The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Hummus & Chicken Fingers

Episode Date: February 3, 2026

Most of the crew are doing the show from home as the northeast gets clobbered with snow. Bobby tries out his deejay buttons from his house studio. It took Jay almost 20 hours of diving all night from a gig in Chicago to New Jersey in the the storm. | Big Jay was one of the openers for Shane Gillis at his triumphant Madison Square Garden show. Bobby is impressed with Shane's low-maintenance rider for his green rooms. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Oh, I get it. We're home. Right. Right. I think I get it now. No, actually, because of your travels is really what I was thinking of. Oh, yeah, what a nightmare.

My body's still not all right. What's up? Hi, Jay. Hey, Bobby. This is dangerous. Why? Coming from my bed to another room, this is the, this is, it's like what Mike Calta did during the pandemic. Now he just wakes up and crocs and basketball shorts and walks down to flight of stairs and goes to a studio.

You like it. You know what? I liked it. I like it. I do like it, but there's something about, I feel like when I get in my car at 3, 315, drive all the way in, park the car. walk over, go up in the elevator. It makes me feel like I'm doing work. I don't feel guilty.

Like this makes me feel guilty. Right. Like, you know, I'm not working. Have you had a good day at home? I've had a, dude, let me tell you something. When it snows, when you have a house and being just stuck in your house. Yeah. It's such a great feeling.

Oh, I don't know. I've never done it. and you have enough snacks and your wife knows how to make banana bread out of old bananas. I mean, just lying on the couch, watching stupid TV, taking naps, eating food,

going back to bed. Oh, it's like a day off from school. We have different home lives, you and I. I was frazzled awake. Yeah. Told that everyone's willing to go into work if we want to go into the studio today and everyone and lew and jacob already going uh so i had to deal with like immediately my first half hour was waking up and figuring i drove by the way oh sorry

context fyi i drove when ended up being 18 hours straight yesterday uh with two p breaks um it's nuts it's nuts yeah yeah it was nuts but i wouldn't my flight today would have been canceled also Yeah, you would have been stuck in Chicago, which is colder than Antarctica. Yeah, we got to go in tomorrow, though, to make it make sense. Or I should have just stayed in Chicago. Yeah. I still have to go do skanks tonight. Oh, God.

I have to go out and do skanks tonight still. But, yeah, so I woke up. I guess we figured out we weren't going in the studio, and then the rest of the day was poorly snowblowing and shoveling when the snowblower didn't work. Batteries die. Do you have two batteries? Three batteries.

You have three batteries and it died? Oh, because Christine, did you shovel at all, Christine? Yes, I shoveled. Oh, okay. I did the stairs. Jay, you know what you got to get, and I've been doing research for you because you have a nice driveway, but it's not a better slave than Christine? Yeah, a better slave than Christine.

You have to get two more slaves. You have to just, when you get you. get the cash. I know you just spent a lot heated driveway. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. You go in your garage, you flick a switch, and then that's it. And your driveway is dry, and your driveway is, you don't have to shovel again. Do you have this? I can't get it because my driveway is long.

I have a long driveway. Why did you just sell that so hard? Well, because you have the perfect driveway. Sort of like you were sitting in the lap of luxury watching it happen as we speak. You have a, you have the driveway that can do it. But I've done a lot of research on it because I was thinking about it. But they would have to rip up all my blacktop and my driveway is huge. It's so long.

You have a nice, you have a fat, short driveway. Yeah, but it's all that brick. You can't do it with the brick. Yeah, it's easier with the brick. You pull the brick up and you just put the brick back down, kid. Is that all? Yeah, if they pick the brick up, they put the heated things. underneath and then you they put some stuff in between the brick and you flick a switch the snow

oh snow's coming flip that's it and then you drive away things what you mean i'm just saying things that's what this show's about you say things yeah yeah but i mean like but you're saying it's so factually i'm pretty sure they don't just lift my bricks and put the thing and then slap the thing and then the in between you right now listen i didn't get into how you see black loose face while you were saying it i always see black loose face well i'm saying stuff it's the same face all the time Wabbledy dabbledy. Yeah, I'm telling you, I'm telling you right now. How is your weekend?

Fantastic. It's not that. I'll pay for it. I'm going to buy for it. If the Eagles go to the Super Bowl next year, I'll pay for your driveway. Oh, yeah. Well, don't worry about that. Oh, yeah.

You're also feeling good. Hey, I know. That drove me nuts, too. Bobby was outside. Wasn't even watching when his team went to the Super Bowl. She was doing something else. Yeah. Wasn't even paying attention to the game.

I know that because I called to inform him that they were going to the Super Bowl, it turns out. Here's the thing. This is what you know, I told you last week, I came clean on how I watched the game. Fans fan. I'm a fan fan. But the way I watch the game is I watch it on YouTube TV

and when it gets too intense, I pause it and I go do things. And then I come back and I watch it slowly. That way, it's just better for my anxiety. I watch it slowly. So at the end of the game, it was very... Your anxiety, what? You have zero emotional investment in this?

No, buddy. When we're going, you don't know me. A fan fan, when you, towards the end of the season, fan fans get very emotionally invested in the team. You understand? Right. Yeah. Right, right.

I do understand. When you have something to lose... Oh, wait, was that you doing the final day won? Yeah. Yeah. Let's go, pets. Hey, Melissa. That's what I did.

Can you name at this point? Can you name four players on the Patriots? Current players. What do you mean name four players? Yes. Don't look at that, but, ba, ba, bha, bha, don't type anything. Stop typing. Stop typing.

I'm watching you. First of all, you had to look at the bottom of your bifocals, motherfucker. I saw what you did. I looked at your head up. You look for your bifocals. What are you talking about? I'm not accepting your answer now. Why? Why don't you say my answer, dude?

Well, first we go, you're even talking, you're even talking, like, you do that talk, you talk, you talk, while you're looking for something. You go, I guess, you go. I won't even look at my screen. You go, you go, Drake, I'm closing my eyes. Drake, you're not closing your eyes. Okay. I don't know what to tell you that.

I can't. You know what I mean? Ask me tomorrow. Ask me tomorrow when you, I'm in studio. What a born cheater. Listen, you, I felt. I felt, I'm doing the look when you go like this. I was trying to

You're really having to focus on the screen I had the nice I was in Chicago this week And you were in Sarasota, yeah? No I was in, I was only in Poughkeepsie, man I was 48 minutes away from my house Oh right, right, right

One show Friday Nice Yeah I think I have four shows Two shows. I'm in West Nyack this weekend. No, I had three shows on Saturday this week. I started comedy at 3 p.m.

On Saturday. Was it sold out? It was close. Yeah. But the other ones were, but yeah, Friday. So I did two Friday, three Saturday. They canceled my flight Saturday afternoon. They had already canceled it.

I know they're going to keep canceling flights. O'Hare, of course. I was in the worst place. for this kind of thing. So I was running a car, and me and Dylan drove back, which seemed, you know, I'm like, that'll be all right. Mapping it, it's 12 hours.

You know, we could probably make it in 12 hours if you'd be able to go a little faster, you know, sometimes minimal breaks. Dylan's good to not take breaks and muscle through with me. Then what happened was the weather there, which was not supposed to be the case, started getting bad immediately.

So we were never driving. anywhere even approaching the speed limit. And the second we got in the car, Dylan had to start dealing with some personal issues he had at home, and he was in his phone for the entire 18 hours. Oh, shit. Oh, God, I would have rather been in the fucking car with my aunt Peggy.

And I said, I'm obviously, you had to deal with something, but, like, it's a... Oh, you got to listen to it. No, no, no, no, no. All text. Oh, he's a... I forgot he's a young kid. They all text. They talk 100% text

They go through text They problem text No it was like a real thing You had to deal with I'm not like I had no issue With doing over it It was just that was the luck of the draw As soon as we get in the car

It's like a thing That's going to be his thing all day Oh Jesus Christ So you didn't have anybody to Just go into crazy mode Talk mode Go through the millions And

I listened to like four Standups Three stand-up specials Who Hours of Howard Stern some old Ron and Fez. Whose stand-up special did you listen to, Killbox? No, I did Todd Glass.

That's a good one. Then you did Just a Tip by Bob Kelly? I did a Tony Roberts. Tony Roberts is good. Then you went right to live from the Village Underground, Bobby Kay. No. We did, oh, I systematically walked him through all my specials. Oh, that's cool.

Joke by joke, and I explained him like a little, like, you know, a little story behind each one. Oh, that's fun behind the scenes with Big J. O'Cas. But then right after that, you went to Robert Kelly Live from Houston Laugh Stop. No, then we had a, we called it, we called it an hour of silence where it was just deafening silence completely, just the sound of the windshield wipers. Oh. It was a treacherous drive. Crazy how long that's, 18 hours, dude.

I didn't see that coming. Well, did you even consider that you're going to be driving through the storm? No. I mean, I sort of, yeah, sort of. Why would you? But when I looked at the trace of the storm, like how it was going. Like, everything's going like it's going like it's going to be everything these places like four inches. Again, when we grew up, Bobby, I know you have to remember this in Boston.

Snow storms were like 26 inches and shit. It was before we ruined the planet. I guess that maybe it's what it is. And everyone's just used to now not being like that because I feel like the way everything shuts down now for this. My problem yesterday, most of the trip, and I was driving very safe. Right. When it was like the roads were like snow covered and stuff like that, I was going slow, very slow. And being very careful.

When the roads were not very bad, though, but it's just kind of bad weather out. Yeah. People still driving extremely slow. And there's only one lane basically open on these things because you have to get the one that has the tire tracks. Yeah. And you got to get, you got to, did you run into salt trucks, which is the worst? Salt trucks, you got to go behind them slow for a little while. I think.

Then, you know, it would be like 70 miles per hour pretty much at the speed limit, the whole way. And then they made almost every one of those states would have start flashing a sign saying statewide 35 mile an hour speed limit on all roads. No, I didn't do that at all. But, I mean, it doesn't matter if it says it's going to take you 12 hours at 70 miles per hour the whole way, when your speed is alternating between like 40 something and like 60 you're cutting you're adding hours upon hours yeah hours was there any time when you wanted to quit no no didn't want to quit no it didn't want to quit no it was actually like my energy was up on it like the whole time like I wasn't like uh fading at any point or nothing like I wasn't like uh I got to get out of this car freaking out we stopped at a truck stop and I got uh

a lower lumbar pillow. Oh, wow. What's up? Went to Arby's for a quick lunch at that truck stop. And then got back on the road many, many hours later. One in the morning. We started driving at 10 a.m. Truck stops.

About 9.30. Truck stops when you're in that, when you're doing a really bad road gig, it's almost like Disneyland. It's just like you go in and there's so much shit to just... Oh, yeah. I almost bought a thousand things. I'm like, oh, wow, a car ashtray.

I'm like, what do I need that for? I'm not going to put a butts out my ass tray. You get a CB radio. Yeah. Yeah, I almost got a super like, like all kinds of doodads on it, seat cushion thing. But then I just ended up going with the ass, the ass padding. Yeah. You buy chicken knuckles.

Yeah. Yeah. And then went sat down for some Arby's. All these. places are pump your own gas of course it's uh you know it's anywhere from negative like 11 in places we were at to like 15 degrees

but we went to arby's uh Dylan uh never had arby's didn't want to try he didn't he was turned off to the idea of arby's had it semi enjoyed it i wouldn't say he loved it i think he liked it uh 1 a m we're driving around we're looking that we know we got to get some fast food again

Burger King closed McDonald's closed Wendy's that's the best option Closed What's the only place open 24 hours In that part of the country I guess Arby's again

So I also had to have Arby's twice Arby's I know you love it But I hate it I hate it You don't hate it you're just being contrary I hate it You know I just was in Florida One of these times

And I was like let me go to Arby's Let me try this again Maybe maybe I was wrong You are Is gabage. Look, I came up, I came up on Mike's roast beef. Mike's roast beef compared to Arby's roast beef. You didn't grow up on that.

I did grow up on it. What are you talking about? I grew up in Boston. You and your friends were out there having malts, snapping your fingers outside of your tea birds. First of all, it's not a malt. You frable, what's it called? Brumbleau.

It's between a shake and a malt, okay? You got what's called a shalt? No. A make? We grew up with Kelly's roast beef and Mike's roast beef, the two places you went. And Arby's was garbage. It's not even like meat. It's like, it's like, you know, like Applebee's steak.

It's steak technically, but it's like when you buy it. It's a steak technically. It's not. It's not a good cut. It's not a good cut of steak maybe or all that, but it's steak. Arby's is hydrated roast beef. It's like they wet it and then re-cook it. It's gross.

Is there a way to see a video of the process of Barbie's roast beef? I bet they cook a roast beef and slice it. Christine is in charge of videos. Whip it up, Christine. We'll talk for the next 30 minutes. We'll cut 30 minutes into this. I got all my buttons. I would like the listeners to know that those bad drops are from Bobby, not from me.

He's just willy-nilly with the applause and the DJ horn. What does that mean? Why are you doing that? I'm applauding you. Okay. I don't have any of that stuff. But I should like. That is a bandit.

Smoking the bandit. You want a DJ battle, Bob? Because I'll fucking battle. You keep talking. I got to barbecue your ass if I let's. Take that. Take that. Take that.

I quit. I quit. I quit. I don't like that. You have me. Jay's on the phone. You're dueling Hey Melissa's. Hey Melissa.

You want Hey Melissa? Hey, Melissa. Mine's better. Why? Because it's you. Hey, Melissa. You're the mama bear of the jerk off party. Jay, who are you calling right now?

I'm doing my sound effects. Yeah. I couldn't think of anything too fast, so I just did some fart sounds. Fart sounds. That's the best. Oh, it's gross. Look at it. It's like gray.

It's, ugh. Roast beef should be, like, dark on the edges and then pink in the middle. Pre-packed in vacuum-sealed bags with basting broth. Oh. Okay. What's a basting broth? It's not pre-sliced. It's pre-packed.

Yeah. Like a roast beef you buy in the fucking store. Basting broth, shipped frozen, and slow-cooked in the restaurant for three to four hours. Buh. It's disgusting. It's gross. Look it, man. To Ich's own.

You like that. I hate it. I think it's garbage. Beef spends long time in the liquid marinating it, preventing it from drying out, ensuring the flavor gets absorbed deep in the meat. According to several redditors who claim to have worked at Arby's, the beef is a compressed block made from smaller chunks rather than a single cut of steak.

The block arrives frozen to outlets in a bag containing the basting liquid. When it's first thawed and a... cooler before being put into the oven to roast for over three hours. You shouldn't be based. Bobby, Bobby, whatever it's made of, dude, they're roasting it for over three hours. Buddy, you're not supposed to, you get a roast beef, you put it in the, you put all your stuff on it, you cook it, you eat it. You don't bast it for hours and it's basing in that for its life.

That's like the stuff they put the humans in the matrix. It's disgusting. It's not what they put the people in the matrix. It's like it. You're just being contrary. I'm being a contrarian. You're being a contrarian. I like that.

Congrats on that. Thank you. I like that. Thank you. Whoops. Oh, boy. Jay, well, 18 hours in the car and eating rose beef, what's the... Hang on, I was a little bit late for this for Bobby.

Good. Oh. Nope. You can do it. Nothing. Nothing. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bump. You.

bum bum bum bum bump you can we guys didn't hear that fart we didn't hear it is that a robot fart this does sound like a robot fart it's just the same but you did hear at that time barely yeah it was garbled maybe i'm doing it too close maybe i need to keep my farts further from the microphone that's your auto tuner beat that bitch oh wow i don't got one of those i'm certain i'm certain i have the technology sitting in front of me here to do all of these things you do i've got all these little things i don't know this is a thing this does something this has little things on it press them push your button uh let's see bobby become a chick monk chipmunk a chipmunk a chipmunk it just it just it put a

exclamation point like i did something wrong when i pushed it there we go hey what's going on everybody that's fine all right hang on bobby vamp for a second because i would i want to do the only other thing i can do okay well you do actually fart into the microphone um you guys while he's gone please raise your hand if you think arby's is good rose beef it's trash just right it's all right we got one it's good i mean I was Arby's I'm going to ask the question again so it's going to be easier is Arby's good roast beef as far as fast food it's not bad that's not what I'm asking that's not what I'm asked that's a different question Lou I was raised on Roy Rogers remember that okay I'd take that over Arby's roast beef no Arby's Wendy's McDonald's Burger King it's not Arby's Mike Sir Kelly's or the like the place we went in Philly that's delicious it's like that's not the category it's always gonna bring up Philly you're ready always has to be well we're We went to that great place. De Nix. Great.

That's pork. What? The next is pork. No, it's roast beef. You're thinking about Tony Luke's. No, you're thinking about Nix, Christine roast beef, and De Nix is not roast beef. Thank you. Sandwich place.

And let me tell you something. Are you guys looking at me? We're all looking at me. We're all looking at here first. Oh, shit. Oh, man. I'm Big J. And this is the news.

First of all. People, a lot of people. A lot of people think We're going over to Bobby live Bobby's going live on our action cam Bobby what do you got? What's going on, everybody? How are you?

I'm out here in the Westchester area. We got around two feet of snow. Back to you, Jay, in the studio. Okay, thank you, Bobby. That's Bobby out there. He's out there, patting the pavement, doing the hard work while we're sitting back up here in the studios.

Okay, now, what else is going on in the news? Well, the Patriots won, and they're headed to the Super Bowl yet again the 10th time in almost 20 seasons. That's crazy. Jay, let me say something. The other camera is so much cooler. I love that.

That other angle is that. That angle is the shit, dude. Yeah, but I can't see you guys. Oh, you can't see it. You got to put that computer, get a little monitor over on this side. A little monitor. I think my studio might suck.

No, your studio's insane. It looks beautiful. That shot with the background. But yeah, it's just done wrong. But who cares? That's all right. How great is it you can... Are you smoking?

I mean, yes. Oh, that's great. You can smoke inside on the show. Not cigarettes. This is dangerous. Not cigarettes. I can smoke cigarettes in the show. I'm going to let up a bat.

Right in your house? Tells me to put it out. I'm going to hit her live on air. You smoke a cigar in the house. Good for you. I'm sorry, Jake. You had a question. 18 hours in the car.

You had some questions as a professional CEO driver now? No, you stop to duty or do you hold it in the whole time? No, no, no, no road pooping at all. 18 hours, you're holding it in. Well, no, I mean, I shipped where I left. Yeah, plus he's on Monjaro. That thing clogs up your asshole really good. You can do a lot of road gigs on that.

I guess it also just shuts. Just also the idea of driving that long, you probably, somewhere inside just says shut down until I get home? Maybe. I was like shaking when I laid down to go to bed last night. Oh my God. Like you get that like, well it's like that, you're going to tour bus legs when I went on those tours.

When your body's moving like that, even though you don't feel like you're moving, if you're moving like that, when you stop, it's like your body still like rattling. It was pretty weird. Man, that relief when you walked in the house must have been amazing. Well, so what I had to do is actually worse than you'd think. so everything got canceled. I went to go get the car so I could leave early the day before. Christine said a reservation for me,

and it was in the lobby of the hotel. And the reservation was for one o'clock. I was down there about like 1.15 or so to go get it, like, you know, pulled out of the lot or whatever. And they go, they were like closed completely. And it said they closed at 1 o'clock, which is when I was told to pick up the car to begin with. So it would have been closed when I went down there

if I went down there right on time. So like that's frustrating. And then you know... So you got to the place and it was just closed? It was in the lobby of the hotel, thank God. I didn't know that. I started to call an Uber for the address that was sent. And then I was like, oh, I'm at it.

It was in the hotel. So we went... So, yeah, so we didn't leave for anything. But I mean, the weather was. was insane. The kind of cold it was was, first night I was there with wind chilled, negative 30. Jesus Christ, damn.

Yeah, everyone was like talking about. It was like a thing and everything. Did you bring this in your head? They actually let you smoke in the hotel. They were like, hey, listen, we're waving. Everybody's at that. We've heard about you. You can do what you gotta do.

We don't want you to die. Yeah, they didn't want me to die. die. But I couldn't get the car. So now you have to wait. I can't even leave it like, you know, seven, eight in the morning if I wanted to like get an early jump because they don't open till nine. So anyway, so we get the car. He goes, all right, it's outside there. Buried in snow. Did they give you a shovel or anything? They gave you the, in the car, there's the thing, the snow brush. The little one, the little hand one? Yeah, the hand one. You had a hand one? Buried. Buried in snow. So, me and Dylan do it.

We both did it. Oh. But Dylan was very helpful in that regard also. I would have made Joe, Russell, and Danny just wiped the whole thing off with their stomachs and arms. Get to it. We treat people different, I guess. I'm not vamoing you.

You're 50 bucks unless you clean this car. 50 bucks. So, and we get going right away. See, right away, this car is like just fish-tailing. even a four-wheel drive a little bit. But I'm just like in the parking lot I'm saying it's so snow-dough. That's how much snow is on the ground.

The streets were substantially better, obviously. But we get going. The whole thing is when we get out there, when I drive home, what I have to do now is drive from Chicago past my house in Jersey by a lot to go to LaGuardia Airport off-site, off-site. So after the 18-hour,

we drive to the address that it says to return the car at which is not on site of LaGuardia so I got to figure I'm going to get over to my car at LaGuardia they uh when they when we get to the place it's closed there's a car

blocking the driveway they won't let you in to return the cars in very finally after about 10 minutes very small writing on a sign says after our drop-offs at this address the address is really small too. You have to literally squint to see it. It's about a half mile away.

So we go to this Avis to drop it off. We follow all the signs for car return. We do a full loop around the building, not one human being to be seen. Inside or outside. And anyway, we finally see somebody maybe refueling some of the cars. And we go, hey, where's the car return? He goes, go around the other way. There's a guy. There's a guy in a car. Just give him the keys. I did. But also the car return is in the very, very back of the unshoveled or plowed parking lot of the rental car place. So now I got to drag my, I'm wearing sneakers, by the way. I got to drag my bag that wheels happen to be lower than the snow.

Is this a check-in bag, too? The big one? Yeah, big bag. And Dylan and his big bag. my now obnoxiously heavy and uncomfortable coat a book bag that I can't wear with the coat because it's too

you know what I mean like the book bag straps are too small for that big big coat and so I'm carrying that stuff's falling in the snow my feet are just soaked the Uber to take me to LaGuardia and doing home to meet LaGuardia

and doing then home has to stop in the middle of the street because he can't and we're dragging the bags through like watery snow and shit to walk across a highway road almost it's empty thank God so we could the guy can put our stuff in his car and shit from like the back you know from the put in the trunk of the car then he goes he takes me to LaGuardia I get out I take the elevator up to go to the parking lot and I go you know what just want to go to the bathroom before I head to the parking lot

The bathroom upstairs in LaGuardia Terminal C is completely across the building I mean insanely across the building from the parking lot I'd say a two minute walk a two minute walk from the from where I was at by the parking lot

and then a guy and then I started getting me and this guy ended up being okay but I was almost looking at this point for a little thing this guy just goes he goes he goes hey my man bag chickens downstairs and I went okay he goes well you got your bag i go like yeah i go i'm going to the bathroom before i go to my car and he was like oh okay because i was going to say i know the runways or me and he started

kind of being like nicer and but like uh that was fine get in the car yeah and that was after all that i got in the car and then had to drive uh back to fucking jersey no no no Dylan stayed in the uber oh thank god and when continued on home that that's when that sounds like an episode of 1883 Yeah, few people died and dysentery. We lost a few. Yeah, dude. We lost a few people. This is like a Taylor Sheridan show, man.

No, we were like, what's that famous family? The daughter? Is that it? Yeah, dude, the, uh, this is, uh, this is the frontier. This is doing almost ate each other. Yeah, man, this is, this is nuts. I mean, that was the longest, that was the longest I've ever driven in my life by far. When she told me you're driving home, I just know that you're old,

comic brain let's just go where we just you know you rode dogs just get in the car and hit it we'll make it it was the right decision still it was a right decision but you've you've you've you've changed it's changed you it's not the same you didn't come in you know i mean you'll be changed forever i'm a little worse for the wear you'll be coming to this too hey lou pick the song i i got nothing yeah i don't give a shit you forgot all music all your trivia you don't know anything anymore Because you burnt it out on the ride home. I mean, I got home and literally passed out immediately on the couch. And then Christine woke me up to frazzle me about if we were going in or not when I thought we weren't.

And then 20 minutes after that, shoveling until we started, until literally 20 minutes before we started the show. You know, I got to say this, one of the first fight I ever got into with Don and the first time where I was like annoyed with her. is and I don't know why women don't know how to do this. They don't know how to wake people up right. She, I was, I slept over her house. She lived with her mom. I was up in her house on the beanbag. Just, I fell asleep up.

She had a beanbag. And I fell asleep and she woke me up. Hey, you got to go. You got to go. You got to go. And I woke up. My heart jumped out of my chest. That wasn't me.

And then. But we know. and i just and i go everybody knows i mean that was you but i mean there wasn't you and uh i was like i was like i had like 20 minutes like she had 20 minutes to get to where i had i was fine she like hey hey you got you got to get up and i was like woke up and i was like what the fuck i don't have a way i feel bad now but i was like don't ever wake me up like that again she's like you have to go i was like yeah that tone you have now use that tone don't you know oh you have to go yeah but you that you should have woke me up like

hey what's going on you hey bobby bobby i just want to be woken up hey hey you should have if i was waking up like jay hey jay hi honey i know i know you need to sleep i know i know i know hey babe i have some lunch ready few and I also have some I got your coffee from Starbucks if you want it there if you don't I understand but if there if you need it and also I don't know what's going on but I'd like to talk to you about the show they might they definitely will stay home today absolutely stay home they will we'll just do it from home you can stay home because I know you're tired I know you're a long time they'll definitely do but Lou they are going to they will go in too if you wanted to but I was like, no, he's going to stay home.

That ain't the energy over here. That's not the energy. That would have been great, right? No, it's like, it's like business. It's like, she's in producer mode. Hey, we got a, it's like, so everyone wants to know a call Bobby because he wants to know and everyone's going, and Lou is going in and Jacob is going in.

Oh, God. But Black Lou's not going in and everything, and then took a couple shots of Black Lou, being lazy, not going to work. Oh, my God. She didn't do that. That part's not true. I said I should have just made the call and not bothered him with it at all.

She should have just made the call completely. Yeah. But like, no, it's never going to be like, hey, blah, blah, blah, it's assistant with a clipboard energy on all things. Yeah, wives and wives and girlfriend. Dinner? What are we doing for dinner? Everything is the same thing. Dinner will be what, what and what?

Okay. Yeah. It's always like we're, it's a, it's a, a, a business decision that has to be made, or we're going to lose the account. Yes, we're going to lose a big account. Yeah, we're going to lose the big account. Hey, we're going to know now because they're going to walk. Heinz is going to walk.

Yeah, these guys aren't playing around. Yeah, they're not playing around, so we've got to know. I mean, just be gentle. Wake us up like you'd wake your girlfriend up. Hey, Rebecca. I, uh... Hey, Melissa. Hey.

Was that Bobby himself? Yeah, it's Bobby doing a great drop on his. on. That was pretty goddamn good, Bobby. That's going to get you one loud, wet fart. If you can get on it. Hang on a second. We're going to get you a roadcaster.

No, man. We're good. Nothing. Nothing. You're not hearing any of these. No. None of those. Not a one.

No. How is that possible? No. But I'll. pump everybody up. What's up everybody? It's the bonfire. This one.

Go ahead, do it again. No, it's the way Zoom interprets sound. We got it. We didn't get it. Is it on... Do you hear what I'm making noises? Yeah, we hear you. Really?

Yeah. It's louder than me right next to me. Nope. Can't hear it. Hey, try it again. Put it right up to the mic. Ready? Are you guys?

kidding? No, we're not kidding. We can't hear the thing you're doing. We're all doing this so you freak out. We want to make you snap. Do you hear me knocking on the table? No. No. Okay. Maybe I have a weird, good or terrible mic. It's amazing, Mike. It's not picking up any of the sounds. So you can fart away, kid. It's a good mic that doesn't pick up sounds. Well, only picks up your voice is that's all we need. It's a zoom setting and your voice sounds great. Yeah, you got to get some stuff. I got to change my Zoom setting to be able to have ambient sound. Yeah, it's in a Zoom setting.

It's a musician. Bobby wants to do a morning zoo out of his house so bad. I do, I do. Go ahead. Let's up, everybody. It's Bobby K and Big J. That rhymes, and that's us all the time.

Give it up. The snowstorm's over. Well, we're out there in the streets. Shevlin's done. Am I jealous of the guys who have the old heated driveway? My neighbor, what a guy. Anyways.

you go and uh both kids died in the accident now moving on to local news I uh do you see my local news turn there Jacob moving on the local news if you don't think I'm getting that

I want that so bad that looks so good you need a whole other camera I know I do I have three cameras here I just didn't set it all up you get another camera camera. I'll get fucking my fart noises into the program. And then we'll, we probably never have to leave our basements ever again. Then we can actually be in cool studio, a really nice studio.

We can make a good studio. And look at us with film right now. It's nuts. This could go live to YouTube the next day. We could actually get the show popular. If we had one more person on the Zoom, the equipment at Series XM would just start sparking and exploding. It can't handle. It's overloaded. I just Smoked half of a cigarette Only what I could describe is I think are deadly icicles That are going to fall and kill someone for sure

From my house Yeah they're dripping They keep freezing my trash can shut It's a treacherous icy walk Right outside the door And it's just dripping icicles Do you have salt? Did you get salt? Yeah

Salt that sucker Jay I throw more salt down Yeah Can I just well I'm sure everyone. How many deaths the year from icicles? Here we go.

Here's his manly advice from Jacob. Go ahead, Jacob. No advice. A compliment. I wanted to just say that we all saw you perform at Madison Square Garden on Thursday and you absolutely murdered. Oh, thank you. It was such a pleasure to unbelievable seeing you in the entire arena.

That whole arena is just packed. He just came out and murdered. Everyone was great. Oh yeah, that was fun. What a fun night, man. Shane, really, he took care of everybody this weekend. Put everybody on. What do you mean?

He put everybody on. Who's on the show? Well, I know only one person that's been on the show because he's posting it like he did Madison Square Garden. Who? Rich Voss. I mean, he has like five different shots of him just in front of 20,000 people. I think my side posted one reluctantly.

I think it went all behind my back. it's because you don't want you don't want it out there because it's not your show right not my show yeah no no no i wanted like i'm happy to come tell the thing i'm so proud of shame and stuff like i mean like yeah i keep posting like look at me go like i was asked by somebody who can do that it's not my thing um but what a sweet thing to get to do i mean wow um and more importantly bobby yes sir i may have that may went a little too far by the end oh no but i may have unblown it and be acquaintances with Cooper dejean who black lou you got excited for me who's that thank you he's one of the two Philadelphia Eagles that if you recall back in Iowa

I told you the story where I gave him the I kept going and they weren't hearing me and then they turned away and just kept walking yeah but he has since followed me on social media but I thought that was a little bit of Dylan like wizardry. But then when we were going into the garden, we got an elevator and he was in the elevator with us. And he looked at me and went, hey, man. And I was like, okay, I was like, okay, don't don't whiff, because I swear to you, everything in me.

Everything in me. Everything in me. Nope. No, no, no. My thing is always like, let me remind you, dude, because I'm like, I want to make them laugh and then seem normal. So my normal, so my normal is going like hey dude i'm normal remember last time i didn't know what to say so i was when you guys were walking out i was i was going to tell them the whole story in my mind in a packed elevator by the way that's not normal uh i didn't do it good i didn't do it at all and then when i saw Shane in the green room i went up so i go dude i think i may have done good with uh cooper dejean for the

first time and he went i swear he got he goes oh coops here i went dude suck my dick yeah i saw him in the I know if you're fuck off. Because of Coop's. Oh, is Bobby De Niro in the house? Buddy, you should have went up, what's up, Coops? I saw the interaction take place. In fact, Jay, I didn't know. I watched all the games, but I don't know who he is

because he's always wearing the helmet. So I know the player. I just never put the face to it. He looks like he's two years older than Max. He's got such a baby face. He is exactly. Isabella's age. He's so young looking, though.

And, I mean, he's just to be that talented and that young. And he looks like a boy. But, yeah, Jay went up to him and I watched it. Well, so he did well. Well, that was before the show in the elevator when I saw him and everything. And then when I got off stage, I guess they were going somewhere else to sit and watch the rest of the show. And he walked by the green room, peaked his head back again.

He was like, dude, it's a great job, man. And I was like, nice. Then I'm feeling loose. So when everyone's backstage after the show, for the few minutes I'm backstage, I go, with Isabelle, everybody. I'm like, guys want to like meet Cooper DeGine. He's probably ready to meet everybody in my life now. You call them Coops, though?

You go, you guys want to meet Coops? I did not. I went over to him, and he goes, hey. I go, hey, man, I go, before I leave here, man, I just wanted to, is it cool if I introduce you as my daughter and Jake, right? Didn't I introduce you, Jacob? No, I didn't want to. I laid back.

I laid back. Isabella Christine Carla She should have called Jacob your agent Isabel's roommate We went over there And then he turned around And shook hands at everybody And then we were just in a circle

And now I don't know what exactly to do And I started to go I started to go haywire And then I left I sandbagged Isabella real quick And then I was like All right I gave my hug and I left Because I just know what I was like

Isabella I was telling Isabella It was funny when we were watching the Super Bowl And you got to pick six on your 22nd birthday. I'm like, she's also 22. I looked over to her right away like, what have you accomplished her 22 years old? And then we ought to have a little laugh at when I was like,

well, I don't know what I'm doing. Let's get out of here. And then we left. He just fucking trashed your daughter. Trash your daughter. She hasn't done shit like you at 20 at your age. You did excuse yourself like at a good time. And then we're still in the room.

I was like, we have to get the fuck out of this room now. I was like, we need to like keep going right now. It was a perfect amount of time. And then Shane was going to call him back over again. I was like, I was like, well, it's funny because when I did the shows with Shane,

the, his green room is dead. It's quiet. It's just the comics. I love it. It's just us. There's a video game thing. There's a few snacks.

Chicken fingers. It's very simple. You know, like. After the show, it gets intense. But after the show, it just fills up with, and you could feel the energy

from these people that they're somebody. Yep. Well, because they're also strange somebody. That's what I'm, so you forget, everybody knows the celebrities, you're excited to have the celebrities back there, but there's three celebrities back there at a big thing. You know, a handful of celebrities. What there's mostly back there is the sports agent for the biggest athletes.

That's what happens to me is I wind up picking the wrong. I wound up talking to somebody's uncle thinking there's somebody for 20 minutes. And I'm like, hey, man, and then I, what do you do? I'm his uncle. I'm like, oh, my gosh, shit. I just blew 20 minutes of convoy time with Uncle fucking Jeb. True to my energy, though, and Isabella's. I'm also very proud of her.

At one point, we were staying in the hallway, and Josh Hart from the Knicks, and his chick walked by and, like, kind of gave a little nod, and I just was like, and then he walked by, and I was behind him doing this. We don't want to meet no fucking Knicks, dude. Be it. Get out of your Josh Hart. I'm not Shane dude I'm not meeting everybody

and being nice I don't have to I don't want to fucking New York Knicks I get so I don't know why I get nervous around sports guys I don't get nervous

because they're boys and they can kill you like when we do the Leary thing every year it's packed with Bruins it's because you know Patriots and Red Sox

I think genuinely it's because like you don't feel like you're you know two yeses and just like a twat hair away from like being an actor that's like well you understand that side of it you've been

in things you've seen the you know what's behind what's being filmed when something's being filmed you know i mean it doesn't seem that far away from you you are so millions of miles away as am i from professional athletics i was never close to it i was never pushing at the end of it i was never like if i just would have done a little more this there was nothing i know like like possible competitive skill level in a sport outside of street stuff you know what I mean there's something physical there's such physical

difference between an athlete and me you know just their height their body just the way they walk it's just like yeah the big huge fat dicks he did kind of look like they're like real life Superman

they're just physically better you could tell he's just he's got skills like 1.1.1 percent of the population has so it's a chest up confidence that yeah they actually have is what it is they're very like they know they're elite man there's only you know there's a fucking billions of people in the world dude and there's fucking but you really you can't hundreds of football players you can't be a fan fan either like like burr when we do the the the garden thing together with leary he knows

all the guys and he knows how to just go up and hey fucking and just talk because they know him they They know, dude. That's what hurts. They know him. I killed so hard at that thing. And it doesn't matter. They want nothing to do with me. Look, I love Cam Neely.

They give you a good job. They give you like a good job, man. Good job. Good job. Now, Cam Neely's son. Cam Neely's son, I can talk to. I smoke cigars with them. I'll shoot the shit with them.

But who gives a shit? I think that's it, dude. Guys, I'll be back on at 11 to the description. drive who gives a shit was Bob Kelly. Yeah, it's so uncomfortably around athletes, man. They're just different humans. I hate it. I hate it.

I mean, the last one I did with Shane, it filled up with, and it was college athletes and like NFL. That's even harder. You're like a college. Fuck it. I don't know anything, dude. They're all millionaires now. I want to talk to one guy.

like an hour and I was like oh cool and then he wanted to be in a coach at a high school and he was like dude man you know you're great you should come and talk to my players and I was like huh he's like dude you got to come down and you got to motivate my players I really think you know your story because I told him my whole life because he had that you know I'm a professional athlete guy and we we we wound up talking and then he's like he still calls me he wants to fly me down and go into the I don't I can't go I don't know what a hook pattern is I don't I'm a fan fan I don't don't go I'd have to go I'd have to like you know the part's great at that Bert's great at that getting in there and friend them right away Shane's great at

I'm so fucking bad at do they have to like they almost have to want a friendship with me Sal is a good example John Popper was a good example like they pursued like hey I'd like to come hang out of the thing I was like oh you would yeah do you Christine the first time Sal came over I was almost like mad at her I'm like he's gonna think this place is a piece of shit Like we live in the village He's gonna come in here and think our snacks are fucking shitty Our snacks are great we live in the coolest neighborhood Manhattan

You do I'll tell you what you guys do What you lack in the apartment? You really made up for it snacks and shakouthery baby You guys it was my first time in your apartment was great We never made your way to the East Village one though No I was never in invited. Really? Nope. Never invited. We didn't really do part. You couldn't have had a part. Yeah, there was like you have had like two people there most. It would have been inviting you over to watch television. There's nothing else you could have done there. I like television. I was never invited.

Oh, crickets. Bobby wanted to be invited and then you heard crickets. I was never invited. No, I never got the old invite told the fingerless mittens party. The old invite. Nope. Never got. I think it's so funny. It's so, like, classy to me also. Like, Shane's rider is so, I mean, it's the same everywhere we go. It's like hummus, chicken fingers. Chicken fingers.

It's hummus and chicken fingers. And then, like, you know, whatever, like, you know, chips and dips. Like, there's no, they'll do whatever. And then at the end of it, like, you know, some pizzas for the crew and stuff. It's simple. I love it. No, me too. I think that's fucking great.

I mean, he could literally go, like, you know, whatever steakhouse is sending over stuff you know i mean you do whatever he wants i love that it's so simple and there's no pre hey we're gonna meet for a dinner or we're going to this place like we've been invited he doesn't do what we can he'll do what we can he goes he goes hey i'm gonna go if anybody wants to run yeah it's like there's no big invite that you have to go to there's no bullshit you have to do just show up god bless him too he's filming tire season three and then fucking yeah uh running up here to do three sold that shows but I'm saying he did hook up everybody Santino my show was Santino wow McCusker both killed McCusker brought me up I had the odd it was so awesome I got to bring up

Colin that's fucking Quinn I don't know if I've done that I don't know if I've done that since I was in my early 20s of the seller my mid 20s yeah bring up Colin that's great he was awesome was he busts the balls backstage was he yeah yeah yeah yeah he doesn't give a what did he say he said something about me funny when I was great he must first got on stage i forget you call me like something santino sentino is one of the funniest guy i mean he is hilarious dude yeah he is just laser sharp man i love watching santino sharp good joke great the storytelling is his case is just good too he's got a great voice for mccusker's great um yeah dude

the show was like it was a fucking it was great big july i do like that This weekend, the 30th and the 31st. I might pop by one of those nights, probably Saturday night. After that, he's going to be in Dania Beach, Fort Worth, Nashville for tickets and all the tour dates. Go to bigjeecom, YouTube.com slash at big J. O'Kerson. And Bobby Kelly, oh, sorry.

Bobby Kelly's going to be at Comedy Works South in Colorado, February 5th through the 7th. Such a fun club. After a day, he's going to be in Columbus, Ohio, Batavia, Illinois, and the Comics Roadhouse in Connecticut for 10. tickets and all their tour dates. Visit punchup. That's one of the first gigs I ever did with you, Bobby, was Mohegan someone first opened.

Brand new hotel. That's when I got the flu and you kept the window open on the way home because you got to smoke, you piece of shit. Well, I remembered it as a good time with a new friend, but okay. Punchup. That live slash Robert Kelly. And of course, it's YouTube channel, YouTube.com slash that Robert Kelly comedy. And every Tuesday night, Fat Black Pusket Lounge comedy, so.

We'll catch you tomorrow back from studio, I think. Back in the crappy studio. No.