The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Lick The Stool (feat. Jeremiah Watkins)

Episode Date: October 26, 2023

Jeremiah Watkins learns that Bob once wanted to kill Jay and that Lil Rel is the best in the biz at giving oral sex to a stool!

I'm Bobby Kelly and it's Big J. Ocarson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just a podcast. For full episodes of the Bond Fire you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now the Bond Fire with Big J. Ocarson and Robert Kelly. From my head, one of them's got a gun. She was the other one. It's Faction Talk 103, home of your favorite hits, everybody that's. 1990s crazy by seal, everybody seal. You'll remember from being with Heidi Klum and making some crazy mix of the darkest and

lightest children ever. You listen to 1989's hit. What was up with his face? Something was definitely going on there. Was he burned or what happened to him? Was it a birth defect? Nobody really knows to this day. Didn't he say, he ended up saying it was scarification,

right? It's like that it was like done. I thought it was like a skin problem, and they said it was like an on purpose thing. Was wasn't I mean, that's what I was told. I don't know if that's totally true If it's not true using he chose that Yes, he did yeah, right what it was a part of his Initiation with his African tribe Now back in Africa as far as becoming an adult. I'm so happy you said that.

Those scars on his face. No, I'm so happy you said because we're both very wrong. It's because of a form of lupus that he has. No, we're looking it up. It's called this coin. A Rithmetosis. We have to take back a couple of things our black correspondent has recently said We don't want this to get up the corporate ladder here. We made a mistake. Yeah. Hey, J. You're completely wrong. You told Jake Why I thought I heard that too that it was like scarification. I didn't know was lupus But I feel like when I heard it like if I just said that I was like no, that's what it is

It does read racist a black person going. Oh, that's what I heard too like like if I just said that I was like, no, that's what it is. It does read racist a black person going Oh, that's what I heard too. Like you just go, oh, I believe that. I believe they just heard that But to me, it's something I'm making that goes I think it was somehow I'll need to become a man or something and some kind of a Weed of drivers. Yeah, some kind of a ceremony with a barely half pants when you're 15 you have to have an alligator bite your face I'm a man in this tribe 15 you have to have an alligator bite your face to the man in this tribe everybody we have an awesome guest joining us in the studio today everybody he

host stand up on the spot which is available on YouTube as well as the podcast Cesar Bros and Jeremiah wonders everybody it is the hilarious multi-talented Jeremiah walk-ins everybody was a bit better hey buddy hi buddy how are you I see you guys I said that yesterday for I apologize to my walk-ins everybody. What's up everybody? Hey, bye, man. Hi, buddy. How are you?

Good to see you guys. I said that yesterday, I apologize too. I just stuck 17 cheeses in my mouth. How's it going, all right? I don't know. Is there any other way to eat cheeses than putting 17? Wanted a time, isn't it doesn't? I need 17, because then I want the cheesed,

gook, in the back of your teeth that you get to scoop out. Later. Later, yeah, with your add, with your pinky. It's like cheese it and then more cheese it. Yeah, a lot of people thought my pinky name was about cocaine. It's really just to get cheese it from the side of the sacamag. Or that pringle dust from the bottom of the jaw. I know when I have a hard time just eating one at a time.

Yeah, you gotta do stacks of pringles. I stack pringles, I put them in my mouth kind of like sideways, and I try to break them like karate boards with my tongue. Like, like, just take a shot up, like I'll put them up, and I'll take a sun like go back. Like John Claude Van Dam in the Kubote. Yes, your Pringles sensei, the people come to you, and they're like, you've done 40,

what you did. They say you have to see through the Pringles. You do. You have to see through that. The bin mop. Oh, what is it called? What? Oh, God.

You lost it? No, I lost it. Why your film is ringing? Who was it? It was my wife because I asked about those stupid knives. The cut co's? The cut co's. You feel silly about them now because you bought the...

No, I didn't get them yet. And I think cut co's a great knife. I love a cut co. It cut cost you feel silly about them now because you bought the no I didn't get him yet and I think I co's a great knife I love a cut co and I don't care I'm not gonna be shamed out of cut goes because of Jacobs elite knife attitude I know my stuff yeah I know my stuff I have a jackalore whoa I'm surprised that I heard yeah I'm surprised Jacob though that you don't feel that cut co is a you don't feel that Cucko is a... You don't think it's bad. You're aware of it and you're okay. For a kitchen knife.

But I mean, the first thing I'm gonna recommend, you know. That makes sense. Christine, can you bring us some Cucko knives, please? I'm sorry, Bob, we know. I'm not, look at me, man. Bobby, show me this piece of shit that you got. It's not, first of all, Cucko, for them. It's their first knife set.

I'm not saying when they get married, get a house, maybe you get a better knife set. But this for their first really good knife set, a caco is great. Look at that knife. Ooh, I don't feel good about that handle at all. Dude, no, dude, it fits. I'm not feeling like my grandmother's knives.

Nope, it fit, look at the white one. Well, there's a thing I'm aware of. I do know what caco brings in a table, Christie, if you can go back to that knife, no, right there, that's fine. You went to caco school. Yeah, what I will say is three points of contact there going down the thing the blade does Go through the entire handle that's called that's day one. That's cool. Tang. Come on buddy Okay, so I'm just saying I took I went to two days of this

Someone's taking you to school now, Bob. At back, sorry, I'm a thing of school. This said, all this said, that cheese knife looks fantastic. I told you the guy made for me a bagel knife with legion of skanks logo on it. It's the best bagel, it's a bagel knife that does the smear.

It's rounded at the top, so you cut the bagel and then you get the smear of the butter. It's serrated around the almost looks like a teardrop sort of. Oh, wow. And it's serrated so you can cut a bagel, but then it's also like a spatula almost. There it is.

There's the guy right there. Oh, that's so nice right there. I just saw a knife, but I will say I'm not a fan of the handle at all. You know what I hate? You know what I hate? You know what I hate? I hate, and my wife won't throw it out, is the fruit knife, the pairing knife, the thin knife.

Oh, the little guy? Has the same handle as the other steak knives. So when I go on the draw to grab a knife to cut something, I always pick that stupid knife out. What is that hunk I should for? It's a pairing, it's like a thin thin it has a thin blade. I know I Own one. I don't know why throw it out. It sucks. I never use that lock. Yeah, why would you what's it? Kristian, what is that little tiny thing?

The knife is for intricate Intricate cutting something you need to get if you're gonna stuff like every gonna call it a duck You're gonna make a duck out of a fucking grapefruit or something. It's stupid. No, that's not what you mean, that's not what you mean that. No, not that. It's a thin, they don't, cut code doesn't make it because they're a good knife. No, look at the utility. No, that's a great knife. No, that's a goddamn.

That's a awesome, that's a machete. Yeah, that's awesome. No one knows what we're talking about. Yeah, no one knows, because we don't know. I guess the world went into elite knives the way we are, But we were told we can't talk about almost anything else. Bobby was telling him, Jeremiah, I wonder if you have sort of a story like this, but I was, was just telling a story about traveling with Keith Robinson, he made him get out and pee in the middle of the highway. It's the worst on a traffic jam. You know, we did that with Lewis,

you know, that when we made Lewis, like walk a mile on the side of the road, the worst on a traffic jam. You know we did that with Lewis, you know that when we made Lewis Like walk a mile on the side of the road. We were telling you that no before it was me Nate and Lewis and Vekio and I believe and Me and Lewis were in the back seat And I was like hey, I was like if I like hang out the window Nate, because we're on a traffic jam I'm 95 if I hang out the window can I Smoke war with cigarette please and he was like, uh, yeah, yeah, go ahead and then Lewis should go Oh man, can I do that too and I went I was just kidding, but I just like natal commit I was like, I'll do it can't be two people. I know for a fact like let me do a son's

But can't be two people at once so like but you could like get out like the traffic's not moving anywhere and smoke a cigarette and he was like uh yeah all right and he got out on this first of all you got out on the on the median cell in the road on the left side because that's where we were Jesus and then traffic just started moving so we went and we just drove like nature drove up. We went about a half a mile up and then we put out Lewis's bag. We put his book bag out and one more cigarette with one match in a match book. And then we drove another half mile away. When we saw him come up finally he came up like over like a hazy ridge

like David Carrey and Kung Fu. Yeah, I mean he came over hazy bridge. When he got in the car he was laughing and it was funny. He was like I went through every emotion. On the walk he was like I won't point out I was gonna like I was like all right this is kind of funny but they're gonna grab me. And I was like that's kind of funny. Then he was like this is fucked up. Then he was like I'm gonna like, we're gonna have a problem when I get to the car and then right back to like, all right, it's pretty funny, I guess.

We went through all the emotions, like, when someone dies. Yeah, and then the entire grieving process. That's okay. And then eventually acceptance. It was a good one. It was a pretty good one. I mean, we just took off and just kept

the leaving him like a one match. There's no way on the side of 95 when traffic is now moving. You're going to be able to light one match and keep it to. I did that. I did that. The steep burn and dove David off. They were we were all in LA back in the day. When we used to have to do showcases back in like they would put these big things on at the improv and they'd invite everybody, all the NBC, ABC, and you'd have to go perform and then people would get deals with those companies like holding deals or whatever. It was a big thing and you'd be nervous, whatever. I went out there, Dov David, Steve Burn, me, and a bunch of other comics and they picked me up and they got me in the car and because we're at the

table and we owe, you know, Norton, Voss,oss, Patrice, Keith, and they would make fun of them all the time. They kind of like felt like they got me away from the table. So they just started fucking trashing me. So I'm in the backseat like, Hey, guys, what's up? And I'm in the back seat. And they just started fucking with me and laughing at each other. And not even really letting me talk. And they fucked with me, all of way from Santa Monica to La Brea, almost near sunset. And it was kind of it hurt like at one point I was like, fucking mad. They got out of the car to check something in the trunk. And I jumped in the front seat and took

off. And I left them on La Brea. And I just left for a half hour. This is before over. This is before a fucking uber This is when people had Thomas guides in LA when you had to use a map and I just I just left and I was like Fuck them and I and I came back and they went through the same emotions They they thought it was funny again. They were like what the fuck? Where you go? He left what the he's fucking Why would he do that? Cox sucker fucking fucking yeah, Dev David. It's crazy. He's a lunatic. Hey. And then and then when I come back, they were like, you're a fucking asshole. Patrice. Uh, did they respect you? Did they respect you more after you did that, though? Uh, because they were grilling you so hard. No.

Yeah. Cool. They still. I don't think they respect me now. Oh, okay. Why don't we have a talk? I think I've ever got the- Patrice, you were saying that. Yeah, one of the funniest was when me, Keith Robinson and Kevin Hart would drive back in fourth to New York every day. Yeah.

One of these, we were waiting. Keith asked if he could, because it was my car, car was up there with us my Saturn and Keith was like He's like, I mean, he was your car to go up to do my spot at the comic strip and I was like, okay And then he came back that and at some point there was a comic up there or something I actually know the name of the person's around in comedy don't say because we don't have to delete this show No, please let's never we We're running out of shows. Every fucking thing I'm doing, you have to somehow get in and break a rule.

I'm not breaking a rule at all. But he whatever was he was going to hook up. I want to give him his DJ back. Whatever it was, he was going to hook up. He was going to hook up. But he came back and he just goes, hey, let me use the car for like you guys maybe go hang up patrieces for an hour or something.

Patrieces is in Jersey City by the way, we're in front of the cellar. And I'm like how the hell we get back to a tree? He's like is that cool if I just like I'll be I'll be I'll meet you guys over there I'm like an hour and he just peeled off and that that was like such a Patrice laugh that I just remember I could hear it echoing. He was laughing so hard. He was like keep your stole your car and somehow I'm baby sitting you guys now And then we had to take the path train with a tree and Patrice just slow walks

Like the whole thing is like we don't know what we're gonna do. We go back to Patrice's house We get there. I think there's like a half naked woman braiding wills hair and then he gives her a He gives her a hug and that tells her to leave or whatever he's like, thank you Put your pants on now you you. Put your pants on, now you can go. Pup, pup, pup, put your pants on. Pup, pup, pup, pup, pants. And Patrice is like, I'm going to bed, and then me and Kev for like two hours or so play Madden

in his living room. Yeah. This one Patrice, I'd like to just have like a hanging sex swing in his living room. Do you remember that? I remember that. Patrice, this is furniture. Peter's got into sex toys,

because his dick didn't work anymore. So he got it. I think when he found out he had diabetes, he also kept like a old big wine-o-jug next to a bed. And I was like, dude, why do you have wine next year? But he goes, that's piss. Oh, he had to get up so many times during the night. He would just pee in a big jug.

Yic. And then empty it. Yeah, it's fucking bad. Yikes. Well, he went to bed and a mirror playing. And then when Keith come back, he says that empty balls. Like, he called up. He's like, sorry guys, I don't know.

You know, he happened to read it and then he just started being like, that wasn't cool. I'm like, dude, you didn't even ask if you did the car. You asked and then just acted like I agreed and drove away. It was in 30 seconds. He was like, you think it's cool cause I just need to run. I'd be like an hour, hour tops. So just like, don't even worry about that man.

Patrice got it. Arrrr. Patrice, can you do the biggest piece of shit where you know? Oh, oh yeah, yeah. There was times, dude, yeah. For sure. People say that Patrice was Keith is the biggest piece of shit we know. Oh, oh yeah, yeah, there was times, dude, yeah. For sure. People say that Patrice was a mean guy,

but if you look back, if there was videotape of the seller back then, someone would sit down and you would look in Keith would lean over to Patrice and whisper in his ear about and get Patrice to, he was the one who initiated. And it's the guy. He was the little instigate and little fucking Patrice's evil muse that he had.

Well, I've told you the thing that was when Keith, when Kev Kevin Hart instigated Mustafa, who runs mint comedy now, and was like shepelles like a bodyguard for years. He worked at the cell for years like a massage serious look. He looks like Vinnie. What's that guy's name Vinny Jones? Yeah, I met him before he's Muslim yeah, he's not there's massage Jewish. Oh, is he Muslim? He's Muslim. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you mean don't tell me guys He um, but yeah, he, I remember they were talking to him

and Kevin just, I don't know what he's the key. He was like, he's talking shit about you. Or someone or your calf say like he's talking shit about it. Whenever once you're just getting, but saw, uh, Mustafa worked up. And I remember he's like, yeah, you talking shit about it. And he just goes over Keith was on a star tech phone. I think I told you it's recently. We're stuff just threw him in a full Nelson and just Keith with his arms They're gonna go Mustafa know what do you do?

And he's waiting them around the street. You don't fuck with a guy named Mustafa Especially when you see him and he's not black and you're like whoa Now it's really not mess with Mustafa. He's not wearing Conan the barbarian outfit and time square Read Mustafa's shoulder pads made of animal skulls He yeah, yeah Mustafa I had one problem with him back in the day and it was a mistake Something happened with him. I know his girl like I was was friendly with all of them. It's something happened. I don't know what, and he comes up,

you fuck with my girl. And I was like, what? And he thought I said something. I didn't. It was a mistake, but he was. I know that story. That with me and you. What?

You know, remember, you're like, some of you just thought, I said something like super disrespectful about dawn like years ago. Yeah, well, that's when I, yeah, but Bobby was like, I didn't know about I was so Bobby one time. And I was like, Hey, he's like, Hey, he goes, you know, I'm like fine now, but like two weeks ago, I was going to like, I was waiting outside.

I was going to crack you with a fucking stick. That was what? That was it. That was all Bobby. Yeah, he was like, that was like, you said something. I'm sure Bobby, that was that was Boston Bobby. That was sure. A few, there was a stage where I was sure. You were the stick away. What?

What did I do? He's like, you said something about what I go. What I thought you said, from stage, I walked into the cellar. Jay was on stage. I said something to him. He said something to me. I said something back. And then look at Jay's the fastest mother.

Far. He's one of the fastest guys in the West. I would say Norton, him, that's probably it, and Vos, Vos is fast too. Cause if I didn't say Vos, he'd be like, I'm fast too. But you said something and I believe you said, and you say you didn't, but I believe you said, yeah, when I go home and f*** your wife,

and I heard that, and I, it made me so fuck your wife. And I heard that. And I, it made me so angry. I didn't say anything back. I just stared at him. Oh. But he said it and everybody laughed, which was worse. Of course, wow. Because the whole crowd was,

The whole thing was, The whole thing was, The whole thing was, The whole thing was, The whole thing was, The whole thing was, The whole thing was, The whole thing was, The whole thing was, The whole thing was,

The whole thing was, The whole thing was, The whole thing was, The whole thing was, The whole thing was, The whole thing was, The. I was like, finger fun is definitely a thing. I was probably saying, whatever it was, it wasn't as like the fairies as you heard a thing. It was me saying like, you know, it made sense to something that was said before about the finger fun. But it definitely wasn't me

threatening to go finger fuck as was. And if I know Jay, he's more of a finger bang kind of comic. Blast. Oh, so up top. The blast. It might have been that. I heard it.

It was whatever was. I didn't like it. I was up at the top of the stairs, because I love Jay. Jay's like, but it's just like, I would have been that I heard I was whatever was I like it. I was I was up at the top of the stairs because I love Jay But it's like I was just a dope boy and I go hey Bobby I just stick to the face. Hey Bobby. Hey, that was a fun little back and forth So it's fear is that you I was looking for a stick was there ever they see That's the interesting thing about like the comedy store. The LA was like, the security is comics. So it's interesting.

It's a different dynamic altogether. Well, especially if it's comic with comic prop. I mean, it's not so bad with there's people in the audience. But there is also if you're trying to be a comic and part of your job is security, you're like, I'm just trying to be a comic. They really need me to throw people at it. It's pretty weird.

That's something. I've had every once in a while. They're usually, they have different security now, like because after a while, just like a signed security now. A signed security now. Because back in the day, sometimes a comic would be watching the room and a comic would be looking at you on stage and be like, dude, I don't know if you're having fun with this. Yeah. Obviously, yeah.

Obviously, yeah. Or not, I can't tell we're security, we'll sometimes swoop in real quick and be like, hey, you got to shut up. Yeah. Plus, if you need to kick somebody out a little smelly alternative comic, it's not gonna do the job. What you mind, excuse me, your shelf outside?

I have autism. Wow, you set it out well. Tony Hitchcliff, Tampingly Shorty, go, sorry, you got it, go, sorry. I don't know how to tell you this, you're not welcome here. Yeah. Tell me a little bit about yourself, sorry. Yeah, I don't know how to tell you this. You're not welcome here. Tell me a little bit about yourself, Jeffrey.

But that's, uh. Is Tony, uh, uh, did he work the door? Yeah, he did? Yeah, for years. Yeah, that's how I met Tony, uh, was he would, uh, host, like the potluck on, on Mondays of the Comedy Store. So everybody kind of worked the door. A lot of, so there's a couple. It used to be like the way. It used to be the way, and now it's kind of the Comedy Store. So everybody kind of worked the door a lot of the time. So there's a couple.

It used to be like the way. It used to be the way. And now it's kind of the way again to get in there is to kind of the ranks through the door. I did it a kind of nontraditional way where I did good enough sets over and over again and people kept vouching for me where I never worked at the store

but everybody thought I did because I hung out there so much. Yeah. I think I always tell comics, hang out. Find the club that you love, hang out. Just be there the night that somebody doesn't show up. And they'll be like, and if you're good enough, and I also say staying your town until you're good,

don't come to New York as the new guy. Come to the New York as the headliner. Be good. People think that we came from New York, like me, Patrice, Billy, Dane. We were the new guys when we came here, but we were all killers back in Boston. So when we came here, we were new, but when we gave them the opportunity, we could murder just like anybody else.

The ground running. Yeah, so that's good. I mean, Patrice was a door guy too. He started, he was a door guy at the comedy connection. Yeah, it was in his leg. And the worst dog I ever, by the way. I don't. Yeah, I want to say, I don't, I think the story has been hyped up for the sake of mythology.

No, he worked the door. I mean, I don't, no, I believe that. I saw him. I remember hanging out with him. But I've been told from people in Boston that the story is the real, he was heckling somebody on stage and it was really one of those like, you think you could do better than you get up here because and then he did.

And he did. Nah. So, that's not out at all. Nah, nah, that's the Disney version. I've heard of some people like fucking bullshit. I love picture. He was the best. It root to maybe being the best for sure

and was so good, but I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I saw it. In fact, if he did get on stage after that, it would have happened exactly the way that guy was, the comic was host, hoping would he go up there and freeze probably would have been his first time. I remember he got up within the door guy outfit. Yeah. Yeah. He came from the door, went on stage, did his Malcolm XXL. Oh man, that bit. I'll tell you what though, you have the benefit. Man, you guys should really get in a group, everyone that knew him back then, back in Boston, and really compile, because I'd be very interested

to hear Patrease's, I'm not good yet, like materials. Be very interested in hearing. I think a lot of I've heard I've heard the end tail end of not his like youngest stuff, but like the tail end of his just like basic fat jokes, you know, I mean like a fat like sad sex shit, you know, the holding the girl, you know, the cool kid and the cool kid in school did something really cool, like put water in a girl's face and everybody laughed and then he said he grabbed the girl like Frank's slightly held her in front of the

the hose. Yeah. Which is all hilarious. I'm saying like, I thought he was great then. The small titties. I like small titties. Like smoke on a joint. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Some say like the most basic of like, you know, there was no social commentary on it. And then he started getting into like the relationship shit and started kind of like changing the way he did it.

But I'm so curious to hear his like, exactly like I used to have that like, all the, you know, sorry guys, like, if I wanna wear name brands, it's gotta be like Tommy Huge Figure. I like it. I still like it. I used to fuck the stool. But I fucked the stool. I used to fuck the stool.

Oh, but I fucked the stool. I did everything in the positive view. What are we? I can't use stool. Dude, I used to fuck the stool. I remember one time I fucked the stool. Macyo went up after me, hit a bit where he drank out of the stool. Patrice went on and he goes, yo, Macy, you just drank out of that stool, Bobby fucked. I, I mean, starting the black comedy club, dude, my, not myself and 70 other people a week would, I mean, go to work on those tools.

There was some, some are where there was like a graveyard of stools off to the side or in the back of some of the clubs like that. It's just like the stools have been fucked too much. She goes hanging out at no more. They can got it No more. Yeah, I remember I fucked it one night. Macy a drank out of it. Jay fucked it. Jay Moore Fucked it. Oh, yeah, like every comic want to fucking that poor stool until well one comic came along by the name of What's his name little Duval? She knows right's his name? A little Duval. A little Duval. She knows right what I'm talking about. Little Duval changed the game on how everyone has fucked

the stools. Everyone's been fucked by the stool. People have rode the stool, like it's a dick. People have sucked off the stool. Female comics have done all these things. No one has ever. Do you have a have a christine looking for right now? Eaton a stools pussy. Oh, yeah, that's that's unique Low Duval eats the stools pussy then he goes and starts switching his body around

While the stool is now pictured so it's laying down. He's giving you a full thing He then swings his body around to start face fucking the stool. Oh While he's eating the stool's pussy and then stands up and he says God bless y'all Good night. It's my favorite It's what I love about creativity my favorite transition all of comedy One of my favorite down my rare bits is Him talking about how black comics will say the filthiest stuff and then they'll end their sets with God bless y'all. Yeah.

You have a meet a girl who puts it is so stanky is stanky. That girl had that stanky pussy that's stanky. Stanky. Hang on one second. We cool Jacob. This is all right. Thank you both. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Keep going. Alright. Corbord Jacob. I'm gonna sell a tie. We just want you to court your Corbord Jacob. See if it's all right. God bless you all. Oh, yeah. It's take his chain off for this. Oh, he's doing it now. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, this is great. It's about to lay it down. Oh, wow. Jesus Christ. What kind of chain is that? It's in the camera. It's a whole toilet for it's Christ. What kind of changes is it? It's a And it's a whole toilet for two. What is it? It's a whole it's a whole diamond toilet. Wow We're echoing you are you are too. You're echoing now none of us are going none of us are we are There we go. We're back. Hey hey

None of us are. We are. There we go. We're back. Hey. Hey. Hey. Buck Rogers, the 21st century. We're in a strange void, right now. We can't air that show. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Welcome back to the Twilight Zone with Big J. Olkerson,

Bobby Kelly and Jeremiah Watkins. Journey with us. Take adventure. Wee. What was the problem? I'll go back Zoom is messing up. We're good now. Okay Wait wait wait take this down to a smaller picture again

We introduced violent J to Neil deGrasse Tyson. I do want to watch that at some point. That's just that's Jim and Sam That's a good group Neil deGrasse sliced a violent J on there. Yeah. I thought we had a good one on skanks with the Rose and, uh, Rose and him. Oh, here. All right. So now the stool's in the ground. Everybody a little Duval. He dropped that microphone. He got his phone positive on.

He'll, oh my God. Now we, I want you to know something guys. This is the way regular motherfuckers he pussy. But you got next you're going to see the little devol way eating that pussy. Okay, but I love it. That's just first word. He took a hair out of it. Yeah, he had a hair in his teeth.

Oh, buddy, but he's very funny, a little bit. Licking the pussy that was a hair, which is good. That's very accurate. I've heard a lot of people say little devol is very funny. I'm definitely, I just saw this. And he's just- He's licking the fucking chair. He's definitely like close to

looking that chair no no I think he's looking yeah his tongue is on that thing yeah he's looking you you can get splinters he's all up unless that's his stool looking chair that he had made you think I use a lot of stools and I'm pretty sure it's still it's flavored yeah he actually yeah it's a custom custom wood job great I'm not a stools. He's favorite. He thinks flavored. Yeah, he acts. He acts. It's a custom wood job. Great drink.

Wait a minute. No, it's fine. It's fine. Don't call anybody a trot. It's perspective. The tongue is between the legs of the stool. And it's also one of those stools where the bar crossbars are staggered. So he's not quite at it and he just looks like he's looking because he's below the one side of the stool.

I've gone through this video. Now he's looking at some butthole. All the way up. He's dragging that motorboden. But that's just the regular mouth fuck away. And then. Wow those are bad teeth. Yeah, I mean killing Look at the women like oh shit

That's the ragga the way shit Hey, why didn't she do that? Dude I would not let that guy anywhere near my thing Oh, that guy's oh, yeah, oh my god. That's like the what was the machine that robber Anglard Angler. His teeth looks like the monster that attacked the woman on the inside cover of guns and roses appetite for destruction. Anything on that word the wordiest thing I've ever heard of my life. Do you know what I mean though? Thank you. Oh my god. I'm gonna take a breath in the middle of that. This is the Duval way, the real nigga way, D-D-E.

Strap it in the arena. Mm-hmm. Just kicking back a little bit now. Same thing. Same thing. Oh, except now he's spinning around. Oh. And give it to that face business.

Now 69ing. And then now just basically fucking your face, spitting on her pussy. And then he goes, yo, love y'all God, blood. It's the best, best transition in all of comedy. Yo, God bless y'all. Now if I did that, it would, I would spin around, get on Don's face and you hear it. Yeah. Yeah. And you just sit down harder and you, you know, just a little devol way, little devol way.

This is the Bobby Kelly way. There's so much weight on the stove. I can't breathe. I can't pop it. You're killing me. Please, I love you. Make sure to bitch son of waiver. Because it's going to get heavy.

Hey, yeah. Now, you make sure that bitch sound a waiver because it's going to get heavy. Now you make sure that bitch sound a waiver before you do it the little Duval Bobby way. I don't believe I've ever been a part of an on top 69. It's always I've been in the bottom of the 69. Of course, yeah, you can do it on side 69 No, you be on your side down on the side. Yeah, I don't like the presentation of my wounds from the side. No, no It's a weird situation. Right. I'm fine and mush up and we're The ball exactly. It's just that's a then we're deal now. I like to be on the bottom of my 69s I've done it on top 69 back in the day. If I were on top 69 you, she would be here. I don't think so.

I don't think so. No, I will say face would be flatter. Perhaps I'll tell you what, I think I've taken a stab before no pun intended of a head neck off the bed, like head back, like dick and mouth there and then trying to get over and get dick and mouth there and then trying to get over and get dick and mouth there. No, Bobby, this is with a woman.

All right, okay. I didn't know we weren't telling you. It's with Christine, I don't wanna do the thing, but like it's, I don't mean to picture this with her and then trying to get over and like, like pussy, but I, it doesn't work right. It's like, I don't, it's just not as good angle at all. Me being on top, I couldn't see that working out well.

Oh yeah. No. You have to have pretty good arm strength to be on top to do it. Not now, I can't do it now. Oh, you did it back in the day. Back in the day, I could, I would never do that to my wife now.

I just imagine you're just, just the whole bed rattling. I just feel that, this fucking good right now. Dude, that's actually pretty good. It's goddamn good. Yeah, yeah, it's goddamn, I told, I told, he was on YKW yesterday. I told him, I guess you wouldn't be so upset if he was over top of you on a 69 now,

would you verify it? Well yeah, let's give it a shot. I know that I felt that arm, I feel much more confident. Wow, I told you, I didn't know that you got fit. Hey, you know, I want't you check that out Jeremiah? Yeah, why don't you go get that little wig I gave yesterday It always starts with some light like like shoving and pushing each other. Yeah, no, you shut up. You shut up. No, you shut up

No, you no you Is it a headly are you wearing a headly? You know, I love three buttons on a shirt. You do. Yeah. Do you want to do one button on a shirt? I'm having a seat. And cut. I gotta tell you something by the way. I got a boner. I can't speak for everybody in the room, but I got a full bone Full-bonzies. That was good stuff. Oh, there's Bobby shirtless dude Looking at those fucking Mountain Dew commercial. Yeah, you like it, you like what you see?

Yeah, man. Me, I keep a tank top life. I wouldn't play the game fully. Christine, by the way, wearing the same thing she's wearing right now. Jay's like a building that's not done yet. Yeah, yeah. That's my Tyvek rap.

That's my house rap. Tyvek. I got a little Tyvek house rap on there. We're gonna throw some insulation on me and before you know it, we'll be winner ready. You're like in a laskin house. Yeah, I'm winner ready. Do you miss their fumigating? Do you, Kansas City's got the seasons? Yeah. Pretty much, right? Like do you miss that in LA at all? Or do you go back enough for winter and ship? Yeah, I like going back to visit for sure,

to see the snow and stuff like that. But the LA weather is pretty nice. It's pretty hard to beat. Yeah, no without a doubt. Do you, have I ever had just on the show before the Glazers, we've talked about the flavors? Oh yeah, we were just talking about the Glazers. Yeah, think about it.

Has a little saying, was that, think about it? Yeah, come down to the thing but I said if you were able to think about it. Yeah. TJ Miller saying. I was that think about it. Yeah come down to the thing I said he rubber got think about it. Yeah TJ Miller's mad at me because I didn't pay him you won't be like that will you? I can't meet you at the airport cuz I'll have an ankle bracelet on so I'll meet you halfway also I'm nuts deepened someone that I call outwardly black barbie Wow saw through screwed up. I got my ween around I got my ween around that's Josh yeah, he's the best he's the

All-hawks of Josh at a my I would have loved to see if a fucking time were opened up if Josh and Craig laser met on the street I would love to see what just like dude. I bet if you didn't send Josh here with any kind of preconceived like This guy's like the best dildo in the world Josh would be like yo that guy fucking rule Just gonna go this guy you see he's got a load is What dude Jay? I don't know I tell you I think I just miss my birth Dude, Jay, I don't know, I tell you. I think I just meant my birthfuck. Yeah, but hey Jay, fuck Rogan, I'm moving to Kansas City. They got a good thing going there Jay. I mean, Craig Glazer and Josh would have been peas in a pod.

Yeah. You want to go to breakfast after the thing? You know I want to go to breakfast. You don't mind if I eat on the waitresses, do you? Can I come to God do it too? I'm gonna win them over because I'm good looking I'm cute. I'm funny. I'm talented I scaven a save skank fist he posted a video from He labeled it best show at the festival Like you're supposed to let me say that.

Oh, wow. Yeah, love. I've known Josh. He's on hold now. I'm going to see him. He's going to see Armin tonight. I love Josh. But I mean, he is on right now.

They're going to rename the tour, the jelly and jam roll. I have to. I know. the tour the jelly and jam roll after I'm done That was happening Jam and jelly Jam and jelly, guess what? Jam and jelly roll are flows of the Jam and jelly

Jam will go first of course I mean we've got to put that first Yeah, look I'll still open But I'm also gonna close. That's so great. That's so great. That's the end. You're gonna look at ready to play the guard in with Burr.

He's, uh, but yeah, that tour. He's juiced from that tour, man. I'm letting Burr close it out of the garden. I'm a kind guy. I hope he brings it home with him too much. He's like, I only got 10 minutes set, so I'm gonna do what's going on by four non-blowns. I don't think I've four minutes to stand,

so I'm just gonna pop in and do a little four non-blowns. Oh, yeah, give me any, just throw any, dart at any Craig Glazer. I've managed his dog, looks like it's back up So may re-uploaded it. Oh, don't you worry So I try to get these two to be buddies maybe boyfriend girlfriend because he's a boy dog. She's a girl dog He manhandles his dogs by the way and the stereo, neutered, neutered, that's a neutered and spaded. So, you know, now they just touch my shirt and my shoes. But that reminds me of stories, my birthday,

and nobody bought me a cake, can you believe it? So, this girl I kind of see, her or mom came to my own comedy club stand for since they came to have dinner and see the show. They were, they were thrilled to have, for dinner, you know, they didn't have very much money, was a big deal. They were in some of the best, so then they didn't have very much money with a big deal. They were some guys. So then they came over and got jeered in Coco.

Well, the young girl who's 25 wanted to take shower because she went to have sex again. Oh, you don't hear the rest of the story, Jannier. The editor knows, by the way. The editor's away. These men helling these dogs. He's just aware of what's funny about this. And Craig does think he knew what was funny about this.

But he's definitely playing it. He's telling these stories in a very confident, dick way, sort of on purpose. But it is how he would just tell it to you in conversation. You know what I mean? He's trying to stop talking. He chose to live a character. But so he knows the character he's doing, but he's also still oblivious to it. Does that make sense at all? No, no, yeah

He's self-aware a little bit, but not enough. Did he made he made did you make it watch his movie? The what is the the king of stinger? So that's a book. That's the book King is staying as a good book. He was a great book. I thought it was a really good book It was a good book The book was if you have time. It was a book. It's considered a book. It was a book, definitely a book. Yeah.

If you have nothing else to do, you might want to get this book. If someone gives you the book, Jay. He gave me the book. I don't want to grab this. I'm going to read the book. Bobby would be the worst agent ever. He just deconstructed himself in 10 seconds. Listen, I got the best book ever.

It's an alright book. Okay, it's book ever. It's an all right book. Okay, it's a book. It's Jay's wide eyed stare that brings you down. Christine's laughing because she knows. I feel good. I look fantastic. I look all right. I feel okay.

Should I change? I'm gonna stay home. I'm gonna stay home. I'm fat, no, Glee. I don't say that. I'm fat ugly and gross. I don't say that. I'm fat ugly and gross. I don't say anything like that to you.

You don't say anything. I just treat you a certain way until you feel that way about yourself. That's the mental fuck. Oh, shit, we got Jesus. We gotta go. We gotta take a break. We should be back for a few seconds to say goodbye, everybody. But Jeremiah Watkins, he'll stand up on the spot such a fun show.

Audience calls out the topics, the comics, roll with it. It's available on YouTube as well as the podcast, Cisabro's and Jeremiah Wonders. Both great as well. Go for tour dates and more, go to Jeremiah Watkins.com. Robert Kelly is going to be at the Comedy Club of Kansas City this week and everybody Friday and Saturday. After that, Boston, Potsotstown PA Baltimore and Dania.

Dania, that's a fun club. Very fun club. I'm going to be in Cobb's in two weeks, but I'm going to be on Burt's boat this weekend. No, the boat this weekend. Yeah, but I want to push Philadelphia everybody. I mean Milwaukee Cleveland for sure, Houston, but Philly. That's a big room.

Big room. Casino, one night only, one show. A bunch of friends are gonna come down with me. It's gonna be a great, great fun. Check out Jay's special, too. It's on YouTube. My specials on punchup.live for free, both of them are free.

Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbombfire for a special offer. That's right, and go to bigjcomedy.com and robbercallylive.com to check out our stand-up dates coming to a city near you. Go lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo lo Ah!