The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Jihad Jacob

Episode Date: May 6, 2025

Jay plays the saddest scene in movie history. A father has to leave his son behind in "Riding In Cars With Boys" and it profoundly affects Big Jay. Bobby relates and almost cries as he tells tales of his troubled childhood in Boston. Jay watches a documentary about the Oklahoma City bombing and concludes that Jacob looks like a terrorist. He pulls up photos to prove it. If Jacob was granted a full head of hair, three inches of height, and fifteen years of youth, would he kill three thousand people to get it? Pete Davidson's dating history is reviewed in detail. Bobby has a crush on Jennifer Garner and Jay can't understand it. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now the bonfire with Big Jay Olkerson and Robert Kelly Bobby I see you Jay I see you Jay. Sponfire, Faction Talks, SiriusXM, 103. Big Jay over to the gray robber, Kelly. What's up buddy? We'll start with a whole song every show. Put the F-Gang Wigs back on. No, no, no, no.

We'll play that straight through. Straight through. That's not, that's not. No, dude, do that. That isn't a singing song. What's up pal? What's up buddy? How are you? I'm well. That is a really upbeat song,

and I'm surprised you like that song. That sounds more like my song that I would like. It's one of my guilty pleasures. Like my guilty pleasure. Christine hates it. You hate it? I don't hate it, I just don't love it, and Jay like really connects with it.

Because he's alone. He's been alone his whole life. He sat on a floor on his belly watching TV by himself. Can I tell you something we figured out on Legion of Skanks? It's a big step in my life. You're gay. No. You love gay things. That's not a shocker. Everybody knows that. No, this is um, Christine, do me a favor. Can you go back to the saddest scene in all of movie history to me please? Yes, let me find it.

The saddest scene in movie history? Yeah. Saddest scene to me in movie history to me please yes the status in the movie history yeah says seem to me in movie history it hits home right it's riding cars are boys we know this riding cars are boys dad has to leave comes home fucked up on drugs again drew Barrymore says the Steve's on can't do this buddy you're fucking our lives up got to send you away he goes has a conversation with the kid. It's Ray is leaving I believe is the clip it's called. He has to have a conversation with the child. Don't bring it up yet though until I say real quick. He goes in and tells the kid he has to leave. Mom thinks he should go and you know says it's really sweet. He's like you're gonna hear a lot of bad things about me but

out of every three bad things you hear remember just think that one of them is not true and make that the worst ones You said then he leaves and the kid grabs his toothbrush and goes rushing after him because he wants his dad and he drives off and then he gets mad at the mom which hit home to because I know what they Make me think about being shitty to my mom when I was younger Even though she took care of me Do you have the scene of Christine? Yeah, it's not a great quality. It doesn't matter.

No, it doesn't matter. Watch what happens when he walks in the room. What's happening with this child I identify with? Is he gonna be eating? Nope. You f- I'm sorry. Don't put the pause in again.

I'm sorry. I just gave you, I just poured my goddamn heart out. Buddy, I'm sorry. I just answered too quickly. He's gonna be- It was a good answer. It was a fantastic answer. I just answered too quickly. He's gonna be it was a good answer It was a fantastic answer. I think it all bad chocolate in his pillow Was more of a wait up and sneak out and get stuff God Christine play it. What do you see here? What does everybody notice about this scene?

He walks in talk to his father He walks in talk to his father Fucking tummy time on me time and that's what I did. I would tell me time and that's what it's from It's from my childhood. I've been tummy timing my whole life. I can't watch my mom was on the couch Watching TV I'd be on my tummy on the floor if she'd make me go to my room I would lay on my tummy on the floor and try to watch TV through the crack in the door. Yeah I would lay on my tummy on the floor and try to watch TV through the crack in the door. Yeah. Um, everything was tummy time my whole life. And this kid, why does the scene strike me so much?

That's what I would be doing. Tummy time, drawing. Thank God there's no sound on this. Oh, no, turn the sound up. No, no. He wants him to know he has to leave. His father's leaving. Christine, please.

Hang on, sorry. This is a, this is a, please? Hang on, sorry. This is a, you made me watch this before. It's the saddest scene in any movie ever. It's sad. It's so sad. Yeah, I mean, in some way though, living with Dawn, there is a point where I'd be like,

I would go through this just to be alone. Yeah, of course. And listen, you break Max's heart real quick. To have sex with other women, but. Yeah, of course. Go ahead. Oh God. You can skip ahead a little bit.

Hey, Dad. The kid's oblivious. Oh, hey, Dad, just kills me. He's oblivious. He thinks his dad's the coolest still. He doesn't know he's a fuckup. But your dad isn't a fuckup. That's a good player.

My dad? No, I don't know. No, I'm not saying your dad. I mean, as a father he was. Yeah. But did he hit him? He didn't hit him or anything? Him? No, I don't know. No, I'm not saying your dad. I mean as a father he was yeah But did he hit him he didn't hit him or anything Just a drug addict just a drug addict so he's not really a fuck-up to the kid I think he's fucked up, but the kid doesn't know about that kid thinks he is this shit watch Oh Oh It's so sad.

He can't go with him. Jacob, you're a pussy whose father loved him. Yeah, my dad stayed so I don't get your weep fest here. Your weakness. You're a fucking pussy. Where'd your dad stay? Yeah. Black Lou, you get this. Fuck yeah, dude, I can't watch this whole scene. DJ Lou, what did your father hang in there too? Like a dildo? Yeah, but he was drunk, so it doesn't really count. Your mom should have made him leave.

Hell yeah. Oh. I hope Jacob's dad leaves now. This doesn't really hit Christine. Just miss my dad calling. He never knows when the show's on. He always wants to talk to me. I hope he's calling to tell you he's leaving and he's moving to another country.

He's never going to talk to you again. Jacob, if it makes you feel any better, my father now also wants to talk to me all the time and has no idea when the show is. If it makes you feel better, I don't know where my dad is. I haven't talked to him in years. Is it because I'm like this? Go ahead, Christine, please. Maybe lower the lights a little bit in the room. Oh, come on, Jay. You're gonna hear a lot of bad things about me. Okay?

But only two of the three things are gonna be right. So when you hear something that's really, really bad, you try to think that that's the one time that- Look at Jacob's stone face. It means nothing to him. I don't get it. He's like like these are the dregs of society This isn't a fucking pussy So the dad's leaving his kid

What's with that? He's leaving his well drew Barrymore is making him leave because he's fuck up And she's like it's gonna ruin our lives if I let you stay. Christine, please. Bobby, stare at it. I just said that to my dad. And him to me. Fuck you, Jacob. Your dad was too much of a mo to do heroin. Hope the next call you get is from the police. Oh. Oh. What a...

Here it is. This is the part. Oh. No, he's leaving forever, Jacob. One night he left forever, much like my father. There was cops there that night, though. Oh, yeah, his name's on the phone. One night he left forever, much like my father. There was cops there that night though. Oh yeah, his name's also Jason. Oh, and then he's mean to the mom The funny thing about this is that my mom just eventually figured out she goes

Okay, go live with your dad. There's about three months of that. I was like, yo get me the fuck out of here, please This is awful. My met my mom did that. I can't watch that. My mom did that I can't watch that my mom did that to me when I was in third fourth grade with the guy was beating us and Hitting us and like verbally abusing us and I was in the kit I remember being in the kitchen. I was like I want to fucking go live with my dad I want to go live with my dad because he had visited me that week in your dream whatever no he came come and visit and

He came in visiting we went out to lunch He bought me some stuff, and I was we had such a great time And he was such a great dad for that four hours I was with him and then this I came home and that guy He called me a fucking idiot and a fatso or some shit And he smacked me in the back of the head and told me that was it. Go do this, you stupid idiot, whatever.

I remember being in the car, I wanna go live with my dad and my mother flipped out and she's like, you wanna live with your dad? You wanna live with your dad? Fine, go live with your dad. And she picked up the phone and she goes, Steve, he wants to come, he has something to say to you. And I picked up the phone, I was like, Dad, I was crying.

I was like, please, can I come live with you? I hate being here. He's such a mean jerk to me. Please let me come with you. And my father was like, Bobby, you can't. I can't. And I was like, Dad, but please. And he was like, I can't. Put your mother back on the phone.

And I remember handing her the phone and she went see no He won't take you and I just went up into my room and fucking lost it all night. I remember crying hysterically until I just woke up the next day, you know like a wet pillow and Not and I realized that day like I have nobody in the world My sister was mean to me. I have nobody in the world. My sister was mean to me. I had nobody in the fucking world that was... Can you put that song on again? I'm not alone.

Because... That's a sad story. It was fucked. And I remember just waking up, and my mother didn't say anything to me. Nobody came to me and said, are you all right? Oh, come on. Oh, come on.

Daddy didn't care. Daddy didn't care. Daddy's, it's plural. Daddy's didn't care. By the way, when this guy wrote this song and sang it, he had gray hair already. How gay does that feel to sing this song? Every time he has to go perform, he has to do this stupid song. Father of my... Dude, you're 63.

Get over it. You have kids. You have kids. Just be good to them. Yeah, you've changed the pattern. Good God. So fucked. You have kids, just be good to them! Yeah, you've changed the pattern. Good God. And the saddest thing that ever had was said to me in therapy

is when I was talking about this shit and Alan went, You don't get a dad. You are the dad. Deal with it. And I was like, oh Lord. I was like, I know. Because I kept looking. If we weren't in a room full of people,

I would have pulled up my wiener right there and said, I'll be your daddy. But we're mixed company. You're a lot of people's daddy, including DJ Lou. I'll be your daddy, I'll be your daddy. You know what your therapist, Alan, said to me one time about my, I was telling him. What, he called you about Bobby?

That is unscrupulous. That's terrible, what the fuck did he say? That's not good therapy. I was telling him about my... What, he called you about Bobby? That is unscrupulous. That's terrible. What the fuck did he say? That's not good therapy. I was telling him about my father, and his summation was, fuck him. He wasn't a good person, he wasn't a good dad. Move on. Yeah, you have to hit an age where it's like,

even to go, well, go cry about it. I even think the therapist would be like, if you cry about this now, you are a fucking weirdo. Well, here, I disagree, here's why. Because you learn, right, you learn to push everything down. You know, that's why I started drinking so young. I found like a friend, or friends, who took me in and were my father.

My family. Fathers of mine. But the only thing I had to do was drink and do drugs, right? So I had to be with them, all I had to do was drink and use drugs and as long as they did what they did whatever Crime or fighting or drugs they treated me like a family. So that's why I went with them So they're a gang Bobby, but you look You just described the gang if I do the crimes and things and drugs they want me to do they will take care of me You described a gang, a group of friends who will look after you if you do

the same incriminating acts they do. I should pay you for my therapy. That Jew never said that to me. You were in a gang! I was in a gang. But you press it down. So you push it, push it down, and it's gone, but it's still there.

And then later in life, when you talk about it and you go back through it, all of a sudden you push it down, and it's gone, but it's still there. And then later in life, when you talk about it and you go back through it, all of a sudden you open it up, it comes back out. I can do it. I think I've just talked, even without therapy, I've just yapped about it enough as an adult when I have some perspective. Without therapy, then I don't know if that's like,

a waste of therapy time I would really need with my dad. You think I need therapy for my dad still? My dad situation? If you're gonna have, I don't know. You had a kid already. You had a kid. I think more, you're a dad, but I just, I don't know. I think that the type of person you are,

if you opened up and tried to fix all the broken things about you, and I feel the same way about me, if I try to really fix everything, I feel like I'll not be funny or not have, you know what I mean? Like, like. I don't wanna do work on myself.

Yeah, like, if we become too healthy, what are we gonna do? We're just gonna be. Boring assholes tucking our shirts in. Yeah. Fucking jerk-offs, probably. Yeah, it already took away most of my act. My act used to be fucking things.

Yeah, on the most basic level, don't I just get what the therapy's gonna say anyway? I'm like, yeah, you know, so I have a great relationship with my daughter because my dad stunk with me. So there, like I don't know, anything that seems like, I don't know, shitty at this point is so, well, we were talking to my mom on the phone last night,

it was so funny, like, I really actually look back so much on my dad being like a dumb, shitty, like, non-present parent at all, that like, my mom was doing it, but that was last night, we were just telling stories, she was like, I remember one night, me and my friend Janine got the brilliant idea, after we got out of an after hours

It was like 430 in the morning and we were like, hey, let's go See the let's drive up to Boston right now and see our flagship our flagship like corporate offices for casual mail big and tall and And she said they drove and got as far as New York then they got tired and just slept in a parking lot in New York somehow and I was and she told me the time of this when it's starting I go I was eight Yeah, I was eight when you fucking did that you psycho you had a child. What are you doing? She goes you were your mom on sales and I'm like, yeah, I was always at my grandma's house I did I remember I lucked out the grandparents but he I feel her grandparents

I had great grandparents to my grandmother and grandfather were fucking great. I called my grandmother mom, which pissed my mom off, because she was more of a mom than my mom was. If you were from Philly, you could've called her mom mom, which is what I call my mom mom. Yeah, I called her nanny. That's right, my mom. I called her nanny, but I wound up calling her mom

in my teen years, because she was there for me all the time. And I remember I was in jail, I think, I'm gonna tell you this, I was in jail, and they had these things called bed crunches in juvie jail where they needed the space for a worse criminal kid. So they would take the kid who was the least and say, go home, you get to go home. It was like a lottery that when it happened. It was like a fucking the best thing ever

They came to me and they said you get to go home. There was a bed crunch They had a kid come in that really was a bad kid We need to we're gonna let you go home and I called my grandmother because my mother was out of state She was living in Ben Salem or wherever. And I called my grandmother. And I go, if you come pick me up, I can come home. And my mother wouldn't let her. She was ready to go. I packed all my stuff.

And she called back. She goes, Bobby, I can't come pick you up. I talked to your mom and she said no. Oh. And I was like, what? And I was so fucking dead. I remember we all had we had cubes You had a cube with like a fireproof bed in it. That was your room in an open room That was the juvie hall and I remember I went into my room and I just started bawling crying and

People were coming in. Hey Bobby and what's wrong? I was like nothing. They actually took me into the office Took away all my clothes What is this fucking music? This is me any sense good one hunting soundtrack? Oh? That was a vampire apology Get turned But they took me to room and I had to sleep in the office on a mattress For the night because they thought I was gonna kill myself And I remember it was it was so fucking

I killed myself. And I remember it was so fucking sad. And that's the layers of shit when it pushes you down. You're the only one in this room, I will say it's fair, you are the only one in this room whose both parents didn't love him at all. You're the only one. Well in hindsight, my mom was doing what she thought was right,

which was letting me go through the system to learn my lesson. And out of all the people that I know, I'm the only one that fucking was successful and made it. All the other people that I hung with, whose mother did pick them up, did take them home, bailed them out of jail, dead or still fucked up. That was my, I had the opposite of that.

My grandmother, who was amazing and very attached to me, when I went to my dad's and then like after a few months So I was like this like my stepmother does not it's not enjoying this my my dad said yes completely arbitrarily he's not like stoked on it, yeah, and He was gone all the time anyway, so it was just like I wanted to go home My mom was immediately like yes. Yes the thousand times times yes, I was waiting for this day. And my grandmother was like, you shouldn't do that. But he said he wanted to go there, he thought it would be better there.

She's like, my dad didn't abuse me or anything like that, it was just dismissive. But she was like, you let him finish the school year there. He said he wanted to live there, make him commit to what he, you know, I wanna go live with dad, like to go live with dad, and come back in a year. And I was just like, mom, please don't make me stay over there.

And my mom was like, get home right now. Get home right now, baby. Yeah, I had a moment like that. I think the last, one of the last foster homes I was in was in a really, it was Lawrence, Massachusetts, which was a very bad part of Massachusetts. Mostly Puerto Ricans and Spanish and... I gotta do trash.

No, no, no. No, all right, Hinge Cliff relax. No, you're saying it's a bad neighborhood full of trash garbage people. I was assuming you meant Hispanics. And, and. My daughter's half Hispanic. Don't think I don't feel like they're either trash garbage.

Congratulations, Isabella, by the way, passed both her tests for esthetician school. Oh, that's great. Both of us. That's awesome.. Yeah I called my mother on Christmas Eve and she I remember I'm on the floor in the living room of this foster home which I hated. I hated it. The guy was a redhead fat guy, security guard. Nice. They made me leave the house every day so he could walk around in his tighty-whities. Well, it's better than molesting you. Well, I would have rather. At least I've been warm.

That's true. It was winter. You would have had a mouthful of cum and a warm body. Yeah. That would have been better. You're right. Yeah, I had to walk around a Puerto Rican neighborhood in the winter, which was terrifying. Oh, yeah.

Where do Latinos go in the winter? Do they make little holes in the lawns like snakes? They're outside. And uh, where do Latinos go in the winter? I mean little holes in the lawns like snakes They like the concept they're the only people that take the outside stuff out and the inside So you got lawn furniture in your kitchen So I remember I called her and I was like I was like mom and she's like, yeah I go I can I I just I just wanna come home. And she started crying. And I'm like, why are you crying? She's like, because I was just talking to Larry,

who's my second stepdad, who's awesome. She's like, he asked me what I want for Christmas and I just said, I want my son home. And I was like, I wanna come home. She's like, yes, come home. And I remember I went home and I went up to, upstate New York at that point. And you robbed her blind. No, I didn't rob her blind. I went home and I went up to upstate New York at that point. You robbed her blind.

No, I didn't rob her blind. I went home and I tied her up and I stole everything she owned. I remember I went back home and it was actually good until I started drinking again. And then... Oh, it's hilarious. You just fucked up right again. I just didn't. This is how I made friends, dude. You do the same thing. Now, like weed was my... I would go to a new, I went to so many new schools, my go-to was

have weed or drug from the last place. I would always have some. Go in, I would get in trouble the first day or second day. So I'd get detention, I'd go to detention and then whoever was in there, whatever kid, I'd be like, you know what I mean, you smoke weed? And he'd be like, yeah, and then we'd go smoke weed and then whoever was in there, whatever kid, I'd be like, you smoke weed? And he'd be like, yeah. And then we'd go smoke weed and that was my friend.

Wait, your move was to get in trouble first day. My move was to get in trouble, have some- So you'd have to go to detention to see the bad kids. I would get in detention so I would go there and those kids were always the kids I would wanna hang out with. Why? Because it was just cool, I thought.

I like nice boys. You like nice boys. No. No. You like Dave Smith. I like nice boys growing up. My friends, I didn't have any real piece of shit friends. I mean, varying degrees of tough, nothing to do with that, you know what I mean, tough. Athlete, athletes, but it was just always

the nicest of the people. I never hung out with, like if there was somebody who was doing none of my friends to the best of the people. I never hung out with like, like if there was somebody who was doing like, none of my friends to the best of my knowledge, till I was like maybe an older teen, like you know, 18 or so, was like a weed dealer or anything like that at all. Like they smoked, some of them smoked weed

and I was disappointed in them for it. I hung out with them, I just like trash. I was like, God, is that what you guys just do, smoke weed all day? That's what losers like my dad do.'s what I thought of my dad smoke pot So I thought that was what fucking I go well. I hope you guys enjoy leaving your families one day Hey, I know that's making that Led Zeppelin album sound really good that weed, but eventually you're gonna leave your children That's what weed makes you do. I think

My only example and then I smoked weed and left my kid. Exactly. You left with an angry Spanish woman. I left an angry Spanish woman. You left your kid with one. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and a half angry Spanish woman and a full Spanish angry woman.

And then I moved in with a psychotic Middle Eastern, whatever the fuck Christine is Armenian Yeah, Armenian. I don't know where that is on a map It's over there. Yeah, Armenia is right by something. I Assume it's by Turkey cuz she doesn't like turkey people and she doesn't like turkey sandwiches. She loves turkey Ironically, I love turkey but hates the Turks. I Ironically I love Turkey but hates the Turks I

Think she says there was a genocide. I don't know. I heard it once in a system of a down song But I didn't really dig deep on it Armenian genocide, I think it's a thing. Is it real Christine? Yes, it's real. How many people were killed 1.5 million Yeah, what don't tell a couple of Jews that Christine That's weak weak. Yeah, that's like the Oklahoma City bombing Get over it Get over that bombing Why does the other guy from the Oklahoma City bombing name never stay out there? I watched a documentary on the Oklahoma City bombing the other day and everyone remembers Timothy McVeigh

Nobody remembers the other guy. It's Terry Nichols. I just saw the thing but when I heard I was like, oh, yeah But even when it first started the documentary, I'm like, I always think there was two guys involved in this But I only remember Timothy McVeigh and then eventually it went down like he because he drove the he drove the truck there Timothy, right? Yeah, he drove it parked it it, and ignited it, and killed everything. But it was still a two-man operation. They were always, those names were synonymous for a while. And then it just became, like the memory

just became Timothy McVeigh. I mean, that is the reason, because he was more of the active guy, I believe. Yeah, he drove it to there and put it in front of the building. I know, it must blow. I mean, how many people can name three, even two of the terrorists, the 9-11 terrorists now?

Osama bin Laden gets all the credit. He gets all that burn. It must blow. No one else, yeah. If you live over there and you go, I was loosely related to Mahaka Akabaka. And they go, What was his name?

Mahaka Akabaka. And they go, who was that? And the son goes, Oh, god damn oh, dude, he was one of the fucking 9-11 boys. It's hijackers, dude, come on. What about Saka Saka Hiki? That was one of the Pearl Harbor kamikazes. That is funny that Osama did get credit

and all those dudes on the plane who had to learn how to basically fly We remember that one guy with the stretched out neck white t-shirt and like the fucking like you look like you fucking look It's fart smell bad. Yeah, you know talking about yeah, that was like that was El Baki L something I was like something L something yeah But they get no yeah, we remember the pictures and by the way only the pictures I only remember top left yeah And only guy I remember and the other guy with the top left and then there was the other one is it weird They all look they had to stretch down like Jacob a little bit. Oh

Yeah, for sure Jacob be asleep herself That's why he goes in a look like Jacob goes down the fuck that dude. You go down the Florida and take private flying lessons constantly, you piece of shit. I know what you're doing down there. Not one of them looks like me. The top left one exactly like you. That looks like you today. That fucking idiot looks like me.

Jacob. No way. Jacob, the only one who doesn't look like you is the guy with glasses. Everybody else looks like... You're saying this to get under my skin and mission accomplished Your facial hair don't look like you're a facial hair away from being any one of them Yeah, I saw five of those guys today. No Yeah, Jacob You could do worse in the world than to you could fuck. I'm fucking Brad Pitt compared to these.

Jay, Jay, can I ask you a question? That top left one, is that not the face that we see every day when we come in and we say hi? We have the same scalp, not the same feature. I'm saying that features. In fact, the bottom right is when you are most pleasant. And that's not even that excited. That's actually happy Jacob.

Now I understand what's happening Bobby. Jacob, it's not a big deal dude. You have a Marwin Al-Shehyeh look about you. No, I don't. You have a Hani Hajjur, maybe a Ziyajar look about you. Yeah, I'm a hot otter face. Jacob, you're a real honey, hon jar. We're a hand jar. No way I look like any of these.

Let me say something. Most of the time I give me that you have an hot face. I'm a real Muhammad, hot face. Honey, hon jar. Jacob, don't come in here with your honey, ho jar bullshit. Did we both have a negative outlook on life? Yes. But that's where the similarities end. Yeah, one of them did something about it and you didn't.

You just sit here with your hands. I just keep sitting here on your hands as it had taken action, dude. I want you to fly a planet planet to this building so you can end it. Don't you want 72 virgins, dude? Don't you want to break off 72 virgins? They're all fat nobles. That's Corey Feldman. Wow! It looks exactly like Corey Feldman. Hamza Saleh Saeed El-Ghamdi looks strikingly like Corey Feldman.

I had a theory, I don't know if I can explain it, but because Japanese people or Arab people... Those people. Well, I would believe the personality who is Jay and who is me, right? There's a big Jay Okerson in the terrorist community with your personality. You know what I mean? Yeah, Big Hamza. Yeah. Big Hamza Salah. You know what I mean?

Like there's got to be a funny, jolly terrorist. To them. Listen, funny around the guys. Yeah. I mean, he then has to go home and then beat a woman and cut her clit off for sure. Right. I still play by the rules of the land. When in Rome, sure, look, I get it's ridiculous because I'm me, I'm the me personality.

He goes, I know it's ridiculous, but I have to cut your clit off. It's ridiculous, listen, I know, I get a whole bit about how stupid it is to be cut off clits, but until the laws change. Big Homs is a slaw. He is, he really does look like that. That's Jacob.

Jacob. Jacob. Keep going. Another Jacob, hang on, before you click each Jacob Jacob don't go anywhere don't stop going I'm gonna read off a name and we're gonna guess if I click Jacob or Corey Feldman okay Hanny Hanjor we already know he's the leader that's a Jacob for sure let me see Hanny Hanjor Jacob okay Khalid al midar Jacob I'm gonna say Jacob Jacob Jacob with a mustache okay

Jacob majeed moqed I'm gonna say not a Jacob I'm gonna say Jacob okay Jacob Jacob look like Dennis from always sunny though. I'm gonna say Look strikingly Glen Howard look like Dan Natterman a little bit also a little bit like Dan Nawaf Al Hasmi I'm gonna say Bobby Kelly. I'm gonna say I'm gonna say Jacob That's a Bobby Jacob That's a young Bobby Salim Al has. I don't know who this one looks like. That's a young Bobby. Salim al hasmi Jacob Jacob, I'm gonna say Jacob for sure. That is a Jacob. That's a Jacob. Absolutely Zia Jara is a leader a Lebanese leader Jacob. I'm gonna say 100% This guy does not look like you

I'm gonna say Luis J Gomez. Okay. Oh Was that guy was Jacob, that's sorry it was Jacob the whole time I made our has now we Jacob I'm gonna say not a Jacob Jacob Jacob there sexy Bobby no it's Jacob the lips he's got the lips his lips Bobby powder oh you know what yeah these are the this is funny three these are the pussies that let all those fucking Americans take him down. They landed in a field. They didn't land. Ahmed Al-Nami, we already look at him? No. Okay, I'm gonna say. I'm gonna say, not a Jacob.

I'm gonna say big time Jacob. Big time Jacob. No, no photograph. No photograph. Damn. What about Sayeed? Sayeed Al-Ghami? She's gonna go get a photo of Ahmed Ali Nami.

What if you're not allowed to have a photo of him? Let's put you on a list, Christine. Christine, you know how they feel about some Middle Eastern bitch running around out here with your full clip. Wait, look. Jacob, oh, it's Jacob. That's what Jacob wants to look like.

Yeah, you wish. It's like if Jacob was in Menudo. Yeah, Jacob wants that hair. I do was a menudo. Yeah Jacob was that hair You want sexy terrorist Would you crash a plane to a building for that hair Let's just say it was one building half the victims yeah, let's say it was in Alaska too Would you crash one into a? German office building for your hair no then I don't use the hair afterward What do I do with the hair crash fire to it just goes on fire Jacob?

Tell me you're a martyr back here in the states would you crash one into a hospital in Palestine? But you know this hostages being held somewhere in the area. Yeah, would you do that? Would you do that to get that hair? I don't think you Bobby, you know this like You don't you don't you want to live with it. You want to live with your hair with hair Yes, I live life to the flow. No, no, no, that's crazy to know you're getting out. You're getting out dude You know, you got a parachute you're jumping out with hair like the hair as soon as you do it jump out yeah hair happens as simple as you make sure it's happening and you get the fuck out you could listen we can go stupid stupid supernatural and be like the old would you push the button if it blew up a

building I'm saying you got to do it you have to do the action but you get beautiful gorgeous hair and Jacob I'm gonna throw something else in three inches of height That's a lot that's a lot Three inches three four inches Johnson's answer first why because that's a that that second half Affects him buddy. You're gonna be five eight Like with hair I'm already no five nine. Oh, sorry Taller than you you're taller than me. No, you know, I would be oh you would be yeah. Oh, you'd be fine Yes, okay. Yeah, five seven. Yeah, that's you. I love we are sure Kings. We all have to have that I have a quarter you have a half

Jay doesn't pull that shit. No on my wiener. I do that On my wiener I get down to centimeters. I go metric. I flip the ruler around. It's more lines on that side. Did you know that? If you just say the number, no one knows if it's centimeters or inches. How big's your dick?

I go 73. 73. If you'd caught me 20 years ago, I might contemplate it, but the fact is I'm too old to use all this stuff. Now so I'm gonna stick with my hair tonic. Jacob. That's it.

You get. I know what you're saying. Let me finish. You were trying to sweeten the pot. Three inches of height. I'm gonna keep sweetening the pot, that's how this game works, you lunatic. He's shutting me down.

Stop, next subject. No. You get three inches of height. You get, I'm trying to find the bar here. Give him four. Well that's when we start we start playing we start playing I'm three inches of height. Okay. We have to add more stuff four would have been more I say no no no cuz here's the thing I know you're I could love five nine

I'd be the happiest six foot three to me, but that's crazy You're gonna get full head of hair right you're gonna get um height you can get three inches of height and you dial back the clock on your age looks and everything 15 years do you murder 3,000 people this is on the air. Keep in mind, if you don't kill these people, there's no Pete Davidson in the world. Then no. I gotta say no.

Why? You'd love for Pete Davidson to be erased from this planet's history. Yeah, alright, because I'm gonna... Why don't you like Pete Davidson? I don't hate Pete. He doesn't even know Pete. I don't know Pete. He's jealous of his record.

He does hate that. I regularly go through his list. Yeah, I mean, it is something to be jealous of. Astonishing. It is a yard. The Derek Jeter of our time. It is a yard that I like to look over at and wish I had that grass.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean. Do you? Dude, he's hit some pretty good ones. Absolutely. All of them. And he's still, now's hit some pretty good ones. Absolutely. All of them. And he's still, now here's the thing, Jay. He did all that, did the drugs,

got the tattoos, came out the other side, tattoos are gone, and he's still killing it. Yeah, no, he'll be fine. Which is pretty good. Yeah, I'm not arguing that. Here's what I'm saying. Kaia Gerber. These are all, all all these girls it's the fame yeah thing is what you're looking at yeah no we're looking at the tits no no of course I'm saying but it's

the fame of them you have fucked girls yeah equal this one here has he David Kazzie David beautiful girl who is is that? It's Larry Davis daughter Yeah, you and I have both Fucked girls with even if it's in parts better something face body yeah ass tits whatever the fuck it is and you don't Pine think about that every day. So it's saying that with these celebrity girls like It's an impressive list because of their fame for sure and they're all hot chicks I'm not saying that I'm just saying like when you were like you're jealous of that like that list like what jealous

I wouldn't want to spend any kind of time with any of these do you know means of course I want to fuck the equivalent of the exact looks of Kate what's her name? Kate Beckinsdale, but I don't really want to hang out with Kate Beckinsdale at all or Kazzie David or Ariana Grande I'm not saying I would want to hang out with them. I'm saying that It would be nice to be dating go It would nice it would be nice to go through that roster in a row like he did I would go through a bunch of Rosie O'Donnells

and then get a Kate Beckinsale. And then go back to like a, you know, a Roseanne Barr. Yeah, well not Roseanne, but yes. You know, I would go up and down. My Richter scale, it would be more up and down. His is, he went up and just went straight across. Of course.

Which is pretty impressive. No, no Yeah, he's nailed the the hottest and whatever. I'm just saying The only reason we're over you over give issues because every one of them is a name that you can point out like who they Are too. It's like oh shit. It's Cindy Crawford's fucking daughter. Yeah, Andy McDowell's daughter Yeah, I mean it's my type to the brunette that type of brunette I'm into I mean if he had a couple blondes mixed in there I wouldn't well I don't like I'm not a blonde guy but I mean and then Kim Kardashian is different type than all of them yeah Kim is I don't you can keep that one yeah you can keep the Kim I'm not into the Kim I don't want to follow

those guys what guys blacks no well yes? No. Well, yes. But no. And Pete's? I mean all of them. Blacks and Pete's? Blacks and Pete's. She's a celebrity podcast. Sounds like a new podcast. Welcome to Blacks and Pete's. Yeah. Pete Davidson, again, I'm not like... Listen, these are all, of course, ways to cope in the world with not being the person fucking these people.

But every one of them. I'm sure he's fucked plenty of regular people in between, like just human beings that work at restaurants or stores or anything, but the ones that he goes from one to the other, I see more of the burden of their life, the fame, you are getting pictures, it doesn't seem very fun for a girl that, when they're naked, are going to be hot,

but he's fucked, Pete has fucked a waitress from a restaurant that when they're naked are going to be hot but he's fucked Pete has fucked a waitress from a restaurant that's as hot as any of these chicks almost but I'm just as impressed with that I know he's been for he's fucking tens that we've never heard of yeah but he turned it on that's awesome it's like before fame by the way he was doing that was he banging before fame that's my question it was he in every circle we were in wasn't Patrice What there's a lot of guys that got fame and then got a tale every circle That he was it you know I mean so it's like the levels of circle

Yes, he was when he was just a young comic with nothing no money nothing He was breaking off the cutest ones, and he's from Staten Island and and most people don't know this. Staten Island, hottest chicks of all the boroughs. Maybe. I'm telling you, Staten Island is a sleeper. Go to Staten Island, hang out at a Starbucks. The hottest chicks in the world will roll through there, picking up their fucking Kamel Macchiatos. Sure. They're smoking hot.

So if he's if he started young and starting out. I don't know how much he was crushing pussy as a kid, but when he was doing comedy, in the circle we were in, he was hooking up with the cutest comics, the cutest comic girls, some of the cutest people who worked at comedy clubs, like the staff and shit. So he was always doing pretty good. He just had that charisma.

I wonder if, I look at that type of fame, if I, if you, like if we had ever gotten that type of fame, if you ever got on a show and was that famous, like who, who would you wanna bang? Like who would be the person if you were that famous? Because you have to be, you can't just be where we're at and bang a famous person. You'd have to put a lot of work in. lot of circumstances have to come to fruition for that to happen

But if you get to a certain level of fame like that You're around those people and you get to kind of bang in that that realm. Who would it be? Barbara Mandrell Country superstar Barbara Mandrell from the 70s. No, but do you have, like, the person that you... I mean, it would have always been, of course, like, the young Pam Anderson in her prime, but I mean, like... I would bang, I would want to bang Jennifer Gardner.

Really? Yeah. Not, I mean, now I think she's still mom hot but back when she was When she was Electra, oh you have like a there's like a Boston connection to that girl's something she gives off cuz that was She gives off so he knows like apples fucking something I don't know what she did yes chowder her pussy smells like lobster dude, yeah, it's something because You and Ben Affleck, when Ben Affleck was with her I was like really? That regular old looking chick? Dude, Jennifer Gardner during Electra?

She was super hot when she was younger. She had fucking dimples and her body was fucking retarded and she was so, at her fuck oh god dude dude I'll take a dab you crazy what's her name what was the Sin City girl I'll take her I'll take Alba over her any day first of all Jessica Alba what a terrible human being she is sure I'm sure she's a rat trash piece of garbage that we should fucking do away with her but she's more attractive than... No way. Look at that, dude. No way. She's a... I like a woman. I like her hips.

I like that. Look at her hair. She's smoking. Jessica Alba is just a little... We talk about a Jessica Biel type. Jessica Biel. What? Jessica Biel with those... Well, now she might be, who knows? But when she was in, very specifically, she did a movie, well now.

With the Jets? No. When she was with the Jets with Jamie Foxx, those special fighter jets? No. She was hot in that. Texas Chainsaw Massacre. She was dressed in 70s clothes with the hips and shit

and she looked fucking really good. I'll tell you what, in Sin City City I would rather take the other girl the other woman who was naked in That member her was her name Carla Gugino Her and Sin City her body and who's dad's pretty great. Yes way better than the same manager We saw her in our business manager. She's remember? She's smokin'. Gugino? Gugino. She can be, that's by the way,

Pauly Shore, that was his co-star in Son-in-Law. Carla Gugino. In that movie, when she was naked, Yeah, she's good. I'll watch that over and over and over again. She is hot. Well just jerk off to it and stop. No, I will not.

Don't just keep watching it over and over again, that's crazy. I'm not gonna teach Max what's fucking good and bad. look at that. Yeah, it's a woman's body for sure I see we listen I I don't disagree with you That is a home. That's a home run hit for me That body is a home run hit for me for sure But Pete Davidson would think he's fucking a pig if he had sex with her. Oh god. Why is that? Oh, what was in it? Oh, Christine? What is this? What do you do? What is this? Come on?

Is this a jihad porn? What's it say on the top? Yeah, oh man Yeah, I just like a I like a nice droop stop saying you like a woman. I like all like a woman No, you you like Jessica Alba. Look at those hips. I said I would take Jessica Alba over a fucking Which was all it was it wasn't even saying Jessica was my favorite, I was making the point. I don't give a fuck about Jessica Alba that much, but in that world of, wasn't she a dark angel,

like girls, like super hero-y girls like that? I would take Jessica Alba over fucking Jennifer Garner. No, what? Jessica Alba into the blue when they're underwater the whole show? Look, we all jerked off to whatever we jerked off to, guys. We don't think of our specific scenes. Hey, Jessica Alba at about two minutes, 35 seconds

into the movie, whatever. I think you see one of her pussy hairs. Oh, this is Alba. No, this is Jessica B on her 70s clothes. Yeah, she looks good, but her mouth, her teeth are weird. They are disturbing teeth. Yeah, she's got like, you know, grand mal seizure mouth. Yeah, it looks like she could floss with fucking shoelaces. Yeah, man. She's got big she got a big big fucking pumpkin tooth, bitch

You're right. I hate her too. You got baby Billy mouth. I hate all this She got baby Billy mouth. I hate all these pigs. No, I mean Yeah, I mean Jessica Alba. I mean look at her fat little. She's not that hot dude buddy Well, who you fighting this with you? I didn't say she's the hottest Jessica Alba in Sin City is no you're fighting I said she's definitely more attractive than Jennifer Garner in 100% of ways no way yeah 100% no way that is not 100% not just yeah, look at look at that. Yeah, look at that. It's like my sister go back to that sexy clothes Look at that, look at that. It's like my sister put on sexy clothes. First of all. She's so regular faced dude.

Can you click on that face? Her lips are incredible. Look at that dude, are you nuts? She looks great there, yeah. She looks amazing, wait, wait, look at this pan up. Look at, body is perfect, stomach is great. Look at that mouth, those lips. That body is one line straight shoulders to ankles.

You're out of your mind. She's got hips. Stop shaking your head, Lou. She doesn't. And look up. She doesn't have hips. Look up. She's got hips.

She's a real plain Jane. Thank you, Lou. You're a plain Jane. You're just like a booty that smells. And by the way, she's so made up there, it doesn't even look like her face anymore. Are you crazy? And look at that five head.

Now I'll tell you another one. Stop, stop, stop, stop. All right, the forehead, the forehead's rather large rather large this girl you keep doing do a whole fucking showcase of this That's like a Reese with a spoon forehead That was the other one too. That's what happened to look at the Jennifer love Hewitt in my time would have been a Jennifer love Hewitt in her prime girl that I would have like that would be I would have been jealous of like a Pete Davidson Getting like her but again you see her now

even back then she was bad you know what she had a rock shit huge tits no no she had that nobody saw eggs are more now fucking cancels oh maybe she type in jennifer left you even in her prime i love that she had blue cancels I hope she does. Type it up.

I hope it's true. She had Lego legs. It went straight from her hips down to her foot. It's like, it looks like her skull kept growing, but her skin didn't, and now you can see like blue veins through her head like a goddamn roadmap. Those aren't cankles.

No, go back, that's not it. Go, go, go, go. Bobby, now you're attacking a woman. Go, go, go, go. Try, look at that. Look at that go. Look at that fat calf dude. Let me see, zoom in, zoom in, enhance. Look at that calf. No, that's a nice ankle.

That's not a nice ankle. That's not a nice ankle, ass, or anything. That's a bad picture of Jennifer Love Hewitt. Still would. I love her. She has cankles. Look at that, look at the size of those canks. Where?

Right there, not that. Look at that, the no cankles. No cank, look at the size of those canks. Where? Right there, not that. Look at that, the no cankles. No cankles there. Well she had AIDS in that photo. Oh, you might have made this up. No, I didn't. She had cankles. She might have cankles now,

because she's a pig maybe. No, she had cankles back then. No. I remember that. That's crazy. She's got big fat, look at her. She's pretty nice ankles. I don't think so.

Listen, are they the nicest ankles? No. Look at that line right there. But they're still pretty good. But it doesn't matter, she aged out of being, whatever, she's like, look at her now, yeah. Yeah, she had juicy boobs. Nicole Eggert was my number one back in the day.

Oh my Christ, is that her? What is that? Oh, fuck me, dude. That's Jennifer Love Hewitt. Cock sucker. She got old. She got work done. What? She got work.

She did? Yeah, her lips. She kind of looks like a different person. She got her lips. That bottom lip is juiced up. Bottom lip's juiced up. Jennifer Love Hewitt in Can't Hardly Wait was the dreamiest of dream girls.

And I was just the right age for dreamiest of dream girls and I was just the right age for it that came out when I was right after high school or right around high school time and she was like the high school like crush when I was like an eighth grade which means you had to be like she's still out of five 20 but huh what'd you say When did it come out? Look. Let me see. You're looking at it already. It's gotta be in that information there.

98. 98 I was. You guys were in high school in 94, right? Oh yeah, I was 20, no. I was 98, I was born in 77, this is very easy. I was 29. I was 22 when it came out. I was 29.

28? No, 28, was it 98? 98. Yeah, I was 22 I was 22 when it came out. I was 29 20 no 28 was it 98 98 yeah, I was 28. No 20 20. Yeah, she was cute back then One fucking picture her walk into the room Give me a can help me wait anything else when he sees her when he can't wait to tell her how he feels about her Do you remember what was that movie with Ryan Reynolds that blonde that was in that just friends? She yeah, she was cute. I always liked her Something with her husband something No, some weird dude. I mean yeah, she she

Yeah, she lost it didn't buddy. She did not she good She's like the chick from the Terminator and road trust it in the movie Road Trip when she took her Top up even with those little fucking mosquito titties mosquito Mosquito bite titties. Just so cute. Crank, remember Crank? I do. That movie? Yeah, it made the fucker to stay alive. I mean, it was one of the greatest scenes in any movie.

Pretty great scene. In front of a bus full of, I believe, was it Asian people? Right? I mean, that's crazy. What she looks like now is so upsetting. Well. Oh, what a cutie. Wow, yeah man, that's crazy. What she looks like now is so upsetting. Well. Oh, what a cutie.

Wow, yeah, man. She is cute. I bet Breckenmire still looks pretty good. Poor women, poor women, dude. I know, they really fall off. Look at that. Poor women. God, she's adorable.

Yeah, she was cute. You do have Mickey Rourke, so. Huh? You do have Mickey Rourke. Mickey Rourke did something. Do you know, was it that movie movie sin city was Rodriguez, right? Yeah, and he's he actually gave Mickey that part to give get him money. Oh, I bet Yeah, he gave him that part and there was another part and and it was a desperado or something. Whatever

Mickey works wearing cartoonish makeup in that movie and looks way better than he looks Yeah, the go. Oh, oh, oh. Is it break o'clock? It's break o'clock, dude. We were talking about Coogee for a long time. Well, no we weren't. We were talking about lovely ladies that we had crushes on. I still pick Jennifer Gardner over any of the girls you picked. I I'm not gonna argue with you. It's Boston shit. Who is your favorite Bobby? Huh today? I would I thought a current I who I would want to be with as a like a love girl I mean Kelly Clarkson dude. I I was on a fucking Table bed on an island bed with her last week Bobby has watched the video of Kelly Clarkson winking and

Pretended and pretended it was like part of a conversation they were having No, no, no, he goes he was like, you're like she's doing it to you like you're in the audience supporting her That's a carl bernett which a base or here. That's the hey, baby for you. Yeah. Yeah That's right. That's hot. Yeah, she's winking at me going, you know, I don't like women. I'm in love with you I don't mind what you're saying. I like it, you know,. Yeah, she's winking at me going, you know I don't like women. I'm in love with you. I don't mind what you're saying. I like it. You know.

You know what's up, baby. We'll be right back, everybody. It's the bonfire.