The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Karen T. Chomper with Mike Finoia

Episode Date: October 22, 2025

Jay is in disbelief that the great D'Angelo has passed on. | Mike Finoia returns to enlighten the gang about all the characters one encounters at a Phish show. A "wook" is a negative term for a hippie. A "chomper" is someone who talks during the show. There are also twirlers and hippie-crites in the mushroom forest. Mike raged out on a couple of chompers who dared to have a long chat during the happiest music on earth. During the same show, a stranger mentioned to Mike that he knew his therapist. This really sent Finoia into a tizzy. Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. Man, DeAngelo is one smooth brother. He's going to be around for a long, long time. He's dead. If there's one thing I know for sure, is that DiAngelo is immortal. He died. He, no, no. Like, I know you're saying, the career has gone, by the way.

side but the music lives on he's a he's healthy and wealthy no Mike told us he died of cancer today he's dead oh yeah he's dead

oh Mike finoya swooping in with terrible news RIP any other my heroes the guy from Moody Blues died too you want to fucking kick that one on my ass while we're at it Dan Blues dead no Jim Moody Jim Moody

look those asses bad y'all Lord this is bad that's what lives forever his abs Yeah They said he was getting his fucking Shit sucked during this But they're wrong Either that

Or she has the shortest head Or he has the longest dick She's in another room What's that thing on his inner thigh Is that a tattoo? I think it's like a microphone Or so it's like a chord right What a great song

Yeah what great What great Well the song that this was Where his stomach's out Is a terrible song I like He's so silky yeah what is that is it black me up Lou is that is that is that coconut oil what's on there

that's it that's gotta be baby oil baby oil ooh they like the baby oil ooh ditty style yeah diddy style god damn yeah oh he's pinching his own nip oh that's gross he must be getting his dick oh that he just loves his fucking dick oh he's going down oh yeah that's sweat wow what a little little rabbit trail down to his big stamencia. I got to be honest, though, his happy trails off to the left of his belly button. That's just because his cock goes the other way. So the hair can only grow in one side. Maybe it's getting tugged on.

Do they show his butt? You know, it's funny, he ended up getting fat, but who cares? He was like this at one point. Yeah, you know underneath your fat is that. It's okay. Yeah, that's a winter coat. Look at the waist. I've never felt whatever the good he's.

feels filming this video no well I'm like let everybody see every curve of it my god although in order for me in order for me to show you all of the things he's showing you I'd have to lift stuff

there'd be a girl blowing me and three girls pulling my back back I have to say things like this like hold that up there there it is now wait a second if you guys could just push let me lay down and push this to the sides yeah there There you go.

There's that. You didn't think you were going to see that, did you? That did look like he was getting it sucked, that little clip. You wish. Right there. Go back a little bit. It did look like somebody was. Sora.

Make Bobby Kelly sucking DeAngelo's dick in the How Does It Feel Video? Does it work like that? Can I just yell it out? Yep. It's in the air. Is it opening your phone? Sora, dude. Make me sucking DeAngelo's dick, dude.

Dude. It's the bonfire. die angelo's dead what a loss well yeah those two songs for sure what's he done late like does he do anything anymore well not you're right good riddance to bad garbage is this fucking asshole done since getting his dick sucked in this video piece of shit uh no rest in peace de angelo jesus bobby look at why'd you say my name because you're next to me bobby just gonna hold my hand My boner hits your best

What just happened? He's got a Ken doll Yeah, he looks like It's a doll Because he's so cut He has like doll proportion Jacob He's fucking loves this

He's got a rubber band Holding his hips onto his legs Yeah It's fascinating For offering an undercover female police That's a fun word That was fascinating It couldn't have a sillier word

His body's fascinating He just said he was fascinating He was very zesty of me. What, uh, hey, uh, it's fascinating the way, his waist. Is zesty your new F word? Huh? You're using zesty a lot and I'm thinking that's what that's, be replacing in your head. It's like, I feel the placeholder.

Yeah, I don't want to say the, uh, the word. The word. So zesty is at your gay replacement. No, I just, you know, zesty. Okay. Don't let them in on my, don't let them in. he was arrested after allegedly offering an undercover female police $40 for oral sex that's not a lot that's really not a lot that says more than more about de angelo

de angelo you can't get a couple hundred dollar blow job he probably was it probably was 200 he negotiated yeah come on it's been a while since them songs in the 90s 40 of a pussy oh we should have found her I forgot that girl that girl was offering $40 pussy. $40 a blow job. What's the most you've been paid for a blow job? For just a blow job?

I mean, I've done it so few times. I think for a blow job, maybe when I paid for a blow job like twice and like, I mean, $20 bucks? It's good. It's a great deal. That's half of DeAngelo blow.

Yeah. Yeah, but he wasn't doing it in fucking, like, through Camden, New Jersey. You don't know that. It's true. You don't know that. That's funny. It went to the most dangerous.

You're going to go to the most dangerous. It's the only place in my life. I've encountered, like, prostitutes at all. I think when I first saw them, I was like, oh, wow, I got to do this. A great idea. And then after two of them leave your car of a, Eventually, you're like, oh, no, nope, nope, nope, nope, it's gross.

Learned all these lessons pretty young, which was nice. Not me. Fascinating, Bobby. You never did that? No. Ever once paid for, never, never, never once. Really? Never once.

He's been paid to do a lot of stuff. I've been paid to do a lot of stuff. How much does it cost? Well, hand stuff is, uh... No, I'm into mouth stuff. Mout stuff. I don't want you yapping while you jerking me off. I don't want you talking about the day.

I do sign language while I blow you, though. That's fine. So, as long as that's okay. You're punching up my jokes? Yeah. I'm going, 40 bucks. I would give you a DeAngelo special. By the way, Mike Finlay's hanging out with us.

The Bonfire, Fashion Talk Series X-N-103, Big Jokers, and Robert Kelly. 40 bucks. 40 bucks. Nice. You, that's a good friend deal. For me, not just any guy. Yeah, you recommend me to Alan, the therapist. Oh, yeah.

Don't tell him we have this conversation. I don't talk to him anymore. Are you done? No. Why? What happened? I never got to tell him the weird thing that happened. I told him.

At the sphere. Some guy goes, you're a comedian in New York? I go, yeah, you goes, yeah, you see Alan, don't you? And I go, what? And he goes, I've heard stories. And I was like, excuse me? At the dead at the sphere, the guy brings up Alan and that he's heard stories. And I go, can I talk to you in the lobby?

You did not. Yes, I did. And I was like, who the fuck? What are you talking about? You know stories from my therapist about me? And he's like, well, no, I write for Esquire Magazine, and I did a piece on him. And he told me that all the comics in New York go to him. And I'm like, so at a concert, in Las Vegas, years later, you find out I'm a comic and you just say, you've heard stories.

By the way, Mike was on acid, none of this happened. None of this is, this is Mike, Mike was just talking to a mop in a corner. Mike, okay? And he goes, sorry, guys, I just straighten that guy out. Yeah, man. It was, I said, I'm going to get Alan on the phone. right now and we're gonna we're gonna figure this out he was like please don't no he's like I didn't

mean anything by it and I'm like it's a pretty fucked up thing to do like I'm at a concert I could be tripping my balls off and right now you're bringing up my therapist by name the fuck is wrong with you I mean and he apologized here's the thing if somebody did that to me I would just took a picture with him I don't have the

I don't have the ability this I'm like three days three days later I'd be like that fucking guy piss me off right there if he was like you're a comic you do it yeah yeah take a picture we'll send it I would have sent it to Alan. Hey, I'm with this guy. Such a fucking spyeless asshole. No, and I looked him up.

He's the writer for Esquire magazine. He interviewed you. He interviewed List. They've interviewed a million comics. But he's not, he didn't, Alan, didn't tell him anything. No, he afterwards said, I did not mean that I, he goes, I heard stories meaning. And I was like, you know, I know what you're doing. You're just trying to be fucking cooler than you are.

So you go, oh, I'm just trying. I'm like, oh, I heard stories. It's like, I'm going to go, yeah, I fuck. It's so funny how aggressive Mike is at fucking hippie shit. It's very aggressive. for the dead. Dude, if he did that at anthrax, I mean you're like, tight,

like, wound personality is such a funny thing to be such into, like, jam music. Oh, I did something this weekend. I went to a concert, a jam concert, and these two kids are talking, and they're talking. Dude.

I'm trying to enjoy jam music. I haven't been to my therapist a long time because he's ready to be out. Fuck it. I've had it. I fucking had it. People suck, dude. Yeah.

You're harsh in my mouth! You're harsh in my mouth! You really, for a guy who likes all this hippie stuff. I don't like hippie stuff. I like two bands. That's all of it. They are all the hippie stuff. I like the bands.

I hate the hippies. Yeah, but do. Oh, God, they annoyed me. You'd be proud of me for how I act. Do you dance? No, I'm not. my head and play air guitar. How does that work? I go, I bite my lip

and I hit my buddy, I'm like, this is fucking sick. And I'm talking. Two kids in front of me, two kids in front of me. The whole fucking show. Hang on, hang on. What those kids are doing, by the way, is they're going, this fucking guy, air guitar, and the lip biting behind me. He's going to be sick to my stomach.

Yeah, man, chill out. I'm not bothering anybody. These kids are talking, but when they're talking to each other, they can't hear because we're at a loud concert, so they're leaning behind each other's heads. Directly into my face, they're talking their talk, like this. And I told my buddy, I go, I'm giving them two more songs.

And he talked through both songs, and I go, hey, guys, guys, listen, talk, but talk that way. Did you put your hands in their shoulders, squeezed tightly? I did. I go, hey, guys, listen. You're kind of ruined in my fucking night right now. I'm like, talk that way. Why do you got to talk directly into my face? I'm just

trying to vibe out. What's the fucking 18-minute jams? I need this. If I don't do this, I'll fucking murder everyone. I'm trying to grow dreadlocks. One kid apologized. He goes, sorry, man, I'm chomping, which is like talking out of concert. And I go, you're not, I go, don't be cute.

Just shut up. He's giving you the lingo, dude. I don't take it. I'm above the lingo. Wait a minute, dude. You know what the lingo is Dude, I don't want to be a chomper, bro And I went, and I went, come on, just

You have to be the guy I go, you're ruining the song You have to be the guy You hated 20 years ago at these concerts I was, yeah Yeah, it's not for you anymore You'd be like, man, I'm just trying to hang on my friends and be on drugs

And then adult you You fucking gotta come back like old biff From back to the future And you go, hey, shut up, watch the music She'd appreciate the music more We don't all get to do this every night, okay. Will you ever a chomper at a concert? No, I hate talking.

No, like here and there, you chat a little bit with your buddies. Say chomp. I hate it. If you and your concerts together, you're talking the whole time. Who? What? If you and charred at a concert together, you're talking the whole time. No.

No. No. No, no, no. You're waiting over me to make comments to him. I was at a concert with you. And yeah, you do. Not the whole time. A lot of it.

A lot of it. Yeah, not until you get right next to me. You don't have to lean over anything anymore. Not until Jay. It's in the ear. Not until Jay threw us up for that fucking keyboard player from the DJ and told us all the beating. Oh, yeah, totally. When he gave Trackstar, we went to stand in the lobby while Jay don't get to sit down the end of the fucking thing with Dylan.

I was with me and Jay having the great, I'm like, this is awesome. And then I'm with Dylan. I'm like, how this happened? We got demoted. DJ Trackstar wanted to hang out for a few. DJ Trackstar got all our seats. He got all seats. He didn't, there wasn't even a seat. We had to make a seat.

I told him we figured it out. He goes, Mike, spit your gum out. Oh my Jackstar You want a piece of gold Bobby, Bobby Give me a wallet Give me a wallet

You want anything You want anything? You want to try on Bobby's Rolex? You cold? Mike, give me your hoodie How about this? This is the worst part

We got fucking booted down And guess who The DJ went up And then guess who else sneaked up J.A.M. Oh, fuck me. His, uh

Yeah, his uh His celebrity His celebdar went off Give me a little Josh doing a little crowd work This is a cocksucker Me and you look at each other, like, what did we do? Yeah.

What the fuck did we do? Dylan's like, I don't even like a rap. But regardless, what do we do? Old rap? I don't like old rap. Oh, go away. You guys sound like the two old men in the Muppet show while Josh is singing your face. I was like, Bob, you want to go play pool somewhere?

Buddy. What do you make a year? You were on the left side. I was on the right side. I know. We were having a fucking great concert. Jay, you were yapping with Jay. You were yapping with Jay because you guys knew all this.

Jay would lean into me. This is this. He was telling me all this stuff. And then all of stuff. And then all of a sudden, I'm just at the end, sitting next to Dylan, who keeps looking at me, like, you like me? Oh, God. I'm like, where's Josh? He's right next to Jay.

Sucked my seat up, and then made a seat, took your seat. Booted Christine. It was nice. You want a water, man. You want water? I owe everybody everything. I owe everybody everything. I owe everybody a water.

Guys, I got the waters. I got the waters. Hey, remember that last concert? I got the waters. Water's on me. You remember the concept before that? We got burgers and everything at that concert. And he got waters.

I bought the burgers. He goes, I got the waters. Don't worry, I'll get the waters. I got the burgers and fries and sodas. And I appreciate that. You're something to wash down what you wash down the burger. What do you make a year? How much money do you make a year?

They're my favorite drops It is so funny that that was so planned out In his head I understand Jay Jay's this guy wants He put Jay in a spot Hey you got a seat Jay had to see us

That's him But Josh Musling his way down to fame Do you know that I know Jelly Roll Do you want to know Well do you know What's this?

Oh this is guy this is a guy that accosted mike yep there's a guy who mike yelled at at a grateful day his dad was there and his dad goes the fuck do you know about my fucking guy so weird though his dad was there and his dad goes can i talk to you outside in the hallway what is this high school no do i wasn't going to do it in i wasn't going to be oh pussy what's going on you talking a bunch of shit i wasn't going to be a chomper did you put him against the lockers no no i just i wasn't going to be a chomper did you make him your famous ironing board grilled cheese sandwich i kicked them

a hacky sack and he didn't catch it and I was like dead to me get out of your fucking hack were you really going to call Alan yeah yeah what are you going to say to Alan who's this what why are you telling this guy stories about me because I knew that what the kid was doing but it just bothered me that he was doing it right why he's doing that because we all here's a thing that's right he's all we all talk about Alan on all the podcast so everybody knows about Alan I know but he goes I heard I know you go see him I heard stories I want to know I want to know what you told Alan with that fucking put you on tilt oh i told alan a lot of stuff all the gay shit

most of the gay shit most of the gay shit most of the gay shit most what was the gay shit that you kept out oh the illegal stuff oh that the stuff the not in america stuff yeah stuff that i've done overseas yeah is that why you built a path behind the island lady boy stuff to get to that gay cruising spot easier like whoopsie honey i put tree you put trees in you back so you don't get seen that's it getting sucked off by an old man and fucking Manigate, that's it. Dude, Fanoia is just being constantly infurious at fucking fish and grateful day concerts is so infuriated. Can I tell you, can I tell you, though, I look at other people, and I make sure other people are annoyed by these two people, and I go, I'm giving them a chance.

Maybe they're just talking right now, and it's something important. You've become the representative of a bunch of old people who shouldn't be there? Yes, exactly. Mike's a Karen. He's a concert Karen. He's a concert Karen. Wait, no, I'm fucking not. I want to listen to the music.

I'm there for the goddamn music. You sound like Jared right now. I paid my hard earned money. I paid my hard earned money. This is you're trying to control. Excuse me. Look at this. Look at this.

This is people who goes, you guys, can you guys for five seconds just focus on the music? These guys worked hard. Two of them are classically trained. And you guys are over wasting it on a bunch of mind-bending drugs, you hippies. Sir, sir, can I see you outside? Can I see you outside? I would like to talk to you outside about this. Madam, maybe a bra,

have some class. You're spilling IPA all over my kill shots. You're a cancer, Karen. All right, fine, I'm a concert, Karen. Just watch the live streams. I think that's where it's... Yeah, absolutely, that's where it is.

Just do drugs out, watch a live stream. You know who I am? I'm the guy that, like, if one of these wooks, like, cuts everybody... Whoa, what's a wook. It's these... Oh, yeah, that's what they're called. They're called looks.

I don't know. It's the derogat. term for hippies. I learned it from from Mikey, but that's a well-known best of thing. So if a wook, like, wanders, like, tries to, like, cut the line to get beers, I'm the guy that's like, oh, you see the line, fucking getting.

Yeah, dude. By the way, no, no, no. You're a Karen. I'm a vigilante. That's not, no, no, no. A low-risk vigilante. At this concert, you should, I would think they'd be like, hey, man. No, fuck that. No, no, I'm with Mike on this. I'm just saying,

you're not supposed to do that. At that concert, you let the guy cutting because you go, like, man, he must need it more than me, man. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. No. At that conscience, you think people would be like, brother, it gave him a hug. Nope. Why's going to headlock him?

I'm headlocking people. Apologize to the lady. That's it. You stepped on her fucking bare feet. Does the music affect you at all? Yeah, man. But it's like, but also so is there like, we're all still humans, like act like it. But can't, but doesn't the, shouldn't the music get in you and make you love?

I'm on mushrooms and I go. Oh, there are you. People are bothering me. Like, these people are like... I thought mushrooms made you love. Yeah, they do. This is Mike and his friends I set at Fenway Park with a hospital bed. Holy shit.

That's how I think DJ Lou would dance. Can I tell you something? That guy could move, dude. Mnuch. Mnuch is cutting it up. Is this a fish concert, Christine? Yes. Serious?

Mnuch is bald, and I mean throwing down footwork. Why is it just a gurney in the back, By the way, Mike, this is outside of Fenway Park, and Mike, let me tell you something. This is where you should watch the concerts from now on. You belong with these guys. This is where you should be. Out here, not complain. Small lines.

What is this? Is this dead dancing? This is fish, I guess. Oh, yeah, it is. I could hear it now. This is fish. This is how you dance? No.

These are outside of dance. Hang on. I recognize this minute 22 of the song. This is Fenway, O'9. 19. No, I told you, Bobby. I air guitar, I bite my lip, and I pay close attention. Can I see it? You can do that here. Let me see. Stand up and do it. I just want to see what you do. Can you play some of the song loud? Here it is. I'm not, I hear this. Okay, let me hear you. I got to get into it. Look at these guys. These people are certain there's no blacks here. Wait, Mike's going to do his thing. And I go on like this on the seat in front of me.

Whoa, whoa. You touch the guy's seat in front of you? Whoa, whoa. Whoa. You wanted to see it. I don't know if I enjoy that. I don't know if I enjoy that. That's funny, is him and Andy do the same thing. Andy, you guys should start an airbag. It's identical. It's like, that's a move to that. Is that like a move? I don't incriminate in anybody's fucking space.

I'm not chomping. You know what I mean? You just said you were on a guy's chair. No, the back of the chair. Everyone's standing up looking that way. You chomp when it's... Still, if I look back and saw someone's foot up on my chair, I'm coming out of hip-dip mode also.

I'm like, hey, buddy. Let me ask you a question. Don't do that. What if I sit back down? I don't want your fucking dirty-ass foot on my back. called you a chomper. You're a chomper. 100% is a chomper.

He's a chomper and a hippie. I'm a hippie crick. Karen T. Chomper. Mike's a chomper. Oh, my God. Mike's a caron. Fine. How did you get drawn into this?

Stupid one of dumb idiots? I bet Alan told him to do it. Breaking balls mainly. And then I just got wrapped into it. I like it. That girl at the bottom of the steps is not going to accomplish anything Did you get into it to get some

some easy snatch At the beginning Some stank pus No It was dude it was I still love it I go all the time But I just hate But you know something Mike

You love it You know who else loves it You see that You see that thing that keeps going Head back and forward And now it's kissing something That kind of looks like it Yeah

That guy too You like what they like You guys have the same Thoughts on art. Thoughts on art. Is that what goes on at a fish cunt? They're all dancing in the concession area? Those are, those are called.

Some guys are chomping. Yeah, the tubs are chomping. Those are spinners. They can't handle the fucking rules, man. They just got to go flow free. Do you mind a spinner? A chomp or a spinner? God, you know what I should do?

I should just wear a fucking GoPro next time I go to a show and you'll see. I'm zipping out of them. Get out of the way. Because we're playing air guitar. How are we going to see anything? It's just going to be going back. and forth. Can we impractical joke you?

Like, where were you talking to your whole time while you're in there? Totally. And here you go, because I want to see you. I just want to be able to hear you when you inevitably stop air guitaring to snap on someone for doing something. Does your elbow? Does your elbow have a ticket for a scene 18? Because I do.

God damn. Stop spilling your beer on my Birkenstock, please. Whatever, guys. Can I talk to you? Can I talk to you? You know what? Somebody's got to do it. Somebody's got to do.

These are new, new balances. It's all on the fucking webbing now Nah, stop fucking trying to napkin My feet, asshole This guy It's amazing Oh great, 10th Street Jam 10th Street Jam

Now Now, yeah You're snapping on these people You can't snap on these people Is this it? These aren't the people I'm snapping on Who are you are? These are the people I would snap on

Hey look where you're going Fuck Face, stop spinning No, this is nice Open your eyes Open your eyes while you spin No, look how happy that guy Oh my God, that guy Fucking purple pants

I hate them No you don't And they all smell right Some of them Every one of them Every one of them Like a pile of fucking fertilizer They smell because they don't shower

They don't believe in chemicals Under their pits Yeah They smell like the vitamin I like whole foods Like the first five minutes Not one of them Not one person is wearing Any recognizable name brand footwear

I don't think they're wearing shoes. That dude's deep. These guys all shower in a puddle. If there's a puddle. There's definitely Birkenstocks. This right here, these are people I love. Why? They don't bother me.

They bother me. I'm not sitting. Do you see him in the middle and air guitar with them? No, no, no. This is the floor and I stay away from the floor because I can't handle this. I can't handle this. You can't handle it? No, I freaked.

I'm like, get me away from all this. I need to be around the people that I'm with. You don't want to be in the people mushroom. room forest no not at all I don't this is too much

for me dude I can't do this why do they why are they spinning then they're on acid how could you not spin Bobby

that guy that guy's like just oh god he's in love that's doing ballet those guys walk around just just walk around

kissing people's girlfriends this band is for just people who can't dance what do in real life like outsiders this concert what you're talking about bobby like the other guy was

dancing his fucking ass off i don't know i've always wondered that outside of this concert i don't know they go right back to their parents base until the next tour starts some commune there's some beautiful women in it for shit whatever dude it's great but here's the thing look at that guy oh my god he just shot to the stars

i'd say dancing around on drugs can i ask a question but ask you a question yes so this the dance that they're doing is just coming from pure pure feeling right what they're feeling is shooting out of their legs in arms yeah like look at that guy he's feeling a circle good old time right

is he crying yeah probably why is he crying cause the spirits in him it's fucking beautiful bobby by the way he's crying because I just yelled at him him because I just yelled at him he's crying at that girl's armpits go back focus on that guy right this guy right there dude at one point yeah his spin around is becoming

so he's going like this he starts going like starts going through an emotional breakdown you follow him specifically he just got yelled up by a guy named Mike put your shirt on what do you think we're in your living room watch his harsh stumps

they're picking up the groove that's why what it's the same song yeah this is the Grateful Dead or no it's not dead in company but it's the same song over and over I mean what do you mean we're only listening to one song

But it sounds the same. Oh, never mind. He's starting opening up. Oh, there it is. Oh, he's doing some hip stuff. Yeah, by the way, when it came back in the frame, he was punching the sky like this. Yeah, he's feeling good. It's not how the music's going, though. That doesn't matter, Christine. Oh, this guy's just in socks.

Oh, socks are all dirty. Probably. Oh, on the bottom of his feet. When I was younger, I would be down in this shit. Not now, though. This woman just bumped into this guy, and then he blew her away, and she spun out of frame. They just, like an improv. You should try this.

Hey, like, air hot. Watch, watch this. Mike, you should try this next time you get angry. Is it dance like this? Go. Watch it. And see if they blow away from you. This works here.

Watch. Watch the guy in the overalls. Watch the guy in the overalls. Which one? Which one? The one right in front. That guy. Look at her.

He sends her away with a blow. Ooh. And then she goes. You got to try that You don't need to confront people anymore Just blow them away next time of them He had a lot breath She's making her way back though

She's finding her way in Do you have overalls? No, I don't have overalls Do you go like this? I go like this What's your outfit? I go like this I'm comfortable

You don't have like a tie-died or something I got a Grateful Dead shirt on right now I love the Grateful Dead I just don't like Dude here's the thing And it's I don't understand You guys have all gone to concerts 30% of the crowd are people that have not talked to each other in a long time and they're getting hammered and they're yelling about their fucking kids and their fucking addition they're putting on the house and this and that

and I'm, I don't want to hear it. Somebody's got to say something. So I'm like, oh, guys, do you know if I can get a recording of your conversation because the concert's ruining it? Oh, you have funny, you have funny mean sayings. Every third person in this audience is Ian Fidance, by the word. Do you have your phone with things to say to people in case, like, certain situations? No, I just go with my heart. Sometimes I just look at him and I'm like, come on.

Yeah, you're terrified. The fuck. Yeah. This kid's been looking at his own hand for a long time. Dude, your shark eyes right now are scared me. Yeah, see? I want to stop this trashing right now because I don't want you to tap me on the shoulder and take me to the hallway. But I don't fuck with it.

This is great. No, I only said the hallway thing because that guy was bringing up like, and I was on mushrooms and that was weird. That was weird. I mean. He goes, hey, man, I know about your therapist. And you went, he told you that I did gay stuff. He goes, he mentioned my dad? No, and then he goes, no, man.

Were you nervous that he was talking about stuff you did? No, I was almost like, good, I'm going to take down Alan. I'm going to sue him and I'm going to expose him. Jesus Christ. No, I'm kidding. I just wanted to, I knew what the guy was doing, and I just wanted to call him on his bullshit. That'd be funny if you did that, and we all drank and used drugs, and you killed all of us. That's Alan's fault, not mine.

You want a fucking psycho rage of the sphere. Grateful that his fear ends in tragedy today when most wound up. fan when 30 dollars for a hoodie what did you call him what Karen was he again Charron T. Chomper Charonper oh Karen T. Chomper

Karen T. Chomper. It's just so funny because to address somebody in public at a concert it does take a lot for it to happen. In a movie I let a lot go. You know what I mean? Never mind. I gave them four songs. You gave them four songs. I gave them four songs. Listen, my my behavior is

songs are talking and I'm going to say something my behavior is uh like would be like yours but you want to be there what do you talk like I want to be in I would be like that no I'm saying no no I mean like you want to be at this concert like and watch me like I would be annoyed with everything because I'd be like this sucks and then now these fucking two guys keep talking in my face okay but if we were at any con if we were at tool and those two guys were doing that in front of us talking talking talking the whole fucking time dude at At some point you wouldn't go, like, hey, man, like, you guys could go talk, like, anywhere, but... I'd wait for one of those fucking the heavy parts of the song come in, and when I put my arm around both of them, headbutt, fucking headbutt, I straighten both of them out.

That's how I handle it. But I'm not listening to hippie music. I'm listening to Sad Kill Your Parents' stuff. Well, I like Sad Kill Your Parents' stuff, too. But you can't bring tool energy to fish. Yeah. Or dead. Fish, you have to be...

Fish, you know, you're in your late 40s, so you got to start fucking... Just twirling around outside by the fucking bricks with the other old men. You're going to start, you're going to start going like this. Yeah, you can't be around this. We hate this. Hey, guys, I know he's been talking the last two songs. I got to go in Gurney Alley and spin with the spinners. So you gave them two songs.

Four songs total. So in your brain, you're like four songs. So three hours later, you were like, yeah, three hours later, I was like, you guys having fun with that. No, I go, hey, man, you got, you're kind of ruining it. for everybody behind you. You're talking directly into my face. What'd they say? Sorry to chomp, dude.

And what the other guy say? He turned and kind of like gave me like, and I was like, sure, puff yourself up. I'm saying this as nice as possible. I was like, I fucking kill you and you're the guy. I was like, you think this ends here at the Capitol Theater in Portchester? No. You have such good lines ready to go. Dude, it's just the hugs I never got.

And let me listen to fucking shake down skidoo. I love that this is how Mike doesn't. turn green that's what that's what I do you play bass I do no well he's yeah well I have a pick he's finger-picking yeah can you make it long neck bass please upright can you do an upright and spin it boom yeah there's no I just don't I don't I don't like it I don't like it I don't like it either I don't like I say that I mean this music when we were at when we went to see tool at Barclays and there was like a whole row Of, who was, remember, it was like, De Rosa, you, me, Christine, Lewis.

Josh. Corinne Fisher. Corinne Fisher, DeRosa. No, Josh. A bunch of people. Andy Fiore. Why can't I go to that? There was a dude standing over here that was like, yo, is that?

Is that Lewis? And I'm like, yep, yep. And he's like, oh, my God, dude, that's awesome. So you guys all are like here at the, and I was like, yeah, yeah. He's like, man, that's great. You know, I listen to all. And I was like, dude, I'm on a lot of acid right now. Can you, like, just stop talking to me?

So acid doesn't. I wasn't on acid. I just wanted to be left alone, and I was kind of hoping, like, that's me going like, hey, buddy, like, not right now. I go, maybe during the separate we could talk more. You know, I just want to watch the show. But then, I turned and watched the show, and my head is like, you're a fucking asshole. Yes, yes.

You're a horrible piece of shit. But all I want to do is watch. You need to go back to Allen. No. Hey, dude. I mean, that's great. He goes, hey, is that, that's so cool. You guys gave him a concert.

My man, I'm on drugs. I'm feeling fucking great right now. So why don't you fucking back off? I'm trying to be high And get loose Great, you made me miss the grudge Hey, can I ask you What? Can I ask me another question?

What strain of weed is this? It doesn't make sense It just doesn't make sense to be on drugs I thought I might, I guess I'm wrong I thought when you went to these concerts And you took a lot of these Mushroom psychedelic drugs That it makes you go into Happyville

No, makes me an honest town I'm an honest town in USA. Mike can't go on to that twirly floor because he's going to go there like he's doing a like fucking like hate rock mosh dan he's going to go in there with his fist punching and kicks. It's being like American gladiators. So just laying people out. Did you, now with this Alan thing, did you give the guy an interview? Is that how he knew you? No.

So you didn't even give an interview? No. I did never met him before. So he just knew you're a comic. Because Alan opens his books to anyone who asks. How did he know you went to therapy? Because Alan gives his notes the way to people. He said you're a comic in New York.

Alan doesn't do you go to Alan He gives me the notes He released He goes he must go to Alan There's a party in between So it doesn't get in truth No it's a great Reddit page It's called Psychos of Comedy

The Copac I'm sorry So he he assumed He goes oh so you He goes You go to Alan I've heard stories Because the way you were dancing

Yeah Probably because I'm yelling at everybody No I got there late I left the seller To go to the show Do you know funny I got there mid show This guy

You says you go to therapy And then you fucking You snapped on them. You snapped on them. Yeah. And you know what, though? I don't regret what I did. Shouldn't.

You don't say that shit. You don't say that shit. During brown-eyed women. You fucking talk to my fucking therapist. I'd lose it too. I'd be like, I'm sorry. Right? I just don't know if I would take him in the hallway.

Well, I didn't want to talk during the show. This guy's fucking up sked-ed-ed-ed-a-chumper, dude. I'm not a chomper, man. See? I practice what I preach. The sked-daddle cat a song? It probably is. concerts when you're not with Jay

all right I apologize you do you are a chomper no I'm not buddy I've been to a concert with you you chomped too I didn't say I was the only time you don't chomp is when Josh get you your ticket and you have to go home by myself I got nobody to talk to

I got nobody to talk to I go hey guys you did you see that guy that just left me here I'm your friends now are you guys might have a chomp you want to chomp it up during the separation You guys want to chop in between bands Because it looks like my Friend's friend left me up here

I ain't going to chomp with myself Can't chop alone doing a psycho I did, I had to leave him up there I just didn't want to chomp I just came to deaf tones by myself Listen to some sexy rock alone I mean Alan has to be writing a book about all you people right

You people what does that mean White's called the clown whistler the what it's got to be coming out him and his wife right all like the entire community is just giving them i think it's so gross that he does an esquire magazine article i think it's so gross i'm so i'm so fucking mad that i bought carmel's because i've been fighting having one since the show started have them fill your mouth with thick caramel i can't i can't i can't because i don't want to drink on the show and no i don't want to try carmel you can have them A caramel, it's no big deal.

No, stop. My mouth is water and stop. It's caramel. I don't think it's that crazy. He's not going to tell people what you said. That's illegal. I think it's weird that it's the announcement that he sees everyone. Look, you know what I mean?

Like, there's a conflict of interest. What if you're beefing with one of the other fucking people he sees? You don't think I've talked about Dan in my. There you go. And Dan used to come in before me. Right. And I'd be like, what'd you say? Oh, dude.

What's what I mean? That's weird. What'd you say about me? He'd be like, I just talked about you last week. I've been in the waiting room and I can hear conversations. And I go, Alan, you got to put something on in the lobby, dude. I can hear everything. You move to a new place.

Do you know Rachel Feinstein? I heard through the walls raped four people herself. Yeah, I didn't know that. It's crazy. That's in actually the article that the, uh, that is in the article. That is in the article. I know. It's crazy.

That you threw change on them? Yeah. That's a joke of hers. oh yeah yes there's a point out the caramels Bobby is fighting not to eat he's got the box out

with one of them on top of the box with the wrapper a quarter open how much more temptation could you possibly get yourself but you guys don't know

I started I touching it I started Bob you are you'd be a serial killer look at you you're really fucking playing with your feet

you really want to open it you and seduce it I don't want a caramel I'm going to put it right in front if you didn't see the progression of it though

as we were doing this whole thing with Karen Chomper Karen T. Chomper. I took it out, opened it, took me one out, put it back in, took it back out, and then I opened up one flap, and then I open up another flap. Why do you do that to yourself? Because I'm a fucking addict, Jacob.

Flap is the best part. You can't keep saying you're an addict. You're going to have to feed that fucking baby right there. Take it. I'm going to look at Jay with a fire. Open it up. You want me to be an addict. You got two packs of nicotine toothpick sticks. Yep, and I got a body brain coffee, rocking my brain.

A vitamin water. And a two-thirds-opened caramel. Bobby has, I always said, Bobby has long-form addictions and then his short form. The toothpicks are the short. I'm a professional addict. The current short form. I try not to do the one. Yes, sir.

Eat the caramel. I can't. We want to see what's going to. I don't. I'll eat one with you. Really? Let's go. We'll do shots.

All right, here's one. You gave me one. Oh, you got one? Ready, Bobby? Black Lill will have one. Black Lou is reaching out for one. A little ASMR for the... Oh, oh, pick it up off the ground, Black Lou.

Is that the game we play now, Bobby? You want to talk to HR about that, Black Lou? Bobby threw food on the ground for you like a dog. Oh, that hit. Jason. Must be amazing. Bobby, what's it like? One pill makes you larger.

Bobby's eyes are rolling in the back of the head. And I feel like Jesus' son. And I guess, but I just don't know. I guess, but I just don't know. Yeah, man. Hey, ma'am. Hey, dude. Bro.

Look at Mike chomping again. This guy's trying to enjoy his high. Why you're chomping, Mike? Parity chomper over here. Can I see you in the fucking hallway, bro? When that caramel hits your veins. I've heard stories, man. Like a carotie chomper, trying to ruin your fucking caramel buzz.

Man, that was good, bro. It's delicious. It really is good caramel. It's Chinese. It's. Chinese caramel I believe you I saw you buy the Chinese caramel box

I'm letting it melt in the back here I'm letting it fill my cavity hole oh in your heart hole I just have a dead tooth that I fill caramel with it every day so food doesn't get in it that's so funny

I think can I just say something real quick I think that I think it's actually cool that he sees comics because he knows our business and he knows the... Was he a comic?

No, but he's been doing comic he did Richard Lewis back in the day he's been doing comics for years so he knows the business he knows the ins and the outs he's heard it before so when you do bring up all the bullshit if that's what you're dealing with

so does he have those conversations where he talks like comics he goes, Netflix isn't what it was you know it's a different thing now now they're mostly leasing the specials if you're telling us story that's too long he lights you he's like let's go wrap it up i know the business he did he used to have a clock right next to me to the left and every once in when i see his eyes dart to the

clock so i would come in and always have a coffee and put my coffee in front of the clock brood in his face i would throw it in his face and then suck his dick and be like is this what you want whoa that you know he's too and dad you paid him i'll take you one further only do i not even think i believe in therapy i think they don't believe in it either Therapists? Yeah. That's because Jay blew up, he grew up with a black friends

that don't go to therapy. Jay's Philly black. We keep inside and die from cancer like DeAngelo. Yeah. Like you're supposed to. Like men. Brown sugar, that's the brown sugar.

I'm going to have a stroke. It is a... Well, I don't care so much of all you listen. It really is a white guy. It totally is. Therapy is a white guy thing. Goodwill hunting, man. It's that fucking movie's fault.

Otherwise, that'd be fucking smoking butts with a mustache. I mean of cancer. I'd be fucking drinking, smoking joints with Jay out front. But, I mean, it's just like the most obvious. Like, they're just, they have to go all the schools. They go, you're afraid. They go, and how did that make you feel? And how did that make you feel?

Because you're afraid. Alan did, he was, he was great. He helped me out a bunch, but I'm not going to come to the door. He was bragging about it, until he read it out. Actually, there's actually a photo of you on the wall, and I never knew why. Oh, there's, really? Next to the photos of you on the wall? He says my craziest.

motherfucker. There's just a photo of you and there's a question mark. Unresolved. Unfixable. They go talk to the Mike doll. I've been mad at him a lot though. I fell asleep once. Yeah. He fell asleep once. He fell asleep on you.

That's funny. I heard a little. Bobby. That's when you turned up the knob. Listen. Your writing's getting lazy. He's just interfered as he said to say. And that's when my grandfather sucked my toes.

And he's like, whoa. How did that make you feel? Well, did you put your avails in last week? Maybe she's mad because you forgot your avails last week. Exactly, exactly. Did you write, thank you very much, or just thank you? She's not a good woman. The New York Comedy Club franchise is up and coming.

Have you ever tried the strip? He's just talking people down levels. I believe the lottery is still once a year. I told you, he got me to pay. paint one year. Because I used to go to art school when we were talking about. I was like, you should start painting again. And he said it like that. I sell a starter pack for $500.

He goes, you should start. I want you to paint. I want you to get back. So I went and got my French easel out of the storage. And I got on, I bought all new paints. I bought a canvas and I made him a painting. And that was hanging up? No. Jesus. I paint. It was three

faces, my face. Angry, happy, and sad. I've seen that. Right. It's hanging up in there. Well, here's a problem. It wasn't hanging. It wasn't hanging up for me. It wasn't hanging up for it.

I just made him an ashtray. It wasn't hanging up for a. I wrote him a song. I gave it to him for Christmas. And I, so here's the thing. Now, he has all the other artworks. Sorry, Bobby, but I'm married. I'm Jewish.

All the other artwork is from people, patience, have given it to him. Yeah. So I gave it to him like, I'm waiting for it to come in and be on the wall. For a year, it's not, he doesn't hang it up. We get to an argument a year later. And I go, I go, I go, he goes, you fucking always say that you fuck with me and you know what where's my fucking painting you made me get into that fucking break my easel out where the fuck is it if it's not up next time i fuck off

the next time it came it was right in front of the shitter it was yeah that's right i saw it i'm like how to look at three bobby's before i go piss i don't know where it is now though in the new office wow that's hilarious yeah he told you to paint and you painted three versions of you i so want to get if it was you it would just be if it was you would just be one version just angry it's like the he gets you guys to do all kinds of things all of your therapies would be good if you do things he needs also I know you're in the woodworking

I'd like you to make me a coffee table stain it but like something more natural teak looking it's so funny you know it's good therapy raking leaves I should give you that if he gives a guy to me I should kill my wife I'm gonna give it to you because it looks like you yeah it looks just like you dude yeah give it to me it doesn't like you

hey where are you guys be willing to kill my wife you can have sex with her first if you'd like or after his wife anybody looking for extra credit his wife doesn't do it anymore she does the girl call she used to be the she he does she he does she used to do the therapy next door i didn't know that she was next door oh yamanica tell mama left what's all of your problems yamanika so we he used to have the good office with the window and all that then she put him in the other office which was depressing and sad i fucking hated it but my wife went to her oh god twice and don was like like I'm good

I'm good I don't need this shit I gave you a ride home once from the cellar and on the end of the ride you go dude you need therapy yeah here's Alan's number yeah and I thought about it on the way home I'm like does Bobby get commission

yeah did you get commission I own 10% of Alan Bobby's very smart Bobby Bison Live true classic Bobby Bison ground level of things he loves Riot cast yeah yeah totally

everything a ground level he gets in it He goes, you know what, I'm going to get rides home from comics and make them feel crazy and then give him your card. Dude, Bobby is, I did. I listened. Bobby sponsored like a fucking NASCAR. Oh, he's loaded up, dude. Home Depot.

Bobby goes, here's what you need, comedy needs, pens oil. But, you know, look, I went to a therapist for a while, and he saw, he just wasn't my guy. He used to have two huge dogs that look like lions that would sit on either side of him like a fucking emperor. What? And during, they would just go. These are the dogs of fate They would just go like this Love and fear

All I would hear They would just go like this The dogs of fate And he'd be like You're fine What? They're fine And then one would get up

And walk to me And I would sit terrified He'd smell My knuckles And then just go back And sit down It was like Remember in Ghostbusters

With the fucking two Yeah like Cerberus Zool that's weird It was the dogs that looked like lions They were terrifying I liked him What was that called

Those dogs like lions They had them in our Tibetan Mastiff No Those are cool Pucks No they were Chows or something

Oh Chow Chows Something like that Those dogs You gotta shave down in the summer Because they get fucking The lion dogs are nuts So aggressive I don't know

What the fuck Anybody would I was terrified Of those dogs Of those dogs Oh, look at this fucking monster. They're so weird. Oh, what a terrible, awful monster this thing is.

They're aggressive. They're mean. No, they're mean, dude. They're mean. Really? Buddy, fucking vicious. We can't shoot chow chow's in the neighborhood. Imagine getting, imagine eating alive by that adorable thing.

It's like a teddy bear killing you. That's, those things, Christine, you brought up the cutest one. They're not little, not chow chow chow. Oh, what a monster. Like, stop, you Dora. They're big. Look, they're so scared. Oh, who did I?

Look at that thing. Oh, look at a terrifying monster. Slobber on me to death. I'm telling you, dude. That thing was like a lion. He had two of them. Oh, look, that's so big and bad. And they were...

Bobby, that was like you at Voss's Roast. It was just a chow-chat with a lion Halloween costume head on it. Look, go back. Go back up. Look how big that fucking thing is. Go to that lady. And that was obese. Buddy, they're huge.

He had two of those? He had two of these fucking things. Oh, look, oh, they're the best ever. Bobby, I'm so sorry you had to deal with these two big monsters. Oh, I wish they thought that. Look at them. Great, now I want two chow-chows. I hope you get them.

I hope they bite both you and Jay and your sleep. Because this dog's your mother. This dog's your father. I hope you wake up and give her a treat. I hope they both grab you next in the middle of the night and don't let you get up. Look at those big fat feet. Look at that thing is, that thing growling at you was terrified. And it looked like that.

Oh, yeah, totally. Oh, what's your growl, grouse for? I bet when a grouse a rainbow comes out. Oh, my God, look how gentle it's being with this lady. She's tenderly touching under its chin, and it's giving her so much trust. That's a puppy, fuckface. Oh, my God. You have really demonized the nicest thing I've ever seen in my life.

Christine, will you please bring up? Jiminy Cricket is a rapist. Anything else? Anything else? I didn't tear off what you want to tell me? Will you please bring up? Oh, look at it. Oh, it's a little.

It almost licked that girl to death. Can you please bring up angry chow chow, please? They love me till I died. My heart swelled up so big from love and exploded. Those stupid dogs like the dead end fish. Yeah, that's right. Without a doubt. They definitely love having bandanas around their neck, which comes with that.

That's right. And a hemp collar. Is that a thing? I don't know. They have dogs. Dude, wouldn't it be fucking great if these two chow chow chow chow's in this video devouring this child? Look, this kid's got a wrist guard on. See, when the camera goes off, that dog gets savage.

Very violent. Michael, they're very violent. He's like, the kid's like, he goes, okay, we got the shot yet? All right. Look, look, look. I play this. This is what I heard every therapy session. Ready?

You lost money, Bobby. Listen, listen. It sounds like a guy going, oh, come on. Buddy, that's what it did. Is that Jim Florentine the dog? That's a key. Oh, oh, wait a second. Can I have the thing you're trying to?

give me a no. Listen, listen. This is exactly what it did. I would just do that voice back there. And it goes like this, right at the end. He goes like this at the end. The cowardly, like, oh, look, look, it's a gallon. Wait, watch.

Listen. Yeah, dude. And he would sit there and go like this. What? But he had, he had a bow tie on. He always had a bow tie and he go, you're fine. you're fine oh i swear to god you're fine you mean the therapist i thought you meant the dog bobby this thing couldn't have been cute or what you're describing me the dog first

well he goes it sang putting on the writs the dog they was extremely trained it were a tie with little bones on both dogs had osh kosh bagosheshaasas on things like the berenstain bears of dogs that thing's that thing that's fucking violent stop saying that at the point of these pictures I'm in control. Look at this one. Christine, stop bringing up the cutest. Fuck you.

Oh, it's time to play. Let's see what this monster does next. I hope it eats a baby. I hope so, too. Oh. Oh, no. Oh, he's so mean. Oh, look at him.

Oh, look at him with that ball. Can I hit Christine? Yes. That thing shits her she kisses, dude. Oh, look at who go to that ball. It's the most adorable thing ever. He's got his poo doll. He's upside down for the baby.

It might have been a chow-chow. It might have been a choucho. I think it was the thing I was saying Dobermans I thought it was the thing I was saying what is you let me see what you were saying what were you saying this kid's like please get me away from what were you saying and hellhounds uh Tibetan nasty yeah yeah and that was the chow oh wait wait wait what's the one up the top to the left what is that that's it that's what I'm saying it's when the hair's all out me what the fuck did you had fucking it might have been that thing why two people are have them in New York City I don't know but there's two of

in our building when we lived in hell's kitchen two of them like that Max and Apollo yeah a little bit shorter of hair didn't live if they name him Fred and Sal you weren't here something really crazy separated you were something crazy separated and their brother and sister right

brother and sister but don't live in the same house just happen to live in the same building isn't that weird wait the dogs the dogs are brother and sister but adopted by two different families just happen to live in the same building that's bonkers but there's only one place you can get these things so it's not that weird. I don't know. Where? To that?

Not the Mastiff Clinic. Oh. On 67th. Okay. Yeah, dude, there's a Mastiff. Oh my God. They're gonna be gonna fucking have sex with this Asian guy? Look at the face. Jesus.

Do you know the dumps that these dogs take and you have in New York to have one of these? You have to go outside and just pick up a hot cock. Oh, it's definitely. It's steams. Oh, yeah. And I guarantee you put the bag on your hand, you pick it up and it just breaks because it's so heavy. You have to pick up another one. Yeah.

You got a double bag, and then when you throw it in the trash, your hand has like a little bit of moist, a little bit of shit mixed. Because of the steam from the hotness? It gets through. Oh, you pick it up and you get hard. What? What happened? Smell your hand a little bit?

What happened? Close your eyes and picture of caramel. You try to put it in your butt. You freeze it? Let it freeze. Guys, we have to take a break or I'm going to come. If we don't take a break, I'm going to come. So I think it's best for us just to play it safe.

Get out of here. Let you know. that Mike Fanoia is on tour with Ron White throughout the rest of the year, including stops in Buffalo, Ontario, Atlantic City, and more. For all dates, merch and more, go to Mike Finnoia, F-I-N-O-I-A.

Mike Fanoia.com. Follow Mike at Mike Fanoia and his podcast. Are we old on all social media? Bobby Kelly, this weekend, is going to be in Port Charlotte, Vassani Comedy Theater. Florida, this weekend, October 17th and 18th.

After that, Tampa, Mayas, Pennsylvania, Orleans for Skankfest for tickets and all tour dates go to punchup dot live slash robert kelly yeah and go to big j comedy dot com because this weekend he's going to be in dc at the dc improv uh 16th through the 18th after that he's going to be in pasadena austin tampa new orleans for skankfest just go to his website and go to youtube dot com slash at big joker and big jay's double asshole with the glasses down there double out you're chopping I'm trying to fucking hear the song Listen man

I'm sorry bro I gotta read these Oh yeah you're gonna be sorry about two seconds motherfucker Them out Take this you fucking wook fuck It's available now pre-auton of vial Fucking piece of shit BigJ comedy.com Learned some goddamn responsibility

I'm sorry I'm sorry We'll be right back Bang It's the boss fire