The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Knockouts (feat. Robert Kelly & Sal Vulcano)

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

Sal Vulcano & Bobby Kelly join the gang to watch knockouts and tell fight stories.

I'm Dan and I'm Jay and actually we're a radio show that exists on Sirius XM That's right for full episodes of the bonfire go to SiriusXM.com slash bonfire for a special offer for our stand-up tour dates Go to dance order.com and big J comedy.com And now the bonfire with big J. Okerson and dance odor And music you know it's funny with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. Man music cues are always funny. Shut up. Is that a low-key? Yeah, post Malone.

Get the lower one it is. Uncle L, future of the funk. We have post Malone's new best friend here. In studio with us everybody joining us from the impractical jokers. Currently on tour right now in Stahelarius, Savo cano joining us. Yes, so much. You know what it is.

You know what, so I've been hanging out with Posting. No, you have always face tats. I'm like, Sal changed almost a media. Yeah, the makeup chair for Posting out one face tattoo, he goes, I got talking to it. We had a mother's office. There's something with him, Post Malone. I was just joking. I got talking to it. We have a mother's Memphis. There's something with him, Post Malone.

I got to face that too after a wild breakfast. I believed he had a wild breakfast with Post Malone. I wanted to show the crew this. I thought this would make you laugh pretty hard, so you know I watch love after lockups for my favorite shows. Recap. Left pretty hard sell to so you know I watch love after lockups from my favorite shows. We yes recap it Someone's wife at a show this weekend call me they were like she goes she started to like the show I know she was asking she was what's that show where the guy talks about love after lockup. That's what you described the show as

Have you ever watched love after lockup Bobby? No, well start you're in it's great. Is it good? It's better than good. It is so good. It's people. I'm gonna say something very old. Yeah. What channels it on? WeTV. Oh, it's on We? Women's entertainment.

But I'll tell you what, women are trash garbage, and this is the kind of trash garbage they want to watch. WeTV is the trashiest of all the- Even worse than TLC. I'll drop something on you right there. Please. I believe the person running that is the guy that was running true when I started that guy ousted.

No way. Well, they kicked the genius out because I will say this show. This guy is making it. He was like a dictator over that. Really? Well, this is this guy. This show is about people who get relationships when they're in prison with somebody out of prison and they come out and like basically live with them not knowing much about them and you follow their stupid stupid people lives And it is great, but there is a couple who I've been showing Dan bits of Christine So you find the videos of them in the car together and stuff it is just it's a guy got a jail He's short. He's mousyly decent looking guy and she and I'm exaggerating

It looks like Patrice's fatter sister. It's the Gap teeth she is morbidly obese and when the best scene is them driving in a car together because she has a seatbelt extender on too so her seatbelt splits in three ways in the middle of her belly. They got her locked in. And she's like like this. Like with her big like Gap teeth and he this guy can build a fucking pillow fort in how much room he has. He's like this thing stretched out like he's this like with a big like gap teeth and he this guy can build a fucking pillow for it in how much room he has he's like this thing stretched out like he's laying down like this and she just takes up it looks like she's

in front of him do you remember in um Empire Strikes Back when Jabba the hut has that little guy yeah that's what it looks like yeah job as the lady and the little guy is the guy he's the guy smoking the hook yeah jumping around that's and he's like the lady and the little guy is the guy. He said the guy smoking the hook. Yeah, jumping around. That's and he's like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, no. I think getting scream. Yeah, Star Wars fans are mad that we don't know that. Some scream. I don't remember. Chris, you got a big picture of them in the car together. We got visual, we got optics on it. It's what we said. Chris, we got eyes on the

show. Yeah, but I want to show you because I know you love stuff. I guess we've spent hours watching stuff like this. There's a couple called J and J couple reactions and it's just a black couple who watch episodes, like Loa, their lock up and probably other things, but the love of their lock up when they have one where this little guy is climbing on top of this lady trying to like kiss her and like to beginning of having sex with her. And how? It's just a black couple having this together. So infectious and fun. It really made me laugh. Do you have a picture, Christina? All this seems like a not a hard thing to be not having a picture up of yet. I know. Well, you want the two of them in the card

together and I'm just going through all the YouTube clips trying to find that screenshot. Reaction video sounds like a real sweet deal for a career it made me think it made me think like to me increasingly ever leave the house like just sitting there watching me watch a show is kind of entertaining well they might have the guy in this one but you can still see it you get it I never heard of a sea belt extender in a vehicle I've seen it on a plane right they make them I'd love to do. I'd love to hear that guy's math on the side. It's differential and he goes, now, big girl, what percentage

of that is titty? And that's the guy. 33% now. 33% of titty. And that's the guy right there. The guy's little. Oh, that's him. Yeah. A little Derek. Now, he's in jail. He wasn't here. And she started dating him while he was in jail. Of course, because you can't leave when you're trapped in prison. So these lonely women go and they fish out these studs that are dented or broken. And then the show follows them.

And they always come out of jail in like story book love where they're like, oh, this person's gonna solve all my problems. Everything's perfect. When you're sitting in jail, you'll write to these ladies and be like oh enough so many kids But you're just trying to keep it's like a choose your adventure story I found all my letters from Denise Cantino when I was in juby jail. Oh, really? Oh, dude, I got love letters from this girl

But you were also sending her love like you were deep in luck as you had nowhere to go I sent letters back, but I would her letters, you know, we're you know Mail day when I would get my little car. Did you smell them like soldiers in the war? She's spraying what puts you in here. Yeah, she's from Brooklyn, dude. And a girl that's next to my dad, one time, sent me a letter with glitter in it and sprayed perfume. And I was like, you come.

Yeah. Glitter should be a lot. I like it. It's a lot because you're like, now I gotta clean this up. Glitter should be a little. When I was little, I didn't mind it so much. She was, she was great. She got me through, I mean, she got me through some times. What happened after the lock up? Little hearts on the outside.

Did you guys have love after lock up? No, it never had sex ever. She was, we were young. I was 13. She was, huh? Yeah, you're already locked up. That's the kids version. You should have the Juve lock up. It's a 13 year old. Love after scared straight.

Yeah. You have to deal with something worse than the outside puberty. There you go. There you go. No, she's that's all wild. You're right. You're kidding. Dad, I didn't know they made that.

He looks like he wears her as a Halloween suit. I mean, he's crazy. He goes, well, time to put my girlfriend suit back on and go dance and chucky cheese. It looks like, did you ever see the state puffed marshmallow and suit with it? It's like a fan inside that you buy the party suit. Yeah, that's her and get to it.

He's like, well, I don't know. She definitely needs an internal cooling system, correct? Oh my God. God bless her. Damn, she can never ride him. Show crushers hips. No, so what's funny about this is there's a video of the first time he

tries to like kind of like start making out with her and getting sexy with her and this couple that just played the video that it's'm doing. I'm going to just do what I'm doing. I'm going to just do what I'm doing. I'm going to just do what I'm doing. I'm going to just do what I'm doing. I'm going to just do what I'm doing. I'm going to just do what I'm doing. I'm going to just do what I'm doing. I'm going to just do what I'm doing.

I'm going to just do what I'm doing. I'm going to just do what I'm doing. I'm going to just do what I'm doing. I'm going to just do what I'm doing. I'm going to just do what I'm doing. I'm going to just do what I'm a punk punk man Come on, look I just go back one time I go 10 seconds back Is it this like archer watch? 5 minutes Hey

Go to it You can just sign sign I'm not here You never know what happened once you go back I Like try to keep himself up Yeah, shout out to Jay Jay couple reaction that reaction. That was goddamn really made me it was just it was like Infectious and we're just making me always in my hotel room And it just came on and started making me I was trying to show a card and yeah, they're thinking I just put that one on it Man, I just started making me laugh. Yeah, so I was having so much fun. Yeah, she can only date guys with a really good core

Yeah, she can't date another you're not wrong. I can't date you got your superman's on her Or you'd have to you'd have to stand and then it would have to be like, it's a scientific process. Well, I'll tell you what, she came up on the season premiere, Lou, you know this. She comes, so of course, she doesn't live where he lives. So she was there for the season of the show for a couple weeks and then she goes back to Chicago, he stayed there for that.

I thought she was like that movie troll or she was just a mountain that ended up being a troll. She's a good movie. But she goes, but it was great was this is where the show left off pretty much yesterday. She shows back up and he's like, I want to pass thought I don't want to talk about no more. I saw some, I cheated. Is ain't right. It ain't cool. I'm supposed to be good to you. I'm gonna change and let me be better better to you and then she goes well I came down here to tell you I'm late on my period it's like I mean to his face he's like oh man man she goes you ain't happy better he goes oh man I didn't get all the way in I mean that's what I think is I thought I came in like you,

like where your belly button touches from your two bottom bellies. I came on the first level, you're pussy. Well, I didn't even get to the first level. I'm late on my exclamation point. Yeah. Well, then you know I got on my mechanical bull and then what the winner will have.

Well, shit, I didn't know Luke Skywalker if you would use the Death Stone. I blew you up with Boy Shot. I'm late. He's like, oh shit. Oh man, I can't imagine. But I wait, I said, my friend little Jay, his brother Steve, when he got out of jail,

same thing, there was just, he was fucking a bunch of people, mostly our friends, like people that we knew our age. Oh, is this brother? Brother, brother. And he would, but he was hookin', but he had this one girl, I forget her name, but she had a full mustache and baggy arms and just, but they believe, they get upset, they go,

what, like you know what's going on. You're gonna have to be this lady and just accept, it's almost like when a guy's a sugar daddy and the girls are like, he just wants to pay for stuff for me it's like you just got to be that if you want to be like seen with this guy it's an ugly truth yeah but it really is you have to accept that money and stop chasing or you're going to be constantly pissed yeah why you talking to other girl thing you know thing is because look at you you have a full mustache you're not even trying fucking you is like He was like fucking upside down canoe.

Yeah. I keep falling off and hitting my head. Yeah. Those girls have no separation between those letters they were getting from prison. That's the point I was making before. Yeah. To when they come out.

There's no separation in their mind. They're like, but you said that we was going to get a half for the picket fences. That's when I was having a guy braid my hair. Exactly. That's when I would give a man doughnut so he wouldn't fuck me in my sleep. Things are a little different here. But this is Cleveland, not that.

So you don't want to make love me all day? Why didn't meet you yet? I'm here. When she goes, are we want to make love to me all day? Why didn't meet you yet? You're huge. I mean, when she goes, oh, we go and make love to celebrate, he goes, yeah, we can do that. We got the funny ones for you, right? Do you think we're doing that? Yeah, man, we can do that. Show it up.

When he met her for the first time, was it like a shadow like Independence Day? Like it just fucking cast it over him. When he was standing outside and she walked up, it's just a dark shadow. Hey. Oh, you look tiny and pictures. We can do that. Yeah, we can do that. How about we do that? They really. It's just my lady eclipse. But they are either they're either so disproportionate looking to each other. The couples or they're like good looking at everyone's like a problem.

Is it like, is that what the hot ones are? Is it like a clearance rack at Marshall's? Yes. These women are just finding these men and and and they compare. Are they throwing it out to a bunch of them or they? I'm sure they're throwing out to a bunch then one of them latches on. Also these guys in jail or the girls in jail. They're also talking to 11 other people also.

Right. Yeah. Because I had I had one girl I was talking. Oh, love after Bob. I'm sorry. I wasn't in love with one girl at 13. Well, one of the bad things that matters in things ever in the world is the, uh, when the guy gets knocked out, cause they both show up to pick up a girl from a halfway house. And the other guy who likes her too much was just like, she doesn't want to deal you anymore, he's like, you shouldn't get involved in this, but he does. He's like, you don't want to, he's like,

he's like, she doesn't want to deal you dude. And the guy's like, get in my face for a knock, you the fuck out. And the guy goes, are you? And he puts his hands behind his back. And the other guy just knocks him clean unconscious. Really? And then he wakes up and cries in front of the girl.

And then the girl sends him on his own, the girl sends him off on his own and then has the guy who punched him, come back to pick her. You know, she told him initially not to come. Right. He did come, punched the guy she was leaving with and then she left later with the guy. That's actually angry.

Yeah, don't be the guy. He's have way house. But I don't know if you're this guy's, these guys are like, oh really? And they put their hands behind their back. That's crazy. That's crazy. It's like, what are you doing? If like what do you do it if the guys nuts? I mean why would you do that? Without nut you pussy ass out And there you are

I mean he's gonna he goes right to chill for that though. No, it's on camera doesn't matter He could he could have hit his head right on the Store behind his back. He did it is head on the ground. You see the blood on his head You got it get out. He was unconscious enough to not even block his fall dude his toes a curl And like he's getting fucked in Nylon's but then so this toast. That's the best so they wake him up damn dude They wake him up. I'm not gonna chill now. He's to jail. He gets in the car and leaves right next to the cops That's a curative that's a cop is that security and that's the girl and so far It feels like a nightmare. Yeah, by the way

She didn't want there to be any confrontation like that Next thing you know they're talking to each other and one thing just escalated to another run him over He's like move him. He does he says move him Yeah, move him out of the way that I had imagined for myself and then just diamond on her chest Oh, she got to a fresh test. He's like he honestly in backup Y'all get him off the ground. This guy's no fucking around stop He's the best dude. They would catch him cheating constantly and he just goes Why you get upset about all that I came home afterwards and they're like you right?

Yeah, he didn't come on girl that he has like a whole other relationship. He's got a whole relationship going to he's so mad about this He's got a whole relationship on Katie. You just come home That's definitely not get me killed Just come home. Is that dawn's rule? Yeah, that was that doesn't do she's you ask me not to come home You finish fucking stay out there. Yeah go off with that fucking diamond tit chick. Yeah, you got the tiny house go up There you clock so I got it fucking living a little house a little hole This guy I don't know if it shows in this clip, but this show crying gonna wake up yeah that's the best part double books a half way house pick up take a take on life I told

try to get me doodles he loves the drama yeah these guys fighting over her I love sounds coming out of from a normal person. I would give him. Why would he. You double book a half a house pickup. Why wouldn't he wait till he gets out of the way to back up? Was his anger cost gas gas prices? The way the way this gets it. But you don't know if it's in this clip. Hopefully it will be about to scribe either way. The like the guy he wakes up finally and he's kind of like, where is he? Where's he at? And they're like, he's gone. Anybody see that train? and he's kind of like where is he where's he at and they're like he's gone Anybody see that train so he's gonna leave and so he pulls up in a car

She just has her stuff on the curb. It's been five years like it like endgame Joe Biden's the president They they show him he pulls up next to her and he's just got, he's got the hat back where he's like, it's up. You ready to get out of here? And she's kind of like, yeah, I think I'm just going to wait for another ride and just relax. And he's like, hey, sure, am I going to see you soon?

And she's like, yeah, yeah, I'll call you. We'll figure something out. And he's like, yeah, that's fine. And then it cuts to him. And it seems like a way doing like a confession on the car with the camera. And he's just like, I just love this time when she came out that it was gonna be different And we'd be able to be with each other and then they do a wide shot He's just like she's as close as DJ Lewis to me

That's on the car like kind of rolling her eyes and so he got beat up and he's crying and she's not going like and all he Is thinking this entire time is why did I sign the release before I picked her up? They could have blurred his face He could take that back he could have he probably doesn't know the rules. Yeah, probably can you really just like Sal is like the lawyer of this episode Actually take that back Blur it out to any of you I feel I feel I Want to see him wake up crying. I don't feel bad for him. You know why he

Listen go ahead hit me. He said get hit me put his hands behind his back. That's an eighth That's an eight-year-old's game the play you don't do that with a grown man go go ahead free shock is someone I Somebody I hate those tense knockouts. I hate those I feel like this damage being done internally out of a salad. It's good to have been the best fight, Fat Joe's ever seen. Yeah. Don't think I'm not doing it with John Jones this weekend.

Oh, yeah. You home for it? Oh, yeah, home. Oh, nice. You're out? Is that the same thing? I have a lot of people coming over. I didn't know.

I thought you were gone. Is that this weekend? Yeah. Who's he fighting? It's your game. Oh, OK. It's going to be a goodie. Yeah, it's not this weekend. Yeah. He was he fighting? It's your game. Oh, okay. It's gonna be a goody. Yeah. It's good.

You like it, Jacob? I was enjoyed watching the fights, but I don't know about these guys, but I'm looking forward to it. Oh, cool. Would you think of the Volkanowski? Did you see that one? The Volkanowski.

Yes, here. What's his name? He went up at Wakel... It's a... Yeah, Makachev. Yeah, who was a great fight man. wanted that was a Islam one in the decision Oh, super close. Jacob's got to walk out. He hates fight talking. You do does not like violence. He's a pacifist Are you leaving what do you pissed off about you?

I didn't too I Far I did not fight I I did not fight Did Bob be far fight? I didn't fight. I didn't fight. I didn't fight. I did not fight Yeah, I believe you okay great. No, that's what I don't like this. I swear to God it in front Did you go to did you go to wag your fart by Christina Jacob crop? What's the jake? You make it a pet happening you know, it's fine. What's up? Now we're curious now. I mean what's happening?

Jacob you got a buddy Holly vibe going on. Yeah, I love it Isn't it it's good. It's very good sex. It's what's she's homies? What's this my girl why they got a front? I want to see them wake up from the knockout Always crying and the good his car's gone that guys no joke Disguised driving away with a gold Pro in his car. Yeah That guy's no joke this guy's driving away with a gold Pro in his car. He's tiny but look at his rounded shoulders That's definitely a sure from express Oh the way he dresses just generally is pretty great this guy. He's all about I think he

He dresses like a bullfighter There was mom or his mom comes over every day and smokes butts like that kind of shit If you were a guy built like that Would you wear the dress shirts where it's tight on the arms? I still don't think I would I don't think I would so I can't wait. I hope I get I hope I lose more weight just so I can wear one of those you're gonna look good I would do some re at this point now looks fashion would be a playground for me dude. I want to get the little Little wraps the little guarda belts for all time. Timey like a bartender back in the day Barbershop quartet. Yeah, one of those guys maybe grow one of them stashes. Oh, yeah 100%

I'll do some weird shit with facial hair Boston Tea Party Bobby Can't wait. I want to see him wake up from the punch What's he trying to quit? He has to let that secret. Oh, dude, he peeled out. He hasn't let that cigarette in so much. Yeah. Oh, f*** off, boy.

He's got it. Got it? Come on, you can do this. You can do this. Damn. There's tattoos at Gayer now that he got knocked out. It's OK. Like, of waves and sun.

So humiliating. Too confusing, you know, with everything going on and all the emotions I had. So sensory, oh my. He looks at the guy who played the other hobbit in Lord of the Rings, doesn't he? Yeah, yeah, yeah, not fucking not Rudy, but the other guy.

Is he Dominic Mollahan? Yeah. I have no how I pulled out of my stably. Wow, I never even seen Hobbit. That was fucking crazy. That's what it is. That's great to see you, dude. It cuts before the part you're taking advantage. I pulled out of my stow. I never even seen how it. That was fucking crazy. That's crazy. That was great to feel, dude. It cuts before the part you're taking advantage of.

I want to see him weep. That's the best. Well, right, he cries. I do feel bad for him now, Sal. Right, I'm a courtesy of you. I don't know. I know your heart. No, I do feel bad for him.

And that that he was up. He kept it as a gosh. Shit, I've been knocked out. I've woken up four hours later. What? Four hours. That's a coma. Yeah, do you get a rush? Dance with the wolves gosh shit. I've been knocked out. I've woken up four hours later. What four hours? That's a coma. Yeah, do you know how to kill dancers or wolves in that I got Would you dream the Irishman?

I I will hooked up with this girl one of the hottest girls ever ever and wait your I dropped we we spent the night But there's a strong man who knocked you out. We spent the night by the ocean in Quincy, Massachusetts, making out on the roof of my car watching clouds go by the moon. I drove her back to her grandmother's house where she was from. And we were in the car and we were kissing. And then high beams were behind me.

And I went, hey, what the hell? And she goes, oh no, I want what? She goes, it's Louis. I go, who's Louis? Louis, Louis, Louis. Why are you making out with my girlfriend? That's fun. I guess we're through now I was gonna come on but now you're kissing her

So I Said I did what you should never do I should yeah, I do I get I got another car You should never get out the car. No, you should tell her to get out deal with it. Yes. I just met you I'm not love with you. I'm in loss with you. I go out take care of it I got out of the car and apparently he got out of his car first first and as I turned to go face him He hit me. I went out no question this and no no no, it wasn't Boston We want to do yeah, that's right. I'm gonna slap me with white gloves. I challenge you, sir. You like the socks? Yeah, so hey, I got the fucking high beams on them and they're walking lips. I'm gonna knock him out and then he do like apples

Hey, fuck you and he kicked me in the face. Oh, there's steel toe boost. Oh fuck this while I was out I hate this. And then, It was a gore and your car too. I think it was Polo. What do you pull up in an Iroxie? It was a truck. He was a working man. He was a big,

So he knocked you out, kicked you in the first. I woke up in the hospital. She had to take my Hyundai Excel hatchback, which I just got. Never was the same after that, because she didn't have to drive a manual. So she just grinded right in the clutch.

Yeah, I'll just burn your clutch out too. My clutch out. You'll lift this. And then I woke up in the hospital four hours later. And my face was, you couldn't even recognize. My face was swollen. Couldn't recognize me. I had to get surgery under my eye.

They had to take a bone out of my head to put under my eye so that my eyesight wouldn't be messed up. And then, you broke my elbow, yeah, you broke my elbow bone my orbital only broke my nose my septum is still twisted from all that stuff So I that's why I have a time like mr. Glass But then and then the sad part of it is is that we went back to her house I had to go to a grandmother's room to sleep, which was just uncomfortable, just smelled like old ghosts. Like your nose is just leaving. I had to drive myself home the next day

in my Hyundai Excel hatchback, and I went home and I had to go to the hospital. Like can I give my dick fuck for trouble? Dude, it was bad, I could sleep over you. I mean, was that it? Well, you know, it's so funny, she came over one other time after I healed. And this was when I was probably

in the best shape of my life. Hot Bobby. I mean, dude. The whole time you were healing, you were trying to fight this guy. She can't. She can't. When I live with the six mentally retarded guys.

And she came over and blew me one time, like after I was, while I was healing. And then I went to who was on Droll duty to do. Yeah. I gotta do my draw rounds. Harry up and suck me off. Yeah.

How do you know where you are? Not no, we were this was after. She came and blew me over there after. No, the guy we were in front of her house. We were in front of her house. Our grandfather's how I thought you about the ocean. That was her boyfriend. She was We were in front of her house. Our grandma's home. I thought you were by the ocean. That was her boyfriend. Oh, he was a brand new man.

Grandma, the doofal work. And Quincy, not as Quincy. It's not like the old, it's like a bog. Was she still with him when she blew it? Well, here's the funny part. I went to this, after I healed, I went to the sober nightclub. I used to go to sober nightclubs.

And I went, it was in Quincy and I went back. And all of a sudden, she came down the stairs. I haven't talked to her in months. And she came down the stairs with my friend, Jamie George-O, who I knew when we first got to, but little Jewish guy, now adopted by pretty much, you know, Italian guys from the North End, if you know what I'm saying. Adopted by Stephen George-O,

worked for the George-O family at Lafamilio George-O, satin Lafamilio jacket. He had one of the first cell phones that he had to carry the briefcase thing on your shoulder, holding her hand, walking down the thing. This guy gets people to hit you. He came down and he's like, Bob, hey, how you doing?

And then he was, Hope your face is here enough from that Gumbahas who put you up before. Yeah, she was like, hi, and she walked right by me. And she blew, but me and Jamie actually became really good friends after that. We are still friends this day. What happened to her?

That what that? She died. No, I don't know. I hope she did. What happened to Louis? What happened to Louis? What happened to Louis? What happened to Louis?

What happened to Louis? What happened to Louis? What happened to Louis? What happened to Louis? What happened to Louis? What happened to Louis? What happened to Louis? What happened to Louis? What happened to Louis? you know what? He's letting me out bother. He wouldn't have been the man of the story. I can swear there's a story of Derose getting beat up with a girl. I think Derose at the pizza place on the corner of Caroline's, he went in there with one of the girls. I remember it was Maggie and her friend and her friend hung out a bunch too.

I don't know why I'm blanking on her friend's name. Sure. Do you remember them at all? No. So I'm a bassoo. No. Yeah, come on. But whatever was the rose, I don't know if he was hanging

out with her or hooking up with her or whatever, but they went to a pizza place. That pizza place that is now like a I love New York shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. He went in there and personally, I guess, personally, I could lunatic came in and hit her. What?

Like hit her and then Joe, and Joe didn't even get through like the Hey, man, what are you doing? He just knocked I hit you knock Joe down to I think I put it in front of Joe recently is like I don't remember that I'm like why would I remember that if it's not Something happened with that. Yeah, he got what are you down? Well, that was great when Deroza One time was being funny outside the cellar with somebody. There was a tiny little Mexican guy long long hair like down past his butt Looked like it means just tiny, but it was still like you know like a pocket lip dough. Yes. Yeah He tried to he tried to

You know try to say some of the things are you on the phone with somebody the pay phone that used to be when it was functioning still sure He's yelling in the pay for outside the cellar and whatever is he's angry he hangs up And he goes he like bangs the thing like three times, like, you know, and then throws it down. Just the dinner on Goodfellas. And then Deroza just comes, whatever it was, he was like, all right, buddy, like chillax. Or whatever, kind of like line, he said,

like to make us all laugh to the guy, and the guy came back and he's like, what motherfucker, what the fuck am I, so fancy, I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no We have like it like we have to go get between like that Take a little relax. I'll never forget in middle school We had this kid this Mexican kid from Pueblo moved to our middle school name Jerry Garcia and he was like Straight Cholo dude like fucking wife beaters slip back hair Muscles and we were like eighth grade and he had like muscles in my friend Byron I think I told you this story they go Jerry Garcia and my friend Byron goes your name's Jerry Garcia They go Jerry Garcia and my friend Byron goes, your name's Jerry Garcia?

He starts laughing. Turns out this kid was a Colorado Golden Gloves champion. And did like, is the first time I heard anybody throw the punch with the noise? Like that, and lit Byron up in his chair. Where Byron was like, you know what the desk? You know how the desk is going?

He was like, in there, and he was like, I was like, you're sitting ahead. I was like a bear got my friend Dupter Fucking wild Dev David of did that to me one. Oh, you can get cuz he bought me key Colin and Duff after the cello one that went to crunch and aster place and they had a gym upstairs with the three-minute thing and the minute thing You know went up there with no mouthpieces and we started boxing each other with no head gear and then Colin came up to me It was like ducking but down. He was doing some weird old guy too much

Going way down and he was Queens, it's Queen's bear rules. Bobby, get your fucking out. And he did it the whole way across the ring all the way to me and then I just went, and hooked him in the gut and he heard, no. And then Dove came in and I, I don't know what I was confident of something

and I just punched him in his face. And Dove, turn to the side and he went, Bobby, you chipped my tooth. Just like 17 hits to my face. Yeah. That's all I heard. And I was like, yeah, and I just kind of wobbled to the right diagonally and just leaned on the rope.

So I was like, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to chip you tooth. I'm so sorry. Did you ever get to, uh, you heard Keith going, ha, Bob, Bob got lit up. Yeah, no beating the shit out of me. Did you ever get a tough guy talk somebody because like you had the full advantage of the situation I had a once my X girlfriend Cheryl when I was seen age or shout out Cheryl her sister her sister Her dad though her sister one time what they were like drunk. They were a bunch of drunk people over her house like partying

And this kid who was in we were seniors and he was in the same Or maybe it was the year after high school or something, but it was whatever it was me and the skipper the same age, but he Dated I think my I think to share like before me a while back, but I don't Former love. Yeah, I didn't give a shit about that, but it was like they were just drunk and I don't know what their thing was with me like I don't know for sister was shitty with me at Like, I don't know if her sister was shitty with me at the time or something, but she had him call me. This is house phones too, and give me this whole run down.

He's like, yeah, he goes, you know, as your girlfriend used to suck my dick in the wood, just like all this weird shit that was like, in the woods, it's always more hurtful. Well, it's always definitely true too. Yeah, there you go. She was a woods blower. Sorry, she's a woodman for.

She's a sludger. It's a sludger. It's a sludger. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. She definitely blew in the woods. Well, all my blue sky was whatever it was. He was just being he was there was time everybody blew in the woods.

I used to. Yeah, he got goose up by the sister before the industrial revolution. Yeah. It was actually considered. This wasn't a big guy. This wasn't a big guy at all. He was nothing intimidating, but he was just wrapped up in the moment. He was impressing girls over there. They were all drinking and stuff. I was like, I just know where he's hanging out.

Like the next day, me and Glenn. He's like me and Glenn, like two other friends went over there. We saw him and his buddy outside and really got to cuddle. It's so funny to hear it to recite it back and times in the moment I was always one of those things like, yo, we fucked that kid up, scared the shit out of him. But I must look so dumb because it was really like, why would you say things like that?

Because these are the repercussions when you let him in. You try to impress girls, but now look at you. He peed his pants at one point because he's glad I don't know the thing I was like, and his friends like, oh man, it's come on. He peed his pants, and I'm like we're like shut up you What if we learn from today's lesson? Yeah, like legitimately you picked his head up by his hair and you wait I'm telling you we gave one of them speeches. We gave one of them speeches. He goes next time

I don't show up. you won't see me coming. Look, that kind of shit. You should have been like, not at the end of it, you should have been like, now. I just live with my folks. Let's go to the woods. Yeah, that's so fun. You know what, I wanna see if you got the skill still.

No, I have. Hey, why don't you make me, oh, just by doing that. Make him second, and then make him call her and be like, I sucked your boyfriend's face. Now pass it on. That's what I wanna do the Chris Hanson. Would you like to suck my cock in the woods, Pat?

I'm right here. The woods are out there. Can't wait for you suck my dick in the woods. Would you like for me to suck your dick in the woods, Pat? That's so funny. Also, you're getting busted. Remember how you got caught, writing the girl the letter,

and you just put the lyrics of Amanda from Boston into a letter and then everyone knew it. What if you did that? Everyone knew it, but you did that, but you did the walk-in speech from true romance and everyone knew it and everyone goes, what? You're not even Italian. He goes, and that's why you, Deanna Brady, are part-egg-plant. Yeah, she goes, I'm ready for that Chesterfield now. No, it's there, that's far too far. Yeah, it's fine. And all the angels, I wrote them. What she is already for that Chesterfield now Yeah, I'm I think about me happy I'm my stepop loved Boston the band. Oh, yeah, I did too. I want to see him three times

With the original guy do you know the comeback? The comeback the original guy though, huh? Oh, no, was he there? No, yeah, he was there. Yeah, yeah, yeah It was back in the 90s 80s 70, 70s. It was when I was three. No, no. No. But Boston, my step-pop loved them.

And it was just one of, I had written a letter, an ask-out note to, for some reason the note, I can do it. I was nervous once I gave it, but I can give the note and keep it moving because sometimes they would just write back nothing and you would just kind of like take that as a sign. But I wrote a note to everybody. I was out of things to say to every girl that was like, thought was like cute in school. It was all like a click basically. And last one was Diana Brady.

And I just, my step-up had Boston playing the background. And it's like like I'm gonna take you by surprise and make you realize Deanna God, bro stole the entire song I Said it was a poem. I wrote you this poem meanwhile. It's poem. It's Verse chorus verse chorus bridge a lot of my love views in there. Let's get away forever. Like it's way too intense. But I gave it, I wasn't even thinking about that. My mind was like, my mind was, I was like, oh, well, at least though, like these are, I knew that like, we're young. I only know Boston because my step pops in the boss. Sure. That's, that's not, never

thought of the proposition of the issue being that they know that I've played right this song and then walking by them in the hallway and they're all doing like I'm gonna take you buzzer, Brian McDeane. What's crazy? I did almost the exact same thing in seventh grade, but I used the song LaGrange. So when you read the note it went when you want to go right outside LaGrange. They got a nice girl out there. How, how, how.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you want to go to the dance there'll be a lot of treats there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I go shut up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Girls are gross. Before we take our last break, can I just show you how popular the thing I... Six, I think I've taken credit for this yet. Yeah, but I want to like dive in, but you are. Yeah, dive into it. There's really nothing to dive into, you're right.

It's just credit. We're credits, do. Well, I deserve this, because... Yeah, dive into it. There's really nothing to dive into, right? It's just credit where credits do. Well, I deserve this because, as always, what happened, even when we're all start hip-hop in general, I feel. I was bringing up where we'll start hip-hop when people were like, what the fuck's world start hip-hop? And now it's in the app, and now it's everywhere.

Yeah, Jay's ahead of the curve. Jay knows stuff before it hits the zeitge. Yeah, the day I see somebody come walk, everyone goes, what is that even me? I go down on the wall. Oh, what do you think it is? They go, what do you is that even me? I go down on the toilet think it is ago. What do you mean go? It's a girl with load on her face and then she takes nice public walk and Then I was like what and then I showed him videos of it

I've never even heard this before ever and now I go on World Star hip hop, which is the mainstream of thing and it says This the new trend or what right? Yeah, this the new trend now and I should a girl doing a fucking come And she's putting this on regular world star though. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah down on the come walk Oh, when you have a face the semen of a man. I'm a cop on the sea. A paper towel for my baby's face is where I'll be. Look at her come walking Jacob. I'm anemic. Wow.

Well, that glistening stuff's come. Oh, yeah. Excuse me excuse me miss you look glazed I know why you like just be it in like what a Marilyn Manson did it Different dude. Yeah, Marilyn Manson had load on his face. I would have been so freaked out But did she have a job in a family? Yeah, come walking Yes, she has a job and she doesn't have enough money for a car so she has to come walk to and from work So Glasses a job and she doesn't have enough money for a car so she has to come walk to and from work so Damn and those glasses dude how great would it be in this? Are you gonna judge it for come walking to and from she gets her Stepson, by the way 100% this is a coals

And what's funny is her and the coals parking lots. I'm gonna just goes is that Jinn net Ferguson Oh my god, I am how are you? What are you doing? She is. I told you. I told you I told you I just doesn't mention it. Yeah, I know I actually heard that Ashley got breast cancer, but it's in remission.

She goes, oh, do I? That is embarrassing. Oh my god, there is come all over my face. What a slut. Come. I thought I washed this off. I saw something guy off in the bathroom. 100% of the cold. So she went to the bathroom.

He blew a guy. He came. I don't know how she coaxed it out. I don't want to throw as versions. All right. She could have summoned it in many ways. It's not like a cum second. I was wearing a she got the cum interface in public.

Oh, right from tap. Oh, okay. Yeah, right from tap in the bathroom. She can go out to the aisle for a while. So that's the way you have to do it. Come on, I'm gonna do this. Right, tap. Oh, okay. Yeah, right from tap in the bathroom. She's got to go in. She's got to go in. So that's the way you have to do it. Like if I'm gonna do this, right, right, right. It's too infant in the come walking stage

to have an applicator that isn't a penis. Okay, I'm just wondering, because if I'm gonna do this with Dawn, I'd like, yeah. Do you wanna send her with come from home? Yeah, I don't wanna do this. Yeah, I don't wanna do this. I'm gonna go in the back with a little free

with a little giant blue ice cube in it. All right, Bobbi, I mean the fucking parking lot. Here you go. Turning the bag inside out. I'll do it at sacks. I'm not doing it at all. All right, I'm walking through. You fucking weird out.

Yeah, because I'm going to go in the Nordstrom off rack. Off rack. No, it's just showed up on the inside. What is that? Did you see the thing of the guy who kept getting banged into by the lady's cart at Costco and he picks up a Costco cart and drills her with it? That's impressive strength. Go to a Christine and we'll take a break. I know shows almost over. That is impressive strength to pick up a fucking

shopping cart to throw it. A man throw shopping cart lady. Yeah, the balance is about you. This is great. The wait. This lady what's great about this kind of video. This lady is living her life under the idea that he's not throwing it at me. He's probably pissing. He's gonna throw it at my my card or something. She is a direct shot. Yeah, yeah, she looks like she has a husband. They went finally someone fucking did something. I don't want to show the whole thing is like Where is this they're in line at Costco like Costco? All right. Well, at least she just came from getting every day every day low prices So he's hitting her so he walks over there

I'm conscious oh For sure no No, that's crazy Oh Go to another one there's one that shows the whole thing and it is fantastic my God you that is a tables ladders chairs match This is extreme That God I cannot That's right. You should be on your phone like that. Oh See that's if that was my mother my wife my sister. I would want to kill somebody If there was your wife

When you first second be like I told you not to get on you know, why are you fucking knocking into the guy? Yeah, I'm biotic man. I would kill that man Pay attention to what you're doing. You don't get hit by that Someone not walk over to him and just knock him the fuck out. I know the other guy will take us Oh, no, my seven loaves of bread from Costco. Oh That's great. I know we got to take a break. I know we have to we're hanging out with Savo Kano Bobby Kelly hanging out with us all day today It's the bond fire So close to my Duke. Are you? Oh yeah. I took my mind

to pass me. Oh listen these words. Damn look at that. That's the title. I did a goddamn thing. It's Greece from Margaritaville. I know I did a couple. Sound goes looks like you had a come walk earlier with my shirt. It may be too soon I know I wouldn't eighth grade ballot. Yeah, this is this is dance. This is that the dance for sure like this. Oh Did you do you do waste in So me I was uh I was waste she was shoulders, Genesis Faragalli and she I was waste, she was shoulders, Ginesis Ferragally, and she was over complicating it.

She was doing a one, two, one, one, one, two, one, which I was having a hard time with. So so nervous. And not only was she doing that, was this on my one shoulder and friends. I was the make-a-dition, pretty brown eyes. Pretty brown eyes, you know. Bonfire.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for listening. That was just a portion, a tiny sliver, a morsel of the entire show. You want the whole thing? Go to seriousexempt.com slash bonfire for a special offer that is tremendous. It's so good.

It's going to make your family upset with you. We're going to lose money over here. It's gonna make your family upset with you. We're gonna lose money over here. And you can go to bigjcomedy.com and dancoder.com for our stand-up dates.