The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Joe List The Party Starter

Episode Date: August 15, 2024

Hilarious comedian and music lover, Joe List shares his thoughts on Patti Smith. He appreciates a Chris Delia bit and learns about Darren Carter the Party Starter. Jay revisits his favorite scenes with nude actresses. Bobby brings art supplies into the studio in hopes that someone with sketch a masterpiece. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Joke got mad at me because I said it wasn't a fan. That's not true Bobby's gaslighting. What's that? Gaslighting that's what happened. I don't like him. I said I'm not a fan. First you said I don't like him, then you switched, I'm not a fan. Well I switched it up. And then you said you preferred Journey. I just didn't say that. Bobby, Bobby you're scaring also because you're scaring. Joe's got you scaring.

Listen man, don't turn on me. Who says he had you scaring? Don't turn on me because you're starstruck with Joe List. Joe, I can't believe he's here. Yeah, I know, just because Joe List from 4th of July is here. He's the star of 4th of List. Joe, I can't believe he's here. Yeah, I know. Just because Joe List from 4th of July is here. He's the star of 4th of July. I know. One of the stars. So famous. One of the stars. He is. Along with Roberto. Everybody, we have an amazing guest in the studio with us. This is the Bonfire, Faction Talk Series XM 103. He's going to

be at Sidesplitters in Tampa August 22nd through the 24th in Town Hall in New York City. What? That's awesome. November 9th. What? Get tickets and tour dates. That's a big play. At ComedianJoList.com everybody. It's the great Jo List.

Thank you. How big is Town Hall? Town Hall's 1,400. I don't know what they were thinking. What, dude, you're gonna sell it out? Oh, it's festival though, right? It's festival. Oh, I love you.

They'll help me. Watch this right here, ready? Joe's gonna be at Town Hall. What's the date? November 9th. It just sold out. Phones are lighting up. It just sold out.

The phones just broke. There's smoke coming out of the phone. We're overloading. This is like Sinead O'Connor on SNL. The world just exploded. Yeah, come on, November 9th. It's my first time doing a big New York show. Usually I just do a special at the VU on a Sunday.

So this is a big deal. Town hall. Exciting place to such a cool venue. And then as all this, they always do this. Soda's there the night before. I'm like, you fucked me. Who did that? I don't know. New York Comedy Festival.

It's the same mistake. Netflix did the same thing at an LA. If you remember when we were at an LA. Netflix did, seriously, they put people against each other. It was like, it would be Tom and then Burt back to back nights at the Forum. No, we have it all the time. I'm like, can't wait to see you at Funny Bone.

Mark was here yesterday. And I'm like, well, what the fuck? And they're like, Mark did the arena. How come you're at the Funny Bone? I'm like, I prefer it. I don't like all the parking situation at the arenas. No, it is. Well, we've had this conversation a bunch.

It's like a handful of comics are like taking everybody's comedy dollar right now. It's the Taylor Swift effect where all the bands are like bailing on their tours. Luckily, comedic touring isn't very expensive. Yeah. But thank God it's those comics too. They'll come back to us. It makes me feel better though that like, you know, white stripes can't sell tickets. I think, you know. Yeah, neither can sell tickets. I think you know, and neither can pro jam What it's not true. That's not true. You go to the tickets at Fenway Park They're like a thousand dollars two thousand dollars for shitty seats MSG two nights. Yeah, you gotta pay a lot

Yeah, it's like 800 bucks. Yeah. Yeah Which I was surprised cuz I was I had tickets to Foo Fighters. I was just fucking with Lou I thought Jay was going to jump in, but he's still starch-struck with you. Joe's got my back. Just staring at his eyes. Jump in, fuck face. Stop cutting him off, dude.

Let him go. Oh my god. He's doing his thing. You really disconnect from him. You gotta let list get loose, dude. As an artist. What a piece of shit you are. As an artist, Robert.

Jay won't even look at me. I find that you have to feel your emotions and let them come out on the page. Yeah. What? Oh, that's beautiful. That is really shitty booking, though. The fact, because you and Soda,

that's a lot of the same people. I know, but I think, you know, we'll make it happen, right? It's a fantastic idea if they would just go with the idea of passes for these festivals instead of just making them individual ticketed shows. Right. Good point. So I'm saying they're doing it so it's like with the fully loaded and stuff and Shane

out there and everyone like people where they used to go it was easier when it was like hey I live near a funny bone and I'm gonna see Norman in two weeks, Joe List in five weeks you're coming through whatever. You know what I mean? Like now it's like they've spent $1,000 as a couple to go see Shane for one night. Right, right. And they're just like, you come around, they're like, oh, I gotta catch you next time.

Is it the New York Comedy Festival still Caroline's? Yeah, I went on the radio with Caroline Hirsch. It was fun. Really? Lovely lady. Hmm. Good, Jake. Was it though?

No, I'm kidding. It was great. And I appreciated every second of it. Really lovely lady hmm Was it though? Was great, and I appreciated every second of it, and I wish she was here with me right now What did it become it became a ping-pong place right yeah, it's a spin. Yeah, it's like Susan Sarandon Yeah, I was on a flight with Susan Sarandon one time and so badly. I wanted to go. I've seen your tits Really did you I didn't say that, but you want to. What were her tits in? I forget. Boulderm. And, um...

I think she was like a... In the 70s. Yeah, I think 70s. She went big time, yeah. She's got nice, natural saggy pants. I mean, you see that... You know what I mean? It's purposefully see-through in Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yeah. Oh, yeah, she was in that, too.

Did you ever go to that? Did anybody ever go to that and do all that horse shit? I've never been to a lot. It's purposefully see-through in Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yeah. Oh, yeah, she was in that too. I think she's gorgeous. Did you ever go to that? Did anybody ever go to that and do all that horse shit? I've never been to a lot. Because you dress like you did. No, I don't. Christine's ex-boyfriend used to just, all his friends used to dress up like trans people

and go out into that movie every, and she respected him. He's a lawyer now. I really hitched my wagon, huh? He's a what? He's a lawyer now. I really hitched my wagon right, didn't's a what? He's a lawyer now. I really hitched my wagon right then and there. A woman who was settling for going, babe, I can't hang out on Saturday. You know that's my put on fish nets with my guys and go out and throw spoons or whatever

at the screen. Is that still a thing? Do people say it's dead, right? It's over. It's not over, but I hope it's dying. No, they only do it with other movies. They have like Nightmare on Elm Street 2 is like a big gay one, that movie The Room. You know the movie The Room?

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking, oh my lord. I mean those are perfect. Ooh, great actor. Great politics. Tasteful nip size. Yeah, absolutely. I think in Boldurum they were actually better

when she got a little older and they became a little more mature. That's her daughter. Didn't you work with her, Bob? What? Yeah. And on, on Saint, what? When you were a drummer. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll.

Who's her daughter? The Tits. Susan Saran Jr. No, Liz, Liz Gillies was in the show. Nothing. No, she got an Italian last night, I forgot her name. That's not somebody's daughter? No, no, no.

I don't think she was in, no. Avar Maury, yeah. No, she was. Don't call her daughter. No. That's not somebody's daughter? No, no, no. I don't think she was of, no. Avar Maury, yeah. Don't call her daughter. No, that's not her. I was, Liz Gillies, they look similar, but it's not. Liz Gillies was from that show on Nickelodeon. Is that her and Tim, what's his name, daughter? No.

Tim Robbins? Tim Robbins, yeah, yeah. No, that daughter would have been goofy looking. Hey. She's not gonna be hot, those two goofy faces. Yeah, she showed her cans in California occasion, the daughter. Ooh.

Look at you. What a little Mr. Skin you are. I'm hoping you're looking these up and not just off the top of your head. No, no, he knows. He knows. Jacob knows, he's an encyclopedia, this kind of stuff.

Oh, well, that's nice. Mr. Skin, that's the guy, when he talks, it is so wild. At 11 minutes and 42 seconds in, slight side beaver. But man, when I was, the sights, the way everything is now, I don't ever think about how much I loved those two magazines, Celebrity Sleuth and Celebrity Skin, when the tactile porno magazine was still a thing, that people gave a shit about, those were great.

But there was no catalog of these things with the internet. So it was just pictures, like, Melissa Milano. Like, I know every shitty movie she's ever showed her tits in, I know the name of, or Pam Anderson. Before it was like you could see everything everywhere in her sex tape. Was it a vampire movie that Melissa Milano's?

Embrace of the Vampire is the shitty one where she shows her tits for sure. First time I jerked off at my grandmother's house. To what? To that movie. Really? And I had to jerk off in real time because that was before, you know, Tiva.

I was in the basement. I was downstairs and I felt something. It was on cable. I felt something happening between them two and I was ready to rock and roll. The two girls were gonna lesbo out. I felt it coming. It's the girl from Charlotte Lewis,

the girl from the Golden Child. That was like his love interest in that. Oh, he's got the knife. Yeah, yeah, it was her. It was her and Alyssa Milano, the one's making out. Then there was always a famous shot of Alyssa Milano on the beach, big, thick, black beaver. It was so great.

And her tits were fan-titted. Now she would hate us so much. But the thing that made the embrace of the vampire so hot is that those are two girls from things that you would... You'll never see their tits. Why would you ever, yeah? Golden Girl, never see her. Well, she showed... She had see-through in that.

No, no, that girl's done a bunch of topless stuff, actually. But in my brain, I'm sitting there watching, like, this is just gonna be a vampire movie. And then when they started doing it I was like I was ready to lose giving you a taste over there. I'd like to see yeah Oh, this is right. This is when I knew oh, so what year is this? Oh 90s. This is such a weird And they're about to make love. Yeah, you can tell watch right here is when I took my Something's happening something happening right there is right. I put my hands on my pants and. You go, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, something's happening. Something's happening. Right there is where I put my hands down my pants

and started taking them down. Oh. Back, buddy. You do that so long as you reach down before you pull your pants down and just darn it out? Now, this is when I started to fill up. This is like Kramer and George Costanza. She's undoing the first button, still taking photos.

It's still a legit photo shoot. You are a lover boy. And who are these people? One's Melissa Milano. And who's the other? The girl from The Golden Child. Oh, oh, yes, yeah, yeah, yes yeah yeah yeah yeah now Melissa Milano undid the second button not even asked to do she just did it oh and now I'm getting

chubbed oh and it pops out that's when I just started going at it that's when I started right there I was like I'm doing it's a whole thing I don't even know what this movie's about I know the title the year. It's about time You send me a link. Oh, yeah I'm halfway through I don't see it this far. She did a little nudity. I believe in the poison ivy movie. She did I was looking up Sally Field. I was thinking about mr. Skin because I was watching Smoking the bandit and Sally Fields most beautiful woman ever. I was like, is this woman's breasts live anywhere? Yeah, oh But I don't think her boobs I was like, is this woman's breasts live anywhere? Great ass. Yeah. Oh, in that movie. Oh, forget about it.

But I don't think her boobs live anywhere. Let that play, Lou. Stop being a... Pam Anderson had a couple of real shit movies, but she did nudity and that were great. Snapdragon is one with Keith David, not the black guy, the one that was Firestarter's dad. I don't know any Keith Davids. No, the other one, the one guy is the black guy, the one that was Firestarter's dad. I don't know any Keith Davids. You know why this turned out?

No, the one guy is the black stepdad in Something About Mary. He's in everything. Oh, okay. I think that's Keith. That's David Keith. Yeah. So Keith David was the guy I'm talking about.

He fucks Pam Anderson in a movie. Pretty great. You know why this turns me on? Because when I went to art school, when I was in college for art This was my this was my move To you say I was gonna take pictures of you and slowly undress a girl not you know pictures. I used to draw I Used to get my sketch pad and I had a studio in my basement Where I was living with my Jewish foster father Ken Laz

Mm-hmm And I set up a little studio with a hammock and a couch and I would bring you know girls who I was dating We go down there whatever and I was like sketch you and it's this same Roger we have Chris Rogers in the studio Chris Rogers art who's a phenomenal artist at Austin, Texas I guarantee you don't kill Tony stuff with tits in them from back when he started no You may have the same thing you met Bobby look at she shit. She's shaking his head Bobby shaking her head. Chris is an artist who paints from his soul. You are an art school rapist.

I wouldn't have put a name to it, but... When you watch Titanic, were you like, that's fucking my move. That was my move. I did relate to that too. What the hell is this? I have a sketchbook with a bunch of, there's like one sketch and then a half a boob and then two tits and then that's it. I moved on. Then we just started making out.

But you can always tell how far you got. Did you ever use that? And you ever use that in your, do you ever be like, can I draw you? No, dude. You never did that? No. Okay.

No. But the first time he painted me, we did make? No, dude. You never did that? No. Okay. No. But the first time he painted me, we did make love after. Unrelated. Unrelated. Bare skin brother. I do love nude photography, and I'm like, I think I would like to do that.

And Sarah says, my wife, she says anything you can jerk off to, this used to be a bit in my act, I'm just doing old bits in my act, that never worked. But she's like, anything you can jerk off to is not art. And I'm like, well then, Saved by the Bell, I guess, isn't art.

Yeah. This is why I didn't do it in my act for very long. But I'm like, it is. Town Hall. It is. Town Hall, November 9th. Saved by the Bell was someone's art. But it is.

It's doubly funny, because it's not really art. When you say you like nude photography, like, in an artistic sense. Yeah, I enjoy. I like looking at it. But she thinks it's all creeps who are just trying to get, she thinks it's all Bobby Kelly's, but I'm saying there are people that are actual artists.

It is sexual though. I was an artist. I know you were. And I wanted to practice, you have to, you gotta practice 30 second drawings, 60 second drawings. You had to practice and where am I gonna get the body? I needed a body to draw. I thought you'd draw me naked.

You would? Let's do it on the rest. We actually have drawing pads. Can you use them? We should draw. Well, our initial plan, we said Chris and his girlfriend are here and we were saying, give him a break for the day that we would draw them.

Oh, I like that. We would all take turns drawing them together. And now we should draw each other. And now I think we should draw each other. Yeah, you don't. I'd be happy to draw, it's so funny, last night, literally, I've been on a big Patti Smith kick. I'm reading her book and she sketches

and she's like a real artist. And I was like, I'm gonna sketch her. And I tried to draw Patti Smith and it somehow looked uglier than actual Patti Smith. Wow, that's crazy. I mean, it was so bad. I really am bad at drawing. Because you look at drawing, and you're like, yeah,

I'll just make the bad. Oh, jeez. She was so ugly, no one cared that she had a song with the N-word in the title. She scrubbed it off of all streaming. Quietly, yeah, obviously. And you can't find it. It's not a racist song.

It's kind of weird. It's just the word, the word in general. Yeah. The song's called Rock and Roll, N-Word. Did she play the... Marilyn Manson had a cover of it on one of his albums. You can still get his version. He's like, ah, what are you gonna do?

Damage done. Why does she look like a wizard? Because I don't know. She's the ugliest woman always forever. And she has the hairy armpits, which I don't, it drives me nuts. By the way she plays that song with the N-word at the rock and roll induction after she gives a story about, she goes, my grandmother would always say, Patricia, what's that song you play? I like to vacuum to it. It makes me move when I'm vacuuming. And this is that song.

And then she goes, this song's called Rock and Roll N-Word. She just goes into the room like, ho! Now she's unbelievable. I'm reading her book, M Train, and it's really. What's it called? M Train. I would've called it I Smell Like I Look. Pfft.

Pfft. Pfft. One of the great artists. Shout out, Patty, if you're listening. I'm not making any of these comments except for that first one I made, but I love you and I would love to meet you. You might be listening. We know she's not shaving her armpits.

She's on tour right now. She's in Europe, so she's not hearing it live at least. She's also definitely not shaving her armpits then too. They're okay with that in Europe. Her teeth are jacked. I like that also. You like that too. Did you find her attractive in any way?

Give me your related. Her teeth are jacked. I like that also. She was a... You like that? Did you find her attractive in any way? Um, I don't find her physically attractive, but I am very attracted to personality. I mean, the horse's cover, I think I could get into that. I like who she is as an artist. But no, that's not physically my type. I'd rather fuck salami.

Oh. Oh. How did Taylor Swift smell him? She looks like Iggy Pop, but his body's better. He was more hairless. I think that deserved more, but I was taking a sip. That's okay. That's my excuse. It's okay.

Yeah, but this was a different time where the artists were like, I've definitely had people though, as I'm saying that, I'm trying to think of who's a good example. Oh Say for Cindy Lauper everyone says I'm crazy that she's flat-out not attractive. I think she's very attractive I think I like her whole thing like I think her voice. I think the way she said yeah, well in the town Yeah, she's all right, but don't you think Patty Smith going back? Two colors, I got a lisp. Ugh. No, voices.

Two colors, and that's why I love you. And don't be a fiend. Mm-hmm. That was impressive, because you went from a horrible impression that I was going to be mad about, and then you kind of switch gears, and I was like, that's pretty good. The guy's got it.

Have you ever heard him do Steve Perry? That's what I do. He's the guy for. That's what I do. I was like, that's really disrespect. Whoa. She actually has a much better voice than Hang. Oh, I know.

But Patti Smith, who, subcredit with the first punk record, she's punk. Her looks are punk rock. It's punk rock to be a front person that's that looking. But back then, as a woman, you're supposed to look smelly and dirty, right? Yeah, that's what I mean. Look at that. That's punk. She looks like... Even Stevie Nicks dressed like she smelled, even though she was kind of cute.

She was hot, though. Yeah, she looked like a fucking, like, one of those doilies you put, like, a hot tea thing on. Yes, no, for sure. Well, at first, she came out like that. It was all that witchy shit. Lace and shit. And then, uh, then the 80s came to it, and then she just was straight coked out.

Everything was silk, wearing pajamas on stage and shit. When did chicks become hot in music? Ooh. Samantha Fox? Madonna. Madonna, who's the sexiest woman all time, in my opinion. Not now, but yeah. Sexy, I'm not saying hot, a sexiest. She was sexy.

No, not anymore, because now is what happens to, It happens with dudes too in music, you could see. They lose that thing, like that sexiness. And like Madonna, when we saw her last time at the garden, it was a great, great show. But like her just like moving her body and like dancing. You're looking at an elderly woman trying to do, you know what I mean? It's just like the shape and the flow, the rhythm of it is just, it's choppy and bad. But she did have a sexy thing for a while.

That picture is where there was like her with her ass hanging out underneath, going underneath the bed, which you're like posing out and you're like, yeah. She hasn't missed a potato head. Yeah. Like you could change her nose and lips out. I know.

Yeah, she's not good looking anymore. She fucked up because she kept doing, you have to keep doing all that shit you did to your nose and lips out. I know. Yeah, she's not good-looking anymore. She fucked up because she kept doing... You have to keep doing all that shit you did to your face to keep it, or it just falls into your face. It just drips off. I think people should just age gracefully. It's more attractive.

I agree, or else everybody gets that... It's the Joan Rivers thing. Everyone gets the Joan Rivers face. Lil' Kim looks exactly like Joan Rivers. They look identical. Because there's only one face. If you keep pulling eyes and eyelids up and cheeks back, eventually you just, we all have one face. Right.

And I think what it is, is it's getting close to skull. That's what it looks like, because it's little nose holes. And oh yeah, this is her time to dance Madonna. It starts to look a little bit like the Saw Guy. Oh, geez. Wank, wank. She did great. This was the last song and she, I mean, but she's old. It starts to look a little bit like a guy She's like This is the last song and she I mean, but she's old I know we were to see her haunches the only thing gross to me. They have to have the same bars in her bathroom

Yeah, sexy is not the thing she's not pulling off sexy. Oh look at her their hip fucking weird hips Christine wasn't gonna tell you to bring up. It was something similar like this. I was going to the Patti Smith speech Yeah, this was so It's over for this. She was great. It was awesome. She's not great. She has to hold on I mean, she's still spinning around the arena in a floating stage. Yeah, they have to do that, because she can't walk.

She didn't spin once. They have to float her around, that old asshole. I can't, my meniscus is torn. No, just when she gets close enough to you, where you're like, holy shit, she looks old as fuck, two topless girls and two gay guys start kissing each other. You know, what was that? I was with her, not with her, but walked next to her

when she was at the cellar with Amy. She walked downstairs and I was on the stairs. She's short, right? I don't remember really, probably, I guess so. I was on the stairs, she walked down the stairs and I was on stage. And it was weird because they didn't really. Did you ask her whose dick was bigger,

Big Daddy Kane or Tupac? I did not. I didn't think to. Joe, could you call me before you just meet anybody? I didn't even meet Did you ask her whose dick was bigger, Big Daddy Kane or Tupac? I did not. I didn't think to. Joe, could you call me before you just meet anybody? Sorry. I didn't even meet her. She just walked by and I watched her on stage. Joe, would you mind just give me or drop me a line

if you happen to meet anybody crazy? It was weird because she didn't really tell any stories. Amy just brought her up and was like, here's Madonna. Look at this. Yeah, yeah. It's very odd. Look how famous I am. I'm friends with this.

That's what I, Crystal Leah did. She points to Keith and she goes, I used to be friends with that. Now I'm friends with this. That's to Keith and she goes, I used to be friends with that, now I'm friends with this. That's what Chris D'Elia did with that boxer, Ryan Garcia, he just brought him on stage and he was like, ah, and then Ryan Garcia just went, ah, and he's like, air punches, like it's all,

he's like, this is what I do, I guess, I throw punches. Someone just sent me a, I'm not gonna name names, but somebody sent me a Chris D'Elia bit and they were like, this is so bad, and then I, have you ever had this happen where someone's like, look how bad this is? I watched it, I was on the floor laughing. Sarah and I were crying laughing.

And I said to my neighbor. I had it at my show last night at the cellar. The guy came up and said, that was really bad. But you killed. But then somebody else was laughing and enjoying it. Yeah, sure. Oh, I do it myself. I do it to myself every time I try to

Say Gary Owens like his corny like acting black Appropriating black culture whole thing is horse shit And then I try to show somebody I go you don't watch Gary watch how awful this is and a hundred percent It's how it makes me laugh Some of which is really funny I don't know if I if I buy or love the whole like, like wiggery thing he does, but like, he's funny.

Well you feel bad because someone, you wanna hate with somebody. That is the worst, but then you're like, I'm so sorry, I really think this is spectacular. Darren Carter, the party starter. Who's he? He's Darren Carter, the party starter. You ever seen Darren Carter, the party starter?

No. He's a musician? He goes boom, boom, boom, Carter the party started now goes boom. She's a musician What is it I like my coffee I like my women like I like my and someone has to yell something out And they say they just yell bring it up. He's a comedian. Yeah, Darren You don't know him I don't think so stop it, you know him. There you go Oh, you must have you must not hang out many parties here. You know cuz this guy's always starting Italian and sweet. Sight? Black! Yeah! That was good.

I like my... Weed. Weed. Um, legal. Ahhhhh! Wait, what? Tim Dillon? Tim Dillon? Here we go.

I like my... Oh, I like my women like I like my penguins. Black and white with little arms. I like my women like I like my penguins black and white with little arms I like my women like I like my 401k A lot of Ontario Penalty for early withdrawal That's pretty good

Yeah Cause it's a double meaning you see Too early That's pretty good. Jay, what's wrong with you? Why is it all Ontario? I think he's promoting those dates. Oh, those are his dates.

I see, I see. Yeah, he's only in Ontario. They won't allow that in America anymore. This is all, he's like, coming to Magic Club all the time. Yeah. Do you do this bit? Yeah.

Yeah, it's his clothes are doing. Stop it. Buddy, he kills. But he does other jokes before that. Like he does, he does like a regular standup before the. Yes, it's not, this is, he kills. Yeah. But he does other jokes before that. Like he does, he does like a regular standup before the. Yes, it's not, this is not the whole thing. Two hours and 15 minutes. I tell you what, I did it, I did Monterey, California,

whatever club it was up there, way back in the day in 2000, like maybe 1999. And he was the opening act and I was closing and I ate my fat dick after this kid. I bet. Was he doing this? He went up and murdered. And I went up and was like, Dad, women are fucking weird.

And I took a hot one. After him. Yeah, after him. He fucking murdered. Doing the party startin'? He did. Darren Carter, the party starter, man. And then there was Bob Kelly, the party ender. Yeah, I'm Bob Kelly, someone called the cops. I'm Bob Kelly, the party ender. I'm Bob Kelly, someone called the cops. I'm Bob Kelly, the party pooper.

Hey, you have to go home. I like my women like I like my... I don't know. That's the problem with that. If you don't have anything, you're just like, ah. That'd be funny if that was the whole bit. That's what I did. I started off, I was like, I'm going to start doing crowd work. Everyone's doing crowd work. I'm going to do crowd work. And then it quickly became ironic crowd work,

because I was like, I don't get anything. I don't know. That would be a great clip. That's all I do. I'm like, I don't know. Are you guys married? No. Right.

That's fair. In my mind, I was kind of already leading down the married people questions. What's up with that shirt? I kind of like it. It looks nice. What'd you get? Hey. What's up with Dad Sherritt? I kind of like it. It was nice. What'd you get? Hey, what's up with Dad Sherritt?

He goes, oh yeah, that's my dad's before he passed. Well that's Deleah's, Deleah's, the thing he put up was a Twitter make in front of crowdwork and I fucking was crying. Oh, I heard about it. Because, he's being very silly. I'm a silly guy. And he does, he's picking really funny numbers and it's hard to explain.

It goes on for a long time. Which one? That's not it. Oh, it's down. It's the, hold on. I see it at 9 million views on TikTok. This one. Do crowd work now.

They'll be like, what was up? I feel bad if you guys hate it. Someone's gonna be like, I got the clip and you watch the clip and the comedian's like, what was up? I feel bad if you guys hate it. Someone's gonna be like, I got the clip, and you watch the clip, and the comedian's like, what's your name? And the guy's like, fucking Terrence. And then the comedian's like, whoa, we got a Terrence over here, whoa, what are you from, Hustle and Flow? This is Agni from Hustle and Flow, you guys know. And then they post it.

Whoa, where do you work though? Where do you work? Oh, we got a guy who works. Nine million views on TikTok. I don't know what that is. Yeah, I'm married. Oh, I said about it. Oh, okay. We're the single guys though. Oh, oh, we're the single guys. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, So this thing. It should be called 9 million views. The funniest part is that he's certainly not talking about, I think he's talking about specifically two people that I can think of. Name names. I'm not naming names. Why do you always bring this up?

You never name a name. We name names. It's probably 7,000 people. No it is, I said a lot of the two of them. Who is it? A one. Well you know, the huge Prower guy. Who is that? I don't like to say people's names.

Are they ugly or are they good-looking? They're very good-looking. Okay, we know who it is. Um... I'm right here, guys. At some point, he's doing the views, this many views, this many views, and he goes, it's got 1270 million!

And that's what hit me. 1270 million. 1270 million's funny. I think Delia's funny. I never really watched him I don't know my whatever you guys think is exactly what I think. I don't know me too I'm friends of them if you're friends of them. I hate it. I don't know at all I've never met him in the same way zero repercussions. I say I think he fucks children. No He doesn't I was there in LA when him and when Dane and him fuck children. Yeah when they had game night together

Young away from their parents. We're just gonna play games Yeah, but Dane did like, you know Sony and he actually did board games, which is like a switch Old-fashioned no him and Dane kind of were going total like the ego thing You know what I mean? Because Deleah was coming up. Oh my God, that sounds like a fucking sweaty argument of how physical they both are. It was weird. Well I think Deleah is similar to Dane, right? You're taking my bits and you're stealing them

and committing them to memory and then you're walking onto the stage with them. Oh yeah, I'm taking your bits, whee! And now I'm doing Dane cook bits and now I'm doing them. Now I got fucking cool sneakers and tight jeans I Don't really want to leave but yeah, someone was like this is so bad. He's funny. I was like that's pretty funny I genuinely know none of his stuff either. He's funny. I've seen him on podcasts and stuff. He makes me he's been on the Brendan

Schwab Schwab Schwab was a shop shop fighter in the Kid? Yeah, he fucks with those guys a lot. And he would come in and just trash them. He's pretty fine with that stuff. Good. I would have to say. Good, you love him, dude. I do, I love him. Open for him on tour.

I'm gonna with him. Just some of that spillover fucking young gash, dude. I would, I'd do it. Yeah, if you fuck them in Canada, they could be 16. I don't fuck little girls. I like women with cancer freckles. Well, then what are you gonna do on this tour? I like a cancer freckle chest.

I know. I like the potential of a melanoma. I like- No, your biggest thing is you like a woman who's divorced and a survivor. Yes, I like roots on my women. I like a nice gray root down the middle of the head. She has to love survivors.

Yeah, I like a chick with a scrunchie most of the time. Bobby likes his women like he likes his diners. I like my women like I like my... Filled with Greeks. Filled with Greeks, huh? Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch- I like my women like I like my... Straws. Fucking, you suck on them and they're skinny and you do Coke through them. Yeah. Oh! Boom, choo, choo, choo, boom, choo, choo, choo, choo.

Yeah, do another one. I like my women like I like my... Cars. Cars. Cars, fast and black. Boom, choo, choo, choo, boom, choo, choo, choo, choo, choo. Do another one, I like it, you're killing it. I like my women like I like my...

Shoes. Shoes shoes tight and faded and old I'll tell you Joe you're doing it you put the fro and fluff around it. It's all fine Remember earlier we kept singing happy birthday everybody that was just a bit We just kept singing happy birthday and went a little was just the bit. We just kept singing Happy Birthday and went a little too long with it. That's all. It's a simple, simple game we play here. We had so many subjects we wanted to talk about today

and then we're almost out of time. We were gonna draw today too. We had all kinds of stuff. I know. You know Jay is actually an artist. No, stop. Listen man, fuck you. Stop it.

No dude, you hide it and it kind of annoys me because you're really good. No. Yeah you are. Stop. No, look at me, look at me Jay. Look at me, look at me. You're an amazing artist.

Stop. No. That's not true. You're an amazing performing artist, I know that. No, you're great at what you do. You're great at comedy, you're great at radio. But you're insane. You're an amazing artist.

You should do art more. No. You should. Let's see. Look at Jay's artwork. You have to make that way bigger. That's Emma Rose. That's very good.

Who's the guy in the back middle? That's Bert. Bert Kreischer. You know Bert. Alright, looks like he just punched a piece of charcoal on his paper. Oh, that's her from behind with her little wiener sticking out. She's trans. How good is that? Oh wow, that's very good. She's trans? That's the best artwork.

Well you see her little wiener coming. Bobby's sucking it. Wow! That's not me, that was Norton. That was Norton. Bobby, that was a self-portrait, I believe, that one. That is me, you're right. I'm sorry. That was a self-portrait. Wow.

Where are those drawings, by the way? I don't want those to fucking show up somewhere. Who is this woman? That woman has a penis? Yeah. Send me a link. That's a really nice one. Emma Rose.

Send me a link to a straight man blowing her against his will, please. Yeah, his name's Ian Fidey. Yeah. He did it for months and months. Yeah, he does it whenever she's in town and she's lonely. Oh, wow. I think he hurt his hip. He hurt his hip with her?

Wow, geez. Wow, she busted his hip. That thing must get much bigger than it looked when I saw it. Busted out his hip? It was little when we saw it, yeah. And by the way, not at lack of her really giving it a good old taffy tug. I mean, she was really working it.

She was really darning it out. She really got naked and went, guys, give me a sec. And then she turned around and just flicked it, started playing Van Halen on her cocks. Wow. She was up on the neck. Oh, hey. Oh, hey.

She's so cool. She was a great guest. And she's a comic. Bobby, you were about to just go, man, she is so hot. And then just came face to face with that little triangle of dinger. Oh, there, this is the point of you now. No, no, keep going.

What's her name? Emma Rowe? She's gorgeous, but I prefer to call her Jeff. This is like- I'm gonna call her Jeff. I'm gonna call her Jeff. This is like the old comedy bit where you go and the guy goes to the comic goes in the town and he goes, hey, is there, I do some local humor, is there, what's the gay bar around here? And the guy's like, oh comedy bit where you go and the guy goes to the comic goes in the town and he goes Hey, is there I do some local humor is there what's the gay bar around here?

And they got the manhole is that cool. Do you know what time they stay open till? Emerald she was a great gasp. Did you do porn porn? Yeah, I, no, I don't know. You'd have to look that up. Yeah? Yeah. Can we look it up on your phone and see if it's already purple in the search? Just type in E on any of my. That's the first thing that comes up?

I have to delete my history. Buddy, you got to think. I'll never forget that the first time I found my dad's porn magazines. And I think it was just middle porn of a three-pack that he just never threw out, because people know where to throw things away like this, but he had like trans magazines in there

that I just have to assume were in the middle of a three-pack, because I've gotten them before when I would buy three packs of porn magazines. Wow. But I would throw them out. Every time I jerk off, I delete my history. Me too. Every time, delete the history, it's gone.

Cause I don't even wanna, I get so, one time Dawn picked up my phone and she was gonna start searching stuff. I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Cause I don't know what, you know, that keyword is that's gonna flop up. Yeah, but do you have, have you looked at stuff where you're like, this is, I shouldn't, like this might be,

put me on a watch list? I looked at stuff where after I was like, Jesus Christ, that was weird. Like out loud to myself. Yeah. Like what was that? No, I've started, when you hear about things, they're like, I said, I'll get that in a rabbit hole

of like bizarre pornography. And then you're like, is someone looking at me like, you know, this guy loves watching women suck horses off and then get Horse come in their mouths and then almost throw up. I go yeah, but not sexually I'm watching that for that's that's smoking I'm telling you that's smoking a cigarette and just dicking around your phone I thought of that there should be like an asterisk like he didn't come to this. Yes Of course, yeah

There's something He just kinda like checked it out. Of course. Yeah. Well, it'd be nice. Listen, there's something, they just do like catalogs of kids' toys, and some people are jerking off to that cause they're animals. I'm not jerking off to horse pornography. I'm just taking it in as part of a reference for something I'll say one day. It's funny that the slightest little thing will set you the algorithm off.

So like when you click on something and then you look, oh, what's that? And it's a little different and that will bring up a whole thing under that. And then it keeps going, it keeps evolving into some weird shit. I'll tell you what, I'm not sure what your porn site of choice is, but I've recently gone,

for the first time ever using as its own porn search engine, Pornhub. And while the videos on there tend to not be very long, when you search, like, keyword search some words you're looking for, by the time you get to the bottom of the first page, they have suggestions. At the bottom, they're like, this is way better worded. Do you know what I'm saying?

It's like, uh,'s like if you typed in, I don't know, I feel like typed in college blah blah blah. Like at the bottom of the search it'll be like, sorority orgy thing. Like okay, now you do see where I'm going now and now this is why we're spitballing. Then you go to the next one, it's guy sucks guy off. I'm there, thank you.

This is how we spitball guys, what do we do? Oh we have an ad read so we should take a break. We gotta take a break. Have fun. Joe List is gonna be at SideSplitters, Tampa, Florida, August 22nd through the 24th. Favorite club. And then again, Town Hall in New York City, November 9th, part of the New York Comedy Festival.

Get tickets for that now, fill that up dude. Joe is one of the funniest fucking people working in this country. And Joe List and Sarah Talimash, their summer special is gonna be airing on Comedy Central Radio channel 95 next Wednesday August 14th at 1 p.m. East and West dude isn't it great doing radio with your chick absolutely not no it's great I love it I can't wait You guys are fucking the best, man. Make sure you go again to comedianjoelist.com

for tickets and all tour information. We'll be right back. Oh, go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly and see all his stuff too. He's gonna be in places soon. Comedy Connection in Providence, August 17th. Phoenix, stand up live, September 6th and 7th. Hilarities in Cleveland, September 20th and 21st. Does it ever end for this guy? You're really a star fucker.

No. You forgot my dates. No. And you looked at my sad face and then you were like, oh, you went oh. I skipped our plugs but. Big Jay, you're gonna be at the Funny Bone in Albany, August 23rd and 24th.

Empire Comedy Club, Portland Club Portland Maine August 30th and August 31st. That's fun Joe you did it right or you doing it? Which one? The thing in Portland Maine. Oh I love it I mean I love Portland I'm a Maine guy I love it it's a great club great Airbnb that weekend. Oh it's the best. The green room though is I'll say that is a like a shower curtain and two chairs. Okay. Dallas, Omaha, you wanna keep talking to your girlfriend, fuck face? I, Jesus Christ. Joe, we're going to some fun cities.

You wanna talk more, Edmund? I hope you sell no tickets. Go to Big J. I saw his movie in a big theater. I was in it! Oh right. But you did have a couple scenes in that. A couple?

I stole the show. What? Big J Comedy, BigJComedy.com for tickets. Gets the bonfire.