The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Inside Sissies with Colin Quinn

Episode Date: November 7, 2024

Colin is back with a new special "Stamps & Tea" on YouTube where he actually takes the audience out of the club and onto the street! Bobby ponders Colin's magical effect on all women including Christine. Colin tells the story of when he bombed at Robert De Niro's birthday party. Trump distances himself from Tony Hinchcliffe. Jay educates the guys on the connection between NBA star Allen Iverson and musician Bruce Hornsby. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly. If you guys have seen all of us jamming, Christine's a disgusted face. She's disgusted. She's not disgusted with the use of the phone. No, she doesn't like any of this kind of metro, you know, Christine, you know, she likes like a, you know. A man's man? Like a Sturgis, like you gotta listen to the best of whatever the Sturgis playlist was you're not wrong

She's uh she got a big girl boner for Zach Wild players totally she would uh yes, she would let him finish inside, but I'll tell you also Colin I'll tell you also yes fun fact Christine definitely hard crushing on Colin Quinn because sick what you don't even know what happened in here sick Christine comes in And places for the first time in the history of the show besides a water placed a diet coke on you and I went I Go out of Colin asked for a diet coke and she went no I'm just really good at hospitality and then when you came in and sat down,

the first thing you said was you go, whoa, thanks for the Diet Coke. And I shot her a look because she was shit-eating grin. It made her so happy that you saw her little touch. Thank you. I'm so gay, I thought it was Bobby supplied. No, this is it. And this is what bugs me about Colin.

He has some type of magic over women. I'm not saying you're not a bad looking guy. I'm just saying you're not. You're not saying he's not a bad looking guy? I'm saying you're not a great looking. You're not like, you're unconventionally good. It's not even that. I'm okay looking.

You're okay looking, but you have some weird charisma. My wife, I just called her. She answers the phone. Hey. I go, Colin goes, hey Don, she goes, hey Collin. The fucking tone changes. I haven't heard that tone since 1995 when I met her at La Familia Georgios.

That's how long it's been since I've heard that fucking happiness out of the woman I fucking came in and had a child and bought a house with. You gotta see Rebecca, Rebecca Tranquistine. Rebecca Tranquistine, when Colin's coming, they go up like a, remember the skunk cartoon where they like follow the smell and they're in the air floating through the room?

Pepe Le Pew. Yeah, they get so excited. They're so stoked on you, these ladies. He does have like a Pepe Le Pew thing with women. I mean, I swear to God, Colin could start a cult with, and starting with Rebecca and Christine and Dawn. I would love a cult.

That's a good beginning of a cult. I would love a cult. You can go against Jared Leto and his cult of overweight women who come to an island. Ladies and gentlemen, you've heard, you know he's in here already, but I'm gonna introduce him right now because he deserves an introduction because he is-

What if he doesn't want it? Want it. Look, I'm working on my introductions, so back off. Why? Because Bobby's... Let me explain something to both of you, okay? If there's one thing that's playing... My new idol is...

This is old. Dana White. When he goes... When they introduced him for so long and he walked out, remember? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, on Howie Mandel's podcast. Yes. All right, how about this? These, on Howie Mandel's podcast. Yes.

All right, how about this? These intros are long, it's like being in an Arabic 1500s, I go, Mr. Family, second generation. Let's just cut to the chase to America. Hiya Powell. Bobby says the name first, like a bad college student show. Oh no. He says the name first,

and then starts giving all the stuff, so I go. The Wikipedia? And then it starts going too long, because he's panicked that he's already said the name so he gives it over Well I got it, you're a comedian you know that In all fairness I'm panicking because Jay's looking to the floor like my mother used to do when my father used to hit me Oh no

And what you're seeing in all of those eyes you just described is disappointment That's, that is the worst when somebody says your name and you're at the gig and then you're like oh god I love that they would do a pager and you walk out the room is drained of energy I'm not so mad because there's only credits you wanted gone that those assholes put in no I love that you know you know you you're here to promote your new special yeah you actually don't want me to do that I do I don't want you to do that. I do, I don't want you to. Okay, here you go, ready? Colin Quinn's here, election.

No, he just did it. He told me he didn't want that. Yeah, Jay, he's doing it right now, just back off. I'm doing what fucking. Yeah, but it sounds like you're choosing like a local like a zoologist who's gonna come do your mission. No, I like that.

I'm gonna cut it in the middle for both of you fucking assholes. Ready, here you go. Election special, Stamps and Tee, starring Colin Quinn, streaming right now in... You squint your eyes, I'm gonna throw my fucking Starbucks at you. Starring? I don't fucking... Alright, ready? Here you go. Let me try again.

Just hit him! Let me try again. Let me try again. Ready? It says Election Special. I'm gonna put your fucking judgmental finger down. Ready? Here you go. Can I give you a little... Alright, go ahead. I'm gonna put your fucking judgmental finger down ready. I am sorry Yeah, can you go? I got his is

Just throw it to me. There's no election special stamps and tea streaming right now. Okay ready. I'm sorry shut up The man in lavender his new special election day stamps and tea is streaming right now on YouTube the great Colin Quinn is here with us today What's up, buddy? Good to see you. How's that? Great to see you, boy. Hang on, let me get my flowers from Jacob. That's very good.

Thank you. That was very, very good. Jacob's my witness, by the way. When I came in, Jacob, that I put you guys' names in, and they go, who are you here to see? And he said, no, we don't know, no record of these two. No, you're right. You're absolutely right.

You have to look up Jacob Yeah, he put his name is like Jacob Yeah, we are not them and my name when it is in the system is spelled wrong. They just put They spell my name Jay why and then for no reason just put just put on an E SH Yeah, well at least your name so I think say J. Ash. It's fucking weird. I'm I says Bobby soda I say J.S. it's fucking weird as hell. All my stuff says Bobby Soda. Does it? No.

There was a concert outside. It's so sad. This building used to be pop. I used to walk in the Sirius. And I was like, this is amazing. And now you walk in and it's like, you know, it's like the, you ever see an apocalypse now?

Yeah. They're just walking through the, when it's dead quiet and empty, that's what it looks like sometimes. Sometimes it does. Not with Simon LeBons in the fishbowl. Christine, that's the guy from Duran Duran. That's why there's people here, LeBons in.

No, once in a while there's life in the room and it's because there's a guest here that we are not allowed to go anywhere near. Yeah, but we do send Jacob, we did send Jacob to steal Barry Manilow and he did. He did, we did get Barry Manilow for us. Oh, but you can't hit LeBon? No. But I try to send him in to say the N-word in front of Earth He did, we did get Barry Manilow for us. Did you kill Haley LeBond? No.

But I tried to send him in to say the N-word in front of Earth, Wind and Fire, he wouldn't. Why? I know, right? Why would you send him in to do that? Because this guy's not old radio. I was gonna say it's a little bit of shock jog, isn't it? This guy's not old radio.

This guy doesn't know to walk into Earth, Wind and Fire and say the N-word willy-nilly. It really does make me sick though that, what is the thing, do you know that you have this thing with women? Don't do it, don't fucking, whatever fucking humble, No matter where I go, it's like you don't do it. Whatever humble shit you're about to do,

you know there's a thing, all the waitresses, every club, everybody at the cell, all women love you. And I don't get it. Is that a question? Yes, that is a question. I'm finished. There's a question mark at the end.

What's the question? What do you think it is? You know what it is. You know that it happens. What do you think it is? Your father's gonna fucking love him. That's a little bit of it, I think. Your family would love him if they met him.

Okay, I like this. Yeah, why don't you answer for me? Great conversation. Christine, you tell us. You tell us what, I mean, out of all... Christine, why are you so wet for Colin? Yeah, why? Explain it while he drinks a diet coke. He's so funny and he's so smart and he's so cute. Why would he not be? Did you just call him cute?

Yeah, I like that plot. And also, Rebecca said to tell you she loved your special. What's that? Rebecca said to tell you she loved your special. Oh, nice. Rebecca's never sent a message to tell somebody they're on fire once ever. No, Rebecca's never said I was cute. You don't even like me physically. You think I'm repulsive.

No, Bobby, you're so sexy. That's bullshit. That's fucking bullshit. Christine's never even fucking even thrown, I mean, she gave me a bag of Sun Chips once. We sleep with a whole dog between us for the last three years. and even thrown, I mean, she gave me a bag of Sun Chips once. What? We sleep with a whole dog between us for the last three years. I don't know.

I don't, she's not attracted to me either. I just, I saw your special, and it's fucking. You did? Of course I did. It's amazing. It was shot at the Pussycat Lounge. Homeless Pimp shot it. Nice. What he does with any room and makes it look like something amazing,

because the Pussycat... For a homeless pimp. It's like, you know, it's a Moroccan lounge theme. It has all this shit dangling. It's hard to make. I know. I used to do karaoke in that room. But your special was fucking amazing, but the end, I mean, that's so wild that you did that. Walked around, you mean?

Yeah, he literally says to the crowd at the end of his special, all right, we're going outside now. And the whole crowd comes outside with him, and he walks around doing comedy in the street but giving like a history lesson of the neighborhood of New York with a crowd the crowd that was in the fucking room and he's he's fucking on the street doing jokes killing it on the street and that's a dick Andy Kaufman am I right?

milk and cookies how about a guided tour from the guy you just watched? Jesus. That was kinda mean. The fuck, Andy Kaufman? Listen, listen. No. What, you said it's much better than Andy Kaufman. He used to be with Milk and Cookies.

You gave him a fuckin' show on the streets. Yeah, dude, he was complimenting you, but bringing that up, so you know, relax a little bit, okay? How is your friend, listen. You're taking my girlfriend from me, it's fine. I've submitted to the whole thing but you know what you worried about going on the street bombing on the

street totally totally yeah sure fine I don't I did bomb but the first show what happened was there was one girl up front I swear she was like an angel sent from God because she was up front and every little ironic thing I said, she started laughing, and I got the whole crowd laughing. The second show, they thought I was a tour guide. They just watched me do 40 minutes of stand-up, I take him outside and I turn into a tour guide. So I start by going, that's the blue note,

that's the only place an interracial relationship was legal until 1968. So they're like, oh, I'm like, no, I'm joking. And we go off to the races already. I gotta be honest, I thought it was true. Well, wait, did you? I actually told Don that as a fact. Did you know that?

The only place they gave that place sovereignty where they were able to make their own decisions on that? A good word, good word. But the other stuff was all kind of The other stuff was all basically true. Well, so did you do like a... Pot, gays, they all started in the village. Did you do like a... Wait a minute, gays started?

I'm pretty sure gays started in France. Well, but I'm saying where they could, yeah. Did you do like a day to laughter die? Like did you just go and do that with an audience or was it listed as what you were gonna do? Was it like Colin Quinn's take on the special? Yeah, you know, we said you're gonna come? Was it like Colin Quinn's taping a special? Yeah, no, we said you're gonna come outside,

you have to pay your checks before I go on. But they knew that it was like a special taping? Yeah, yeah, well, cameras are right there, five minutes, that little... I got you. Yeah, well, I was asking only because I said when you went outside, why would they not know? Like they had to...

But they knew, but they didn't have to go. It was sort of like, you know, if you wanna come out. Oh, gotcha, gotcha. But they all came out. It's hilarious that he made them pay their checks you wanted to come out. Oh, gotcha, gotcha. But they all came out. It's hilarious that he made them pay their checks. I know. What the fuck, dude?

You couldn't have. Throwing a special tape in? It's an ADC, you couldn't have picked up the 420? What the fuck, dude? I wasn't even thinking to pay for it himself. Hey, I'll get everyone's tab in here. I mean, what the fuck, dude? You call it?

I have to pay for the special. It's on YouTube. Give me a break. Exactly. It's on YouTube give you a break exactly It's on YouTube that'd be so funny if you have start pointing other people are eating things too much He goes hey, how many are appetizers? How long we keep in the kitchen open for guys slow down five chicken fingers per order that's good. That's not cost-effective What are our margins guys?

That must have been a shocker though, they were like, are you gonna pay your tab? What, we're gonna pay? Yeah, guys, I'm gonna bring somebody along for five minutes here while you guys run through those bills real quick. Make sure you tip nicely. Wait stamp working hard here. You need a stamp receipt to do the rest of the show.

You get a stamp on your hand that lets me know you paid, then we can all go outside and do the rest of the show. It was pretty wild that you walked there all around the whole little village there and gave this whole stand-up speech. And the crowd was laughing because I would be terrified. I swear to God, the second show, I said the first show was going to bomb outside and that's why it went well. That girl made the whole show.

Right. So on the second show, they were just going, mmm. Well, I just started out bad, and you know how it is. Then you're playing hard, you're pushing too hard, and you're trying too, so it got some laughs. But it was like, you know, it was a different vibe, yeah. That's the IFC theater, the first place where a woman wasn't burned at stake

for having hairy armpits. That's a joke, also. I thought it was real. Me too. You know me, Jay. I love facts. Yeah Yeah Bobby likes facts. You can tell me anything. Yeah but it was called The Waverly. I had a funny story about my father. That's a true story. Oh it is? But you didn't talk about Serpico was shot there on that street you were on? No I didn't talk about that. Serpico was shot right in that little alley. That was uh. The manager? No. Serpico the movie. Al Pacino. Andino and I know that you didn't mention this you fucking piece of shit And we're both fans of it. Whoa, the movie fatso was filmed all in that area

That's what Dom DeLuise grew up and if you watch the movie fatso He's literally coming that out of that street that movie means too much to you. It does it does It doesn't really does. It really does. If I said the movie Fatso was shot there, I would have had blank stares and bomb. It should have been. The Dom Dillowee's classic Fatso. Bomb Dillowee.

I watched it when I was a kid. It was a bummer, it felt like. Yeah, because you were fat. Yes. It should have meant a lot to you too. That should be on your top three. Angus meant a lot to me. About a fat kid wishing he had the pretty girl and then he got to dance with her once. It's the greatest movie. Ann

Bancroft was his cousin and she directed it and wrote it. Well Angus is a coming of age film about a young fat kid who is very close to his grandpa loses him. He's got a dorky little redhead friend and he eventually gets to dance with the pretty girl at the end. Well this was movie. Massey star Fade Into You plays. This is a movie about, if you're a fat fuck. I am. And you watch this movie, the first five minutes of this movie, you're gonna go, oh my god, they got it, right.

Look at that lineup of food. I mean, look at it. It's great, it's fucking great. The Chubby Checkers, which if I do remake this, you're gonna be one. But you're gonna come up with Ozempic. What you gotta do is stick this in your stomach, kid. Do you want to redo Fatso? Yes, I do. I'm actually...

He's obsessed with it. He loves it. I will make that film before I die. I want to remake Blazing Saddles. Word for word. You gotta make it even more now. Yeah yeah yeah I'm gonna Tarantino that movie. Double down. I'm gonna get DiCaprio to play. By the way that would be a great version. DiCaprio is gonna play my black sheriff. Who is? Derek Gaines? Derek Gaines. Bobby's new friend who hangs out till one o'clock in the morning. Trashing some new young comics. Why don't you want to go be with your family? Listen I was out late

last night till 12 I didn't get done until I had Adrian Apolucci. Apolucci! They were all in bed dude I go home listen I go home a beautiful new home if I go home at 10 o'clock everybody's asleep the whole town is just by myself I had to do the podcast I came came downstairs, Ari was supposed to meet me, he never did. He was late. Classic Jew move. Yep, and it is. And then I was hanging out a little bit,

and then I went around the corner, and they were all hanging out front, and we just started smashing each other. Not they all were hanging out front. Children, young people, the next person in your age is 20 years younger than you. No, that's not true. It's true.

It's not true. You're the last guy sitting there at the party. Even Keith figures out some method of getting home before that. Yeah, a stroke. He used to go home and take his medicine. I don't know if we put him on a flume or something or how we get him there. Somehow he gets home. Limited motor function

Listen, I I walked up there was a group of two young guys. I didn't know and Derek and what's his you should walk by and they should let you should not do it She's Matt riches you walk by and you let them look at you with reverence Because you're not gonna mix it up with these guys because these are the young fish I didn't you're supposed to be out of the pond One of the kids was from South Africa, and he was dressed like Jeanine Garappolo, and we were fucking trashing it. And he had that coming to America accent.

Those guys now believe you're their best friend. And now, once again, you are going to have, as you've always had, Bobby, a fleet of boys on the road with you. That's my thing. You really like to have a fleet of boys. You got a fleet of people around you too. Don't kick yourself.

I bring a boy at a time. Yeah, you do. You bring one boy at a time. I bring one boy. You got so many boys. Your boys both have multiple jobs. You bring one boy and one old guy that dresses like a boy. This is...

I had a, I wound up just getting into it. It was it was like the old They didn't have a series of boys. What what do you mean? Not to have it. No, I don't want a series of boys. Oh, first of all, Derek Gaines is not a boy He's 30s eight. He may be 40 something. That's only 10 14 years younger than I know but look at him. Yeah That's not he's not live. He's there to shit on the young comics. Yes his thing Yeah, I feel like we didn't pass that down to the next generation No, and we never will there's no way Have you seen every Hispanic comic in the world hates Tony and

Every Hispanic comic it's not a floating pile of garbage. It's just a funny thing to argue. I know, I think he knows too. It's so funny though, because they keep, they keep just playing tennis. The next day, Biden called all the Trump supporters garbage. And it's like, they had it. They had what they wanted. No. But Tony Hinchcliffe jokes weren't gonna do a thing.

And also. Nine days left, and the guy went on and said, I was out in the front with my black friend carving watermelons. They had it. They had the little clips that he could use to prove that Trump is a racist, whatever. And then Biden goes on the next day and says,

all the people that are voting for Trump are garbage. Are garbage. But then Trump came out, and you said you didn't see this. You said Trump with Hannity, I think, talked, he like distanced himself from Tony. What'd he say? He's like, I don't know him, I didn't book him, I don't know who booked him, I don't know the guy,

I don't wanna know the guy. Really? It's bad. No, you have a clip? It's kinda shitty, oh yeah, it's definitely shitty. Yeah. It's a shit, if like, Tony like kinda like sold it all on like this idea that he's like this guy now, that's great.

And then the guy who leads everybody there was like, I don't know, fuck this guy. Who books him on there? I don't know. Tony Camacho. That's great, he pulled an opie on Tony? Who books it, I think it's a Ray Allen. I think Tony should just say I'm half Latino.

He looks so Latino. He could say he's whatever, yeah. Tony looks Cuban? Yeah. Are you crazy? No. What? Don't get in here.

Please don't do characters. He looks Cuban. It's not your thing. Why not? Because it's not. Because Dan Soto's not here now. I'm going to do characters. That's Mexican

Christine what do you think of color impressions? What do you think of Collins characters? So funny? Thank you see You think that was funny. It was hilarious. It's not who knows she gets it cuz I'm being ironic. Oh It's funny very Brooklyn. Oh, yeah for sure sure Christine gets fun of the idea of me doing characters Christine lives with me because she gets fucking deep think comedy Yeah, she really does want to live in the alt world of comedy Wow, she just got something it is where she wanted to be she did she wanted to dominate she wanted to be like I'm gonna make all these fucking goofy bar kids. Because, yeah, because Jay looks like he could be like a Williamsburg,

like he could he could work in a brewery in Bushwick. Yeah. Do a little side comedy thing, but it's possible. But I think when I came up straight through club, Keith brought us right up. That was the problem. So we ruined you. You should be right now? You should have your own little your night You know somebody a knitting factory or something like that yeah black guy with freckles for sure Yeah, a weird room at a Soho house or something universe

I would have happened a fat skinny and then fat again girl on stage. I would have so many fucking velvet jackets This is crazy Huh, isn't a funny world we live in now, oh, yeah We know the people involved in political situations We know the amount of thought that goes into our work is not as much as these guys probably think I mean Nothing, nothing Tony looks like he's running for like Mississippi governor. I Promise you since the day was in the podcast Andrew Schultz has not gone one day without calling Donald Trump Donnie to somebody else really it's the you meet Robert De Niro

You always call him Bobby for the rest of your life. You call him Bob. Not Bobby Yeah, he met him. Oh. Go ahead. Yeah, he met him. Oh, you met him once? Yeah. Oh, okay. Not only met him. He tells you Bob.

Not only met him, he bombed. Oh, yeah. What happened? He took a hot one in front of De Niro. Like on stage? Let me tell you something. Oh, you've never heard that story? Colin Quinn has taken the greatest hot ones

that you could ever take. I have. De Niro, weren't you on a table? No, I was at a restaurant, but it wasn't a table. I had my notes on a table. I laid the whole thing out. It was one of the, it was really, it was such a bad bomb that years later I did, I talked about it with you,

I was like, oh, it couldn't have been as bad as I thought. Me and Norton meet him when he's doing that, speaking of bombs, that horrendous comedy he did when he played a stand-up comic. Yeah. Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo. And then I bombed. Wait, Norton made a movie?

No, no, De Niro made a movie and played a comic. Oh, yes, yeah. No, but uh. Norton has made movies. He has made movies. Yeah, just like no one should see that. One's called Ouch, Ouchouch too and then ouch again can't come now wife's rearranging my guts it's more of a listen than a read

rearranging my guts yeah that was a good one. Holy shit. So yeah, you wrote that. Years later I was like, I probably exaggerated it for the sake of it, it was bad, but I was like, this guy's lived he's been all over the world ten times since then, he probably doesn't even remember. We're talking about outside the cellar, when he's researching the movie,

him and his wife, who was the one that booked me, and then Norton goes, hey, remember the time he bombed at your birthday party? And both, as Norton, both their faces were furious. And it was just like every fight they'd had over it ever since came back and they were both like this. It changed the whole mood and we just left. Really?

So he forgot it and then that... No, I just think they didn't wanna ever think about it in their head and then when Norton brought it up... Can I just ask something real quick? Yes. What was the... At what point in that thing did you know you were taking a hot one?

You know how it is. You're bombing, but you're going, this is not the way this is gonna end. This is not a bomb. Oh, you're having like this. It's a bomb right now, but I'm gonna turn this around. And then you go, oh my God. Probably halfway through, I was like, no, and this is not a bomb. Oh, you're having like that? It's a bomb right now, but I'm gonna turn this around.

And then you go, oh my God. Probably halfway through, I was like, no, but in your mind, you're like, this can't be happening like this. This was my dream, I set this all up. And then. And then. This was your fatso.

Yeah, no it was, because I was like, what's gonna happen is all my scripts, as you know my scripts, all my New York scripts, finally Scorsese, their producer, be there and go, what has this guy got? You know, something made. This guy, you know, what do you got? And I'd be like, here's my scripts, I'll be part of Tribeca, start my own little company. I had big plans for that birthday party.

Bigger plans than the wife really understood when she tried to get me, just could be on for three minutes and I said like Ralph Cramden, I'm gonna do the whole thing, you know. How much time did you do? What's that? How much time did you end up doing? I mean, probably 20. Wow.

And the only laugh I got, the one laugh, was when I looked across the street at St. Patrick's Cathedral, I go, I'm gonna go over there and light a candle after this, and one lady goes, ha, ha. It was the only one. Otherwise it was just muttering, angry muttering. Really?

Oh, wow. Did De Niro give you the face? No, no, that was the saddest part. He goes, no, no, like his wife put him on, but I could tell he was disgusted. I ruined his birthday party. This is... And then Robin Williams walked outside afterwards.

He was there. And he goes, oh my God, oh my God. He's just laughing. I go, yeah, I yeah I he started doing you you're on stage and then all of a sudden and you're mom and he goes my wife told me go up there and help me goes yes I want to save the day Robin Williams in film has made me feel. He's made me cry. But nothing he has done in film or stage has ever one time made me laugh.

Really? Never a Robin Williams guy. Not even NaNu NaNu? No. Really? I like him work from work. What about the other one you just said? Don't say that when Hank comes in.

He worked with him on the fucking bird cage. Bird cage. You didn't think he was funny in bird worked with him on the fucking bird cage. Bird cage. You didn't think he was funny in bird cage? I thought Hank's area was. He was. He was really funny. He was really funny. He was a little funny.

Robin Williams, he never struck me with funny stuff always, but his drama acting was unbelievable. Yeah, he was great at drama. But that Coke-fueled comedy energy was never my, that's what I thought you were doing when you were on the Cosby show. It was like that kind of like, just like the yelling comic. Do you like to distance yourself now from the Cosby show?

I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, the Cosby show, okay. You were on the Cosby show. What, are we just following your free associations? Is that how this works? Yeah, that's how it works. Listen to me. Hey, that's how it works.

Look at me. That's how it works. Just go with what Jay talks about. Yeah, no, I was playing like a Sam Kenison-Gallagher combo. Yeah, yeah. Am I losing my mind? That was a character. Dangerous Davey Herbeck.

I was told. Dangerous Davey Herbeck. I was on the Cosby show, and you know what the best part was? Lisa Bonet was on. Beautiful. And then Cosby was so mad, even though he was doing a character, like it bothered him that comedians like that existed. And he made some remark so mad, even though he was doing a character, like it bothered him that comedians like that existed. And he made some remark and she goes like this.

Looks at him and looks at me and goes, ha! Like basically telling him, fuck you. Geez. Really? She wouldn't drink his drinks. Yep. She goes, ha! She's like, she was only young, you know. And you were like, what's that all about? And she goes, he's a serial rapist. What's that all about? Oh, it's just in-house stuff, but he's a serial rapist. Bugs me, but you know, check to check. And then one of them, one of the producers,

somebody once told me that in the middle of the, one thing, Camille came in, what are you doing? He was in his room and she came in, just right at the middle of the Cosby show, like taping or something man there's people that get caught with stuff like is that like the Whether it be the Weinstein and Bill Cosby like it's always so funny. There was any social media around I always said Alan Iverson Alan Iverson would be in so much more trouble than a job Morant today if there were because every summer

Or every summer at every summer some story in footoff it's like Iverson pulled over with 16 machine guns in his car yeah and then two weeks later be like Iverson's friends all get one year and then probation for a gun charge is not him it's always in jail but we have to get a high school member oh yeah until Bruce Horn's people at the white Bruce Hornsby got him out Bruce Hornsby. The white people at the... Bruce Hornsby got him out. Bruce Hornsby? Bruce Hornsby. The whitest person ever?

Got the blackest person ever out of jail? What? Bruce Hornsby. The Bruce Hornsby? Is from Newport News, Virginia. And that's where Allen Iverson played high school ball. And he was a big fan of Allen Iverson's high school athletics. And when he went to jail, one of the people that was able to help get him out and get attention of this story to like the mayor and everything

Was Bruce what story that Iverson shouldn't have been in jail or saying she didn't in jail They beat up all the white people the bowling out. I remember the story Well, it was a throw a chair thing, but they were saying he didn't throw the chair. He probably did they probably got him out of Yeah, Hornsby has always been very lenient dude Dude, Bruce Hornsby, he cared about his athletics. He didn't want to see the kid not go to Georgetown and eventually become a Hall of Famer. Meanwhile, no black person has ever listened to one Bruce Hornsby.

If they listen to Bruce Hornsby's song halfway through, they throw a chair. He did an article, unless it's a Tupac, used this beat. Used it? Oh, yes. Yes. Tupac. I stand corrected.

Tupac's gay. Tupac might have been gay. He's a hundred percent gay. He was definitely all of hip-hop is gay Yeah, I mean Jada Pinkett was gun and acid him. He just was not taking there were there was sisters He's my best my favorite shopping buddy to park could you imagine though because back then I mean there was no cameras there was no technology not any place you went. Everybody would have gone down. There was no cameras in the places and now everybody has it I mean what was the mobs one thing right cameras yeah like listening devices now everybody in the fucking world is walking around with wired, has something on them. I mean, it stinks. Did you see, so we got our phones yesterday set up.

You got them set up? The new phones? Did you download the new update? Yeah, but the thing is, now, what? Hang on one second. It's a phone. It's called the iPhone. And they came out with a new one.

And it has AI AI which is artificial intelligence So just let you know when you have a few minutes. I'll show you this fecocta thing But uh, it's got a thing when you make a phone call an on-screen option is to just record the phone call Yeah, is that okay? What is for that has to tell me has all my phone calls any when he calls me he records all of them That's creepy and then it sends it to you and then what he's gonna do what he's gonna be like What is for Max? You have to tell people that. Max has all my phone calls. When he calls me, he records all of them. That's creepy. And then it sends it to you.

And then what he's going to do, what he's going to be like, I'm going to piece this together to make you say terrible things. No, when he calls me, even if I'm mad, I'm like, hey man, we'll work it out later. I'm very calm now because he has me on recording. Why don't you just say, Max, don't you dare record me? I'm on recording. I'll do that when his phone's not on. Record him threatening to...

Yeah, record me threatening him. That's a... I mean, again, for kids, you've just opened up this... Everything's all like, if you're mad at your parents, just make a phone call and say they hit you. It's like, they will get arrested. Even if they get proved it's wrong or whatever, you're gonna get arrested that night.

So much power in that. I kind of like that. And now recording phone calls would be like, I'm gonna record everything you ever say. But doesn't it inform the person that you're gonna get arrested that night. So much power in that. And now recording phone calls, be like, I'm gonna record everything you ever say. But doesn't it inform the person that you're talking to that you're recording them to? I'm pretty sure it does. I think it seems like it must, sort of,

but like, that's a fucking bizarre thing. That's crazy. It's scary. You can't get away with shit. Our movie's gonna be sucky. Like back in the day, we had the mob, we had all these bad cops and fucking mobsters and gangsters You can't do anything like movies are gonna be

Shitty now damn these dudes are hanging a dead body in that ice truck He's your guy now reading his cell phone video damn these dudes for real out here. They just cut the credits Yo, why they playing that let's song Layla's playing in the background? Damn, why is this guy eating so much? This guy's a real fatso. Wow, okay. Damn. Yo, this boy fat.

Yo, this boy's so fat. Did you see that? Did we play yet? The Trump turning down? down no we didn't play it. Oh, yeah Keep having a pause and it keeps jumping and going back to ads. So let me let this ad finish and I'll bring it I got it. Thank you. Sorry calling for this It's a very we pay for YouTube. I don't know why very professional. I know it's you know, she needs your face again I hope you guys are like this one Hank is in he's not gonna go for this shit He's not gonna take this shit. We're not gonna bring this up during Hank. We know it's like he's on I can be like guys, please. I know it's a bullet. Oh

Yeah, I just dropped my cap I hate that Madison Square Garden went on for hours I don't even know if you were there for the whole thing. I don't know what time you got there. I was told and made aware that you had no idea about this comedian who made comments. I still have no idea who he is. Somebody said there was a comedian that joked about Puerto Rico or something and I have no idea who it was.

Never saw him play. Pause it for a second. That pretty great just that I I mean he's definitely sure and heard what was happening he goes yeah I called something like a guy told me on like the train that there was like a guy said something at the garden I don't know was that on my thing he was even... But I love that he called it a joke too yeah and don't want to hear of him but But I have no idea. They put a comedian in, which everybody does. You throw comedians in. You don't vet them and go crazy.

It's nobody's fault. But somebody said some bad things. Now, what they've done is taken somebody that has nothing to do with the party, has nothing to do with us, said something, and they try and make a big deal. But I don't know who it is. I don't even know who put them in. And I can't imagine and make a big deal. But I don't know who it is, I don't even know who put him in. And I can't imagine it's a big deal.

I've done more for Puerto Rico than any president. I think it's ever been. I played basketball paper towel with them. That was me. I mean, that video, that's funnier than half the comedic videos I've watched ever. Is Trump throwing the fucking paper towels. He's like, he's shooting bass kids.

Oh, right, right, right. He's like a fun spot in New Hampshire. It's like the solution to a flooded entire island. But he's only throwing them to hot Puerto Rican chicks. Yeah, not you. Yeah, it's like at the end of the comics come home and we're throwing T-shirts out on stage, I'm just throwing them to smoking hot Boston chicks. chicks you're bald and fat you get in a shirt

it's funny though here when they have to they have to realize stop inviting us to stuff we are going to ruin it we're going to fuck it up we are only worried about funny we're only trying to be funny and whatever we do we're going to fuck it up. We are only worried about funny. We're only trying to be funny, and whatever we do, we're going to do. We're not going to veer from it. We're going to do it. It doesn't matter to us. We don't care at all. Stop inviting us to the Correspondence Dinner and to your...

Leave us out of your world, because we will fucking ruin it. It's the truth. I'm going to say midget at some point. We'll not stop. Especially now. will fucking ruin it. It's the truth. I'm going to say midget at some point. Yeah. I'm going to stop. Especially now. I would love Jay at the correspondence because he would dress.

He had pink fingernails. No, but here's also the thing. I think there's something about knowing your lane. Tony did this. It's a huge opportunity for him. I understand why he did it. I think he did fine. Everyone's saying he did like shitty.

I thought he did well in the room. In that room? He did very well. And it's like an odd gig. but I said like it's just sucks It's like he laid out a thing I'm not political at all because I don't just don't give it shit so it's not my if I gave a shit one way or the other I would guess I would jump on that thing, but I think it sucks to like Throw yourself out there like that for this thing thinking you're doing your job

You're and then the guy who's in charge of getting everyone to either get behind you, because he's definitely bailing in a sense where it's like disregard this guy completely. That's shit. Well of course, what is he gonna do? I mean, you know, what is he gonna say? Hey listen, I believe in stand up. It's pure art, people do it, he's not a comedian. Well he could have disregarded it all as a joke,

because I think the guy was just making jokes, which is a big deal. But then he goes, I don't wanna know him. And he goes, I don't know who booked him. But then he goes, it's not their fault. He is covering all, he is a master at covering all the bases in a very fucking manic, autistic way. But you know, first of all, going up like that,

we don't belong, even when it's like a gig, a corporate gig, even colleges, anything that's outside of a comedy environment, it's just people, more and more of course, as times get even tighter, people are like, what are they saying? But all these benefits, all these things, they go to a comedy club, they're like, that was fun,

let's get him, they saw us, that's like going to the zoo, seeing a gorilla, going, we should get him to come to her birthday party. She loves gorillas. And then he eats your child and fucks your son. And you're like, why? He's a gorilla. Especially starting.

Hilarious. He shits on the cake. What are you doing? That's perfect. Especially with starting in the, that's hilarious, but. You know? Something about the black circuit, but then I forgot it completely.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you laugh so hard. You did forget the black circuit. You did forget the black circuit, Jay. I didn't forget the black circuit. I didn't forget it at all. It's just fucking... You can't forget that.

Oh, no, that's what I said. A black circuit, like a wording they would say a lot, it goes, man, you can do comedy anywhere. Anywhere there's a microphone, you get up and you do comedy. And it's so... No, that's not true That's the way to get other people who weren't on the show who were hanging out to go eat shit on this terrible show, too It was always just like I come up there and die with me kind of thing

Right, right, like there's plenty of plays where you like no, I'm okay Yeah, I've done a friend of mine asked me to come play her stepfather's memorial like hang out thing And even though it's like there's like, it's like, oh, it's like firemen and stuff, so they're like, cool, but it's like, yeah, but who's not cool? The fireman's wives and children, and the people who are there,

and the person who's just mourning their nephew or whoever the fuck, some great auntie. And I'm putting them through like, because you know, getting your own come on you is not that weird, but getting someone else's come on you, that's like acid. And they're like, what? And I go, this is what I do, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry, this is what I do. I had a whole, they hired me to do a benefit show for a family that lost both their young boys. Oh, so there's no kids there at least. You can work blue, that's nice. But I had a whole, I had a whole thing about. Tell me they had three kids, god damn it. I had a whole thing about tell me they had three kids god damn it I had a whole thing about wanting my wife dead and I forgot I didn't correlate the thing

So I literally just walked up at the end and just gave them my check back I was like I would like to donate this money to you Remember when Patrice was the first one because they they went to the cellar, they saw Geraldo, DiPaolo, Louis C.K., they saw Patrice, like, this would be great for our benefit. The benefit was a battered woman's benefit. And they invited fucking Patrice and DiPaolo. Oh my God! And he got in so much trouble,

because he did all, that's when he was doing those jokes about, yeah, you know what the angry pirate is you kick a woman you kick when chicks blowing you you kick her in the shin you come in her eye and then she hops around going arg arg holding her high he did that at a battered woman's benefit and they flipped the fuck out it's like you knew what the fuck was women wish they were kicked in the shins and shot in the eye which is they were going through much worse things they could have left they he was in the news the next day And they they they found the worst picture in the world of him looked like he just was running from a rape

It's just people as people who live their lives of them. It's It's the people who live their lives starting comedy believing the movie punchline was the life of a comedian He goes I gotta go make fucking some patience laugh now I got a noon gig making patients laugh hey do me a favor can you get my hat out of my locker my comedy locker did they have have lockers no but when I started when I started in the mid 80s there if you did it there it was just starting to turn but if you did a gig anywhere people would be like a comedian like it was the most impressive thing. You tell people I'm a comedian, people are like, what?

Like it blew everyone's mind. Do you remember a culture of everyone being frazzled because there's scouts in the room? Yeah, no, but I do remember like they're saying, like we believed it only for a couple of months, thank God. They'd be like, NBC's in the room. And then after two months, Brett Butler, who always was kind of ahead of the curve mentally

than everybody else, he goes, these assholes coming in, they're not NBC, they're just using NBC to get free drinks. And I remember going, oh yeah, they do come in and nothing seems to happen. I always knew when NBC, I always knew when- Employees of NBC. When one of the network was in the cellar because as soon as I got up a minute and a half

into my set, they would get up and leave. Oh, that's the other thing too, when you get, how about that, when they're like, I don't know, someone's like, tonight show's here looking for, or Letterman's here looking at somebody, HBO's looking at somebody, and then you're like, oh, I'm gonna go, I don't know who they're looking for,

but I'm gonna go up on this, they're probably gonna see me and think, I should be on HBO, and then you watch them leave during your set because they're just dealing with the other person. Right. They always have- It's kind of rude, you know, I'm on stage now. They always have that face where they're looking at you

like, oh, what's this? And then they realize what it is. And then they go, okay, let's go. We can't use that on anything at all, ever. Yeah, I had that with Conan. I told you that before. I did my, they had Conan auditions at the Stand Up New York and they put me on last as always.

And as soon as I got on stage, the whole Conan crew got up and walked out. And I lied on the stage and did my seven minutes that I prepared for two weeks to God. And then I went, why God? Why do you hate me? That's funny. That's bad.

Yeah, it was fucking terrible. They all just map you out like. Dude, I bombed so bad at a show. Remember, LA, you'd fly to LA and you'd do showcases in front of every single network. And I remember I went out there and there was Mike DeStefano, no, Mike DeStefano, Corey Ellie. So I had to follow both of them.

And we're all kind of similar, us three. And they murder, they fucking murder. It was at the improv. And I went up and it was so silent during my set and uncomfortable. At the end of my set, I just stopped and I just stopped. I didn't say a word and I looked everybody in the eye, I just went like this.

and I just stopped, I didn't say a word, and I looked everybody in the eye, I just went like this. He just looked left and right. I feel like this radio had to say something. And then I went, and then I went, now you know how I feel. And I walked off stage. That's funny. I was so fucking mad.

I fucking ate my pecker in front of everybody. And I fucking bombed in front of those things all the time. I remember Jay Moore gave me a speech, fuck them, why do you give a fuck? You're a standup, you work the cellar. And I was like, yeah. And then I just went up and bombed. I was never good at that shit.

I was never good at- Industry showcase? Industry showcases was a certain thing. It's like auditioning. Are you still here? Yeah. Well, Colin, I mean, you've changed very... You're treating me like the industry right now. Another way how you've influenced Christine in my life. Every time we're at any kind of a festival or something and she's like, they're doing

the after party thing at the whatever. And I'm like, yeah. And that's why we're going around that a different block and and she's like, they're doing the after-party thing at the whatever, and I'm like, yeah, and that's why we're going around that, a different block, and just going back to the hotel or getting some food or something. She's like, Colin's keynote speech, he really said that he gotta go

to do the things we don't wanna do, and I'm like, but I don't want to for real now. I'm already putting that time in. No, but it's so true, right? No, I know. You're right. Not showing up at those things, even though I hate them, was really a bad move. It's a real slap in the face of these people. I know, but wasn't it a personal? Not showing up at the after party, whatever the event is. Yeah. I remember the last one that I showed up to, I had a walk from the cellar down to the Soho Lounge,

what is that? Soho Grand. Soho Grand, and it was 900 degrees out, and I had a leather jacket on, and I showed up at this party that I was supposed to go to. I had to go in the bathroom for an hour and cool off. I literally got fully naked in the stall. My body would not, I was so nervous and so hot,

my body would not shut down heat. And I was just sweating. I looked like I was having a heart attack. I came out and the party was over. Yeah, they said there's a naked guy in the bathroom. Lights were on. And then I looked and Dom Lombardado, what's his name? Lombardosy.

Lombardosy was there, who's literally just me, except way better at acting. Do you know the cellar was also, I was the king of there, of getting bumped directly for somebody and that person bringing a cool celebrity or something in. And then I'm like, oh wow, they're gonna be in here. So they're probably gonna sit and watch me next. And then they walk immediately out with the person.

They don't even see you get introduced. You just seem like, or me, I would just seem like a fat guy taking up space in the hallway. They didn't even think it was next. You ever see that Phil Hanley joke where he talks about a true story when he's on and Chappelle went on before him and his parents were in the audience and then Chappelle goes to, as he's getting on stage, he goes, hey, I'm inviting all you people back to my hotel for a party and the whole ladies left except for his parents He did that to Dane one night, too Did he?

When they were yeah, I guess the story is that he he had to come in and do some time But Dane was like oh he can only do two. I'm supposed to go up. He can only do ten minutes And he was a Chappelle doing and they had a call Dave up me like listen Dave Dane's going up. You only, can you please just do 10 or 15 and not do a long time. He's gotta do his set and blah, blah, blah. And it's his show tonight. But he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he just went up and he goes, yo, I ain't gonna do any standup, but I'm gonna go down here to this other place. If you guys wanna come, you can come. And the whole crowd just got up and fucking left what a fucking power move Wow damn we should try to do that one night what just be like yo right after you said you like listen yeah if anybody wants I'm gonna go to my moons after this and they everyone to come out and hang with me Yeah, I'm a one my moons falafel sandwich for everybody three dollars still to this day

And now we're all thinking about how you didn't pay for your guests to get at your special tape Oh, I don't think about how I was thinking about how I had the whole audience stand up and walk out for a show You did have it, but it was prepped What do you mean? It was prepped? That was part of the show. That was part of the show. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What? What does that mean?

You do multi-environment comedy. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, you should have called the special that. You're the king of multi-environmental comedy. Everybody knows that about you. You can take it from one room to the next, outside even. Yeah, dude. You go from stand-up to clip-cord guy really quick

The audience is like I hired a bunch of extras to come outside and laugh at my jokes They're part just got through telling you it's the second show. Oh the second fucking diet coke right now Christine, get another fucking Diet Coke, you dumb bitch. No, no, I'm fine. He's punched me in the face before. I'm fine. Listen. All I'm telling you is, no, it wasn't prepped. We just told the audience, hey, we're going to do some show outside.

If you want to do it, you're welcome to it. That's called prepped. No, it's not. Of course it is. You said, look, at the end of the show, you guys can all come out. What is it they're going to say? Are they going to say no? They came for a Colin Quinn special taping.

It's your special the second show which the second ground do do is the headset no yeah they were you prepped them to do it it's not a you didn't walk into the cell but hey guys you know what I'm gonna go hang out at the Waverly after you guys anybody wants to come I got you no yeah you told them to pay their bills and then come with me if you want Hey pay your checks in a timely fashion, please These girls got to get home and meet me outside if you want. That's what I said. Yeah, I'll kick it outside for prepped That's pro, I mean whatever that's a hundred percent prepped you they were prepped listen, what's the definition?

Why are you embarrassed of preparation for a special taping? But um They were prep, listen, what's the definition of prep? Why are you embarrassed of preparation for a special taping? You're supposed to prep. Well, because it was kind of a fast and loose special. But I don't want to get into baiting with the god damn word prep, forget it. This is what you guys want to do, break this down, like the word prep, let's move on. I got 10 minutes left before Hank shows up. You know what, can I just say something?

This is what bugs me about you. What? Is your fucking time limits. You really, I'm out in 10 minutes. You're having a good time. Hang out with Hank. No. Why?

Because, because, no, I'll tell you why. No, I know, because when we used to do on A, they'd be like, stay in for the next guest. And the first few times I go, yeah, and Norton would be like, come on, man. Where you going to go? Where you going to go? And I was like, yeah, I am being kind of a stick in the mud.

Try and stick around for the guest, and it always went horribly wrong. Is it usually that you don't end up talking at all, or is it, it goes bad? I end up talking all, one time I was in there, and I was so mad. I was so mad. I wanted to kill them, you know?

Cause they, you know, when the guest comes in, the energy changes, and then you're sitting there, you know? Because when the gas comes in, the energy changes, and then you're sitting there, you're not part of the show. So you're like, you know what I mean? You're kind of like, hey, you don't want to start trashing the gas. And then, not that you guys do this, but maybe you do, maybe you don't.

I hope Anthony and Jim would start talking to the guests real seriously and be like, so let me ask you this. And I'd be like, oh god, and I'd be sick, and then I'd start trashing them. We 100% don't do that. We 100% don't do that. Doesn't matter. The point is the energy changes. We interview, but we have fun with them.

Yeah, but you have like a full on panic on the intros. No, I'm not gonna introduce Hank as Ariel. I'm not doing it. We're just gonna let him sit here until he says something. I'll do the intro and then I'll leave. You're crazy. When people come in, I'm fucking with them. I'll do the intro and then I'll leave. You're crazy. When people come in, I'm fucking with you.

I'll do the intro and then I'll leave. Barry Manilow, fucking great. Bobby's actually very good. I'm getting much more worried about celebrities, particularly that I don't know at all, have ever met and just having a conversation with them. I can sink into it, but Bobby's good at getting it going. He's really good. I get it going and then Jay gets into his thing.

We had Edith Falco. Jay made her laugh like she hasn't laughed in fucking 30 years. Yeah, I mean, she still hasn't gotten in touch with me. No. Well, why'd she get in touch with you? He made her laugh. Well, I made her laugh too.

It was through me. She thought you were the straight man. She actually called me. She didn't remember who he was. She called me Copface. She called you what? Copface or something like that. Yeah, she didn't remember Bobby from was. She called me cop face. She called you what? Cop face or something like that. Yeah she didn't remember Bobby from the movie they worked in together.

No I was nurse Jackie, I was in nurse Jackie and I spent Thanksgiving with her, she didn't remember that. And she fucking held my son when he was a baby. I mean there's a lot of things that meant something to me. That one's even new to me. It's nuts. Held your child. Oh, sorry.

By the way he tried to throw it to her which I loved. That one's even new to me. It's nuts. Held your child. Oh, sorry. By the way, he tried to throw it to her, which I loved. I loved this. This was a great Bobby comedic move, but he threw out to Edie Falco early in the game too. He goes, yeah, because we actually spent Thanksgiving together at Lou's. He said Lou.

He called Louis CK Lou. Just to give her an out. Just to give. She went, Lou's? He was like, yeah, Lou. And I was's weird. Just to give her an out. Just to give her an out. She went, Lou's? He was like, yeah, Lou. And I was like, I saw that coming a mile away. It's not going to go great. Yeah, that only caught more attention to him.

He's trying to locate for her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, I'll give you guys the intro. You guys want me to do the Hank intro. Will you do the intro? If Hank comes in, yeah, I will. Oh, perfect. That's great.

Fantastic. I'll introduce Hank. OK. He's here now. Bring him in. Let's bring him in. Should we take a break? Should we take a break? Yeah, we's great. Fantastic. I'll introduce Hank. Okay. He's here now. Bring him in. Let's bring him in Let's take a break and then we'll do the intro. We got the great Colin Quinn is here His new special is out now. It's an election special and it's a what it's a what did you call it? It's a multi Both a multi environmental

Comedic experience. Stamps and Tea is streaming right now on YouTube. Go check it out, I watched it last night. That's good, Bruce Hornsby right there. I can't believe that you wrote an hour on what's going on right now in our world, and you are multi-environment. The fact that you went outside

and took this crowd out there, not like Dave Chappelle, but you know, they were prepped. But they knew they were going outside. But it was fantastic. You have to go check it out. You're an elite group of indoor, outdoor comedians that don't exist anymore. Yep.

They're all these inside sissies. We'll be right back. It's the Bonfire.