The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Justice Served (feat. Yannis Pappas)

Episode Date: May 10, 2023

Yannis and Bobby teach Jacob to be a hero and protect women!

Hey everybody, I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. Okerson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just the podcast. Hey, guess what? For full episodes of The Bond Fire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now, The Bond Fire with Big J. O'Crosson and Robert Kelly. I'm a great band Boston. What a great town. Boston.

My favorite town. It's a bonfire. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Play that solo, though. Let's play it. Sirius XM, Fats and Talk. J is not here today.

It's me Bobby K but I Got a very special guest one of my favorite people in the world Makes me happy when I see him makes me laugh the great yon as popus Thank you. I'll just say it's uh I'm glad you're here. Oh, we're glad you're here. We're gonna get right into it. You said it. You're glad. I'm glad you're here. Oh, we're gonna get right into it. I'm glad you're here. We're gonna get right into it. You said you're glad I'm here.

Well, listen, I'm glad you're here. You have post trauma energy. Oh, wow. We have such a weird job. It's like, you almost, you know, something bad happens and you're like, okay, time to go cheer people up. Yeah, well, here's a funny thing.

People don't know and you will find out on the on the pre show. We talked about it a lot I guess the whole show. And I was almost killed today. I was I was almost murdered by Taylor Swift fan, which is what we're woke and weird. I was on the subway today coming here having an epic day. I mean a amazing day. I would dare to say perfect day. You can change like that. I'm talking dude. I woke up early. Had a talk with my wife about her attitude, but not in a dick way. Oh, was it a talk like you tell me you do with the. No, no, I know no no no, I didn't raise my hands I didn't make her flinch. Oh, okay. That used to be code for us for yeah, that's the way I don't know what what the deal was

You did your your hand do a little bit of that Jacob Jacob those were the good old days right? I Where's that dinner? Yeah, but the steak See how to a little talk with her well, we had to talk but it was a good one It was like hey, you need to, you know, change up a little bit the way you talk to Max and stuff like that, because Max had a certain thing,

whatever, but we, great day, talked to Max, did, uh, meeting, worked out early, right? Did another meeting, we had a sales meeting, my first sales meeting with everybody, and I think I would say flawless. I mean killed it. I was a 700 people in that Zoom meeting. 700 people, 770, around there and we killed it me and Jay, great, it was awesome, awesome meeting. Everybody was there. I drove into the city, I did therapy on Zoom in the car with the windows down, coming down the highway, the wind was blowing

on my skin. What were you listening to? I was listening to Alan, you're doing good. You're doing good. This is a good day, you should enjoy it. You worked out, that's good. You talked to Don respectfully and showed her that you loved her. You told your son what a man really is. You had a great salesman. Everything's going great. Got down, parked the car. One little decision I was going to go to Westforth.

Westforth. That's where I was going to take the subway. Upforth, that's where I was gonna take the subway. Uptown, FNM, right here, 10 minutes, not even. Up to Rockefeller, Senate, to see everybody out front smoking and enjoying the lives. I said, you know what, it's such a great day. Why don't we get some steps in? Cause I got new, my new Aurora ring on.

Let me get the steps. Let me go a little further. I took the wheel back from God. Yeah, that's what I said. After a couple meetings too. My God go a little further. I took the wheel back from God. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I said. After a couple meetings too. My God. Not your God. Right. Not, not Muhammad. Yeah. Not Muhammad. Alah. What does this say? Uh, uh, Islam. I'm like, I'm a Muslim. I'm like, Salami. Salami. I love Salami. I have Salami here. If you need it, I know, I like Salami. I will have Salami breaks.

I get on the train and as I'm coming down, I walk to 14th Street, I go down. And I make the wrong turn and it looks like it's closed off, so I turn quickly. But it was karma's right turn. It was a right turn for karma. Karma. And I almost bump into this dude.

And he flips out dude. I mean, you fucking bees a shit with the fuck you fucking cock sucker fucking starts calling me the the the I don't want to say it. I said it on the other show. I don't want to repeat it the the the fag in But with the art You know, I think you yeah, I think you You know, well, I think you yeah, I think you Call me a fat. Yeah, I like how you did it like what's that lecture company's doing? Fuck go The cello yeah fat else going yeah, tell a phone

fat You did it instructional for the children to listen. I did it. You did it phonetically. He was so mad, so quick out of the gate. That was the part where he got out of line, where he called you that. No, no, I didn't mind that. Right.

I mean, I did have a David Bowie and a Louis Vuitton satchel bag on. So he had a point. He was observing. He was observing. I'll just say that. I mean, I was dressed ridiculously Flinboy for for the time of day right for the F&M right right subway going down to the L Cuz you go to the L so I gotta go down I go this way. He goes that way. I come around

He's still there. He's still screaming fucking piece of shit fucking pussy mother. Oh fuck you up fucking blah blah I'm going to where he's going so we're gonna be next to each other in a minute. That's all So Boston Bob takes over Juvie Bob isn't still inside me. Yeah, I floss the care and I went I said I go fuck I go dude what the fuck man? He went fuck I go shut the fuck up Oh, and he turned around immediately what the the fuck did you think you wanna fuck? You wanna fucking catch a beaten or something like that.

Did he say that goodwill hunting shit doesn't work on me? Kind of thing or no? He took an apple and stuck it in my ass off. I mean, do you find it hard to hide the fact that you're gay? Nope, I do not. I do not. I actually express it. And I'm not gay, I'm side queer.

So he came in my face and I'm not gay. I'm side queer. So he He came in my face and I just pushed him pushed him. I was like fuck you. I go I said I said I went go for it Dead go for it. Dead and he was like I'll fucking go for it. I'm gonna I'm gonna kill you I went go for it, dude. And he was like, I'll fucking go for it. I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna go for it, dude. And I pushed him and then he knew that he was in a fight fight.

He was gonna lose. So he immediately did what any smart psychopath would do. He took out his knife. Wow. I mean, immediately, fitting. I heard it go thing. Like, you know in the movies, where you think it's fully work?

Yeah. In real life, knives go for thing. Like, you know in the movies where you think it's fully work? Yeah. In real life, knives go fating. I literally heard fating and he goes, now you die. My name is Motoro. You killed my father. Pateu die. Pateu die.

Hello. Pateu die. I heard that. I swear to God. It's an exoscent of a bitch. So it was like the breakfast club. You were Judd Nielson and he was Emilio Esteves. I literally went, it makes a sound.

It does. Buffy. And he came at me man, just trying to kill me. I mean not he was trying to kill me. And I had a bag of snacks from CVS. I have I had right here. I had the turkey and white cheddar with trisket from Oscar Meyer.

Yeah, you can't fight, you can't start a fight when you're, when you have snacks with you. I had a snack. You have a day plan when you have snacks. But I did have generous salami, could be intimidating, thinking I'm Italian. Yeah. And I had my Louis Vuitton cross body back. So he was, so he was very observant.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What, with what he he called you I had my shush I get from all saints and I had my my little one so why did you try to find him if he was right I have I have I have

I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have I have Correct. That's not the reason to get angry. So then he started slicing me and I'm like, oh shit, I'm going to die. Over some bullshit.

Well, at least it wasn't a gun. We have strict gun restrictions in New York. Well, he started slicing me and then he kicked, he tried to slice my bag open my snacks. Which sucked. That crossed the line. Well, not now, old Bobby. If that Bobby was around, I would have, I would have killed him.

That would have turned you into the whole smash. Yeah. I would have took him by his ankles and smashed him on the subway. Stupid. All right, it's like Michael J. Fox back to the future, hearing he's a loser. Ha, ha, ha.

Just, it's, it just turns him. So I, he kicked my phone out of my hand because I had my my snacks and my phone in one hand and I was wait a second He kicked your phone out of your hand. He kicked my phone out of my hand. So are you sure you were gonna win that fight? It's a pretty accurate kick Can you kick no? He didn't know he didn't my aunt my arm was down He threw a little lazy kick. Oh, okay. It was not a good kick. But he just, I think he was trying to kick with that.

How about your reflex to move your phone out of the way? Well, he kicked my phone in on the tracks, over to the third rail. And I just kept going, my phone, my phone. And he was like, you fucking gonna die. I'm like, my phone, man. I think I would say, if someone was attacking my wife and kid, I think I would say the same thing.

So I could wait the top priority my phone. No, there's something about when somebody, I didn't realize how attached I am to this phone. It has my wallet on it, has all my shit on it. Or my history, stuff. Yeah, to find that, it definitely would have been right. He kicked it and it was gone. It was just gone and I didn't realize what he did So he kicked he kicked my hand where the stuff was and I knew my I looked at it both of my hands

I I went my phone Because I realized it was my phone And I just looking on the tracks as he's trying to slice me. I'm kind of blocking them I'm like dude you kicked my phone man It's so funny you more concerned about your phone than your life and you have a family But I think I think that mentality freaked him out because he's like this fucking guys crazy And I kept saying it I kept going my phone man you kicked my phone on the tracks dude What the fuck and it was like I knew you were a pussy

So cuz of my phone Me dude I have a hundred and fourteen thousand inch grandfather's I have a show at the mothership This weekend Three of the shows are sold out Yeah, dude, I was you couldn have disarmed it by doing something like that feeling. Hey listen I'm Bobby while the fight was happening I'm Bobby Kelly I'm a comedian I'm about to go do radio you want to come on. I would have been a great guest. I could actually came in with the guy that was about to stab him. Oh my god. You could have turned

it into amazing radio. Be great if at the end you just stab me. Yeah you always got to be thinking monetize it like you got to. Jay I like you to, I'm glad for having me on. Yeah. Jacob, you're a good guy. Your knife is very impressive. Bobby. What was the guy from the guy was from Barcelona? Yeah, he's from, he's actually spayed. Yeah. Yeah. He works at the farm with a black hoof pig. Brasuto comes from. Um, right here's a, he left. He left, but I still heard him you know screaming in yelling as you fucking pussy You know all this stuff while you're trying to get your phone

Well, I'm like I'm like my phones on the tracks. I don't know what to do now I don't understand it. Oh you turned from God good. We'll hunting to Woody Allen So I get my phone. Well, here's a problem. People wanted to help me. All of a sudden, I said this on the other show that like five middle-aged white women with blouses just came out of nowhere. And they were all the same energy. They were like, are you okay? Are you? Did he stab you? Can we call the police? Like they're the security in the subways. Right, no, there's a cops aren't working anymore.

I don't know if there's like some mom group down there, but it was fucking weird, man. Like moms against stabbing. I just don't think cops are working anymore. There's no cops on that. I just think the only thing people, they don't fully know it yet. Well, I think it's one of those things

that people still think cops are working, but I don't think they're yet. Well, I think it's one of those things that people still think cops are working. But I don't think they're working. This is one of the subways though that is freaky because you gotta go down and then down again. And it's 14th Street and 6th where nobody goes. So there's nobody there. There's not even a thing to talk to. You gotta go like, you gotta find the lady and the booth.

So where I go down, there's nobody. You go down one level, down another level, then you're gonna go back up another level because it's all construction, they're working on shit. So it's scary, it's like 1970s, you know what I mean? And... Come out to play me. Come out to play me.

Come out to play me. Come out to play me. How to present? Come out to play me. He's quick in the draw. Come out to play me. That's the best of the business. He's the best of the business though.

A perfection. I mean, not even. Hey, God. How? Because I'm not that funny. Were you fully Boston, foster care mode, or was there also family Bob? No, here's what happened.

This menu level is a Bob. There was serene Bob. When I almost bumped into him, he started swearing. Hey man, I was just trying to help. There was serene Bob. When I almost bumped into him, he started swearing, hey man, I was just trying to help. There was serene Bob. And then when I went downstairs and he was still saying stuff, little Bobbi, little Juvie Bobbi came over, took over. Right.

But as soon as the knife came out, pussy Westchester dad Bob came out, my phone, man. Hey, my phone. Dude, how am I gonna use the subway? Oh my God. I literally went How am I gonna use the subway? Oh my god I literally went I can't leave the subway. Did you just stuck my phone out of my hand? Oh I really turn into that dude. It was fucking weird. I'm serious. That was wrong of you. Do you need help?

Can we call the police for you, young man? Do you wanna, do you like mom boobs? Would you like to suck on my tin and get some milk? Do you need to feel comfortable right now? Why is it turning into science of the lab? Sarah, pull your tin out. Look, this young man suck on your mom boobs right now. He needs to be comforted.

It was weird. Five of them became out. And they followed me around. It was weird. Five of them became out. And they followed me around. It was weird. They kept kind of being where I was. Because I was like, my phone, my phone, they're like, you'll get your phone. Are you sure they were real?

It was just like a, maybe it could have been an angel situation. Like they were your answers. Well, they could have came out while they was trying to stab me. Yeah. If you're an angel, not at the end. Maybe they were there, but then they materialized after The maybe they're protecting me from him. Yeah, the racially ambiguous Spanish guy from Spain. We have a picture of it

It's crazy little Kishoma picture. Jay is actually a Professional police sketch artist and I just gave him a few details of what the guy looked at and he yeah And we're gonna put this up. We're gonna put this up all over the city we're gonna put that on that'll be on the bottom fine today so check that out wow it looks like Mike Suarez I wish Mike was with me I would have just pushed Mike in front of it dude it's crazy a lot of a lot of Mexicans are doing big Publicized crimes recently They're making the news a lot well he um, I don't know if you guys heard about the Texas we heard about it. Yeah, okay. This is the bomb. I wasn't saying in general I don't want to be looked at it was like yeah, this isn't CNN. Okay relax. All right relax Rogan energy

We're talking about my stabbing right now and me being called out. So the guy was Mexican. Oh, he pushed me right out. Or Salona. You know how fast I wear from Boston to like a hell's kitchen. Hey, yeah, yeah, dude, I wear a quick,

but well, you can't do that, Bob. Why? You can't challenge a guy to a. Hey. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I wear a quick, but well you can't do that Bob. Why you can't challenge You got a fight now why because you have a job? Huh? You have a therapist. Yep, you got a child sure I got one of those you have a wife your friends. I do have the wife. I like the wife You look fucking great. Thank you. What's up? Yeah, you know what I mean if you don't want to get stabbed now This thing what's up? Yeah Christine wants nothing to do if you get stabbed now, Christine, what's up, Christian? Yeah. That's great. Christine wants nothing to do with me. If you get stabbed now,

it bothers me so much that Christine, I mean, you think Christine might be like, Bobby looks good. I am not her type. No, she's like some little bigger, yeah. Get in line. You were her type. You were her type on the way to the skin

you are now like in between. She likes a warm man. She likes a guy with a mohawk. Yeah. Christine wants a guy that a mohawk. Yeah. I'll throw a guy that'll throw across a room. I can do that. I mean, she likes a guy who knows his way around a wawa. Hey, I'll throw your across a room.

Just don't pull a knife out on me because I get scared. Don't kick my phone. Dude, this is the funniest part is that, and I'm glad on that list, you put my wife close to the end. You got this, you got that. Dude, you got, dude, you got a new bag. You got a full human or worth of sticks. Dude, you got so many so many scars.

You got a date in Boston coming up. You got a new truck, you got your wife. You got done. You got glasses. I got nice glasses. Christy Stefano's glasses. Get a make a joke? Wow. That one it hurts.

That's my guy. Well, listen. Yeah. Ah. You're fucking eating. Look at. I'm just accurate. I'm accurate.

I'm accurate. I'm accurate. I'm accurate. I'm accurate. I'm accurate. I'm accurate. I'm accurate. I'm accurate. I'm accurate. I'm accurate. I'm accurate. Who's calling you of me? Fah! Good. Fah! Fah! Go! Good.

So, now do you think if you had lost a way and he pulled the knife out, he would have been like, ah, this is not going to touch an organ. We won't even get there. I'm going to need some. I'm going to need a gun for this. Yeah, his knife was too small. Yeah, it's too small. He would have cut a piece off me and cooked it.

Yeah. Do I love crackle and homie? So this is the problem with that. Now I have to go the guy with the vest. You know, one of the guys comes walking down and the lady goes, there's a man with a vest coming. He works here. So I was like, okay, so I go, hey, dude, my phone, I got attacked with a knife. The guy tried to kill me with a knife. And he was like, okay, so I go, hey dude, my phone, I got to talk with a knife, the guy tried to kill me with a knife. And he was like, yeah, not even like phased. He goes, yeah, I saw that. Well, we were, the guy with the vest, I forgot about this, the guy with the vest, because yeah, I saw that.

I'm like, well, what the fuck, what were you doing watching? Well, they just work on the track and stuff. Yeah, but you got a vest. Yeah, well, he's, he isn't care if you get hurt. Dude, if you have a vest. Yeah, but he's isn't care if you get hurt Dude if you have a vest. You're not a fan of you know what dude He's probably a fan of the bonfire. He could be yeah 100% yeah, if he listened he would be he would have saved you then I think I wish you'd have like a little sample track. I can play for people I'm gonna kill you motherfucker. Are you sure?

Listen to this clip This is mom boobs. Listen to this clip. This is Mom Booze. We have this song. So this guy's like, yeah, I saw that. I'm like, well, all right, dude, but he kicked my phone on the tracks. And I'm like, you got a vest. I go, can you go jump down and get it? He goes, no, no, not at all.

And he goes, the trains are automatic. They don't stop, which I found out through black loo because he has a friend that that's a lie. He was lying. So they do stop, right? Of course they stop because like, you know, there's sometimes there's people. Driver in every train.

Yeah, there's a driver there. Yeah, but it was not a driver there. But I'm in distress. I'm gonna believe the guy in the vest, right? Sure. And did that run? Was that a song? No. Did, right? And did that run? Was that a song? No, had that run?

I think that run. I was in the stress. I'm gonna believe the guy in a vest. It was probably part true, right? Maybe they're automatic until the driver can override it. It's kind of like cruise control or whatever. Well, here's the thing. You could have jumped down, or he goes,

you gotta go up and tell the lady in the booth. I go, but there's none here., or he goes, you gotta go up and tell the lady in the booth. I go, but there's none here, he goes, yeah, you gotta go up and out and then across the street and down and go tell her. And then you're like, oh God, I wish I was just stabbed. That's too much. I wish I stabbed me. Cause then I would get you being in the hospital.

I could do a go-fun me. You know what I mean? Somebody would have got your phone, some, any empty guy would have got the phone. So I gotta go across the street, I go to the lady, some, any MT guy would have got the phone. So I got to go across straight, I go to the lady, really sweet lady. I think she was a fan. And she goes, it's gonna take an hour.

Cause this happens. She goes, it takes an hour, the guy comes, it's gonna be an hour. I go, I don't have an hour, I have a show. I go, I'm supposed to be on the bonfire. And she went, what? And I went, never mind. She was. Serious XM, huh? I'm supposed to be on the bonfire and she went what? And I went, never mind. Seriously.

Seriously XM. Huh? I went, it's the, she went, Treshfield radio? No, it's serious XM. She's like, do you guys do clips? Is it a podcast? What?

It's Faction Talk. 8669691969 That's Faction Talk. Seriously XM103. Call in, if you've been stabbed or chased down by a Puerto Rican guy, we're trying to catch this guy today. We have a photo up on the Instagram. If you see this man, please call in.

Again, it's 866-969-1969. But for your next special, wouldn't it be great to recreate that like on your way to you're shooting your special? I get stabbed. Like the whole thing, it's gonna take an hour, phone, the whole story, and then recreate that like on your way to your shooting your special? I get stabbed. Like the whole thing. It's going to take an hour or a phone, the whole story, and then you show up on your stage. Here's a problem.

I think me and this guy would have been friends. He had my energy, like he had like a guy. Yeah, we had foster care. Yeah, foster care. You don't try to stab people in the train if your parents are there. If I had one second, like dude, I was in foster care too. What'd you say? I, he took the other road. He took the other road immediately.

You live in out what else you said to when he was trying to stab you, you said, you're gonna stab me over words? I didn't say that. I did turn into, was that poetry word poetry? What is that? Slam poetry. I went, you're gonna stab me over words that I just said and threw in the air and you didn I went, you're gonna stab me over words that I just said and threw in the air and you didn't care, but somewhere inside you, you felt pain and so did I. And now we're here and my phone's over there.

And I can't get it. And you just made me shit in my underwear. I'm gay, fat, oh, good. You're gay, fat, oh, good. You're gay, fat, oh, good. It was pretty good. Thank you. It was good. Thank you. Yeah, it was a dickable plan. It was so funny. He did it. He pulled the knife out so

fast and it did go shing. And he goes, now you're dead. Now I'm going to. And I was like, I went, you're going to, you're going to stab me over words. And he was like, yep, he went, yep, yep. I was like, yep, sure am. I could see that probably the way he pulled it out. I think I would react differently the way, based on the way he pulled it out. It sounds like he pulled it out like he's pulled it out before, a clean pull. Oh, he is a puller. If a guy was like stumbling into his jean pocket, like trying to get it out, he is a puller. If a guy was like just stumbling into his gene pocket like trying to get it out

Then I might fight him. Yeah, well, I haven't I'd be like you don't know how to use that thing I have a knife to and we reenacted it on the other show where I've been like this is how long wait you have a knife on you Yeah, but it's timed basically how long it would take him to get it out of his man purse and it was It was way too long because my zip-o-gut stuck with socks. I was like, okay hang on one thing. You want a knife fight? All right, here we go hang on one second I got stuck again. This is a used bag. I didn't get a brand new one hang on those are my jokes That is my pen. Okay We are in business you want to go mother? The knife you carry around for self defense. Yeah, I may I do a scrim shot

Yeah, I do. If you need a spoon, a wooden spoon for you to be the panel orange, that's good. Yeah, I know. It really is. It's just a terrible knife. Yeah, that's not really a self defense knife. I really carry a better knife, but I'm glad I didn't

because we would have been in a knife fight. And the guy who gets a knife out first has always got a really strong advantage. I don't want to stab anybody, dude. I look at here's a thing. I really don't want to stab anybody. I don't want to stab anybody, dude. I look at here's a thing. I really don't want to stab anybody. I don't want to be the guy. Even if I stabbed him, I mean, you know what I mean?

And I'm, I don't want to be that guy. I don't want to be, I don't have to go on all these talk shows and repeat the story. Yeah. He fucking nice. Dude, you can stab me over words. Here's the thing. And then that's going to be a t-shirt at my show. I'm just going can stab me over words Here's then that's gonna be a t-shirt at my show

If anybody fuckers make that t-shirt I hate you right now Here's the thing. I'm not even sure if this is the real story Okay, here's the thing with all you guys Okay, first of all You know you pushed them all that part. I would have thrown that into if it happened to me You know if this happened to me I would have been like hey I pushed him and that part. I would have thrown that into if it happened to me. You know, if this happened to me, I would have been like, hey, I pushed him and I said I want to fight him. And I would have left out the part

where I screeched like a woman and started to run and my phone fell into the tracks by accident. I did run. As he chased me. I did run. And I said, hey, let me just tell that a little different. I'd go, hey, I pushed him and foster care, Janice came out from Brooklyn.

And I go, hey guy, I fucking out from Brooklyn and I go hey guy I Fuck it out for a fucking Brooklyn first of all you don't pull out knives. I fucking chew knives First of all, I didn't run I backed up That is a difference you know see me. I didn't run I backed up I mean I'm gonna admit I maybe the women came cuz thought from your screech that it was a woman in need There's a woman in me A woman's in trouble a woman's being raped

There's a woman being raped in the summer platform. It's just me going my phone Charlie's angels activate. Yeah, dude Phone, dude. Are these angels active, hey? Yeah, dude. So I couldn't get my phone dude. The lady was like, so I had to go, I, she goes, you have to go wait where your phone is. But I didn't know really what where it was

because it was, you couldn't see it. So I had to have a stranger call it. And we were over, we were over and we heard it ringing, but it was on the other side because I had forgot where the incident happened because the subway looks you know the same. So we had to walk and hear it and this this great guy followed me over there and I had to tell him I go dude I almost got stabbed because it didn't make sense. He's like why is your phone

over there? I was like dude I was gonna stab and he's like okay that makes sense. That's mean you know you're in New York. There's a guy. I get that, that's cool. And my phone was over by the third reel, Rail, and I couldn't see it. I had to get it. And I couldn't get it. I couldn't wait, and the show was going on.

And then all of a sudden, I bumped into Seaton Smith. Oh, yeah. He was down there. Yeah. And I saw him just standing there, like mirror shades on. He looked fantastic. He had his little ear pods in like he just did some type of workout. And I went up to him. I was like, dude, I just almost got stabs. This guy attacked me. He's like, what the fuck? Where is he?

He wanted to go get him. I was like, no, he's gone. But my phone. My phone is on the tracks, dude. He didn't go get it. And he, well we walked over there and he was like, oh that's fucked up and I was like, oh shit. And we go, and I go, can you call it? And he called it. I go, I just need to know, it's like it's right there. We can hear it. He goes, dude, it's right there.

I go, I need to get it. And he goes, oh shit. Are the trains, and I go, nah dude, it's clear. You didn't care about his life. I cared about his life, but your phone more. I know, not that. I knew that he could get down and get it. There was no lights coming.

We saw the lights and there was no, I go, dude, there's no lights. You good? And he jumped down, grabbed the phone really quickly. And then I was like, hey dude, my wallet is over there too. Can you, while you're down there, can you look for the wallet? And what, I'm just, and also I'm just curious, I've always wanted to see some dodgy train. Can you stay down there till it comes?

Well, I was going to do it and that there was a little underneath the platform you can crawl into. There's all the rats and stuff in there. I didn't want to do that. Right. You know what I mean? I could have done it, but I wouldn't be able to go back up. You know what I mean?

Right. The backup part of it like do key home. He please Right, I always been with my fingernails holding on to the Under the platform Just keep Oh, imagine I got cut in half. Oh, no, I would suck. Yeah, yeah, you have to just seat and save your phone Seat went down got my phone and then went and got my wallet I was like to keep my wallet. He was like, dude, can you get my wallet? He's like, whoa, fuck.

And he went and grabbed it, but then he dropped it, because it was right in the third real dude. It was so close to being electrocuted. That would have sucked if he got killed. You know what I mean? That was really nice. I don't know if I would have done it. You would have 100%.

You wouldn't have done it. A hundred percent, no, but in this room would have done it. I don't think anyone here would have done that. No. Would anyone have gotten like wrist Being electrocuted or hit by a train for Bobby's Wallop that's major confidence in your ability. Yeah. Well, seat in Zathletic

Yeah, and very definitely younger younger wouldn't be a problem You just knew it. Yeah, he popped down like it was now he popped down grabbed it I was like while it he was like oh grab the wallet pop back up. He was a kid go sweetest guy I felt bad to cuz I do I owe you a stake didn't I'm buying you a stake then he goes cool Let's go and I was like not now Someday I'm gonna put it my schedule my my assistant call you which is my wife. She's gonna call you set up a day That's gonna work for both of us probably in the afternoon before bonfire. I don't want to stay out too late and maybe we'll get maybe some special Doesn't have to be a stay-gather if you like pasta. That's a way to go right now. I got to take that kid

He saved it man. I mean I was able to do something for him. I got to do something for him not right now But I'm definitely gonna do something for him. I got to take him out the dinner Maybe I'll just buy him something what What should I get him, Christine? What's a good thing to get seen? I don't know, I'll think up some gifts. Have you like texted him since and been like, dude, thank you so much. I did, and he sent something back.

That's great. Bill Squire, who's Mary's friend who was on the show, he goes, Mary just told me about the attack. I'm great, now I'm the attacked guy. He sent me, it's a fun, I love that. You're a victim, you're told me about the attack. I'm great, now I'm the attacked guy. He sent me, it's a funny, you're a victim, you're a victim of a crime. I wish I got there sooner, that's what he wrote. He's a badass.

Wow. Because he's Jiu-Jitsu. He does know Jiu-Jitsu. That would have been great. But he got a knife, you don't wanna do Jiu-Jitsu with a guy with a knife. Here's the thing with a knife. They hurt. They do hurt. I've been stabbed. Alright, it's up to dragon. I've been shot.

Yeah, but you were shot by accident. Yeah, I guess. You're gonna get shot in a battle. No. You got accidentally shot where a mother from one. Oops, sorry. Yeah. How did you get? Wait a minute. How did you get shot shot again? I forget it depends on what year it was and who was asking So if it was like close in the early two thousands and I was at a bar I was trying to hit on girls. I was helicoptering over at Darfur saving children and we took some out of me fire And that was a good way and then I'd let them look at the bullet hole and then you know There's like no nerves the they killed the nerves there.

So I could like squeeze, sometimes I just squeeze really hard and I don't feel any going. That's crazy. It's nice. What was that in Brooklyn right? No, it was in Manhattan. What were you doing? You were doing like a kids party like a... I was doing a satin, it's somebody didn't like it.

No way. No joke. Oh that's crazy. You were the first comment to be attacked on stage. What was it? It was at a nightclub and you what and Slap somebody's wife. No friend of mine was like carrying a bunch of cash out of the nightclub and Was like an on robbery of him and they shot you. They shot me by accident or no It would you gonna make me tell a story again for a million time. I told you don't have you

No one he has heard it. There's a whole new audience. I can go for it again. All right, I want to, now I want the truck driving community to know about it. Hey, boy, this one's for you out there. You guys are hauling and drawing and you guys are going to stop at a truck stop. But before you pull in, just listen to this story from our friend, Yana's Popus. Yeah, it was, you know, my buddy would make a,

he made a lot of money as a club promoter. We were walking around to the car. I turned around, I saw the guy had masks on, glove, not masks, mask, glove, gloves. And so I made a decision to try to get in the car. He sped up, saw me, he fell into the car, got in hand, I grabbed his arm. I guess I pushed it down, he fired, I got shot.

What'd you do? I pretended like I was dead. I should have done that. I played dead, yeah. As soon as he kicked my phone, I just fell to the ground. Yeah, it's weird, because I didn't know whether I was, I knew I was shot, it's loud noise.

It smelled a gunplatter, it was loud, it was loud as in the car, we've heard of it. But it's like, you just like, yeah, it's like instincts kicking. I heard it burns. It burns, it's, it's burns. It burns. Burns, was in the car, we've heard it. But it's like, yeah, it's like instincts kick in. I heard it burns. It burns, it's burns. It burns. It burns.

That's the most, that's what I felt was just hot. It was hot. So the bullets in you, did it go through? No, it stuck in there. Oh, you had to get somebody taken out. I had to get somebody taken out. You have to bite on a wooden spoon. Two years later.

No, yeah, cause it's so deep in, they leave it in there. Cause your body will slowly force push a foreign object to the surface So they would rather wait for it to get in there because there's a big major artery there They're just like yeah, so slowly, but surely the bullet would just like came closer to the surface and then two years later a surgeon pulled it out You have it no the cops took it. Why? I don't know, evidence or whatever. And this was after the trial and everything, they took it.

Did you? Oh, they caught the guy. Yeah, I caught the guy. Did you put him in jail? I didn't put him in jail. I couldn't idea him, but the kid I was with, I did him. Really? Yeah, I couldn't idea him.

You had a mascot. What'd you get shot with? It was a 38. You know, he's a big bullet. Yeah. He was a big bullet. Yeah, a big bullet. Yeah, the guy came after me with like a four inch knife. Yeah, the funny thing is, it was sharp, man, I could see like it, it could have cut through

like paper real quick. When they removed the bullet. It was a black blade, which you know is a more dangerous way because you can't see it. It was a black, black on black knife, which is the most dangerous knife out there, black on black, and because you can't see it coming, it's like, it's like samurai almost. And I was, my life, when he sliced my snack bag open, it went right through it.

I have the bag somewhere that can show you. So yeah, I know what you're saying about getting shot. Yeah, it's tough. It's tough, yeah. It's tough. Yeah, it's tough. That sucks. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Now my wife is still. I kind of left my wife hanging a little bit. I should probably tell her everything's good, right? Why you tell you? You were like, I said, I went, I've been stabbed. I go, I was, I was, I'll talk to you later. I go, I was attacked

with them. I was attacked by a man with a knife. Everything's okay. You gotta call Christine. Tell him I'm gonna be late. I was more worried about being late for the show. That'd be funny if you're like, I almost got stabbed by enough. Call me later. I'm having Chipotle now with Big J and Steve.

I can't talk. No, but when the surgeon did remove the bullet, a funny thing did happen is that they put me under and I did come to and I was in Sturps like my legs were up because they were doing pulling out from there and I farted right into the doctor in nurses face And that's what I woke up to that's the true story and they were like laughing and I was coming to and I heard the noise I heard the noise. I don't know where I was. Let me grab this video of that somewhere. They were working down there and I just, you know,

it was like they were like cold miners and there was an explosion in there. So. Oh God. Yeah. I didn't do that. I think I did too, but he didn't hear it. And also when I got the X-ray,

I was doing social work. And I worked with a lot of black Christian ladies. And so I had to go get the X-ray, right? And I brought it back and they all wanted to see, I hadn't looked at it, they all wanted to see the bullet. Cause I had to bring the X-ray to the surgeon. So I took it out and I put it up in the window. And I didn't know that the X-ray captures everything.

Cause the bullets right here, my upper interlegged right by my penis. And there was like a outline of my limp dead penis. Just a police sketch. I look like a bullet. Thank God it was bigger than the bullet though. It looked like a little baby elephant penis. It just looked like, yeah, it just looked like a dead dick.

Just a pile of potatoes. Yeah. I just want to. That's crazy, man. I am. Yeah, I dodged it today. I'm an idiot. And then I should get the video,

but I think I was pretty manly. These guys think I actually, I was, I actually blew the guy and he didn't want to get a blowjob. That's why he tried to stab me. Yeah, I don't know if we're getting a full story here. Where's the back side? Got sliced.

Jacob, what do you think happened? Do you believe my story? I do believe you. You do? I wish you would get the video. Yeah, but if I get the video, what if I get the video and I it's not, because you know, anytime you get into a fight,

it's not really what, everybody has their own version of a fight. What if it really is? I believe that you believe this happened. Which is all I know. I was fucking hanging with my wife. But that's what we have to, I believe it happened. You're in the trauma.

Right now I'm talking to a guy who's in trauma right now. All right, but- You are. I think that I'm pretty sure that's the way it went down. I'm pretty sure I don't believe you but I I'm kind of the only part I'm worried about is when he pulled the knife out into the part where he kicked my phone is I don't know what my body was doing You know that's what I knew you were lying what when you said he kicked your phone out of his head my phone I have to pull out the knife. Why is he gonna kick when he has the knife now. And how are you not gonna move out of the way to protect your phone?

He was trying to kick me and stab me. Right. It was a violent attack. But the one thing you should have been holding on to tighter is your phone. Why? Also, I'm supposed to believe you had this beef with this guy all the way and the whole time you carry your phone in your hand during that. Okay, here's the thing.

I have my phone in my hand, I have my bag of snacks. So how did you push them with the phone in your hand? This hand. You pushed them with one hand now. Yeah, dude, I had my bag of snacks. So how did you push them with the phone in your hand this hand? You pushed him with one hand now. Yeah, dude. I'm fucking strong. Yeah, I worked out this morning, dude I did a 20 minute chest cross-examining you right now. It's falling apart If you get to a fight who's gonna hold the phone in one hand and push with the other I wasn't thinking I was just reacting. Right.

So I had my hand, I had the phone in this hand. No, I think I had the phone in this hand. Left or right, Bobby? I had the phone in this hand with my bag of snacks. I had my Louis Vuitton cross-body bag. I had my shirt check out on. Okay, and this hand was free. Did you take your glasses off when you have my glasses on?

So you were gonna fight him you pushed him with glasses on anaphone. I forgot I had the glasses on Right, so I which first of all fuck him for fighting a guy with glasses. It's really nuts. Yeah, no, he's crazy And then I remember I he came at me. He came at me first When I said shut the fuck up, which I was proud of. It was a good, you know what I mean? You have to imagine, I would shut the fuck up. It's a good one. The amount of times I dreamed that, you know,

like some guys harassing a woman on the subway and then they see me and then they're relieved because it's like, I'm the, they see the equalizer. Justice is about to be served, but no woman's ever given me that look. Because it's not going to happen. Yeah. You're just going to let her sit. But that's the dream man.

Yeah. They seeming they're, oh, thank God. I'm going to say I'm going to be okay now. Yeah. Or, or thank God, there's another woman here. He can rape. Well, instead of me, maybe he'll choose her. I'm gonna fuck that guy with a blanket on his lap.

Maybe I'll have an easier time holding that guy down. Bobby, this is my dream. Sorry, Jack. That guy's sitting on a cushion with a blanket on his lap. It might be a little easier. I dream of seeing the eyes of somebody be feel safe. When they see me. Yeah. Some day that will happen.

You need to do it. That's all you want out of life, right? I mean, I'll be so happy when I feel that. Just a little. When I see that in a woman's eyes, and I get to say, you are gonna be all right. You're right to look at me like that as justice is about to be served you're you're gonna have to move to a different town though to get there you're gonna have to move you're gonna have to move to a town with mostly children yeah

well welcome to kindergarten town Well, welcome to kindergarten town. That's a touching dream though. I was touched by that. I know you struggle. It's not your fault. You had tiny parents. It's not my fault. Yeah.

You have tiny parents? I'm gonna look at me. All right. That's true. He's in a high chair. I actually did do a train thing once, Jacob. Back in Boston when I was going to community college for fine art to be an art teacher. I used to have to take the train from a bob, way out, way out, in the middle of nowhere.

And I was on the train once and this guy was screaming at this woman with a fur coat. Just screaming at her, inner face, spit in that her, cawn her a fucking dumb whore, rich whore, bitch, fuck you. Nobody did anything. You're gonna wanna take that back. That would have been my line. That's a good line. So I'm reenacting now, what are you doing? I like it.

Listen. So you're gonna wanna walk away. I like, I like, I like that back. I like that. And I'm gonna go, he's gonna go, what do you mean, little motherfucker? Fuck you. be what you mean little motherfucker Fuck you. What do you mean gonna take that back fuck you? It's just not your day, but fuck you mean was that mean you're confusing me little man There's no words after that. That's it. Oh, don't you just you're waiting for something though That's when you throw the blanket over his head just take him out right?

You throw you throw your your leg blanket over his head and punch take him out right now. You throw your leg blanket over his head and punch him in the face. Justice is served after that. I actually went over to the guy. You really love that line. Justice is served. It's a great line. It's another T-shirt.

We have another T-shirt. I love that your life story is like the Joker. It's like Joaquin Phoenix is the Joker. You just feel bullied and then you're gonna put on clown makeup and start killing people and go Justice is served. Justice is served. I went, I went, the guy got up, I went over to the guy and I went, leave her the fuck alone and he came at me.

One of the greatest moments of my life, I spun kick. I spun kick and hit him right in the stomach and knocked all the wind out of him where he was going hhhhhh on the ground and it was at my stop the door is opened and I went you should all be ashamed of yourself not helping this fucking lady I go come on get off the train here I swear to God it was epic she got off the train she went thank you sir and I was like you're welcome and then the door is shut

you were not only the equalizer but you shamed everyone else I shamed them all I shamed them all a shamed them all a shamed them all You should all be fucking ashamed yourself not helping somebody like that as you heard The guy with the wind knocked out of them on the ground Yeah, and then I took that fur coat and I poured blood on it that bitch. How dare you kill animals you fucking ritual that bitch. How dare you kill animals you fucking ritual. Even in a moment of you being a hero and helping a lady, you couldn't displace that foster care anger on those people. Fucking people. You're like, Bobby, why are you yelling at the crowd?

I'm trying to get rid of it. I, it was, do you understand today, it was gone. I've been working so hard to get rid of my old anger thing. I don't like it. I don't want it. I don't want to see Max to see it. Well, that's when Yahweh tests you. Who? Yahweh.

Who's Yahweh? Muhammad. Muhammad. He sent that guy in your life to see if you were still you're right. No, dude That was bait and you failed to test that was God base. Yeah He wanted you he wanted to see if Boston Bobby was still there Yeah, he's still there. He's still in there. You're 100% that was that was that was bait to see if I could just control myself That's right and I didn't you didn't control yourself. I did not.

Next time it happens, what are we gonna do? I'm gonna get stabbed. I'm gonna die. You just gotta get stabbed. I'm gonna get murdered on the subway. And justice will be served. And you're gonna do a GoFundMe from Max. You'll do two years of a benefit and then call a quits.

Yeah. Yeah. If you died, do you think they'll do a fundraiser for you family? I would get one fundraiser or be at the pussycat. We wouldn't do it every year. No like the trees. No, you do it every year But it'd be a different restaurant around Westchester But it would be with none of my friends. It would be like local Westchester commerce that I never had There'd be a flyer on a piece of white paper. Yeah Come to Bobby's fundraiser at the Beggle Boss.

Yep. Yeah. Come to Castolettos on Thursday night. Wouldn't be on a Friday as that. On Thursday night, it's at 9.30. No stage, just the stage is the floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I could see it.

Yeah. And it wouldn't go every year and go for a couple of years and we lose interest. It would go two years. And we'd be like, Dawn's good, right? And she's good, yeah. Yeah, and it wouldn't go every year go for a couple years and we lose interest It would go two years and we like don's good right? She's good. Yeah, don't you good right? Yeah, no, I met so I'm getting about seven K Right you're good don't that should hold you over no, I'm hanging out with PLP the plumber. He owns his own company We're good. We're actually better. Most secure That would suck. Yeah, I would suck now listen. You're having a baby. This is what scared me the most is I'm I have a son I mean you get kids

I mean I got to look off a max man. I can't get stabbed anymore. I can't roll the dice with my life like that I got a kid that needs me around. I don't want to be the guy with the dad that died I said that that's why I lost the weight. I don't want to be max where's your dad? Oh, they brought the McRib back Lewis said that they're in the break after we wrapped the pre-tank. He said what do you say? I was fat What'd you say? Same way. Yeah, feeling exactly the same way. Yeah, like you can't you have a kid now, right? I have a kid now have one Dude June 6th. He's got one coming to right to so you're fighting days Rover as well Absolutely the road rage. Yeah, don't get out and punch somebody in the face that's it. It so you like playing with knives, huh?

I'm back on the subway. Yeah, I mean Wow I picture of a 30 watt bulb that's blinking because it's on the fritz Yeah, so it's here and the woman's in terror and yeah, I just have to I just have to stop I just have to take care of business. Hey, all right. You be the girl. I'll be the I'll be the the thug ready I'll be the girl and he's gonna help. He's gonna help right? Hey bitch. Hey bitch. Yeah bitch. Yeah. See you looking at me. Wait. I like it I like being talk too like that. Hey what? Sorry. I don't want to ruin your face, but I like it. Stop. Stop being a slut. I like you. Stop you. Don't be nice. Oh, you're a polite woman. Oh, this is my fantasy. I like I know You're a good person. Oh, I know I'm in danger

Fantasy I like you know what you're a good person. I'm Danger You hey miss yeah, I'm gonna take that wallet and then I take you bitch I don't believe you you're wearing a man purse. Yeah, well, I said no. This is not This isn't this is another guy This is guy I have a tear drop tattoo you wore. Oh, okay. Yeah, you like scaring women. What would you say motherfucker? You like scaring women, huh? Yeah, what of it? Buddy, this is just ain't your stop

Best part of that is the little land Wait hold on get get out of here. Wait help, are you a something me? I'm a saltinger right now, ho. Quick sir, call the cops, call a man who can do something. No need for the cops man. No there is! You can't do this!

You're hysterical now, I'll take care of this. No you're physically not big enough! Wait man, he's trying to freaking me out with this fucking confidence This guy's wearing a blanket and staring me down without blanket. No, literally you're the size of a female gymnast You're ruining his panting. Yeah In my mind the woman is like gratitude in her Hey, you should let her die. He's just making fun of me right now. I don't make fun of you.

Just hide behind the female character. You tiny little man. Stop it. Stop making fun of Jenga bitch. I'll slice you right now. You know, I was here to help you. Yeah. No, no, yeah, I know if you were here to help me,

you'd call a man. Good. Do it on your own then. I guess I'll go to the other side of the platform. Okay. Because you don't need my help. Don't make him live his real life, you piece of shit. Hey buddy, I feel your pain.

He just joins in on the assault. He's like, alright I tried. I got next. Hold her down. I'll kill myself. Yeah. I can't cry. Remember saying that he was this. Down I'll kill myself. Yeah

Remember saying He pulls shit that I don't remember ever I love it You don't even have music for this movie. You're like wait. It's movie turned into a legal Snuff fill god damn it. That was the greatest ruin. He went he went like this. He went All right, I'm sorry. We'll do it for real. to do a free. I will do a free. I will do a free Let's do it in the moment. We got it. We got it ready. We're doing for real. Sorry right here. We go Here we go. Yeah. Hey, man. Yes, how you doing? I'm out You better not be here to kill me. I got a listen. I'm trans. I'm six foot. I'll say I'll throw you into the fucking soul You know help me sir

Sir, isn't a white man out of here get out of here. Holy shit. He's from Westchester. Are you from Need you to take it down a notch Sorry, listen gentlemen feels threatened. Oh God. All right, listen, we're gonna All right, we're gonna take a break. We're here with Janice Popus. He has got a bunch of stuff going on Janice Popus will be At the Wilbur theater in Boston, July 8th, pack that sucker out after that Pekipsi, Utah, Huntington, New York, Plano, Texas, Fetickets, and all other tour days. Please go to JanusPoppuscomedy.com and Robert Kelly Live.com.

You know I'm going to be in Stanford this week, Thursday night, baby, Thursday night. Please get your tickets, brand new New York comedy club. Then I'm going to be the mother ship Boston, me and Ron Bennington will be in Boston in the majestic theater. All my other dates please go to robbercallylive.com. Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. Go to seriousxm.com slash bomb fire for a special offer. That's right.

And go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates. Coming to a city near you. Go lo lo lo lo lo. I step down to Crackle Crackle, I stink. I'm out.