The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Kool Without The Gang

Episode Date: October 31, 2024

Jay and Christine watched the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremonies and give their review of the festivities. Kool from Kool and the Gang gives a speech that's hard to understand. Dua Lipa ruins Cher's performance. Dionne Warwick gets help singing from Jennifer Hudson but she doesn't need it. Find out who Teyana Taylor is and why Bobby is in love with her. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Wish I could have been just one of the Bee Gees for a couple days of background stuff. Oh happy I got Christine's final final movement. God, that was great. She was good, man. I forgot all, I forgot all about that horse tooth amazing woman. Wild tooth, I can't believe she never bit her own chin off.

I'll tell you this. I actually saw her, I saw her. I can't believe she never sneezed, bit her own chin off. But I will say this, and I mean this. I enjoy her voice bitter on chin off, but I will say this and I mean this I Enjoy her voice more than her niece Whitney Houston. I Didn't even know that really is there any was there any thank you everybody everybody clap you agree with me I would we all agree with you. Thank you. Was there any infighting in the family or were they friends? I'm sure they were fine. Yeah, and then well listen

Dionne Warwick I had so me and Christine watched the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame last night on Disney, Disney Plus. Must be nice to just go home at night and turn the TV on and just hang out. What? Like go home and just turn the TV on and hang. Like without children? Yes, that's what I think.

That's exactly what he wants. Walking into a room, your bed, and this huge kid is on one side and your wife is curled up tootin' on the other side. There's a dog in the middle and I have to go down and sleep on a twin in the basement. So it's a room of farts. It's gonna be Bobby's basement soon.

You know what, I think I solved the problem. I think room of farts. Yeah. It's gonna be Bobby's basement soon. Yeah, you know what? I think I solved the problem. I think I move downstairs, Mac stays up with mama. You can do gay shit in there. I do. Oh, you're gonna be a basement dad too. I do. Basement dad, I was basement dad for a while.

You were basement dad? Ah, basement dad life rules, dude. No one can tell you how to live. I like it, I like that. I'm gonna get a little mini fridge. Basement dad was good, and then God took it from me with a wild flood. Yeah, maybe I'll get a keg just for my friends

Mini fridge with some Gatorade zeros Barry and a keg. Yeah tap. I'll have a bong down there tap Yeah, rip a fucking bong snacks But we were watching the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame last night, couple of fucking real doozers on that, that they had come out and sing with people. It opened up. Who's banging? That would be the roots next door. The roots are next door.

Oh. Or a series of black people with that kind of hair. You know what I mean? Like roots hair. Like no bald cuts or tight fades. Nothing's better than Paco's fiendish Filipino giggle. There he goes. Are you guys the roots?

Well, tell your hair and outfits because you look like the roots. So we sat down and watched this yesterday. Can I go tell them to stop? Yeah. I would do that, actually. Jacob, do me a favor. Jacob, do me a favor.

And by the way, write this down, because I want you to say it as a quote. Guys, could you knock down that jungle music a few notches? Whoa. No, it's what it's called. It's jungle drum and bass. I'm not gonna. Well, they're in the middle of the song. Jacob, go in there and take Questlove's pick

out of his hair and stick it in his belly button and go hey, shh. Jacob, write this down. Hey guys, peace to the gods and the earth. How do you spell it? We all want under Ja, the great mother Ja. And in Ja's name I please ask you to shut your black faces. Go ahead and get it over there.

Go do it. I'll go during the break. Okay. to it During the break, okay, okay You want to train a little first you want to push ups or something You want to get shredded you want to get a pump before you go over there show them what's up Could you guys hey would you guys mind shutting your black faces up? Sorry African American faces? Piece of the gods nerve come out Do a leap comes out. Who?

Exactly. Who's fucking? You don't know her name, but here's what you know. Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- Boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop Yes, it is still a thing. No, it's the watcher Well, if it depends if they picked you Ariana Grande love a hater not giving shit about it all She's got a phenomenal voice like she the girl actually can sing amazingly do a leap I don't know what her range is, but it just seems like fucking This song gets me though turn it up Christine. It does I Want to dance in an elevator and then come out of the elevator I want to dance in an elevator and then come out of the elevator. Yeah Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, the door opens just come out Christine. This isn't the party. We all going we all go in different directions

This isn't the party Christine here. It's back to she's levitating. Oh, what's that move? I want to learn that move those are your No, this isn't a great part either. Everything sucks about this. We'll get there. Is this the right song? Yes. It's this part, this what you know. No. Probably she goes, b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- same song but it is. If you wanna run away with me I know what comes and I can't go all right I had a pretty good time with you

I had a pretty good time with you I had a pretty good time with you I had a pretty good time with you I had a pretty good time with you I had a pretty good time with you I had a pretty good time with you I had a pretty good time with you I had a pretty good time with you

I had a pretty good time with you I had a pretty good time perfect thing I just showed you? Do but ever do but ever do yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah You You They've got money way she sucks and she what's her name again? Dooby-doo Fupa-lupa No, she's hot for sure Is this live she's singing this live? So what she's gonna do here? Yes, okay, because and that's the rock and roll of fame seems to hold to that pretty good

You got to go out there and sing it Whatever you're gonna do this starts off with Cher Or do a leap of presenting Cher now share to her own admission She says is what an amazing career has been for someone who's a good singer. She's I'm not a great singer I'm a good singer and uh, she goes there's great singers and you know, whatever so what? This girl's not even an awful. You can call her a good singer. What does that ghoul look like now? She looks I'll tell you what here's what I'm not gonna say. She looks bad. I'll tell you why she looked like my mom. I'm Jeanette The sunken in eyes sockets and everything you're like

Does she look like the yeah, she looks like my mom She looks like the trans girls that used to play her but now she actually looks Yeah, she looks like dr. Frankenfeier Yeah, first 70 something year old woman. She looks good. Oh god. You can't say that She actually looks like Dr. Frankenfurter 70 something year old woman. Oh god, you can't say that. Mm-hmm I mean, wow, her lips are huge. She's crazy looking but I will say that she did hold up pretty good But get to the where her and do paloo pa sing because this These people suck. Yeah These people suck. Yeah.

I don't know why they paired... Oh, wait, hang on, let me go back. This is Dupa Luper and Cher. But there's a moment in this Rock and Roll Hall of Fame that I can't believe you didn't hear about yet. It's gonna make you hard. It's gonna make you excited. It's gonna make you probably... You going home right after the show tonight?

You're gonna put this on YouTube, and you're gonna thump it in your car, and you're gonna bop along, and then when it gets almost done, you're gonna start it over to listen to it again. No way. Is how excited you're gonna thump in your car and you're gonna bop along and then when it gets almost done You're gonna start it over to listen to it again. No way is how excited you're about to be But that's later down the road. I'm gonna jerk off my basement That's yours Bobby. That's your son's place. If you wouldn't mind I'm gonna switch it up Yeah, it's Bobby's basement and tell everybody and little note max. I'm taking this from you because daddy needs a jerk den. I Need a pound dungeon

Good so this girl always comes out I don't know it looks like she's like trying to work a fart out or something like her face always like she's like She paints on furrowed brows. Yeah, she always has that smell the face like she smells shit, but yeah She's always like look at her face She's already like I hate this fucking song. She's pretty though. Of course. She's hot. She's fine. She's got nice shoulders Yes, she's hot. It's all nasal. Yes! It's all in the nose. Come on Cher!

I mean, yeah, she's still fucking got it. I just saw her in concert like two years ago. She killed it. Yeah, she's still got it. She killed it. Turn it up Luke! Her fucking teeth are about to fly out of her mouth though. She's still got it. She's still got it. I just saw her in concert like two years ago. She killed it. Yeah, she's still got it Yes, yes, yeah, she killed turn up Luke. It's fucking teeth are about to fly in her mouth though

For sure all those things and they're all coming out in one shot. Oh, yeah That's gonna look like a like a joke gag. There's something to get it Spencer's gift shop He she's got to a leap because she dresses like a slut like she used to Just let shut up to a leap of shut the fuck up This quest love yeah quest loves the house band he was there last night It wasn't last night. This was the 19th over 20 shares still dressed like she's got it though she's where she's wearing chaps she came out to a leap is ruining this yeah she sticks oh they just fucked up I know because shares 80 do a leap which is sucks

I'm gonna put out there in the world. I wouldn't fuck do a leap of she asked go on do a leap Not if she begged if you begged me to fucking to let you suck my dick I would say no try me okay Try me and see you're outside walking the dog Christine's away hanging with Rebecca trying to do Skankfest 17. She catches you outside walking the dog. The dog just pooped, you're going back in, cigarette right at the end, and she comes up and she's like, Jay, Jay, big Jay Okerson? No, she hasn't aged a day, you're saying.

Not a day. Okay. Will you take me up to your house and let me fuck the shit out of you I'm an older man my mind at this point might be kind of going but I'm telling you I'm gonna Probably when we get up to the room, I'm gonna take up to the room. I'm an old man I can't believe this stunning young woman Wants to fuck me and then I bring up to the room and then what I do is I take off my shirt in the mirror

I look at myself and I've already cuz I know that my mind was going I've prepared my body with a series of memento style tattoos that says do not fuck Dua Lipa, you made a promise. And then I'm gonna be like, are you Dua Lipa? And she's gonna be like, yeah, I go fuck, this is crazy, but I can't do this. Also, who's Sammy Jenkins? What the fuck?

Oh my God. Who the fuck is Sammy Jenkins? And why do you think he killed your wife? Janus Why do you think he killed your wife Fucking level joke that was layered man Do not fuck do a leap of what oh shit No, no, no, no, no, that's Zendaya in a Bob Mackie who was really pulling on image to share Zendaya is a Bob Mackie Dresses that's got made all the dresses for sure costuming is Bob Mackie. Oh, there's that hard to make those dresses I'm pretty sure I could make that with a pair of scissors and I think really is six inches of cloth Yeah, I think a stapler and some twine. Yeah, probably make some

It's gonna cover your clit nips. Yeah, that's what I a stapler and some twine. You could probably make something. It's gonna cover your clit nips. That's what I got for you. Give me some tinfoil and sparkle, I'll make an outfit. This is Endaya, who is somehow pulling off being stunningly hot with being built the same width from her armpits to her feet. She did get smoking hot.

But she's hot, she's always been hot, she's beautiful. That's crazy, here's a problem with that. But she does not have, she is thin hot exclusively. There is just no shape to her. Her tits are fantastic. I know her from being a kid which ruins it all. In what? Spider-Man.

No, she was like 27. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Thank you, Jacob. That's all I needed. Now I can jerk off to her. Tom Holland's 42. Okay.

They're so old, those kids. I didn't know that, thank you. They're all 30 now. I thought she was like 16. James Franco had a gray beard. I needed now I can get home hoans 42 Thought she was like 16 James Franco had a gray beard he was like I'm Norman's son No, she's probably like late 20s early 30s, but probably 20s Euphoria what is she she's the girl from you for she's an actress no no like what national, no, like what nationality? I guess her mom named her Would make sense of us at that name She's 28. Yes, so she's she was certainly of age in her mom neighbor was been Kathy 1996 yeah, she just said she's 28

Someone's not no no I was reading about her Nigerian ancestry and her German and Scottish mother. Oh, man. Half of a Godfrey can make half of that? What, was her mother on a quest to find gold? Her mom was in Nigeria doing what? Her parents. Teaching basketball to the locals. Look, it's Claire and Kazembi. She Yeah Jesus and basketball Christ and b-ball Send I am Marie it is her first name. She does give a lot of shout-outs She goes and a woman who is so important and so well known she only needs one name share It's like Zendaya you're doing that exact same thing Less much less earn

What Cher has the last name though doesn't isn't like my keys. Yeah, it's the same. It's like Cher's last name is what? Sarkeesian look yeah, Christine actually met Cher one time at the back shave down. It's a It's an Armenian thing they do on the outskirts of Newport Beach every year. Yeah, I've seen it. I've been doing yeah You can get good jam there too. Fantastic jam. They have Armenian jam and fish heads. And then also a bunch of Greek food they just call Armenian. Yeah, hummus.

Yeah, you're like, I think this is called grape leaf. She goes, it's called bonga-du-balas. They take all that hair and they make outfits for little kids. Oh, absolutely. They make ghillie suits. You can blend in with the men. I'm going gonna make a ghillie suit out of Christine's back and top feet hair. Yeah. Yeah, Sherrilyn Sarkeesian.

You haven't fucked an Armenian until you walked in on her shaving her toes before you fuck. Shaving her toe tops? Did you shave, you didn't get it. I hope to God she doesn't shave her, she does, I don't wanna know about it. Do you shave your toe tops? No. Oh, thank God.

Do you shave your knuckles? No, thank God you shave your knuckles I'm half thank God It's from the middle, but it's the middle of her head straight down So it's her back is completely covered in hair front hairless. Yeah, you actually walk No, she was lying on the floor doing yoga You fall asleep on the floor doing yoga? Yeah. She falls asleep on the floor, and we just get a new area rug. Am I supposed to wipe my feet on this, or is this decorative? Yeah, Dotgoods was taking a piss on her. Sam's in, Daya's so hot.

She is hot. She is smoking hot. You can skip through her thing, let's go through this systematically. She's a dirty girl too. She's a pig piece of shit. I mean, that's a way of saying it it too No, I mean like in a good way Together and then they do the thing and then shared his turn back time. She's still dating that nerd Tom Holland she's still dating him. Damn. Are they still together?

I thought that would I'll tell you what I found out in this I kept wondering who why she was there Julia Roberts brings out Dave Matthews she inducts Dave there. Julia Roberts brings out Dave Matthews. She inducts Dave Matthews, Julia Roberts. She's there with her husband, who is definitely on Coke and wants to know why this is going on for so long. Every time they show Julia Roberts, she's like, and he's behind her like, he's like, he's just like moving nonstop,

his hair's like all like Coke-head-y. He's like, what's going, is this it? Are we next? Is Dave Matthews next? Is it me or did Julia Roberts fall off? Hard. I mean hard. Her ears got huge.

Yeah dude, she looks like fucking Robert De Niro's sister or something now. I mean her brother is hot. Eric Roberts? Yeah, Eric Roberts is smoking hot. I mean they flip-flopped. He was good looking and she came in and then she fell off. Eric Roberts is a better looking older man

than she is held up older woman. Yeah, she really is. She also seems intolerable. First of all, she's super stoked on Dave Matthews band, which I'm checking out right there automatically. I never had a lot of luck fucking girls who made and wore exclusively friendship bracelets. But that's- You ever see Don Rickles smash Julia Roberts at one of the award show

He starts talking or he starts trashing everybody and Julius you live right down the street. Thanks for stopping by and she goes I blah blah blah he goes you have no lines Julia no lines Master in front of everybody great Join dates white guys. which seems like such a waste of that giant Steven Tyler mouth. All that room for massive cock, and she just puts little fucking little white dude birds in there.

Have you ever seen the side, like when she smiles from the side, it's fucking nuts. Yeah, dude. It's nuts. Fucking rag doll living in a movie. He goes, hey Julia, what do you want to have for dinner? Yeah? bomb scum Her smile always reminded me at the end of fright night

The girlfriend absolutely when Amanda beers turns around and she opens that's one of the scariest things You know what you reminds me of beetle juice With that that whatever monster that is. Mm-hmm What's his name when what's her name or what's his name sand dune? Yeah when they know the monster I thought when when I think it's Alec Baldwin turns into The monster remember that pulls this thing and the teeth and the yeah. Oh god looks just like really. Yeah. She's we'll get to her Who's next Christine? That's a note. Oh, I love car first of all cool in the gang Let's listen to their performance because cool again when they come out to do a

Way the guy first of all all of them died this year Except for a cool and the guy who sang who it turns out is not cool So it's just cool and not the gang. No, it's cool. And then there were the guy who sings thankfully, but everybody else Gonski Wow But yeah jump ahead to them coming out to perform Chuck D is also a pretty funny person to give it up for cool in the gang Oh, they were good they're great Oh They were good. They're great fucking great. Oh, yeah, we were done. We're like we should go see cool in the game I would go see them. Have you really fun? Oh Break it down by the way this guy plays on pure instinct alone playing that bass cuz they get out there to talk and he's like

Everybody's everybody dead. All my friends are dead. But hey, it will be. Skip ahead, Christine. Get to where cool comes out. I call the other guy cool. I don't care who actual cool is. This isn't the same guy that sings fresh.

He's so fresh. This absolutely is. You want to get out? Hey, what you gonna do? Do you want to get out? He brings it. Absolutely is He brings it this is this is me in the first of all if we don't we're doing it this service to Keith if we Don't buy Keith this exact Actually think his gang had this outfit here He's like oh this was Friday nights with comedy express. Get you back up off the wall. I'll tell you another thing I realized.

I'm going to stop believing everything I see because it took me way too deep into not just a performance, but their speech to go. That's all one piece of hair on top of his head. That's a hair piece. No way he top of his head that's a hairpiece no way he's wearing I it's a way it's a complete it's a from front to back no way exclusively a wig there's no way at his advanced age when you see the complication of the top of this you're gonna be like now who ladies know you can skip past this I'm gonna having this playing in Bobby's basement all the time.

This one song. Oh, yes, it's ladies. As soon as you come in the door, that's gonna be playing in the basement. Sophisticated woman. Oh, this guy. Skip ahead to that hand talking. I love that they have to get these cool outfits, but they have to put like potbellies in them now.

Absolutely. Wait, wait, wait. Get back to Julie Roberts. Is her gacked out husband behind her? They really do this. Can you let out my Puma print? Hey, this jacket's very fancy. Can you make it four feet in the front?

They're glitter potbellies now. They all have these huge old man potbellies from having some ripple and some peach pie Julia's mouth is He's not there right now. I think he's probably in the bathroom Wines cuz he ain't there, but you do see him do not worry He's wearing a hat Dude, that is a hat. It's a fucking hat. It's a little with speech Christine good jump ahead to the cool speech

I'm pretty sure you can get that at Ricky's right now. Actually first I want you to hear cool talk cuz that is the funniest Do they do fresh everybody don't know they don't do fresh you don't do fresh damn it That was my song back. They do celebrate of course Celebrate's a good one. Yeah, but that's not what you they do jungle boogie love. Here we go I'm a boy from Youngtown, Ohio This guy talks in funk Sir it sounds like your bottom it sounds your bottom teeth are way too down, too much down by the funk.

I'm always writing a song that could be on an album. Now I know what I'm talking about. I'm getting my decision. I'm gonna go with the Mercury Sable. Mercury Sable has been made for 30 years, sir. Well, I want one. Velvet top. Mercury Sable. What the fuck is that? Marguerite sable has been made for 30 years sir Well I want one VELVET TOP Marguerite sable What the fuck is that

I think my girlfriend I think I know what I'm gonna go with I got me a new color supreme Ah shit These outfits are worn once Zilzahn For This base here He's off microphone.

He's like Voss. He's telling him now. That's Voss on any radio show. Yeah, Bonnie wants to talk on the mic, stupid. Simple Vipple Bible. I've been in the bin there for a long time. Now, a young man come tell me, we had a- oh, he said we got a black president before. I said, why wasn't I asleep?

What you think, cool? No, you're cool. Oh, I thought he was cool too. It did- he's cool. The guy talking is cool. Oh, shit. Okay, good. Oh, he's shit-faced. It could be pure just shit-faced. Okay, good. I want to thank, um...

Oh, he's shit-faced. It could be pure just shit-face. Buddy, listen... I didn't even consider that he just got hammered at this thing. This guy drank all... he said, This shit is free! And got fucked up. And they said something, they go,

What can I get you to drink? He said, Brown liquor. Brown? Like, what kind of brown liquor? I don't care as long as it's brown. As long as it's brown and in a jug, I need to heal a bit heal but yeah, I want a brown as the back of my my dying wife's hands Yeah, he's he's smashed. This guy's this guy's fog. I never considered drunk for some reason I thought such a big night that they wouldn't do that, but maybe this guy don't give a fuck and he's like Oh, my friends are dead who gives a fuck

No one even this room still doesn't know that I'm cool They still think he's cool. The only other person who didn't die was the only person people thought was cool So the other guy is part of the gang. This is cool Part of the gang singers just in gang But he's the whole gang now While the gang was alive, yes like 20 years ago 30 years ago they should have been I bet there was a budget thing. They were just waiting for them to die. All right, buddy You're not wrong when they do the in memoriam Everybody he names on this thing died this year

It's like so much of them cool in the gang It's everybody's like guys like, you know Like like punching like a fucking symbol and like a guy doing like a backflip with a base or something. It was like dead dead That's it. They waited till the year. They waited till the year that all of them the rest of them died goes there's two left All right, we could do that. Yeah, we can do that. We a flight two of them out. We can fly two of them out coach coach Comfort plus for cool. Yeah, and he goes wait a second. Just take a coach and they go get down on it, sir How many times the singer has been stopped in an airport and been like yo cool Yes, I know it would make sense if I was cool, but I'm not cool cools a guy

You've never noticed in any of the videos ever. You know, looking at the guy's wig now, because his mustache is completely gray and like falling out. Probably the wig is bat shit when you get close on it up here. Wait, wait, I'm sorry. I thought the guy on the left is wearing the piece or the guy on the left. No, cool's just got his old man hair. Right. No, it guy on the left no cools cools just got his old man hair, right? No, it's not cool

Is is literally wearing something that there might be a rubber band attaching under his chin Yep But I accept it I gave him kudos for three minutes into his speech going like guy kept his hair He's got to be 70 something years old it's too oh wait he talks perfect it's uncomfortable thank you now I'm gonna go to the magnificent seven George Brown you can skip to when uh when not cool All the friends that it did. Yeah, he literally names everyone as dead.

He goes, it's just me and this guy now. Gang. It's cool and gang. I mean, the front of it. I think Yamanika had that on last week. She wore that on comedy camp. You know I let cool borrow my hat. Dude, we actually caught a...

We caught a fucking bear with that thing. It literally looks like a Romulus alien. It fucking goes straight across. It's straight across. It's completely perfect. It's one direct line. And if you see on top, if you see what the braids are, the amount of hair you would have to have to do this

Yeah, it's one of my I look at it because one of my favorite things that black dudes do with their hair It's the twist. It looks like where it looks like it's yarn. It's like Just loop loop loop loop loop at dolls like doll hair. Yes, it looks the coolest But there's this guy would have to have hair down to his fucking dick tip Do you know what this to be possible greatest part of his night was? What? When he got back to the hotel, he took that thing off. Oh my God. And that itch that he got out of that.

Oh, he's like, huh. He threw that award on the bed, yeah, whatever, and ripped that off, went, oh, God damn thanks. What if it's Sadlow, like they do in movies when he takes off and he's got just like three scraggly hairs and there's like a fork hole in it, like there's some terrible things have happened. It's always, there's like a weeping injury skin a skin cancer and we're like

oh just fill with glue and you go ma'am sorry you're going through that cool I'm not cool I'm gang I am remaining member of gang who was after cool again Christine this was a night of wild shit. This is our whole night watching this. Dionne Warwick. Oh, and they have fucking Tiana Taylor intro here. Oh yeah. Dionne is dead.

No, she's there. No way. Absolutely. Not only is she there, back this up here please. Does she do Dionne Warwick? Is it for sure? Is that what she does? This is appalling.

Why? Tiana Trump? Tiana Taylor. Trump Tiana Taylor Tiana Trump's a porn star For president oh, I didn't know I didn't know it was Donald Trump those Tiana Trump Yeah, Taylor was Christine bring that don't even tell him here's what she was she's she was a bitchy rich kid originally from My sweet super sweet 16 party and she was like one of the bitchy like why is this this isn't the right color mercedes for me Then you don't play this yet Then I had no idea who she was when she did that then this fucking came out She does this Kanye West video

We're just her dancing and she is So fucking sexy and hot Yes, skip ahead Don't take everyone through your journey Christine. Just get to the part where she's pumping her content at me Wow Goddamn, yeah, how come I never saw this video? I don't know I watched this video a lot. Oh my god Wow, I couldn't believe this is gonna seem like a real body. See that's a nice juicy butt

That's the type of butt I like right there Jay. Yeah, that's a Now wait not now wait, okay two more seconds. Let her turn around one more time I mean, she's so hot no more back. No more. No more. Oh, she's gonna give you some of that ass for sure Don't worry. Wow, dude. I've never had a girl like that in my life. I Would wish I could do that. I'd pay for it This is so much hotter than Janet Jackson's pleasure principle. Which I also thought was pretty hot at the time. This is one of the sexiest dances ever recorded. I've never seen this in my life and I can't believe I've never seen this.

And it was wild that his entire video was just her. It's just a video of her dancing, yeah. Thank God. Yeah. What is that? Wow. So anyway. Hang on. Okay. Okay. One second. Wow So anyway hang on okay, okay?

One second I gotta go back to Bob's basement tonight with something Explain to you what you're watching if you don't know the video. It's Teyana Taylor not Tana Trump Yeah, Teyana Taylor is essentially fucking a gym Not a new gym not like a tonal no 1980s gym. No. She's fucking like like a school gym Yeah, also just in a fall shit got her back can't touch the ground her ass is so juicy No, no, no, 1980s Jim. No, she's fucking like like a school gym. Yeah Also, just in a song. It's got her back can't touch the ground. Her ass is so juicy Her back cannot touch her lower back can't touch. No, she can't do it's an impossible You got to put a pillow under this certain yoga moves. She can't do no, maybe the most perfect lumbar area I've ever experienced Wowie wee wee

God, okay. I got it. So here's the thing. Now, Bobby, as you- Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, go ahead. No, just- See, here's the thing, Bobby. Yes. I know when you see this video, we all,

we can't, we love to stuff our face right in that sweaty fucking box and suck her titties and kiss her pretty face and take her out to nice places and do all that stuff. We wanna do all that stuff. One more. Now, when you think about it, though- Wanna come in her nose.

You can already guess. Oh, I bet talking to her for eight seconds sucks shit. And when she comes out, it's just, again, I know, be you to whatever degree. I try to be. But you're going out to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and you're presenting in front of this thing, so it's just a weird time to be like, damn y'all!

Oh y'all, but it's just like, stop. Let like damn y'all. Oh, yeah, but it's just like Let me ask you can't play up to the place. I heard her talk before and she's not like that. She's like that Oh, she's like that. I know but don't be like that. Well, but you can't if it's it's the same thing like Cardi B goes out and stuff like that and she goes she goes. Oh, I could tell my pussy stank You know, like what are you doing? You're the red carpet of the fucking Met. If you're trolling, fantastic. But it's just kind of like, now this is the personality I am,

and he goes, yeah, but you can't like pull your shit together for the Met Gala. I don't ever want to go to the Met Gala. If it was Christine's dream and we were invited to the Met Gala, I promise you, I wouldn't be shitting on people. Do you know what I'm saying? I wouldn't be like, I wouldn't be,

not shitting on people, I wouldn't go there and like, me it up. Do you know what I'm saying? I wouldn't be like, I wouldn't be out, not shitting on people, I wouldn't go there and like, me it up. Do you know what I mean? I haven't listened to you in a minute and a half. I know. Wait, you missed like the best part. You did miss the best part. Wow, she was naked in the shower.

Oh, and that's her, that's the guy she was with forever. That's Imani Schumpert, the basketball player. Wow, she turned into a cat at the end of that video. Yeah, she's pretty hot. Oh God, I want that right there. I want that right in my fat face. Explain what she's doing at the end of that video. Yeah. She's pretty hot. Oh, god, I want that right there. I want that right in my fat face. Explain what she's doing for the day. It's called a crybaby chicken.

Everybody knows that. I want to be able to die like that. She's bouncing her perfect ass back and forth in the ground and then once in a while staying in the middle and just, like, she's fucking the ground, I guess? And it's really good. This is going to make me go home and be mad at Dawn because of her flat shovel ass. Absolutely. I'm just going to look at it's really good That's gonna make me go home and get be mad at dawn because they're a flat shovel ass. Absolutely I'm just gonna look at it. What's wrong? No if you want to hit

Nothing if you want to hit Christine on the way out She's already damaged goods and then you don't have to have a different lawsuit. Okay There you go But when she comes out and talks, it's just like, again, it's not even if she was coming out here, if she was the one putting doing Tribe Called Quest. Sure. You're doing Dionne Warwick, right? Who like comes from like her, her collaborator her whole career was Burt Bacharach.

You know what I mean? So to come out and be like, damn girl, because she's still mad lit. And Dionne Warwick's literally looking over like, ah, ah, ah. Did she talk? Buddy, not only can she talk, the woman comes out. She looks like President Carter. And in the capacity that she can, she kills at singing.

Really? It's wild. Wow, you know, it is not AI or some type of Howie Mandel fucking virtual thing. It is not Howie Mandel, as much as I'd love it to be. Remember Howie Mandel invested in a company just so he could have a box that will play a video of you and they called it, they called it,

what do you call it, the holograms? Yeah, hologram. It's like a hologram company goes, it's just a video of something that happened before. Yeah, it's not a hologram. It's like a hologram company goes it's just a video of something that happened before. It's not a hologram. It's not a hologram. Tom Segura did one. I know it, Burt's Roast. Tom Segura did and they go he's doing the hologram and go oh so this is like him like he's somewhere else right now and we're seeing a thing or it's a hologram it goes it's just this just a big TV screen that Tom filmed the thing on. It was weird.

Andy Kindler did the whole stay of the industry, I think, in 21. Yes, whenever he was, yeah. I mean, the Tupac one was a hologram. That's a hologram. That was a hologram. Kanye got Kim Kardashian and her father as a hologram for her birthday.

That's weird as hell. We're going to have to get P. Diddy as a hologram. It's a fucking Armenian guy with a mullet wearing a weird color suit He complimented Kanye in the video I hear this gonna hear Tiana Tiana Taylor What up sluts now? Oh yo Dionne Warwick is bae

Well that ass is still there though, Bobby Hi y'all. How y'all doin'? I said, how y'all doin'? There's so many old white men in this audience being like, oh, fuck. I think she took a gang's hair piece and put it on hers. But it matched all you said. Oh bitch look good.

All right here we go. When you talk about influence, you also have to talk about. I'm sorry stop one second. I know Bobby, I know. I gotta just stop one second. Of course. Cause I don't know if I heard it

and you know sometimes I can't read that well. You're judging wrong. I'll tell you right now, you're judging wrong. She said, I'm pretty sure she said, influent? She did say influent. Is that a word? No, but it's, you don't understand,

this is layered too, Bobby. Okay. It's a person who does a lot of layered stuff. You are a layered guy. This is very layered. Yeah. She knows that Dionne Warwick comes from a time where black people weren't allowed to learn how to read.

Mm-hmm. So she purposely is saying the words wrong. So Dionne Warwick understands the words. So this is in tribute to read. So she purposely is saying the words wrong. So Dionne Warwick understands the words. So this is in tribute to her. Okay. I gotcha. Yes. It was written like that on the teleprompter. Influent. Influent. I gotcha. Okay. I'm in.

The artist who I'm here to honor tonight is the epitome of both. She is a rule breaker, a name-taker, and a hit maker. She is the one and the only Miss Dionne Warwick! What's happening? Oh God, my psychic friends never said I'd live this long I Pray for the sweet release of death. I wish I got the George Foreman grill instead of the psychic commercial You forget what an amazing singer she was in my generation because it was the tail end of it And she became the joke of the psychic lady. You know you forget that you have to hear those songs a bit Holy shit, I always thought you believe I always thought she was the solid gold puppet. Madam? Yeah, madam.

She looks like madam. She looks exactly like madam. Do you wanna hear more of this or go to the performance? No, no, no, go to the performance. Now here, I will say I was pretty judgmental of the initial person that got to come out and do this with her. This is Jennifer Hudson.

She's a great singer. I thought she was very... I thought it was an unexciting person to pick. Really? She does great. I will also say this, and back me up everybody in the room. We'll back you up. I've never seen a tighter ponytail in my life. I'd almost argue she's bald, had somebody permanent marker on top of her hair color, and then someone glued a ponytail on the back of the head.

It's impossible for hair to be that low to your forehead. It's impossible. You think that's a tattoo? I think we hit the light for a second, Christine. Turn that big light off so you can see. It's creepy looking. It's wild. It's tight.

It's tight. It's tight. It's impossibly tight. Look at her from the front. You'd say there's no hair there at all. I say you could shoot her in the head, and it wouldn't go through. Ting!

Absolutely. That thing is taut. It probably sends it back. She's rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say to her bounces off her fuckin' tight-ass forehead and sticks to you. One thing about J- One thing about J-Hud? She's rubber, you're glue. Her eyelashes are huge, too.

That's a new thing, the big long eyelashes. I wanted to hate her. I wanted to hate Jennifer Hudson's performance more, but... I like her. And then when Dion walks out, you're like, Nah, damn it, they're nail... THEY nail it. Alright, can I hear a little bit of her? Yes. I'll never love this way again

Hold on Hold on Hold on Somebody shocked the young Warwick awake Oh I gotta see this She kills it She's walking She kills it

How's she walking? The Lord? She says scuba-dooby-dooby? What'd she say? Why it keeps skipping? I won't. Yeah, what's happening? It's partially SirusXM, it's partially Apple TV. Disney.

You think she's not nailing it. I know she gets there. Okay when oh Wow still that effortless, too I know what seems to fall apart sounds like coyotes Well, here's again what happened. They made the mistake again. Jennifer Hudson should have stopped. And just let her do her thing. Because what happens is, Jennifer Hudson's doing it right. She's choosing Dionne Warwick to do a little bit different

than normal. Yeah, because she's 900. Right. And Jennifer Hudson just keeps singing it the regular way. So it just starts going, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They kind of figure it out. They have no harmony together. No, they get there out they get there. Yeah, hang with it for a second You see what I mean, they're both doing fine differently she's trying to look at her like sing with me bitch

Hey old bitch. Look at me In fact Dionne Warwick if you notice there go back a couple seconds Dionne Warwick made a choice there Hey, I'll let this dumb bitch keep going and I'll just do her little improvs afterwards. Hey, could Questlove Be a little more into it. I mean he looks miserable. Oh, I thought it was so cool He was the drummer for all of it. He looks like he's not having a good time. Go back two seconds. Well, he always does. He's usually into it. Well, his blood sugar's low.

He's on no cent pick. Wow. Oh Right there, I mean he's like you're not gonna hit on Tom Tom Tom Tom Tom She's gonna bring it down Yeah, it's like you're working with a 90-something year old. Fucking pull it back, bitch. A little bit. Pull it back like you're fucking forehead. Yeah, stop trying to get your second career jump.

Dude, that hair is so tight, I bet it keeps her mouth open. She rests like this. There he is, dude. Back from the bathroom and ready to party. Go back! Go back to Julia Robert's husband, dude. He's fucking yacked out, dude. And he's not with her a lot. He's like, I'm back, babe. What'd I miss? What was this? Oh, this is what he uses? He's got that tight coke mouth, too. Dude, he is definitely sneaking off to do drugs.

You would too if you had to fucking sit through this whole shit. Oh, and then your wife's gonna hit those. Oh my God, who are you introducing to the thing? Oh, the most boring band ever, Dave Matthews. Just a guy, just a guy named Dave, who somehow made it into the rock and roll hall of fame. Stupid oriental rugs. Fucking Dave Matthews bands, I don't even understand it.

Was he out there without shoes? I like them. You do. You do. Of course you do. Don't hit her, don't hit her. It's just a choice Jay. It's not, it's the life choice that I don't agree with. Particularly the 14 minute version of Two Step on Listen to the Four. She said she goes, I'm not a big fan, I've never been a big fan, but there's a 14 minute version. I stopped her right there. I took my sock off and stuffed it in her mouth like a kidnap victim. I go, I won't listen to another goddamn word you say It's 14 minutes

I think I don't want to hear the whole thing and then I end up listening. Why does why does Billy Eddell look like Sharon Osbourne? He got some work done, but he has it done for a long time now you can skip John Mayall who's the Who's he doing oh so Sammy got in as a so no no no no oh yeah he brings up foreigner oh he does now Bobby here it is buddy I just got your new favorite YouTube clip for a while but we're gonna turn the light off for this turn the light off for this this is for Bobby there was so I said I should. I go now. I want to show it to him You're gonna love it's not unfortunately when I listen to it

It didn't have a bunch of start stops that we'll be having in this version apparently because we're in series exam and the internet only Works, I think 40 seconds in a clip. Yeah. Well, they're saving energy then has to reboot. Yeah, they just they just got a 120 million dollar show they have to put it. Yeah, you know, I'm gonna get right to that point. Yes Yeah, don't worry you could still play somebody you could hear what they're coming out to but I mean Sammy Hagar Sounds pretty good, but he can't really do foreigner. God damn this slash was unnecessary slash and everything Yeah with a belly button piercing by the way, no one asked for that. You take the stupid a blink and hat off to we get it No one asked for that. Can you take the stupid Abe Lincoln hat off too? We get it.

I'm so sick of his stupid. He does the thing, I know. He's like, this is my look since 1987. Can't take it. I just can't take it. Yeah, even fucking, but man, I was gonna say, I couldn't see a guy more when you, pause it for a second. When I hear him talk, I envy so much

whatever the energy I feel in, I know you need another microphone for your inner voice. No, that was my baby. I keep hearing it, I know, it's nuts what's happening. It was one. It sounds like you're squirting something. Yeah, something happened to me yesterday. Strange.

I think something, that food I ate fucked me up. I woke up this morning, my legs were swollen. Well, it was truck spam. All right, well, yeah, but You put it like that you could have said something before I threw it in my mouth. Oh you're saying from eating truck bulgogi. You mean us saying we're going to Chick-fil-A you get what you want? I would say Bobby honest to God if it's a food I've never heard of served indoors ever I've never even heard of the. I wouldn't just grab it from a truck. It was it was a truck It was Bugagi spam sushi

No, you didn't Bulgogi bulgogi and spam sushi. It was little rolls and I ate it. I ate all of it too I gotta say it So our friend Tom just sent he must be listening because he said cool in the gang in a month Joe Walsh post Malone Toto cool in the gang and Eric Church at the UBS Arena. That's a big fucking line up. That's a weird line up. But I would definitely watch Cool in the Gang.

I would watch Cool in the Gang. Or Cool and Gang. Watch Toto and Joe Walsh and Post Malone. I'd go see Cool and Gang. Cool Gang. Are they touring together? Is Gang coming out or is it just going to be Cool? Because if it's just Cool it's going to be a lot,

I feel like I'm going to be doing a lot of the heavy lifting. It'd be great if gang just wore different head pieces during the night. Every song? Every song. Oh my God, one day there's like a kid in play, like a super high top fade. And he's like, oh, I just got turned into

super long micro braids since you last saw me. This is just a mop. This is just the top, this is the bottom of a mop I just put on my head now. I'm going all over the place. There is nobody in the world, this is the bottom of a mop I just put on right now. I'm going over the place. There is nobody in the world, when I hear him talk, I don't know if I find him, whether he's likable, unlikable, it doesn't matter.

Love his version of Van Halen, way less than I do David Lee Roth, but I've never seen a person with more envy than just internal peace than Sammy Hagar, dude. When Sammy Hagar comes out, it looks like you've always just going like hey, man You mind coming in from the from being by the pool for a second that go do the rock and roll family goes Yeah, man, I'll check it out. I mean he's go back to this man. Go back when he talks about him in the beginning He just starts. He just looks so like

Thrilled and okay to be there. He He is a multimillionaire not even from music Molta from his tequila tequila is it that big? Yeah, dude that to kill it He was the it's a cabalabra cabalabra. He was the first guy to get his own alcohol Yeah, everybody started doing that after he made up and he used Van Halen to walk that shit, man He was worse than a fun, then he went middle of from Cleveland, but then he just did the thing he just became like a Key West fucking yeah You know he's yeah, you have the song Cabo Wabo. Yeah Cabo Wabo Mexico you have some called moss tequila He just makes he's literally trying to modern-day Jimmy Buffett who also gets inducted on this and he exactly that's exactly what he did

He did a smaller version of Jimmy Buffett, but with harder rock harder rock. He has his little club. He plays the club all the time He's the Kim and Michael Anthony, dude and and and life and loves life and what's his name from the the Led Zeppelin the Drummers son Jason bottom bar. We got the circle. They're called writers. Yeah, it's dumb name He's dumb name chicken foot also there another boot. I don't mind Chicken Foot, I like it better than Circle. By the way, they name these bands while they're sitting around a tiki bar. They don't give a fuck. Well, the tour this year is Chicken Foot.

And we'll write five songs about enjoying beer on a beach. A brown bun lady and something in my hand. Welcome to my next band, it's called Cat's Cat. And every song goes, cause you gotta get a rum drink rum drink rum drink rum drink I don't care if it's pink or green or blue rum drink rum drink everything is merged you gotta get a taco a waco taco it's only five more dollars to drink out of a coconut. Gah, gah, gah, gah.

Go na, na, na, na. Jay, I'm so glad you mentioned this, because I'm always Camp Dave, but I've always, if I could pick anyone to just, who enjoys life, it would be Sammy Hagar. Even when it happened, I know there was bad blood when he left the thing, but in hindsight, my memory of it is him just going like, it's cool, man.

Yeah, he was always fine. He was like, hey man, you're out of the band. He goes, all right, hey man, that was a good run. Yeah. That was my little second act for me. If you want me back, call me. He was making 70 million a year on tequila. I did, I'm gonna go hang out at the beach.

And then it was always like they hated him and David Lee Roth, and they'd go, would you the beach. And then it was always like they hated him and David Lee Roth, and they'd go, would you go on tour with David Lee Roth? He goes, yeah. And he goes, David Lee Roth wants to go on Last Every Show. He goes, fine, I'm just there for the money and to drink moss tequila with my friends.

Dude, David Lee Roth right now, he, I never, he's so good, love David Lee Roth, one of the greatest front men's ever, and I could be I could be like well Maybe it was egos up. He is a fucking mental pain. You think Josh is bad. Listen to me David Lee Roth Fucking talks and talks and he's crazy. I'd be five minutes in a band with him and wanna fuck Oh, I bet he's crazy. He and he just he makes shit up like he just Used to come to the cellar all the time

And no one was ever like after he after it was there a few times I had this with a few celebrities to sell our photo one point once there They are a few times you get past the like, you know, it's so and so you kind of go like, okay, man Yeah, he's one of those it goes is David Lee Roth back there and talking I felt that way a little bit even though I liked him also when they were like John Mayer's in the back holding court I'm like, yeah, yeah. I'm alright I'm gonna be over here. Yeah You were always on the stoop anyway for sure outside cat unit hell

I started smoking cigarettes to go sit outside with David tell the comedy star Cuz you got free cigarettes from Salem. Yes. No. No, I was like, I'm gonna change my thing and I had these cigarettes sitting there You had free cigarettes from Salem two cases of cartons. Would you do it like a black tour? I won a black contest you did Yes, I know we have to take a break and then we'll come back and watch it I'm telling this will be the rest of the show and Bobby You need to get your treat yet. I get we guys we get to tease it I'm so excited big J's go sexy lady big J's gonna be at the helium Buffalo October 25th to 26th. This is weekend. This weekend that's right. Brickhouse Comedy Club in Oklahoma City November 1st and the 2nd and after the show

She's gonna be at the Swizzler Tizzler. What's it called? It's the Red Dog. After Bricktown Comedy Club the shows Friday and Saturday Me and Justin Silver gonna go over do an impromptu little uh, we're gonna hang at the Red Dog. Come over and hang with us. There's a documentary on it. It's called Red Dog. I'm gonna watch it tonight. Then he's going to Austin. Suck my titties, suck my titties. Louisville, Houston, Philly for tickets and all other tour dates. BigJComedy.com. And Bobby Kelly is gonna be at Uncle Vinny's in Point Pleasant, New Jersey, October 26th, that's this Saturday. And then, next weekend, comics come home, Bobby comes home, to the TD Garden in Boston.

That's right everyone, it's the Big Big Show, November 2nd. After that he's gonna be in Miami, an afternoon show with Ari Shaffir at the Improv, Wichita, Kansas, Arkansas, On Deck, Mars, Plains, New Jersey, and you can catch Bobby every Tuesday night at 7pm at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge, the Comedy Seller, for tickets and all other tour dates as well as a bunch of content, including his newest special kill box, all available right now at PunchUp.live slash Robert Kelly. She's fresh. We'll be back.

Bonfire. That's my jam. It be back. Bonfire. That's my jam. It's not cool singing though. It's gang.