The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Jay Bothers Another Celebrity

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

Jay has a habit of over-texting famous people. He went into his text history and found a thread with Adam Granduciel from "The War On Drugs." Ten years ago, Jay thought he was starting a friendship with the singer, but the messaging soon turned one-sided. Before Jay reads the transcripts to Bob he tries to distract him with different subjects like family relationships, tap dancing, and jorts fashion. Bob cringes as Jay reveals his overstepping yet again with sad results. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Bob, you can't enjoy this music. Turn it up in my headphones, Lou. Why can't I enjoy it? I'd smoke pot before you were fucking... You don't know what it's like, though. When you were drawn ding-dings in your mom's house. You probably think that Cypressail guys' voice is annoying.

But not me, dude, because I'm there. I like it. I can get into it. I can go to a spiritual high, bro. On what? Fucking dude. You're getting into spirituality, dude. I can just stop breathing, right?

My little box breathing. That's not what Cypressill is talking about. No? No. No. Damn, Blackle, you jump on the subjects quick, huh? Jay's old celebrity DMs update. Get out of here.

Why? Can I ask you a question? You sure can, dude. This is your show. Ooh That said hot dog throat I got a question first Did you hear it

I did First of all I'm sorry dude I don't like dealing with these Fucking Hot dog people They suck Call them what you want Fucking hot dog people

Mm hmm Mm hmm They're hot They have They're so mean And they're like They don't really give a fuck They mean the cart people

There's no one who's there I like, because unless I bet if you go, here's, I don't like what they make. The street meat place right here on the corner. It's the, but it's the fucking line that goes around the block. And they, that guy makes, it's been like articles before. That's like they call it like a million dollar cart. It's like

a million dollars a year. Probably more at this point now. Yeah, it's the best, it's the best halla in the city. Adels. That's what it is? That's the name of the place. But they set up two trucks now right now because they can keep making more. One makes the meat. One actually plates it. Is that what it is? And there's a car that shows up with more meat.

Yeah. Has to be, there's a car shows up in double parks with more meat. That's how much meat. How much shit they sell? Damn, dude, 6 p.m. it starts. Chicken and lamb over spicy rice. It's crazy.

45 minutes to two hours wait. But, yeah, it's crazy. And you come in the middle of night and there's still people in line. Is it really better than all the other street meat? I don't know. What is that? It must be. It's, oh, I mean, it's hard.

He's logging into his AOL free 20 hours. What are you logging on? You're going to ask somebody to their age sex and location, you creep? It's Jacob doing a little side chat with some shit down to floor right now. Jacob, don't do it, dude. They're predator hunters. I don't know. I mean, but I would never wait in line for that.

How loud, they just bleed the animal. There's no blood in the animal. That's all it is. It's the only difference. I hate blood. Well, I mean, I hate blood, too. But I just don't like the... They have friends.

Like if you see those guys working with, they're actually nice. The people we deal with are the most miserable people. And I said white onions. He goes, okay, I go white onions, sourcrite mustard. And he goes, sourcrow? I go, yeah. And white onions. He goes, onions, I go white onions.

Then he puts red onions. I go, I said white onions. Do you have white onions? He goes, no. I saw you behind the cart. You shouldn't have asked him, why does every picture of the hot dogs have white onions on them? Because it's not I didn't even think of white onions

Until I saw the picture of white onions I was just white onions I guarantee he had white onions He just didn't want to use his fucking white onions Yeah He was in and then he asked me three times He's racist do you think I don't think he likes

I think he Just red and brown onions Indian onions There was a family came up While I was there Trying to get the white The onions and the sourcrout And the mustard right

And he literally just kept saying Hello hello Let's mind going hello hello trying to get them to stay while he dealt with my little white onions routine that we were going through. When I went over to get us an order of cheese fries,

that was a whole ordeal too. That guy wasn't anywhere near the cart and then he came back to the cart. I was like, I'm going to get four drinks and he just had me holding him. I go, can I get a bag? He goes, yeah, hang on. And he left again.

And then came back. They did come back with a bag. I don't know where the fuck he went. The whole thing about a cart is that it should be a good experience. It's a quick fast. It should be a fast, good, quick. You shouldn't be there for more than three minutes, I'd say tops.

If I'm buying meat from a truck that is stored in a shed on the West Side Highway, it should be fast. And it should be pleasant. You goddamn right. It should not be. It's not asking too much. It's not asking too much. A smile. And you can smile with your fucking face.

They could smile with their faces. I bet they would if we were Punjabi. I don't even know what they are I think we need to start turning our racisms towards those people They've had it a little too good for too long If you ask me I think you're right I think we need to

Leave the Spanish people alone Because they know what they do The blacks, we've had our fill of blacks Yeah nobody wants to piss them off No one's looking to piss them off They're fucking growing at rapid rates Did you see what happened at the JZ concert? My daughter was there

I don't know what happened but I don't know if I found out of the story. The last night, if you're talking about, Isabella went Sunday. Yeah. And she was calling me at one point. I couldn't answer, so I just go, are you let me know your, because I told her I asked,

let me know she's home safe? Are you let me know your home save? She goes, it started five minutes ago. Start of 12.15. Yeah, 12.15. Jay Z didn't get on stage until 12 to 15. It's supposed to start at 8.30. They one group of people

rush the gates, so they shut it all down. And there was 10,000 people that were waiting outside. Isabella, Isabella said she was it was security. They said it was security breach. Yep. They said, so they just had to be outside. But like chest to chest with people.

Chest to chest. And they let people in one at a time. So it took hours. Is that what it was? They just did a single file ultimately? Yep. And Jay-Z was like, he went on. He was like, look, I'm sorry, but we had to make sure these 10,000 people.

Some people wound up having to leave. Of course. And they lost out on thousands of dollars. You can't get you ticket back. Absolutely people had to leave. You're like, some people have to be like, I'm going this concert and I have to leave for work at five in the morning. Carla had to leave.

She was there. Oh, Carla was there. Yeah, she had to leave before it went on because she had the babysitter. Like, she had to go. No shit. Oh, I didn't even know Carla went. And they went on. I mean, the concert went until 3 a.m.

She don't give a shit. Well, they brought out like Rihanna. The fact that you know, Beyonce. Isabella's so ghetto. Why can't, it will. It's so ridiculous that they can't figure that out. How do you know, it's Jay-Z, first of all, and people storm the gates. What's the, I mean, is it just with me?

We've gone to, like, venues recently in your life. I mean, observe the process. It's flawless. What? Do, every place we've ever gone. You're kidding. Dude, we went to a giant stadium, bang, right in. No, no, no.

I'm not saying, but I'm saying, like, I'm not talking about it going good because it happens to go good. I'm talking about the people doing this. Oh, they're the morons. They're awful. I said before the difference, I've always found this to be an interesting thing. If the people that came over, when people are sheep, so when they go, we're going to the box office,

you know, or the ticket things, if there's 12 lines, for some reason people get in three, and they just make three huge, because they want to get into the very first one, even though there's one. And then somebody comes out, and they always go,

guys, there's other lines over here. Stop wait There's lines over when it's like if they came over And if you're the hero If you go over and you go guys everybody There's nobody in these lines over You can get in fast Everybody can get in fit

There's the energy of that being different But the energy is like I mean I had a thing When we went to go see What was it at Barclay Center? Was it nine inch nails or something? Is it nine inch nails? I mean this late was they go

I had weeds legal I had weed in my I just brought joints in my cigarette package And they opened my cigarette package And they go You can't bring weed in here you go, I'm gonna, we're taking that in the cigarettes because you can't bring anything in, like, that you smoke.

And my lighters, they go, and they just, and I see them taking, they just throw it in a bin. I go, no, no, no, I go, give it. I didn't even go in yet. I go, no, no, give it back to me. I'll go put it in my car. My car's right around the corner. It's fine. Not arguing, not complaining.

They go, now it's confiscated. And I go, what? I go, why? I go, you can't bring lighters and stuff. I go, but I can bring it back to my, you get to your fucking, and then they started calling other people over. And this dumb bitch was so. dumb that her own co-workers who were equally dumb bitches had to go like I think you can just give him back his stuff if he's going to take it out of the building it's a crazy it was I go you're robbing me

you're literally robbing me if you don't give me my stuff back you psycho because they get told one thing and they just they go they can just do that one thing it's they've been reprimanded because they suck at their job and now they're just shitty I just have to text people stuff and they can't think through it as a human or a smart person no they suck darkly center particularly and my daughter works there It's a horrible people. Once these people get power, it's like TSA. We were coming back from Austin and the one dude, I don't know, I did something.

I kind of complained about, so I bitched. I just did a bitch. I may have said, this would be easy to get a bomb through here. Not what I said. I may have said that. I made a bitch and he got Twati with me and then let me know who was boss. He was like, you got to take your shoes off. I go, but I have TSA.

Yeah, but you have to take them off. Why? But if I say why, and then I go down that route he can make everything fucking miserable. I don't know. At that point that I would have absolutely just told my ticket and I said, I'm TSA pre-checked. I don't

have to do that actually. That's what I said and he goes, yeah, well you do. And I was like, all right, you're just the boss right now. I'm going to get through here and then I'm going to fucking hope I'm going to pray that your mother dies of cancer and I hope it happens. What was he? Black, white, Polack, Hispanic?

White dude, mustache, hipster, fucking loser. Had power. used it. You should have said a lot of how they say anti-LGBQ things. I think that's why he was mad at me. I think I did say something. Anti-LGBQ?

I'm not anti. I think I was calling my luggage a name. That's a good one. Your luggage? Your gay-ass luggage. The worst thing you can do is give a dumb person power. Give them power over people. We're fucked.

You fucked. Oh, they love it. They love it and they don't know how to handle it. TSAs call me a couple times. There was a guy who I would say is definitely mentally challenged, but like shitty, like a shitty personality.

And when I went up to him, I just handing my passport as you hand to him, like he took it out of my eyelids. Like, he took it out of my head. He kind of looked it over with like the thing and I was like, am I in trouble for checking in to the lie?

You know, and he was like, no. And then that was like, that was one of the days I did realize, though at some point, the TSA is so helpless, vulnerable, sort of useless in so many ways

that when you get at your wits end, especially if you're at the front of the thing, and you bitch enough, you kind of will get through your thing. Not like a major cut in line or something. You might get arrested or something like that, but I'm talking about when they go, you know, it's like, show your passport to that guy over there.

I goes, I showed it over here. I'm just going to this line. He goes, this one's too full now. You've got to go back in that line and then do it again. I was like, I'm just not doing that. Like you've already checked my passport. You're doing it.

I'm just eventually kind of, well I'm not doing anything illegal like they just decided I was the one that they're going to send back in to line to like the back of it to go a different way I go you're just out of your mind I've already been checked in so I go I'm getting in the line I go but the line's too long ago

well it's one longer I don't have the ability to do that yeah because I don't have no because I'll you're the mayor I can be the mayor at a restaurant in a fun place when in the in the place where I can get arrested I get fucked up

Because I don't want to, I'll be that. Let me get arrested in the airport. No. I'm going to start screaming anarchy. No, I can't. I don't. I don't, I, I was, but someplace, TSA. I'm going to offer to kiss the officer.

I'm going to go, I'm a Joe, what's it, Joe Namath? I don't, I don't care about this. Can I kiss you? I just want to kiss you. Some TSA, though, like New York TSA, don't give a fuck. You can walk through with a knife. They don't give a fuck. But you go to, like, Austin, they're very militant.

They take the job very serious. They're very. I'm more. We're better fucking with the gate, like the gate agents, but the people where you check your bags and stuff like that. That's the ones where like, oh my God,

they got a, I'm very pleasant with them always, but if the TSA is like shitty for no reason, like how fast I'll be. The worst thing is getting shitty and snappy and then somebody recognizing you. And that's the worst feeling in the fucking world. I've had that happen.

Buddy, the one, when we won't, I think I told us recently on the show, but when we went with Dave Smith to see the Tanya Harding movie and there was a black couple sitting in our seats and we were just kind of like hey these are our seats and then as they were moving they were like being shitty which made me get shitty which made a whole thing go down and then they

eventually moved them but we sat there and I was like yeah I'm not like those this movie's over for me like my whole movie is going to be staring at the back of that guy's head waiting for him to do something else so I can do something else and uh so I was like we're going and I went out there I was like hey if you guys aren't throwing them out for being the problem like where it's going and go. And they're like, oh, we don't have to do that. I'm like, yeah, this is suck. And I'm kind of like, you know, you're a fucking idiot,

and you're a fucking idiot. And I'm going, and I go, and I'm going back, and I want my money back for the concessions, because we're not eating any of the shit or drinking any of it. And I go over, and I hand the fucking popcorn to him by the concession stands, and he pours the popcorn down, like, into the trash, and takes the drinks and pours him down the drain. And as he's giving me back my money, he goes,

he goes, dude, I'm a really big fan. And I'm sitting here doing, like, oh, I want, my popcorn money back. Big J of you. You know Alabel? Remember Alabelle? Of course. I was in the rent-the-car place on 49th Street I used to go to when I had to get

a car. And it was a line. It was crazy. And those rented-car places were just like, we have no more cars. It's like, yeah, but I have a reservation. I have a reservation for a car. I have the exact car I'm supposed to get. Well, we ran out in New York. Did I make a prediction that you at one point that sentence comes out of your house? Comes out of your mouth? Well, then what's the fucking

point of making a reservation? Well, that's, I was quietly sitting in the line and Alou Bell comes in on a bike, parks his bike, it comes in and does exactly that. He's like, I had a, is the car here?

Why would you make a reservation if you're not going to flips the fuck out? Anybody ask him, what was he going to do with his bike when he got the car? I think he would go park it out front. Now you guys have my bike and I have your car. He flips out, dude, and he goes, nuts and I'm just sitting there laughing

nuts and then he goes out and this is crazy hair crazy hair alo bell goes nuts flips out on the guy leaves I'm just laughing to myself then sticks his head back and it goes hey Bobby how are you good to see him sorry about that

I think at the last second he saw me sorry about that I was like what's up Al and then I got my car I made look like a real jerk off back there anytime I said if you're arguing with anybody in the street over something and that person has no idea who you are, and then you get wrecking,

you're just kind of like, how kind of, you know what I'm right now? Hang on it. I love you too, dude. I love you, but this motherfucker here is fucking questioning my goddamn fucking passport again. You know we're not going to get recognized

those stupid hot dog carts. Nobody we know. Fucking no fans of ours are doing hot dogs. No. God damn sucked. You couldn't be more right about that. Bobby's very upset about those hot dogs. I just don't like it.

I don't like the fucking attitude. Well, you know something we have our guests come in. It's a hot dog. It just made me laugh. A long time on the shows I brought like a Predator Hunter thing, but I just was catching a few this morning

watching some videos. And they just caught Skeeter Jean, his big tall, black dude who catches people and he talks to him kind of smarmy and shitty, but he catches a big fat,

sleeveless shirted, just pud of a guy. And just when he starts talking about his weight, it made me laugh really hard. I'd like to share. Has there ever been a well-dressed pedophile? Has there ever been a guy who's like, that guy doesn't need to fuck kids?

This guy could get pussy. Anthony Coomier. He was a well-dressed. He was like a fucking grunge rock girl from the fucking 90s. I had a lot of nice button-down shirts. Yeah, he never dressed well. Anthony Coopies on a pedophile, to my understanding. No, he's not.

He did a young girl's. Yes. Young girls. This one? No, no, no. He's just looking. Oh, yes, yes, it is. I'm sorry.

I apologize. And it's 20 minutes in as we get, but I hold that on until later. Because before our black guest comes in, I don't want them to laugh at me too, too hard. Well, no, no. What? Oh, the thing that you wrote?

You don't want to watch that? You want to wait? We can wait. Let's watch this. No, no, no. No, is that. I look. Bobby, can I tell you what I'm good at, by the way?

Yeah. Now, you know I have a way. I have a way in a history. Just a couple of my black friends coming in here. We could chop it up all day. And I can make sure we never get to what you want to make fun of me for. So you got to make fun of me by yourself while everybody on the crew laughs at me? Or it's not going to happen today.

But you know, I have a good technique too. I have a, of getting you to focus in on what you need to focus in on. No, no, no. But I'm good at taking that and spinning the words and flipping it right back. Dude, you're magical at it, but I'm also good at realizing when you, I can snap out of the J-trance that you put us all into and snap out of it and go, no, no, no, no, no, let's get back to it. I could just, we could just wait for Tim Butterly comes in tomorrow, maybe he's fun to do it with. But we could also revisit it. No, because Tim's going to, Tim is too, he has too much empathy.

He would be like, no, that's, I don't mind that. He's a nice boy. He's a really nice. I need a mean, I need as mean as you can get. We need DeRosa. Yeah. Oh, God damn it. We need fucking DeRosa.

I was trashing DeRosa last week about him not calling me while I was in Austin. I got to take it back because I guess we did talk. And I told him I would call him. Holy shit. Yeah, it was me. That's so funny. I called him up. I was like, dude, what the fuck, man?

He goes, we talked. And I go, what are you talking about? We talked on the phone the day you got here. And you said that you were your family tonight and we'd maybe go to breakfast to go to lunch during the week that we, I'd see the family. I wanted to see Donna Max. I go, we talked? He goes, yeah, we had a whole conversation.

And then it started tumbling back. I was like, oh, yeah, we did talk. You blew off Joe. I blew Joe Grosser off. Joe's got to be more memorable. Yeah, he's not. Turns out. Yeah, it's, it's, I feel bad.

I was really mad at him, too. Like, he just blew me off, but I just never called him back. I never called him back. We had a whole conversation about hooking up for breakfast. And I didn't call him back. So Joe DeRose is in the clear. That's me. Why are you blacking out, Bob?

Wow. Just as a blackout artist myself, I'm just curious what made you. That's a good question. Why are you blacked out because you drank. Yeah, reason. No. Going through an aneurysm. Yeah, he blacked out to escape the pain of life.

True, true. It's not that I blacked out. A lot was going on, I think. Oh, yeah, you were in the old West, not swimming. but you're getting mad at him for not reaching out to you. It's the real bizarre part. Let's be honest. Let's be honest.

He could have called me back. He could be like, hey, we're going or not. He could have reached back out and said, hey, you never called me back. You're right. Neither of you really wanted to see each other. But both of you want to blame the other one for the reason it happened. I get that. You could have started with that.

And I'd have been like, I understand what both are you going from. But you started with like a, and I want to see my friend Joe. And he didn't even want to see the family and stuff like that. But when you both admit. You were both kind of hoping. I was like, dude, dealing with the one, it's like, I got a lot going on. By the way, if you weren't there with Donna Max, you probably would have been more inspired to really want to see Joe.

100%. And he may have been way more inspired than want to come to see you. Why, you think he didn't want to see me because I was with my family? I think there's a chance he didn't want to see your family at all. Yeah, Joe hates families. He just wanted to hang out with you. Of course. Why does he, he says he loves families?

Because they're going to say something. Because they're going to say something. That could be the reason. He just didn't give him up. Yeah, he gets stuck with. Diffrooted. Anybody loved him as a kid, so he hates kids. You know, and the parents he does have, they can't really love him fully.

Well, he makes it hard for them. Dude, the way the Rosa would talk to his mom when we lived together, it used to make me laugh. I mean, it was cringy, but it made me laugh. He just yelled at his parents. It was such that relationship. I just never had, by the way, a lot of people have that. Just like a family of yelling people all the time. Like, I just didn't grow up like that.

So like that was fucking. That was wildly jarring. I used to, me and my mom used to getting a big fight like that until, like, I think, 15 years ago. Yeah. Really big fights. I remember where it happened. I was at Comic Roadhouse on that balcony up by the pool, having a full-fledged screaming match argument with my mom. And then at one point, she leaned into the phone and whispered, Bobby, when are you going to realize I'm never going to change?

Jesus. And my bone shook. I went, oh, God. What a profound moment to have in a casino. We haven't fought since. I was like, you're you. I was like, that's you. You're never going to change.

Now she does her bullshit and I just go, I got to go. I got to leave. I'm out of here. You're never going to change. She's never going to change. She's never going to change, man. Hang on, time to Jew up. I haven't had a family screaming match in a long time.

My Jew juice. I haven't had a family screaming match in a long time, but there's definitely a lot of screaming in my family. It was usually me in my mom. me and my mom. Yeah, me, a lot of mine was me and my mom, but yeah. I think I have a very passive family. Yeah, you do. Yeah. I feel like everyone's just kind of like, yeah, people make mistakes, man. What are we doing? Is there a scream all night? Not my son. I had, I was with a friend once, and we were on our way back from visiting his mom, um, uh, north. And she called him and he was on the bus. And the way he was talking to her and he was like, God, Mom! I said.

Like, I was so embarrassed to be next to him and to like be with a grown man that talked to his mom that way. I was like trying to duck down in my seat. I don't think, I have a theory. I'll punch my mom right in her fucking stomach. That might, oh. My God, you love her all so much. You love your mom.

You're a mama's boy. I bet you when you go on your mom rubs your stomach. No. I'm not a mama's boy. Yeah, you are. My mom's a J's mom. She's a J.J's mom. Mom and my mom love J.J.

The most. J.J. J.G. is all. I'm by far my most loved sibling by everybody, including my stepfather, who is not my biological father and is all of the other ones biological father. Everybody loves you. My theory is this, that my mother had my sister when she was 15, me when she was 18. So we were never really, you know, not that we weren't wanted, we weren't wanting. Like, she didn't want to have us.

We weren't expected. Sure. I understand. We were mistakes, right? Yes. And then she got married again. Accidents. Accidents that back then Irish Catholic, you had to keep.

Just little slimy loads that snuck past. That's the goalie. Right. With slimy loads. Me and my sis. Just slimy loads, nobody, just like a piece of shit. Nobody wanted. My sister more than me, but yes.

Your mom, more of your sister, but you... She was 15, man. She just thought you were both just, pieces of shit. Just pains and... Pieces of shit she wanted to just flushed in the top. I would say life ruiners. Scummy little fuck. And my mom was hot, too.

Like, we sucked. You know, it was like, ugh. Did your dad just bang your mom all through high school and then leave? No, my dad went to Vietnam. And he came back from Vietnam. I think this is a weird thing. Before you cry for him, he was a tap dancer for the USO. No, well, she was in high school.

He was not a tap. Yes, he was. Five, six, seven, eight. Time for the Robert Kelly, the first show. The boys are coming back. The boys are coming back. Look out, Charlie's behind you. He was actually, he shot the cannons.

You know, the big cannons, the big 50th. The fucking revolutionaries? 50 millimeter, well, back in the Vietnam but they're still like cannons, they were mount up and shoot them. What? Yeah, he was a like a 50, I don't know, a 30 millimeter cannon shoot or whatever the fuck he was? Christine, look over there was cannons in Vietnam.

I'm looking. Yeah. I don't think there was cannons since Houdini. They're having guns of Vietnam War. Don't call that's a tank. That's a cannon on a tank. I mean, that's not what he means. It's not what he fucking means. Oh, you mean like the art. Like a cannon ball, like Captain Jack

Sparrow. Like this? No, no, no, no, no. A revolutionary cannon. That's not what I'm talking about. Go back, go back. To the right. Right there, right there. Yeah, those things.

Yeah, you shot those. Yeah, those big fucking cannons. What are they called? The M101. Yeah, that's what he did. Does it say canon? Damn it, it doesn't look like a canon. It's a canon.

It's an update. It's a 54-pound projectile. Yeah, dude, it was explosive. It was pretty crazy. Yeah, Christine's a ice queen. We all are. No, they like my missile small. No, you're a size queen.

For cocks. Yeah, you're a size screen. You like a big dick. If we're talking artillery, artillery, I like small shit. The only dicks we look at on the show, a big black dicks. We're not black always. We've never looked at regular dicks. I've marveled at huge dicks of all at this season.

You love big dicks. I like to look at them. You love them. I don't want to touch them or smell them. You don't know that because you never been in the studio. You would? No, dude. No way.

Smell it? You're a big dick. Big dick smell. You're a big, you're not going to smell a little dick. Dude, I like looking at him. I hate to smell a dick, dude. It's like cigars. It looks cool to do, but I hate the smell.

But my theory is, is that then she got married to the dickhead, right, who nobody liked. But then she met Larry, who she loved. She fell in love with Larry. They had a great relationship. They had a daughter, and then a couple of years later. Just like me and my sister, had a daughter, and then a son, Kara and Andrew. and she had them wanting to have babies. And then she had this family that she wanted.

The family that she, me and my sister were the family that happened. So we were kind of, of course, we're her son and daughter, but I don't, and it kind of hit me. We were at a wedding. Do you? We were taking the photo. And I was next to my mom and my brother Andrew was there. And she went, oh, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

And she moved me over and put Andrew next to me. to her and my wife looked at me like what the fuck and I was like dude you and your sister flowers in the attic yeah chase stepmom just straight up I'm surprised your grandmother I was your grandma didn't try to poison you with arsenic my grandma was my mom my grandma I used to call my grandma to her for everything she was the best yeah me my oh my grandma the dude she was fucking awesome she taught you about sex no we didn't tie she nobody taught me about sex I learned on my own like a fucking wild wolf when you were 11 because your grandmother molested you I she didn't nobody but dude how don't fucking talk about manna like that I did and I said grandma that's different lady that's fictitious lady I'm talking about don't talk about Nana like that I wouldn't have done that but grandma one time you woke up and grandma had your whole dick and balls in her mouth I'm gonna throw up don't even fucking do that's not Nana I don't want even it's fictitious grandma I don't like the grandmas don't bring up the grandmother but she's fake no because I think of my grandmother's face don't though maybe you got me thinking about it think of her friend that she used to play

cards with just shoving her face up your ass what she has your balls in her mouth yes okay that's fine mrs robinson and they're from across the street mrs finity man my grandmother didn't have any hot friends you know what i'll just say it my grandmother had no hot friends sorry if you're out there listening an an anita i love you but i never thought you were hot um wait so your dad comes home he's like 22 he finds your 15 year old mom knocks her 18 at the time 18 no they they come home for they know they They hooked up with Lisa, then they were together. And then at 18, he had me. And then before I was born, he left a Vietnam.

So he was in Vietnam while I was born. He came back, and I think, this is weird. I always thought my father came back, fucked up from Vietnam, which he was. He was drinking like cough syrup. He'd have like a case of cough syrup in his, that's what he was drinking because that was like fucking really bad drugs. Bobby, it relaxes your asshole. It was the only way I could fall asleep after a big you.

The U.S.O. Show. Those boys get Randy. He shot cannons. Huh? He shot cannons. Yeah. I bet he did. I don't like that you mean my grandmother molest me and my father's a gay dandy singer.

No, your Nana. Your fictitious grandmother molested the shit out of you. I can say 100%. You could have blocked it out. And then your grandfather, your grandfather was a gay tap dancer in Vietnam. My grandfather molested me. Yeah. No, I'm kidding.

Well, he came home all fucked up, dude. He got molested in the war. He was in World War II. No shit. Yeah, he went through World War II. Uh-huh. But I think when my father came home, I always thought that he came home fucked up and was too fucked up, and that's why they got a divorce.

I think my mom fucking cheated on him. I think he came home and found her with somebody else. No, but it adds, it adds, it adds to the people. I'll be honest me. It does. I did. Especially the way I like to ASMR myself to sleep masturbating to your voice.

So I think when he came home, this is so weird when you get his side of the story and you get my mom's side, two different fucking first. To be a favorite, when you play, can you play this video that we found of Bobby's father while he talks about what his dad said?

That's Fred Astaire. You wouldn't mind turn this up? That's Fred Astaire. That's not my dad. Now, ball heel, step. Dude, dude, dude, dude. Dude, dude, dude. Dude, dude.

Dude. Uh-huh. I mean, if your grandpa could dance like Fred Astaire, you know what, dude. Come on, boys. Keep the morale up. I fucking hate tap dancing so much. Let's kill these.

I always wish I could do it. You can't anybody can tap. It's hard. It's not. Just put fucking coat can't little coat tabs on your shoes. Remember what you're fighting for out here. This is so funny back in the day when men can wear onesies. No, that's just high-wasted pants.

Yeah, it's just high-wasted pants. Is that a high-wasted pants? Oh, God. God. That outfit is ridiculous. I mean, this dance isn't very good. It sucks. I bet Jacob would love that outfit.

Just a light blue, high-waisted pleaded pants. Jacob wants to be a dandy. He does. Oh, my God. Is this petting in the park? Please don't pay it. Please don't put... Colin Quinn sends me videos every day of this horse shit.

Why? Because it aggravates me. And he likes to aggravate me. Why did you know what this video was? Because of Colin. He sends it to me all the fucking time. Why did you bring it up out of nowhere? I just put Fred Astaire tap to try to find a better tap dance video.

You watch Fred Astaire? I don't watch. Are you listening to me? Oh my God. We need young energy in this god-dard moment's killing me. As you pull up your fucking jorts. That's young energy. Yeah, in 1992.

Jorts are back in. Jorts are back in big. Jorts are huge for girls right now. Where? In America. I've never seen anybody but you wear George for the last 10 years. Yeah. Now they're back.

They're not back. Yeah, they're back big. They're back big. They're back with big people. That's how dare you. That's not true. That is true. Fat people wear jorts.

Ouch. Me and two shows, me and Bobby are you going to the fat today now. We're off next week. We have to regroup and lose weight. Come back. Yours was unnecessary and unwarranted. Look at that.

Jorts, dude. That's a fucking, those aren't jorts. Yes, they are. Those are 1,000% shorts. What the ones on the right? Yes. No, those aren't in. They're not in.

Buddy. I'm telling you, these young girls, I mean, it's ugly. They shouldn't be wearing them. They're saying, which outfit would you choose from 2016 or 2026? The 26 is the Jorts. 26 is Jorts. Is the Jorts? Yes, they're back.

Oh, God forbid. You know, I keep my finger on the pulse of fashion. It's like my third thing. You keep your finger on the pulse of 19 fashions. So many fashions. You have like, What if Papa Roach, Mettlimp Bizkit, and then high-fived Mark McGuire.

Also, this is not a vintage trend. These were never in style for women. This is this generation going rogue and trying to do something different. But women, not men. Men not wearing... Oh, buddy, welcome to 2026. People don't see the world like that anymore.

It's everybody's. Men are not wearing jorts. No, everything's baggy. You're looking at one, my friend? Yeah, dude, you've been wearing him for fucking since I met you. Since way before you met me. You've been wearing George that long? Yes.

Why? Because Wu-Tang did. What? Because Wu-Tang did. So, Bobby, you see what you let him do? What? Sh. What I let him do?

Nothing, dude. I don't know. I thought he was going to read something. George, dude. He did it. He did do it. He did do it. Hey, Jay.

What's up? Hey, bud. So let's get back to the fucking the subject at hand. You really are good at me. George are the subject of hand. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do you know what the subject of hand means? It means what we're talking about.

Listen, I know what the subject at hand mean. That's Jorts. No, we were talking about it. So we're walking away from Jords before I proved to you. We're walking away from George. We're walking back to you. And you have another, I would call it an incident. No incident.

on a DM where you over-D-M somebody again. It's an understatement. Over-D-M'd might be an understatement. It was going great for a minute. Yeah. It was going great for a minute. Was it a little back and forth? Like it was gray and blue, gray and blue, but even sizes?

He was, upon first meeting, seeing each other somewhere, I stopped him to say, I was just saying great. I already knew who they were. I liked him a lot. But I was just going to say great. show who banned the war on drugs okay I was just going and say great show to the guy because the lead singer yeah lead singer of the war on drugs when he turned around he was kind of like oh he was a fan of comedy so he knew who I was that was exciting that's always a good thing yeah and then basically did like uh do it whatever it was he'd love to see a show or he gave me his number

I didn't ask you know me I didn't ask for it you you have and not in God in it I mean Jerry you asked for his number. You've got to exchange numbers, but you didn't get it. I made a joke about a number exchanging. I made a joke. It was a joke. If I would have asked me, would give it into me? No, he wouldn't have. No, he wouldn't have. You said you were going to exchange numbers. He said, let's do it. Yeah. And then we didn't, but I didn't bring it up either. Yeah, I don't want him at my number. Yeah, you do. Nope. You said anytime all love and laughs here, you... Dude, that's my sign off. All loving laughs over here, bro. By the way, people were yelling that at me now and I walk past them. I love it. It makes me so. It makes me so. It makes me so. It makes me

so happy. I mean, they're such fans are so funny, they're like, Jay, they're always still have the excitement like, Big Jay, what's up, my man? You're like, what's up, dude? They go, all love and laughs over here, man.

You're like, shit. I deserve every bit of that. It's still better than school. I deserve every bit of that. All love and laughs over here, man. I hate it. This is when we saw him. Oh, this is O'Bonaro.

Is that him right there playing the guitar? Yeah, he's pretty cool. Dude, they're dire straits, man. He shreds and sings. Wow. That's great. It was like a hundred degrees out bright sun and it was still just like a fucking awesome show. It was disgustingly hot out.

It was very bad. But it was great. Where was this? Bonarue. Bob you were probably with us. You were there. You were probably watching this with us. Oh, is this the one where Al Yankovitch was doing something there?

Nope. No. Where was this? It was the Boneroo. The circuit tent? Circus tent. Yeah. Yeah.

Is that the one where you guys had, you and Ari came up and you go, I'm going to do mushrooms and walk into 100,000 people? Yeah, it didn't matter. I threw them. up immediately so I was never on mushrooms. You took out a bag of mushrooms that looked like... Ari did. It was the big giant Ziploc bag.

It looked like a salad. You need more. You definitely were on mushrooms. No, I didn't have mushrooms hit me hard at all at night in many ways. Nope. I threw them up in the night. You may have said I was taking more, but I was not going to get them back down the second time. I was going to Ari and being like, Ari, tell everybody you want to do more mushrooms and give me some.

Yeah. I was there. Yeah. So they were awesome. see one band. Really? No. Man, it was such a fucking amazing year.

I was doing FX stuff at that time for sex drugs too. Still. So I was with, yeah, but I was with Leary and the cast and we were doing like a screening of the show and we were doing a Q&A and I was kind of being shipped with them back and forth

and then for that one, that show I did, they shipped me in but then they shipped me right back after the show. Yuck. Yeah, it was. Why would you have not wanted to do? It was Earth winning fire. Slayer and Boneroo. I don't know.

It was like the best Slayer show ever. You know when you're fucking not, when you're with another group and you're there on their, I was there on their dime. 21 pilots was there? We didn't even know that. I don't think we knew who they were at the time. Probably not. I have that poster, by the way.

Yeah, why? You weren't even watching any of the stuff. I think I was on one of them. You were. That one. I was on the poster. I have a poster. We're all on the posters.

We did the comedy act. That's why I have it. Oh, no, I knew that. I was making a joke. Sometimes I make jokes, Bobby. Sorry. You probably can't tell him joking because you're wearing sunglasses? Dude, it's not the sunglasses.

It has nothing to do with it. I like blaming that, though. I know you do. And it gets into my head, and I took him off. Anywho. You did it again, fucking. I'm showing you the war on drugs. All right, we're done with this.

We're done with the warring. We get it. We got the, we got the... Well, it's nice music. You're managing out. Now he's leaving. It's nice music. That's always a telling tale when your manager is like, hey, I'm going to take off for a minute.

Did you just go over there to fart? What happened? He was leaving. called out for leaving. He was about to leave. Oh, would you have to leave leave? In a minute, yeah. Damn, he's like, he doesn't want to,

do you not want to hear what I said to the lead singer of? I absolutely want to hear. I waited 45 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I just say something? That's your client. That's the magic. You're not a meeting about it tomorrow.

Yeah, it's a magic of Jay. He will fucking sidetrack. 45 minutes. He's sidetracked. Yeah. I'm good at it. You really are. I really am.

to it. What? You know what? We got to a commercial break pretty soon. We have no, we have 40 minutes. Okay. Okay. So you started going well.

He said I know you and you know him and everything was great and he gave you wanted your number and you gave each other your numbers and then you started. And everything was fine. So let's go to the fine part. Let's go to the beginning of the text. Let's hear where it started. I want to hear where it started, how good it was going. Okay. Just a little.

Pretty good. I want a little reference to how bad it gets. In 2015. Jesus. Right after this, I think. Yeah, it must have been. June 13th. That's one of the days of Bonarue.

Yep. June 13th. You guys were texting at Bonarue. He texts first. He texts first. Wow. 8.24 p.m. after this. After he performed, he texted you.

We saw him. He said something about Philly. Philly stuff. He brought up Philly. You always bring up Philly. I try. You do? I try.

my best. It did not help with Little Dickie. Well, no. He did not take to me. He writes, let me know about shows. Exclamation point. He used an exclamation point? That's yours. Dash Adam. That's yours. Dash Adam. That must have made you

fucking jump for joy. This is clearly now, we're just letting each other know who so we have it in our phones. Because I write back, Big J. Ocerson, Dash, awesome meeting you will be in touch. You did a dash too. I also did a dash. You guys both had dashes.

That must have made you feel good. It did feel good. That he's a dasher. I'm like, oh, he's like expressive and text like I am. This guy gets me. All right. Less than one month later, I write, Hey, Adam.

I'm not even reading the head of these. I'm just going to go for it. It's Jay O'Kerson, the comedian that you met at Bonaroo. If you're back in New York City this coming Thursday or Friday, I have shows at two great clubs in the city. Let me know and I'll get you all hooked up. It's my turn to entertain you happy face. I'm going to throw up.

You should. Why happy face? I don't know. Why would you say it's my turn? I don't know how to talk to people. The answer's not going to change. Is it parentheses? Yes, it's a colon in parentheses.

Oh, you put a colon and the parentheses. That's how I do my smiley faces. Oh, why an emoji. Emoticon. Oh, fuck off. An emoticon. What's the difference we know those two? The emoji is the cartoon.

Show me the difference What's an emoticon? Okay, I'll bring it up. Can I say something? So an emoji is the actual little yellow smiley face. And an emoticon is when you create it. Yep, emoticons

but you don't use them. You use emoticons. I do both. I do both, but I do both. What are some of the more popular ones? Smiley face. Smiley face. Smiley face.

Winky smiley face. You do a semicolon. Yeah. Sometimes I put a nose, but all my smiling faces, I don't put a nose. How do you put a nose? A dash. You put a dash? Yeah.

And you learn this? Yeah, well, I mean, I like this text with emotion before there were emoticons. So you created... Oh, I'm sorry, emojis. You created the emoji. The emoticon. But you created, through the emoticon, emojis. Yeah, don't you remember when you had to do, like, what was it?

Somehow you can get, like, a backwards, No, no, no, no, it was... No, I don't remember any of that. I've never done it. You don't remember these? I still send Jay Kiss faces. I've never done. What about the cock? Where's the cock you can make with like equal signs?

I've never made that. An equal signs cock? I've only done... I did the one four three. Remember when one four three meant I love you? Of course. I did that. That's beeper talk, though.

Yeah. Because I'm fucking beeper bob. I was around with beepers. God, emoticons are crazy. Look at all the things you could do. some people would get into that yeah they knew how to make like look at crying faces and shit it got crazy oh you can make a dick yeah there's the cock a dick and ball how do you do that a bunch of equal signs and something it takes a lot damn dude all right so go back go back go back go back

go back oh you did it again you almost got us again get take the screen off christie did you say i almost got you again we just talked for five minutes about emojis he said how you almost did it out by the way and then eventually when she went to to it she goes okay bobby i'll go to the emoticons thing if you want and you were going like yeah i think you could do it you just it's a gift it's a fucking magic gift that he has i was consumed by it but i'm back get it off the screen all right i know this gets worse oh oh can you just do me a favorite just to back up a little bit can you read your can you read your response please one more time this isn't this is out of the blue oh this i'm sorry this is just out of the blue a month later but i

think they were performing in new york okay course why would you do it up Otherwise. Hey, Adam. It's Jay O'Kerson, the comedian that you met at Bonnaroo. If you're back in New York this coming Thursday or Friday, I have shows at two great clubs in the city. Let me know and I'll get you all hooked up. It's my turn to entertain you, smile face emoticon. It's your turn to entertain him.

He doesn't write back. Oh, no. A month later. I write, hey, brother. Three dots. Hey, brother, dot, dot, dot. Are you back in NYC for a bit? Would love for you to come see a comedy show, why, obviously.

Yeah. He writes back nine minutes later. Oh, that's great. Good for you. Yo, Jay, I've been on tour so much. I'll be back in New York City tomorrow, but only until Wednesday, then gone again for a little bit. I have your podcast you did with Copleman ready for my flight tomorrow. He wants to listen to the Copleman.

Oh, that's good that he's listening to you. I'd really love to come see a show, though. That's great. That's good. That's a good sign. Is he listening to Coplements podcast or yours? It's Coplements, right? Capplements.

Okay, yeah. So he's a fan of Copleman. And you're on it. Yeah, yeah. Two minutes later. Oh, Jesus Christ. You don't even wait 10 minutes? All right.

Let me know if you want to come to it. show tomorrow night dot dot dot if not let's hook up when you're back in town dot dot dot dot but he said i'm not going to have time maybe no it's not he said it he goes i'm only in town for one night and then i'm out and i won't be back for i don't have i don't have time but i'm letting him know that i said i have a show tomorrow he's only going to be in town tomorrow night i'm going i'm not going to have time oh i'm okay i didn't take it that way he's telling you i don't have time i'm agreeing with you i'm saying i'm sorry Okay, okay, yeah.

Okay, here's where I may have started losing an artsy-fartzy type. Okay, if not, let's hook up when you're back in town, dot, dot, dot. He didn't write back. Oh, God. And we were having a back and forth. He doesn't write back. So after he doesn't write back for what looks like 33 minutes, I put in quotes, link up would have sounded less aggressively gay than hookup, ha, ha, ha.

Oh, that kind of laughed, though. he must have responded like ha ha ha ha ha l-o-l or something three days later oh god i write oh no not you it's not you it's not you it's not you it's not you it's not you it shouldn't be you shouldn't be me no it shouldn't be you agreed it's not you it's his turn it's his turn it's been his turn he didn't get he's weird out by the gay stuff right now why do you feel like you always gonna go I'm not gay. You always got to say something and then go, hey, hey.

Because I'm coming off gay, because I'm such a fan of theirs. I know, but it sounds like you want to do gay stuff when you say, hey, man, it's not gay. I'm not trying to be gay. I don't think it gets better. He starts responding less. A lot. Go ahead. Wait, he responded to that?

No. Three days later, I write. Tonight is the David Tell Comedy Underground Show at 10 p.m. I'm going to be an amazing show if you want to come. Let me know and I'll get you all set up. Can I pause really quick? Can we go back to his last response to you?

Go back to his last response. What does he say on that? I'd really love to come see a show. Keep going. That's the last thing you said. No, before that. Oh, Yo, Jay, I've been on tour so much. I'll be back in New York City tomorrow but only until Wednesday,

then go on again for a bit. I have your podcast with Coppelman ready for my flight tomorrow. So you know that he's not in town. You already know that he's not going to. to be in town. I don't have time, but I'm leaving Wednesday, so I won't be there. And you offer him a show that he can't go to, and you know that. I think this was probably honest. And you also, through David Telling there, just in case, he's not, he's not, he's not, he's not, he's not. Well, that was way later, right? He's not

into you. That was like a later. No, it was three days later. Three days. But it was within the time. But he said that he doesn't have time and he asked twice. He didn't say enough time. He just said he was only going to be around until Wednesday. I'm not going to make it, dude. I'm in town. only to Wednesday. That's not what he was saying. That's exactly saying, dude, I'm up in town for one night for the show. I think you probably only work on weekends,

but I'm only here to Wednesday, and I'm letting him know, no, no, dude, I have shows all week long. He doesn't, he can't make it. He's not going to be able to make it. He didn't make it. It's fine, he didn't come. Does that make everybody happy?

So then you decided, you decided to add another comic that might entice him more. Does Dave know you did that? Manager Adam probably has to go watch Fortune Feimster do the Tonight Show, and he doesn't want to leave. He wants to hear how much more I embarrass myself. Is Fortune doing the Tonight Show tonight? No.

He just wants to leave. He just wants to get out of here. He has nowhere to be. He wants to go downstairs and sit one of those comfortable chairs on 35th floor. He asked me outside before he goes. You guys going to have Jerry O'Connell in? I was like, we did already. So, I didn't get him set up for David's L.

He didn't get back to me. Couldn't make it. Couldn't make it. So August 22nd, so let's say this is 15, 17 days later. 17 days later, he responds. I write. Oh, God. Oh, God.

No, why? Why? Why? Why? Because I needed him to know that tonight is my last weekend performance in New York City for a while because I'm leaving for oddball tour dates. He already told you I'm not going to be back. This is weeks later.

Yeah, but he didn't give you. He said for a while, but it's a while, it could be four days a week, a month. It means don't contact me until I contact you. That's not what I meant. Exactly what it means, dude. Just seeing if you were around to check out a show. If not, give me a heads up when you're back in town. You're begging.

You're begging. I'm begging. You're begging. The next day, he writes back. Oh, good. Okay, finally. Thanks, Jay. But I'm still on tour in Europe.

Yeah, get it? I wrote before. Wish I could come. My tour manager is also a big fan of yours. We'll catch a show. some time for sure. Sometime. So that means sometime.

Stop badgering me. Stop bugging us. We like you. Seven minutes later, I write. Oh, God. Why? Under 10! It's at least a 10 to 20 minute

fucking don't talk back. He can see that you seven minutes later responded. You're just watching your phone. You got to play hard to get a little bit. You can't do under 10.

It's like the two-day rule with chicks. You don't call them for two days. You don't respond to famous people with under 10 minutes. I waited at least 10 minutes after Anthony left to say something to him on DMs. I wonder if he responded. He's going to Europe. I write. He's going to another country.

I write, sweet. Have fun in the land of uncircumcised wangs. Ew, L-O-L.L. Talk to you soon, brother. make it, everything gay. You make everything about he thinks you're trying to fuck, dude. You keep bringing gay

and wangs into it. I didn't know Big J was on the DL. Dude, everything everything is, hey man, not gay. Not gay. Fuck off, Jacob. He, uh, okay.

Well, he had to write back. That's what he got the joke, right? He didn't write back. Oh, God. No. So, no. It hurts my head, like, my stomach. It hurts.

It's a big country of uncircumcised wangs. Okay, so two months later. Yeah, two months. He didn't write back. How many times did you look in the next couple days? No idea. I don't remember. But a month later, on my daughter's birthday.

Oh, God. So why are you thinking about another man on your daughter's birthday? I had left at this point. Yeah, he was out of the house. I got it. Makes sense. Makes sense. Oh, I was a deadbeat dad.

I got you, got you. You were Christine somewhere getting high. No, no, no, no. This was probably on my way to go see her to buy her present. I write, hi, hi, buddy. Exclamation point. Oh, God. Why?

Why? I don't know, Bobby. I'm not good at this. Why are you excited? I shouldn't have had a phone until like last year. Why are you excited? Why are you excited to, hey buddy? I like the music of the war on drugs a lot.

I know, but why? Hey, buddy. Hi, buddy. Are you applying to stories where you like can't see all your previous messages beforehand? No. Oh, you didn't go back and read any of this. No.

But you open it up and you see like the blue, blue, blue. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, no doubt, for sure You're just chasing the dragon, dude Hey, buddy, are you playing Radio City Tomorrow, question mark, exclamation, boys? Can I ask you a question? You knew he was playing great.

Of course I did. Why am I asking even? Because I write next text immediately. I just randomly check tour dates because I want to see a not-en-15-degree Tennessee heat, L-O-L-L. Is there still ticks? Now I'm asking him for ticks.

So you were offering him No, I'm doing like the, are they still available? You got even know? I could find this a lot myself. Yeah, you're like, I could totally Google. Yeah, dude, you said, are you, are you, that's a question, right? Are you playing? And then you answered your own question in the same thread.

And then you said, can I get ticks in the same thing? No, no, no, no, no, no. I said, is there ticks? Can I get ten tickets? Can I get ten tickets? Can I get ten tickets to the show? I said, is there. ticks. Hey, I know you haven't responded in

three months to any of my gay... 35 tickets to your show. My gay aggressive hits. Listen. Listen. Also, you let him know that you're back in New York and you didn't contact me. I know you're back in New York. Oh, yeah,

you're stalking him now. You're pointing out he didn't... Hey. You said you were going to get in touch with me when you're back and you're back and I didn't hear from you. Yeah, he made a promise in front of the goddess. His body made a promise. me. Hey, you back? I know you're back. By the way, so I just randomly

checked the dates. I don't want to see any heat. Is there still ticks? He doesn't respond. The next day... Did you write back? I will not be ignored, Dan. No, what I write back the next day is I'm coming tonight. Can't wait to watch you guys in a theater. Oh, that's so gay. Yeah. I can't wait to watch you?

Then he didn't go. That was, I believe, Lisa Ann Fanoia I don't know where I was out of town You were out of town Thank God I go

So then he doesn't respond to that The next day At 710 p.m I write Brought a gang of people Last night Dot dot dot dot Such an amazing show

Nothing back February 2nd 2016 I can't believe We're continuing To message this time Can I just say something? Can I just say something?

Yes So you said to him are you and then you answered the question I know you are and then you said are there any ticks available and then no response and then you said I got ticks I got ticks I got ticks and I brought a bunch of people I went I went also you let him know I will not be deterred I want to come I'm coming and I went I went and nothing from you nothing yeah that is I am trying to kind of take that a little bit he was like I don't want to see you back to change

Wow. Correct. Wow. But this is what hurts. Then we have a Gary Clark who does want us backstage, and I'm like, I don't want. I don't want. He probably has his messages off.

He's not a guy checking his personal DMs all the time. Right blue. These aren't DMs. These aren't DMs. This is our phone numbers. Can I tell you something about text messages I learn? It's 100% read. If you get somebody's number, like a fan or whatever,

there was like these apps that got their numbers, 100% read. Everybody who gets a text message, reads it. It's a hundred, it's not 99, 100% well not me. He read it and ignored it.

Sometimes I just do that too. 8,075 unread text messages. Well, you're an anomaly. You don't fucking, you don't talk to anybody. No, I've seen phone. People... Everybody reads their text because it comes up on your phone.

It says, it says Big J and it says the first couple lines. You always see it. You never not see a text. I want to tell you what I said. You didn't say more after this. It's over. Four months later.

Oh, God, my God, oh, my God. On my father's birthday? Why? You shouldn't be thinking about other people on these days. I don't know why it's my father's, but my father's birthday? You should be thinking about these people. No.

Why are you thinking of God or war? What's his name? War on drugs. War, why do you think, what's his name? Adam Granduccio. Why is Adam Raduccio? On your mind. On D.O.

Why is the lead singer of this band On Your Mind on your daughter's birthday and your father's birthday? Their music calms me. Yeah, maybe Red Eyes came on. So, I write, Hey, buddy. Oh, God.

Don't know if you're in NYC, February 21st, parentheses, it's a Sunday. Oh, you're telling them the days that you know the days? But I'm taping my first one-hour stand-up special for Comedy Central at Webster Hall. Dot, dot, dot, dot.

going to be a huge event. I'm pretty stoked. Wanted to personally invite you since your tunes have often kept me sane or mellow or help me be sad and get over it within the last few years. I got to go. I got to go. I want to go. I got to leave. Let me know if you're interested and I'll get you on the VIP list ASAP. Hope all's well with you. He wrote back five hours later. Yo, Big Jay, that means a lot and I appreciate it, but I live in L.A. now. Yeah, stop calling me. coming. That's how many

you meant? I live I live across the country bro you need to stop texting me about your shows I'm not coming yeah and you can I just say that? You didn't you didn't even invite me to you fucking thing your songs have never mellowed me out

made me feel sad when I should be sad um he didn't no that's crazy it's not true you did not be true you were on the road everybody was invited no that's nuts I'm gonna say this that's crazy I'm gonna say it right now. No way.

Fuck you. You didn't invite me to your taping. I invited 100% of everybody. I was afraid people wouldn't show up at all. Apparently, you weren't afraid that he wasn't going to show up. I was afraid and he didn't. He's never going to. He never was. But you're going to want me to get through some more of these.

Oh, please go. Before we have to have our guests in here. He writes, it means a lot, but I live in L.A. right now. I write back. Hilarious. Well, I'll let you know when it's on then. Ha, ha, ha. I'll be sure to reach out when I'm in L.A.

Stop, stop. I just saw you manager's head just went down in shame. No, no, he did. He literally just went. No, dude, this is a celib. I respected revere you.

Yeah. How am I going to sell you after this? This is a sellable. This is a sell of him. Your manager wants you to let him go because you can't take it. It does make sense.

But, listen, if you have to go, you can go, bro. You need to go. Please go. Let him go. I mean, you shouldn't. It's going to get worse. How can it?

You went hilarious. Why? Because here's where he's still responding once in a while. Can I ask one question? Why hilarious? What do you mean? He tied back, I'm touched. Why hilarious?

I'm probably being a little like, that's hilarious because you said we would hang out when you were in New York. And now you live in L.A. And you never kind of gave me the heads up. And we're supposed to be longtime friends at this point for at least the year. That's the funny part. And then you said, and then you said dot, dot, dot. Hilarious.

Well, I'll let you know when it's out then. I'll be sure to reach out when I'm in L.A. to get us to come hang at the comedy store or something. He writes back right away. Would love that. Congrats, man. Good luck. Thanks, brother.

Now. a month later. Oh, God. He sends me a picture of his serious XM of one of my jokes playing. Okay. And just text me the word hilarious. Okay. That's great.

I go, nice. That's a good South Philly Jersey joke. They're from Philly. Whatever the joke is listened to. I'm in L.A. now, so it had me cracking up. That's him. I bet he threw his phone on the ground at that point. He's here.

Here's where I wouldn't. Listen, we're jabbing now. Now we're jamming. You're back. We're jamming. I'm in L.A. now, so it's had me cracking up, man. Here's what I do. Look at these pictures from my special.

I tried to make it a rock show. I just sent him pictures from my special. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. He was a really good photographer. Oh, God. He writes back, though.

He goes, whoa, that's awesome. Is that Webster? I write, yeah, you should catch my radio show on the same serious channel, Comedy Central 95. It's live Mondays and Wednesdays at 3 to 5 p.m. L.A. time, but it replays all week. A lot of information. A lot of information. A lot of information.

He writes back and I don't think I saw it as sarcastic until right this minute. I'll put it in the memory. He didn't mean that. I'll put it. What is the memory? I don't know. He writes back, he wrote that a minute later. In the same minute, I write back, after we went to see you guys at Radio City, we played

all your music the next day. A lot of awesome feedback. The show's called The Bonfire. Did you tell him there was good feedback on the show? Thanks, man, that rules. One day me and the guys will come see you. Faked, empty promises. I'll listen to my car.

I'm so excited, we're having it back and forth. I'll be out in L.A. and May to do a storytelling show for Comedy Central. I'll hit you up and see if you're around the hang at all. He writes, Hell yeah, I'll be here. May 18th of the same year. Are you in L.A.? Hi, buddy.

I'm in L.A. all next week. Doing shows to the comedy store and improv. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. But if you want to come to the storytelling shoot for Comedy Central, it's on Tuesday. Let me know if you want to come, and I'll get you and whoever you want to bring, all set up. Let me entertain you for once. You did the same fucking thing again. I was from a year and a half, two years ago.

I forgot. Oh, God. That was May 18th, 2016. June 13th, 2016. Jesus Christ. I'm in L.A. again till Wednesday night. You're in again.

You're in again for a whole different thing. This is great. If you want to come... This gets fun of here. If you want to come by the comedy store for a drink and watch show at all, I'm there tonight and tomorrow night. Nothing. 13 days later.

Jesus, mother of God. I write. If you get a chance, check out my Comedy Central special special. It's on demand. Also iTunes. He doesn't answer. You give a lot of information. Three months later.

Oh, my God. I write, hey, buddy, are you in L.A. for a bit? No response. May 1st of the next year. Hey, buddy, going to play the new track on our radio show today. They put a new album out. So excited for the tour. Nothing.

Two months later. Not even sure if this is your number anymore. Leave, man. You need to leave, dude. You need to go. You shouldn't do this. This is going to affect your money, dude. But I'm at the Montreal Comedy Festival,

and my 15-year-old daughter just called me out of the blue, and she told me she found an amazing new band called The War on Drugs. Pretty cool. I'm going to take her to see... I may have made that up. I'm going to take her to see you in Philly in September, because I'm going to have to miss you guys in NYC for a road gig. I'm working, too.

I want him to know. No response Four months later I write Think me My girlfriend and radio partner Are coming to the show at Terminal 5 Oh yeah we did

Yeah He doesn't respond Also Monday or Tuesday If you can come on serious sex in to do my radio show On Comedy Central Network It would be hilarious to let me whine About how you never reply to text like a stalker fan No you said that

We play your music a lot so our audience is very familiar with you. Oh, no. The show is 6 to 8 p.m. You could come in any time for as long as you like. He doesn't reply. Four days later, I write,

me and my radio partner are here. So psyched to see you guys, and that's the last thing I wrote. You always have to clump other people. But look at the end. It's all blue. It's blue on the screen and in our hearts.

He was like I told me. He was a fan. He was a fan. You just got to let it go down. I did what I do. You do. Dude, you gotta stop doing what you do. That's my thing.

It's not your thing. You gotta stop. You gotta stop, man. Friends with Sal Volcano. John Popper likes me. Yeah, Sal was very... What happened with Sal was what you wished to happen with all celebrities that you meet?

Because that was really just like, long lost best friends. Didn't shut down emotionally. No, yeah, Sal came in and he was like, dude, I'm a fan of you. And I was like, shut up. But he was like, really, he's like, I see it sell it all the time. I own this bar. We did comedy show.

And I was like, what? And so it was pretty like, I'm a fan of you. That's all Jay wants. That's what Jay wants. I want more on drugs to be a fan of me. Yeah, it's never going to happen. He was. He was.

He was. And then he thought you were trying to do it. Yeah, you started fucking, you started to dirty talking. I bet if he showed these texts to Kristen Ritter, his wife, though, she would be like, it's sweet. I bet he did. And she was like, you got to stop. She has babysatts to call the police.

She was probably like, hey, you got to stop talking to this guy. He's crazy. He's stalking you You literally were stalking You turned into a stalker buddy That was humiliating We have to get our guests in here So we got to take a break

We got the guests coming in We should announce also You should have a talk with your manager Before he leaves It's coming well He should be here for the commercial I'm sure yeah But have a little chat

And be like if he's all right And everything's still the same Well let you guys know On the pre-record On Thursday You're gonna hear an interview We did today with Anthony Michael Hall Bobby's long lost best friend

It turns out My brother from the Berry But he has a new show coming out. It's a Celebrity Game Show, premiering on Fox Wednesday, July 15th, that is, tomorrow. At 9 p.m. Eastern is called Nation's Dumbest Funcast of characters. Anthony Michael Hall, legend from the Breakfast Club. Weird science.

He was so good, man. What a fun guy. What a fun guest. You're going to love it. And Derek Gaines is coming in next. And go to BigJComedy.com for all his dates. He's going to be all over the place. I'm going to win to pick this weekend.

I'm going to be in New Hampshire this summer. Go to Punch Up. dot lives slash Robert Kelly and we'll be right back we'll be right back we've got to go wash our mouths out get this taste out of our mouth oh