The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - It Was Never The Pants (feat. Colum Tyrrell)

Episode Date: May 15, 2024

Jay is feeling ill and barely makes it to the show as Colum Tyrrell and the guys revisit Jared Fogel's sinister secret tapes. Then they investigate if Jared Leto really started a cult. Also, did Mat...thew McConaughey finally lose his looks? FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf

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Starting point is 00:00:00 And now the bonfire with big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly oh boy Hi, buddy. Oh hello. How you feeling man? I'm feeling better You will hear this week that I'm not on the pre-record. Oh, no Because uh, but thank God apparently from what I heard went down But you you you started it inadvertently inadvertently your questions yeah you sent in to ask our good friend Ali Siddique who's apparently a devout Muslim his name is Ali S. Well, I thought it was just exotic. Had in my Tony Tony Tony
Starting point is 00:00:48 one go. Didn't get to it. Oh, that was a goodie. Good. I wanted that one, the one about Andy being a full-fledged racist. And it just shut down. I should have read them. I was just going through them. I should have read them and I would have took that one out. If I knew.
Starting point is 00:01:04 If I knew. If I knew. One went a little haywire apparently. Well, you know, and then I doubled down. And then we showed him the gayest thing we could possibly show somebody. I think you got to listen to the show probably if you want to get it all. I think we got to stop being gay. Stop showing gays though. I think gay's out.
Starting point is 00:01:21 I think we got to take a break. Gay's always in there. Colm Terrell's in the studio with us today No, you can do some gay shit column Fine let's pick up some gay shit. He's gonna be in Greenville, South Carolina May 17th and 18th. That's this weekend after that He's gonna be in Seattle Portland, Long Island in Tampa for tickets. Go to column Tyrrr El el is it Tyrell or Tyrell Tyrell Tyrell Tyrell Tyrell Tyrell T Y R R E L L. Is it Tyrell or Tyrell? Tyrell. Tyrell. Tyrell. Tyrell. Tyrell.
Starting point is 00:01:46 Tyrell. You can say it any way you want though. I don't know. It doesn't bother me. I was corrected the first time and never said it wrong again. You crush it. You're like the only one who consistently. I never knew. I thought I'll do Tyrell. Tyrell. You can do that again if you want.
Starting point is 00:02:00 Tyrell. And also listen to the Column Tyrell podcast available wherever you listen to podcasts. This was a, oh what a morning. Last night, we've all experienced this. I was laying in bed watching TV with Christine. We started Justified, by the way. Great show. Started up Justified.
Starting point is 00:02:21 Is Goggins gonna become a bigger part again soon? He was like in two episodes in the beginning and then he's gone. He becomes co-star. Does he become his deputy? No, it's not. They're enemies the whole time. Enemies the whole time, but he becomes a good bad villain.
Starting point is 00:02:36 Okay. There's a certain point that he gets pushed and him and him worked, him and, what's his name? Raelyn. Raelyn. Gay ass name. Why not? David Goggins?
Starting point is 00:02:47 Walter. Walter Goggins. Oh, I thought David Goggins was acting now. Walton. Walton Goggins. Now he's the guy with the big teeth. You ever watch right here? Yeah, this guy right here.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Fallout. I tell you, Fallout. I saw the whole thing. It's great. Great show. He's unbelievable. Righteous Gemsayers kills it. Yeah, he's great.
Starting point is 00:03:04 He's great and stuff, but I want to get him a little more involved in that show. I started watching the show Justified. He's in the whole... Okay. No, he dips out. That was my favorite show. I started rewatching it, and then I forgot that he dips out a little bit, but he comes back in a big way.
Starting point is 00:03:20 He shot him in the chest, and then he's kind of gone for a while. But in the middle of the third episode we were watching, episode three, in the middle of it, my stomach was just making all kinds of noises and I was like, I think I gotta go to the bathroom. Was it talking to you? Was it actually saying words? Oh yeah. Ow.
Starting point is 00:03:40 It said, bow. It said, run. Bow, run, run, run. Get out. Bow diddly. Run, don't walk. Said up bow And then I just went and painted the bowl I mean pure fluid backwards It was brutal yeah, I mean I was nuts did it get did it get under the lid yeah, yes, I've cleaned the toilet seven times It's a little hose on the fucking underneath. It's brutal so I Know I didn't have a this best. This would have been a good day for actually would have it would have been a bad day for a bidet
Starting point is 00:04:19 Honestly because it would have been covered bad. They would have been covered. Yeah. But, and then I got back in bed, about an hour later, Christine's sleep eye going again. Paint the bowl, sit there for 40 minutes again. There it is. That's it? Yeah, that's the noises. You had a swamp monster. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:41 Yup. That's very good, Lou. You found the one. I've been there. Yeah. And I was, uh, got up right, but then I was laying in bed, and this one just felt like a fart. So I gave it a full blast go. Oh, you crazy. What are you, nuts?
Starting point is 00:04:59 That's insane. Didn't feel like there was anything behind it. It's like putting your finger on the trigger. Nah, this will be good. I got all the shit out of me, but this fucking- Didn't think there was anything behind it. It's like putting your finger on the trigger Now this week good I got all the shit out of me, but this you never ever ever crazy after you go I didn't have diarrhea. I'm skeptical. Yeah twice dude you Young man's game. You can't you got your ass you puke out of your ass. You don't ever roll the dice on it It was dumb. It was dumb. It was bad decision and I destroyed the bed cracked it. No, thank God I did a what I refer to as shitting my ass
Starting point is 00:05:29 Never quite made it past the cheeks. Oh, but the cheeks were mucky for sure shitting your ass Does that mean you didn't have to change your pants didn't have to change? No, no, no No, by the time I got to the bathroom pulled the pants down. There's a couple of I would call them flakes Did it make a didn did it make a, when you pulled your ass cheeks together? When I pulled them apart? Yeah. It may have, yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:51 You didn't just go straight to shower? Well, I laid, or I laid, I sat down on the toilet again, finished up, cleaned up again real good, washed my hands again for the 80th time, and then went to go lay down in the spare room, the other bedroom, or office, whatever. I sat in there and I fell asleep there for a couple hours and then Christine came and woke me up at one point
Starting point is 00:06:13 and I woke up, immediately went and shit and came. While Christine was home this morning, I went three, four more times. It was brutal. Was she helping? Was she like, you okay? I don't want that that wouldn't be helpful Hey, someone's right here
Starting point is 00:06:29 Came back with like five different for him to drink. That's how she helped. I have done rubbed my stomach While you're taking a shit the wife Pat your back make sure you're all right rub my head you're okay. You're okay I needed all of it, but yeah Christine got me a bunch like Gatorade and shit At least your home starts a snapback yes, not bad. Oh if you were on the road There's nothing worse than diarrhea on the road. Oh my god having to roll the dice on a show on a plane or something Oh, don't oh you sneak don't hold it in dude always. Yeah, but you'll shit your pants man Not today of all days let that sneeze out you just you want me to shit my pants
Starting point is 00:07:13 I a hundred percent want you to shit right now. I want you to be like hey any Well, it's funny if you pretend you didn't what's funny. What's funny is is having it happen It's the it's the immediacy of the change of energy. Yeah. Of like, how, ooh! Like, it's not funny to you at all, you're like, it happened! It happened! I was telling Christine that I shit my pants with Don once, and I turned into a baby. I'm like, I pooped on my pants!
Starting point is 00:07:39 I did it! I did it! I did a bad thing! There's cock-a-bum! There's cock-a-bum in my bum bum. What's your technique for testing if you think you might have shit your pants? Or it might have just been a... Stick your finger in your ass. I would just say it would be a flat-out I ended up touching it.
Starting point is 00:07:55 I do literally just go straight in. You go straight in. I do a fuckin' oil test, yeah. That's what I do. I just take it up the crack. I know, but then someone was like, well then now you're, someone was, I said this's I said this to someone like surely that's the only way Yeah, well you could use toilet paper around you could but like you're in the middle of a park or something
Starting point is 00:08:11 We're talking about that. We're talking about What are you a moped? lovely picnic with my fiance Congratulations, I do I feel like that is the case. I'm talking about exclusively being out of the house. If you're home, you'd go to the bathroom and take a swipe. With the toilet paper. When you're out and about though, there's no other way. You have to assume you shit your pants.
Starting point is 00:08:36 The problem is if you're out and about you cannot... Yeah, because once you touch it then you have the hand in the air. You're running around with the hand in the air of shit. Your day's fucked either way. You might as well find out, get this shit on your finger, and just rub it on a building or something. Yeah, pretend to tie a shoelace in the grass. Yeah, yeah. Bang, straight back to lunch.
Starting point is 00:08:53 Straight back to your picnic. Straight back to picnicking. Straight back to a strawberry in your mouth. Hey, let's move over to this tree. It smells like shit over here. I think they mulched this place or something. But I was telling Bobby, Drew Dun Bobby drew done very funny comedian friend of mine He shit himself on stage. So when he was just about to go on stage
Starting point is 00:09:11 He's standing off stage about the headline and then they're like welcome to the stage and he goes fuck I gotta get this far it out leans in shits his pants drew done and he just walks on stage like hey And then just he said he just did his 45 and just never never addressed it he just the whole time he's doing his act just thinking I smell my pants there's two different and then all of a sudden I was like why is Jay standing up during his comedy this time why is Jay on his tippy toes Jay keeps asking the front row if they shit their pants why I'm smelling I'm picking up something did you shit your pants sir why'm smelling, I'm picking up something. Did you shit your pants, sir? Why is Jake pulling his shorts down to his ankles?
Starting point is 00:09:47 I crowdworked them into believing it's them. Now somebody up here shit, dude. I'm telling you, I think it's this guy over here with the beers. Let me borrow that napkin real quick. Let me do it, man. How about Bert shit his pants on stage and wiped it with the shirt and held it up to the audience?
Starting point is 00:10:03 Did you see that? Disgusting, no. You get to a point where you can do no wrong in front of these fucking more I don't think people love that it takes his shirt off shit his pants. What else does he got? What else he got in his pocket? What's next? He's gonna jerk off and throw it in the crowd Yeah, it's like the newest Gallagher thing everyone put your tarps up Burt's getting ready to blast Put your fucking war top tarps up Norton one night I wish I had that kind of joy inside of me.
Starting point is 00:10:58 He doesn't. Oh. Uh-huh. He doesn't. No. He's a... Bert, I believe him. You think that laugh is genuine is Yes, let's not get into the intricacies of faith Here all night
Starting point is 00:11:13 You could start with the marshmallow boy right I do think his life is yeah, I said I wish I had that kind of like let loose with laughter that much I've tried to be like Bert. I've had that conscious of like, let's be enthusiastic about horse shit, you know what I mean? We're gonna watch a Fast and the Furious marathon! And I get like 20 minutes into it and I go, this sucks, this fucking brutal shit. I hate everything. Damn, that's what it is, dude. Bert has has childlike whimsy. Yeah, he's just enthusiastic
Starting point is 00:11:48 about nonsense. He is. We're gonna go to Subway. He is a little monkey. He's a little baby chimpanzee. But Burt's thing is he doesn't just go to Subway. He's like, let's go to Subway. I'll keep telling them that I'm Burt Kreischer and then eventually they'll let us make our own sandwiches and cut it the old way with the V. Oh Which would be nice not bad I saw a picture that recently and was like why can't not not one of the stores goes back to the old V cut subway It was their whole thing. Do you remember this? It was just cut out of the diagonal That's not to it to answer the sandwich. I don't remember that Yeah, it was like requested I think can you
Starting point is 00:12:24 Yeah, I had a little lid yeah, it was like you can request it. I think can you Original cut you wonder why you're shitting your pants. Yeah, so excited about the V cut. Can you? Do something someplace not healthy for you. What are you talking about that guy Jared? Lost all that weight and just subway and fucking kids I think it was more the fucking the good was he full-on fucking them? No, he was just just watching them get fucked He was trying damn Bobby. Look at you sticking up for Jared. Yeah, he says he did a fellow weight loss Shit about my boy Hey, no, he didn't know
Starting point is 00:13:03 No, he was definitely fucking. I mean, according to him and those tapes that that girl had, he said he was fucking them. Was he fucking them? He's like, when they're nine or no, that's when they're really open to it. He was a, he's an animal, dude. He's going to get out, because that's not
Starting point is 00:13:17 what he's in jail for. What's he in jail for? Tax fraud. He's like, tax shit? Is it really? Yeah. Really? No.
Starting point is 00:13:23 I'm sorry, it's not tax stuff. It was having child pornography on the phone or on his computer. Yeah. It's like tax shit. Is it really? I don't think it's, I'm sorry, it's not tax stuff. It was having child pornography on the phone or on this computer because the other guy was super into it, like his partner. How did you hear that he was banging them? Where was that? So they did that documentary on, yeah, sex with minors? Oh, 15 years only?
Starting point is 00:13:44 Worth it. Sex with minors. Oh 15 years only worth it Well, the thing is do you do you get it the younger they are does it go up in the sentence? They're fucking like like a 15 is like that's a that's a four-year stretch You doing potat math What are you doing, potat math? I don't know what that means. That's Jacob's family. Jacob's family. Little context.
Starting point is 00:14:09 I have no idea. The old potats were a little grass in the field. Oh yeah, of course, of course. You're from another land. You probably have some crazy fucking... Ireland only got rid of arranged marriages in the 1900s. We used to sell your daughter for a fucking sheep and a fucking stretch of land. Yeah, just keep the sheep.
Starting point is 00:14:26 Well, you can fuck a sheep. You can fuck a sheep. Can't fuck your daughter. No. I guess. You can't get caught. Not anymore. Not since the libtards took over, I guess.
Starting point is 00:14:36 You know? Those fucking libtards. Fucking Biden's America, I guess. Sure. Those little pussies. This fucking blue state bullshit, that's what I see once I guess What do you guys want abortions and a bunch of other bullshit Knows where the fuck were we just
Starting point is 00:15:04 Jared Jared Jared so what so when they did a documentary on a It's on max on HBO Max you what you didn't watch this I think I did but I don't remember him I don't think I didn't think I thought he had the porn I didn't know he was actually banging the way that's all I know he was talking to the girl talking is one thing But he said sure for sure, but he said he did it and then also asked her but he believed she was so in the audio recording they have is him saying, she had an eight year old and a nine year old, and he was like, why don't we get your kids involved, like a little bit or something,
Starting point is 00:15:32 and she was like, you remember that, Lou? I bet it's saved on your HBO Max, because that's where you cum. Wait, he knows. That's the only way he can cum. That's not a sound drop. He can only cum if he gets punched in the face, or it's that.
Starting point is 00:15:46 Wait, who was this person talking? Who was he talking to? So there was a girl, this lady's weird in her own right. See if you can bring up a thing on her, Christine. She met him at some event, some event where he has to go hold his old big pants up. Just the opening of a new subway at a mall, yeah. I swear to you, I think one of the recordings he says something, he's like, man, let me
Starting point is 00:16:08 tell you something. You pull out the pants, those kids will basically hop into your car. You show them the pants. Yeah, he's like, the kids love the pants. Because I bring out the pants and like, dude, they just fucking, it's like the Pied Piper. They come with, like right behind me. It's like as a comic when you try to get laid and you haven't been on stage that night, you go, what's going on? They treat me like a normal cat. He showed up one time without the pants. Just yeah, I guess
Starting point is 00:16:29 Oh fuck. I forgot the pants at home. You might as well waste your time But yeah, someone has to go dude. It was always you it was never depends That's his lesson that felt better than I thought without the pants. You know what the pants But he says uh, yeah, so he says he met this girl at some event. I'm mad I threw her on my pants. And then he fucking, she says, and again this is just by her, she has the recordings for sure but this was something she said that they were at this event and he like threw out like a Like a feeler line, but it was a pretty heavy feeler line right away is like you know like Aren't they hot?
Starting point is 00:17:12 Like that about a bunch of the kids or something wacky like that can't remember that But he said some wacky line to her and then she was like, okay I thought he was kind of kidding and then they just started tall and then she goes why she start recording this guy because he's Kind of like laying it all out for me if I just kind of go and then they just started talking and then she goes why should start recording this guy? He's kind of like laying it all out for me If I just kind of go and she goes if I play along he keeps talking Now if that's true what's happening? She's playing along You're right. He's yeah if she's playing along and he's going with it
Starting point is 00:17:42 Okay, we don't have an early break. Oh, you think that I've also fucked children and I'm trying to be weird about it? No, no, we think you might have shit your pants when you're crying. Oh, oh. Don't even remind him, I'm glad that he forgot that he's sick.
Starting point is 00:17:55 I think I'm all right now. Yeah, you think you are. There couldn't be anything else in me. Just a quick flash flood. Just a quick monsoon. Everything in me's out. As soon as that water gets down to his belly and it goes no. More. Is that Amy Schumer? Here's it now. This is the chick. This is the chick. So she meets him at a
Starting point is 00:18:14 some event and they start telling him he lays some line on her so she starts recording him and like I said when you see somebody like this who's got that evil demon they want to tell somebody like everybody wants to tell someone. It's like the Vander sloot kid who couldn't he got in the car with The guy and he's just like I've killed some bitches before he just like he wants to tell somebody and This is what you could tell cuz she's not giving him much for how much he tells her You know, he's like when they're nine years old they really it's like that's when they're nice and tight But like not too tight that you can't do it She's like, mm-hmm
Starting point is 00:18:47 Like she just gives him like nothing. He's like, yeah, you like hearing about this, don't you? She's like, what's that? He's like, what do you mean? What's that? I have sex with children What's that you're saying I said, I like to have sex with children You've been listening barely but keep going Sure, yes Stories I want you to tell me Some of them so that I don't know, I just, I like to... Yeah, especially some of the middle school, they love the middle school, don't they? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:26 The girl was starting to get the ****, you know? Yeah. Because you know how much I love the ****, you know? I love you so ****. Mm-hmm. Well... And... What's that?
Starting point is 00:19:34 Well, you know, kids are maturing faster and everything. See, she's not really giving it much of an answer. She goes, So yeah, I guess, like, technically you can't have sex with them when they're like 13 or 14 years old. Yeah. And you know, I don't know, I don't know,
Starting point is 00:19:42 I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, kids are maturing faster now. See, she's not really giving it much of an answer. She goes, so yeah, I guess, like, technically, you can have sex with them when they're, like, 13 or whatever. He's like, that's what I'm saying. When you have sex with a 13-year-old, you don't have any idea. It's like an explosion of happiness.
Starting point is 00:19:55 Someone who gets it. Someone who understands. I knew you were cool. Can I tell you everything I've ever done? Mm-hmm. Sure. She is giving a little science,, there's a little they do mature Look at that creepy ass face they found for them too. Look at that
Starting point is 00:20:09 You know, I love big tits and I love big tits on a child. She goes they put hormones in the milk The GMOs really damage them They get big and you can touch them suck on them. It's so fun There's like a pedophile look like Yeah, well, he still wants to Rosa he wants to that big big hit Joe does have pedophile body I thought pedophile would want less though Pedophile would want childlike features. No, yeah
Starting point is 00:20:41 Big tits fat ass because I'm fucking that is our interest rose feet It isn't she says how much I love big tits. Well, it's also blanks out. Maybe it's big pussy Maybe he thinks they have big put yeah fat chicks Kids Adults eyes Janus. Well, they're pussy's do get bigger when they're happy Yes, I suppose that's true. Yeah fat doesn't distribute evenly Voluptuous woman in the body of a nine-year-old It's like a different like pedophilia is like kids like prepubescent. Yeah, there's guys that are like into I know there is like sort of a champagne He said technically he's not a pedophile situation here that we he says middle school held middle school. That's
Starting point is 00:21:24 1213 Jacob you stare at children every day at your school situation here that we... He says middle school, how old's middle school? That's petafilm. 12, 13. Jacob, you stay with our children every day at your school. What? 12, 13? Jacob, you mix in with 12 year olds? Yeah, before high school, I think it's like 12. I like there's a new file. 10, 11, 12.
Starting point is 00:21:35 There's a new file for like every five years. Yeah. It's like pedafiles to five and then ebafile and then agubafile, each one's a different thing. Yeah, it's a Pokemon kind of a situation. You gotta find them on your phone, that's for sure. And when you do, can you understand it until you do it? It is grand when you find one.
Starting point is 00:21:58 You face off against Jard. Jard's like, got the best, one of the hardest badges to get. Yeah, little subway card. You play more of his audio, it's wild. One of the hardest badges to get, yeah. A little Subway card. Play more of his audio. It's wild. Do you reckon he's still getting free food off Subway when he comes out? They send it to him in there?
Starting point is 00:22:14 Like legally, how long does that, like, what was his deal? Oh, yeah, I mean, all of his pictures got to be done. I mean, he was on the cups and everything there for 20 years. That must be sucked that when he gets out there, he's probably gonna get fat again. Oh, he might, I hope he gets fat in there. Yeah, like dodgeball. Every day, yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:31 I can't picture him in prison. Can you guys make a vegetable hoagie for me? Can't picture him in prison. He doesn't seem like, he was in salt. He was in salt. They are keeping him away from everybody. He will be fucked with a broomstick He's around the other guys that look like you're the pedos you're the famous. Yeah, they keep them all together even he's in famous pedo prison
Starting point is 00:22:53 They never butt fuck there cuz all these guys in their old hairy asses boo God play I play it. I mean that that literally that last picture looks literally like the Joey That's his premium blend shot. Joe DeRosa is an identical twin to this fucking guy. He really is a bummer. Of all people he looks like. A bummer for Jared. Yeah, Jared. Even he's upset by that?
Starting point is 00:24:01 He's like, ah, fuck. People keep pulling up to him. Are you DeRosa? He's like, if I didn't know him, I'd have grown a He's like, ah, fuck. People keep pulling up to him. Are you DeRosa? He's like, if I'd have known, I'd have grown a mustache. Oh my god, bro. You should play him in the dark. You really should.
Starting point is 00:24:13 In the biopic? The Jared biopic? Yeah, that's so funny. He makes sandwiches, too. Yeah, he really does. Is Joe also involved in the sandwich? We need to check out. What's going on?
Starting point is 00:24:24 Joe just bought a house in the woods of Pennsylvania. What the fuck is going on? He's got a place where you keep them! Yeah, Joe also wears pants that don't fit him. Joe's a travel with giant pants to hold up. Joe wears women's slacks. Oh yeah. Really, he's got beautiful hips though
Starting point is 00:24:47 That's what the kids like I don't know, I feel like you know early middle school will apply one of the best. Yeah. Wow. They don't have to come or go. Jesus. Oh, ayo. I can see you look like a young, well, sixth, seventh grader, you know, in this ****. I can see you eating out.
Starting point is 00:25:18 And they're okay, Derek, they do alright with that? What's that? You have to find out how, if they'd be all right with that. Oh, I know they'd definitely be all right with that. Wow. Yeah, children love when you eat their pussy. Geez, I'm never eating lamb again. I'm not doing anything with something young.
Starting point is 00:25:38 Yeah, I like giving up that instead of Subway. Not Subway, I won't give that up. They didn't feed him those kids. He was making two million a year for 16 years off Subway. What Subway, I won't give that up. They didn't feed him those kids. He was making two million a year for 16 years off Subway. What a dumb fuck. That guy's eating good in jail. You just get a- That commissary's coming in nice.
Starting point is 00:25:54 But he probably had to give some of that money back or something, right? No. No, none, the parents did a civil suit, you fucked my kid, give me some money? No kids came forward, there's no accusers. So he comes out a millionaire. Is that true? Look that up Christine has there been any official accusers? I don't think there's any accusers. He immediately moves to the Philippines.
Starting point is 00:26:11 Because the guy used to come and eat that pussy got sent away. He never been mad about it. I ain't gonna tell Mr. Fogel he ate my pussy. Was he married with kids? No no he's married to the job. Yeah committed to civil rights. How can he's married to the job. Yeah How can you be married to a regular-sized woman? Yeah, you know that young bus yeah, oh they're great He's talking about it. So he's like he's fucking picking out a car or something. He's like, oh, yeah Well, you know the good age not yeah Take the front suspension. That's always an important thing that goes first Yeah, I think that the mileage is that you never... I love that he says you don't know if they're coming or going.
Starting point is 00:26:48 I know. What an evil thing to say. And then he winked. Did you hear the wink noise? Early middle schoolers like nine or ten. You got pun intended. Pun intended. It's not, it's 11, 12, 13.
Starting point is 00:26:57 They don't even know algebra yet. You know what I'm saying? Ten victims of former subway pitch man Jared Fogle have received a total of one million in restitution. He's still got fifteen mil from all those years. That's all you get? A hundred thousand dollar check you got. What? They have received the money and that is intended to benefit that particular victim.
Starting point is 00:27:19 What? That's fucking a hundred grand from a millionaire? That's not. Damn. That's not That's stew a hundred thousand you have a and a forever punch card that's already got ten punches on it Subway hooked him up Subway gave you every time they go get a sandwich they cry. Yeah No, they got they get a free cookie with every meal. That's what they get. They don't even get a shit voucher.
Starting point is 00:27:46 Their husbands have to have big pants around for them to come for the rest of their lives? To move right in the envelope with the $100,000 check, just a shitload of Subway coupons, because at some point, on just pure convenience, they're gonna go, fuck, I mean, they did fire, am I? Let's go to fucking Subway. We got these good goddamn dollars and coupons in here
Starting point is 00:28:07 You think you made subway jokes when they're fucking up? You like us a six-inch or a foot long. Yeah, what's that? Mister? Why are you licking down there? Oh, I thought you loved this. I was a matter of getting them on your side, you know? And that's what I'm just curious, I don't know how to do that, just be friendly to them? Yeah, just be friendly to them. Just do what you normally wouldn't do, maybe, especially if you're still friendly anyway. Baby. Sugar tits. Honey. You know, and then we just sort of go from there. We take it, and then it's all case by case, you know, there's no way we're going to get
Starting point is 00:28:30 them on your side. I mean, I'm not saying that you're not going to get them on your side, but I'm just saying that you're going to get them on your side. I mean, I'm not saying that you're not going to get them on your side. I mean, I'm not saying that you're not going to get them on your side. I mean, I'm not saying that you're not going to get them on your side. I mean, I'm not saying that you're not going to get them on your side. I mean, I'm not saying that you're not going to get them on your side.
Starting point is 00:28:38 I mean, I'm not saying that you're not going to get them on your side. I mean, I'm not saying that you're not going to get them on your side. I mean, I'm not saying that you're not going to get them on your side. I mean, I'm not saying that you're not going to get them on your side. I mean, I'm not saying that you're not going to get them on your side. I mean, I'm not saying that you're not going to get them on your side. I mean, I'm not saying that you're not going to get them on your side. I meanots. Honey. You know, then we need to sort of go from there. We take it, and then it's all case by case, you know, there's no...
Starting point is 00:28:51 There's no right way, wrong way, whatever, you know? By the way... This is such a sales pitch. This information really has, I mean... ...wailed her right in the face. When they started hanging out... ...and she was getting the stuff, she was like, pretty. wasn't she like a hot chick sort of she was no I'm telling you there's no way she has maybe I'm completely wrong no she has no hot
Starting point is 00:29:13 in her secretly recording a pedophile ages you I mean I wonder if I'm living with all this information like really just work I'm telling you I think she was like a fan his pitch is pretty good he's like look it's not easy it's a case-by-case scenario there's no set, look, it's not easy. It's a case by case scenario. There's no set it and forget it here. It's like, it's a. Yeah, you gotta feel them out. That's where we have our, we developed our four point program.
Starting point is 00:29:35 He's good at, he's really good at keeping her engaged when it goes to go bad. She goes, this kid just ran out of the house screaming and crying. He goes, okay, babe, it's all right. Look, that was your first one. That's not bad. You said the lines though. That's what's important. Next time though, okay babe, it's all right, look that was your first one. That's not bad, you said the lines though, that's what's important. Next time though, what I would do is I'd lock the door,
Starting point is 00:29:49 that's what I would do. I'd lock that door. Yeah, you gotta have a little bit of resistance between the point of entry. It's called strength theory. Is that a picture of her? Yeah, she was definitely hotter. Really?
Starting point is 00:30:00 That's her hotter? That's her now. There you go, see? That's not hot, dude. I don't see. I don't see? That's not hot, dude. I don't see. She's a lot better, more attractive than she is now. That's the same woman? That's insane.
Starting point is 00:30:12 She's got nice cans. Look at her neck. She's a different person. Were those two dating or what was their relationship? You just met her at a convention and then How long did... How does she go from... How does she go from signing a t-shirt for her
Starting point is 00:30:29 to telling her that he fucks kids? Does she work at a school or something too? I think it's what it was. I think she worked at a school. And he went jackpot. This is what I mean. And he was there for the pants show. And then they started talking. I said, he said something. I think... When he leaned over and said to her the first Time was just kind of like look at their little butts and like she just didn't budge so he was like I'll tell you everything
Starting point is 00:30:58 But she went yep, and he goes oh my god, I fuck all these kids I can't wait to tell anybody you rang all his friends cuz I do I think I found myself Found myself on him. Yeah, you can't jump straight to pimping kids She suspected him and want to be friend. I mean look at him. She sniffed him out She sniffed him out because he said something weird said something weird to her. He said somewhere at the school, right? Yeah, you know, I bet you love her said something weird at the school, right? Yeah You know, I bet you love sniffing those cheats those tears, huh? Give us a little more taste of her just staring making this unpleasant faces while she hears this
Starting point is 00:31:34 I mean you believe I said that Can you believe I said? Mm-hmm. That's right. I literally call their baby out of nowhere, too I mean she has to keep a straight face. I mean Well, let's see the gift in one where he goes, hey, why don't you bring your, that's the fucking like the jaw dropper. Really? He's like, why don't you bring your kids? This will be fun.
Starting point is 00:31:51 And she goes, I think she's honest. He's like, I think there's a murderer at my door. So she had to go or something. Hang on, I think my butter is burning. Well, he's thought about this. Oh my god, he looks like a pedophile to dr. Phil His eyes have gotten eight times smaller than they were got closer to a little beady idiot That was the end of that one I like to call that baby you could tell that was like
Starting point is 00:32:19 What you usually do, baby? It is strange. Yeah, like there's Someone that's attracted to children and also into adults. It seems like, oh, I'm getting through it. By age. By age. Was he with her? By age.
Starting point is 00:32:32 Did he like that girl, too? Huh? Did he like her, too? Did they hook up? I don't think so. I have to assume. Yeah, you don't just, you're not with Jared to be friends. I'd assume, yeah, they fucked, probably.
Starting point is 00:32:42 Maybe she says no, maybe she says no. I gotta read into that more. I believe this is the part about her kids. In what world would you ever admit to being a pedo? Even with the evidence against you. Jay's right though, you wanna get it out so bad. That as soon as somebody you might be able to confide in. The only time he'll ever talk about it, like he is a...
Starting point is 00:33:04 He knows he's a monster completely. You know I mean yeah, but he lives with that like inside I'm sure whether he it kills him inside or not. He doesn't know but Anything you know if I do you confess this to like a priest or everything he's done It's always been with like the he's never got to share The joy of it. Do you know I mean it's like when junkies find each other. He's never talked to you I mean like the junkies find each other. He's never talked to her. Do you know what I mean? Like the junkies don't go, most of the time they're not
Starting point is 00:33:27 going like, we gotta get off this shit. They're like, oh I can't wait to get this and then we're gonna be like, and then someone else is going. They know they're doing something fucked up and ruining their lives, but this person, he thinks he found someone that's sharing in like the high five of all this, like right, no one understands how great fucking kid pussy he is.
Starting point is 00:33:42 Oh, so he thought she was. Now he fucked them or licked them Well, he was telling her about to go down go down on one of them This is he would arrange travel to New York to meet and have sex with underage. That's nice That's the least you could I mean he did pay for it pay for travel I guess is he used the internet to arrange travel to goes. That's how you arrange travel now He used some like orbits or something. .com.
Starting point is 00:34:09 Did you say Christine, you had two million a year for how many years? 16 years. But then it says net worth was 15 million, so he spent a lot of money. Still, so he's gonna walk out with some change. He's gonna walk out with some? I mean over 16 years.
Starting point is 00:34:23 Jesus. He's gonna go right the fuck out of this country. Oh my God. He's gone. Vietnam probably. Yeah, he's going to some Asian country where they don't look down on people like that. The only bad part is they're not gonna have subs.
Starting point is 00:34:35 He's gonna have to learn to like noodles. Yeah. He's gonna be going. But now he's fat again. He's considered fat over there. Like he shows up now and they're like, you all start bullying him again. He's gonna open a place called Bon Mee Way. And it's gonna be him just holding up his pants there. He shows up now and they're like, you all start bullying him again. He's gonna open a place called Bon Me Way. And it's gonna be him holding up his pants there.
Starting point is 00:34:49 Guys, before I had these turkey and veggie Bon Me's, I was this big pants. Um, do I play this? This is wild. Audio tapes on the doctor's table. Oh god, they're talking over it, sorry. What's his how old are your kids again? 10 and 11? Yeah, but she's it's not there. I Think it's gonna stop good Will you let me see your naked kids? Yeah, would you let me see your kids naked what'd she say I? Tell you we got to go back Christine just play cuz I want to see what it shows
Starting point is 00:35:18 She said because that's what's crazy. She does like throw a quick like I think the doors ringing next door Like she's anything Jumps right off. I gotta go and call the cops This tape of this conversation to the Why'd you sell it goes I'm very bad on my toes He just says see my children a you should flee the country I'm very bad on my toes. He just has to see my children naked. You should flee the country. I'm about to expose you. What are you doing? I'm recording this.
Starting point is 00:35:54 How do you know, how do you ever talk to somebody on the phone and not know you're being recorded? How about like this? Because especially when everything she asks is leading, she goes, why don't you tell me a very detailed story about the time you did that with that one kid? And he's like, I thought you'd being recorded. How about like this because especially when everything she asked is leading she goes why don't you tell me a very detailed story about the time you did that with that one kid and he's like I thought you'd never ask. Well, first the music. So you're admitting that you're a pedophile. So you saying Jared Fogle you like to have sex with children. Why do you keep saying my name over and over? No, but he goes yes, he goes why are you saying it like that? Yes, I do in fact love that.
Starting point is 00:36:25 Okay, I got my hand on the Bible and I'm swearing. I don't know why you keep asking me to do this. I can't prove it to you more, babe. I love fucking these kids. He's getting mad because he thinks she's not listening. Yeah, uh-huh. He goes, are you watching Family Guy? No, it's just... I can tell you're doing something. I can tell you're on the end there doing something. No, I'm just getting the kids lunches ready for school tomorrow. Hey, can I see their butts? Wait a second. I think a dragon just came in through the back door. What?
Starting point is 00:36:58 I think a dra- dragon? I just said words. The panic of fi- but the panic when you when you get caught or at least it comes out that you're good cuz like what happened they kick his door down and arrest him but like that moment is like the most can't be a feeling in the world bigger than being caught being a pig. It must be a relief in some way. No, I don't think I'd be feeling that at all. I understand what you're saying. Oh, thank you guys. Is it my birthday?
Starting point is 00:37:28 It must be some type of like... Destroy my life and all my friends and family. Phew! I was hoping I would lose all my money and go to prison. Winner winner, chicken dinner! I mean, just the fact that you don't have to keep it a secret anymore. I understand that, but every time someone brings it up
Starting point is 00:37:44 he goes, man, I really wish it was still a secret. I mean, now. He goes, hey, man, listen, I know when I understand. He goes, thanks, bro. I wish you didn't know and didn't have to understand and lie to me and say that you do. I miss when the guilt was killing me on the industry world. I guess I'm thinking about cheating.
Starting point is 00:38:00 Hey, look, at least it's out there. We're done with it. We can just discuss freely. Yeah, I least it's out there. We're done with it. We can just discuss freely. Yeah. I guess it's a different thing. That's funny. He goes, hey, do you feel your shoulders down now that people know? No.
Starting point is 00:38:12 I'm going to go to jail forever. I think his shoulders dropped a little bit and he goes, only 15 years. He was like, nice. He's like, oh, that's not bad, dude. I could probably still get him after that. Is he really getting out? Yeah. He's got a 15-year sentence. He's still looking. He was. You know that's not bad dude. I could probably still get him after that is he really getting out Yeah, your sentence. He's
Starting point is 00:38:32 Behavior and what's good behavior for him. He has to not fuck children while he's in jail He's gonna get it early. He was married you was yes. He had a wife where she what she she divorced him the day Met in college it says When he was fat I Did she graduate in high school? They met in college it says. Really? The day she graduated? When he was fat? I guess so, yeah she was there when he was fat. Poor guy. Better to have your husband cheat on you with a, like a chick, like a woman or a kid. She's kind of cute.
Starting point is 00:39:00 She's not bad. She's plain James. You're happy they're cheating with someone that could look, listen that's fine. Christine go fuck children because I could never be there at least you go now. He had a problem. He's a sicko But if he just leaves you for like a 20 year old Child you go. Whoa, this guy's fucked up. It wasn't me. I'm mega sicker. I'm mega How was that? Let's go. I'm still looking for the part about her kids, but I found yeah to I want to see the ex-wives pictures to a good chance. What is this part? This is about Thailand
Starting point is 00:39:31 Okay, he went to Thailand. Yeah, shout out Thailand. Yeah, dude. You didn't know the pants torn international This was his Eastern block leg of the wonder big pants tour. This is probably where he started it This is probably where he started it. This is probably where he broke. He went to a place and someone was like, could we interest you in anything? That's the when in Rome problem, right? Just because it's legal doesn't mean you should do it.
Starting point is 00:39:53 You know you can fuck a 12 year old in Thailand? Don't though, but don't still. No you can, I know there's no legal trouble there, but don't, still don't. Thailand is pedo mecca. Yeah. But I don't think they're into it like the government will Know what is really? Harsh against pedos. Yeah
Starting point is 00:40:11 You can't put spit gum on the ground though fucking can you see yeah? You can fuck a 12 year old you stand on money because I don't know the face of the king they can send you to prison Yeah, it's this is highly king. Yeah, that's what I think that's where the kid who? can send you to prison. Really? It's disrespecting the king. I think that's where the kid who spray painted something or spit gum, he got caned in public. But fuck all the kids you want? No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:40:30 Not in public. No, no, no. You can't fuck all the kids. It's like kind of like... It's tolerated. It's kind of like smoking weed. Yeah. It's like Amsterdam, the red light.
Starting point is 00:40:39 It's not legal, but it's tolerated. I've been, and no one offered me kids. It's older than I thought. You weren't trying hard enough. I was in the two, yeah. To put the feelers out? I was in the cheap hostels. To put the feelers out where you're like, it's crazy.
Starting point is 00:40:54 I see you can fuck children out here. It almost made me knock on wood. Is that a thing? Where should I avoid? You didn't walk around with a paddle ball? Or have a flute? A giant lollipop Rick show from the Western world Rick show your kids to school
Starting point is 00:41:16 David tell would kill in Thailand The age was actually older than I thought 15 is legal there. It's a ladyboy capital, too Yes, yeah, lady boys are everywhere everywhere but again that must be dying out now that they're more allowed because of Jim it's more of a socially accepted thing these days go ahead give it give me a taste that's funny the ladyboy markets plummeting yeah it's crushing now we're fucking them yeah now you can marry him so they're not out there just getting back alley fucking dick shoot. Yeah, you don't have to take a flight anymore. Go on. It's a haunting music to... experience you've had with someone, you know, really young.
Starting point is 00:42:07 Definitely Thailand. I would love you to go with me. We can get whatever age you want. It's just crazy. It's just easy over there. There's an agent and you can sort of choose who you want. And I'll get a prize for it. Was she playing this music while she was talking? Yeah, yeah. I'll do a couple of...
Starting point is 00:42:28 She goes, where are you? I said, I'm just at the beach. I'm just on a midnight stroll. And then, we'll get him alone in a room. I'm just practicing the cello. It's a age where you get a different all different ages Yeah, and you don't get in trouble. She said not over there I'm sure if you frequently see
Starting point is 00:42:57 Wives Thailand you just go there and bang kids. I guess is a way but I don't know money. Yeah Just go there and bang kids? I guess there's a way, but I don't know. Money? Yeah. Yeah, they don't look at the hostels for kid fuckers. No. They go to the Four Seasons. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:43:10 Plus the girls look like children over there anyway. It's hard to tell. Why not just go 17? That's the thing. Oh, Liz Fogel? Oh, this is her? They didn't have kids, right? I don't think he had kids at all, no.
Starting point is 00:43:23 Thank god. No, he outsourced. He just said it. I mean, I don't think he had kids, but I think he had kids. It looks like that's his second. Oh, no, that's his first wife. Oh, that's the problem.
Starting point is 00:43:38 She should have been hotter. No wonder he was banging kids. Yeah, she should have been hotter. I blame her for the first thing. And that's his second wife. Oh, my God. That's big pants. That's kind of I blame her for the first thing. That's the second wife Oh my god, that's big pants That's standing inside his big pants times This guy really he should have fucking he didn't use his fame right? That's what I'm saying. That's why I believe
Starting point is 00:43:55 He's just a pedophile. This is a beard lady This is a reason that this is a lady who's here for some she serves a purpose because she is a Matron Lee homely woman and I promise you Jared, just for a woman assuming he was wealthy, has had hot pussy thrown at him. For sure, just his level of fame. A girl would just be like, you know, whatever. Even cuter chubby chicks, these girls are just like, they look like they're lesbians who aren't aware of it yet.
Starting point is 00:44:22 I blame them. I'll never blame a man if I don't have to. I blame his ugly wife. Why are your dumb wives so ugly? It drove you to this. Wait, look at this. The couple has two children together, a one year old daughter and a three year old son.
Starting point is 00:44:36 Too young, too young. Yeah. Too young. They were safe. They were fine, everything was fine. That's not what he's into. He did put on some pounds though in prison He did get fat again once there are like once there 18 dragon he'd be allowed to like meet them again
Starting point is 00:44:54 No, once once the outside of his I don't think they're gonna want to be yeah I'm gonna come back to him everyone wants to meet their father Everyone has some closure type. Oh, yeah, you gotta see go see him. Yeah, big dad. What's up with the? We thought we're gonna have subway for life, dude. I thought it was gonna be all good This kid's probably still got some dough though. They probably got all his dough If he gives it to them, but I agree with you he might take that stash He's gone and get the fuck out of dodge how many more years you have left. It's already been a few years, right? Really yeah, oh This guy's went in. Really? Yeah. So he's out in like six years.
Starting point is 00:45:26 This guy's out in like six years. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. He only did six years of 15. He's got six left of 15. Oh, so he's out in six years. Yeah. Right, yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:37 That's really crazy. It's always fun to see them too, because they'll grow a beard, they'll fucking shave their head. Oh yeah. They're fucking trying to figure it out. Is it eligible for parole earlier? How are you going to get little kids grow a beard, they'll fucking shave their head. Oh yeah. They'll try to figure it out. Is it eligible for parole earlier? How you gonna get little kids with a beard? I'll tell you what though, for a good price
Starting point is 00:45:51 we can probably get this guy headlined Skankfest 2030. Yeah. Sometimes I got a question, would you have him on? Skankfest 2030. Would you have Jared on? Yeah. On here? For sure.
Starting point is 00:46:03 No, I'd love to have somebody on who I want to like, like I would just do it. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to go at him for the shit until he leaves, I guess. But he wouldn't do it. You know what I mean? I wouldn't, I wouldn't agree to have just like a, Hey guys, Jared's out. He's doing the rounds now, but I don't mention the thing. He has a new book out called Beyond the Pants. He's doing it. We'd have to keep Jacob away from them though. I'm not just big pants. Jacob can't a tour. We'd have to keep Jacob away from him though. I'm not just big pants. Jacob can't come in today.
Starting point is 00:46:29 Jacob, you better grow a beard, dude. Before he sees you. Fucking comes looking. His earliest scheduled release date is 2029. Damn. I mean, he's doing the full. He'll be 50, he'll be younger than you when he gets out. And he's still a millionaire?
Starting point is 00:46:42 You don't lose that money? I don't think you just lose it, no. I think he gets to, I mean he has to probably. He only had to give away a million. Yeah, but he had, I mean the lawyers. He earned that money. They might. But $32 million in a generation.
Starting point is 00:46:53 He might have put it in Bitcoin, you never know, he comes out, he's fucking, he's crazy, Rich. He's crazy. He invested in Amazon and Google. I think it'd be funny if he got in, he'd get his money fluctuated because he put it all in on that GameStop bid
Starting point is 00:47:06 and then he got arrested before he could pull out when everybody else got their money. Oh shit, shit, shit. I forget to pull out when the get was good. Did he lose money in the divorce at all? Oh yeah. Did she take some as well? What did she ever do?
Starting point is 00:47:20 What did she do? She took half. I'm just saying he gave away whatever. By the way, we're not counting the tons of money this guy made on Pants Tour. That's just Subway. Oh. Subway's going to talk to kids about nutrition and whatever.
Starting point is 00:47:34 I think that's part of the salary from Subway. I think he got paid to do those things. I'm sure he found ways other ways to get paid. What's his net worth right now? From what I'm seeing, it's four million. Who knows how accurate that is. That is a good life in Thailand. That's an island.
Starting point is 00:47:49 That's nice. Yeah. By a nice small island somewhere for 1.5. In Thailand? Yeah. Where you have kids hanging around. What's the thing they keep accusing, what's his name keeps getting it now, but Jared Leto.
Starting point is 00:48:00 They say he's got a fucking young cult thing happening in his Hollywood Hills house. He's got a cult. Yeah, he started a cult. He's got a cult. He started like a of his female fans only that's so cool That is pretty rad. I think we could all agree as long as they're of age pretty fucking rad Just walk back. I'd like to get a cab to get a drone footage in that fucking house It's like I'm walking around yeah, I was good by the way I was gonna make a joking guess at the scene
Starting point is 00:48:26 and I was gonna describe exactly what was there. Yeah, it doesn't take much. They all grow their hair out the beard out. That's the look. It's kinda hacky to be a fucking. You gotta let a few fat ones in to make it seem like it's not a sex cult. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:38 Linen is hacky cult shit. Isn't it? It's all, they all look like. Yeah, you're right. Oh yeah, the fucking summer, yeah. They all look like Jesus. like Jesus like a P. Diddy party I like yo, I'm not a god, but I was just talking to God and he said look at that Look go to the one in the middle with he's talking to them all Yeah, the one the back
Starting point is 00:48:57 No, go back right in the middle of that one. Yeah And he's just like we're starting a revolution You don't get what's going on out there. Those guys don't get what we get out there. They wanna say that we're a cult, but we're not a cult. He's such a beautiful man though. Let me fuck your daughters. Yeah, guys, they keep saying it's a cult,
Starting point is 00:49:17 but I watch every cult documentary, and they always say that. They go right away, everyone's saying it's a cult. And I'm familiar with what cults are, I know what cults do, and I'm like, that's not this now join or die Now if you think we're a cult you gotta get the fuck out of here I like the usually culture they start off great and then what happens is one day the guy just goes look man I just got off the phone with God and I hate to do this, but I'm gonna have to fuck your wife
Starting point is 00:49:41 Oh, look, you know me. I don't even have organs. I said that on the show before. It's 100% of the time. The guy can run that cult forever. Yeah. Because the dudes also support him. Yeah. Like, he's got an army of guys behind him. And then those are the first ones, like the FBI and the shit go after is the...
Starting point is 00:50:00 Oof. Look at him. The third or fourth in command dudes, because those are the ones... It goes right away It goes dude I'm gonna have to fuck your wife and you're gonna have to like sleep in a different room for a little while and then they Go, it's not me. It's God's time. Okay, and then when they someone jars their brain and go this guy's not God his name's, you know fucking David And like then they go what and he fucked my wife. So it's like yeah, then they get wound up
Starting point is 00:50:23 What any fuck my wife so it's like yeah, then they get wound up What's go back to the YouTube thing of that cuz there was a video I saw that said I joined Jared Leto's coat cult I'd like to hear that story Does everyone think Imagine being that you're so good-looking you just say I should properly start a cult look at my face Yeah, it's insane man. Yeah yeah you do have to be kind of good looking don't you that's that's fake this is that's now a joke that was that maybe it's a reenactment they're all farting it's a joke now it's a party yoga it's a bit yeah damn it damn it fucking no bits here is look out of
Starting point is 00:51:02 here what's it with these what's with Jared's and one that have sex with young people? Yeah you're right. Redo, Fogel, all of them. Fried. Jared's sweet. He's probably got something. You ever see one of his shows? Oh yeah. It's all fucking right. It's a whole bunch of chicks. It's all about the tubs chicks. Right. God damn it. He'd have a cold, he just can't get the fan base on. They meet at Cat's Deli's every Sunday. He just doesn't look good in linen. That's why I wouldn't do it. I don't wanna be a fat guy walking around in linen.
Starting point is 00:51:33 Jared's too boxy. Yeah, linen is a thin man's game. You get a nice flowy R&B look about you. But what is it, when does it become not a colt and just like a fuck orgy house? Because I don't know if I have a moral dilemma with that. That's the problem the whole thing. It's all like a real gray area. Well if you, I mean if you're, if you're legal age and you have an island with a bunch of chicks. Yeah but
Starting point is 00:51:58 cult starts being like and then they start telling you like don't cut your family off. They cut, It's a high control something. But if it's literally just an in and out thing of different girl, they come hang for three weeks and they're like, all right, I gotta go back to college or whatever, and he's like, it's been great fucking you. Nice, you know, and they come and go. I don't know, it's odd as shit, but like.
Starting point is 00:52:20 How do you fuck, I mean, I'd fuck one girl and be done for the week. That's what I mean. You wanna watch TV? I mean I I'd be I'd fuck one girl and be done for that's what I mean That's well you want to watch TV. I probably get it going Twice a day for all this new stuff for sure, but that said there's gonna be a point where it's like oh shit I want to watch this you know something on TV, and you're like hey 75 girls shut up Exactly you get sick of it. I need one to make guacamole and the rest of you to shut up that's what you got you have one of your wives is like mute yeah and then
Starting point is 00:52:53 you know Sarah and then everyone says yep and you go why can't you be like sir sir is my favorite way to fuck up Sarah makes steaks and shut the fuck up? So you say Sarah makes steaks and shuts the fuck up? Cut tongue. Exactly, that's what you need. You have an example for each one. That's what I'm saying, is Jared Leto mobilizing these people? He's not mobilizing. He doesn't have to. But that would be it, but I think that's what makes a cult.
Starting point is 00:53:18 You know what I mean, like he's organizing Medusa. He's gotta have them like branded and shit. He has his own island, right? Does he? Is that what you said? There's no way he has. No, no, no. He's in Croatia. No, it's like in the shit. He has his own island, right? Does he is that what you said? There's no way No, it's like in the hills. He just gets it. Oh Asia. He has a place in Croatia Yeah, he has like a music festival and so they like embrace the word cults people say it's a cult But it's like a music and arts festival was 30 seconds tomorrow
Starting point is 00:53:38 I thought it was only one of his place in Los Angeles. He's just got a fucking zillion people there Well, like if he sends out a tweet and goes, yo, hot young pussy only having a party, and then that party goes on for the rest of his life. Yeah, I think that's what happened. It just continues for the next 12 years. That's a great, talk about a flex when you're out with friends, they go,
Starting point is 00:53:56 guys, I'm honestly, I'm 18 texts away from having a fuck cult for the rest of my life, starting tonight. But how do you leave the cult then? Yeah, you want to leave, you got guys, I'm out. Bobby's the new cult leader, you're in safe hands. They all go boo. I trust this guy with my life and my cult.
Starting point is 00:54:16 I'm just wearing a kiss shirt. What's up, guys? Yeah, I'm taking a backseat role. I'm still gonna be involved in the cult. Guys, I don't want to be your new dad. I just want to be your friend the cult. Guys, I don't wanna be your new dad, I just wanna be your friend, but also do as I say. He does live, his house was a World War II military base
Starting point is 00:54:32 in Laurel Canyon. He's a jackal. He's a lunatic though, that. And everything's gotta be that too. It's like, I sleep in a coffin, but it's temperpedic. I sleep in a coffin. A temperpedic coffin, it's memory foam. Didn't something happen with him with COVID too
Starting point is 00:54:48 when that happened? He was off on one of these silent retreats. Oh, really? He was off on one of these things where they escaped from the world, and then he came down two weeks into lockdown. Could you imagine if I take seriously someone giving you his daily routine as everything goes, OK, girls,
Starting point is 00:55:03 now it's time to pick plums and fucking do something else weird. Okay, now it's time for the draining of the blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone suck each other. He was, he was at a silent retreat and came out of it and COVID was happening. So funny. He was in a silent retreat for two weeks.
Starting point is 00:55:19 I met him in a fucking, I think it was over in Europe somewhere. Did you get wet? Dude, he was staying in the same hotel And they were doing some world fucking thing where they invited all these people these famous people Oprah's fucking girlfriend was there Gail Gail King Gail was there We were having breakfast and she came in the room and then I was up front and Jared Leto walked out to get in his car Would you have said Gail was pretty if you were into black chicks? No.
Starting point is 00:55:45 Okay. No, she was kind of old. But Jared Leto, as good looking as you think he is, in person, he walked out of the place and there was probably 100 people and he just stood out. He's a cult leader. You were so locked into that Jared Leto, his gorgeous looks that I wanna make sure we correct
Starting point is 00:56:04 that I set you up to fail there by accident, by making a joke you just said yes to about, uh, about, ah, fuck it, forget it. He's 52 now. Who? Jared Leto. He is? Yeah. Nice, it's been Jared Fogel's getting out.
Starting point is 00:56:20 It's gonna hit sooner or later. You gotta drink that young blood from girls. He looks like that at 52. Drinking blood and eating young puss. He's been funny. Fair enough. But here's the thing with these guys, with LA, that gorgeous, unbelievable. He goes on retreats.
Starting point is 00:56:35 When they fall off, they fall off quick. When he goes ugly, like Matthew McConaughey, when he fell off, he just fell the fuck off the cliff. Is he ugly now? Are you not wrong? He can't get it back either, McConaughey. when he fell, he just fell the fuck off the cliff. That's a ugly nose, yeah? You're not wrong, yeah, he can't get it back either, McConaughey. I think it's gone. He lost a bunch of weight for the AIDS movie, did he? Yeah. He never snapped back from the AIDS movie.
Starting point is 00:56:52 Oh, he can't snap back from AIDS. You can live a long happy life after your AIDS movie these days, but it's still... No, no, an AIDS movie is no longer a death sentence. No, no, not like when I was growing up, but for sure. But nowadays, you can still play paddle ball, you can do what you want, but you can see it on your face, for sure. They didn't even know where AIDS movies came from back then.
Starting point is 00:57:13 They thought they were airborne. I wouldn't even watch one for fear of getting. I ain't reading that script. What am I going to fucking share a drink with this thing? This AIDS movie? Alright, alright, we got it. Looks pretty good in this picture. Shut up. Go find Oakley Pick there. Look, he's got that Ichabod Crane fucking head.
Starting point is 00:57:34 Yeah, he fell off from when he was doing those rom-coms to now. He was a bum. I'm not saying he's not still a handsome older guy. I'm just saying now he was he was a bum. I'm not saying he's not a He's doing handsome older guy. Yeah, I'm just saying look at this guy was right there. Yeah, this guy was stunning. Yes a Yellowstone sequel yeah, I'm a conoha. Yep. He's doing a sequel nice. He looks all emaciated is gonna be a bet AIDS again Yeah, it's a bug. Yeah, get ranch AIDS cowboy Houston buyers that's how that's how it's a bug. He's got ranch aids. It's cowboy aids. It's the aids. Houston buyer's tough. That's how Koshna dies from aids. Great, now the cattle have aids. What a new problem we're dealing with in Yellowstone.
Starting point is 00:58:16 We thought it was just about land ownership, now our cattle have aids. Yellowstone too, this time with aids. With more aids. We'll be right back everybody. We're hanging out with column tarot Column tarot is gonna be in Greenville, South Carolina May 17th and 18th after that Seattle, Portland, Long Island and Tampa For tickets and all tour dates go to column tarot comm and listen to the column tarot podcast available wherever you listen to podcast Robert Kelly live or no punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly podcast Robert Kelly live or no punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly because he's gonna be at New York Comedy Club in Stanford Connecticut May 17th and 18th and then Port Charlotte Florida St. Louis Timonium Maryland and you can see
Starting point is 00:58:53 Bobby every Tuesday night 7 p.m. at the flat fat black pussycat lounge at the Comedy Seller for tickets and all their tour dates visit punch up dot live slash Robert Kelly's everything it tickets the regs happening at Gramercy I just saw that announced regs is happening at Gramercy I just saw that announced regs is happening at Gramercy we got one show only we're doing an act that's actually a podcast and the show at the Cape Cod Melody tent is a comedy show Big J Oakeson is gonna be at the Summit Comedy Club in Fort Wayne Indiana May 17th 18th Friday and Saturday Irvine improv 7th and 8th of June that's a Friday and Saturday for
Starting point is 00:59:22 tickets and all other dates bigj we'll be right back it's the bonfire

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