The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Jacob's Makeover

Episode Date: December 28, 2021

Jacob gets a cowboy makeover and Dan reads a story about a Hertz scandal!

I'm Dan Soder and I'm Big J. Okreson and welcome to the Bonfire podcast. You can hear our full show every day on SiriusXM. Go to SiriusXM.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. We got Chris McEve. Yeah, Chris McEve. It's the eve of the eve. Go Niners playing the Titans right now.

I hope it's going really well. I Hope I'm COVID-free and in Colorado. Well, you know, I'm already I'm already excited about the Eagles big victory on Tuesday to the huge victory Washington football team keeps themselves in the hunt. Let me tell you man big win it easy to cheer against Washington easy to cheer for you Mm-hmm. So go birds. So easy. I love all of the dramatic people in our lives. I might have COVID, but you can't tell when you call them particularly. Josh and Justin particularly, I mean, but both of them, I spoke to both of them in the bullet. I don't know, it's like I a not gonna go get tested like some idiot What listen I got I'm not gonna argue with you. I said I might get it. I

Genuinely don't understand the if I'm not going anywhere that's like Like I'm not going away for a kid. I don't know what to do. It's go keep getting tested. I'm vaccinated. I have the booster shot Today I got it if we're doing terminator timelines. But yeah, Thursday I'm getting the booster shot. I mean, I don't know. I don't know if it's almost like if I get it. Here's the thing, there's nothing I have. You're gonna go see your mom.

That's a different thing. Yeah, I need to test so I can fly. Because I also had, you know, people around me got it and now I'm concerned I've been exposed to someone who's been exposed to the virus I mean gonna all my test results but if I do have it then it's a it's a New York Christmas and if I don't have it then I'll have Colorado as this show is airing here's a airplane going by. Whoa, that's Katie and I on the plane to Denver.

Was that a Boeing? Jacob, was that a Boeing? I couldn't tell you so much. I'm gonna be on that plane, Dan. Thanks, buddy. I'm excited to go back to Colorado. I haven't been back to Colorado in a year. It'd be nice to see Trish the dish

and all my, you know, fart box and beret and all my friends in Aurora. You described me yesterday on the show and you said transplants go land there and they go right to REI and come out with hiking boots and fleece. That's exactly my plan. It's weird because they look at Jacob lives like a gator trainer now. Yeah dude, he goes down to Florida, came out and fucking water boots, uh, I will say he wears a lot of swamp colors now. You can't argue that he's big into, uh, khaki greens loves khaki greens. Loves that mixed with the forest green.

Loves even like a nice tan in there. Yeah, Jacob, he's he's definitely going a swamp land. Yeah, but Jacob, when you move, you're inevitable move to Colorado. I will assume we'll start with light denim jeans hiking boots a fleece and Some sort of bandana around your neck I am gonna wear my cowboy hat on my ranch though. I don't know if I'll fall into town because I know that's not a thing there But I do want to wear it. We had what's you know, it's funny is like high school groups You know high school groups growing up

There's like you got the jocks the nerds. You got the bad kids you got always for sure in Colorado Yeah, there was there was like part of one of the groups was cowboys Which I didn't know and they weren't and they weren't necessarily not cool either Ah, they weren't cool. I don't think they were cool. They were fringe. They were super fringe They were really yeah yeah they're hicks that's what we called them they're like i'll say what your thought it was on a handsome cowboy they'll turn it all around there wasn't any they're all fucking uh... okay so that they made a choice where it was like goth their cowboy they didn't really mean it i'm

talking about a real i don't know about a real jenny in shape teenage cowboy. I'm talking about kids, Parker Colorado's now developed, but there was a time where you went east of Aurora, and it was just like kind of farmland, and there were kids that would come in, and here's the thing, they're not cool cowboys. Like the Hollywood cool cowboys.

You can buy hillbillies. Tell me about Hicks. Talk about people that were like That's different Where in like Worn out Levi's Cause they were working on in the ranch With like real boots

And like A cowboy and then like big dog t-shirts That were stained And then just being like I don't know Fuck science And you're just like I thought this guy was

That's a ranch alcoholic A cowboy Those are cowboys No, you're thinking of Hollywood You're thinking of male stripper you're thinking of male stripper cowboys Jay you have a completely wrong You're thinking of a sexy guy with a six pack with a shame body You're thinking of magic Mike cowboys You're thinking never being his pants are always on button, but they never fall off because his ass holds him up

He's got you see that's us. You're thinking of jiggle-er. You got ranches. Jay, you just want a sexy Italian guy that puts on Cowboy stuff and can fuck all night. You don't want a guy that can actually put up fences. His hair's always sweaty, but it's perfect. Yeah. Jay wants a guy who he's like, he's always got a subtle European accent.

Like, that's not a cowboy. That's not a cowboy. That's a fucking... He has no one button down, shirt doesn snap yeah and then if he actually if you took Jay's hot cowboys and put him out on an actual ranch they would just be so useless they'd be like oh do you want me to take a picture where the sun's going down and I'm holding my hat like this it's like no no no I need you to feed the cows now I think he's got you can see his thickie running right along the zipper line. Yeah, dude

Jay just Jay's ideal of every job is just a male stripper incarnations Where he's like no cops are cool. They can tear their pants off in one false swoop Pretty awesome. I still have they all have battery all those firemen have glittery thongs under their under their fire pants Until the day I die. I will never understand the police officer uniform. I will never understand why they would be in such a uncomfortable stiff fucking uniform the ones that have to really run after people and shit. Yeah, they're wearing like fucking starched slacks and then just All like thick with like a thick stripe going on the side, some heavy embroidering.

How are we not, I mean, if you're gonna make, if you're gonna be a cop, be a cop, get tactical gear. Just wear like stuff you can run around in that's pretty cool. You're keeping any other way. Yeah, it would have to be. Yeah, at very, we're dressed sexy, like a stripper cop.

Oh, you mean the cop that I'm talking about? Now, this is a cop. Yeah, my cop's not your cop. Yeah, my cop, my cop's not in uniform anymore. He's on the beat. He's in a suit, but that suit is, the tie's coming on done a little bit and you're seeing his fucking deep clavicle

and super tan chest. There was thing, but he promised that girl's mother that he was gonna find that girl. So. Also, yeah, he did, he had to pull over some people and had to give him the right to remain horny. He had to make love to a bartender who knew some things. She was also, she was super hot, but it was no problem for him to get her.

Yeah, dude, I love your cinematics, you're in the cinematics world. Where's that, excuse me. He goes, hey, you wanna be able to see this girl at all, have you? Did you see this busty girl who went missing? I'm looking for her. She goes, I don't know why, looking for a girl. There's a girl right here, he goes, oh, thank you, missed. You're very attractive, it's very flattering, but I see her like,

what's your name? He's like, cult cocksho. He's like, cult cocksho. Why don't you come over and maybe I'll tell you what I know about this girl. I probably have a couple minutes. Listen, I lost my wife who I truly love, and now I'm single without ties. My name is Theo Lippripper, and I'm the best in and of the detective. Detective Theo Lippripper.

Yeah, so why don't you let me down? Yeah, dude. I like this version. I do picture myself wearing my cowboy hat, but mending pencilist. Like I'm going to do practical things. Oh, you want to do actual ranch work in your cowboy hat? Oh, it's all I dream of it. Dude, Jacob, it's a life. By the way, I swear to you, my dick moved a little when I just thought about

Jacob pulling fucking Thick work gloves out of his back pocket. Oh To grab something to grab something wrapped in rope. Jay. I just I just love the thought of Jacob taking off his work gloves You know wiping the his back of his hand on his forehead and watching a sunset over the Rockies It's like I'm hanging out of his back pocket the back pocket hanging. Yeah, that's a little bit me happy some dungeries Yeah Yeah, he just some dungeries. Yeah Yeah, he just looks rugged as shit damn Jacob you just be sitting there Proud of your work looking those bales at you as you as the as the as the oddly large droplets of sweat run down your fucking abs and Cirque and tracier belly button dude in that that V-neck white shirt, sticking to your body through hard work. But it's not stretched out somehow.

You didn't get bacon neck on this thing. This thing is staying. The V is tight still. Air tight. You know, you sweat all through it. It hasn't made it all fat and stretchy now. Like all my shirts would get when I would sweat. Or does it wear yellow pits like mind do.

Yeah, yellow pits, or you know, the neck is now, uh, looks like a fucking ash tray all of a sudden. There's a bunch of divots in it. And you're talking to a guy that, oh, that could only wear V-necks until he was 12 years old, because those child sizes don't let this kid's head pass through. Not you, Jacob, that oversized belt buckle. Just, oh my god. You just slightly over the lip of the pant edge. not you Jacob that oversized belt buckle just oh my god come on.

Just slightly over the lip of the pant edge. Yeah. And then you're young under educated wife coming to bring you something delicious to drink. It doesn't matter. And you drink it up so fast. Pull some. And you go, you go, you go, the only thing sweeter in this juice is you

and then you grab around the waist and bring her. Oh, Jacob. She goes, I'm so glad you came by my high school in Glenwood Springs and scoop me up. Take me away from that. Oh, I want it. Let's do it. Right. Damn, take a photo.

Take a photo. You're a fucking pedophile cowboy, dude. What a username, dude. Pedophile cow. What a username dude pedophile cowboy six nine Pato cowboy 420 dude You know everything that guys into one suit 420 Jake I just spit all over my fucking monitor. Jacob. we got a new fucking, yeah, what a username dude.

That's gonna be your name, dude, that's gonna be your username on Raya. Yeah, and we said Raya dude. Hey, no, cowboy, for Chawati, you girls with a party? I guess we want to get by the beer. I don't pick someone up. Well, you know, I've said this on the air before, but I stand by it. You know, minus all the gay sex, the broke back mountain look. Fantastic.

Yeah, look, listen, I dress. Fantastic. You're talking about a, you're talking to a guy that is obsessed with anything. Lambs will, you know, I mean, if I can pop a little lambs, well, I love it, dude. I love it. Like Lewis Lewis is a bane jacket. That's what you need. I know I Got some

That's a bane jacket is a joke and now where's it for real? Yeah that flag in anthem place Sold as gave us a jacket that's got a little bit of lambs. Well that I've been rocking it There you are jigger leaning up against your fucking truck now get this guy out of here. No, that's not the guy. That's not the guy. I do take a look up Up. Yeah, what is legs open? There's Jacob, dude. There is there you are Now this is for a night out in the town He's not a he's not a real cowboy and that's not Jacob. I do know that you Jacob. Try to tell me a little nozzx isn't a real cowboy and that's a jacket. You know how that Jacob trying to tell me a little nozzx isn't a real cowboy. I'm gonna say this isn't a real cowboy now either.

Little nozzx. You're gonna tell me a little nozzx. What else could I do? Went down Old Town Road and he's not a what a fucking cowboy Jacob you would be like that. I want you to grow your hair crazy long. Oh my god long hair. Fucking sexy Jacob.

You're gonna be so hot. God damn. And you go and I, why don't you wear a mask? Ever cowboy Jacob? You go, if the good Lord wants me home, I'll go home. If the if God rings the dinner bell, well, that's time to go grab a plate. It's time for me to come calling. Another Look, I love the Indiana Jones look, especially the Fedora man. Fantastic Indiana Jones is too khaki too much dad and that's not cool. I do like it. Yeah, if you're Australian, I would say it's okay, but you're not.

You had them all about for you for sure Jacob. I don't mind that. That's great. I don't want to go light on it. I want you know a lighter tone light on on an earth tone I don't think I'm down with it. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, Dan you're right. It's it's the earth It's too much earth tone Jacob. I don't like it dude, and I'm an earth tone guy. I sit heavy in earth tones I want you I want you a cowboy cash. This is not adventure is not I'm telling you it's a dumb look It looks like he's a fucking beekeeper, but he's wearing a leather jacket Look, I always like that adventure look, gonna say. Indiana Jones looks like he found that leather jacket and a closet and was like, oh, I remember

this. And he started wearing it again one year. Yeah. It's not a great look. It was part of a costume and then he tried to bring it into his regular life. It's just not. Indiana Jones isn't a great look. It's a fine look for him.

That wouldn't translate well to you, Jacob. Cowboy look for you, Jacob. Cowboy. I'm telling you, just think I want your t-shirt never. Not if it's what it's in. I don't want it tucked in necessarily, Jacob, unless you're going somewhere, but I would like it always tucked in behind your belt buckle. Yes. Yes, bitch. You know, I mean, just let them know that you work it. That you want me up what are you looking at? Yeah, there is yeah, I'm stupid to say and yeah, but Yeah, I'm sure

Oh, look at you and your girlfriend sitting on the fence. Oh, look at that That's the dream. Oh wait go back up to the little Nas X picture in the yellow and black. No, no, above that. There he is. Maybe that's your look Jacob full open shirt. No, that's when you're that's when you when your boys are going out drinking a little bit maybe dress like that. Yeah, little Nas X yellow tassels. Yes, the little Nas X one. I don't know. That's what's going on. This geek on the right. No way. I can't I can't wear that. Jacob, you could wear that tomorrow. Your body is so good. Oh, look at Bradley.

Oh, look at Bradley Cooper lady Gaga picture from a star is born because I feel like Jacob would love that look. I do like that look. That's very basic. But Christine, do me a a favor can you see if we can get a replica of the little naz x-style leather cowboy outfit that I could buy Jacob, please We'll split it right now shopping please get going the shopping area that a leather cowboy outfit please We will absolutely put Jacob in a very Plyssal be Jacobs up. This will be your moon tower look now Oh Very tacitably Jacobs up. This will be your moon tower look now. Oh And I had that ready to go I have all my stuff for moon tower like packed now laid out You haven't gone flamboyant off I think oh no

That's the next look now the next look is very neon very Red senior look we're enhancing your look. Maybe you'll have a veil over your cowboy hat. I don't know I don't know how flamboyant this is about to get. Christine's looking it up. She's doing great. Well, we're going to find it for you. We're so going to find it for you. We've so much to talk about. We've so many things. Also, we have Kelsey cook coming on today who the breaks off us and Fuzball really just like smash just to bits. And really we look at assholes. Do we score once by accident? No, we got shot out.

Everyone else scored and we didn't. No, we got no, you got one in, I think. And I think it was like her. I think it was her. I mean, she made a mistake. She made like scored herself or something like one of those things. Yeah. Her Fuzball skills are insane. I think it was hermit station made a mistake. She may like score to herself or something like one of those things Yeah Her foosball skills are insane. We've got a lot of questions really if you're on our team. Here's here's yeah

Don't sell us out. What I say I just got a lot of questions because that has to be when you're good at bar games And you start hustling people I feel like you run into people with very bad tempers who are drinking Yeah, so I wonder the security sitch I feel like you run into people with very bad tempers who are drinking. Yeah. So I wonder the security sit. Maybe we hire Jacob as their security to go from full table, foosball table to foosball table. She has a, it's a bizarre skill. It's a bizarre, fantastic skill.

I didn't know anybody was good at that game. I thought it was like, it's like tether ball where you just kind of do it You know, I mean you found out I was what if you found out I was world class at four square Yeah, don't fuck with him. Yeah, I'm connect four out the ass dude. I'm autistic when it comes to connect for I just see the line-ups Lou You're a bar fly. Do you ever play foosball? No, I never been seen it happen.

That's the kind of bars. Lou hang out. There you go. He's never even seen. Are only games are drinking. Yeah, Bachi, Bon Lawn Darts. Danger or nothing. No, yeah, pool.

Uh, I'm good. I'm good at really good at. And then I'm decent. Are you really? Yeah. Are you good at, really good at, and then I'm these. Are you really? Yeah. Are you good at Billiards? Are you really good at pool? Yeah, is there being a league? That doesn't mean anything.

Do you have a stick? I have a trophy, motherfucker. Go get it. Oh, I actually don't get it yet. Don't get it yet. Get it when we take a break because. Jay brought up a good point while we were filming this series that needs to be brought back up on the show. Yeah. What Jay noticed about the trophies in the room with Kelsey Cook. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And that's

a way for us to earn a little pride back after the moment we took. Yeah. Fucking true. Do you have a stick, Lou? No, I don't. I haven't played in years, but can we play with a house sticks can we buy you one of those ones that you put together you can't obviously can't break that's every day and every still like that they don't sell dan no one goes to buy a pool stick that doesn't screw together nobody also regular

pull sticks they sell a shitty just long wood ones that are for like house sticks at a retirement home. But if you buy a pull stick, you're buying one that screws go. There's your pants, Jacob. I'm not wearing shoes. What do you mean you're not wearing it? I've done a lot for the live show. Do you know who that is? One one year.

One one year. One will look cool. You will look cool. You can do a whole fashion show, dude This is a woman. This is not even This is at the woman's yellow tassel. Oh, I don't know what they call my apologies gender anymore. Jay's fluid Why don't you get your shit up, dude? There's that but that one Jacob. That's what I'm trying No, no, no, no, no, here's the thing. Jacob, I wouldn't take a whole pink leather outfit. No, no, I'm just wearing it. I am

describing it all pink leather outfit. And I will say this Jacob that I don't mean that. I don't want you to think I'm joking enough to think I would put you in this. That's not a cowboy outfit. That's a gay guy dressing like a cowboy outfit. That's not what I'm looking for for you. I want you to look fucking dope, but I want you to look flashy. Like it's your day out. Okay, closer. Now we're getting closer. A full cow outfit with hat. That's pretty awesome. And it's kind of Yosemite Sam style. So it's like a big hat. And now I've obviously Jacob not that out. I'm not putting you in a woman's outfit, but if there was a man's one of that, full cow, not flashy. But that's why you

got a B flashy. Oh my Christ, Jacob. Oh my God, please. Please wait. Wait, Western Cal girl boots. They're called they're called Cal girl boots. Cal girl. It's a bitch. You set us up for that. Yeah, what are you doing?

You fuck up. That was man stuff. Stop making Jacob look gay. I think we got to go unisex when finding the right cowboy outfit done Oh, okay. I didn't know that you only see two sexes. I guess I hope you're not trans Jacob Or you can't wear whatever she's about to show you damn Dude Jay's giving us all lesson and he wow guys, okay. All right. Well welcome to 2022. I guess this is where everyone's at still In in tolerant christian. I don't even know who that is in that picture 2020 too. I guess this is where everyone's at still. In in tolerant Christie. I don't even know who that is in that picture right there.

I go, what is that thing? And then you tell me, yeah, it's a non binary issue. So you say, who is that? Jacob, I'm not against the idea of Neckar Chiff. I gotta be honest. I would honestly say that's probably the happy, Jay, I would honestly, I think that that's I think that's the happy medium I think he writes rocks on Nekker chiff. I'm not trying to make him look gay, Dan. I promise you I'm not I'm just saying the

flamboyance of that little nazi ex I'm thinking Jacob with no shirt on with a yellow and black fringed leather jacket over some leather fringe black and yellow leather pants. I think is a badass look for Jacob. I'm not lying about that Jacob you always think of the worst things. I also jake about you possibly except a poncho. I'll do with that thing the bandito look With a hanker with a necker chiff, but it's got to be a flat hat on that one Do you know I mean stop it's too much Okay that one. Do you know what I mean? Stop. It's too much. Okay. No, you were better. I cannot breathe. Jacob, that's not your statement. You don't have to say that. Say it. I cannot breathe. Jacob, you can always breathe. You know that only black people can't breathe. And DJ DJ also can't breathe as evident by his microphone we say and also by his toes not getting any oxygen

ask me a question black Lou and let me do an impression when he comes to the mic Dan asked me a question but it took all me Lou hey Lou I was wondering do we have the audio from that yeah we have the audio from that we did it before Yeah, we we have the audio from there Hey guys, it's me Jay Lou again Lou. Can we can we get a toe update? How are you doing? You're fine, but um Being as we're not in studio this week. I'm doing it. Okay. I take a breath.

Then it comes in. Sire, are you haunted, Lou? You're positive. Hey guys. Yeah. Yeah. I see him. I never. Yeah. I see him. Yeah. We got the idea.

Lou, are you, are you haunted by backwards heavy metal music playing? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeahantos, hey, the end of the list. I miss Bruce and Chris. George and I shall live. Oh, Lou, has the, uh, has the girl gotten back to you yet? No, I'm going to play it hard to get.

What? How do you play hard to get? If you're not reaching out to you. It's exactly what I was just gonna say. How much harder could you play hard to get? You completely avoided her at the bar. Jacob loves your style. Damn.

Love your style. Jacob's jealous. The fact you can just... Because Lou lives his life by the phrase, if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it wasn't, it never was. If you love something, blow smoke on it, if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it wasn't, it never was. If you love something, blow smoke on it.

If you love something, go outside, and smoke for 20 minutes. If you come back, just still love to see. Smoking that person's car without asking if it's okay, if you smoke. Stop guys, I'm getting rich off these T-shirts. If it comes back to you. If you love something, just light up a butt drink two beers just around she's pretty good she's good

shit well it's something that I a news article that I sent Christine in the chat is people are suing hurts because hurts rented out cars that were then reported stolen. So people are getting people are getting pulled over in cars that they had rented thinking that they were stolen cars. That has to be so fucking confusing when the cops like, can I have a car? I'm a gold member. I'm a gold member. Yeah, they're suing for it. I use the easy exit fast. Yes. They're using a their customers

are suing for 527 million dollars. Oh, that's awesome. That's great. That's great. That's so yeah, there's no way they I don't know that my company might have that kind of money. I have no idea. Now Hertz was already bankrupted at the beginning of the pandemic, so this means they're fucked

Yeah, I was looking at is nothing worse than getting in me. It was a Hulk Hogan's thing remember it was like Yeah, you just got $70 bajillion from galker.com who has 22,000 Good luck Hulkster thousand dollars yeah holkster let me tell you something brother i got forty seven dollars and a bunch of articles about fall fashions that are going to make two thousand

and fourteen pop what you're gonna do high-drift teens five hundred and twenty nine million that'll this will absolutely ruin them uh... but apparently most of the customers were stopped by police and sometimes arrested for driving Hertz cars that they had legally rented. According to their filings for years, Hertz has falsely reported that its cars were stolen

as part of its regular business practice, quote, ensnaring its customers and accusations of car theft, throwing them in jail on felony charges, prosecuting them, burdening them with criminal records that impact their livelihoods, and separating them from their families and loved ones. I love it. Let me, Christine, can you even possibly imagine the aggressive fury that I would speak to police officer that was pulling you over and arresting me? By the way, when you're like, I'm definitely a hundred percent.

I have the receipt here in my car. Like this is not even a problem. And I'm getting, no, no, forget that. I'm talking about while they're putting cuffs on me, the things I would, I'm like, all of this is immediately goes away. As soon as they figure out this mistake, right, I'm out of here and they will never be able to do a god damn thing about the things I've said over the past Let's call it eight to twenty four hours So if you knew you're just completely in the right the shit that you would talk

It's been so lovely to be that thing like we might did nothing wrong and cops are being shitty and just be shitty back Oh, it's so great so liberating if you're black and you do that they just bust your head open There's a good is that is the that is the white the white privilege in that for sure but also my white privilege i feel should get me not aggressive interactions with police officers as much as it has in my life and it has afforded me that so now i have to uh... use that white privilege for the better of the good. I'm yelling at these cops for black people.

There you go. Listen, I'm taking what I've was given by the sweet Lord, which is this pink skin, and I'm really dulling it out to these office. You literally, when I told the cops to grab those guys who were just smashing and emptying trash bags all over the street, when I showed the cops those guys, he was like, he avoided going to get them By talking me for so long and I said to him. I was like what are you afraid to just I Go you worried that if you have to go talk to black people you're gonna just shoot them or do you have to or you just afraid to just go talk to them

Because they did do something wrong like it's like hey don't shoot them and maybe just go talk to them. Yeah, dude Fuck you. Shut up dude. I got two solutions. Well apparently hurts Would claim its car was stolen because it was a cost cutting measure the company simply misplaces a car rental contract and doesn't know where the car is and so then rather upgrade its malfunctioning inventory and system or Conduct its own investigations. They just call the cops and report the car stole fantastic conducted its own investigations they just call the cops and report the car stole fantastic uh... effectively using the police criminal justice system in tax payers yeah they are suing like a mother fucker i wonder by the way i wonder

do you really yeah i'm a gold member dude i would say this is a situation where i would love to hear the stats if black people were treated differently than white who would get pulled over. Like if the stats, because it was like some of them even got arrested, it's like which ones get arrested, dude. I don't think the white guys in ties are getting pulled out of the car.

The plaintiffs say the company is at this point now would start arresting the white people. So it would just, when it reads on paper, you just go, I was like, well, look at that. That's pretty cool. Well, guys, listen, staff meeting, we're doing a little bit of an image shift. Pull a couple of my guys and suits out of the windows. We'll be right as rain by 2022. I took them with life coach and yeah, I think we just need to over correct for like a little bit and then we'll be okay.

Well they said this usually happens because they either don't have enough money in their checking accounts or don't have enough available credit on their credit cards at the time of the hold is placed when they extend their rentals. In many cases, customers will still pay for the rental either because funds will be available by the time the car is returned. Buh, blah, blah, blah. Hertz routinely puts the due date back to before the extension was granted, making the car badly overdue.

Damn, dude. Rental car places are shady as fuck. Cause then they would do the thing to me. They did a thing to me a couple of rents ago, like, you're supposed to have, if you're a gold member, you can basically just walk on the lot and it tells you where your car is

and you don't have to interact, you just grab your car and go. And usually I request an easy pass because I use cars for like close gigs or whatever and sometimes it's over state lines like Boston or whatever. And one time I got in the car and the easy pass thing was there like the holder on the windshield. But then when you opened it there wasn't an easy pass. So then it's like well now what am I going to do?

You know, then you're like, because some places I used to just go through and pay cash, but now you have to go through them. That's exactly what you do. You paid for the easy pass, right? So you drive through every easy pass lane. And they will mail the, and they will mail the, hurts a ticket, not a ticket bill. Yeah. That's what they do, but then hurts charges you more than what it would have been had you had just your easy pass. Now fuck that. That's their cost to eat. I know, but then this is where they get you unless like, and then I had to go in the next time and be like, hey, you got to clear this up.

And then it's just, you know what I mean, they just love to get you with that red tape just making you be like Before you scream something racial but at them Not usually pretty quickly. I usually talk about their business practices first No, you don't just jump right to at this point. I'm just like I want to fight everybody here So what's the thing to hurt you all the most? Yeah, you go listen here. You you go. I usually do that. I usually do that. I do that, I do that. I do that. I do that.

I do it more in the sassy single mom way where I go. Well, you're just driving my business to Enterprise. So I guess I'll just go to Enterprise. You're caring about it. Not me. I'm a white lady about it. I'm like, well, me, I fucking, I drag my arm and knock over all the cell phone chargers They try to sell you there and a serious XM pamphlet

So you're almost like you're erratically trying to take them on the counter Yeah except I go now you got to deal with that now you got to pick that up because you're garbage Oh cool. Yeah, that's probably a cooler way to go instead of me passive aggressively going like The car wasn't even clean the last time I got it. I'm a cold member. I That's probably a cooler way to go. Instead of me passive aggressively going like, the car wasn't even clean the last time I got it. I'm a cold member. I don't even know why I rent. I don't even know why I rent from here anymore.

They pay those people to eat that shit when this happens. That's the job. You're right. So I know they don't care. And I go, yeah, I guess they just hire a bunch of fucking assholes like you here, right? And damn, it's rolling off their back holes. I hope that I hope the youngest Sweetest member of your family gets incurable cancer

By the way, I'm gonna go that did I go too hard did I go too hard? I'm gonna get a zillion in one Messages people go really it's really cool. We're just like I don't see people like that It's a very funny joke. It would be a big fight. Do you know what I'm saying? Do you know what I'm saying? Some guy working in a rental place, you know how much money they make, barely, and I've never cursed at anybody in a rental place ever.

And they've been horribly shitty to me. I just don't like somebody who's out of there. It's only funnier than that is if I took you at face value. And then I started doing that at rental car places. And then I just end up on vine or on TikTok is just fucking getting fucking get out of ages and hoots. I know I said, you know, next thing I'm on my space. You guys know I'm on Friendster just setting my band. Yeah. Yeah. Well, everyone now knows my age sex location. So that's the way I'm on. I'm on. I have no open anymore. I'm on a well chat just

kind of like, well, I can't leave a pen message Or can you and I know that how high is my profile pic? How how sick so sick you could suck my dick? What? You can't say that on the radio So Hertz is gonna be out of business I mean if if these people win the case, which it sounds like they have, I mean, how can you not say that this isn't fucked up?

527 million. So the beginning of the pandemic, Hertz was bankrupt and they were selling their cars. They were selling a lot of their inventory for like, just when you sell them off. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, someone told me that's a good idea. Actually, it was like buy a car from a rental place. I'm like, yeah, look at the line. That's a lot of farts in a seat.

Oh my god, and come and spit and food that was probably spit out of their mouth. Food and farts would be my thing. I wouldn't assume there's been tons of come in my rental car. You don't know, dude. You do not know. I would really want to be in the fucking car. And people fucking cars are ton you think still? I don't know

It's probably definitely down. I mean cars are so much smaller now I mean if you're not you're getting like a truck yeah sure But if you have like a sedan of any kind like fucking innocent. It's insane. What's so small? Yeah, I couldn't imagine it. That's going to be insane. Trying to get in there and get a car of very few times in my life and they were all like it was all just teenage like it doesn't matter how uncomfortable it is. I need to my penis needs to feel that warm. Yeah. You've got to feel that warm. You've got to feel comfortable. Yeah, I got to get that warm on me. So I don't really care if we have to do it awkwardly in a car Yeah, I would um, but have someone's a fucking a car. I'd really have to be like

What kind of car what kind of car exactly? That's your first question. What kind of car do you have? I think I that me and Christine have a fuckable car currently, but I couldn't See it still would seems would be uncomfortable to fucking there. I think we're just old down We don't remember that that used to be the only option like when you were a car It was because you couldn't fuck your parents house. Yeah, it's a fuck up your old I'm gonna fuck a 21 year old in the Honda Civic tonight. Wow.

That's fun with that. Jay just got your ass. I'm gonna win this too. I'm gonna come all over a rental tonight. Jay, Jay's not on the show tomorrow. It's me with the guestos because he got pop for taking a hurt. Yeah.

Now Dan, I did steal this one. Actually, don't stick up for me on this one. I'm not gonna get into that, I'm not getting any of that civil suit. I ain't getting into that 527 million because this one's hot off the lot. I just fucking wired it. I wired it. I fucking popped it. You know what? Hot wiring was way easier. I thought it was gonna be honestly it really is just like the movies you just removed that one piece and clang some wires together and that bad boy gets going. Is it they have hot wiring over? I couldn't see how you could hot wire my cards that push's that push start button thing, but there's no key.

Yeah, can you hot wire these modern cars that are all computers? I wonder if you'd like John Conner it and like put a machine into a laptop like he did with the ATM? I think someone told me there's no carburetors in cars anymore. Now they might have just been messing with me because I'm a girl and don't know the answer

to that for real. Because we're ladies who let real men work on our cars? Yeah, it's good. Do you know all ladders only have a weight limit of 150 pounds? You go fucking true, man I know I just believe everything you say Yeah, do you know this whole house? You know I had you know this whole house actually held together by 15 screws You know you can't wash off paint with conventional soap and I'm like I don't know if that's true or not because I'm a lady No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Dallas Colorado hands. Don't you Jacob my fingers pretty much back I don't know what happened to it or what was wrong? The intimately but my fingers back what happened to your finger? Don't you remember I went to give me steroids in it. Oh, yeah, you're shooting finger

They had to worry about you fucking it was super super super painful and I couldn't crack it for like I couldn't crack it for like a month Did you play basketball the day or is that over too? I couldn't crack it for like a month. Did you play basketball today or is that over too? Court over. No, we're playing tomorrow. Terminate timelines. We're playing tomorrow, Friday, Christmas Eve. What?

Christmas Eve ball out classic? Lewis is supposed to come. We'll see. Damn. Never knowing that gut in the butt. Bet's coming back. Because I'm telling you. It better come back soon.

His cardio is going to be lights out. Oh my god. Leaps and bounds better than mine. But I just think. I don't know. We'll see. Dude, he is. I'm not going to be 19. That was a dumb decision to say. I beat 19 nothing. That was dumb. 19 points. One on one is a fucking insane. You just play one on one to seven. Yeah, like 11 11 maybe 11 tops We play games to 11 with three on three and four on four and you're fucking zipped when you don't have to do everything Yeah Replay as you is a lot I Think Jesus shuttles worse. I think Jesus shuttles worth and is dead Denzel Washington only played the fucking 10

Yeah, they played the 10 and they're both gas. I said I was gonna win 19 to nothing I didn't think even those air games and above the rim were only to like seven Very possible. Yeah, those fake games he played on the roof Yeah, yeah, but in most street ball games that are officiate, you know, like what do you call it like the poop it up and on Subwjuli 15 Do you think Fridays game do you terminate your timeline? Do you think tomorrow the Christmas Eve ball out spectacular? Will lead to a gun in the butt too? As someone that helped organize gun in the butt one, I'm very excited. I would like to come back. I'm thinking if Lewis comes out and sees me ramping up on the warm up,

he's not going to take any kind of actual loosable. But if he sees how sweet that fucking shot is, he's going to see the shot coming off the wrist. You know, I'm going to say things like bang before it goes in. You know, it's a little was gonna be like, how are you predicting the future? How do you know there's gonna do that? You're using a cheat code. I don't know if there's a full. There's a full

in the timeline and Jay just knows what happens. I don't know if I'm in the top 10 best players that play out there. I don't know but I feel like I'm wildly better than Lewis. I mean, that first game was like, I was, I had all my faith on you. I was like, come on, Jay. 19 and nothing was never going to happen.

Crazy bit. I had one finely nice inside basket. That was the athletic equivalent of you telling a girl that you were going to have non-stop sex all night. Yeah. It was a really bad bad. I'm going to come five times and then you come once and you go, I shouldn't have said that it was going to be all of those. It was over when it started.

I was like, night, after we ran around for the first three misses I shot, I was like, oh, and then I'm saying things, by the way, I stand by, but I was like, fucking double rims, dude. Got the entire rims as part. but I was like fucking double rims dude This park bounce right out double rims suck, but a sweet sweet J You I mean it's got to be a swish or a clanker off the backboard like Lewis shot That when that shot went in I was like Go listen to gun in the butt episode of Legion's Gangs if you castage on that work done now. I'm gonna put them up on a money

I'd rather than your home court big than one then one on one I'd rather him guard You know, I mean like guard each other in a game of like three on three or something It's guard each other yeah, I'm gonna light him up. Light him up. Corey's gonna fail me seven times. It's gonna become that. That's the worst. That's the worst when someone's getting aggressively trying to score on someone and

every time they don't score. It's gonna be a complete clubbing of each other no matter what. And then if you don't score, you go, foul. We've fouled me. Well, that is the rules. And I do become do become that guy well if you're gonna foul every time I'm gonna call foul every time yes yes if you foul every time I'm gonna call foul foul again that's the line if you're gonna find me every time I'm gonna call it and that's it that's calling my foul foul again came across my arm

foul you gotta give me room dude dude, respect my line. Respect my line. Better fucking respect me. I'm excited. I hope it does. I hope we, I hope when we check back in after our break, it leads the gun in the butt too. But you're hoping it's Lewis gets the gun in the butt. Yeah, absolutely. I feel like I have to lead you into that. No, I hope it's a shot. I think the funniest answer is that I still get a gun on my butt yet. You already did it.

You already did it. Now it's Lewis's turn. No, I know. Remember, it's like, we always the funniest thing about jackass is like, Steve O snorts wasabi coughs throws up, spits up blood freaks out and then five seconds later snorts the second line of wasabi. That's why the gun in the butt the second time is funniest. Yeah, but your butt's already molded for it, so now it just fits like a holster. No, no, yes. I've learned how to accept it into me. I've accepted firearms

into my reps. It's a thing of like accepting it into your style. Guys, look at Jay. He's accepting it. He's accepting it. I guess what I just have to say to you is, are you gay? Are you gay? You've been listening to Sirius XM's Bonfire. New episodes every Tuesday through Friday mornings and full shows always on Sirius XM. Always on SiriusXM!