby, if you pushed him, he would come out of the shoes. That's the one thing You can't get to a fight in these What size shoot you do you work? Can I try them on? Yeah, sure What size are they?

Size, I think it's 11 Oh, no, I can't try them on. Okay, well, that hurt too. I'm a size 14, dude. Okay, I get it. You're taller, bigger, fancier, more recognized. Anything else you want to add to it? Oh, I got to slip by.

Bobby. Bobby, these days are almost over for you of being unrecognized because once you start living out loud is flaming Bob Dandy. Well, as I was walking here, a guy came out between two cars, and he had you're a lead singer talking about um he had a he had a bunch of hats in his fan

in his hand a bunch of hats and he said something to me and I said no and he and I kept walking he goes you're gonna do me like that and melody goes he asked you if you like black people and he said no and kept walking so you were honest and I and I turned around I go dude I'm deaf in my left ear what did you say he goes do you like black people I go yeah you sure that was and then and then he goes oh because you look like my boy big jay and he was a hat guy outside the building and I and well well we know that my business partner you've met his business partner and everybody knows that black people black people rule yeah yeah I mean as big jay says I thought he asked me I thought he asked me do you want to buy a hat sure and I said no I'm

already wearing a hat like no what the fuck I'm going to buy a hat for no that's a big fuck but but I didn't say that I just said no and I kept walking and he stood there with his like mal but can I be on can I be on his side for a second yeah you do it I don't like you don't like black people. I know. I mean, you look like the poster for, I don't like blacks. And you don't say black people,

you just say blacks. Nothing wrong with that. Yeah, Jacob, I get you right. That guy is, uh, he's a hustler, dude. I don't know. Hey, hey, hey, don't talk about his partner. I don't know what happened out there one day.

I do. He came to me and I said, go talk to him. And you, because you don't have bones in your body, and you don't know how to say beat it like Rob. I don't like black people take off. You talk to him and became friends with them,

you're spineless fucking jellyfish. I was nice to a guy that seemed like he was trying to do it. He gave me his little rap about the thing, and I'm like, oh, cool, man. And he was like, you work here? I'm like, yeah, yeah. And we do a thing. And then, no, that was one of the days

where the guys here there are for autographs were asking me for it. So he was kind of like, he had like a who are you thing. So I'm like, oh, we do a show up here and everything. And then he's like, oh, let me look you up on Instagram. Okay, so he looks at the Instagram and then starts messaging the on Instagram. And also he's also giving me free hat, free shirt already that I cannot wear because the shirts have the dimensions of like, what was the character in staying alive's name?

Who is, you always saw clavicle on the shirt? It's a very swoopy over thing. So it's not going to be my thing. You don't like showing off your clavicle? I don't. You don't have an hot clavicle? I don't have hot clavicles. I would not say.

I mean, it is my spot. It is my erogenous zone. Well, can I just say something? Maybe he saw what everybody else sees. You're the man. Yeah, yeah, maybe I see that was the man. Oh, that's what's killing Bobby. We didn't say that part.

I'm sorry. The guy in the vest who hates Bobby now. Doesn't hate me? Well, now he does because you almost fought him on the streets. He goes, I saw you ten times. And Bobby goes, and I fucking murdered it every time, didn't he? He goes, absolutely. But he's not.

the man. And that Bobby, his toes went up because his heels went further down to the ground. He seesawed backwards. I was about to throw one of my high-heel sneakers at his head. You sold me. I was never going to get them.

And then you walked in with that height and that confidence. And they didn't look bad. And now you're telling me they're crushing your feet. No, here's why I haven't, I didn't tie them. I just threw them all. Take a look. So if you tie them. They're high heels, Bobby.

Why wouldn't you tie them? shape of a sneaker you're in pain Why would you not tie them? Jacob, look at the screen. This is what Bobby's doing. You have time? This is what Bobby's on right here. That's what you look like Bobby.

What are we watching? What is this? It's American Dad. He just tells him to look like he has a big dick. He just puts a salami his pants and wears six times two big shoes. And that's what you look like walking outside trying to keep your balance. Mine is the big dick. Yeah.

Mine is the important part. These shoes should come with a salami. Oh, yeah. She's a cream. Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. It's, uh...

My dick. It didn't work out. My dick. Then we went to a hot dog guy who took 55 minutes. Oh, and this is why Bobby's also upset also. He goes, he's been talking up for, since last week I got a hot dog. Bobby goes, He goes, we got to go.

Well, because I'm, first of all, an influencer. And I follow other influencers. And I follow a hot dog influencer who goes to all the hot dog carts and picks the best ones and the cheapest ones. And there was one on 45th. I watched it. 45th. I didn't know it was Broadway. I thought it was 6th.

It's on Broadway. $4 a hot dog, A rating, one of the best in the city. So I've been pumping this up, influencer to go to my friend Jay to say, hey, hot dog day, Wednesday. Today's Wednesday? Tuesday. No, Thursday. Hot dog day Tuesdays.

Last Wednesday. I'll just fix it on the fly. You're not going to catch me. Last Wednesday. So we were all ready to go to the hot day. I mean, pumping it up, we're going to hot dog. Tuesday, we're going to the hot dog. We went, I didn't know it was on Broadway.

We wound up going to the wrong hot dog cart. We went to one we had to go to because we're run out of time. Nathan's, that had an A, but not an A, the person that was working there was not a day. Oh, he was at F-minus. Yeah. We were the only people there. We got four hogs between us and two orders of French fries.

And we were there for 20 minutes at this thing waiting for this guy. He just was so slow and he asked you everything up front. And then every time he went back, he would just ask you all over again. By the way, he wouldn't do that. He did the thing where he just guesses it all wrong on purpose because you're going to say something. He goes, you wanted pickles. mayonnaise and a picture of your mother on yours? No?

Just like, just sauerkraut and mustard. How do you have a picture of my mom? What do you want mayonnaise and like my boogers and me to touch it with my fingers? You want mayonnaise and you want me to come on this? Yeah. No. Relish, shove it in my asshole and pull it back out. No.

Relish again. Mustard. That's it. Right there. You actually got it right. I'd love you to say, but relish again. I don't know what. I thought the hot dog game was all about like two hot dogs.

hot dogs please and they go wha what do you want on it squirt squirt here i got one he had it in my hand before i even had my fucking card on my wallet yeah that's it should be that's how it's supposed to be it's that's what happened right right there dude on the fucking then the guy bullied us into paying cash then he stopped making our hot dogs to start cleaning up after himself he started cleaning the grill christine was like excuse me we have to go back to work like we work in a fucking company like a like a like we work in offices There's a live show starting. I'm like, we got to go. He gets to go.

He's starting crazy. And he goes, oh. And he goes, what do you want? A tire and mayonnaise and used underwear. I'm going to go at relish and mustard. Hey, what do you want to drink? Fresh squeezed orange juice? I have to go get the oranges.

Do you want that? He goes, and you said you want it again? I think it was ginger ale and piss. No, Pellegrino. Do you have piss? It was, then he put the drinks in a. a bag, which took 38 seconds. By the end, he was fucking with us.

Yeah, he was. But then the way he started tetrissing hot dog boxes in a bag, he was like, put them in and let us leave. Yeah. Why are you holding his prisoner? I feel bad. And then we found out that it was on Broadway. The one I wanted to go was they flip them in, bang, and they're only four bucks.

These were $8. Oh, you should wonder why we were, uh, had time to watch it because we were just standing there waiting for a hot dogs watching a video about a much better hot dog stand that Bobby's thought we were going to. I thought we were all going to have a cigar and hang out before the... We all did. We all did. We all did.

But this guy fucked us. I had a nice cigar. It was nice. A nice hot dog. Like that. Yeah. Well, I have sore feet and indigestion now from that garbage hot dog and the piss drink he gave me. I think he did come in my hot dog.

Oh, he probably came in your hot dog. You had boogers and cum for sure. That's my nickname in high school. Buggers and cum Kelly. How did you know that? Oh, yeah. B and C. Kelly? I was a booger guy, though, back of the day.

You know that. You know I like the boogers. And I was like, you know what you remember that, right? Flaming Bob Dandy. I used to love picking my nose and rolling a booger on my upper lip into a perfect sphere and then placing it back in my nose, so it would be big enough where it stayed. We know.

Thank you. Why do you tell this to the audience? You got to open up to these people, let them know who you are, really are. Flaws and all. No, I mean? Here's a thing. Even if four of the people in this room have done the same thing, you're just best one you take with you.

Buddy, I was only 18 when I was doing it. That's way too late, man. I'm kidding. Too much hair in your dick. I didn't start growing here. I didn't have puberty until 21. Most people don't know that. You had no dick hair until you were 21?

21. It just sprouted. Bald dick. No, of course not. Yeah. Bald dick, 21, boom. 22? Full patch.

You're like a fucking cadaver until you were 21. Yeah. Your dick hair does fall out as you get older, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. It goes see-through and then it falls out. Bobby, you might not be able to appreciate this, but mine's always been a little bit see-through, but that's because, you know, if you brought it all together, it's a lot of hair, but when you have flesh and fatted it out this way, the hairs separate, you see.

And then it's a bit of see-through. I've also, not only do I envy and enjoy looking at the, admiring the huge penis of another man, but also a thick patch of dick hair will also make me also go, damn, dude, I wish it a big old thick patch of dick hair. Like a Joe Rogan beard down there? Yes. Yeah, like a Greek 5 o'clock shadow.

Apps of fucking loop. Yeah. I think my ball hair looks like this right now. I think it's the same. Yeah? Yeah, well, let's see it. Texture. Well, I used to be, I was always a fucking,

I had like red fucking hair. Oh my God. I was a fucking redhead. But I was a blonde as a kid. And then I had red dick hair and red fucking chest hair like a fucking ginger fucking idiot. Just so you know your wife's frowning and nodding. Yeah. Yeah.

And now it's going to red red dick hair. She's like, yeah. I'm so glad he's getting old and it went to another color. Now it's going gray. Yeah, I don't have to fuck Halloween dick anymore. My ball hair. My ball hair is like my. face hair grows like that kind of same hair my ball hair is gone though I shave that off but my

dick hair yeah it's just it's I wish it wasn't so sparse it's a little sparse it's a little sparse but I think too being heavy for a long time like we were I think it hates us and falls out I think it kills the root yeah I think it's just hate this is a theory right now I haven't put it to any scientific test I'm going to this year uh with Mr. Tyson Dr. Tyson but I believe that as you, with the fwap hanging over that, it kills the hair. Because I'm with you. No oxygen.

No oxygen. Nope. There we go. No oxygen. No oxygen. No sunlight. No sunlight. And also, because it's protruding.

Yeah. The rub. The rub's. No oxygen. No sunlight. The rub. What's this theory? And then, you know, the self-hatred pulling it out.

Hang on. He's good at these. One at a time. He's good at these. No, what was the last thing? No oxygen, no sunlight. The rub. The rub. I'd have to tease fucking things up.

Fuck, switch it around. There's no rub, no oxygen, no sunlight. I'm out of it. Come on. No, let's just call it together for the fatso's out there. She's called the bonfire theory. What the fuck? What is that? Is that a race jacket?

Yeah. Pull out like all very casually, a fucking full race jacket? We have this attention spent of cats. You can't just pull yellow shit out in front of us? What is this? What are you doing, dude? It's just a coat that fell out. my chair. Yeah, but it fell off your chair, and then you held it up like a flag, and we all went, Squirrel!

Are you wearing that today? If it gets cold in here, I will put on this racing jacket. It's not just a racing jacket. You all know what it is, so I don't understand. Yeah, it's the jackets Joey Lugano gave us. Thank you. Right. Or his team gave us.

It's just really loud. Why is Jacob stuck up for us like that? Yeah. I have nice. I feel like I have nice dick hair. What? Mine is nice. Well, you really just wanted to get in that.

I was waiting from my window. What do you got? What do you got down there? Let Chee put his hands down your pants. The jacket broke in. Let Chew his hands down your pants just to the top of your shaft. It's full, right? It's like brillo.

Let him feel it. No, dream about it. You can only guess. You can only... Well, just pull out a little bit. Take my word for it. Oxygen. No rub.

There's no rub. There's oxygen and sunlight because you lie on your roof trying to catch pigeons as friends in the weekend, naked. Right? So it just gets vitamin D. You're up there trying to turn the pigeons against the rats. Genetics, I guess. Batats have good dick hair. Yeah.

Is it? Do you trim it? I trim, yeah. You do? I'm not going to be like a Sasquatch. What do you? I'm like Jay. I think Jay and I have the exact same grooming routine. No ball hair and then a nice, nice trim.

What, what shape is it in? Pyramid? No, you don't. A box? I don't make a shape. I don't shape it. I just cut the length back. Well, you trim the top.

Trim the top down, right? Trim the top down. And then you trim the sides, right? I don't like put... You make an arrow? No. You don't make the arrow? I don't put a landing strip.

Let me ask you a question. How a girl's going to know where to go if you don't make an arrow? Oh, I'll tell you how they're going to know, because his dick is going to be stretched out and connected to his knee. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. I think you forgot about that. I forgot about that. The new most important thing in my entire life.

I actually went with a girl once. She had a big hair. hairy box but shaped in the shape of a box. So it was really an official box. Like 3D? She had a... She's like the cube thing where it's like two squares connected by lines? It was like a...

She made it into a square. Instead of like a V. Got you. But she let it grow full. So it looked like a kid in play almost. Ew. That was kind of nice. You don't mean that.

I don't. Yeah. But I didn't... It's one of those things where you like... It's like the girl with the armpit hair. I was like, ooh. But then I was like, I kind of like it. If you're 69, though, it does lay nice on your chin.

Yeah. And you can put stuff in it, like pens. That's true. You can put pens in. Yeah. Or maybe one of those, like, sandwich swords. I'm just thinking of it. I was brainstorming.

If I could get my full patchback, I would just let it grow. Like a 70s? Yeah, I would just let it go. Really? Yeah, I let it go. Jacob, when he said, He shaves a little bit of the fucking top, too. That's impressive.

That's when you don't have to... I have to let the... It looks like the hair comes out from underneath my belly is how it has to go. I can't. If I shave the top of that, it's too much flesh between belly button and dick. Not shave. I hold you know? 72.

How old do you know? 48. Do you have the, like, random hairs that grow out of your dick, like an inch or two down? Oh, an inch? Oh, underneath. At the base. Not on the base. You know, I'm glad I am.

He didn't say out of the pee hole. I was going to not be his friend. Like the first, like, the last two inches is, like, I have to trim those back. It's growing up. Yeah, it's going toward the head. Very slight, that's not, what I have, what I have is underneath the head when I'm shaving, I'll notice. Like, you know, a dog has a couple, just like little three hairs here? Yeah.

I get those, like, a half inch, three quarters of an inch down from my. dickhead underneath my dick head like a Chinese grandmother yes yes you know what I have I actually they're gone they're never there because I get rid of them but if I don't get rid of them they'll be there have you guys ever had a tooth grow out of the phe hole no oh no I never have okay me neither then oh shit I'm not opening up to you ever again talk about burgers you fucking shame me no we've never had that you freak you know what I got though a nice uretha Franklin What's the word you just said?

Urethra? Eurethra. There you go. There you go. Oh, you know what I meant. Yeah, R-E-S-P-E-C-2. Find out what it means to me. I have a nice pee-hole.

I have a nice-sized peel. I don't like a penis. Someone interrupt this before he gets this. I don't like a penis with a big hole. Back me up, Christine. Wait, guys have different size pee holes? That's what I would have said. Oh, yeah.

That's the thing I would have said to you. No, there's guys. I've never noticed the pee holes. I was watching the porn the other day. I was watching, because I'm into this, you know, friend's wife gives massage thing. She's a real massage therapist. Okay, weirdo sitting next to your friend and his wife.

She gives good massages, Jay. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, whatever, dude. Whatever we do, man. the lead singer of Exodus. He doesn't care. He just wanted to tell me to do it. But we have a drawing if you want to see it. Yes. Okay. He drew

us last time we did it. No, yeah, there was this, so the guy pulled, you know, he had the towel on and she's rubbing, then it flops off, and she kind of looks at it like, oh, God, pee hole, huge. Big peahole. Stanhope told me something about that.

Yeah. That there's a certain part of the gay community that bores that hole out so they can Fuck the holes. No, they can fuck the holes. What? Yeah. Wait a minute.

Stanhold told me the story. Oh, that must be gospel. A guy who lives in a commune compound? Hey man, you ever fucking know the gay guys brought their dick holes out so they can fuck it? A guy who lives just two people on a compound for a cult? Now that I said it out loud. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he goes, Doug Stenup said there is aliens, so that's not even talk about it anymore.

Yeah. Yeah, there was five people on the grassy knoll. Doug Sannup told me. Doug Stenab said that. He said he has pictures somewhere. I can't believe I said it out loud. I didn't think of that first. Yeah, they have different. He said he has pictures somewhere in his house.

He'll find him. Like your pee hole would be a different size than my pee hole is a different size. I would imagine Rob has a big peahole. Powerful. I don't know. I think it's a fucking average fucking peehole. I think my dick holes is regular old dick hole. Yeah, I got a nice one.

And it shuts. Some guy's pee holes are open. Have you ever going to take a piss and then have it just go fucking sike a Because it wasn't open all the way. Of course. Yeah, when you have sex the night before, you masturbate the next day, it's sealed shut. So you got to pee that seal open. Yeah.

Or you put it on a warm compress after sex like I always do. Oh, really? Yeah, treat yourself nice. Is that what the towel, the face cloths for? Little guy worked hard. Son of a bitch, do you have to do? When you have sex, do you clean up, like, fully? Do you shower?

Do you make sure everything's off you? all the sexes off, you just go right to bed. Right to bed. I can go pretty right to bed. Right to bed. I like to get it off. Yeah. I like to get it off.

I mean, it depends what's happened. Anal. With a guy. Oh, yeah, I'm going to run that off. Yeah, okay. I'm sorry. Right to bed. I didn't give you guys that for you?

Right to bed. Right to bed. I'm in a hot shower. I'm in a hot shower thing. It's one of those things. The shower's going. I'm just hugging my knees and making a face. And then you start seeing that starts becoming like pink water,

it's coming out from underneath me going to the drain. Pink and brown. Yeah, yeah. It was like this. I need to rinse this one off of me. And the pink's from the pee-hull? My giant, fucking, bored-out pee-hole. Because it Doug Stanhope's head so.

Yeah. And that's what it says in the steam on the window. It says Stanhope was right. Luke, can you find out if that's a thing? If Stanhope is insane or is that really a thing? Well, I mean, you don't have to ask that question. I don't know if that's a thing. Flaming Bob Dandy?

Look at that. It's Bobby's new drag character. Nice. He's pretty much hitting the circuit. Hey, boys. Guess who's at Skank Fest this year? Working in the little room, but it's always a big room when I'm here. It's Flaming Bob a do-da-da-da-dandy.

Here, here. Girl, girl, girl, girl, boy, boy, boy, boy. We're here. We're queer. Flaming Bob Dandy. Flaming Bob Dandy. You are going to make a bazillion dollars with Flamming and Bob Dandy. great song, by the way.

Absolutely. I researched this. Yeah. Some individuals, including some gay men engage in a practice known as urethral sounding or p-hole play, which involves inserting tools or rods into the urethra for sexual pleasure. The urethra? What is it called? What was it?

Urethral sounding. That's the name of the term. It's urethro. Not urethra. No, urethra is the thing. Yeah, he rethrows the thing, but... But it's your rethroll play. Thrill.

You rethroll. Stanhope was right. I'll tell you this, though. You have a masturbate with shampoo and some of it gets in your pee-hole and it fucking burns when you take a piss? I think I did... I think my trying to jerk off with household fluids were over a long, real young kid. Yeah, when I was younger, I jerked off with Brett. Remember Brett?

I was a Prel guy I went to Pantin Didn't work That was a condition of Anthip who in one Oh I'll tell you what you don't want to get in your dick Selsen Blue Yikes You might as well just fucking smoke a Newport

With your dick hole I mean that's gonna fucking hurt Seltsin Blue Oh my God I made sure I never had dandruff again in my life Because of the pain that would cause my skin When it ran off It's like fire

Yeah But goddamn I've never had It's what talking about Afrin which I know is evil, but like, talk about something that it does the job it's supposed to do. Did you jerk off with Afrin? No.

But Selson Blue, when I was a kid, at one point, comically, almost like the breakfast club girl, I was able to sit one time, I was, like, doing homework, and I was able to, like, from all that it's the dippity do and should I put my hair? I had, like, a crust layer on my hair, and it was a problem. Yeah.

And my mom was like, I'll get you Selsen Blue for it and put it on, and it felt, I combed my hair, combed it, put that on. It felt like hot lava on my head, and I've never had dandruff again a day in my life, ever again. Yeah, I had to use Sousin Blue for a minute, too. I think young boys, I don't know if we wash our hair. If you do a bunch of product, too. Yeah, that's it.

We get that dandruff. I was in school one day just scratching my head, and I looked down on my desk, and it looked like a snowstorm. Well, it got to the point where I was like, well, I got to solve this, I know. But that day that I was discovering this, I was like, I'm going to sit here for the next 45 minutes. I don't pull all, because it was, like, very satisfying and, like, a glue off your fingers way. Oh, I made a snowman. But I mean, it was so gross, but that's Celson Blue. Motherfuck. Yeah, I jerked off of it. I jerked off with shampoo. And if it goes in your pee hole just a little bit,

then when you've got to go pee later, it's like somebody's stabbing your dick with a knife. So I couldn't imagine boring out your penis and putting another penis in there must hurt. So, yeah. Was that all together? Get to the fact that it would probably hurt to have your penis hole board out? And then feel wonderful. It's kind of like all that to get to that, Jay. Like, do you know how the people stretch their ears out? It's the same fucking thing.

I like dramatic pauses. It involves using sterile, lubricated metal, or glass tools. So you can't use a rusty wrench or something like that? Oh, yeah? No rusty nails. It says. Go sterile? Okay, this time we'll go sterile.

So we can't get a bottle off the street and just break it and use that? Is that what you're saying? No. Oh, God. I can bore out my dick hole with this fucking rusty nail, please. You see that dead pigeon claw? Can you hand that to me for a second? I don't want to bore up my p-hole for Jay.

I'm trying to. Can we see if we can find a picture or a video of this happening? Because I will say, the idea of this is like, and I'm not, I'm never going to compliment my own dick. And it's almost a point I'm making. My dick, particularly. I don't think there's a dick out there that's dick hole could get big enough. There's some dick holes.

Like, you'd have to get the dick hole, like, You ever try to put your dick in a paper towel or a toilet paper roll? Yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. It ain't going in. You think it's going to go in. It seems like it's going to go in because a toilet paper roll.

But it's not. It doesn't go in. Mine did. Ah, shit. God damn it. Christine, go to video, please? You make this fucking day worse, can you? Christine, we have a video?

Why don't you just take my sneakers off, asshole? Bob, you need me to hold you from behind so you don't fall forward in those things. His shoes are launching him with every step. This is awful Okay Yeah All right What do we

Oh All right All right Oh wait stop stop stop stop Stop stop I pulled it away You guys wanted to see it First of all stop stop

Pause pause pause pause We're looking at What I can only say Is an average penis And they're sticking A A wire With a bigger

I would say Like some type of Bigger piece at the end of it, down the penis and you can see the actual... Oh, God. You can see the wire coming up and down. It's like he's literally plunging the penis hole

all the way down to the balls with the thing. Do you remember the scene in the Matrix when Neo has the tracker in his belly? But this one's in his pehole. Picture that into somebody's feet. Yeah, this is like when Schwarzenegger tried to pull the tracker out of his nose in total recall.

Oh, she's doing it. Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Now this girl, hang on, hang on, stop. Pause it. Just pause it, pause it. Oh, my God. We have to describe this for Jim. Sorry, Jim, listen, please, quickly.

Yeah, please, Jay, describe it for Jim. There's a girl. X that out. I think it's a girl. It's a girl. Yeah. It's a girl, and she's plunging like a, I don't know, it's like a fucking blizzard spoon straw.

Actually, it looks like. Harry Potter's wand. It could be Harry Potter's magical wand. Yeah. Or something, I'm thinking maybe something from the Harry Potter gift store or something. Is he either Slytherin or it's Hufflepuff? It's Hufflepuff or Slipp. I don't know.

I'm a muggle, but this. It is making me fucking gag. Oh, but she's cramming this, she's cramming this magical instrument. Stay in it, Jay. She's showing major disrespect for the, for the craft. And she's using it to simply put, oh, he's going on. Oh, he's uncircumcised. He's uncircised.

Oh, that's the grossest part now. Oh, my God. I'd rather get my dickhole fucked than be uncircised. It's disgusting. Put that on a t-shirt. I'd rather get my dickhole fuck than be uncircised. Put that right next to DJ Luce shirts. Please.

Fucking Stanhope. Oh, God. Yeah, but... This guy does, though, at least have the class to shave his dick hair off. So you can identify. You can. By the way, I got to tell you. I got to tell you what.

He's taking it great. How do you know? You can't see his face. He may be screaming the plane the other day. His legs are totally still. Yeah, but he might have, be strapped down. No, look. You can see.

He wasn't strapped down. Why don't you see? We do it with a guy's face in it. Oh, wait a minute, go to that one. Oh, this one actually, they're going to pull it out. They're going to pull it out. Oh, there's ponies. Oh, yeah, let's go in.

It's going on. Al-Qazam! Al-Qazam! Wait a minute! That wasn't a pee-hole. She was trying to find it. He might have two pee-holes. There's a rare thing where I have two pee-holes.

He's magical like a unicorn? becoming on the bench of it's the cricket yeah they just told you it you're going Hey you shouldn't be doing this God Hates this Mischief managed Oh God

dude wow You know Stanhope told me that And I never thought to go look Yeah well you don't have a radio show You have to fill in for fucking An hour and 45 every day You have no idea

We're almost through the first hour And all we've done is look at this guy's I get cold get fucked I can't wait talk about this tomorrow on stage at the one month have you guys have to talk up to me you guys on the left hold the stick you guys in the right get your dick's wait wait now not until I say your wreathral sounding your wreathral sounding oh yeah fuck your dick holl

Fuck your fucking dick hole. So much you put that on one of those shirts that were John Lennon's wearing that. Fuck your fucking dick hole. You didn't remember John Lennon wore that strawberry fields. Christine, did you find if pee holes are bigger than others? Yeah, said that they're different sizes. Did you ever find a big one? Find the biggest pee hole you can find.

I think the big ones are ones that have been stretched out with that type of shit. But no, guys are natural. Natural, natural. Just right in the word natural and you'll find the answer to your question. Me? I can hold an Indian head penny in mine. Jacob will go around the room. I think Jacob could maybe do a $10.

Maybe a half dollar. Maybe a toothpick? I mean, I'm... Really? I just got a little teeny pee hole. Really? Jacob, a dreidel stem? I don't think about it.

I think I can manage that. I don't know, Mel, my peehole's normal, right? It's tiny, yeah. You got a tiny peahole? Why, you made little sissies? Yep. I don't know. I say when I pee, so I don't know.

Rob sounds like a broken sprinkler. I have taken, by the way, talk about sitting when you pee. I don't sit when I pee, but I will, I've taken to, and I think some people have admitted this to have been like, you're not supposed to use it like that. But I have now, after I go to my full morning bathroom routine,

it seems like that's the setting on the thing. I shoot that bidet. I mean, I take a good pint of it up my asshole. Yeah. And kind of like gargle it? Yeah. And then fire out would have been a later, on the day shit, I believe.

Oh, yeah, dude. I call it mining the shit. Isn't that what you're supposed to do? Yeah, you're supposed to mine it. Yeah. No, that's right. But I say with people, like, no, it's just for cleaning. No.

No. I actually learned to open my asshole like a dolphin hole. I found that I have to... You can hear my asshole go... Yeah. Me too, but it's like I have to lean forward. I snake like this a little bit. And then eventually I find it, go, there it is.

And I have to be like this. I'm holding a laptop, watching like... The sound goes like this. It goes like this. Swah. And then when it's overflowing, it goes... Yeah. My goes like this at the end.

You're an animal. Look at that dickhole. That's gross. No, I would say if I open my dick hole, it would look like the one on the right over there. That one looks like a turtle mouth. Yeah. My dick head, if I open the head up, it looks like the little tiny screaming mouths coming out of Freddy's body in that one. You were all my children now.

Remember the little worm and Sesame Street that they would go like that? Remember his little mouth? Yeah. Christine, bring it back up. Let me see this. Show me a, don't show me a, like a dead person's one. Show me a real guy's peehole.

Yeah. You've shown cadaver dicks over there. Yeah, there's like dead gray dicks you bought up. I don't want to see that. Well, she's desperate to use this new subscription she got. I said, you're never going to look at cadaver dicks for the rest of your life for fucking $5.99 a month. And she goes, you'll be surprised. Here we go.

Now she's trying to push it on us, so we're all involved. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Take that up with rocket money. That's not my problem. Come on. Extreme monster. Just bring it up.

What? What? What? Scroll down. Oh, that. He's putting a fucking pen. He's put a Sharpie in this dick. Yeah, there you go.

Oh, my God. I don't like those. Oh. Camelan and the a eight. People. You never pee-hole karaoke before? We should do that. We should do that.

We should get a... Oh, my God. Wow. Yeah. By the way, I love when people are doing cock and ball torture themselves, but casually doing something else. This guy's like, look, he's like,

he's like looking through like a menu at a Chinese restaurant or something over the right. He's like, no, I'm just strapped up in my ball bag and fucking my own dick hole. He goes, and I'm thinking my guy Goupan. Do you know how hungry? I'm going to treat myself. You know how hungry you get when you do a cock torture?

He's like, sorry, he goes, My dick is all purple and discombobulated. And also, ooh, the new architectural digest just came in. Because his dicks, his dicks wearing a tuxedo right now. Man, I have no, I'd tell you what it is. And I know Lewis is mildly in, like, chicks, like, smacking him around and shit a little bit. Like, he's not into, like, vicious stuff, but, like, I'd never understood the torture stuff. I don't even, like, I've had a handful of girls in my life go and think that I want my nips cranked

And I'm like, I know I'm apparently the only white person you've ever had sex with, but I don't like that. We were outside after the regs yesterday. Some cranking nips. Me and Lewis were out front smoking a cigar and just some kind of hot middle-aged woman walks up. And she's like, can I ask you a question? And if I'm, if I was, I'm not a comedy special. And I'm going to name it like the dominatrix mama or something like that. Do you think that's a good name?

And I was like, it was weird, weird that she just come up. I guess she knew who he were. And we're like, well, do you do comedy? She's, yeah, I'm a comedian. And I go, you have a special coming out? And she's like, yeah, I go, were you a dominator? She goes, yeah, I was a dominator. I'll dom you.

I go, I'll hit you. I just walked away. I'm going to let you fucking dom me. I've just never gotten the idea. I'm not into being like, like, like I get for a sec, if you like tied up for a minute and a girl blew you, like, sure, I get, but like the whole, like having sex and the whole thing.

I mean, after about five minutes of all of them, I'm going to go like, all right. Like, unstrap me. I did it. Let's fuck regular. I dated a Dom girl back in Boston. She was into it. That was a girl named Dom.

No. That was a guy named Dom. That turned into a girl. Oh. When we domed. Named Richard. Weird. Yeah, it was weird.

She made a lot of strange choices. She became a girl named Dick. He was a black guy named Richard. Weird. No, but she did that. She put me in handcuffs one night and then she started slapping my face. Mm-hmm. And I had to kind of manipulate her to get me out of the handcuffs.

And then as soon as I got them out, I put her in the handcuffs. And then I left her in my room for an hour. I love that. Yeah, I just walked away. I go, now you sit. Now, that whole hour, I assume you were heating up a hanger on the stove to go in there and show her who's who. Now, I just used an iron.

Nice. Yeah, it was quicker. Yeah, it is quicker. But you're not going to be able to get the, it's going to be hard to do double Ks with an iron. You know what I mean? No, but I figured that's a zapper with the fucking hanger. I did make a, I made a, I made a, I made a, it was quicker. Did you have a safe word?

I made a butterfly on her back with the iron. Did you have a safe word? Yeah, it was called Stop it, bitch. This hurts. Stop slapping me in the face. I was abused as a young boy. This doesn't feel good. Well, Bobby has too many words.

By the time you get to the end of that, she's already going to have stuffed your own underwear in your mouth. So there is no safe word. You have to pick a smaller word, man. I do like an aggressive girl, though. I don't like being hit or strangled. I really don't like doing that to a girl. My safe word is Matumbo's actual name.

Yeah scumbla haemba jahumbo hamma da humma da humma da hama da hama da hama da hama da hama da hama da hama da maqa Yeah I do like aggressive girls I like a girl who's like give me that fucking With that voice? Yeah like me as well I like mumbling sex Have you tried that?

What did you mean? She's come off a fucking fishing boat Hey we're gonna need a bigger boat Hey God damn land lover you want to come back here My goddamn fishy box I actually get an head from Popeye. Here, good, good, good, good.

And then she sticks a spinach can in my pee-haul. That's my thing. Popeye became, remember he just became public domain, like, kind of recently, and they just started making four Popeye horror movies. Oh, my God, I just saw that on the Internet. It's like four of them. I flipped out. I'm like, they made a horror movie with Popeye.

Like three, no less than three. Yeah, there's three. It may be more. It might be more. Popeye the Slayer man Popeye's revenge and shiver me timbers Yeah that's so wild Who's playing Popeye

Just somebody? Yeah, what? You think these are theater movies? It's not mad He was playing me I heard fucking Tom Hardy's taking a shot I swear to God I thought was Matthew McConae

Playing Popeye I think was Val Kilmer's final role And that's how we got cancer He got cancer from the prosthetics No, from talking like this Hey I'm like a car All the Florida

And they did a steamboat Willie They just steamed boat Willie ones And DeRosa's in the end of the trailer Oh, is he? Yeah. As what? A guy covered in blood going, Whoa.

That's really it. That's a Friday night for DeRosa. Yeah, yeah. Covering blood. What happened? Why am I? Tony, how'd I get here? They say Tony Hinchcliff

and now number two And line is Joe DeRosa for possible person to be the Austin, Texas serial killer. I hope it is Joe. Is that still going on, right? Yeah. Do you all think serial killer?

I hope it's Joe. But it's more than likely, also they say, just drunk gay guys falling down in a ravine because they refuse to put... I think they're like, if you guys are going to want to walk home, don't get so drunk, you're going to fall in the ravine. They're not putting up a fence.

They were actually... There was a thing about a lot of gay guys were getting sick. They were getting, like, dysentery or whatever that is. And they were like, oh, my God, somebody was poisoning the gay guys. Then they realized that it's just because they're eating so much ass.

They didn't put two in it together They eat ass and there's poop in there And they were getting sick from other people's poop These girls These guys are being murdered by eating other people's shit He goes no he got murdered after he happily ate someone else's shit I didn't know there was supposedly a serial killer in Austin How many people

Or 11 That's pretty convenient the way he said that isn't it And just so you know It's definitely Kurt Messker Tony Hinchcliffe or I think it might be Jacob Wasn't Jacob away a couple weeks ago You do always go to Florida, but there's no evidence here in Florida.

Yeah, yeah, we never see him in Florida. You never have a tan. You never show me your dick hair. Yeah, just in a room full of dolls. It might be Jacob. I'll go as far as I say, it's more than likely Jacob. Yeah, I would say that. Convince me out of it.

Convince me it's not you, starting from it's 100% you. Now, go. With no thought or prep, convince me it's not you because in my mind, it's definitely you. I bet you somebody who was murdered last week. when Jacob was in Florida. Oh. Dun, dun dun dun dun.

You know he loves walking along the river? Oh, dude, I want you to do a real lawn order one, too. Take a look at this picture. Have you seen this person? And I go, no, I've never seen him. He goes, hey, look. It's a six-year-old girl. And they go, she came in yesterday.

She was wearing a flower dress. She says something about going to the mall with her family. I don't know. That's all I got. That's every episode I've ever done a lawn owner. You didn't know anything two seconds ago. All right. She said her name was this, and her biggest fears were that.

That's all of them. Yeah, the guy she was with, he looked like he was taking her kidnapped. He had a green car. I wrote that his license plate just in case. Procedural television. We got to make it happen. We're going to take a break. Was that Louie?

You want to snap my dick in half? I told you I'm not into that kind of shit. Oh, where's my dick hole? Bobby, look at this. Wow. Hang on. Let me see it. Open it up bigger.

Let me clear out the hole. Let me see. Ooh. Oh, wow. That's my hammer of the gods. Watch this, watch this. Oh! Look at that.

Suck our dicks, train. Train can cover Zeplein all day. It's now going to be good with me and Bobby's dick hole covers. We could do a Patreon. Dickhole covers of Led Zeppelin songs? Yeah. Come on. All right, Jacob, just nod your head and don't see you want to produce it, and you're out.

Gone. And that gets bigger than the bonfire, I will walk. away from this place and watch it burn. Jacob has... You can have it a little cool, Jay. Jacob has gay eyes to kill in Austin. Too busy. He's too busy to worry about this.

We got right back, yeah. We got Rob Dukes in studio. He's going to be the Wellmont Theater in Montclair, New Jersey. Tomorrow night, April 29th, tickets. Go to Exodus attack.com. We'll be right back.