The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Hotel Shame

Episode Date: March 18, 2025

To begin the new radio week, Jay starts out the show by moshing to Lamb Of God music and tells of his history with the lead singer. Bobby performs a uniquely gross act in the hotel room of his Mohegan Sun gig. Both Bob and Jay have found blood stains in their bed at one time or another. Jay has a new truck and Bob remembers when he crashed his truck in front of comedy fans he just entertained. Robert Kelly's tour dates are at punchup.live/robertkelly. Big Jay Oakerson has a crowd work special out on YouTube right now called "Them." *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now, the bonfire with Big Jay Olkerson and Robert Kelly. Pray for a savior, pray for deliverance, and come to pass. Why is that so fun? You know. Why is that fun to... Slam into each other? Why is that? Well, with three friends who are out of breath very quick and don't really take hard shots at each other, it's pretty fun.

Yeah, it's pretty fun. If we went into a bunch of boot wearing motherfuckers throwing spin kicks, we'd hate it. Backfists? Did you? Oh, I gotta find that video. Shit, is it? It might be on Josh's Instagram. Ian Finance was doing the comedy jam and singing like a Nirvana song and he came out in a dress and he starts doing these crazy spin kicks

and he just, I mean perfectly spin kicks Josh right in the ribs so he's like you know he's doing the kicks and they just turned and he just go oh it's really fucking hilarious you know the lead singer of this band told me wanted me to go with him to the the biggest bookstore in the country in Portland Portland Oregon, Oregon. He was very excited about it. Just a nerd. He's saying this band is just a nerd. And you said, reading's gay? I didn't go.

You didn't go? I did not go. Really? No. Why? I'm sure they had a coffee shop, you get a little ice something. It would have been weird,

but he liked me because the first night of that Mayhem Fest tour they asked me to come in early and just perform for the bands and everybody the crew at the hotel which was a bad idea but they set me up to do it and I was doing it and then some guy just started like heckling from the audience and I was like hammering him pretty good and then he went over and unplugged my microphone from the wall and I was like hammering them pretty good and then he went over and unplugged my microphone And then my manager at the time went over and I kind of yelled at him for that and plugged it back in and I Made fun of that guy until he left

But he walked out like what people and people were like laughing at him when he left Didn't know that in about like a week into the tour Randy Blythe the lead singer of lamb ago was like yo I heard you trashed my guitarist the other day and he was like fucking beautiful, dude Why is it that musicians remember the skankfest band of Lamagot was like, yo, I heard you trashed my guitarist the other day, and he was like, fucking beautiful, dude. Good, good form. Good form. Why is it that musicians, remember the Skankfest band that came into the cigar lounge? They were the battle of the band winners.

Wild Plains? Yeah, Wild Plains got a little excited at times. They came into the cigar lounge and had wear the band energy and found out what? Where the comedians energy is all about and we started just smashing them. Oh, they probably loved it No, not the not the lead singer or the drummer not the guys particularly are the biggest fans No, no, no they came in the one of the He came in. I'm like, I don't think it was ICP. No, no, no. They came in.

One of the guys came in just with this energy of, we're here now. Handsome fellas. And you could see all the Comedie Joe list. Everybody in there was just staring at them like, we're gonna let this go for like, you never see. Those guys?

These guys? E, I don't fucking know. They all look the same now. Talented band. Yeah. Who was the one they sang, they all look the same now. Talented band. Who was the one they sang, they did the Skank Fest last year? Was it last year? Yeah.

It was them, yeah. From Long Island or something like that, New York? No, they were two years ago. That was two years ago then. Not last year, two years ago. I get all the Skank Fest jumbled up now. Me too. So many of them.

What was the one we... Except the ones I like, South and New York. Yeah, New York was fun. That was great just to take a cab to Skankfest. It was so nice. It was so nice. It was right there. Dude, you went to Magoobies this weekend.

I did. In your new truck. Yeah. And it's so funny because when I got my first pickup truck, my first Ranger, the first year it came out, I got that truck. Because it left, 2011 they stopped making it in America. 2019 they brought it back and I waited for this truck. And I got it, drove it down there,

and it was, getting down there, I was so excited to be in a truck, you're above everybody. It felt like a man. I found the step, by the way. You found the step by the way you found the step it's great I parked out front behind another truck which I felt cool Friday night that too you did behind it's you're doing that with Andrew and his truck I parked behind his truck we did the same listen to me dude your

first truck my first truck but I don't know if you did this because Friday night the Friday after the second show, great show, bachelor party in the parking lot, I pull up, they're the only ones left in the parking lot, them and me, and I'm pulling up in my car, and I pull up to them, I just start trashing. I'm riffing, I'm giving them a sideshow. Nice.

I'm killing, murdering. Love it, that feels good. Drove away, and wasn't't paying attention and smashed into the pole in the middle of the parking lot and Totaled my truck. They all saw I just heard in total it totaled it. I heard what the fuck Are you alright man? And then the guy ran over to my truck. It was Andrew ran out Yeah, I was just sitting there and I went, is it bad? And he went, yeah man, it's real fucking bad.

And I went, just let me sit here. And I said. Just leave me be. I'm gonna pretend I'm dead until everybody leaves. But I sat there and I heard these guys just making fun of me, just giggling. And I'm just sitting in my. Can't you just destroyed. of me, just giggling, and I'm just sitting in my... If you just destroyed.

Destroyed, twice. On stage, in the audience, out in the parking lot. Buddy, it was, I went... Can I tell you what, now you've had that truck since you were at your biggest. I had that truck when I was my big, I was very big when I had that truck, yeah. Because I will say this, I parked out there only Saturday

and left right away because I was driving back Saturday night home. The other nights, I left it in front of the hotel and walked a little bit. It's not far a walk. You would walk now. Oh, I don't stay at that hotel. Oh, that makes total sense also.

I can see you not staying at that hotel. I don't stay at that hotel. That hotel this time, I was outside smoking at night. It is now a fat black prostitute drop off. Yeah, yeah. And you can see the other, like the older black lady sit outside, she definitely has a gun, sitting outside in a town and country,

just smoking Newports, waiting for them to come out with their butt cheeks hanging out. But let me tell you something that was somewhere weirdly heartwarming. When the girls came, when the prostitutes came out and they were as fat as all hell and wearing absolutely nothing almost and they came out and their excitement that they couldn't believe that a Chili's was attached to this hotel they were like yo does a Chili's they were almost like is this

did we die in that hotel room? This must be heaven. It is kind of nice to have a Chili's. That's one of the things that almost draws me back to that hotel. The Chili's is heaven. It is kind of nice to have the chilies. That's one of the things that almost draws me back to that hotel. The chilies is one of the things that makes me want to leave it. I love chilies, man. The prostitutes make me want to stay.

Come for the chilies. Stay for the prostitutes, I say. Come on, dude. Best theme song ever. Chilies, baby back ribs. I don't know how all these prostitutes get into this hotel. It's impossible to get into as a person who's staying there, as a customer. You have to ring the bell at night

and they are not hanging out at the front desk. They are doing other stuff. You're in the back sleeping. And they wander out eventually to let you, and God forbid you were like, if I could just get to my hotel, I'll be safe from these hooligans chasing me. They are gonna murder you in a vestibule

because they are not responding to that thing and you have to push the, your key won't open it even? Even your key. Your key doesn't open the front door? No, because they assume you'll get killed in the lobby and then the murderer will use your key. So they, it's like a prison. Then everyone's in danger.

You have to get buzzed in like a guard? Yep. Yeah, absolutely. What happened in the mall hotel? That's where I stay there. I could probably ask for it. All you have to do is ask for it. I know.

I just honestly. It's nice to be close. I kind of like just walking over that hill. No way. And just being right at the place. Buddy, that fucking area is the worst area. It's so industrial. That's a mile from a wah-wah.

Do you know? Which is by the mall hotel. They used to put you at the Crown, what is it, Crown Royal or something? Plaza. Crown Plaza Hotel. And I went in there. Best beds in hotels. That one is the worst.

As soon as you walk in, I think there's an indoor pool somewhere in the lobby. So the whole hotel smells like a pool. That smell to me, it just makes me think of old man nuts. I'll tell you what the muscle memory of that is. Old man nuts. It's old man nuts. No, it is. When I would go, that smell, indoor pool, was at the Jewish Community Center where I took all my swimming lessons and stuff when I was a kid.

And going in the locker room, as a child, you're faced with a lot of old man just drying off their ball bags and really flopping their wangs around. And I'm equating that with the smell of indoor, heavy chlorine indoor pool. So that's what I assume old men balls smell like. That and child rape.

And child rape. Dude, I stayed at that hotel. I blocked that part out though. I stayed at that hotel and I get up to my room, I'm miserable at that hotel, because the smell and it's all fucked up and I hate it. I get it. my room, I'm miserable at that hotel, because of the smell, and it's all fucked up, and I hate it. I get in the...

The Chili's one? No, the Crown Plaza. Crown Plaza, okay. And that's where I used to put everybody up. And I get into the bed, and there's blood in my sheets. I wish I could say that didn't happen to me, like, four times in my life. That's nuts.

Blood, I call down to the front desk, I go, there's blood in my sheets. And he goes, you want another room No, I do not know I called Andrew I go I'm fucking put myself there's another hotel at the mall It's $25 more. I'm fucking put myself. He goes, please. I'm so sorry, but he put me in the hotel I'll never put comics there again. I'll blah blah and then as I'm packing my stuff up. I forgot that I ordered Chinese spare ribs It was spare ribs sauce

My fatness from you I had spare ribs on my knuckle or something some sauce on my knuckle and when I grabbed the sheet to pull it down, the spare of sauce got on. But it was too late, I was already checking out and I didn't have the heart to tell him, it was just, oh, fat Bobby. Just me again, just me blowing it. Oh, fat Bobby with sauce on his knuckles. The hotel that we stayed in my wedding night

had blood stains on the floor in several rooms. I think it eventually got shut down for violence happening there. Oh, Jacob, did your tuberculosis back? You longer? Hey, Huckleberry. That was a wacky, shitty hotel. I don't know how we didn't overthink that.

I did something, I was at Roadhouse this weekend, which I love, the Sky Tower there is probably one of my favorite places to go is that where you stay I stay in this they have the earth the sky and the the other one which is way fancy water aqua No, it's yeah, I don't know what the fuck is called It's like that they have the high end and then the sky is the middle like business class and then charcoal and then the shit one Yeah, yeah charcoal tower And they give me a. For the ethics.

They give me a suite and it's really nice, I love it. Suite meaning living room, bedroom? Living room, bedroom, big, nice. Grand piano? No piano, fucking grand piano. Did they give you a. Yeah look there it is, nice. Nice, did you have a big tub?

I don't tub. Ever? In a, I think tubs are stupid. Maybe, and I know that tubbing in a hotel is gross, but if I have a big, huge hotel tub, I will tub in a heartbeat. You cannot tub, dude. Oh, I tub.

You think that lady who barely cleans your room is scrubbing the jizz out of that tub? I don't, but I'm just leaving my jizz in there too. So if I'm in a tub, eventually I'm gonna smack it. You know what I mean? I got my computer there, I can only watch a movie or two. It's fine, I hate tubs, I don't like tubs, and I have fear of when I used to go into tubs

and I was fat, just that. Oh, when you get suction to the tubs? No, when the drain is draining because you're too fat and the water's draining out. You brought the water too high. Yeah, well not too high, it's just my body went into it. There's only three inches in the tub. No, no, no, right, I'm saying, exactly, but your displacement has now made it that it's

draining on its own. Oh, it was hers, it was hers. Fatso, you're fat, you're too fat. And then you get out and there's an inch left. It's terrible. No, but you have a great tub body now, you should get in again. I don't want a tub. You're too fat. Yeah. And then you get out and there's an inch left. It's terrible. No, dude, but you have a great tub body now. You should get in again. I don't want a tub.

You should try. I don't want, I like a shower. Try it with your new body. I like a bench. I like to sit down. That's weirder. I, why is sitting down? Sitting in a shower is weirder to me.

Sitting down in a shower is my favorite. Just think about it with my nuts just like platformed underneath me. It's my favorite when your nuts are hanging underneath and you get the shower. You hang them off the bench. Oh yeah, you can't sit on your nuts. You hang them off the bench.

You don't sit on them, I thought you opened your legs and you just have them resting on the bench in front of you. I have them hanging off the bench in front of me dangling. Like it's another person. And it's a big clear window on the shower. Yeah, I have the big clear window. I'm nervous about that. My new shower, they're all clear.

Like they're all just clear doors. I hate that. You know what you can get? I found this company, puts a thing over the glass. The fogger. And you hit a button and it fogs it up. That's nice. Yeah?

Yeah. I would like that. I like the big, I have huge glass in my shower. I know, what if Christina's around in the bathroom and she just sees me like in an aquarium, just showering. Well, to be fair, the shower kind of fogs itself up. I don't know. I'm gonna get a sign that says don't feed the animals

to put on the. Oh my God, you should. I'm in a little gumball machine with some food in it. You can buy a film that blurs everything. Bobby just said that. Where do you go? No, he said it was a button. Oh, he was getting high tech.

Yeah, he's getting way too high tech. No, it's the same thing. It's a film, though. It's a film that goes over the glass and then you can push a button and it automatically fogs it out. It's the stuff that, yeah, but why not leave? I would've just leave it always fogged anyway.

Yeah. Why would you wanna, well you, yeah, I don't know if I need to see through it. What if you have a babysitter over who's showering and want to go up off some towels? Oh, right. That's right. You got to have a way to disable the thing, the fog. How am I going to see him? And what you do is you tell the babysitter, hey, hit that button and it fogs.

Now, you're not going to see that it's fogged on the inside. It doesn't fog you. So don't be weird. In case I have to come in and brush my teeth, I won're not gonna see that it's fogged on the inside. It doesn't fog you. So don't be weird. In case I have to come in and brush my teeth, I won't be able to see you. And then you just stare at the babysitter. This fictitious babysitter we have. I'm actually filling up right now.

I know. The problem is your babysitters were, you never had hot babysitters for Max, did you? Dawn's always kind of been home. One. Who? Spanish girl. Yeah, how old?

19. 19. 19 and she, I didn't even know she was hot until my barbecue, I think you were at, and she came to watch Max and then went in, she had to go somewhere, got all dolled up, came out, looked like fucking J.Lo. She's like, Mr. Kelly, can you tell I'm wearing a butt plug in these jeans?

No. She walked up to me and I was just like, who the f... It's her. And then Lewis goes, tell your babysitter I'll give her $5,000 to watch James. She comes into the city. Dude, I did something so embarrassing this weekend. I'm ashamed of myself. Oh wait, I just wanted to tell you that Isabella one time, my genius ex, who liked to make friends with every low life,

in every situation she went into, she found the low lives and made them her best friends. And these ones were, wait, hang on, I'm trying to think, it was Isabella's Girl Scouts leader? What are you smiling at Lou for? Because I was gonna move my microphone and Lou is such a pro.

Oh, he turned you off. He turned me off so I didn't make the noise interrupt your story and then you interrupted your story. Yeah, so this lady who was Isabella's, she was Isabella's Girl Scout troop leader. She was a big fat white lady who had, I believe, an abusive black husband and a couple of kids that were all fucked up,

and then one kid that she adopted because her friend went to jail, so she adopted her friend's kid. That girl was 15 years old, and she watched Isabella once when Isabella was little, and then I think weeks later got expelled from school because she was skipping school to go get gangbanged by everybody. Really? And then I think weeks later got expelled from school because she was skipping school

to go get gang banged by everybody. Really? Like 20 people in the house and her just letting people run trains on her. Wow. I know. How old? Too young, Bobby.

Oh, sorry. Don't get excited about it. I wasn't getting excited. This is a head shaker, it's not a boner. I was concerned. No, you go like this. No. No. 15, how's that gonna happen it's not a boner. I was concerned. No, you go like this, no. 15, how's that gonna happen?

Oh, come on, that is too young. If she was 18 or 19, then you could say you're filling up a little bit. Once she turns 22, 23, then you're fine. Full different story. 15 is too young to get gang bangs? That's crazy, man. Gang bangs. I know.

I blame the music. Oh, shit. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut off your story. No, not at all. You were this weekend, you did something embarrassing. I did something, not embarrassing, it was humiliating. And I felt, I feel, like I felt shitty about it. I didn't even tell Dawn I did it.

And I don't know. You feel shitty about it? I feel I'm humiliated. Okay Dawn I did it. And I don't know. You feel shitty about it. I feel I'm humiliated. Okay. I feel bad. Being where I'm at in my life and all the things I've achieved. This happened at comics.

This happened at Mohegan Sun in a suite on Thursday night. Okay. Thursday night. The one show night. The one show night. You didn't hang out for karaoke and male strippers? It was before the show.

Oh, okay. No, it was after the show. You're right, it was after the show. It was late night. And I feel terrible. I just wanna know what do you think it is? You feel terrible? I feel humiliated and I'm ashamed.

I feel ashamed. Humiliation implies, just so I can make a confident guess, humiliation implies that people are aware of this. Somebody else is aware of this. Because to be humiliated, that has to be the case. And ashamed. I'm ashamed. I was not caught.

I caught myself after. So this is just ashamed. This is ashamed. It's just ashamed. I'm ashamed. It's because you did something. I did something. You're ashamed. It's just ashamed. I'm ashamed. It's because you did something. I did something. You're ashamed.

In a room, late night. I mean, I'm gonna go to the, I'm gonna try to build some tent poles here and work in between. Sure. Or these goal posts. You masturbated to something that you're upset by? Okay, not there.

No. Not, no. Your family's in the room with you? My family's not there yet. They came Friday night. I'm alone. So you're alone in your room. I got there Thursday afternoon around 2.30.

This happened after the show probably around 11, maybe a little later or something like that. So nothing. Are you fully dressed in this moment? Maybe later than that. I was fully dressed. Okay, so than that. I was fully dressed. Okay, so this is, it's food, you did something food? Yeah.

Okay. Okay. What is it? You got an entire Frank Pepe's pizza. No, I'd be proud of myself. No, I'm not, no, no, no, I did not get, that was not it, it's worse. It's worse, it's worse.

Spent $150 on Minibar. No, that's worse. It's so bad. I'm almost, have you ever done anything that you're ashamed of? Sure. Like, I'm talking, dude, this is some down and dirty shit that I I felt bad about all weekend and I didn't I had to it's almost like I wanted to come in

here and talk to you about it because I know that you'd maybe understand. I probably will. Mm-hmm. Christine? Did you get your fat Bobby McDonald's order No, no More worse. Yeah, it's worse. I think it's worse. I think it's it's probably one of the worst things I've ever done to eat a puppy Did you eat Danny breath Danny wasn't there Danny so shaky, I bet he's tender as fuck scared veal Yeah, he's always wet

Always moist so damn you can just pull stuff off with bread Oh my god piece of naan bread and just pull off his stomach and eat it. This is not roll off the tongue Danny have you tried Danny breath falls off the bone Falling off the bone the fat is the best part What do you think Jacob I? Remember you saying one time the most humiliating thing you ate was a like giant like a court of noodles like a lot of noodles Is it noodle related Chinese food? It's not no, it's not Chinese food. There was good guess now It's not the food the food was actually healthy you ate through your asshole

Did you try to see if you can get the same vitamins in if you fucked your ass with carrots I'm just guessing you've given me nothing to work with food involved. Oh, no you were dressed Did you shit yourself? I did not shit myself. You packed splo jobs on a cucumber? No, I've done that. Banana, but not a cucumber. How far did you get it?

I got it pretty far down, but I was teaching another, I was teaching a woman how to blow a guy. It's so odd that if we all right now had a banana and we're having a who could take more of that banana down their throat contest, even though it's the gayest to win, I wanna win. I wanna see how far I can go. Not only would I wanna win,

I wanna wanna do the best, sexiest job. I don't wanna just put it down. I would do a few things before and then put it down. You have to. I would get it down all the way, just be holding it by the thin part of the stem, and I'd have my eyes closed, and then I would open them right on you, Jacob,

and that's what would put me over the edge. I would have the three. You could go like, I can't open his eyes with a cock down his throat. I would actually- I would wanna watch DJ Lou the most, because you know he'd be the most uncomfortable. Yeah, but the most- But the most experienced.

Most experienced at it. And he would, and he'd definitely raise his ass, would go up a little bit as the banana, as it went further down his bum would go up on the other back end. No, you're gay, get away from me. Well, yeah, what's up? I'm gonna try one more guess.

Sure, go ahead. It's, now I wanna, it's not sex. It's definitely food. It's not sex. It's definitely food. It's healthy. It was healthy food. I am ashamed of what I did. I feel disgusted by it.

Oh. Healthy food. Oh, you fell asleep eating. No. You slept on it. No. No, I did not fall asleep. You woke up with a burger on your chest. No, it was not.

Okay, all right, okay, okay, okay. I did not fall asleep on it, but I am. The food was healthy. While I was doing it, I'm like, this is wrong. Like, I shouldn't, this is, you're not in, you're better than this. You're better than this. The food was healthy.

That's throwing me off big time. Yeah. Something excessive with healthy food. He didn't say excessive though. I didn't say excessive, no. It's about like, it's how he did it. It was just so. Did you put it somewhere?

Oh. Did you mainline mayonnaise? You put food somewhere no, I mean Yeah, I mean I did something with the food Now we're getting somewhere No, I didn't snort food put something in your in your bum. No Why is it no I didn't put food it was to. Is a mixing of something that's crazy? No, it's not a mixing.

I'm just ashamed and maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I shouldn't be ashamed of it. Maybe it's not. You ate your favorite meal, threw it up, and then wanted to experience it again, so you ate it back down? No, I didn't do that, but I have thought of that in the past. I bet that puke tastes as good as it did the first time just looks nasty. It's got ice cream in it. I Know that's not true because I drank a blended

Well, I took a sip of a blended turkey sandwich once and I mean it was instant vomit. It's disgusting But with you I learned I love turkey sandwich Danny Braff taught me a trick that when you do throw up and and you throw up all the stuff, and when the bile's coming out, just bile, if you get applesauce and eat that, the bile will taste like applesauce instead of puke, so it makes it taste sweeter, so it doesn't gross you out. What is he, a fucking bulimic? I don't know where he got that information from.

Is this Jewish mother? You should get applesauce, Danny. Throwing up is part of life, Danny. If you just bile, have applesauce, it makes it sweeter. It makes your bile sweet. This family deals with a lot of fluids. When he threw it up off the hook, he was just in the parking lot puking.

I got him a chair and he's just sitting. And he smiled, he goes, applesauce. He goes, I need applesauce. And I was like, what? He goes, if I get applesauce, it's just bile, and it will taste better. So Don went and got him a bunch of applesauce, and he was just eating applesauce going, bleh.

Nothing you did this weekend was as humiliating. That was humiliating. You're ashamed. Danny having to have Don go get a grown man applesauce so we can continue throwing up, but it'll be sweeter tasting is... That's humiliating. It's bad.

The fact that Don knows that about it, just seen him in that kind of weakness. She didn't like it either. I do not want Don to see me experience that kind of weakness. Don dropped the applesauce off like it was like AIDS and he just dropped it next to him and walked away and then went back in. That's the worst. If Don was like, can I get you anything? I'd be like, get away!

Ah! The most embarrassing part is when he went and lied in the grass next to his puke just to feel the cool blades of the grass on his fucking head. By that point I get it, you're already in it now. He was just throwing up because or was he sick? He got food poisoning and he was I mean Vomiting a lot of food and then he wouldn't stop vomiting, but why did he get the brand Zeno from the Tampa side splitters?

Why did he get brand Zeno I'll take exactly what it was. It was the food off the hook captain Bryan's hook that killed Danny Braff. He's probably poisoning the stuff. He's an unscrupulous piece of shit. Yeah, I don't really eat at the clubs. Yeah, well not that club. Not with that monster out there. Oh, man. Yeah, I can't think what you did.

Well, do you want me to tell you what I got? So I got a meal. I'm working out, you know, during the day, and I felt fantastic. And I'm eating healthy what I got. So I got a meal. I'm working out during the day and I felt fantastic. And I'm eating healthy on the road. I try to eat, I'll try to get one meal and I'll make it last. Because I can't eat a lot.

So I got a salad with oil and vinegar, salt and pepper. My favorite. Christine's face she makes when you tell the story, can't make you feel good. That's her face. Is it all, you know what's funny? I don't look at her during the show ever. Oh yeah.

Is she always looking at you like, come on now? Yeah, yeah, she always looks at me. Come on now. That's uncomfortable. I just can't. It's either that or his face. Yeah. I mean which one do you want?

Jacob's, meh, or Christine's, whatever. If there's ever a mutiny here, the next crew's gonna come in, I'm gonna put first thing on the list, pleasant faces, man. Big smiles, everybody. All glass. Everybody put it by the tube.

So I ordered a salad, and I ordered salmon. Okay. Big piece of salmon. Over, hang on. Thanks. God bless you. Very healthy so far. Salmon.

Doing well. Did you get a whole salmon? No, it was a big piece of salmon like this big. Big piece. Thick too. Well done. Over carrots with spinach. Jacob approved.

I like that. And a lot of butter. Well, he lost a piece. He doesn't like that. And a lot of butter. Well, he lost a beat. I like the, I like the... He doesn't like that, but he's making an effort. Butter is okay. Right.

I like butter. I'm good with butter. I agree, it's great. So I ate, I could only a little bit, so I worked out, I killed it in the gym, came up, ate my salad, ate like a quarter of the salmon and a bunch of the carrots and some spinach.

And then I put it in the fridge, right? And then I came up later to eat it. I was hungry, and instead of going eating pizza and shit food, I took the salmon out. But the salmon was in the fridge. Mm-hmm. And, so she, But the salmon was in the fridge. Mm-hmm. I'm so ashamed. It was in one of those metal, you know, the metal tops with the plate and it has the hole

on the top. The delivery. The tin, yeah. The tin with the hole. It has a hole on the top for the steam to come out, yeah, of the metal. Yes. Room service tin. You got the covers on come out, yeah? Of the metal? Yes. Room service. You got the covers on there too.

Oh, room service. The cover. Room service cover. Room service cover. Got you. And the carrots and the spinach with the butter and the salmon were cold, so it all, what's the word? Congealed?

Coagulated. Coagulated. Congealed also, I believe, works. Congealed or coagulated together. Mm-hmm. And I had to heat it up. So I brought it into the bathroom. And I used a hairdryer to heat up my food.

What? I don't... Why? Was there a zombie apocalypse happening in Connecticut this weekend? Let me stop you right there. I think that's very manly. You do? Yeah. He improvised.

Jay doesn't. It's resourceful. Yes. He's going to last in the woods. We're not. I use the hairdryer to go through the hole to heat up my salmon and my carrots and my spinach. At best. That's going to be Luke cold. No, he created his own air fryer. Uh huh. He made a convection oven. He's made MacGyver. I promise you that food when he ate it is cold and wet or else he would be telling it. He wouldn't say I'm ashamed. He would have come to us and been like, guys, guess who fucking figured it out a way to

eat healthy and heat up food if you don't have a microwave in the room? And that's not what he did. He was like, what have I tried to do? I just loosened up some jellied fucking salmon shit. I don't think he wanted to heat the whole thing. I'm headlining the room. I'm 30 years in the business. I have a house.

I have a tiny house, I have a child. I am doing well. I'm doing very well. Yeah. I feel, I mean I'm doing great. I'm in a suite. I can afford another piece of salmon. Just get another piece of salmon is how I would have played that I think.

I can afford it. Nah. And I went into the bathroom as a 54 year old father, husband and friend, radio guy, stand up comedian, dare I say, one of the funniest. Absolutely, inarguable. And I'm in a room 30 years into my career and I'm thinking, would Matt Rife do this?

Not a chance. Would, would, would, even, would Dane Cook do this? No, he would have a naked lady fucking build a fire in the middle of the room. And then, and then when the security came to complain about they were like, oh shit, Matt Rife. And then they would sign stuff for them. I heated it up with.

That's crazy, but also Bobby, there's just other solutions. Like you could have, you're working there this weekend, so they kind of give you that like, I think you could have went, there was definitely a microwave. Like you could've, you're working there this weekend, so they kind of give you that, like, thing you could've went, there was definitely a microwave on premises you could've gotten to. Buddy, there are so many other options that I could've done. I could've just ordered another.

Another piece of salmon. I could've done anything. Yeah, it's not crazy. Sometimes they'll send a microwave to the room if you request that. Also, you can absolutely, 1,000%, thank you Christine, get a microwave sent to your room, in any room as I believe a refrigerator.

I am in a suite. Do you understand that? Should have had a microwave to be honest. First of all, I didn't really check. I'm starting to think, Christine, call somebody, get Mohegan's son on the line, ask him if their suites have standard microwave ovens. I didn't really check.

I probably should have checked fully, but I don't think there was There might have been In a closet always Sometimes Sometimes just out no sometimes just I was in the bathroom next to my shit my razor my toothpaste And all my sundries yeah with salmon That's even weird to bring salmon into a bathroom. I don't like that set up at all I told you it's I'm ashamed

Christine's getting to the bottom of this. I'm ashamed my take on this First of all, yeah, maybe you could have gone for the microwave, but all I'm thinking is why didn't I think of that? What a Hot air if I I'm in a pinch. I'm gonna use a hairdryer What pinch are you gonna be in? Well, he wasn't in a pinch. He wasn't in a pinch. That's the problem. You can't use a hairdryer when you're out trying

to survive in the woods heating up fucking salmon you just killed with a spear. I'm literally getting paid a lot of money. It shows your ingenuity. I had cash in my pocket. Hang on, Christine's? She getting to the bottom of this. I just won 150 on a slot machine.

Wow, that could have been your salmon money for the whole weekend. I'm sitting there, I'm wearing a Rolex. Yeah. I'm wearing, not just a Rolex, I'm wearing the most complicated Rolex that Rolex makes, the Sky-Dweller, blackface. Okay.

I'm in, standing there in my brand new Nikes. Let me see it. Are you wearing it now? Yeah. Bobby, nobody's saying it's not low rent. It's not the black face that bothers me, it's the big red lips on it. Hey, nice. Just making sure everybody in the room got it. We got it. You guys get it?

It's low rent, but it shows ingenuity. It's not, but I don't... You should be ashamed. I should be ashamed because I don't know any other comedian, except for one, one. It's not, but I don't. You should be ashamed. I should be ashamed because I don't know any other comedian except for one, one. There's only one other comedian that I know would be on my side for this.

Rich Voss. Bingo. Yeah. But he would be like, I bring my own oven. Yeah, yeah. I have my own George Foreman. Just stick it on the floor. And I bring my own salmon.

He does. Dude, he brings a George Foreman on the road with him. Nuh-uh. I swear to God, he brings a George Foreman on the road with him. I swear to God, I went to his room and when we did the cellar in Las Vegas, I went to his room to pick him up and he goes, you want a turkey burger? I'm like, oh my God. I go, you got room service?

He goes, no, I'm making turkey burgers. He had a mini George Foreman in his room. It's one of my favorite. Making turkey burgers. It's one of my favorite. The grease gets everywhere. It's one of my favorite Sebastian jokes when he was talking about how Vegas is now

versus how it was back in the day. He was back there with the tuxedos and the Rat Pack and everything. He was nice to see people coming in with a cooler, Schlitz malt liquor, George Foreman grill. You're gonna cook chicken in your room? You're gonna cook a whole bird? I'm like, I just won't eat until we go somewhere. I know. I'm like, I'm gonna go to a restaurant and I'm gonna go to a restaurant and I'm gonna go to a restaurant

and I'm gonna go to a restaurant and I'm gonna go to a restaurant and I'm gonna go to a restaurant and I'm gonna go to a restaurant and I'm gonna go to a restaurant and I'm gonna go to a restaurant and I'm gonna go to a restaurant and I'm gonna go to a restaurant and I'm gonna go to open, and you know, Fennoy is a very, well,

we gotta make breakfast, I'm like, I just won't eat until we go somewhere. I know. But like, he, so I've made breakfast at that place. I've never cooked in anywhere where there's cooking available on the road. Steve-O cooked me a full vegan meal once in a hotel room. That was interesting.

I don't cook either, dude. I go out to eat, and look, dude, when I do this gig, I'm room service, man. This gig is a staycation. I invite the family. They got a Dave and Busters. They got all the fun shit. They got the cigar lounge. Is there a DMB in, Mohegan Sun?

It's not a DMB, but it's like a mini one. Gotcha. Arcade. They have the arcade under the stairs for the little kids that Max used to go to. Any fun music playing? Because I'll tell you, last time I was in Mohegan Sun, right across the hallway, out in the open, three dog night.

That was so awesome. I was like, mama told me not to come. I was in the, three times ago, I was in the elevator with Vince Neil. And he was playing in the open pit over by the club. Solo? Solo Vince Neil. Solo Neil? It was insane.

Remember he fell off the stage and he couldn't do it anymore. He was a little pot-bellied Vince Neil. Yeah, he was awful. Did I ever show you those videos of Vince Neil? We went through those, right? Where it's phonetically. Yeah, that's one of my favorite. We did it on the show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was funny. Some bad bad babble cheese. Something for mama me's. He was doing that at Mohegan Sun out in the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was funny. Something about that Babo cheese. Something for my mummies. He was doing that at Mohegan Sun out in the open. The out in the open show. Out in the open. That's crazy, that's the weirdest spot. Cause they have theaters where you're like,

I thought Three Dog Night would be in the, they said Three Dog Night was playing, I was like, that's dope. And I'm like, where? And they're like, that's what you're hearing over the, I thought it was just music playing over the speakers. Three Dog Night's just here across the hall playing while people are gambling 15 feet away,

not giving a shit about Three Dog Night. It's terrible. There's 35 Asian people here playing Baccarat. I mean, I have no idea. I'm so mean, I'm so mean. That's crazy. I heated up that salmon, and at one point, I have the hairdryer in the hole,

heating it up and I feel like it's getting hot. But the bad part, I was in front of a mirror. So I looked up into the mirror, and I saw me using a hairdryer. To heat up salmon. Heat up carrots, spinach, and salmon. I wouldn't judge you at all if you... You threw it out, right?

No you ate it? After all that work you eat it. You ate hairdryer salmon? You should have done that. No, you eat it. No, no, no, no. Don't listen to Jacob. You don't waste food.

I had some of it. I don't know what happened! You are afraid to take a fucking hotel tub. You're blowing the fucking hair bits of a thousand people into your fucking salmon. I didn't sign my contract yet. I didn't sign the contract yet. For the show? Oh yes. You're worried. I was worried. I didn't sign the contract.

I don't know. I don't know what the hell's happening. I wish you would've called me and I'd be like, Bobby, sign the contract and order a burger, dude. This is crazy. This is crazy what you're doing. Buddy, can I? Did it work?

It did work. There we go. It heated, listen, he's right though. It was cold, but the butter, the butter heated up. The goop went down to fluid again. But you ate cold fish. I ate cold salmon and cold carrots with spinach, but the butter was warm.

And I took a couple bites out of it. But I was. That's what I call Christine's pussy, cold salmon. And carrots. That cold dead salmon. And carrots. Yeah. Oh, that cold dead salmon. But it does have warm butter consistency. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And spinach coming out the back.

Oh yeah, yeah. But I immediately felt ashamed, and I immediately thought, like I can never tell anybody that. And then I thought of you. I thought of you walking in and going, hey, bud, you all right? You okay?

I just mean, yeah, why? I'm just hungry. Why are you doing that? Like slowly grabbing the hairdryer and putting it down? Buddy, you, something wrong? You not feeling good? I can go get you some new fish if you want. No, I was just gonna heat up this fish.

No, no, no, I, listen, I understand that, but like, you know what, save this one. Yeah. Oh, Christine, did you find out about the microwaves? I requested a callback. What? What? It's calling a casino, it's awful. I don't think they have, I don't think they had it.

You hope. I hope to God. And you hope we forget before they call back? I so hope you're high enough that you forget. It's possible. Yeah. It's very possible. It was, it was, when, and for the rest of the weekend, I was like, throw out the food, just order new food. Yeah.

I would not put my family through that. Don't. I was like, Max, get whatever you want. Yeah, your dad eats some bad fish. Yeah, I feel like I was in prison. I did some prison, because there is a guy, I don't know if you've seen the guy on Instagram, who goes into hotel rooms and cooks whole meals

in the sink, have you seen this guy? He'll go in and, he'll cook like chicken cutlet in the hotel room. Really? Oh dude, he pounds it out, he breads it, he puts it in, he cooks the whole meal in the sink, he cooks pasta, boils pasta, and then he... I watch a lady, I watch a,

I don't know if it's the same one all the time, but I watch Asian ladies cook things in walks over open fire somewhere in Indonesia, I guess, or something. This guy cooks everything in the sink. Like, he'll mix the, he'll use the sink as a bowl. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Gross. So he uses the sink as a bowl. Yeah. Gross. So he uses the sink as the bowl, he'll make like, he made, I think he made chicken cutlet. Oh this guy, this is him. Look what he does. He has like a, so he makes,

he makes, this is what I felt like. This is exactly what I felt like. So then he takes the bullion cubes, places them all, and then he fills the sink up with hot water, uses a, what is that a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, He's making pho inside the sink. That's what he's doing. He's making soup. Is that what he's making? He's making like a pho in this hotel sink. Now he's cutting onions up. He's putting it in the sink.

The soup. Oh, he put it in the toilet. Oh, he's flushing it. Thank god. Jesus Christ. Oh, god. That made me sick. I've been panicked so hard.

Now he's throwing. Oh, he's making up. Oh, no, he's making French onion soup. He's making French onion soup in the sink of the hotel. That's not an animal. I mean, that's gnarly. I mean, that's not- That's gnarly. I mean, that's what I felt like.

I felt like this guy. You should've. And this guy shouldn't feel good. This is what I felt like. I believe you. Like, he just made French onion soup in the sink of a hotel. This guy should not feel good. This is what I felt like.

There's people that do it in their dorm room cooking. That's pretty crazy. This is prison food cooking. This is what I did this weekend. I used prison techniques to heat up salmon. So you felt cool when you did it. No, I felt shame. You didn't feel cool for a little bit,

and then it turned to shame? This is when I felt uncool. When I looked in the mirror, and I saw myself holding a hairdryer trying to heat up carrot juice and I felt really bad when I started eating it. Carrot butter. When I, in my brain the salmon's 30 bucks I could have just ordered the $30 salmon and got it again.

Sure. And thrown it away. I'm headlining. I'm not featuring like for you in Niagara Falls in a couple of weeks at the Seneca Hotel. But I mean, I'm middling and I'd still get another piece of salmon. I probably wouldn't order hotel salmon. I felt bad. I'll never do it again.

Well, can I can I share the key from crime? She got it. Whoo. You see, we did to my son. Give me that, Lou. Woo! Woo! That's what I'm doing, Bobby.

I said, you see what you did to my son. Oh, this guy, what is this guy doing right here? Yeah, that's a whole thing. Is it a thing? Did I just stumble? Oh, so he's using a hedge. This is exactly what I did. This is ingenious, Bobby.

This guy is, that's exactly what I did. Yeah. He's heating the food up. You're as smart as a black guy wearing sunglasses inside. But, ooh, it did work. I made a convection oven. I made a convection oven. What's wrong with this?

Oh, so he heated up his wings. He heated up his wings. He doesn't care if they're cold either. I don't know why he did that. He was just trying to melt his hot sauce. It did work. Can I share with you, I'll show you a humiliating thing from my life.

I mean it's gonna be hilarious now, it's so long ago. I wonder if anybody who's listening has done something in a hotel room humiliating like that. Oh, I mean, well you're saying it's humiliating, humiliating's not the thing, you're just ashamed of it. I'm ashamed. In a hotel room? That's too vague of a question. That's too vague of a question. Everyone calling, something in a hotel room that you're ashamed of?

Yes. Yes. Everything. Let's get those calls. Prostitution, drugs. What people have not done that was humiliating. We also don't have a call screener today. Oh, yeah.

So. Do we need one? All our fans are awesome. Our old friend, our old friend Wayne found the screenshot he had of the text from the Craigslist ad. So you remember my old story. The girl put the picture of me, a naked picture of me up on Craigslist and dudes looking for dudes. Yeah. And I always say she gave me, but I forget what she wrote exactly.

But he has. It's one of the most excited moments of my life to go on the internet. When I got the phone call, dude, you got it on the internet. Blah, blah, blah, type this in, and to Big Jay, flag it. And I just went, I remember running to my computer

and it was just not going fast enough. And when it came up, I remember it came up like this, like that, and I was like, oh my God. It was like seeing Jesus When you and I was just like this is the best thing I've ever seen on the internet I have a screenshot of the picture. He might he does It's out there. He probably just doesn't want you to know he has it because you'd ask him to maybe get rid of it He's gonna use it against him one day Steve. Er burn asked me to get rid of his SNL audition tape

No, I don't think he's gonna use it that I still have Somewhere that I can never ever reveal. This is so great The header of the ad is just comic big Jay Okerson Who I guess I was 27 at the time. Damn, 20 years ago. Fucking wow. She wrote this great. I just lost 300 pounds and let me tell you how.

300? That's such a great number. What a shit number. That's so much weight. That's fucking a whole fat person. You lost a whole fat person, and in the photo you're still chubby. This is great. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. So she, this is, I think this is a different thing.

I think it's just like her slamming me, because it doesn't have the picture or anything. It's an actual ad she wrote. But she's writing this herself. I just lost 300 pounds and let me tell you how I recently broke up with comedian big Jay Okerson, let me give you his credits just in case HBO's bad boys of comedy spike TVs movies on tap Comedy Central's premium blend performs all over the city. You can't miss him capital can't cuz I'm fat He recently told me he used to get it up the ass

capital can't, because I'm fat. He recently told me he used to get it up the ass. This is... That's the best part, I know her. He recently told me he used to get it up the ass, boy. See, the ass. So boys, he's all yours in joy. This is in or around middle village queens. I think that is the one with the ad.

I think that is. Is it? I thought she wrote it as me No, I think I got a bunch of responses. No. No, I mean I was so focused on the photo of your red ding-a-ling Your little pointy half half filled ding-a-ling my little shaved gerbil. Oh my god. I remember shaved your I remember was half full Just sticking straight out like a dog that smelled was that wasn't half't half full at all, that was, you know what, it must have been. It actually had to have been because I don't think I would have let her take a picture at its absolute worst.

It wasn't, here's the thing with you, it wasn't a bad picture. Oh yeah, it was. It wasn't a bad picture of a cock, but knowing that that, what was left to fill the rest of it up wasn't much. Like it was close. And it was red for you.

I think it was red, right? You just banged or something. It looked like it could just get out of the gym or a sauna. I don't remember how it worked, but we definitely just fucked, yeah. It was working. And then we fucked,

and then it was getting out of the shower. She got out of the shower and took a picture. It was all, this particular hotel stay was, it all fell apart in every possible way. That's why I took a picture of her opening her towel, and then when I showed Patrice trying to like, get him impressed that I was fucking this skinny chick, and he called, he said she looked like Buffalo Bob or Buffalo Bill

from Silence of the Lambs when he tucked his wiener. I can never unsee that. I can never. She was flat, she was flat chested and just, she was cute as hell, but I mean like, she was just so funny, yeah. Do do, do do, do do, do do. Do do, do do, do do.

Oh man, she did it. And Patrice just said she looked like that and I was like, oh man. I'm like, that's fucking, I mean, that's really disturbing how much it looked like that. Wow. So that happened and then because I took the picture of her, she was like, you gotta let me have a picture of you now like that. And I was like, yeah, snap it. So it must have, I must have felt something you you could tell you felt good because you were leaning no that was just that's to stretch out the fat yeah you were you

were leaning you were leaning up on the thing and you were kind of like push forward a little bit and your little ding-a-ling yeah was sticking straight out like it just did a nice little aerobic workout Yeah, I remember the helmet was red and the shaft was a little red I remember looking at it be like wow that's fucking this is one of the most special moments of my life I don't know. I couldn't tell you for sure if we just fucked with there I must have been something where I was allowed that picture to even be in because here's the thing I'm insecure that I wouldn't have wanted her to have a picture that would like she'd be like Yeah, what did she take it with a camera? Oh, these were flip phone

pixelated fucking the originals It wasn't that bad though. I remember it was a pretty good photo. Oh, I mean it was clear enough It sucks that they really advanced that technology that much now. I know now you can see my wean and 4k Yes, I think you get a hair getting ready to come in on the middle that chef bub oh God, I want to see that photo so much. I hope it's gone. I wanted to come back in circulation. I want banks Banksy to make like a thing on a deli. A silhouette of it? Yeah, a silhouette of it on the side of a deli.

I want it to become famous. And then like a red balloon coming off my silhouette wiener? Just a little girl holding a red balloon underneath it. And then my wiener. And then my silhouette wiener. Ah, dude. Why not? Oh my god.

Is this an ad read? Are we back in the game? Oh my god, we're back in. How many reads do in the game? Oh my god We're back in how many reads do we have today one set up straight? I'm sitting here taking this job. Not seriously Wow That's awesome soon one per hour. Yeah, you have time. You know you can wait for us to that We're back get those uh, those signatures on that thing before don't give me anything They're gonna eat us back into it. I have so many things I wanna show you. I'm excited, but I'm glad I got it off my chest. Now the thing is, do I tell Dawn about it

or do I just keep it a secret? Like, you know, gay stuff at a park. Yeah, treat it like you went cruising and you were just doing it to see if you had those feelings and you found out you didn't. I didn't. You found out you don't have those feelings. You don't want to heat up food with a hair dryer.

Hair dryers anymore. Yeah. Even though Jacob has never fawned over you as much as he has over that, he's very impressed with those. I understand him being impressed if we were in a dire situation. I was not. I am in probably the best situation I've been in a long time. I feel great.

I had... And yet you heated up your food like a fucking hobo a hobo or a meth addict in a Locked in a casino bedroom in a suite in the bathroom in a suite that definitely has Microwaves if we could just get them to call Christine back. Why wouldn't I take them the hairdryer into the living room? Why did I bring the salmon into the bathroom? That is the stranger thing you know to spend first of all lighting in bathroom Yeah, harsh and ugly and you see your face veins and all that shit and I can in the future I think I will never do it again, but in hindsight I should have brought the hairdryer to the salmon, not the salmon to the hairdryer.

That's what made me, just because I was in front of a mirror next to soap, Q-tips, razor, you know, I'm in a place where food shouldn't be. If I were you, I would have used your cigar lighter and cooked the whole plate. Underneath. Yeah. Yeah, I could have done that.

So you hairdry from the top. Fucking, you're searing the bottom now. And then, Jacob, no? You're not gonna tell me how brilliant my idea is now? It's not as effective. Bobby created a convection oven blowing the whole, the air through the top of the oven. Not as effective to make the surface and the bottom hot too?

Here's what I did though. Wow. You're making a sterno underneath, which I do think is all right. You're making a buffet sterno underneath now. No, no, not a sterno, because I'm telling you that cigar lighter, that torch is gonna get that plate hot. It's gonna start cooking.

But here's the thing, what I did, and I left the, I should have had a little air coming out of the metal, so that, because I did blow out didn't, I left the, I shoulda had a little air coming out of the metal. Yeah. So that, because I did blow out the hairdryer. It did wanna, because I, it heated up too much. You blew it out. I blew it out.

So here is for, next time, what you do, is you put, you use that top that's got the little circles in it, for the steam to come out. Sure. Flip that over as the bottom. Torch that on the bottom. Let that metal get real hot.

Now you're cooking your salmon again. That's right. If you decide ever again to prepare bathroom meals, should you ever decide again you wanna get into bathroom cuisine? But it's funny because bathroom cuisine is a thing. Right, but it shouldn't be salmon. It shouldn't be a thing, bathroom cuisine is a thing right, but it shouldn't be salmon It shouldn't be a thing, but it is a thing It's weird that people cook meals in these hotel room bathrooms all the fucking time

Yeah, I like the guy my favorite cooking things and all the ideas. I want to try I should start saving them, which is pretty gay but Cooking with Kyle is a guy I see, I don't know if it's on Facebook or Instagram, but cooking with Kyle just, it's always like flash cut stuff and it's like, ground beef, put a stick of cheese inside that ground beef, slap it with an asparagus,

put a fucking sword through it, attached to an onion, heat up for five seconds, you're done. That's not him. That's not him at all that guy's famous i don't know who the hell that is i think that guy's famous i wonder though if i could if i could because he's got long hair you've seen him before christine if i could become famous yeah for bathroom cooking well this guy this is my dude what is this he's just, that's like a kitchen thing, right? Turn it up. Yeah, no, it's kitchen, but it's all...

Now we have a pound of roast beef. This is thick sliced deli roast beef. That looks good. We're gonna put a nice layer of this meat down on top of our cheese. Now we're gonna grab some more thundering Longhorn burger and brisket seasoning from Fire and Smoke Society. That looks pretty good. He's just, but he makes basic shit, but it looks delicious.

Yeah, he's not heating up salmon. Yeah, fucking onion strings like he's making. Look at Jacob's face. I don't like it either. Yeah, it's too much. Bobby, stop trying to get back in Jacob's good graces by saying that. You would fucking try this.

Look at that, an a little packet of juice. I did make soup soup and a coffee coffee maker one time too. Just got the hot water. No I put the soup through the coffee maker. Nope. You can't do that I don't think. I just put it in the back. I put it was cold soup so I just put it in the back of the coffee where you put the water and it filtered it through the heater and heated it up and went through the coffee maker. But just the broth. Yeah, just the broth. Yeah. Yeah, just broth. What are you looking at me like that for?

No, I've done that with like lattes. You can do that. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you can put a latte through it. Yeah. I mean, I feel bad for the next person who made a cup of coffee and it tasted like chicken noodle soup.

Yeah. I've run, I don't always remember, but I will like run a water through afterwards Oh shit, but I gotta take a break. Oh god. I got some fun stuff to show you when we come back awesome All right. Well, we're back. We got big Jay will be at the Seneca Niagara Falls Resort with me. He's uh, he's headlining on Friday night the 21st. This is the second. What is this? No, what is that? 22nd the 20 What is this? No, what is that? It's the 2nd, I'm sorry. 22nd.

What is this? It's the 22nd. 22nd, he's featuring. He's middling. Middling. I'm featuring on the 21st, and he's headlining on that day. So come out, get the tickets, fill it up. We don't wanna be out there with a bunch of old ladies

who are gonna walk out during our set, because we'd like to stay for two nights. After that, he's gonna be in Nashville. We're gonna be cooking fish in our hotel room. Yeah I'm gonna be in Nashville with you I think right? Yes. You're doing a whole week there. Atlanta, Austin, Tulsa. For tickets and all the tour dates go to bigjcomedy.com and most of all them is out right now his new special on YouTube YouTube slash at big. Okerson. Go check it out. Bobby Kelly's gonna be at Laughs Comedy Club in Seattle

March 14th and 15th. After that, of course, our Niagara Falls gig. Then, Tampa Bay, Austin, Texas. And you can catch Bobby every Tuesday night, 7pm. The Fat Black Pussycat lounged the Comedy Cellar for tickets and all tour dates. Punch up that live slash Robert Kelly and check out his YouTube channel, Robert Kelly Comedy. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.