The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - I Am Shauna Rae

Episode Date: January 28, 2022

There's a new TLC show called I Am Shauna Rae and the guys just love it!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

Hey, I'm Big J. Okreson. And I'm Dan Soder and welcome to the Bond Fire Podcast. Yeah, it's a podcast and it's also a radio show. You can hear our full show every day on Series XM. Go to series6M.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now, the Bond Fire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. Well, Sean O. Camper tweeted us this link for a TLC show, which you know if it's on TLC, it's gonna be fucking crazy.

Well, somebody's gonna have too many or too few joints. Yeah, it's all about, yeah. It's all about your GLCs. He's always been making a jingly, jangly human being the LaFat. Whenever there's a, whenever there's a genome mishap, TLC comes in and they're like, we'll do a whole show about them.

Yeah, I mean, you might as well fuck a cousin if you want to make a TLC star. Seriously, first two, make it your first. Make it your first. I want it to be, I want it to be your aunt's kid. Yeah, do it. Your mom, your mom's sister or brother's kid. If you want a TLC show, make a kid with whoever you took a bath with when you were in those pictures. And your garbage enough, just coming them a few times, you're fertile. Yeah, don't worry. Don't worry. And then get ready to collect a check from TLC from the learning channel. Get that little gimp on screen and I'm telling you, call whatever you want.

Oh, survival of the roach boy. Oh yeah, watch him fight to get into a lazy boy. He's got six arms. Yeah, no legs. You're gonna watch how he feeds. We're gonna make money off it. Oh, look at it, slurp it. That's a slurp everything. How does this thing get up in the morning? I don't know, we'll Oh, look at it slurping. It's a slurp, everything.

How's this thing get up in the morning? I don't know, we'll throw some cameras on it and find out. As you find out, we have to zap it alive every day. We're like, it's dead every morning. It's gee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee- like this right here is the stumpy boy you think that an arm can only have one elbow but what if I told you this boy had two knees in his arm and one elbow in his legs. He's a little wiggly numbs. Well this woman is in the thanks Sean for tweeting this because I watched this clip and I immediately was like I can't wait to show this to Jay. This TLC show is about a woman who's 22 years old and she stuck in the body of an eight year old. Oh.

If you were to look at me, you would think I'm just a normal little girl, doing normal little girl things with my fun crazy family. I can't go clue what later is. Because you're supposed to sit up. I am sitting here. She looks like a little girl. Here's the thing.

She doesn't look like a dwarf. She doesn't look like a midget. She looks like a child.. Here's the thing. She doesn't look like a dwarf. She doesn't look like a midget She or she looks like a child. I said, wow. There's definitely some maturity in her face more than like you know She has those weird sound garden black hole son eyes. Yes. She does. She drips eyes Black Sun She kind of looks like a child. I said sure I'm so excited. Wow. You get my head hooded. Yeah. She kinda looks like a child.

I said sure. You're supposed to sit up. I am sitting. You can't do this. You're supposed to sit up. But the truth is, I'm not a little girl. It's ripping. I'm a woman.

Rip and margaritas. I'm 22 year old woman. Stop in the body of an eight year old. So we can't have children at the bar. You're gonna get a tattoo. What, you? No. You couldn't. For sure now.

No. I would fuck all of them. Okay. Could you? Yes. No way, really? Good, I couldn't. I tell you right now, there would just be a moment where she would grab my winner

I'm like this is fucking okay. I would never feel bigger how you'd feel like a giant I could only but oh trick me off way tell me what song was number one the year you were born Yes, you can keep making your mind you. She's definitely child bills That was 99 I could only fuck my gun. Oh, yo, your birthday. Oh, you jack me. I could only fuck her as Andre the John You also time I'm so hard for you You can struggle me I'm the main McComb

You evil motherfucker You're a good kid. I'm bouncing. I'm bouncing bouncing castle. I'm gonna get a little kid, a bouncer. I'm bouncer bouncer castle. I'm gonna be a car, my penis, the bouncer castle. Oh, you'll stinker get out of here. Say what, you got monster calves. Dude, I know I'm jealous of them, but I'm full grown. Those things are fucking. Dude, I love this bartender, it's like, I got an album, I'm sweatshirt on,

and I ain't serving you little freak child. You little children to the corn Oh, man. I do want to see her drink dude. How hammered is She's the helium policy there is an age requirement. I'm 22 I hate The posit all these shows each reality quantum core reality Yeah, I have a real thing this is a real thing this girl's got this real issue But it's a clear set up. I fucking hate that's because they can't come in We're gonna come in and she's gonna ask for a tattoo and I want you gonna be like it's like oh my god It's like are you gonna let you instead just like we've told them already

Like they want to show you real reactions of her getting like turned down the world. There's a real reaction There's a rehearsed reaction that whole thing thing of like, sorry, we have an age restriction. And she's like, I'm a diva to the dolls. What, there's where you, where you use this girl. Now I just found her used to. Oh, pedophile stings. Yeah, that's why I brought this up. But the thing is, you can write this up.

The second I saw this, I was like, this woman was built to capture pedophile. But I mean, just like, you should never do it out in the street. You know what I mean? Because she is a true carrot. You could dangle in some of these perverts. She'll talk the way the Neteer or whatever it's all she says. I'm gonna suck your dick so hard.

I'm gonna spit all the whole to come through your dick hole. Oh fuck, you've talked mature. Okay, let's get out of here then. What the fuck? Where are your parents? I don't know. Yeah. I walked away.

I walked away from them. I mean, all yours. I just want to be used by you. You know, you're a lady of the lake. Make me your whore. Oh my god, my young child bride. I've been waiting for you. Go ahead.

What, Jacob? Imagine you're the guy seen making out with him. Oh my god, dude. Oh my god, dude. Just from a distance, you can still see. Hold her up under her armpits and kiss her well, dude now I didn't know this watching the trailer do spec. Yeah, no, I mean, oh an erotic She's just holding the back of your head. You got a holder up out of the elbows

Dude tossing her in a pool There's so much fun There's a lot of fun. You get a lot of your dude. Damn, fucking lunge girl, you wanna see me throw my girlfriend? Watch this. How about Daredevil sex, where you hold her in the air, doggie style over a pool?

Do you think we're not gonna be circused? And when you come, you just, you just get her off into the pool? Do you think I won't circus a lay fuck this lady? Yeah, that's all I'd wanna do. Just have her holding up on my hand, but also it's really sad when they're like, we found out she had brain cancer,

and that's why she stuck this way. Yeah, it is a bomber Doesn't make me not want to wear pussy like a CPAP mask though Dude I would just oh ever since that little girl's been sitting on my face and I have to stop snoring I get full eight hours wake up re energized. I would want her they call it true REM sleep I want her to stand on my hand and meet a lift Or else, yes, dude. I would definitely try cheer. I would try a lot of cheer How many needs to be top of the pyramid? Oh my god, okay?

I guess want to watch me throw her through the roof. I says Dude, I would have her hide in weird places like up here like a Typical man like up in the ceiling and then you guys wouldn't know Yeah, Rebecca's coming by I think there's no way forward wait for it or drop it I'd put it out I'd put her in little rat costumes I think when I was landed on my leg and for the same thing I know I'd overreact for sure yeah I did put the fun costumes you could put in her you could put her in a little like a Tannuki Mario I was set her up in so many

things I want to I wanted to just have people get caught cheating and then the thing is joke. The joke is like, the joke is like, you're cheating on me with a child and you go, nah, he's fucking around. He's 22, he's a good though. I just thought it'd be funny to see you freak out. Not only you're cheating on me,

but you're a pedophile, like, no, no, and it was all a setup. Even, even, even to set people up and be like, I want you to pretend you're actually my kid and then have like a crazy foul mouth. Oh, all exactly. Oh, shit. Then I have to be sexual.

Or, yeah, or just talk hypersexual and like act like I'm your father. Yeah, and I'm like, stop it. She goes, I'm sorry that I wanna get my snooze pounded. She's like, I don't know. It's just like, I think there's more nerve endings in the ass, you know what I mean? So I've been opening myself up. I love milking, man's just like, I think there's more nerve endings in the ass, you know what I mean? So I've been opening myself up.

I love milking, man. I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go,

I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go,

I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, South Park is always when butters becomes margaring. You know, if it gets death and then he comes into school and it's Mrs. Garrison and she is. Yeah, and he's like, so what do you like do? And he's like, you know, just girl stuff hanging

out on my friends, getting my snissies pounded. He goes, what girl doesn't love getting her snooch pound? Yeah. That's all I do on my feral eye. All right, let's keep watching this. She had brain cancer. Why is that make you tiny? My paternity gland was rendered almost dormant because of the chemotherapy.

The doctor told me I was done growing my bones refused and my height is 3 feet and 10 inches. I feel I guess almost guilty. Wow. That she will have to go through this for the rest of her life. I don't know. She's adorable. that she will have to go through this for the rest of her life. So I like it. She's adorable. Yeah, you know, I guess I'm pretty happy.

We saved a lot of money on clothes. Because she's been the same agent as the cancer. She ain't growing out of it. DJ Lou. You can bring the show down, Dan. Hey, I'm sorry, Jacob, that I skipped over this part to laugh at the other scenes. DJ Lou, do you do it?

I don't know. Let's get to know her a little more. What? I want to see if she's not. Black Lou? Black Lou? I'd also like to get to know her a little bit more. Yeah. Yeah.

She's only four inches shorter than you got. Maybe. No, no, no, no. She's not that crazy. Maybe she acts really adult with that voice, then we'll see. I don't know, that voice is tough to get through. I like. Are you about to come that voice is tough to get through. That's what I'd like. Are you about to come?

Yeah. Just finish on me. You have a towel? Even though I physically can't grow up, I desperately want to be treated like a grown-up. What are we going to say in your bio? My relationship status is single. I'm sleeping alone.

I attract creeps, a f***ing idiot. That's bad. I'm staring to put myself on the roof. No, never mind, man. She wouldn't like me. Oh, I didn't. All I want to get is guys that have a weird freaky finish

and want to f*** a child woman. Dude, how do you get that? Yeah, that's gonna be most of the responses Yeah, we're gonna get a regular guy He goes because oh you three pretend I didn't even notice your three-foot-toil. Oh, that's oh you tried to make your Old's body I didn't even notice a little little about me. I was a little crap lacrosse captain at Cornell Started my own equity fund and I'm doing pretty good. What's that? You're three-foot-toil and stuck inside the eight-year-old's body Where'd you go to school?

Yeah, why do you keep harping on that mess? I'm passed that okay with it. Can I ask you an honest question and promise you won't get mad? How excited is candy make you? It's a candy! I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. I knew you got all gazed up for Christmas. You want to glass a wine and we'll get some runs? Do you think that's how Santa got all of his elves? He just took kids with brain cancer who weren't gonna grow? I do hope she believes all the childlike things. Well I got to put the money under my pillowcase because the tooth fairy is coming. Jason if I don't bother him during this difficult time he's going through the bind a unicorn after.

There you go, that's the thing. He's gotta write this new special. That's not a problem. But then I get a unicorn. That's not actually. He said if I stop nagging him, he's gonna let me meet the Easter Bunny. That's a kindness suit.

What? Yeah. Yeah. It's you giving me a look at the bedroom. I'm gonna raise a rock. Christ almighty, why would you tell where there's no Easter Bunny or Santa Claus to be here? You just cost me my Sunday.

I want to watch playoff football. Now I'm gonna tell her that I would, the reason I was lying to her was the make a feel better. You Dan, you knew when I was dating a 30 year old, four year old that you weren't gonna fucking have to keep some things to yourself when you come home. Hey listen, when you come in the apartment

you're gonna see a lot of artwork on the fridge. I need you to act blown away by it. It's a lot of hand turkeys and a couple houses painted with the family. We're gonna take a quick break, come back, talk more, a little person, tiny lady, whatever you want to call her. We'll be right back to the bonfire. And now, back to the bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. What's everybody? Welcome back to the Bond Fire, Big J. Ocarson Dan Soder.

We're uh, talking little people. Talking big things little people. DLC on demand. Previously on I am Sean Array. So today I am going on a blind date. I am Sean. Oh my god. Is that what it is? Nope. Nope blind date. Oh my god. No, nope, nope, nope, sorry No, I don't like this at all

His black dude that's fucking mad that he met up. Yeah, it's literally his first words where I thought I was being pumped No, I don't like this dude. Why I don't know if it works out dude. He's gonna knock her fucking heart loose With his dick. Yeah, she's gonna be a cond it works out dude. He's gonna knock her fucking heart loose with his dick Yeah, she's gonna be a condom for other women. Yes exactly He's gonna put her on the fucking actual chick He goes hey interstellar I need you to go this way. Yeah, he was hey I can't see that far down my dick do me a favor person condom am I close to the pussy hole or the ducky hole? Oh, man, it's like beauty in the beast where everything's alive.

Oh, hey little condom person. Which hole am I going into here? He kind of like, she's like, you're still, it's like helping you park. She's like, you still got two inches. The girl you're fucking, the girl you're fucking is like, I'm not wet yet. He goes, person condom, do me a favor. She, Tee. Do your thing.

Tee. Tee. Oh done. Oh, what is this? What's going on? She's out. Do me favors you. Tee! Do your thing. Tee! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Oh, of course, hey child's play. Oh, are you done here? Hey, Brian a Chuckie I'm gonna date to an extra one content. She's the size of the axe. Yeah, you don't hand a warlock curse a fucking axe Apparently you've never seen leprechaun Apparently my man's over here has a sea leprechaun in the hood. Yo, homeboy Let me reference you to those local lepre, Leporcon and space, dude. You don't give a, you don't give a tiny thing like that,

a heavy ass axe. Let me dial you into a little movie called Pet Cemetery Gage Comes Back, and he does a lot of damage. She was partying to Pet Cemetery 30 years ago. Oh, wow, the daughter, I ain't gonna come back from that brain cancel. Dude, they went ax throw. I wanted to terrifying, I would just think

like when she cocks back with it It's coming at me tell you what I do take her to the front of a grocery store Pop a quarter and one of those rocket chips let her have the time of real life. Oh my god It's going too fast No shut up. You don't mean that it's scary for real Yes, I throw about two zimas in her to pop her It's like taking your bitch to the mat Dude trying to get her drunk when a date looks bet worse than fucking her

No, come on we're doing it so we drink and we drink and get hold of two hands like a gerbil water bottle It's so much fluid Here little burps Do the amount of random adorable shit she must do we should breeze out. It's like when Murdle does something here I go you hear her breathing on the pillow Oh, she just a little too All right, oh my god, you don't have a headache She a little tiny butt. I do desire more independence for my family because I can't go anywhere without them asking

I have to ride the dog anymore I'm gonna ride my dog to work. She goes, well for Christmas they gave me a dog saddle so that helps me stay on the golden retriever. Dude, how do you not ride a smaller animal if you're a fucking smaller person? I do. You should absolutely get a miniature horse and have that just fucking do. I'm gonna loss of so Dude ride a fucking a rockweiler. No, what's the

St. Bernard oh dude you don't have to ride side sound like it's a fucking glide Dale. Oh fucking like evil came to town Yeah, dude that'd be bad ass. I would ask you will say at night you can still see that woman child walking by on a St. Bernard do you throw in red contacts and then just at night ride your St. Bernard around the fucking neighborhood. You give it a lot of spook, dude. A lot of scares, a lot of creeps. Um, now this dad's over it. He's like, ah, this is my fucking big. He's just so fucking weird because I walk out of the bathroom and knee my daughter in the face every five seconds. Yeah crazy. Yeah, scared is to live with this thing

He goes that would be funny the parents get away from their Confessionals and they start telling all the bad news. She doesn't blink. It's crazy She never blinks and she had I haven't seen her sweat one time in her life You know, it's the thing that scares me is she's sleep standing up I haven't seen her sweat one time in her life. You know, the thing that scares me is she's sleep standing up. I'm on that room and... He does. Her eyes just roll back and you just stare at whites of her eyes for eight exact hours.

I asked the brain doctor. Is the other language we're hearing in other language and he told me it's Sanskrit, which has been dead for two thousand years. What's really funny, those watching someone that tiny dress in like going on a date like Let's see if she's closed. Yeah, yeah, cuz you're like dude. What a stylish mom you have It's a hard thing to go through because she does like she's got the shape Of a normal butt. You know she's not mission has a dwarf butt. No She's got a big ol' witch by the way shout out the dwarfs for having such donks, dude

Nick Novicki looks at you fucking smuggling ham If you're a little person you should be able to do that thing where you move one ass cheek at a time. I think if I open the tattoo shop, free, two cheek butterfly tattoos on your butts for midgets. Yeah, but you're right, she's got a regular body, she's got like a slender build. If you didn't see how big the door was to her, you'd be like, that's a cute chick. You're like, you live in a big ass house, huh? Yeah. Yeah, these doors are 75 feet tall. It's pretty crazy.

Question for Christine. Yes. Christine, so if legally, I mean, a guy can date her. She's 22, obviously. Dated judge a guy. You judge a guy because he really is still having sex with a girl with an eight year old vagina. No, no, that's a horrible way to put it. It's a body of an eight, it's an eight year old vagina. It's a 20 year old body. It's a 22 year old body. It's the size and build of an 80 year old. Jacob, when I buy, the body of an 80 year old. All right, Jacob, when I buy mini starbursts that come unwrapped.

Hate them. Why? I just think they taste purely like plastic to bed. I love them. I got into them this week. No. I mean, of course, you know a I'm a fucking rope spiked guy Yeah, but you're supposed to you gotta earn a burst. Oh by unwrapping it. Yeah, I can I can get that but I'm saying

When you well now I know she's completely blown up. I hit the can't not it's great. Let's say it's great Let's go and say it's not you're getting us you're getting the same candy. It's a smaller right? It's like a fun-size Hershey's You're getting the same candy, it's just smaller. Right, it's like a fun size Hershey's. I'll tell you where Hershey's bar is too much. Too much, I don't want to be, I mean, fucking squares are gonna break off. It's a fucking shitty product, that's cool.

It is, and I'm going through a very big, I'm going through a big three musketeers phase right now. You get a bad one, it's a yeah. I don't know why. You got a dried bar. You get one that dried up a little bit. Hate it. You gotta get a freshie, get one that dried up a little bit hate it You gotta get a freshy a fresh tree musketeers needs to be fresh a fluff love a fluff that are mounds

Mounds Rules mounds rule dude. I'm enjoying those many ones. It's beaded. I'll enjoy why I know I'm kidding I like just like dark chocolate, but I'll do either one, but nouns, I'll be like, nouns are great. Yeah. Louis, remember when Louis did that SNL, when he hosted SNL and he did the joke about pedophiles? It was very funny. Where he's like, being a pedophile has to be hard. I love nouns.

I want to eat them all the time. Someone told me they were illegal. I'd be like, I still kind of want to eat one. I was talking about pedophiles. And we were like, I just don't wanna fucking get out. We're just fine to girl like this. If you're a pedophile, this really probably could help a pedophile.

I know, here's the thing. I may have a completely different, as I'm looking at her. I'm like, I may have a completely different opinion if she gets naked in front of you. You just be like, it's very twin, twin pixie. It's weird, yeah. Well, that was a bad idea. I found about her body is like,

did she go through puberty? Does she have a period? Did she develop boobs? Does she get wet? Like, what's her body? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you're doing the bad reactions of doing good ones? I go, oh, yeah.

Christ, but I get what you're saying. Did she have, like, a... She has a bush, for sure. Did she have like a bush for sure? You think Kimok's okay or that? What? Who's having that conversation? That conversation with you. Keep on.

I have to put my foot down with my parents about doing more independent things. Dude, magic getting into an Uber. Her getting into an Uber and you're like, I'm sorry, can I help you She's like yeah, I'm gonna go right now. I'm gonna fuck this black guy after I do some extra on it's what? You gotta go to the liquor store Excuse me. Can you drive me I'm picking up heroin from my guy It's not for me. It's for my cousin, but it's the only way she gives me Molly

And then I'm gonna go tonight and we're gonna rage hard little girl Are you sure you should be doing this? It's like you know how every Uber You just have games on it. You guys always had one of those phones where you can just call your mom the cops in the fire department And then play your little sticky game and then play your snake play the snake Play the snakey games dude, I'm getting a Uber. It's just like, I'm here for Ashley. And you're like, yeah, ask what? What?

Are you looking at a rear view? What the fuck just closed and opened my door? That's down here. That's the footage I want to see. Not like, we don't let little kids in the car. You can't ride this by yourself. I mean, don't again. Yeah, no, you want the actual

over thing. No, we've done the windows. It was not one of those in an episode. That's how you know they're lying. If there's not one like, oh, fuck, we opened the window to reveal Nick Novicki for those girls we were seeing next to and they could see his knees through a car window standing up. They, they, it was just like confused like they, if they were out of the car They would have been walking into each other like that kind of thing was I don't we're supposed to be somewhere out They just like I don't know what to do. It was jarring Fuck them up. This lady's got to be fucking. It was funny Sam J does a thing interact about

Mejit she's like done anybody anybody here who today thought about a midget's life? We thought about like what's so tough for a midget or something like that? We're thought about a midget at all for that matter. And like the, no one said anything, she's like, you know, the point's like, see. And I was like, well, if you haven't thought about a midget today, all it means for sure is you haven't seen a midget.

Because if you see a midget, it's all you think about that day. You think about how you should have played the lottery. You thought about maybe you should make a different choice in your life. You thought about maybe fucking dragons are real. Yeah, I do know. Maybe you shouldn't have thrown away that monkey paw. Yeah, you think if you should ask like if I saw your riddle do I get something?

Yeah, is there a pot of gold coming? Yeah, the out of, therefore... They're gonna buy a house. And then they're gonna be like an addition. And that's where I'm gonna live. I don't know if I'm ready to let her go. But they're gonna be like an addition. And that's where I'm gonna live. I don't know. I'm ready to let her go. Go ahead.

She needs to be like, oh. No! You have to tell them, no! I'm working on my independence. People tell me I'm a fun truck. We're so much fun. So yet? Yeah!

You're natural. That's, uh. And I'm determined to make this year my year shine. I am Sean Array as the name of the show. I am Sean Array on TLC. You like hope she meets the guy that can get past it, but at the same time you're like any guy that would be attracted to her. It's a weirdo.

It's kind of weird. Like, that's why I asked. You have to have a boy. We're gonna judge them. Yeah, the guy will be judged. Yeah, what almost 100% it's she almost has to like it's the way that you ever see a very attractive woman with a man in a wheelchair that's not like not like is just like not quadriple not paraplegic like quadriplegic. Well, we're like what are you doing? We're around for. Yeah, you got a lot of money.

We should do that. You know when you see someone, when a guy moving around with a straw and a woman that's like a decent looking girl, it's like, yeah, it's my husband and I love him and you're like, okay. So anyway, I'll be right back guys, that's you go pull feces out of him.

Yeah, but you're like, what's the arrangement? Yeah, that's always the situation, we're like, what is the arrangement? I don't know. This one you'd have to be like, what's your weird thing? I don't think it's an arrangement. I think, no, I'm saying that your, a guy's gonna to be like, all right, what's your weird thing? I don't think it's an arrangement. I think no, I'm saying your we a guy's going to be weird

dating her. No, because here's the thing. If she does blind dates like that, she's doing blind dates and doesn't know where they just go. It's like she's a little, they say, or they just say she's a little person, right? Well, Jacob had a problem putting his height in the dating apps. Imagine if she did it, she put three foot 10, you'd be like, that's half you know, no one's upset that you're fucking dick's going to knock her in the forehead, dude. I went psyched about that part. She will get a lot of people wanting the novelty of it, though. That's the thing. Is the novelty of it.

What she has to do with two things, it seemed pretty evident here. You'd have to one, she has to go on blind dates, and then through personality and whatever, like get them to see Pam be like, you know what I do, she's like cute and like, it's funny. And like she's cool, you know what I mean?

Like she's super cool. Honestly, we do this thing called lava monster where I toss her around and it is a hoot. She's gonna have an easier time finding love in her like 30s or something than right now. This is a tough time for her, I'd say, being like 22. Because that's a very, when you're 20s, it's all about looks and shit.

You're very materialistic. I think it's a sh- She's not ugly at all, so it's not that much. But she's, it's not a freakishly tiny. Yeah. So, she's a pixie. And the thing is, if you're the guy who's gonna be with her, do not get shitty at the idea that every public place

you walk into, you're gonna have to be like, no, no, no, no, I thought it was crazy when I met her, but like her person, she just won me over. I don't even care anymore. I don't know if that doesn't even bother me anymore. And you always gotta make it like, you know what, shitty to her. You gotta say it doesn't bother me anymore.

Cause if you go, I was into it from the get-go, you were a pedophile. Yeah. You're a fucking pervert. If you see her and you go, I wanna fuck her because of all that. You're a piece of shit. When you walk You see her and you go, I wanna fuck her because of all that? Yeah. You're a piece of shit.

When you walk in the room and you go, well, who is this? Yes. Who is this? Amu's Bush. You just gotta be, tell people, I happen to be lucky that this child's an adult. I go, well, I found love in the appetizer section. I'm gonna dip this little bitch in cocky. I'll suck it right up. Yeah, where's my little fucking rangoon?

Where's my little crab rangoon? Where's my P on each shrimp at? Where you at? You're gonna have a lot of fun cute knick knits for her. Yeah, you're looking a little Swiss roll. Like, I'm stuck in a basement. Yes, you know what? I don't abuse her, but I do put her in wells like baby Jess

and just lower down if she's bad. Dude, you could hide the cookies from, but I do put her in wells like baby Jess. It's lower down if she's bad. Dude, you could hide the cookies from her, but I just put putting it high up. Damn. What? I just like, oh this? Yeah, so fucking wild. A TLC really will just do whatever they have to for fucking money. Was there more about her?

Imagine she's one of those girls that likes to argue in public. Oh, fighting in public with her? You just look like you're getting owned by a kid. You're like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't know my phone. And another thing. And you're like, I'll tell you what she should be, is very vocally racist. Oh my god. Because no one's gonna challenge that.

Dude, you're gonna, no matter what, she's 22 and she can say all these awful things. And you can be like, her parents must be terrible. She gets no shift for it She's like, I don't blame her. It's bad teaching by the parents. That is that is learned behavior. That is not her fault Where do you hear things like that? Yeah, she says I'll tell you right now they control the media Money-grubbing big I'm sorry, but all immigrants want to do is take Americans jobs and hurt the economy

Build that wall build that wall dude God damn it. Yeah, that would be so funny just to have her being fucking wild If there's a white girl with his spanic eye on an audience out of her narrow, I just ask them and I start cheating Bill Fettwall. Oh man, this is what happens. Bill Fettwall. Oh no, Bill God no.

Well you found a clip of her is the show out now. Maybe people should start watching it. You know, start using it if you know what I mean. Start fueling you. Yeah. There's another clip of her. It says her challenge challenges at the beach Christine to me favor can you look up

First top of the picture and you started you saw no straps you bit Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Oh, is her at the beach. Is she hiding behind the beach chair? Yeah. Is she in it? I don't know. All right, no. This is your first driving test. Yeah, like that. Nope, that's a car. Turn it to the right. Turn, turn.

She's dressed like provocatively. Yeah, she's got a half girl crop top on. She's like, I like to show my gams out of the beach. You know what I mean? Sometimes I'm a little muf stick out of the side of my panties, so guys get worked out. We've both tried to pitch shows before. Do you think her pitching the show is her going into TLC office?

Just dressed like a lady and she's like, I'm a lady. So I go, what? You're a child. I'll tell you what, if she does, let me say this if you're listening, adult, Sean Array. If you can grow a bush, grow it and keep it. Hold on. Never get rid of it. Never get rid of it. Never shave your pussy bald.

I would almost say, do not. It should be illegal. If you shave your pussy bald, the person who goes, I like that, is like arrest them. Just call the cops. Yeah, that's your pedophile hunter. Bus it. Yeah, just give me a go. I'm a woman. they go, okay,

and then they go, are you shaved? It's because now I got a bush to go. You guys, well, can I shave you? Oh, you're coming. You imagine shave? I'd say what? I'd fuck her before I shaved her pussy hair off of whatever. Uh, uh, uh, uh.

I do think I'd be able to receive oral sex from her without like looking down and being like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. There's no way she's gonna be able to receive oral sex from her without like looking down and being like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. There's no way she's gonna be able to get those teeth out of the way. Mouth too tiny. How?

And you go, it's not a fucking, it's not an artichoke leaf. I'm not that big, but I could fit inside you. I think that I used to think that I was in a super short chick more than I was in my adult life. Fucking a short chick. And that's what would be the problem with this. Getting I like to get on top to come.

Sure. My finish up is to get on top. Yeah. I know you like to move your body. Me too. I like to get bull I like to get bulldog arms. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's bulldog, dude. And I'm telling you about the best. I'm about to. But also I also like holding the legs by the ankles up. And I've had, oh, everything else until I get the bulldog, it's for our mutual enjoyment, but it's to make the woman come. And then when I go full bulldog, that's my moment. Me and Christine have done with two pretty short girls

that when I'm on top, like the, you smother them? No, because I'm sometimes I'm being on top But like I don't go like full blown mission. I go like Me up sure like I'm on my knees, but I'm like my backs in the air. Yeah, not in the air Like I'm my heads in the air. Yeah, you're doing the meal fuck. You're kneeling on the bed basically I'm a and holding ankles or or put your hands behind the knees maybe on the thighs That with very short legs holding ankles or put your hands behind the knees, maybe on the thighs. That with very short legs feels and looks bizarre. Really?

So I've hooked up with girls like five foot tall and there's a moment of that where you're like, oh, I thought it was too tiny for this. Stop it, you got to do all the on top stuff, I guess, because the... I like short women, but that's too short. It's not short. I like short women too, but I'm'm talking about like yeah, I'm saying before when someone's like abnormal like a 4-11 5-foot tall. You're like, oh, that's cool. But when do women in action? It feels very very weird

Do women feel that way with men that are like I know women like tall guys, but like when there's seven feet tall Seven foot two that's got to be like this this is, what is this is too much? Yeah, I slept with a guy that was probably like six foot eight and it was just a lot. It's like a lot of person. I know obviously the first argument's like, we're gonna do the massive dick, but that's not it, he's just a big person.

You're just having sex with a massive person. Yeah, it doesn't line up at all. No, there's not like, there's a thing to dating a guy that's six foot three, six foot four, you know, it can line up. But like seven foot tall is just like, like whoever Yokech is laying on at night, he's just had a kid.

It's like that woman disappears for when he's going Bulldog stance, she's gone. She's up the map. He's like, I came, she goes, what's this? She wakes up like neo in the matrix. Yeah, it's just pulling out of goo just climbing out of a goo pod. Oh, do I live? This is real life Sean Array. This is let's let's wrap this up before we go. Oh my god. It's four minutes folks. You're four minutes

four minutes. You're the one who's for much. Why did Shana? Go Shana. When I think beach, I think bathing suits and bathing suits are fun. And fairness, her parents treat her like a freak. Like an eight year old. Like look at her go, watch out, don't run too thick. These are things you have to tell a 22.

22. Yeah, like that's stupid. You know what my mom was saying to me when I was 22? She's like, like that's stupid. You know what my mom was saying to me when I was 22. She's like you drink a lot It's kind of worried about you sometimes I got a tattoo on my chanche it says open 24 hours I don't know. I found a really cute guy in his set and pictures of my asshole. I was like come get a taste I think I'm really trying getting spit roast. Yeah, is, guys? I've been talking to these guys online. What's Duckwater tight?

And... God, I wanna tickle this kid. Where's that job from? They think it's good job. They're fine. It's difficult because now that I do have maturity in my chest, I need padding. And no children's swimsuits have padding and the bottoms are

even worse. They're uncomfortable somewhere. So she thinks that's what you're wearing in the chest? They work on the top. If they don't work on the top, they work on the bottom. Try the water. Let's go. The mom is going to get taken away by the undercurs. They go, they're telling everybody not to go in though, mommy. like yeah, just go ahead. Give it a shot. We want to give back to God It's a return policy is that sad thing when she realized she's getting she's mommy help them being dragged out and she Sorry, baby Don't read it's a shark snack It'll be over so quick baby. I know it two chops and you're gone

You're two chop quitter Challenging because there are kids there and that's a whole nother thing do kids try to hurt her Please show kids trying to play with her. Please show kids me. That's a something by the way if I was trapped in a year old's body tomorrow If I get Christmas now the first thing I did find so many little boys not me dude get my GI Joe's back Oh, like guys, I'm just gonna play. Oh, dude. I'm living that body. I'm gonna plan. I'm gonna start playing it Get ready for a sandcastle that's good for the GI Joe's are gonna defend if my friends come over My friends come over. They're coming over. So we to play is the only activity Okay, guess what? Sign me up for pop-order football and watch me rip it. And I like watch me rip just with your smarts alone.

I'm just joking at your own. There's like 59 Oklahoma. The kids like oh my that day Dan learned his tiny body served a purpose for the greats of the gridiron never considered being young in a tiny body the brain of a man the body of a boy 326 yards rushing against the hawks just me be like Suck my dick. I'm a fuck your mom. I'm a bicegrat and then I do I like that more he goes he's you're gonna knock you little ass out You're watching number zero. Number zero, number zero. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. All day, baby. All day. You can't stop me. You can look at me. Oh, you better. I'm gonna be in your fucking nightmare, baby. I'm gonna be in your nightmare, bitch.

Oh, shit. Did you think you were gonna get burned by Willow? Yeah. The most fun thing in the world would be I would absolutely go smoke cigarettes in front of gas stations. Yeah. Oh yeah, an ass people for cigarettes. Yeah, or just talk shit. The adult things in general. Or just talk shit to adults as they're walking up, you're like, what's up?

Fucko. And they're like, excuse me, little boy. Excuse me. Are you lost? Are you lost, motherfucker? I don't know. You look like you're lost in my eyes. What's up? Are you lost, motherfucker? I don't know. You look like you're lost in my eyes. What's up? You want a fucking kid? Petophile? I just call it everyone petophile.

I would also tell everyone that I was just like a ghost and that I'm not, you know what I mean? Yeah. I go, I died in a car accident. You go, what? Yeah. And you know, as nobody else here is looking at me or talking to me, right? Help. I would wear old-timey, like an old-timey little boy suit thing. Covered in blood. Yeah. With like, you know, waffles. With the socks up to your shins and in the shorts, like the Angus Young. Oh, yeah.

Just like Angus Young. You get an English schoolboy outfit. And then I would just, and then I'd have him dump pig blood on me and then I would just go stand and someone's hallway. Hey. Hey. I want to see daddy.

Maybe I get to fuck out. Do you smoke and get cigarette and holding a bottle of jack? Oh, I'm just smoking a cigarette thing and going like, I'm gonna get the fuck out. You're smoking a cigarette and holding a bottle of Jack. Oh, I'm just smoking a cigarette there and going like, I'm gonna break into my friend, Chris is house and scarce parents. Wow. I gotta go and climb into the window. Jacob, when you get back to town,

we're sent you up with this joke. Yeah. You guys are gonna be in love, dude. You're gonna be in goddamn love. Hey, Milwaukee, go check out Big J at the improv tonight through Saturday,waki improv J is going to be there with a leo Janine then he's going to be in Addison Texas Addison improv Dallas, Texas February 3rd through the 5th and then Caroline's in New York City February 18th through the 20th for tickets another tour dates visit big J

comedy dot com Danny Soats Rochester that's right New. nominee to Carlson February 3rd to the 5th Acme comedy club in Minneapolis February 17th to the 19th after that good nights In Raleigh, North Carolina. That's the 24th of the 26th for tickets and all of his tour dates Go to dansoder.com check out the merch available now the bonfire the bonfire merch very important that very very important The bonfire merch dot-on. I think there's video clips, the podcast, everybody. Send it to people. For some reason, that's the thing they want is pushing like a motherfucker.

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