The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Lavish Lifestyles

Episode Date: November 19, 2021

DJ Lou is late so Black Lou runs the board while the guys discuss Master P's Cribs episode from the early 2000's!Stream "The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson & Dan Soder" for 3 months free on the SiruisXM app! Offer Details Apply: www.SiriusXM.com/BonfireFollow us on all social media @TheBonfireXM @DanSoder www.DanSoder.com@BigJayOakerson www.BigJayOakerson.com

Hey I'm Big J. Okreson and I'm Dan Soder and welcome to the Bonfire Podcast. Yeah it's a podcast and it's also a radio show. You can hear our full show every day on Series XM. Go to series6m.com slash Bonfire for a special offer. And now the Bonfire with Big J. Okreson and Dan Soder. I'm Dan Soder, that's Big J. Okreson and this is the last tapes but we can't call it that anymore. That was our old thing. Oh J. OkE.G nice, yeah. Now, I'm excited for Black Loot to run the board

because he told us he's got a whole page of drops that we've never heard before. Nice, he's. And I am a fucking sucker for a drop. A good drop. I love a good drop. I, I, I, I annoy Katie. I annoy Katie so much with how much I go. Oh

There's a lot of Jacob drops that I hit People stay on the campers groups some people live their lives speaking only in Jacob drops. I love it Which is pretty fantastic me love it. See I can do it me love me all talking drops black. Lou do you want to premiere some of your drops? Not yet. All right. Well, wait, I like it. It's like Christmas. You don't want to.

Some families don't open Christmas gifts immediately. They have breakfast. They go to church. They praise the Lord. Then they rip it up. Jacob, I see a chomping at the bit. What do you guys say, buddy? Can you phone all over Lewis's board up skills when Lou walks in?

Oh, yeah. I've already in my mouth, absolutely in my mind. I'm already in my mind. Oh my god. I think we all have like an unspoken idea that when Lou comes in, we're gonna make him have nothing to do. Yeah, you just, oh dude,

if we just had him in the back corner, let's make him get us like, just stuff we don't need. Yeah, I go, you go to the next. Dude, actually we're all good here. If you don't make like a Chipotle runner or something, that's great. Can I tell you something right now?

Chipotle, and this is just real? This is real talk. Come on, let me real. I'm gonna good here if you don't make like a Chipotle runner or something. Dude, can I tell you something right now? Chipotle, and this is just real. This is real talk. Coming to me real. I'm gonna be very real. Give me right now. Straight. Impossible to get Chipotle before we do our pre-tapeshow. The line is fucking so long.

I'm gonna launch Chipotle. It's all these goddamn finance rats come out of their building to feast and then I went to toast which Lulav so much for that tuna And I was like look at myself a little TF Fucking crazy that line was crazy. I was getting mad. I would get it. No, I went to Duncan and got donuts cuz I deserved it That's what we're gonna do we're gonna eat between shows like a family you can you can break loose spirit in three minutes. I know When he walks in, and all over. But it's close to, yeah, I don't know if I want to do this.

I'm also going to fawn all over. Well, here's another thing that has more live show stuff. I guess I should say, but a terminator timeline. Lou lost him last night. He came down the skanks and then drove over with it. But he, I heard he left skanks, hit the bar, during skanks, never came back in. Oh, that's his move. So I'm outside, drove over, but he, I heard he left skanks, hit the bar, during skanks, never came back in. That's his move.

Saw him outside, drove over to the comedy jam. While we were waiting to go inside the comedy jam, he just dipped into the bar next door. Yup, the fat black. Yup, and I never saw him again. Nope. What? I respect the fuck out of Lou for that,

because that's exactly how I used to drink. He removes himself in the game. Yeah, that's why I was so, it warmed my heart when I found out how hammered black glue and Lou got at, and fury at my special taming. Where I was like, yeah, dude, I was, a lot of people would have been like, you're supposed to watch me shine my light. I was like, fuck no, dude, get, waste it.

That's what I would have done. I'd be like, really guys? Grill nice, I tried. I worked on that hour and you did it, but I can do that. When I do my next special, black loose gets, gets to go home the filly. Yeah, I love not out. I worked on that hour and you did it but I can do that. Um, when I do my next special, black loose gets to go home the Philly. Yeah, I'm excited, dude. I'm like planning on getting like a nice hotel room and fucking bring in bring an old K-noel and down. Oh yeah. Getting some wall walk, getting high as balls walking over.

There's nothing better than going to your friend's special taping. Oh yeah. Because you get to celebrate and there's a zero pressure and you but you also get without having to do any comedic work Because of it's fans. It's what's fans of the universe the van diagram So like you're gonna walk around and do I walk your officer hall taping was so much fun Oh, dude, I walked by your line of the truck of Dero and people just like oh was so much fun. Oh, dude, I walked by your line at the truck of Dero and people just like, oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's what I'm, my everyone's stay calm. I'm gonna go, and I'm gonna go cheer the kid up upstairs. You guys, that's not out here. Yeah, and when I was at Webster Hall, it was like so fun to pop out and smoke a joint and people were like, so are you guys, hey, and I got my seat. I went to the first show, I'm going to the second one

and I was like, it is, it's like a surprise appearance is on an album. Where you're like, oh shit, I'm like oh shit. Yeah, it's very fun. So that'll be and also we can announce this. Thanks campers were sold out for the Christmas show already. Yeah, this is taped on Tuesday. It sold out in less than 12 hours. I need to put our our original poster a spectacular spelled. Oh, I know. And I want to repost it with the right one that we're sold out, so I don't know what to do. Yeah, you know what, you could repost

with the sold out one spelled correctly. Yeah. And then be like, also, this is spelled because it's like speck a cock, a cock, a cock, a cock. You care a lot. Specks that's theacular. But I always feel like whatever I post is gonna be wrong in some way.

Yeah, I appreciate that. What? Just like going, I fuck it. Yeah, I don that. What? Just like going that fuck it. Yeah, I don't even got a damn thing. It's like the... It's like the... It's like the, remember the old baseball car they had fuck you

on the bottom of the bat? You know what I mean? Like with the mistakes? Oh yeah. The mistakes. Nothing better than mistakes. Yeah, a little film flub. But I feel like everyone now

tries to be so flawless that they cover up mistakes in a way that makes nothing feel sincere. Tell you what's an age thing too, I think it me, but now I watch for film flubs a lot. And if you're looking, you'll find them a lot. Dude, that window is supposed to be halfway down. Why is it up now? Doesn't make any sense. It's crazy. I didn't... The bass go, that grocery bass go way more stuff in it when they return to the corner than the front shot.

You know what I do? Because of billions and I've just noticed it, drink levels. I'll do drink levels where I'll be like, that drink wasn't as, when they cut to the other guy, that drink was full now it's half empty. And I'm a stickler for it when we're filming billions. So there's like a scene, we just filmed a scene

where I have a lot, like a dinner and I'm drinking a Heineken. And I like took a sip and it was ginger ale so I was really suckling that thing and I put it down and the lady was like, no you're fine and I'm like, no, I drank this much. And then they went and brought me a full, like, you know, you want to be like,

hey I'm telling you, as a guy that watches for this stuff, my idea was, yeah, I gotta tell you, you should appreciate people listening when you watch a movie and someone smokes a lot, like cigarettes. It's really important to that character smoked to whoever it was, to the director. Because it is a pain in the nuts when we did that.

One of the biggest pains in that thing, the level of a, first of all, because it also put, as someone who had to smoke on a show before. Yeah. I remember, then they start doing things where you're like, great, it's like like at the smoke in the scene. Then when the fifth one they hand you and they go,

you have to like kind of pull this down. It's like, where you're going like, I hate to do this because somebody else in the crew like pull this down to where it has to, I can't, like I've just smoked, I've changed smoked five cigarettes. Eating and smoking on film suck always, always. Whenever you see Brad here. They're great ideas.

In the first time you light up, you're like, well, Brad Pitt was in a way with something. Brad Pitt looks so cool when he's eating or whatever, but then you have to remember they probably did like, eight takes of that. So he uses, when there's a scene in season five of billions where we light up cigars as like a celebration, I was sick that day.

It made me sick, because they're like not real cigars. They're movie cigars. So you have to light it and like, and then you have to have your line where you're like, better than a sunbathing on your tush. He's just made it. And you're like, ugh, dude, this is burning paper.

One of the actors drew, he plays Tuckle-All on the show, it's such a sweetheart. He's like a 23 year old kid, great actor. Just adorable, was legitimately being like, I think I'm gonna throw up. And David Costable was like, if you throw up, I'll give you $100 if you do it in front of everybody. So the whole time we're all smoking

and then I'd look at Costable and hit like a tuck and he'd be like, are you about to puke, Drew? And Drew would be like, no, whatever. And you're like, dude, it's miserable. Misurable smoking. I just realized that tonight or last night, I had a dream that I met David Constable

and we bonded over you. You know what? You came out very excited to two of us. I would, like you were like the hostess of a party because wonderful you guys are already talking cannot really Yeah, you know why because in the trailer the trailer for coming back. Yeah Uh, I think when I was like crashing I was watching I think it was a yellow jacket

So it's show time show and I was I think when I was fading it was like him And there's something where he's in like a big room in the trailer or like he says something at the end Yeah, everybody go. I was something I forget it was. Like, whatever it was, I think I was nodding while it was happening and I said, a dream that I met him. He loves it. I love your work. I go, Dan Sotters, my good friend.

I love Dan and you came out with like a, yes, finally. I can honestly say that would be my ideal meeting of the two worlds, would be you and Constable. Yeah. Cause Constables the guy that whenever we worked on the show, I would go seek him out to bullshit and laugh, cause he didn't give a fuck. He's like not an actor that care, you know what I mean?

That's like, he like does his work very well and then it's very fun to hang out with. And knows I'm not an actor. He knows I'm like, I'm like, I'm a comic dude. I'm learning how to act. And the first time I met him, season one of billions, I was like, yeah, I'm a comic dude, I'm learning how to act. And the first time I met him, season one of billions, I was like, yeah, I'm a stand up comedian and he was in the makeup chair and he goes, Fff, brutal.

And I go, yeah, he goes, you're the meanest to each other. And I was like, comics, he goes, comics are the meanest to each other, only second to Broadway dancers. That was our first meeting, he goes, That's mean and bitchy. Yeah, he goes, it's Broadway dancers, which he's been on Broadway.

He was the captain in the Titanic, one on, guys done everything dude and then yeah, and then he was like It's a van erky, right? It's everything breaking bad the wire My first you know my first thing was David gospel was sons of anarchy So when I realize he's in son of it's sons of anarchy. I only watched my not wrong about that. I don't know. Look it up. I mean David's done. He's he's done everything. He's in sons of anarchy. Cool. If not, then my first real like a thing on him was billions and then to see go back and then see breaking bad. And he was killed. So different. Yeah. He's gay. He's like a nerd. And then he, while we were filming

billions, he went back to play Gale and and better call Saul. And they gave him like fake hair and made him young. And they like smoothed out his skin and he was telling us about it. Dude, I would say out of all the moments, I've all the cool shit I've ever got to do because of Billions, I took Vecchio to see Garcia vs. Porter for the middleweight championship fight at Barclays. And just to blow Vecchio's mind. Because I like boxing, but Vecchio is obsessed. And it was a showtime fight. So I asked I was like, hey, can I get showtime tickets to this fight? And they're like, yeah, we'll hook you up. And we were on set filming and I told it's possible who's a die hard boxing fan. I was like, we're going to Porter Garcia. He's like, is that a Barclays? I was like, he's like, I'll go with you. And I was like, hell yeah. So we got

better seats because costable called it in and was like, hey, I want to go to this fight and I'm going to sit with Soda and his friend. So they got us four tickets, three rows back from the ring. I am a very outlier character on that show, right? I'm like 14th, I'm a guy in the office. Going to a fucking boxing match with costable whose Wags was the big dick on the show was one of the coolest experiences in my life. Yeah. All these rappers would be like wags wags come me to take a picture and they're like that I would take the picture for them and then they'd be like oh yo Muffy. I'm like well I'm taking the picture I'm like hey hey you doing it. It was fucking cool. That's how Josh felt. What do you

want with me to slip not? Yeah dude. Yeah he's like dude I'm with the fucking man. I'm with the dude. but it is it's fucking cool Like him and Damien were the nicest guys. I'm saying that because I'm like, I don't know me while my slipknot seats were Not good. They were good. They were good. I like you amended it and your head you're like that one They were good. So you know what? They're pretty good. Yeah, that was the only time where I felt like a like oh Well, this is fucking this is insane. Yeah to be doing this. Yeah getting the Rogan's hook up for a UFC It was pretty old. Oh, I forgot it UFC 200

Well, we look to one. I thought you went to the one with the garden, right? I went to that that I paid for oh Yes, I thought it was the toronto toronto which was a smaller card But the best UFC event I've ever been to that's awesome Yeah, I get smaller card, but the best UFC event I've ever been to. That's awesome. Yeah. Getting hooked up. The worst was the worst I've ever been to by far. Just be friends with something.

Just be friends with somebody that's close to something you love. And you can fucking hear that Joel embied. Yeah. I would hope that Danny Green even Seth Curry. I would hope that in the in the span of this that we get you close to the sixers somehow because that would mean the world. It would because I'm fine to watch football from home. I like going to the games again. You have opportunities to go. I'll go but like it's not the end all be off for me to get football looks better on TV. Yeah, I just dropped. I just

dropped money on tickets. I'm going to be in Portland. Yeah. The miners played the Seahawks. So I'm going to Niners at Seahawks. There'll be a 50 more football games in my life. But I just dropped I just dropped money on tickets. I'm gonna be in Portland. Yeah, the miners play the Seahawks So I'm going to Niners at Seahawks. There'll be a 50 more football games my life, but I just bought the tickets and I'm like They're expensive and I got second tier. You know what I mean? And I'm like and Katie was trying to be positive She's like football's better higher up and I'm like I'll tell you what we found is the best seats have ever seen we were 50 yard line First row of the top tier of the second tier Best no one around you nothing in front of you. That is that's the way to go amazing

It was such good seats to watch them lose boringly They I got to I got to go to wrestling AEW at Arthur Astadium and they hooked it up But what was weird is they were, you know, the ring was where the tennis court was. So they had seats next to the ring, and then we were the where the actual first seats were if it was like the U.S. open, but they're sunken.

So you were actually like lower and then looking at everyone. So you had to like stand up to really see everything, but it was still cool. I still have to learn though. You gotta like get like four throw or fifth throw. Yeah, but that was a hook up. That was a hook up where they were like, we can get you tickets and it was still cool. I still gotta learn though. You gotta like get like fourth row or fifth row Yeah, but that was a hook up that was a hook up where they were like we can get you tickets and it was sold out I was like fuck you want to send a ditch. Yeah, but when we sat down Katie's like I'm too small for this

You're a ditch Let's just get super in a no limit. Can we get super back in a no limit? That tells you about my friend Joey who is in no limit way too long. Like into like, oh nine. Oh, when they started like picking up random people, like Snoop Dogg, like pass the Snoop Dog thing. Like way past that, pass the shocker or see murder. Actually getting a murder charge.

I think he, yeah, I think he lasted until see murder got out of jet. Hey, he's back. He would fucking, he loved no limit. And I'm like, dude, you're just a white dude from Colorado. How do you love this shit so much? It is funny when, like looking back on cribs now. Mm-hmm. Or even like when you see like Floyd Mayweather's house,

and they show you those things, like it is weird to have a house. Like I thought about, you know, you're like, oh man, what do you get when you get become like a millionaire? I was like their refrigerators. I'm like, look at all their sodas. Yeah, yeah, no, the fridges are great. But I just mean like space wise.

Yeah. It's like, you're looking at Floyd Mayweather's like, golden, China, plates on the table, like 15 or 20 person, dining table. And I think in a room it's covered in pillows and like weird gold lame. Shit. And he just like he doesn't do anything in this room.

Yeah, what are you the crown? Who fucking who eats like that? No, I don't think he ever, I think it's just for show. Oh, for sure. It's that's kind of one of three dining rooms. Master P, I mean his crib was the funniest, like second for how funny

you look up masterpiece cribs the funniest of all was red man for the purpose of life which you talked about on the show. Yeah, I love that made me love red man so much more he's like oh I made I went back to sleep to keep cash in a cereal box yeah on top of his fridge or something I love to god damn dude and he was just like I love that so much and for for the, the opposite reasons, but equally funny is Master P showing. I think you're main to pre-ed that to a house where you're like, what is this? Like, who's this for? Did you ever see a Vanderholy field house? Yes, with the two wings. That's what I'm saying. Like, you get to a point like, like, like, Christine's going away this weekend. So for a day, I'll be home, well, I won't, I guess we have.

You have company something, but we have like a, I'll be by myself. Yeah, but I'm not though, but I'm saying my point was if I was. Christine wanted a day before me to skank fest, shutting off the lights at night and going the, I would be freaked out. I'd have to like take a melatonin every night to make sure I fall asleep against my will.

I am scared of being of that like a big house alone. Yeah. Oh well, well, well. Look at the size of the march in. No black, black Lou is ripping it on the board. He's on the boards. You can just hang out there. Should I?

Yeah, you know how many drops that were on there that you've never used he's got a whole sheet of drops that we didn't even know I see four drops hit him You are such a sick human being. It's why I love you. Oh, it's fair It's why this uh Master P sit down Lou if it's fine Yeah, black loose got it dude. You're fine. Once you go, black Lou, you never go back. Hey, DJ Lou, do you just wake up an hour ago? No.

What happened, you last night? Nothing, I was home by two. Did you think it was a alarm went off anyway? Ah, it's Tuesday. It's Tuesday! It's Tuesday, hey? You didn't watch the comedy jam at all. Oh, I did.

I saw every performance. You did great. You saw your performance. I swear. Where are you sitting? In the back with the tourists. You sat with like the gas people? Gas digital?

No. No. Liz put me in a table full of strangers. Oh, really? Hell yeah. Liz, good to see you. You watched it. It weren't strangers for long. Hey, do a shot with me. I'm here for Amsterdam

I wanted to see if Amy Schumer was going to draw me. I am a big Amy Schumer. I want to meet Amy Schumer. Do you know she? Did you uh, two o'clock? So you stayed in wrecked wrecked house a little more? I'd like a little with Shane and the Philly boys. Oh nice. Okay. Okay, you got a little union banged up. I was so used to how much Shane's bid he did last night was fucking killer. Yeah.

He wasn't in a great mood afterwards. No? His little surly. You really? Yeah. Surly Shane. Well, surly Shane, Holster. Surly Shirley.

Here's a masterpiece. I was just changing, I go, Shane, I don't want to play armchair music critic, but none of that was right. And that song, none of that was right. All right. Do you want you to say that on stage? Yeah. Oh, man, knowing how bad I am at the goddamn comedy jam, if I heard that out of you, I'd be like, oh, fuck. I was supposed to joke. You did fine. Oh, okay. I said the band went with them.

I think comics, or at least I could speak for myself. I'm very insecure about doing music because I know I can't sing. So when I like, when I try, like it hurt, at when we did it in Vegas, and everyone was like, you did a good job, I was like, I didn't do a good job. Stop saying I did a good job. Where are you?

I hated it. I should have had Jeremiah do the high one. I should have done the Mark Hopp as part. And it the mark hop is part of the internet forever. No, I know The roast is though are you had his roast part removed? Oh, so they put the roast back up sans Ari? Yeah, that's so fun Everyone makes fun of him still and it'll be he did my set He's it comes up in my set. Yeah, like on stage, so I don't know It's fucking weird. Why did he have a pull? I don't know. You didn't want it out there. I guess he was maybe didn't like a set or something. I didn't like my set. I let Louis put it out there.

Yeah, I was fine with it. I was like, what ever do you see to give this shit? Yeah, this whole idea. I told you a person said that I don't mind. I was monumentally unfunny. I mean, I just great serve monumentally unfunny. I mean, I just, it's a great term. Monumentally unfunny. Monumentally unfunny. Wow. Yeah, I mean. This whole like undefeated culture of like, I can only look good online.

It's like, that drives such a fucking shit. Oh, ring. It's such a shitty thing like, like it's fun to celebrate the great sets of that roast. Sure. Joe list, Joe list joke where he goes, Kim Kongden, more like King Kong, a chubby climber.

Yeah. I was like, dude, that is so far. And the one he had about you where he goes, the only Jewish part of Big J is that he keeps his wallet chain to him. Yeah, he's a wallet chain. I was like, and Shane said of doing the whole norm, that's bad, that is bad.

That is sad. The guy that wrote the joke about my dead sister posted the clip of Shami like that guy wrote that about your sister dude you should fight him so funny it's so funny and yeah It's like I didn't like my set but I wasn't gonna tell Lewis to pull it. I was like put it up there. Whatever watch me Flounder Look at this here you go 40,000 square feet. That's Look at this. Here you go. 40,000 square feet.

That's what I'm telling you. Just because I've been like, I've did a, whenever we went to do our quarantine, just did the Zillow wish listing. Yeah. You know what I mean, looking at houses. I mean like, if you get beyond, if you, a 5,000 square foot house

is where you start going like, all right, that's a little big. Can I tell you something? I have zero idea about square footage. I don't either. Zero understanding. I'm just telling you, I know what we have now. Yeah.

What do you have? And I know. Just to give me an idea, what's your square? Yeah, 1,000 I think. So this is that times 40. So it's 40 times your apartment. Is this house? Yes.

Yes, 40 times. That's one of my points. So it's like, I've seen places that are 5,000 square feet is where you start getting a little place where like, I might be a little eerie in here at night. I would if you're, if you have a nine, that's, and that's 5,000. So this is eight times that. And if you have a nine bedroom house in Batal Rouge, Louisiana, and you have a trampoline room with the floors made of trampoline, with the floor is made of trampoline.

Better. You're an idiot. Oh yeah, a gold tooth station. Do you go, oh my god. Remember when this was the beginning of our show? Bad Rouge y'all, like that won't get down on bamboos. We working on a house floor on a master pee. You're going to have a trampoline room and a gold poof room.

I will feud to call that boy master. I do it and he got a gaito pit that I just do not trust. I'll call you Mr. P. I will not to call that boy master. I do it and he got a gator pit that I just do not I call you Mr. P. I will not call you. You're the they what's up Jacob. I just say I agree with Jay. If you have a house that's so big that a stranger could be living on the other side of it and you don't know about it.

It's too big. We'll be fun to run into him. Who are you? Hey, you guys, you guys. Oh, that was about six months ago. Are you liking it? He is. This is my wife, Deborah. You know, hi, Deborah. Hi, Deborah. How are you?

She goes, I just got to say, I love what you did with the backyard. Thank you. Are you guys expecting? Yeah. Yes. Yes, we are. It's our third. So he turned one of the bedrooms

into a little nursery. Yeah. Brayden. He goes, Braden's playing downstairs. Yeah, braids. And he got, braids playing downstairs. Let me get braids. You got to be braiding. Braiding.

I go, honey, do you know there's a whole family? She's, oh, you met braiding. He's a little perv. Yeah. He walked in on me showering. A child walked in on you showering in our home. You dimensioned it. Yeah, well, I was just like, hey, wrong side of the house.

Yeah, so get back to the east wing. Beat it. I want one of those alien motion detectors if I had a gigantic house just to make sure if there's nobody. Also, here's the thing Jacob, say this right here, you're in this big giant house by yourself and a motion detector alarm goes off.

What do you do besides just like, you better one of those rooms is gonna be a panic room. That's what I was just gonna say. I'm gonna get my panic room and fuck it. I'll tell you what, I'd probably sleep in my panic room when Christine was gone. Yeah, lock that vault door and just stare

and just stare with my eyes bleeding, looking at the monitors. Sigger that smoke running in front of your face. What is it? Oh, it's a deer. Okay, it's a deer. It's just a deer. Oh, thank God.

Oh, God. Who's that? Oh, family raccoons. Oh. They're not gonna hurt me. Are they? Oh, thank God. Dude, nine bedrooms. I love watching these type of shows that you're watching now and then architectural digest because you see how much money if you don't have taste, all the money in the world doesn't fix it. No, right. Magnifies it. Oh, man. That is masterpiece. Problem completely.

He is to say the least tacky. I would, I do want to bet if there's one scar face poster hanging in this place. I won't take that bet. I don't almost guarantee there is. I, here's the one thing I remember that you will see here. He's, uh, his sinks and to our gold. We got to watch this. Hold on. Before we do, though, do you remember one of the first things that?

I think it was the night that Christine was like, you guys need to do a podcast together at radio show when we, when Pete was in the stairwell, we were smoking cigarettes. And he talked about opening for Nick Cannon and going to Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey's department full candy store in their house. He's shown on TV. You've never seen Nick Cannon to Mariah Carey's partner, full candy store in their house. He's shown on TV. You've never seen Nick Cannon to show us candy shop? We've watched it. We've watched it.

Okay, we have watched that. Sorry. He shows you a resin in my brain. He shows you as candy shop. And it really is like, here's what's funny about it. Is that's what we made fun of. It's not like he has a fucking employee. Yeah, yeah, it's called Cannon Land. It's so insane. It's just for him hit. I mean

It's just for him You can't oh they call it a candy room a Candy room man you And now he's got like 17 kids Yeah, that can't is a whack-off and now he's got by the kids. Yeah, Nick Cannon's a whack off. And now he's got, by the way, we haven't even semi-discussed his talk show. Oh yeah.

He's got a talk show. DVR's on my TV every night. I haven't watched it yet. That nerd shirt rules though. You love it. I'm tweeted out the bonfire. He's like his whole thing. I like that chain.

I might have nerds and shit. Fundip. You know what? Nick Cannon's in great shape, but I'm so so worried about people saying he's not black enough that he's charging towards diabetes. He's like, I'm gonna lose a foot for the culture. You know, like you uncle Tom, he's like, am I though?

Look at his foot hoof. Look at this stump. Tell me I though look at his foot hoof look at this stump Tell me just look at his black ankle Let's go back to masterpiece house Man could say it's too much space I'm letting white bitches in my candy room and shit Mariah's allowed in here, but only for chocolates Let's take a peek Could you volume on it? There we go. How you doing is master pin. Welcome to my career.

You heard. I think all the I think all the everything is else is actual gold. That's what I mean. It's not like gold painted. A gold painted tubs tacky. A golden tub is retarded in tacky. Yeah, you might as well, you better be a fucking oil baron. Yeah. You have to have this voice. If you have a gold tub, your voice needs to be this. This is my gold tub. Yeah. I'll tell you what, if you have a golden bath tub made of actual some carrot of gold, your son shouldn't be doing fucking rap commercials for the fucking online school or whatever. Phoenix online college. Remember that? No.

Low Romeo. Low Romeo did rap for Phoenix University? I think he said he went. He did a commercial for it? Yeah. Shout out to my old step that Nick who actually got his master's degree from Phoenix University. What? No.

From the ashes? Nick Rose? Yeah, Nick Rose, dude. You guys masters and what? It was before it was completely online. So he just, I don't know, I forgot what he got, Master's degree, but he was. Making your mom a car. Yeah, dude, he built her in 1970, MGB.

That wasn't his Master's degree. No, dude, he was, and he's got a Master's. Fuck around, and he just turned 80 in July. Shout out, Nick Cots. Your mom lost one out there. K-O-T-T-S, dude. Shout out, Nick Cots. Oh, here you go.

My parents always told me how important an education was. So I went to college and education sticks with you. It keeps you on top. I-C-D-C college. I-C-D-C. I was trying to write track towards earning your degree. And careers like Homeland Security, medical assistant, crime scene investigation, and a ditch and a coach.

So it's a tech school. Yeah. What do you call that? Not a tech school. You guys at a tech school? Trade school a tech school. Yeah, what do you call that not a tech school? Yeah, is it a tech school? Trade school. Yeah, I see I see DC Don't different than different than AC DC college. Yeah, yeah Dude that is a lot of gold hit play. I want to see all this shit that master be has There's 24 karat gold all these floors of marble. You know what I'm saying? You don't have to take your shoes on. We have somebody come in here and clean up. You don't think your shoes are on

Look at that my living area just the living room. This for all my family chill at this with a soldier's chill That we have a lot of fun in this dude. I'm going back to calling all my friends soldiers. Get ready dude. Get ready Jay, you're one of my soldiers. Do you see how much room's behind this? I can't say it. It seems to me places that are just like empty of space and you're like, I don't like,

it'd make me freak that. I guess by the way, look, right above his TV is non-stop security. What's funny is all these screens. It's great. It's not my security camera. All these screens, what is he watching? Can we see what show can you guess what show that is TVPG? I can I think it's Nicholas Shay and Jessica Simpson. No, it looks like it's

Looks like it's 90210 It might oh, I think it is Walk off Oh, I was in zering. Yeah, you know it gave it away was Presley your bag right in the middle yeah, and the and the flannel around the waist of whoever standing up might be priestly yeah, what's crazy about all these screens is how much fucking money this cost him in 2000 and whatever and look and it looks like old timey shit now. Now you're like that would have cost you a 10th of the price.

Why was it right now? He would just have one big screen up there that broke it into like eight blocks. Yeah, he would have like a 90 inch screen. Yeah. That's so fucking good. Yeah, by the way, his TV is pretty modest, quite honestly.

Okay. Well, I don't think that's, is that the main TV? Also, there's security cameras above their TV. Is where you're like, this is a good movie. Oh, someone's on the East Wing. Yeah, what the't think that's is that the main TV also there's security cameras above their TV is where like this is a good movie Oh, someone's on the east wing. Yeah, what the fuck is that? Oh, okay? Someone's in the for you for you. Oh, man Charlie sheen say what you will but he was so good on this show Oh, okay, okay, just non-stop squirrel. That wasn't long going off That car alarm's going off. Do you to be paranoid about having all this shit. There's a rackew.

Ratchems in the pool. All right. Let's keep moving on, soldiers. Watch it, Beverly Hills. Oh, still you nailed that. Who we ever thought that I'd be watching, Beverly Hills 2000. Most people had go for the leather look. I wanted to go for the modern, soft type of feel.

All the top of the wall is all 14 carry go. Shower. It is from Europe, summer from Greece, summer from Spain. You know, I got the high tech security system. The high tech system. I hang on DJ Lilux lost. Blue, why don't you go grab a soda or something man? Yeah.

Why don't you go get in line for when you get in line for Chipotle for us? No, I won't you the list of the show. That's why I put on headphones. Yeah, just relax dude. Take it off. I don't know what to do It myself. I know. Why? I'm not What the fuck you do, Lou? Like I do not know what to do right now. Yeah, man And it's kind of I know it's frustrating for you because I'm missing a whole bunch of drops over here. No, dude, you're killing it.

Yeah, dude, you're doing great. I'd say you're, I'm starting to, I'm starting to, I'm starting to notice that without so many drops, like, really filling the blanks ourselves a little bit. Yeah, it's fun, it's a little more room to kind of, they improv. Oh my God, I'm never gonna drop again. No, shut up, Luke.

Shut up, Luke. Enjoy your silence, cock suckers. Look, he's also coming in hungover, so he's like mad. Oh, he's busted up. Would you mind taking notes in recording for social media? Oh, that'd be great. Can you get your phone out for us please? I could take notes, but the rest is not my skill set.

Why, does iPhone 8 not have a camera? It's the first time we're going to post clips of flip-flop pictures. Little pixelated, but you can see Dan was making a funny face there. Oh yeah, is that Dan looking at Jay? It's just a little pixelated. Louis' style brings a whole other perspective to the show.

You don't even think about it till now that we're in it. It's kind of cool. Look who's happy to kick me when I'm down. Dickhead Jacob. Dude, the Jacob, the Jacob Lube is. Look, you're great. I'm just saying this is like a new thing. Look how humiliating his camera is on his phone. You gotta see the product too.

It's all blurry and shitty and dirty. Do me a favor, take them though, because these will be the most than it is going to be hilarious. Well, we want just grainy day of, when you guys freaky Friday. It's a DJ loop grainy footage. He's gone.

I think that's today. We have no drops in terrible video. And then how my God. God, let's get. Oh, this is his main sit. Again, these are all things that are so much more streamed line now in the last 20 years. Like so he has like the state of the art stuff back then.

It's funny. You're like, oh, look at that big clunky thing. Dude, if I had a big controller like that, I'd be like, this thing better move this house. Yeah. Is this house going to be here? Can I turn this into a robot? Yeah. And then we can fight, you know, other houses.

Yeah. Can I battle the other mansions in the area? Dude, I'm a no limit soldier. I thought I told you. I can control the whole house. You know what I'm saying? I can control the curtains. I can control the security system.

My wife. Everything happening in the house happens right here. This is me and my daughter, so y'all know how important I am. Dude, dramatic black people, professional pictures are the funniest the funniest shirtless with your baby are the funny dude It was so already football you said a great bit about that some of the times changing Yeah, he's like the pictures of me with my dad. He's like it's got up You know, he's like I have to wear like a suit or something and his daddy wearing a suit and didn't even smile a picture like look firm He goes in the pictures already in his son. They're both wearing the same, like, ripped up jeans.

Like, what are you fucking? Dude, mine was always, my picture was in me and my mom, with a single mom with the only child at, like, came art, or, yeah, JC Penet, this is me standing behind her, and she's like, I'm doing it, I'm doing it without a man. I gotta tell you this. I'm behind, like, the days of the fucking portrait studio or done

I don't know. I think we need to jump in there. We need to jump in there before it shuts down We need a full-body family portrait. We really do January 2022. We just that pull down backdrop me and you laying down Side to side on a plastic log dude. Jacob up on a ladder with his arm log dude Jacob up on a ladder with his arm looking back I didn't notice I still wanna do that Yeah dude let's do it let's go to jc pennies

January of 2022 We really have to get done Sears as a portrait studio Let's find one In the best of camearts still had them Camearts RIP dude pretty much The studio Yeah let's look for one though

Can we look for one and then not I don't wanna have a camper take the photo I want someone that doesn't know us So there's that awkwardness of like okay guys. Well, they said this is a group of friends. This will be fun They said robin quiver as they always made fun of her for having a big huge painting of herself in her house Yeah, I think having a giant picture of yourself is fucking crazy a Corrine Fisher's got a mural of herself

on the wall painting. Yeah, it's wild. No. It's wild. It's like two stories. Dad, no. Yeah, that is fucking insane. No.

That's funny. By the way, I think it's like a Tajri or something. I think it's like in Panies or something like a salacious. She knows it's funny. Oh, she knows it's funny. Oh yeah. Sure, take it seriously.

She wanted it done enough, but like I think she laughs at it. Dude, I think she gets what's ridiculous. All like my show posters or whatever, or anything that's important, I just send a trish because I'm like, I don't want that in my house. I have a what you fucking deal poster hanging in my place. Yeah, it's cool, but it's not a picture of me.

Yeah, exactly. I wouldn't do that. My mom wanted one of the HBO posters, so they sent it to her. It's upstairs in her townhouse. I don't have to see it. I don't want that. In my house. Yeah, I get it.

It's weird as hell. I fully get it. I don't think you do. If you had though, like, say you had like a studio or something in your house where you could put up posts like that. Like an office? Yeah.

Would you do it there? Yeah. I think if I had an office, I would put up bonfire posters. It's a group. I wouldn't do anything solo unless it was like- No, your specials? I mean, that doesn't make- That's not crazy.

Again, I like it more giving it to my mom and being like, you brag about it. So when someone comes in to a house, she's like, hey, my son's been on HBO. And they're like, how fuck that's cool? If there's a good live a webster, all the thing with me walking out of the... That's a cool picture though, that you have on your fridge, with the fucking steam going. Yeah, that's cool.

So I put a picture of that up. But again, it wouldn't just be my living room. I definitely, it would be like in my podcast studio, or whatever, you know what I mean? I have a little cover up. I just want an office so I can put up like my gay posters that I know Katie won't let fly think they're album cover up. I just want an office so I can put up like my gay posters that I know Katie won't let fly when we get a place together.

Like my wrestling posters and stuff. Or she's like, no, that's not going in the living room. I'm like, I got it on billions and it's hell in the cell poster. I still have like a sublime poster rolled up. Yeah, you want your office? Yeah, did I have a quarter of my closet and my apartment is like stuff that I know I'll have to like Have to be successful enough to get an office for this

It's ain't your man was like hey, man You got to put up that WWE heavyweight championship belt and I'm like that goes in the office It's office material. It's office like Sal got me the intercontinental title and I'm like I won't put that up Office, yeah, but this this like a oil painting. I mean, it's wide. Man, I can't wait to get a portrait done of all of us. And put it big, we're all sure it was here.

There's a GC pennies, right? On 34th, that thing. Can we do a thing where we're all naked and aligned together, you know? Like, like our knees, like we're all, and then Jacob's in the front, holding his knees to him. I love it.

Dude, I want to do a bunch of portraits. I want to spend a good day doing portraits. Like, when Jay and I are off the road, a week in January, I don't think I'm on the road at all. Some outfits. Yeah, because I did the thing in January where I was like, 49ers might be in the playoffs and now I'm like, I don't know, last night.

Last night looked fucking great. They won? The crushed the Rams. Last night, look, fucking great. They won. Crushed the Rams. Really? 31 to 7. Wow. Beat the piss out of them. Honestly, it was unbelievable the whole game.

Black Lou texted me and I was like, I don't want to, what did I say? I go, I don't want to count this yet because of Kyle's history of comebacks. They have having comebacks on them, but they kicked the shit out of the Rams and it was very fun to watch. Wow, nice.

I don't know if you, did you watch the whole game? Did you see that linebacker make that hit where his face mask got bent? Alja here. He fucking hit a guy so hard he got up and it was like crooked and you're like damn. Yeah. Well, we're probably going to lose the Jacksonville this week. It's like one of those things where you get a little confident and then you're like, and we're going to lose the Trevor. He goes up great, but I what it doesn't mean anything.

But this portrait will be in 2020, getting a good portrait, let's do it in January. Yeah, I like it. We can all, like you know the picture of your dad with your brothers and jammies. We should all do a jammie picture. Jammy's for sure. We should do a, we should have the campers vote on it.

We should do a jammie, we should do a formal. We sit on giant presents. Yeah, without sitting on giant presents. But I'll be January, so we'll be past Christmas. They probably have that stuff down. Oh, we could fall. Valentine's Day. We could all be elves.

How about, I like that. I was thinking Valentine's Day photo, it could be you and Christine, and then all of us are cupids shooting our arrows. We're all in our diapers shooting arrows at you guys. And it's you two holding hands like this in love. I would love that. How are you so fun?

Well, yeah, let's start kicking it around. And if you know of any good crusty, we don't want like actual good portraits. We want like Sears, JC Penny, right down the line. I'd say the Kmart if you can make that work. And then I want a solo portrait of DJ Liu. I want to get portraits in a place that's still has a lay away. I can get a couch on payments. Yeah, I want that. Let's get back to Masterpiece House because you've just touched the surface of the dumb shit this guy has.

I don't know, like, painting cut rules. I want to buy that painting for my house. I'm going to go, who is that? I go, that's Masterpiece. Masterpiece is daughter. I would say, Dan, that a DJ, Lou Portrait will go in my office, like right above my desk. If we can do that happens. If we can do it, I would, like, I wouldn't mean the world to me.

I would love to. This Rogers, dude. Him and an ass nail it him and an ass Scott With a marble lightness fingers. Oh in the Met's hat But he's got a fancy blazer on with the ass Oh Yeah, but light in the martini glass and a cigarette holder like the long ones like a fancy lady for 40s absolutely Chris Rogers can make this happen He can paint it. Yeah, oh man. You want a portrait of you, Lou? I'll commission that.

I will commission it too. We will both send Chris Rogers Venmos. Blackwood. He has to have something in his hand though. Secret. The bunny. Oh, it's not a petting a bunny. Petting a bunny.

Oh, it's holding a bunny like a rich man. Holding a bunny. Yeah, dude. Shout out to the off-tatt. Shout out to the off-tatt. Ascot. Yes. Ascot, Metat. And shout out to the the studio bunny oversized bunny that we should have had by now

Yeah, shout out oversized bunny oversized bunny and crazy giant bunny Brandy's Brandy Snifter what am still in it though just with am stellar BL dud light or am still That's what I said. I said I'm still a little amstel's your thing. Yeah, look at that big old rabbit, dude We could have had him in studio that's the nightmareish fat rabbit. I called every Place in the country to get a bunny a giant bunny in the studio really couldn't get it done No way, dude. I want it. They don't exist in pictures in Donnie Darko Dude, I oh man, I could take that big bunny home and that that bunny and myrtle could be best friends. I bet it's got an evil bite. Nope. I bet it's very sweet. I think He looked at his little nose

Dude, we got to get you a naked and afraid. I Watch naked and afraid XL. I want you on it. No way. I wouldn't survive drama continuously. I'm not trying hard giant rabbit that died after United flight Dude the the carcass of a dead giant rabbit has to be creepy Dude I think it's a midget the suit dude the heft of a regular rabbit The heft of a regular rabbit would fucking that girl He'll be out feeling it dead let alone one that weighs as much as a per a little person yeah dude just think it's a little person inside a suit look at that look at that bitch she got two big old rabbits rabbits one never look happy

I know they always look like they're fuck your butt yeah they really they have a face like you're not touching them they're so fucking tired what the fuck you do and dude they're unpleasant as hell Ten largest rap breeds in the world now dude I Could kill these with reckless abandon wouldn't feel bad at all. No soft bunnies, dude a hook rock mental giant look at that I would hook rocks of these things now you wouldn't you'd fall in love with it It kiss you now dude that thing looks like from another dimension of evil. No dude. You're coming kiss you You'd love it Trying to get a giant bunny in the studio like Spanish giant. He's this fat gut. This is lounging Jacob, I don't know if you can see these pictures, but I'll tell you right now three of these would beat you in a fight

No, I know I've seen I've seen Jacob I'd get you a whole I'd have you drive a sled pulled by giant rabbits I'd have you drive a sled pulled by giant rabbits. No. That would be your sleigh ride would just be fucking eight giant rabbits. I'd say honestly you could fuck this thing. I would never want to fuck a giant rabbit. I would only want to. Dude nobody wants to.

Don't keep creep. Hold it on the couch like this. Don't be creep dude. Nobody wants to fuck a rabbit. I'm just saying you could really get a grip on it and missionary this thing. Oh my God, you could blast that rabbit ass. Yeah, most animals I think you have to approach from behind.

But I'm telling you this rabbit, you could fucking look at right in the eyes. It'll put its hands on your ass cheeks. It's a little paws, it's a little rabbit's feet on your butt cheeks and push you into it. And be like, give me it. Yeah, give me a real slut. I'm a rabbit slut.

Look at that little kid with that giant rabbit. Tell me that looks fun. Come on, man. I think I think the giant rats real. Oh, yeah. That's a good point. Christine, I'm gonna tie you to a bed. Sorry, if this is my Wu Tang torture,

I'm gonna tie you to a bed naked, put a carrot in your snatch and let one of these things loose on you. They're nibble a little and then they're going snug. That what you think? Nah, dude, it would eat right through her body. Oh, it wouldn't. Rapids are this their to love.

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