The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - "I'm Really Good At Shakespeare"

Episode Date: April 8, 2019

Jacob has to defend one of his favorite bands Iron Maiden, and tells a story about him and his father. Jay makes fun of Christine for wanting Shakespeare on the new bookshelf. The guys discuss the immense knowledge of basketball the Kardashians must have.

You're listening to Comedy Central. Hi, I'm Dan Soder. I'm Big J. Ocasin. And you're listening to the Best of the Bond Fire. Stay tuned to hear some of our favorite moments from this week. You can listen to the Bond Fire Live every Monday through Thursday from 6th APM on Comedy Central Radio, Series XM95, or on demand on the Series XM app. Also, be sure to follow us on all social media at the Bond Fire SXM.

I campers as a Jacobin on Tuesday's show, Dan and Jay had a conversation about beach music that they love and hate. This morphed into a conversation about Iron Maiden, and after Dan made fun of it, I had to come to Iron Maiden's defense because I had a personal connection with the band, as you will see. Listen in. Do you like some 41? No, Christine did I bet? Oh, yeah. At least this song, what's a fat lip? Everybody look fat lip. No, I don't.

No, I don't. No, I don't. You know, you're a poor, you're a poor, you're a joyful, you're an angry, silly kid. I was a joyful California girl. No, but you're like, party like being California girl. Oh, no, but J like, what would be one blind? We have been being blind. Like, my name is El Nino. It's super California. We got to understand J. That's the age difference because the shitty stuff you liked was like five years ahead of Christina and I because you liked like, you know, like some of

that hair metal is fucking ridiculous. No, hair menos ridiculous. So it's still ridiculous, but I'm telling you more than hair metal. It's like ridiculous. More than hair metal. This more than hair metal, like what's just like. Yeah, I guess I wasn't pretty in like yeah, bungeo. But I'm sorry man, but I like, I know I'm gonna get killed by Jacob for saying this, but Iron Maiden to me

has always been kind of corny. No. Well, it's like a bungeo. It's like a bunch of old iron a bunch of English men like Hills Dan Throwing by Bruce Dickinson cuz he's got like an operatic voice, but no, it's not. We throw by pretty great lyrics. No, no. All right, Jacob. Looks like a crazy. They're leaders. No, no, no. They are, it's pure buffoon. It's in

ridiculous. It's about galloping on it's galloping on the plane. I'm not saying they're not cool, lyrics, but they're singing about like fantasy. I mean, when we were when we were driving back from that's one of my favorite things when me and Me and Bill Burr were coming back for or a bunch of us we went to Oz Fest years ago when they played Iron Maid when we left he was like man. That was a great show, but he's like I mean every song Bruce Dickinson Asked the question was it for real or just some sort of a crazy dream?

Because everything's like, was it happening or a crazy dream? He says crazy dream in 17 songs. Yeah, and that's no important. It's just like, and the rest of it's going like, he goes, he goes, flying on the star path the dragon lives his head The Just a crazy Dream it really is just magic gathering of rock and roll I love it my wisdom be so true

You're wrong though, it's corny, but the music the music forget the lyrics the music is fucking come on the trooper come on Come on Dan Listen It sounds too like the battle of Britain. It's faint now. But this sounds like your fucking... Calm down, I'm trying to say, it's not, I was saying it's a little corny. I wasn't saying the music's fucking great. There's stuff that you guys like, that I'm saying that you probably liked it 11, that's corny shit now. Iron Maiden holds up much better than 311.

Yeah, but yours, you probably like some fucking random ass yacht rock guy. I have a personal connection they are. Tell me when you're a rock guy doesn't hold up to him. Even you think that's a bad example. Shut up. There's plenty of you're right. I don't go back to rat very often. You know what I mean?

I said, well, I'll check out once in a while. I don't go back to Bon Jovi at all. Uh, Bon Jovi, perfect example. Perfect example of someone that you were like Yeah, I mean listen they hold up. I mean they're much better pay for three eleven But I'm saying there are band everyone's got that battery like half-ock like three eleven I was like, oh whatever I like this album and then now at 35 I'm like dancing to go back to his mom's house and fucking to burn all of his shirts now

So I have no evidence how much loved to burn all my 311 stuff She goes, but you love peanut You so you said that you sell yourself to those guys you wanted to move the Lincoln Nebraska And you know that's where they're from I tell you I love that you're not in the story, but can we also start saying that 311 is a flat-earth or band? Yeah, they're flat-earth music for sure. Go ahead, Jacob. Iron Maiden, most going on you were wearing 18 inch wristbands. Now what? In 1989, I think they were performing at like what was giant stadium. I think it was the somewhere somewhere in time tour. Okay. And a riot broke out in the parking lot.

It's actually on the news. A riot broke out. A riot. Overturn cars. Oh, no, a riot broke out. They overturned cars? Like there were people that overturned cars. There were like smashing beer bottles through cars.

And there were cars were made Real air and made it is it is they are the battle cry for whites for sure But what happened was Like my Like a family member when you was at the concert inside the call home. There's no cell phones So he just called my house and my dad who knows nothing about So he just called my house and my dad, who knows nothing about me. The only thing he ever listened to was CBS news. He'd never heard of Iron Maiden says, I'll go pick you up.

So he drives to giant stadium. It's in the midst of a riot. He thinks it's the apocalypse. He gets there out of the car looking everywhere in the parking lot for this one kid and This one guy goes up to my dad. I swear with a beer bottle. It says here dude. Take it smash it Use it as a weapon through the car and my dad to this day I love it for this he didn't know what to say goes no thanks. I just smashed four of them And everyone in the crowd cheered for him like he was a hero.

I've done my thrashing for the night. At the same time this is going on. We used to do that. At the same time this is going on. The news reporters had started showing up because it was a riot. And one guy who obviously knew nothing about iron maiden was broadcasting life from the parking lot. And he said apparently the riot broke out when the band iron maiden performed their anthem Ace is high. That's hilarious. Yeah. He thought it was. He's high.

He says high. I thought it was a drug anthem. It's a aces high. Oh, guys, I love to start the show, but aces is high. Hey, everybody. This is DJ Liu. And on this clip from the Lost tapes, Christine and Jay are getting a new bookshelf. Christine wants to put Shakespeare on the shelf, of course. And somehow it morphs into impressions of Jacob being racist. Christine, we're getting a bookshelf. Christine, we were talking about some things we want to get for a bookshelf.

Christine goes, I think I want to get like one of those like nice collections of all the Shakespeare plays. I go, it's pretty nice. You will never open one ever. Well, she gets some Lord Byron poems. Yeah, why you're at it? She gets Dead Sea Scrolls, why you're at it. Oh, I think you're looking.

Ooh. By the book you want to get. By the way, shares unauthorized a lot of biography or something like that? The co-ins guide to come. He's got a real barn burner out there. We ordered Madonna's sex, which I'm really excited to have such a classic. Match. Just, oh, there it is. I'm a sat-guet. Shake's fair. I haven't heard that in a classic. Natch. Just, oh, there it is. I'm in that one.

That's how it shakes fair. I haven't heard that in a while. If I came in, I'd be knocked on my ass. If I came home to Christine reading the tempest, you know. Yeah, she goes, mm, she goes, you know what my favorite is the merchant of Venice. Yeah. His shot off thinks he's gonna get his pound of flesh

but in naturality. She goes, Jay, you came in here. Let me read this stanza for you. Yeah, it's just such a ridiculous idea, especially when we need room for my Edgar Allan Poe anthology. Yeah, I'm sorry. The cask of a Monteago.

Yeah, Jay likes to go classic American. Yeah. It was, but you realize quickly it was a bad idea. Yeah, I so I thought about what I like. She'd add a back to a couple to like, now I think it's just cliff notes in a drawer. I'm gonna do the spark series. Yeah, the yellow and black cliff note. Yeah, she goes, this is what happened. But you want to, I mean, listen, you're talking to

a guy with that has a book case in his house with the complete Calvin and Hobbs collection and the complete far side. It makes more sense to me though, which are both badass. Those you'll take a peek at in the dumper, you know me? I won't take them into the bathroom. Christine's gonna get a lightly dabble back into Romeo and Juliet. You're just not going to. There's something about reading Hamlet in the full. Why don't we get an encyclopedias at Warrant.

That'd be pretty cool. Anything else? Full encyclopedia Britannica. Do me a favor, can you get some flints so we can light our candles and cigarettes with rocks Oh my god. I want to come in with one of those paper necks. Yeah You know I don't look like a fox is going back to the edge wants to go back to the olden times Yeah, I'm told it now that can I do a powdered wig? Yeah, I just thought a Shakespeare set would be kind of fun for a bookcase

Fun what's fun about that? I mean, Jacob gets me reading a complete word. Jacob has a blaring swastika poking out from his room. You have a pro-ju. Huh? The swastika? Is that what you think? Is that what you've been told?

He's not hanging out with these white supremacists. I was thinking about this because the Nazis burned the books. Uh huh. And I have the rise and fall of the Third Reich is, you know, anti-Nazi, why they came to power, how do I avoid it? Well, the second half's anti-Ferse, if the Reich. If you stop reading halfway through,

it's actually a victory. But it, it's a little bit crazy, Hitler got shot nine times and survived, right? Yeah. Wait, that's 50 cents. No, they put it out.

I'll keep the book as is because it's kind of like and survived, right? Yeah. Wait, put an outmout. That's 50 cents. No, they put an outmout about it. I'll keep the book as is because it's kind of like the Nazis won in this case. Okay, if I get rid of that, then they've won. They want me to do that. You think you know. They want me to burn the book. You think you make sure you look at a bad boy when ladies come over. Yeah, I don't understand.

I'm going to have a little association of the rise and fall of the Third Reich that doesn't have a gigantic swastika. I don't know why they-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating.

I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating.

I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I'm a little self-hating. I mean, that's the one that really made it weird. Because I'm a self-hating Jew on the one on the right. Well, that's just for me. How are you doing? That's when I realized black glue wasn't coming to that Joey Lugano

race. Oh, I got I got I got his black loop and over here. No, thankfully. No, thank God. Yeah. I probably wouldn't even make it to the neighborhood quite honestly. There's a lot of rough guys around here You live in a white supremacist part of a story Jacob. Yeah, you guys don't know about little Berlin Little Auschwitz Five block radius all white all Aryan all the time. Welcome little war some motherfucker Yeah, you're old if you ain't a hard ass All white all Aryan all the time welcome little war saw mother fucker Yeah, you're old if you ain't a hard ass Jacob's putting white leases in his big combat boots

I don't know. What do you want me to do living Jackson Heights with the heaves? I'm here. Maybe gravely find out Jacob always has tiny little thin suspenders under all of his shirts. That's holding it up with a wife beer. Yeah. Not welcome, mother fucker. Hey, it's Black Blue. And on Monday's show, we discussed how getting a Kardashian affects your stats in the NBA. I was here that NBA All Star weekend is like, that's like the way for all the hose to get out and get babies.

So, so you wondering are they basketball fans? Yeah, no, but I think you make yourself a basketball fan look if you're in the fucking Kardashian household clearly you learn the game You know the game the game of basketball. No one's gonna explain what a flagrant to is to it's anyone Jenner or Kardashian ever again. Oh, they're they're familiar with off ball picks. They're basically like the wooden's the Kardashians. I don't know. Are you guys going

to start running the triangle offense? They're like, what? I don't know. It seems like their six years work. But I mean, dude, your boy Ben Simmons is dating Kendall Jenner. I know. They put up a they put up a stat that you guys are like 17 and three

when she's in the crowd. Yeah. Yeah, he tries to perform. He goes big. He gets it. Every time she's in the audience, when she's in the game, sometimes I forget to look for, but she always sits in the same seat.

But I forget to look for on TV sometimes. And then when she's been Simmons, do a dunk. For a yes. Right. He screams on his dunks when she's there like you he hammers him home And you hear him in the out on TV I'm surprised you're here that I'm surprised you don't see one of those kids with one of those fucking mop Brushes running over to her seat Sorry, oh fuck don't slap sorry, he just Yeah, when they fall. Yeah. Yeah. Don't even slip. Sorry.

Oh, fuck, don't slip. Sorry. He just dunked and looked right at it. He just evacuated all over your floor. Oh, Ben dunked and I evacuated. And there's a time out on the floor as, yeah, yeah. He's fouled on the ground because of pussy juice. Some ought to let it's urine.

However, some doctors say it's a mixture of urine and some other sort of secretion. Either you that it's urine. However, some doctor say it's a mixture of urine and some other sort of secretion. Either way, we'll be right back after the auto trader presents halftime show. Either way, I fucking love it. I want it on my face. AutoTrader.com, go where you can get the cars. Regardless, I got a little bit of a spill here on the court. We're going to good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy.

I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not a good guy. I'm not I heard once, that's not saying at all. We'll be that kind of a jitter getting her lips so shot

for the rest of the game. Oh, I don't ever waitin' up the bitches like that. I don't ever fault a guy like that doing that. You know what I mean? Like good for Ben Simmons. Go fuck and dunk on people while your girls in the audience. Oh yeah.

Yeah. That's what they're 17 to do. They're 17 and three and They're all almost triple doubles. He oh my just put them look those up I'd like to see those numbers because I bet he's putting up fucking numbers when candle Jenner Nothing'll make you she sits for her order. She sits in front row. Oh, it's it's that brand new shit to where they just probably lay in bed and look at each other a lot I want to either I want to hate her. I want to eat her. But she got good.

I bet they say hi a lot when they're in bed. They go hi. Hi. Also because they're vapid and they lose the tent they forget their there. Hi. Hi. He goes, hey. Huh?

He just fucking props up his long body. Hi. Huh? Huh? What? fucking props up his long body. Hi. Huh? Huh? What? Hi. What? Huh?

Who? Huh? Hi. Hey. What? You go, you go, stop. You're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're first. What were you say hi? Just I know what oh hi. Is that it? I'm gonna drink are these the number when he's there Ben Simmons stats. Oh, it's fantastic. Yeah, of course reddit has it with them Without now it's within that a headband you didn't ask and I delivered Ben Simmons stats within without a headband and Kendall Jenner

who didn't ask and I delivered Ben Simmons stats with and without a headband and Kendall Jenner. Yes. Who's more important to him? A headband or Kendall Jenner? I'll find out what Nikola, Nikola, YoKitch is fucking it. I'll fucking buy whatever that he, her, I'll give a shit, I'll buy season tickets for him to be, for them to be in the audience. He's up almost a point when she's there. Okay.

Less rebounds because he figures someone else will pick it up All he stares at her. He's always looking to see if people are trying to fuck her over his shoulder Well, you can't blow kisses while you're going up for a board. He's a sister up And I'll tell you why they're up to assist. I'll tell you why that's good. Why that's cool It's because his show off he's showing off what he knows. He is Big thing is this badass pass as he makes. Yeah, you gotta go do your thing It's like I do more voices when I'm around a hot girl You won't you won't talk to Dan so to that entire time. I'll tell you what his defense suffers

His defense suffers when she's there. She doesn't like watching get hurt. Yeah, don't be aggressive me me Yeah, let them score. What's the big deal? Stop you mean Yeah, let them score. What's the big deal? Stop. You being mean. So there's only six games left. So there's only six games left in the season. And he's like, yeah, then we start to play offs. Play offs!

Oh, no. She just calls him playing defense being mean. I don't like when you're mean. But I have to. You took that ball from that little guy. The guy was sad He's smaller than you. Yeah, I'm a six foot nine point guard Yeah, that's not fair your mean

He goes yeah, but most usually point guards are six foot. I don't need you to man explain it to me Living with a Kardashian Living with a Kardashian. It's Big J.O.G.R.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S.S. Be sure to follow us on social media at the Bonfire at sexism.