The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Jacob's Back!

Episode Date: April 5, 2022

The gang is all together again in a new studio talking about Pete Davidson's branding of his skin!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

Hey everybody check out Big J this Thursday through Saturday at one of the best comedy clubs in the world the DC improv If you're in the Washington DC area go get tickets at big J comedy dot com also New Jersey National and Austin on the way Big J comedy dot com for more details Dan Soder going to be in Rhode Island this weekend April 7th through the ninth That's Thursday through Saturday and then of course headlining the Paramount Theater in Austin, Texas as part of the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. But it's also a standalone show. You can get tickets for just that show. You don't have to get a festival badge.

So come show Dan your love. We'll all be there hanging out. And that is going to be April 21st. Thursday, April 21st Paramount Theater, Austin, Texas. And for tickets and all the tour dates, of course, go to dansoder.com. And for tickets and all the tour dates, of course, go to dansoder.com And now the bonfire with big J. Ocarson and Dan Soder. I mean, tell me a cooler white dude.

Everlast is Jason Williams. I'll tell you it every time. He's gone though. He's not forgotten. Forgotten. He's not forgotten. Completely. Yeah, I didn't forget about him. No, for sure, but I'm holding on to Jason Williams Jason with an eye no 25 year old knows Jason They would get they would you would have to whittle it down not just on name alone I couldn't say Jason Williams in the deck. Oh, yeah No, no, and then if you can say the basketball player if they look at it up they're gonna have to figure out which one it is I would Jason Williams so many Jason Williams that played basketball. I one in high school there's only one ever last yeah and white for there's like one whitey Ford or is that was that like an old name that we did we don't know about that he used is whitey Ford made up or is it like a I never heard him say anything else until like the blues album came out

because like there's going to be kids that think Machine Gun Kelly is like the machine gun Kelly and not the guy. The old gangster? Yeah. That earned the nickname. What's that, Jacob? Jacob in studio by the way. In studio, Jacob.

Yeah, he's with us. He has risen. He has risen. Yeah, he has returned. The protocol centers are turned. He moved the stone. He got up here, dude. Why do you forward his baseball player?

What's that? Why do you for it is a baseball player? Yeah, see yeah, I think it's what he took the name from yeah, okay, I didn't know that Yeah, thank you for thinking of spying I should have known there's no new whiteies. Have you noticed that started up? Huh if you got a if you got a bun in the oven name your kid whitey whitey? Yeah, especially if you're black there's bolder name your kid Whitey. Whitey? Yeah. Especially if you're black. There's Bulger, uh, Whitey Ford, then Whitey Ford is the moniker. That's really it with the Whiteies. Yeah, did you start bringing back some of those weird old names? Adolf? Well I think Whitey's only a nickname. I don't think anyone's named Whitey, but I don't know if anybody would get the nickname Whitey anymore. Try, watching the the new Roman emerald joint moonfall.

Katie and I strapped in and tried to watch it. It is how he bury not trying at all a whole movie. It's just her being like you guys want to watch me give zero effort. Dude it is it's so bad. Tell me what this is. I don't know what this is at all. It's just what? What is that it's an in green trampoline if you bring it up again So you know at the beginning of pandemic Katie and I went through all the Roman Emory movies

We went through like I told you yeah, we did like 2012 we did after tomorrow Godzilla is what started it all okay, and then we were like damn Roman Emory stinks Okay, this makes fucking heaters, but they're so fun to watch and make fun of. Because there's like, shit doesn't make sense, but he does it every movie. So you're in his films now? Like, 2012.

No guys, the apocalypse. With John Qsac. There's the Daffer tomorrow with Dennis Goyne. He made that too. Yeah, the apocalypse. So, two apocalypse. Dude, this guy fucking jacks off about cities getting rocked by waves. I love him.

Roman Emoryk loves when a city gets folded by nature. It really is this thing. But then also, did he also do the, did he that one with Angelina Jolay? I don't know. She has to fight fire. Uh, I don't know. Look him up, Christine. If you look up as IMDB Roman Emoryk, he, um, he just makes stinkers.

And so they're very fun to go through and watch because like in a lot of Roman Emoryk movies, if you shut a door, it'll stop like a wave of water or in the day after tomorrow, it stops ice. It's freezing and they shut the door and it shows the frost coming and the door just stops it from freezing further. So it's shit where you're like, this is great.

I love it. But it's shit and you know it's shit. This new one moonfall is by far and away the shittiest Roman American movie. I've been to moonfalling. It's about the moon that the moon is a fucking alien base and it's about to collide with earth. Really? Yeah. It was an alien base the whole time. Yeah. It's a superstructure. They didn't know after we landed on it and stuck the flag and shit. Dude, that's where it all started. Is it? Yeah.

They're pissed about that. That's when they... Put your flag on our base. They say that the news dropped the Apollo 11 mission for two minutes, but really NASA dropped the coverage. Because they saw things. They saw lights emanating from inside the moon. When did it come out?

To know your shit. Is it a theater? It came out last year in the theater, but it ate dicks. And now you can like, here's a dream it online. And dude, it's so bad. It's so bad that we were like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, we're like, oh, sorry, no, the concept what?

The concept doesn't bother me. So is it just executed that bad? Because it sounds like a fun thing. Several times throughout the movie you go, that they're not outside. That's a green screen. Oh, gotcha. Question then.

Yeah, confiro. I think the moon is a ship. They're gonna, like, base. So it starts with, it's the moon. The guy from Fargo, remember season two of Fargo? And bring it in Patrick, what's his name? The actor, if you bring. Warburton.

No, I love Patrick. We're, we'll, we'll, we love Patrick will well well go if you go to moonfall you guys will know this actor he's big he was in Fargo season two I think yeah he said it Patrick Wilson is that pack is that is that what it is the name yeah Patrick Wilson yeah so it's Halley Berry then that John Bradley guy plays the British dude 80s fucking awful Here's how bad it is and and by the way we're deep on Roman Emmerich we live for the world We were like all right. Well, this is probably almost over and we paused it and it still had an hour and we're like This is exhausted. Yeah, like we got to cut this up into two this like the Irishman

Yeah, the Irish through They're just like metal clouds that come around. Long movie. The Irishman. What's that? Long movie, the Irishman. That's how this felt. This felt like the Roman emerald.

It was long. And I don't remember a thing about it. All I know is that Pacino had glasses on. You were so good in that. Or they basically showed you how Jimmy Hoffa got, like a theory on how he got killed. Yeah. I don't even remember what it was.

Someone shot him. Because the Jimmy Hoffa, I killed Jimmy Hoffa got like a theory on how he got killed. Yeah, I don't even remember what it was. Someone shot him. Because the Jimmy Hoffa, I killed Jimmy Hoffa was like a thing that dudes in the 80s and 90s just started saying that we're in prison with like I killed Hoffa. And I'm like I killed Hoffa. If you're in jail for the rest of your life anyway, you might as well take credit for a biggie. Yeah, when he could, he had just started taking credit

for famous murders. If you're doing a life sentence, I'd say that being on more. You know, I was wondering, yeah, I did. I'll take you on. I'm the reason Ben Gazi happened. I fucked up. Yeah, I did I'll take level on the reason bang gozi happened I fucked up wait, no you shouldn't claim that one Everybody this is the bonfire. We're in another studio. What? That's why the energy so it's good But it's different. It's all the announce everybody. Yeah, I'm big Joe. We're saying that's Dan Soder the gang's all here

We got Christine where he Evans we got DJ Lewitsky. We have our black King the black tiger Lewis George the works and of course returning home as we said the great Jacob a top Arguably in people's opinion there was a poll Jacob the most beloved person on the bonfire is over you I and anybody else. Yeah, I call him the soul on the bonfire. Over you, I, and anybody else. Yeah. I call him the soul of the bonfire. They love him. They think he came in and I know where I said, nope, he was just misused by Jamie Foxx.

Yep. Shut up, Foxx. Shut up, Foxx. Still loyal. Still loyal though. Well, yeah, look, a man takes your ass after midnight, you fucking do what you're told. It's countdown time.

We're about to launch. No, no, it's cool. No, the guy probably took your ass or whatever. So I understand. Jacob and Jamie are bond by secrets. You know, they both of them. What if you tell, you know, I mean, yeah, he's, he's probably good to you. He's like, off you tell people it's going to be weird. So, he's, what if I give you one of the guns from Django and chained? Will you shut up? Will this buy you off? I just believe that Jake B. Fox rape Jacob over and over again. Yeah. Him and all of his friends laughing at you. I hate it.

I don't like that about him. Shout out Johnny Mark. He's throwing fruit at me. He wouldn't stop until he finally hooked up with Katie Holmes and then he eased up a little bit on Jacob. Yeah. Let him go. And were you around for the Katie Holmes years?

I don't know when that was. I think so, yeah. It was, you never brought it up on the air. Yeah why? Why? Shout out to a fizzle. Jake it is old. It is fun knowing that Jacob had this other life. This life before us. We're we're his second marriage. There's a lot you don't know about me Dan. Oh Jacob had to come home and take off like a four finger ring and pull his grill out. Yeah. He's like I don't know about me Dan. I like Jacob I had to come home and take off like a four finger ring and pull his grill out.

Yeah, I don't know man. It's just I can drink Hennessy once a week. Three times a week. Now I got him on the claw. White claw? Jacob's all about the claw. It's dangerous. Why is it so fruity and delicious?

It's like you don't realize you're consuming that many calories. Chaloreically it's dangerous. Oh okay. I thought you meant I'll know how to work Lee's dangerous. That's the whole thing about it $100 a hundred calories a can but I can drink 12 of them Oh, yeah, then it's bad. I guess have you gotten hammered off them? Not hammered, but I mean I had six when I hung out with Jay Damn dude six pack uh... not hammered but i mean i had six when i was hung out with j and it's a six pack which i've never done six here the call

you're not a six pack of beer anything i haven't either really you know full six pack lu and i and i'm getting in shame right now i've got you drank a six pack hell you i dramatically bought a six pack and then like drank like crushed too fast oceans

I mean me and Dave Smith years ago like But we made an effort to like crush beers and we definitely probably crushed Like probably ten each which was brutal is brute. I mean it's funny. It's it's it's falling ultimately just We both together on a couch. Yeah When I would go open for Nate, we would buy 18 packs, so either we'd do like natty ice or natty light, and then we would play zombie mode on Call of Duty, on Xbox, and just in a hotel room

and just fucking take down an 18 pack. And then you'd go outside of the room, and I'd smoke, and buy the in, and he's like, buddy, I ain't feeling nothing, it'd just be hammered. A obliterated. Yeah, but now, but I've never like but one time I think like sadly

in my early 20s, I grabbed a six pack from somewhere. Did you do it for the look? Were you like, well, it was by myself. So no, it wasn't to anybody. But it was just like, and I think my goal was like, I'm gonna get, you know, I didn't really even drink much of that point. He's particularly. Yeah, maybe I'm gonna drunk like once at that point, but it was just like, no, I think my goal was like, I'm gonna get, you know, I didn't really even drink much of that point, particularly. Yeah. Maybe you don't even drunk like once at that point, but it was just like a dramatic, I'm gonna get drunk. I'm gonna sit here and get drunk.

And then I think I had like two or three of them, and I was like, there. I'm good. I don't really drink at that point, so it really did hit me like a ton of bricks when I remember. I overshot the mark in high school. Yeah. I think I could grow broke up with me and I was like, it really did hit me like a ton of bricks when I remember. I overshot the mark in high school. It's like, I think a girl broke up with me and I was upset.

And I went to my mom's liquor cabinet and I took like absolute and I poured like a half a pint glass absolute and then had a soda was doing shots of it like that and didn't realize where it was gonna put me. I was banged up. Yeah. I was banged up in my garage. It's like shit, you're good stuff. I just remember to hang over the next day. Yeah. I was banged up in my garage. That's what you're paying that stuff.

I just remember to hang over the next day. It was like my first, my first, like one of my real first hangovers. Yeah. Where I spoke up the next day. I was like, what did I do that? I've learned out of pound water. If I didn't need drinking. Oh, dude, post 20, you better be drinking a lot of water. This weekend, my drinking is literally it's such like a, it's, it is a recipe at this point where I go in. Funny Jason Nelson.

But me Jason did great by the way. And Mikey McKee and him both. Yeah. Fun weekend. Fun hang with those guys. And everyone did great. Jason very new. A comedy and like did more time on stage and he's ever done.

Just does nine. Not a little. He just like cuts your set short. You're like, thanks. No, he was still doing. Like you found your wings. Well, he was nervous to do 20 because You're like, thanks. No, he was still doing good. You found your wings. Well, he was nervous to do 20, because he was like, I can do 15 comfortably.

I'm sure I can do 20. And he was comfortably doing like 22. Yeah, he pretty much went to animals. You know what's like, he did great, man. And Mike, he met Karen in the Boo Haws. I hit. It's so goddamn funny. It makes me laugh so much.

The Boo Haws. I think we played on the ship of boo Ellis what I like about those like former skateboarder guys is there humbled by falling so many times that they're not like I'm gonna do 45 there. You don't have to worry about them running the light. They're like I'll do exactly Yeah, cuz they know they're like I know how much stuff can hurt, but it was great. It's a crowd new home. Obviously so like they were like stoked for them and he's great. He's a broadcaster. So he knows that like talk to a group. That's what I was talking like you already know how to do this. Yeah, he's just getting a more immediate response. But it's like figure like a live podcast. You're talking by yourself.

It's he did great. Everyone. Yeah, such a fun show. Thanks everybody for coming out. Yeah. We packed the place out a bunch. Good times. Inland, Cali, dude, that's my world. Just inland. Yeah, I like a palm tree. I like them some nice warm weather, but I don't like performing for actors and actresses. Yeah, did you hear me? A palm springs guy. I just have a house in Palm Springs. I just work Fresno and fucking work, work all the inland Riverside, Rancho Cucamanga, Davis and Sacramento, there, Jay's coming for you. Rancho Cucamanga sounds like a great place,

but it's apparently terrible. I only know it from next Friday. Yeah, that was the joke always. It's the only way out there this weekend, I guess every joke it was like, could be Rancho Cucamanga, is that bad? I don't know what that means. Sounds like a gated community. Sounds unbelievable. Is it bad? I thought

it was nice. Is it not nice? I don't know. Everyone said it was like, it's a fun, flexible place. Yeah. You know what sucks is that I found out Aurora was that for some people when I moved out of Colorado and that stinks. And you find that out. You're like, what do you mean it's awesome And you find out anything awful that happens in Colorado is somewhere near or bordering Aurora. I listened. Columbine was in little tin. So pump the brakes. Yeah. But we have our own. But you had the you had the Joker. Yeah. You got an old man who yells at his wife to bring him dinner while he's watching you and your friend's fuck. Yeah. Pretty cool. Sounds like a pretty cool cast. That's a great joke. Sounds like a pretty cool cast the characters.

Sounds like a good place to throw up a comedy club. You're gonna be talking helium? All I know is you're really making a rural sound fun. Also, on Terra, for being a mall club, what you do? It's a mall club. It does not feel like a mall club. That's cool. That's great.

Yeah, I loved Cobbs. Cobbs was fun and San Francisco never worked it. You had just done it and told me it was great. Did the ticker-rolls come out? No. I wonder if they're banned now. I don't know, I don't know. But they were fun.

It was fun, and then the comedy store show was a lot of fun. A lot of campers out at that. Dude, a lot of people came to my weekend that came to see you on Thursday and said that you, to give you your kudos, which you are much deserved, I heard Bill Burr came out. This was described to me by somebody. Bill Burr came out, this was described to me by somebody. Bill Burr came out murdered for a half hour. Yeah. Then this person told me they were worried for Santino.

Because he had to follow Bill murdering said he murdered. I had to put a jenjunge. And then they were worried for you. They were like, because man, this show has been like a blow out of like killer. So Kim Kongden did great before Bill and Brian Moses was hosting. Oh, no, it's then they said, but you went up there and destroyed. It was fun. Yeah, that was a lot of fun. That was a very fun show.

And it was like, you know, just they just tell you they're like, hey, Bill, Bill's here and he wants to go up and you're like, yeah, sure, I even made fun of him because he did like 35. And I'm like, hey, cool. Way to eat the best part of the show up right in the middle.

Bill Burd did my feature spot. And he was just murdering me like, oh, fuck. But he was right. I didn't come to it because it was your show. Yeah, they just said Bill series looking to go up and I was like, yeah, and I thought I was like, I'll go up and then I'll bring like as a, hey, special guest.

And they're like, no, we hey special guest. I mean like no Okay, well, you know bill bird no one 15 minutes of my show goes oh no, yeah, he's gonna do a little bit longer He's working some stuff out how long is he gonna do? Let me look on the paper here. It says however long he fucking feels like oh right here on the paper It says he's bill fucking burr. Fuck it. Shut up big head. Now. It was great in Santino was hilarious I love Santino. It was fun. He did head. Now I was great in Santino was hilarious. I love Santino. It was fun. You did 45.

Yeah, then I came out. Did it tight six. I did my old Conan. Yeah, it just went up there, banged up the hits. I just really did Russians and the Scariest White People. Signed some titties and flew to San Francisco. Split ski. Do you know you have a TikTok with like a million views

from the Russian joke? Yeah, the Russians love that joke. Yeah, Russian hate it. Yeah, it really is. Remember that you're bad man. I totally forgot about that. My son. He's not that person.

He's a bad person. He's scary person. He's scared Russians are not scary. Yeah, it's like they they pass it around on like Russian Facebook shits and people watch it I was in an elevator with this lady. I think in like a buffalo and she was like You look like this comedians before a pandemic before a match like you look like this comedian that does this joke about Russians And I was like, huh? Do you like the joke? Or do you hate it? I was like oh, I personally love it

You go well then guess what? My family kicked me out for loving it. He goes, I've heard of that guy also. I get that a lot, I do look like. I heard his piece of shit. She goes, my KGP, I try to grow a beard, people don't think I'm that piece of shit. Now, that's my twin brother. You ever seen property brothers?

We have different facial hairs. You know which one's evil, though. Yeah, you have to know which one's nefarious. Jacob, how you doing back home? This is your home, by the way. I know you're all floated to be your home, but this is your home. This is your home. Your home now.

All right. I'm getting used to it. I broke my night guard the morning after I got back, so. Why, because you were biting down so hard? I just dropped it for the first time. I've had it for over 20 years, and now I gotta get it. What's made of porcelain? It's a hard plastic. I've dropped it before, 20 years and now I gotta get it. What's made of porcelain? Hard plastic. I've dropped it before but New York welcomed me back. It hit the tub and my

My night card shattered into two pieces. I just like rubbery or something. Did you put it in? And we're like I just or is just broken into two. It's split like did you tape in the middle like a nerd? Nerd Nerd teeth. You have nerd teeth. I feel like it at night now. I had to do your raw dog in a nerd. Yeah, nerd teeth. You have nerd teeth. I feel like I'm at night now. I had to do your raw dog in that sleep. Yeah. Do you have to put it like sponges in the back of your mouth so you don't bite down?

I'll knock my teeth down to nubs. So I have to go and buy a piece. My stepfather does, that was scary about it. Like my stepfather is like his front teeth are like worn down from grinding. Yeah, but then you can get veneers. True. Without doing like the shape, they're like a hand that are for you, doc.

Cover these fangs up. Yeah, then just pop them in and out. I was talking to talk weird like Roman Reigns did for like a month. When he got them. Yeah, he had to do promos, you know, you could tell it's tongue to nose. Things you're getting now. This is just a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell of a hell getting now Just see how to do the head of the head of the table Russell many was awesome. Yeah, two nights They split it up stone cold wrestled on Saturday. There's low hopes for it. I feel like it was very nervous about it I thought it was gonna stink blew me away, but it was great had a yeah, watch night one after the shows

I watch like what the style just did they do I obviously I know the big US Stone Cold the big one was Stone Cold Who wrestled against Kevin? I was a Owens, aka the big J of the WWE. No, not anymore. Do you got in good shape? No, that's why you say it now. No, no, come on. They meant it is an insult the first time. No, it's a positive. KO is always awesome. Cody Rhodes left AEW, came back to WWE, wrestled Seth Rollins. Junior Goldust, or just Cody Rhodes. He just came is it yeah, he didn't come back as star dust or whatever the fuck is right. Yeah, he came back to he came back as the he even brought his shitty song from AEW.

Really? This song that I always make fun of to you that's like Here I am, feeling bad all alone. It sucks so bad and they were playing it at WrestleMania. I was like damn, we brought this shit music from AEW bring up Cody Rhodes's And Jason Jason Ellis came at every night to the triple H. That's awesome. The not not the male ahead one a Different one which is pretty great also Thumbs

Triple H without let me yeah, it was not that one dude. I think I hope this is still it Yeah that one. Dude, I think I hope this is still it. Yeah, here put it. It's he he was funny because like AEW he was like one of the only guys with like super big entrances and then you know he's got that crusty tattoo on his neck. No, he got his logo on his. Doesn't he host that thing with with Bert? Yeah. Yeah, I'll go big show But I think now that he's back with WWE's not like I don't know What a weird person to be the like a

Judgment a show yeah Cody Rhodes It's just more like former in a continental champion I just mean like you know like tell the wrestlers. You have to go like the rock or like something like that rock Yeah, you. I just mean like, you know, it's on the wrestler, you got to go like the rock. Or like something like that. The rock? Yeah, you could probably get someone like a McFolly. Sure, because he crosses over the boundaries like what people know of wrestling, like Cody Rhodes. Yeah, wait, is this, you had it the first time?

This is the same thing. I had it. Oh, you had it. Yeah, someone was playing it. Yes, we did. Yeah, this is it. Royale family. And then people went, this song playing it. Yeah, this is it And then people with This song makes me laugh because how much it just sucks. It's like feeling mad

Turbuckle slams It really is wrestling is the place with the most biggest butt rock I'm trying to lay my head on the floor. It makes me laugh every time I hear it. It's high school band. Hey, what's up guys? Thanks for taking off your fourth period. Things are bad. My dad's a dick.

Put everything's cool. Here at Central High! Yeah, he's got father-so, because his dad's dusty rights. You have to go, if you're gonna go with a metal song, you just kind of have to go with a gruff voice guy. It can't be the whiny rock. Yeah, you can't do this. You can't, it's for this song, he had this song in the 8W.

Everything makes me mad. Yeah. And, no, I don't think so. What did you ask? If he's singing it. It's possible. No, it's not him singing it. Oh, you never know.

Those octaves? He's not emo enough. Oh, I'm so mad. This one almost not make me afraid of the rest of some more But it hit at WrestleMania and I was like I was laughing. I was like man. He brought the song with him He came up. It's hey guys one deal my contract. He gave the CD It's track five industry. You play start at 22 seconds in Sound guy and gorilla position, just fast forward that.

Okay, we're good. But yeah, Stone Cold was the coolest part. And there was like the finale. Yeah, they closed it out because they were supposed to do like Kevin Owens was going to interview him and they challenged him to a match and you're like, but he came out. It didn't take the shirt off. You made the noise. What did you mean by that?

Because he looked old. You're like, is he going to be able to do it? Oh, and he fucking nailed it. It was genuine like, conserved like, because you don't want to see what sucks is when you see the old guys, like the guys, they're going to make it like, yeah, they're going to protect them. Yeah, they're going to like Kevin Owens is the guy that to do it with because they'll sell out on every move. But you're like, the way they move when they like move, like you see wrestlers like Rick Flarence, that by the end, he was like moving old and when they do it with because they'll sell out on every move. But you're like, the way they move when they like move,

like you see wrestlers like Rick Flair and stuff by the end, he was like moving old and when they do it, you're like, oh yeah, I just seen it. That's what I'm gonna Mara Le Manson for me. He just musically started moving old. And he became a violent rapist. Then they put out a several hour documentary. First things first, man, you got fat,

stuff performing well, moving around around really clunky and weird then He became a violent rapist Kidnapper and what have you yeah blood drinker. Yeah blood drinker Worshiper of some dark arts did it so much did he brand her what did they brand themselves? Yeah, he like He cut like an M on her which is funny because it's not a news article that Pete did that for Kim Kardashian but they're saying it like he branded himself. Yeah yeah but is this going to be in a Netflix documentary about Pete. Yeah when she says that about

Pete the casual nature of which she says that Pete branded her name on his chest. Oh it's about a woman who has been fond over her entire, because she says it like it's like, yeah, because oh, you guys wondering what the bat shit thing, the next guy, the new guy I'm fucking has done for me? Well, here it is. Is it on TV? Oh, yeah, it was on the clue.

It was on like Ellen, I think, or something. But she's like, yeah, he branded it because he said like he never wants to sleep. He never wants it to be able to be removed or come off or something. She's like, I don't know. I don't know. I really really listen. It was he had serialism. There's also

There's also a record of these women just crumbling men. There's just a cookie trail of like crumbles of all the like Lamar Odom died in a whorehouse because of that family. He's just like you got pulp fiction woken up It's like a shot to the chest. Yeah, where's the Kim Kardashian supporter? Where everybody goes there and shows their weird scarifications of their family. In 15 years, he's like, my life's pretty fine. It's a thank you card, that was a beautiful introduction. My life's pretty Davidson.

And this is what I did to myself. I said, if he loves, he loves hard or it's just no big thing. You know, brand myself, I guess. Tell you what, it's not taking the big dick that's the problem. It's taking that avalanche of love, dude. He's coming for you, coming for that heart. Yeah.

I think he doesn't care enough about his body that he would use it. I have a similar thing where I would use it to make like, cute, I mean, I have like joke tattoos on my body. Do you know what I mean? It's there forever. And I know what you guys are talking about for years, I would go around and carnival having them shoot

canables into my stomach. Yeah, they was the canable stomach guy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't like myself. I just want to break my own stomach. Here's Kim Kardashian on Ellen talking about Pete's self-mutilation. You know, posting you just went official with with Pete on Instagram so

congratulations I guess it's like not official until you post you what it's not official until you post it's not real yeah yeah did I love Ellen still has her fucking I can destroy you energy covered up by that fake sugary glaze she's always gonna break into the... Tententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententententent when Amanda Binds used to do Ross Perot. On all that? On all that? Oh, like dude. That's where Amanda Binds has been this whole time. She's like, I just went to LL and she goes, I've been LL.

Yeah, I went crazy then I was LL. LL is a figment of my imagination. She really does. She's crazy looking at that. Well, your head keeps shrinking and your ears keep growing as you get older. They do look like ears you would take off after a show. Yeah, real ears under them. All right, spockies up.

Take the funny ears off. No, no, these are my ears. Because honestly, I think they do help me here. Yeah. Because poor Shadarasi keeps grabbing them. The fucking mashin' into her Gucci. Yeah. Oh, you mean when she gives her a steering wheel?

Yeah. Hands at 10 and 2. Then she goes forward. 10 and 2 me. Yeah. She's going to give me Dum bowhead, gash, bash. All right, let's get to the self-mutilation. Feel to you like that was something that you needed to do just to get it out of

the way. Like it was people were waiting to see that or no, I have the cutest pictures of us and I want to be like, oh my god, we're so cute.'re so cute and I want you know, but then you didn't Kanye does watches is doing knuckle pushups. Yes Yes And Pete's Pete's working with a trainer in the Kardashian Man she's kissing him on the cheater. It's training getting ready for the fight But it's peeing it's peeing It goes small away half a phone. Yeah, a god of a Kim Kardashian I'm not saying I'm under cheater. I'm just training, getting ready for the fight. But it's peeing. It's peeing. It's peeing. It's smoking.

Half a farm. I got a fucking Kardashian. Smoking. And I'm fucking, you're a wife. Ah, fuck it. She got a way out though it right. She got big butt, and big boobs. And I'm smoking a, hey.

Get it, guy, me, she's back. Yeah. Yeah. I'm making Dundas 3. I'm making Dundas 4. I'm, I'm did match her man, I don't know why. I'm making Don to three! I'm making Don to four! I'm did match her, man. I don't know why. I made it.

Got a round of fight. You're gonna be able to fight. Try it. You better not be bringing my kids around you. Fuck y'all, X, Y, X, Y, X, Y, Y, X, Y, Y, Y. You know, don't be so desperate. Don't be posting so much. Just give a glimpse, but yeah, so.

What is it like wearing a fruit roll up? Is it hard to get in the fruit roll up? Also, just like Pete's gonna be Pete, because he, Pete Pete is so definitely. Pete, it has worked for him wonderfully. Yeah. But it is even funny in this picture. It's like Kanye West wants to be like this,

okay, this guy's gonna be around my kids and blood. And like one of two pictures she ever posted them. He's just laying in their mansion floor, smoking weed. He's gotta be around my kids and like one of two pictures. She ever posted them. He's just laying in their mansion floor, smoking weed. He's got to go join his hands. No, he's like, cool. Kanye posted that he bought that jacket for. Oh, man. Yeah, dude. See, that's why like Kanye is watching all this shit.

Oh, yeah, he is. He's absolutely. He just said he's going to get help. So yeah, he like pulled out of Coachella, pulled out a bunch of shit. And he he just said he's going to get help. How you doing? Yeah, he like pulled out of Coachella, pulled out a bunch of shit, and he told Kim Kardashian he's going to get help. Really?

Yeah. For his redemption story, you don't mean it. Don't want to go one way to find out, we'll see. But I mean, this is a lot to push you to get help when you're watching constant Ellen interviews, or that it's like, it's crazy when you're watching constant Ellen interviews. It's like it's crazy. We're just so in love. She goes, it's just meant to be.

I mean, I had children with the wrong person. I have been with every wrong man until now. And so that every choice, a new experiment and disaster hood, I would say they weren't right for me and they hurt my mental. And you're like, what the fuck? Everything is sucked before this moment take the kids. I don't want them. Honestly. I've never even heard good music until now He goes piece a digital short music. I love when he goes genius when he goes SNL and wraps I think he's the grass rapper alive Come on, that don't say that.

I interrupted so many shows that let you know I'm one of the great rappers. Good thing my boots are so big and tall. It took carry my teeth. Also, Pete's got this new look where he just wears fishermen boots and it's the hottest thing ever. I'm going to fish my boots. Pete wears a mask and it's so silly. I wear a mask. I'll do the mask thing. But it's serious. Where's a mask and it's so silly hour mask? I'll do the mask thing, but it's serious I don't know what the right thing to do is like I haven't dated in since before

Instagram existed. Yeah, I don't know. I know what the rules are. Yeah, can we find the tattoo to stuff? I say to you all the time. I just want you happy that you're happy. That's all that matter And you and just a whole different side to the self-heatling side of you too happy. That's all that matter. Bullshit. In you and just a whole different side. Get to the selfie of the link. To the side of you too. I mean, it's a it's a different you. I mean, I think it's just in what I'm in my 40s. I'm straight. Yes, what I just have to say to you is, are you gay? It's a good question.

Damn, I didn't know Ellen goes for it like that. Ellen just starts breaking out the questions. Who fucks the best? No volume. They're reading into it saying that there's a tattoo that says Kim. There it is. Yeah, he has a few tattoos, few cute ones, you know, that he got. But this one is a, it's not, that one, the Kim one isn't a tattoo.

It's actually a branding. Like, one isn't a tattoo. It's actually a branding. Like, one isn't a tattoo. It's actually a... Like a cow, you know how they, you know how they brand cows? That's basically what he is. Is it skipping the video there? No, I thought I was on cue.

Nope. No, I was going over. Oh. But you nailed it. We were like, listen to the log. That was pretty, you were nailing it in cue. Here. You nailed it. We're like listening to a lot of that's pretty you were nailing it in Q Here Yeah, he has a few tattoos few cute ones, you know that he got

But this one is a it's not that one the Kim one isn't a tattoo. It's actually a branding like Branding that hit him all the way over Wendy let me explain it dude that looks like. That's what it looks like. That's what it looks like. That's what it looks like. That's what it looks like. That's what it looks like. That's what it looks like. That's what it looks like.

That's what it looks like. That's what it looks like. That's what it looks like. That's what it looks like. That's what it looks like. That's what it looks like. That's what it look fake. Everything's weird about how it matches. Yeah, like an age. Also, take it back 10 seconds because watch him.

Just like wonder, Brad. Kim, he fucked it, left outside. And Kim tries to get away with the branding thing once and people don't go for it. So she tries it again. She goes, he got branded. They got branded. Yeah.

They're really people who are like, I thought she, because everyone when she was like, he's got some cute ones for me, everyone's like, oh, and the branding everyone's like, what's up? Even those people, the people in the audience are like, ah. It's not that one, the Kim one isn't a tattoo. It's actually a branding, like a branding. Because, let me explain it, because he wanted to do something that was really different because like K first tattoo he got I was like oh so cute thank you oh my god

so you know so I get whatever I'm like oh that's so cute but like oh the seven bazillion tattoo of my name on someone's body he goes oh yeah cool big deal I guess whatever I was like yeah he's like that you don't care about tattoo She's now they're like sweet I guess sweet. I like her not picking up the clues You like how about I fry my chest. It's so close to my bones. Oh Do you want I could pierce my heart? I think I got a doctor and and Switzerland that'll pierce my heart piercing Lauren Michaels knows a cardio Acerning and that'll do that for me. It goes to cardio if I ask you a beer, sir.

Yeah, you can't afford me. Do you want to tattoo my brain? I can tattoo you on my brain. Yeah. I know. I thought it was not really a firm substance to tattoo, but we can get it done. I was going to see if I could change the shape of my corny

as to be like you. But like, I was going to have your face as my eyes. It's going to open my eyes. To your face. To your eyes. Look at me in my cims Look at me in my Kims. Tell me in my Kims. You're gonna look at me in my Kims

and say it a slight now. You're not impressed with my Kim eyes. You're gonna say that. I got my girl's face as I'm also doing that impressed. You know, that's not even a little bit. Then you got facial reconstruction surgery to look exactly like me. It's like what is your third?

Which is like pretty cool. Then it's like the fifth guy who's done that. That's like in 30 rock or genomoroni dates Will Forte who dresses up as an impersonator of her. Oh, right. Yeah. Dude, that's, her selling it twice. Is a branding?

No, it's a, uh, you got a branding. That's what she does. XA! Yeah, it's one of those like, uh, you shouldn't because it's bad for your health by the seventh tattoo I started to get concerned. Yeah, she goes it's pretty bad-infected, but it's okay. He's on IV trip in about a stale so we give him was you know the sprays it bubbles up. Yeah I just I throw a little flavor flavor lives with us so he takes care of it We'll do right like they get tattoos of what's going on in their life and

Wait back up back up my back up special you said first tattoo So he has three tattoos of you I just I was like this is like the third so the first first She's regretting just found out now how bizarre that is Did you're watching a person in real time realize that it's not good? It's just serial killer behavior thing So is it weird that the hair dolls he makes? positions him in certain situations you might see his So his fingernail box is

No, he told me to carve my name into his bag Yeah, then he then he's rubbed in it you guys like new boy friends when they're up in their sleep perch and they watch you sleep We're the honeymoon branding phase right now Yeah, he's just making me sure if I ever run off and go grays that they can return me to him Dude cut to them having a fucking knockdown dragout fight and this guy is to go see his fucking blistery Kim chest. Oh my God, dude. He's like, oh shit. Fucking dumb Kim. I'm a fucking clavicle. The whole thing is absurd, man. Somebody had to make the brand too.

Yeah, the Kim. But they're just bending forks and calabasses. He goes, no, I don't want to be an old dog. I want to be a cumb. I bet it's not a good brand. I bet it's like wire hanger. Do they have pictures of it? I think they have a picture of it. Do they?

I bet it's wire hanger. I don't know, but I just drank my iced coffee sassy like they did on it. I'll tell you what, check out In Touch Weekly because yes. I figured he went to the branding maker of the stars. And dude, you need four months before we can get an appointment with that guy.

Yeah, see as I'm saying, it's not a, it's not. It's not a good branding. He does have a new tattoo recently about her. The lawyer. Yeah, the lawyer. The lawyer. Isn't that one of the ones she's talking about? Yeah, probably. Dude, her realizing it's not cool in real time is so fucking funny

Branding you know Is this am I gonna die? Is he gonna take me to take me out of this world? Yeah, my girl's a lawyer It's funny. I get Kanye West that never getting over it. I mean, not never getting over it, but just like I'll get you. You just never being like suit. I'll get over it for sure, but just not being amped. It's like, you left me like a kid who's like, brin- I'm like, why? Because we play, we play for it. He goes, what? I really, it would probably have been over if it wasn't put on such front street for like everything I probably would have been over by now. Oh yeah, for sure

I mean like I was just gonna say for sure who knows maybe they have a Fucking unbelievable connection. I have no idea. I've never seen him in person and I've been spoke to Pete and months and months Do you think they have like do you think the Kardashians are so big they have like Ray Donovan's? Where they're like like fixer. Oh yeah. We're like, yeah. If like Pete and Kim have a fight. Pete gets a call. He's like, Hey, Pete, what's going on? It's Phil. It's Kim's fixer. I'm going to need you to go back with her because you're about to launch a fragrance and they need you guys together. You guys can't break up like a political thing. Yeah. I think so. I was already changing

my Kim brand the Kia. Oh, oh, oh, ow, ow, I have it to Aaron. It just hurts. He's like, man, kid, you're fucking nuts. You already brand in yourself. He goes, yeah, he goes, I put an asset from it. Skemm. Like skimmel. Like skimmel.

You know the comedian? Because I'm not a fat. Because I'm skinny. I'm skinny. I'm skinny. So I'm skinny. I haven't say skinny. It's not skinny. I'm skinny. Do you so I'm scummy. I haven't say scummy. It's not a skinny I'm scared me

Do you watch I was telling Jay you can on I think you can find it on YouTube Machine gun Kelly covered aerials on Howard Stern. Yeah, are we not allowed to play that because it's technically stern We can't put it's all over the internet all the kids are talking about that's down the hall We can't play that here I know that for a cool we'll react to the tweet yeah Papa Howard came and tweeted out huh can't even tweet it out saying it's dicey dude what you looking for that smoke dude I don't can't what I only smoke with pop a stern I'm just saying machine gun Kelly's cover is gonna upset you well. You can't find it on YouTube

Yeah, it's right there on YouTube, huh? Hmm, I mean it's there. It's on YouTube. We're not taking You're playing somebody else. Yes. Yeah Maybe that's all right just fired up just just go to the song real quick. Don't do it. Major. Well, I want to hear it, but sorry. All right. Well, he covers it. So we're checking out. Let's take a break. I'm working here. Guys, remember for 10 years. That's still can't even play a song clip We won't take a break and we'll come right back. We got some fun stuff good. You should go watch this cover

It's not good guys found the new pedophile hunter so change the channel now But I found something that's even more interesting than pedophiles what if kids took to the streets and started Hunting pedophiles for money. It's pretty great. There's a news story, I had the end part. More interesting than what? I was trying to want up you. Okay. No, they're gonna go together. They're one and, yeah, I found a guy called Jacob.

I told you about it then and DJ Liu. Did you pull the thing Liu? I pulled some, yeah. Yeah, cause also what's funny is as I went on and watched the guy stuff more. Oh, it's young people. He doesn't do it. The stuff that I was saying quite as much, but it's some pretty funny shit.

Oh, and I was wrong. These are actually adults that are doing it. I thought it was kids. Oh, really? Well, I still have a genius idea. Hey, if you're under 18, go bust some petals for some money. When you show up, yeah, and just come to God, they don't kill you. Just get the toughest kid in the neighborhood, pay him 20%. I'll

break it down for you. We'll be right back. It's a comprehensive three-part system. Yeah, the insoders gouging pedophiles. Toddler trappers. You've been listening to Sirius XM's bonfire! New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows, always on Sirius XM!