The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Jacob's War On Hair

Episode Date: March 13, 2026

If there is one thing that sweet Jacob hates, it's hair on the bodies of ladies. Jake detests hairy women so much that he gets belligerent toward Christine for defending her tribe. | Jay and Bobby demonstrate their love for drumming to educate the listeners. | Jay discovers a comedy special that has more flaws than just bad impressions. | A little girl on TikTok is trending for bad reasons. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Creson and Robert Kelly. Bittadong, bittadu, bittadunk. Started playing drums again, dude. Did you? I bought an electric kit. Yeah. Something was selling one for, like, a little bit. A friend of mine, so I bought it.

Max is playing in the band, a couple songs. For the high school, he's going to play drums on some music night. and I but they're playing on electric kit not acoustic so I was like dude I got one in storage I hooked it up and I started playing again it's fun dude

I started playing the thing where you can plug the music into it everything plugs into it I got all the headphones you can't even hear it he was playing at like 11 last night I was fine with that I can't even hear it but I started playing

dude when you start to play when the levy breaks there's something that just makes you go what did I ever give this up for this is the coolest thing ever it's hilarious the songs that play are so different i play they don't write them like that anymore by great kin band what song is that uh the breakup song let me hear it i want to hear it dune no no no d new new me because this gets fun it's a simple song to have fun with oh tomb tomb bat doom right now it's pretty easy this is like acdc now very simple four four but when it gets to the chorus

this time he gets through a little fun just snare fill it's very fun turn it up let him feel these drums one two the doum

do dum boom boom do do do do do do do do jiggle

jiggle jiggle chicle chicle jicle chicle chicle trickle chicle that's a good one and then on don't you forget about me coming out of the

out of the bridge what What about Molly Crew? What about Molly Crew? No, man, this is crazy. What about Van Halen? No. Turn it up, Louis.

We're right on this one. Yeah, that high hat. Ooh. Doing, don't. And you talk to the crowd while you just fucking... You're high hat and four on the floor, baby. Oh, a little high hat rise. Oh, a little bit, yeah.

A little bit. Let it up a little bit. Come on. Come on, man. And Bobby. Here it comes. There it is. Woo.

Don't act like you didn't get a little bit harder. Hit that fucking high hat, open the high hat. La-la-ta-tikit-tick-tick-tig-sick-sick-tig-tig-ssick-tig-tig. The reason why you got me really hard is you held on. You went, S-d-d-d-p-d-p-t. That was great.

The drums are the best, dude. So fun, because you don't have to really be good at them. They've got to sort of figure them out. Yeah, but the drum face is the best. And you're not supposed to really lift your foot like this. I just wanted you to know that I was hitting it. That's what Tommy Lee does. He doesn't need to go sell that.

Well, that's what a got smack guy is so great. He fucking, the rubber arms, he's wild. I got bummed out though. What's his name? I was supposed to... I was teaching him when the levy breaks, which is a great song.

You know the story behind that. That on the second... Can you play when the levy breaks a little bit? Yeah, George Bush doesn't care about black people. Don't do... That... Bap. Doom...

Don't bough. See, it, don't do bough. It's not don't bop. It's just... There was such an echo in the room that it sounds like... No, he's using an effect on the drums. Yeah, no, this is the story.

They were doing it in this room that it sounded, it wasn't using an effect. I believe he is. He was not using an effect. John Bottom didn't use an effect. It was the echo in the room made it sound like there was an extra bass drum in there. Listen, crank it up.

Boom, boom. Bat, right here. Doom, dum, dum, pow. It's not dun-dum-paw, it's dun-dun-dun. And it sounded like an extra one. That's the story. Bum-b-bum-bump-bump-you. Yeah, right.

Bum-b-bum-bum-bum-pum-pum-pum-you. bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum you before a Sherlock fucking sleepy eyes over here had to step in on the story I watched the drummio video listen listen dude I didn't ask nor did I fucking need it okay the other story the folklore which I'm into I'm into science and facts I'm not into facts I like a folklore and I'm sure Jay likes a folklore too I do You know Michael Jackson actually turned into a werewolf one time for the video? Did you know that? Do tell. What was that? Special Effects? Oh, yeah, no.

He succumbed to the liking a lifestyle for one night. Oh, Bobby. And then through an amulet and different chants and incantations, he was able to kill the curse. Don't let Jacob use his fingers to find out the real facts. It's a real story. He's using echo delay. Listen. Listen.

Okay. Placing his kit at the base of a three-story stairwell in Headley Grange, England. He used two Bayer dynamic ribbon microphones hung from the top, utilizing the natural massive reverb. Reverb, see, natural. Augmented by a binson-ecoric delay unit and heavy compression. It's instruments. Yeah, it's instruments and folklore.

Okay, I'm willing to accept that because I'll be honest with you. It was a little split in the middle, the answer. Yeah. I'm sure he did both. Yeah. It had a lot to do where he plays the mics. It's where he plays the mics. And I was excited.

to explain my little story to Max. You know what he did? He goes, hey, did you know that that second thing? It's not real. That's because of the room. The room he did it in and the echo of the drum. He just cut me off and told me the story I was going to tell. I was like, go fuck.

Did you already tell him before? No, I never told it. I never played when the Levy Break Farm. He never heard it. But I guess his drum teacher told him the story, the folklore. I got to tell you something real quick. He's going to do that thing when he, after his drum recital, he's going to do this. I want to thank the one person always stood behind me.

My drum teacher from school, I really, Bobby's gonna be, ah, damn, he did Bobby. It was achieved by placing his drums in a stairwell, a Victorian house, which created a massive thundering sound.

Zip, boobab, dim-dam.w. You. Did you guys not, did no one else pissed themselves laughing at that lady, again, making her little very handicapped child sing a song with her? Did you not, that made me laugh?

I've laughed out loud. You couldn't put it on again right now and it would make me laugh just the same as the first time I saw it. Her face, I forget the song hurry, but she just goes, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And she puts it over to the door,

she goes, eh. Play it. She just makes a noise. Explain to people what's going on. I don't know what's going on. It's a lady. It's a hot lady. It is a trend.

It is. Yeah. Okay. It's a really, really cute lady, Hispanic lady. With a burned victim child. I don't know. It looks like the thing

from American dad that the evil doctor made. It's 100% It looks like Billy from American Dad It's 100% A child that was caught in a fire And something God awful has happened To this child And she doesn't want to be a part of this

Yeah she doesn't I don't think she can move Wherever you place her she is Her skin grafts would actually come off If she raised her arms And got into this I don't think her fucking arms And legs fold

I don't think they bend Did this? Did you see this yet Jacob? Yeah Did this not make Maybe I'm a piece of, I am I know I am You are a piece of shit

I know But the piece of shit is this lady. I know, but wait a second. Go ahead. But she's a piece of shit. Piece of shit. But you. Deplorable piece of shit this lady.

You are a piece of shit for laughing at this. But you are supposed to know pieces of shit like me are out there. And you protect your child from this cruel world. You don't fucking put her out there in the forefront. You should have been a lawyer. You got, listen. Wait a minute. So it's her fault.

Listen, take her to the burn victim conventions where they do the fucking things and no one laughs at fucking everyone's there, sympathize with this. But you can't just show me somebody I'm never going to, I have no attachment to. This has been put out there to millions of people that would like to see it. Let me see it again. My job is to laugh my ass off. Can you make it bigger because her face couldn't be more like she's like, huh? I watched it just before I went into therapy.

Okay. So that might have had an effect. You're trying to feel good. I'm trying to connect to my emotions. I understand. And then you sent me that and then I went into therapy. It's fucked up. It's fucked up before.

therapy for sure it is before you do this another pet pee I'm at the gym you went to the gym leg day on Friday I go do leg day at the gym and uh hit the steam room no God no okay never in my life sauna never you like to see what's going on you know no I'm on the you know they have the green mat so that people can do all their uh gay shit yeah really one girl is on the mat and She's doing her stretches, like really trying to do yoga stretches. And I'm looking for a second, and then I see full armpit hair. Like, she doesn't give a fuck. Look at my pit hair.

You know what? But why should I have to see this? I know. You're a gross pig. Go to a gross pig gym down the street. I agree. Is there a gross pig gym down the street? I believe so.

You should have accosted her. but normally I'll see it in like a on on TV these women that are so proud of their armpit hair freaks a period piece no no no not a period piece I know exactly what exactly you're talking about I was going to say are you watching is she now do you watch you're watching paradise oh yeah that was it yeah Shailene Woodley yeah are you caught up on it yeah Shaline Woodley had and by the way probably the best she's looked in a while because she really is that kind of person and I do get, technically, the world has ended, maybe why it makes sense,

but she has a sex scene with a guy and fa. Yeah, she has armpit. It takes everything away. Yeah. Well, the world ended. The world did end. She's living in Elvis's house. And pull it out with your hands.

But she's living in Elvis's house. Yeah, she lives in Elvis's house. I'm sure he doesn't have a girl razor blades. He didn't. And there's just no razor blades in general. The world literally ended. So the fact she's armpit hair is understandable. And if you were an end-of-the-world guy,

you would eventually get over armpit hair, Jacob. I would too. I don't think so. But seeing this, but I'm talking about as the human, the actress, it reminded me. I was like, oh, this is the cutest she's looked in my. And I think Christine pointed out, and she's right. She looks like Karen Feehanne, Shailene Woodley.

They have very similar faces. Yeah. And she looked great on the show. And then that armpit hair made it go right. It's like, oh, yeah, I forgot. She is that person. She's like, body odors is how you're supposed to smell. She's like one of them people.

Yeah, she's shocking. It shocked me. I was so into that episode. It was such a cool episode that she went to Graceland to survive the apocalypse hanging out. I mean, it was great. And then when that scene came, I was like, oh, great, we got a little sexy time. And then she put her arm over her head and it was just full pit. Not even just, I mean, a full pit of arm.

See, that's an actor's choice because, look, every movie is unrealistic. I've pointed us out, period pieces, the girl in Braveheart. who gets her throat cut, the best-looking teeth I've ever seen. Mrs. William Wallace didn't have teeth, the real William Wallace is white. In 18, 18, 18, what was it? 18-something, the Yellowstone show, the hot blonde, add-on piteer. It's not the one I love, Michelle Randolph. The young one. From Landman?

No. She wouldn't do that. The blonde and the 18-Hod. 100 one where they're crossing with Sam Elliott The smoke and hop long She had armpit hair Because it was the 1800s They're calling a girl with armpit hair

The Lived In look You can let things slide You don't have to go for realism as my point In the movies Okay I'm sure they had armpit hair like animals We've progressed But I'm almost arguing that though I wonder if people

If they've tested that enough To know that people respond Even though it's ridiculous to make a movie where you make, you know, Mary Todd Lincoln, like a gorgeous young actress playing her. Do you know what I mean? But, like, would people accept if you hired actresses and made their makeup to make them, like, what they were,

like, an ugly tooth-missing, like, fucking, would people accept those movies the same? Because I'm thinking of that, Mel Gibson, even, like, he had, like, what's her face-face playing? Like, Mary Magdalene was, like, was the girl in Passion of the Christ. It's the girl from Monica Baluci. Monica Boulucci.

Monica Balucci is like the thing in it, his mom, I think was like a pretty lady. It's like, no. These were probably rough-looking chicks. I liked it that they had it in a period piece when the chick has armpit hair because it makes you, it makes it. It's more, didn't Deadwood do that?

You don't like armpit hair. I think Deadwood did that. Was that any, uh, uh, a lot of French girls? I think the prostitutes in general all had armpit hair. Yeah, I wasn't into that either. A lot of French, a lot of French girls have armpit hair. I had a girl come over to give me a slide massage. She had full armpit hair.

I'd kick her back out. It didn't bother me. You should kick her back out. I'm just saying it's become this trend and nobody likes it. Except the women that are doing it. No guys into it. I wouldn't live with it. Like if Don started to do it, I'd tell her to beat it.

And I'd shave her armpits in the middle of the night. If I live with you and you're letting your armpit hair grow, I'm going to punch you in your armpit and find that spot that Bruce Lisa shut your body off. Nobody's going to blame you for her. Yeah, what happened? Well, I was actually just trying to punch her in her hairy armpit. You'll understand that. It turns out, Bruce Lee was right.

There was a shutoff switch inside your armpit. If there was an apocalypse, do you know how ugly our girls would become very fast? That's the first reason why I run to the mushroom cloud. Dude. I'm going to be with these fucking no more dental hygiene, ugly-ass bitches. You're going to almost shoot Christine one night. You're like, yo, who are you? Dude.

It's me. Oh, you have a beard. Christine's going to have that little girl's syndrome. she's going to be all burned up on her face and arms. You don't watch TV and movies for realism. You want women to be beautiful. Everyone wants to. Women only started shaving hair in like what,

the last hundred years maybe. All the way up until before then, they didn't do that. Yeah, because we like it this way. So if there's an apocalypse, you think women are going to shave? Create the, get a rock and shave. I guarantee every woman you've ever kissed

if she just let her face go, she'd have chin hair and a mustache. Every woman... You should not wrong. Every woman you've ever kissed. Look at me, Jacob. But they take care of themselves. And then I appreciate that they take care of himself.

If they don't, they're all disgusting. Yeah. Women are gross. Chin hairs, neck hairs. Oh, chin hairs are the worst. Nose hairs. They have nipple hairs. Nipple hairs.

They grow hair on their nips. Pretty, pretty girls. With great. great tits. Buddy, I had a hair right on the nip. I had a hot chick. She had the roots

of hair on her tits. I had a chick with a hair on a tit. No, Babs. You're the sexy Barbara Streisand that you love so much. I do think she's sexy.

I think and Sophia Loren who is the sex symbol? I think this is, this is AI. I hope it becomes in style and you have to deal with it more and more. How happy would you be?

I hope you miss feminism. I hope you have to deal with all the chick. It's like, oh, these girls, my eyes. So gross. It's disgusting.

It is disgusting. I hope Christine. Armate hair and chick is disgusting. You can have to put Christine in a circus at Skangfest. Roar. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the fucking. Jake is also like a bald pussy guy. It's great.

You know what Jason with armpit hair, but it's like to be so grossed out by the look of it. You're a lion, Christine, roar, girl. You tell us. You don't like, you like bald pussy? Let me hear you roar. Jacob, you like bald pussy? I like shaved. You don't like a little bit of hair?

I'm not going to throw you to say, get out. But I prefer bald, yeah. So if it had a full, she had a full bush, not shaved. What are we talking full? We're talking natural is what it is. Is what it is. Oh, that's crazy. That's a lot.

Like she puts underwear and it's coming out of the side like a black guy. No. Oh, Jesus. Nobody wants that. No? Fuck right off. Nobody wants that. No, you won't either.

You don't have to dig through the forest to get into the bubble gum. Would you do that with Mike Kaltes's foot shavings in it? Look at Christine's face. Yeah, grow up. Deal with it. Grow up. Oh, it's so gross. Oh, I can't my eye, I can't take it.

They're at the gym, how dare they? That's right. It's crazy. That's right. It's a crazy way to think. It's gross. It's not crazy. It's reality.

I'm not hearing that all of us think it's gross. She's attacking Jacob. Someone hasn't shaved in a long time. No, no, I wish I could not shave. I'm obsessed with taking care of hair. What do you shave with? A laser? A lightsaber.

Do it though. Why do you have to, what do you care what I think? I don't really like it. I don't like sleeping with women that have armpit hair. It's not my preference. But you're just so grossed out by it. It's like insane to me. It's insane.

I understand. I think you're right. Like it really like it's like. I think you're right. No, because the first time I saw it in public. I think, I think she's right.

I think she's right about him. He's just got a little, he's something. He's for sure having a major over reaction. He was a molested. We're talking on the air. Should I not bring up stuff on the air? You're molested by an aunt with really big pussy.

hair. Maybe. I don't think so. She drowned you in that fucking beaver beard? Yeah, someone made you get right in on a mushy box. Oh, and it was wet already from piss. It was holding in piss. Jacob, all women, get a septum ring, grow your armpit hair out, do it.

Jacob, tell us what happened. What happened? Jacob, that's it. Who was she? What did she do? She put you in a fucking headlock and gave you a nuggie, but she had armpit hair. You felt it on the back of your neck? Will you suffer?

Were you suffocating? Were you suffocating? You couldn't breathe? You felt that fucking coarse hair on the back of your neck while she nuggied you? And that's why you go to the gym because you want to be able to fight that off if it happens again?

Dude, you're going to fight that girl from grade school again. Yeah, Jacob, what happened? Who took you? Who took you? I'm angry, but I'll tell you this is a trend and it's going to die

and I'm saying, I'm just pointing out it's a stupid trend. It'll always exist, though, to some degree. Jill Nugie Lamont. Was the girl in my school who was a cute girl. your armpit hair immediately just makes you like oh it's so dudeish and like yeah i'm with you jacob i hate it i hate it uh yeah well get over it yeah well i am over that's almost the point though if i see

but i wouldn't fuck but i agree with you jacob i wouldn't fuck it let me ask you you with the smoking hot chick you like her you've already you made out you've kissed you fell in love with her you haven't whoa i fall out of love so you get to bed with her and she has a little bit of armpit hair and she's a little like i didn't shave for the Like yours. No. No. Bobby, you're not into that.

But also, Jacob, but Jacob, but Jacob, you are. If I'm attracted to the girl and she had armpit, it was too late. Too late. You're in it? Yeah. I'd. I would ask if you do this for me. What?

Before we start. While you're eating. No, no, no. Eventually, I would vomit in my, no, I would hold back my vomit. And like a day or two, I'd say, no, but I'm not, you do what you want, but I'm saying it would be more. I'm saying that night, but that night I'm saying you're hooking up. Do you, do you stop, do you try to stop hooking up? I don't know.

You're giving me a hypothetical that I can't even comprehend. Look at me, I'm the girl. We've been together for two weeks. Now this is that's that thing. Three days ago, we kissed for the first time and it was magical. Right. Because she shaved her face. We walked, we walked holding hands.

And now we're at your apartment. We're going to make love. And I take my shirt off. And you see. the hair talk to me tell me what you do jacob so i didn't really know you at all what's up i didn't really know you at all no what do you mean jacob what do you mean i love you you said you love me you said this is the this was magic come on baby you're waiting for this to happen what's wrong don't treat my bitch like that christine's making my blood boil with this stupid google she did the thing it's increasingly

considered in style to no one i hope i'm saying that it is and you're probably gonna have to get more used to it. I'm saying it's gonna die out. I hope Jacob Meigs the girl who's dreams at SkangFiz this year. It's not a thing, Christine. It's not a thing. It's always been, it's always been a handful of rogue chicks. But also like, you're in, you know, I know you're not in Brooklyn, but you're in Queens. It's like, that's where the armpit hair girls live. There was a girl. There was a bar. You're in their town. Maybe you're right. That was a, there was a, there was a bartender at the stand who was so hot. I mean, so hot. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. So, and then one day, she's like, like,

she wore, like, a tank top or something to work. And I was like, oh, it's immediate. It's immediate changed everything. Yeah, I'm like, oh, she's not hot anymore. I don't mind it. All right. So I'm, I'm doing. You, you are sexually confused, Bobby.

You wouldn't put it. You wouldn't do it. Whatever you want to put it, Jake. I didn't mean to throw you off your game that hard when I said it. Bobby's like, I just, what do you even read my diary? It was like Anthony Coomy. heard it's Sue lightning. Huh?

A transgender woman. I would have to like, lights off. How would you? Lights off. You would do it. I'm trying to. I love you. I love you too.

I love you so much. It's the first night. Do you want, let me ask you a question. I don't shave my armpits. Is that what's happening? If she brings it up, I'll say yes. It's kind of bothering me. I know I'm old fashion or whatever hang out.

You know it's in style. Hey, Jacob. I know it's in style. You fucking freaks like it now. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's not going to get her pussy way. No. Jacob.

Maybe not that. I just want to let you know I'm about to leave because, but, or I'm about to suck your dick like it's never been sucked before. What do you want me to do? No, suck it, bitch. There you go. Wow. Exactly. Some of you hairy armpit, bitch.

Yeah. Suck it, freak. Suck it. But keep your fucking arms. Keep your elbows in. Keep your elbows tucked. Keep your elbows tucked. I hope you fuck so hard that you feel.

shirt on. You feel drips from her armpit going into your fucking eyes. Oh, my God. You're holding her hips. You're holding her hips while she's on top of you and you feel the armpit sweat just ride down her legs like tiger claws. May I throw it back at the both of you? Sure. The same situation. Yeah.

And of course, you're going to go through it. I've been in a situation. And that, and your first, that your hands touch the armpit hair for the first time. What's your reaction? I've done it. I don't know how much armpit touching I do. It's sexually. Yeah, but it's unavoidable.

It's going to happen. You're going to brush armpit hair. I did it. Okay. And it's, here's what it is. I've done it because I did it with that girl showed up years ago. You were licking her armpit? No.

But when my hand did touch it. And it's, it immediately, in your head you go, I'm gay. I'm gay. Immediately you go, I'm gay. It injects masculinity into the person you're fucking for sure. I agree. I agree with you. And that's when I got.

harder and came. Yeah. And then Bobby was finally able to achieve full erection. He became fully realized for the first time Bobby. A lot of, how many women in the world?

Is that the girl from the stand? Yeah, dude, look how pretty she was, but that was woof and armpits. Immediately boner killer. But how pretty she is, though? She's like, so pretty. It's crazy.

She's an American apparel model. Why she really? Yeah. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, she was like a hot shit. So it's coming back in now. Well, this is a, I don't know what this is now.

This is a while ago. No, you read on In 2006, it's becoming a trend now. Just saying now it's in style. Yeah, but it's kind of been for the last few years, it's been a bit of thing. Well, what's what I'm saying is. Like, either girls just do it or they don't. They do or they don't.

I think it's a lesbian-y thing also. Well, Dawn, she shaves her armpits all the time. But she'll go a few days without shaving her legs, which, you know, when you're in bed late at night and my leg touches her leg and I'm just like, ugh. I think that to me the leg is worse than the armpit. Feeling a hairy leg. You know, it's just going against you. Going against the grain, of anything, is pretty gnarly.

Yeah, it's fucking ugh. Just feel like I'm in bed with a gym teacher or something. It's just like, fuck that. You got to take care of it. She's like, I'm sorry, I know. I've had a lot on my plate. Well, put a razor on your leg, you fucking Sasquatch. Yeah.

The leg is worse to me than the armpit, you know? It takes a lot. If the leg was, here's the thing. I'd rather have no hair on the. the armpit and legs a little scratchy but hair on the legs actually like like like hair hair on the legs that's that I would stop a sexual situation for hair on the I'm the exact hair I'd be like I go I'm ready for this it weirded out stubble fucks me up more than if it was hair like soft hair no was I'll tell you why the stubble I'm picturing long dark the

Stubble makes you feel like a guy's beard. You know what I mean? It's like kissing Joe Rogan, the 5 o'clock shadow. The hair, when I was in Brazil, most of the Brazilian girls down there do not shave their legs. They dye their hair blonde, so you can't see it. But you're allowed to kill them. But stubble means that you're trying, all right? You skip the day or something.

You at least know that to not be a gross thing. The feeling is more masculine to me than soft hair. Soft hair is still soft. Stubble to me is guy beard. Do you know what I mean? What would you rather feel? Jay's soft hair or your, like my stubble right here. Listen, I always see what you're saying, Bobby.

There was a girl I hooked up with, a wah-wa, a wawa countergirl that I hooked up with a million years ago. I lived in my mom's house. Yeah. And the first night we met, I thought she was cute. The first night we made out, I can tell by the texture of like above her lip that she got rid of hair on top of her living. It felt like shaved.

It wasn't stubble. Shaved. It wasn't stubble. It's like just shaved. You know what I mean? It's feeling. Yeah. Yeah.

It was not, yeah, it wasn't like skin smooth. It was like something was done to it. It's guy smooth. Guys. Yeah. It's like when I shave my head, it's soft, but it's still guy smooth. Yeah. No, exactly.

Yeah. It's fucking that is weird. I met a Greek chick and we were making out and I felt that same thing. And I was like, well, maybe it's me. Maybe I had she had a little It was a little like stubbley You know what I mean? But I was like me

So we hooked up the next time I shaved clean It was her She had like a she had a full on mustache She had hair under her a neck If if you let her go for a few days It was gonna be bad Yeah I can't put up with stuff

I hate the stubble I admit that probably It is probably lesbians that want you to know They don't they're not into men With the arm with the arm of her Well that's why Bailey Jee is it They call her a unicorn because she doesn't have hair

she doesn't have like she has like Indian this guy brings up Bailey J every goddamn day he does obsessed he does bring her up it's my algorithm I'm sorry it's your hall pass I'm just trying to make your algorithm

my algorithm why isn't Dawn let you just have sex of Bailey J already she probably wouldn't care she probably would she probably would be curiously to see what a fucked ass looks like you can only bought him

yeah you have to come home and just show your fucked ass You're fucking, you're wet starfish. Wait, why are you assuming that I would get fucked in the ass? Why else would you care about hooking up with a girl with a cock? The way you talk about it. Just see it if you know what you're talking about it. I want to hook up with a guy with a cock, but I just want to do girl stuff to it.

What? The last thing you want to see is me riding it. It's the first thing I want to see. Reverse cowgirl. You couldn't be more wrong. It's exactly the first thing that I want to see. I got out of the. Go ahead.

Go ahead. I got out of the Broadway. We have to get back to this comic that we haven't watched yet. This is the last thing because you brought up the hairy legs, which is disgusting beyond words. I got out of the Broadway stop. I'm in Astoria. And there's a cute girl ahead of me. So I'm looking, what a pretty girl.

She looks like she's into guys with the dress. I look down and she's got full man hairy legs. That was the first time I've seen that. Bring up Monique. It's crotesque. Monique's hairy legs. She wore white stockings to like the Oscars or something. You could see her hairy legs.

She did a talk show with her legs out, Harry. It was disgusting. Which is worse to me. She said her husband likes it, and then he left her. I don't get the mindset. Like, what are you trying to prove doing this? She can't reach her legs. Yeah.

It's too hard to shake her. Yeah, that looks like Justin Silver's legs. Because she's top heavy and she's going to go fucking ass over tea kettle if she tries to shave her legs. It's, that to me, is worse than armpit hair. because arm period you don't see no it's worse me than arpaidia too i'm saying if a girl's hey legs were hairy like that it would i find a reason to

to stop the situation yeah I'm out yeah that's think I can make jokes about it enough I'm like yo did you not know you were gonna fucking meet somebody I would daffy duck through the wall to get away from her oh that was a good one right there go up

that one's look at that that's a that's man here that's like that's fur yeah That's disgusting That grosses me out more than on-pin hair Having a whole shin I know and they also

The hair also really highlights the The wrinkle where her skin mushes into itself When she bends her knee Yeah You can see the Oh look at that That's disgusting man That's gross

I like Monique is such a Like one of the main people who like I can't listen to her talk Especially in interviews Because everything's like She talks like She's seen everything in the world, and it's kind of like, Now, why is it people say something like that, brother?

Do you ever think about what? It's like, shut the fuck up. Shave your legs, you fucking gorilla. What the fuck you're doing? She's hairy. I got it. I don't think you did. I got it.

I think you made a racist. No, I didn't make it. You should feel bad about what you've done. I feel terrible. You should feel terrible. I feel terrible. I just think that there's other. Christine, bring up a white girl with Harry Litzer and call her a gorilla now.

Please. Please. Even things out. Thank you. If you can make her fat, too, it would actually help to cause. Type in fat, please, also. Fat white girl. If you wouldn't mind.

Let me know when you got it. Okay. Ew. Oh. Now, now can we say that? Look at that fucking gorilla. Yeah. There you go.

We're back there. Luke, could you please get it on camera this time? Oh. Oh, I'm going to hold the all. Oh, oh, look at that fucking gorilla. That's a white, that's a white chick. I'm pretty sure that's a trans. I'm calling her a gorilla.

That's a trans guy. That's a guy. That's not a girl. She picked the wrong one. Never mind. Take one. Let's take one. Let's try again.

Oh, yeah. Is it? No, it's just a super ugly chick. No. That's got to be trans. It's fine. Yes. She's just ugly.

That's a girl? Yes. Oh, God. That looks like your photo. Remember the photo of you? you're holding your little cousins? Go back up. What's that photo with Jay in that pink outfit?

It's not a pink outfit. It's purple and yellow. That's your fucking photo right there. We have a similar thing, yeah. You have an exact? Okay, look, sure. We could be related. Listen, you have the same.

Related on a... Come on. Buddy, that looks like your twin sister. She didn't fit in the other picture with us. It looks exactly. What was that photo that you were in? Is that your high school photo? I don't even know.

No, it's me and my brother and sister. What is that from? Came art. It looks like you're Kaymart's photo, dude. Yeah. Holy shit, Christine, please bring up his photo. Does she have ears? Does she have those plugs in her ears?

I think those are earrings. No, they are, but I think they're like, they take the whole earring, a hole up, like the plugs. I don't know. I don't believe this is an American. If she committed a crime, they would arrest you. You could get arrested for her crimes. It's possible.

It's possible. I'm less hairy than her. Can you please put that out and have somebody take Jay's little brother and sister and put him in the photo? Somehow she was happier. Because she's a woman. She actually is a woman. By the way, I don't know if you could tell. By the way, I have no body hair.

I bet you had that same shirt. In this video, I have nobody. In that picture, I have zero body hair. Shona looks like that kid in the video. She looks like Peter from the Cosby show. She looks at the kid in the video. Ah. Ha!

Oh, that's going to hurt my head. I want to say, my sister, Sean, in this picture, doesn't be a burn victim also. It looks like she's my quato. Look, she's attached to my stomach. It's crazy. You guys bought this picture. I know. No, that's not how it worked back in the day.

Back in the day, they took the pictures, and then you went and picked them up when they were ready. She goes, get to the reactor. I bet she was there the same day. Get to the reactor. The photographer was like, weren't you just here? Oh, shit, please. Please send me that.

I need that on my phone. When you call me, that's coming up. Was it? She also looks like Peter from the Cosby show, which I also thought I looked like when I was a kid, too. Remember Peter who didn't talk? He just had a bowl cut and more sweatpants? Yep, stop trying to deter us.

That's another funny thing that I look like. Not you look exactly like this girl. Bring up Peter from Cosby show. But keep this one up too. Sure. But we can't just make the radio show looking at a picture. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

We're going to put this photo out for everybody. A little Peter. Oh, little Peter. I empathize very much with Peter. I was like, all my friends are black, and their black dads make me sit on their knee. It would be funny if that was your sister you didn't know you had. It's possible. It's possible.

That could be an ocherson girl for sure. You got to see the ochresen girls. The oakerson girls look like fucking ogres and girls. Oh, really? Oh, boy. Yeah? Oh, yeah. I'd love to see the old.

Some sturdy bitches. That sounds like a bar you'd go in fucking Nebraska. Oh, boy. Fucking some sturdy Florida bitches, dude. These girls were built for getting good black dick poundings. Beater. A little be eater Is there

Do we should go to this guy We should go to this guy You have to watch the comedian We'll get a little juice on him I gotta see the hand I want to see the hand thing Oh you'll see it Oh god

As soon as we get to his Trump impression Once again this is We were at that Trump impression Yeah what's this guy's name And this is a special David Mullen And it's on YouTube

Correct Yeah And please be respectful Enjoy fun comedy Enjoy Cackle Crackle Do not discourage

people yeah Lou you can't you can't uh what you gotta leave nice comments you have to make sure no no actually leave nice comments yes or no Bobby don't don't send him in there to say mean shit then he stops and listen leave nice comments this guy this guy seems like I'm sure he's a fine guy we should have mom and ask him why no like I Like I said, no. You talk to him about the craft of comedy. We could talk to him about...

That's too mean. We could talk to him about the choice that he made to have the Sixers game on in the background. That's like Windy City Heat. We're going to be Windy City heating this guy. Now, just let him live, dude. Let this guy cook. He will crank out more than one special.

What if our fans all go that make him so popular that it goes off the charts and then his publisher calls in and says, hey, your fans really made this happen. He'd like to come in and do the show. Okay, then yes. Okay, great. But I need this guy fucking being a theater sellout.

Yeah. A theater? Yeah, I want this guy selling out theaters. You don't want clubs first? No, straight to theaters? I'm going to jump to theater. I want them to be, it's been a whirlwind of a year. What about selling out bars like Texas Roadhouse?

I'll accept that. Like, where this is filmed. Also, maybe somebody donates their blinky light background to him. The blinky light background to him. background is out of this world well you can't take that down that's there all the time bar yeah that's the karaoke light yes that is the karaoke light for sure good christie this obama right sure is like you don't know who was that was Obama what Bobby wait a wrong part Bobby I thought he was doing his grandfather Bobby what

show some respect I'm no he's doing Obama because my brain look I'm not good with impressions. I thought now that I hear it, I'm like, that's a good Obama. I thought that was his grandfather. I didn't know that he was in the bin. Okay. Obama, he's going through the present. The last several presents. Okay, great. I'm excited to hear. Could you imagine how good it is? This guy's got impressions of the last four to five presidents. That's crazy. That's like a, that's an art in itself. This guy had one take. He had one take only to get this done. And they told him he had exactly one hour and six minutes and one second to make it. If you go, they told me it, it goes,

if you go one second over an hour and six minutes, I'm cutting the camera off and that's clearly what happened here. Well, the burlese show is on right after that. Which they do turn the TVs off for it. The burlese brings in the cash. I can't, I don't know if, Jay, I don't know if I can do it. He was doing improv phenomenally. I know, I don't know if I can do it.

You have to get to the hand. I don't know. You have to get the hand on TVs. I don't know. You have to We've got 20 minutes of show left I don't have my stress whistle I left it at home

You don't need it for this This is your stress whistle You have to learn to start enjoying Comedy falling to pieces the way I do I don't know Metzger used to have the same thing It would give him anxiety This brings me I mean I could just do hours of this Okay go ahead

Sweetheart what's your name Why is your hand wet Because one of us washed our hands a few minutes ago And one of us didn't. God. And then, as she says that, you get a nice shot of the fucking game going on in the background. I tell you, with these things, you know, I like to dig into the psychology of it. Because one of, he didn't have a funny answer.

That's also not the answer. No. He just, he actually panicked him, so he thought of an excuse and tried to keep it in the character. He goes, one of us washed our hands before they go, you've been on stage for 15 minutes. Yeah. They've air dry by now. He's bombing so bad His hands are sweating profusely

You know how nervous you have to be To have your hands sweat First it's your armpits Your forehead armpits I think your hands are the last thing to sweat It's a full-blown anxiety attack It happens to me sometimes I wear mittens though

Is that why you're mad No No no no no it's not for that I'm just saying that's why they'd sweat But no no but I'm better explain it a lot If I start getting panicky Your hand sweat If I'm alone and I smoke like it doesn't have much anymore

If I smoke the wrong weed or something like that Like I'll get like my palms will sweat That's part of the thing I'm getting like nervous My hands have never sweat in my life Yeah but I mean I but like nothing like certainly not doing comedy No you should you should be having a good time it's your hour It is your special you do think you'd have this material pretty tried and triggers Well at least even if I just go through the jokes these all work

Can I say something do you know how wet your hand has to be for the audience member to go why is your hand wet? Or hell, not realizing what the fuck they came to this bar and we're going to have to deal with. And she's like, why is your hand wet? Why is this whole thing even happening? Well, sweetheart isn't special.

Look at the camera work here. He don't know where he is. You know where the exit is. Is he wearing a pink leather jacket, by the way? He's wearing a purple leather jacket. It's a light purple leather jacket? It is. And he's wearing a yellow shirt underneath.

He's doing like a young... Again, and Bobby, we can appreciate this too. I'd always give the fucking sympathy when you had the sympathy. He lost, I think he was morbidly obese before. Okay. He lost weight. So now he's trying to live fun with clothes, except he's a fucking 50-year-old side part, fucking older gentleman.

Yeah, he's peacocking a little bit. But he's peacocking when he's, like, a guy who looks like he wears, like, slacks on a fucking Saturday. Right. Yeah. Yeah. They didn't make that purple, light purple leather jacket and his size, his whole life. And he was like, one day, I'm going to wear a purple leather jacket.

No one's going to call me Barney. And you know what they called him? Nothing. No one called it all. 63 subscribers is so upsetting. You don't know more than people than that. You've never performed in front of more people than that. To get them to subscribe to your YouTube channel.

You couldn't have called your family and their friends? How could you? How many people would be at his funeral? Oh, he's fat. That's crazy. He was fat. Yeah, he was fat. By the way, it looks like he may have been hands.

handsome or fat. There's the games you see. Forget her. You're looking at her. There's two, the sports bars alive and bumping in the back. There's two games on. There's two different games. I promise you, there's eight games. That means it's not like an important night where they had to leave the games on because it's the World Series. This is just a Tuesday with games on.

But they will not turn the thing. No, listen, I've done shows. None of those games meant anything. Buddy, I've done shows in places like Albany and shit like that over the years where they said that. I go, when you get there and you're like, hey, we're doing this comedy night here. Like, can you turn the TVs off? And they go, nah, dude, bread's buttered up there at the bar, dude. People come in and watch the games. And then they came in with like a fucking, uh, there was like a bar crawl happening that came in during the middle of the show and shit. But I'm saying,

these are kind of shows. But here's the thing. I wasn't performing my special. That was a Tuesday where they asked me and Dave Smith to come up and do a shitty show at a bar. And we did it. Like, so that's what's supposed to. You're not supposed to film this and call it your special. This whole special should have been one camera. angle the front. It wasn't special enough for them to turn the televisions off in the place. At the end of the special it's going to say special thanks to

Larry's pub and grill. Yeah, this is the only special that had to get Major League Baseball to sign off on it. Any reproduction of this is an expressly. Filmed it and then released it. I can't get over that. Oh, was he going to not know your... No, you're right, Jacob. You said two things.

Bombing. Filmed it and released it. What he left out was editing of any kind or watching it back once? Yes. This could have been cut out. I killed it. Got good cameras. He could have cut everything out.

Hey guys, I say cut out every reverse shot where I like a fat turd on a stool. This guy could definitely say, can you make sure they don't see the TVs are on? Yeah, we got a whole camera one time. They were like, this one's going to shoot you from low and behind. I'm like, buddy, send it back. I'd rather have one camera still in front of me than you keep roving behind me. And I just know it. And then everyone's going to see me sit up,

and my buck crack's going to pop out. Fuck all you. My camera and killbox, I wanted the side shot so you get the whole crowd around me. The worst decision I've ever made. All you see is me and my stomach's sticking out of a leather jacket.

It's so sad. When your belly's cutting out people in the audience's torsos but you still see their heads over it. It makes me so sad watching that special. And none of you help me. None of you. Right before your weight. Well, you magically started losing weight

and getting it together all of a sudden with no help. because you guys were letting me die. I know you didn't tell us about the thing. Imagine an artist thing, too, when we were like, you were so heavy, and then didn't tell us you got a surgery, and then one day in Montreal came and said, like, guys, there's black stuff coming out of my dick, and me and Ari were like, this is it.

This is what we've been preparing for. And then he was like, all right, I got a surgery. Right there. Look at my stomach. Look at my stomach. Yeah, see what I'm saying? We were, like, hiding a guy. Really? Oh.

Even your jokes are about chewing. That's the worst That's side shot I should have been right there That's it not there Your eyes sweat's crazy You know what was it sweating? Your hands

Yeah never made it down there You just like dripping That's right there Look at that shot I hate that shot You should carry a towel like a black comic dude I did add a towel I just never went to it

You got to behave You have to act like Tony Roberts on stage with half with one-eighth the energy. I should have, I should have had ham. Just take a little ham break in between my jokes. Damn, dude. You get this salt back in my body.

Yeah, you have to have a name like... Moved independently. Yeah, you should have to call yourself Bob Bob, like Bruce Bruce. It's Bob. Bob. We have to wrap up. We got to wrap up. God damn.

Fuck. Monday. No, Tuesday. We're going to get back more. We're only 10 minutes in. How are we really? Yeah. Jacob, look, this girl dies at pink so it's sexier.

Oh, there you go. The armpies. Yeah, you'll love that. That's like Star Trek. It's disgusting. Christine really wants to grow her armpit hair and have you lick it, Jacob. I don't know where deal is. I do not.

Oh, I love it. She's hyped. I'm just not so offended by it. If Christine just gave up and just let the hair grow. Yeah, you're a girl. That's the reason. Yeah, you're a girl. Jay, we get a shed for her to live in the back.

Robert Kelly. Yes. He's going to be at the Verve in Somerville, New Jersey. Bring your hairy armpits. You don't care. Yeah. On March 9. That's March 9th.

19th, it's next to a pretty good pizza place. We're a tank top. We're a tank top. I really let everybody see your fucking burgers. I'm only doing this gig for the pizza, I forget it's your pizza spot. I want to go. Please come.

You guys, please do a guest spot. We're going to pizza before. Please, you come, do a guest spot. Fuck. Christine come. Comics Roadhouse in Connecticut, April 17th and 18th. After that, he's going to be an Uncle Vinnie's in Jersey. Cleveland, Ohio, New Orleans on deck after that for tickets and all of his tour dates.

Go to punchup. Live slash Robert Kelly. Of course, it's YouTube, Robert Kelly comedy, and every Tuesday night you can catch him live at the Fat Black Pussy Cat Lounge at the Comedy Seller. Yep, Big J is going to be this weekend. He's at San Francisco at Cobbs Comedy Club. Do you know I'm in the front end of 26 weeks in a row?

Yeah, but dude, you are fucking killing it. I did it for years. I just keep going. I don't have it in me anymore. Yeah? Yeah, I'm going skiing tonight. I'm going up to New Hampshire again. Yeah, tonight.

But you keep saying you're going skiing. You just go. You don't ski, though. No, I am. Tomorrow I'm taking a lesson. Friday, I'm taking a lesson. Well, hopefully Tuesday, Bobby will be in here without casts or whatnot. I don't know if you remember, but he got hurt.

He tore his ACL playing flag football with Dan Cook when he was 20 years younger. So this should work out great. San Francisco Comedy Club this week of the sixth and the seventh after that. The comedy zone in Jacksonville, March 13th and 14th. And then he's going to be in Madison, Phoenix, Tempe, and St. Louis. Get your tickets now because these shows are selling out. Every week he's selling out.

That's why he's on the road every week because he's making that money, baby. So make sure you get your tickets immediately when you hear this. BigJ Comedy.com. Punchup.com. slash big J. Okerson, if you want to get tickets and see all his other stuff. YouTube.com slash at Big J. Ocason for his live shows and his specials. And that's it. Yeah, we'll see you back on Monday.

if Bobby survives skiing. Oh, I've got to tell you that story, too.