The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - I Never Thought To Ask

Episode Date: August 3, 2021

Jay tells Dan about having to explain the meaning of "TNT Size Queens" to his mother over the weekend. A conversation about beverages turns into a chat about pee, and it's place in the porn world. Jacob learns what a cream pie really is.Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com#CrackleCrackle

Hey I'm Big J. Okreson and I'm Dan Soder and welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. Yeah it's a podcast and it's also a radio show. You can hear our full show every day on Series XM. Go to series6m.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. And I'm Dan Soder. That's Big J. Okreson. Whole crew.

Whole fucking crew is here DJ Lew Witsky, Jacobake patat christine back where she belongs and our black king the black tiger lewis joooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bullshit. It's gonna be fun to watch Hendrix get older during the show. Yeah. The course of the show. It's so exciting. And learn and learn and him to learn to hate Jacob. Just become grotto, hate Jacob. Yeah, well, I'm gonna write it now. I'm document, I'm gonna make Jacob Hendrix's nemesis.

Well, as soon as he starts talking, he just starts immediately. There's a Jacob impression. You're like, all right, kid, that's we do that, but come on. Yeah, you know Pendrick, she got to respect your elders don't listen guy. I was that is the funniest thing having I remember that with He's a bell when she was little because she would see the interactions between me and my friends Sure amongst each other and then just come and think she could say like any kind of like nah That's like you know, it's like you're like no that's Uncle Lewis you don't talk to Uncle Lewis you don't make fun of

Uncle Lewis it's funny you say that because I remember being what I thought was really funny about Isabella is children of comedians have a certain maturity like an odd maturity to them like you know the children of night club acts sure they kind of know how to like work a room. And so is it Bella's a support group with Stephen Edie's kids? They all got to talk Nate's daughter lead session. Our Ben stillers there. But I remember her, like the way she talked to me was like,

opener energy. Like she's like, what's up, opener? She kind of had that is like, I'm talking about seven years old. We. Like she's like, what's up, opener? Like she kind of had that, is like, I'm talking about seven years old, we'll walk downstairs and be like, what's up, dork, you're gonna play guitar hero with my dad? Yeah, and then you're like, hey kid.

No, yeah, the ball bust, you have to go, I have a, you can't. Don't say that, no, you can't. Don't call out Lewis for that. Don't say that about Oklahoma. Did you ever do a Lewis voice to Lewis? No, I don't think she's ever still done on Lewis voice. That's gotta be. Did you ever do a Lewis voice to Lewis? No, I don't think she's ever still done a Lewis voice. That's kind of you should get her doing a Lewis voice

I wonder when James busts that out. He's gonna be like oh Hey, I'm dead and I blah blah blah on the garage because when my mom and I were battling in the high school years I would always do will Ferrell's Janet Reno as for her. I know it makes me laugh so well. Oh school work boys. We that song I like. Yeah, we were I was in the car speaking of moms. I was in the car. My mom yesterday. Yeah, this is hilarious. We were driving. See my grandmother. That wasn't hilarious, but we're in the car. She says I told her about the shirt. I was like, yeah, I go somebody actually made those shirts on their own, but when we get merged, we got to try to make a Trish and Terry size queen

Yeah, it's someone shout out the camera that did it. It was the it was the Predator chance shake it. Yeah, the predator hand shaker of our moms love a big dick I think it was one of them wearing a knuckle glove so you know whose mom is who yeah, and then one of them had a ponytail Perfect. Yeah It's a perfect shirt and Trish and Terry size queens. TNT size queens. And I said to my mom, my mom started laughing, but I guess he was the laugh of just like,

I think we're supposed to laugh here. Yeah. And I go, what are you not? Size queens, and she was like, what size queens? Size queens. And I was like, yeah, and the best part is, is a bell in the back seat. Oh, man, you're getting a generational explanation. Because what size queens, I was like yeah, and the best part is Isabelle's in the back seat. Oh, man You're gonna generational explanation because what size queens I was like You know we're making a joke that no joke at a whisper really making a joke that you and dance mom both Big big

Yeah, and she goes by the the way, her reaction, she goes, oh, like I was just like, drank it in like, oh, okay. Yeah, well, then the accurate shirt. Yeah, I still remember this day, my mom, like, I don't think she meant to, but letting it be known that my step that Nick had a massive thick, which was when she was dating Joe. And I said something and I was like,

yeah, it's not like Nick was like a Sasquatch. I can't imagine his day. And she was like, oh, oh, it was like one of those, we're like, oh, all right, still rattling around in your head there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I feel excuse me for a minute. I gotta go beat my bean for a second.

Your mom's getting all Florida and her panties right now. This is it. Did we just enter the glades or did someone bring up big, dick Nick? Woo! Someone took a fan boat down there. He's not going to be able to check those waters for Gators. Mom is getting swampy.

Yeah, it was on our way to one of Joe's meats. So, you know. And it was, and Nick was before Joe? Yeah, yeah. Nick was way to one of Joe's meats. So, you know, and it was and Nick was before Joe. Yeah, yeah, Nick was the person. Yeah, so then she would talk about Nick Bogot Joe, who begot, but not in no, but not in like in front of Joe, she wouldn't talk about next big. No, no, no, no, it was me and Byron were going to their meat. I'd drag a friend along whenever I could.

Oh, he was already there. He's I got to spend the night and then I was like, he had to shave down probably for his match. No, there's a hairless son, bitch. Naturally, hairless. Naturally had like very few hairs on his chest and like barely any hairs on his leg. Think about that.

Yeah. No, but think about what you're saying. Oh, I don't think you shaved, dude. No. You shaved and I didn't see it. He just didn't know it. Do we used to shave my stepfather like a sass quatch? I know shave and I didn't see it. You didn't know it Do we used to shave my stepfather like a sass watch? It was insane. We had it like Malcolm in the middle when they do that Where they take it? Did you like read the newspaper while you guys filmed them? I mean while you guys Shade them no, we'd be watching TV where they were he would smoke but

Do you do it as a family would you attack them him as a family? Why didn't there was a yeah me and my mother had did it before to make it a little bit quicker sure But it's there was so thick you could really scrub I mean you could really like Like a big razor just scrub it down, but here's what was just so when he was clean. He was all slippery He was smooth for a little bit and then it came it came back pretty quick You guys do catch Joe and the end of evenings you go all right guys, now it's time for a greased up Joe to run through the house. We used to get a giggle. I used to be able to get done pretty quick,

but we used to be able to get a pot of water, pot, shaving cream, and a bunch of like, and bang a big razor. You did a lot of these as a kid shaving your stepdad when you would dip it in and then go. Yup, ding it on the side of the thing. Ding, ding, yeah. Yeah, that's the scene from Malcolm and the Dolls

talking about. Oh, that's the layer associated with that. Now, I would listen, no clippers involved. Never once. All razor. Never all. Did you cut him? 100% dig right.

You do that's a good chance as a step son to get back. Do we cut him ever? He would be sliced up. It'll be fucking fell asleep and Freddie Crew who was in his dreams. Yeah, no, he'd be all nicked up and sliced up. Little piranhas got to him.

Yeah, he'd be all nicked and sliced up. But small price to pay, he thought for getting rid of that coat, it had to be a nightmare in the summertime. Oh, I mean, Joe is hairy. Body, a ton of body hair, getting wiped off you in the summertime. Oh, I mean, Joe is hairy. Body, a ton of body hair, getting wiped off you in the summer. Has to be, and then a dip into a pool. First of all, also,

I like to be sweet really. Joe's like, pools can't swim. Weird thing of all. He's like a rock, because he's all mussely. Probably, but he's terrified of like, you'd be terrified of deep water. He lost friends. He beat up friends when he got out of a pool.

They threw him in when he was younger. And it wasn't like a deep pool. He just waked them out so much that he got out and like fought them and like never was friends of them again. Someone kicking around in a pool scared is, when you're always on the side, it is funny. Because it's like, if I see somebody in a backyard pool that's screaming for their life inside the pool,

I'd be shaking my head and I go you are humiliating yourself It's not it's you know guys just that but people who can write a skateboard would say to me like You mean you mean you can't even stand on it. I'm telling you I can't put two feet up on a skateboard I cannot do it so someone who can't swim is just their thing and they're afraid of it They're afraid of it. They're afraid of it But it is funny Joe brought such masculinity into my life He I mean everything from like

The appreciation of like dirty comedy to the appreciate the appreciation of Of hilarious racism. Yeah the appreciation of, of hilarious racism. Yeah. My mom would have never given that in my life. Yeah. Because Joe's not, obviously, getting not a racist guy in any way. But Joe's like, these are the fun talking

out of the Saudi amount. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He brought that in there. I was like, oh, man, mom doesn't do this ever. Because my mom's the first, you know, like, she's going to roll rise those jokes and be like, that's not a nice thing. It's, it's a joke, dummy.

Like I get it too. And I'm like, ah, Joe, she doesn't get it. But like, and he brought like, just a man watching sports and all that, but man did he not bring any sort of DIY approach to anything. Matt, so it's like again, these aren't, he's not a fisherman, he's not a hunter.

He's not a, you know, he's not, he doesn't a fisherman, he's not a hunter, he's not a, you know, he's not, he's not a work on cars. I feel like that's most guys though. That was like most, No, not then, not then. The guys my mom dated, I don't know if they're all just queefs, but they were all, I mean, that's, Nick was very DIY, Nick could build stuff.

He built a car. He built a car. Yeah, but that was like what, that was my thing. He had a monster cock and she walked on him. No, he walked on it. Yeah, she was you know grinding on him Yeah, I just I watched that guy go where I was like like when he left it was like So you take it off huh? He said it was like Obama's administration like how much he changed? Oh the gray He was great. Yeah, he left he left there where like you did two terms as president But it was only four he only did four years was like no He was great. He left there where you did two terms as president, but it was only four. He only did four years ago.

It was a recession. It was a tough go for going term. And then meanwhile, I was like, I didn't know what I had till he was gone. And then he left. He would come by the house and I'd be like, hey, you want to step dad for old times? You want to just drive me to the Buckingham Palace? You could someone do a montage of Cinderella's don't know what you got till it's gone

of Dan thinking about Nick. Yeah, Rob all. Wish I could walk out in that garage and see that big lumber in some bitch. Oh, I want to throw a shout out, by the way, to Jay Shek. Did you see he animated one of my bits? Yeah, it was awesome. My dad's thinking, dude, he's great.

Yeah, that was fucking cool as hell. I love the way he animated it. He's one of the legion of Skunks, which we can never find anymore that you're great. Yeah, that was fucking cool. It's how I love the way you animated it He's wanted to lead you to skunks, which we can never find anymore that you're all you're the Aaron Berg episode It's the funniest God day. It's a lea Janine. Oh, it's the elite Jeanine Rodney No burgo's there too, I think it was all of us, but it was the end of the Rodney Danger Fields Yeah, Sean Michaels Mike that is the fuck yet. Yeah, so Michael's a blaster a So much as the fuck yet. Yeah.

So much as the blister. Yeah. Straight to your nose. Great said. Yeah. Now it is the bad part. But Jason, but I can't find it. It's like gone.

But then that was the funniest. That's awesome though. Legion of skunks. Yeah, he made one. He did that. How was it all? How was the Albany Albany? It's it was great.

It's always I like that club actually. For being a mall club, particularly, it's great. Staff's always I like that club actually for being a mall club particularly It's great staffs really good staff likes comedy. Yeah, those mall clubs are usually turning burn staff Yeah, it's all you're always suspect of a mall club when it's close to food because you're like all right Yeah, this is a quick. This is a knee jerk purchase for some people yes Like they got an orange Julius and they're like do you want to see the guy from billion The guys here, I don't know. I maybe like talk about the show

I think I saw this guy before he talks about mother-in-law. I just like something wrong. Oh, I saw him on Leno You're like I never did Leno Okay, well, I feel about me. I was getting why he wasn't trying to get on one. Oh, don't call him trash By the way, she's expecting correct what Amber row. She's she went from being a maniac on Dr. Phil to I mean just ride and dildos on Only fans one of them busted in her And then one of those builders busted her.

And then someone was like, well, I gotta marry it up. And now she's already a mom. So I'm just saying that's the arc. That is the arc to mom. And now you cannot say a bad thing about her. She's a mommy. What's her name? Autumn Row.

I got the, it looks like this is her announcement, right? Is that the cool, is that him? Oh no that him oh no no no no let me leave your kid No, she did a gender reveal. It's a girl gender. Oh good good. Oh I was thinking she should have a girl. We can't wait to meet you Also, you're gonna see a doctor of fill that's just like bad editing. Yeah, they make you look like that Yeah, they make you want to look Then you're gonna see an only fans that's gonna be like just no. I love you very much This means nothing to you. I didn't damn dude evidence your mom

Howing has to suck. What do you do? Evidence you are on how about this? I gotta go find a Polaroid that a dude with a mustache took to see my mom Fucking hoeing out. Yo, I, I went out the log online. I want to, but what worse than that, here's the thing, you can get somewhere in your head where you can go. All right, she used to do that. She doesn't do that anymore. I told you about where you're driving through San Francisco, right? Well, wait, let me get this thought out before you say that. Sorry. But I just want to have the out there and then tell that right, but just the idea of,

before you say it. But I just want to have the out there and then tell that right, put just the idea of, could you imagine if you're, forget watching porn and being like an older like 70s porn and being like, oh shit, that's my fucking mom. That's tough. What if you happen upon the video of your mother doing pregnant porn with you?

Is that instant suicide? Is it immediate walk away from the family? Because that's the, I can't see and or judge so I'm judging if you're having to porn while you're pregnant it you're I mean that's fucking that's so disrespectful the kid you're out of the gates you're like I don't give a shit about this kid yeah yeah yeah that's like I don't know if you're funny you're like hey I was at a porn. I was like, what? I'm not talking about your wife, Lou, who just did some like foot fetish stuff.

Yeah, the feet don't count. That's different. That's just for weirdos. Dude, that's one of those things where if you see that you try to do the math instantly to get out of it, where you go, no, that's not me. Maybe she had a pregnancy and lost it and I didn't know about it. Yeah, that was a kitchen newsroom. She was was gonna hold board anyway at eight and a half months. She was even pregnant right there. I think she was just fat. She's just acting like she was pregnant. Oh, no, she's good. Yeah,

but the time stamp at the bottom says that that was like the year that you were born. You go three months before you're born. So long here. Well, all right. Well, Irish twins, maybe had a brother that maybe I lost. Yeah, I think I had a twin. I am. He's gone. I am in utero. There was when I went, how could you? That weekend we went, that we had off when I worked in Alaska, we went to Anchorage and went to a strip club there and it was one of those fully new. Bush Company?

I don't remember. I want to think it was called Show Boats. But that might be right. I just know that one's like famous, the great American bush company. Oh, we went to one that was CD. Oh, yeah. No, this is, this one's like, shooters.

Yeah, it was like the soda one, you know, where you have to buy like a $13, right? Love it, because it's fully new. Yeah. And that's the one, by the way, if you're giving me a choice of great American bush company, or a great Alaskan bush company, or going to a CD one where you have to bring yeah they only serve

your soda and popcorn to keep wanting soda. What did you see a lot of police? I don't want to take it too much but that was what the club was used to go to. I talked about on stage even the fantasy show bar. Never dawned on me. I was like this place is so idiotic to keep giving me free popcorn like how dumb are you guys? To keep giving me constant free popcorn? Maybe I have to treat some.

And you're like, you got my 11th spright. I wonder if there's a guy just mowing popcorn down in a fully nude and they're like, this guy won't budge. He's like, I'm good. Not to the day team, we were like, we thought it was a bonus. We're like, yo, and they have that great salty, salty popcorn. It's the saltiest. That buttery. Oh my god. It's the best. I can't believe that salty salty Bob I eat it by the handful and then all I want to sweep bubbly so and then the fucking sprites

Really 17 and they're I mean like McDonald's snapin They this lady when we're in this club Donald's snapping. They dislating while we were in this club. I was like smoking cigarettes, bullshit with the two guys I worked with. We were like, we had drank earlier, but it was wearing off. It's one thing you're gonna say also about what you just said about the sprites, the drinks being really fizzy. You're not wrong.

They got to make sure those guns and that gas stays good because it's all their serving. You can't get people flat soda So it was it was movie theater quality. Yeah, it was good where you took a drink and you're like oh you go I fucking love sprite Yo fucking sprites great the lemony the line the lineman I had that at Season one of billions? There was a scene where I was eating a sandwich and they're like, do you want something to drink in the shot?

And I was like, no, I'm fine. I'll just have the sandwich, I'll eat the sandwich. And I had to take a bite, so many takes, and I didn't have anything to drink. And I was like, it was brutal. And finally, they were like, do you want us to get you a soda? And I was like, yeah, what do you have? And I was like, well, we have a ginger ale right here.

And I wasn't really a big ginger that made me a ginger ale That day because I just started drinking it was like desert island drinking it like Oh, fuck it suck your dick ginger ale. I love you. That's the problem with getting a good soda You end up chasing the dragon for a while and you guys most soda's bullshit. Yeah, I'll give you a little compliment to a place Came over the name of it in Spokane, Washington this diner I went to, uh, when I said, uh, could I have a diet coke? They said to me back with street face, uh, diet RC cola. Okay. And I went, no, I said yes. But I was just like, no, whenever a fucking tells you

that you're about to get shit gun soda Yeah, I mean the heads up on the RC is very nice because I wasn't good and we went back there in the next day for breakfast Dude, I didn't get nails. I didn't get it again. Yeah, I didn't order soda the second time But it was I think RC had a good flavor of something because that was the quarter soda It was RC and diet right. We had big K. Soda? Yeah big K. Soda. No I've never had that. Oh big K. Pretty sure can you look it up? I might just wait my whole to what a place you worked. No it was like at the date you know after school program I went to there was a big K. Soda machine in the athletic club and I was skinny enough that I could get behind there and take Soda's out the back.

There's like, oh, that exists anymore. Does every store still have like the brand of just like cola, orange soda, lime soda. And then it was always in movies and then those were actually like, shasta had, yeah, there's big K, shout out to big K. Never heard of that it's you know It's not the best What is there is doctor K? Do you remember this three-leaders remember the account of the doctor friend? Oh, that's gone. They don't even offer that anymore three leaders. I don't even remember it happening You don't remember three-leaders sodas. No look up three-leaders. What are that like?

It's a soda that I've only seen carried in the In the hammocking arms of a fat lady walking through a Walmart when I was younger. But it's that's it. But that's like a traditional years of soda. If you got that kind of fridge room. Yeah, that's a lot. That's a big fridge. You see, you see, the bottom, damn, the bottom was insane. When they looked that up, when we finished the Alaska, we were at that strip club, and there was a pregnant woman, full term there, with her titty out, and the stripper was licking her titty,

and the waitress goes like, oh yeah, that's a former dancer here. And you're like, oh, back to work. But it's just a smoke filled. Yeah, exactly. It's evident her titlicked and her kid is. Yeah, she was probably smoking too. Look at that, that's some a smoke filled. Yeah, exactly. You have it or titlicked and her kid is. Yeah, she was probably smoking too. Look at that, some bitch.

Damn. Look at it, dwarfed in the others. Oh my, it's almost too much for me. It's not ladies' feel when they see a massive dog. We're like, I can't take all that, come. Yeah, you start laughing and go, okay, I'll suck it for a little bit. Yeah, I guess.

That's not going in me. We could pour some in a cup. It's not. But I'm not. I'm not taking not going in me. We could pour some in a cup But I'm not I'm not taking that to the chops I can't take the unhinged my jaw like a place on yeah, that's weird. I can't take that much coke You know what you've kind of upset me now. I didn't know that much What do we want to get to first do you want to talk? Oh? I still I'm curious to fuck it Christine bring up a bring up pregnant pornography no come on there's

so much of it all right yeah that was a drop fine literally thought that was leading a job which is like there's so much fine one that's like she's real pregnant no dude Dan it's been noted that your anti-prignancy porn so one that's like she's real pregnant. No, dude. Dan, it's been noted that your anti-prignancy porn. So am I. I'm just not being so fruity about it. Here's a thing, I got a checkered past. Dan, you're worried it might find the one you did. Yeah, I guess it was a, it was a 50 guy gang bang. So I'm just number 42.

It was on Craigslist. I went up to Phoenix. I didn't know what I was getting into and then now I'm in fully loaded. I'm in the gangbang movie Maximum Occupy Occupancy. Dude, all the faces on those guys who were in the world's biggest gangbang videos. We just think old, like, gray-haired men with their dongs out waiting and lying to take their turn the fuck. But no, he was the best thing that is such a definite full you know we talked about the full ball decision as soon as you come on jasmine saying Claire and then roll out and put your pants back on you're like ah shit I wonder if it'll cut me out of that like

that's fucking bad it's like the lady with the with the with the bear that you always talk about where she blows the stripper and then comes on her face and you see the regret every every one of those guys had to take a lap smoke a cigarette and drink a coffee It's probably that that is it's probably not as much soul-crushing regret But you know, I mean like that lady was just like oh fuck like everyone's gonna see those guys are being ashamed They just are sort of ashamed. Yeah, they also do stare off a dark reflection. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah They go, oh man, I was probably part of that girl's damage, huh? Damn it.

I was probably part of this point. I thought you were just gonna bring up, bring up people were in the world's biggest gangbang. The line, just be. The line for the world's biggest gangbang. The only positive I'll say is like, with this pregnancy porn. Kick in a pregnant again.

Yes, and you have a place to like rest your hands Yeah, I'm gonna think about the look the comfort. Can you talk? I'd say why I never even think to look at pregnant porn because it's gross One it's gross. That is the number one reason, but why you're like, hey, let me see if this is maybe a kink that I Why I don't do that is be a kink that I made. Yeah, why I don't do that is, oh yeah, but now immediately it was like the fucking like disrespect of the second I thought about it too much, but I don't go for pregnancy porn because I think part

of the thing of the pregnancy porn is all cream pie. I never click on a video that implies cream pie is coming to waste the time. Yeah, why show your work? Show your work. It's like mathematics. Yeah, I mean you're on camera You're on camera means nothing to me that you're coming inside this girl cool, and then when it drips out Yuck, I don't care. It's not really. That's not hot. What you give you the bulldog. Yeah, yeah

Dream pie is just coming in a girl Jacob just learn that Not just learn that Jacob favorite thing Jacob Jacob Not Jacob for other other people. Oh, yeah Yeah, my girlfriend goes to a different high school Yeah, wait did you just learn what a cream pie was?

If you didn't know what DV or if you know what DV or DA was Well, I'm okay with you even ATM. I wouldn't be blown away if you didn't know but come on cream pie cream pie Cream pie in the sky there's only two there's only two there's only two things you'll hear In porn at the end of porn you're either gonna get the money shot Or you're gonna get the cream pie now Let's try to think of what a cream pie could be maybe like coming to girls mouth and then give her the animal house The Pluto I'm is it I do like that I Do like that that's your mouth and then smashing your cheeks into somebody

Come in your mouth and then smashing your cheeks into somebody I don't know where I'm coming my life ever again But if I ever double team a girl with a guy. Yeah, I'm gonna finish your mouth first And then make a look at that guy and smash your cheeks Yeah, that's fine. Yeah worth it for the story Hey Ian finance look here Yeah, what the fuck? You guys oh Hey Ian finance look here What's it Jacob? So the cream pie is that it you come in the girl and then

What are you supposed to like visually at what you what they will you watch it come out afterward? Yeah, you watch it you watch them drool it out They try to you know kind of push queen fit out or it's like when you're older cousin would stand over you with a luki Did you ever do you ever blow bubbles into a glass of milk with a straw chocolate milk? It's like that Yeah, yeah, but you've never seen a cream pie porn Jacob I Yeah, yeah, but you've never seen a cream pie porn Jacob. I've seen porn. I just didn't know what the definition. I never like, I think that's not my thing to watch it. What's out so properly avoided it.

No, you like to see it cover her face, right? No. Well, sure. I mean, I, I only watch, I only watch porn where they responsibly come in condoms and then throw them away Do you that's great? That's really that's bold of you That's a condom porn. There's got to be a lot of other positives happening in the video for me to like condom porn yet If they're like we're all we we're only doing condom porn now. You're like I get it. Yeah, I'm fully get it but man We're all we we're only doing condom porn now. You're like, I get it. Yeah, I'm fully get it. But man, I'm sorry, my daughter's, you know, was with the door closed. Chris, go, you're like, hey, Chris, I'm sorry, it's your, you got to show the proof.

There's no video where there's no porn where they're just going to come in a girl and then that's the end of it. Because how do I, they always got to zoom in and show that it beefing out. Yeah, don't forget to tip your delivery man. Yeah, and it's weird when it comes like a tear off of a long lip. You know, the girl's gonna long lip and it really just strings down like a bully Lougee one of those stuff stop No, I'm with you, Joe. I was like no grief. So I mean So far it looks like bonfire might be slanted towards a no cream pie Show we're anti cream pie your facial like boobs dude shot on the boobs shot it on the boobs dude facial boobs I'll take I'll take boobs over cream pie. I'll take all right. It's just nature

Yeah, but it's okay. We can out I'm gonna do she's gonna show you the about she didn't even she didn't even just you got the retract I like when they put it in a cup. Oh You didn't even just you got the retract I like when they put it in a cup oh You know it's funny hilariously. It's always the weirdest one Love it on the face. Don't mind if it gets in the mouth on the face in the videos However as soon as you do have you ever seen like they give a chubby girl like they blow loads on pizza and give it to her I'm like don't do that

Don't do that. It's got to go straight from tap to chops. You can't From body to mouth this fine, but you can't put it on another object That's what I'm saying when they put it in a glass The girl be like oh the ball Like eight guys doing that she drinks a big doll of it. You're like man. Just call your parents Yes, everyone will forgive you stop stop I don't forgive you stop stop You stop for all of us call your pair just stop it how important is this fucking apartment? No value have all hurt all hurt whoever hurt you

Yeah, put that bad man in jail and don't do this you should be doing this with cereal not with seven studs He's come it's even a thing I know and the argument of it being sterile is fit whatever great, but there's like high Not level, but like high production value pornography that is just a Pretty girl just getting pissed on by like 15 dudes and you're like lady sort it out Like sort it out at home. Be the way it's all fucked up. You how early we were talking about skateboarding or like being afraid of swimming or whatever. Maybe what if her fear is not getting dumped loads on

and she's just like, I should walk through it. I'm going to walk through it, whatever. She's like, I have a huge, huge fear. Listen, you're my 20 closest friends. Would you guys be willing to let me hang out in the A-Gid and then you guys all piss them eats my biggest fear? No, I'm saying it's not her fear.

Like the way that we would be like, ew, gross to her, she's like, it's nothing. Like the way I go swimming and Joe was no, I'm saying it's not her fear like the way that we would be like you gross to her She's like it's nothing like the way I go swimming and Joe is like I'm scared of swimming I'm like yeah, I don't care. I bet she is like that. Yeah, she's just the end of the day technically. It's sterile It's whatever is however. I'm just saying I just feel that way that you gotta feel you're more what I just feel that way about like a Stuntman like stuntman in Hollywood they're just kind of like hey give me a thicker than normal jacket and I'll throw myself

through that window and you're like you know my doing that like fuck no film it I look like Ben Affleck if you want me to and you're like here's my thing it's the optics of it more than the action of it again I believe health, it's actually not as crazy as it fucking sounds. It's just like you're now the girl who got pissed on by 25 guys in that video. That's what I'm saying. The degradation of it. By the way, this one of the few commercials, Cmin X is one of the only porn commercials that has gotten to me. That's maybe it shows you. It's like, this is a normal load and this is a load on semen X We try to see if we're popping hard

Loads we see if we can get in person batch is bigger. Yeah, look how pretty this girl is. Oh man She's need to be peed on by two guys I also think I'm peace shy enough that I would be more worried about not being able to pee in front of her than dude This guy's fucking massive hang while he's peeing down is so impressive Also, she's not swallowing. She's just resting in her mouth. I know when someone's ponding it She's damning it up. I'll tell you right now that get a cut from my piss drinkers movie. Yeah, that's not that You guys swallow it. Are you drinking it? Oh she did are you allowing it? You guys swallow it. Are you drinking it? No, she did.

Are you allowing it? Damn it, I want to disappear. Oh, whoa. Now she's gargling it. Okay. She's gargling it. By the way, what did these guys drink? Yeah, what did you guys have a whole,

they had a fucking three liter of gatorade. Three liter. Get that three liter. Even cheese at this point, the wagging it is really fun. By the way, this is for a moment here. You're for sure getting the other guys piss on you a little bit. That's not bothering either of these guys. Yeah, that's.

Tell you a million reasons why I wouldn't be involved in piss porn day, but I don't want to bore you. No, do it. And then we'll go to commercial. Okay, a million. Let's start at number one million. One million backwards. I'm a taste and texture guy.

So like the taste taste if nothing else is going to make that come right back up number nine hundred ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine yes I have a job okay nine hundred ninety nine what time we have to do commercials by low number nine hundred This is the rest of the bottom nine hundred ninety eight. We're just gonna get the one That'd be like forever We're taking over the five hundred full man andrix will be at high school. Oh, it's gonna be so great I'm gonna be here just with a long beard and you go twenty three twenty twenty three if come on now Twenty two if the Sparigus is eaten Gross that's gross too double yuck

That's a that's a big J. W. Double. Yeah That's a big J. There's a bunch of there's a bunch of Lew whiskey production behind But he's future Rommad like his head. He's just floating in a bucket from out the eyes. Yeah. That's a big J double yuck. You know, there's so much garbage in your air that uh, just window shopping. I was the mall this weekend. So I was in Pest by looking around there. Air purifiers. I'm like, oh, that's always a thing. They say you should get in New York and they're expensive So I'm like, but I'm like, well, let me see what like the good ones is and it goes this one It's the formaldehyde out of your air from all of your everyday home products that put for maldehyde in your air

What huh? What products to put for maldehyde in the air? Dude, is he pleased? If that helps? If you're in the business of selling air purifiers, you are half scaring people most of the time. Yeah. Because you're just telling them, you don't even know what you're breathing in. By the way, I like the only sugar.

I like the only sugar this, too. Like, do you see this terrifying monster that looks like it was written from your nightmares and dreams? That's just a hundred times amplified. The things that are just living on your face every day. That's what crawls in your nightmares and dreams. That's just a hundred times amplified the things that are just living on your on your face every day That's what crawls in your mouth at night. What? It's like that spider thing. They go you eat seven spiders a year You're like I didn't need to know that. Yeah shut up. Shut up. Why are you ruining my Thursday? He must be because yeah Here's another fun fact you eat seven spiders a year you fucking love it. You much like this

Yummy yummy. I know do you seven spiders a year you fucking love it. You love it. You munch them like this When you eat them you go yummy yummy. I know do you seven Spires a year, dude? You're fucking into what I heard you were though. You're such a spider slut What is it say? Sources are from out of the hide in the home include building materials. So what your home is made of yeah smoking We don't do that in the house Household products that's that's what it said from all of your household What does that mean? What does house or products mean? What it said from all of your household products. What does that mean?

What does household products mean? What products is from out of the high found? Look at that question. Okay. Resins used in the manufacturer of composite wood products, hardwood, plywood, particle board, and medium density fiber board. So pretty much what your malls, walls are made out of. Yes.

Building materials and insulation. Cool. So pretty much what your mall's walls are made out of yes Building materials and insulation cool household products such as glues. Yeah permanent press fabrics love them paints and coatings eat it all the crackers and finishes and paper products more Christine Please See how long this list gets for a fact about for my dude I didn't know we're gonna do do a formaldehyde deep. Preservatives in medicine, cosmetics and other consumer products such as dish washing liquids, fabrics, ofteners, and fertilizers and pesticides.

Cool. It's a bi-product of combustion and certain other natural processes. And so it's also found in emissions from Unvented fuel burning appliances like we have Gas stoves or kerosene space ears like we have awesome my question is cigarette smoke. Oh, thank God I'm just doing it to myself but I do that outside do you think the formaldehyde people are in bed with the air purifiers Let's follow the money follow the money We should follow the money on that one the hot is that big business and how do you say it does sound like a bunch of bullshit to me yeah and then these air purifier people come in and they scare you and you buy a good one and

they're yapping about the formal the all the sudden is from out of the thing you ever heard about it now it's in everything all I want to know is what is 999, 998. What's the reason that you can never get into piss porn? Oh, because I don't like to shower like publicly. It's not even the pill. I'm not the shower afterwards. Yeah, it's like good in the ocean. And I can't shower like away from home like that.

So I'm not leaving that room covered in piss and I can't shower like away from home like that. Yeah, I'm not leaving that room covered in piss And I won't shower there. You've said that our entire friendship. You've always said I will only shower outside of home If it's a scientific emergency Christine Could argue from an old SDR that you've already Participated in piss porn. No, whoa. Oh, yeah, I did. No, I would do piss porn Oh, yeah, I did no I would do piss porn Yeah chickpea right my mouth a million. I what you're right a million little eyes Let's take our first break. We'll come back. Oh, I guess the story ends. He goes actually you did piss porn I got grow peed andin Ralph's mouth. I know

Cool. Do you guys like underwear on opening of the show either way turned that was all based on bullshit But all right, and you know what though pregnancy porn though still yuck you right? Yeah, yeah, no that is Christine Gonna be like Jay you did pregnancy born on a CR show. Oh my god, you saw my guy. Woman's asshole. I did. I did. I did too. Okay, good, you good. It's cool. It's a bonfire. You've been listening to SiriusXM's bonfire. New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on Syria 6M!