The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - I Think I'll have Some Ginger Ale

Episode Date: August 8, 2025

In hockey it is a Detroit tradition to throw a dead octopus onto the ice, but what does it mean when a sex toy is thrown onto the court of a WNBA game? Bobby need to by his wife a romantic gift. Jay walks him through a scenario where Bob can present her a vibrator. The Kelly's will be in the wilderness of New Hampshire, so the toy should have a duel function like a flashlight or fishing rod. Christine is an expert on the subject although she once exploded a pocket rocket while romping around with Jay. | Big Jay hates Sublime but likes some ska music and rewrites a Reel Big Fish song to impress Bob. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. I hate this song. And if I get drunk, well, I'll pass out on the floor now, baby. You won't bother me no more. And if you're drinking, well, you know that you're my friend, then I'll say. I think I'll have myself a beer. You're gay. No.

No. The album's great. In a good way. Yay. In a good way. That's a fun song. I don't like it. I'm not into it.

It's too much energy. But never had to knock on wood makes me want to punch through glass. What's that? The shitty, mighty ballstones. The impression that I get? Never had to knock on wood. I would take them over that. Huh?

That. You would take that song over that song? Yeah, right here. Listen to the song. It's all pretty similar. It's all the same song. This is a little more, a little more edgy. A little more punk

If we're like at a festival And I heard this song playing live I'd be like We gotta get over there I would tell you to go We have a mini fight We gotta go Christine would be running with a hamburger

I'd let her go I'll go I'll meet you over there I'm not rushing to that Now these guys are a little more A little more edgy than the other Bobby Listen

I know they're from Boston Yeah no no no what What? No no what? What? You're saying I thought you're saying They're edgier than real big fish and they're real big fish is pretty edgy

Why? Because they talk about date rape The good kind? That's the blind. Oh, whoever that is. They're edgy because you died a heroin, Bobby. All right, wait a minute. Real Big Fish was the beer song. The beer song is Big Fish. I don't drink beer, I'm sober, so it doesn't affect me. It doesn't have to affect you.

I don't drink beer either. It's against what I believe, so I can't really, I can't buy into it. If they made it into soda or just a regular drink, I'd be fine with the song. I think I'll have myself a Sprite. Yeah, I'm in. I'm in, dude. Even Sprite or any type of ice tea, Honor Palmer, whoa. It doesn't flow.

Try it. I think I'll have myself an Arnold Palmer. Just say Palmer. No, that sounds like you're going to get whacked off by somebody. How about unsweetened ice tea? Try that. There's too many syllables for sure. I think I'll have myself a Coke, no.

I think I'll have some, I think I'll have myself iced tea. I think I'll have some. I think I'll have myself a root beer. No. I mean, ice tea. Can't add root in front of beer? No, no, no. It's got to be just the name of thing.

I'll have. I think I'll have myself on ice tea. I think I'll have myself, it can't be Pepsi. I'll have myself. I'll have myself a squirt. Nope. That sounds weird. Squirtola.

I think I'll have myself a ginger. Ale. No, I can't do it. But I think I'll have some ginger ale. That's good. You can do that. I love ginger ale. Yeah.

I think I'll have myself. Nope. Let me try it again with ginger. Let's do the song. Get to the around the chorus, please. Real big fish? Please. just the course

what a silly job we have it is dumb it's fucking stupid they pay us money that isn't that great but it would make you angry if you're thinking about what you're doing currently to make money this would piss you off

the fact that we're just talking about trying to make a scoff song sound good yeah we're not millionaires but we're doing fine we're not ice road trucking oh yeah and if you're fucking Well, you know that you're my friend, and I'll say, I think I'll have some ginger rail.

Yeah, I'm in. Now, now give the second verse a try and see if you bump. I hate that part. Come on, you don't. It's by ginger ale. That's the bubbles. That's the bubbles. All right, to ginger ale.

All right, bubbles. Woohoo. Actually, this is my snap. It's totally your snap. I might be. This might be... Oh, my gosh. I might go with you, Christine.

I won't even try. And if I get drunk, well, I'll pass out on the floor now, baby. You won't bother me no more. Look how so you are waiting for it to come. And if you're drinking, well, you know that you're my friend, and I'll say, I think I'll have some ginger rail. Yeah. I, uh, I think I might... The end of the song will go, ginger ray...

Oh, yeah. Eh. Oh, wait, here's the breakdown. Oh, there's a... Gingerail. Gingerail. I like it. You love it.

Jacob on Zoom is ordering protein power right now in dick pills. What's up, dude? You're getting weigh in wiener pills? Yeah. You don't like this music, do you? No. I don't. Now, Jacob, that microphone, I assume, is for when you, when the show's over and you whack off

while you play Call of Duty on Twitch. Or is it when you... Hey, guys, I'm going to be doing a pretty crazy campaign right now if anybody wants to join Daddy Jake. This is a Big Jim approved mic, so if you make fun of my mic, you're making fun of him. I have no problem with that. Yeah, Big Jim. All right, I'm just letting you know.

I don't throw that in there. He went to disco you up. We'll make fun of Big Jim. I didn't realize. that when you talk, the light jumps up. It does. It lights up the room when I speak. Can we put a black blanket over you?

So it looks like the microphone has kitten it. It has Night Rider. Kittance is just Jacob's voice. We put Jacob inside the microphone. I'll get my Kiki coat right here. One of the bad guys from Buck Rogers. Oh, fuck. Cylons.

Fuck. Is that it? Beedy, beady, beady, bedy. Zim. Zim, Zim, is it Sylons? In Battlestar Galactica. Yeah, Battleston Galactica, yeah, that was it. Is it Silons?

How do you know, you're a nerd? I fucking love Battleston. Do you? Get the fuck out, really? She lived with a nerd. Did you like the new one that came out? The new one, yeah. The new one, the chick, what's that blonde girl who played? I don't remember. She played, what's her name?

She played the guy role. She was hot as hell, and she was in, she showed her boobs in the movie with Vin Diesel. with the aliens if dawn could get down with freaky freaky sex we can just do a full couple swap and both be happy

you want for seeing listening to Battlestar Galactica yeah that's her look at her dude nerd talk right there no I don't want her I like not her the other one that one nerd

that fucking dude looking one yeah she works the Wayne DMV you know I love dude looking chicks she has Wayne DMV brow she was in what's that movie that Vin Diesel, you know, come on, Savant. Vin Diesel, aliens, he has the glowing eyes. Oh, a Riddick.

Riddick. But the first one was pitch black. She was in pitch black. She was in pitch black. Was she? She took her top off. Yeah, they show her gazubes. She's got a nice natural gazubes. Really? Yeah. Some nice gnats. Yeah. I do. I like her. But that movie, the Battlestar Galactica,

that was the first TV show that got space correct. They changed the way space looked. They made it real on Battlestar Galacta, the new one. When they were flying around doing shit, like Star Wars was like, oh, fuck, we've got to update our shit. Christine was trying to not do drugs,

living in a place where she had no money with a nerd named Brian Baldinger. And so she watched Battlestar Galactica because she had no TV in her room or a really shitty TV in her room. So she just assimilates to whoever she's in the room with? In that situation, she did. Right.

I don't know about in general now. So if she moved in, if she moved in with Jacob, she'd be into dolls and fishing. You can just see a silhouette of Jacob and Christine fucking fucking TV every night. Every night he'd draw her on the couch. The house is just littered with fucking drawings of Christine naked. Yeah, just don't touch a jean's down. Jesus Christ, doing different fucking pose. Every night don'ts Christine naked with her mouth open, sleeping.

Yeah, with cheese curls by her. Christine, did we ban to learn? I wasn't doing, I wasn't quitting drugs when I lived with Brian. I was living in New York. I didn't say you were quitting drugs. Oh, you're trying to stay away from, like, partying too hard, taking a night off. So you watch Battlestar Galactica.

I liked Battlestar Galactica. I wouldn't have watched it if I didn't like it. I loved it. Christine? It was a good show. Great show. It was a great show. Tell me you love Battlestar Galactica,

and I'm going to need that. I'm about to need that. It's such a good fucking show. You want me, you're going to be a science fiction. Christine, I read some Robert Heinland when I was a friend's boyfriend. Defend yourself.

You know, bitch. Defend yourself. I'm going to need that. You're funny if Christine accidentally kicked him in the jaw and knocked his teeth out. You got fucked up. I'm still on business. The baddy, baddy, shout, and quiet.

Bally, shodd a car. The bad part about this is I almost did this in a gas station last night on the way home. The song was on there. I almost leaned on the counter. What's up? Yo, you have any gum? I need some gum. I can only get the butt thing for, like, a half a second, and then I fall off.

I think we're going to do the butt thing sometimes. Even though I'm wearing boxer briefs, I feel like my nuts really, like, swinging down there. I like that. I like the feeling for sure, but it's a, man, they're hanging, huh? I love it. I love, I love a big swinging nut. I like a hot, saggy nut. Yeah.

In my mouth. Wait, let me finish. In my mouth. Before you agree with me, in my mouth. Sometimes a big fat, when you have a big fat set of balls. In your mouth. In your mouth? Yeah.

Or just, you know, holding them between your own legs. Yeah. I feel like that's very masculine. Mm-hmm. But some people I know throughout time, people like made fun of their big ball like it's like oh look how big as balls are like I don't know dude you remember those plastic

chairs back in the 90s they're like just all one piece one plastic chair green usually yeah I would I would love to on another hot hot day but like a warm day just go out and sit on one naked and just have my just kind of drape my balls on the front

of it hang over the edge yeah well then I'm worried about though I don't know if you remember those chairs when you stand up all of your back skin and ass skin is going to to be still on that chair. Oh, there's her titties right there. Finally.

Yeah, she's got nice ones. I like... Those are nice little gnats. I like... Look at her butt's not bad, too. Here's what it is. It's all not bad, and that's what makes it good

because it ain't great. It ain't great. Yes, it's not perfect. It's natural. I'd rather see not great shape nudity and TV nudity. That's what got boring about horror nudity for a while.

That's different. Wow, is that from the WMBA? Is that last night? Is that after the game? Sorry, a little context, Jacob. They threw a green, big, huge plastic dildo on the floor of the WMBA. You thought that was huge?

During the game, yeah. Well, no, not big for us. Not big for me, but for like most people. Yeah, I mean, some people might think that. Average people. I mean, that was small to me. I mean, if I had a dildo, if mine, they'd be bigger. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, that was like an Asian one or something. Yeah. They threw it right on during the game. Was it on the court or was it on like the sidelines? This video of it, I sent the video. I couldn't see it in the video. It's on the court.

They throw it, somebody throws it from pretty high up too. They throw it down. It bounces. It bounces. It bounces and goes kind of down the court. And then there's a camera. They have a Photoshop of it just lying on the thing. And the girls are mad, dude.

It made them mad. Did it? I saw the one, like say it's something to the other one, like tell her. And you see her going like, oh my god really but like not mad looking it was one girl there was a couple girls I was walking away like oh you motherfucker they should be mad really that's pretty funny it's absolutely hilarious but I mean it is it's completely trivialized and I think it's hilarious that's a pretty good it could be more like I told you the only thing would have been more hilarious

is somebody really should have tried to send one down with the suction cup bottom so it would have stuck to the wood and then just swung back and forth from it and then someone would have to go two hand pull it off the wood yeah the bald old ump referee it's got to be a guy you cannot send any woman who works for the wbba playing on a team or anything out there to two hand

because you're going to put some back into it because you're pulling a suction cup off that floor here it is right here here's ready and here it comes and where does it happen it's coming right now right now

it went already no they said it I don't see it no no I think it comes right now no she said no right here right here right here right here right here it doesn't Bobby no are you not listening what I'm listening right in the beginning she says she goes somebody just threw something

on the floor let me see it's already happened by this point I didn't see it at all again look if there's other other YouTube has to have a better shot actually one of those girls grabbed it and put it in her fucking bag before I could see it before they could take it other guys they put it in her fucking

chaunch she goes she went on the score 30 points after that play it again christine let me see where it goes i thought it came after the they did it during the play yeah oh you see it comes down like from here and goes that way huh i here goes from there and goes over there where is it i'm looking looking it's already happened where it's already happened oh there it is it just went just flew across the middle okay i did see it at all yeah i did see if youtube has a better see youtube's got a better video i'd be hilarious though if that becomes a thing like you know in hockey when they throw like squids like octopus

on the oh rats they throw them on the ice actual rats they throw it's just like stupid things they'll throw on the ice like fake rats to protest yeah to protest a game they'll pro they'll throw stuff on the ice to protest if they start doing this just throwing hundreds of dildos oh just a shower of dildos that would be fantastic that was a pretty funny uh christine which thing was that that we were watching it was like a cheating documentary it might have been the trophy wife the safari one we were talking about

but he sent one girl oh and he likes a girl yeah the guy the dentist he was a very wealthy dentist who killed his wife to be with the new chick or whatever but when he was interested in a different chick at work at one point he said he was just so brazen and he said he should hang out some time

and she was like I'm married I think and he sent her like one of those box bouquets were to get a box and the thing and then in the middle of it was just a dildo and at the end they had to say like there's no actual evidence like on the screen they have to write like there's no actual evidence of the thing of the infamous dildo bouquet they'd like write it out so he just made it up that'd be a great first of all I'm going to say this right now I know what to get dawn for a birthday Friday oh for your lady that's not a bad present at all it's presumptuous to give to a girl you just said let's hang out and she was like I don't think so but how about if I send you some dildos and flowers yeah but she needs a wood dildo she needs like a wooden Like Woods Dildo, like a New Hampshire Dildos. She has no New Hampshire Dildos. Oh, so it's like...

Tiny House Dildo. So a wooden one. And then it's not finished, though. Like, it still has to be shellacked so it's smooth. And she needs you for that. Well, I need her for that. What you've done is you've created. She smoothed it out with her fucking old vaj.

Oh, right on the rough wood. From the, well, the rough wood with the rough vagina. Yeah. She'll sand that down with her dried up. Oh, yeah. How old are we talking here? Because you need about a one quarter inch grit. Yeah, she's around that.

She's around a one. Is that a real thing? I know something grit. Yeah, we can find, we can find, she's a fine grit. She's around a 1.3. Maybe 1.3 grit. Okay, all right. I should get her a tiny house dildo.

Like a four up there. That's a great one. Max is away for two days. Oh, yeah. Get her something nice. I'll get her a scratch ticket and a, a scratch ticket that you become a millionaire and leave me and go off and become a, and take your dodo. Or. Now, do you think.

First of all, I don't just get her a dildo. No one's using just a dildo anymore. What do you think I should get her? If you're only going to get one, you get a vibrator. But I would say you can make a nice combo of dildo and vibrator. Yeah, okay, what kind of vibrator should have got like a pocket rocket? No, see. This guy.

Buddy, I'm sorry. I have been out of the game for a long time. Are you sorry? Jacob, yes I am. Why don't you just stop? Pocket rocket is like, no, what do you? You're buying it at the fucking checkout line while you're there to buy buttloob? Well, Pocket Rocket is a classic vibrator.

Women love it. Buddy. Call my mom. She still asked for one. I gave her one. There you go. It's from the 18th. It's from the 18th.

They didn't have vibrators back then. I didn't have electricity from the 1980s. Did they? I don't know either. What is that? It's a pocket rocket. That looks like a flashlight. No, exactly.

It looks like it's waiting to be plugged into a 9-volt. That'd be great if we could get a flashlight that, is a vibrator so I can use it. Hey, get the flashlight, Max. Cool, Dad. And then she can use it. No, but they have that for you. But don't ask Max to grab you your flashlight, please.

Not flashlight, flashlight. Right. For up there. That you could fuck. I need to get a, no. I don't think you need a dual-purpose vibrator. Why not? Why not?

Christina, it is a tiny house. Everything has to be efficient up there. Yeah, exactly. We need, we need a fish. I need a flashlight for up there. So how about this? If I'm thinking efficiency, here's what I'm thinking. I love when you're in your thinking mode.

I like this. A dildo. A nice, comfortable size. Okay, so that feels good inside of a woman. That feels good inside of a woman. Five six. Five six. Sure, nothing crazy.

Nothing crazy. It's not overwhelming, but you know something's in there. Right. Right. Your eyes aren't popping out. I don't want to argue. You don't get a headache from it. No, no.

I don't want to argue. Every lady's her own thing. These numbers might sound crazy, small for Christine. I don't know. But here's what I'm thinking for Dawn. Whatever size you think. They don't seem pretty crazy. I don't know.

She masturbated with a toothpick last week. It's true. You don't know if a dick's too small or maybe they're just too drunk. It's true. So, how about this? At the bottom of the dildo, what comes out of it? A fishing pole. Wait a minute, a fly fishing rod, like a Japanese?

No, no, no, no. I don't think she doesn't move a lot. Just want it like a big game. But where you set it and forget it. You mean like a with a bobber and all that? She's just sitting there like holding a spin rod. just holding the line yeah I like that and then that you get two things done she gets to use her dildo and also catch dinner how about this can we make it

does it have to be just two things no can it be because I'm I'm doing a lot of hiking and I forgot my walking sticks I have walking sticks my knees yes can it be fishing pole slash walking stick okay tell you why I don't think so why don't be upset I'm worried about your family okay as a walking stick the one I'm picturing here when you screw the walking stick attachment on now when you take the dildo i have to assume the handle of the walking stick is going to be the dildo now why that's hilarious to look at and functionally sound i'm sure now you've created a problem when dawn wants to use it again it's been hiking with your hands all over it i mean it's just you're playing with fire you're going

to get her a uTI again hmm yeah maybe right Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, but I'm going to use it. So maybe one function. I'm going to leave it as a fishing rod. I'm going to be using it, holding it all the time too, so. Well, you're going to have to reel it in for sure. Yeah.

Okay. We're thinking crazy now. Oh, okay. How about on the, and this exists for sure. Dildo, screw on attachment in the back, duster. It's a duster. The duster. So she can leave it inserted and just work the house.

house you know like somewhere between waste level and below uh furniture i do like that does it come with a dust pan no this is more of like a the dust that gathers like on a window like a feather dust like a feather dust right oh a feather dust like a swiffer one though you want someone's going to pick up right you want it to have that uh whatever they call it that attraction where it picks the dirt up with it you don't want to just swirling dirt around the house no i don't i don't I don't want that functionally doesn't make any sense but can there be a here's the thing with it I need a that is fine but a flashlight option would be better for me because here's the thing she's up in the loft you can't turn the lights on and do it you got to do it in privacy

pull the curtain back but you need some lights right oh and for the dodo I think you should also keep the other end of that attached the vibrator that's going to need some power I think you keep it attached to like a power washer on the other end of that or maybe a bandsaw a band saw just make sure everything's staying charged a band saw why a band saw whatever you have up there i assume you don't have a bandsaw no i have a chainsaw fool um wow mistake but okay i this is a good idea though i should get her something for up there yeah because she's alone tonight she's gonna be alone tonight she's a you know max uh does overnights and i'm not there that'd be a great time for up in the tiny house she hasn't rub one out up in the tiny house and let me tell you

that I'm learning. Yeah, a little louder. Buy for her. Don't buy for yourself. Because years ago, me and Christine walked into a sex toy store, and I mean, my eyes were just big on the, could this even fit inside of you,

side of the room? You just wanted to do test? Yeah. Like a test rat? I would be like, yo, it would be crazy to see if Christine could accept this into her. A fist and an arm? Some big, and then the lady,

the lady who worked there wisely came over and she was like it's not what you're looking for like it's never going to get used this is always like the boyfriends and husbands come in and want the biggest hugest thing that put in their lady for some reason yeah that's not what's going to make it and then showed me things that were a little more rational right she looked at you mm-hmm it was like this is what you need yeah and then she showed me what was rational and i went you do a little bit bigger than that right and she was like you got a little bit bigger and then we went a little bit bigger. Did she ever use it again?

Did she use it all the time? I believe so, yeah. I believe functionally yes. Yeah. I have a joke, Dildo that you, I mean, you're the only one

that give me a joke deal. Does it tell you jokes? Just go down there. What's that smell? It's huge. It's like an abnormal. It's like a huge, huge. That'd be a great deal though.

If it did tell jokes, you pushed a button that just made fun of her pussy. I realized I've just had. Holy shit. Is that a black hole? Where am I going? Is that a clit or a dick?

We had some fucking mishaps with sex toys before. Well, wait, what I was saying about that. My chest was caught fire once. The whole reason why I brought it up is because when we were moved, I just had it like under the bed, forgetting I was having people like move the bed and work. So I'd just like, I'd walk in there'd be workers and I just 100% knew that they saw it

because it would be like moved out of the way. Right. Oh, is it the ones like this? Yeah. Is that the joke one? Yeah. I've never tried it I've never attempted

what does it look does it have veins I literally will send you a picture we'll get home it's hilarious does it look like a big cock or is it just a dildo I don't want to I mean you're going to get a drop but it's a BBC Bobby

you know what that means no what is it can explain it too I don't know it just tell me what it is big black cock dude not you tell her I want the drop Jesus Christ oh that's a drop trust me I gave it to you

hey let me ask a question so if I get a question so if I get a vibrator for her tonight right I should just get something uh like a don't see pocket rocket rocket why can't I say pocket rocket rocket don't get a pocket rocket why is why is a pocket rock why are you the expert you were going to buy a yo-yo and that was also in the store they're not I bought I bought gum that electrocuted you a little bit something phallic yeah about a thing that goes in your palm and it makes a like a fart but it's not

a fart you need something phallic like to you're sending a message I'm not doing It's in you. I'm not doing it. As I'm saying, you can just get her a joy buzzer and be like, touch your pussy with this. He'll probably do the same thing. You got to get her something that, you know, something purply, maybe a little translucent. Purpley? Yeah.

Why purple? I think girls like to fuck purple. Why? I don't know. They're better athletes. Christine's looking at all stuff right now. Christine, what is your suggestion? Not that thing.

What is that? I saw that at Brookstones. That is going to be her suggestion, I think. No, I can't get her that. Yeah, something like that. What's that? That looks like a spoon and a dildo. No, let go up.

I'm not getting it. No, she doesn't like stuff in her butt. I was going to say. Is it going on her butt? Right there. On the right, all the way on the right there. Which one? Down.

That? Yeah. That's really small. It's a micro. What is it? I mean, it's going to... I'll do the trick. It's going to fit in a fist.

It's 80 fucking bucks. Okay, but that looks like just a massager. And that just goes on the clitoris. Because that's the thing. Trisha used in Brazil. Of course, yeah. That's what he taught us. He taught you that?

Dude, we all were in class. Dr. Dildo. How do you not know this? It was a session. No, this thing, yeah, this is what, this is like women's like go-toe. No, I know. This is the one, this is the one.

He used this to make them come. He put that on a clitoris. He put the glass dildo in the vagina. Yeah. And he put that on clitoris. And when he put that on the clitoris, you know. Say clitoris again. Clitoris.

Yeah, it is. it is ugly the way you say it why is it ugly the way i say you should say so many times in a row clitoris put down the clitoris sounds like a car brand why do you see it's ugly that hurts my feelings why are you going to say the way i say it is no no no the way you say it makes it sound i know i don't like that i think i say clitoris the clitoris that you're talking about yeah i don't want to see it clitoris yeah how should i say it i don't know you're saying it the way you say What about this? Clitoris.

Clitoris. Clitoris. I don't like that. That's stupid. That is uglier baby. Yeah, clitoris is ugly. It sounds like a fucking baby squid. A clitoris.

Hey, you said about people throwing squid on the ice. That happens, right? Is it squid? Yeah, I think it's squid. They throw squid or something on ice. How do you get a fucking squid out? How do you get a squid in the game? Yeah, it's in your shirt?

Or they probably put it in a bag and stuff it down their pants. Oh, my God. And throw it in, right? What a goddamn nightmare? They throw a lot of stuff in hockey games on the ice to fuck up the game. So dangerous. They're skating on ice. I don't know if they do it anymore because they, you know, they're going to let you have an open bottle of,

they take your caps off your bottle of water now. You can't throw anything on. The fact that a guy got a dildo and it's hilarious into the WMB. But if they don't think it was hiding. His wife. All right, honey, queef it out. Now's the time. I really don't think we should be doing this.

These girls are just doing their best to live their dreams. Oh, that would suck if it smelled. If they went to pick it up and it was slimy. Oh, fuck. God damn it. It's octopus. Octopus. Yeah, it was octopus.

They threw on the ice. But has it happened a lot? Yeah. It seems to. Yeah. What do you get it? You get an octopus at the store, at the seafood store. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's alive? No, it's dead. Oh, it's dead? Yeah, they stood octopus on the ice. Yeah, they throw a bunch of shit on ice. And what does it represent, the octopus?

I don't fucking know, dude. Really? Yeah, some weird shit. If you look up what the octopus means? Here comes a guy. Ready? Boom. It's bad luck.

I don't know. Can you, yeah, look up what the meaning of that is. Look at this tard. But this dummy's on camera. And he put it on social media. Hey, I did it. I did that thing. Yeah.

I'm probably going to get a lot of trouble for. He wasn't getting laid. Either way, dude. He's fine. I love the... It's a Detroit Red Wings game as a tradition stemming from the 52 Stanley Cup playoffs. They started the practice to symbolize

the eight wins needed to win the Stanley Cup at the time, mirroring the octopus's eight arms. What a terrible reason to do something so gross. Yeah, the dildo one was way better. Yeah, throw a dildo at hockey games. If you get a stick to the ice, that would be so funny. Please start throwing the suction cup ones. Now...

If they got a dildo that was the other team's color, that'd be hilarious too do you think dawn is going to be a lay down and stretch out or in the shower situation won't be in the shower no water we were in the years ago

in my 47th street apartment with the greatest shower I've ever had we were in there to christen the shower and I was in there doing all my tricks your moves and she at one point 20 something and she's like I don't like it in the water I'm like you couldn't have said something

before I got carpal tunnel syndrome you couldn't have 23 minutes ago maybe fucking she's like I hated this two minutes in ugh it was terrible so we've never fucked in the shower okay

so she's not a lot of a person okay now she is a tub person but we don't have a tub anymore yeah not in tiny house no we're talking tiny house right we're talking tiny house we have no tub and she'd have to do it when we're all out fishing or something

you know hey I'll see you guys later yeah which is you know up in the loft It is very comfortable. The loft is sexy, man. Up in that loft, we have a skylight over the loft. So, you know, the sun's coming in. I don't know about fucking whacking it in direct sunlight is. No, it's not coming in.

It's usually, it comes, the way the sun comes across, so it's usually coming in a diagonal, so you're never in the sun. So if she's in the middle of the bed, she'd be fine. Nice and comfortable, pull that shade back. Too bright. No, it's not bright. It's never gets sunny, sunny, you know what I mean?

It's not like the sun is shooting in like a laser beam. Stop making that face. Look at me. Listen to me. There's no sun. Get the sun out of your face. You're being in a negative Nelly. Forget the sun.

Move on. There's no sun. It's beautiful. It's evening. Can we just make it to sun? You know what? You're right. Can it be the evening?

I love that you. Sun's gone. You couldn't give up the sun during the day. I can't not see it. I'm seeing Dawn be annoyed by like the dust she sees in the sun that she's floating around. She's going to like take her out of it. She sees her a little. Cobweb, I got to get that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's taking her out of it. Yeah. No, all right. So it's early evening. Okay. We're still fishing. We're gone for hours.

We're not coming up until the sun's gone. So she can see without lights being on, but it's going down. It's more orange in the sky than it is. It's not even orange. It's kind of like gray orange. Like it's gray. Yeah, purpley. Okay.

She's up in that queen bed. In the middle. of it. Stretched out. Dogs downstairs, lying down. She's not up there because that's uncomfortable. I don't want to picture doodles up there. Staring weird.

Yeah, staring weird. Maybe Doodles gets thrown in the bathroom for a couple of nights. No, no, she's just stays. She's downstairs. She doesn't come up. She doesn't come up. Why are you making the face? Why?

Now what do we have to adjust? I'm trying to picture myself being dawn. It's evening. Everything's right. No dust in the sunlight. No cobwebs. But now, no cobwebs. But she's here's,

doodles go and then she thinks like is that about me she knows I'm here needs something has to go out it'll take you out of it yeah that's my dead mother she knows what I'm all over to do absolutely all right so we put her how about this doodles outside on the leash in the back dog run she's on the back lawn yeah just chilling surveying the doodles is outside she's outside enjoying yourself what's the wildlife situation up there god damn it's I'll tell you what to take you out is doodles going to bark a bunch At other animals? Yeah, there's wildlife. Yeah, she might be barking.

And you got to check to make sure Doodles isn't being attacked. It could be a bear. It could be a coyote. We have a very big coyote. Coyotes in the Hampshire are bigger because the coyotes in the Hampshire made it with the Canadian wolf

so it's a bigger coyote. Why can't you take doodles so she could have a little bit of time by herself? I'm on the kayak, though. Am I taking her on the kayak fishing? I'm fishing from the side? I'm land fishing. I know.

And everyone's already staring you because you're fishing with your wife's dildo fishing rod but they're staring at me not in a bad way they're like where do i get well they're like yo there's some good torque on that that thing is that thing has some good snap on that it's like a laser all right so i don't know where doodles is i said i did doodles is with me me and max didn't go fishing we won't on a hike no don't listen you can't not go fishing you can't not do what you love because you have to make it okay for your wife to master i know what we did I know what we did. What?

We went down to the beach at the association, and we were fishing off of the swim platform, which we do in the water. And Doodles is with us. She swims out to the swim platform sometimes. Dad, why isn't Mom here? Mom's up to relaxing, dude. We're fishing. It's man time. But we don't get to do this too often.

It would mean a lot to me if she was here. She doesn't want to fish with us, dude. It's man time. She doesn't want to fish with me? No, she doesn't like to fish. You know that. Your mom hates fishing. But she likes spending time.

with me, right, Bob? Yeah, but listen, Maxie, Maxie, look at me, look at me, look at me, Maxe, Max, look at me, Max, look at me. Be a man! I don't like this, this is falling the pieces. This is falling the pieces, okay. What are we doing with doodles? Okay, doodles bathroom.

What are we doing with doodles? Let's just put peanut butter on a pussy and let doodles lick it. Bobby? Now you took me out of it. Let's just cut to the chase. I don't need to buy her shit. I'm going to get a jar jiffy, smooth and creamy. Just let doodles work her over.

the doodles work her over upstairs you know what dawn has that sound disease that I'm sure that would bugger stop looking at me well Bobby if you get her this it's not going to take that much time what is it get her what this one you think I should get her that for the time she hasn't oh listen she has nothing up there really no she has stuff home oh yeah I went through

I went through the draw today really why do you know she just you don't know her hiding we're taking it we take an inventory for homeowners insurance I was fucking put it in my butt and throw my over my head and suck him on it. How do you think I come? That was how I thought. That is the way I thought. Christine, read the 17 ratings on this sum bitch here.

Let me read a couple of these. Jacob, how many vibrators do you have? For me? No, how many do you own? I didn't ask you what you use them for. I don't own any. Not a one. You rent them.

You can rent vibrators down there? That's a weird. place for that is that is that microphone a slash microphone slash vibrator is that is that what the lights are for oh jacob one of that evil you bought that you bought that did you buy that microphone at a uh curiosity's antique place and it's taking you inside of the microphone all right what is it what's the review five star review uh five star review adorable size and perfect amount of power. Three star.

Okay, small and helpful, three stars only. This little guy is helpful when used with other tools. Bobby, my suggestion, you got to get a dildo for the inside, this thing for the outside. It could be more powerful. Charge as well and reaches otherwise

hard to reach spots. I would recommend to a friend. Can I ask your girlfriend something or your lady friend? Could I do one more review? Sure. Because these are all coming in five. There's got to be some bad ones in here.

First time vibrator user, now I understand why everyone gushes, no pun intended, over the magic wand. The micro-want size is perfect for me to use it in the bed before I fall asleep. It's also practical beyond use for self-pleasure. I can use it on sore muscles that I have at the end of the day. What a fucking smelly elbow that lady has. Yeah. Look.

She's from Amesbury, Massachusetts. I know what that is. I was at Jewish camp there, Camp Bowercrest. Definitely packed up. and nice and quiet that's big that is big in a tiny house yeah small packs a decent punch now how beat up is done that because me she might need the full size i would say christine's a full-sizer i wouldn't waste her time with this microjohn over here can i ask your lady friend something of course jacob on your on your asshole um what size do you use well i mean if i had to pick i mean i

I guess the smallest one. Okay, all right, great. I don't... Okay, okay. I'm just wanted to ask. Okay. So the small one would be good. Now, you've got to understand this.

Her, she's very sensitive down there. Very sensitive. So I can't get the big, crazy one. She's very... She's always been sensitive. And the ones that I've gotten her that she's loved are the little tiny... Zzz... With no little, you know, no balls on it.

So that one's pretty good, then looking, the mini. Yeah, that mini one looks all right. and we don't have a lot of space up there. Until you come in, you see Max using it on his low back. Yeah. This thing's rules. I went golfing today. This thing's the best.

And it feels good in your ass, too, dude. Yeah. If you know if you put on your balls when you whack it, it feels great. Son, please. You know this thing smells like mom's knee? Magic wand, micro. Now, is that, can you get me that on Amazon so I get it delivered to the tiny house? Tomorrow.

I wish I could do that. I don't know if you could get it by tomorrow. Oh, look it up on prime. I'm prime, baby. I'm prime. For sure. Get that tomorrow's delivered to the house. And I'll, maybe I'll throw it on her.

You know what I mean? I'll put a, maybe a YouTube video up there, maybe some XRP video on her face. And I'll go down there and, you're going to check your finances while you vibrate your wife. What's with the double key system? Because I am enjoying that. It's showing the size. It's for reference. Oh, it is really tiny.

Oh, I want that one. That one's good. That's what it is. I want that. Is that on Amazon? Yeah, that's the micro, but it's not on Prime. What? So the earliest it says is August 4th, but I think they have it at the store downtown.

Are you on Prime, though? Did you say Prime? Well, it would show up here, like it would show up on the item, but I'll sign in. Send me that. I'll get that for it. That'd be a good one. Nice little tiny house, a tiny vibrant. for a tiny house now you're saying don't think you need a dildo too well i mean listen dude you're the

pro with dusty sleigh coming in i think he's probably good at picking dildos now i don't think so i don't think he's comfortable even talking about dildos then we'll get them let's finish this here he might be probably not what if he was really into dildos oh man i was hoping we were going to talk about dildos hey man before i got found jesus i was really into dildos man i had my own dildo merch Ooh, 3.8 over there. Let me see some of those reviews, Christine. Now, some of these people have... But those out of four, right?

Not five. Is it five? No, it's five. I can't see. She's scrolling. Wait, wait, wait. I'm trying to get down to the reviews. Wait.

You could just click the reviews. It's... I'm a massage that does N-R-T neural reset therapy, and I believe Dr. What's his face? Dr. Larry Nassar shows that the reset button is inside your pussy um usually i carry a full-sized magic wand this is the size of my hand it's rechargeable it's light enough to carry in my purse i did take over it did take over a month to get here that's bad but i have it now and it works perfectly for my massage go down christine i'd like to see

a bad review we want to see what's going on there we go oh seller's not helpful not mad about that. Does after about bought this used maybe a handful of times. After six, seven months, it just stopped taking a charge at all. Replaced it via the manufacturer warranty. You called a manufacturer

warranty in on your dildo? You fucking slut. What a pig. God damn. It's a guy. It's a guy. What a ho-knickle chaser. It broke in my butt. Good God. I hate this thing.

Tiny says it seems obvious Five stars That's David Nielsen These people have crazy Are you looking up some Oh, dildos also Dildos? Yes

I wonder if you can get A not brand magic wand though You can buy a dildo on Amazon If you go down to the store You can find my target now That one realistic dildo Looks like my dick No it doesn't

And I'll tell you this You've never seen my dick You cannot say that Doesn't matter That's my dick You can't say that. I've imagined it a thousand times. It's not that.

What does it look like? First of all, calling that one a realistic dildo is crazy unrealistic. Why does that not look like my dick? I want to hear what you think my dick looks like. Smaller than that. That hurt. That's a humongous cock, dude. Why cannot?

Why do I not have a humongous cock? Well, wait a second. Can I say something? What? That one right there says it's only five inches. And that looks huge. Yeah, that's the one. That's my dick right there.

Oh, okay. You think I have a... That one's mine right there, the pink one. No, you know. That's not yours. Your mom said you had a big dick, Bobby. I do have a big dick. Jay thinks I have a small dad.

He was a baby. That's not true. Really, your mom's checking out your dick all the time? Once a year, we do a dick thing. And in my family, the Dolans have a dick checking function. I believe you do have a... I have a... At least a five-inch penis.

I have a six and a half-inch dick. There you go. Actually, maybe seven. Nope. Maybe six and a quarter. Okay. Maybe six and three quarters. No.

No, dude. I want to put it in your mom. mouth. Yeah? Yeah, if I put it in your mouth. I can handle six and three quarters. I bet I, if I put my dick in your mouth and you go, oh. If I gag. Have you gag at all? You're seven inches. You're seven. God, I want to do this. What are we waiting for? There's Derek, the eight-inch dildo with a suction cup. Now, Bobby, may I suggest a suction cup lifestyle? Because it looks more fun. No, I can't because we're in the tiny house in a loft. It's not a, we're going to, we're

on a suction cup. Can you imagine if Max saw that in the shower? That'd be great. They accidentally left it up. But here's the thing. The suction cup, you don't have to actually use the suction cup. You can, what the Christ? That was pristine.

Yeah. The suction cup acts as like a pop socket. So you can really fire it in and out of your own pussy. Because you see how it's like a pop socket? You say pop socket? Like I know what a pop socket is. You know, on the back of the cell phones forever, the thing that like you can slide your hand that pulls up.

Oh, I get you. Okay. Oh, you're being a... It's like that. I got you. Okay. Yeah. And so you could take that and really, like, once you get super wet, you can really slam that sunbitch back and forth in there. I feel like if you want to do a dildo vibrator combo, you just do the rabbit. That is the one.

The rabbit is the one. The rabbit's the one. I know, but I've got her that. I've never seen it. Well, look at the different kinds, like the rumbley one. I've never seen it used. I know the little tiny one. She likes the little one.

How about the thrusting one? Nope. The one that pounds in and out. She does, I think, no, you have to put something in the vagina while you do the vibration. Right. This does both. Whoa. Wait, wait, what?

What did you just say? You have to put something in your pussy while you're massage, while it's outside. You need to get something inside and the clitoris stimulation at the same time. Who needs that? Well, most girls like that, both, right? You want both. What do you need? Like, but you don't need.

I know. I know you don't need it. You don't need anything. But this does, this does both. Yeah, yeah. I mean, this is... Would you use this without putting it inside ever in your life? Oh, no, no, no.

I had this. I had a problem. It was a problem. Why, it was too big? It's just amazing. You're used to something smaller? It's like the best thing that's ever happened to a vagina. Oh, you almost just fucking left, Jay.

No, this was years ago. My ex-boyfriend got me one. And I just like, eventually I was like, no more rabbit. I'd like give it up. Really? Like me and Ani? Yeah. Yeah.

I was like, this is, I just want to stay. just like that. Really? There's a whole sex in the city episode about they have to like go get Charlotte because she just wants to stay in bed with her rabbit. So why don't I just get the rabbit? Well, you said you already didn't

and she doesn't like it. Well, I mean, years ago. It was years ago. Maybe she'll like it now. Let's see if you can get that on Prime. See if that's on Prime. The thrusting rabbit.

Yeah, they have one. I say you go with the whatever their regular one is. Yeah, regular rabbit. I don't want to go crazy. Boy, that's got, every other one's got perfect reviews. This one's the, only one missing a star a little half a star oh really yes no

I don't know what all the difference is I don't want that that looks like an alien fist you want the thrusting rabbit what's that one that one does this inside a little bit she doesn't have to put it in herself you just put it in and then it thrust inside of you I get her that one that's gonna hurt her eyes

the regular rabbit used to like spin a little it doesn't now oh so you need the do they have the old one the original the OG rabbit I think they had mercury inside of the So what? She's 50 She doesn't matter It's like if she got ass cancer

Just ride it out Who cares? Yeah You have ass cancer till you're dead Yeah What are you gonna do Oh look at that little toothbrush thing For the clit Look at that

Oh that is nice What is it? Oral B Yeah that's the classic rabbit It cleans the clit The favorite among women for decades I guess the little balls are in it So the little This is what it used to look like

Yeah Somewhere like this That was the old jammy That looks nice It's like a classic classic corvette like a stingray but it would spin which i don't know is that a move that's necessary yeah not i mean wait did it spin or it just kind of go like it just went like that like and christine what about to i mean it wasn't it was fun whatever it was doing it was in the back

of your clip which i believe christian kept returning her was under warranty yeah it's broken again i'm sorry it made her cum fart yeah her pussy was smoking would see we had one that was jay actually started saying it and then didn't get oh yeah we had the magic wand plug in you could plug in and Christine was on top of me and when we were using it

it started like the electronics went bad and it shot sparks out of it onto my chest hair and I had to go like ho ho and you smell that like that beginning smell of burning hair it was crazy just sparked I was like yeah baby out of the top part of it like the part that you can put

your clit like you just in the wherever they're supposed to go it had that like that popping electricity sound and then spark shot out all over me by the way i think we tried it again after that was like maybe that was just like a thing if christine had to go to the hospital with a burnt clit and you'd have to just explain you'd have to bring our clit dude she almost burned my chest hair off it shot directly at me she was in zero danger why did you have it in your chest were about to suck it yeah no picture she's on top of me i'm laying down yes So the vibrator thing is happening here. Was the sun coming in?

It was, I believe when it's going down, it is dusk. Dusk. It was dusk. Where was it dark? But we were on the east side, so it was darker than it would be on the west side. You are still getting the purples and stuff coming in the room. Okay, yes. We were on Christine's bed when it was in the old room.

now in the East Village and we were probably quietly no dog trying no dog at all I didn't live there yet right no dog Brian out there watching battle cycle acting wondering where Christine's at

Christine was like fuck I'm looking at a watch I want to see this episode there was no TiVo back then and we're trying no we're trying to we're trying to fuck quietly yeah and then you definitely are and I go

it's alive Yeah Hey guys are right in there Poor Brian We would smoke out of her window Like teenagers And then try to sit the house On fire with fucking vibrators

So It was a den It was a den of sodomy It's so funny that you didn't throw it out That's when you weren't making a lot of money No Like I can't afford it We gave it a few more try

I goes let's see Maybe if I don't like Push it too hard or something And then it just would do it again And we eventually got I think I think got rid of it with like a nasty letter I think it was like

You wrote a letter No I think Yeah, like, you know, email or whatever. I think I got them to send me a free rechargeable one because of it. You didn't like that one? Rechargeable. Those, that was actually, I would never go for this myself. It was one of those, like, big ones.

And it was like a gift from, like, SDR show or something. And mine had broken or whatever, so we used it. Those are a little intense. Like, you really don't need that. You shouldn't, whatever's touching your pussy, you shouldn't have to hold between your tits. You shouldn't have to be holding up here For it to be touching your pussy That really is good for like a neck massager

Yeah, why was it on your chest No, the sparks flew under his chest Because I was on top of him So it was on, you had it on your clitoris Yeah And you were rubbing it And it blew up But why do you, why were you on top of him

Why was he lying down? Why was he, why were you on top of him And he was right? What position were you in? Curl on top The girl on top. Girl on top having orgasm? Like, why is this confusing?

Let's relax. Did you have an orgasm? Let's chill out of it. Yeah, she did. It shot fire onto my chest. So your orgasm juice, lit it on fire? Couldn't tell you. No, I don't think it was over yet.

You sure it wasn't her magic powers? When she came, she lost control of, and it just all the electricity, the lights were flickering. The smell of burning hair while you're fucking is. Terrifying. It's the only way you can come now, though? Yeah. I don't see any, like, real rabbits on Amazon. It's on knockoffs.

So there's no real rabbits. So I'd have to go over to the dildo store. Yeah. And that's on the way back. I can go up over there. Where? Are you going down down there? Oh, I'd say go to Bayland.

What's Babe Land? It's a nice one downtown. There's a nice one. Where downtown? How the fuck do you know? Yeah. Oh, re-side, I think? Yeah, what the fuck?

You know good restaurants to get Fah and the dildo in a dildo store i'm going to crate and bar on the dildo store hey i'm going to get pillows i'm going to get fought and i'm going to get a dildo i mean i love this town yeah i know you do wait we have an hour of show left if you want to pick your stuff out at a dildo store it's around here we could send black lou go get your dildos for dawn yeah dildos for don't but then we can can we try them on on christine to see if they work well you can let her know when she gets here if she finds out if she if she thinks dawn will enjoy them or not well she she she should She should just try them out on air.

Give it a whirl. I'm going to come on air. That sounds like me. I think... That's how... Hang on, I just got text from Jim. It's just a thumbs-up emoji. That's how Howard Stern got famous.

Everything's going great. Oh, boy. We have to take a break. We have a guest. Dusty Slay. Is he here? Oh, okay. Well, and let me read this read.

And then we'll get him in here. He's got a new special wet heat. Talking about all this dilt. those stuff. Wet heat is streaming now on Netflix. Dusty Slay will be at the comedy store in Los Angeles August 5th in Huntsville, Alabama on August 8th

after that he'll be in Atlanta Madison, Milwaukee, Nashville for tickets and all the toy days. Go to Dusty Slay.com. It's always funny when you know someone's doing well when the date is one date. I know. And it's me. He'll be in this place. Six days. Yeah. You can

catch Jay in your town for a full week. We'll be right back with Dusty Slay. I'm in Tacoma this weekend. We added a show 4 p.m. Saturday. So get tickets to that, or they're going to cancel it, and I'm going to feel like shit. Yeah.

A new stand-up show on the fifth at the comedy store. And the stand-up show on the sixth. Oh, sorry. My bad. Stand-up show on the 6th, 8 p.m. show at the comedy store. Me and Louis, Legion of Skanks, presents our friends and us doing stand-up comedy that night. And three story wars, two Monday, one Tuesday. And I'm going to be fishing all week.

I was going to be fishing with his new dildo fishing pole. Dildo fishing pole. That's the thing, is now she's going to want it. How am I going to take the pole? She's doing her. Oh, right. Damn it. Fuck.

You're going to have to get an extra dildo for the pole. Okay, cool. We'll be right back. It's the bonfire.