The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Kiss Me (feat. Ari Shaffir)

Episode Date: March 16, 2023

Ari Shaffir and Robert Kelly find out what it's like to kiss each other.

Hey everybody, I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. Okerson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just the podcast. Hey, guess what? For full episodes of the Bond Fire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer.

And now, the Bond Fire with Big J. Okerson. And Robert Kelly does! Yeah. And now the bonfire with Big J. Ocarson and Robert Cali-Duh Yo Check the socials dog Ford Bosch Pit in the studio Jacob and Ari walked in and it was just awe That's reading blood by Slayer coming in Little Blast in the Bass hanging out with the Bond fire.

Robert Kelly, Big J. Ogerson hanging out with you. We got some fun people in the studio today. Where's my ziney morning zoo stuff? What do you want to think about noises? No, you know, falling into today's home of rock. Big, whoa, beep, beep. OK. When I went to Bono and Slayer was playing,

Big J was, I was like, I won't know any of this songs. You'll know at least three. And they started one song, you know this one, right? I'm like, no. I would only say one. That song we just listened to is not one. Yeah, yeah. I just say that.

The show you're talking about Bono and Slayer and the tent was the best Slayer show I've ever I've ever seen. They were so happy They killed it was amazing Is it one of what you guys we did the show in the circus tent? Yep, and you guys hey man you asked me you go We're gonna take mushrooms. Oh, we're gonna get shirtless. Not you but him Mushrooms and he pulled out a bag of mushrooms like he like he went to the supermarket Two pounds I got two pounds and then you go into what and gonna go walk into a hundred thousand people. Yeah, I threw mine up immediately You did okay, yeah, yeah, I can't I went back to the hotel and got a club sandwich

I got a club and I think I watched a migraine vehicle We did so we can keep you up from for slayer These things they rush they start off all that goes hey I think I watched a mega eye vehicle. We did, so we can keep you up from for slayer these days. They sure. They start all the goes, hey, we know what's going on for this, but we're here and then just fucking shredded for 59 and a half minutes. Yeah, what was awesome about what I went on tour with them. One of those tours I did, I was with them

and they are people love slayer. So you can take nothing away from that, whatever they got, they have something people love. I literally like that one song. I love it. But any other song, and they are such boring performers to me. They just stand there in place and don't do anything, and the song's all sort of sound alike.

So it's not like, but Bonero was awesome because they knew they were out of place, and the excitement they had on their face watching, these like, just like, you know, 19 year olds. Yeah, these goofy kids that are there, they're just as much for DJ dead mouse as anything. And they went in there and just lived slayers world for now.

Everyone with, they started, are you jumped in the mosh pits? They were, it was great. And between every song, this band that usually their whole thing is like, you know, the scales and whatever. Like you'd see them like talking to each other off microphone going like, oh, this is crazy. This really is so cool. Don't you get scared though, like you'd see them like talking to each other off microphone going like, oh, this is crazy. This rule is so cool. Don't you get scared though, like being in that many people that you might get dehydrated?

I mean, doesn't that run through you, Bob? This show was like, I was the elderly fair, Bob. I was the elderly perspective on the show, and now, Bob, he's the elderly perspective. Bobbi, what's it like in a few more years? Well, there's things that happen on your feet that call planters warts. They hurt. They hurt like a sunbitch. I learned how to spell fasciitis today.

Yeah, I have. I just watch them and I was like, you're what? And I'm looking at this fucking surfers. I'm just looking at the crowd surfers and I'm just getting more and more anthem about 15 minutes. Like, guys, I got to go this fucking surfers. I'm just looking at the crowd surfers and I'm just getting more and more anthem about 15 minutes, like, guys, I gotta go. I should do something real quick. And they were just ready.

I jump on my back. Oh man. I said I scratched the crowd surf the once. It was exhilarating, but like it was so scary. It's one of the greatest. It's usually being, I was heavy, heavy. I think I was three something at that point. Yeah.

And the fact that they didn't drop me and I, I got to do something and I would never thought I would get to do. It's why I like to flip in swimming pools. What? When I get in a swimming pool, everybody else can do whatever they want. Go into their own world and I will go in,

towards the back of the pool and just do flips repeatedly. Underwater? Underwater pool. Are you witness to this? Yeah, you've pretty good at it too. Underwater? Underwater pool. Are you witness this? Yeah, you've pretty good at it too. Oh, I'd say you're excellent. Not just pretty good. Pretty good.

That was a short change of year. Thank you. I am. I could do it all completely underwater, but that zero G feel. I've never had that kind of lightness in the world. Yeah. So I really do. It's just, I like to think of it as a positive.

I'm having fun and doing flips in the pool. pool It could also read as sad kid whose father left Sad fat kid trying to feel like everybody else for a minute after every flip it looks around Sad fact with a dream of being in circus. Oh, let's it like to be What's it like to be weightless? What is it like to be an oh What's it like to be weightless? What is it like to be an oh? Everybody it's the bonfire, affection talk series XM 103 big jokerson Robert Kelly We have an awesome guest in today everyone. You know, a special Jew is currently out You've already seen it for sure, but he's also gonna be big day the beacon theater New York City Friday, March 24th It is aureo Shafir, everybody.

Thanks. Thanks for having me. Pretty excited about the show. Pretty excited to be here under the new look of the bonfire. Yeah, the big Jacob with the hairbrush. Hey, that's right. You listen to the bonfire. Faction talk 103. That was reigning blood by Slayer.

Big jokes and Bobby Kelly taking all your requests for the next 15 minutes. Third caller gets incubus tickets this weekend coming to Jones Beach arena Is that all any of that real? No Have you ever given away tickets to a caller no you got to do that oh Like scank fest tickets color 11 right now that kind of shit Well, you got the beacon theater give a couple tickets away big shot We wanted to do what do you want these people to do? I am literally in the process of like, because it's New York, I like, I need more free tickets. I thought I'd have

50. I have like 10. I like to have 10 free tickets for you. Maybe maybe 20. And I'm like, I've over promised already. So I got to get it up to 50. And then the bonfire crew will come. Let's take a call right now and betray them. Now the beacon's going to be fucking, I wish I can go. Isabel is going to go in my now but trade them. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Now the beacon's going to be fucking I wish I can go. Isabel is going to go my place. She's going to bring you over some name to the show.

But nice hell yeah. When is it next week? A week from Friday. Oh, geez. It'll be going to. Yeah. You. A lot of people I'm definitely coming.

Oh, no, I'm not coming. Is this your first time playing it? Yeah. I went twice and saw you up there once to make questions and answers. Oh, yeah, did you rub to my Louis CK? Did you see Every what you talk And then I saw Billy Wayne Davis open for Sturgial Simpson. Okay, so one Sturgial Simpson song. I had to go do a spot. The fuck is a Sturgial Simpson?

Country legend. Oh, we could do something, we have a couple games going on right now on the new bonfire. Right now we have a, send us a video of you, could be guy, could be girl. That's a good one. If you could get a load on your neck. Pass your nips.

Pass it above your nips. And without hands, control it down to get in your belly button. Ooh, you win something, that's a video. It's tough too, because you really, I mean, I would suggest the people out there get a second person to help. You're raising your arm, trying to get it, whatever.

Now it's a non-natural shift in weight. You're gonna have to have, you're gonna have to put some trust in somebody to film us through. Yeah, it's hard enough as it is. And I would suggest have a pillow under your neck, already be up a little bit. Already be up a little bit.

You don't want the trail to start too quick either though. You want to control it. You want to like, right past the fucking. But you have to do it in a timely fashion so it's fresh enough to still run. I mean, it could just start seeping in. Yeah. And the cut out because the older sperm is way looser. Yeah. But you don't get the shunny or little running young guy. Yeah. Yeah. And the product because the older sperm is way looser. Yeah. But you

don't get the shunny or little running young guy. Yeah. Well, all this sperm can also have little chunks in it. Yeah, a little like Jell-O gelatin. That's a gravity. I'm aware of it. Yeah. They just don't explain that. You feel like if you squeeze it, you can explode it sort of. Yeah. It's like bubble tea. Hey, I'm gonna Because oh my what is my come have tapioca Shit the beacon is exciting a shit. That's like that's the that's the test now. All right. That's the New York thing It's like a new club The Grammacy everybody grammar see-yeah, that became like standard I was a grammar normance thing. Yeah, oh really? Yeah, wait for who?

Norman listed her life Two things are stories. Oh fuck yeah salad chain were there. Oh hell yeah, they were talking about cheap and Judaism when I was just there And I was like I think I'll come up And like what are you doing? I was like here for pizza like you didn't get any on it. Just pulling on my pocket. I free free on a side pizza. I left my pocket in case somewhere with stomic. You had an in case piece of pizza in your pocket. Yeah. Healed Steinberg. I'm telling you, I'm burnt there. Fuck it. I got my percentage. Oh, if you see black glue over there, are you probably confused? I can't because it's shadowy over there. Oh, you son of a bitch. Wow.

Wow. It's a little, he's looking a little damn. Why would happen? Well, you know, you heard about the kindness stuff. Zeke's gone. What do you mean they let him go? Yeah. He did it for the best.

Oh, and absolutely is for the best. I looked, he was 20 second in the league last year. Now, they're combo. They should just give him to Paul the whole time. They will. They just, having Zeke there. He had a great run. It's over. Your sad he's gone Can you even eat cereal anymore? Nope, you can't you really can't where did he go? No, where he is released them. They released him. Yeah, he it was If he goes to the Eagles, I'll kill myself. He's just not that good anymore

He's just so but he still gets like, for a carry. Yeah. He's a goal line guy now. Yeah. I'll be honest with you, when a black guy comes in with that nose ring look to the NFL, they're usually mental patients and they're not long for the game. Zek was not a mental patient. He was probably, he's a locker room problem often, wasn't he?

No. No, no, no, no. He united that team. I thought he held that air like a couple of times, like more than once he's done that. No, he said I'm not done raising money for the kids yet until I won't get out of this big red bucket on Christmas time until I get another thousand. Donate his kids.

I'm like we need to play the game so you can go see these kids need clothes. That didn't happen. Did not happen. He was maybe the greatest guy ever in football. That's why I said, and everyone of me, I didn't meet Tony Ramon, because I was like, fuck him, I hope he gets his clavicle broken.

Yeah, I'm sure Tom Brady is a doll to talk to, but he can go fuck himself forever. Why? Tom Brady, I love Tom Brady. I want to kiss his kids. I love Tom Brady. I'm sure Tom Brady is a doll to talk to, but he can go fuck himself forever. Why? Tom Brady? I want to kiss his kids. I want to kiss his kids. I love Tom Brady. I love Tom Brady. I want to kiss I want to kiss kids. You know the hype is about. Yeah. What's it all about? You're let me tongue your kid down so I'm making it weird. You know, I did I defended them because I kiss my kid I Defend him. I what what did you say? What did you what did you hear? I heard you I heard you kiss my kid you heard it wrong

That's it. That's what that's wish for them and on your part. Yeah, I mean, that's what I thought I heard Yeah, you know, you can you can anything you guess a good at a Bobby Yeah, I mean, that's what I thought I heard. Yeah, he's a kid. How do you think you got so good at it, Bobby? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's a double layer. It is a double layer comes out sons out guns out. It is when he did that kiss and think I defended him. I was like dude you kiss your kid in the lips who gives a shit? But there is a time limit. I thought of this a time limit. Oh for sure. Because I actually want to kissing again I was like I'm gonna kiss you on the lips as long as he kissed his son on the lips. It was too much. It's too much Yeah, it's through it's two much. It's two seconds too long. Yeah, you're not supposed to say anything.

It's not saying the league. He said no to you. It was the playoffs twice. Jesus Christ. Yeah, because it wasn't so much how long he had the lips together is that when he pulled away, he sucked his bottom lip. Yeah.

What he pulled away went, I love you. Yeah. Oh my God. You have your mom's lips. Oh God. Yeah. I kiss her pussy. What? What age you stop kiss your son. Yeah pubes Poo no, I'm not before that. I'm a talent so I can do it on the cheek for the rest of the life, but I'm a lips I mean on lips is very I wouldn't kiss a kid in a little pain because a dog in lips

That's it never kiss a kid in the lips. It's my chicken. It's a dog in the lips. That's it. Never kiss a kid in the lips. Kiss my daughter. I kiss my daughter on the face. I kiss my kid right on the lips. Yeah, I had a kid to love you. Have no problem. Well, my daughter's 20, so I can't just go kissing on the lips every time I was here. Well, he did the other night when he,

I told you this, when he slept in the bed with us, he's getting too big now. When he put his leg over my body and scooted me into him. Who really? Yeah, I had to get up. I had to get up. That's a high level man. I got up and I went, his leg over my body and scooted me into him. Who? Really? Yeah, I pulled you towards. I had to get up.

I got up and I went, I was like, I'm not your bitch. What was he, a spy and a bunch of others? Dude, he put his leg over and you go over here. Scooched me into him, I'm gonna blank it. He's not an ass. Did you just say that? Yeah. But Bobby, also, he got to watch.

He's been very aware of a time when that leg couldn't go around you He couldn't cuddle you like that before Excited tap it. Yeah, he's very excited. Oh my god. Now we can bitch out his dad Christ forbid you would have rolled over when he was scooching into him before you would have killed him I would have been there would have been a thing. I would have heard arm Arm he would have been a thing. I would have heard arm. I was just going to hear that. I heard arm. He would have saw somebody next day. He definitely wouldn't have played professional sports when you get older. Something would have been numb for a couple of days.

This old nerve injury from my dad, Ron, I was like, yep. Yeah, I lost these two fingers. That was my fat fear when his belly was a baby, about like, you're going to lose a finger in her pulse? Yeah. Yeah. How about my fear? Oh my god. It's not my fear. It's his fear. No, it was like falling asleep. You know, when

their babies and they fall asleep like while you're laying there kind of on a bed with them, you feed them. They could not off. And I'm like, man, that was such a scary idea that it's falling asleep and just like, you know, rolling over. Just mother and your kid. What would you do if you woke up when your kid was dead? Have a dream that you're shopping a pillow. Well, you just wake, I think I would just wake up and be like, I found him like that. Yeah, for sure. I was, that's the point I was, are you,

I was gonna ask is that what you're making? Are you making the idea that like, would you definitely say you did it? And you had nothing to do with it? I would just lie. If it was just me and the kid, yeah, I'm already going to live a guilt the rest of my life. There's no reason it should be in prison. If the life find out you're lying, now you can't be like, all right, the truth is, it was an accident. Like, now we don't believe you. This doesn't matter. Even if it's an accident, you're going to go to jail. But if you tell them from the start, I rolled over on the kid. It was a

freak accident. Then you're not going to jail. Yes, you are. No way. You go to jail. You're going to sleep extra kid. Yeah. As long as you're not fucking it, you're a lot. No, you'll get some kind. What did you fell asleep on it? But you fucked it too Is that like they found you fucked it before? Yeah, this is the version of I shot share but I did not shoot the W I did rate my child, but I did not kill on purpose class a case Class a case. Yeah, I would lie. Yeah, I would check I would check for wounds though Like if his nose was broken or smushed in.

If he was just smothered straight out, I would definitely lie. That's definitely a question. I've read that. And then, of course, yeah. I know it was a woman rolled over onto her kid. She was a heavy-set woman. Oh, boy. Well, no, the thing is, you've got a mother to my face.

You've got a year, I think, year maybe six months where if it happens then Easy you do the sudden the Sid's sits no one knows that is anyway. I believe in a Sid's belt. So yeah, Sid's better that psycho We gotta get rid of Dac That press got you. Yeah, we gotta get rid of that guy. He's down. I go. He's there. He's there. You got to meet him, huh? We interviewed him on the show duck. How was it? It was sweet. He's a nice guy I like to say never meet your heroes and I shut up to an after party of Roger Waters And they're like should have been earlier dude. You could have met him like what am I gonna do?

It's just it's never good to meet your heroes Then I'd have talked to him for like three hours was awesome and then suddenly start screaming about Israel Screaming That's not true. It's not funny! People are dying! Oh, it is 100% true. Really?

He started talking about BDSS, whatever, not BDSS, BDSS. Jesus, boycott. BDSS, and then, boycott, divests, whatever. And then he was like going on and a hinged clip was like, be careful, Roger, we got a fucking nosy one right here, if you know what I'm saying. And then we started laughing and he was he started screaming like angry Oh, yeah at you That more the Jews in general Jews in general or the Israelis in general and our lack of they were trying to invite a real

Comisch on the next day and then after I was like I don't think he's gonna enjoy his not his position. He's not an audience for comedy Why he doesn't like the Jews is real rules power Star and rules. Yeah, oh really. Yeah What's his what's his Instagram Roger water. I want to follow my so far I have the same ideals Instagram is I Hitler had some good ideas

Hitler had some ideas one because it is a genocide, but justified some good ideas. Hitler has some good ideas one more. It's tough because it is a genocide, but justified. No, okay. Guys, get back to it. I literally watched a whole documentary on the way here on Hitler. On all the, like the- What'd you find out?

It wasn't a bad artist. His watercolors were nice. Really? Yeah, he wasn't that bad. Which by one? I would 100% have a Hitler watercol- Yes. Hitler original.

I had a Hitler youth knife. Did I? I wanted to give it away. Someone gave it. Yes, I had a you a Hitler youth knife Today I want to give it away someone gave it to me and I felt a little creepy with that Well, they ever interview the distant relatives of Hitler. They're there. They're out there. They are but they're hiding You think everyone changed their name now you think there's not one person just goes like no like yeah Hitler was my great grandfather For sure, you just want just goes with the mustache Like, no, yeah, Hitler was my great grandfather, for sure. Yeah, just one just goes with the mustache. You didn't know, you didn't know what? It's alchrose.

But even like, I never met him, but like, yeah, that was pretty much my great. He always came with his phone trinkets, like, molars. It's my great brother. I got nine wedding rings. Shoes, so many shoes. We never wanted for shoes with our lady around. I've got four bone tomahawks.

I'm sorry. They're very hills have eyes, he's type gifts. That show at the Beacon is on Friday nights at Orthodox Jews will not be coming. So for the best after hearing this. Do you have a lot of the Jewish community rally behind you like Modi? Legitimally, real answer, maybe I should never get real answer, my sister orthodox Jewish,

she was like the community was worried when they were about it. They were like fuck, how's this gonna go? And then they said they found it very respectful and far too filthy. Okay, that's okay, yeah. Okay, I was surprisingly nice. A lot of f-bumps, but really nice. But outside of that they had no problems with it. They were like this great, I was surprisingly nice a lot of f-bombs. But really nice.

But outside of that they had no problems with it. They were like, this is great. This was very like, like was nice to us instead of like, was that how they talk? Oh, if I, he did it to Chou, he was a mean. He was a perfectionist. I mean, a couple of f-bombs too many, but that was a thing.

The mouth was good. He was good. I don't like to give out credit. Nothing we could have washed out with some soap or some chocolate money. Chocolate money? I don't want you to be. You doing a new hour?

You have another hour? Yeah, I already had it. You came back to you. I would have had six, six, eight months off without doing a now he's going to end up having some of the current stuff. Now I'm getting the code with something else. So guys guys anyway, Trump is running. Oh, that's actually doable. Yeah, I'm not going to do that. For example, are you throwing the curls on the side? What do you know? No, they are

growing out there, aren't they? Is that like it just the thing that happens? It just happens to my face. Shut up, Jacob. Don't patry us. Every every time you get a deal, they grow. Yeah, yeah exactly you got an interest in the network well that is hilarious they really do just grow just happens but you have they just come out huh we found out by the way Jacob What's hot but Religious Jewish family that orthodox or orthodox no, it's over My dad is yeah very so it comes from a household like that and only Person in the room whose family is together and was okay and didn't take him to school with vermin would I mean

Jacob his very religious father, and mother, father in his life, he's only one of the rooms, his father in his life the whole lot. You guys, none of you guys? Not in his life his whole life, but the only one that was there with mom the whole time, still currently. You can tell, and we look how classy he is.

Yeah, but it's almost like, when you heard about other people, you get the college maybe, you heard about other people like, wait, none of your parents are together? Wasn't it a shock? Your parents are parents are still together yeah it's a standard it was like three divorced people in my community community really yeah I was like whoa they're not together anymore the high burger with this is what a guy name what a woman is his dad gonna get no offense just assuming

no that probably I feel that's probably the thing going why I keep everybody playing in the community for the most part is to be like, it's me or another me. There's no hot, there's no hot blonde. Yeah, who's gonna whisk you off to the other shoulder? It's not as you look, you get lucky and you find, you got a natural, awesome body, Jew, broad. Again, Bobby, I brought it up yesterday.

Jew glips. Reddit, when I brought it up yesterday. Jew Globes. Reddit, when I was looking up there, can you look up any kind of porn on Reddit? And I said, Jewish horrors was when I looked up and like, good, good. Really, it's, if you're looking for big gnats, Jew Globes. The Jew Globes is one of the most underrated body parts in the world. They're heavy, but the nips in front. Nice.

It's impressive. Yeah. Now, let me ask you a question. When you're in the Hasidic world. They're heavy, but the nips in front. Nice. It's impressive. Yeah. Now let me ask you question. When you're in the Hasidic world. Okay. And they take, can they take the wig off when they have sex? Oh yeah. So you take that off. When you, right when you come in, you hang it up like a hat. Yeah, yeah, I'm not your own family. So there's a hat and then there's a wig. There's, yeah, there's, there are these white heads up in there like on top of their closets Yeah, put their wigs on those heads. So they pick out which hair they want so you hat you can just when you're home You that's our hair you're you're with your wife. You're with yeah, if someone knocks on the door like hold on Let me get decent and that means fucking staple of it if she's hot rug to your head if she's hot every night is like

The movie she's all that You know, I mean we're gonna lose style every day you start but'm not even that. I'm just saying like you you take this like From and then you undress to find out she's got a rocking body underneath She's got neatly trimmed pussy hair under that pussy hair wig the merkin Can they trim they can't trim the pussy here right they can they won't but they can but they could it's there's nothing wrong with it Is long as they were their merkin They can't trim the pussy hair, right? They can, they won't, but they can. But they could, there's nothing wrong with it as long as they were their American. So the world doesn't see their pussy hair.

They have to wear no. You, it would be surprised to somebody, like you would be, like if you're like, I don't know, a betrothed to somebody, you know, when you're six and you find, if you're the guy like, yeah, they hook me up this, and then the close come out the first day and they're like, damn!

Yeah. What? Yeah, what a fucking joy. And then there's a buddy like, you found a nice body too, right? And he's like, no. Yeah, he's like, oh no, I just got some mom-bod 18-year-old. Fuck.

Does it ever happen where someone inside the community fucks around and, you know what I mean? Like, oh. Oh, you gotta go see. Probably wildly. You're gonna go see. Dude, when I finished, you know, remember that storytelling show at Montreal? Sure. Yeah, that's

How do you say now trans trans trans bar? Yeah, and afterwards that that block it's like it's quite till about midnight Like you gotta get the fuck out of here and I saw the hookers are coming in I saw a acidic Jew dropping off a fucking big fat black hooker Right car. Yeah, so some of them get our high Right. Of his car. Yeah. So some of them get our high-gotten free chain. We're told, yes, Tim and Carla bartender, that's a swingers thing. And there was two acidic guys there with definitely hookers. This?

A city guys, remember the seller? Those guys were the best. That's right. That's the best. That was a great. But there was a group of them. I don't know if they're still the same ones, but they came for years and years a couple of times a week. And they were like kind of loud and noxious, but also. I haven't know if there's still the same ones, but they came for years and years a couple of times a week,

and they were like kind of loud and noxious, but also, I haven't a blast. I haven't a blast show. They were just having a blast, and you could fuck with them, and they were like, I call those people frontier Jews, because this is stuff that they're not not allowed to do, but they're like, why are you doing that?

It's like Batman's parents, they got killed, watching black music, pretty much, and they're like, why are you going up to the cotton club? You know, and so it's like that. Like they're allowed. They just rarely see that. And those ones are the coolest. But you're not supposed to do hookers and shit.

No, hookers, no. And I think that's like, I think there's a lot of that. Yeah, I think that's why they take hookers to the comic club. If you take hookers to a swing party, you're like, anyone else here cannot tell on me. Because you're here. At this comedy seller, you're like, I'm just here with my me, because you're here. At this comedy seller, you're like, I'm just here with my wife.

How the hell they are? Are there any girls though? My question is, I know. Girl freaks. Any girl freaks in the community where you know, you catch them, you know, blowing a rabbi. Joanne Angel. Joanne Angel.

What's that? Joanne Angel star. Point star Jewish and would get upset about Jew jokes. Really? No sense of humor about it. Buddy, Bobby, she's done SDR, now two or three times, and I will say, Flata, her husband enjoys me. She is not, she never laughs at like what I said.

She's always kind of annoyed. Oh, Jewish wigs. I was like, what the fuck is this? You want to angel? That's a kind of a lie. You look like ex-macchano. Christine, I remember you said that you had a gay roommate who gave massages and it was always like rabbis or religious or Orthodox Jews that would

pay for it. Yeah, he was a big fat gay guy and he used to list himself on Craigslist for naked massages naked massages murder some big fat gay guy all the time, like fat gay guys on Great fat reality Get your homework done my big fat gay guy just Drive up in the driveway The black market stuff as though it was always driven by like people

Freaks having to escape Yeah, but it's not even freaks that guy that can't that has a Jewish guy just wants to fuck He didn't want to marry this girl And he wanted to fuck a few people in his life until he found the girl he wanted to be with But he can't explain any of that at home to anybody He will lose his whole family so it's better from just go sneak off and hope to you. I was a long sting How does he get the money out? Well, I mean hurts take to withdraw money I don't mean that I don't mean that. I don't mean that. I don't mean that.

How does he get the money out of the house? That's right, Angel. Does the, does the, does the husband like don't take care of all the money for me to go get a hooker. Yeah. I would have to launder money through one of you. The wives just get credit cards. They cause they, they, they, they spend money

on almost nothing. Okay. They wear the same. They don't even fucking, they don't spend a lot of soap money. So, all right, a little bit, a little bit too. So't spend a lot of soap money. So, cheese. All right, a little bit, a little bit too much. So this is what I'm worried about, the new.

Watch your ass. Watch your ass, Jews. Yeah, I'm worried. What's the forget, so guy goes. Full forgiveness, you're back in. You got arrested yesterday for being with a hooker at a warehouse. No, I'm wrong.

I'm wrong. Not full forgiveness. The rabbi, I'll forgive you, the religion, forgive you. You've got to go to a new synagogue. They'll all talk, the wives won't let the husbands hang out with you anymore. So it's time to move on. You got to move. You got to move. Yeah, but that's not, but you're not, but the religion, like the religion you're welcome. They won't tell you. Yes, oh, say it's, it's got to be socially now. Getting x communicated from a religion has to be pretty hard because,

like, they need the recruitment. Yeah, exactly. Want you? Like so if you're like, I'm sorry, I fucked kids. They'll go, you can come to church every week. Yes. All right. You're forgiving. I guess you got one row back.

That's the way you said it. I thought kids. Do you crazy? Dude. I laid when you were a child. All right. You got to watch the jihad documentary. Jihad from Subway. Oh, really? Oh. You went for it. I lay when a child. All right, you got to watch the jahr documentary jahr from subway.

Oh really? He went for it. He was pretty stoked on fucking Jojren. Did he do it? Oh, yeah. He fuck kids. I thought he just had pics. He says he now see what I said.

I thought the same thing as publicist. We all thought, no, I watched a documentary on that guy last night. Maybe he was fucking hell economy was the guy who is he's the Ray Donovan of real life they had Chris rock he had audio of Chris rock calling him that a girl was about to come out and say the Chris rock like got her pregnant and it was a lie internally because the baby was not his when they did the DNA test ultimately but this is like the guy that you call to be like take care of this go away. Wow make this go away There's a real guy like do you think the guy pelicano?

Do you think jerry was fucking kids and then he was trying to talk to his like pedophile friends and they said picks are it didn't happen No, it's right. We went to jail for arey.. Yeah, what he went to jail for all they caught him for was his friend Who's like the head of his charity? Yeah, and him were like partners in crime So they would go to Thailand and fuck kids together. That's a place to work in They're gonna party city, but that's not what they're gonna show it. He they found they got his friend Child pornography stuff and he was linked to Jared and they got Jared on, child pornography stuff, and he was linked to Jared, and they got Jared on the child pornography. That's why he's only doing 15 years. What a lady unnecessarily

did is her own investigation, but it's authentic, was did her own sting thing, where she called on the phone in the hospital. She got the sexiest voice she could. Yeah, and he couldn't wait to get her into this, right down to including asking flat out like he was. Can I see your kids make like let me just when your kids take showers let me take a watch them and she it's fucking he was he was worse than Jay when he knew I was taking over on the bonfire. That's how many people he told.

Yeah. He was pretty loose goose. I love kid-ass. I mean, anybody. So he did not, like, when she was like, hey, remember, you reached over that one time out of the blue and said, hey, I really find middle school people, like, so fucking attractive.

That was, that's his, he didn't even make it a joke. That was his, like, cast out in the world, like, see if this chicks down with this stuff. And then she played along with them and he didn't at one point that he ever go are you recording this or something like why are you asking like that she would just be like so what do you how old of children do you like to have sex with and it'll be like nine ten it's the best but he would just say it like yeah he's never had great he would just say it like yeah

he's never had a problem saying he said it like he was getting interviewed like by barber walters for the Oscars but you asked that a lot of people stop at twelve thanks barber because they've ever appreciated that he goes i'd say a nine year old now look i know you're saying that is pretty young and it is but feels delicious yeah and when you're an america it older, when I'm in the other countries, they're much smaller. It's not every nine-year-old develops the same.

Some of these nine-year-olds are like 10-year-olds. Yeah. I know. That's what my pedophile hunter that I went out on the pedophile hunt with the one time. He said that's what he, when he, his method, is to engage them and get them to keep talking. Is he almost takes their sights, it's like, look, it's illegal, but like, I get it, man. He always goes, I get it. Eight-year-olds are fighting with guns in the Congo.

So it's like, you know, age is nothing. It's just a number. But, you know, you are in trouble here because she is under age in this kind of, and it's going to get some keeping. Because then if you go, it's like, I know know right isn't it crazy. We can't do this Like they start talking more. Yeah, no, I'm the same thing with females with me Tricking you know this thing is fine. Oh my god. How about Josh just today? What a guy thought about that all night? I'm a solid guy. He is revelation. Who's Josh to fuck trans? Yeah, Myers. Yeah, and he says it with a very like

Air like yeah, she had a little Yeah, and he says it with a very like air like, yeah, she had a little dinghy and he says it with a very LGBTQ tone. Is that what Northern did you might have asked? Like if Northern, when he did he have to reveal his two guys? Was he caught right handed? Did he get exposed in the among the friends? The night I knew it, I was in coming back from a gig and I was coming through the Hall of Tonto up in the meat packing district back when it was terrible. But can I ask was it leading up to did he make jokes that's you leading up to this all jokes. Okay. And then I thought and then I was in the car. Like when Gerard came out the first time in that first special he goes,

Hey, mom, I'm gay and then she's like really good. No, not really. I'll wait till my next special and say, hey. He was, I was at a red light with this. I know who was, well, some young kid. And there was a black, a tranny coming down that, you know, he looked like Keith and drag coming down with a list. That's not not hot. But Keith now, like second stroke Keith.

And this kid, he goes, Hey, is it true about Jim Norton liking Trannies? And you look next and the girl's walking over to the Saturn next to me? And it's him, no, I- Oh, I know. Listen to me. I am fucking swear to God.

It's like a sh- It's like a sh- It's a sh- Movie-esque. And I went, I went, does that answer your question? And I went, yo, no! And he just buried his head and He's a little Saturn four-cylinder just take off Without the black train without the blood trans yeah, you double mad. Yeah, yeah, I couldn't get one

I was off. Yeah. Yeah, but he's uh He I love it man. He really did make people like normalize that normalize it He doesn't care at all anymore I what I heard was from like Diaz What said when Norton really made his name is he would he said that in a story on stage at Montreal Mm-hmm and people like whoa like it was hard core back then and he was just like I'm doing it I'm making it funny and people like damn we got to take this guy seriously. He's a comic It's just like my friend Wayne though. I just can't picture him Being like like I like the picture just can't picture him being like I

like the picture of Norton's face being been over just cornholes by a dude with this is so funny to me. More traumatic to me. No it's not. He's my friend and I'm glad he found love. It's hilarious. It has normalize it. No part of it.

I think I was just snickering. It's just like I snickering is if the actual physical activity of it. It's so weird though Josh I never when he was talking us today I just like I snickering is if the actual physical activity of it. It's so weird though Josh I never when he was talking yesterday I was like I thought and then when it was a there was a little penis it shook me yeah, cuz I was like first of all If you're gonna do it why would you go a little? Completely agree with that if I was doing it. I'm going free. Disagree. Disagree. It's like when I have sex my first black check I don't want to afro I want pointy. I want stacy dash black starter black I hear you by the way. I don't disagree with affra want point. I want staci dash black starter black.

I hear you by the way. I don't disagree with the other one. I want eyelashes that go out like Amy Whitehouse. The first black chick was pretty black. I don't want that. I want the two two five. I want just a tight afro. I want just black.

I want like 1970s. Got a work hotel. Rwanda shit. Yeah, you work up to a wig with a Ferris wheel in it. You tell him you came to town on the jig, giant metal birch. Yeah, man, I want like, I'm actually, I'm really into black, I go to phases like Puerto Rican girls,

white girls. Sure. I'm really, really into black girls now. I'm like, I'll pull on the paper, pull on the black face and go out with you. Well, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, not, no, it's for me. He's from Boston, she's gangster, she'll do it. What, Don? Yeah, I'm talking about some black fish. That was a good girl from Evermas.

Yeah, start calling her dusk. Hey, give me your car, I'm stealing your car. Is that what they say? Bobby, am I doing a good jab? Oh my god. It is weird when you see a black girl with a boss in accent is fucking trippy. Yeah It's like a dude with a like a black dude in Boston with a boy. Hey dude way going kid. It's like what? What an Asian person gets any regional accent. It's hilarious hilarious Henry Cho

He's the Texas accent right? Hey, all so I'm y'all. Hey, all what? Oh, yeah Oh Well, we all were believed led to believe that you'd be bring some up. I have a big announcement Hey, all so far me all hail what oh Yeah, oh Well, we all would believe led to believe that you'd be bring some up. I have a big announcement Yeah, big dream in mind. Mm-hmm for a while trans sounds are cast suck into trans girl was to make my first special for somebody And I'm finally did it I Produced put together whoever we want to call it big J. O. Chris and special dog belly who's coming out like a couple weeks Yeah, pretty fucking excited. I tell you from some time who was there on the outskirts watching

It was a beautiful. I know you killed it, but you so so pretty man. It looked fantastic Yeah, that was everything was was together on that pretty cool That's gonna be it. I mean that's especially gonna be killer dude. Let's hope you look great too, man Thank you look fantastic. Oh, yeah, shut up. I will not shut up. You was very clear He was like hey listen. I need more cameras on the red streak side I really want to accentuate it people have to know that I'm a fucking dog If they don't know my door what did I even spend all this money for what are these other side? That's not right on this side. Why even get this coverage?

So you call it coverage I'm getting this nice and he's nice house for the pool when we go to Austin. Did he direct it? Who now? Eric direct it you produced it. I Produced a show there was nothing worse than seeing were with his hands on his hips, just watching monitors, and he's telling people to shush. I was exactly for charging a shush in on that one. Oh, yeah, he was around shushing.

We're back, they're going, hey, hey guys, okay? There was a wall there. Every noise, and you feel like you're in a separate, any letterman tried to come in, I was like, you can't go back there or film something. And she goes, no, no, the DPS comes to him, I'm like, yeah, you can't say anything back there. He just said to come say,

I'm like, the same part is the issue. So you can't, you can't. He was so bad. Very militant. Very militant. I won't use the word Nazi. I was very, very, very, very, very, he cared a lot.

An audience coordination Nazi. He was, he was a fantastic Yeah, he's very. He cared a lot. An audience coordination naughty. He was a fantastic work. A fantastic work, soldier. Were you proud? Were you proud of him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was great.

Yeah. He cheered up a little bit. Oh, you cheered up a little bit. Yeah. You cheered up a little bit. Yeah. You cheered up a little bit. Yeah.

You cheered up a little bit. Yeah. You cheered up a little bit. Yeah. You cheered up a little bit. Yeah. First show a second show. Yeah, a adrenaline dump. Late second show. Late second show, you almost teared up. It's like, all right, this we got this. Yeah, it's great. And then you teared up and then you pushed it back down. You didn't let it out. Show again.

Oh. Oh. Did you see the video, Rogan, bringing out Chappelle on stage? No. It was cool. Placed my nuts. Yeah.

He told me he was coming. I was like, when's he gonna go up? It goes after me. Yeah. Cause he's gonna try to do a very strict very strict he goes there'll be no bumping at my club I mean I go what are you gonna do when Chappelle come this is eight months ago? What are you gonna do when Chappelle comes? He goes I really got to figure that out Then I guess he's like you got to go at the end, but did he get rid of the checkspot? No checks, but I don't think he's charging What I think it's just like free drinks for everybody. I'm a billionaire

People are reselling the tickets for a thousand dollars. Yeah, they got to stop that right No checks, but I don't think he's charging. What? I think he's just like free drinks for everybody. I'm a billionaire. People are reselling the tickets for a thousand dollars. Yeah, they gotta stop that, right? They're showing how they stop it. I'll tell you how they stop it. This is what you do at Glastonbury. You got a show with an ID matching the ticket. Ooh, yeah, you can return it, but you can't sell it.

Yeah, it says no resale. $1,000, people of pain. I mean, they went so fast. It's the, I mean, by the way, that's not, that's amazing. I mean, they went so fast. It's the, I mean, by the way, that's amazing. I mean, for a showcase club, it's got eventually 10 years from now, people are just going to go there for 25 bucks. So, I would only need to sell two tickets for me to be happy. The llama boarded the comedy mothership last night.

What does that mean? It's the goat. Oh, it's a goat. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that picture does make more sense now. The yack showed up. Oh finally. That's a great first comment. Joe Rogan has legs. He's only buying a desk. That's fucking hilarious. It's a good idea. I like well deserved. Joe Rogan's legs. Let's see. Let's see the central. I'm actually excited about it. I don't like well deserved

Let's see this intro I'm actually excited about it. Does anybody know the the symbols what they mean around the stage? The symbols. Yeah, it's in it's in a The sounds are cast again. It's in a like a cling on type language and it says like free speech for something like that You can ask Something like that some dork ass like that Students never watching episode of Star Trek and all in now Let me go sound on this

This is a new club in Austin throw a little sound. This is New Club in Austin. Here's New Club, Joe. Here's New Club. Oh, they all want to leave. I'm about to bring up one of the greatest comedians has ever walked the face of the planet. One of my dear friends was lost. I'm not personal, you know, so far.

I'm a pleased giving up for the great and powerful danger path. Look how nuts they go. Their bodies can't even, they just like jump up they Cuz he was done they're all like let's go get the car before it's too late he goes sit down there like what do you mean? Take out your coat motherfucker have some respect Yo white motherfuckers in getting my coat off? Yeah, who shot this was an iPhone 3?

It was his face. He really? He goes, this is actually the house camera, are you? Oh, oh, no, it's good. Okay. Well, that was cool. Good for them. The other contest we were having on the show that no one called in for was craziest

thing. It's been asked of you sexually people calling and be like, where's the crazy and while fucking someone's like, do this. You're like, hmm, I don't know about that. I'll tell you a story. Mm-hmm. I was walking, I was in a movie, kung fu hustle.

With somebody. Is that crazy? What's the comedy theater? I don't know what it is. That's the McDonald's. with somebody Crazy I don't it is best the McDonald's oh They already changed the comedy theater really how many sell it comedy theater really yeah says it on the front already See with the significant other I said hi to this chick and Just leaving I'm like what was that who's that person was like Like some new hooked up with I'm like yeah, I don't know how many years ago

It's like why was it weird like she punched me in the face Just fall on punch me really on top of me. I was like Did you like I'm like no I hated it a punch you punch? Did you keep fucking yeah I mean it taking me out of the game don't take me out for a second. I was like, ah, what? He said, ow, just like that. She really have escalated me. She got so hard

though. Yeah, what's the weirdest thing? So the initiative someone takes I've been bitten too hard, not a fan of that. Not a fan. You guys a girl asked you to punch her to punch her. Yeah, I didn't. I didn didn't but she always asked three times and by the third time I had the whisper I don't think I'm the right person for you I had a girl in

San Diego that girl OD the next day no way no very killed her on cock now at the comedy club she was a waitress of the comedy club Jesus Dr. Grins Grins. Oh, yeah. You know, I'd hide a girl in San Diego asked me, it's like, hit me and I hit her. I'm like, do like a man. I was like, whoa, okay. I hit her again. She's like harder. Back hands. Wow. You know what she gave me? Two words. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Did you get it? It's PV. I got awards. Yeah. That's what you know where you

got it from. Oh, yeah, that sucks Yeah, I got crabs twice from the same redhead. Oh, no Only twice shame on me. Yeah She's like I got them Sebastian since it was you fuck the aerial do crabs are the worst because they you they move Like they pop off like they give you a little magnifying glass with the crab brush and the cream. So you can just get to know them. You can just. Hey little buddy. Hey guys, I got I'm fleek circusing down there. I'm a little one's a ferris wheel. The other one's running on a log. I had a girl up in when I lived with Billy, this black girl, she wanted me to choke her, but every time I choke her,

she'd start crying. Oh my God. And then I would stop and I would just like, I'm so sorry. She'd be like, it's okay. I just, you know, she would give me, and we'd talk, and I'm like, listen, let's just stop. She'd be like, no, it's okay. And then I was like, she's like, put your hands on my neck.

And I was like, you sure you want it? She's like, I fuck, I was like, I fuck and do it if you want me to fuck. And then I start choking, I was like, you sure you want this? She's like, I fuck, I was like, I fucking do it if you want me to. And then I start choking, she's like, he's going. I'm like, what the fuck? And I was so weird. We did it like three or four times. And finally I was like, you got to go.

This was the redhead? No, that was a black chick. Black girl. Which I found weird because black girls, I mean, black me up, Lou. Black me up. Black girl. Black girls, if they're gonna do it, they just do it. Lou. Black me up. Black girl. Black girls, if they're gonna do it, they just do it.

There's no. He has no idea. Sorry. He sets sex with one woman ever. One black woman. Really? Just one? How old are you?

30. But it was his auntie. That's why. Yeah, he's not the guy to ask. Literally anyone else in this room. DJ, I know this fuck more black women. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm crazy black girls. DJ stands for Dijeridu. When they want- Did Jerry do? When they want to have sex, they're like, we're having sex. Don't, because I feel like white girls, you have to kiss them, grab the tits, rub the vaginas So they're like I can't take it anymore. Oh, so they can have it excuse like I didn't know what I was doing

But the black girls like hey, we're gonna fuck relax. Yeah, let's put some music on me. Christine had that once and then the girl farting Christine's face wow great move that's fucking great Great move that's fucking great Like that you move that you move her butt up and over to your face No, it wasn't on purpose part. It was like a dog fart I'm gonna accidentally not a pillow. She just let it out and where my face was like I caught it Oh You look you look you're filming a trident commercial. Did you have the salad talk to Jay? Jay.

Well, I was almost completely over at that point because he's like a humor of that. And it was like, finally, so we finished up. And then when the girl left, I remember saying that the Christina, I was like, well, it's very least it didn't smell bad at all. And she goes, yeah, you were just low. You were under it. It did smell really bad Bad what it smell like like a gross fart Not something you want to smell it. Christine. That was your opportunity to be like grape soda

And that Popeye sandwich. I'm not great at racist jokes. What's racist about that? What's racist about that? What about that? I don't know, it's not like a double down. How dare you, Christine? You're the racist. I mean, you're racist. It's all perception. Christine, you kept going?

How long after? She had to keep her heart on. So we kind of just got through it after that. That's when you got it just like, it was a rushed job after that. Was it a fartsound? It was a fff. Yeah, it was a little bit like fff. But you can like it was a rush job after that was it was it a thought sound it was a Yeah, it was a little bit like But you can tell it was that you know what that means she was trying her best to hold it in she's trying to wear She wasn't aware she was where she was where no, it was no it made noise did it go

Yes, it was more like that. Oh It was like a ripper. It was a good butt vibrate. That's intentional. That's intentional She felt like unashamed by it definitely I think she wasn't like she wasn't like oh sorry like it wasn't it wasn't I'm not a man it or for that. It's a decision you got to make in the moment and maybe better just yeah Yeah, so I know or we could just move past it. Hopefully it doesn't stink it did unfortunately I would I would change the change the energy He knows we have no or we can just move past and hopefully it doesn't stink. It did, unfortunately. I would, I always have that when it's like, it changed the, the, the, the change the energy for sure.

I always have to, you have a brush your hand accidentally passed like and touch someone's boop with the back of your hand. Yeah. And then you got to be like, do I say, sorry? Do we just let this go? Well, it's like, it's like, we just have to take it. She fucking farted, she particles. Christine's face while she was,

while she was beijing me. Yeesh. Well, they would have touched it. We would have touched it. We would have touched it. We would have touched it. We would have touched it. We would have touched it.

We would have touched it. We would have touched it. We would have touched it. We would have touched it. We would have touched it. We would have touched it. We would have touched it. We would have touched it. We would have touched it.

We would have touched it. We would have touched it. We would have touched it. We would have touched it. We would have touched it. Like on something in your hand touches, you kind of pull it away, but you don't say, do you say something? Do you say sorry? Or do you just let it go? Yeah, you call attention to it, but, you have to, hey, I know I thought your movements are, or like make a joke. I take my badge, I just took it in my badge. My badge.

I'm aware. To a boob. Do it one time we're all a josh and tree. Boob's tough because don't wanna over cut. You don't wanna pull attention to it. You absolutely have to draw attention to it, I think actually you're wrong. I think in the moment,

because if not, then it's like, oh was I trying to get, when I started in the black circuit, a lot of jokes on stage about public transportation people who try to grind up onion. 40, 40, but this is classic Kevin Hart joke. They come up with a volume of stuff doing like, oh damn, I'll get a girl. I'm just rubbing on that butt.

Oh, hold them groceries bitch. Damn. Closer. Oh, really? That was a closer. A lot of, he's a girl. I'm just rubbing on that butt. Oh, hold them groceries, bitch. Damn. Closer. Oh, really? That was a closer. A lot of buzz. He's a billionaire. Remember Keith Joke on the bus? Yeah. I had tried to rob you on the bus. I'm on the bus. Bus, bus, bank, money, bet what? Here's, go ahead. Can I read this? Sure. it's from a facebook as you know the bonfire now has a facebook page uh... that lower it didn't get a chance to call in so i'll share my wackiest thing ever said the bedroom that was not copacetic this girl had a catchphrase

she would use when she wanted me to finish in her mouth and she would always say it once i hit the point of no return and that phrase was feed me 18 years later I still haven't gotten that just dirty disgusting feeling got rid of that dirty disgusting feeling she also had to clip the size of a tip of a pin pink pin pin pinky finger pink a finger um that's a big clip I gotta say Zach that's an exaggeration. Feed me. Feed me. Father me that much. Always saying it. Oh, catch phrase. Yeah.

Feed me. No, no, no, that's gotta come up once and a half. If it happened once in a moment, you like, that's, you went for it. If you're saying it constantly, it's like, I feel like, what if that's the only thing she ate? But I think there's, what if that was her food source? If that feed me, was literal.

Like feed me. There's got to be the protein. Yeah, feed these, literally. Like feed me. I had a protein. Yeah, but if we're not, you know what I mean? I'll take calls from that too, girls call and say the weirdest thing a guy's ever shouted out as he was about to come. Cause terrible dirty talk. I've seen in porn, like calling it,

if a guy's got a thing he calls it weird, it's like I'm about to release, I'm about to release. Do it, it's so weird. Like what? Coming and saying good night on stage, I have the to release. I'm about to release. It's so weird. What happened? Coming and saying good night on stage, I have the same problem. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say. Both you mic drop on both.

I love everybody for supporting my career for always. Bye everybody. And thank you for letting me come in one of your eyes. You're going to good person to me tonight. Your bed is sturdy. Thank you for giving me come in one of your eyes. You've been a good person to me tonight. You're better sturdy Thank you for giving me crabs yet again Me and Christine I love nothing you took up with a girl one of the first people we hooked up with used to say thank you When she would come that me and Christine was coming Yeah, me and Christine would talk about that later

Like it. That's good parents. You like it? Thank you. That's a mother and a father that taught a child right. No, no, no, no. Oh, that's a girl who got raped by her father. Yes, I apologize. I mixed that up. I mixed that up. Yeah, depends on the bank.

You need context. Yeah, I mixed that up. There's one girl one to, oh, that was the worst. She wanted a mommy daddy fantasy. Have both. I tried to say, uh, I mean, don't gonna have to fuck people with you. Are you better? Oh, yeah.

You didn't read that. You got to read the whole contract. I didn't. I didn't read the whole contract. I'm going to have to get done. Fucking chunks too busy at the Oscars taking care of a thousand Asian people. I'm going to have to get done fucking chunks too busy at the Oscars taking care of a thousand Asian people I would have I'm gonna get don'ts pussy's fixed You got to go back to the gym with the pussy. We're hanging out with the okas in this weekend

Are you remember this girl I believe and Bob you definitely had met her at some point she was super cute Mm-hmm. I mean Christine wanted to hook up with her and then she it was why. She was like, does mommy want baby to suck daddy's pee pee? And like she kept doing that. I just wanted it to get rolling. I remember Christine. I think verbally said no. Once a choice, but someone I'm trying to turn you. I'm like, Mommy, please tell baby to suck daddy's dick.

So we can get like, well, please, Mommy, whatever's gonna make her stop talking. She also fuck for 30 seconds. I think and then like She ran she was a weirdo, but she she at one point she was like will you just play my game with me? Like she got mad at me that I was a thing like she was play my game with me. Hey you suck J's dick Are you getting a consequence? I'm taking away your iPhone? How's that bitch? This music is so holy this is what we should have been fucking to Yeah, right. Well, BB doesn't like when mommy doesn't tell BBs, suck that he's BB. Yeah, you're trying to do a pedophile, it's a surprise.

We both hated it. Yeah, that's why I don't like the school girl outfit. It's like, oh, I'm not fucking into that. I don't care about the school girl. Do you have to go? Well, I said, if I'm in a school, that's the final look. I like to look. Yeah, I don't like that. I like the look look. I don't like the look of like a...

I like the look of like the short skirt with the thigh high shit, but it doesn't have to be schoolgirl themed. I don't give a shit about pig tails. I don't give a shit about... I like Catholic schools fire at me, but schoolgirl, will you give a little lollipop? I like the dress like the lead singer of ACDC. That's fair enough. You like Lou? Oh, Jesus Christ, We gotta take a break. We have to take a goddamn legal break

Can I keep all we do that? Of course Good news. We have no reads because nobody was advertised with a new bonfire Your friends I gotta read I got a read who or something I'll read who or something. Yeah, I'll read something Are you sure fear again at the beacon theater New York City Friday March 24th get your fucking tickets now Also sit down before the show starts. I'm making an opening Alex is gonna give birth I was giving birth on stage Alex from skanks is getting birth on stage Robert Kelly is gonna be at wise guys in Salt Lake City March 17th and 18th after that Sarah Togo Springs, New York Austin Austin, Texas for the Moon Tower, Comedy Festival.

Well, we have another fun announcement coming up pretty soon for tickets in all other tour dates visit robbercallylive.com. And I'm going to be in Louisville March 17th and 18th after that. Rochester Spokane, West Nye Act Detroit. All coming to you very soon. Some fun announcements coming up for the summer. Legion of Skanks are doing a three night tour of some theaters. Boston, huh? We're doing Boston. We're doing Foxwoods. We're doing some together too. Yeah, yeah. And we guess, yes, I just said we have some fun announcements coming up

around Moon Tower. Yeah, big things. Big things going on. Specials coming out, you know, soon. All fun stuff. It's gonna be exciting. Me, Tim Dillon, Nick Mullen, and Shane Gillis, doing two shows together. It's a wild set, Hershey, PA, South Carolina. Check it all out, we'll be right back. It's the Bonfire. I'm a Rowland swimmer, Rowland. I'm a Rowland swimmer, Rowland.

I'm a Rowland swimmer, Rowland swimmer. Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, the whole damn thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbomb fire for a special offer. That's right. And go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our standup dates coming to a city near you.

I stepped on your crackle crackle. I stink. to check out our stand-up dates coming to a city near you. Go lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo