The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - It's a Long Road (feat Josh Adam Meyers)

Episode Date: June 10, 2021

Josh Adam Meyers fills in for Dan as Jay chats about his very first chiropractor visit and his very uncomfortable bathroom experience the night before as he was about to host a show.Stream The Bonfire 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM@DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayComedy.com@joshadammeyers www.JoshAdamMeyers.com#CrackleCrackle

The Thumb 5. Joining us today co-hosting in for Dan Soder, it's the hilarious Josh Adam Myers. I'm so happy to be here. I just want to say hi to all the Reddit people. I know you're freaking out right now, but you can shove it. They're gonna say, they have to say things at least like, well, someone's gotta do it. Yeah, me.

James B. J. sitting there talking to the ethers. Couldn't get Steven Hawkins, he's dead. I don't know how those people do, like the Bill Burr podcast and stuff, or they just talk to themselves the whole time. So weird. You could do it. I don't know.

I don't know, man. With no, no, I need bounce back back if I say one thing I think is funny And I look at the the boxes on the screen and no one's laughing. I'm like, oh man I just fucking with now no one in their cars laughing either. I know if I can make Jacob in the gang laugh We're doing something, you know, I mean yeah, you need like you need something to bounce it off of a little bit Don't we have happy Jacob't wait for me, Jacob. Stop. He's so made it.

You know, Jacob is the drop king these days. I mean, he's got so much going on. First, we have our entire crew here. Oh, yeah. You give Josh. You give Josh a little, give Josh a little Rambo, please. It's a long road. And it's hard as hell.

Tell me what do you do to survive when they draw first blood. Oh, yeah. It's just the start of it They and I you got to find to keep Keeps going he's an angel. Is that Brad Paisley? I heard no, it's taken. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah It uh has been what a morning. First of all, so much big news in the world of J last night we did the worst. I understand. Show was fine. Great

show did. No, it was great. Sure. Great show. It's nothing what story is about. This story is about when I was on my way down. Just the schedule's been really tight lately. Really tight. We had to do two-bond fire just today, then I had to go down for the worst show at stand. And just in the flux of everything going on, I had a duke waiting in my belly. And I realized it on the drive down. And I was like, oh man, I said something to Christine.

And she was like, maybe stop somewhere and go. and I'm like, no, I'm just gonna, I've had to do this on flights. It's just like, I'm not shooting at the airport. There's no time. Was this a new one though? Was this a new, like, was this like a new like poop or a continuation of an earlier one like you didn't finish? I always consider, if it's in the same 24 hour cycle, I consider continuation. Okay. I don't consider like a, I consider continuation. Okay. I don't consider like a 5 a.m. or the last of the day, I consider the first of the next.

Okay, yes. So I will say it's probably continuation, but I got there and it was bubbling and I was like, man, I hope I just get my mind taken off of this, I was starting to get the sweats, we were like, I hope I just get my mind taken off of this. I was starting to get the sweats. We were like, I gotta do something. And I looked at the bathroom. You know when your body turns against you,

I looked at the men's bathroom. And like, my colon just let it down a chamber. I just released it one chamber closer to the hole and I was like, no, I don't want to though. And my butt was like, you should. With very little explanation, I just looked at this, you know, I think like no I don't want to though and my butt was like you should with very little explanation I just looked for you know I think I think the last one I said there was like no I'm not gonna go shit in there and then I looked at her and looked at the door and walked in the door sat down I wiped completely wiped down the seat uh sat down right on the seat though

I'm not some fucking fruit gonna go in there and dress it all up and it's a stand stands not like some shit hole you know i mean it's a free public bathroom as a shit hole no but also there's a bathroom that's specific for like comics and most people don't know about that's right by the bar or knows about it you think i'm gonna take a hot shit next to that hot sexy bartending staff i'm gonna be there for fifteen minutes if I go quick. You are a long shiner. I showed it, I mean, well, you're gonna have more about this story, but you

should today, when we got back to your apartment, and that was at least two and a half hours. What? I swear to God, I watched four episodes of American Ninja Warrior while you were in the bathroom. You didn't. There you go. You didn't. You didn't do anything of the sort. I was in there for possibly half hour longer than that no Yes, dude, I was by myself. Yeah Time flies I sold my car by the time you came out that happened after you know if you're considering my shower and stuff in there too my third Was about a half hour it was my third of the day and then he has to make a duty I do and then I dropped a couple more

Right before I got in the shower It's something's happening. So you had a five part shit If you start it last night, okay, so what now let's trace it back like what did you eat? I Tell you what I just realized what I think it is Haven't been in the comedy-sell in a long long time. Did the comedy cell have got my favorite things from there, which is their hot sauce and blue cheese? Yes.

And that hot sauce, while the most delicious of all wing sauces, the most delicious. It's incredible, yeah, I love their sauce. It punches out of my asshole with the anger of a thousand step children. It just comes out fucking furious But you but that was unsatternated Right no, but then last night. I may have dunked a little crust in it And a little peed in the afternoon actually

Ah here we go so that my God it probably dials back to while I love that sauce Don't make plans the next day. I gotta do that sauce when I have like a like a Sunday after that and not and not again Door in the week got us to your clear anyway, that's my shit stuff woke up Take my second dump at 8 30 and then after that did a Legionist gangster episode. We got to a pre-record for that at 930 to 11. Yeah 1130 or so then you came and we walked over or no we ubered over

Well, first of all I was running late today because and what we're gonna get to all of the reason why I came over here So early today just in a second But I'm staying on the Upper East Side, Jay lives on the West End like mid city, and I was running late because I had to shit, and my shit, my shit's like, you know, it's like Godfather, it's always in three parts. I do the first one, the second one, or both,

apt, and the third one, I'm always like, why do I have to be doing this one? Like, why is this one, dude? No one needs to know what happened on Michael Corleone this age major life, but I so that So that took forever and then and then I was running like usually I walk across town But I decided to take a city bike across town freshly showered white t-shirt white t-shirt You know war sneakers not wearing like like denim pants or anything like that

I got my I got my lemony snickets pants on and like denim pants or anything like that. I got my, I got my lemony snickets pants on. And the worst decision I've ever made in my life was to take that city bike across town. Yeah. Fucking that granny with Hep C was the worst decision you've ever made in your life. Yeah, but you know, now we're dating.

Now you guys are dating. So maybe it wasn't so bad. Um, but yeah, Josh gets here and we go over to shout out a Pico family chiropractic center huge fan in this place big fan big fan doctor pico doctor pico himself fantastic dude I filled all the paperwork for my first ever chiropractic appointment and I went in there and This guy he he did like a scan of my spine, Jacob, if you had this. I mean, no, I've never been to a chiropractor. It's a little, it's a little, it's a little rolling like thing rolls up your spine.

And it takes a scan of your spine. And it just shows you very easily. Every, like the exact two parts of my body that I thought were going gonna have Problems were bright red on this thing of like problems He in like seconds he figured out J's back and and you you were like because I have the the stuff to show But it's like the wonderment in your eyes. You're like that's exactly where oh my god You were so excited first. Let me tell you what this guy did this guy by the way if you wanted to if you were to ask. First, let me tell you what this guy did. This guy, by the way, if he wanted to, if he would have asked politely, I would have let him fuck me. This guy, and me lay down on this,

on this complicated-looking table, but usually I thought those things were sort of on massage tables, but this table had like a hinge, sort of like on my upper thighs, and then he goes, all right, first we do is we stretch, we do a little stretching, loosen, yep. And I thought he was gonna like manually stretch me.

He pushes a button on the table and the table starts like, the legs part like collapses down. So it like just has your legs like fall away from you. And like I felt right there, things in my back like, like click, click. Did it feel good? Because because it was so simple it just looked like one of those like like you put a quarter in the bed at the hotel and then you fuck on it yes except this you didn't well he could have fucked me on this for sure when the legs dropped down my fucking bum was out for the air

did you feel comfortable though when he started touching you're like lower area and you know because he's got he looks like he's very gentle and like very Sweet, I think I got uncomfortable and this is weird When I walked out of the office After I'll get to what the appointment was Give him lots of kudos Making my promises to come back next week making an appointment and he goes, okay, Jay We'll see you next week then and he gave me a little pat on the tussie I thought that was weird

he's a god there go now go out there and be somebody boy it was in front of people like like like Dr. Larry NASA he got me in plain sight so I'm like is it wrong maybe it's not wrong if he did in front of everybody Josh didn't see me say anything but it was a little it was a top Tussy Pat I Don't know it was weird but Besides that this guy was I want to hug him

It was so good. He did very minor things on this trip I'm gonna when I go back on back dude. Give me the super special. Yeah, dude did the whole body Spectacular not a YouTube, so he's not cracking like the arms and all that bullshit. He's the spine and the neck. Which are your problem areas? Yeah, which is the problems anyway, yeah. So he, he said the other stuff basically cracking knuckles

was more made of sound like. But he did the return me on my side and push us down on like your hip and like you couldn't really hear, you couldn't really hear that crack. Am I? No, I couldn't, because I went with Jay, the whole point was for me to come so we could hopefully get like YouTube videos of it.

You know what I mean? So we just want videos, but just like the videos on YouTube because we knew that there would be some massive cracks When he turned you to the side The cracks were fine. They are maybe a little pop. It was one little pop each one. I one little like click like click But when when he got to your neck, I mean have you watched yet Christine? You did What your mic's off? No

It looked like you said no, have you watched it? I did and I just had it up I know I'm trying to find the right video, but you did you did. Yeah Did you listen to it good? Yeah? It was terrifying. Josh's reaction. It's bad guys. It's so funny. This video is what the crack is fantastic. Josh says in a man who I would describe as doing his artwork. What Josh's reaction is to this guy's artwork. Well that was the thing too.

It's like, what have made a lesser man cry. I didn't want to call them cracks either because I knew they didn't like. There's certain wordage that like chiropractors hate you know what i mean because a lot of people don't consider them doctors with doctors don't consider them doctors and they can send them doctors and i always go off of what that simpsons episode where homer gets the trash can that fixes people's backs and the chiropractors come to like fuck them up because he's like taking business away so i had to be, very gentle with what I said.

Oh, yeah, this was delicate. This was delicate. All right. What you said, you have a Christine? Hello. I had, she sent me six videos and I had it up and I just lost it. I'm sorry. It's all right. It'll be a close up of my face. That's the one. But Josh's reaction, man, it really is good. Josh was at a real day in the city today. He stopped, at one point we were walking outside, just a deli for a moment, and Josh stopped, and he goes, he goes, hey dude,

and pulls me not just a draw, dude moment attention for me, and he just goes, as I'm saying in words, I know what he's getting ready to do, and I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and Josh just goes, you know, dude moment attention for me and he just goes, as I'm saying words, I know he's getting ready to do and I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And Josh just goes, hey, dude, I'm a rip one. I mean, rips a loud long fart as this Asian lady with a sun visor on was walking directly behind him straight tourist, straight tourist, probably just going to New York for, you know, something ended up on the west side. She's right behind me She's got her eosemite park like sweatshirt on yeah, like a New York beaded hat like with like little rhinestones Yeah, and Josh just cracked ass right in her face

I was so funny. I felt so horrible. It was so long like it was so long like he noticed she was there before the fart was over You should have felt bad do you have the video Christine? This is great Jacob is gonna make you come dude I am jealous Let her rip You got a crank. Turn the volume up for this one.

Here we go. Exclusive. From the scan evaluation, we see the red of the lemon a little bit up here at the top. So we're going to roll you through the side, come back, and just give a tap like that. Ah! You're gonna be a little bit thrown.

You're gonna be like a back-up. You gotta hear what Josh said. The valuation we see the red of alignment a little bit up here at the top. So we're gonna roll you through the side, come back, and just give a tap like that. Oh my god, I'm in the throw. It was...

Josh, I'm gonna throw it. That doesn't even really give you the scope of how loud the crack really was. I was probably three feet away from that and that's how loud it was on the video. It rang through my whole body. It was so great. Jacob, you didn't like that. No, I can't, I can't watch that. I don't like that. I know it's probably good for you. I know it's good for you, but it just always feels like cracking your neck like to kill you. That's how it psychologically comes off to me. You watch too many sports and negros.

Yeah. Yeah. You watch too many sports and negros. Which Christine just made, she just said that, that you do it to yourself. And the doctor said you're making your neck worse by doing that. Or were you telling on me? Yes, because I think that's so gross when you do that, dude. Like, apparently, what a pro does, you want a pew.

I mean, so imagine just seeing you break your own neck. Like, and also, I can always imagine as being like at some, we're in Ohio at Liberty City, and you're like, oh, let me just crack my neck before we go to the show, and then you break your own neck. And then I'm like, I'm sucking the hotel and I get blamed for your death.

Dude, if I drop down, if I break my own neck and you have to explain that to people, worth it. You're dead and I'm like, I think it's funny, it goes, there'll always be speculation. He goes, look, he was clear and we do know J did crack, we used to crack his own neck, but, you still gotta ask yourself once in a while.

Like, Josh could have done it. Oh, when I get on the bed, I do sneak up behind you. This is the only way I can reach you. You're taller than me, dude. Like Tom, like a Tom Clancy book. I come out of the closet. Hey, it's me, Splinter Cell.

Even my, even my, my, my, my tip towing is loud. Here I come. I'm coming to break yo neck. I'm Metal Gear Adam Myers. Coming in stealth mode. Shush. Be got to be quiet. Shush. Yeah. Blackwood, you've never been to a car tractor? I went once when I was a kid to help me help me with asthma. They like adjusted my body and somehow it it helped me. No shit. The cractor lungs. Yeah, I don't know how it works. Yeah, this made my tick bigger. Is that weird? Uh, DJ Lewis, would you do it?

Would you go to a car, a director? Yeah, certainly. I think I've been to one just to be corrected, which was helpful. You think? What do you mean corrected? Like emotionally? Like, no, they just say they, that's what it's called.

They correct your spine. Oh, a wine is what they call it. I don't try to do all the terminology is because you went to one appointment. The term is adjustment. Yeah. It's maybe wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Idiot. Justin. Idiot. Hey, idiot. I feel good. Did you out? Do you honestly feel better from it? Like because there was there's a couple of their videos where like you get the cracks or the adjustments. Sorry.

He's not listening. And you... I told him when I was a broadcaster, 15 times, never once asked what it was. He could have given a shit, dude. You know, he looked like Jeremiah Watkins' father. I didn't know that. I just saw his eyes. A big Kansas City fellow, probably he'd barbecue.

He sort of looked to me like the bad lawyer from a breaking bad. Which one? Sal, Sal, good man. No, not Sal, good man. The one for the the lawyer for the check was it was the wire. It wasn't, it was the wire. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know you're talking about the overweight guy. He's like, he's like, we're're gonna be going kind of talks like this a

little bit he's also on lawn order s for you but I don't think about it you kind of look like the mentally challenged assistant from LA law too he was also on billions that guy he is a guy makes a weird his character actor always seems to play a lawyer a Sharky lawyer, but yeah, yeah, he kind of looked like that guy, but Dr. Pico If that is your real name if you are even a doctor You got my you got my hands in those witchcraft fucking tables for the next couple weeks at least you got me too Yeah, cuz he gave me not to be like, you know, bike. He didn't tap your to see. He didn't tap anything, but I was able to ask a couple questions about my issues. And he was like, dude, yeah, he said to Nick problem. Here's

what really got me fired up though, being in there that didn't like this for one bit. When he complimented me, it was nonstop. Yeah. Josh asked him a simple question. I'm sitting there. Uh, I guess I'm just some tub of shit. He was just working working out. Some pile of whale blubber. He was cracking up for his own enjoyment. When he talked about Josh, he goes, now you have a next thing, because if you fly a lot, it's probably the way you lean, but you're very fit. And you know, as a fit guy like you are, and being fit, and you know, you're very fit muscully. The trap.

So you're neck and how fit you are. And I was like, yeah, I guess I'm just a slob. It's why I crack all a bunch He's like but your friend is so fit with his thick Long cock and just bany if you don't want to ever come back to this office I suggest you try to get fit like your friend over here. He's not being such a tubb a shit. Stop being a fucking tubb a shit So easy to crack Damn you are crackable. You are the most crack this I don't even know if I can crack Josh. He is just Poisoning Jacob you should go dude. I

Can't why why not we get protection tattoos with me then Supernatural protection tattoos I had surgery my neck. I'm still considering that Jacob. I'll tell you something when you're home for those couple weeks, but we can do it, dude I mean you can get it done. I got a great tattoo artist that'll do it for you I've got a hundred great tattoo artists that'll do it for us I'll do it. I'm gonna tattoos this weekend. I'm getting tied up this weekend. What are you getting this weekend? I don't know figured out when I get there by skull The offer was a skull

Get a variation of skulls of my arm. Yeah, a skull horse. Yeah, the the offer was for skull without it out But no, I think I'm gonna do it those geometric pattern type tattoos It's not dude. You're gonna it's gonna look like a Metallica T-shirt from 1997. No, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get fill in stuff. So I think I'm gonna do the pattern stuff. I like that shit. I can see that some spider webs on your arm. They'll see the pattern work.

It's called, uh, it's called something. Filler, that's what it's called. It's called tattoo filler. No, it's called geometric patterns, something. All right, dude. Geometric pattern tattoos. Look up that Christine That's a geometric pattern tattoos. You'll see what are you a beautiful mind? No, it's not like that You know looks like I'm gonna like my arms going to bind your designs, so I've got pie over here And I have the Pythagorean

Ferry that kind of shit. Oh Okay, the Mamoah Over here and I have the Pythagorean Okay the mama Yeah, you're going full mama bro I'm I guess a mama in there Christine you like that shit I do like that shit. Yeah, I'm gonna get a little mama with this weekend. Do go full mammo Jacob you love it. And when I get back, we're gonna get protection tattoos together. Jacob is Moa. You're so Moa, Jacob.

Jacob, you're so Moa. So I love that. Oh, no way, dude. I love that. Which way are they going? Are the steps going up or going down? You can't even tell, dude. I'll stare my own arm for a whole flight.

What is this? Where am I? Why do you want your arm to look like pans lab room? Okay, what are you gonna tattoo of a riddle a visual riddle? It's like the comedy store wallpaper. I'm gonna make you can get protection tattoos with me. These all look like my dad's ties Paper I'm gonna make Jacob get protection tattoos with me. He's all look like my dad's ties The coolest movie you can do is to do the What are they called the Haka at a movie premiere? The Hawaiian dance the warrior dance. Oh, oh, that's a Hawaiian dance You mean the fucking the warrior Dan the Maori the Maori Dan. No, he's talking the Haka is like the thing. Like the one that Jason Momoa does that is movie premieres.

Good movie. Yeah, it's New Zealand. It's New Zealand shit. The Maori Dan. It's all the, I want to say this role. The Polynesian, like, you know, it's New Zealand. You can't say that word anymore. I can't.

Polynesian? Okay. All right. Josh Adamire said that. Did I get canceled? I didn't pull out the P word, but I would never. But I know mama. Now I have a lot of those people friends.

Is this him doing it? Yeah, I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what I'll tell you what man. No, it's not cool. Jacob, you're wrong about this. They look stupid. I think it's actually pretty they have more coordinated ones than that. It looked like no, they look like you want to be doing it. No, I don't want to do this. First of all tribal dance. So do I know I'm't want to do this. First of all, so do I. No, I'm with Christine on the I. It's the aquaman premiere, which is the weird place to do it, but there's another one where the, actually the funniest one is where the New Zealand basketball team is doing it in front of the USA basketball team.

And they're just like, and then like James Harden is looking at them. He's like, we're about to beat you by 50. Yeah They're doing that weddings and shit. Yes, taking their tongues out So I was at this bar else my cousin is like very close friends with Momoa before he was famous when I first moved to LA We were all we used to all hang out together uh but I was there the night on my birthday there's he has a scar on his eyebrows. And now Christine's computer froze she scored it.

He's good. He's so wet right now. Momoa and the Kardashians Josh. I have lived many lives but but but. Christine jills off and smells your hand dude I'll do it. I would scar that he has on his eyebrow. I was there the night somebody smashed a bottle on his head He was a bad drunk dude. You were there for the scar. I swear to God, okay? You know, I only met Marilyn Manson one time. I was there the night He was like I'm a thought we're in a contact land

He's like you should do I have sent a background. Yes, you should it. He was, he should do it. So it might not just be me, but also I think I had some influence. I was the person that told Kurt Goe main to wear flannel. I told Jason Memorial, go call that guy, I'll fag it at the bar. And he did. Hence the scar. Is he a shitty guy? No, he's actually a really nice guy. I get busted. Why do you guys face problems? He was, he was a bad drunk. He was like so it was so him. So imagine Classic off. Imagine like imagine like eight more guys like him all dressed like Mumford and Suns. You know the Johnny Depp style acting like they're all they think they're the coolest guys in the world. I'm just team punks rolling. I'm with you. Yeah. I got it. and so we would go to these bars and why were you a blade runner?

I was a David Batista Putting people through the wall and shit hey everybody Josh anima's blade runner here at your service Your service are you an Android? No, but it was he would they were drinking pretty heavy our friend blade was I mean the guys Blake only hang at it night some people thought But turn that he was a day walk he wasn't they won't you see was his mother was human his daddy was Hold on let me go get Chris Christ office in real quick to tell the rest of this story. Nah, he was, they were drinking pretty heavy.

Blade was playing doing like his, his version of acoustic rock, which actually was really good. So, Blade's listening big up to you, bro. But Jason was getting drunk. He like bumped into some dude. They started drawing and then that broke up. And then the guy came back and like smashed a bottle or a glass. I'm sorry.

Like a glass like on his face take that Yeah He's like this is for my brother who you poured gold on his head for This is for a big that dragon bitch I'm gonna stab you with a curly sword You know I tell it I never saw an episode you know I just know the things that are on uh, point out websites.

Why'd you rape that girl from Terminator 5? She was in Terminator 5, guys. Uh, she just went on to a show alone. Okay. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, DJ Lou. You've been a radio dude. Left, whatever I said. Yeah, you need to drop at that moment.

Bam, bro. Come on, son. Um, come on, son. But at that moment. Bam, bro. Come on son. Good moan, but we've happened. We've happened. Josh is gonna. He's gonna clean up and push you in New York for sure, but No, do you just think there's a vibe with everyone he talks to for five seconds? No, and let me know that's not true That's not true. What's true? What's the girl going to steal? The girl be like, I'm going to get you, the girl be like, I'm going to get you guys

around the waters and I'll be back, take your order. And then Josh is the guy we all have in our menus and Josh goes, guys, you saw that, right? You're like, I'm not going to tell him I was, you fell. You fell that, right? You fell because I can't believe you guys still sitting here and get so uncomfortable.

I mean, she is all about you guys in the seat. Like for her that the whole world Disappeared and it was just me and her underneath the stars together. You didn't see that you didn't hear dream We were about to say dream we were hold on for a second you didn't hear playing what it what it is Jay is that I live for the last Fourteen years in a town where you would see a hot girl and be like yeah, that's completely unobtainable Like there's no way she even with the shit That I've done like she's not even remotely because they're always trying to level up to get to like a producer a director An actor or whatever the fuck but in New York there is a there is a a certain I don't want to say oh

Yeah There's like an energy that makes you feel like every girl is just they're not in the industry. They're regular people. And so what you're saying is New York girls are ugly enough for you to fuck. Okay. All right. That's a weird way to put it when you're trying to get pussy in town. All right. I'm crazy like that. I didn't phrase it like that. You see the girls here are chubby and have low self-esteem. There's barricose veins and everything. Yeah, they're vibing and vibrating, probably.

Yes, Jacob? Getting back to the the Starter show, you said that you made a duty at the stand, but then you just moved on like, was that it or was this tie-in? Because I had more questions about that. Please, by all means, ask questions, Jacob. It was about, you're not a public shooter either, right? I mean, I try never to know. Yeah, me too. I don't think anybody tried, I mean, I will if I have. It's a nightmare for me to come to. No, I have no issue. They might as well be at home. Dan Soder God blesses heart.

Would shit on a bathroom that didn't have a door if he had the shit. He wouldn't care. That's terrible. Yeah, I mean, I've shit in public. When I used to work an ice of DJ at the strip club, I would always plan my shit there in the morning before people showed up. If you ask me my public shits, the story's always start like this. It was 2018 in Minneapolis Airport.

Minneapolis St. Paul, MSP. And, you know, it's like I had to go there. And I remember like having the bot. I know them all. I had to shit at the old black factory here in New York once. And I had to run to Dwayne Reed and buy wipes and go in their bathrooms. Never shit at the seller want actually Super Bowl. Oh, Eagle Super Bowl. Didn't see the halftime show. Have no idea if Justin Timberlake rocked my body or what or who was it? Was it Justin Timberlake?

I think so. I think it was. I don't remember because I was shooting a village underground while a show was going on with a bathroom attending out there. It had to happen though. I had to clear room. I when I when I have to shit in public, I know you just mentioned wipes that you you never thought about just taking some paper towels, wetting them and then bringing them into the stall with you. So you can kind of like clean yourself that way. Nope. Because that's what I do. That's fantastic. You said that and I still will continue to not

ever do that. That's crazy. Why? To go... first of all, God forbid anybody else walks into that bathroom and sees you hosing down towels to clean your ass. No, I don't know. I'm not like going out with my pants or I do it in a pre. I understand. Still, if somebody was taking wet paper towels into a fucking toilet stall, like I'm doing to them when I'm worried people are doing to me, I'd be going like, damn, you're going to smash like that in a fucking comedy club. You garbage assholes.

I'm not doing that in a comedy club. I've only shit at a comedy club maybe once or twice and it's always at the comedy store and the comedy store has a private bathroom On like the third floor that we all use to shit and do coke and fentanyl cool. I Now there's no way I shit at indiana I'm going to do naples this weekend, but when I used to do crackers out there and broad ripple There was a bathroom that was in the green room The host was on the host was out watching the show, the feature act was on stage, it was bubble and I had to do it. I went in the bathroom, as I said down, started shitting, realizing there's a second door in the bathroom,

which goes right to the kitchen, because it's also the kitchen staff's toilet. So I'm ripping shit three times during that shit. People, like, you hear him talking, I said like, who's in there? Is someone fucking in there? Do you know who's in there? And while I'm in the midst of like vicious shit and the toilet paper for that, was the school classroom big brown roll of like,

okay dude, I've wiped with that before. You might as well be wiping your ass with gift wrap. It's horrible. What, what is dope? No! Yes, it's, it's, it's's it's calmer. It's not as aggressive What am I supposed to what am I supposed to do if I'm in that situation Josh? I Well, go ahead though. I do the same thing Josh does and if I don't have wipes on me

I will use the bathroom soap and go in there and after I'm done shitting wife my ass with the soapy towel and then the dry towel obviously Of course you got to have a finishing move. Yeah, but dude, I mean I wish I would have known about this earlier in life So by the way is gonna ear-tit your asshole. I'll take that right now. I don't know how fucking I don't know how strong your guys Assels are but that's that's how things do you know? No, it's for sure. Well, I don't get I get the road rash before I'll have dookie I'll have little fissures and RIPPage in my asshole skin before I Leaf shit there. I have to clean if I shit now. I have to like almost

Bayve afterwards like shower like clean my there's no like I biday after every poop We got these new shower heads that one of the functions is three beams that come down to a point Like the way the fucking death star shoot. Yeah, I was gonna say it like it all angles into one powerful stream Yeah, and man. I fire that up there until I cough water. I'm telling it's It's so good. Oh, it's so good It's so I'm starting part of you thing and maybe that's why I'm shitting so much lately because you've opened up the Pandora's box maybe What do you not what you're you're not your but holes violated now?

No, no, no, well you have to do the secret is how we're still don't say this when you're talking about bedang also You got to push out like you're trying to fart or shit While you're squirting the water up there and then when you relax it again It accepts the water into you. I like that You get what I'm saying. I know exactly what you're saying. It's it's it's syringe technique almost. Yeah You try to rosebud if you can almost I can't I don't have any inner burger coming out of my asshole, but I push And then when I feel the water when I line it upright. Yeah, the Death Star shot is hitting the hole Then I just I just I put my head back ago

You accept it and then I accept the water into my body I can't do that because my I haven't no, you can't. No, I can't do it. I have it my I have an Audi but hold it Let me coach you coach me through it making me Coming back again Because there's no bidet in my apartment, obviously. Do you have a bathtub? Wipes are archaic now. That's that was to you. They're thinking that was so 2020. Are you all bidets? Do you, Blackloo? You're not. No, wipes are a thing of the past, though,

because they do clog up the sewer systems like crazy although you have a uh... do you have a septic yes uh... see that's a big thing about buying a house you gotta keep it on the good i'll say what there's not a place in the universe i've gone and i've even i've looked at signs i've looked i've been staring at a sign over a bathroom

that says please do not flush wipes down This one even the ones that says you can flush and I read that over and over again and try to guess the font while I'm throwing Wipes into their toilet. I don't even use toilet paper anymore. I just use wipes Really? Yeah, I can't man. I know potels are never on septic because I fucking I Clean every then by the way if I see in my bathroom here I wait my ass with a few wipes and then when I'm like, okay, that's all the wipes and I take a peek around the old You know the faucets and the fixtures and I go anything's things you know to wipe down real quick and then I'll take a wipe and maybe do some of that work also You know polish up polish up the old uh, throw that right in the car. By the way, by the way, that one, Jacob,

Jacob that one that I'm using to wipe down fixtures and sinks. I could throw in the garbage can. I still choose to throw it in the toilet. Gotta put it in the toilet, man. It's gotta go to a tone. toilet gotta put it in the toilet man gotta go to a home you've been listening to Sirius XM's bonfire new episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on Sirius XM you