The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Indian Food & Foot Disease

Episode Date: April 8, 2026

DJ Lou hides the race of his girlfriend to protect her from the comedic jabs of Bobby and Jay. | Some Indian food is made with flies and rats. | Jay compares comedy coaches to necessary acting coaches. | Ron Bennington, the great comedian and radio icon delivered some unfortunate news on his show today. The guys lament how Ron handled a tough break by simply remaining hilarious. | Bob examines his foot fungus and Christine diagnoses him with HPV. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Crisen and Robert Kelly. Oscar award winners. Three-six Mafia. Oh, yeah, yeah. We just walked by them in the hallway. Yeah. Three-six-six mafia. Out in the park.

And Wu-Tang. Not the. A. But a-36 Mafia was out there. And a Wutang. And the Fettywap. The Fettie Wap is why everyone's here. And I will tell you this.

I'll tell you what else is out in that lobby. Fettywop and enough horsehair to circle the Earth at the Equator twice? I'll just say. Horsehair for the weaves? Oh, okay. Damn, dude. No one in here understands black culture. I do.

Nobody. Except for you and... Oh, that's it. What are you talking about? I have a black girlfriend. She's not full. You're right. She told me to tell you she's half Indian.

I told you. You didn't know that? I want a fucking apology from you. I didn't think it was important to say it. I knew it, but I just didn't want to offer it up to you. But you attacked me like I was fucking outrageous for saying it. And I apologize. You already knew she was half Indian?

Yeah, I knew that. So you lied to me and attacked me at the same time? I'm sorry if I attacked you. You lied to me and attacked me at the same time? How dare you with all we're going through right now in the world? Heavens to Betsy. How dear you? It's my heavens.

Jacob, jump in whenever you feel the need. that's crazy he was saying it complimentary from the get-go yes you took it as a oh do you come from a long line of like this is America and you don't fucking trust engines so it makes you sick you're sleeping with the enemy

you're dancing with wolves it's not dancing with wolves Indian it's dot in the middle of the forehead Indian oh it's not oh the smellier see see this is why black is better they're not whoa wow how dare you say they don't smell

no it's okay to say that how dare you say that I don't see race Yeah you do You see it and you attack it You try to date it You see it when you're You see when your

Milky white penis Disappears into that sweet Brown skin Yeah that's right You love looking You love lying in bed And naked And looking over and seeing

Nothing You can't even believe I pale you are You get jealous sometimes Think she's fucking a ghost And don't realize It's your own pale penis Yeah

Such a contrast I can't believe It really is Yeah Oh man That's got to be so fun to look at. It is. It's great.

Yeah. Nothing worse than two pasty people fucking. It just looks like everyone's sore. Everyone's getting red. Yeah. Everyone's getting blotch on their fucking bodies. Yeah, they'll have that red shit on their chest. And everywhere everyone is grabbed as a fucking handprint on it.

They bruise easy. Does she bruise you? No, she's very dainty. Wow, I can't believe that I was complimenting her and you took it as an insult. and you lied to my face. Because... Because what? Jay said at another time

that she wasn't even American, so that's where I was coming from. I'm like, she's black American. I thought she was a British Chinese chick. Yeah, she's British Chinese. Now you're turning Jacob on. Jacob would love a British Chinese. Oh, hello.

A Chinese lady who likes a gentleman. Yeah. A lady with an accent that bows. Yeah, I got to say, your silk robe game is underappreciated in a story of Queens. You have the clothing of a castle dweller. Even though that's the only place you can get those so gross.

Queens. Yeah, no shit. Queens Boulevard. They're for drag queens. Oh, that is good, good stuff. Well, tell her I said, hi, and thank you for being honest. And she's a beautiful Indian slash black.

Tell her, I said, thank you, come again. She'll know what it means. Thank you. I say, have a nice day, my friend. She'll understand. Start and end every sentence with my friend. She'll get where you're coming from. She acts more black than she does Indians.

My friend, we should go see new edition, my friend. Nothing about her as Indian is what I'm saying. What do you mean she acts more black? What does that mean? She's black culture. What does that mean? She took me to a new edition concert for Christ's sake. Okay, what else?

We're taking a... Taking couple snake charming classes, that's Indian, buddy. That's Indian. She doesn't cook with curry. She doesn't do any of that shit. You guys drink out of puddles? That's Indian. Yeah.

Oh, my God. She just bought a special straw for the end of the world where you can sip out of puddles. I got two of them. You got it. Of course he does. That's a bad shit. You know what it is. Yeah, I know exactly what it is.

I think filter straw is a good idea. I have two of them. One for me, one for Max. Fuck Dawn. Yeah, yeah. Fucking uptight bitch. You know if you got out of a puddle? She laughed at you when you were going to order it.

That's right. Now she doesn't get to fucking drink water. Literally said, we don't need it. Well, we'll find out when the end of the world comes. An old thirsty lips over there. Yeah. With chapped lips. Yeah, chapped lips.

Honey. Body shutting off from dehydration. Bobby, can I please get a sip of your straw? Nope. Sorry. Last laugh. No, go drink out of that turtle pond. He who laughs last.

Lou, how did that match come about? I mean, who was the dad? Her dad was Indian? Yeah. her dad was Indian and her mom was black. And they met at a beeper store where she was yelling at him over the counter. Fuck it. A beeper.

Holy shit. They had a fucking beeper depot. I come here because I can't get credit. I'm sorry, miss, you need to do the thing. How about I do a little something for you? Have I let you bust a baby up beside me? Okay. Okay, perhaps I could put the baby inside of you.

She wanted me to correct you guys, and this is what she gets. Now, let me ask a question. Does her parents approve of you? They're both passed on to whatever gods they believe in. Two separate ones, for sure. One has seven hands. Yeah. And the other one is Jesus Christ.

Yeah, the other one's got cornrows. It's black Jesus. Yeah, yeah. Hair of wool. To answer your question, I don't have to do with the parents. So you don't have to, thank God you don't have to go to India. That would suck. Oh, my cuck.

You imagine Lou in India? Oh, God. Oh, man. Have you seen the Indian street food people? Oh, God. It's, I don't, it's got a... All the cars are just Suzuki jeeps with no tops on them. Dude, Indian street food is the grossest shit I've ever seen.

She took me to an Indian... Indian food. Yeah, she took me to an Indian restaurant and I didn't make it home without having to shit. Of course. No, that's not the... Get the one with the guy. He's in like, literally just a door. Yeah, there you go.

That one. Ugh, what is that? Disgusting. Oh. They use their feet. Oh, they... Yeah, foot bananas. Foot bananas.

And then they flop it in and then they spring, but they put like 7,000 things on one thing. Booger soup. Look at the flies. Fflies are everywhere. Fly potatoes. Yeah, there you go. That's not real.

I mean, this isn't real. Some of it is. That one is. That one's not. That's not. That's not. That's not. The guy actually took an egg out of his balls and smashed it on the guy's hair.

One of his balls eggs. That guy's real. That's 100% real. They're just catching a guy scratching himself. Scratching his asshole deep. Yeah, but they're making it where it's like a guy like blows a snot rocket as part of the seasoning. That's not real. That's real.

That's 100% real. It's called an Indian snot rocket sandwich. All right, this guy's cutting up a pepper. He's putting in a thing. He's cracking an egg. Hang on, what is this thing? Keeps coming by my ear. You guys hear that?

Yeah. Do you see this thing? Try. I don't know what this is. This fucking burnt pot eggs? I don't know. what it is. It's just, it's like a... It's just an omelette. It's a bad omelet.

Oh, and then he's just slicing up a piece of bread, cutting all the crust off. Okay, get some of that crust off. I'll be honest with you. So far, I'm not against this meal. And I'm just against his hands in the meal. I think he's making chai French toast? There's no way he washed his hand. Oh, he's touching everything. Oh, so much. Now he's just putting a newspaper on it from like 19- fucking 72. And he's chopping it up. He's throwing a little bit of schmutz on it. The hot stuff.

He's thrown in the shibbutz, and then he just gives to a guy. And there you go. instant diarrhea That thing's not That's the best thing that they've possibly done so far Go to a gross one Okay here you go This guy right here's real

Okay there you go Just scooping scooping it out of a thing Yeah, they're fucking leaf It's disgusting Yeah but look at the ground he's on Yeah It's gross

Of absolutely But they will say the heat That they're cooking it over Will burn off all the disgusting Indian shit Yeah most of the bacteria Will burn off from All the disgusting gnarly Indian bulls shit we'll just come off. Oh, this guy's going to eat it. And I could say that because one of my best

friends is fucking an Indian. That's right. I can say that too. Yeah. Yeah, one of my close friends is fucking an Indian. One of my inner circle is fucking an Indian. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Lou. That's why he's an inner circle. You did the ceremony where you guys, whoever let's go of each other's wiener first is gay. Yeah, it's called the elephant. Yeah, that's called the elephant. Whoever let's go first is gay because once you let go there's just a guy holding your dick. We were both gay by the way. You both let go at the same time. And then we kissed which made it really gay. Remember that? Remember that little? Remember we

made out? This guy's too American to be eating whatever he's eating. This other one where I see where there's just rats. Yeah the guy's just cooking. He's making these sandwiches but there's like 700 ingredients and it just keeps going back to this sloppy sauce and there's just rats all around him in the background. How about the street? How about the Strangely cute. Oh, look right there.

About the strangely cute Indian chick who makes things out and a feel with a gigantic fucking, like, walk. And she just makes things in that. I didn't see her. She's great. Yeah. How about the guy that throws shit on people's shoes? And the other guy walks up and goes, hey, you got shit on your shoes. There's a guy over there that clean shit off of people's shoes.

And then he goes over and gets his shoes cleaned by the shit shoe guy. But they all work as a team. I swear to God, a guy walks around with shit in a cup and flicks him. people's shoes. Nice. And then another guy goes, yeah, you get shit on your shoe. And then the other guy cleans it. Then they take the shit, throw it in the soup.

I was thinking a little rat potato pie. Oh, God, they're in the fucking the dish. Yes, dude. What? That way the shit's fresh. Right. True that. You don't want old dry fucking rat doogies.

You want fucking fresh wetties. The old dry one is the one that gets you sick. The fresh ones. Christine, look up girl cooking giant walk. That's a shit. Rat shit is like a probiotic, a natural probiotic. Am I correct? I think.

I think so. Doesn't Rogan use that? He said it supports gut health. This is your girlfriend's heritage. She's smoking her. I'm okay with it. Yeah, this is my chick. Yeah, it's funny.

A fucking cobra's going to bite her from the back, though. She makes me happy with the things she makes. Yeah, this is nice and clean, though. I'm attracted to her. Of course you are. You're attracted to lose girls, what you're saying. Go to another one of these. There's always just an attractive chick cooking

in a fucking field with a gigantic pot, yeah. She's great. That's the only one of those in all of India. The pot. The only clean cooking. She's deep frying bananas, skin on. Jacob, what's she going to do? Oh.

I'll tell you what, though, and I mean this. Her pussy hair goes down her inner thighs. I don't think so. I think so. I think she is, she's camera ready. She's an influencer. No, they do their faces up for sure. They're green bananas, though.

They're not even ripe. Let her finish. Sorry. God, you hate other cultures. I love other cultures. Now you have to clean them with dish soap. Oh, God. What?

This is gross. No, this is the way. Look, she's being cleaner than anything we've seen before. She's not making foot bananas. Remember foot bananas from the place you wanted to go? I do like a nice foot banana. A little foot mash banana? Oh, I love when a little flake from the toenail comes off in it.

Dude, we should both tell our kids, Bob. that when they were younger that we eat. It's like, yeah, how do you think we mashed up your food, like for the baby food? Who's their feet? No, we didn't want to buy the jarred stuff has preservatives and stuff in it, so we just wanted to make it ourselves.

So they tell you to do it, they'll mush it with your foot. It's good for the baby. It's good for the baby? He said, oh, look at this. Now she's shaving fucking deep-fried bananas. This is the one that takes forever to get to the thin. It's never worth it. Here's what I'm talking about.

When he just comes out here and just throw some shit in fucking oil. She throws egg in a whole. in hot oil and if it cooks it immediately. And then she fucking swaps it around. Suck a dick, Gordon Ramsey. These are the best eggs I've ever seen. Yeah. All right.

Well, they turn the shit. Yeah, she overcook them. Okay, hang on. You guys getting that? Are you guys catching that? No, what is it? You guys aren't getting that? What's wrong?

What's wrong? See it, I can get it. If it... Hold on. What's happening? Go back to discuss. lasting Indian food. Yeah, yeah.

Go back to the majority. Did you happen to peak and see if new episodes of comics and leased you're up? I did. And when I Googled it, it says that they're on Paramount Plus. But then when I try to find it on Paramount Plus, nothing shows up and nothing shows up on Disney Plus. No, I would say, look on Hulu. Well, I was on Disney Plus, which is the same. CBS, sure.

It was on that. It's not on any streaming. I think just... Hard to find. But it says, if you say, like, where can I find it? If you Google that, it says it's streaming on Paramount Plus. Go back to Paramount Plus again. Comics Unleashed.

Search. Nope. We can find it, yeah. Right time in Byron Allen. I did that too. I think he buys that time on the channel. He does. I think he just buys that hour on the channel.

He'll take the money from some of the thing. But he doesn't allow them to use it on their platform. Like he owns that hour and owns all the commercial. Go to actual Hulu. I don't know why I feel like it might be different. We should save half a million dollars and buy an hour of TV time on CBS late night. And let's do a show called Comics Leashed.

Yeah. Yeah. Where it's the same show, but everyone's on a leash. So they can't stand up like Bobby, so they don't look back on their careers. Every time I try to stand up, you pull me down. Yeah. Can you imagine if I'm in the middle of that,

he went, because he fucking got Yang's back? And you're like, leashed. Comics, this comic's just been leashed. This comic's just been leashed. Oh, my fucking Christ. So, Hulu is a problem here, but Disney Plus, I can access, and it's like Hulu's one of the options. So I don't think it would show up differently,

because this is Hulu right here. Yeah. Well, we're trying to, we've watched comics Unleashed the old one. Now there's the new one, and we're trying to find out if they've changed the show at all for the better. Is that correct, Jay? Yes. Science?

Tune in Thursday. We review. I say Thursday, don't tune in. I say Thursday, take a day off from the show. There's a show called Surviving Jeffrey Epstein. What did he do? You know what? You're going to have to watch it.

Okay. I'll check that. Is that good? It was good. Interesting. Yeah, he had a lot of fun, I think they would say. Jacob would say? Jeffrey Epstein.

That guy used to come to comedy shows a lot, dude. Great hang. What do you think the problem is? Okay, so something's going on. even it's it's saying that there's viewing restrictions because look see how this says what I just see see how this says

Paramount Plus YouTube but then you click on this and it says that we can't see it yeah what's going on let's get to the bottom of this come on Christine you got it sleuth it fucking it's these goddamn computer settings who were the comics in this that are in the new show

well Paul Verzi did an episode Paul Verzi did it I'm excited to see that there's a couple people I think Mike Feeney Maybe jumped on my son bitch. Is it tape here in New York? It tapes in Los Angeles, where Byron lives. It's in Los Angeles. The only place in the world where you can take somebody seriously

when they give you a bullshit transition like he does. Jacob, I understand you like performance fleece. Take it away. If you tune in Thursday, Bobby makes his own transitions. Bobby starts transitioning himself. Because I learned from the master of transitions. B. Allen. And I transitioned myself into my own.

jokes because that's why I do the comics unleashed the first episode I got the hang of it the second episode I really honed in on the show have you looked desperately on YouTube it makes me sick that jade didn't do it oh would it make me so happy just to see jay doing bits I had no idea I mean you said this for the pre-day but you did two in one day yeah you got to go in and do two in one day so you learn transitions in one taping I don't know what happened to me I I was on the second tape, and I know that I was tired, and in the days, John Witherspoon really tuckers you out. He is taxing, I'd feel.

Very taxing. Really tuckered me out. Always be closing, pops. Yeah. At one point, I was just following the shark in the background. Oh, yeah, it's behind the Byron. Oh, I would get lost in that fish tank, for sure. Which I think the shark represents Byron and where are the little fish that disappear?

Absolutely. And I would tell you this, at one point, in lieu of laughing at Kathy Ladman's routine about her husband, you were leaning back to look at the shark. It was fascinating shark. You were looking around her. They showed that. I've never seen a shark in captivity, Jay. It was fascinating to me.

And they had to keep you, what they had to do, though, is they had to keep you on the side with her on both episodes. Because if you were on, no, if you were on Gabriel O'Glasey's side, with your spastic hand gestures, I'm worried you may have caught the side of your hand in what we would call his chin ass. Yeah, yeah. Or people would just be drawn to that heavy side.

Yeah, what was that? It looks, you had it. You had it. I'm trying to get to the most recent episodes. Vamping, we are vamping. We are vamping, vamping, vamping, vamping. It would be great if they reunited the original panel. Got the crew back together?

Yeah, if you did it again, Bobby. Two of us, two of them are dead, I think. Is Kathy Ladman dead? No, I haven't seen her in a long time. Pops is dead, for sure. Can't get Pops back. Pops is dead. Coordinate.

Yeah, John Witherspoon's very much dead. Yeah, I don't know. Kathy Ladman, probably still hanging in there. Hanging in there with somebody. Any late, any late Ladman? Yes, she's alive. How old? 71.

I know that because she said on the show that she was 51. Oh, aren't you the mathematician? They had a 20-heads over here. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, she did a dry bar. I think it's a terrible name for a comedy thing. Dry bar?

Yeah. Well, not if you're a recovering alcoholic. Right, well, and it's also super clean comedy, because they assume if you're sober, you're also a quiff who's afraid of curse words. Hey now, hey now. No, they assume that. Hang on now. No, no, you're to the contrary.

But the world takes that in. Yeah, I'm sober with alcohol and drugs, but with comedy, I'm drunk. Let's hear a little bad one. I want to hear a little ladman. That's why we're on the comedy channels. Do you? Do you? You want to hear some jokes out of this blouse lady?

Yeah, like this. Not when I go home. Not ruining my own time. Rewining the listeners' time. All right, let's hear. I bet she was actually huge back in the day. She was big for a minute back in the year. I swear to God, back in the late 80s, early 90s.

She was one of the big ones. She was just touring. No, she was a big comic when there was no. There was hardly any lady comics. Kathy Ladman? Yeah. When? I mean, I could name all the one.

The Rita Rudner's, Paula Poundstone got big for that. Judy Tanuda. She was one of those. She never really got big, but she was like one of the go-to girls in all like those, like girl, like compilation things. Women of the Night Me too much that we watch, but Martin Short is the host. Isn't it funny that they all are the same lady? Like all those ladies you just mentioned are kind of the same looking, same thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's weird.

Like that was a woman comic back in the way Ellen DeGeneres stood out and we didn't realize it at the time was because she was a guy the whole time. Right. Let's hear it. Or at least a boolish lesbian. Bullish.

What the fuck is you get that one? So in. Even the way she's holding the mic now just makes me feel it's unsettling in the sense like it looks like it's effort for her now. She didn't think she was going to have to still be hitting the road. Yeah. With Full Gray.

Yeah. She thought by then she'd be sitting on Easy Street and she would perform when she wanted to like Joan Rivers. Yeah. But instead she's doing dry bar specials. Yeah. Does she have a heavy touring schedule, I wonder? Look up Ladman's touring schedule if you wouldn't mind.

Oh, you know, she doesn't have a heavy menstrual system. No, no, no, those days are over. She doesn't worry about that at all. Yeah. No, she's G-to-G on that. Yeah. It's hot. I'm hot.

Now, you're having a hot flash. Okay. She reminds me a lot of my grandmother. She probably plays a lot of theaters and casinos. She's got it, honey. Let's see. She's doing Moon Tower. Yeah.

She's like an alternative darling. No. Whatever you're saying, it's crazy. She's an alternative darling of society. She's doing, she's promoting spots. She's a alternative darling of the world, Jay. Dude. She's got five shows.

Five shows. deck yeah but you have to take care of our grandkids oh my god hang on oh it's just comedy coaching oh let's take it um i'd like to let's see this did you if you're funny and you're stuck i can help to unstick you and help you to be funnier the balls the fucking balls dude we can't make anybody funnier we should get voss to start teaching comedy oh i think you're going to say we should get it in the class No We should get Voss to start Teaching comedy classes

She has testimonials You know how great it would be to take a class from Rich Voss Oh my God Yeah you're going to have to have those fucking COVID plastic things in front of you While he's talking All right put these on Yeah

He goes boy I hope nobody gets a B A or a D I hope everybody gets A's Because the only thing he won't spit on them on B B. C. B. All right, she does some comedy.

Zoom coaching groups. We have a special guest. Very funny. She's my wife. My wife. If you're funny and you're stuck, I can help to unstick you and help you to be funnier. That is balls like a motherfucker. Whether you're starting out in stand-up or an accomplished veteran. Wow.

What? If you're an accomplished veteran, you should fucking help. Let's take it. Let's see what we can do. Whether you need help with delivery, finding your voice, or just a boost of self-confidence, non-judgmental and fun, and lots of experience. Contact her about coaching.

And then there's some testimonials, if you wouldn't mind. Kathy helped me expand many of my half-finished bits and gave me a few hilarious tags. This is fucking crazy. Her calm and encouraging analytic approach to building a joke is killer. When our session was over, I had a new five minutes that worked on stage.

Booking again. So comedy coaching is just, this is like acting coaching. Right. Which was, can I say something? This is going to be a little anti, my own point here, because I think this is utter horseshit. This is utter and utter complete horseshit,

what you're doing here. However, I will say when I did get to a thing out in L.A., where they called me to come out to L.A. audition for a thing, like the third audition or whatever it was. When I got there, Kimowitz was panicky, and he was definitely like, he's like,

let me book you like an acting coach. So they'll just go through that scene with you and just go meet with him like two hours before the audition, so you have it. I was like, okay, and I went to some ladies' house, and I will say she helped. 100%. I have an actor coach.

What she did was helpful. I've had the same acting coach for 30 years. God? No. Pete Kelly. My first acting teacher in Boston Is uh no not really non related He's still my he taught um

You're a bunch of dumb mix you're all related somehow You fucking incestuous freaks I don't know how that way you're gonna hurt my feelings I don't know what that came from I just didn't like being wrong about the uncle thing You're not wrong about the uncle he is my uncle Dude all right okay told me you didn't want to You know he um he yeah he's great

I mean acting is a different thing though Acting you need somebody to kind of watch you and give you a little dick comedy is you can't how do you take advice from somebody you got to just go on and do it you have to go on and do it and the thing is if you can't find the instincts of it i don't think that can be taught what you can do to be helpful to people is direct like kind of like like see what their thoughts are like in talking to them and how they're funny is and you can kind of see like because everyone does the same thing like when you're autobiographical but blah blah all this like none of that means anything none of it you could just be the fucking

greatest observational comic. David Tell has nothing personal on stage. Anything he says personal is made up completely because he's just making the funniest joke. You know what I mean? And then you got like a Chappelle who's all like, you know, a little bit of his life, but very little of his life. And mostly observation about like, you know, world. So it's just like there's some, and then there's prop comedy. There's like, you know, what I used to do. Yeah. Where you started, your roots. My roots and, I thought my roots were in black comedy. It was brought. It was prop comedy. And then I, And then I wove into black comedy As I realized the props weren't working as much.

You did black prop comedy, the hardest prop comedy. That's the hardest prop comedy there is. It's the hardest prop comedy there is. With this little wieness? You might get killed. Everybody ready to laugh now? Thank you, Jamie. Jamie stoked for me.

Oh. Thank you, E.Z, and the boys at NWA. That made me feel better. It's been a rough couple days. I mean, obviously, crazy news. Yeah. And should acknowledge that Ron Bennington came back on the air today. Yeah.

And was fucking awesome, as always. As best as you ever could have handled something like that. I can't believe how fucking funny the three of them are. Got emotional for a second. The three of them are so fucking great. Yeah. I mean, I think Stanley was one of the things. laugh out loud he said uh you know from what do you say uh he said something about being a third third

something oh uh third party yeah he goes from a third party looking out looking in and ron just quick he goes i would consider you more of a second party i mean you know it's like i it was and gail was like yeah you're not a third you're you're kind of in the mix man but they didn't say The second part. He's just so funny, man. So funny. No, I mean, he was making essentially a cancer announcement. And he started the show.

They say the only father-daughter radio show in the history of radio. Yeah. Or it was a fucking, and he said something he started the show. He goes, would that say the greatest, the only father-daughter radio show in the history of radiation? It seems timely. Yeah. It's funny because they were going through all the comedians. messages and I was I was in the middle of sending I sent one to Deb because I didn't want to I didn't want to you know my stupid fate

You know I'm not I didn't want to bother him during all this shit you think you couldn't bother him because you're not that close with him like that Well I'm the third I'm a third party third party I'm definitely maybe a fifth But I was in the middle of sending him a message I was just going to send hey man I'm thinking he whatever you need And I was like, but then he started reading other comics and I was like, it looks like he was trying to get in. I was like, oh shit, I got to write something funny. What if he reads it? Somebody who I couldn't remember who was called in to say they were going to get into the mix of like,

oh, everyone's, all the comics for me. I want to be on the list. Yeah. Yeah. What do you see? Did you hear when they read, uh, Joe List's comment? We're in like the comic sections of who's who the comedy world and Gail was like, why does that make me feel good?

Oh, they went through. It was like, blue check, blue check? Yeah, blue check. Yeah. I said, yeah. I was like, yeah. Sal? Oh my gosh.

Oh, my God. We don't get to see Savocann or that much. So funny, man. I mean, dude, you know me. I'd be a, I would be sucking up at all. I don't know. I think I can go be funny. Yeah.

For sure, under the times where it's time to be funny on the microphone and stuff, but I feel like my downtime would be morbid. I take all, and that's why I love, I love that Ron's taking this on where it's like, we're going to fucking do everything we can, and we're going to fucking fight this thing. and I think, you know, I think he's going to beat it. But that's how I feel outwardly for other people.

Myself, I would be like, I'm going to come laughing every day. And then nobody look at me. I'm going to go back to a cave or something where I throw a cloak over myself like this. And I go, I just want to be alone and cry and think about everything. They black out all the windows. Christine would have to bring your soup down. Oh, Christine's far long gone. Yeah, there's no way.

Christine be like, I'm out. I'm not dealing with this whole shit. Oh, there's no. Yeah. Well, I've thrown her out like in a phantom of the opera. opera style like get away right yeah yeah yeah yeah he doesn't know I'm just another room well he was yeah he's so fucking funny man he was uh I didn't know what to expect when I turned it on I thought I was gonna be all all set you know what I had a feeling I was

I was gonna fucking cracking up yeah I had a feeling he was gonna approach it like to be fun which is good that's what he does yeah but he's with the best at it he's the best but you know he said some things that were like emotional a little bit and stuff i mean but again i i don't i said i didn't like a few people didn't like uh it felt about too much lamenting a bit he's like almost eulogizing the situation yeah he's saying things like i've had an amazing run on radio goes hey yeah yeah you're like you're still on it you're still on radio yeah and he's i like when he said him and his wife when they and they when the doctor just told him that he had cancer they just took it like they just yeah they had no reaction they you know you're

supposed to have this oh my god and they were just like okay yeah like what's the next step I yeah they were just like all right well I think that's what you do in the office I think I go okay oh I'd suck Don of all her fucking life yeah even if it was even if it was like curable cancer no we're gonna cure I'd be like don't feel well can you get my slippers oh she hates you sick too she's funny so you want the oh she don would fucking leave me in five seconds if i got the flu so you're not looking at this shit if i got covid she'd walk away you need the doting i'm the opposite i don't want to be doted i want to be doted i want to be fucking i want my back rubbed i want to go into a hovel and just sit there and go and think of all the reasons why god's

taking me i don't know i want to be in a cold shower and don't has to get wet too yeah Oh yeah, she has to bathe you I want to have anybody bathe me I want to be bathed I'm going to be sitting contemplating why God's decide to send me to hell where I belong I want to be bathed

I want to be fed I want it all I'll get gaunt and I'm going to get gaunt and then have a milky eye it's going to scare people when I do once in a while when I traverse the city in the rain

I want a fresh cold face cloth every 20 minutes on my forehead yeah I don't want that Don Hayes taking my temperature. I believe take my temperature. She'd come over and just feel my head. You're fine.

You don't, you're not a thermometer, bitch. Stick it in my mouth. I'm going to play records constantly of dramatic instrument solos, like just cello solos while I sit and think about why I'm being sent to hell. I want to push the bed closer to the windows and have it open so I can hear. And I'm going to look out in her. When she walks in, I'm just going to look at the window. It's two approaches.

It's two approaches. But we're both. Hoping to live. Yeah, I mean, you know, one of us, probably both of us is going to get sick someday. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, my feet feel wet when I eat chocolate cake. Both of us are going to have to put on a good face on an episode one day.

So people are going to go, he's taking it really, well, it was really funny all day. Oh, I hope it's me first. I don't want to hear these fucking shitty fans. fucking him too they call him with a prodigal he just going to be bobby no man i'm i'm still here i want to see jim phantomly go talk to you outside instead of me oh sorry bob oh bob you're still here oh shit all right well we have uh yeah he he really is he you know what he is he's a man he's a real fucking man yeah he's a real fucking man yeah he's a He's funny, but he is a goddamn man.

Dude. He just fucking comes on. Gets the news yesterday and is like, yeah, I'm going to be home, but just turn the mics on. And it didn't even seem like anything. It was just a fucking hilarious show talking about what it is with his daughter. I felt, you know, she was crying a little bit. That fucked me up. You know what I mean?

Anytime I hear a woman cry, it just fucks me up. I can't take it. Oh, it sucks. So I can't go to third. therapy with Donge, she just cries. I'm like, you win, I'm an asshole. That's, yeah. I see the crying.

I was kind of like, oh, yeah. Okay, I'm wrong. You're right. It was manly. Manly. Do you know it's hilarious? Have you ever heard women get angry at other women crying, though, because they say it's a manipulative tactic.

I remember, it was so funny when me and Carla lived with, uh, or right before we moved in with Kurt and Jessica, we were getting to apartment. And it was like, it just got decided for some reason that Kurt and, you and Jessica would have the bigger room. And I always never lived on my own before. So if it makes sense in my mind, I was kind of like, I don't care. I just want it like, you know.

Yeah. I'm like, I also don't live in a bedroom. I'm like, the living room is kind of what I give a shit about. Which Kurt also ruined also, which was hilarious. Well, how do you ruin the living room? Oh, because when we were moving in, and they were moving into their bigger bedroom, um, they had no bed.

And Carla told them that the bed that were the couches that, that she brought in, one's a couch bed. It's a love seat in a couch bed. And so if they want to use the couch bed until they get a bed, like, you know, go for it. And they never did. And God bless them, I couldn't imagine of how good that couch bed would have been

because if you sat on it, it felt like shit as a couch. It was so uncomfortable as a couch to that. I never even sat on it. I sat exclusively in the love seat because of how uncomfortable that couch was. And then after six months or six months whatever it was of a curtain mealy that's all lasted six months

of living together um I fucking uh he goes hey man he goes uh we're all cleared out of the other room there he goes and I put the cushion I put the cushion back in the couch what's that

he goes you said when we would that we could use the so what they did was they went in and took the mattress thing off of the couch bed and just put the couch back like it was in there so when we were sitting on hard metal underneath the fucking shitty cushioned

because Kurt took the bed out and used it as a floor mat for the entire time we lived together it was crazy that was crazy but when we were accepting the small room it was because when they were first going me and Kurt were both kind of like

I don't really care and then Kurt's growing about that she's always been in small rooms and she's never had it and then I was like and I said to Carla kind of thing I was just like just like you I'm like I don't know she's crying

Like, who gives a fuck that much? Like, just take the fucking bigger room. And she goes, I could cry too. Do you want me to just start crying to do the thing? And I was like, oh, you don't believe her cries. She goes, oh, I've never had a big room. And I said, fuck, get the fuck out of here. And I was like, damn, I'm over here falling for it going like, no, no, crying girl, no.

Yeah. I hate it. I hate it. It's kind of a weird thing to do, though, as an adult, I never had a big room. Well, it would be fair, they were like 20. That's an adult. 22, 23. You're not supposed to have a big room until you fucking have you're...

She was probably 25. Either way, it was ridiculous to behave like that for sure. No, it was probably manipulative for sure, yeah. Yeah. They were like... You have to understand. Kurt and her were like... They were those people who lived their lives, like, a vagrant life.

You know what I mean? Like, they figure out a way to eat, figure out a way to get money up somehow. You know what I mean? What do you mean figure out a way to eat? You find a way? Like, there's just some way. She could figure-an-angle some way to do it. She was like that kind of...

She was like a scammer chick. You know what I mean? She kind of like figure out ways to just make things. She knew somebody who knew somebody who could hook up this. Rice. She did weird stripping, but it was like bikini place. Right. Stripping.

And then like Kurt worked at Funkoland for a minute. And I got a job at Funkoland for like two days with them for a minute. Is Funkoland Funko Pops? No, it was video games. Oh, video games. Okay. It was the old, like before it was GameStop. Okay.

Funco Land. Right. And we got a job there. Anyway, but yeah, they never had any money. I miss, though, living with a comic. It was nothing better than coming home after sets. And, like, a comic was hanging out. Just shoot the shit.

Well, Kurt and me never had too much. Kurt was just, like, a hermit who played video games in his room. So he was just literally sitting there and play for, like, 18 hours a day sometimes. Wow. DeRosa and me had some great times living together. And Phenoia. Yeah. Had a lot of laughs just when me and Phenoya were, like, roommates.

It was great. and Billy had a lot of laughs when we lived together I love them I mean we used to fight a lot it was two of the same temper so anything would set us off and like physically we'd physically go at it it was kind of war on it

you don't want to do this very very similar to that on occasions bro bro don't call my girl a bitch man you go my girl a bitch yeah he was he's a he's a hot head I'm a hot head. But DeRosa and me used to live right next to each other. We used to hang out, like, every day.

I used to love hanging out with DeRosos. Like, me and him are like the Pope of Greenwich Village. You just walk around and go shop to shop. And your leather jackets? And you're for different reasons, ill-fitting leather jackets. That was when I had my three-quarter length. Yeah. Bobby was fat and wore tight leather jackets.

Joe DeRosa was not fat, but wore jackets that were too tight-fitting. for him still. Yeah, he looks like somebody steamed him smaller. Joe would have like Frankenstein

wrists coming out of fucking when his arms were down. Yeah, that's supposed to have when you lift your arms, maybe.

Yeah, we were two idiots. We used to walk around like we were in New Yorkers. We go to one shop and get a loaf of bread. We go to another shop and get like meats.

Yeah. Go to another shop and get like peppers. Did you cut up an apple while you were walking with a switchblade? Yeah, we go, we go over to where

we know where we parked that little park we go over there and lay everything out and just shoot the shit and he'd be making a sandwich and then we'd split the sandwich have some type of New York City, huh? Yeah, exactly. It's crazy out here in these streets. You gotta take some time for yourself, you know what I mean? Make a sandwich with your friend. Just two duches on a stoop.

I remember me and Bobby Monsorella when I hanging out. The Amish market. We caught him Joey sandwiches. Who knew? Who knew where it would go? Who knew he'd have a sandwich shop, but they were sponsored by the wits? I walk by that shop and I looks to myself and I says every time I walk by I go, he did it.

Son of a bitch, did it. He did it. He did it. He did it. Joey roses. Damn made it good. Son of a bitch. And as soon as he made it good, he moved to another place. He got out of there just in time to never run his own sandwich place.

And now look over the sandwiches. And probably start saying things like whatever's cheapest, Pauli. Whatever's cheapest. I don't give a fuck no more. But back in the day, we got the most expensive gabagoo. You got the Gapagul. There's two gods. They struck you at the hell.

Yeah, we had a lot of good times. Single life. I forgot all about single life. You were single when you lived next to Joe? Yeah, well, yeah. Well, I wasn't single, but I was with Don, but we weren't married, so I consider it single. You lived like you were.

Did you live together? Me and Dawn, we've lived together. Yeah, we lived on the high rise, and then we bought the apartment. But Dawn let me, she let me just do it. She knew, just let me, she let me go and do whatever the fuck I wanted. I didn't, we didn't hang, like, now we spend time together. Now I can't, I can't wait to get home and, hey, when are we watching?

I'm a fucking, I'm a kept bitch now. She was also always busy too. Yeah. Right. Well, it's so weird because relationships, like, she was busy. She had like two jobs, but, like, back then, I didn't, she wanted to be with me and I wanted to be hanging out with fucking Joe, you know, being a New York. York are making sandwiches and doing shows and now I want to be with her she wants nothing to do with me yeah she's like go make sandwiches with your friends I'm busy dude I realize this morning

I'm I'm finished when I creamed my feet what's that I put moisturizer cream on my feet this morning before I put my socks on I do that 100% of days yeah that's good I'm part of my routine right before you put your socks on maybe more like before bed and don't put socks well I read you supposed to put your socks oh that's not true that's why I do every day yeah cream your feet and then you put the socks on. Yeah. Yeah, dude, I've never creamed my feet ever. But now I cream my... I cream my feet every day. I've never done it in my life.

I just men don't cream their feet. This man does? You have to have hard feet in case you have to run out outside in the fire or somebody. I cream my feet and I hit like this. What? What? I just want to know, I do two things. Both things can be possible.

I cream my feet and I also hit like this. I felt so old this morning rubbing cream on my feet. My feet are totally cream right now and watch this. You don't want to have like... Jacob, here, put the cigarette in your mouth. I'm going to show you my creamy feet.

Yeah! All right, I missed. You missed again. You always miss. But it smelled great, right? Yes. Yes. What did you say?

You don't want like those crusty old man feet, so it's better to do what you're doing. Well, I was getting these little things on my feet, these hard little... Caluses. That hurt. And I would have to cut. like dig him out you may have had dude I had to get this handled

a while back it took fucking months to go I started waking up and when I would walk like to go to the bathroom or something like in the mornings particularly it would hurt so much because I was like barefoot or something

and then I looked and it had a middle to it yes it had like but they're real they're really small you're looking at sand look at bottom of the foot

wart yeah planters war is that what it is? I've had it yeah it fucking does her and it takes forever to get rid of. It sucks.

To fix it there's like a round bandaid with acid or something in the middle. That will help you. I just pick them out. I have a little razor that I pluck them out.

I use straight razor? Yeah. Multiple times to get down they're like whatever, you're eventually going to put medicine on it. Yes. It's so deep you gotta.

Well, mine's, that's honest to God, it's almost identically that thing and it fucking killed when you walked on it. Like you're walking on a rock. Yeah, what is it? I have a war.

How do I get a ward on my cell? Planners wort. And you already have plant That's mine right there I have plant the fasciitis And then I have a ligament that got twisted up You needed lotion years ago But this is eye lotion

Mine's not that bad Mine's like that little bit But I got to say what I got I lotion my feet And I still got that war I just didn't know what the fuck it was How do you get them? I don't know how I got

It's viral It's viral It is you pick it up Okay I guess so then a fucking It's a hotel probably A hotel shower Yeah

So somebody had it And I got it Probably A carpet Fuck so I got to put medicine on it? Yes. So I don't have to...

It's HPV. What? Yeah. What are you talking about? It's pussy. It's pussy words on your feet. It's from eating pussy with my feet? That's what it is. Pussy words for you've done...

I have rubbed my feet on pussy before. That's probably where you got it. I had this... HPV up here, seems HPV down there. I had a Lao Asian girl that liked a nice foot rub on a snatch. Oh, you'll make me laugh so much my head's hood. But I did put stuff in this guy told me when I went there is like it'll take two weeks to go away And then it took six months.

I think it was because you kept shaving it down. Because I said something to you. I was like, you don't know what you're, I was like, you're messing it up more. Fun though. And once you stop doing that, I'll tell you right. I'm so glad you said that. I wasn't going to say that.

Shaving this, the little, getting a little thing out, and it comes out, it's awesome. It's gotten me so hyped up. If you got the thing out, you're probably good. You should probably put some medicine on those. Salicilic acid or whatever. Yeah. But that's gone now.

That whole thing is completely gone. So now, once in a while, though, I'll pop open a drawer, see the little razor there, and I'll be like, sure I got some cows over here, something get the side of the foot. Yeah. And dude, I'd tell you, it would make me vomit if I saw you even start doing this in person. I'm an in person. If I see it online, I don't give a shit. But in person, if I watched you do it, and if I presented, if you presented to me,

what I feel satisfied of the hunk that I pull off and I can hold it up and it's like a fucking Indian headquarter. and I'm like, you, I just cut that off of myself and it didn't hurt at all. It felt like it was supposed to be off of me. I like the ones you can pull off and make a jewelry out of it, like an earring. You ever get in the one?

Sometimes I'll cut in the one until you start, you get low enough. Sometimes you get a nice thick cut. Yeah. And then when you get it halfway done, get under there, maybe start pulling it back a little bit with your hands.

Yeah. Really get in there. Get a little twas. And that's how you see that beautiful, that baby hamster skin that's under there. It's all pink and bright. I had one came out like a tooth. I was like, wow.

You had to wiggle it? I had a wiggle it and it popped out. So this is from eating pussy? Yeah. Foot and pussy. Foot and pussy. I ate Bobby's foot pussy because I want to get HPV the old way. That's because you eat pussy

because you're a man. It doesn't matter where it comes from. Bobby, let me get that fucking, let me get that cornwort. Let me get that fresh foot pussy. I'm going to slide that right in between your fucking planter and your corn. I got that young foot pussy. Oh, shit. We got to go.

Yeah, we got to go. Big J. I get done that for the next five minutes. That was my third appearance on We're going to find it. We've got to find episodes of comics on leave. Big J is going to be at Helium. St. Louis this week in April 3rd and 4th. Then the Funny Bone in Orlando, April 10th and 11th.

Then he's going to be in Nashville. for Story Wars and Kansas City for tickets and all the tour dates, bigjeecom.com, YouTube.com slash at Big J.Oakson. And make sure you go to our YouTube page and watch one of the funniest poundings ever given to a young comic with hopes and dreams. I think I didn't know you guys then.

Oh, God. You wouldn't know us now if we did. Bobby Kelly is going to be a comics roadhouse in Connecticut, April 17th and 18th. That's over at Mohegan Sun Casino. After that, Uncle Vinnie's in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, Cleveland, Ohio, Stanford and New Orleans, all on deck after that for tickets and so many more tour dates. Go to punchup.com. And, of course, his YouTube channel at Robert Kelly, Comedy, and most importantly, if you're in the New York area, every Tuesday night, 7 p.m., like clockwork at the Fat Black Pussy Get Lounge at a Comedy Cellar.

So you can see him live in person. I shall say it's just written weird, Christine, a little bit. We're doing Nashville Festival. we're doing story wars and then that weekend I'm doing the rest just stand up in Kansas City Okay that is written It's written it's fine but like I also see how they could be misconstrued If someone heard that

Um Then people are gonna show up first People are gonna show up in Kansas City and be like I thought this was story wars I'm like sorry to let you down dick face Christine wrote it wrong Christine wrote it like a stupid idiot Bobby just read it exactly the way it is Oh real nice Christine making Bobby read it exactly how it is

Making me look like an idiot I hope you get pussy foot warts You're about to get each Why would you push that on me? I want it I'm gonna rub it I think it's Bobby wants to rub your pussy with his foot I'm gonna come over to your pool this room

and rub all my pussy footwork Jacob's bored we gotta go Bye bye