The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Hot Zeros

Episode Date: April 25, 2025

The guys workshop an idea for a new show called "Hot Zero Tards" that will rival the very popular show "Hot Ones." Bobby and Jay tell voiceover stories where Bob becomes an angry baby and Jay gives an embarrassing impression of Charlie Sheen. Jacob and Bob were both extras in movies and the reality of acting was more difficult than imagined. Bob plays clips of a travel show he pitched that revolved around a U-Haul and Dan Soder performing stand-up on the street. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now, The Bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly. Welcome back to The Bonfire Faction Talk Series XM 103. Big Jay Okerson, the great Robert Kelly, hanging with you. That is a dream gig, to get a voiceover where you just go to a studio near you, because they don't even make you go to the studio like in the city. They find one near your house and they just rent it and this is actually one of the places I went to do that is in the town I live now. It's right down the street from my house where I live now. Ryan Reynoldsville? Ryan Reynoldsville

slash Edie Falco town. Edie Falco town? Slash Chaz Chaz. Bodo?ash Chaz, Chaz. Bono? No, Chaz Palmiteri, baby. Oh. Chaz Bono wouldn't be a bad neighbor. Chaz is great. He is a neighbor, he's right down the street. No, Chaz Bono.

Yeah. Oh, also? Yeah. Can you call him him? No. He's a very progressive of you. Yeah, that would be a great gig. Just to go in and voice all your shit.

You get to do it, and when you fuck up, they go, just to go in and voice all your shit, get to do it. And when you fuck up, they go, just try it that way. People that do it for a living living have shit in their home, usually they just do it. Yeah, there's a guy I follow, he does, Schwarzenegger, Ryan Reynolds, he does all that stuff. Really good, but he has one in his house, and then that's all he does, is voiceover work,

commercial work, and he makes that ton of cash. Is there anything more stressful though, when you do, especially when you have to time, ADR is when you're doing voiceover for something you've already done, but the audio wasn't good. So you have to do the audio again. And before, they play the line as you did it,

and you kinda have to match the timing of that, and then they give you, they go three beeps on what would be the fourth beep, start the line, and by beep two, the stress level inside my body is at an all time high, like two, three, it's, I'm like I'm gonna fuck this up. You break out in dots all the time. Guys, my dots. Stress dots. It is kind of stressful.

Because it beep, beep, beep. You're like, I could whiff this immediately. Yeah. Like, if I just don't start on the fourth beat, I fuck up immediately. I booked a, there was a baby, it was called Angry Baby. And I booked it for a commercial for a bank. And I had to be an angry baby. And you get in the room,

but all the people from the bank are in your ear, and they're listening to you do it. And they're just, so they would, you do it, and then there'd be a beat of people talking. You'd get to like wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. And then they'd, then they'd. What's angry baby? Angry babe, you wanna hear it?

Yeah. The hell is this thing over my head? This thing's spinning, it's making me dizzy for Christ's sake. God damn, hey, I don't want this thing, I'm gonna get sick here. It's Joe Pesci? Yeah, it's Angry Baby, it's a little different.

Joe Pesci's this. What kind of people are they? Nope, Bobby. What? This is Angry Baby, this is a difference, slight difference, ready? Angry Baby. Hey, I need What? This is Angry Baby. This is a difference, slight difference, ready? Angry Baby. Hey, I need some milk.

Get a tit. This is Joe Pesci. Hey, Henry, what kind of people are they? Oh, you think I'm a clown? You think I amuse you? And then the Angry Baby. I love a clown. I'm lonely in the crib here.

Listen, I'll turn it over to other people because I will say, I may have like auditory issues. Sure. I'm hearing the same exact thing. Again, I'm gonna give you Joe Pesci. Hey, hey Henry, come here. What the hell's going on with those kind of people? And then Angry Baby.

Hey, I'm hungry. What's going, any, I don't know, porridge or something? My favorite part is you are actually trying to make them slightly different. First of all, they are very different. It's very, not slightly, there's a huge difference, bro. I mean, look, if you can't hear it, that's not my, listen. I'll take the blame.

Just listen, listen. You tell me which is which, ready? Hey, I'm lonely down here. And, ready? Hey, get me my goddamn money, you fucking cocksucker. All right, okay. Both angry baby? No, no, no, the last one was Joe Pesci,

the first one was the baby. Okay, I thought you were trying to trick me. All right. Just give me anything to say. Give me something to say and I'll show you. I'll do both. Tell me to say something. Go ahead. Um...

Uh, uh, DJ Lou, spinning on the ones and twos. Okay, here you go. Ready? Angry Baby. Hey, DJ Lou, spinning on the ones and twos. Here's Joe Pesci. Hey, DJ Lou, spinning on the ones and twos. You're making new creative choices for Angry Baby.

What are you talking about? That's what actors do. You're actually right. Creative choices is what acting is about. You're taking a lot of creative choices with Angry Baby. Exactly. You know what, Jay? Sometimes you fucking piss me off.

I used to like when you'd take me, put me in your arms, and rock me to sleep, but now you're up there fucking judging me me you're like my fucking father Joe what do you mean fucking me go fuck yourself you little baby did you get the role of angry baby I did oh I did get the role in front of the whole bank I got well I got the role it was the one of the only voiceover auditions I've ever gotten in my life because I there was a time where the only thing I was getting sent out was voice auditions, and when you go for voiceover auditions, it's pretty much just actors who got married,

had kids, and couldn't do acting auditions anymore, but they can do voiceover auditions because they're very fast, and they can, you know, it's just good money. So it's just a bunch of guys with, you know, babies on their front, and, you know, weird shit, and then me, in my prime, by the way. I had hair. And I would go in all the time.

But you know me, I'm kind of dumb when it comes to reading. Buddy. No, you're not dumb. You panic. Here's the thing. Because voice-over auditions, regular acting auditions, you get the script at least the night before. So you get to run the lines. And I'll spaghetti, I'll read it all night long

to where I got it and I don't have to look at it. Voice-over auditions, you get the scripts in the room. You gotta go in and just pick it up. And a lot of times, dude, I'd just be in there and they, you could, I would read it and then you could see them looking down and looking at each other and laugh like, with no, cause no sound, they'd be like,

hey man, you gotta try that again. There's a question mark at the end of that. And it's, that's not how you say that word. Let me just give you a line read if you don't mind. It'd be like, okay, yeah. All right. Yeah, I was too dumb to be a voiceover. Voiceover person.

But I did book Angry Baby and that, I mean, dude. It's a big one. Yeah, I wish you could find it. I used to go, what the hell is that, a mobile? It's a bank commercial? I said mobile, it was mobile, I said mobile, and it was mobile. It was a bank commercial, Angry Baby.

Are you Demon Child by any chance? No, I'm not Demon Child, Angry Baby, voiceover. No, you don't have to look at the word mobile, bank. And I was also the dog in the Super Bowl commercial. I was one of the dogs, which was very similar to Angry Baby. Christine, can you find out the poker dogs commercial, Super Bowl?

It was for the FX. It almost became a TV show, they were gonna make it a TV show, and I would have been, oh my god, my dreams would have came true. I would have just been a dog. Hey, listen. What's going on? There it is right there. There you go. I think that's it.

No, that's not it. I was gonna say it's 2011. No. You said it was two years ago. It was a few years ago. Um, was it a GoDaddy ad? No. It was Super Bowl. Super Bowl ad. Yeah, she put it in there. Mm-hmm. Was it a Go Daddy ad? No, it was Super Bowl, Super Bowl ad.

Yeah, she put that in there. Just type in dogs playing poker commercial. The fuck she doing, Jay? The fuck, this is angry baby by the way. I'm starting to think that this whole thing never happened, right there, ad dog poker, is that it? It's it, buddy. That's nine years ago.

Maybe it was nine years ago, maybe. Instead of two. Maybe. Number one, it was Gimmicky. Number two, it was Gilbert. It was Gilbert one? And number three, you're an idiot. ESPN Sunday Night Football.

17 weeks. You know, I don't appreciate being called an idiot. Just because you fear technology, that's not my fault. I've been called a lot of things at this table, but an idiot will not be one of them. ESPN Sunday Night Football. That's not it. That was you?

That's not it. Oh. It's, it's. I thought that was you. They might have did that one year and then we came back and did it again. Dennis Leary, type in Dennis Leary, he was in it. And Roy Jones Jr., is that his name?

Roy Woods Jr., sorry. Roy Wood. Roy Wood Jr. Was one of the dogs. Roy Jones. Micro! More Roy Wood. Yep. Started things, holding things along. There it is right there. Yeah, was one of the dogs right my bro More Roy Wood yep There it is right there

Yeah It's it I don't know can you imagine being a Bills fan going to four straight Super Bowls No rings and then nothing ever since and you live in Buffalo. I went to four straight puppy bowls Possible you know is me after your first birthday, dude I'm little got a baby face It's a soccer team Sorry, that was me instinct. I can't control it in case anybody wonders why we broke up we don't Really? Oh, you're hilarious. Let me tell you something. The only thing the puppy bowl gets right no field goals

No field goals. No miss field. So you what and I know who's right. You're the best voice me tell you something. The only thing the puppy bowl gets right, no field goals. No field goals. No miss field goals. I'll say what? You're the best voice and you're underused. You know they let kickers in the Hall of Fame? They should be in the shed behind the Hall of Fame. They ex-nade. Yeah, that's Roy Wood.

Junior? That's Roy Wood, Junior. They ex-naded my angry, I came out of the gate with the angry baby voice. And they were like, get a grip. They x-naded it. They were like, dude. You can't just keep doing that voice for every character you come in and do.

I believe I can. Well, you know my voice over a horror story. What is yours? I'll tell it again, it's been a while. I went to it. I love that Christine's cracking up right now. I wasn't okay. When I left that day, I was like fucking whacked out.

Christine, did you have to deal with it when he came back? He came straight here. It's the best. I was shell-shocked. I just did it so wrong. They were calling everybody in to read for John Stewart's... new cartoon he was gonna do on Comedy Central, I think. And it was gonna be a big deal. And everyone, they had everybody come and audition for it.

And they wanted you to choose a voice for the character as they showed you pictures of and read. Just make a decision and read a line or two in this person's, like, whatever the character voice you're gonna choose. Can I ask you a question? Was it with Anne Harris and what's her name? No.

It was not with Anne Harris? Uh-uh. Okay. But I went in and I remember, and they said they wanted you to do two impressions and a choice for a voice. You had to do impressions? Yeah.

Ah ha ha ha. Well, I didn't have to. I said I didn't want to do this audition at all and they go, everybody's going in for it, dude. Everyone's going in for this. You should go. I was like, okay. Then I went, and, uh, again, it was funny that they didn't have Dan. Like, I did the audition. Dan didn't go out for it.

Dan doesn't have to audition. They were gonna give him the part. I don't think he did it. I don't think he had anything to do with it at all. He's such a perfect person for that. But I, uh, were sitting in the green, in the waiting room, and Sam Morrell comes out. That's hilarious. And I go, hey, Sam. I go, how was it?

He was like, he's like, yeah, it was tough, because it's not my thing at all. And he's like, I was like, but how did it go? He goes, eh, it wasn't that. Because I just did two impressions in a voice. He was like, it was actually, they were pretty cool about it and, like, made it pretty easy. And I was like, eh, it wasn't them. Because I just did two impressions in a voice. He was like, it was actually, they were pretty cool about it and like made it pretty easy. And I was like, oh, okay.

And I went in there and they put me in a booth. And that booth, you know, was like definitely quiet. Oh no. And I'm sitting there and everybody's out watching behind the glass. Oh God. And they go, I don't even remember, this part was so whatever, it got so much worse

that I don't remember the voice I chose. I remember in my head thinking I had a voice chose. And then when I got in the room, I just like, my mouth didn't work. I don't know what, I just did, I was like, hey man, that was awful. But that wasn't the worst part at all. Then they go, do you have any impressions you do?

I go, I just said, I don't know why I said, I said my friend Dan does a pretty good Dr. Phil. What? And then I go, he does something, I swear to you. You did an impression of an impressionist? Yes. What? What?

And I didn't even have anything to say, I was like, oh hey, Dr. Phil here. And they were like, they go, any impressions that you do? And then I went up, I go, and I think at the time, like Charlie Sheen, I go, oh, I do Charlie, I do a pretty, I'm trying to think of the ones that Dan complimented me on before. And he goes, my Charlie Sheen was pretty good.

He goes, I go, I do Charlie Sheen. They go, great, do Charlie Sheen. You good. He goes, I do Charlie Sheen. They go, great, do Charlie Sheen. You know, it's all happening in your headphones. Did you bring up Dan said you did a good one? Dan said I did a good one. I didn't bring up Dan again. They didn't react big the first time. They just said, any impressions that you do.

And so I said, Charlie Sheen. They go, great, Charlie Sheen, go ahead. And the words I chose to say were from Beetlejuice, which is by the way, a similar impression. I just went, I'm the ghost with the most baby. And then I panicked, cause I was like, that's not a Charlie Sheen line. And then I went, AIDS.

And then I walked out and they were like, JJ wait, we just need you to go. I went, no, no, and I left. And then I got lost in the hallways and I had to walk by them three more times. You're just walking, bumping into things going, AIDS, AIDS. I literally, the elevator took nine years to come.

I got out and I walked here from there. It wasn't far and it was just, I was shell shocked. I was not all right. I think I actually here from there, it wasn't far, and it was just, I was shell-shocked, I was not all right. I think I actually walked from far, I think it was like in the 70s. You were like stunned, I mean, you told us during the way, like, you did what? I walked from like the 70s to here.

Why would you ever wanna do impressions, man? I didn't wanna do it, they said everyone was doing you have to. Yeah, but that doesn't mean you have to do it if everybody's doing it. I know that now Wow, AIDS They were confused when I walked out they were like no no don't leave and I just left and then I had to keep walking By them four times at least more I just goes wrong way completely and it kept winding me around back to this door where they're there they go

And they were like sir. It's totally fine, and back to this door where they're there, they go, and they were like, sir, it's totally fine. And I'm like, I don't even know what that means. Like, I'm just gonna go. They called you sir? Oh shit, that's great. Wait, was that the show with the two women on HBO? No, nothing ever, it never came out. Oh, it never came out.

The worst part about these humiliating experiences is that most of the shit never comes out. And you just took your afternoon and humiliated yourself and literally set yourself back seven years in business. Well, how about the commercial? I'll tell you, the commercial I did where I was painted green and I got a sunburn of an S on my stomach that gave me $300

for a Halls commercial that was supposed, everyone was telling me how much I was gonna make all year and this commercial never came out. Never even came out, just got a sunburn and 300 bucks. And an S on your chest for sucker. And an S on my chest for stupid ass. Sucker. Stupid with two O's.

Stupid. Yeah, that is a bad thing. I did a bunch of those things where it never came, never saw the light of it. I, you ever do industrials? I don't even know what that is. It's like Dunkin' Donuts needs an ad. They need a, they need a, like a.

Like a corporate video? A corporate video, it's industrial. So they need to, hey, if somebody robs, they, you gotta go in, get the job, watch all these videos, and then learn how to, you know, what you have to do if somebody robs the store. You know what I mean? And I've done a bunch of those.

Oh yeah, reenactments and stuff? Reenactments, yeah. Wait, where are these? They're out there. I actually, my mom did one, and I did one, I did one years later, and it was weird, because I had to go in, when I worked at Grossman's Bargain Outlet,

which is before Home Depot, you had lumber yards, like some of the lumber, it was like, you know, like small town places, but Grossman's was the first chain lumber thing, and then they had the bargain outlet, which was the shitty, all the broken shit would go there, and you'd get it cheap, and I worked there, like, you know, twisted, bent two by fours, and all that stuff.

I love that you used to have the acting passion of a queer. Yeah, ha, buddy. And I remember, I remember. You really wanted to be in stuff, dude. I was never there. You want to be in a reenactment? I'm like, no. Buddy, I did so many of them.

I did so many of them. It's crazy. I did real stories of the highway patrol. Thank God you can't find it. But I did an episode of real stories of the highway Patrol. Thank God you can't find it. But I did an episode of real stories of the Highway Patrol. They paid me $50. It was all day long. Almost got killed.

Because they would just film those without any permits. And they just gave, like they got a shit box that barely ran and I had to get chased by the highway, the Highway Patrol doing like 60 down the highway, the thing's just shaking, and then take a left and it almost, the car just hit a jump, and we almost landed in the fucking woods, and I just, like, they had no springs,

we just almost snapped our spines. It was crazy. For 50 bucks. 50 bucks, dude. I did a, was that a Kmart ad, Christine? Was me, Chuck Nice, Kareem Green, it was like a full day. We're dressed like elves in some fucking house in Jersey or upstate New York somewhere. I think that was before my time.

No, absolutely, no, I went there from our apartment. Yeah, I was in that pilot crazy house, never went anywhere. Yeah, that was fun though. I'm in so many of these little videos, I mean not even big companies, smaller companies, where I'm just in a suit and they, you know. Shaking hands with somebody.

Yeah, exactly, like sitting there listening and then they cut to me and then I walk up and be like, hey, if I like somebody and I wanna ask them out, should I do it at work or should I not do it at all? And then they cut back to the person, you shouldn't ask anybody out at work because it's, you know what I mean? Did it satisfy your acting bug, Nancy?

Yeah. Oh buddy, I'll tell you what. Because you have to give a shit, it's not money. At that point you give a shit, you're like, oh yeah, I'm gonna be in things. This is the way up through the ladder. That's why I never gave it. They said when you got here to New York, all kinds of weird, like, dude, you gotta go.

Just be an extra for a day. I'm like, I genuinely doesn't matter that much to me. I actually, on the movie Oleanta, which is a David Mamet film, is when I was like, I'll never do this shit again. Because I showed up to this, David Mamet's huge, Oleanta, they're filming it in Boston, my acting teacher, Peter Kelly, who's the best.

Oh, God. He's the best. Oh, my God. You had to talk earnestly to a guy wearing an indoor scarf all the time? Nah, dude, he was cool. He used to wear a leather jacket and just bang his students.

He was cool. Damn, is that why you wore a leather jacket? Dude, you'd love, Pete Kelly, you'd love Pete, man. But, uh. Acting is reacting. Now suck this dick. Hey ladies, how do you react to this? Present.

I used to fuck around with every acting partner I had, who was a female. I remember this big girl, she was like 300 pounds. And I remember when we were into a house and she'd cook lasagna and eggplant palm. She had a whole dinner waiting for me. Damn. My scene partner was Gina Brion

and we did the, she tells me she's a lesbian scene from Chasing Amy. And then I had to arm wrestle a black guy who said he wanted to fucking kill me before we started and then he slammed my hand down on the ground. I didn't like acting class. But I got into that thing. I'm in Olanta, I'm an extra.

I'm like, okay. And then they put us in a field. I'm in this hot field all day. I'm just sitting there like starving, didn't know what the hell to do. And this is right when the flip phones, remember the Cell One phones came out, the flip phone? So I had a flip phone,

because I'm always into technology. And I called the pizza place, remember the cell one phones came out, the flip phone? So I had a flip phone, because I'm always in the technology. And I called the pizza place, ordered a pizza to this field in this mental institution where they were filming it as a college. And then all of a sudden there was a lady, she was in charge of all the extras, she had a headset, big blonde chick, like Russian, and she's like,

who ordered pizza? And everybody, whatever the hell she was. She's like, who ordered pizza? And everybody's... whatever the hell she was. And she's like, who the fuck ordered pizza? It's Angry Baby! Angry Baby's back. Which one of you crock sackers ordered the fucking pie? Oh, shit, Angry Baby strikes. What the fuck's going on? We fucking feed you.

He lives. She got so mad, and everybody's looking at me because they know I ordered this pizza. These other stupid theater rats. And I was like, I ordered this pizza. These other stupid theater rats. And I was like, I ordered the pizza. She's like, we feed you. I was like, when? Yeah, you're like Spicoli.

So, and then I remember when they finally fed us, I guess the pizza guy, the delivery guy pulled up in the middle of a scene with David Mamet. And he pulled up and honked his horn of his little Toyota Corolla and was like, yo, I got a pizza for Robert Kelly. Oh. It ruined the scene. And David got pissed.

So then at lunch, they bring us all in, and people don't know this, but when you go to lunch, crew eats first, then the stars, and the extras your last. Sure. Usually in a different area. I just walked in and started feeling my plate. And I'm sitting there,

and I'm in front of the fucking director, I'm in front of Mammoth. And you've already crushed a pizza. Yeah, well they didn't give me the pizza, they told me to go home. I didn't get the pie. And then, so I- Oh shit, they came just to tell you,

sorry but you can't do that. I ruined a scene. So then I grabbed my plate of food and I sat next to David. I sat next to David. Balls. I sat next to David, man. I was like, hey, what's up, man? I was talking about the food, the food's good.

And then someone came over and tapped me on the show. They go, you're not supposed to eat. You're supposed to wait to eat. I'm like, I'm starving. You told me we get food. And they literally took me out and put me in this circle room that I think they used to just put mental patients in.

Were you screaming, I'm an actor the whole time? I'm an actor. I got in a fight with one of the actresses because I was like, I'm done with this shit. This is bullshit, the way they treat us. And she was like, this is what you have to do. This is how you make it in the business. I go, this is not how you make it in the business.

This is how you make it in the business. This is horse shit. I don't wanna make it in this shit business. This is how you don't make it." And she's like, we got in a big fight and the rest of the day I was by myself. She goes, that woman went on to be Angela Bassett. I was- This. I remember none of them would talk to me after that because they all took her side and I was

just sitting in this- Oh, listen, if you're out there in that field, you have to believe that this is a step towards your ultimate goal of being an ex-Brad Pitt or whatever it is. Because it sounds nightmarish to me. And they ran out of clothes. So they didn't have college student clothes. And they didn't have any more backpacks.

So she gave me a bowling bag and a polo shirt that was too tight. So I look like Fred Flintstone. But a real actor could have made something of that. I wonder if I'm in it. I never watched it, but I'm wondering if you can see me. In the field scene? Just in a field like Fred Flintstone, a bunch of kids.

He goes, hey, hey, it's a little fun fact. If you look in the background, you can see David Mamet yelling at a guy for ordering pizza to the set. One pizza to the set, please. I never caught the itch. I loved that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that.

I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that.

I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that.

I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. I love that. That incident though, I never took work again. Extra work. And that led me to when I got Koala Be a Kid, and then I got Last Night at Eddie's, and then I got Four Dogs and a Bone.

And then you knew. Well that's when I quit comedy, when Billy and Dane and Patrice, we all started comedy, but then I got a movie, a small movie, and then the other movie, and then I got a movie a small movie and then a bit the other movie and then I got Off-Broadway in Boston and I was in I was it literally went from hanging out with Patrice Billy and Dane To hang out with actors like like, you know all these real actors There's definitely a video somewhere Bobby talking to somebody while he's doing bar

Exercises with his leg up on the thing doing ballet type stuff. He goes My whole body's my instrument. This is a very physically demanding scene. I did one, I was an extra in one movie. Because like you, I thought that everyone said this is how you get your actor's card. I think you need something like five minutes total screen time you have to build up

and then you're a member of the the union Yeah, well, no, you have to pay to be a member. You have to pay or you can't do any more work Yeah, you have to get it, but you have to have a minimum amount of screen time So if you're an extra it counts, so the movie was Finding Forrester it was like one of the last honorary movies and What were you his lighting double? I was an extra, but I didn't know what I was doing. And it turned out I was an extra, it was in his car.

I was one of the traffic. So you see, one of the car I'm in. So the car was more relevant than you in the. That's all you saw, was the car. I was hoping Jacob's gonna be a person going, guys, over here, I found Forrester. So I had to line up with like 100 of the cars and drive down Park Avenue.

So it was your car? No, it was my parents' car. Oh. I don't even remember what, I think the car is in the scene. Datsun. I think it was a Nissan Sentra. Oh, Oldsmobile?

Don't remember. Mercury Sable. It was one of the most miserable days I've ever had. It was exactly the way you described, Nissan Sentra. Oldsmobile. Don't remember. Mercedes-Benz Able. It was one of the most miserable days I've ever had. It was exactly the way you described, I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know where I was supposed to go, but I did get out, I had to park on the street, and I did see Sean Connery walk past me.

They treat you, they used to treat you worse, but they treat background people way better now. But they did, the back when I was into it, they treated you like cattle. You just sat, we sat in a field for four hours. I was like under a tree, like a hippo, just waiting. And then that's when I go to the pizza, I'm like, I need to eat.

I didn't understand that they didn't feed you. They wanted to like some meal penalty to get their shot and then I fucked up the shot with my pizza delivery. Yeah, I didn't understand all those. There's a lot of fucking rules. But the eating part when they broke for lunch, that's when I really realized, my part in the movie was Carr.

I played Carr 59. Okay. Hey Carr. I played car 59. Okay. Hey car. Hey car. Yeah. What's the, what's the car in the voice? What was the voice? I believe it.

I didn't know what I was doing and I spoke to- Hey, I'm car 59, you cocksuckers. Angry baby got the part. But then there's, it was like a girl there that was like 14 and she was a classroom extra, so she was actually like responding and she was on, she was in the scene for a big part of the movie. And she was teaching me the biz, talking. And I felt humiliated,

because I was an adult being told what I'm supposed to do here, and she was telling me how much screen time I needed. And I said, but I'm a car. I'm in the car. She said, well no, you have to be seen. Well that stuff does happen. It's happened to me a couple times where I was in,

I was supposed to have one thing and I'm out. And because I came up with a line, like when the two two, I don't know if you remember that show that was on, it was on for one season. It was CBS, it was De Niro, his production company. Back when- That was a real two sentence backpedal.

It was De Niro's production company. No, no, De Niro was involved and his partner, whatever her name is, it's a woman, I forget her name. It was huge, this whole thing was huge. This was CBS when it was the year they didn't cancel one show. CBS had every hit on TV was on that network. And then De Niro and his partner stepped in to make this show.

And they literally just got all hot young people to be cops. Nice. And it was the two-two. But I was the chubby, you know, joke maker. Comic relief. Comic relief. I was supposed to come in for one line

and then I'm out. And the writer or the director, well, no, what do they call it? The show runner who came up with the show, he saw me at the cellar and liked me. And I came in and they were all sitting there and he goes, could somebody, we come in and the guy says, I need you guys to say stuff.

Just say something. I need other business, I need people to say, so I, this guy says this thing about this thing, and I was like, all right, enough out of you, Wikipedia. And I just say that line, and it killed in the room. Not only did I get myself a job for the whole season, I got that dude a job, and his name was Wikipedia in the show, so we both got things, but alls we would do would be in the roll season, I got that due to job and his name was Wikipedia in the show. So we both got things, but all we would do

would be in the roll call, I would say something funny, he would say something stupid, I would trash him, and then we'd show up at the scene and I would come in and just put the handcuffs on somebody. But I was too fat, I was too big. Yeah, it sucked. I had to wear all the cop uniform. Society was behind. I've all the cop uniform society was behind

I've put a cop uniform on for two things before That I filmed and I hate it every time the police officer's belt is the stupidest fucking thing in the world It's dumb. You have to have an ass to be a police officer. That's things not gonna stay up I actually hurt the the wardrobe guy was just middle-aged gay guy, he was awesome. He loved me, and he went to put my belt on one day, those big leather cop belts, and he snapped something in his back. Yeah, I believe it.

Those things are heavy as shit, and they're not attached to anything. He went like this. Oh God, no, no, no! Fell to the ground. He was going, no, no, no, no! They had to take him away, and they're like, what'd you do to him? I'm like, I didn't do nothing. What did he do? I go, no, no, no, no. They had to take him away, and they're like,

what'd you do to him? I'm like, I didn't do nothing. What did he do? I go, he was just putting my belt on. He goes, I snap, I pull the muscle in my back. So for the rest of the episodes, I had these two young twinks that would join forces to put my belt on.

But the fact that the belt doesn't sit on loops, it just hangs loose like you're playing bass and rat. Fucking ridiculous. Police uniforms suck. I did a... I never put the handcuffs on people too because I would always have to, I just couldn't hold,

like when I had to kneel down to get handcuffs on people, I would just lean up and go, hey dude, hold the cuffs in your hands. Because I couldn't, I'd have to get down. Oh, you were gonna turn purple. It was too much. So I would just go down, put the cuffs, hold these,

and then put your hands behind your back and I'd walk over to the car. I had to come up with all fat tricks. That's fuckin', I did a, do you remember Christine when I went with Comedy Central? Was it supposed to be just online? One of the guys who directed Z-Rock, the show that I was on,

just wanted to keep doing projects with me where he could, I guess, and we pitched, or he pitched, a show as me as the host of a dating show. I forget what it was called, but it was me tagging along on first dates with these people they put together. It was conceptually, but it was just like, there was just no plan.

You know what I mean? We went and we took a... a cute, chubby white girl to date a black guy and then back to, like, his hood house with all of his cousins and shit to, like, okay. I mean, it was... Sounds funny. I just... It's not my thing. It's just not... I don't have any, like, vision of it.

You know what I mean? I'm like... So anything I've done like that, I did movies on tap with Patrice and did those interstitial, I've done interstitial stuff for Comedy Central before. It's just, it's so not my thing. Did you ever see my interstitial that I made, Robert Kelly's U-Haul show?

No. Starring Dan Soda? No. The whole concept, Serpico came up with it. I rent a U-Haul truck, I go on the road, all over the it. I rent a U-Haul truck, I go on the road, all over the country. I rent a U-Haul truck. I go and I get props from places,

and then I pull up to like Starbucks, and I just grab somebody, interview them. Then I go to like a band's house, local band, and I'll go interview them, then they perform. And then I'll get a local comic, and I'll meet them at a Dunkin' Donuts or whatever, and they'll do a set. In front of me.

What a nightmare. There it is right there. That's my show. Oh God. This is it. Oh, I'm turning around for this. This is a preview. This is a preview of the show.

What are you wearing? And Dan's so. What is the hat you're wearing? That's my Scally Cap. Oh, I got you, Scally Cap. It's a Scally Cap. That's a real, do your whole pose. Wait for this.

We're here live in a Dunkin' Donuts parking lot. I have my Dunkin' Donuts coffee, and we're about to do a live comedy show right here in the parking lot. Bobby, pause it. Can I say something to you? Live twice. Bobby.

What? You've tried everything. Not everything. Not everything. Cause Bobby Kelly's tech show, You Don't Need It, is be available very soon. You've tried all of it. But that's how you get ahead of things.

It's why you were early podcasting, it's why you were early. We came up with this show, I was at the Improv, and where is it on the, West Palm Improv, okay. Rest in peace. West Palm Improv, supposed to record it to get it to send to somebody. We hire this guy with a video camera

to come down and record my Thursday night show. The show is so unruly, nobody's there to see me. They gave tickets out to everybody. Just big groups of Cuban people. Oh yeah. And they were, I'd say a joke, be like, yeah, marriage is tough, and they gotta go, why's that? They would just ask questions to all my setups.

Oh God. I'd be like, I'm gonna tell you that, but just let me get, that's the setup, and then I'd do the punch. It was so bad, it was the worst thing, one of the worst shows I've ever done, to where I barely pulled out of it, I barely did 45 minutes, and it was,

the club went, hey, we're sorry about that. Like, they knew it was their fault. And Jim was like, you know what, we got all this camera equipment, why don't we just think of an idea? And he came up with this idea. And we came back here, filmed it, and then we pitched it to every network

for an interstitial. And? I'm here with you. Oh, okay. Whatitial. And? I'm here with you. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, I'm here with you. Yeah, the Hot Wings guy, millionaire. Oh yeah, you were trying to be, that's what it was, you were trying to be, whatchamacallit,

on the stoop with, what's her face? This is, yeah, this was like when Pete Corelli was doing that show, opposite side or whatever. You thought this could be maybe in the cabs? This could be an interstitial, like the poker thing in between movie night or something like that. Something. Introduce the comic that you came here to see.

He's one of my favorite young. Now stop. These guys, all that crowd, no idea. They just stopped. Okay. I just stopped all these people. Well, let's see who they look like. These are people walking by just to get to the bus or get a coffee,

and I stopped them to watch this show that's about to happen. Um, okay. One black guy looks like his forehead curves into his eyes. They both sort of have that same look. Then you got a real skeezed-looking white dude. That's Jim Cerbaco. Uh, no, it's not. No, he's holding the camera. They both sort of have that same look. Then you got a real skis looking white dude. That's Jim Cerberco. No, it's not.

No, he's holding the camera. Oh, a little black, okay. No, I'm talking about the guy with the ponytail. Oh, then there's the hat, the two hoodie. By the way, it's two types of everything. Two black guys look sort of the same. Two Scuds dudes. That girl's wearing the same hat as you, Bobby, and then Mike Harrington off to the right.

That's everybody, they just stopped, and they don't know what you're doing. And you, by the way, one thing about you, it's great, you keep going. You are not deterred by this. As soon as two of these people stop, I go, please guys, could you, don't do this. Very young comics from New York City,

he's an up and comer, my friend Dan Soda, everybody. You guys, could you don't do this? Very young comics from New York City. He's an up and comer. My friend Dan Soda, everybody. Give it up for Dan Soda. Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan. Thank you, thank you everybody. We're here live. Oh, that's it?

You don't have the Dan set? Mm-mm. I'll tell you what though, you know Dan. He can't fail. He went out and killed. He did a standup set. Did a standup set in front of everybody. Jesus.

Yeah, and killed. You convinced him to do that for you. But then I interview him, and we go in the truck after, we interview, I interview him in the back of the truck. Yeah, and we just come from a band. We did a band, Flatbottom Boys, I think they called? Yeah, we went to the house, interviewed them, and they did a song right on the back of the truck.

And that was the whole thing. I would go do a comic, local comic, local band, and somebody random at someplace, and I would do my talk show. Oh, I just forgot, one of my tattoos I have on the back of my leg is from that dating show. Pennegram with Batwings. Pennegram with Batwings. Yeah. Terrible tattoo artist. Terrible tattoo. I have on the back of my leg is from that dating show. Pentagram with bat wings. Pentagram with bat wings.

Terrible tattoo artist, terrible tattoo. We actually sat down, I remember after that show, we sat down and I was like, you can't work with every producer that wants to work with you. Yeah, that was the call. I was like, you have to work with talented producers. I remember we walked into True TV with this and we were pitching it.

And I just remember the, she was all women at that time, like, you know what I mean? And they were just like looking at us sideways. And I was just enthusiastic. So then, and then, and then. If history serves correctly with everything, I would assume they were like,

look, we're all soaking wet for Dan. But I don't know about this stupid U-Haul and you and your hat. We're all slick in the shorts for Dan. Dan is a cutie. He has long hair too, he has longer hair. We fucking killed it. It's on my Patreon, I guess, right?

That's what I'm trying to get to. Yeah, it's on my Patreon. Christine's a patron. Yeah, that was cute little Dan. I mean, nobody knew who he was. I know, you said a little unknown new guy Dan. I mean, nobody knew who he was. I know, you're just a little unknown new guy, Dan Soder. Nobody knew who he was. And I was like, I'm going to skyrocket this guy to fame.

Watch what I do. Just in fairness, by everything in this conversation we've had, though, is that no one also knew who you were. Yes, that's true, too. That is a valid point. I didn't know Patreon had been around as far back as that video would have been I Think it's when it first came out. It must have been it was when it first came out. I had that for I was always ahead of the curve. Yeah, I was always too far ahead of the curve

I was probably actually get the thing you get the thing. It's like the prototype that goes away, too Yeah, Bobby's the first one on like, that he'd get things where you're like, well this is defunct now. Yep. I always come, if you see- Did you have a Zoom? Did you get a Zoom? Yeah.

You got a Zoom, right? If you see me at your festival and I'm headlining, your festival's about to be closed. Ha ha ha ha. We have Bob Kelly. Yeah. What's up, buddy? I just remembered a punctuation for the Finding Forrester. I made, I think it was a total

of 13 hours with all getting there, but it was one of the longest days. I was miserable. I had asked them twice, can I leave? Because we seemed to be doing nothing. And they said no. And I made a total of $85 for the day. And then the agent, I don't remember how I knew this, but I think somebody else put me, she's an extra agent, called me and said I have to bring her the $15 from that cut. And then I think it took me $20 in tolls and traffic to get there.

Buddy, it's the worst. That's how much I made. That's why when I was at comedy camp, when I was first on the call sheet, I was so happy, because I've never been, because you always had the call sheet thing where you're sixth or seventh or eighth,

but to be, to look down at the call sheet and see first, I was like, oh my God, and then the whole thing fell apart. We have to take a break, we need to take a break, but we will be back very shortly. It's the bonfire. Look at Bobby, this is a moment in time, this picture here, this is a video I think of Dan. It's, you were going for like, you know what?

I like eating food, but I'm gonna be a cool chubby guy. You know, this was when I was going for, I was 100% going for Food Network, Travel Channel show. I was going to be that guy. Oh, a fucking FEC guy trying to be cool, the worst. I spent my whole life being a FEC guy trying to be cool. You were a guy rich, Guy Fieri, before Guy Fieri? I being a feck, I tried to be cool. You were a guy, Richie, a guy, Fieri, before a guy, Fieri? I had a meeting with the head of Travel Channel

when they did Man Versus Food, right? It wasn't you and Sherrod or something? Me and Sherrod did Men Versus Food. After that, I was like, I want this, I want one of these travel shows. And we met with her, and at one point she looked at me, we were pitching this, I think. We were pitching her this. And at one point she goes,

would you ever host Man Vs Food? Because Adam had just left, because all the shit that went on with him. And she was, would you ever host that? What went on with him? Because he couldn't do it, because the food was killing him. Oh, Adam Richmond was actually.

Yeah, he was just too much, he was all that, eating that much food. I don't know if it's on anymore. It is on, they went back to it. They had another guy write it. Well, no, Casey. Casey was on it. What was his name?

I liked him. So she asked me to do, like literally she looked at me like, would you do it? And I just had to go yes. There was that vibe, you know what I mean? There was that vibe in the room, like yeah, I would do it right now. She would be like, okay.

And I went, well, I don't wanna went well. I don't want to kill myself You know I don't want to I'd have to we'd have to work it out because you know I don't be too gluttonous And she just shut down she goes all right. I gotta go. I'll see you later She walked out. I don't wanna be gluttonous. Yeah, is it still on yeah the show because I don't know I haven't seen a new ice to DVR them. I Don't have cable now though Yeah, well when Oh streams on max, thanks God

I like him much more than the original me too. The original guy's kind of smarmy I like this guy much better, but you were getting ready to be the other guy I there was a point we were gonna wear leather jackets and try to cool guy while you shove a fucking pineapple pizza in your face When I did the show oh look at my jacket, huh? Give me the biggest pizza than anyone's ever seen buddy. I was so meant to do that show Well me and when me and Sharad did it men versus food, which was a different concept Basically go to a restaurant and we keep eating until somebody taps out. Yeah.

Right? He tapped out at noon. Oh yeah. I had to eat his tater. And then left without tipping. But I had to eat his tater tarts. Hey, you got me money, right? We went to Cleveland and he couldn't eat any of his food,

so for the rest of the day, we had to go to at least seven or eight restaurants to make the show. So we just had to go to restaurants, and they would just be like, can you eat the rest of the shots? So I was such a fat tub of shit, I ate the other half of his Cuban sandwich. Oh, my Christ. Yeah.

Casey Webb's good. He's good at the show. He's got a better personality for it. He does. The other guys, I actually follow him on Twitter. Adam Richman, I think it is. Yeah. He's a little, uh...

Dildo? Yeah, well, him and Bert are real good friends, I guess, but he's very... Schmarmer? He is Schmarmer. He's like an actor. He comes from Yale. He went to Yale acting. Ugh. Yeah, he was supposed to be a big actor.

That was his whole thing. His man, Bert... Here's the thing. He still lives in New York. Um, does he? I don't know. His personality on the show was so bad to me. I never liked it. Yeah, it's actor-y. It's, like, you know, fake. This guy's real, like, hey, what's up?

It was, like, it was trying to be cool guy. Yeah. Really. This guy's dorky. Yeah, you like dorky. For this. Well, if what he's doing, yeah. He comes in and he goes... In life.

Yeah, you want to see, like, that Chris Farley, like, me likey giant donut. The guy you date has bangs coming out of his hat. I don't... That's why I've never been driven as much as, you know, fire away at the jokes. That deserves more. Well, Guy Fieri. All the jokes are about Guy Fieri.

His approach to food stuff is annoying. Yeah. That he had cool guys that, I mean, my American dad made fun of it so good. He's going in for the hunch. He has to hunch and eat something. Oh, yeah. He's going in for a hunch. He has to hunch and eat something. Oh yeah.

He's going in for a hunch. He's hunchin'. Yeah, Adam. He goes, he's like, the flavors are exploding. Garlic's everywhere. He, yeah, he is a douche. He's like, he's talking about fucking hot rods or something.

Oh, oh man, and you get those flecks. Those flecks of sesame. My mouth is literally in space right now. Yeah, he's flex a sesame. My mouth is literally in space right now. Yeah, he's better than that. He just eats and he goes like, it's so good and salty. Can I have more? Yeah, you can see his neck getting red. Yeah, he turns bright red.

Yeah, he turns bright red. You see him dying. He really feels like when he doesn't complete the challenge that he's letting everyone down. Yeah, because he is. He's like, I gave it everything I had, man. It was so hot. I like to, for like, he's like, I gave it everything I had, man. It was so hot. I like to, for me, it's not the amount stuff

I like on the show. It's the, can you take it, like, hot stuff. That's what's always impressive, when they get that shit down. I had a great show that I wanted to do with another comedian, two other comedians. So it'd be like me, you, Lewis. Yeah.

Right? Called Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner. So we go do our comedy shows, we do tours, but our thing is, you have to find breakfast, I have to find lunch, and he has to find dinner. So we go to these towns, we walk around the towns, we have to find, we gotta find places to go. And then we'll go in, we'll go to the best breakfast place,

then we go to the best lunch place, and then we go to the best dinner place, and then we'll go do our shows, and then we talk about, we meet all the people, and they we go to the best dinner place, and then we'll go do our shows, and then we talk about the, we meet all the people, and they'll come to our shows, stuff like that. How about this? Okay. While we're spitballing here?

I love spitballing, let's do it. Let me turn toward you. Hear me out. We take our group of friends, whoever we want, and we have people sit down and eat progressively hot food. Could be chicken wings, could be anything.

And to see how long they can take it while we interview them. We'll call it hot zeroes. Come on. It's genius. There's already hot ones. I like it. We're saying hot, these are hot wings

with a couple of fucking nobodies. We're just zeroes. It's self-deprecating. It makes people enjoy it. We get to do, the show's already built. We just get to do the exact same thing as they do on Hot Ones. With zeroes, but is it?

Completely stoned, but we say we're a bunch of zeroes. Isn't that how that show started? What, Hot Zeros? No, Hot Ones. Right. It started with nobodies. Right, but they were still bold enough to call themselves hot ones.

Right. We don't do that. We're hot zeros. Hot zeros. The hot is the spice. Can I do it? But we're zeros. I say we do it with people who have been burned.

Burn victims. Yes. All right, now we're thinking outside the box. I think we do it with people who've been burned. Yeah. And see how much they can take. And see how much they remember. And it doesn't have to always be face, right?

What if it triggers something? It shouldn't always be face, though. Sometimes just arms. Could be hands. It could be feet, yeah. But some party has to be Freddy Krueger. Black Lou, you have an idea? How about Hot 10s, where we only interview

the hottest of hot models and people of the world? I'm worried that it's been done already. Christine, look up Hot 10s. If not, please buy the domain immediately. Great job, Lou. That spitballing, that spitballing right there. Hot 10s. We're making, we make naked sluts eat hot shit.

Oh, I hope they don't touch their pussies. How about this? Yes? Hot tards. I mean, another fantastic one. I mean, right? How about Hot 10 tards. I mean. Another fantastic. I mean, yeah. How about hot ten tards? We get the prettiest retarded people.

We're in. No, you think it's not going to work out? Well, OK, OK. Why? It'd be funny. No, no, you like the like the like. Yeah, you like the. Yeah, it's it's mostly just going to be that one Victoria's Secret model. We found out that as we all found out that

A.I. can fool you to believe that a down-sensitive girl is a complete sexual knockout, and we all fell for that. We, none of us did. You sucked us into your weird world. We did feel stupid as shit. Christine, why are you looking up the 10 most beautiful teenage girls in the world? And why is it already in purple? Why is it clicked already?

Because I clicked, look, I Googled Hot 10s in parentheses beautiful people. It auto corrected to hot teens. But you checked it out anyway. Yeah, the 10 most beautiful teenage girls in the world. You don't want to see. No. No, unless they're retarded, because that's our show. Yeah, are they retarded?

Hot 10s, probably 19. That would be honestly, they're probably retarded. And they're all retarded. Anyways. That's how retards laugh. I think they're a-aw. That's how retards laugh. I think they're ill. That's how. Anyways, we should watch Dan doing a little stand up.

I would love to see how he does. I forget. Popping on. Here we go. I look like a fat taxi driver. We're going to wrap up soon. Yeah. That's the bottom, fat bottom boys or flat bottom boys.

They're really good. They're huge now. My room and I've got big, big plans. And I could see them slipping through, almost feel them slipping through the palms of my sweaty hands. These guys are big now. And I move slow. Just slow enough to make you uncomfortable.

Huckin' Donut City, he's an up and comer. This show would have killed. Dan Sote everybody. Give it up for Dan Sote. Thank you. Thank you everybody. This is a lot. It's good to be on the Robert Kelly show.

See the UPS truck? That's enough. That's a rival show. That's a rival show just drove behind us. Go ahead. I'll let you guys know about me. I just turned 28. 28, you and your fun friends stop drinking and start having addictions.

That's what they call it. Can't get cocked on a Tuesday like you used to. I'm dealing with that now. I'm dealing with things that in my early 20s used to make me cool. Now at 28, make people nervous. Like I used to get drunk before class and college. And this is embarrassing for me. I don't like this, turn this off.

He's killin', he just, he made two African dudes in suits laugh. He's doing the best you can do, it's still weird to have like five guys on the street. Come on, let's let him finish. All right, let him finish. Let him finish. U-Haul show.

Robert Kelly's U-Haul show. It's not what it says, it's not what it says. Wow, it does on the stickers. Like this guy's fucking awesome. He's hammered before intro to Roman Lit. Now at 28, if I get drunk before work, everyone's like, hey, are you cool? Is everything all right?

Like yeah, I'm still awesome. No, no you're not. You're almost homeless. That's what you are. I was the product of a single parent, which obviously means single mom. Because I was raised by a single mom, I had to be alone with my thoughts.

I listen to music, I love music, because music makes me reflect on my life. First song that ever made me do that was my dad. You did a mean thing to Dan. You can see Dan making hair with the back of his hair. Go back to that little, you can see him just pulling stuff from the back, praying it wasn't windy out. Jackson's Man in the Mirror, which is a great song.

Problem is, first time I heard that song, I was five years old. It's a weird age to be reflective. Just sitting in the backyard watching the sun go down. The guy with the ponytail, I guess he went, he closed his eyes and just went. He's killing.

Sure. Bobby, I'm not upset with Dan, I'm not embarrassed. You put him in this position. Bobby, this show is going to be a hit. You didn't do stand up? He was on the... You didn't do stand up?

Because I put the star up. You didn't do stand up. Because I put the star up. You didn't do stand up. Of course I didn't, I actually opened. Yeah, you went out there and you just said the things you had to say and then you gave all of the fear and danger. You put all the fear and danger on the young Dan Soder. Buddy, I didn't do music either, asshole.

Right, but you're not a musician, you're a comedian. Buddy, I'm the host of the show. I'm introducing you to the next new big, I'm the host of the show. Right. I'm introducing you to the next new big stars on the U-Haul show. You didn't even put yourself in a position of possible, like, fuck up. You didn't say anything funny.

You're crazy. You just introed. You're crazy, I would go out there first. I got the people around, I rallied them up. I did the warm up. You said those people just stopped. No, I stopped them. Go back with the tape.

Why can't we rewind the show? There's no tape and there's no rewinding. The show happens, so it won't exist. I would stop people, hey, we're doing a show, come over. You said these are the people who just stopped. No, they don't just stop. Nobody just stops in fucking New Rochelle or wherever the hell we were.

Then why'd you say that's what happened? I don't know, I say things sometimes to make you happy. So keep the show moving so you fucking don't stop and freak out with your Micro-corrections, okay now I think I freaked out yeah You did freak out you snap and you want to go back and rewind a show that can't be rewound am I stealing your shining? Fuck is wrong with you you cocksucker Poor Dan killed He killed. Dude, you don't know.

One of those guys was the head of NBC development. How about you walking around New Rochelle and stopped for your wacky New Hall show. That black guy in a suit? Head of NBC development. After this, that's when he got his... What was his name? Jameel NBC? Dude, I'm telling you, that's when he got that fucking show with, what's his name?

Did you pick up on the guy when Dan says something about 28, you're awesome, and he goes awesome at the same time? Where was that? He mimics Dan saying awesome. We do an interview at the end, skip to the interview. No, let's hear him do that. I have you saying goodbye right now. You're half a decade old.

Can't go to sleep without a nightlight. You don't even know your own goddamn address. My mom walks in the backyard. She's like, damn, what are you doing? What am I doing? What are we doing, Trish? You're renting. Why don't you pull your shit together?

Can't believe he just came through for you on it something you were afraid to do yourself I'm the host check. I know you have this move. I know you have a I know this move. If I didn't do this to me, right? Know this he probably still would have been here right now Maybe I fucked up Is that why you're getting mad? You gave him a lot of self-confidence. I gave him too much self-confidence I'm gonna give him so much self-confidence. He wouldn't be trying to do an animation series from his couch right now. Christine the interview, please Come on in the back. This is the whole show Do the people come around and watch the interview? Yeah. Stop it. Parking lot of people. We're in the back of a U-Haul truck, you're on my show. You're the

first comic guest and you killed. Huge honor. Did any part of the show or anybody involved think about the fact that it was gonna sound super hollow and terrible Talking in a microphone inside of a u-haul. Yeah, you know we we thought that through we thought we should yeah No, you asshole. I got a u-haul truck and did a show out of it. Poor Dan Soda was still slinging guacamole We're just trying to fucking not be scumbags. All right That clown that actually from Florida. We got that. I don't mind we got that Of course you don't Big dick how long you've been doing comedy seven years. I heard you just quit your day job. Just quit the day job Where did you work as a taco waiter? Did you like it? Hated it?

Hated every day hated every day now you're done comedian professional stand-up comedian now how long? Probably six months cafe season comes back, so you have to rehire him. You believe that? Six months. He still didn't know, you know what I mean? He still didn't know how funny he was. It was a Guinness deal. It was 2011.

When I saw him for the first time on YQ, when DeRosa brought him to my show and he jumped on, you guys see this kid, whatever, and he just went into, you know, Gator and all that. I was laughing hysterically when he walked out of the house. I told Don, I go, that fucking kid is awesome, because DeRosa was like, I hate your fucking voices, you know? And I was like, dude, he is fucking great. Hey, you're good, didn't I? That's DeRosa, that's DeRosa, this is different.

DeRosa's like, fucking Y, fucking J, everybody. I have so much to learn. The world's full of so many beautiful things. You know what though? Sometimes we gotta fucking end the show, you fucking fat cocksucker. Bobby Kelly and Angry Baby are gonna be, and Joe Pesci and Dan are all gonna be at the Comedy Zone in Charlotte, North Carolina. Yeah, we're all gonna fucking be there. Me, fucking Baby, hey what's going on? I thought that was Baby! Then Joey! April 24th through the 26th, check him out. It's Comedy Zone, Charlotte, North Carolina.

Then Mike Drop Comedy in San Diego, May 9th and 10th for tickets and all tour dates. Go to PunchUp.live.com I'm gonna be at the mothership this week. Oh, I'm sold out. Forget it. Go ahead, do your thing. Well, if you were gonna go see Bobby at the mothership, just know, you could definitely get into one of my shows at Moontown. And Bobby's special live from the Village Underground now streaming on PunchUp.live.com. Bobby the Mothership just know, you can definitely get into one of my shows at Moontower. And Bobby's special live from the Village Underground now streaming on PunchUp.live. You can catch Bobby every Tuesday night 7pm at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, the Comedy

Seller. And make sure you check out Bobby's new YouTube channel, youtube.com slash at Robert Kelly Comedy. Listen guys, this week in Big J Oakes and he's gonna be at the Moontower Comedy Festival in Austin. Let me tell you something, this ticket's all over the fucking place for this thing. He couldn't sell a ticket if he was showing his tits. Listen, go down there and help this cocksucker out.

April 17th through the 19th, after that he's gonna be in Tulsa. We don't know how tickets are there yet. Denver is gonna do great. Long Island is gonna do great, because all those fucking guinea warps, love them out there. And then for tickets and all the tour dates go to bigjaycomedy.com. Them is out now on YouTube at Big J, GoKaSinDa, and then GoThey is premiering 420, which is Weed Day.

Make sure you check that out. And we will check you guys out. Thank you, Angry Baby. You're welcome. We'll catch you guys Monday. Enjoy your weekends. Until then. Pow!