The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Life Lessons with Roy Wood Jr.

Episode Date: July 24, 2025

Stand-up comic Roy Wood Jr. is also an author and is back on The Bonfire to promote his new book "The Man Of Many Fathers." Roy's father was a civil rights journalist and womanizer. He relates to Bobby about growing up without a dad who was present and tying to raise his own child without knowing fatherly love. As a kid, Roy chose his sneakers based on being just cool enough not to get bullied over. Jay brings up the topic of tattoos and remembers Joe DeRosa getting ink because George Carlin said something generic to him. Roy Wood Jr's book "The Man Of Many Fathers: Life Lessons Disguised as a Memoir" is for sale anywhere you buy books. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly Yo back The bonfire faction talk series xm 103 Big Jay Okerson the great Robert Kelly We have a guest in the studio with us everyone his new book the man of many fathers life lessons disguised as a memoir goes on sale October 28th and it's available for pre-order right now at PenguinRandomHouse.com. It is the great, the hilarious Roy Wood Jr.

in the house. How you been, old friends? What's up, my man? What's up, buddy? Sorry for being late. I have a good reason other than being black. You're not late, though, really. Well, that's actually a good reason.

I ain't anymore. Y'all not letting us slide with that shit no more. No, just Carnival Cruise lines. They're the only ones Man, not anymore. Y'all not letting us slide with that shit no more. Just Carnival Cruise lines. They're the only ones that have had it. Stop line dancing, niggas. What if the press release had just been that from Carnival? Just enough line dancing.

No, so I was out on the curb, bro, and I ran into Steve Sharippa. What? And I had to speak to him because he did me a solid, I've never met this man, did me a solid 20 years ago. You know we all got this. Steve Sharippa's from the Sopranos. Yeah. And he actually ran the Riviera Comedy Club.

Yes. The old Riv. In Vegas. Right. So there's this woman, Diane Ford, one of those OG vets from back in the day, and she put me on, she called Steve and was basically, hey, I like this guy, can you put him on the show? She gave me the vouch to Steve,

and because Steve letting me work with Diane in a longer capacity, she vouched me like three, four more, it literally opened up the entire Midwest. Him, because you know how Steve was like a very strict booker of the Riviera, like you had to come recommend it by three, four motherfuckers and send tapes and all of that shit. I had a whole ordeal there.

I was right there once. There was an ordeal. You had an ordeal at the Rift? Yeah, yeah. Oh, the Rift. But the Rift you had to do what, 16 shows? No, 14 shows. Oh, it's a grind.

Yeah, it was two a night. Two a night, three Friday, three Saturday. Yeah, yeah. And you had to eat in the cafeteria. Yeah, it's a grind. Yeah, it was two a night. Two a night, three Friday, three Saturday. Yeah, yeah. And you had to eat in the cafeteria. Yeah, I was featuring for a cruise act guy and I don't know if it was the club or whatever it was, but every show there was a new thing they needed me to change immediately.

And they would go, it's like, hey, you can't wear sneakers on the show. I was like, what? I have to go buy shoes. So I got like shoes and I came in and they were like, yeah, no jeans. It was like, they just kept, I was like, oh, you guys just don't want me here.

Oh, they nitpicked you. You were getting laughs though, yeah? Yeah, it was going great. So there was a problem. I think the Cruise Act guy, because it was a long week, I think the guy who was headlining didn't like that I was doing well and kept giving

it because then on maybe the third day he asked me after the show he's like hey tomorrow you want to go have lunch and we sat and chatted at lunch and he was like you know nice enough guy and nothing was said ever again like the rest of the week was like fine but it was just like they were coming down they go you can't talk to the audience like every day there was like a new like thing you couldn't do. I'm like, it's going good. I was eating shit. And they're trying to find a reason to get me out.

But you always like, you don't want to get like muscled out of it. But I saw the man and I had to tell him thank you. And he go, who the fuck are you? Pretty much, pretty much. Fuck you coming up to me, you motherfucker. But you know, but it's a black guy. Tell him to tell him thank you.

Just stand there and take it. And then he gave you two cheek kisses. It's gotta happen often. Hey, I don't got the money I had on the soprano, so back off. Nah, he did a lot of solids for LA comics who were adrift and sleeping at truck stops, and I don't even think he realized.

I have to make him, I have to fix something with me and him. Because he, when I went there. You killed a big pussy? No, no. When I went there, I was so excited to work the RIV. It was crazy. Vegas, that was when, before Vegas had comedy clubs.

So excited you yelled the N-word five times the first night. Son of a bitch got sent home. The Stardust was still up. Yeah. Yeah, it was like a different time. It was only the riv, those casino shows. And you had to do 15 to 16 shows a week. I remember Keith Robinson was working the Bally's, and the Bally's had it made you do two weeks.

So he had to do 16 shows a week for two weeks. And I came in the second week, and I thought Keith was gonna kill himself. Do you get the Monday off? Yep, Monday was dark. But I remember, I was so excited to meet him, and then later in life, I wound up getting Torghazm. He's on The Sopranos.

Torghazm is on right after The Sopranos, right? He's doing the interstitial show, the movie show where you play poker. My publicist gets me on the show. I'm like, this is my moment to say, I love to do what you did. Where I'm like, right, Casino Cinema, right, with Howard Stern's wife.

And I was like, so this is crazy. I'm on with Howard Stern's wife, I'm on with Steve Sharippa, the guy who gave me my show. I get to say, oh my God, and I got on the show and I'm like, hey man, I, the guy who gave me my show. I get to say, oh my God, and I go to the show and I'm like, hey man, I just wanna say thank you so much and he was like, yeah, all right, fucking comics.

All right, yeah. I was like, no dude, you gave me my show. Yeah, all right, tell Frosty I said hi. He's a good guy from Matt Frost, I like him. I'm like, I know, but you know, and then I started making jokes. He's like, all right, listen, I got a plane, he in between takes, he's like, I know, but you know, and then he and then I started making jokes He's like, alright, listen, I got a plant here between takes He's like I got a plane to catch so enough with your fucking jokes and stuff. We gotta just go like

I was so fucking hurt and angry. I went on the next day. I went on YKWD And I fucking I just trashed But why can't ever do I was like this was the beginning of podcasting I didn't understand people listen anybody would hear it ever So what happened was that explains our lack of mainstream success I didn't think so either so so there was a guy who one of the PAs or somebody who worked on his show was a big fan of like EWD he went on the next day and was a big fan of YKWD, he went on the next day and fuckin' somebody had told him that I was trashing him

and he was like, he went over and goes, never, no more fucking comedians on this show. Fuck that, these fucking, they're crazy. You closed the door. I closed the door on him. Damn, no one else got a shot after that. There's a couple of. I never, but I should go up to him and be like,

yo dude, I was... Did that change how you approached anybody else you have respect for in the industry? Because I feel like we've all got the one where, well, that didn't go as planned. That happens to me all the time. I met Sam Jackson, and it just, it was, I thought it would be like an inspirational,

like, father-son thing. And he was just... My boy! Yeah, let me pull you to the side, young brother. And he was just like, he shook my hand and just said, keep doing what you're doing, keep God first. He never broke stride. He never squared his show. But he gave me time.

So I can't shit on him. But in hindsight, he was like in the middle, he was between takes, and I'm coming up. Do you know the Joe DeRosa thing with George Carlin? No. Oh, you'll enjoy this. This is one of my favorite things ever. This is good you know the Joe DeRosa thing with George Carlin? No, oh you'll enjoy this I know DeRosa never has happy stories. Nope. No, so nope. So the rose all heartbreak When I met the rose he had no tattoos. He was

20 something maybe he was a college nerd. He moved up here from he moved in with me He moved up from Philly and moved into my place and had no tattoos. Then he started getting them. He had a few here and there. And then he came one day or he told us a story that he had met George Carlin and they had like a back and forth. Now I didn't realize also it was a meet and greet he met him at I believe. It was like he waited in line to meet him and met him.

But he, Joey said he told him that he was a comic or whatever and gave him the whole, and when he was leaving, George Carlin said to him, he goes, hey, keep kicking him in the nuts, kid. And Joe was like, oh, that's it. So he got, does anyone have a pen? Because I'm gonna say how it's like, it's the acronym for it, but also how it looks is so important.

Because it was a keep, keep him in the, yeah. So it looks like the word kitten kind of, you just see it fast, like so it always looks weird. It's a terrible acronym. Yeah. There's three Ks, first of all. 100% looks racist, like he's in some type of mid Pennsylvania group.

Kittenk. Yeah. So he had this tattooed on his arm, like right here. The acronym of George Collinslin's quote to him. When you would ask him about it, he would just be like, yeah dude, and he'd tell you the story. You're like, oh. George Carlin, George Carlin's the last thing he said to me.

And George Carlin passed away at this point also. When he got the tattoo, he was like, I'll never forget when he said to me, he goes, keep kicking the nuts, kid. And then I guess, was it Opie and Anthony? When they looked it up, they looked up something about George Carlin. They looked it, it was on Opie and Anthony? When they looked it up, they looked up something by George Carlin.

It was on Opie and Anthony one day and they looked it up and. It's just how he signs everything he's ever done. Keep kicking the nuts kid, keep kicking the nuts kid. It's just what he says, it's just this thing. It's like a sign off, keep kicking the nuts kid. Like in Ralphie ho ho ho. It's on everything.

We brought up like every headshot that you sign for somebody it says keep kicking and that's kid. Every single one. So then he just got it covered really quick. He panicked got it covered and had a shitty artist just make it like a microphone. Like he just had that be like a microphone, you know,

this like stick. He should have kept it for the joke. Of course. Like that's. And now it's just a black square. It's a black square. Now he just has a black square. Just like the hole in his heart.

Yeah, just black over it. That Sal a black square. Now he just has a black square. Just like the hole in his heart. Yeah, just black over it. That Sal Vucano, Jaden Smith as white Batman level tattoo. Well, I've kept my funny, definitely I've always kept my ex-girlfriend, her initials in Chinese characters, which just as a sentence, it can't, it's not possible.

There's no initials in Chinese characters. So it just says, and I got my own it was up here I got covered but like I kept I kept these ones always because it's funny My favorite says is not is not my it's also my girlfriend's wrong initials I always forget that too because she didn't know her own name My first tattoo is with in Philly my first road gig with Patrice and this Vinny Faberito guy and they were like we should All get tattoos you remember this and I was like cool and I all get tattoos to remember this. And I was like, cool. And I went in, I picked out this Japanese logo

that means destiny, life, and faith. I was having, like, this meaningful moment with these guys, and I'm lying in the chair, and they're looking over the banister on South Street in Philly, and I'm like, you guys pick out your shit. They're like, I'm not getting fucking tattoos, you idiot.

And I was like, what? And then I... And then I find... It's on my ankle, too. And then I find out... Oh, they ankle too, and then I find out. Oh, I thought you had a girl's tattoo. I got a girl's tattoo, and it doesn't mean destiny, life, and faith. What the fuck?

What does it mean? I think friend. Mine, what that was supposed to be, BJ for Big J. Close I got was someone said the first thing is air, and the second is professional. Air professional, I've never had these analyzed to find out what they are. You can't be getting foreign tattoos from people who don't speak that language. I was 17. I was just 17 years old. It was a white kid with a lip piercing

that did it. I'm like, sure dude, you know Chinese. I go, what's a Chinese letter J? And they just, they show you something, but there's no Chinese letter J it doesn't exist no and here's the thing I thought I got Japanese it was Chinese it was a house I have a house on my ankle yeah same place this is so sad like that's one you should cover up bitch I'm leaving it really just to let my son know don don't get a tattoo. Yeah, totally. Do you have any tattoos? No, never. None. I can't think of, the deal I made with myself was that

if I want a tattoo, wait a year, if you still want it, then get it. No ideas, made it past three months. Really? The closest I came, when I got arrested when I was 19, and I got probation for credit card, you know the fucking backstory. So I get probation instead of prison.

I thought I was going, I was told I was going to prison. Short for sentencing, they give me, but like my house was packed. Like goodbye friends, I'll see you later. Withdrawing from school all that, they go, I'll have probation instead. And I'm like, freedom never felt so fucking good.

Yeah, I bet. And the Leon County jail in Tallahassee is on Apple Yard Drive. And I was gonna put, cause the night I got arrested, I got arrested the night before Thanksgiving, so you can't get an arraignment till like fucking Saturday or whatever for bail.

And I was gonna put three days in Apple Yard on my arm, except to never forget those three days when you stole Tommy Girl's sweater, Steve Dillard's. Like I did hard time. Like I legit fucking teardrop tapped it. But. You should've got like three hash marks like they were carved into you.

It goes one for every day. But those three days literally were like, all right, if I get out, I'm gonna do comedy. I know for sure now what I need to do. It really was where my life fucking changed. Did you start at 19? Yeah, I got out of jail. I was at open mics before sentencing.

Like immediately. Oh shit, they can take your life from you? Well let me try the thing I was scared to do. So I wanted to never forget. So I'll never make the mistake again. But the good thing is that if you've ever been arrested, you don't need a tattoo because everywhere you fucking go, they will remind you that you are a felon.

So you don't need the paperwork. It's just every two, three years, you get a slap in the face from customs. Try to get a house or some shit. My first three years were in the black comedy circuit. I should have got like a prison tat from that. I had a lot of stories from those situations. I survived a lot of those situations.

Who do you know with a county jail tat? Nobody. Exactly. How stupid would I look with that? LA County jail. If I got an NFI shelter care tattoo. Yeah. Yeah. Rosenberg Boys Home. Leon County jail next to a Ryan Sandberg 23 because he was my favorite second baseman. There is, for Justin Silver and his friends that he went to like bad kids school with when he was younger.

Like they ran away once and got caught. And they so recently they all got tattoos like OTR and sex like on the run like on the run boys. Guys it's just Jewish. Just Jewish kids who did drugs when they were teenagers. Yeah. We're on the run. I can't think of anything, bro. Like, and I have a son, and I don't even think

I want your name on my skin, man. My daughter hit me with some harsh reality, because I've, I mean, I got Legion of Skank's logo everywhere, Bonfire, all kinds of tattoos for different shit. Trivia scores from me and Luis J. Gomez, who knows each other better, all kinds of things. And then when we were at Skankfest two years ago, I had the, they did the stencil

for my neck tattoo that says Legion for Legion of Skanks. And when I was walking around like asking people, I'm like, does that look good? Is that a good placement if I get it there? And I went to my daughter, I go, what do you think? Is that cool? She's 22. She goes, yeah, it looks cool. But how many tattoos are you going to get for your podcast before you get anything representing your daughter? And I was like, ooh.

That's why I got this right here, Roy. It says Maximus on the back of my arm. You got it out of the way. Smash your daughter. How much money does she bring into this house? This podcast fucking pays bills. Maybe I'll do that when I stop paying your rent. Maybe you should get a tattoo of me.

Picture that holding cash like this. No, no tattoos, man. No tattoos. I'm a piercing. I'm a serious commitment for bro. Like my earrings guy ever. No, no. I I didn't even do jewelry for real but that's just because like you just made yourself a target like everything like my thought matrix

Walking home from school was how can I be on the edge of cool without getting fucked with sure? That makes sense. They don't look shiny. What is the sneaker that won't get me bullied right? But also no one wants to steal? Puma. No, Ken Griffey. Ken Griffey. Ken Griffey. What's a Ken Griffey?

Highly respect, the Griffey? High to all pitch. Because they were a baseball players, basketball sneaker, didn't make any sense to anybody, but they looked all right. Yeah, there were the Deon Sanders and the Bo Jackson cross trainers, you could rock those

Nobody would fuck with you like those there were the air missions that jr. Say I used to wear So I knew I got a Eric Piotkowski's I got a Danny Ainge Anybody that lost to Jordan, you couldn't wear. Right. Yeah. And not get fucked with. He goes, I got a brand new pair of Craig Elos. Yeah.

For 50 bucks. Brand daughtery. You really want these Bill Walton's? Yeah. And so like, those were like, those air missions, man, those bitches were fucking fresh. Is that Velcro? Yeah, the Velcro coming over the tongue.

Yeah, like that shit was nice. So that was good enough for me. Jewelry just required a whole nother level of swag because now you gotta have a herringbone, you gotta have a ring, you gotta have a watch to go with it, it's too much shit. Four finger fresh. Yeah, and if I had any extra money, bro,

it went to Nintendo tapes. Yeah, that makes sense. I was Nintendo and baseball stuff. I was more into money, bro, it went to Nintendo tapes. Yeah, that makes sense. I was Nintendo and baseball stuff. I was more into that too, for sure. But I mean, it's definitely like, I tried the things when I was younger. Like, I would try whatever, you know, when cutting short hair underneath

and letting the top flop over was the thing for like white dudes, I did that. The one strap overall off, I did that. Everything that was happening, I tried to do the thing. See, I wasn't allowed though. You gotta remember, my pops was like, OG civil rights movement, the black man needs to wear a collet shirt and look bright and,

so I couldn't even get a fake. The pursuit of happiness? Yeah. I snuck, and my pops was out of town on a speaking engagement, I snuck and got a fade. And he fucking made the barber open the shop on a Sunday to fix my hair. To take it all down? Yeah.

Wow. Like my dad did that. So like the idea of even trying to be trendy, it's about the time I got to college, man. I just didn't want anything to do with half of that shit. And no rebellion when you went to college at all? No, I stole credit cards. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I would say that- Oh, you're always in the jail, that's right. Yeah. I would say that. I got no rebellion. But even, that's right. Yeah. I got no rebellion. But even with that, I wasn't. You don't remember Apple Street? Three days? You could get Apple Yard Drop.

Apple Yard Drop, motherfucker. Three days, bitch. Fucking, even with that, I didn't get jewelry. I could have, but again, I just, dude, I was in a dorm, and at one time, this is not just stupid it is when you're just young with money. This is how I know those college players with NIL.

I know they're fucking off all of their money. At one point I had 42 PlayStation games. I can't even name 42. It's a lot, yeah. It's unreasonable. So if I wanted a watch or some jewelry, I could've gotten it, but I just never. I don't know, I just said, I don't know, man.

It just is your father. But your father wasn't into that either just don't know, man. It just, it was never my thing. But your father wasn't into that either, right? No, fuck no. My dad had one watch. He had like a Rolex. He had a Rolex? Yeah, a Rolex. Did he wear a wedding ring?

No, my dad was fucking. What? You couldn't get a fade, but he could fuck around? I'm the ninth of 11 kids, by the way. Oh shit. My mother's only, but I'm the ninth of 11. Wow. Yeah, there are not a lot of 11 kids. Oh shit. My mother's only, but I'm the ninth of 11. Wow. There were not a lot of wedding rings.

No condoms, no wedding rings. No fads. Cream pie city. So your father was, was he religious? No, no, but my dad was righteous though. Righteous. You know, because you know, my pops was, he was a civil rights journalist,

so he covered like black struggle globally. So like protests and riots, like when they had the riots in South Africa in the 50s, he was there for that. And South African civil wars, he was embedded in Vietnam. Just straight up righteous news. Anywhere there was injustice, he'd pull up with a tape recorder and if I can tell the truth about what the fuck went down and

then fuck somebody and then dip out of town. Do you ever bang any white chicks? No no. Hell no. I can't do that right? I'm just saying. You never snuck one on the side? Look at Malcolm X did. Guys go talk to activists. No. That's a great, that Dave Smith joke, was that Dave Smith thing,

when it was older specials that he did that, about like great men cheat. He was like, when everybody got mad, it's like, when they found out, can you imagine if the internet was around, you would have known then that like, MLK like fucked chicks all the time, like cheated constantly.

And it's like, yeah, because he was gonna do that. It's got nothing to do with everything else he's done. My thing though with the civil rights movement and the idea of groupies, like civil rights groupies, is just when do you pull them? Like after a show, there is a distinct window of opportunity to wrangle pussy. You've got from when you get off stage to merch

and you can tell when there's like three or four stragglers, they're not there for merch, they're not there for a photo, but they're just kinda, you know what the business is. Waitin' to see you say hi. At the end of a civil rights march, what is that merch table situation? Like when are you hollering? Or is it like when they bring the food?

It's meat pies, right after the meat pies. So they bring it. Dr. King, you sure was marching today. My name is Bertha, and here's my meatloaf. Girl, your titty's finer than a white man on fire. Yeah, I just, I don't know. That would be the one question. Every time I see Al Sharpton, I want to ask him.

But I just, I know. How do you get the bosoms up? No, not him, but I'm like, you was around. You was in, Al Sharpton was in the room with a lot of these, Al Sharpton know who was fucking. But even like the preacher guy like that. Hey Al, what was the, how did they, how did they, how did, what did the women do?

But that just feels like a disrespectful question. To post Al. It's been a while since I crushed some pussy. Well that's your book that you have out right now. The name of it is? Yeah, so my pops died when I was 16. So that's the whole point of the book. The whole point of the book is that

you get gain from other people. The man of many fathers because your father died young, now you have this kid that you have to draw from all the father figures that you've had over your life. So when you had him, because I was checking it out, and I would do the same thing, because I had so many different dads in my life that were there at different times.

And it was weird to me, because when I had my kid, I'm like, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know how I'm gonna do. And all of a sudden, I was doing things, like when we bought a house, all of a sudden I went in the backyard, and I put a fence up, because she wanted a fence. And I'm like, where the fuck did that come from?

And I realized it was from my father Larry, would always have me do stuff around the yard with him, put in a patio, I put in a fence, I did all this work with him that I forgot about. Just some paint the fence, up down shit, yeah. You're good at molesting because of your biological father He didn't use a Vietnam. They didn't have no less me Jay. You don't listen to me. He did not molest me That was the show you called you Charlie. No, he wasn't around Jay. That was the second. That was the first stepfather

He ran off that hit with him hit me. He didn't molest me. He just hit me Fucking give great head. No, I didn't do that. I never got I never got molested. That's the that's a sore spot that I wasn't molestable. I'll remember. Yeah, no one ever tried. I was never molested either. I said the Philadelphia pervert, what it was like. I never came and asked me for my dirty underwear.

I mean, I was hot, too. I never got no one ever fiddled me. Yeah, like the idea of like where you get these values from and then we sit down and start reflecting and you go, oh shit, I learned that from that dude. Well damn, that was a fun story. Let me put that in the book so my son can read that in case I die early. So that's kind of what the book is. And it's not like all heartfelt,

well my uncle Derek took me fishing, it's some of that, but then there's also pimps in Jersey and then there's also to the point of fucking the molestation. I had a co-worker in high school. You got molested? Almost. Shit. If you say the word she, I swear to God, I'm not gonna accept this. She came in and sucked my dick when I was only 15.

But like the idea of where does my distrust of people come from and it comes from that. And it's not till you have a kid where you really start unpacking. I go, oh, this is what, I've never borrowed money from people. I'll figure out how to fucking grind and figure it out.

And like, I've never, the only thing I've ever really asked for in my life is a ride somewhere. And that shit almost jumped off because I asked a motherfucker for a ride. And like, oh, I gotta run by the house real quick. And you get in the house, and oh, I'm gonna be in the house for a couple minutes. Come on in, young blood.

And then shit got weird and I dipped. But the idea of like, oh, you were always being nice to me because it was a setup, like, you know, on some Watch for the Hook type shit. So that, like, that single day, and just fucking ironed in me and just like from now on anytime somebody's nice to me and I don't even know if that's normal bro but anytime somebody's too nice I'm like hmm. That's why Bobby's nice to you for sure.

Not me. I don't have any agenda. I don't get it. You don't? No. You do though. I do. You creep. I was trying to stall. I was trying to ruin your joke on me How would your son he's nine he's nine years old I just trying to figure so it's isn't it interesting and you got some interesting years coming up My daughter's 22 Bobby's son's 12 and it is interesting to Like those ages strike Much younger to you now when you see them go through it to what you did at those ages That's what's interesting. I know he's way older than way more advanced than what I was at nine

They guys access to information Information wise but I mean like almost like life thing because of the information They're able to track your kids and kind of keep that like there's you start seeing like oh man I was like 12 years old like where I was like max's age was probably the first time I like snuck out at night And they mean my friends were like all night You start seeing it's like oh man when I was like 12 years old like when I was like max his age was Probably the first time I like snuck out at night And like me and my friends went out like all night It's like it's so young like when you see 12 on your son you're gonna be like Like what's it? What's it? Holy shit out in the middle of the night

You'd be like this kid's not fit for the world in the middle of the night I thought about that though and the reason why I think he doesn't do that at 12 He doesn't need to like I I was I to get the, like my whole thing was like, I gotta get the fuck outta here, you know what I mean? So when I met the, when I, no, when I, I'm talking about my experience. When I met these kids, they were my family. Like my family, I got treated like shit all the time.

I was all fucked up. So when I met these kids that treated me good, I'm like, I'm just gonna go be with them, you know what I mean? My kid never, like I look at my kid and I'm like, he's, his mom loves him, I'm like, I'm just gonna go be with them, you know what I mean? My kid never, like I look at my kid and I'm like, his mom loves him, I love him, his family loves him, everybody loves him, he has all this love in his heart, in his life, and also, he does all this stuff

that I never did, like, you know, La Crosse, or, you know, camp, or hunting, I never did any of that stuff. So it's like, his life is good, like he doesn't know bad life. But ask yourself, but almost on the things I'm saying, not like the bad, the rebel, I'm saying, if he has sex at 16, that's not crazy,

that's not far-fetched in the world today. 16, you already had sex. But I'm saying at 16 if he has sex. At that age, it's not a crazy thing. But when you see your son being 16, you're like, wow, it's still a kid. It's still a little kid. When my daughter was 18 and she was able to do 18-year-old things,

I'm like, I can't believe she's able to do these things. This is a kid. You know, you live on your own shit. Like, it's nuts. Yeah. I don't know, man. It's just weird to me, like, I look at him and I'm like, oh, like, he's...

Like, I compare where I was, like you were talking about. I compare where I was. I you were talking about, I compare where I was. I've already fucked by this time. Like, I already had sex with somebody, and I felt terrible about it. Like, I thought God was gonna come down and kill me. I was crying in my room, and I couldn't tell anybody what happened, because I was like, you know,

God's gonna kill me. Like, he's never had that situation. Like, he's come to me and talked to me about stuff, like kissing girls. I'm like, he's like, I gotta talk to you about it. He's like, I kissed her. I'm like, oh, thank God. I thought you fucked her in the ass.

Tell it slow, son. Tell it slow. Do you feel like your son is prepared for adversity? Because, like, to me, the fear is, give them a life better than what we had, but also, how do you prepare them for potholes if there are fewer potholes? Well, you and Bobby have a similar thing to me.

This is when I had my daughter so young, I was 23 when she was born. So like, again, now knowing how young that is even, because she's almost 23, having her that young, like now, like she did experience plenty of like our big fancy night out to eat was TGI Friday. We can go to Fridays this week.

She broke, you know what I mean? Like shitty seats if we ever went to anything. It wasn't even thought of getting closed seats anywhere. Just everything was like, you know what I mean? It was broke. She understands being broke, having shitty cars, and then seeing the change of like, oh, things are like okay now, you know? And so it is interesting for you, Louis, too,

and stuff, like, Max doesn't know, like, a struggle of, like, a family pulling together. My family was very, like, I was in-house babysitter for my much younger siblings because my parents had to work nonstop so we could, you know, like, live it all. But I think it's important, like, he'll... He goes out, like, Don's like, he took his bike and he just went for... He left.

I'm like, okay. I'm like, let him go. Let him get lost, let him pop a tire, let him fall off the fucking bike. Yesterday, he got a hook in his hand, like, really bad, like a big fishing hook in his hand. And my wife called me up and like, this is great! This isn't a bad thing. This is his first fishing hook in his hand. Get the wire me up like this is great this isn't a bad thing this is his first fishing hook in his hand get the wire cutters and keep

moving he well he took him to the hospital and the guy just put a rope on it and ripped it out yeah like a redneck hospital wait Barb side or straight side he just he wrapped string around it and just pulled it and it came out and Max Max went fuck I was like, but the point is, let him go down to the beach by himself, let him hang out, give him a chance to fail, let him fall, let him climb roofs. Like when I was-

Getting guns, an unobserved bedroom, and just a 3D printer, and a bunch of- And an AI girlfriend from Gronks 4. Some good propaganda. I think it's important to let your kid fall and do weird, dangerous stuff and climb roofs and climb fences and go in the woods and all that shit. You don't wanna over, you don't wanna over,

Black Lou had a question, I know, too. Absolutely, my father and I didn't get along for pretty much my entire life, right? So Carl Winslow from Family Matters, Uncle Phil. Oh, yes, the stressed out Chicago cop. Yes, yes, Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince, those were the guys that I got my life lessons from. Did you have any TV inspiration dads that?

Nah, I mean, I respected Uncle Phil because knowing what I know now as a man who has to go make the money, like he just wanted peace and quiet. That's really all he wanted. You know who I- Fucking Philly piece of shit's nephew comes in,

throwing parties. You know what TV dad I really relate to the most is Al Bundy. Yeah. I just want a fucking beer and a day of nothing. Nothing. I just want nothing fucking beer and a day of nothing. Nothing. I just want nothing to happen today. And sure as shit, something happens. And then you have to get up off of your ass.

Yeah, I think Al Bundy for me, I mean. You have any famous people in your life that are like your dad, father figure? Without even famous, just necessarily famous to add to that question I was gonna ask because starting Comedy 19, I did too. I found several, like, father figure type things in comedy. Keith Robinson, Ture from Philly,

who was the first guy to kind of take us under. Bobby when I first started. He's got Patrice. See, I never got that because, like, I was a road guy. So it's just all adopted parents everywhere. Every week it's a different group of thieves that you're hanging with in that particular city. You went road before you were doing

like a scene every night kind of thing. Yeah, I mean, but like this is late 90s, early 2000s. Open Mic in most cities in the South was once a month. Oh, wow. The exception of Tampa and Atlanta. Everywhere else was pretty much just once a month. So you're with a different group of people every week in a different city, so you get these microscopic moments

of advice, and then you just never sit. I told a story on the show I stole from Ari. Um. You know, I don't know if you noticed, Ari was in earlier today. We said we have Ari for the first hour and Roy to close it out. Just like Comedy Central plans. We talk about the new shit.

His new one? Yeah, he talked about that. Yeah, we tell a story about that on the new shit when it comes out. I haven't seen the edit yet. But like the whole idea of when I met Arsenio Hall, it was on Star Search, this story's on YouTube somewhere,

and the fuckin' B2K gives me, they hated everybody, to their credit. They're 14, it's a bunch of comics, it's me, John Heffron, and Alonzo Bowden, they give us all one star. They just don't like us, They just don't like comedy. And they fucking give me one star, and I go to step towards, like just a switch.

And this is like 03, so this is when reality show fighting, that can make you famous, like ooh, you tried to fight. Oh, when it was like Ahmed Zappa, stuff was like the judges and shit. Yes, Ben Stein. And that Oh, when it was like Ahmed Zappa. Yeah, yeah. The judges and shit. Yes, Ben Stein. And that year their thing was to, cause they got, what's the kid from, he lives in Philly now, Brad Trackman.

And I think Steve, what's the guy we always laugh at, his fucking thing. No, but they did too, a couple of those people went on that, that year of the, that run of the Star Search was, they were doing like the American Idol thing. They were going- To be rude. They were like, I don't get what you're doing at all.

That's not funny. They were shitty. Yeah, I'd give you zero stars, but there was no button for zero. Like they were saying wow shit to contestants. And B2K gives me one star, and I go to step over to these motherfuckers on live TV. And Arsenio Hall on live TV just gently pulls me back

by the tail of my blazer. And through his teeth he just goes, uh uh uh. He knows you want to. He knew it. Oh my god, he knew it. What's that beat to it, it's like, um, Arian? Yeah, they were like teens, they were pop idols. Yeah, kids.

Who've lived no life. You can't relate to my joke about fucking book buyback. You're about to teach him today. You're about to go teach him today. I'm doing college dorm jokes to 12-year-olds. And during the commercial break, Arsenio just leans in during the commercial break, and he goes,

Nobody remembers bad jokes. Everybody remembers a bad attitude. Oh, wow. And that's essentially the only conversation I had with Arsenio until I saw him at the Emmys like 20 years later with Trevor Noah. Like that type of that. Is that in the book?

No. Oh, we're gonna exclusive. I feel like because it's already like just, it's just already out there. So I did want to repeat stories that I already told. I did extend one of those, one of those golden corral stories that I told him this is not happening.

Because I learned a lot from the men that I worked with. I worked a lot, pretty much everywhere, with a deep fryer, if you name it. I've worked there, every genre of whatever. But when I worked at Golden Corral, I feel like everybody should work a restaurant job specifically, because it's so many different types of adults.

And like your first job, I think as a teenager, that's where you interact with the first wave of grownups who don't give a fuck about you. Like no one, pretty much every adult that's in your orbit up until that point is trying to give you advice, they're trying to help you, they want you to see your potential. This fucking 58-year-old man stocking rotisserie chicken

doesn't give a fuck. Do your job, shitbag. So, you know, add coworkers like that where, you know, you learn early on, oh, these are the rules of the world and this is how you navigate it. And it was very unapologetic. I snitched on a coworker at a hospital job, and my fucking grown man slapped the shit out of me.

I'm 16, and he's on cocaine. So I don't. It's like a 38-year-old man. What hospital is this? There's a rehab hospital. No. No, not that kind of rehab. Like medical rehab. Gotcha, gotcha.

So, you know, Birmingham's like big on sports medicine. So we're the hospital where all the athletes, when you get your knee or whatever the fuck fix, we're the hospital where you come to rehab. And you're in there with old people and regular folks who also got their knee replaced and all of that shit. And there's a gym down there for basketball players to rehab.

I had a coworker who would go down there and just shoot ball, well we're supposed to, we were porters, we ran food to the floors. Bitch, come get the trays so we can clean the fucking dishes from the hospital beds. And he's down there shooting hoops. Kobe. Yes.

Showing up sweat. And you ratted him out? I ratted him out, and I know, but that's a lesson you have to learn as a man, that you just do your job. You can't worry about what another motherfucker's doing. You can't, that didn't make my life, I didn't get a raise. All I did was get slapped the shit out of him. That's a lesson to learn though.

That's a one that's, a lot of people come into comedy, especially if you start young, not knowing, and it's probably the hardest thing to do. I always say that there's a thousand ways to put it, like to keep your eyes on your own paper, you know, and keep your eyes, like stop looking left and right at everything. It's a hard lesson to learn.

It takes a long time. I think the toughest thing that, you know, coming up in a house where, you know, my pops had another family across town and shit is, and I don't know how you dealt with this, Bobby, but like how do you show love when you never saw it in the traditional structured sense? With right one of my one of my blinding violence one of my father's my father my foster father Ken Laz who was

helped me out of the juvie halls he was a real loving dude like he shut he taught me like how to cry it was okay to cry and it was all that you know silly stuff but he yeah he taught me that's all right to cry you it was okay to cry, and it was all that silly stuff, but he taught me that it's all right to cry, you can hug my kid. What if in hindsight you're remembering it nice and he was like, I'll give you something to cry about. What a life lesson.

Yeah, he was that guy. So like when I had my kid, like when he cries, I go down and I don't sit and let my kid cry, I'll go over and hold him and hug him, and it's all right, you fucked up. Gay. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

Yeah, I teed on that a lot. But every little thing that I got is from one of those guys. That's what I mean. It's all, you didn't get everything from him. No, I didn't know my real dad. Bobby's from Boston though, where they kiss their sons on the mouth. You know what I mean?

Bobby and Tom Brady Frenching their sons. We have to go, we have to let Roy go. Hang on, wait a minute. Let me respond to that. I mean, that's a fucking piece of shit. What? No. You're fucking trashing me in front of the fucking guys. Everybody knows that you French kissed your son, dude.

Whatever, dude. It's Boston shit. Yeah? Well, you finger-bashed your girl for your daughter. Oh my god, dude. That was crazy. That's too far. Mommy and daddy are fighting.

That shit goes on. He always does this. Roy Wood's new book. First book? Yeah, first. Wow, that is exciting. That's really exciting Hell yeah, Roy Woods book the man of many fathers life lessons disguised as a memoir goes on sale October 28th And it's available for pre-order now at penguin random house dot com check it out check out all of this stuff One of the best in the biz. Thank you so much for joining us. Good to see you man. Good to see you

We're gonna go see Wu Tang right now it's Wu Tang o'clock we'll catch you guys enjoy the pre-record tomorrow we'll be back Monday crackle crackle