The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Jewish Karate

Episode Date: March 31, 2023

Karate expert Tiger Schulmann has a dangerously hot daughter.

Does anybody here wearing a butt plug? I believe him. Big J. O'Coursen's new special dog belly does out Wednesday on YouTube. Got full Big J. O'Coursen! And now, the bonfire with Big J. O'Coursen and Robert Kelly. Bye bye. It's the bonfire We probably can be in big Jay Yokos. Hey, my little tough. Thanks for joining The bush in the beach they just had rich boss weather guy But I he's aging so well 85 years old. She has rings. He got him from my cousin

Dude, boss is wearing a lot of rings now. Well, he's been wearing them for a while. I don't remember six at a time. I really don't. I don't remember that. It's very new to me. I saw him last night. And I was like, you always wear that many rings? And they said, everyone said yes, but. Bonnie buys him rings like Dana White buys cars for fighters

instead of giving him. Is there good money? Yeah, I say, hey, I got you new Bentley. Christine, did you bring that I wanted to show Bobby? Uh, I think it was a pre limb. You can find that on ESPN plus if you log over my thing. Uh, a fighter, you have Jewish UFC fighter from Israel. His name is Yinal Ashmuz, a S H M O U Z, um, which maybe you could find it on YouTube this thing, but he Thought they were fighting in England and the guy was fighting was an English guy who this is this debut in the UFC

It's his debut is first and he like the speech he gives you know They do like to build up with the video package He's like he did a day-and-a-way contender series. This is officially his first fight He's like I'm where I'll need to be I'm right. Well, I need to be in the UFC with the best in the world because I'm one of the best in the world It's time to show that This Israeli guy comes in and he looks so jui. Yeah back up. He punches him He knocks him out so hard with his one punch that this guy the blonde hair guy That's the British guy he get he for I've seen this before when someone gets flash knocked out like that and they come to

They grab the referees legs a lot because they think they're still in a fight for a second They kind of go like no, no, no, no, come down come down This guy tries to fight other people for four minutes after standing up not knowing he lost the fights There's eight guys around the corner. He's like oh take all you on just keep fighting it's crazy. He was at 7-11 later and he just holding the guy in the headlock. I don't know why it brought me such joy that it's this Jewish guy just flandered up. The guy couldn't look more Jewish. Yeah I really feel a sense of pride in this guy for some reason. The guy couldn't look more Jewish. Yeah, I really feel a sense of pride in this guy for some reason.

Oh! So you see, he should have stopped it probably way longer ago. The referee is not stopping it fast enough. He's way unconscious. This Jewish gentleman, Jacob, how much do you love this guy already? It's all right. And look, watch this guy. Is at the end of the video, you gotta go to ESPN Plus and watch this guy never stops trying the fight everybody. And I think the Jewish guy was the underdog.

And he showed us the thing, and he said that he is really flagged next to, you know, and I was like, oh, no way. A Jewish guy shredded like Jesus. Yes. I mean, he is got, I mean, he's pretty shred. Oh, the other, I was just some of it. It's okay. This is the referee. His whole team around them.

They keep telling him it's over and he just keeps, look, he's trying to break free. He's trying to fight his trainer. This is three minutes. They've already announced to the winner is. They've only had the, they already raised the the guys hand and he's still trying to fight people They have the other fight in the ring and I promise you Jacob's not like he's angry that he lost and he's There's no idea what's going. I beat him that bad What a win for the Jews. It's about time. We've had something go good for us Well the other guy was trash talking also before that's even sweeter. It is yeah

He really did talk a good smack game afterwards. No, no. Kanye has really painted us with a bad brush lately. Mm-hmm. And I'm saying this is a big comeback. Suck on that Kanye. You guys are even no good though, right? No, the Jews, no. It's a plight. It's always a plight. If you ask our grandparents, it's never been good. Never?

Oh, we asked Jacob's parents. They had back pain since the 40s. Really? They were born with back pain in allergies and everything like that. I was thinking the line from airplane Do you have it? Do you have any light reading? Oh this pamphlet on famous Jewish have famous Jewish board stars? The joke it didn't hit me until I was in my 20s and I watched the movie You have any light reading is I have this leaflet famous Jewish sport stars a leaflet I didn't get the joke at first when I was young was a kid that never hit me a leaflet Famous sports stars Edelman say cofax you had your boy Edelman he converted so that can't even count I can't count him no he converted for that. It's a bit of original

The fighter the the the Jewish bear he was the champion back in the leaflet Bobby The Jewish bear you know, I'm a descendor. Releman Jew bear they called them Jew bear wait that was a quentin Tarantino's movie. Sorry a tiger shulman. Yeah They call them Jubert Wemme. That was Quentin Tarantino's movie, sorry. A Tiger Showman. Yeah. Yeah. He's got to be a real guy out there somewhere.

Is there an interview with Tiger Showman himself? I'd love it. Well, when I first got into the art of karate, next thing I know I'm doing mixed martial arts. And then everyone's coming over and the pain he, and the pain he, my guy was Sheehan Rosenstein. Who? Sheehan Rosenstein.

Sheehan Harry Rosenstein. Who is that? Who is that? He's a bad at remember. Oh, you were out. Sorry. When I took her rady lessons as a kid. That was your teacher? Yeah. Well, he was the like the master of the school. Apparently, total badass, but yeah. See, we had to call our guy. It was like Sensei Mark or something because like he was just a Jewish last name That we wouldn't have taken seriously was y'all hairy. He's like a hairy hairy just a hairy chest Yes, with a star of David a gold star David young handsome guy, but very very hairy chest and Or is G. All the time I said that was a disheartening thing because they wanted those Jews to get their parents to get their money's worth and

They loaded it was fake wood planks that were meant to break when you kick them. And I was like, no, this is all bullshit. And I never went again, but I'm keeping that key. You guys know that G's getting some use in my life. Is this Tiger Shulman? That's him. I just know what I would have guessed. Can I just say something?

Yeah. I've never put the last name. I didn't even think of it. That's so, it's so, it's so. I just know what I would have guessed. Can I just say something? Yeah. I've never put the last name. I didn't even think of it. That's a Jewish last name. Pretty Jewish. I never thought I would, I never even put that together. It could just be German.

It could be like Andrew Shoals isn't Jewish. Shoalman? Probably is. But as an Andrew Shoals isn't, uh, isn't, uh, Jewish at all. I would have assumed that by his name. I don't know. It sounds, uh, very. Can we hear what he sounds like? I wouldn't be so old in Jewish. uh... isn't a jewish or i would have assumed that by his name i don't know it sounds uh... very

could you hear what he sounds like there is a one-be-so-old jewish you know blending all these for the only before we've called mixed-mortals in pennsyvania i had plenty of uh... street altercations where uh... you know that was my mixed martial arts experience at the time besides Kiyokashin karate fighting I've had many street fights actually for that. Is he Jewish? Look at that wrestling came into play.

South Italian. He really does. South Italian. All those things as a matter of fact even when I was boxing had he sounds tougher than a Jewish guy natural Well, we kept fighting I took him down to double like take down It's not a sound a little more Jewish So that took him down I took him down and I had a little more fighting. We took a rest I took a rest have a shits. So another came over. She said, why do you do this? I live some other ways I say why are the weights so heavy? It'll have to be. Don't mess with Italians. They're not good people.

Don't you bring home an Italian girl? My mother tells me. Save your energy for the college. I say, why? It says, greasy. Mary a nice Chinese girl, she says to me. Christine. It looks like, yes. It looks like. It looks like, what do you mean it looks like what do you mean is this

dick circumcised? Daniel Tiger Showman from New York City. What? Yeah, she's Jewish. She's Jewish. Now her father is yeah she but this is about her. You get what I'm saying? Oh like her father she She is Jewish I get I didn't see the sense. That was all about her Jewish. Oh, okay. Yeah. Call it is real Danielle showman. Let's see what she looks like what a tiger showman thought it looked like but she's hot Think so yeah, but she's hot. We hit on her at risk of hitting beat up by an old Jew. Yeah Follow on Instagram tell your big fan. Is she also in karate? Let me fight Tiger showman's daughter also put her on the list Yeah, wow go oh my god

Yeah, dude, look at the bikini the bikini No, the bottom one the bottom one right there. Oh my god Look at that fucking spinning ass kick wow yeah what's that one okay let's see other one with the smitten ass kick can you go the spin an ass kick go back go back go back go back go back go back go back go back this is a feeling of very Jewish low-song see the spinning go go down oh go down. Oh man. We've got our answer. There's definitely no way there's not one picture of her.

If you slow it down on a spin kick, that laves not coming out of the side of one of those things. Wow. And it's his daughter? Yeah, it's his daughter. She's smoking hot and she'll kick your ass. You know what, dude? The sucks that a boyfriend has a full sleeve of tattoos

She's not dating she's not dating a little Jewish guy look at that arm look at look at that big fucking mitt Yeah, she's pretty. Could they something though arm and that guy His forearms of the size of my quads. It looks like he's a big boy enormous this guy now Let me say this to you right now, and I mean this with all my heart. You love me? I love you. I love you so much. I'm just a man standing in front of another man asking you to love me back.

I love you too. I'm not saying anything about, I'm just, let's just assume her husband or boyfriend that guy is can beat the living shit out of me. But I'm telling you, I'm looking at all these flippy kickies. I can still drop Daniel Shulman. You what you can't the tiger's. Good. You're not you're not kicking her ass. Well, not with kicks probably.

No, but when I catch one of those little legs dude and twirl around like a helicopter, like a D shirt, you think you could beat her up? Yeah, I probably can't beat her in soccer. 100% can't. No, no, in fact you're right. 100% can't do better than her. It's harder. Playing pool?

Yeah. That way, I don't know. I don't know what a pool game's like. I'm not great at pool. I'm okay at pool at best. She just bent it like back him. Do you see that? Yeah, soccer she can kick my ass, but.

Treadmill. You could throw those. Treadmill? She can throw those stuff. Treadmill? She'll kill me in treadmill. She will kill... Probably literally, or literally might kill me in treadmill. We just try to go...

Treadmill. As long as I have to go as long as she goes, I will die on a treadmill. You die. Yeah, the treadmill will have gotten me and my grandmother now. It's two. Two bodies on a treadmill. She died on a treadmill? Now, but falling on a treadmill was the beginning of the of the downfall. Who got on the treadmill again? She went to a gym.

Wow. That's not seem to have become the the symbol for unexpected deaths. Well, the Peloton was for a minute. Peloton was killing people for a second there. The bike. Yeah. Huh? Killed Mr. Big. That's a fictitious character in a show you watch Christine. Christine's disassociating a little bit like the guys. She thinks all the TV shows you watch the real. No, it's fine, Christine. We'll go home and feed Alph after the show.

She thinks Alph lives with us. I don't know if I've had problems. Just let her go, fade away. She's all whacked down on value. Man, man, it's OK. What's that, Jacob think I'm sorry. Let me just throw this in there. It's a little off topic, but I will also say that the carousel

is the international symbol for child abduction. Like if you put your kid on a carousel, and it goes around, they're not coming around the other side. You'll never see a kid again. In fact, and when they make the... Even if you're on there with them, they somehow disappear. When they make a movie about that situation, and what you also see is a memory of the child on the carousel. And the child in the...

And the child will inevitably fade to nothing. And you'll see the empty now broken down carousel because no one goes to the park since the kid got a duck. But if you look into the horse's face, it's the children. The horse is the children. Is the child the upside as you get to become the Punisher. The venture inside you. Yeah, and I know it's pretty funny to be a vicious,

a vicious cold-blooded killer like the Punisher and his haunting memory is always a carousel in his family. Yeah. Oh, it's every movie you can be on the carousel. Hey, who wants funnel cake, everybody? You can be on the cake. Uhhhhhh! Hahaha! Someone now goes, hey, Frank, you want funnel cake? Don't bring up an okay! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Jay, she's pretty tough. She's tough and she's gonna hit you. She's gonna hit you, right? You're gonna hear you go.

We're gonna hear you go. I can't breathe. No seriously, wait. No, hang on. Hang on. Hang on. She's gonna hear Christy go. Yeah, yeah, dude.

Christy's gonna be doing this behind him. Like, you can give those little punchies to the air kick his ass Yeah, it is funnier if I talk all that shit and then she I mean look at you She's so coordinated Jason she might be the one that could take you Damn What she's not not convinced me she hasn't touched one of those things. They're dropping down. There's a guy in what's happening. She's on the treadmill and there's a guy throwing the little soccer cones on the treadmill. She's clearly like professional levels good soccer.

She's kicking the soccer ball on a treadmill, but around the cones that are moving on the treadmill. She kicks it and keeping it with her feet. She's just dribbling it. Yeah. that are moving on the chart and that she kicks in and keeping it with her feet. She's just dribbling it. Yeah. Perfectly while this guy's randomly throwing down. Yeah, she's so, she is such a good coordination. She's a pro soccer player. I'm a challenge game and soccer. I'm challenging her to a one-on-one street fight. I haven't seen pro soccer players do that in a video.

I love playing this game so much, but there, there's an outside shot. Then now I won't say that loud game so much, but there's an outside shot. Dan, now I won't say that loud. I don't think there's an outside shot. I think there's a really big inside shot. I'll run out of the park shot. There's a big shot that will all become rich if we play bets on this fight. Uh, hello. Yeah.

I mean, dude, who's the other person? Her other hot friend. Oh my God. I'll fight her. You can also probably fight. Let me kick out your hot friends, AS first. I mean, she's my type of girl. I love a big nose.

Danielle Shulman. I love a big like a European nose. She's got a goofy hot face. Yeah, I love it, man. She's so pretty. Real, and Jacob loves his term, Facy. Look at her, Jacob. Look how Facy you are. Is that your type of girl, Jacob? Super attractive,y. Look at her Jacob. I got face Is that your type of girl Jacob super attractive? Yeah, what if she what if she's like?

What if she's like hey, you want to go on a date with me? Would you do it? Would you be intimidated by it? Would you we are at with that? No, I would go But now I'm thinking is this a setup because I see the guy that's the the sleeve the tat sleeve guy It's not a set up at all if I beat, you have to let Jacob have sex with you. Danielle fucking shulman. I don't want you to win her over for me. No, no, I'm gonna beat the shit out of her and then she has to fuck you.

I think I want your help. It's different than what you're thinking, Jacob. I'm gonna beat her unmercifully and then you get to have sex with her as a payment. Yeah, it's honor. Cause she lost a bet. Christian, do you mean they were typing Daniel Shoma nude real quick in the Google?

She says a pro soccer player. Yeah, yeah. I, there's 100%. No, no, no, it's I don't see things like that, dude. I'm sorry. There's me a ham as a professional player. You could watch her taking a piss, I think.

Yeah, but she's a, she's got a little Sam with bag boobies. Was it bad? Was me a ham that hot and her naked pictures? There's no nodes. There's fancy footwork. Thank you. Footwork. Okay. She knows what she's doing now. This is what Jacob talks about. She's doing that for you to beat off Jacob. She's doing that she's 10 at your balls. She is quite possibly the most coordinated human being I've ever seen in my life. Outside shot, she's I've watched her on her Instagram do 18 things already that I didn't think

could be done by people. She is a fascinatingly talented woman. She's close to a monkey. Good job, Tiger Showman. This girl is a Jewish hero. She's a stranger since birth. Yeah. And then she just ended up being hot also.

Smoked. Those ass cheeks. Okay, Jacob. It's not about that. I thought you were just... I hope Nigra Shoma doesn't kick your fucking ass for saying shit. Let's go on, man. You want to be with her?

You want to just bang her like that, Jesus. Black loom. What are your thoughts on this white bitch? Absolutely, beautiful. I mean, yes. Oh, yes, yes, and yes. Yes, all day long. Yes.

You think you can kick her ass, though, right? Me, personally. Yeah. Yes. You think you can kick our ass though, right? Me personally. Yeah, you're pretty sure you can be delivered. I'm gonna save for a little while. Yeah, but shape, Schmap, you know, I mean, you get your hands on her. It's like fucking Loki and Hulk. Yeah. She only has 80,000 followers. Hey, Danielle, you know, can help you out with that? Maybe a little call up to the old bonfire here. See if Jacob can will you pull you away from that. What I believe Jacob called homosexual sleeve arm guy. Yeah. A gorilla pussy. He called him glamour muscle dick face. He was going to slap him with his belt. All right, Christine. Stop showing us the amazing feats of Daniel Shulman. No, no, it's all right.

No, no, no, not a one. Come on. Did you type in Fapeting? I did not type Fapeting. She didn't even type in Fapeting. She has a life. Wait, shouldn't I go to Fapela? Who?

Danielle. What do you think of it? She never naked. The Fapeting? I mean, her dad raised her to be. She's saying, you're saying Danielle Shulman has never ever sent a picture of her pussy to any guy with Sleepy tattoos. Yes, that's right. She has never

On today's world do I tend to agree with I tend to agree with Jacob that she's never ever Sent the picture of her you guys are under estimate Danny. I call her Danny now. By the way, I thought it with a heart you two are so jaded Who mean Christine why You think you think we're perverted a couple of pervs you're calling I've sent less. This one we're getting fired most people I mean like but people send naked pictures like crazy. Hey, what if I was me being interested in getting fired? They're keeping Bobby All quality also that'll be also awkward the Bobby Jacob show That would be awkward. That would be also awkward.

The Bobby and Jacob show. Guys, the numbers are in and everyone's loving the chemistry of Jacob and Bobby. Jay, they feel like you're lost in the sauce in that room. What a flip. This show's turned on its head. She may have never sent one if she's smart. She probably hasn't sent one with her face in it. Oh, I don't need her face in it. Maybe just like neck down.

Sure. But I definitely think girl sends no face nudes. Like, it's no problem anymore. I don't get any nudes ever. Oh. You don't request that. Bobby, I'm not requesting that. I'm going to tell you right now.

Yeah. And we'll edit this out of the show if you want to set it out. Yeah. I'm telling you where I'm a sentence away from having you have a whole bunch of naked things in your email. Do you not want that? Well, I feel like you have a superhero power. I don't know about it. Yeah, it's called the satellite airwaves. It's called a country and international-wide distribution of the show. I'm good. I just I have my phone hooked up to the TV Alexa. Yeah. And I can't I've already had you hear that. I don't send Bobby Instagram. Nudes. Dude, my cult is cock came up on my

TV. Mm hmm. I don't that happens on my TV all the time too. Yeah. Do you know I took a picture? He air drops it every time he's in town. I took a picture of my neck when I was at my fattest. Why? Of my neck and my two my chest together. And it looks like a guy's asshole in balls. I gotta find this picture dude. It came up on the TV and Dom was like, what the fuck are you doing? I'm like, that's my neck.

That's my neck and chest. She just thought it was something filthy. It just looks like a guy from behind his asshole with his nut sack kind of hanging out. Why does your phone just connect to your television? That's changed that. Well, it's my family, I have a family. I don't have any of that.

No, I get it, but just generally speaking why you're phone to your TV. It just throws up, you know, photos and stuff for the fam. To look at. This doesn't make any sense to me. Like your photos going to the light show. My photos go to Amazon. Okay.

You know what I mean? So my Amazon, what is it called? The Alexa. No, yeah, but I got the Echo. Okay. So it's hooked up to there. So all the photos that are on my phone go to Amazon, go to my Echo, that goes to my TV.

Why don't you stop that? You want that? Well, I mean, it's nice everyone's in a while to picture Max as a baby comes up. I don't have any dirty shit on my phone. Like, I could give my wife my phone. Like, Max could take my phone. Okay, I got you. Except for the occasional Joe Liss cock pick.

And maybe Mike Kautta sends me his cock every once in a while for some reason. Yeah. I don't have anything dirty. Just guy shit. I have nothing. Is that weird? I feel weird.

Am I a bad? You're not a bad at all. Should I get some pushpicks? If you don't want them, not if you don't show them up, not if it's gonna cause trouble in your life. I could shut it off. I'm telling you we're a sentence away from having when this episode comes out. Yeah. Not even. When we go live tonight, we just say before the show's over, there'll be something in there. Well, here's the thing too, is that our spot a win came through for you actually. Oh, she did for here. Not to me.

That does always go through Jacob, like, tell them something's off for group. So it isn't enough for him. She never said it. It's like, this is for you. This is for everyone. Oh, I thought that was. Well, that was for welcoming. Well, coming up.

Can you start saying that you pictures, Linda Jacob, and saying there for other people not him you go this one's for Christine These two are for DJ Lou one for black. Well don't go for DJ Lou. He's gonna get scalped at home has a nip for boss He's a nip one nip for boss. Why does your girl. That's crazy jealous That's an edit Hey blue your girl this sort of jealous. Is that better? That we changed the edges. I mean all women are aren't they yes. Yeah, they're all crazy I know more so than any other of course. That's right all of our phones are in a lock box in a closet somewhere when we're together All of us aren't allowed to shit with our own phones all All of us have been put under the stairs for an hour and a half.

He doesn't allow to walk from room to room with your phone on you and think nothing of it. We are, but that's a crazy world we live in. That's a wild world. All of us have to go in the bad corner if we say something out of line. Who's gonna build a panic room from his girlfriend? I'm in my panic room, leave me alone! I'm doing what I do in here! Hey, you know let's take a quick break and we'll be right back!

You're hanging out, me, Robert Kelly, and the gang. It's the Bond Fire. Does anybody here wearing a butt plug? I believe him. Big J.O.K.Ron's new special dog, Belly, is out Wednesday on YouTube. Got full Big J. Ocaruson! And now back to the bonfire with Big J. Ocaruson and Robert Kelly.

Welcome back to the bonfire. It's me, Robert Kelly, and I'm here with my sweetheart, Big J, Fraction Talk, XM, the bonfire. Buzzi! Buzzi! Buzzi! Buzzi! Buzzi! Buzzi!

Buzzi! Buzzi! Buzzi! When you get nudes though, right? Yeah. You get the nudes. What do you, for, you look at them. They're good. You're like, wow, this is awesome. Youods though, right? Yeah. You get the noods. What do you, for, you look at them, they're good. You're like, wow, this is awesome, you get excited, right?

You pointed to me like, I get them. You don't get noods? No. Jacob, you got noods before. You've got noods before. When we mentioned it on the air, I got two, which were great. Yeah. But that was it.

It was a request. How the fuck did my life that was it? If you have the, this power you have that I didn't know you were that power. It's not power. Well the sentence, you should get me a lot of news. How can you haven't used it for Jacob? We have. We put it at the Jacob, but here's the thing.

When I say a lot of news, a bunch of people are going to send essential strangers tons of news, but like there's, we have a nice core of ladies out there who will send some news. Right. Some faces, some not faces. You know what I like? Hmm when they say your name. Like speak in a video when they go, hey Bobby, this is for you. Wow. That I would think would be cool But just having a photo. It's not gonna be cool if that comes up on the family television Max is watching he's playing on his phone and all of a sudden TV goes Bobby. This is for you She's my whole name Robert Patrick Kelly

Oh, if you go by the sag name Robert Donnelly I love John Lennon order. This is for you. Oh This I'm so full of air. His balls, his hard piece. That's what we do. How about we have people, how about we test if his balls, his thing? Oh, what's the yup? Oh my God. And I was like, you know. Now it's like you up. I thought it was probably into an orgasm. This is a really good orgasm.

Yep. Yeah, give me that one more time. It makes me so happy. And I was like you up. I was like you up. I'm gonna piss my pants. That lady rules. How about if we have it? yeah, Bobby, there you go.

It was something not quite there, just to prove if we could do this. Yeah. If you could make a movement like this. Sure. How about we have like, yes, if you're a girl, cause this is a weird talent that's not that rare apparently. If you know how to quif, make yourself quif.

Yeah. Does that be nudity or anything? Just a quif video. Hey Robert, Kelly, this is for you. And then a... Can I be honest with you? Yeah. I'll throw up.

No. Not a fan of a quif. Shut up. Buddy. No one's a fan of a quif. It's more of a funny thing. It's... Doesn't make me throw up, but it doesn't make me fucking.

I just... The noise of a quif is probably the grossest fart sound ever Right you think so yeah, it's all of your insides pushing the surface My god I just I've never ever been into Yeah, yeah, it's just a, it's like air, I don't know, it just makes me. It's air squeezing out for sure.

Like it, you like it? No. Oh. No, I don't actually, not even been a queen of it at all. Okay, I didn't want to bitch you out of it, I mean. No, no, no, I've said before if I'm, for the same reason, we're talking about laughter, queen of it's, none of it's sexy. I'd rather watch a farting because I think that's funnier.

Like, almost like, that guys want that like in their faces and stuff. Like, can we even get it, you dirty bitch? I'm like, I don't get that. I would, if that was happening in real life, I would like get like, I don't like farts. I don't like it either. So like, or other people's farts for sure. Yeah, well, because when you fart, like he was talking about the toilet seat thing when you leave the toilet seat up,

when you fart, stuff is coming out. Sure. There's no way stuff isn't coming out. Microscopic level, even. Microscopic poop is going in your mouth, in your eye. Yeah, yeah, I tell you get pink eye. Get farts in the face.

Yeah. We're just taking shit and rub it in your eyes. I keep saying pink eye and I was like, maybe stys too, but I got styles a lot. And then Christine's gonna pick, oh great, Jay's getting farted on his face on the road. I'm not Christine. I've never been face farted in my life.

Well, never on purpose. God, that's what you're into now. Yeah, I think Christine face farted me a couple times by accident, but she used to drink a lot. So I didn't face fart you. 100% are you out of your mind? You don't believe that to be true. Oh, yeah, maybe yes For sure 69 no just a straight pussy

How did she face for you Christine's a difficult calm and then when she finally does it erupts with the thunder and she lets Completely go and I think one time she farted on my chin. It was a thing. I made it a thing Let's completely go and I think one time she farted on my chin. It was a thing. I made it a thing She breaks bones when she comes it's a real it's a violent action for sure. Yeah, it's like Danielle shulman kicks She goes I'm gonna come I'm gonna come What yeah Hit up kick flip It's a violent action don makes no noise really now. She holds it in like a sense a does she look like a hook

Because that's how I jerk off if I feel I can be heard from someone rooms away is when I come I go I let the steam out. Like one of those rice cookers. Yeah. Steam out. Jacob, you know, we found it a long time ago. He puts paper towel on his stomach and jerks off onto that. I don't, the mean Jacob have so much in common, it makes me fucking crazy.

That's weird, that's what you do also. Well, I've been recently, okay. Like I'll, I'll, like if I'm on a hotel because I don't really masturbate at home. Yeah. I was, we're both knife guys, we're both outdoorsy. We both like to come on our own stomachs with paper towels. Does it end with you two? I'll fr frack. Oh fricking frack over here

A hunter present with them dude. I like I'll get the towel and put it in the zone where I think I'm gonna go Yeah, exactly. I'm not always correct. Sometimes the plane doesn't land where it's supposed to land It's a real guessing game. Yeah, sometimes you gotta solely it and just like a land that we're at last. Yeah, sometimes. As long as it's a safe land, who cares? Yeah. No one's gonna remember where you landed. Just remember that you got there safely.

Yeah, all the passengers safely. They're like a little cold, but you got a story. Little worse for the wearer, but everyone's breathing. So I like to put the towel in that area and then try to, you know, get it there because I, after at the end of it, I just wanna be dumb with it. I'm not like, I know guys just leave it. I don't, that's fucking nuts.

I don't leave it. I give a good scrape up and then just like paper, you know, paper towel, toilet paper, whatever. Use your hand. Wipe it off and wash my hands. Index finger is a squeegee. I'd say index finger thumb touching as a full shaft squeegee. But where's the, but I shoot, I get stuff.

Like I got stuff. Oh, that's on the back of. Now it's more of like, even if it shoots up, it like shoots up and comes back down on my hands. Do you ever hear the, when it hits the one shot hits the side of the pillow, next to your head, the little, no.

Never, never. Oh, I've heard that. I don't know, how do you fire in these loads, celery juice? Don't even answer, I already know. God damn celery juice, none of us try it. None of us try it Dude a nice little paper towel. I tried it once and it worked Huge ropes

At one time. Yeah, wow that day or day before next day The next day celery Dude since I lost the weight I mean and I waited a long time, like I don't all week. Maybe, you know what I mean? Until I'm away, like I said, I don't do it at my house. Oh, my jerks are down to one, two a week maybe. One, two a week, yeah, me too, yeah. But I mean, it's, I mean, I make love, like.

I've been getting tired in my hotel room and that's beating me out on the jerk time. So usually I'm like, I'll watch a little something smoke a joint, go to bed. Or jerk off and then go to bed. And then by the time doing the other stuff and watching something, I'm just kind of tired actually. And I don't want to go through the squeegeeing my weener with this. Fuck you. What's the sound of the background?

That's my heart? No one's here in that I hear my headphones. I hear it Are we filming David Lynch see You hear it have this old ship make so many noises Oh, Jacob's this is you doing your Michael Winslow impressions. God damn it. Gotcha. Gotcha, dude. Here. You're going wrong, lad.

What's wrong? What's wrong? What was it? Three cookies are terrible. Come on, dude. Are they garbage? They're bad. They're bad.

No way. Just like cardboard. Give me one. I was expecting something a little more fake suite. Did you have one though? Yeah, I did. And by the way, just like Bobby's, uh, when Bobby was overweight, just same thing. No one told him. We all just sat there and go, thanks for the cookie, Bobby. Let's see. I think they're good. Mmm. So you guys aren't natural fat people.

All right, you know what I'm saying. They suck shit, but if you didn't tell me they were sugar-ferred, it's good. These are shitty store cookies and... Good enough. ...and my cranking milk. It's still... Now the fact that they're sugar-free, high in protein, they're actually good for you, kind of.

The aftertaste is nothing shy of disgusting But the immediate going down just tasting a high-drocks, you know like a shitty store or you take a little sip right at the end Just so you don't hit that aftertaste Don't down the coke zero. See if it helps it out. Come on. I like them. They're good outside shot Whatever this cream is made out of is gonna have a chemical reaction with this Coke zero. I may explode like a seagull. Stand by. I dreamed with fake sugar. I'm just not. Yeah, I'll get cancer, but I'm not gonna get fat again. I'm all right with that. I'll get a nice.

I also overpowered the Coke zero. What's that brand? Well, they sent it to me. So don't tell us. Don't spread. Don't shout it out. I like them. I like them. Jacob, you could punch the box if you want though. We're gonna make you feel better to punch on the box. Jake, do you like reading instructions or the ingredients? Instructions on the cookie. They get instructions on those. Don't eat them until you're really hungry.

I gotta say is first. You're gonna get stuck to the list. Don't eat him until you're really hungry. I'm gonna say his for us. Pretty good, right? These are not bad for you, as far as the truth goes. Healthy, healthy. Will you try one and give your opinion? It's a healthy snack. Now listen, don't think like cookie cookie, just think healthy cookie. Jacob being naughty.

Mm, like he turned,, oh he's so professional. What a little dirty girl. He doesn't want to hear the chew. Can we hear the chew? I don't know, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You just went non-coachers. Oh man, we're about to get fired in 10 minutes. Can we do that side so we can smoke cigars and cigarettes while we get fired? We have to get fired in here. Why?

Why do you think you're getting fired? Who calls it in a meeting the day out? We need a meeting. It seems like there's gonna be the came, the first week they were like, you guys are talking too much porn so we Jumped away from porn. That was the cookie. We just jumped away from porn Now we have to have a meeting. It's now it's gonna save more porn and or less porn their shit can't amy

They love your guys chemistry. They want to get rid of me and Christine. They've been trying for years We have a new sponsor this cookie company that me and Jacob seem to love. Yeah Christine they've been trying for years. We have a new sponsor, this cookie company that me and Jacob seem to love. Yeah. I mean, we love this new sponsor. But I put in the text thread and I'm getting fired, huh? And nothing.

Yeah. I'm sorry, I didn't even see the text thread. So that's like when you make a racist jokes and nobody laughs, it's racist. You know what I'm saying? I think Lou might be working double agent for the company. DJ Lou might be turning us in telling honest behind our backs Wow, I think these guys drink a lot on air

I give you a ha ha on that one Bob. Oh, thank you did. Yeah, I didn't see that. Oh, thanks. Thanks Lou Well, you might be still blocked. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that you blocked me You just got blocked I'm not the craziest shit ever that he blocked me. Christine, you looking somebody up there on the old fapello? I looked for Danielle, but she wasn't there. Of course, she's not gonna have an only fans, Christine. She's not a pig piece of shit.

She's just a girl who may have pussy pictures out there and will be by accident. I don't only fans. Please. I didn't know it was only only things. I thought it was in a place to find leaked photos. Christine, believe me, I can beat up Danielle Shoman, Danielle Tegra Shoman. You, she will fucking light up. So watch your mouth. Watch your mouth. Christine, watch your mouth. I'm so great to just see your spin kick drop you. You want to say something.

But that's my thing. When me and Christine get into a fight where I am irate in any way, my thing instead of saying, I wish I can hit her. As I say, I wish she would go outside and get beat up by other women. So I could watch for a little bit. I hope other girls kick your ass. What about the greatest? No, if you go to a fight where you grow and she went outside,

bumped into some Puerto Rico girl in the Puerto Rangos beat the greatest? No, if you go to a fight with your girls, you went outside and bumped into some Puerto Rico girl and the Puerto Rico girl and beat the shit out of her for you. Yeah, I fantasize about that. I have date dreams about that. I'm like, you know, maybe when Christine walks the dog, this will be the day. It's some fucking chick just drops and punches her square in her face. Jay thinks I have no consequence. She said none.

She said, we talking about the other day. Hey officer, I was just getting ready to go fuck a guy for drugs while on drugs. And he's like, let's get you home in your papar. Hey, we don't even have to tell him what we saw tonight. Crazy. That's crazy. Get you home to your papar.

Oh, fuck that. That noise is nuts. What do you think it is? Um, I don't know. Is this, are they, they think they're testing out frequencies for other stations? They're gonna put in the studio, once we're gone. Oh, wait a second, is this lose?

Do you think lose microphone he's wearing for the, for Jennifer Witts, he's wearing that microphone on his lapel? You think that's interfering with our microphones? Is that what's happening? Is this when this happens? That's because your headphones are too hot. No, no, okay, sorry. Got him. I think it's because your headphones are too hot. No, no, okay.

Sorry. I think it's because my microphone's too low, but Louis just taken to, he cranks my mic way up so I can do all my herky jerk movements and doesn't change my volume at all. Smart. It's a smart move. He keeps running away from that microphone and I keep coming to get you. He's doing so great. I'm so proud of all of us guys.

We're an amazing few weeks. This has been, um, it's been so fantastic. I'm so sorry. I put the fire out. I really, you guys said it's so time for it. Bobby came to piss on the mod fire. I, I wanted to go to those voice classes. You never put me through.

All right. I said I'd go. I said I'd go. He said I go. I was practicing at home. Doing dialects. He's rosetta stoning. Oh, it's so close. It's an almost macho that is. Eee. No, that was a macho. It was a macho. You were a trump. Oh. Is trump getting arrested today? Yes. Is it happening? No, I don't know that noise is Creepy out. Oh It's like a little black Nidges making me mental. I can't track it down. Oh, maybe we'll see what was my banana

It was your banana the whole time He put a banana in his tailpipe is that the show? Yeah, buddy. That's it Yeah, that's funny. That was great. We did a great time now. It's time to go pay the fiddler Yo here last Tuesday. Can I keep my little tags? You can keep your tags a little bit. They will not work, but you can tell people that the price will help you out at a concert if you want to move around a

little bit. I work for Series XM. Well, we're about to go find out what we're talking too much and not enough about. Yeah. You think this is because we have no advertisements ever. Um, well, we're about to go find out what we're talking too much, not enough about. Yeah. You think this is because we have no advertisements ever and people hate us? You have the only advertisement today.

Really? Bingo! So, suck on that. Do you think it's because Vals was on every other show today? They didn't know who he advertised. We were the only show he wasn't advertised as being on. That I can't say. Saying it without saying it, Jacob.

There's a Jewish conspiracy here at Series 6M and we are here to expose it. I am on the road everywhere. You're everywhere. Bjcomedy.com. You got a big, big week coming up. Your specials coming out. It's free on YouTube. It'll be free on YouTube April 5th.

I need everybody here to go watch it. The day it comes out, this is what I was told. I don't know things about this. Algorithms of what have you. You got to watch it. You got to comment on it. You got to watch it. You got to comment. Watch share. Three things you have to do. You're a big fan.

Share it. Watch it. Comment. It helps immensely. Let's get this thing out there man I want you guys all to see it. I'm so proud of it You can check me out all over the place West Niaq Detroit still coming up Robert Kelly is gonna be in comedy work Sarah Togas Springs Christine. What's the name of the place in Sarah Togas? Probably stomachs the size of banana so I'm sorry. I realized that I didn't set these up This is for after the 29th.

So those dates are already gonna be done. Well, the world's a place in Saratoa Springs is great. Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna be. Nashville, you know, me and Jay. No, you and me. Oh, me and Jay. No, me and you. Jay and Bobby.

No, Bobby and Jay. Bobby and Jay. Bomb fire. Bod fire. We're gonna be in Nashville doing the Nashville Comedy Festival. Check us out there. Austin, Texas. We're gonna be there for the Moon Nashville comedy festival check us out there. Austin, Texas. We're gonna be there for the Moon Tower comedy festival.

Come hang out man. Tell us about your love in the show. Where how much you loved it. Yeah, because it's over. Robert Kelly live.com. He's gonna need you to fill those those theters because we're about to be sound here. If we really get fired this would suck. If this was it.

We love you guys. We'll catch you next time. Sorry, I'm sorry. Sorry what we've done. Campers, it's my fault. B Hey, everybody. Thanks for listening, that was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show.

If you want the whole thing, the whole damn thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbombfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates. Coming to a city near you. I stepped on your crackle crackle. I stink.