The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Improv (feat. Rich Vos & Mike Finoia)

Episode Date: March 6, 2024

While watching clips of comedians get attacked onstage, Christine discovers old videos of Rich Vos doing improv in the early 90's.

I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. O'Kersen. We're actually a full radio show on Serious XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of The Bonfire, you can listen on the Serious XM app. Go to seriesxm.com slash bonfire for a special offer. And now, The Bonfire with Big J. O'Kersen and Robert Kelly.

Look at these two Bernie Getzins getting ready to take back to New York streets. Bobby and Rich, Rich Voss comparing their switchblade knives. We both have knives. What a couple of greasers. We're all a couple of... Oh Jesus! Voss! What's wrong with you?

I didn't bring it close. Dude zap him with it. Give him one. Give him a taste. You're really scared of being a What's wrong with you? Dude zap him with it. Give him one. Give him a taste. You're really scared of being a Jew, aren't you? No, I'm scared to do the show. Did you have to walk through a Palestinian march to get to there? Yeah. It is the bonfire faction talk series XM 103 Big J. O'Grison, the great Robert Kelly.

Hi. Whole crew in the motherfucking house, and we have two very, very fun guests. First, he's going to be at the South by Southwest in Austin, Texas. March 8th, that is this weekend. After that, he's going to be at the Piano House of Comedy, March 14th to the 17th, or the Plano Piano. What an idiot.

Yeah, me and another player. You're in the Piano House? You're doing Pianos? Yeah, I do it now. The Plano House of Comedy, March 14th through the 17th. It is the hilarious still living legend, Rich Voss. Thank you for having me. Thank you.

And our other guest, everybody, you know him and love him. He's going to be the Vermont Comedy Club March 29th to the 30th. It's America's Amigo, everybody. It's Mike Funoyah. Funoyah! Thank you, Bobby. You nailed it.

What are you, what? Okay, I'm glad I'm here. I haven't done this in forever. We're glad you're here too. Bobby calls me last week. He says, can you do Bonfire next week? Two zero ones. I go, I'll let you know.

Because my wife just got back in the town, I'm leaving. I go, I'll let you know. And it's probably 70-30, yes, 70, 30. He calls me yesterday, he goes, I'm confirming you for tomorrow. I go, I never confirmed this. But he's very aggressive and I don't wanna fight with Bobby you need information on a sauna.

So I said, I'll do it. And then I got the sauna information. Also he lost enough weight to be able to catch in a foot race now. So you can't run from you can't run from money more now. He lost the weight. Listen, he ain't catching me. Can you put your headphones on so you don't have to say what?

Huh? Huh? Huh? What's that? Huh? Just put your headphones. I don't have any headphones. They're right in front of you.

This is a professional studio. Where are they? Right? Oh my God, right there. Oh, those? Yeah, the things that look like your regular ears. Thank you. What are these focaccia things? Oh, I think I put that over his shoulders, keep warm.

Thank you. Now warm the car. Oh my God. Wouldn't it have been great if Bobby, if Vlas's Taser caught his rings? If you just turned it to Thanos all of a sudden over there, he'd be like, brrr. No.

Why do you, why do you why, why? Why what? Why do you have a teaser? Why? So you don't get raped? But you're going from, you're going from your- What's the story of a tiger lady? Claw scratchers?

I had a walk from my car. You never know when you're on stage and you say something and- You're gonna pull a taser on stage? Yeah. That gets hot like the guitar comic I just saw it the other day. Oh yeah, it's not funny.

It's the best, I love it. You saw me came right after me. No! Well I used to, and I was, I bought pepper spray, which I everywhere I had, and I go, if I'm on stage, but if you spray pepper spray, the whole audience will get it. Oh yeah.

Yeah, like, because when I bought the pepper spray, I just went upstairs and tested it in the garbage. And my wife and kid back then were downstairs coughing. They go, what you do? Really? Yeah, I mean, that's how strong it is throughout the house. But I mean, you know what, I'll tell you. What did they say?

What you do? What? Yeah, with Will Service? You married a Yamanica? Yes, I know. Why, you know what? I'll tell you what they say. What you do. What? Will you marry the Yamanica? Yes. Why, who he be? Who he be? What you do up there? Will goes, why, why, why, why, why you spray that?

Can I ask you a question? You can ask me a lot of them. I want to ask you. It can't be negative. Maybe start off positive. I was wondering, were you raped? I, never lucky enough. No, why would you say that? Because you have all the paraphernalia

of somebody who's raped. Yeah, you do say, you said, give me the rape protection kit, a switchblade and a taser. But I will say a taser on stage, maybe we should all carry taser on stage, because I will say, I looked up, I saw like a reel or something on Facebook the other day,

some old, and it was a comic getting attacked on stage. I think it's Sunset Comedy Club in Austin, attacked by somebody on stage. So I looked up to see that, I was like, comedine attacked, and I used to look at that all the time to see if there's some crazy shit where someone jumps on stage. And it used to be, I knew the three videos.

I knew the ones they had. There are so many now. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. There's so many. That wall has been broken. People do not see that if they get mad enough that they can't just make their way to the stage and they can't believe there's any trouble around it. They're usually righteous in it. They're like, so yeah, you talk too much shit and I'm gonna go

up there and hit them. It's wild. Mike, what do you think? Would you rather have a say to Taser or a writer? I'd rather have that sentence again, but audibly so I could hear it. We did all have to say writer in our head again. Yeah, we all went writer. Writer? Writer. Do I want a taser or a writer? A writer for your contract. Don't try to back out of your bomb.

I hate when he, anytime he bombs, he makes it serious. Yeah, I wish, I like Mike. I wish you tased that fucking line. This is a. You should get tased every time you have a bomb on the show. Yeah. Let me tell you why you don't attack Mike Fenway, the sweetest boy in the land.

Yeah. Who, a small thing you said that was very meaningful to you from your past. Yeah. And Mike, if you want to tell him that you took a little trip. I took a trip. You did? Took a little trip this weekend.

Really? I went up to, I traced back your heritage and your childhood. And Mike, if you want to tell him that you took a little trip. I took a trip. You did? Took a little trip this weekend. Really? I went up to, I traced back your heritage and your childhood. If my father, real father walks in here right now, I'm going to throw up. I swear to God, we all thought he was dead. He's always alive. Okay, didn't know that. His name's Steve.

I did research. You don't actually have a real father. What? Yeah. You were three women, came at once and you, no, I went to Boston and my mother was raped on the Khyber Pass like Colin said on the duck boat tour that turns into a van. I did some I had to go to Boston and I spent a couple days there doing some serious research and I brought up some tools. I brought up a metal detector, a trowel. A trowel.

And I went to all of your foster homes that you lived in throughout your childhood. Yeah. And I found a friend. You found a what? Your old best friend. Spoon? I found Spoon.

You found Spoon? This is Spoon, dude. Oh, my, I'm so happy to see you. Look how happy Spoon is. is Spoon, dude. Oh, my, I'm so happy to see you. Look how happy Spoon is. Spoon is finally here. This is an exact, this is exactly the Spoon. My, oh, it has a little face on it. He's smiling at you.

That's Spoon. You gave me Spoon. And Bobby, look. I found you the best friend. If maybe you're looking for Spoon to not be smiling at you when you're feeling down. We have. There's so many Spoons of so many different facial expressions.

Spoon has brothers. Spoon has moods? Yeah, look we got- Spoon has moods. We got not so happy with you, spoon. Oh, that's a time- I remember I was digging in the dirt and it was actually dog shit. Yeah. That's it we got.

Oh, fucking spaced out. This is whacked out on drugs with you, spoon. That was the first time we actually did val-vall-vallumes together. Yes. Yes This is love spoon. Oh hard-eyed spoon. Yeah, that's when I blew that guy for a steak. Uh-huh Snarky spoon. Oh, this is spoon who's like really big. This isn't a good idea Bobby Yeah, he's rolling a bit on this one hungry spoon. This is when Bobby deserves a snack. Yeah. Oh, that's what would have to be Bigger for my snacks. You can't fit 4,000 calories in the spoon. And doesn't Bobby eats too much spoon. And that's dead. That's dead spoon.

That's that's but you keep that on the bottom. So those are all your friends, Bobby. We found your spoon and he told me all about your adventures. And we're going to come up with a nice book, a nice children's book. Bobby, now you get to make your picture book of you and adventures of Bobby and spongebob in spoon what are you couldn't have had a better reaction what I was hoping when Mike told me he got these for you that I was said my picture in my head was he's gonna hold it up and you're gonna go spoon not a spoon what's that spoon I thought you would see it and go spoon Bobby said that his mom at one point I guess you was just one of them out of the house a spoon when I was

younger when I was younger I didn't really like my kid has all these fucking tours I've spent so much money when I was younger my mom was so frustrated with being it she goes go outside I go nobody I had no friends I go nobody's out there she goes here take this and she gave me a spoon but Bobby and Bobby became best friends with it Bobby Bobby would you name that spoon spoon biological father spoon dad so yeah I went to Boston and found a right OG spoon and he goes you're here Let's go to dinner with the family brothers, and they all stay together

It's been so long buddy like a spoon and you can make so many different adventures with all those different faces I'm gonna get only give one of these to Max. Yeah. Oh, yeah Like dad Not using that you fucking listen. It was my Oculus Quest I'm not using that you fucking whistling. Where's my Oculus Quest? What, you want me to cook heroin? Alright. You know the best thing is too, Bobby.

They came in this great box and it, literally, I knew these were for you because the writing on this is the way Bobby would write and or read. Yeah. May you be healthy and happy with this spoons. That's the worst thing ever. So sweet. I wish I knew you guys did props. I would have brought something. It's not props.

It's love. It's love. It's a reunion with his best friend from childhood. Bobby didn't have any friends as a kid because he kept moving. He doesn't really have any now. I know. Well, that's why I wanted to get him his old friend back.

Bobby didn't have any friends as a 10 year old because he fucked all of his friends girlfriends and did drugs without them If you look at these spoons right now, it's almost like the comedy cellar table faces Keith is bent. You should turn, Keith. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Palestine doesn't stand with you. Yeah, you certainly don't walk with anybody. That takes nine hours. Keep making right turns. Keith only shoots at rallies, not the marches.

Every stupid stage at the cellar has a fucking railing now because of that hassle. I know. I've nailed my nuts on that thing so many times. Oh, really? At the original cellar? Every single stage. Just in case Keith... Goes down. ...has a railing. But he refuses refuses to use too, by the way. But you know what it still doesn't have?

Like a handicap way to get downstairs into the room for fans. At least... Well, how could that at the small... At both places... No, that's a big one to have one. VU, I don't think it does that. No, definitely. VU does have one.

Oh, the elevator, yeah. We couldn't do one at... Thank God Patrice died before they had to do new constructions for him at the club. Yeah him and Keith. Patrice and Keith have always need help getting on stage. Every show is longer because of those two. If Keith doesn't win in Emmy for his special, there's no chance. You know what? We were at the first show. I'm so sick of you. I love you. You're taking what I said and making it yours. I said it that night. You weren't even at the first show. Now Bobby, I'm pretty sure Bob, I'm pretty sure this is the Voss idea that you have now glommed onto. Yes, I said, because hold on a second, first of all, stop it. I was at the first show, he was at the second. You and I said it. No, no,

is the Voss. He and Bonnie, walking home, I go. It's a Voss statement for sure. Yes. I'm not, I'm not. I'm not breaking it. Walking home with your taser and your sword. Yeah. What's that dent on your head? What? You know what he's talking about? That cigar burn, cause your step-hop came back and put a cigar on your head.

Who did that? His step-father came back as mean one. I, I don't want to tell you cause, I'm not gonna pick, I'm not that kind. Did you put a suction cup rain to your horn on there to do cameos? Was that it? Are you getting your Christmas cameos in?

It's a cameo injury. I was getting into my sauna and I have a heat light in the sauna to make it a little hotter because I want it to be like a 170. And I went in head first and I heard, tss. Yeah, well you always go in head first. it was a the light was in the wrong position. It just melted that red heat light

Just hit my head. I got into one of the biggest fights with Dawn ever over over lavender, of course I was like, where's the lavender? Where's the lavender? She's like what happened? I go. I burnt my head. Where's the lavender? How'd you do that? I I hit a light. What light bulb? What are you fucking Sherlock Holmes? Where's the lavender? You know, you know. She goes, don't yell at me. I go, where the fuck is the lavender? Dave Smith said the funniest thing on Skanks

a few weeks back. That was so true. And it started making me think of a thousand of these. I bet all four of us, three of you who's married, I've been with Christine forever, that we have a story of getting, just snapping at your chick for something completely Unrelated to her fault in any way at all. Dave's was so funny Dave asked her to grab him some socks And so she brought him socks and then he walked down the hall

I guess on this wearing the socks and then because the floor it's hardwood floors He just slipped and he fell and he said he's just her, like, the fuck you bring me these socks for? I was like, you asked me for socks, I brought you socks. I was just like, you brought me these fucking socks? You gotta blame somebody. Buddy, I was in a, took a shower with my girlfriend when I was younger, like when I was about early 20s, 21 maybe. And we were in a shower, we were together for a long time

I was always take a shower together. No, and I and I go I have my back to the To the actual like a faucet and she's like standing in front of me facing me. I don't know we didn't completely dry We weren't probably we weren't more than likely She was fully closed Smoking She was starting a small fire yeah, she had a piece of bread But I just I don't know I lost my Feet grip and I went down when she was standing and I went down

Legs went around her and I clunked my head on the floor. It hurt so much. No blood, but just like dull thumps in the back of my head and going down and I was so embarrassed and she, I saw her bite the lip of trying not to laugh at me. I go, what's funny about that? Like I've been screaming at her so much. She did nothing wrong. There's nothing funnier to a woman than hearing, ow! In my house, anytime I say, ow, or get hurt, you'll hear immediately. Ha ha ha. I'm a stand-up comic.

I'm funny. I've never seen her laugh at me on stage. She only laughs when I get hurt. It's, I don't know if you've been with your wife long enough, Mikey, to have it, but I think the other three of us here can fully admit they want us hurt. Christine never feels bad for my pains.

She feels it's deserved. And this is what I get for talking to her a certain way at one point. It's something that they held on to because they hold on to everything. It's a ticket they held on to. And as soon as they hear it, whatever that thing that you did six months ago,

it comes right up and she goes, thanks God. Yeah, but Bonnie will remember something, but she exaggerates a lot. She'll remember a little story, but exaggerating in her head. And 10 years later, believed that it grew so much in her head.

Like, you know, when we used to do roast battle, some people I was nice to, I go ahead, but she goes, you were too nice to everybody. I go, I did it once or twice. I said, but in her head, once they think, girls are fucked up. Yeah, trying to think. I'm just gonna stop there. Stupid.

Dude, we've been married 11 years, right? Together for 13, so we went and looked at a house yesterday and it's really close to where a family lives with kids and she brought up, she's like, we shouldn't live this close to kids. Remember last time we lived this close to kids? What'd you do? Fuck them?

Yeah, Mike's not allowed. Yeah, Mike has to report to everybody who's moving to town. I lost my paperwork. This is how it gets kids. That's why they're all smiling. Hey, you like a little smiley spoon? Are you not familiar with Connecticut's finoyal law? We lived in a house and our neighbors were the nicest people in the world.

Nice people in the world. And they had a pool and one summer, three in the morning, the kids were out in the pool, laughing, having a memorable moment. And I come back from a show, I had a bad set. And I walk out on the deck, while I was doing my rich boss impressions. Well, you guys stop, we leave him alone. He was starring with me earlier when he was making fun of my rings.

First of all, your rings. You have your chip rings to a championship that never happened. Yeah, yeah. Do I tell us the story? And now you have a bracelet, which is annoying everybody. The kids next door are in the pool pool and I walk out on the deck It's dead silent and I go oh Shut the fuck up to the kids why cuz I'm it um this is me react

Cuz I'm an asshole and the minute the words left my mouth I go well I can't live here anymore, so I went in the house. Oh, I remember that, yeah, in the pool, you scream outside, that's it, your neighbors. They went, dude, the minute the words left my mouth, I'm like, they're gonna be there tomorrow. Like, what am I supposed to do? I called my wife at work and I'm like, yeah, I fucked up. I'm like, I yelled at the neighbors' kids.

And she's like, you didn't swear or anything, did you? And I'm like, no. Yeah, I said fuck a bunch. And she was like, so the next day I went to their house and I was like, listen, I'm an asshole. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to swear. Here's like a couple hundred dollars

in movie theater gift certificates. I wrote a letter apologizing. We moved. We sold the house. We sold the house. We sold the house. Why was your father saying to you? He was so cool to me.

He was like, listen, man, you know, like it's, we're not gonna be that tight I guess I don't know but that was weird you're forgiven and I'm just like dude. I you forgive me, but I'm never gonna Forgive you, but didn't forgive you If a guy came to me and said yo dude I fucked up I'd like to don't worry about it Yeah, they can be annoying. I wanted to say you said it for me. Don't worry about it Don't worry about it. They can be annoying. I wanted to say you said it for me. Don't worry about it Just don't you hate him forever though. I'm a dick

Before that happened like year and a half or so were you close with him then well It was what we were we would see each other. He was very nice. You were howdy neighbor, right? We were hey, bud. How are you? So you were never gonna be close with him any how now, but that we literally moved before he called us daughter dumb cunt I go yo shut the fuck up and while the words are on their property you went on my show your underage kids Or shut up. Why didn't you just say you were arguing with your wife and you were on the day you walked out? Scream shut up before I come down there and fuck all of you. I was talking to my wife fuck all of you I was talking to my wife I'm gonna stand a pool my wife how old were the kids high school middle school and elementary school no no no and elementary school like all the way down like they were they were and they were great kids they were so nice that the neighbors that you

would fucking die like just having fun in a pool in the summer every time I go to a water park they're're nervous now because of you. They hear, oh, and they fucking twitch. They go, we have to go in. Yes. A minute or two, get wet. Mr. Mike scared me. So now, at least, let's see, she's a memory bank.

She's a vault. She'll hold on to stuff and then go, eh, you can't. She's right. Do not move that close to kids though. I agree. I agree. I don't know what we can do. At least a pool.

A pool. Hey, I'm your new neighbor, Mike. I'm your new neighbor, Mike. I just want you to know we're moving to the next door and keep your fucking kids quiet. And if you have a pool, it's over at 7 p.m. Because that's what I'm done. I saw you had swing sets in the back. Yeah. Let me oil those bitches. And if I fucking hear your kids screaming, I'm going to fucking tell them off.

I will come here in the middle of the night and I will deconstruct your entire playground. I saw through your window you have Sonos. Keep it under an eight, please. I know she had three kids. Do you think you're going to stop there? I'm gonna fucking tell him off. I will come here in the middle of the night and I will deconstruct your entire playground. I saw through your window, you have Sonos, keep it under an eight, please. I know she have three kids, do you think you're gonna stop there? Before I buy this house.

Women, women, women do stink. I know I'm kidding. Women are, they fucking hold things. They're passive aggressive, silent scorn. They love a silent scorn, they love walking with heavy feet, and then when you go, what's wrong, nothing. They love that passive, nothing sounds good.

And then, and then they build it, they build it, and they build it, and then when you finally do something fucked up, that's when it all comes out. And it comes out like a fucking bullet. Okay, I'm hearing this, and I think Christina will back me up when I say, I think you're describing me and the relationship on that one. I like to hold onto it and really smash it in her face

when it's gonna hurt the most. Jay was raised by women and I was raised by my dad and Uncle Matt. I'm kind of a chick too in our relationship. I hate silent scorn, I hate it. No, but I get like, if I'm a chick. Silent scorn, I won't even look at you for a whole weekend. Just away, look away all the time. What I do the scorn, I hate it. No, but I get like, I get like, if I'm a chick. Silent scorn, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I might not even look at you for a whole weekend. Just away, look away all the time.

What I do the other day, I got Lisa Flowers when I put him in a vase and it still had, two days later it still had the paper it came in. Like, you know, she didn't unwrap the flowers and I go, so I guess you hate the roses then too. Like as always, she's like, I love them, Mike, I work fucking 90 hours a day and I'm like, you hate the flowers you hate me show rich

Vos the jewelry you're you're wearing your tennis bracelet. Yeah Show it to them both of those both of those boss. Yeah complete spike gifts I want her to know I do more spike gifts. I want her to know I do more for her than she does for me Yeah, I don't care It's not working. She just keeps getting all this great jewelry. But to me, it's like, I always, as I'm keeping score, I'm like, how many ads you have to do to pay back for that? Oh, yeah, I'm deep in the hole for that. But I wish you showed us phrases before you bought that shit bracelet. You, that bracelet

is not beautiful. No, you know, you know, you think about jewelry I know not to get a white gold diamond bracelet. Yeah, I know not to get one of those. Okay, then don't good It's I know you know what you know what I don't want you to get one I want to say something to you. You can say whatever you like. I'm gonna say something to you. You have gold rings Yeah, it doesn't matter. You can you can't match. No, no, no, no. I was with you 100% until that. It's rings or watch and bracelet. No, I got three watches. I could get this gold if I want, but it looks better.

I like it. Hey, you can't wear gold rings. Yes, you can. No, you can't. You don't know anything nowadays. You can do it. It's not that you can't. You can wear a wall chain with no wallet,

but it's still still. You can't. You can wear a wall chain with no wallet but it's still still you can you can leave the house with a fucking burn mark on your head and not have a hat. Okay. My wife was in Canada for a week last week. Look at the most serene week I've had. When she's gone? Both of us. I'm gonna help her pack. No. Serene. A week at home alone?

With a daughter, but yeah. Tranquil. That sounds weird. I get it pretty rare, but it is serene. It's so like knowing she's young or telling you, I leave lights on on purpose. I know, they get, the wives and girlfriends get, and they make it's like a

complaint but Christine gets to just dominate and own and do whatever she wants in that place four days a week and in three days at home I just feel like I'm in the way of her plans. I kind of understand that too I think Lisa loves me. Yeah I know and you go on. I'm very needy back in Connecticut still yeah oh yeah yeah yeah I've been yeah but you were back and forth yeah we spent the first eight years of our marriage not living together will you put your headphones on no I hit it by actual in my finger headphones are not I still wouldn't have you hit anything with your hands listen OP I'm just fuck you too far that's too far sorry that's fucked up youpie, I'm just doing... That's fuck you, dude, too far. That's too far.

Oh, sorry. That's fucked up. You're right. I'm not fucking... I'm not accepting your apology. You at least call me Anthony. You call me not Dan. I will not take an Opie. I will not take an Opie.

I drew a line. Is Opie still doing it? Does he still broadcast? What? Yeah, from the West Side Highway on Facebook. On Facebook. From an alehouse. Oh, is this the new kid getting... This is the one you watched.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You scared? All right, we're watching it. What is this clip? The guy in the audience says, you scared, he goes, yeah, a little bit. He's got a problem. He's yelling his business. I mean, he's in threat of the dangle me off the balcony.

I'll be a little afraid, you know what I'm saying? He should have. I spent two years of prison. I'll say what pause it. I don't know who this comic is but I will say this and I feel obviously I'm always team comic in this nobody should jump on stage and attack anybody but his like his buoyant face through all this while someone else is angry, it's like I'm surprised he didn't know,

like this is about to go real bad. Like you're not handling it correctly. You know what, you know why. But what's going on, he's so pleasant. Cause the crowd is giggling. And as a comic, you're like, oh, this is all right. This is no good. Absolutely, but there's still gotta be some kind

of ownership over it. He's not like, this should be a shutdown where the security's nervously already going over to them because like, do know I mean you have to go a little he's trying to keep it That person's so furious and he's still trying to keep it like buoyant That's the problem pretty sure the security is cooking hamburgers. Yeah. Yeah totally this place a hundred percent Yeah, where is this sunset? That's Christine just went there is it sunset is that what it looks like? No, that's a different place It's old Paris so this something else, okay? I see the danger. Yeah Damn, bro, that guy's been fucked in every wall. You never know what's exactly I'm way more gentle you

We did not enjoy that. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, it's... By the way, Hal-Hall-Aries is clearly a black comedy club and the only not black person is the one who jumped up the fight. You know it's a black comedy club. Nobody's helping. They all have their phones out.

Oh, yeah. Wasn't that a Latin guy to hit him? I think so. The stage is like a step up from the ground too, huh? But I mean this is one, there's so many now of comics just getting attacked on stage. What are you watching us say is like nine minutes straight of comedians? Nine minutes of comedians getting attacked on stage. It's great. But they did throw back to that one that's why I brought it up, the guitar guy. I talked about it in Osium, but it's just the great.

We're all boomers for sure that fucking. But uh. He puts the pick back in the guitar. I know too, that was great. After a smash. The guitar is in peace. And he puts the pick back in. There's nothing better than,

he goes, you saw what happened guys, right, a guy came right after me. No. Do you know what Dennis Miller, remember when Dennis Miller had his HBO show? So he plays the video, he's going comic, comic felon. Yeah. By the way, he even does what's so great about it.

And again, timely or not, it doesn't matter. Once the first person said this, you should drop that line. He does the old like, hey man, I don't come down and we're you working to knock the dicks out of your mouth. Like that's the one that turns it up. Go back back back up and turn the volume up. It's the best I love the he has a harmonica around Not bad. No, no, don't mess with me.

Because I don't come down to the bus station and slap the dick out of your mouth when you're working, do I? At the bus station? Dude, I know. What is this audience who couldn't believe it? Oh, that's it. Oh! Lamo.

Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. Look at it. Look at the back the guitar Back it up because that's the best part that's the whole video is worth that you saw that right came right after me No I fucking came at me. What do you think folks? No

Harmonica now the guy came right at me you hit a guy sitting in a chair in the front row of the guitar I hope there's a mugshot with the harmonica somewhere My favorite still is mom's dead, but Where they just hopped a rocks glass at him and hit him in the stomach on stage. Darren Frost, did you see that one? To comic, this is an old, old bonfire thing. You know the one where the guy threw the donut at Billy Burr and they had the slow motion of the sugar just flying off of Billy's chest.

No. It was at comics. They got so mad, it used to have those awesome donuts at that place and they just threw it right at Billy. It just, you see the sugar poof right off. Wow. This is Darren Frost, this is one of my favorite. This is, we found this, I think year one of Bonfire

nine years ago. Wow. This guy is a funny comic out of Canada, Darren and he's- Is that possible? No. Thanks. But he's a nice, very sweet guy too.

And he's doing a joke and he just gets, again, it's getting caught up in the most basic, like, you're like, oh, I have to win this against this guy in the audience. Someone in the audience is talking a lot. And he goes, and you'll hear the line, he goes, he goes, hey, you can't talk to this. This isn't a choose your adventure where you can turn the page 64 and see where I fucked your mother. And then someone gets, and then it's just kind of like the crowd's like,

oh, and then he goes, and he's feeling so good about the crowd being on his team. He throws, he just doubles down. He goes, he goes, you don't even know what you whispered in my ear on page 115. And then you hear, and I want you to listen for these things, because it's great,

you hear this noise go, shh, and what that is is this guy's pulling back a rocks glass, and that noise is the ice leaving it the other way, and then he sends a Randy Johnson sidearm 90 mile an hour directly into his fucking gut, and the noise that you will love, and we have broken this down with the slowest audio breakdown thing possible, he goes, g'aboo!

And then embarrassingly and nervously stays like with his hands on his knees and then comes up and chooses not comedy. Comes up and he just goes, but it's still worth. This is where I feel bad for Darren. He wishes this video for sure had more of an aggressive fight back. He just comes up from this thing and he goes,

if that guy doesn't get arrested, I'm pressing charges. Cunt. Please, please play it. I don't think you've watched the show so far. This is no shoes your own adventure story. If you could turn to page 85, it turns out I fucked your mother. Wait. Wait for the next one, then you hear the shh. And you don't want to know what she whispered in my ear. Oh, shh. Now wait. Back it up again, because what they're missing, I forgot to tell you.

That's what Mike brought it up as. He goes, well, where I I fucked your mother and then you'll see what she whispered in my ear You go go and you hear the guy go his friend the guy who threw the glasses friend goes his mom's dead, bud The best please You don't want to know what she whispered in my ear. Oh! Smum's dead, bud. Smum's dead, bud. Did that pause right there? There's so much thinking happening right there.

Yeah. Andy's like, did I shit my pants? That guy better get the fuck out of here right now, or I will call the police. Because that's a salt hunt. Did I shit my pants? That's a salt Dude, but I'm saying these were like one of like three videos that existed. It's the Wild West No one cares anymore. There's Billy Barra. Yeah, this is the fucking the is the comic. Just the donut debacle. What a great video for kids. Did you lay in bed and dream at night?

Someday I'm going to work in advertising. Someday I'm going to have my own state. Someday I'm going to have my own. Look at the slow mo. I was working on Pennsylvania one night or whatever to get back forth to the guy comes rushing towards the stage. So I I sigh just to get his you know, stop big he falls down back gets up again I'm like oh shit right he's coming at me so I just stick my my uh stop no I had No, I have been doing radio for fucking 38 years. You've been broadcasting you fucking asshole What's wrong with you do you have a bad ear why can't you put them on regular? Why can't you put them on regular? I don't like it that way. Why I just want to know why. I guess I get an earache when I do it. What, an earache? Yeah.

Why? Because it's- I don't fucking know. Because you cover both ears and there's an echo inside? Nothing. That was pretty good. I like that one. Spoon, what do we think?

I think he's an asshole. I just keep it behind my ear. Oh, that's a good idea. I would never hang out with him in the dirt. So he's rushing me again. Next you cut to him in a police car out front, and his wife's yelling, you did it again. Oh, wow.

He was just everywhere he went. He left a trail of destruction, you know. Bobby, did you ever get anything thrown at you on stage? I did. I was doing, I was was doing Alan the Monkeys. We did when we did improv. We were improv sketch comedy group. And we won the BC and comedy right, which was like the biggest amateur competition in the country at the time. For improv, though? No, it was a stand-up one, but we were the first improv group to ever be in it and we want it. Really? That would have made me furious as a comedian.

Everybody hated us. We went up with skits and freeze tag. Props and hair wigs and shit. What? First of all, Freeze Tag is what? It's a fun improv. It's fucking genius. Yeah, it's OK. But no, a lot of it's a lot of those guys that used to do it because I did it will come. They were doing the same bits that they would do. First of all, improv is very important to becoming a good stand. Yes, I know that.

I know that. How do you know that? Because we should do that with other comics. You did stand up. I mean, you did improv. No, no, like that with other comics and clubs. You did stand up. I mean, you did a- You did improv. No, no, like after shows- You an improv guy? No, not in the groups.

Like there was this one guy, Steve Oh, shall we know of it? All these comics, if it's certain of them, at the end of Saturday, they go, let's do improv. And we do like fill in the blanks or freeze tags. Just a video online. Were you good at it? Yes, because it's Adlib, you gotta be quick.

Do we have any of that video? I think there's one of us doing it. Oh, look at that. Oh! Oh, that's why you were bringing it up. That was a bump set spike. Oh, what is this? Who are these two never went anywheres next to you?

Max Dope Shelley, he does do that. I guarantee he still meets for lunch at a deli somewhere in Jersey with these two idiots. You can talk about the biz and your new rings. They ask you how Norton's doing. Oh, that's why you wanted me to come in today for this? No, we wanted you to come in to come in. We wanted you to come in because we love you.

Who's the other guy on Who's on the far way? V-Brand. You have to explain who this is. That is V-Brand, huh? No, that's in Florida, the comic strip. Oh, really? Joey Novick is the fat guy. He used to book rooms, you know.

Then Max Doccelli, who's a great guy. Stop, stop, stop, stop. You gotta look at V... Look at my hair. Voss, Voss. What a greaser. Jesus. You really, stop, stop, stop. You gotta look at my hair. Whoa, boss. You really do. What a greaser. Jesus. You really need a leather jacket, dude.

Like a Rizzo the Rat. How old are you here, boss? He's 42. That was, uh... How old were you? It was, okay, I was probably, that was probably 35 years ago. So I was-

There's something right there, it's 92. Oh, okay, is that the- 2002, 2012, 2022, and 22 years. In a couple days. No, it was at 30 something. 32 years, 32 years. 32 years ago, so I was 34. Wow.

34. Who's the leader of this though, right? No, no, the guy in the middle is the main guy. No, then the guy's getting ready to suck everyone's dicks. I assume he's down the ladder. He's a level one Improver? Yeah. You're doing an Improver with David Letterman

and George Costanza. Oh. I don't know who that other guy is kneeling down. Really? You don't remember any of your improv troupe? I remember it. Giggles O'Hallaghan. Sometimes when we would meet to practice,

everybody didn't show up. No, you didn't practice? No, you practiced it. I was just working with those guys. I bet you a million dollars. You went to his house in the basement, honey, we'll be right back. And you went in the basement

and worked on your hands in practice. Me and Rupert Pumpkin. How about this? Rich Voss and the Kraken Wise Guys. Ha ha, picture this. Where in Florida was this? The comic Fort Lauderdale, that was the comic strip. That club was so much fun, you wanna talk about. Oh yeah, well we were talking outside. The 90s, early yachts were just a better time. I wasn't there for the 80s, but the 90s and early,

early yachts is what I was around for. Best. The beginning, I mean, it was just, I mean, dude, now people listen to women when they tell you accusations. Now people, if women make accusations, people take them seriously now. You can't pat a girl.

You can't deal with that. You can't pat a girl's butt as she's going by. Yeah, you can't call her cupcake and squeeze away just as I asked and you know what, that's becoming a whole thing. Goose thing is frowned upon now, which really stinks. I don't even say hubba hubba anymore. That's your favorite.

Hubba hubba boss. Let's see what you say in this video. All right, go ahead. Let me see. Wait, wait. You ever see? You might as well describe a little bit that's going on. OK, we know.

It's that it's why. What do you mean? No. We have a radio audience. It's going to be horrible. It's just not going to be horrible. I mean, as you said, you're a great employer. Boss's head's gonna be horrible. It's not gonna be horrible. I mean, as you said, you're a great grandfather. Boss's head looks like a kettlebell right now

with his thing like that. I don't know how. I think I had like a pony tail. I love it that most of these guys are dead. No, they're not, just inside. All right, the guy, we have a guy in the middle. What's his Joey? That's Joey now.

Who's the guy on his knees? I don't know who that is. I gotta see his face. Well, the guy in the middle has a tucked in sweater. He's the love master, Craig Shoemaker. Come on, baby, come on, Rich. Rich Voss has a curly mullet. Yeah. Is that an Atlantic City sweatshirt?

By the way, let me tell you something. I don't know. I haven't seen it close. From 1987 to 1992, I would have modeled my life hoping the one day get rich false hair though yeah that hair was the hair I drew that hair a lot too rocker dog tree yeah I had that in high school I look like an American Indian chief Brandscomb Richmond yeah I had a Bolo tie in my high school yearbook photo. Oh my God. What? That's not good. That was a turquoise.

Oh, yay, yay. All right, let's let's hear Rich do a little. I don't know what are we doing here. Oh, Black Loaf. Black Loaf. What is this, Black Loaf? It's just Freeze Tag. This is the Freeze Tag game.

Okay. Can you explain to the audience what Freeze Tag is? So you're doing a scene with another comic or whatever and someone yells freeze from an audience and one person walks off and somebody walks on and goes with that scene or goes into another scene. Wow, what a terrible prescription of it. Why, that's not it?

No, it is, but you're doing a scene and then the person offstage, the next person wants to jump in says freeze, everybody on stage freezes where they're at and then they go in and choose one of the two people to tap I just said that exactly not even sort of we can rewind You're saying tape for him I get it on the tape this is the tape I'm taping my shows 20 years. I'm gonna be on a radio show to go. Well I'm gonna be on a radio show and go well

Yeah, so people someone comes in and they take the spot of the person they touch they jump right and push and then they Change the whole say the next word to start either they can either jump into that scene or start a new one Change completely change it. That's the game being played here right now The scene is being between you and Joey. I guess I don't know. Well the guy's on his knees. Yeah. I think Joey, you tap somebody out, right? You tap in.

He taps. This guy looks like he's got his hands behind him on his knees. So the guy's doing the scene, Vos, as soon as Vos gets an idea, whoever it is, Vos got an idea is about to tap him in with hilarity. So I understand what happened. You know what's going on before.

Right. One guy got down on his knees and Voss thought it was his time to get involved. I got something. He goes, I'm not going to let him suck Joey's dick. Freeze. It was a slow week. It was a slow week. I was the winter.

Maybe it was just Monday. Boss's next album is actually his freeze tags. All of his freeze tags. Best of freeze tags. Boss from the vault. Me and the silly three. So here, Boss is blessing a midget. And he wants more money to give the blessing.

To a midget. Yeah. Wow. This is going to be horrific. I thought you were fucking midget, Yeah, wow. Oh, this is gonna be horrific. How the fuck you midget, you? If it wasn't for me, you would still be cleaning up on gonna put over, we're gonna do that. Oh, look at that.

Grab his hand. I can heal you, my son. I'll follow her after you. That's pretty good. You're gonna always get up. I'm just gonna crush your first thumbs up. Early 90s comedy was so easy. No phones I compete with.

Did he say, were you a preacher? I said I could heal you myself. From what? From what? He was blind. Can you do it right now from me watching this video? Yeah. I'm gonna heal that thing on your head.

Turn around. What just happened to you? I looked at your burn mark. Oh my God. This is bad. How is it bad though? What else would you come in and say? I wouldn't play. You're allowed to leave.

You're allowed to leave. They used to try this at the Boston Comedy Club Black Night, the Sunday Night Show. Oh yeah, I can't remember. They used to try to throw that stuff in the mix. You'd be like, yeah, I'm getting the fuck out of here, dude. I had to do it once with the Joker's writers. We had a show called Staff Infection at UCB,

and they're all improv guys. And they were like, come on, just try it. And I tried it for a second, and I hated it. Oh my god. It's so fucking hard to do. I used to love it. I think he kept the onion toes back then. It's difficult. I'd rather tell World War II I hated it. Oh my God. It's so fucking hard to do. I used to love it. I think he kept the on your toes back then. It's difficult.

I'd rather tell World War II that I'm gay than do this. The whole war? Did you call the war? 1,800 World War II. All right, let's watch a little bit. Is it going any further here, Lou? Yes, it does. Let's see where he goes.

He's going to, genius is going to come out. It already did. Okay, man, I think to three, you will rise. One. And we'll all... That was funny. Two. Three.

Oh, fuck. Oh, it was going well. This is Papa Gioia from Taihune, Sida. Welcome to Jamaica. Welcome to Jamaica. You always have a good time. It was going well. You always had it. You always, you always were racist. When's the gong hit?

Who's this guy next to me? I don't know, but it looks like you have bangs in the front. Yeah, it really does. I see what happened. I see what happened. When you started in comedy, you had no mentors. I was getting big laughs there. Your hair was. Oh my God, look at you at you have a whole world of these

What is this? This is Vosh shines volume. What what what is this? This is I believe the improv game where they kill you if you mess the joke up. I wish they did it now We could used to be called. Mr. Know-it-all. I believe I never heard this one. It is you should have you were in it Absolutely before whose line is it anyway? Do they steal that did they steal the idea from you? Well, I'm not from us I mean people are doing improv all over the place. Yeah, there was this one just happened to be ain't bossing around This is a richest troop who's the boss Oh, this is uh, which is true who's the boss?

Just the boss of us Stop before you play this Oh, shit. Hey, false behavior. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait Park comedy was really white it's 1135 p.m. It's late it's Florida there's the way this isn't this is a comic strip in Florida this isn't New York no Fort The subject is going to change the starting thing. Go ahead. Yellow. Gun. Have. Hold it. Hold it.

What did I say? You shoot them. You will hurt yellow things. Those racists. We should try that in here. What is it? We should try that. I say a word and it goes around the room and it goes to you.

So it starts with me, then it goes to him, then it goes to you so it starts with me then it goes to him then it goes I say we include a hundred percent of people in this everybody do it. Yeah ready this gay sucks Jacob big sweaty black And word I'm sorry it's all I can think of

Just do it. You. N-word. I'm sorry, it's all I can think of. Balls. N-word balls? Christine. Lou. Pearl Jam.

Those two words, Lou. Wait, where was that? Where were we? It doesn't matter. Start again. This day. The game follow pieces. Gubble.

Gubble. That was our first try. Let's see where they go. So they just keep going back and forth and then... What? Oh Gobble that was over the go try. Let's see what I just keep going back and forth and then What's the premise of this like how does it end then? Boss is just Every joke has his racist even today

Doing it 33 years later. Yeah, it was accepted that damn that we're gonna pony to revolutionary war pony you click what was that so right there you after fostered the punchline yeah the audience killed him because they felt like the punchline was might have been a little bit too racy In 92? In 92. Would you make fun of Cubans? A couple of them took herds off and yelled at me. What's wrong with you? We're racist but you. Easy, sir. God damn it, dude.

You can just leave these shows. You didn't have to do them. It was fun. I know. You're also hoping, you're still hoping to get pussy after the show. You'll hang in there for anything. I get what I'm gonna do, I get to wait in the bar until they walk out, they're still there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, it's not what I, yeah. No, I do understand that. I fully understand that. Plus. Ray Ellen used to do an 8 p.m. spot on the early show at the comic strip in New York, and be there when I was done at three o'clock in the morning just trying to still get pussy from other shows.

He went for it. He went for it. I was just saying, so I understand the wait until the end. If I, and I'm sure I had at some point jump on and did freeze tags, I know that game, at the black club, but most of the time I wouldn't do it because it didn't matter if I killed a freeze tag, murdered on my set, the only woman that would be interested was someone

who looked like Monique or something like that. It would be like, that's what I always got hit on at the black clubs. It was never one where you were like, whoa, look at this beautiful black chick. It was always morbidly obese ladies. That was like, you fine? And I was like, I think that, this is not going to work good

because I think we're both making, we both feel like we're making concessions for the other one. We're both lowering our fucking thing. We're like, I guess I'll do this. Meet me around the corner. I used to. Can I say that? Meet me around the corner.

Bosses. Hey, I don't want my friends to see you. Oh, I used to have an apartment with my roommates and I would keep a mattress. Was it these guys? I would keep a mattress. Yes, I'd keep a mattress in the basement. Was it Boss or the garage? The funny three. I kept a mattress. Was it these guys? I would keep a mattress. Yes, I'd keep a mattress in the basement or the garage.

Was it a boss in the funny threj? I kept a mattress in the basement. Did you guys all have a partner together? That's your fourth time you've joined it. Noice talking. Noice. You don't have your headphones on so you keep yapping over everything. I was, I was, go ahead.

I'm getting into this improv. Maybe we should do this one night. We should, we should start an improv troupe. The bonfire. Absolutely. No, the flames. Maybe we should do this. We should we should start an improv troupe the bonfire Absolutely. No the flames flames little flames the up in flames Dude next live bonfire. We should have Voscomit. We should do some improv stuff. Absolutely freeze tag freeze tag We do it again on the live in long live bonfire. You know what? He's never he's never forgotten how much you loved it We can't do hands in problem though

Where's your what do you mean live bonfire? Okay at a club? Okay? Yeah, I'm a freeze-tag guy Brought me back man. I'm going back to fucking. Let's watch one more. What's this one black blue? What's this one? Is this die in? Yes, three Jay Jay, that's Jay. No Vicki. I believe his name Joey Joey Joey, and then there's also max Goachellie the other guys name is Chip, but they never know chip Henry there you go. Is that real? Yeah, true We just laughed at his name. He's oh, it's actually it. Oh shit. Sorry. This is the same game The audience just chooses the term religion. We have to take a break actually

I have a question can the three of vamp, if I have to go take what can I only describe as an emergency shit right now? Yes. Of course. This is my 15th public shit ever in history. This is a big day. It's a big day. Never. It's happening. I know Christine talked me into a pepperoni pizza slice on the break and now it's running through me like wildfire. You're going to go shit. Which stall are you going to use?

You have your room, your special room. You have a special. You're going upstairs. Do you stall you gonna have your room your special room You have a special special You're going upstairs. Do you have wipes with you? I'd like you to walk me. Hey, do you have wipes? Jacob has to walk you to take a shit. Yes, Bobby. I'll read a commercial you guys will have a blast After I go in the what's only described as the trans bathroom. Yes all genders One person stall nice. Can you lock your door? Yeah. I hope you're going there and Stern's in there taking a shit. Me too. Yeah, you get nervous. Me too. And he yells at you. What the fuck are you doing in here? I'm gonna go

freeze. I'm taking your spot Howard. Rich Voss, the improv, the magical Rich Voss. You're gonna be this week,'re gonna be at South by Southwest in Austin, Texas on March 8th After 8th and 9th 8th 9th and 10th and 8th 9th and 10th then kill Tony on Monday And then kill Tony on Monday that should be fun He's gonna be in the Plano house of comedy March 14th through the 17th for tickets and all other tour dates And if you guys want to be taught improv tickets and all other tour dates. And if you guys want to be taught improv, he's running classes at the comedy seller with Rick Chrome on Wednesday nights at 6 30. Rich, RichFossComedy.com, Mike Funoya will be in from at the Vermont Comedy Club, great club up there, March 29th through the 30th for tickets and all other

dates. Please go to MikeFunoya.com. And of course, Big J this weekend, he's gonna be at the Funny Bone in Kansas City getting some barbecue. Are you going with him too, right? I'm gonna be there with him. There you go, you're gonna get two for the price of one all this weekend. And Robert Kelly will be at Comics Mohegan Son

in Connecticut, March 7th through 9th. After that, he'll be in Poughkeepsie, Houston, and the comedy mothership in Austin, Texas. And go to bigjcomedy.com for all his other tour dates, West Nigh, Jacksonville, and go to our YouTube page and make sure next Thursday, we're gonna be in Long Island, me and Big J, and special guest, Spoonie. Spoonie Love.

Spoonie's coming, Spoonie's coming. So make sure you get your tickets. It's at the Paramount Theater Thursday, March 21st, 8 p.m. Tickets, unfortunately, are still available. Get the fucking tickets, please. Please. Voss just followed Jay up to the bathroom.

I know. Hey, dude, can we quit this bit? Do you really think I'm bad at improv? Oh, kids, dude. I hate that he's just attacking you today. I know. Well, that's what he does. It's tough love. What are you gonna do?

We'll be right back. I don't take it. It's only boss. It's the bomb fire. Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual Serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to seriousxm.com slash bomb fire for a special offer. That's right. And go to bigjcomedy.com and robberkellylive.com to check out our stand updates

coming to a city near you.