The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Incest Day (feat. Andy Fiori)

Episode Date: January 26, 2023

Andy Fiori hangs out as they discover that everyone has incest in their families!

On Big J. Ocarson, I'm Dan Soder. You can listen to full two-hour long episodes of the Bonfire? Two hours! That's a real commitment to us. Well, it's on Series XM or with the SXM app. It's easy, just go to SeriesXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now, the bonfire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. Who's the owner of the prank, Rick? Put your name in the tit, spit.

Christine, see how it's killing in the room? I was doing this in the Uber on the way here in Christine goes, I don't know the song. You know what? What is that even? It's kicker in the trot, Scott. It's pretty much something. It's so fun. It's right there in the song. You know what? What is that even? It's kicker in the twat, Scott. It's fictitious. It's so fun. It's right there in the name. Yeah.

Oh. She said it. He got so many banana boobs in his face in the 70s. Short King. Oh my god. That guy sucked in tits. That guy sucked in nipple. He sucked in nipple from the front.

But there was so much tit below the nipple that hooked up. Where he even put his hand under it, let's go. Those tits were like cornucopias. Yeah, cornucopias. Spilling out nipple. A fine squash. And I realized your problem was right. Punch her in the face, mace gonna be like, he did it.

He got out of there. I think you leave hot air balloon. Bye my darling! Goodbye my darling! Bye my darling! Bye my darling! Bye my darling! Bye my darling!

Bye my darling! Bye my darling! Bye my darling! window and I'm like everyone's gonna be like he did it he got out of there I think you leave hot air balloon Bye my darling Just hitting that fucking rope my pictures. I leave though Christine's gonna be like the girl And was that airplane one or two at the train station and she gives smashing and everything and knocking it over It's warm. That's so funny. You're a plane right? You're watching. You'll need it. It's warm. That's so funny. It's your point. Right, you take your watch. You'll need it. It's OK.

It's broken anyway. You're smashing in this shit. It's so fucking funny. Damn, those movies are no more slapstick. It's gone. Gone. Scary movie gave it a shot. Had a little franchise run, but it's over.

It died with Leslie Nielsen. Although I'd tell you, I would take a Robert Hayes and what's your name? What's the girl? Julie Haggardy. Julie Haggardy, reunion airplane movie for sure. They went back into a good slapstick movie. Good day. Who's the one?

You don't like seeing the Zuckabrothers? Yeah, that's who it was. I don't know if they're... Yeah, but then it's like seeing an athlete that's too old. too old You like they just don't have their foul ball or not, huh? They're later films were not up to snuff Which ones what did they do they did all those naked goals? They did everyone with lazy Nelson where you're like no Dracula dead and loving it does have some good jokes, and Dan. It's not a good film. It's I know it's like an old prior Possessed. Yeah, yeah, oh over 15 years ago very high reposess with Linda Blair Yick. Oh Yeah, this is the bonfire series XM faction talk one of three. I'm Dan Soder. That's big jokes in full crew in house and even fuller crew

You're in the fuller house and if you're a back home Mercurace Andy. Hey, hey. What's up, guys? Great football weekend, huh? Very excited. Choker from the back, Jack. Not for me and Lou. I always thought it would be great to see the two guys that speak jive and just put them in a movie or in a surprise that in a spin off. Do you want to know, Jacob? Is this a make you in a surprise in a spin off. Do you want to know Jacob? This is making you this is making you proud because I feel like you pride yourself on a similar

skill. But when we do over the thing, me and Dan were guest stars on a podcast called 21, six and jump. Yeah, we were our years podcast permanent guest stars. We were guest stars on, but we were watching an episode one time and a baseball coach. Yeah. Black guy. I was just looking at him. Totally American. We were guest stars on but we were watching an episode one time and a baseball coach. Yeah black guy I was just looking at him totally American guy Just go what is this guy from and I go yo call me crazy

I think this might be one of the jive guys from From airplane airplane and we looked it up on IDB in fact With that a beard and everything just spotted him. What was your face again that I say that all black Because I don't what was your favorite discovery on one of the minor characters on sixth and jump because I think the craziest one for me It was when we found out one of the detectives That was talking one scene one scene detective one scene in the third season. He's talking to Johnny depth It's alcalillo from side felt no dude the guy created Paw Patrol what you know gazillion are he's a gazillion here but how would you guys we

did deep dive every episode was two and a half hours on one fucking episode of the episode of episode 21 episode 21 episode on apps okay good it's in your queue yeah yeah and that's. But it was fucking wild. We're like, who is this guy? And then we like looked at his acting thing. We're like, oh, it dropped off. But then IMDB includes like, but they had insane insane insane insane guest stars on that Brad Pitt Paulie Shore young Paulie Shore remember. Yeah. I mean, what's his name? Josh Brolin Josh Brolin was in twice, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no. No, this is two different characters. They've been. They've been at a few times, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the first three seasons, they did it a few times, bring back a person to play a different character.

And then, of course, the all-time great, greatest, maybe TV villain of all-time, Ronnie Seabock. Ronnie Seabock is the best who also, did he direct the November rain video? The rain. Or don't cry. There ain't nothing to say yes to in the Piedmont. Yeah. He directed. Don't cry. Don't cry by Guns and Roses.

The one or one of the music videos, which are like, damn, all right. And he's also just in that circle. Like you see, he definitely kicks it with Johnny Depp still for sure. Yeah. That friendship was never gone. And then we found that's one of the funniest things. The comic relief on the show was a guy named Sal Blowfish. They called them on the show.

And he's a character on the show to appease Johnny Depp. It was just to appease Johnny. It's just his guy we would hang out with and made him laugh. So they gave him a character on the show. And the character's thing is just like, he goes, he does this thing and he does the glass in front of his face and blows and makes his mouth real big. And that makes Johnny Depp laugh in real life. So he got him hired to be the janitor on the show. That's like when Peter finds out he's retarded in, Peter, I five, all right.

And you could tell it because he just wanted his boy hanging out with him on set. I get this almost. I basically just with Dave Smith. This guy was Dave Smith. He was on Xerox. This was the Kansas City Hill on Xerox. No, like, Dave Smillin' Xerox.

He just came with me every day and then ended up getting small roles or was in the background of a bunch of shit. Got to know everybody. I think maybe Bang, one of the makeup chicks. That's so funny. Dave's just hanging out. He's like, Dave, can we have you in the back? He's like sure. Yeah, just sitting makeup

Yeah, I'm putting in politics, but that is why celebrities have fucking entourage is because your entourage ends up serving a purpose sometimes like background filler Oh, yeah, like call how Sammler's posse or Pete David's if you're hanging around Pete He's gonna toss you in something. Yeah, yeah, you're about go over there Okay, now you're in it. You're on it. You're on it. You get your side cards make that face. Yeah They're not thing you do, but do you remember there were scenes it wouldn't make any sense? Yeah, no It was like one of them like he would get him out of there shooting him in yeah because one of them was he was going to see Looking for the most dangerous criminals he was ever going after.

The pool hall. Yeah, he went to a pool hall and he brought that guy, the story that was he brought him with him as like an excuse like they told him to stay off the case. So he's like, let's go shoot pool because he knew that the guy would be there. Right. And when he got there his friends, his whole partner was like, oh no, what are we, and he almost gets him killed. And he almost gets him killed his blowfish guy killed in the episode.

And because they just had to write it in the show, no real trouble for that whatsoever. It was just clear, like you saw things if you watched it now that we know where Johnny Depp ends up. What he's famous he is. And then we read articles about like, checks out how they signed him. Was there a best, like, you can do whatever you want right and he was like I'm gonna

Is writer I'm gonna make it very weird remember pool alls. Did you guys ever hang out pool? Yeah, I did yeah, it's be a lot more dangerous and cool than they are now They've got never stated a real what's a real dangerous one. I did one where it was like a lot of Young people I think it was like you can go and you are a teenager damn it You never realized you look like the third guy in the bad guy group that fights the hero at the pool I have third guy look yeah, where he beats up to you guys and then you step up and crack your knuckles You're the guy that gets the The napkin with the pool ball inside of it's the chops

Yeah, in an action movie your third guy down. Yeah, that's okay But I tell you what you do have the face for like you take one punch and then look back at him and crack your own neck It's mile. Yeah, you're not a good hit with a bazooka or something. Yeah, then it's done He uses a weapon on you and you're out. Yeah, but I always like seeing people with those faces of heroes when they display their physical prowess I always like seeing people with those faces of heroes when they display their physical prowess Yeah, add a pool hall you or you might even be the guy that grabs him from behind in a bear hug I think I'll tell you what my mind is but somebody somebody hits me with the pool queue on my back And then I turn around and I face that guy. Yeah, but then I get clouded from behind again. Yeah, I Never realized how much bar fight bar fight face you have.

You usually hang out in pool halls because you can smoke cigarettes when you're like 18, but you couldn't drink yet. Buddy. So we go and play pool and smoke. I have a picture of myself, and I mean, not a physical picture. I'm remembering though,

when I moved to South Jersey from Philly, it's again another chance to be like, well, I'm not defined here yet. Oh, you get to hold. Yeah New character finding your new place new company new character, and I welcome next I was old enough that I was like Well, it's only one year of high school so I can kind of define myself a little bit And not I didn't really not know where I was going with it for sure Oh, Jay and pool all Jay one time. I went by myself. What was the ensemble? I'm gonna tell you

with myself, and I'm I picture myself in this I was wearing Jeans regular old jeans probably not even like very hip-hoppy Straight leg probably With a oh my lord dude. I think untucked. I want to say gray T-shirt mm with the sleeves t-shirt with the sleeves, 902, one out up. Yeah. You know, you roll the sleeves up on a sure thing, rubble that out of college.

Yeah, on a, and then I swear to you over it. And when I'm picturing in my head that I wanted to look like was Joey Lawrence because over that gray t-shirt was a vest, but at the time where the front was like a dark, like plaid kind of thing, and the back was just black shiny black. Yeah. That's very pool hall. Dude, playing pool by myself. What a fat little hilarious idiot.

If I was watching me at a pool hall now, I'd be like, look at this little fat weirdo. Oh, man. Yeah, that's not what the look I was thinking. It would get a seam in a vest. Joey Lawrence in a vest. He did vest a lot. Did you ever get hustled? No Yeah, but those kind of vests. Yeah for sure. Oh man Joey Lawrence vest. Oh wait, wait go back. Go back Go down

There's mostly a more like like the look yeah technically damn you're just in a pool hall shooting pool would you take would you take long chalk breaks to like look around the pool hall significant amount of over chalking or you just chalking while you're looking and then you lie I would do though a lot of line up where you you kept moving this did you have your own cue buddy I do the behind the backs I for the for the left hand shot the one I always like I would use the bridge I just the bridge the backs. I for the for the left hand shot the one I always I would use the bridge. I used to the bridge. Yeah, but they go through their fingers Oh, I was a through the finger guy. I was on the side of the phone

I'm saying when they when you run it a couple times You know when people are really good to pull them and they're like oh the black widow actually Dan I'm wrong. I didn't I did a different my dad always show me to The late between the thumb and there. Yeah, so I threw the fucking finger. I didn't do to the finger, but my dad also did do it like a on certain shots he would go over the finger. My dad was pretty good at pool. Dude, it was not new.

His lie was that his lie was a time he played Minnesota Fats is my favorite. I swear to you. I swear to you. I figured we were we weren't some weird place that was like an old timey town we went to. I don't know if it was in Disney World, I can't picture what this was,

but it was nighttime in some weird village where it was like a very touristy seeming, but almost like they made it this little weird town. And my dad went in the sun place and shot a game of pool and that was an night home way that he had, because I was like, I think I realized he was good probably. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, I played Minnesota, Minnesota because I lost but like we had a good game

Him and Minnesota feds that means that it meant nothing to me until you get older and here Which is like a name associated with pool pre-soda fast pre-internet lot dude pre-internet I'm with David Bowie and he saw the wall Pink Floyd's the wall in Rome with the Colosseum Did that come to ever even happened? He also did the floor completely like. Yeah, I don't think he did. Taken away so you could see all the chambers. He also didn't know that I brought that porn to my dad's house.

He also didn't know that I had filming that girl's butt. We were both kids. Dad lies due rule. I got so many birthday cards still in the mail. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're the best. I don't know what happened, but our answering machine broke because he left the message we called.

Dad's our strategic though, man. If you couldn't pinpoint just the right few, my mom did, the daily things my mom did for me, I couldn't even comprehend, I'd say. But, but dad showed up, we always say this, particularly the Nintendo, and you're like, damn, this guy rules. Chris, my mom brought me to get an Nintendo

and they didn't have Nintendo, so she got me a Atari 7800 because I didn't have any patients. And that thing sucked, fuck you mom. I brought it up this Christmas. I brought up the fucking Nintendo Droppa 89. I was like, do you remember when Gary bought me an Nintendo and I came home with it after Christmas?

And she goes, yeah, I do, because I remember telling them, I couldn't afford it. I couldn't afford it. And I was gonna get you one for your birthday that summer. I was like, well Six months early. Yeah, hello. She's so mad when I got out of that car holding that box. I was like, mom Look what dad got me and she was like You fucking piece just I remember her you're like for I can't believe you let him walk right out of your life you idiot I'm gonna go play this

So bitch wow The problem is my should I kept your eyes in the prize they're old bag my room damn you really fucked up Oh, man, I can see why he's got a pretty your girlfriend now That flight attendants way cooler than you are she works in the sky. Yeah Why don't you do exercise with small dumbbells squeezing your titties together? I hate you. Why don't you have a water bed that splashes when Jack sleeps?

Did you guys and his parents ever play long con lies? Like, they are? Yeah, my parents. We didn't find out that my older sister was a half sister until I was like 28. Wait, really? Yeah, like my mom, dad, my- So she just said she was gonna go out?

Yeah, they just said where's my dad's kid. So my mom, what happened was got knocked up at like 19. Yeah. And then that dude just took off. And then she's 15 years older than me. So when I was born, they just played it like she was my dad's kid. Because my dad was so much older too, I was like, that checks out. Yeah, and also the guy-

Yeah, fine, we found this guy got pussy before he was 50. Yeah, yeah, it's also the guy taking office is key because if he sticks around and then you're like, do you know mom's friend Roger? He's actually your sister. There is nobody poking holes. Yeah, I've always amazed at that when like I had a friend find out that his grandma was his mom was his grandma. Run over by a reindeer?

Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but when he was like in his late teens, he was like, he thought his mom was old and it turned out that his aunt, who was a drug addict, was his real mom. Oh wow. And his grandma was his mom.

It's crazy to find out that. There's mom was his grandma. Not in my, not in my 17. Not in my... Not at 17. Not in my immediate family at all, but my dad's family and his surrounding family and step brothers and... Yeah.

Who are we losing? Wiggly wall. That's it. So it's like Dr. Sears. That fairly tree is wild. Talk about long game cons. Step cousins and fuck you. I thought it was wacky.

At one point, my uncle Tommy, dad's stepbrother. Yeah uncle and quotes Dad stepbrother. Yeah uncle and quotes well and also porks my mom. Yeah, he got a piece of the tear I got a piece of the tear there got Terry cloth He take he tore some tear He got a little Terry cloth on him he tore some tear But uncle Tommy they he's got a bunch of brothers. Richie, Johnny, he's got a lot of them.

From God those where. Richie, Johnny, Vinnie, no, I know all of them, but then there was a long lost one of them that was giving away as a child. Great. To somebody else. Then, but like to somebody in the family where everyone thought was going to stay close and then left forever, my dad's family. Yeah. My dad's family, yeah. My dad's family. His actual family.

Jays for a lot is great. There's a lost kid that was given away and taken far away and then came back. Looks exactly like me and my dad and all them. You got me just meeting other use. It's so fun to do. You see some of their kinds of books. Enough for sure. Dude, my dad, my mom's... The Oversons definitely look... I look like an Okerson more than a Rosenberg for sure.

Right, so your does your brother and sisters look more like your mom or do they look like Jo? Oh, Jo. They look like Jo. Yeah, my mom's got super recessive genes. So you... So when you see your brothers and your brother and sisters you're like, oh, they look like your stepdad.

But then I, you're all, I mean, most of them are pretty tied to, Hayley's like a little taller, but like, Shona and Bobby, Bobby's tiny still. Yeah. And then when I met your brothers from Ohio at your special day, big boys look like, yeah, they look like you. Like the jeans are there. Yeah. When you, when you see, when you see Jay's dad and his brothers, you're like, oh, you guys do look alike. Like I look like my mom. I got my mom's bitch face.

But there was there was that long one. And then in the, in the, remove the married into family, my stepmother's brothers kids mom. Hold on. Step, step brothers. She's a baby, sit me when I was young. I thought I could have got it What a tangled web do you know why she was young enough and I thought she was like pretty and she was banging my stepmother's brother damn brother

K Mi'er mana it's me gay it's me your brother that was sent to Mexico when I was a baby Oh, but now I'm back Yeah, look exactly like you I am the one who is the true I should get the fingerless gloves But you have taken the family heirloom that belongs to me Because it will be jumped up in court for years. I will I have a lot of money to litigate No, but in that girls family which was all pretty close to them At least to people that I met in the limited time that I've had in my life being that Ohio world

Yeah being I met these people and one of them was like, the dad asked the stepmom to take the son's virginity, his son's virginity, like a porno, well before that ever happened. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. The dad of the family asked his wife, his, which is his son's stepmother. His son's stepmother to fuck his, stepmother, to fuck his son.

Yeah. In order to take the virginity, that's like old British royal shit where they're like, it must be taken by a royal. I was saying, it's gonna be done. The stepmother, the father. You can't just hand the throne to some local pig. Was she hot? Was she hot?

No, I didn't know the stepmother in the while. Because if you're the son, that sounds almost like manipulation. If she's smoking hot, you go, that, uh you go, Dad, I'm gonna put something out there. You tell me what you think, but we keep it all in house. Um, what if you let, uh, what if you at least, so fuck me. Jay, you're like, Rizah, go to Ohio for a little bit. Come back. Would be mad beats.

So crazy, you're my phone is Bobby digital. Bobby D. So that family, he wanted the stepmother to fuck his son. Yeah, and I they're related to your dad. And by the way, if I'm not getting this exactly right, I promise you it's as tall tree as I'm saying. I love the tosses. It's just reversed or something. But how are they related to your dad? It's my dad's sister-in-law through marriage. It's my stepmother's family. Got it. But it's who married her family. But it's who married her family. Yeah. Somebody who married her family. It doesn't matter.

I just affect your saying long term. This is where I just know of that I saw the people. Yeah. Was a dad says, honey, fuck my son, take his virginity. I don't know if they keep fucking her of that very first time. She gets pregnant, but they raise but they raise but they raise They raise it as like it's theirs, but it's actually the Sun So it was this girl who was hot. Oh, I was younger and she was like my age. I think

Found out in the time that I knew her oh that her Brother is her son or no, no, no or son or her brothers are father. Oh What did then they make a baby and then they Crazy you go I hate you go to get out of here to go I'm better now. I'm your dad bitch. Oh, I feel better too. It's not my family. Yeah, you have you like you know what? That's so that's probably you know high on Thursday honestly It's crazy if they kept fucking and then that girl was like I got my brother and mom making out What you guys not only worry about that you're dad on your dad. Oh

Oh All right, well it's time to talk that's fucking wild I Couldn't imagine you know what? Call our topic. Good call our topic. Cohen, if you've got, this is an area that's easy to make up. Don't waste our time making things up.

It's not that fun. I'm gonna tell you, people out there that are listening have a thing in their family, whether it be incest or, oh, I forgot. Uncle Todd, this is gonna not blood, but Uncle Tommy's family sure

There's he has a brother Vinnie who's married to Susan they have kids names. Yeah Vinnie and Susan. No, Jr's Susan Junior senior junior okay Me to guy to wedding some years ago now. I don't even know if still go on. It's got a wedding They go they fall in love whatever while they're living together and dating and definitely fucking, find out that they are cousins of some sort. Eee. Close enough. And they stay together.

Get married. They just walk right through it. And it's gonna be what it's gonna be. Hey, love is love, dude. Sure. And if it's in the blood, it's love. 866-969-1969. 867-5309. We have a lost cousin that showed up.

I have a cousin that's the most soap opera thing in the world. It's just having a lost cousin show up. But it's like some of the family did know about her and then some didn't. It was really hidden by my aunt Which like she's not here anymore, but you want to be like why would you hide her? Yeah, and yeah, and then she kind of when she was in high school The dad kind of like really

Came into her life. Yeah, and so now she's just like I see like a special part of the family. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, welcome in Hey Welcome back to the family And so now she's just like, I see like a family. Yeah, hey, welcome in. Hey, Melissa Welcome back to the family Yeah, cold if you have a gun and firsthand by the way Don't because we're gonna get convoluted if we start if you start doing what I just did which was horrible my dad's Step-why why's brothers? my dad's step-wife, wife's brothers, that is crazy. That is fucking crazy.

That's Jerry's springer shit. Mine's not incest at all, but it really is when I sit in, when I talk to my other family. That was incest. That was how I was step-mother's step-son. Yeah, it's called browsers. Yeah. When I talk to my dad.

And when I talk to my dad, I'm stuck in the goddamn, in the drain. It's called nilf porn. It's weird when I talk, because my dad's married to my mom's cousin and that's old settler shit. Yeah, it's like your mom died and so her family stepped in. Next man up, dude. That's a fill it's a filly thing. It's not weird until I talk to like her brother or like my other cousins that are like that same relation. I'm like, oh yeah, dad's married a mom's cousin. That's great. It's been a while. That is wild.

Very alike. So you guys knew each other as kids and then now you're just married to her man. I mean, you know, you're the other for like 20 years before they. Just waiting that out like if I if I die in my cousin Luke, Mary's Katie. I'm like, hey, what the fuck is it? Let me just say it. Let me just say Katie. He's a let me just say Christine.

I know what your mother saw and your father's peace. I mean, wow. It's hard. I have what your mother saw and your father's peace. I mean wow It's hard. I have to sleep on my stomach for a week afterwards sweet God. I mean bring a horse to water Watch her drink The water is warm Just no she clinked on the life for anything. It was to not lose that tree trunk You sure your mother didn't die of a broken spine. It feels all the way in.

All right. That was like how it felt when Joe dated my mom, because Joe wasn't my own core anything, but he's my godfather. And I knew one of the little kids, and then they're like, he moved in as quote unquote, a roommate, as we needed help. He'd be great if you could have like,

not father sent talks to me, he's like, you know, I gotta tell you something, Dan. Your dad must not have been that big because your mom is really tight for her. I mean, you, I don't wanna be your dad. I just wanna be your friend. The guy who plows out your mom. I can't play play play play your dad.

I'm not trying to be. You're hitting puberty, it's a tough time. I just wanna be the guy that goes fucking nuts to butts on your mom. I know puberty's a tough time. That's a fuck. I'm just wondering if you're a nuts to butts on your mom. I know puberty's a tough time. That's a fucking... I'm just wondering if you're a moner, like your mom. Hey, do you have to claw things when you're turned on,

like your mom, like when you stop doing this, Joe? Your mom's an older woman, but she gets soaked. Yeah, it's weird. Do you guys do sheets once a week? I don't know. Let's unload cycle here. We are making us nest in there. Because I'll say, I'll say about two or three times a week, we got a fresh load of

whites coming in. Sweet Lord, your mother's full of ladies, not. More of a creamer than projected. But, yeah, it's nonetheless. Holy, holy bear claw. She's still got it. Sorry if you heard me screaming. Sorry, I put some of that tapioca pudding on this. Oh your mom she's rinsing off my batch. Why you want to midnight snack? Hey guys one too.

Hey you want to have a midnight catch in the back? I'm feeling loose the goose man. You want to go a couple rounds in the basement? Let the old bird rest up. I you mom gets to see that rough knife You know grass there's a go-fi round I'm a lathered in sweat You wanna go out back and have a toss? Might cool me off I got a couple in me I got a couple in me if you want Oh fuck that's funny as shit

Do we have any calls? How did you? Ummm Ummm That's a goody I can't read it so you gotta tell me It's hard how to do um uh... m

that's a goody i can't read it so you got to tell me we're going to be bigger but we have archen the braska archen what's up buddy tell us your story alright so my wife's brother is married to his second cousin they didn't know they were they didn't know they were cousins until six months after they got married Oh, and the weird part of it is they've known each other for like 30 years

Their paths used to cross all the time when they were younger they even dated a family holidays Family vacations barbecue the reunions. It's crazy when Thanksgiving is a pussy-gating event family holidays uh... family it's crazy when split in the family tree uh... on my wife's father's side of the family it's it's like a weird split in the family tree that these two are second-time but they never

uh... like that the two sections of the family never intermingled uh... okay so when they finally did they brought back together to like hey that'sled uh... okay so when they finally did they brought back together to like hey that's my uh... that's my cousin run and you're what your his daughter where they're both getting their both getting ready home he goes i can't believe that family reasons the same day is not crazy that it's not why

i can't believe you have an uncle james to well this is your great-grandson and in a little your great-grandson also has a p-can pie recipe that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not that's not over them for quite some time. He goes, all that everyone in the family know you're a cousin from. Do you think you retroactively get like nauseous fighting that out, or do you just kind of move on, especially a second cousin? I guess like, what is second exactly? It's your cousin's kid. Yeah, your first cousin's kid.

I have second cousins. I'm close to my second cousins. I would close to my second cousin. I'd gross the fuck out. So if it was retroactive, you found out you'd be like Oh god, I Like first cousin it's done and then also the families just done we just don't talk to that family Yeah, that kid Phantom whim. Mm-hmm. Did they have kids I didn't hear?

No, they don't have kids. Oh, okay. They have their step kids though because both were married previously Brady bunch and and and yeah, and each had two kids. Now, what if those kids fuck and have babies? That's okay. You really get like a, you're getting like a DNA lap over. Yeah, but at that point, at that point, it's going to be flaws that work in their favor, like chanting Tatum Eyes. I assume it's what happened to his family somehow. Yeah, he got those, he got those good,

attractive, nice asses. He's actually worked. Yeah, two super sexy cousins fucked and made him. Cause those eyes are too far apart to be his handsome as that son of a bitch's. But it's also close together. That's what I'm saying. That's where he gets the muscle definition.

That's in bread muscle. Yeah, by the way, there, I didn't get to tell you this. I don't know what we're gonna do with this information, but I will tell you that I've been reached out to twice. Now I have to respond. I just keep, don't know what to say exactly, but I want to respond by a derky. I can't remember his last name. Derky Carter or Derrick Carter, but it's derky. It's fucking Boone County made in call.

Yeah, it's reaching out to me twice now. Yeah. No, Eric, thanks for calling in. No. His name is Eric, right? I'm gonna fucking dig. Eric from Nebraska. There you go. I mean, that's like, that's a celebrity. It's pretty big news. That's not the guy that shot his uncle though, right? No, no, that's the one that's out there with the lady. Yeah, you guys, you wanna hear Boone County main part? He was the one that out there with the fucking BB gun

in the back. Yeah, he rules. Check this shit out. Check out rules. He does, he's the one that does like the live streams and stuff. So shout out, Dirkie. Dirkie, dude. And that family's just all still around.

So maybe we get set up a good bonfire interview. The White's West Virginia. Yeah, maybe at least a zoom with Dirkie, Dirkie White. It's not Dirkie White. What panel, like Andy Cohen said? Yeah, on a pre-tap, I'll do a fucking reunion show. Do I want a white's reunion show? Yeah. A White's Westtap. I'll do a fucking reunion show. Do I want a voice reunion show? Yeah. Oh, white to west Virginia where your reunion show would be fucking

bad. 8 or 4. Andy's picking 4. Okay. Good guest. That's that's really great. Rod in California. What's up guys? Yo, what's up? Dan is Rodney. Oh, what's up, guys? Yeah, what's up, Dan? It's Rodney. Oh, what's up, dude? What's up, man? Yeah, so back when I was in high school, I used to mess around with this girl that lived over defense from the Filipino girl. Her mom got the divorce, really young mom. She was in her 30s.

My grandpa saw you there one day. And it's like, ooh, he goes and asks her out. They go out one night. They don't get home until the next day. Wait, your grandfather just took, your grandfather just took this woman out. He just met in front of you. Met the girl you were dating and then took her out.

Is that what it was? Took. Met the girl's mom and then took her out and then ends up marrying her about six months later. They move in at the wedding, I'm still fucking this girl. I'm still fucking her, fucking her at the wedding. She got grandfathered in, I think that's all right.

That's great. Literally. That is noise. Noise. But my mom had to come down and have a conversation with him and say, look, you can't be fucking this. You can't be fucking your eye, okay? That is crazy because that technically would be your aunt

Her mom married your grandfather step in right step on oh, yeah, yep still fucking cool Well, you could do it. I think you could do it. Honestly, you got fight for love Priebden It wasn't love it was just me banging her every day during like every time we watch Dawson's Creek on Wednesday. I'm not sure. Boom. Boom.

I say shout out to you. I say square deal. Yeah. You and Jacob. Jacob is a lot of tidy about stuff like this. But Jacob says square deal on that one. Yeah. No one's a cujanette.

Married in, I'm not going to over. You know what I mean? It's the, you know what it is I can give my I can give my step mom the business if I wanted to I wouldn't do it I wouldn't do it to my pop Damn I hope you hear that Gary you'll Gary to see you know the only reason it ain't happened I don't want to do it cuz I choose I choose not to but I could swipe her from you do I just call it in Rodney That is fucking wild though to be like married in like if you're just banging a girl and you're like

That's crazy. Oh, yeah, my dad's coming to pick me up. It's like what's your mom doing? Like ain't no don't fuck this up for me What is up with your mom? Rodney, thank you for the call And there's so many why's my phone ring every day during the show? Every day my daughter doesn't know what I do for a living It's fair. I don't share anything with her. That's good. My daughter's also my aunt.

I'm gonna have to ask this next. I'm gonna tell you how that little fucking kooky mistake happened. Okay, okay, Canon, take that at number three, line three. This is a juicer. Yo, sh. Can't read it, so just lay it out for him. Canon, give it to him the news.

Oh, hang on, tell him, hook, yep, top. Thank you. Thank you. Ha, ha, ha. What's up, guys? Yep. So my great aunt, she was 14 years old, came from a pretty shitty family. got adopted by my great uncles family

and they ended up marrying and having a shit ton of kids. Damn. So she got adopted in and then they got married. Because you got to think about that. Is this old timey black stuff? Yeah. No, dude, I think if you get adopted in though, if you get it like a family member adopted in,

and you're like 13, and they bring in like a cute 12 year old girl, you're like, I think. Yeah, you're like, this is, you're like, yeah, you're like, you're not a, you're technically a monster. Well, it depends what, it depends what, it depends what depends what emotion you put on it. Yeah, you might be right.

It's like, oh my God, I've always wanted a sister. But exactly it's a similar age thing. And it's just like a cute girl. I was watching a sister. Dude, if you're if your parents adopted when you were 14, a 13 year old, that was like, ham, getting these boobs. And you're like, yeah, let me get both kinds of lies.

If they say we have to shower together when they're not having a house. That's the rules. They say we have to. It's family baby oil wrestling. I'll tell them that's what we're gonna do. I'll tell if you don't. Yeah.

Yeah, you wanna get sent back to the orphanage? I go, you need to go home and tell. Mom, you have to keep me. Look at this, you back to the orphanage. You better be good at chasin' a shower in front of me. Mom says I have to practice my pussy eating on you. Yeah. It's Saturday, no time in this. Mom says. Mom and dad are working at double Show her in front of me mom says I have to practice my pussy eating on

Saturday no time it says mom and dad are working to double and I have to eat pussy mom says I have to suck your ass Or I don't get dessert tonight Tell her none of us are gonna get dessert She said that don't blow it You're like oh fuck dude what the fuck is or like even reverse like if you adopt a girl and she's like living with you and you go welcome to our home I'm glad you're a part of our family. She's like give me that dick. You're like, what is this? I want to fuck you. You're like, who are you railroad girl? Rhonda yeah, just some feral fucking chick that had a horrible family Wow, can you met like you think of the scenario of like one of your dad's chicks?

I can try to give Diane turning it on me at one point She goes, I thought he'd never leave Your dad Geary Gearies asleep You want to get in a high accent I waited Gears asleep. I wanted something I wanted nothing more than for Cheryl to try to fuck me when I went out there when I was 12 wanted nothing more than for Cheryl to try to fuck me when I went out there when I was 12 J. Big old pits. You're okay. I'll never tell my father. I go this guy's not even in my life Got me in Tendo so what I see this smell once every two years

Told you I saw my first step mother full naked and that it used to the joke about it that moment of fear and I was still like all right You know it's hilarious That was also that's the same exact night as my dad's weener thing Yeah, that's so I tell that thing I see my dad's weener be like oh man really just see and I noticed that my stepmother was like Standing up naked like nervous and I was like That's a lady Vovovovah vuh vuh vuh. Big old swingers, big old swingers. Look at the curves on Debra.

Oh, Kathy was pretty. Kathy, look at the fucking titays on Kathleen. Kathy, Kathy was pretty. Goddamn it, that's so funny. But yeah, dude, you get adopted into a family in your similar age, opposite sex, and you're both attracted to each other. Oh, yeah, it's all And this country is littered with insane. What's it? He's called 14 year old Jacob's dream come true. Yeah piping in a pipeline did hot girl

You go, oh guess what I'm playing with house money. You're on my time Hey, we don't take a break, but I will say before we talk about our next story of Oh, yeah, you know what I love? Love. I'm getting ready for love and you better get ready for love. Get ready because the moment you've been waiting for is finally here. Steven Singer is releasing his brand new Rose color for 2023. Are you ready?

Meet Barry. That's right. Steven's newest addition to the 24 year gift rose family is Perry. Christine bought herself one we found out. She loved so much she had to go get it. She's like it's an alongside them American beauty rose dipped in trimmed and pure white wood. Why would you check out the purple blue petals.

Perry winkle as we all know is a beautiful shade of indigo, which is the perfect blend of violent blue. By the way, they can't tell you as deep in singer who to buy this for. You could buy it and give it to a second cousin. Absolutely. If you love that second cousin, you can give it to a sister and adopt it or biological. They're gonna go, wow, this still makes my heart beat because this color pops. And now I'm not gonna say they're gonna tell you that if you give this to a sister, it's

gonna make her fall into a passionate love-making session with you. But all Stephen's roses are deeply and lavishly dipped in pure 24-year gold so I mean draw your own conclusions where that's gonna go take the shot down field go now to I hate Steven singer dot com do it today and get your Steven singer 24-year gold dip periwinkle rose first cousin the new rose so fast so get yours before they're gone exclusively and only available at Steven Singer Jewelers It's the number one gift for your Valentine's Day Steven's famous gold dip roses started just $59 and come with all and all of them come with his free lifetime guarantee

So it's fast and free shipping real jewelers real roses in real 24 karat gold for your real love only in your real family Only exclusively and I hate Steven singer dot com Good slyry Sanders show Steven's music he sends it to all the wow hope he's sponsoring you sorry mr. Singer wow good And you are guest what do you say we're gonna pick? Did you see six? singer. Wow, good. Uh, you're our guest. What do you say? Well, Chris, do you want to pick? Did you see six? No, like losing three three.

Three. Jam. Yeah, black lose asking for three. I can't read it. It's too tiny. Oh, yeah, this is Henry in Georgia. Yeah, how's it going? Big day. That's going on, buddy. What's your story, Henry? So about, I'll say about like five years ago, How's it going? Big jet. What's going on, buddy? What's your story, Henry? So about, I'll say about like five years ago, my parents got, were separated, my dad moved to Massachusetts. How old are they?

Living with his, during this, they were like in their 50s. Okay. Like going into their 50s and um he started dating full full sexual relationship everything his first cousin. Yeah Ike's did you know her? Have you met her? No never I found out through Facebook photos and I was like yo what's going on with like I knew they were separated and um I was curious because I saw the photos and she looks just like my dad just a female And I want to call in my sister about it

You called your sister and she was like we should fuck It's crazy, right? Could you imagine it must feel great for them to be breaking all these rules? She was like hey, you need to sit down like I tell you the entire story. And like, yeah, that's his first cousin. And they've been going at it. That's the reason why he went back to Massachusetts. Damn, dude.

So it's is. It's his first cousin brother, sisters. Kid. Yeah. Yeah, it's come. Is the family losing their mind? We had two girls on a show that came in the sea if she could a simple contest, if she can quif at a candle.

Oh, yeah. And the person who kept helping her, like, you know, spreading her ass hole forward and all those kind of things, you would need to do for a quif contest. They were telling us that they were making a lot of illusion to the fact that they fuck these two girls each other and then also our cousins and not allowed home any more. But they were really hard. It is funny. It is funny when you're interviewing something like that and like in that moment, you feel so bad for them because they're

just so whacked out of their fucking tree that they're in the situation at all and being sat and they're like yeah in the family won't let us you go it's like hey they'll come around one day you know what the say you're like they're not gonna come around probably they are probably pretty upset by this whole thing so my question for you is is your dad still with her? no they uh he got in some trouble in Massachusetts and he had to leave the state back down in Florida Damn dude Florida is where you always go after you break some rules

Yep, we did break rules up north go down south he hit his cousin fuck buddy. Yeah, which is crazy because Florida I think you'd be accepted more for doing it. Sure. Hey, we're the brick, Dick. They go, I don't beat the coin Roy. They go, get the fuck outta here, you cousin fucker. And down to Florida, you should bring it with you. Kick your ass in the snatch, that's. Fuck the first cut, dude. Damn, dude, your dad fucking is cousin is tough because you're like, come on, dad, come on, dude.

Have you talked to him about it? You have to, right? No, because my mom brings it up during arguments that's a good fighting that's a good tool that's a tool that's a tool that card listen if God gives you a tool you use it say fuck my cousin beat that beat that here you already I'll do it you hit me with with that okay I'm gonna I'm gonna get mad at you for something yeah dude are you like going on my drawer and taking cash why don't you go fuck your cousin? Okay, dude You know dude just ask first. I'll be in my room

It's an immediate shutdown. Yeah, why don't you go fuck your cousin? This is Could be trying to be completely objective. Were they like good looking? Were they a good looking couple or was it like desperation fair question Oh Nothing like nowhere close to good looking. Oh That is the worst you see someone the season one breaking all the rules and all of the taboos and and walking away from their family And then it's some slug

Is the worst thing in the world you're like you're what the fuck are you gonna tell me your cheat meals deltaka? The fuck are you gonna tell me your cheat meals delt hawk The fuck are you doing? Can I don't hurt your stomach yourself sick It's gonna feel good at the time, but you're gonna regret it later man very Super ugly is loving each other. I'm always like don't fucking walk away Related uh-go's though. Yeah, if you've been around like heavy heavy alcoholic Rural alcohol. I'm sure what you do is you see how much when they get when they get started getting tuned up Yeah, they start getting like dogs turning on each other or they're like

And if they're just uh-go's and hammered, they just pull a bug, be sure to do that. So neither of them are like, I'll never find this again. When they're fighting, they're like, I get fun, there is a pig who looks exactly like you. I think wearing the same gigantic shorts across the street. Yeah, but he goes, and she'll move in tomorrow if I just say hi to her.

But I wanna fuck you, because I'm guessing if your blood's like mine, you're a positive If I need it here's the good news if I clone parts if I lose in here my kidney If I lose a kid I'm a grown on your back. I lose a kidney. I know I'm after growing new heart on your back if you don't mind. I'm gonna or I'm gonna George Lopez Take the kidney and dip. Damn, dude.

You wanna take our first break? We're not done with this. It's incest day on you. Let's take one more. We do one more? That's incest day. We can come back and take as many as you want. Let's just take a break.

Okay. And we'll come back. It's gonna make sense. I gotta get a water and sis. Hang on to Andy Fury. Check right is a special available right now. On YouTube, go check it out. Check right, check it out.

Check it out. That's fun. Check right. Absolutely. We'll be back with more incestuous phone calls, but Dan Soder of course. Oh, Andy's also going to be at comedy works in Sarah Togas Springs.

I love that area. It is nice. February 3rd to the fourth. His special check right available now on YouTube. As I said, Dan Soder, of course, gonna be in Sacramento February 2nd to the fourth. After that Vancouver Salt Lake City, Toronto, he's all over the place for tickets and all their tour dates.

Go to dansoder.com. Connecticut Friday February 3rd, go get tickets to see Big J and then Saturday at the Wilbur in Boston, Massachusetts. That's February 4th. You can go check them out at the Wilbur in Boston, Massachusetts, that's February 4th, you can go check them out at the Wilbur and then you can see the National, St. Louis, and other dates, all at bigjacombie.com go get your tickets there too, we'll be right back.

It's the bonfire. Don't need this gun! Hey guys, thanks for listening to the podcast and always remember, you can go to seriousexm.com slash bonfire for a special offer to hear us on the actual radio as well.