The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Hot Nipples

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

Christine fails at acting and Jay blows hot breath on his coworker's nipples!

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bonfire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Robert Kelly. Live on stage for only one week or a couple days away from us being live on stage. I'm very, very excited. Live on stage.

Jacob's going to be on live on stage. It's meant to go down. This is Jacob's Super Bowl. We got surprises too, man. Out the wazoo. We got surprises out the wazoo. We can still say wazoo in this general road.

Yeah, okay. Can't say bag though. Bag. You're funny people have already been reprimanded for his show that's in the future. Black Lou, tell me right now, and don't hold back. What the hell is that saying what you're eating? And where do I get me one?

This is from a famous deli near me called the Milburn deli. It's a Jersey sloppy Joe. Oh, I know what that is. The cold slaw, a little bit of meat. That's also called the Jewish sloppy Joe. I've never heard that. That's racism. No, it's a Jersey sloppy Joe. It's it's Turkey roast beef, uh, pastrami and corn beef. It's cheese and uh, it's a Jewish Russian dressing. A Jewish sloppy Joe. That's what it's called. That's 100%. That's what you and you amongst your

race of circles. No, I'm telling you. You and your old Boston friends. It's what it's called that 100% that's what you when you amongst your race of circles No, I'm telling you when you're old Boston friends. It's looking up met outside with a Boston friend all of a sudden I was invisible. No, I introduced you as my other they were all touching freckles. They're just stupid Boston freckles Oh, I love them Leo Malace my Italian friend from revier They were talking Boston stuff. He's a he's a guitar prodigy. He played. I believe he played with Stevie Nix when he was like 16.

Now you didn't. He wouldn't mention that outside. Toward, I swear to God. He told him about the food. Jesus. He's told what the food you still. He did. He was at Stevie Nix first. That's a bigger get.

Well, I threw him off because I said oh remember that ban you're in glorious union Which is you should he needed to tell us that he's done way more than that since Bobby calls that his first family was 14 Maybe we're in glorious union you guys suck shit. I did I played my friends back yard and everyone thought you sucked ass He played and then he was like I that was so long ago. I've done so much since that Bobby started rattling off a few but it was Gary Sharon and The Fuji's I feel like Stevie Nicks would have come up. I swear to God Stevie Nicks He played with Stevie Nicks when he was a teenager Don't you stand to gain from wine? I believe you I swear to you. You stand nothing to gain from making it up

But Jay when you don't blink. I know you think I'm lying. I don't think you're not blink. You wouldn't even matter if you are I'm not lying. I believe you. I swear to God Won't get home. Oh She was so hot So hot and coke-dove you are here with Rick Flair. You are a sling coach. What the fuck? Jacob, I forgot to tell you anything you do on that computer goes to the air in America Wow, I guess we're gonna get to it anyway probably get to it at some point. Oh, man Jacob's having a frazzled at work day.

I can tell it's just Tone with DJ Lou. Yeah! He's got Tone. He had Tone yesterday with Christine. Did he get to, oh yeah, when he was walking through? In his defense. Well, well, Christine did yesterday. It was nothing sort of a meltdown.

I mean, in performance, it was crazy. I have to say. So good at Shakespeare. This is her. That's a real quote from her. I have to stick out for questions. In context. You guys were, I mean, it's hard to look around the room.

No. Buddy, I try to do reads with you staring at me blankly and it freaks me out. That's different, I feel it even. I'll be honest, Bobby, I don't understand that either. I'll be completely honest, that doesn't make any sense to me. I don't think you help in either situation, Jay. I don't think you do, man. In my mind, I was like, she's going to get it on this one because just imitate the words. And you're embarrassed. I'll

do it also. I've done it now. And now it's just a character. No one's, this isn't real. Just say the lines. And she couldn't like mimic. We'd be like, mm-hmm, she go, mm-hmm. Because you had it trying to, that's crazy. You had it trying to mimic something she's never done in her life.

She's never, mm-hmm before that is absolutely true. She's never went, mm-hmm. That you're absolutely right about that it turns out And by the way after 55 ticks she still hasn't said mm-hmm Yeah, she never did AI it Should say I did AI all of Christine's acting chops now from now on that was that was nutty two lines But can you but you snapped on a Jacob? You know, I love you, so I don't want to you I don't want you I'm constraint and I just, I wasn't, yeah, I don't think I was angry.

Bobby, I was like just saying, why aren't you doing this? I'm gonna stick up for real. It's snapping on me now. We started at 48, right? We started at 448 that we didn't have to go on it. We don't have to go on air till five o'clock. 12 minutes. Wait, here's the problem though

And by the way the first line wasn't great and it was just accepted Everyone was just like well, you know what the important ones this next Pieces where it's really gonna like have to put a little inflection into it and she I would just would have been like yeah Christine on nail this for sure the first line she delivered Jacob snapped. She didn't deliver. Jacob, you snapped, I have video. Well, when it comes out,

I'll be proven right. No, you'll be proven wrong. The first line she read it and you with disgust, snapped at it. You put her on tilt, right out of the gate. Broker confidence and a roomful of men. You broke her confidence Here's what it's mind-boggling. She couldn't get it because they were done. Is she shy? The main thing I wanted her to do

She wanted me to do that's that's what she started before we walked in the room said you'll do that part Which is insane the whole bit joke is her part, is that she does that. I still don't know if she understands. You know, I'm, she's doing like a, mm-hmm, like a sex thing. She didn't like a sex thing. I think she feels like, like, she keeps thinking it like, yes.

Food. No, no. If someone goes, and you're, you know, 36 years old, she went, mm-hmm. That's, that's what, that's what, she's taking it like that. I'm not defending her acting chops. And we couldn't explain it otherwise, and it's like a sex ceiling. mm-hmm. That's what she's taking it like that. I'm not defending her acting chops. And we couldn't explain it otherwise,

and it's like a sex ceiling. Mm-hmm. Yeah, but she's never felt that. What? Neither have I, Bob, but you think I'm meowing and walking around the room like this with her? No, but I can act it. Are you sure?

Yes. Well, I would have you heard. I've heard some stuff. Why does Christine send you videos? I play kitty boy When I'm little kitty boy And then I chase around a laser I chase a laser around for a while Jacob I'm so bad the time was running so short I had to cut out them and just go with yeah We accepted half the word because she couldn't get the second half

You put her on tilt out of the gate. I don't think I did you I have it Bobby if you said Bobby if you said Mm-hmm if you said mm-hmm that many times that many times over the span of 12 minutes that Take one of them would accidentally be right. She like couldn't like her voice doesn't go to that note. So it was crazy. She had to assume every time like this Relax relax. Okay, relax She said the line once and Jacob in just a mean voice. He was like, no, no, I don't know what you said, but you said something like, no, you're not doing it right.

You're putting, you're talking, because he's talking to a person who was highly functioning and a very important part of the behind the scenes of this show. And the fact that you're almost like, have we been fooled by a retarded person? That was crazy. Also, she said, it did affect me when she said she was uncomfortable reading this, saying this particular line in a room of men like, like we were asking her to address or something. It was like a nothing line. Oh, so she said things on the show, but like,

I'd fuck that guy and I'd do this and I fucked this guy here. And it's so, you're just saying a fictitious line. I can have a black child. She has dirty, but she doesn't have sexy. Okay. She has dirty down. She can suck a cock. She loves a ton of black cock. She loves tons of black cock.

She loves tons of black cock. Tons of black cock. It's an act. But she does act. I know. It's not. I'm the next sex way more black dick than Nazi dick. I can tell you that.

I mean, that's a real thing. She said she couldn't go. Mmm. Mmm. How about she couldn't even get, I don't want to give the line away. I almost want to give the line away so people will be listening for I won't but Just in the basic inflection I don't know it was very bizarre. I didn't understand I think everybody was out of the room

You had to do it. I was here. It was me looing you and her you gave her the line She was a little nervous. She said the line. And then you snapped at her. No, she told me last week. And then the hauled before she came in the room, I'm not doing that. Jacob, I can't do it. You're going to do that part as me. Oh, she can't say, um, Jacob, by the way, she's in her head about saying, um Christine's. Let me come to my ladies' defense, but my queen. Let me come to their defense a little bit though here too. And I think every but well, Bobby, you're experiencing it now.

Jacob takes the live bar and fire show, extremely serious, all of our live shows. It's Jacob's playhouse theater and you better fucking fall in line and play your part. And it's gonna go swimmingly if you do. But if you don't, there will be hell to pay. And Christine just started getting a little piece of that hell.

The actual production. Yeah. I mean, it was like whiplash. Yeah. Take it with dress like whiplash, just today too. Well, I don't think I, our shows need a centerpiece. A live show needs a centerpiece. Sure. We put in a lot of time A live show needs a centerpiece. Sure.

We put in a lot of time, Bobby and I on this piece. That's a micro-gression. A little pass of aggression. No, we didn't mean a little pass of aggression. We met a lot. I mean, Jacob said a lot of work. Yeah, I know. But I helped.

It was one line. No, I did very little help. No, you did. No, no, that's not true. No, that's not true. The zoom session helped him. Yeah, we came in at the end and we did that thing. You, you really, just changed a lot of stuff. They were really great. It was very helpful. It's not about me, guys. I mean, not that helpful. I mean, we did most of the work, but you did come in and punch some stuff up. The point is I like, I like preparation.

Of course. I mean, I prefer I like to be prepared. And I just I'm just saying though and that is but it's like you're going to for that particular particular project. Yeah. When they come up, you're going to get a little bit of a different Jacob and that Jacob and that Jacob might be a little whiplashy and that's fine. That's fair. I expect that I understand it. But even in whiplash, the guy was like, no, it's like, the guy did it and he was like, no, no, no, it's Bing Bing Boom, Bob, Boom, Boom. And he did it. No, no, no, no, no, try it. We couldn't have given him more Bing Bob. He didn't give her any Bing Bob, Bing, Bob, Boom, Boom. We together communed with him. He as a group

gave her 17 Bing, Bob, Boom, Boom, Boom. He, you weren't here. He threw a fucking drumstick at her head right out of the gate. Okay. I wasn't getting it. She wasn't getting it I wasn't here. He threw a drumstick and smashed it off the symbol out of the gate. Okay. Yeah Did she deserve it? Not on the first one on the on the third on the third team. I would I was getting a little frustrated too But I went from not paying attention to her doing line To paying attention so I was like why is it still happening and then hearing over here was going on I go why are we still here like why are we still at this point? Yeah, what are you not getting?

Turns to yeah Night it was it's bad shit. Yeah She just said it like she was presenting QVC well She she didn't make it as an actor. She made it as a producer. True that. Thank God. She stopped in New York on her way to Boston to go to acting school because she would have fallen the pieces out there. But she's a fantastic producer. Yeah, I mean, she is very lucky that she's into Chubby adorable guys. Yeah. Maybe I'm lucky there. She's an acting background. This is the line that she loves Shakespeare and she adorable guys. Yeah. Maybe I'm the lucky there. She's an acting background. This is the line that she loves Shakespeare

and she has, she has acted. Yes, I say that's one of our drops. It's completely in context. So I don't know. That's for some reason I'm really good at Shakespeare. I go, let me tell you what you're really bad at. Mimicking something someone saying right next to you and asking you to say it that way.

But I think what happened, but I think what happened, I've had this, I've had this happen on set. I've had this happen on set. What? I've had this happen on set. I've had this happen on set. Why are you saying this? Why are you saying this?

Because I'm showing how easy it is to mimic. I hate it. I hate it. You could just say it the same exact way as the first. I don't like when people mimic me. They used to do that to me in school and I used to do that to me in school and I need it. Stop it.

I don't talk like that. I don't talk like that. I don't say talk like that. Stop saying talk. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop talk and stop with talk. I'm telling you it's that easy You know what fuckers You're right, Jacob this bitch needs to get hit You got a ding that fucking get the ding that stick off the symbol two simple lines

Well, it's not a not a paragraph and the right in front of her. I don't understand. So yeah, I got a little maybe I got it from you. You jumped out quick. Like you were a lion tamer and she might attack you. Jacob gets. I just want to play. I have what you said. Jacob gets one to two productions a year. Can I just he can I just and they are the moments. Because it'll give it away. I just what you said. Can I queue up just what you said? Jacob trains like the Olympics. I mean he snapped. We're gonna have to play after Skankfest is more of to play the footage of Christine not getting along. Okay. Yeah, then I want to play the whole thing in studio when we're all back. Because it's but before I was before leading up to Skankfest, I'm like Daniel DeLewis and Lincoln.

Yeah, I want to be called Abraham Lincoln. Absolutely. No, I understand that you get in your role. And I have to respect that. I got I got. I mean, you snap. And you know, and his hands are first of all, if you look at his hands around his hip, yes, he was all the flesh.

I told that out. He's all tight dressed. His hands are on his hip and he's standing next to a face, and looking at her, and looking at the words. And then as soon as she reads the first one, he went, that's not, like something, I don't know what it was, but it was, that's not it, that's wrong.

Like, I would argue the whole thing is a not pressure situation made into by Jacob, a very low level stressful situation. Just because we're about to go on the air with 12 minutes to record what should have been 30 seconds. I could have done a year of ad reads in 12 minutes. I wish we had some. Good good. Yeah. If we only had ad reads, man, we'd be killing it. That's well. Yeah. I don't know. I can't wait for people to hear the raw audio in the room because it was like,

do you not hear people talking? When boss, you're reading our mouths and just saying what you're reading, because the fact she couldn't follow tone. By the way, the great of that is like, how could I ever take it seriously when she goes? And then you were like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, I'm like, You have no idea what I was like. You can't mimic what I was doing.

I was probably whispering. That's your mimic of my whisper because you're a terrible actress. Because you're a terrible actress. Because you are an absolutely horrific. Because you're an absolutely horrific. A horror horrific. A horror horrific. because you're a ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- She's not exposed for some reason. She's not exposed for some reason. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.

Exactly. She sucks. I don't know what exposed there. I don't know what exposed there. I don't know what exposed there. I don't know what exposed there. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. She felt like naked having to say this line. I don't know what I'm looking for here. Like we tore the curtain down and saw the real Christine. It's my point. It's my point. It was so she had, she was, the pressure she was feeling was unwarranted by anything by what you say,

Jacob is doing, but Jacob is doing something where it's like, if you were like Jacob, unfold your arms, you're bigger than me, and you're just unfolded. Do you know what I mean? I say we do this when we come back after our little thing here. We get a little scene between Jacob, Christine,

and we see who can act. I am no actor at all. Yeah. I wouldn't say I'm, even not, I'm like, at my best probably passably fine maybe. I think you're a great actor. That said, I still remember the exact line and the exact way it should be said as we sit right now. I don't have the script in front of me or nothing. I looked it two times. We went through it

I can tell you right now what that line is the exact way you're supposed to say it and what the mistakes were in the exact parts over and over again the same exact way I could do it to I Mean there was a point where I was actually doing it in my my like I was I was mouthing it. Bobby seven guys were yelling how it should be. At one point I did feel bad because if it was J it went down the line J to Mike to rich. Did you do couldn't believe I just say something as a person when when Voss says you suck at acting you should go you know what it's me. He can barely talk

That was crazy. I mean seven guys were just Blown away that she wasn't getting in for dammit look at me There's Jacob Was I Russian or was I dragging? Count again one two three one two three, one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three, one. Russian or drag, Russian. So you do know the difference. Yeah! He's my hero.

I'll tell you what. In case Simmons rolls. I'll tell you what. All those face slaps, Christine did not get it right still. But he eventually panic answered correctly. You think one time she'd be like, okay, let me just do it. When we stopped, it was a complete, what do you call that, settling. It was like, we could do this a hundred more times, it ain't gonna happen.

We're not gonna get that, hmm, of, hmm, hmm. That's crazy. We did have to cut the, there's no, I just, I said, mmm, just supposed to be sexy and she goes, now she just goes, mmm, because she couldn't go, mmm.

Yeah, instead of sexual, it was like she tasted a good dessert. Yes. Just thought it would be good. Mmm. In front of Christine, what? I deleted all the HM,

I deleted the HMM,MM and added a few here. Just straight Mmm, man, man. Well, what the audience is going to hear is an edit, an edit of about 50, 50 takes. She goes, by the way, do you remember the thing when we go, Christine is not just, mmm, it's, mmm, mmm, and she goes, we got the, mmm, she said we just edit in the half hmm. I can't wait for the wrong We can do that in post right in post this is post Yeah, like this is infinity wars

Marvel universe. Yeah, get it over to ICM What is it? That's an angel That's all right. I understood Damn it. I'm dumb enough to get it. I suck shit. No you don't. I'm the stupidest dumb asshole. I'm the stupidest dumb asshole.

Oh. Look at hell. Doing the same things the same way he is You should just put that in when he was supposed to say it. Oh my god. That might be worth it You should just put that in when she's supposed to say it there something something at night Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

She couldn't get a, mm, was a lot. I felt bad because I know she was stressing, but I just, I wasn't mad that she wasn't doing it. I was mad that I didn't understand why she was putting that much pressure on it. Because it was seven guys yelling at her and there was one guy she's putting extra with his hands on his hips on his thin little disc It's about it's a low-stakes game.

She's put this off for two weeks as if like we were she she's been dreading the moment. Yeah. I don't understand. It's a voiceover. She talks on the radio often for a living. Black Lou, did you hear any of this going on? We can't hear you, Lou. Hang on, is Jacob chose to cut you off? Remember when he flips out when that happens to him?

Yeah, he snaps on people. Oh, Lou, he's having a hard time figuring out to get your mic wrong. When it comes on, dude, you better unquirk on Jacob's ass. There you go. Listen up, fellas. Is that what you hear? That's Jacob. That's his favorite quote from Jacob. Listen up, fellas. Good. Black little sorry. And what was the question? I'm sorry. I got come. Did you hear what was going on could you hear absolutely I had no idea Wichristine couldn't do it. I love it. But did you hear it's very confused? Did you hear Jacob snap out of the game?

Yeah, absolutely he was a little stressed out because we're getting close to show time. Jacob's a monster I don't understand why people can't do what I can do. He's a stage model. Yeah, he's a stage model. You're real here. You're a fucking stage dead. I don't understand that she couldn't do what anyone could possibly do. It wasn't like, here's the thing. I will agree with this. It was not a lot of lines.

It was actually not even lines. It was a sound she had to make. It's a line. No, no. The line was a massacre from opening syllable. She never said it twice the same way, and none of those were accidentally wrong once. All the greatest actors never do it twice the same way.

Okay, but one time, they had a little, they do add a little different every time. But sometimes they go, okay, great, that's all great. But just once, give us what's on the paper. That's true, too. And then you do that, but I'm telling you, that would have been, you had gone over, you'd have been paying overtime on the unions

after that because Christine can't go, mm-hmm. We would have had a meal penalty yesterday. It was, for sure, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Damn, man, that was nutty. I don't think it was stage fright because I get stage fright tremendously. She was dreading this for she didn't want to do it for two weeks. I don't understand why it was a. Just a mimic. Jay was doing it. All she had to do was just

follow exactly what he was doing. Can we all can you do it? If you do it first. Go ahead, you do it, Jay. Can we all can you do it? If you do it first. God you do it Jay. With the line. Yeah do it. Just that. Just that. You just don't want the line. Just that. Black look. Can you do it? Everyone. Everyone Everyone do it like a One-nine hundred sex line, you know those commercials that used to be on Exactly like that. She went These are good waffles

Corner the cob is healthy. Yeah. Yeah. Do you like high fruit toast corn syrup? Mm-hmm. She really did. Yeah. She did it like Alice from it. Fucking stove top commercial.

Yeah, she really did. I waited too long. I didn't realize how bad it was in her head, but then not only were we running out of time to go live, that was the last moment she could have possibly recorded because she had to leave for Vegas. She's left for Vegas. Yeah.

So. It was bonkers. It was, it got bad. It got tense in here. And I felt bad for it because the problem with it, she was, you know, you go to that point where I got, and then she started getting mad at us. I don't think she was found in English.

Wasn't angry at all. It was more like, she was like, why? She was doing like, kind of like, what is the crazy thing you can't do? Or when she starts throwing her arms at it up at us, when she goes like, what? I'm like a terrible actress. I'm like, yeah, that's just weird because you're singing about yourself after you've said you were a fantastic actress. And you were put to the test with one sentence. She said I was in a bunch of Neil Simon plays. You know, she started getting defensive. Yeah, yeah, Neil Simon plays in which I'd

never heard of that before. What? What? What? She was in Broadway? She was in theater. What? No. She said she was in plays. Yeah, I'm like, you know, I got her school in shit. Okay, so she was in Broadway, she was in theater. What? No. She said she was in plays. Yeah, I'm like, you know, I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her.

I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her.

I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never seen her. I've never Simon never had the word in any play. Where she goes, they would let me say something else whenever that came up.

It's my one thing. How could you change it? What else could she have said? I gave her just. I did change it. And she still went. Mmm. She really does stink. I mean.

It sounds like you had a mouthful of food and found out her son just struck out of the game. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Anyway. Anyway, yeah, I didn't I didn't realize that it was that big. Oh, and then she said something I can't remember the exact words. I can't look you. You're asking me to say this line in a room full of guys.

Like, what does that mean? The whole show is always in a room full of guys. Like, what does that mean? The whole show is always in a room full of guys. If there was a room full of women, but it was all, it wasn't a main difference. It was all about her though. The show is usually with us. I know I'm sticking up with Christina Wad here. Bobby?

Yes. Jay, go ahead. I want you to keep us sticking up for it's adorable. But I will say most everybody else Was checked out Until we all start realizing that like I got to stop I got a stop Lucifer and I'm sick as body did he just showed off his got that dick V We need to take a shirt off in Vegas. We need to get that stomach. I wouldn't ask him

I wouldn't ask you to do anything that I wouldn't do Lou Lou that stomach is the whitest stomach I've ever seen in my life. That's the Irish Wow Jesus Christ did you made of like marble? About your nips pop though. What do you see in them? Yeah, what kind of nips you got? You got little pink nips little tinkies Yeah, little tinkies. Yeah, let me see a little twinkle nips. Oh Holy shit good nips. I do like his nips. Yeah, jealous of his nips. He's got great nips. He's got a little Asian nips. I got great nips. I hate my nips too. Yeah. I'm not gonna show my nips. So I'll look at your nips, but if it's expected that I will show my nips. I'm not show mine if you're not showing yours. Thank you. Why, what do your nips look like?

Now I'm interested. Nice. No, nice nips. I just want to show my body. Oh, you don't have to pull up the, I get you. Got you, that's fat physics. You figured out the math before you have a hoodie on. I can pull up my hoodie and show you my nip between my tank top.

Would you like that? Yeah, I would like to see that. Take a look we can get. Thank you like that? Yeah, I would like to see that. Take a week to get. Thank you guys. Okay, here we go. Okay. I mean, that's a nice guy nip. Right.

That's a pig nip, dude. It's a good nip. I'll show you my nip, but I'm not going to take my shirt off. That's fine, you don't have to. I'll take it out and I can see it. Look what happens when Christy is that in the room? Everyone starts showing their nips. He's trying to about your bags

It's awfully baggy in here Oh How somebody made fun of me and Bobby both wear white rock and roll belts and it really made me feel like fucking silly That was me wasn't you? Use it about a bit of a white rock and roll belts. That's a good nip It's similar to jays. What do you know about that nip? That's pretty good, bud. Well, I like it. I do like that.

Your nipples more like prone slightly more. No, it's almost exactly like jays. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. I got a good nipple ball in the end, but the aereo ain't big. No, I like it. Well, that's just a puff ball. Let me see it.

I don't like it. Dude, we all just did it. This is like show and tell back. You're going to the good body. Yeah, if I pinch it, it'll shrink the way I want it. You want to see the before and after. I'll see the before and after. I'd love to see that.

Right now everybody at home, we're pulling our nipples out. Take everything off though. And here's the thing. I want to describe Luznip, if you've ever seen an Asian boy, a little Asian boy, or a transsexual Filipino woman, who didn't get the operation yet,

that's Luznip. Luznip's very sexy. Luznip's very hairless. Hairless. He's very Asian-skinned. A little tiny nip nap J has a man Nip and I don't know I guess I have a man we both have man Nips, Jacob's chest now Jacob is taking is I mean he's taking five shirts off. Yeah

Yeah, he lives for moments like this Blanket. I don't he just took off two black into five Shots. Why can't you put what can you show us the fucking body? I want it. What's wrong with your no? No, it's a five-short one. Why can't you put what can you show us the fucking bod? What's wrong with your? What's wrong with your? No, it's shrunk. This is shrunk. Oh, okay.

Let me see. Now I can't do it. They're both shrunk. I mean, your nipples look like they're in it. Because it got cold as soon as I took my shirt off, they shrink from the cold. Yeah, you want me and Bobby to breathe on them so they get nice and warm.

They would. They would puff out. Hey, we'll put out miles on your tits like, like, carp and we'll have a lot of Yeah, they're relaxed. They're just like Hey, we'll put out miles on your tits like like carp and we'll Yeah, they're relax. They're just like Come here Jacob. I'm gonna breathe on one to get it. Let him breathe on it

Jay right now is I J's breathing hot air on to Jacob's nipple and he is laughing hysterically for all the people listening This is an audio show J. Oh my god. I mean I want you to do that to mine You guys anybody now's the time is going to hop breathe on your nips. I want it Come get it taste if it makes you laugh like that. I want to go there I want that Come get it taste if it makes you laugh like that. I want to go there Somebody's got to describe what they're saying. I'm only you describe it why It feels it feels good Bobby. All right, you're gonna like it all right ready? Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

It's all for it. It's all for it. When's the left, are you left like that, Lou? Lou, get in there. Come on, Lou, you said you would. Lou, I'm hard to get. Lou, just let Jay breathe on your neck. Come on, don't make us feel like horrors.

Dude, what's the big deal about it? Let me hop breathe on your tits. You're gonna love it deal about it? Just let me hop breathe on your tits. You know what, I love it. Just hop breathe, let it jay hop breathe on your tits. I'm not kidding. It's not sexual, it's fun, it's guys having fun. Well, this is what happens, he's gonna do, you know what? In fairness, Lou, you do this, your girlfriend here is next to you, you know, you're back at Fire Island

for a big test. You're right. Lou, why don't you let these guys breathe on your neepoels? I think she'd be fine with me, hop breathe on your nips. That was the weirdest thing ever. Why did that feel so good? It did feel good. Yeah great. Yeah, you're very soft. You're a very soft breath. Yeah. I'm a very I'm a I'm a good lover I always believe that and now I I could it's confirmed. It's confirmed. You know what? Yeah, I got one thing to say about that Maybe should a hop read on our nips first

I don't guys this is acting you know guys. This is acting. So I hope you understand the theatrical process I'm gonna pull Christine's titty out now. Please don't make a big thing. This is the theater That was one of my favorite. She nails it. One of my favorite stories on me in Kurt Metzger, where young we would do shows in a affiliated place called the five spot. And we did all the black comedy circuit but there was these few shows that were like mainstreamish. I guess you call it it was a burlesque show. And they would have us do comedy sometimes in between the acts. And it was a gig you would get

once a month, once every couple months. I mean, Kurt went and did it the first time and we went back to say, I mean, I'll speak for myself, not Kurt, but when we went backstage, we noticed his girls are walking around. Forget, they haven't't put on the stuff yet for the burlesque. There's pussies out, tits out, smoking cigarettes down there to some hang it hot. I love burlesque. And it was a hot chicks. And I was like, back there, that was like, I said something, I go, hey, are we supposed to be like,

down, I don't think we're supposed to be in this room. And they go, oh man, it's like the theater, like no one cares, like, just do your thing. So I'm like, okay, and I know I stared at every pussy for so long, and obnoxiously, just staring at tits and talking and pussies and tits. And that the next time he went there, they were as dividers.

They had to divide it they got, okay. I guess you can't just stare that I go, no, I can't be trusted to be cool. Not that age. No. I was like 19, 20. I had hooked up maybe with like two or three chicks. I just filmed that horror movie with that guy

that I actually shown at a scan chest, the anthology. And when I showed up, we were in the green room, and it was at a strip club, and they had the strippers that were in the show and they were all, it was like a Halloween thing. So they were all naked, but body paint. And they were just hanging out next to the Shakutari plate. Yeah. Craft services, kuchis out, tits out, makeup on their bodies and just, hey, how you doing? And I, I was, I couldn't not look. You have to stare. Yeah.

That's why I said, by the way, feed your baby in public with your big fat tip. But I'm gonna look. I'm gonna look at your tit. I don't understand, tits. I love boobs, like every kind of boob. Why do we love boobs? Why a boob so awesome? Jacob. Oh, I was settled down Jacob. Boops don't strike me like that that much. I love a great

boob. It's a great boob, but there's I love all kinds. I love a saggy tit. One bigger than the other. I love little titties. I love a big just dug, dug tittie. Not drawn to it. I love it. I'm a muffin ass guy. You're like a what? A muffin and ass guy. You like the not a muffin ass. You like the muff. Yeah. pussy. I'm a pussy guy. I'm a pussy guy. I like it, but I would I love boobs. I go boob. I go boob, but push. Got to tell you what, let me say, I think I might realize why this is. These are psychological breakthroughs for me. I think I've been let down by boobs a lot.

How can you be let down by a boob? Because sometimes you have high-exbit. When all the celebrity titties started coming out in the world, you know, like slips and nip slips and shit. You start finding out exactly. You see like, you see Heidi Klum's tits, like her actual tits. Yeah.

It's a bummer. They're not what you're hoping. They're gonna be. You had expectations, you know what? And shows are gonna be, but a pussy is never, if you see someone's pussy, you just accept the put. Unless it's like, is, how can a P possibly gross? Do you know what I mean?

Like, you're not really looking for one that's gross, but if you see any girl's pussy, you're not really looking for one that's gross. But if you see any girls pussy, you're like, oh shit, that girl's pussy. If somebody you see a tit in your first instinct will be like, oh man, I thought that girl's gonna have great tits. So they're gonna be small tits and they're weirdly just flat big tits. So they're all kinds of, listen.

I think tits J are all kind of perfect because it's like this outside thing, it's not inside of the body of a vagina, has all kinds of little things happening with it. And it's different colors and different flaps and whips and whistles and nuggets. I think it's what girls are. I think girls don't like dick pics for that same reason.

It's like probably let down by it more than anything else. I would agree, but I would think, but a boob, a boob, there's nothing sexier when a girl, you kiss in and she takes off the top. And it's just you and her and your boob's meat. You have to have your nips touch nips. No, I have a tank top on. You never take you shirt off.

Tank top stays on, dude. Really? I won't slow down the action. I've had women Say like you know take the tank I'm not gonna sit there and go like you know, say take I'm like sure okay, but like What you do it passive aggressively No, I just do it, but I'm just like fine. I'll take it off. Yeah, no take it off baby. All right I might have this reaction you know but I'm just like fine. I'll take it off. Yeah, take it off, baby. All right. I'm not sure I might have this reaction You know, I'm like okay, look I'm getting ready to show them something. They don't already know I'm like

Okay, this tank top was hiding a lot, but it's probably not hiding it's just my own dumb shit. Yeah but Yeah, I'm telling you I think that's what it is like I plus he doesn't disappoint me Have you been disappointed by someone's visually? 100%. Visually? 100%. How so?

Well, I mean, one of them was like a, like her skin color, I thought of a vagina was gonna be similar, but it was like a different race. She had a bit of logo on the pussy. I don't know what it was. It was like, it sounds like a bit of logo pussy. And then it was like weird. It just little I go pussy and then it was like weird it just it freaked me out I was like well it's different and then the pubes like you know

it's like that is a place of factor but then the vagina lips look I like vagina I'm not saying I don't like vagina I I'm not a bag I do like, but I would rather make out and play with some boobies. Oh really? I'd rather suck a puss than tits. I don't know dude. Yeah. Suckin' a puss is a commitment. Yeah, I think I'm gonna know what she ate that day. I think I'm good that I've been in situations where I've just like gone as far as I've just sucked tits. I'm. I think I'm good. I've been in situations where I've just gone as far as I've just sucked tits. I'm like, I'm stuck tits.

It's great. But it feels a little silly because the action of what's happening is they're waiting and you're just going, ow, ow, ow. You gotta know how to suck a tic, though. I do know how to suck a tic. I'm just saying it's still a silly motion. You're still you're still baby bottle feeding

Yeah, you kids like a tick lay your puppy Little tooth little thing and then they'll get you get up between your your lip covered teeth You go nah you got to find out though some girls like it a little harder some girls like it soft You don't tell you yeah, you got to figure that out. I'll tell you. Crank them. What silly is ending right there. Like, all right, I just suck you take care. Listen, if you're sucking a tip, that's a player move. If you're sucking a tit and fingering, it makes sense. Just sucking tit, like you have to go back to making out and then back down the suck. But every time you dip off, it's going to only go as far as sucking tittas,

just kind of funny. You know what? It's like, you have to, I say, you're right. I would say you have to. If I was super attractive at chicken and stopped at sucking titts, I'm like, sure, it's like,

but it's funny for sure. You have to do something to the vagina while you're sucking the boobs. Like, eventually you have to go down there. Yeah. But I would, I love boobs, man. Boobs first. I love a boob.

Oh, you know what? Glad you're willing to say it. Not if you wouldn't be that brave. Hey, why you like a... I like boob. Boob, what do you go? Boob butt and in coach? What do you do?

Boob coach butt. Boob coach butt. Boob, what are you? Same. Boob-cooch-butt. Boob-cooch-butt. What are you? Boob-cooch-butt. I think I'm boob-butt-cooch. But what are you? Cooch? I think I'm cooch-butt-boob.

Really? What about you, Black Lou? I know what he is. But. Cooch-boob. So you and Jay are the same. You're very similar. I say we're able to phone lines.

86, 69, 69, 69, 69, 69. Give us your ranking, but but also yeah Which we throw we have to have give the little girl get the lady something to yeah balls Balls they'll say the ladies will hear balls bag Bung balls bag Bung How about lips lips? Bung balls no lips lips dick balls Lips dick balls girls like the kiss.

Okay, I know the answer to this. What is it? Because I think Jeff Cavaliere from AthleanX.com, my fitness guru. I think he took a poll of women. My bet he's taking a poll. What's the best? What do they find? What body part they find more attractive to men?

Jacob just got fully dressed putting all seven of shirts back on. And by the way, he just finished. I don't know if you heard that Jeff Calaverie city took a poll. And then I said, yeah, I bet he takes polls and we gave it nothing. And I'll tell you, that was a classic Jeff Cavalier. Got big Jade. Aaaaah. BOOM! Hahaha.

That's one of my favorite things on the planet Earth. I can't just step all over that, that J--ing. I want, I want that at my house. I was quiet, took a sip of my drink. It's until the rest of it. I do, I want that at the house a button. Oh, I'll get in there. You also, would you say this is a caller topic?

Oh, I mean, clearly, if you're gonna go 866, 966, 919, 69, it sounds like we got ourselves a color topic. It's a color topic. Oh Caller topic This is a bonfire call the topic We don't do that often so we do is we got to hit a masterpiece. I got to get one the topic is, the time that bullshit's over. It's it's it's a boot boot. Boob's butt.

Boob's. Cooch. Boob's. Boob's. Boob's. Boob's. Boob's. Boob's.

Boob's. Boob's. Boob's. Boob's. Boob's. Boob's. Boob's. Boob's. Boob's. Boob's. or a mouth. No, give them girls some ass too. Yeah, you're right. Lipstick, bum. Well, yeah, because they can say ass. Oh, yeah, so we're saying.

Yeah, I said lipstick, bum. Lipstick, bum, or booze. Guys, ass, guys, balls, guys. There's some ball ladies out there. Do you know that? Well, yeah. The lines are full, so I'd say they're full. Where, really?

Jeff Cavaliere says that women, the first thing women look at on a guy's their ass, their butt. Really? Jeff Cavaliere's telling you what women think. That's weird. Well, he's, he, they told him. Did they though? He's just telling you bad advice you move on.

Oh, look at all this. Oh, my God. Look at all this. Can I make a suggestion? Yes, of course. Rich in Jersey line two has some interesting information about his marriage after telling you his order. Oh, perfect. Okay. Rich, you're on in Jersey. Yeah. Come pull up a log to the bonfire. Yeah, that was to the bonfire. Yeah, that was just jointed.

Get your Adirondack chair and pull it up to the bonfire. Hey, make yourself a lean too. Take a dump and have come up next to the bonfire. Stick a hot dog on a stick and have a seat on the bonfire, my friend. Open up some beans and put it on and make shift grill over your bonfire with the bonfire. Go ahead, Rich. So my order? Yes. Yes. The order is boobs plus ass.

Boobs plus ass. I think it's going to be the most popular. Boobs plus ass. I mean, it's the progression of sex. It's the natural progression of sex. It's first, base, second, base, third base, right? Have you ever been, oh, these boobs are bad, but you end up having a good time with them. Fuckin' them, these boobs are bad. And you end up having a good time.

That's because the pus was still good. Puss, more important than tits. Well, the only boobs I've ever had that were bad was with a girl who was around 400 pounds and then was down to 140. Mm-hmm. And I didn't know that. And then we were in the car.

I found out. And daylight in my back seat and she said, oh, I have something to't know that and then we were in the car found out in daylight in my back seat And she said I have something to tell you and then we got naked she unfurled her back like a origami crane Your asshole came up like a parachute He's laid to blue it looks like he was melting into the bed because all the old skin was like in a pile around her But she said sorry, guys said, I have something to tell you, then she said, I have a lot of loose skin. And you said, I don't care.

Well, I couldn't care at that point. We were past the point of you could care. You did care. You just didn't say you cared. Yeah, I don't want to be rude. You could have got a phone call that's made you have to get out of here. But like you push you look like a melted candle.

I didn't want to be an asshole. You could have been like, Oh, shit, it's got a phone call that's me just get out of here. But like you pussy look like a melted candle. I didn't want to be an asshole. You could have been like, oh shit, it's got a phone call. There's an emergency. A hot or chick wants to fuck across town. Oh, I would do that. Oh, a girl with her original skin wants to fuck. So sorry, that's like, I'm gonna pick that every time over this. So.

What's up, buddy? So what is he, he said he's booze. He's booze, coach. Thing, but Lou said he's got an interesting thing back to it factoid about his marriage we write this down black luke you write down one for boob's coach ask by the way we can keep a tally and see who can keep a tally i'll keep pitching my point for how important pussy is boob's last i've also had girls who their pussy's are just oh my

they smell so bad I couldn't even go near them. Mm hmm. But boobs don't smell. But you know to get away from that. You can't see something about boobs and know to get away. Yeah, but boobs don't do like a double shift waiting tables and they smell. Yes, they do. Not as bad as a coach. I don't know dude. You get underneath that.

The fucking grumble of the tit. you know, I mean the tit pit Way up under there, dude. There could be some nonsense up there for sure the tit pit Yeah, I get a little sour anyone does miracle berries. You get that that hoodie that hoodie dust under a tit pit Yeah, oh Oh, I mean really if you put like a manila envelope under their tit it would come out wet Oh, I mean really if you put like a manila envelope under their tits it would come at wet Like cool I don't know like a tasty dish Rich what you what's the other thing you want to tell some sorry?

Yeah, it's okay So I've been married 30 years. I'm 50. I'll be 57 this weekend and We have three kids but my wife and i have not had sex september of two thousand nine i think you i'm so glad there's another one of me out there to that's not we should we should form a support group on a zoom and i'm i'm i'm not i'm not joking i'm not lying

since two thousand nine why i think i've there's massage followers around. Does she care if you go get whacked off? Readers don't tell her. Don't tell her. I don't tell her. You can't tell her. You can't ruin your life. I was Catholic. Yeah.

So what's the reason? She won't tell me. I've been asking her for years. I'm like, is it me? Do you think that she's on you or, you know, or is it, you know, something about you? I actually won't tell them. Can I ask you some questions? Absolutely. It refuses to say anything. Can I ask you some questions? Sure. Do you shower every day? Of course. Like twice a day sometimes. All right. I'm just asking. Don't get, don't get mad.

No, I don't do it, guys. Gross. It's something else. Well, there's some guys who don't take care You know, I mean, I'm just asking I'm getting a little foundation of who this guy is So let me ask your question. Do you make a move on her and she says no Yeah, wow, she says no Every time but you make it like in the car with the kids in the back seat or you're doing it late at night Do you take your girl and they're in their 20s? Oh twenty also but is there a point somewhere you go to honey i know i'm waiting but it's been fourteen years

yeah i mean how many moves there you can attempt what's what i stopped even trying it well you know i just i just go to miss out on the you know do you sleep in the same bed regulars you sleep in the same bed at night No, you don't seem to say

Hmm, yeah, but the thing is I snore and my wife snores too, and it's you know I both hate when the other one falls asleep first, but you just I sleep in the same bed because you're my wife and you deal with it Of course, does she have a lot of woman friends? Like the court group of friends like like four or five, yeah. I think she's going dykey with that a little bit. She's got any lesbian friends? I wish. No, you don't. No.

You don't. Not the kind we're picturing she's with. Yeah, not those kind. These are snacks, your chicks, studs. Yeah, I'm not talking rosy and Kathy. What's talking hot, like Cameron Diaz? Yeah, I'm not talking Rosie and Kathy. What's talking hot, like Cameron Diaz? No, he wishes. Let me ask you that.

You wanna solve this problem? Yeah. You're gonna eat duct tape? Oh yeah. What's going on? It was only a killer barrier in the back. No, you don't wanna kill her. I'm just saying, get a little kinky with her.

Get in the bed. Oh, forget it. Dr. Tape her hands up until she agrees to do your bidding. Date Reaper? No, don't take. Just take her and tell her and yeah, then hold on to her throat. No, that's not what I'm saying, Jay. Jay, I'm not.

Well, excuse me, we were setting up for Dops. I'm saying. Well, I handcuffs or maybe a bathrobe Fucking belt. Oh, yeah, tie up with a bathrobe belt Maybe get a little maybe get a little aggressive Maybe she wants a guy, you know most women want a guy to make the move most women want a guy You know, you mean look at that 50 shades of gray all the vampire movies. They're like an aggressive guy Throw them down on the bed and teacher. What's what a think of two about a think of two.

You know what I say? I say maybe a step further, Rich and you hire some guys to come in. And I mean, rough, rough a little bit throwing them, but let her think of the unthinkable is going to happen. And then you come in, save the day, maybe a choreographed fight piece. You hurt one of them bad enough, it looks like that the rest of them just flee. Like snap is ankle. Yeah.

And then while she's tied up, you go, I'm going to finish with those guys started and then you move in. That's a good one. That actually got me home. You should try that. Try that tonight. You want me and Jay to be the bad guys? We'll put some ski masks on.

We could also, yeah, you're right in Jersey. We could also do, I only know, understand porn that I watch. Also, you can have, close a window on her while she's hanging out of it and then have sex with her behind like that. Stuck porn. Stuck porn.

Yeah, maybe throw a sock under the bed and go, can you get that and when she gets stuck? When she gets stuck under the bed goes. I think it's further under there and then have her from behind Yeah, I spend like every night on on porn club. Are you still attracted to her? Yeah, a question from black Lou. Are you is this all sex? Are you getting oral? No, she doesn't do anything she won't even you you jg no one's just so no one's not for fourteen years but sucking your dick

about that was but that was black lose question that's i would like to ask questions of course you can't even call yeah exactly that's what all guys want i don't know why he texted me could have just asked i didn't think I was up So I just wanted to have you put it in there. Yeah, that would that would he wouldn't be making a phone call with a problem that would be a Amazing thing. Is she with you now? Where's put her on the horn? Yeah, have you gone to therapy mother? Did you ask a therapist? Did a therapist ask her?

Yeah, I've asked I told my therapist about it and he's even he said hitter. There's no idea what your therapist just gave up 10 years ago I don't know dude the therapist probably said to go to massage parlors. Okay, we're off Do you tell you therapist that you go to massage polish? Yeah, what does he say? He's like hey, I mean if it's gonna save your marriage doing he's a huge my discount code if i wasn't getting released somewhere i would have left a long time ago so put her on the phone let's talk to her no

where she had all handled this jay dot dr j dr bibo gonna take care of this right now for you can you you guys hook me up with like a girl or something? I can do this. I'll do one better. I can have J. I can have J. Hot breathe on your nipple while you jerk off. I could do that. I could do that for you if it helps your marriage out. I'd be happy to have you with your nipple while you masturbate. Maybe she saw that she would get hot.

I mean, have you, you're in therapy or with her or just by yourself? I mean, is she gone to a therapist? No, but I'm with her. So she's never gone and explained herself to a therapist. No, she refuses to go to a therapist. Women don't need therapy. Well, the man needs the therapy. That's the way they look at it.

I'm fine. You need to go fix you Yeah, I think Which see if she'll come on the phone we have to go break because we have to read we have to take a break Rich tell her you ever call the show we'll fix things We're gonna save this marriage Or she'd get hot and bothered and Touch your up peepy I knew I was saying this stuff. She was fucking killing me. Or she'd get hot and bothered and, what if I turn her around? And touch your peepy.

Good luck, man. I was dating since 1984. I know her inside and out. She would be so pissed off at this time. Well, you know, on the outside, not on the inside. You have the inside and a couple of years. If it was dusty in there, you might forget. You might forget, oh yeah, that was dark down there.

I forgot about that. Well, good luck with everything dude. Yeah buddy. She changes the money. You know I'd say uh. I'd say lever or cheat aggressively. Yeah. We'll have Jay hot breath on your nipples. Hot breath on your nipples either way. You're gonna be all right. I don't think of massage powers as really cheating because there's absolutely no emotion involved Except when you lock your legs and arch your back and jizz I love your stomach. Yeah, that's pretty emotional And then when they go back to a room full of yeah mattresses on the floor because they're being yeah Serbs holding the servitude Except the part where you get on all fours and you spread your butt open and she has to put a glove on because you want something in your butt Yeah, cuz you've gotten some pretty weird shit Rich

The old Jersey tomato, do I call it? Find my ball bag up from behind till it turns bright red. We got the colors on the line We'll get to you when we get back. We got to take a break right now We'll be back very shortly. It's the bonfire Everybody thanks for listening that was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show back very shortly, it's the bonfire. We got our stand-up dates coming to a city near you. Go! Go!

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