The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Human Mascot at Moontower

Episode Date: April 29, 2025

The funny and talented Josh Adam Meyers rocked the Austin Moontower Comedy Festival yet again with his "Goddam Comedy Jam." Jay was feeling ill but still performed and even dragged a reluctant Bobby up on stage to sing a song. The GDCJ plays the festival every year and is super popular because they allow comedians to become rockstars by backing them with a professionally superior rock band. Bob performed stand-up at Joe Rogan's "Comedy Mothership" and was treated like royalty except for outside the venue where it has turned into a homeless apocalypse. Bobby met up with Tim Dillon on the way home and Tim lost his wallet but had a millionaire's solution to the problem. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now, The Bonfire with Big Jay Olkerson and Robert Kelly. Yeah. What's up everybody? The boys are back. The boys are back. It's The Bonfire with the great, beautiful, sick Big Jay Olkerson and me. Luscious Lips Kelly. Luscious Lips Kelly in the hoos. And everybody, we're back in the studio. Guys, we're killing ourselves on the road here. We're killing ourselves.

Yeah, my manager got yelled at. Really? By Rebecca and Christine this weekend, I think. Really? Well, yelled at, we're just like, it's inhumane and you're trying to kill him. Really? Good for you. 17 weeks in a row is too much. Nobody should do that.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, even though most bands tour for years in a row. Well, they're out on a bus. It's like that's the whole life. They're not coming home and doing a whole other full-time job during the week. No, I mean, that's right. Multiple full-time jobs. Multiple.

Multiple full. I mean, dude, you got skanks. You have bonfire stores. Roads. Road. I got bone to pick. Why can't we do regs? Don't forget why can't we do extra extra? What's that?

You don't know about that. Patreon only. That's my Patreon. That's my Patreon. That's me and 12 people in stream yard talking stuff. And that's my patreon. That's my patreon dark. That's me and 12 people in stream yard Talking stuff and that's my ring camera. You don't know anything about that extra extra You don't check to make sure it's not some guy coming to play all dawn. I hope it is Oh, I hope I come home and it's just a blood trail. Oh Murder, I think maybe they were just left you. No, that'd be good too. That'd probably be better

I wouldn't have to deal with the crimes, but you know You have a standing weekly show in the city, which is also crazy. I do I have a weekly show that I do Residency in town I have a residency because I don't do spots. I used to do spots I did what do we did seven nights a week? Oh easy seven nights a week We did seven nights a week. Oh, easy. Seven nights a week, all year long. One to two a night. One to two a night for how many years?

Sometimes three. 20 years? Probably 20? Yeah, I mean for me at least 17, something like that. Every single night. It's crazy. That was your job. Well, we also loved it.

It didn't even affect you because it was like, let's go. And we slept. We got to sleep till three. I mean, at least till like one or so. Oh, man. But yeah, you'd be at the cellar till 3.30. 3.30 in the morning, hanging out, shooting the shit. Talking shit.

Talking shit. It's not even going to go on till 2.45. That's great. If Godfrey was on, maybe 3.45. Maybe 3.45 if Godfrey decided to show up. I mean, if he showed up, you're just not going on until the sun came up. Yeah. Yeah, you had a Monday spot turned into a Tuesday.

A late night Tuesday. Late night Tuesday. So, yeah, well... Yeah, those days are done. And they all just ended one day. Isn't that strange? Do you feel that too? What do you mean? One week I was at the cellar.

Yeah. Seven days a week. And then one week I was at the cellar, seven days a week, and then one week I wasn't. Because you realized you didn't have to. Probably. Because you realized that we're going on the road, and this week, I just did four shows at the mothership. It's like, what do I... An hour each.

Well, yeah, an hour each, and then people are like, what are you gonna do, you gonna do a Monday? Exactly. I gotta do a 10- you gonna do a Monday? Exactly. I gotta do a 10 minute spot on a Monday after Dan Natterman? I mean, do I really need to stick around for that? Well, you gotta stick around to watch Dan Natterman, of course.

Well, you know, it is. I mean, what's up? Bobby, good to see you here. He goes, Bobby, what are you doing tomorrow night? I go, wiping the spit off my face from talking to you tonight. How did Dove Davidoff come in here, by the way, and not promote it? He seems to be a pretty major character in the newest law and order organized crime with

Stabler. That's true. Detective Stabler is... I'll tell you why. Doesn't care. He owns a multiple buildings in the Lower East Side. Doesn't matter. Good actor.

Dove's a good actor. He's a great actor. He's a really good actor. Did you watch the new Criminal Intent? Peacock exclusive. I gave up on Stabler. Fuck him. First of all, never say that. You don't give up on Stabler.

You can give up on Chris Malone. He seems like a jag. But you don't give up on Detective Stabler. And because they made it a Peacock original, first ever law and order this got right away. I knew they didn't even curse much, maybe twice, but the first one was right away. It's like, are you guys gonna be a fucking idiot all day?

You're like, you hear it right away, you're like, ooh, they're gonna use it. Gets you excited when you hear a swear. A Dick Wolf show. Yeah, a Dick Wolf show getting swears. We should try to do that on this show, where we only swear occasionally, and then when we do it, we go, ooh, sorry.

Every time someone tries to do that, it never works. Cory Holcomb just tried to do that He says do a clean show and they did one where they tried to be clean and then he came back the next week And he was like, well, it didn't really change the viewership at all. So fuck that shit right back Shit shit, but yeah, what a weekend it was a good weekend. I realized a couple things. That you are just a gay theater fag. Totally. And I did not. You never did theater, bud.

You and Christine and the crew, and I didn't realize it until the last night when you came and dragged me on stage. By your hand. By my hand, by your mitten. By my mittened hand. On stage to sing the last song of... That was Bohemian Rhapsody the last night.

Bohemian Rhapsody. I made you come up to second the last night too, but that was just one. That was one. This was the last, this was when you found me, cause I was like, I'm not going. I went and hid. What was funny was Christine,

who acts like she doesn't want to come on stage, the first night, the second night, I look over at her and I go, get Bobby. Get Bobby. And she goes, okay. And just comes on stage herself. I said, no, I mean, yes, you're here now. But Bobby, where's Bobby? And she goes, he won't come.

He's behind the, behind the stairs. So I went and got him. Do you know why I didn't want to go? Because goes, he won't come, he's behind the stairs. So I went and got him. Do you know why I didn't wanna go? Because you, yeah, a million reasons. What's the main reason? Josh. No, I'm not gay.

Oh, you're not gay? Josh is the second and the third reason. Well, I'm honest, here's the- It's Josh's moment, though. You gotta say, it's Josh's moment. It is the, every year I reach over and say it to somebody, I go, one more year of friendship this guy just got. He kills it, son of a bitch kills it up there.

Buddy, I was up there and I'm like, I don't wanna go and you drag me up there and I'm like, fuck, and then you get up there and all of a sudden. And you couldn't bail, I knew if I got you in front of people, you couldn't bail, because when Bobby, I started getting Bobby and he's still pulling away

at the steps, people are going, Bobby, oh shit, Bobby! And they're like, well, you can't be a douche now, you gotta go up. Well, you know I love when they go, Bob-o. Bob-o! But we sang... Bohemian Rhapsody. And then, which was so long an epic,

Josh Ademeyer is phenomenal at the Goddamn Comedy Jam. He brings it right, but I will say this, Pacing. He's gotta learn pacing of the songs and what's going on. He gives me an unnecessary respect that he has me close, everyone. And the problem is, I'm doing, like, Nickelback, how you remind me, after someone just did, uh,

what were the two that were fucking? Oh, Chris Porter did, had a little help from my friend with, I mean, he lives it. Chris Porter is, should be a musician. Yeah. As much as a comic. I mean, he is, he goes, next night, I go up after, oh, I'm sorry, the next night,

I'm sorry, that night, it was Had a Little Help from My Friend, he kills it. Epic, long. Jeremiah Watkins was next. He goes, shit, man, I gotta follow that. He goes, I'm doing Linkin Park in the end. Like how silly is this? But then Josh and Jeremiah, who have great chemistry

with that kind of stuff on stage, turned it into the end to a lights up on the phones ballad. Just overdoing the, I tried so hard. And everyone's doing it along. And then he brings me up to sing, Lowe by Cracker. Well somewhere in there, Neil Patrick Harris was also crowd-surfed.

Also Neil Patrick Harris crowd-surfed. While the crowds chanted Doogie. That was pretty cool. Well don't forget that there's a point where Josh disappears and just appears on a bar at the end of the thing, screaming, and I don't know how he got a light on him. You love that though.

There's a light on him, and it's like, how did that fucking, this guy is just magic. He's just gone, and then, ah, he's over on a bar. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Let me tell you something, it is the gayest thing, that fucking thing is the gayest thing. I mean, it is a bunch of theater fucking queers on stage, and the end is just, everybody on that is just a,

I wanted to be a star theater queer. And then when you get up there, you can't help but have that come out of you. Because there was a point where at the end, I'm holding you, holding Christine, and then another hand, somebody else's hand held my hand. And I don't know who it was, but I didn't care because I was a theater queer.

And I was like, we're family. And I was just like, we just had a singing queen. And then the crowd is looking at me and these hot chicks are staring at me with passion. And these fat men who just have so much fat passion in their mind. They think you're a god right now. It is consuming.

When you get up there. But to watch it off, I was like, this is the gayest thing I've ever been a part of. The last night that was so funny, it is the gayest thing you've ever been a part of. It is 100%. It goes against everything as standups. We're supposed to go up and go, we're supposed to make fun of just sissies that do this and not that who also give their Passion their passion on stage for singing and moving but again, but visually watching it's awesome We just went to the death tones and each singers captivating for that reason it Josh when he's up there in his sweaty one-piece

Josh, when he's up there in his sweaty one piece. It's when he disappeared and then appeared on a bar with a light under him, under him. How do you get a light under you? I don't know, does he travel in his pants with lights? He has under lighting. He has under lighting and he's just hunched over like a little chimp. And it looks awesome.

I was like, wow. It's fucking, wow. I went, I literally went, wow. It's fucking, wow. I went, I literally went, wow. It's, it's. He's doing the thing. You're literally fighting everything as a man with testosterone now. Thank you.

Thank you, Game Day. Thank you, doctor. And thank you, Game Day in Stanford. Yeah, dude. But then it's like, this is, and when she came, when you came and got me, I was pulling away from you, like dude, I don't wanna be part of this.

Every inch that you pulled me, I almost went, hey man, enough. Yeah, you did not wanna come. And then when I got up there and I was holding four hands. Mama, mama. I looked at her bobby, he's like, mama, ooh. Ooh. But I'll tell you. When I went, I don't want to cry, I almost cried.

That night. I, dude, I'm not even kidding. I got emotional. I was like, I don't want to cry. And I looked at you, and you were just smiling at me, because you got me to be gay. I did. But it was also, that was a night of,

I was starting to feel pretty shitty that night. So it was funny, the boundaries I just set for Josh in real time were pretty funny, because we'll always do the thing, before we sing the song, we'll fuck around with the audience and do the Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zero song, we're hunkin' dunkin', do do do,

beepa do do do do do. And we were waiting, I go, I got up there, part of the bit almost is to go up there, and Josh, what the fuck, dude? Two more epic songs before you bring me up to do goddamn Toto Africa? I'm like, this sucks, and he's like, well, he goes, well, before we do that, though,

we should, and I see him start turning around to tell the band, like, start playing Home. He starts going, he goes like, Home, Home, that's the name of the song, Home. And then as he's turning towards me, I just go, off microphone, I just go, home, home, that's the name of the song, home. And then as he's turning towards me, I just go off microphone and just go, Josh, dude, I'm dying. No, let's not, let's just do the song,

let's just do Africa, please. So then we do Africa. And then I brought Bobby up for the finale, Bohemian Rhapsody, which is an eight minute song. At least. It's eight minutes of pure queerness. Of pure queerness. And then Josh makes all the announcements, all theros everybody Robert Kelly and Christine even he's gonna and then he's I seem to run

He goes he's going to the band. He's like one more. He goes. What's up for non-blondes? What's up for non-blondes and they started that guitar riff and I grabbed Bobby by the hand again, and we walked off stage We were I was like I can't do it. I can't yeah, I was very happy my body is shutting off Yeah, I did not want to do that. I was, here's the thing though. I've never, this is so weird man. Cause I'm off stage watching you guys sing this horse shit and I'm like, I'm looking, I'm like, well, ugh.

I'm literally looking at how the Scalar brothers are just like, yeah. They have such fun. Oh my God, what would they do without it? Almost, what would they do without it? I don't know, but I love them. I know, they're up there in their fucking little shirts and their little- Just two Jewish guys

bringing the heat. And then Jeremiah, I mean everybody, some girl, some alt-comic girl, I have no idea who she is, I'm sure she sells out everywhere, is just up there screaming into the microphone. And then when you get up there, you look out, it is pure joy on that audience.

I've never seen an audience have that much fucking gay fun. And they, the festival was strange this year. The festival was strange here, so I will say on the last night was probably the jam's smallest crowd. It was like half room, all smushed forward. But, there are people that are there, they are fucking in, man.

They make you feel like you're at a concert. It's so good. The whole time, everybody in that crowd is having, it's the best time of their life. Same 10 people up front every night. My favorite girl who I pointed out the first night, then she came to the special premiere and then said she wasn't gonna make it to the jam.

And I was like, oh, we need you there. You're the best person. And she ended up coming. But she was my favorite because she, I pointed this out on stage. She was my favorite thing to watch through the show. She sang along with every single song. But differently than Josh,

she doesn't know the words to all the songs at all. But instead of doing what Josh does, which is skadoodles through those parts, you know what I mean? I'll be like, today is a great, skabba-bubba-dum. That's what he'll do? Yeah.

I don't mind that. I don't mind what this girl was doing either, but it was more funny. She just, her mouth would be the words that she would move to when it was the words, and she just moved her mouth for every other part of the song. She was, you know what I mean?

Like whenever the song was going, even if she doesn't know the words, she was just like, but not just like a puppet, like opening her mouth to the beats, like F-flips, you know what I mean the beats. Like, like, like, like, like, like F-flips, you know what I mean? Where she's gonna like, you know, like,

an award didn't have an F in it. It was so fun to watch her just go. And I was like, God, but she was having the greatest time of her life. That bit didn't play our radio too well, but listen, the thing is. Yeah, it was like a, it was like a Kung Fu movie. Ha ha ha.

Buddy, it's so fucked up. It's so weird. At the end of it though, when we all go outside, you feel like you did something. Oh yeah. It's such a weird feeling. It's an emotional dump. You feel like you're a part of something.

Cause we all come out and like, hey man, like the Sklod brothers are like breathing heavy and they're patting you, you did it bro, you did it. It's like. He in finance performed. In a dress. And then collapsed on the stairs for 20 minutes. He put so much into it.

Well, I didn't know he was in a dress until he pulled his dress up and then started backing his cock up into me. Oh. Like we were in prison while we were singing, which actually did something for me. You didn't hate it. I didn't hate it.

I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it. No. Yeah, he was in a dress. It's like, all right, how much attention do you need, dude? I mean, you have a mustache. You have a mustache. You have a mustache, and you look like Larry from The Three Stooges.

He does have a strange look. God damn, that guy gets laid. God damn, he does, by all people, which is unfair. I've never seen the guys, but I don't know if I've seen a not quality girl once when it's like, oh, that girl's like around here with Ian. You're like, holy shit, dude. But you do know she's with Ian

because she has some weird fucking pizza tattoo on her neck. You know, with a teapot on her fucking side of her cheek. Maybe. Yeah, there he is right there. He is, Ian's fun. Oh, he's great. Great hang. Ian's fun.

Yeah, he's really fun. But it is this whole thing is a group, the group of comics that are part of the Comedy Jam, that's their thing. Oh yeah. Like I am not part of the Comedy Jam. You, you bring me into it, you're my ticket in. And like, cause when I'm standing there,

they kind of look at me like, what are you doing here? You know what I mean? Like, why are you here? You're not- Bobby Kelly? Yeah, why are you, you don't- What they don't know is you have the voice of an angel. Well, they don't know that I'm half queer too inside.

Half queer? You, you're the only person I know hits them Journey notes. Yeah, but Josh came up to me the first night and he goes, come on up, I wanna reintroduce you. I went, no. He went, no, I'm going. I go, no, it's not happening. You had your shot, goodbye.

I'm not going up. I told him I was gay. God damn it. But the last night. Chris Porter went up the last night and he was killing time because they were tuning the acoustic guitar He's gonna do you can't always get what you want, right? By the stones and Joel the guitar players tuning up the acoustic guitar

Getting ready for the song. Yeah. All right, and then right before they start the song he goes. All right guys We ready Joel hands the acoustic guitar. He was tuning it for Chris Who then then Joel went back on electric guitar, and Chris, I saw her today at the reception, you're like, oh fuck this guy dude, he's so talented. Really talented, that's why Bob's friends with him. Kid Rock, we don't get to call him Bob. Sorry, yeah.

I think we shouldn't be allowed to call him Bob. I'll tell you what, the drummer is, if they took Animal and fucking made him a human. Yeah. Yeah, no shit. I swear to God, if you got Animal and actually made him a human in the live animated, live version of The Muppets, he would play him.

Because if you look at him at any time, his eyes are bugging and his tongue's out and he's jamming. What's so funny about, it's Nick Libertaure, who's an unbelievable drummer. Unbelievable. Unbelievable drum player. Also, jacked, also looks so cool, wears the apple hat that looks so badass when he plays.

Underneath that apple hat, bald. Yeah, thank God he wears it. Yeah, nobody. That's a big surprise, that's the big reveal, bald. Yeah. Who knew? Beautiful side hair, we would call that. Amazing side hair.

Side hair, amazing. Top hair, not so much. Not existed, I don't think. I've never seen it in person. But I was always wearing the hat. He's so cool looking. I would love to flip that off with a stick during the comedy gym.

You know, just to see his panic. You're like, Nick, let me wear your hat. He's gonna be like, no. While he's playing dribbling, he goes, no, it means too much. Come on, man, give me the hat for a second. Sorry, man. It's the one thing I can't do But it's Bobby Pinton my side hair, bro Can't get it off. It doesn't come off. What a band though in general to me

He really those guys it is it's a crazy thing and so talented They really do it is a fun night, but it is a, it is just theater. It's a bunch of theater queers hanging out, having a great time. Also Josh has 40 to open, which is crazy. It's, well, dude, it's his thing. I know. He is, he is in, he takes full control

of every second of that. And there's moments where he like, he jumped into the crowd and he goes, he goes, stop, stop, I wanna do it again. But I want, and he told them how he wanted to do it. And he's like, get together. And he just orders them around like little soldiers. That crowd is his army.

More than anything, he likes band leading. Almost more than the singing. He likes going around and just like kind of pointing at them and speed it up, let's bring it down. He likes changing the pace a bunch. Yeah, man, he loves, that's where he has his control. But I'll tell you what, he really likes, he really likes, it's so funny,

because I'm from, I'm an insider looking at it from an outsider, right? Because, you know, like even breakfast, he loves tradition. He likes when, he likes his, it's almost like his, he likes mommy and daddy's little tradition birthday breakfast is his, he likes the tradition of the breakfast, he likes tradition of,

that breakfast. In LA we gotta hit canters for the cookies. You gotta hit the cookie thing. The, the, the, Dan Tannis. Yeah, Dan Tannis is our thing. You know, when it was supposed to be our thing, but it was his thing, it's our thing too. It's supposed to be me and the cookie thing. The, the, the, uh. Dan Tannis. Dan Tannis is our thing. You know, when it was supposed to be our thing, but it was his thing.

It's our thing too. Supposed to be me and Christine's thing. Yeah. That was our thing? Yeah, it was your thing that became, you know, mommy and daddy. Now it's me and Josh's thing. Apparently everybody's tummy timing around

with my boyfriend too. Well, it's funny cause we got the breakfast and I was like, I was like, I don't know what to get. And he goes, we get the Mesa. Like, wait, crazy? Oh, Miga's, Miga's. You get Miga. And he goes, we get the Mesa. Like, what are you crazy? You get Miga, we all get the Miga. And I was like, I don't want it. You got Huevos Rancheros, and I watched this.

I had a pure spite to Josh. I'm gonna tell you something about it. The Migas are the thing, you didn't want to be part of it. I'm gonna say it, I'm gonna say it, and it's not gonna be popular. That fucking place stinks. I'm gonna tell you, and it's not gonna be popular. That fucking place stinks. I'm gonna tell you right now, that slop. Christine, let me just say it,

and then you can attack me for it. I'm willing to hear this, I understand what you're saying. It is fucking gabaage. It is slop on a plate. I got better food in Juve Hall in Rochester, New York. It comes out, first of all, there's no levels to it. It's one slop level. It's almost like they just, pfft, pfft, p's no levels to it. It's one slop level. It's almost like they just,

pfft, pfft, pfft. The egg is in some type of stuff. Then the beans are there, and then there's something else there. It's all one level. There's no, a breakfast, this should be a mountain of this, and then a little hill of that,

and a little pasture of this. This is one flat plate. You refer to your food as land, uh, types. Because I to your food as land pipes. Because I like texture, man. I want a mountain of mashed potatoes. Food is visual to me. Visually.

An expansive plane of toast. I know what you did. You finished your food before the tortillas got there, and the tortillas are like part of the whole thing of the huevos. It's like a huge part of the dish. You know what? Maybe you're right, well, you may be right. Maybe I did leave before the, so you're supposed to take the food

and stick it in the tortilla. So it's basically taco breakfast. Yeah, Mexican breakfast. All right, well don't say it. You're a racist. But we also had- That's how Mexicans eat. We had biscuits and squirt butter,

we had chips and salsa, we had queso. All right, the squirt butter can go fuck it. I mean, I'm sorry. Come on, come on. Listen salsa, we had cheso. All right, the squirt butter can go fuck, I mean, I'm sorry. Come on, come on. Listen. You don't mean that. I'm gonna say this. How do you have, I like my butter to be butter and then smear it and then it melts.

It is butter. But it's in a mustard container and you squirt it. Oh God, it's so good. I'm just saying, the breakfast is not, it's not the best breakfast the best doesn't hurt me This doesn't hurt me one iota because I also sort of said the same thing a while ago And I do still go I like it, but I go arbitrarily, but just you know arbitrarily that is The feelings you're gonna hurt for that one yeah Dan soda yeah because he has the taste buds of a fucking three-year-old

You can't smell you're not wrong when you go on there He does it's true Dead on I got a guys good Guys, I found this new place. I went to It's called with Ravens was it called wave us range. There's no chance. I'm me because Good he eats like a child and he went there one. And then it became a thing. And then stupid Josh, guys, every time I go, that's my mommy and daddy take me to the place. And I get my meagre.

We do, I look forward to my meagres. It's the thing that gets me from point A to, I can make it from Moon Tower to Just For Laughs if we have meagres. And then we go to Expectations, which is our other thing. And then we make it over to LA, where I get my dantanas, and then we make it back over to here. Those are my goals in life.

He likes tradition. He loves a fucking tradition. It's almost like his little birthday. He got mad at me when I said, I'm not getting a miga. I'm not doing it. I'm gonna go another route. And then you said, no, Rebecca, no, you said. It's Christine, Christine gets way worse rancheros.

And I was like, I'm getting that, sounds good. And then it came and I was like, ugh. Should've gotten the Migas, dude. She's just got a cheese omelet with a side of bacon. Yeah, I should've. They do have that. Hey, if anybody's wondering why I'm flop sweating, just because you know I will be shitting fluid again

very shortly. You should tell people that Jay should. I won't do it here, I won't do it in flop sweating, just because you know I will be shitting fluid again very shortly. I won't do it here. I won't do it in this room, I promise. He should not, Jay should not be here right now. I should not be here today. He should not be here right now. And I certainly should be going to Skanks after. You should be home right now, taking care of your belly,

and you're not. Maybe if you hear his voice is not as deep and delicious as it usually is. I lost my timber. You lost, you did, you got shit timber. Maybe if you hear his voice is not as deep and delicious as it usually is. I lost my timber. You lost your, you did, you got shit timber. It's a week, sad, still hasn't slept. I'll walk you to our spot.

Oh buddy, there's no reason to go into the quiet place right now. It's just gonna be, I'm just gonna, remember like we discussed, it's gonna be like that mustard thing of butter. It's gonna just. Yeah. It just ruined her for Christine now. That needs to come out. Poor Christine, I woke up in the middle of the night last, I felt like this yesterday, it was happening yesterday.

I was falling to pieces with insane diarrhea. And then this morning, poor Christine, this gets her, me and Christine fight a lot because of her wacky way she decides to handle her period from this... fucking dinosaur times. Christine, you still get your period? Yeah, is that cool?

Yeah, I would love for Donna to fucking push it to the edge. Yeah, her cup. And when she empties that cup, it's a problem. I hate it. And it gets underneath the rim, and it gets a blah, blah, blah. It sucks. And we've had had many many a fight about it, but I have to give her Two periods worth of fucking that up although. I shouldn't say that because I end up cleaning her shit her period thing

I'm gonna throw up to it. You should it's disgusting, and I try to tell her that but she did she drink it Why does it spill? I don't understand how you can't pour it right into the wall. I don't understand that. Your new Toto also. My new Toto, which I'll tell you what, let me tell you where the Toto can't clean. Underneath the toilet seat. I don't even know what happened, but my middle of the night, I woke up

and my stomach was starting to rumble, but I was like, you know, with having to go to the bathroom, but I was like, why does my butt cheeks feel wet? And then I reached down the back of my pants and saw that it was wet. I mean, it wasn't even brown or anything on my hand. This is just fluid. And my thumb or whatever just slightly touched wet,

and then I jumped out of bed, went in the bathroom, pulled down my shorts. You start screaming like the Godfather, like it was a horse and you're, wah, wah! It looked like my water broke. It didn't look like I took a shit. It looked like my water fucking broke.

And then I went to the bathroom for a while. Then I went, I slept downstairs. I slept outside for a little bit. You went outside like a dog? Jesus. I slept outside for a little bit. And went outside like a dog? Jesus. I slept outside for a little bit. And then one of the times I ran back inside and said to Christina, I was like,

I was like, oh, I'm back in again. And I ran upstairs to our bathroom. And then after I go to the bathroom again, when I'm washing my hands for the seventh bazillionth time. You don't have your gloves on, do you? No. OK. For the seventh bazillionth time I'm washing my hands. I look back at the toilet and I start seeing like

under the rim a little bit. And I'm like, oh, I gotta do that myself with the brush. Then I lifted up the toilet seat to do that, and I mean, decorated, all underneath the seat. Something that you couldn't clean without doing it by yourself. I think there's a cleaning thing, like a self-cleaning mode on the bidet.

I don't know what button it is, but this wouldn't have helped that at all. So then it took me about a good 15 minutes to get all that cleaned up to suffice. And then I went downstairs and said to Christine, I was like, I'm so happy that you didn't see what's going on in our bathroom, what I did. I was like, because it was horrifically awful.

Under the seat and all over, she goes, I saw it. I was like, how long ago? She goes, how long ago? She goes, early this morning. I go, why didn't you say something to me? She goes, you were sleeping, I don't know, what am I gonna wake you up and go, hey, you know you're shit off the toilet?

And I was like, I would've done that to you. You would've, out of his head? No, I wouldn't have, cause I don't even do it with her period blood after time. Oh God, why do you do the cup? Not even the Japanese could have prepared for that. Even the Japanese can't prepare, it's...

That's the worst. It's brutal. Are you sure you don't have like, because I had the norovirus. Yeah, it's like, that's only like a day, right? It was a day of, well no, mine was three days. Mine was two, one bad day, and then two, I got it, I don't have it.

I got it, because I was on my way here, and I was like, I gotta go back, because I was zipped in my pants on the way down. Yeah, that's where I'm at. But it's special day. It's like you had to come in. Your special's out right now on YouTube, the part two. How we do it? We're over 200,000 views. Yep. Crazy. No, that's awesome, dude.

All right. I mean, the trailer for the special is really good. It's really do they made they made the other one. They made the Easter one. Yeah. But then they have the one with the Madonna. I like that one with the Madonna. The Madonna one was great. I didn't see the Easter one. The Madonna one was awesome. We played the Madonna one. That's what I want to play tonight on skanks. So good.

Oh, my gosh. Really good. Why one? That's what I wanna play tonight on Skanks. So good. Oh my gosh. I'll send it to them. Really good. Why am I sweating? Am I doing anything? Just sitting here. I know, buddy, I'm sorry. Do you think it makes me sweat

just clenching my asshole so fluid doesn't fall out of it? You use it. Last time I went to the bathroom, it was like a couple teardrops came out because I think I'm out of stuff. Yeah. There's nothing in me. Yeah, you'll get more though as you swallow.

Then it's gonna sound like a middle-aged woman taking a piss. Is this the whole trailer? You need a week off. Full week. You're not wrong. Jacob's trying to get to Florida. Jesus.

You, Jacob. When I say need. You can use a week off when my mother's birthday comes up. Yeah, dude, you can use a week off. Well, I meant on the road because Lord knows the first, no, I mean, Monday through Wednesday job, he wouldn't take off. I'm in on the road because Lord knows the first no I mean Monday through Wednesday job. He wouldn't take off. I'm in the road No, you won't the roads strangely much more difficult to take off of ticket holders And this is what Christine kept going she kept saying she'd call them ticket holders. Yeah, she goes you're sick

She goes magically why don't you tell him you're sick this before I was sick. She wished it on me She goes you're going too hard. She's like, just tell Tulsa, like, you happen to be sick next week and you have to be sick. And I was like, that's fucked. You can't do that, it's too close to the time. Now we can't. Without like a death in the family or something.

I do think you're gonna like a week at his house. The first week he's just home, that's gonna be something else. No, and that's gonna be end of June. Jesus, you gotta stop. You can't, you're not gonna make June. Well, I'm not home a weekend until the end of May and the next month. That's a lot.

And that will be how many in a row, 16, 17? Yeah. 17. 17 in a row. I'm going, I'm leaving Thursday. I'm here all week and then Thursday I get up the crack of fuck again. I'm getting to the point where and you're an older gentleman well I don't know yeah okay well you can put that in there I mean your twilight

years yeah you could throw that you could throw that into my head I mean you know bugs me about you can I tell you what bugs me about you that I'm not much younger than you no that's not that dude this is this? No, that's not, no, that's not. That, dude, this is what a, it's so wild how much that group of theater queers follow you because we're, even at breakfast, we're having this breakfast and you gotta go to, what's it called again? CISCOs.

CISCOs, we gotta go to CISCOs, and we're all this group of people going to CISCO's and we go there and we eat this breakfast that's, I mean, dare I say, mediocre. And then we have it and the, you gotta try the butter and you gotta do this and you gotta do that.

And I'm doing all this stuff and I'm like, all right. But then I literally, this is why, I literally went out and I got the bill. Not just the bill, all of it. The tip, everything. I took his kingdom. I took his kingdom away. And wait, before he was done out of niceness,

which it was very nice. It was very nice. It was done out of pure spite. He went up to me, he came back and then I tried, he saw me do the thing I'm gonna try to do. I go to Christine, I go, if you're going to the bathroom, I go, take this, my card, and go pay it up there. And this is the look, when I saw him doing that,

he looked over at me, I was like this. And the, and then the waiter, the waiter goes, it's already been taken care of. And I went, already? I look over at Bobby looking at me like this, and I was like, oh, come on, Bobby. He goes, and the tip.

There's nothing you have to do at all. And this is what magic is around this gloved fucking king. They still thanked him. Hey, thanks, Jay. No, Bobby took care of it. I know, but you brought Bobby. They were like, smart move for inviting Bobby. Yeah, I still, no one, fuck, even Josh,

the biscuit eatin', fuckin', all the cheese, everything, the jar of the butter. You had a great time at, I think, though, because you got to see. Not even one thing. You got, wanted to see the favorite things. When Kurt Metzger inevitably completely discounts and ignores and treats like shit someone who's my friend that he show my friend Jay something, because we have this human fucking mascot between us, and he called Josh a human mascot.

Well, you gotta describe Josh. Josh is wearing pink hair. He's wearing pink hair. He's wearing pink hair. He's wearing pink hair. He's wearing pink hair. He's wearing pink hair. He's wearing pink hair.

He's wearing pink hair. He's wearing pink hair. He's wearing pink hair. He's wearing pink hair. He's wearing pink hair. He's wearing pink hair. He's wearing pink hair. He's wearing pink hair. He's wearing pink hair. He's wearing pink hair. He's wearing pink hair. because we have this human fucking mascot between us that he called Josh a human mascot. Well, you gotta describe Josh. Josh is wearing pink hair.

All pink hair, completely pink hair, and a tank top, or a basketball jersey. Yeah, he looks like a punk rock chimp. It is disturbing how much Josh's body looks like a shape chimp. I thought that was crazy, because I've seen Josh with his shirt off plenty, and he's in great shape, but it looks like a shape chimp. I thought that was crazy. Because I've seen Josh with his shirt off plenty and he's in great shape, but it looks like a shape chimp.

Oh, yeah. It's not human shape. It's chimp shape. That's how in shape he is. He's going into primate. Yeah, he's primate shape and he's got pink hair. Somebody's got to put Josh's face on some of these fucking pictures of the shape babes. That's him right there, dude.

That's his ball sack and everything. That's Josh up on the bar singing.pes. That's him right there, dude. That's his ball sack and everything. That's Josh up on the bar singing. Yeah, that's him, exactly, dude. You gotta put his head on with pink hair. But yeah, that is kinda mean, though. Kurt is, that's mean to say. Didn't Josh get mad at that, too? No, Kurt thought he did.

Josh didn't get mad at that. Oh, he didn't? All right, good. Well, I didn't even get to thank you. Not one fucking person was like, hey, Bob, thanks. Is that true? Not you. Not one fucking person was like, hey, Bob, thanks. Is that true? Not one.

Not one person except for Jay. Jay, I believe Christine and Jay were like, thanks. No one else. It was, and it would never be, oh, thanks. I was like, oh, I'll be like, I would've taken it. I'd be like, thank you, buddy. Yeah, of course. I mean, but these assholes pay for everything.

Who was there? Everywhere you go, they're like, I was a pack of gum. He's like, I got it. I'm like, I don't want you to pay for my gum. In go, they're like, I was packing gum, he's like, I got it. I'm like, I don't want you to pay for my gum. Ian Finance? Yeah. No, thank you. Yep.

Rebecca? Ian Finance, Rebecca. I invited Ian. Josh. Josh. I invited, I was like, Ian, come. He's like, thanks, man, for inviting me. But somebody still thanked you at the end.

Thanks for inviting me, Jay. Nobody knew you paid. You like, did it behind everyone's back. You should have been a little more, you should have put more fanfare behind it. Yeah, I wait for the check, Jay. Nobody knew you paid. You did it behind everyone's back. You should have been a little more, you should have put more fanfare behind it. Yeah, I wait for the check, you give your card, and then everybody's like, ah, Bob, you didn't have to do that,

you snuck off and just told us. But the reason why nobody said anything because they're so used to you taking care of it, they weren't paying anyways. I do have a batch of friends that do expect I'll pay for it. Let me tell you something. I really do.

Josh, 100%, didn't bring his wallet or a penny. It's a crime only that Josh Edemeyer's particularly hasn't at least blown me. Or offered to be like, hey man, if you ever like want me, I will suck you off, you've paid for a lot of stuff. I'm telling you, Josh goes to these festivals without his wallet.

It's possible. He just shows it, nah, Jay's gonna take me to this place and that place and breakfast and then I'll have coffee, I'm good. He does try to plan a lot of dinners with me because he knows I'm gonna pay for it. I never even ever thought that, he's like, you know where else we should go?

We should go somewhere else now. We, are you hungry? Because I'm hungry, dude. It's so funny to me that I was expecting everybody to go, oh, Jay didn't pay Bobby? Not one person was like... I was waiting for it. I was waiting for the, hey man, thanks Bobby. Not one. Not to this day.

I can break your heart by the way, Jacob, and I'm sorry too, even though Bobby did find a very cool one. But the selection overall, you have to be Allen's boots. I think they're going to pieces or something. It's too expensive, dude. They had no shirts that were anything good at all. They used to have a pretty big selection. I was like, oh, I've lost some weights,

let me go get a couple of cool country western shirts. There was no, Bobby got the coolest one that they had available. That was badass. It was like a chief. It's a skull Indian. With the chief headdress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Skull Indian chief, so they had the two chief skeletons the chief headdress. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Skull Indian chief, so they had the two chief skeletons with the headdress on the tits and on the back. It's pretty badass. It's dope. Pretty dope. It's a dope shirt. Pretty dope. But everything else there was garbage.

Yeah. That's a shame. There were hat selections down the whole thing. I mean, I'm telling you right now, the mothership though, I mean, I sold it out all weekend. But I mean, sell out, pretty much sell out. I just wanna thank, what? I just wanna thank you.

I think it's been sold out for months once they heard I was there. It is such a fun club, man. Sure. The green room there is really. I'll tell you what though, when you make sure, in Joe Rogan style though, you make sure you get your steps in, there's from green room to stage, I think it's four flights and

like around a corner and back up a big flight. It's four flights underneath the whole club and then up a big flight. Up a big flight. And I almost didn't make it. Tim Dillon stopped by Saturday night, first show, and I thought he was doing like 15. He did like 11 and a half. So I was down, it was funny because they were in the, I'm walking by, there's a room in between,

right in between, when you come downstairs and walk, right in the middle of the downstairs you have to get to, there's a room with all the cameras. And I kept walking by it, and there's just a crowd of people in there laughing, and I thought they were watching Tim Dillon or something at this point. They were just watching drunk women on the cameras. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, really? They're just watching the people that are fucked up or the people out front. And there was this lady so fucked up, she was just standing in the hallway. She kept dropping her tampons. And just trying to pick them up and put them back in this little mini purse.

And she kept slipping and missing, and these tampons kept falling. It was one of the funniest things ever. And then they were like, all right, she's gotta go. And they just went and kicked her out. Goodbye. Gray Club, man. No phones, no check spot.

I mean, easy peasy. So good, and everybody came up, like, uh, was it... on Friday night, everybody was there. Uh, Tony came by. He was everybody was there. Tony came by. Hinge Cliff. He was great. Tim Dillon came by. Shane was gonna stop by Saturday, he didn't.

But it was a lot of fun. Shane stayed away from the city this week. A lot of fun, man. Downtown Austin. But it was great, I met you every night. We were over. Over at Gay Fest. Over at the gay theater.

The gay theater club. Bobby, where you at? I'm behind Antons. The only thing missing is you. It's so funny, because when I show up, like, Dave Rath and the Scholar, why is he here? He doesn't dance and sing. Dave, you've got to give him a chance.

One singular sensation, every little step she takes. Did you go to Cooper's? Uh, no. By the way, Cooper's, for the record, everyone's saying, like, it actually just sucks. It's just the place that was very convenient for us. It is convenient, but I think it's good. Well, I'd never get barbecue, because I wouldn't...

I've never thought it was a problem at all, Cooper's, but whenever you say Cooper's, people go, oh, you gotta go to blah, blah, blah. You can stay in line at Aaron's for, you literally have to stand in line for two hours at some of these places. I know, which is ridiculous. I have no patience for that.

I'm not into that. I'm a Cooper's guy though. Well, you're like, do you have brisket, lean brisket? Yes, here's fine. That's what I think about barbecue. Dude, I realized how famous, how rich Tim Dillon is. Do we? But how famous, how rich Tim Dillon is. Dude, we were...

But how famous, could I say that about that city before you get into Tim's particularly? What the culture that Rogan has brought to that block, or not that block, but like that main thoroughfare, the 6th Street, it's the most famous you'll feel in the world. Anywhere in the world. You can't go... Christina, one point we went on the 6th, I was like, I didn't want to go at first. Yeah. It's the most famous you'll feel in the world. Yeah. Anywhere in the world. You can't go, Christina one point we went on the six,

I was like, I didn't want to go at first. And she didn't get why exactly right away. And I was like, it's not, this is like going out front of a show. Yeah. I mean, you get recognized, the people that are like, hey, five dollar drinks and $10 shots for the,

oh, big J, man. Like they're just, and you're like, hey. It's weird. And then everywhere you just, and you're like, hey. And then, everywhere you walk, and then you end up talking to someone and realize that you're about to step into another pile of human shit. What is happening in fucking Austin?

Tim Dillon talking about how much he hates it makes me laugh so hard. It's a terrible place. Why did Rogan tell everyone to move here? It's terrible. I was walking by a guy lying in the street with black slack pants, black dress shoes, and then a red turtleneck pulled up over his face.

Okay. That was a homeless kid. That was it. And I was like, or he was gonna do Kill Tony on Monday. Either or. But... When was the night? Go ahead.

I was just gonna say, like, the scariest part was during the day, I walked over from the Thompson to Rebecca's to the creek, which is really like a five block walk. It's creepy. And it's just you and then a bunch of like mentally ill addicts on the street. There's nobody else out.

At peak crazy. And you feel totally outnumbered and it's actually terrifying at like 11 o'clock in the morning. Well because that methadone or whatever the clinic is right over there. Yeah, the church, it's right there. The methadone's in the church.

Yeah. And they all, I think church gives them food, but you'd think they'd be in line like, this is great, we get our morning food. They're not cool about it. They're there fighting with each other still and screaming and being nuts and everything. Somehow between their nuts,

they realize that's the place to go get food. But they're like, oh, you know what? I'm gonna go punch an imaginary person in front of there and get some food. N like, oh, you know what, I'm gonna go punch an imaginary person in front of there and get some food. Nuts. Oh, you know what, I'm gonna ride my mythical dragon over to there and get some food, because the church does have food, that's real.

And it's funny because at night, it's like these girls are wearing clothes that don't fit. Oh. And just their assholes are hanging out. If you're looking for the best city for that, I say at a late night, walk back to the hotel, find the girl crying sitting on the sidewalk because her pussy is out. Yeah. If you're looking for the best city for that, I say to late night, walk back to the hotel, find the girl crying sitting on the sidewalk because her pussy is out.

It's just sitting out. Yeah, it's just a bunch of fat Spanish girls wearing doll clothes. And they're either fighting or fucking screaming. Like it's insane. Does Bobby know about Debchuk? My imaginary friend Debchuk. I would love for you to tell the crew about Debchuk,

because Debchuk is one of, I think it should be a new animated series. I wish I knew if Debchuk liked me or not, I couldn't tell if she liked me. I want somebody to make a Debchuk doll They should. That can be in studio. They should make my imagine,

there was a girl on one of the, on one of the crowd work shows that I did, I did two What's Your Fucking Deals with other people bringing them on, and I did two just full 45 minutes of me crowd work shows that I did two What's Your Fucking Deals with other people bringing them on and I did two just full 45 minutes of me crowd work. And one of them when I was talking, in the middle of talking to some lady, a person just walked right in front of her to go to the bathroom and it was a, I feel bad because it was like a fan, but she was cute. She was cute. It was cute. It was just what she was wearing. She was like a Mexican girl wearing cutoff shorts. I think from what I remember, a lot of tats, kind of like a shirt with her titties flopping around

and two pigtails. High pigtails. They were up there. High pigtails. And they walked by and I was talking to somebody else and as soon as she walked by in the middle of my sense where I go, wait a second, I go, is that my imaginary friend?

I go, that's what I think my imaginary friend would look like. I go, is that Deb Chuck? I just thought of that's what I think my imaginary friend would look like. I go, is that Deb Chuck? I just thought of two words, one. I'm like, it's Deb Chuck. I go, that's what my imaginary friend would look like. I go, girl, it looks like she's gonna take a shit while she sucks a titty for you.

She also, the way she went right across the front of the stage and she did this little waddle run as she went, so she just really stood out. Deb Chuck. That's the Deb Chuck dance. I said, I keep Deb Chuck. She just turns into, she just jumps in the air and turns into like,

sprinkles and goes into a white claw can that I hold. It's Debchuk. But she walked in, she went into the bathroom for a while. Then she came out of the bathroom, and everyone was excited about Debchuk again, made some more Debchuk jokes. She went back to her seat. Debchuk never said great show, never said hello,

never put anything online, or, I wonder if seat. Debchuk never said great show, never said hello, never put anything online, or I wonder if we upset Debchuk. No. I hope not. Debchuk doesn't get upset. She just goes back to sprinkles. Yeah, she just turns back to sprinkles. She'll be fine. She's there for you when you need her, dude.

She really did look like a girl Jay would conjure up in his brain. Debchuk, suck your tit and take a shit in front of me. I got to think things through. I was gonna say that about that human shit, I'd never had to experience this. Lewis and I were going to lunch the last time we were in at Moon Tower, remember that? I mean, right? We were going to the outdoor cafe part, and then the smell hit me. And then there was a pile of shit on the floor, and I was like, how can it smell?

I know dog shit. He goes, that's human shit. But like right in front of the restaurant. Happened with us. It doesn't care. Jessamay Paluso and Christine at different times pointed it out to them a little late, and they both had like pirouette wacky like dance

to not walk right through human shit. Right in front of the back door of the theater or in front of the back door of the theater that they did my premieres, my special premiering. Pile of human shit. In the alley of Antwans when we were coming up from the mothership. Bad.

Oh, bad. I mean, 100% human shit just because of the amount of it and the shape of it. Oh yeah. There's no way a dog did, it just 100% Smaller than a horse, bigger than a dog. Yeah. It was personal.

Yeah. So bad. There's no other thing out there, maybe it wasn't a jackal or something, I didn't see any jackals walking around. It was, yeah that town is, it's the best. Listen to Tim Dillon's shit on it is my favorite. Great.

Because him just talking about the idea that he moved down there. He's like, Rogan talked him into it. And then talked him into it with this idea that it's like, dude, it's so great. And also apparently the initial plan, which I do remember that. The initial plan was Rogan was gonna take over Cap City.

Yep. Outskirts. And then when it wasn't that, he was still gonna do like that. So Tim bought the house, he bought it to free the right of it in the suburbs down there for that. If the thing about that city, at my age now particularly,

if my weekends when I'm home, I was like, oh, I'm gonna do a spot tonight. You have to go into that at its most chaotic, crazy time. I'm like, that would never be worth it to me. I would never do weekend spots there. I don't wanna be. Everything from dangerous to things you don't wanna see, hear, fights. That's exciting.

But I mean, they're a constant. Here's the thing with the club that he did do great. The club's unreal. Once you get into the club, there's so many like tip of the spear retired. Oh, I don't't think they're retired. I think these guys are waiting to get into bounty hunting. Yeah, these guys are like the Navy SEAL, you know,

ops dudes that are- They have logos tattooed on them that mean things we'll never understand. Yeah. Because- They have just an octopus patch on his chest that you only get from killing 75 people. You know what I mean?

They have a lot of clubs that have security. And that security guy's usually a pretty cool guy, usually a big guy, it's not a big guy. It's diabetes in a fucking belly. It's usually a guy that'll fight for 30 seconds. It's more or less just like an optics thing to get a guy in there. Joe Rogan's guys I feel like would fucking

take a knife for you in the stomach and keep fighting. And tell you, it's like, get out of here. I can't, I'll hold them off. These guys. You just have to make it there and make it home. But there in every, as soon as you walk in. They'll walk you from your place. They'll come walk you from there.

He came, he said, I will have somebody meet you at the place. I go, I'm not doing that. Yeah, I didn't either. He's like, no, I go, I can walk from the hotel to... A block and a half. And then halfway there, I was like, I wish I had somebody walk me,

because it gets so weird. And at night, it's like, you gotta leave the club like this. Here we go. All right, let's go. Let's make it the end to ones. There's anxiety walking around there. Major anxiety.

But in the club, you're safe as hell. In the club is great. And I love that all there. Major anxiety. But in the club, you're safe as hell. Oh yeah. In the club is great. And I love that all the people that work there, all the waiters, and there are a lot of comics. It's mostly comics. They took that comedy store mentality and brought it over there.

You should work here and then get in. So the people that are working there are actually stand-up fans, and that's awesome. There's nothing worse than a waitress at a club that doesn't like stand-up up and she's just making money and she'll come in the front row standing up, yapping loud and it just sucks. Except for location, and by that I mean the city it's in.

Besides that, even the things that I would complain, I would say, oh, maybe it would be better with this. When it's explained, you're like, no, it's not. Because I was like, really, there's no food? There's no food for sale at all? And it's like, nope, no phones, no food. And you're like, that is great for comedy. It's perfect.

It is pretty great for comedy. Now, as a comic, you're like, I wish I had something to eat. If you're chewing, you're not laughing. If you're cutting a steak, you're not paying attention. No, I agree. Food is such a shit thing at a comedy club. Because that's what it became, a restaurant.

It's a restaurant first. On the stand. It's a restaurant first. It's a restaurant first, and the food, and the comedy's second, always, if there's food. If there's no food became, a restaurant. It's a restaurant first. And you stand in a restaurant first. A restaurant first and the food, and the comedy's second always, if there's food. If there's no food, it's great. That's why I love Acme is awesome

because they have the food outside. You can't, there's no restaurant. When you come in, it's just show, which I love. I like that too. Yeah, that club is awesome. It is, but Tim Dillon came by, who I love, and he was just sending me, he was just sending me photos of the shitty things

that he saw on the way into the club. He was like, yeah, this place is great, right? And it's just some lady lying down with blood on her shin. It's just like, what? Every morning, we made plans with Tim, and it was a modern miracle that he would show up the next day, because he would tell Christine that night, he's like, I'm outta here, I can't do it.

And then you see him the next day, he's like tell Christine that night, he's like, I'm outta here, I can't do it. And then you see him the next day, he's like, no flights available. I'm here another day. He's supposed to be there till Wednesday, he said every day he was there that he's leaving the next morning, and then the next morning he'd be like, no flights. He told me, I go, dude, he goes,

what time are you leaving tomorrow? We're on the same flight. I go, I'm leaving at five. Sure. I'm a lounge dude, I'm gonna let you go. I'll go with you. So I was like, great. So he, five in the morning, I'm leaving at five. I'm a lounge dude, I'm gonna let you go. He goes, I'll go with you. So I was like, great. So he, five in the morning, I'm in the limo,

he texts me, I'll be there in a minute, shows up, just a bag, has a leather bag, no strap, just handles, and he just jumps in the car, shorts, hat. I'm like, is that all you got? He's like, yeah, I lost my wallet, I don't know where it is, let's go. And I'm like, so we're leaving. I'm like, you need all you got? He's like, yeah, I lost my wallet. I don't know where it is. Let's go.

And I'm like, so we're leaving. I'm like, you need stuff, dude. You need, can't just. Do I though. And I go, I go, can I, let me just give you some money. Let me, and I gave him a hundred bucks. You need cash. What if something happens, dude?

How's he gonna get on the plane? Well, he goes, I have my phone. I'll just use my phone. So he shows me, we get all the way there. And I'm like, let's go. We'll go through clear He goes, all right, I go we'll go through TSA clear He goes what's that and I'm like, it's TSA clear. So you don't take your shoes off. You're like fine So we go up there and he goes I can't go through whoever sent him his his Is a boarding thing. They just took you know when you get the boarding thing at Delta and it says click here to check in,

and it's just a blank, there's no actually scan thing? They sent him a screenshot of that. So he just had a screenshot of the thing where you're supposed to click. She's like, I can't get in. I'm like, you have no wallet, dude. What are you gonna do? I'll just stay with you to help you figure it out

in case you need my money. I have credit cards. He goes, no, I'm fine. I'm like, buddy, he goes, buddy, don't worry about it. I'll rent a private jet if I have to. I'm getting out of here. And he just left. He just walked away.

I'm like, that's fucking rich. Like he's just gonna call somebody and rent a private fucking jet. And then he wound up on the flight. I don't know how he did it. He went. He went your flight. He goes, I went back to have my wallet.

I came back, I just made it. And he was. Wow, oh, it's only like a 15 minute drive. And you go early. It's 15 minutes, he went early. And he made it through everything with his stupid, he has a satchel. He has like a leather satchel.

If I could just get ready to leave town without his wallet, I'd have missed the flight. I know, I'm like, why did you do that? I would have missed flight and then figured out flight later. Dude, when you're a fucking millionaire though, I don't think all that shit matters to you because if you have your phone,

you can just call somebody to go pay for that and tell them I'm coming. You know what I mean? Like me and you go, I need my wallet. I need those things. No one knows who I am. I'm gonna be lost in the world with no money or cash. I think my phone has a credit card in it, I think.

It was wild. I'll just rent a private jet. I was like, that's amazing. We'll go private. I'll go private. He's so funny, Tim. He's the best. But Christine is right about the, Austin is always, even at 11 a.m.,

like you think that's the one time you're gonna get a break. It's the worst. It's the worst. Okay, I'm just getting getting out and starting my day and that's when you're most attacked It is when it's a scary scary scares and also Bobby we noticed this the last night Actually a couple nights in They were putting up

the gates, you know on the sidewalk and that's usually like the gates on the sidewalk, and that's usually like, because they're gonna start stopping cars from coming down 6th Street, and they make it like the middle of the streets, the whole thing. They stopped that. So now they put the gates up so the streets clear. You can only cross in a few places, cross over 6th Street. You have to be on the sidewalks.

Same amount of people. You've now pushed them, so it's more volatile. Yeah, the people are far more angrier Yeah, they put the zombie gates end to the sidewalk a little bit Yeah, they like put the gates out into the street But it's still you've taken 15 yards across and all the way down away from people who are bumping into each other hammered Volatile I went to CVS and I was the CVS has the bottom floor and I was like, hey, I need toothpaste. They're like, oh, that's upstairs. They have a staircase you have to go up.

You have to go up this staircase. I was frightened because it's like, it's like I just heard a guy at the top, like coming down. I'm like, I don't know if I want to go up there. It's like, you have to go up the staircase up to the second floor and you, I got through it and I was like,

I was like I made it. And I actually took, there's an elevator but it takes like 20 minutes to go up and down one floor. It's frightening, the whole place is frightening. I actually got, I got sick there too, I got that. I went to that little convenience store, you know the convenience store on Conquer Street? Sure.

It's got the weird stuff. And I went in and I'm walking out and I just seen this old Asian lady sitting in a chair with a table and she had all these photos and I go, what's this? She goes, Mongolian food. I make Mongolian food. It's my country's home food.

I'm like, really, where? She goes, downstairs in the basement. And I was like, okay. And this one dude was like, it's good. So I just go, Josh. I go, give me whatever you want. Give me something. She goes, okay. She came up with like, okay, and this one dude was like, it's good, so I just go, I go, give me whatever you want, give me something. She goes, okay, she came up with this, buddy, it was nuts, it was some sort of beef.

It's like a seven-legged fish, it did nothing, man, it made sense. Bobby, he just ate it. It had a fish, it had anchovies, but it wasn't anchovies, it was the skeleton of anchovies. Your fat thing is so different than mine, because I'm all, my fat comes in gluttony of the most basic fast food, pizza, pasta, shit like that.

You know what I mean? Like you, you can get enticed into some, that's why Ari loves traveling with you. I'm exotic fat. I'm an exotic fat. You're local fat. I'm local fat. You're local fat, I'm exotic fat. You're local fat. I'm local fat. You're local fat, I'm exotic fat.

You're travel fat. I will throw a seven layer fish stew down my throat from a convenience store, some Asian lady who cooked it in the basement. He goes, should this fish have three eyes? He goes, yes, special fish! And Bobby just eats it. I don't know why.

I think that was involved in nuclear something. It was so bad. I remember there was rice, beef, fish, anchovies, and then there was vegetables that looked hot but they were cold. It fucked me up. They took a big bite and it was just frozen. And it was spicy.

It was weird, man. Weird. You ate it. By the way, he also brought it back to his room. That's my favorite part of that story. He was telling me that. I go, well, you brought that to go? Yeah, give me random Mongolian food

from this basement, lady. I'll take it back to my room and eat it. Can I say something though that you brought that to go? Yeah, give me random Mongolian food from this basement, lady. I'll take it back to my room and eat it. Can I say something, though, that I'm jealous of you? You do travel with Christine. And, like, I've spent time with you guys. And it's so nice you guys come back. She travels with slippers. She puts her little sweaties on.

And you guys hang out. Like, every night I come back to the place, and I'm just, I feel like a traveling salesman because I'm just alone. You're very specifically talking about the festivals. Christina's gonna be on the road on weekends, ever. Yeah, but you have somebody with you. No.

You travel with Dylan. Sometimes, but not always. You have Danny Braff and those guys. I don't travel with him a lot. I wish, I should start traveling with people. I don't like. But I also, some of these ones, I just like, I'm happy to have the time by myself just because like, you know, to deal with people for a few days. I don't know, But I also, some of these ones, I'm just like, I'm happy to have the time by myself,

just because, like, you know, to deal with people for a few days. I don't know, man, it's like... You can do what you want for, like, three days. I was in that condo, and it's so amazing, and you're looking out over the whole city, and it's like this beautiful thing, and I'm just by myself.

Did you get that music thing I told you about there? What do you mean? I told you the thing where you can go smoke, the balcony. I went on the balcony. Starting about 2 p.m. till midnight. Oh, you mean? I told you the thing where you can go smoke, the balcony. I went on the balcony. It's starting about 2 p.m. till midnight. Oh, you were out pretty late every night, but 2 p.m. till whenever the bar is closed,

maybe it's 2 a.m., there's no noise. And that, like the, it's a recessed balcony. It sounds like it's right there. But five different bands are just filling this little space. It's so, you're like, holy shit, this is bad. It feels like they're on the balcony with you. It's bad. Yeah, it's crazy.

It thumps. Jesus H. Well, listen, I'm gonna tell you right now, there is a special available on YouTube, and it's available right now. Jay's new special, They, second part, crowd work special, youtube.com slash at Big J Oakeson. It is climbing up the charts over 200,000 views in one day.

It is as hilarious as the first one. Two two hours made up on the spot. Murdered both shows. It is awesome. You have to go check it out. Watch it, like it, subscribe and share. Comment. Share it.

And Big J is going to be in a brick town comedy club in Tulsa Oklahoma this weekend Asin all ass juice and all no I hope God I hope my issues be gone Let his ass juice be gone, but if it's there he'll still be there sitting down If you see him sweating don't pat him on the back it might shoot out He'll be in Denver, Long Island San Diego Charlotte for tickets on all the tour dates, bigjcomedy.com.

And Bobby Kelly is going to be at the Comedy Zone Charlotte, North Carolina, April 24th through the 26th. And then Mike Drop Comedy in San Diego, May 9th and 10th for tickets on all of his tour dates. Punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. And the new special, well, not new special, but new to Punchup.live is Bobby's special live from the Village Underground, which is fucking amazing. Yeah. Streaming right now on PunchUp.live. See it again for the first time.

Yeah. And of course Bobby's every Tuesday night, 7pm at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge at the Comedy Seller. And make sure you check out Bobby's new YouTube channel, youtube.com, slash, at Robert Kelly, with a bunch of content going up all the time. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.