The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - I'm a Cowboy

Episode Date: February 15, 2024

Jay finally watches Yellowstone; Jacob betrays a short king; and body cam video of girls disrespecting cops!

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. O'Kersen. We're actually a full radio show on Serious XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of The Bonfire, you can listen on the Serious XM app. Go to seriousxm.com slash bonfire for a special offer. And now, The Bonfire with Big J. O'Kersen and Robert Kelly. Hey! Hey! Mama! I'm talking to you! Time to start the show. Very good.

Very good. Have a nice timbre voice. You have a great voice, Jay. You have a great, seductive, raspy voice. It's a deep voice. It's a deep voice. Nice timbre. You have a nice timbre voice.

Happy Valentine's Day, Jay. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day, Robert. Thank you, Stephen Singer. No discount, but quick pull up. Well, it's not as fally, I just ordered. Christine said, she liked the tennis bracelet when we were looking. So I laced her up, dude.

Got Christine some drip. Got her tennis bracelet. Throw it down. Didn't give a shit. Yeah. So Jacob, not only are you cold, but so is Christine's wrist because it's wrapped in ice. Nice gift.

You got to make it warmer in here. Show them all the shiny real quick. Ooh. Oh, put your sunglasses on. Damn. She's going to get robbed while I'm gone. That's nice. She will be tackled while I'm gone. That's nice. She will be tackled to the street and killed for that eventually.

We have to get out of this city. It's very nice. I'm glad you got Christine that. I did that as an early apology to Christine for what I'm gonna say next. I don't know how she's gonna feel about this. I'm having a real conflict in my life right now and emotional, what's going on exactly. You're gay?

No. Oh. I'm not gay. We started watching Yellowstone. We're enjoying it. It's a great show. It's hard to follow up front, but I'm dumb, and but I think I'm getting it and I like it.

One of my favorite shows. It's fantastic so far and it's getting better, I feel. It gets a lot better. We're on season one. Season one's great, season two is unbelievable. So, his daughter. Sexy. What's her name in the show?

Beth. Beth. It's Beth. Beth Dutton. Facially looks uncanny. I mean, like my stepmother, so much. My stepmother Diane. And also I see her old and they make her a little like haggard and kind of washed up a bit.

I don't know if I've ever been more attracted since I was a child to a person on television. I don't know what is so sexy about that shit. Did you see her naked? She's kind of like not attractive. Did you see her naked in the tub? She's kind of, she's kind of like not attractive. Did you see a naked in the tub? Yes. She walked out.

Forget the tub. She got me at, I think, episode one or two when Cole Houser comes in, Rip, and she just opens up her robe on him and you see like top and side pussy and her left fat tit. Something about that. Natural. That's a sexy lady. Yeah, when she walked out to the fucking horse trough and just stepped in it in front of the farm hands. My stepmom has the same thing where it looks like

she always has caked on yesterday's eye makeup. And by the way, even if she's not wearing makeup, that's just like the way their eyes are tucked away, dark. She looks like a girl. She looks like a girl that just blew her way into a concert yeah and I'm also an unpleasant expression yeah unpleasant expression on her face yeah and she looks so much like my stepmother but looks like a day in a play-doh don't you see that I do see that yeah for sure you know she's English, not to ruin it. That would explain those fucking cansolas.

She's got great cans and a nice rump. Yeah, and then she walks away from the tub and her little fat butt jiggling, but she's not fat at all, but also a little bit of older skin. Oh, look at that little butt. Yeah, that's what I mean. It's not an unbelievable ass. It's just, you wouldn't mind if that was your lady's ass at whatever age she is.

Oh, I'm getting filled up right now. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day. Yeah, she is smoking hot. Christine, I'm sorry, but I'm attracted to this woman who looks disturbing like my stepmother. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I don't know. Beth doesn't have this sexy character. Although I do say, I was like, this chick acts like her mom died last year. And Jay's like, well, she's back. Well, you don't know anything yet.

No, I know. I mean, I know. Do you know what happened? Yeah. What happened? The horse thing. The horse thing? Yeah. Her mom died and she was there.

No, you don't know. No, no, don't tell us then. I'm not going to tell you. Don't give me big spoilers. We're on episode six of season one. You don't know. When you find you find listen when you find out what happens Why she's all fucked up about it and then the other brother Jamie the adopted thing what happened with them nope dip ship Shut up. Yeah, anything

Well, you know, there's one I mean they all look alike and then one doesn't and then rip where rip came from woof Stop rips the cowboy. She fucks rip came from prison. Yeah, look at the way. She said that she said that she wants to go to fucking Montana right now This you want to fucking guy in a car hide J to trim that beard stop stop with that blue shit in his hair and get a fucking car I just want me to trim it, but I'm telling you. We get a house with a little bit of land. I'm telling you it's not going to be long. And I lose some weight.

If I can hopefully continue to lose some weight, maybe. And I get down to where I look good. I could see myself going to a real man's man look. I've just some straight legs. I'm not going to be a cowboy boots guy. I put some work boots and they, you know, my Timberlands like you're red Timbs for sure. Reg Timbs with regular gloves?

Regular gloves perhaps. With tips on them? Yes, I will even put some tips on these gloves. I would like to get adjoining ranches with you one day. But maybe like a, I can see myself rocking some more country western shirts. The one I do wear the one. It's not a bad look on me.

Jacob could be your butler. I don't know. I'm a me. Jacob could be your butler. Oh no, I'm a cowboy. Jacob, support what I'm saying. Oh, Bobby, I am. Jacob, support what I'm saying when I put on that country-western shirt. It does look right on me. I've said it a thousand times.

It's not a costume. It's a look. It's a good look. It's a good look. What's it called, the Stetson? The leather Stetson looks like it should be your all-time hat. Yeah. Have you, have you ridden a horse?

Terrified of it. I got on when I was younger with my girlfriend who was five foot tall and a very decorated horse racer, like a battle racer. And I got on and I was terrified. When I first started to get up, the horse started to move and I said he doesn't like me and they all laughed at me. All these ranch people laughed at me and they would get up there. He's fine. And I got up on top of it and I said whoa the entire time and

then my girlfriend goes I'm gonna run back to the stable. So just hold on because your horse will start following instinctually and it was the scariest thing I've ever been a part of and I and I all I thought about was falling and dying as we see Beth Dutton's mother did very similar thing and she was a very good rider Just fell off like an idiot one day and broke her neck. Nope. Okay. No, okay That's what we've seen so far. That's all we think that's what I'm gonna show to us I mean the mom seems like she's kind of a cut That's what we've seen so far. That's all we think. That's what it's called. Well, energy blames her daughter. I mean, the mom seems like she's kind of a cut.

Yeah, she goes, this is your fault, Beth. Go get help. There is some things... That's pretty shitty, mom. That's a shit thing to say to a kid. I will say, as much as I love the show, there is some really, really not on purpose like corn ball shit. Like what?

I mean, just some really over just dramatic nonsense in it that's unnecessary. I just heard Christine's drink go from her mouth into her stomach. That was weird. Like down her fucking... Yeah, like she was putting, like pouring something into a well that already had something in it.

That's how, those are like a science project. Sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp- I'm empty inside. The nation heard it, Bobby. Jay, you just got another email? Sorry, Camper Nation. Really, also this show is making me realize again, on a change of shift, he was the handsome, you know, tuxedo guy and tough guy for so long, Kevin Costner. And he just pulls this old move. Because of the show, he's able to unironically start being this guy which he looks absolutely built for. He is this guy he has a ranch and a lot of the stuff is was shot on his ranch in Utah. Oh really? It's Montana.

Taylor Sheridan's ranch. What's that? Taylor Sheridan's ranch. Taylor Sheridan but they shot some of the stuff on Kevin Costner has a ranch too. Kevin Costner is a cowboy. He's a cowboy. He's been a cowboy So's Jacob. Yeah, he was it. He did Wyatt Earp. He did There was another one he did with Robert DuVall. That was a great cowboy movie. I mean Kevin Costner is a goddamn cowboy Oh, yeah, look at it. Look at his log cabin Bobby. I Mean, he's a fancy cowboy Look at that. Look at him roughing it. No, he's a fancy cowboy. Oh, Bobby, yeah, look, look at that. Look at him roughing it.

No, he's got a real man's man. His English, his English castle. He's got ranch. He's got like 7,000 acres in Utah. Sure, sure. He's probably using solar power to power the 85 rooms that place has. He has a helicopter. It's like fucking Las Vegas in the middle of a field.

Well, Taylor Sheridan was a stunt guy and then he was a day player, like a second guy on a couple of things. He was on Sons of Anarchy, but he's a cowboy, cowboy. He's no-joke cowboy. Which one's that? Yeah. What's that? Which one's Taylor Sheridan?

He's the guy who wrote it. No, he's the director of the show. He's the writer and he directed it. And now he's got five shows on Paramount. I can't possibly go to the prequels. The prequels are great. There's no way. That's actual Old West.

I can't. I'll tell you, the prequel is awesome. Both of them are really great. We need post-electricity time. They're really great. The prequels are great. I should call my dad because I bet he watches a show no they think about it Christine stop trying to connect with your father I think my father Kevin

cost or was my mom's like number one crush really oh yeah so don't bring it up to your dad but the fucker sucks but here's a problem with the show you're getting into it now right yeah and it went away mid-season Because of all the bullshit or whatever and I don't know what what's happening I don't think Kevin's not coming back. They're doing five more episodes. I thought I don't I don't know a few more I don't is he yeah, I don't know what's happening, but I think it's a wrap They were thinking about there was rumors of Matthew McConaughey Coming on but there

is another show that you won't know yet called The Sixes, which is another ranch which he owns in Texas. Texas, The Three Sixes is one of the biggest ranches in Texas. Taylor Sheridan bought it and he owns it and he runs it as a ranch and he's going to shoot one of the spin-offs on that. Oh and then I will say aside from how heavily attracted I am to that stepmother of mine lady, I equally the exact human being if you were like looking the mirror and just change it to that guy, it's the Casey, Casey Dutton. You're attracted to him?

Not attracted, you're like to him not attracted you're like trade me with that guy's exact looks forever and I'm okay you like I thought I like rip sure I'm rip you're looking for a burlier thing I'm looking for a prettier tough guy you want you want a guy that was in the war rip is rip they said I've already seen a scene rip kicks the shit out of Casey Casey still gets the put the hotter chick goes week let me go lick your wounds for you well rip let's Casey went well I can't tell you listen and it's gonna kill you it's not talk about it's gonna kill me because I love

Christina tear through it in a couple weeks it's it's rip is the shit rip is cohouser dude cohouser from Boston I mean cohouser, dude. Cole Houser, from Boston. I mean Cole Houser rules. Yeah, he's the best. I rode horses last year in Aruba. Me and Don and Max rode horses and Don got really mad at me because I kept tipping my hat.

Oh, you said it. Yeah. Yeah. It, at one point she went, Bobby, when she calls me Bobby, I know she's, it's Bobby, knock it the fuck off. Cause every person we went by when she calls me Bobby. I know she's Bobby knock it the fuck off Because every person we went by I went howdy and I tip my hat I would love to do it more often. I'd love to own a horse. I'm all about it. I'm done with the city

Let's go. Can I just say something though the only time a Wife or a girlfriend of a comedian gets a horse is when they catch them cheating. If you look at every guy. I should have a few horses by now. You have a stable horse. You should have yellows. You should have yellows though. Get a brand. You should have cattle horses. Also particularly, I'm particularly this guy with his season one length of hair I don't want it to if I have you hair out that you don't need it too long You just need a duck tail on out of the back of your hat a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good look I think he's got a hair lip though

Yeah, I'm pretty sure you have some type I'm in real life. It looks weird in real life I think in real life He has some type of little thing look at the picture of him smiling with the, on like the today show or something. He started to sing country music. Oh, that's the old-time- That's all in country. Yeah, well.

Well, that's like the sense of anarchy. Some demandarchy. He all became bikers in real life. Yeah, that's nice. The best. No, I love it, dude. That guy. I started playing the drums with sex drugs.

I grew up like an asshole at 49. You know, I'm gonna pick this up. That's my favorite. I said the guy who plays Opie, who was another one of my- On Opie and Anthony? No, Opie in Sons of Anarchy, the guy who played Opie. Is also another one where you're like, look in the mirror and just change it to that guy. That's another one for me.

But that guy, when he was like, not biker-y, always played sort of like a big goober sort of dude Yeah, like he's kind of goofy looking without facial hair and everything then he figured out his look He got big he got real yoked well now. Yeah, he's like fucking shred it up now And the other guy the the thought was it the father of the stepfather on sons Who played hellboy he he wrong problem? Yeah, he's not really He's not really, he's not really like that, but in that show,

he was a badass. You can't find the baby face shirt, but there it is. Right there, right there. That's what he walked into the night there still, yeah. It must be great to get a role like that where you can just not shave, just let it all hang out and just be a dirt ball. I mean, yeah, he's getting older now,

but on Opie, his years of Opie with the hat and the long hair and everything, dope. Yeah. That was a bad ass. That was a bad ass. And almost like he was gonna be fat, but he wasn't fat. You don't like the Indian wife? You like the Indian wife?

His Indian wife. Yeah. Who got punched by a school kid? Yeah. Wait, so you think- Casey's wife. RIP actually gets the hotter girl, and you We cases wait so you think he's his wife Yeah, rip actually gets the hotter girl and you're right cuz you think that Beth is hotter than the Indian girl Beth can't fuck her brother It's her brother. She can't be with the hottest guy on the show

Rip is the hottest guy on the show Cole hauser natural ginger no way you'll ever get me to say that. Great actor though, cool dude. God damn it, you're right. Funniest line in the breakup when he goes out with Vince Vaughn and he says, I want to, he says to some girl he wants to bite her panties off or something. And he goes, dude, you're going to get arrested. And he goes, arrested for what?

Being awesome. Yeah. Well, that's the same guy, holy shit. Yeah. He was in days and confused. Uh, sure. He's a little hunting. I was gonna say he's part of that, uh, Affleck crew. He's part of the app, but they tried to make him a star star with paparazzi. There was a point where he was going to be the next action dude and it never worked out. And then this came along and now character guy, great character.

This guy, this is his thing. There's spoilers all over these pictures, by the way. There is? Yes. That's why I closed it out. OK. It's such a good show. You don't know this about me, but I spent an entire summer

working a horse farm. It's true. What were you doing? What a funny thing to turn around and say. Well, we were talking. You want to know what a cowboy I am? Did you see? Yeah. You were a hand? You were you doing? What a funny thing to turn around and say. Well, we were talking, you wanna know what a cowboy am? I've worn, yeah. You were a hand?

You were a hand? I worked on a horse wrench from for an entire summer. Can you tell us the saddle, the parts of the saddle? What do you mean, the stirrups, the actual seat? Yeah, like the stuff underneath. Like the- I don't remember. You don't remember that stuff. I do watch

videos on how to make them though. How about you watch videos on how to make saddles? Yeah, what'd you do? Jacob, you need to get a girl. Did you have sex with a baby? You need to get a cat. You should be watching videos on how to make a saddle. What a cowboy does. Okay, let me see if I can name them all. Let me think. The concho. There's the back housing a candle. Hang on Bobby, let me get them. Okay, I me see if I can name them all let me think the concho There's the back housing a candle hang on Bobby. Let me get them. Okay. Yeah, I know more of these I love this is an audio guys shut up. This is an audio medium Let me think if I can remember the pommel or the swell I think it could be called. Yeah, there's the

What's a strap underneath the underneath strap? What's that one? You which one the clinch strap? Yeah, the clinch strap That's okay. Yeah, but then there's another one too. Oh, the rear belay. But then the big thing is the Billet. Fender. Billet. It's a belay. It's a belay. It's not French.

It's French. It's no, it's a, it's a billet. Bobby, you are so unclassy. It's belay. I really am. And the rear rigging D. Don't forget about the offside belay. Yeah, what about the back? Rear jockey. Right underneath the conchos. Right below the conchos.

What is that? Well, the conchos actually are in the front, Bobby. If you understood the back. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, yes. This guy. The back is the what? What's the back called again? Hey asshole, give me a call when you learn saddles and the simple strap holder I'll tell you what also looks cool another look I'm starting I almost thought I'd go should I do this for my shoulder bag when I go on the road the guy coming out of jail with his saddlebags that he got sent away to jail with looks so rad yeah Over his shoulder. The singer. You want work? Yeah.

Wait till you see what happens with him. Damn dude. I'm gonna be an old West guy now. I thought about learning motorcycles after Sons of Anarchy and I'm not gonna learn a horse either but I'll ride like four-wheelers. You should just get saddlebags instead of luggage when you travel. Just put the saddlebags over your neck. Yeah. That's the saddlebag I want. Huh? The Christian Dior saddlebag.

That's a purse. I like the saddlebag. No, that, yeah, tough leather. Is this what you're really talking about? Yes. Yeah. What does that go over your shoulders? No, it goes over a horse, but I'm going to put it over my shoulders like the way that guy had it coming out of jail

And I'm gonna walk around the guitar like Joe mattery Guitar I can't play like Joe mattery cowboy. Can you play that thing? No? Are there weapons in it? No, it's a guitar You should at least get up on a horse. Huh? You should at least get up on a horse. No, I'm alright. Let's go horse back around. I'd rather get under it. What?

Get it? Like I'd rather get fucked by a horse and try to get on one again. Cool, that saddle bags look. If you want to learn how to make saddle Bobby, you gotta go to, I watched Monday Morning Saddle Shop Briefing with Don Gonzalez. And you don't have a girlfriend why? I'm learning how to Jacob breakfast is ready. Hang on in the middle of my saddle class Don Gonzalez the guy's the best. I'm into it. I'll check it out master saddle maker

All I want to do is build stuff from my sweetheart. I stand by that Jacob you um You had a story what to bring bring to us about the short lineup. Yeah, I mean, I got to give credit to Lewis. There's a video where they have five guys line up. Four of them are all over six feet tall, and then one of them is five foot three. And they have a bunch of women in the interrogation room asking them who they would pick. Of course, none of them pick the short guy, but then they keep giving the guy accolades to the point where he's cured cancer and learned how to bring oxygen to Mars.

And they still don't want them. Do you have any Christian? I just thought it was a funny video. You don't have any handy? No, I don't think so. And Lewis was upset with me today because he said, me in particular, you didn't notice me with my short, with my height enhancing shoes.

You have what? He's his shoes. Black Lou. Black Lou had, oh yes. I didn't notice the height changes, he's upset with me. I'm one of him. You guys are both short people. Yeah.

They have big demons on the front of them, like Jean Simmons boots. Can I see them, Lou? He's not wearing them today. I know. You didn't notice either. Nobody notices, why would you wear them? No, that's not true.

It was me and Christine who both noticed. We pointed out the one that you showed them to us. Yeah, I showed it to you, but then I wore them after and no one, especially Jacob. Would you want us to notice every day saying that you were towering with him? Yeah, that would be, yeah. Hey, you look a little tall today.

That would have been nice. How tall are you? Actually, I'm five foot four and a quarter. What? And a quarter. Can I say this also? No one is gonna notice. How much height is it at?

A quarter. 2.5 inches. 2.5 inches and 5.6. I'm telling you, most people, again, it's a change you're not looking for because you don't expect someone you know to show up being a different height one day Do you know I mean so it's not something you're looking for that said I do understand why Jacob didn't realize that day that you were Lurching over him like a monster

But if you make eye contact with someone and then one day you're looking at their mouth straight on yeah, wouldn't you notice? Yeah, you think you think you would notice when you were looking in the loose, sweet mouth. How tall are you, Jacob? Five, six. So you just became his height? Pretty much. Yeah. I'm taller.

I shoot, like I wear different height shoes. Maybe you would notice if you chose to look a black man in the eyes once in a while. I think you're onto that. I think that's more of it. That's what it is. It's like. You're always looking down at Lou anyway. Yeah. You've never looked up to Lou. That's more of it is like you're always looking down at Lou anyway

You've never you can't just look a black man in the eyes once in your life and say Let me hear what you have to say Not even this month you piece of crap not even for these measly 28 days. Maybe you can listen for once Stop being a mouth and become an ear. How's that? Is this a shy motherfuckers? Whoa. What do you call them? Shies? Shy ass motherfuckers. Oh, oh, shy. I thought you said shy. Um, do you, uh, does it good audio? Can you hear it well? Yeah, I think so. Okay. I believe so. In this case, we wanted to see if anyone would pick five three Rob

When Andrea told us women like doctors we gave him an MD their choice And I would say Matt I think no Rob. We piled on some more assets We said besides being a doctor He was also a best-selling author and champion skier who just pulled his own Effect your choices? He's still short. Then we gave Rob a promotion. We made him chief of staff at a prestigious hospital.

Who would you pick, Kim? Andrew's probably the closest to who I'd pick. I'd pick Matt. Jeffrey. Like Jeffrey's a pedophile. What would it take? Now we said Rob was also a gourmet cook who loves children. Oh definitely I would take him in a minute then.

Pipe no problem. I wouldn't because I would think I don't want short little kids. That one ripped my heart out. Oh that Barbie chick. Short shitty genetics. Oh yeah. You're short jizz and your vagina. I don't want his DNA fucking up my family. Yeah, I don't want his shitty DNA fucking up my Viking jeans. Oh my Lord, well this does, is that at the end of the video? That's it, she didn't want to be responsible

for continuing the horror of shortness. Yeah. This does lead us in to our next segment that is going to be brought to you by Metro everybody. What is not a yada yada? It's a fun way of saying something serious. No BS, which is important during tax season. Metro won't screw you over with surprises, trick secrets, gotchas, or bullshit. Switching the metro means saying no to compromise. But you don't take yada yada yada? No, you don't do that.

That's the outro, buddy. Yeah, I know yada yada yada, but you said bullshit. Yeah, yeah. You can say bullshit. Well, it says in the thing, bullshit. I just wanted to be part of it. You can just double up on bullshit. Watch.

No trick, secrets, gotchas or bullshit? Bullshit. Bullshit. Shit watch No trick secrets gotchas or bullshit bullshit Bullshit switching the metro means saying no to compromise I'll tell you who somebody was saying no to compromise Fo sho was the girls in this video my new obsession Bobby is Body cam videos me and Shannon from guest digital at the same exact taste and trashy stuff to watch

when we're alone. And she put me on the Bodycam, this one Bodycam page. That's great. Seems like a lot of it's Florida, North Carolina, this video, as you said, right, Lou? Can I ask you a question real quick before we get into this? Absolutely. Did Shannon ever hook up with our boy, Bob? No.

It's never happened. Nope. Wow. No, never happened. That's sad. We're doing a dating game with her tonight, live on SDR Show. Oh, that's great. Check out KSDigital.com. Hot guys?

I think so, yeah. Exactly what she's looking for. I think lungs with tattoos and muscles. Lungs. She likes a real dummy. She likes a dum-dum. She loves it. So this video though is a body cam.

If I can give, I can give you the outside, the kind of the bones of the story, right? Lou, these two girls are outside right away and a cop starts talking to them to find out what's going on. They're both very drunk. The one girl starts speaking to the cop and her drunk shit trying to explain what happened. Her friend is being a problem. The friend is who to pay attention to here. Christine.

Is her name Christine? Yep. Okay. Christine is the person to pay attention to here. Because she, do you have a good timestamp for first? What's the first timestamp? What is it for? It starts from the beginning.

Right from the beginning? Yep. Okay. We'll pause it actually again. There was clearly a fight happened inside this bar restaurant. They always show the end of the body cam first. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

It was a cop. It was a cop running, which is there's nothing more uncomfortable audio wise than hearing a cop's all his shit he's wearing just jiggling around. Jingle, jangling. Yeah. And his breath. he's wearing just jiggling around. And his breath. And then, uh, uh, some, some, some CB radio chiming in.

So, uh, these girls were involved in the thing. One's trying to talk to the cop. Go ahead. Officer Goodman and Van Alstein arrive at Rockin Taco. Is this, this is going to be in some southern state like Texas or something, right? Reports of an altercation. It's North Carolina. North Carolina.

There you go. Okay. That's Sarah. Okay. Sarah almost seems sort of rational for us. She's drunk for sure, but she just tried to seem like, I don't understand why this is so at a hand. And you almost believe her. Her friend Christine is doing her Zilchow papers So Christine is now walked up I am relaxing I am talking to her. I'm talking she's fine.

I got her. So Christine is now walked up. Don't touch her again. Okay she's talking to me. He's telling Christine to stop touching Sarah. I'm just letting her talk to me. Sarah talk to me. Ma'am just step to the side.

Why are they so loud? Listen to me please. I literally did what you're making. I told you. I'm in her best interest at heart. I am in her best interest at heart. I literally was just sitting down. Oh now begins.

Now begins Lou am I right? Literally. The literally begins. I am in her best interest at heart. I am in her best interest at heart. I literally was just sitting down. Oh, now begins, now begins Lou, am I right? Literally. The literally game. If you were playing a drinking game with this, we'd all be dead in 30 seconds.

This girl thinks everything is literally, literally. And am I right, Lou? Does she have a sentence at one point where she goes, because literally, like, literally. Yes, she starts and ends the sentence the sentence. What is the word? Can we define what the word literally means? Literally? It means literally. The lady literally came up to me oh you're trying to do this to my boyfriend. I said no what are you talking about? I'm just my own world. Do my own thing to the music.

And then she was like, no. And then she started doing this side and the other. Do I need to tell you one more time to shut your mouth? He hates Christine. He's right in all of this. She's not involved in any of the confrontation that actually happened, but he hates Christine and Christine doesn't see it

Christine just feel every time he just goes miss. This is how the law works. She's like got you officer Don't listen to this shithead and listen to me. It's wild but Christine Knows what she's talking about. You don't talk to when you're out and it's over just leave You know this cop is trying to get information When you're out and it's over, just leave. You know, this cop is trying to get information to find out what's up that could fuck her in the end. Christine's like, you don't tell the cops nothing. Don't, this guy is trying,

because I love cops, but they try to befriend you. They try to get you to start yapping, and then you say something and then you fuck. Christine has been arrested before. Christine has been fucking arrested. Well, Christine's father is a cop, something, maybe. Yeah, something. Okay, she's, me and her talking. She's not walking away till I let her walk away. Are you clear?

Are you clear? Okay, then walk down there so I can talk to her. Sarah, walk the fuck away now! Sarah, if you can't hear me. Sarah, listen to me. Sarah, walk the fuck away now. Listen to me. She's like, Sarah, come. Okay, Sarah, come. 100% right. If you come back one more time, ma'am. Sarah! Sarah!

This cop? You know the cop's questioning her. No, this cop has- She can't leave. This cop hates women. This cop fucking hates women. Oh, you're about to hear why, though. I'm telling you, he hates women.

He fucking hates them. I don't know why, but he hates- You're being a good detective here. He hates women, and he hates that this fucking set these two hot chicks with that drunk been talking in a bar Raspy I lost my stupid I smoke cigarettes I drink too much and I blow guy voice which I hate where it just peaks out at the end She knows this bitch knows walk away from this piece of shit because he's mentally ill this cop has got problems But he she can't walk away. She can't because she has got problems, but he, she can't walk away.

She can't because she's being questioned because she was involved. You can't walk away. You know why it's America. They can't keep you. She's unless you did a crime. They'll just say you're detained because you were involved in a skirmish. A skirmish skirmish skirmish. Oh, I like a skirmish skirmish.

A skirmish. I may have said skirmish. Bobby is skirmish, but that's, you're still talking saddle talk. I'm sorry guys. I'm still back on It's a skirmish. Oh, I can't get back to Yellowstone Bobby is kind of right. I also watch Wilson combat videos and Masada you would tell you not to talk to the cops You should be alone too much. You should you should be alone. You should have a girlfriend bare minimum I'm agreeing with you. I know, I'm with you. I love your video choices.

He's good. Christine, Oscar. No, she's not, she is not leaving with you. I'm good. She's not leaving. I need to explain the situation to them. Sarah, talk to me. Sarah, okay, what's going on?

I am by any means, like literally, I am not computational, I am not anything. They approached me, and they said, okay, you're trying to approach my boyfriend like this. I said, what are you talking about? I don't care about a boyfriend, I don't care about a guy. I'm gonna do my own thing. I don't care, I'm gonna I don't care about a guy. I'm gonna do my own thing. I don't care, I'm gonna give a fuck about what they do.

I love that little, I love her skirt. It looks like it's on backwards with the zipper in the front. It's a really ill-fitting skirt. Oh, that skirt just takes with the zipper in the front and a button. Let me see your driver's license right quick. Let me take a picture of it in case I need to. Yeah, her skirt's got a old man old man pants closures

Yeah, like Robert Duvall would wear those Bobby D are those Bobby D's oh god the amount of shit that women have to take out with them every night This fucking backpack shit look at that wallet why do you need? Whatever the fuck is in there? Now you could dial that back for sure. There's no way you need a license and a credit card That's all you need in your keys. That's it. Look at all that shit. Whatever though. She's about to pull out Is there anything we should jump to Lou? No, I keep going literally, okay? Literally

literally like literally like like I've never gotten into any kind of type of thing in North Carolina out of all my years in North Carolina I've never experienced. Okay you may not be anything now all we're doing is trying to figure out what's going on okay? It's literally not even my fault like course I'm gonna defend myself the fuck hey boys I'm literally my address my literal address or my hypothetical address literally look at her oh. Look at her. Oh. Okay, we can fast forward. She's got an a** stomach in the front too.

Which I fucking... Did you get anything to look for the friend who's being the... Go to 619 because Christine wants to return and help. Oh wait, but I was gonna say before that, I just wanna explain, we don't have to show it. But it is great. Very quickly they just kinda deal with the other... Jesus Christ.

The other people involved in the fight and they have the one soberest person with them is the girl who said the, you know, the gatherer, the mother hen, who's like, shut up, shut up, stop talking, stop talking. I'm sorry, she's just drunk and being an idiot. And she just, it's her, it's her engagement party. So they just got to get into a fight. And they go, okay, go, go, officer, we're so embarrassed. And they were able to kind of just do that like so you know

All right, we'll see you later and got them all out of there. Oh, that's great So they just goes back over and this is what he bumps into Description because that's the black lady who starts talking is that this because this is my favorite Who's that guy right there? Is that a is that a cop another cop? I mean why are they dressed like Navy seals in Iraq? That's pretty intense. What do, what's at this one? That's Christine comes back, but she just being a little annoying. It's not just mentioning is fine enough. Just know that Christine is still working.

Okay. This is my favorite. So this black lady is hammered, but she is giving in this moment. I hope it's the beginning of it, like a Martin Luther King speech to this situation. Really? She's like, we don't need to do this. Everyone's just got to be like friends and stuff is stupid. She's making sense.

And it's all over just jealousy and whatever. And then, and then Christine lays the hammer that ends her night. Have a her night. Have a good night. She just really honestly didn't do it. Everybody should just be cool. We got him. Everybody's good till we out for the night. Yeah, this shit is like so stupid.

Like you know how when people just start something, they do nothing. Pause it again. Also notice, Cup hasn't raised his voice once yet. Even when he was telling her, hey, hey, hey, that's enough. I'm arresting. He was a little intense.

He was intense. With Christine at the beginning. She's yelling at her friend to come. Christine's never been talked to by some fucking, whatever this guy is, she's never had been talked to by that type of dude like that, because he was like, you shut your face and go. Yeah, she's used to a guy doing exactly what.

Back up 10 seconds, Christine. Yep. Back up 10 seconds, I want you to just want to hear this. This is where it's coming, right? This is beautiful. We got him, everybody's good to go, we owe for tonight. Yeah, this shit is like so stupid. It is.

Like, you know how when people just start something for nothing? It's like, John, We owe for tonight. Yeah That was Christine obviously like He now let me tell you something pause it pause it I want you to understand that I know this video so the calm coming before the storm She goes as you don't hear she goes come on. Let's go. He's like five foot nine and they walk away This black woman is still giving her Psalms, is still reading her Psalms, and he is not paying attention there. He is looking directly, and he is processing what she just said, and he, here's the switch flip, the flip switch.

First of all, first of all, five foot nine. Not even that crazy. That's actually great. I'd kill for that. That's a great height. I mean, five nine is awesome. My dream. I don't even dream higher than that

because I don't want to be greedy. Let's just say you guys wouldn't be Duncan, Dick and Christine then. Not this Christine, that Christine. This pig. I'm pretty sure 5'9 is movie star height. Yeah. Yes.

Sure. Go ahead, go back to where he says it. Okay, good, good, good. He's like 5'9. Whoa. Come on, come on, come on, come on. good good. He's like five nine Can I get this seat next to me You're arrested for calling me sure the first thing you're arrested for is calling me sure They go.

There's nothing to you. There's nothing coming back inside. I'm sorry. He's got rules. Yes, you're coming back. I have never done anything to you. There, you just talked to the ball. No, do not touch me.

This gets so much better. No, do not touch me. I love this. Stop touching me. So they are in a full blown. She's grabbing them. He's grabbing the shoulders. He's got the arm.

Please stop doing that. Let me have your driver's license. No, please stop. No. No. She's grabbing her he's grabbing the shoulders. He's got the arm She's resisting she's resisting I mean this is like a rape it looks like he's spinning her like a child I Love that she was sticking up her friends, but her friends like fuck her Her friends on saying shit right now to defend her. Well, here's the exact point. She gets away from this little five foot nine twerp. No way.

Buddy, she makes him huff and puff. Literally? Yes. Because. You're not coming back in here. He's got her. A girl. Because you're not coming back in here. He's got her a girl This makes my day

It shouldn't I'm on Christine's I've heard criminal trespass warning not to come back in here Yeah, you know fucked up now got one inside Okay, is a mask Fucked up there. Dude, they're still by the on. That guy's a mascot. Ma'am, you're not leaving. Please! Come on, baby. I'm telling you, she's a hard-difference on point. You're gonna get crumpled first. Gone.

Oh, gone. No! No! No! He tackled her! He got away running in high-heel boots. No, no, no, no. He didn't catch her. He just fell. Oh, he fell. He fell. Oh, I thought he tackled her. He got away running in high heel boots. No, no, no. He didn't catch her.

He just fell. Oh, he fell. He fell. Oh, I thought he tackled her. She's still going? Yeah, he fell. And then he needs help because of that. He's like, ha, fail.

He has to tell the other guy. Oh, please. I hope Christine gets away. Please tell her she jumps into a Kia. Yeah, she thinks she's still running. She gives up. She's running. Oh, my god. This is the worst sound.

She isn't in high heel boots. She did this. Oh, this dumpy cop. You hear it? They're both exhausted. They're both exhausted. They're doing the round the car game. Look at his wheezing. He's gonna stop chasing. Come on. Dude, he should be. By the way. They're both exhausted! They're doing the round the car game! Look at his wheezing! Dude, he should be...

By the way... What do you have another star stamp, Lou? 1120. And what's happening here? Sorry. I have a life What was your mistake I felt big and bad and I just wanted to be an I was an idiot.

Okay, why did you give me your life? I just thought it was a big and bad idiot. Why did you fuck up? You called me short, say it. Say it. You said whatever you girls said to me my whole life. Say it. Five nine is not even that short, you dumb bitch.

Bitch, I'm five nine. She's not tall, she's wearing high heels also. She's big and bad. Girls don't have to be tall, Jake. Hey, Valentine's Day. Girls don't have to be tall. Yeah, who wants a tall girl, you weirdo? Ah, she feels so entitled as soon as they put fake height on. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Just ping ping, just have her fall. And you got one more low because I know the last thing,

was one of the last things I wanted to hear is my favorite. This guy has to write this shit out, which is hilarious. I'll tell you what, wherever this place is. And then she called me. Maybe they aren't Alabama and she said this never happened to me in North Carolina because maybe she moved from North Carolina saying this is crazy here in Alabama because it was an outline of Alabama in the beginning. But I would tell you this, everything that woman did, and Lou, this is what's gonna piss you right off, Black Lou.

Oh, you're not gonna like this at all. She says the N-word? No, no, no. I'll just tell you, what do you think the punishment for this crime is? What? You bet to find out, right? Is that where we're going to, Lou?

She has to suck them all off. After running, and resisting? Running, I believe, hitting back. Yeah. I would assume her life is over. Her life is over? You think her life is over? You think by the end of this she will be shot nine to thirty sometimes in the back. She goes away for life. You decide for your criminal trespass warning which means you recognize that Rock and Taco through me is telling you never to return. Rock and Taco. One of my favorite things, one of my favorite things is the whole video at the end.

I didn't catch that in the beginning, that that was the place. And he goes, I'm telling you on behalf of Rock and Taco, you know that? And the rest of her life, everyone's going to be like, oh, then I want to have some more drinks. So I'm actually you on behalf of Rockin' Taco, you know that? And the rest of her life, everyone's gonna be like, oh, then I wanna have some more drinks. So I'm actually pretty hungry, goes. Let's go over to Rockin' Taco, and she always has to go, dude, that place fucking sucks. I can't. I don't even wanna go there, anyway.

Christine can't go, at least I'm laughing at her. Christine can't go to Rockin' Taco anymore, you dumb bitch. But still bring me back, bring me back a barbacoa, cause like, I still love it. I think she could like wear a wig, a wig and glasses. I bet she's been back to Rockin' Taco. Bring me back a barbacoa cause like I still love it She's been back to rockin taco. She just wear flats in a wig and she Keep playing it because it's almost over in there is oh, yeah And then you're gonna sign a citation doesn't mean you're guilty It just means you're receiving a copy of a citation so you can go on

They appear in court that means you challenge me in the city on it. You're more than welcome to do so, okay? Everything's on body cam. You're welcome to a copy of that. I promise to let me finish this up and I'll get you out of here And we'll get you out of here That's not even a spend the night in the clink and fucking dry out. No wow You think if she watched this you she'd be like, shit, I could unwrap that fat little motherfucker. She should have just kept going. Two more blocks.

He had died. 10 more seconds. I had this tubby shit. It's a hot girl's world. Jacob, when I saw that, I wanted to cut that up so much that I'm like, you have to see how this guy the only time he lost his where it was a wrap for him yeah she hit his height like the last 10 seconds because Christine has the last word oh yeah that's correct play the

last like 20 seconds this last minute through me is telling you never return if you do you can go to jail and then you're gonna sign a citation doesn sign a citation. It doesn't mean you're guilty. It just means you're receiving a copy of a citation so you can go on and you'll be given a court date to appear in court. If you want to challenge me and the city on it you're more than welcome to do so okay. Everything's on body cam you're welcome to a copy of that. I promise to God. Let me finish this up and I'll get you out here. that. Let me finish this up and I'll get you out of here. Your apology accepted but you still have to sign for this citation. This is a criminal trespass warning preventing you from coming back or actually prohibiting you from coming back to Rockin' Taco ever. Never. Never. Make you sign right there for me please.

Of course. Literally. That's what you get to book if you want. They're trying to rockin' taco. They drink suck. Can't go rockin' taco. They drink suck. He goes, you have enough of them. That's great. What a piece of shit. I can't watch. I'll give him a shout out. It's a good sight. A lot of goodies. Would you like to hear a super cut of all the literlies? Yo, yes, please.

Sir, confrontation earlier, will you and somebody else- No, I literally- Relax, relax. No, I literally- Sir, I- Don't touch her again. I literally- Step to the side for me.

Sir, talk to me. Ma'am. I literally- Sir, talk to me. I literally- Sir, talk to me. Sir, talk to me. I literally- Sir, to me like literally I am not functional and they literally approached me literally like sideways it's literally not even my fault like I'm literally I'm like I'm literally. That's crazy.

I'm like literally literal right now. That's like Lou's respectfully. Listen respectfully. Literally. Literally. Oh, that's right. Let me tell you something. But don't, you don't know.

What? I don't know. What? I don't know. He just played, Lou just played music and pointed at me. Yeah, the outro of our segment. And I wrote Bob on. But you don't take Yada, Yada, Yada in life. Don't take Yada, Yada from your wireless provider Metro. Don't take no Yada, Yada from cops.

Nah, literally, literally Metro by T-Mobile has no contracts, literally, no credit checks, literally, no surprises, literally. Yes, and nada yada yada, stopped by one of our over 6,000, literally 6,000 Metro stores nationwide. Literally. How many times have you seen that at a comedy club though? That's that same group of girls who get whacked out like that and have that same type of I just noticed because why okay, but he but the guy said asked me a question from the stage But he asked me. Yeah, just shitty that yeah, dude's night. It's nightmarish. Yeah, what am I doing?

I have one girl just crying on the way out and she was telling everybody to go fuck themselves And I was gonna get kicked out she goes, no, I'm not. Then when she got kicked out by the big bouncer, she was going, why? Why? Why? I love that. I did. There's nothing makes me happier than, uh, drunk women being removed from places. It's nothing.

Let me tell you something. I had a girl that I dated back in the day and she came with her friends and her friend got kicked out and they opened the door to the back of the theater and you could see her next to a radiator crying on the ground, just in tears. Like, why don't know what happened? I was in my glory.

Well, they say, I mean. I told Lou about another one. I almost stopped doing stand-up. I was like, there's nothing better than this. Maybe I'll get it. It's a guy and a girl get pulled over. The guy was in some sort of a fight. They're all 18 years old. The guy's gonna get arrested

for being involved in this fight. And they're letting the girl go home. And again, just like Christine, they're gonna let you go. They just want you to chill out for a second and stop screaming and asking for that. Stop. Can't. He's getting her and they just can't. At one point she leaves. They do get her to leave. She comes back. And I said the switch, the flip of the

switch that happens from her. And Christine, maybe you could find, I don't know. Look up 18 year old on that body cam watch page. But she goes back with a bag. First of all, she starts opening the bag up to reveal that she has closed and empties of beer. She's underage. So the cops are going like, miss, you're showing us that you have beer right here. And she goes, oh yeah?

She goes, do you guys feel like you have big dicks now? Do you guys feel like you have big dicks cause you're picking on or whatever? And she's like going like, it's garbage anyway. And she starts throwing the empties like garbage, garbage, like throws it at a guy that is garbage. And then how fast they just scoop her up and she goes, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm picking up a pick. It was, it's 45 minutes, not this one. This is the gun in the butt one. 45 minutes of her just being shitty to them. And then the second they just find because she's like, I'm never gonna get arrested.

It really does never ever get arrested. Because they never have and they've that that little technique they use has worked on so many fucking dumb guys that just don't want to get involved. You fucking asshole. With your little dicks. Cops don't put up with that, man. Down in the south, they don't fuck around. I mean, you can kick the shit out of a cop in New York right now.

Down south, fuck you. They'll trample you with a horse. You always know when a drunk girl got in a tussle with the cops because she's got bloody knees. Yeah. I mean. I don't know.

Bobby is going to be in comics. Mohegan's son March 7th and the 9th, through the 9th, RobertKellyLive. com for tickets this weekend I'm in Chicago improv everybody Friday tickets and Sunday tickets still available. So check that out me Mike Finoy are gonna be out. We got a big day coming up I mean our day are gonna be at the Paramount Theater in

Huntington, New York Long Island on the March 21st 8 p.m. Take it. 8 p.m. A selling, please sell the sucker out. Please sell the sucker out. I was gonna sell it out before we get there. Let's get it sold out while we're away next week. Yeah, next week.

Let's just do it. Just do it. God damn it. We'll be right back with Ruby Lynn, everybody. And we're gonna be performing with no microphones. We're gonna have headset mics like Matt Reif. Oh yeah, we're gonna head out. Yeah, that's our thing. headset mics like Matt Rice. Oh, yeah, with that doubt. That's our thing.

That's just, me and Bobby can be hands-free. Me and Bobby, me and Bobby are gonna come out and we're gonna patty cake on stage together. My, my, my, my, my. You guys ready to patty cake? Thank you. I'm a cowboy. There's an all-new Bonfire tonight at 5 p at 5pm Eastern and on the Sirius XM app.

Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual Sirius XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to SiriusXM.com slash Bombfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcomedy.com and robberkellylive.com to check out our stand updates coming to a city near you. Crack or Brawl!