The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - LeMaire Lee & Marcus King

Episode Date: January 23, 2025

Bobby tells a story about surfing with Dane Cook when comic LeMaire Lee walks in. Jay is wearing a western shirt because musician Marcus King joins in the fun. Bobby laments how cool Marcus is while LeMaire is soft and cuddly. Both Marcus and Bobby dress flamboyantly when they first lose some weight. Jay remembers when he first met Bob and he was the king of the college gigs. The collegiate audiences didn't care for Jay's brand of raunchy comedy. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Olkerson and Robert Kelly Your mics not on Wow that was disrespectful you disrespect me in front of Paco Right in front of Paco you disrespect me in front of the Filipino boy you just respect me flat Filipino face How did I just respect you tardiness will not be accepted? Oh, really? Oh three There's Lou going to gear six right out of the gate Fucking hack this guy's got no vices anymore to fucking gonna stretch your ass Buddy I

Didn't know it was assimilation day What do you mean? What do I mean? You just like a cowboy? What do you mean? What do I mean? You're dressed like a cowboy. We have a cowboy coming in. A country singer. Is this dressed like a cowboy?

Buddy, I have a shirt. I would have worn my assimilation shirt. What? I don't understand what you're saying assimilate. I know what the word means, but I don't know what you're saying. You're assimilating because you have. No, I do look. I got my gloves on.

You got Marcus King shirt on. My nails are pink. Marcus King is coming in today. You have a shirt that when he walks in. Yeah. I guarantee he's going to go, hey man, I like that shirt. I like that shirt. I like that shirt.

I like that shirt. I like that shirt. I like that shirt. I like that shirt. I like that shirt. is coming in today. You have a shirt that when he walks in, I guarantee he's going to go, hey man, I like that shirt, Jay. That's a great shirt. Maybe. I have a new shirt too.

Why wouldn't you think of it? This is not new at all. This is my moon tower. Country, Austin. I wear a Jelly Rolls roast. Country, Nashville. I don't know, it's kind of going with the vibe, what I'm feeling like on that day for whatever reason. Jelly Rolls, Jelly Rolls Roast? Country, Nashville. I don't know, it's kind of go with the vibe,

what I'm feeling like on that day for whatever reason. Buddy, you could have just sent out, hey bro, we should wear our country stuff today. Marcus King's coming in. Well, on a funnier note, ooh. On a funnier note? Are you saying that that's not funny? Because I don't think it's funny.

No, the situation is not funny because you feel like I hurt you. You didn't hurt me. You confused me. I didn't confuse you. You confused me. Well, you knew Marcus King was coming in today. Yeah, but I didn't know we were assimilating.

I'm not assimilating anything. This is a shirt I have. It's not a shirt you have. It's a shirt you wear when you assimilate. When do I have to assimilate? When you go to country places for country things with country people. Is Jelly Rolls thing a country thing? I mean, yeah for country things with country people this jelly roll sing a country thing I mean, yeah roast. No, he's a country hanging out with Cole Howser and Kid Rock and stuff

Yeah country country country. Oh, it sounds like wiggle wiggle wiggle Whoo, thank God you saved that Thank God you you came in with a button at the end of that. Look, what's up, buddy? Is it a nice shirt? Sure, I guess. Whatever, dude. I have a brand new shirt that I bought over the summer that I've been waiting to wear. Can I tell you gentlemen that there was a time when if I sat down wearing this shirt though, these buttons weren't staying closed. No. Oh, yeah. No way. 100%.

I'm acting. Oh. Literally being sarcastic right now. What are you, Dutch? Is this possible? Fuck it, asshole. Is this even possible? Are you watching CNN before the show?

What's going on, dude? Sorry. Did you get my special treat? I don't know what that means. My thing that I asked you to get me? You asked me to get you something? Christine? Sorry, did you get my special treat? You asked me to get you something Christine I Forgot, but Lou had him he saved the day zin's we're talking about zin's here buddy. I Left a little late Got in the car Took the wrong exit got into traffic

Called Christine my I'm gonna be a probably time. I just take the wrong exit. I'm asking that because are you following GPS a lot? Sunlight was coming through. I look down, I'm on like two miles on the gas tank. I gotta get gas. I'm 24 miles away. I'm not gonna make it. So I say, hey Siri, get me gas, which is another map.

I use Google Map. So then I go over to Google map. It says two and a half miles away gas station blah blah blah Sun's hitting my eyes. I think it's saying take a right. I just go right I get on another parkway There's the sawmill then there's the spring. I go in spring book takes me. I don't even know where I went I wind up in Valhalla book takes me I don't even know where I went I wind up in Valhalla not even near the gas stations I was going to Valhalla the ancient place of death I did I went through a portal and there I saw Thor and he granted me gas Valhalla the Vikings heaven I want up it's a town that's a real wrong exit for sure And then Icarus pointed me back to the path Icarus a sucker my Buddy I'm can I say something? Yeah

You're too old. You're too responsible Yeah to get down to leaving for work and being in a position where you're two miles left of gas I'll tell you can I say something to you don't ever say that to me again because I'm never late. I'm always on time I got stabbed. I'm not I got fucking attacked by an a. I'm gonna say that word. I'm gonna say a person No, I'm gonna see a person with issues the color of Haitian people. No, he's the color of Dominican people No, let's do it. I want to see you get Anthony Cunha fired What does this person do to you? You talk to Mike Fennoy today? Just get him to say, get him to say something.

Just reel him in, dude. You can get him. The Boston will come out. You will get him, dude. The Boston will flow through him eventually. Dude, you look over. It's the same thing. Buddy, no gas.

I actually, for the first time in my life, went to zero. I'm not, I'm not at all. I feel like you're attacking me. Attacking you for, you weren't late. You got your own time. I was right on time. You were right on time. But I'm saying, but you were here before the show started.

That's all that matters. The things I had to do to do that. And listen, we cover each other. That can't be the case sometimes. That's not an issue either. I'm saying, I can't believe you're in a position of On the way to work leaving a little bit late and you're I feel like you'd be the You know, I got two miles left. I'm filling up tonight not deal with this tomorrow

You know Dawn said a long time ago to me I think years ago which really affected me and kind of hurt my feelings She goes, you know, my dad always would take my car and make sure that it was always full. He would go in and check my car, and if it wasn't full, he'd take it down and make sure it was full. I've heard of that shit.

He was probably cheating on her mother. That's like real, that's make up for something shit. Yeah, you know, you might be right. Yeah, I think her dad was cheating on her mother. Yeah, she was. You should tell that to her whenever she goes, you know, my father would always make sure there was gas in my car. It was cheating on your mom So yeah, you want to make sure what he would do is he would say?

Oh, I'm gonna go fill up so and so's car Yeah, then you go fuck somebody and come back with a full tank against the door That was his penance his guilt. Yeah, you get you he needed a full tank of gas to go to the French Club to bang one of those Exactly, yeah, so whenever she starts stroking herself off about her dumb dad you let her know to bang one of those old waitresses. Yes. Exactly. Yeah. So whenever she starts stroking herself off about her dumb dad, you let her know. Yeah, he's a piece of shit.

He's a piece of shit who was cheating on your mother and using you to make himself feel better. Yeah. Well, I... Enjoy your petrol. She always fills the tanks. I... She's cheating on you now. I hope so. How happy would I be?

Great. Now she's seeing somebody else. I'd be like, listen, we're not leaving each other, but let me know. Oh, I'd be a pig on the road. No, I usually, I never, we'll switch. Like, I'll take the truck, I'll check the truck. I didn't even look, because I was so late. It was, and then I spilled,

I spilled protein shake on my hoodie. My brand new Kahluns hoodie. you've been to Kahloun's What is it dude? It's the best Chinese restaurant on planet earth. It's Polynesian Chinese Oh, it's the I looked at Paco for that like he's Polynesian He's just you do have a Polynesian rock face. Would you mind doing a hula dance while we talk this next part? Yeah, a little hula dance for us Paco Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka Where you wanna

I really wanna And you can dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka scrape in between your balls and your thighs and get some koi for us? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, these guys look just like Paco. Not one Hawaiian is in full shape. In real life, yeah. No, they're all kind of in shape. Yeah, these are all the guys that are going off the USC. Yeah, these are all the guys that are fighting pigs and getting coconuts.

Isn't Hawaii just like a training ground for USC college football? The whole team's like Haka Makahwea and Huyka Waka Hui and Banga Waka Wiki. Kowloon's is the best, dude, next time you're in Boston. Isn't the same, wasn't Polynesian Chinese food what the Hukilau was? Yeah, but not as good.

This place is better. Yeah, the Kowloon's is the best. Kowloon's is the best Chinese food in Boston. One of the best places. It's in Saugus, Massachusetts. Saugus. Nick's Comedy Club was where me, Burb, Dane, we all started in that club.

So what was it? Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, they'd have a show there. And we'd all go to Kahluns and do shows every night. But you said, have you ever been there? And when I said no, how is that possible? It's in Saugus, Massachusetts. It's not even in Boston.

Well, that's what you do when you're actually telling something about somebody. You go, how? How is that possible? It's called dramatic effect. It's storytelling, Jay. I'm trying to get better at it. Bobby, did you ever go to Alpha?

Bobby, did you ever go to Alpha's Pizza House, my old neighborhood in West Philly? It's been shut down for about 35 years. No. No? How did you never run into? Haverford Avenue I don't know it was owned by the family of a kid who went to school with me. You're this is not ringing a bell for you

It's crazy, dude. It's fucking nuts. How did this happen? It's like a crazy place buddy. It is The best we do next time you go to Boston basic Americana Chinese. Yeah. Well, it's a Polynesian Chinese, which is different You guys in New York have sweet and sour have, which is different. You guys in New York have Chinese food. Don't you guys in New York? This isn't my place. Why are you so combative today? You're combative today. Am I? You snapped at me.

You said, first of all, don't ever say I'm late. I'm never late. I didn't even say you were late. You were about to say I was late. I wasn't about to say you were late. I was saying that you should... Take this. Sorry. I was about to say I was late. I wasn't about to say you were late. I was saying. Well, how's this? That you should, you. Take this. Sorry. Mm.

Hey, you know what? We all make mistakes. I caught it in my mouth. I feel like you're gonna make Christine wanna get Chinese food for dinner. It does sound good. Also Jay, you've been in New York longer than you were in Philly and Jersey.

Huh? You've been in New York longer than you were in Philly and Jersey at this point. Thank you, Christine. What does that mean? That means you're a New Yorker. You're not a Philly guy. You're a New Yorker, too Sure when I say you guys it's you guys Okay, you're a good guy, but you've been here. You should say us guys

Nobody says us guys. That's gay Us boys have been here Jay us, us boys. Christine, can you buy us some Calhoun merch, please, so when everybody asks me again, I can just lie and say I was there so they don't condemn me in the room. Look at the front, man. Look how great that is. It looks like a casino. It's so big and so awesome. And the comedy club, we should go there.

Next time you're there, if you go in like a day early, maybe I'll come in and we'll just go see if we can get up at Nick's and just go fuck around. It's still a comedy place? Still a comedy place. Really? Upstairs in the columns little tiny little tiny stage it's so fucking weird. I mean Nick's comedy stuff was like legendary place for the Boston guys. Well Nick's downtown was the the place. Nick's downtown was the Knicks. This is the offshoot Nix that we made our bones at. Before we kinda got in, Downtown, you went here, and you did like open mics were here. So we would, Wednesday nights, Sunday nights,

we'd all be down here, and we'd come, Friday nights we'd try to get on and host and all that shit. What was Dean Kucly? He was. Was he a dreamboat then? No, he wasn't. He became a dreamboat. I think, uh... Did he get styled or did he choose all those things?

Because, like, he worked the times perfectly. Yeah. He... There was a... He was the Maroon 5 of comedy. I mean, he just caught the time. When I first met him, it was like this little nerd that became this cool dude. Yeah. Yeah, it was a... I think it was like this little nerd that became this cool dude. Yeah. Yeah, I think it was a plan.

When I first met him, dude, he was, I wish I had this photo. I'll look for this photo. I have a photo of him with Farrah Fawcett, almost like, what was the Hardy Boys? Remember their hair? Sure, feathered. He had feathered hair. Yeah. Parker Stevenson. Yeah, he had feathered hair. Parker Stevenson.

Yeah, he had feathered hair, and he did a photo shoot of him coming out of the water with his jeans undone, with just the top of his bush fat coming out. I have this photo somewhere, God damn it, I wanna release this photo. Yeah, he became a good looking dude, but if you look at his first thing,

he was just a nerdy dude with a tank top. The fall-off has just been... It's gotta be crushing, dude, because he was... And again, it's such a telling thing of how long I've been in comedy. When I first got into comedy, that's what he said, he was like the dude. You know what I mean? And I said, I just remember,

I was opening for him at Carolines, and he was just like, there's a line of the hottest ass Begging to fuck him. I mean brow you don't even and then areas there was girl. Yeah, I mean that picture is brutes What's that? It's brutal with Kelsey. Oh god. Who is that? Who is she with? That's dame yes, oh shit Wow her other old boyfriend Holy Lord sure thing it says the 45 year old funny man. Is he live at his age?

If he's saying that's an old photo. She's 19 in this photo. Yes, 19 Jacob you know exact age. I'm sure I think Kelsey's 26. Okay, so hang on six. No. No, that's what it's posted. Okay So that's seven years later. So he's 52 52 yeah, he was two years younger than me, but he did at some point He wouldn't they don't lie about their age in Hollywood. They don't tell you their age You know, I mean, it's like how old you I don't tell people it's too much. There's too many ways to find now I know but it's just a waste of time. What the fuck man, you know, although there, how old are you? I don't tell people. Why? It's too much. There's too many ways to find it now. I know, but it's just... Lying is a waste of time.

What the fuck, man? You know? Although... There is a photo of... I don't know if I told this story to you. We went to Maui once and we were boogie boarding. Yeah. We were both fat, but he was fat.

And there was a... This is right after his big tour. He was on fire. And we went to Maui and we were boogie boarding. And at one point, his boogie board, we had caught a wave together. His boogie board went on top of mine and we rode a wave in together.

And it was just us screaming like, yee, oh my God, you were wet. And TMZ, somebody was there and took a photo. And there's a photo of him like fat and buddy this photo is terrible what's up baby sit your ass down Lamar sit your fucking ass down what's up buddy it's our good friend Lamar Lee

that's a chair of confidence we like to take your confidence away when you sit down. When you walk in a little confident, we like to. Sweaty. What's up, buddy? How are you guys? Your dreads are popping on fire. Dude, they're very bad right now. In from Austin, Texas via Iledelf.

Dude, you got the Texas shirt on. Yeah, yeah, I'm prepared. What? I would've worn mine. I just woke up with a vibe today that like, Marcus King's coming in. Marcus King's coming in? Yeah, yeah.

Fuck yeah. He's coming in, and Bobby's now worried that he's gonna think my shirt's really cool because I just put on whatever. You didn't put on whatever, you chose it. No, I saw it in the closet. I was like, holy shit. Yeah, this would be great to wear

when country people were coming in. I didn't overthink that. Like, here's the thing. Maybe that was like a saw it in the closet. I was like, holy shit. Yeah, this would be great to wear when country people were coming in. I didn't overthink that. Like, here's the thing. Maybe that was like a tickle in the back of my head saying that like, oh, you know what? You know, oh, there's Marcus is coming in. He's country.

And maybe I'll wear my country shit. But. No, I think I just grabbed it. I was like, yeah, why don't I wear this today? Yeah, why not look like, why don't I assimilate to what he likes? But what do you mean by assimilation? Are you implying that the shirt is not mine?

It's yours, but it's not your thing. What do you mean? You wear, I don't know, you wear the same thing every day, 365 days a year, except when somebody country's coming in, or you're going to a country place. No, that's true. It's 100% true. What if he's always wearing that under the hoodie?

You don't even know what I wear under those hoodies Yeah, I do. It's a tank top country western shit I was just look I didn't wear my championship belt buckle My rodeo belt buckle, but that's for a multitude of reasons one. It will start making my underbelly bleed One, it will start making my underbelly bleed. Yeah. Fat people can't win rodeos or it's a wrap.

They're gonna get hurt. I told you, I got that rock. It said rock and diamonds. And I've got fat. And I had a... One night, I was just... I was bleeding under my stomach because the R was just sticking into my gut, cutting my stomach open. Did you ever get a full outline of the word

rock upside down in your belly? Now a belt, and I said the belt, the belt pain on a fat guy, the sad part is you don't even feel it. At one point later in the day you'll feel a little bit of maybe almost like a burn. Like a sting, dude. Like a burn, yeah, yeah. And what's the sweat getting there? And you go, you go, oh shit, it goes, maybe it's a little raw in there. And then it's when you take the belt off,

and it's like a, I say it's like a toothy blow job. You find out later when those scrapes raise. When you, well I used to get it when I flew, and you sit down, and then when you get up, it's like bone pain. Right where the belt buckle was, it's like, it's such a inner hurting bone pain, and you have to kind of rub it to get it out.

Yeah. It's a fat branding. Yeah. It does. It's a burn. Yeah. Fat branding. It's a burn feeling.

Belt buckle. It hurts. It hurts. But you were on and off fat growing up, Bobby. You get thin and then fat. Did you have recurring problems? It's so weird, the problems I don't have now. You get thin and then fat growing up, Bobby? You get thin and then fat. Did you have recurring prob... It's so weird, the problems I don't have now,

but when I was... Definitely weighed less as a kid at times, but my fat issues were so fat. The underarm fucking red rub... Oh. ...was one of the most intense pains you'd feel in your... And when it had that, and when I ended up... A coach ended up calling it one day crotch rot rot It's the worst which is yes your inner thighs

I guess being wet and this is when underwear was all when you were a kid You were tidy white ease until you figured out boxers which weren't helpful and then boxer briefs that were made of cotton which weren't helpful Because they become baggy eventually anyway, and a little fat boys thighs rubbing together that pain I remember forgetting being a little boy boy's thighs rubbing together. That pain. I remember, forget even being a little boy, when I was like 18, I did a bus trip thing. It was like a radio bus trip to go down with my, I went with my girlfriend to go see Metallica corn, system of a down in Maryland.

And the bus is parked like a mile away from the thing in the summer. And just that rub, when, it was so humiliating. My girlfriend, by the way, was like a mile away from the thing in the summer. And just that rub, it was so humiliating. My girlfriend, by the way, was like cute and tiny. And the embarrassment I felt for her when she had like watching me like stumble back to this bus at the end of the concert because my legs were just like.

It was like, you shit your pants. And then later, and then later has to get in a bed with me and watch me like cream my inner thighs because they're just blotched. But before the cream. It's fucking horrible But before the cream. It's fucking horrible. Before the cream, you did baby powder,

which made it look like your balls had a yeast infection. Oh yeah. By the end of the night. It did, it looked like fucking crusty AIDS lesions. Yeah, it was fucking gross. Just powdering a red psoriasis scrape. Yeah. Ugh.

Dude, there's like a, I get like the bubbles. Like I don't, you know. Blech. There's like, I get, the bubbles. I have oily skin so it's kind of like blistery when I rub. It just blisters. It's brutal. That's brutal. Fat, your underwear elastic at the end of the night, when you would take your underwear off and there would just be that red fucking line of,

you know what I mean? It's like you take it off and there's just a red line for like a couple hours. Well, I'll tell you the other one that hurts too. And certain brands will do this with your underwear. You know how they say like you get bacon neck because your neck starts to sweat and then the shirt gets like the bacon neck

and some shirts promise that won't happen to you? Bacon, bacon, they call it bacon neck because it looks like. No, but what shirt promises no bacon neck? Oh, there's, Christine look that up. No bacon neck shirt for sure. It might even be like a Hanes. It might be like Hanes or something.

This is nothing you have to worry about Jacob. Is that what it is? This is not your world. All right, just stay out of this. But Hanes commercials will say you buy the bacon neck. Don't worry fat guys, we got you. It's fat day on the bonfire, no, the bacon neck. Yeah, don't worry fat guys So bacon neck what will happen on certain shittier Not necessarily inexpensive brands of underwear, but I'll say it out loud and suck on this Kim Kardashian

skims underwear presents bacon elastic at the top of the underwear. The elastic starts getting like wavy and you're like, am I doing this somehow? They're my size. You're stretching it out with sweat and gut. Fuckin' gut sweat. That's the official underwear of the NBA.

You can't steam something with your stomach four days in a row. And not have it be effective. And not take shape? Yeah. Yeah, dude. Steamed something with your stomach four days in a row Yeah, dude, well you tell you what t-shirt doesn't do that true classic No, you were v-necks. I wear but I don't make a v-neck. No the crew necks Don't don't bacon neck guarantee that hundred percent guaranteed two classes calm The shirt for fat guys the shirt when I watched them put them all in those commercials. in my algorithm don't worry you say enough Bobby you've done your job for two places are you shill I got so fat I had to change my socks my socks you'd go into were longer no cuz why would take

my socks off and the imprint of the sock would be on my fucking ankle and foot that's terrifying yeah that was bad I remember one time Dawn came in the room and I was like, my feet feel wet. And she came in and she pushed up my shin and her finger imprint stayed in my shin. Eww. She's like, you gotta go see the doctor. You're holding shape.

I'm holding, I'm holding. That's not good. I was holding water. I was like a stress doll. You're holding sheep. Bobby, what age were you for your first? Sixth grade. When my mother left my evil stepfather. You finally got to eat? When we moved into the house and I was alone a lot,

I started just showering. Food, that's when I really made food my friend. Was there a long period to the next one? No, well, no, because I got fat, and then my sixth grade teacher, Mr. DiPersio, who was an in-shape Italian guy, loved jogging, kind of saw that I was getting fucked up, took me under his wing, but he was a marathon guy,

so he got me to start running. So I started running, and we were at this sixth grade Olympics, and I was a little fat Bobby, and he came up to me and he goes, Kelly! It was the 440, it's once around the track, and he goes, I want you to win, Kelly! I want you to win this for me, Kelly! And I was like, okay, Mr. D.

But against a real thin little black dude who was fast as shit. And his name was Eddie. And I remember I ran, I could feel my tits bouncing. And I ran and I won the 440. And he's like, you did it, Kelly, you did it. And I won it by a hair. And then I started running marathons.

I run a mile marathon, I forget what they call that. Then I ran a five mile marathon. A mile marathon's called a mile. It's not a marathon. That's crazy. I mean, you say potato, I say batata. And I love both. And I love both.

The other day I did a marathon from my house to the corner to get the mail. Then I marathoned home. It was a mini, mini-mare. No, it was not. They think they call it a mini-mare. No. It's a mini-mare. Mini-mare.

If you said six miles, I'd go. I did a five mile, which is some. It's a 5K. 5K. 5K sounds cooler. That's not five miles either. I like a 5K. Yeah, who needs marathons?

I remember at one point I had to take a stick and like hold it in my hand and squeeze it because it hurts so much. 5k sounds cooler. I like a 5k. Yeah, who needs marathons? I remember at one point I had to take a stick and like hold it in my hand and squeeze it because it hurts so much. Isn't a 5k like 10 miles? No, it's less than 5 miles. It's like three and a half miles. Bobby, do me a favor. Can you get one of those little oval stickers and put on the back of your car that says one mile? One mile, sure. I'll get one and I'll get a five because I did a five too.

Now, a 5k is an actual thing, but just a one mile. One mile, sure. I'll get one and I'll get a five, because I did a five too. Now, a 5K is an actual thing, but just a one mile, but the circle, where everyone else has like the 13, whatever, the 26, you're going to have one. Have you ever ran a mile? No.

Oh, I guess, yeah, high school, I guess we had to, yeah. Straight through? Straight through, no. Straight through, yeah. Not a chance, no. Never once, dude. No.

Not a chance. We were doing two minutes on, like one minute, like two minutes run, one minute walk for a while. I'm not even very, I'm not even particularly. You did fat running? Hey Paco, you play basketball with me, I'm not necessarily particularly slow, like in the movements, but I'm distance, there's no. Did you guys play today? No, no, no.

Yeah, distance is a motherfucker. I hate running. I'm no endurance.'s no... Did you guys play today? No, no, no. Yeah, distance is a motherfucker. I don't... I hate... I'm no endurance. Running is the worst sport. No, I know, I'm envious when I see like, when people say, Ralph, they used to SDR show with, Ralph fucking runs every morning, like miles and miles.

Like fucking Frankenstein? I know. You can tell his root, because he leaves his footprints in the concrete. That's him? Yeah, yeah. He's too tall to be running. All that impact, dude.

On his knees. I bet it's a motherfucker. But it's just honestly, I don't enjoy the action. I could play basketball for hours. I'd be happy to play basketball for hours, because I enjoy doing it. And it's also not straight through. There is like break and hold and check the ball

and all that stuff. So you do get to kind of stop the action here and there. But I have fun doing it, so I'll do that for as long as we can. But running, I do not fucking enjoy it. I'm telling you, if you have to run for five straight minutes, it's like the most excruciating, I can't. It's because it's mentally boring as fuck.

Yeah, I hate it. If I'm listening to something, so I'm not really listening to it, I'm focusing that I'm running. Yeah, then you have to concentrate on your breathing, you're gonna cramp up. It's running. Blow me!

And I hate when I see these guys running around the city. Mm-hmm, clothesline them. And then... Lariat. I'm gonna ride a bicycle that's got two poles coming out of it. You know who runs a lot? Michelle Wolf is a big runner.

Yeah, what's she running from? Her freckly shadow. Trying to outrun her freckles. Not gonna happen, Ginge. Your father's disappointment. Wherever you go, wherever you go, there they are. I didn't know you could run into her job. You can.

I forgot. I forgot she's a Muslim now. Man, any religion's gonna let you cover all those freckles up, I get it. If I was freckly like that, I'd only show you my eyes too. Yeah. Yeah, so that's- Do you guys have rat beef with Mo's death now?

I don't know, I'm just kidding, I love Michelle. Yeah. He's trappin' after you. Yeah, that was my first one, that was my first fat. My first fat was sixth grade. Got out of it pretty quick. Second fat, my second fat was after I got sober when I got out of rehab. Thirteen? I know, fifteen, sixteen. You were boring doing? That's why you do it. Yeah, and that's it.

Then I got my girlfriend and I wound up, was shredded for her, and then I got fat with her. We both got fat. Ew. But she got fatter, which sucked. Oh, that does suck. I remember, I knew the relationship was over. We got, we were both tubs of shit,

and we both got a large pizza, two large tuna melts, and a liter of Coke, and we sat under a tree on a hot day and just ate them and then fell asleep like hippos. And I remember I woke up and I looked in her eye, and there was just a fly on it. And I was just like, this is over. This is fucking done. I do understand, though, really feeling like

you're supposed to be with a person who's agreed to get tuna and pizza with you I mean hot tuna and pizzas is a weird car. That's a crazy combination Yeah, I know but I that was when tuna melts like at first were introduced into my life I didn't know you could put melt cheese on a tuna was fascinating for months We consistently get tuna and cheesesteak What was your longest? We consistently get tuna and cheesesteak. That's different.

Cheesesteak, tromboli, and tuna hoagies. It's different. It's different. But tuna melt was fucking just eye-opening for me. I didn't know you. Change your life. I thought tuna was just cold. That's it.

Then when she was like, you want a tuna melt? And I was, I remember she said it fat too. You want to get a tuna melt? I was like, yeah. I don them out? I remember she said it fat too, you want to go tune them out? I was like, yeah. I don't know what the fuck that is. Bobby showed me a fat thing in Montreal. While you had just gotten your surgery, it was still a secret.

We were having, and we were going to have breakfast most mornings together, down at Expectation. And you were... Always makes me laugh, that name. I love that name. You were just acting like you were dieting. You were just acting like you were dieting. You were just acting like you were. Well, because I was embarrassed.

Right, I get it. And I didn't know if the surgery was gonna take, like what if my stomach ripped open? Oh, I thought you meant it wasn't gonna take like your stomach wouldn't accept it and just grew back. Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah.

Do you think your body's against you? I didn't know what was gonna happen. This time, Bobby. I didn't know what was gonna happen. We just did an x-ray Bobby your stomach is completely back to its normal shape No, but I didn't know too that all my friends were gonna fucking you know I didn't know a Zempik was coming out either that was that sucks such dick To know that you could have not made permanent changes to your inner body well They offered me Oh Zempic years before, but it was the diabetic thing.

Of course, but also- And I didn't wanna do that. But also when you first just like hear of it, you're like, it's guinea pig stuff. Well, yeah, she- It turned half the country on the president, because people were afraid to try new medicine. Well, yeah, the doctor was like,

you should try this new thing, it helps with pre-diabetes. And you're like, why, so you can microchip me and have the government control me and make me a Manchurian candidate? Fuck you, I listen to Dave Smith. I remember I said to her, I go. All day, all day.

I talked to my doctor like she was a coach. I was like, give me one more shot. Give me one more shot. Let me try it the regular way before I start injecting myself with something. Now that's crazy. And then they took the part out the thing that was ozempic that made you lose weight and they just made it that thing

two months after I got my surgery, which is so funny. I think ozempic on men is gay. Ozempic in plastic surgery is gay. I took ozempic before. I'm sorry, I'll stand on business if I have to. I mean, you're looking at a gay guy in a fucking country shirt right now. I take the Manjaro. Listen, listen, it's the same fucking thing. Manjaro, Ozempic, Fagola.

Ozempic's gay, Manjaro's totally butch. Look how good this country western shirt looks on him. Is that from Moon Tower? Is that one of the Moon Tower ones. Yeah. Look how good this country western shirt looks on you. Yeah. Is that from Moon Tower? Is that one of the Moon Tower ones? Yeah. No. It's the Moon Tower one. Alan's boots.

What's the longest in between FETs that you went? Oh, the longest in between. I probably, when I moved to New York, I was on point, and I stayed on point for a while, because I kind of had to. I didn't, like, you got at a point, which I don't know, maybe you called it a fet, but you were in shape when I met you.

Yep. You were small. I don't know if you were, like, muscly necessarily, but you were like a slim guy. Slim guy. And then we started doing, I started doing some colleges with you, and I started seeing your sexy-ass pictures.

But the same, but you were there, you were wearing Kango hat at this point more though, not hair out. Yeah, it was Puerto Rican bob. And you had like that line. The mustache. The thin mustache. And we were going around and you were a college sensation. They presented you with awards.

Naka comic of the year. I was 20 years old, I was 20, 21 years old. And I'm going up there, I'm like, these college kids will love me. And they did not enjoy my racist jokes, my sexist pornographic humor. And then Bobby, I mean, he was baby voicing them. And I'm telling you, they were going,

they were going, they came up. I mean, they had three people at a school, three hot chicks, bring them like a plaque they made to present me. It goes, you are like this school's college comic of the year. And I was like, what am I, how am I fucking this up so bad? Every place we went, they liked me less. I remember that. I mean, well, you know, you know, I wasn't doing good

I would call myself fat a bunch and that would get him but then I'd be like, you know with porn and blah blah blah Maybe like I don't want to hear this What difference does it make what color people are like? No, I'm not saying it makes it I was just doing a you know what Bobby Kelly everybody And Bobby's pictures he had like that that was the knee up, he's going, he's going. He's got his knee up on his thing and he's got his Kango hat on and an open shirt and he looks so good. We should introduce our guest.

Oh, that's true. You take it. I mean, wait, I guess it's coming in or I guess it's here. Oh no, did we introduce him with his whole thing? No, no, no. You yell at me for it. It's okay. Well, it's first, I mean, you have to say his name first in this one.

Now, Bobby, audible here. This one, because all of his things are his name. Right. If you say the name first, and I get caught in this a lot, I do it a lot. I fuck it up. It's hard. Right. I've done this before from the the Tim butterly show the hilarious

I'm like, it's just stupid. You gotta mm-hmm. You gotta forego it We have a great guest here, and I did say this already the hilarious Lamar Lee is joining us here Remember I said the whole Austin via Yeah, now my biggest credit you could follow them at the mayor Lee on all socials and for tour dates go to Lamar Lee dot fun L E M AI R E Lee I want to fucking bite his cheeks every time I see his face He is the most adorable comedian on the market right now I just want to fuck it. I want one.

Why don't you? I want you to get a bear costume. Black Lou, I love you, but you're not hugable. I walked in. Listen, dude, I walk in, you get a pound, and you have that vibe. Look at him. Look at his little hands.

I want to bite him. Love him. Fucking love him. Oh, is he coming in now? He's here early. Ooh. Ooh, should we? If he walks in and comments on your shirt right away,

I want an apology. From who? You. Why would I apologize for a man licking my shirt? I could have got my shirt. You could have. My new shirt. My new one.

You could have done this. I don't understand why this shirt, my new one. You could have done this. I don't understand why this is what my responsibility was. Because we're a team. We are a team. We're a team. We are. And if I was gonna wear my shirt, I'd be like, Jay, I'm gonna wear my shirt.

Jacob, Black Lou tried to convince him to wear country western, and Jacob said absolutely not. And I don't understand why that is. Why not, Jacob? It's not a costume for me I understand you put on your costume because you want to look like us. Yeah, but you're not Me and Marcus and you're not Boy, I have I respect Bobby in country land. Well, the mayor also does live in Austin, Texas. I'm a cowboy

I'm either a queer steer. steer. You only have two choices. We learned that from that one movie. So all steers and queers come from Texas. Full metal jacket? Full metal jacket, hell yeah. Jacob, this is no costume. Putting on your costume doesn't make you one of us. How many times do I have to wear this shirt

before it's a shirt I wear? I love that you wear it and you look great on it. What? You wear it twice a year. That's not true. Every time you have a country thing, you wear it. I love that you wear it and you like right here. What you were twice II anytime You look true every time you have a country thing you wear it. I wore it several times this year I wear to wear well Marcus was in Marcus Kings appearance last time country is that country that's right throw up go ahead

Jelly rolls country country. Yes. Where was it? Oh in Nashville? Okay? There you go Is that a country place? Oh, it's not To give to give credence to Jayden, I'm sorry Jacob's costume theory Cowboys country-western people we don't have colored fingernails and we don't wear fingerless gloves. Well, not some Cowboys. No, none There's not one. Those gloves are really good when you're doing ranch work. No, none. Absolutely none. There's not one. Fingertips gloves are really good when you're doing ranch work. No, they're not. They hurt the tip of your fingers.

We don't show them. There he is. What's up, man? The mayor is here. Let me get up. Let me get up. What's up? Brother Marcus.

Good to see you, man. How are you, buddy? Oh, yeah. It's Fat Day on the bonfire. He said your fingers must be freezing. I told you they're not country They're not cowboy. Who's cowboy? I've become a cowboy dude. I've abandoned all that Philly shit. I'm a cowboy now

Are you wearing cowboy boots cuz that's the thing I can't pull off. I'm more of a bolo tie man bolo tie Hawaiian shirt I'm gonna sit down that low I'm more of a Bolo tie man, Bolo tie Hawaiian shirt. Do you want to sit down that low? That feels crazy. That went really low. How did that happen? The chair went down. It's not great for the self-esteem. We have to fix that.

We do that. We want our guest Penisse. This is cool. What's up, man? No, it's insane looking. It is, and I know when the bar did it. Oh, everybody, he's going to be performing at the Blue Note? Yep.

Tonight through Sunday. Wow. He started at the Blue Note, right across the street from the Comedy Cellar. Right across from the Comedy Cellar. You gotta make sure you pop over there. Well, everybody, it is the living legend, Marcus King, everybody.

Hey! Welcome back to the show. Hey, man, thanks for having me. What's up, buddy, how you doing? Dude, it's the best way to catch up with you guys, you know? Just gotta come do it on air. Absolutely. You guys work so much, we all do, so, you know, we'll just get on the radio and say, what's up?

God damn, you're cool. You're adorable and you're cool. Me and Jay, just us. I don't know, man. I think you guys are great. I think that LaMare really could go as Halloween as burnt Marcus King. They could. They both have the sweetest faces. They really do, man. Just the sweet boy faces. And you could both work for Santa. Yeah, we could.

We both do have that like cherub face thing. Cherub, that's it. I know sadly you missed Jelly Rolls-Rolls, so I wore the shirt again for you. Thank you. I was going to wear my shirt if I so I wore the shirt again for you. Thank you I was gonna wear my shirt if I if I thought I didn't know we were wearing the shirts and Jacob didn't want to wear his country shirt because he calls it that he said it's a costume that he wears He's not really like that. So he didn't want to insult you by wearing his costume cowboy shirt shots fire Jacob I live it. I don't have to put on a costume You can't live cowboy life in fucking a story of Queens Jacob. I don't have to put on a costume. You can't live cowboy life in fucking Historia Queens, Jacob.

It's impossible. True, so I don't fake it. Just because you try to lasso rats does not make you a cowboy. There's no cowboys in Florida either, right? Cowboys don't go to Florida. There's some down there. Yeah, there's some cowboys in Florida. I thought those were rednecks.

Rednecks? Yeah. I like the emphasis on necks. Rednecks. When you get to inland Florida, it's a strange bunch. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks.

I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks.

I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks.

I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. I'm gonna sit on necks. In the middle, it's all farm and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The outside, the coast is where you want to be in Florida. You know, Epstein, stuff like that. Oh, Epstein Island. Yeah.

Money making opportunities. I wonder what they, they should make that like a vacation place, like a tourist attraction where you could go and see where the young girls were held. Get a massage. Yeah. Get a massage. Me and Christine were talking the other day about those things. How many of those, because it happened so much.

They were so brazen, the Epstein set up there. And we were like, hey, tell your, they weren't even doing like, hey, we found this girl that'll do this. When that girl comes over, they go, tell all of your friends, by the way. I'm paying $200. Maybe he wants to jack me off.

And they send him back out into the world. There has to be a large portion of those girls that were like, man, that was 200 bucks. Yeah, I'm sure it was more than 200 bucks, but yeah. Yeah, where are they? Did any of those people come out? They're not gonna come defend, probably, I don't see that happening.

I don't know if it's 200 bucks, I know an Asian woman, a middle-aged Asian woman, they would do it for 200 bucks. But I would say that's the Philly guy, or Uncle Eddie Savitz, if you remember, that was the funniest thing, is when he did get arrested and put away, and when he died People lamented that the people that you would say were his victims were like nah, cuz it's just Philly Lunkhead So like dude, it was the best you go over there's take a dump and everyone would laugh

Steve hung a piss on his chest and then we get 200 bucks and get out of there I don't know what that was. What was it? There was a there was a group of guys in my high school and we'd all be outside smoking cigarettes at the Starbucks and talking about, you know, whatever and they're like, yeah, this guy just pays us to come over and take showers and he just watches. And I never got the call. That's what I felt with Uncle Eddie. I'd go, I'd wear underwear three days in a row because they were like, well, buy your

underwear and I'm like, oh, and it's got to be be he's not looking for new underwear clearly or just go buy a pack You know what I mean? He wants to he wants it with my He wants your bacon elastic Sweaty rubber band elastic Into a weird rockin back then Jay tightyidy Whities for sure. Tidy Whities? Yeah, little boy, I didn't even overthink it. I miss Tidy Whities. I like a Tidy Whity.

I feel like you can find him anymore. You can. Yeah, you can find him. How about a weird middle of his life decision? Joe DeRosa, and we found this out the hard way. I wish Christine was in here for this. He came to stay, after he moved to LA, he came back to New York

to just stay at our house for a couple days and do New York. And when he was there, he came out of our room, we had him in our other spare room, he came out of the room in a T-shirt and his underwear. But his underwear, I thought he was joking. I thought he was doing the weird science move where he was wearing the thong from the girl. he can't he's wearing I mean almost satin like a real soft nice. You're a European

It's crazy. Yeah, like what not even with like the the crisscross like a masculine They're panties and he goes. Oh, yeah, I switched back to like briefs and I can't go back now I'm like you should go back If you presented that to a woman, you look like a god damn fool. Christine. Not true. It is true. Do you remember when DeRosa came out of the guest room

and he stayed at our house and we found out he'd moved back to tiny little briefs? Here's the thing. He looks like a little, you see your little bird bouncing around? Not a good way. On guys like DeRosa, yes, but when I was at my prime,

when I worked with the six retarded guys and I lived in the house, I was different color, like bikini, bikini underwear, and they liked it so much when they got their clothing voucher, all the retarded guys went and got bikini underwear. Okay, well, you changed the mind of retarded people is not impressive for you to say. Didn't one of those guys suck you too?

No, but no. I thought that was a suck story before. A suck story? One of those guys sucked you before. What the fuck? Bobby? No, no, no, you're missing that up. My first week there,

because they don't have, they don't know gay or straight. They just know sex. So I was so hot that my first, I used to live there. I had to spend the night and wake them up in the morning. I kind of watched them, you know, to make sure they didn't fucking kill each other. And the first night there I heard, baa baa, baa baa baa.

And I ran into this guy's room thinking he was having a problem. He was joking. He was jerking off to me. And he was going, baa baa baa baa. And I walked in and I went, hey! And he went, get outta here, Bob, Bob, Bob. And I actually-

He wanted to jerk off to the thought of you not actually you. Look, I was smoking hot. So I got you. So he was checking you out, but then you woke up and he wasn't feeling that. He was more interested in sleeping, Bobby. Yeah, you know what? I never thought of that.

When he saw the real thing, could've had the real thing. He saw the fear in your eyes. He could've grabbed, I mean, he did have that strength. He could've just grabbed me and threw me in the belly. Yeah, yeah, the R word strength. He could have ankle and neck grabbed you and ripped you in half for your torso. Then he would have finished the job.

Yeah. Meow. Fatality. Bop, bop. Bop. Just sucked me off in peace. No, Bobby, if you started rocking, and I'm telling you this, there was a small period of time

when the Burt Reynolds Playgirl came out where you could have pulled off in the early to late 80s, to mid-80s, a guy, if you were slim enough, could probably pull off the briefs and no girl would even think twice about it. Those days are old. If you are wearing briefs now and presented to, I will say almost any woman, in America for sure, they are,

if you're fucking that girl still, she's, it's in spite of that. No, because I bought, she's like, oh the guys wear pretty gay underwear, but like, I don't know, I like them. On one of my skinnies, I went out and bought swim trunks but the bikini swim trunks why because I told you when I get thin the thinner I get the gayer my fashion gets.

Dude Bobby I've never related to anything so much. I mean we all already look like just different stages of Ozempic. But the thinner I get, my clothing choices get so gay. I was Googling leather pants the other day. I lost like 10 pounds and I'm like, I should probably get some leather pants. Where do we start looking? There's something about it.

Are you mega comfortable in front of your wife that you can walk around and don't give a shit? Any position? Christine, I'll spin kick my door shit if Christine walks in when I'm putting on socks naked. Socks my first move like this, and she'll go, Gail, what are you doing? I'm like, you're looking at a monster.

I'm in the shower, Dawn came in today. I'm in the shower, I turn and face the wall like Blair Witch. I do not want her to see my ding ding. Here's what I did. At its worst. I pull the curtain aside and I go, what? What do you need?

She's like, I'm just getting my face from it. I go, get it. And I stare at her, I'm like, and then I think she's gonna like peek in, so I just watch her do the whole movement. I go, now go, you got it. Go, don't put it on in here. When Dawn, I bought those, I bought those I bought blue red yellow and black and that we were going to our trip to Aruba

We would go every year and I go I'm rocking these in Aruba. I'm so she's like you're not bringing those to Aruba I go fuck you. I they look great on me. I'm wearing these room. It's mostly we were going in June It's like most Europeans fuck. I'm wearing them we get to Aruba not Then not in my bag. She took them out of my bag. Of course. I found them, I found them.

Like a couple years ago, I found them. At Bert Kreischer's house. I have the yellow ones, I have the yellow ones and I'm like, because I lost all the weight, I go, I'm putting these on, they don't fit. I put them on, I couldn't get them on my knees. Bob, I'm sure you have a stack of clothes and I have them, I keep them just about eye level

in my closet, just like the pants and all the shit that I want to wear. You're gonna get into it? Oh yeah. Oh I just found my, I had a snake. I have shit with tags on. I bought a snake skin leather jacket. Why? Yeah you did.

One of my skinnies, I was in the Wilson store. Remember Wilson leather? Where were you doing this? Were you going to go to a disco in a cage or something? I was with Patrice. I was with Patrice. He suggested this? And I was like, I grabbed this snakeskin leather jacket.

I'm like, dude, I want to get this. He's like, you should. Just like that. You should. I was like, really? He's like, yeah, get it. And I was like, all right, I bought it. And I remember, yeah, which one is it?

I think it's one of those. It's the one to the left right there, the second one to the second, not that one right there. I got it. Oh my fucking God. But it had a zipper. And I remember I got it, I wore it once, and then the next time I wore it, I had gotten fat again.

I went back up again. And I walked into the cellar with it on zipped up and he goes He goes you look like a snake eating a snake Oh you see the outline of the horse yeah You can't wear that shit anymore, but you do fat first nice get leather jacket. Yeah, yeah. He goes, Bobby, you can't wear that shit anymore, man. You're too fat for a snake skin leather jacket. Well, Bobby, that's bad, dude. Yeah. You're gonna start bounty hunting.

I still have it. Bounty. Still have it. I say, well, going back, I- Oh, why? Could you become a trophy wife one day? You just, you just, you just. In case they hire me for Yellowstone as a trophy wife.

But they, yeah, you just keep, I keep a couple items where it's like, you know what I mean? Like Quinn did it too. I remember he lost a lot of weight and he bought a purple suit. Oh, why? Because I don't know.

Was he finally gonna do Showtime with the Apollo? His last card he never did? All right y'all, I ain't scared of y'all, kick it. Anyways. I have the luck of being a fat black guy and we can wear anything. We can get away with this. You think that's luck? It's luck.

Some people just say they just solve sickle cell anemia. You're talking to Jay like he hasn't dressed like a fat black guy his whole life. Excuse me, son? Oh, shit. Yeah, it is a weird thing to, you gotta find your thing when you're fat. There is a look you can find. I do still have like, I still have like a couple size 54 suits. I've also got that into the spectrum.

You gotta keep the fat. Just in case. No, you gotta keep the fat. I've thrown all that shit out before and then, you know. You're turned. In a leather jacket. Oh, there's nothing worse when there's a, you go to a wedding and the pants that you have, they don't fit, and you gotta.

I've been in that exact situation. You gotta go to a fucking run to a store and get fitted for some fat pants for a dumb wedding. Well, I'll tell you what has happened, I'm on the road when I fucked up and went to a fight like one or two times that they lost my luggage Traveling it is easy because you don't have to say where's the nearest is that you go DXL, please

Hey Siri, you know where I want to go Sir to the closest DXL Man I will not be trying things on today. I'm going to grab things I know are my size and get the fuck out of here. I've got so much trauma from when I was a kid trying on clothes that never fit. Like, I walk into a, like a, fitting room

and I'm sweating already. And I'm just nervous and I just, I just say fuck it and I go home and buy it online. Yeah. Nothing looks worse, by the way, than trying on pants and just having your socks on wait the whole look It never looks good when I'm trying on shit. I'm like I look terrible in this. I'm so glad that they finally Gave men stretchy jeans because that was a girl thing for years. We had the the the the hard Fucking Wrangler. Yeah,es, Levi's that were just- Dungarees.

Yeah, Dungarees that they couldn't even move you. Just for railroads. Yeah, right? For years. That's all we had. It was to stop sharp steel and bullets. Yeah, fucking John Henrys. You had to wear your jeans and work out

just to sweat them on. And I was like this tall, but also that wide. So I had like, tall but also that wide so I had like you know that much cuff And that hard denim material from the Kmart Oh the cuff would be three inches away from your pants because every every flip was another like square fucking denim Yeah, you could never find a 52 28 Are you sponge Bob? I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get a pair of pants for $28. For pants for a rhombus shape. He goes, are you SpongeBob?

Are you buying pants for a real SpongeBob? It's wild to buy pants online as a fat guy. That's like fat bravery right there. I don't know, I gotta tell you something, if there was no Christine in my world, it would never happen. Yeah. Because it's now exclusively that way. I like to buy stuff. But if not, I would have just a pile of 17 pairs of pants

in a bag that I'll never wear, because I put them on once and I go, nope. Nope. Everything wrong. I just, now, I just throw shit out. I just throw it on the ground, get it out of my life. Well, you throw it on the ground, and you just assume it goes somewhere.

Straight to hell for all I care. But the stretchy jeans, as soon as they were like, you know what, it's not gay to wear stretchy jeans, so happy, dude. Because the stretchy jeans. Well, hang on to what you're saying here, because I own some jeans that have a little stretch. Yeah, these are stretchy jeans. But you're saying the word stretchy jeans that were just for girls.

Look. That means it's sticking to your leg, though look at these these are true classics look at these but Bobby's got so many goddamn back-end deals working it's contract time and I'm like hey Bobby we're gonna do the contract like guys whatever we figure out we'll figure it out whatever we do do. And then Bobby turns around, he's got goldenpalace.com on his chin. There you go, Bobby, there's your stretchy jeans. No, I know what you mean, they're stretchy in the right place, but they don't show your camel toe.

Yeah, they don't hug your calf. They finally made them to where they look like a regular jean, but you can squat down and pick up a nickel if you got to. You know what I mean? I remember I left a 20 on the ground one day. I dropped a 20, I was like, that's for God, wanted somebody else to have that.

When me and Ari were in Detroit, you dropped your phone and bent over to pick it up. You made a pre-bend over noise. When you went down, your eyes started coming out. Do you remember when Arnold Schwarzenegger got blown out into the atmosphere of Mars on total recall, and his tongue and eyes were coming out. At the end of the movie?

Yeah. Before they turned the reactor on. When he looked like a stress doll? Yes. Exactly. I do remember that. That happened and then you went back and I said Bobby three times and then when the blood came back to your head, you looked at me and smiled and then when you went on stage, me and Ari had a long talk about

who's going to be the brave person to tell you You gotta do something Their last time with you We really I felt like the movie bucket list. Let's take Bobby on one last good run, huh? It's so funny. You're like you guys are going back to the hotel me and t-shirt Kevin are gonna go get boxes of spaghetti M&Ms joint. We're like, hey man, not only it's too late. Anyway, do what you can do, man at Eminem's joint, we're like, hey man, it's too late anyway, do what you can do, man. Not only did I get a box of spaghetti there,

I went back by myself and got one to take back to the room, like I was gonna take it on the plane. Well, because you couldn't, because in front of T-shirt Kevin, you couldn't do what you wanted to do, which was listen to Lose Yourself and Pace while eating spaghetti with chopsticks. Man, was that good.

It's not though. It was good. I almost went last time I was in Detroit, and I'm good. I love cold spaghetti. I like it. It's hot when you get it, but it's that shitty, crappy spaghetti your mom used to make. Kind of like Skyline chili kind of. Yeah, I don't know. You like Skyline chili? Skyline's pretty good, dude.

It's pretty good. I like chili on my hands. Mom's spaghetti. Mom's spaghetti is a merch store. It's a merch store. I bought a couple of t-shirts. Oh, ex-Fortnite though? I bought a couple of t-shirts.

I bought a couple of t-shirts. I bought a couple of t-shirts. I bought a couple It's really good. I like chili on my chicken. Mom's Spaghetti. Mom's Spaghetti is a merch store. Yeah. It's a merch store. I bought a couple of t-shirts. Oh, ex-Fortnite, though? It's such a, you're so adorable. Mom's Spaghetti. It's just funny also, because he's supporting this place,

Mom's Spaghetti. It's like, I think that it was just a lyric. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like, it was his mom's famous spaghetti or something And the idea is that like they're trailer people so it's shitty spaghetti. Yeah, except for a tourist Bobby who gets one extra for his room It was like vomit on his sweater already though Isn't it supposed to conjure images of vomit on your sweater already?

By the way, it looks like they're using his image illegally in his own stuff. I swear to God Eminem's been here looking. It's just like him. It's like the Slim Shady video, but he just like, they put him on a table. Why is he so much smaller than everybody else in the thing? I don't know, man. It's perspective shot. Isn't that his album cover?

Garlic bread, one dollar. Christine, let me tell you something. There's no way the garlic bread is better than your garlic bread. I'm telling you it was pretty goddamn good. The garlic bread? The spaghetti. I heard the garlic bread was just like white bread. Butter and garlic butter. Which would explain the price. Also, let me tell you something. Regardless of what he said back in the day, serving vegetarian vegetable balls is gayer than Elton John. For sure. Without a doubt. What is a vegetable ball? Yo, in case you can't eat meat.

Veggie balls. Alright, we gotta take a break real quick. Read some commercials. We gotta do some commercials. Veggie bowls. Alright, we're gonna take a break real quick. Yeah. Read some commercials. We're gonna do some commercials. We got Lamar Lee and Marcus King in the mother f***ing house. Marcus King's gonna be the Blue Note in New York tonight, January 5th through January 19th. After that, Colorado, Wyoming, Idaho, Australia.

For tickets and all other tour dates, go to marcuskingofficial.com. And make sure you check out... new album mood swings wherever you listen and of course make sure you follow at Lemare Lee on socials and for all of his tour dates Lemare Lee. I'm headlining Philly Helium this Thursday please come if you hear this. This Thursday? Yeah this Thursday. Hell yeah nice Hel, helium in Philadelphia, dude. It's coming home. Yeah. Yes, write it in now. You've already said it. Good job. It's okay. It's okay. She's doing fine. She's doing fine. I think she needs her face to the glass. I'm going on shiprocked.

Guys, don't worry. I'll be on shiprocked. We'll be right back. Yeah. It's the bonfire. It's the bonfire.