The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Locked Out of Armenian Heaven

Episode Date: November 7, 2025

Christine's hero is doing an interview in the lobby and Jay is denied entry. Furious that he can't walk into a space that he's employed, Jay devises a plan to test security. | DJ Lou is planning a Halloween getaway and Bobby teaches everyone what leaf peeping is. | Jay thinks he can sing the songs of TLC better than superfan Christine. A member of the Bonfire falls asleep during this show! *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more! FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolf Subscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ to listen to new episodes of The Bonfire ad-free and a whole week early.  Start a free trial now on Apple Podcasts or by visiting siriusxm.com/podcastsplus. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

And now, the Bonfire with Big J. O'Kerson and Robert Kelly. I fucking hate this company. Why? You know what? I hate the way it's organized in this building on this floor. Really? It's fucking insane. Wow.

If I have to get turned away from my own lobby by some fucking... One more time, telling me I can't go through my own lobby. I'll be out of my fucking head. Jacob just... Jacob's fingers just went to the keyboard. I mean, unfucking real, dude. Really? Go the other way?

What? Go the other way. No, we just said we were employees. Go the... The fuck is, we work here. I can't walk through the lobby? You're supposed to wear your badge. Get somebody on the horn.

You're supposed to wear your badge on the outside. No, no, no, no. It says the lobbies closed to employees. Really? That's because of whatever's in the fishbowl. Now, please, tell me what's going on there. Christine's Jesus, Armenian Jesus? Yes.

Kim Kardashian-Kardashian. Kim Kardashian's here. Right now. Yes, I walk past her on 35. She's here right now. Go out there and look at her. Please. What do you mean, though?

I'm going to do it. I have to be on air. I got closer. But I'm going to go walk down there. Go down with him, Christine, see if she recognizes you. Yeah, do some Armenian signs. No, no, no. Show your Armenian face.

Everybody focused. We're on the wrong argument here. I want to go out there and tell me that I can't be there in a place that I work. Go. Yes, that's what I want to do. You have a camera. I know but we're on air yeah but we can get you on the phone call on the phone and we'll have you on air can okay call on the phone call on the phone right now

Jacob what I'm gonna have to go get fired shut up I don't want you to do this I did I just want you to stay in the studio listen no listen call you I want Kristen why can't Christine go try to I just want to see if they send her away she's not gonna argue are you gonna send her now my first thing was I said go down and look at Kim Kardashian you know what if they stop you from doing that yeah then I'll say something but instead i'd be happy to go down there and just get into the whole why don't we sacrifice christine first see if that happens she'll be in no trouble she could just listen she works it she's wandering down if they go you can't right

then i'll get it you'll go down and slap you'll go down and slap but i can just go down now i'm not going to slap anybody right away i'm probably going to slap anybody at all let's be honest but it's probably won't come to slapping let's hope um a slap fight all right you know what i changed my mind i do want to get to a slap fight with several employees here but only slaps everyone just come in open palms that's fucking crazy yeah it is for

it really kicks you in the nuts because you're coming in you get the card you're ready to do your show you're an employee it's a popular show probably I dare I say one of the best shows on the channel right now and as you're walking up best show on serious XM

best show in serious XM I would say that that's what people say what's happening funnier that's what we've said go on we've said it um yeah dude go do it because people have said it i'll go six people i'll go with you i'll go with you i'll go with you radio andy is interviewing her good what oh oh i can't walk through a lobby because that's insane oh that's what i should do actually because i just say i just want to see and yeah just say just fawn over andy i just keep going oh my god oh my god you know this is a good like gay like oh oh oh oh andy cohen i'm just going to keep saying andy go ahead i'll never

acknowledged Kim Kardashian. But wasn't the lobby closed for like a, was it not a boy band? It was closed. A member that broke, and they broke up. The guy from one direction. Yeah. And they closed the whole lobby. The fourth of fifth most important guy in one direction.

They wouldn't let Jay go the bathroom. I didn't know who he was. That's who you're closing. They stopped Jay from going the bathroom. He said, you can't come down here. And he had to go to the bathroom somewhere else. They sent me around the, because they can't go through it. me too

yeah no we should fight back dude Jacob get some balls we gotta rise up I wish the show is live right now they're never gonna know why we got fired today they're gonna enjoy the whole week

they're gonna have to be on on Monday Christine she looked right at me what does that mean to you I'm locked out of my email so I need to get back in were we like notified about this that it was gonna be close

or you just like show up and it's locked down because it's a weird you show up and they send you away Christine go look at Kim Kardashian I don't want to go out if they're going to make a big deal out of it. Black, Lou, I would send you, but you're black.

I don't want you just getting, they're looking for a reason to fire you, I feel like. You can't go up to 30s. Yeah, you know what I mean? Just turn around. Yeah, a girl, you can't just fire a white chick. You can look from 37. It is 2000. It's 2025.

We should send black glue. Yeah, you know what? Actually, Black Lou, I changed my mind. You're probably the smartest person. In fact, if you could also put on a wig and say your black drans would be fantastic. Yeah. It's not 1995. Yeah.

Go roping them fine-ass sisters with fucking metal detectors. our last line of defense between death of Kim Kardashian. That's insane. What did she say to you, though? Was she polite about it? It's just matter-of-factly. Go that way. Go that way.

How do you spell that? G-O-D-A-W-A-Y. Go that way. That way. There's no T. Wab-D-D-D-A-B-Wab-D. You should have said that back to her. Wab-D-D-D-D-E.

I should give her the whole speech. Let me tell you something, sister. Give it to me, Lou. I don't understand why you hate on me, nigger. We don't understand. Show love, nigger. It don't cost nothing to show a nigger. Don't cost nothing.

Show a nigger some love, n-d-d-d-d-d-dha-ha-wabble-de. Wabble-de. You just got wabbled-de-dabble-d. It don't take nothing to show me some love. Damn. I think they would treat me different if they heard about that great new song game. Where does the N-word fit? So I think is it, is it what's his name?

Absurd-moron. Now that's what I call music to put the N-word into, volume 23. They really tickled me. I saw a great job of Sardmore. Always fun shit. Who's going down there? It's got to be you because you have all the energy. Yeah.

I already saw her, so it doesn't matter. Jacob feels like I have the wrong energy, though, and he's right. And I love small talk. You do. So I might have small talking to her. I'll get it to like me. Okay, Bobby, maybe you're the temperament to go down there. You're not going to bump into her.

They're in the thing probably They're already in the fucking box tube I'm the one that everybody wants to get fired No No that's not true Let's roll the dice No but you're the pleasant But you're pleasant enough

I'll get he Listen What's the mission? I'm Bobby And you'll get to this eventually This is the difference of our ages slash when we had children Yes

Right now you've got I have to help raise Max I do still I have to be here for them I can't be talking to him through glass Yeah you have no consequences What are you going to leave Isabel's 23

Yeah What are you going to leave Christine? She's living life. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, at this point, I'm like, let's throw it on. I don't have to raise her anymore.

She's fine. No, you're good. She's 23 years old. You'd have enough money in the bank to last the rest of your life. It's like I killed in the lobby of Sirius XM. By armed security, I didn't believe they had. That would suck. Is it just these two fucking hoes?

This is fucking these red dots on my chest. Hey, where are those from? Oh, real funny guys. Laser pointers. Happy Halloween. Oh, what are your cat's going to come kiss me now? There were just dudes on 35 talking into their sleeves. We're there.

Those are the first ones I want to get in the face of. I say you get on your phone, call the line, we have you on the phone, we can hear it. We can hear the disrespect. At least we'll have it live on air, almost. Now, here's the thing. Do I go bathroom route? To me, I want to do the horseshoe. You do the horseshoe.

But do I start the horseshoe by bathroom? Because it might, we might never make it past bathroom before I might rate. I think this. I feel like maybe if we go along glass wall, perhaps we have a better, like an easier barrier of entry. You go glass wall and if they stop you, then you come back around. Now there you are again, but you've got the bathroom to recover. What it needs to happen is I need to be, I need to sit in the chair in the lobby.

Yes. Play one round of my color blocks game. Great. And then come back here. It sounds good. I don't want to be bothered by anybody here. And I'm going to do this. I'm going to hold this the whole time.

Jay, you're not getting it. in there what do you mean you can do it you got it forward command is going to take you down before you get anywhere here there who's gonna do what forward command yeah still team six is gonna make you down fucking jen wits on the phone i went wits on the phone let's talk security uh if you go to the left uh by the window yeah you go that route you're gonna run into the audience and the fish ball and the door that gets to kim so i think that's gonna be heavily secured if you want to get a first point of entry you should go right by the bathrooms and see how not keeping that is.

That's also the least trained guy, right? So when I act like I'm, like, I'll be like, what was it, this boy's life, I'm like, oh, gee, I'm so scared. And then I dry gulch him. I fucking hit him in the, uh, I give him the dry gulch. Oh, gee, Mr. I'm so scared. I'm like, dry gulch. Right, and then you go past.

Yeah, here it is Bobby. Look, I'll be like, oh, gee, I'm so scared. Dry gulch. And before you know what, I'm French kissing Kim Kardashian. There you go. And then drag her back in. This place, you don't have to, when we have a fucking celebrity in the building,

Act like you've been to the party before. We don't have to make everyone who works here feel like a fucking jerk off. Yeah. Because this girl who's famous for literally blowing and fucking Ray J. Which, by the way, God bless her heart. I've jerked off to that so many times. Because I've drank the cool white that she's famous. So it's crazy that this famous person now is fucking Ray J.

Right. And you get to see her pussy and loads all over and all that. But when she was fucking him, she wasn't famous. It was just a chick. Correct. Right. So now the go back on it. So I have to acknowledge.

Her fame has a major value. Right. Why can I not walk through the lobby? You can't. I think you can't. I should be able to walk through the lobby. I think specifically with her, she was robbed at gunpoint by our own people. And since then, has crazy security herself.

I think a lot of this is probably our own security team in the building. Change everything of everyone who works through. No, he said, no heads up of nothing. They go, when you get here, we'll make you feel like a fucking dip shit. Oh, and who are you going to have tell people? Oh, two dipshits also are going to tell me in the lobby. How good did you feel before you came up? Walking on sunshine.

For all my sunglasses. One little thing. It's all takes. All right, I think we're ready. Let's go do that for Kim Kardashian. Kim K. You're right? Christine's so happy.

She was to see Kim so bad. Well, literally Jay, Bobby, and Christine left the room. Yes, they are trying to sneak into the Kim Kardashian event. Oh, no. And they're back. Bobby's back.

Jay, just punched in the face. Jacob. What can I do? I mean... Jacob, you got to... Jay, shut the door. Shut the door. They don't know we're in here. Did they see you come in? It's too late for Christine.

She belongs to the people now. Let me tell you something. That was such a good. Me and Bobby just walked down there, chest out. We turned away at both. It was nothing. Not only were we turned away.

A small white lady told me your way in one hallway, and then a little black lady with braids. Like Rudy Huxable sent me away in the other one. We didn't even make it. We walked in the direction of the hallway, and this white lady came up and met us. She went, you have to go that way. And told us to go that way.

And the little black lady looked at us like, what the fuck are you doing? It's not happening. Nice. Well, that's the one that watched you in the fishbow simulate head. So she knows us. Who? The one in the braids, Rudy Huxdable.

What did she say? She saw us do what? That was the one that saw us with Marcus King. Yeah. We killed it. Yeah, but she watched you blow Bobby in the fishbowl. Nobody blew anyone. Well, let's not get carried away.

Felt good. Our penises weren't out. Listen, I'll die on that hill. My penis wasn't out. It was my penis. You blew me. What did I blow you? I blew you.

I blew you. Yeah. But no one's penis was out. It was me blowing you again. You never blow me. You know, treat your employees better. Serious X-M. I just remember.

Note to the big dogs, huh? That's fucking insane. That I've been... Work at a place where they're fucking directing me or some insignificant fucking twit is fucking sending you away. I don't like that. I don't like that at all. Two of them. I felt more...

Four now. I feel more rage from the white lady that came out with the bangs because she we didn't get two feet out of the studio before she felt our vibe And she was like What do you think I'm going to have Bobby suck me off again

Relax It's not our day in the bowl I didn't suck you off I mean it was like you know What do you think I'm going to explode over Bobby's beautiful beautiful face Again? It wasn't calm It's your day in the fish bowl

But I got to be able to walk by Fuck face I didn't blow him I didn't blow him I didn't suck everybody's dick Anybody's dick I'm not a vampire yet. As soon as we become a vampire,

sucking your dick. Bobby, great news. You're a vampire. I forgot to tell you. You're going to wake up in the middle and not going to be at your window. Let me in. What?

If something tragic ever happens, God forbid, to Max and Dawn, Bobby's go, he's like, I'm a vampire. The next day, I'm a vampire now. What? Bobby, it's 12 in the afternoon. How are you a vampire? I'm one of those newfangled ones.

Well, I'm going to be a vampire, so I want to get into the shape of a vampire. vampire i get my dick sucking skills in fuck yeah dude damn you're right christine can ask you a question when we when we did it do you think you could do better than when we did no you don't no i think they have oh oh i thought you meant getting by the security

no no no yes i could 100% to it better than you guys don't know how it goes i feel like j knows how it goes better than he does but he was doing it poorly on purpose just to mess with me all my life i seen a rainbow yesterday but i don't really don't know how like the bounce of the words after that. I'd never, you think I'd taken the song Waterfalls a lot? Yes. Waterfalls, I mean, there's not a more girl song in the world. I feel like that there was a time where you couldn't escape it.

It was in every grocery store, at a restaurant, of course, but I didn't learn the words of the fucking rap. Yeah, I wasn't hitting, rewind, rewind, rewind. I remember, I didn't think you were going to do it. Listen, I know the first words, even the creep, the 22nd of loneliness. That's it. And then he goes, something, something, way, way. I keep something, something till the something pushes me away. No one's asking you.

No, singers are over here. There's singers over here. Cut her mic. Cut her mic. No, I can't do it. No. Cut her mic. Do it.

She's right there. No. Not when she's, nope. Why? No. Let her do it. No. Let her.

She pays the price. Let it be free, Jay. I didn't get vengeance on the fucking staff here. I didn't get vengeance on the gay black. What am I doing here? I didn't get vengeance on Christine, who made me look like a fool by turning down my money. To wrap a song that I now tried twice in the same room. Put that song of Blue, The Twan is sick in a lonely mess.

And we don't talk. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I keep something, something. of the, ooh, it's me again. Ooh, this is a good song. It's me again. Oh, look at it.

Christine. She wants it. Christine, hump the air and sing this song. She wants to sing so bad now. She'll out to go, but her mic is cut off. Her microphone is cut off. You won't put her mic back on. This is so sad.

And if you start singing off microphone, I'm putting you outside the room. You can go watch Kim Kardashian and official? No, you can't do that. I can go to 37. You think? You can look down from 37. Well, they might. Really?

Let's go up on 37 and show our weeners. Oh, let's go. Let's let them know. They should have thought of everything. Here's the thing, though. We're going to show our weaners, and we're still not going to get in trouble. You guys were up there staring, like, get with our weaners out. What?

We watched the video. There was no weeners out. We had our weaners. We put our weaners through the thing. We had them out. She's not showing up for some of the ears. Is that what that is? I thought you had a weird belt box.

I thought you had a novelty-sized zipper. I thought that was a key chain of an ear. No. No, it's not that. I actually want to see there be life in the camera control room for the first time. Oh. I mean, you never see anybody there. Can I ask a question?

They're trying to lie to make Kim Kardashian because it's a functioning satellite company. Did we have to tape our own Marcus King video? No. They taped. No, they sent those two ladies who didn't enjoy us. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that. She wouldn't look over at us at all.

Oh, she hated us from the get-go. Because it was podcast month. Oh, that's what we get? It was probably, yeah. We get podcast month? Yeah, but we're not a podcast. We're a radio show. Yeah, we're not a fucking podcast.

Yeah, we're a radio show. I don't know if you know that Series XM treats podcast with the utmost respect. They give them giant beautiful studios with fake plants and cameras that work. This is a radio program. Yeah, we get nothing. We get the oldest equipment. Yeah. These fucking gas digital fucking cameras.

Yeah. We get small waters, little tiny sip waters. Very, very abrasive Kleenex. We only get bake lays. We don't get regular snacks. Those are 4K cameras. I know, I'm going to break one. I'm a fucking, bro.

I hate this place. They're never on, but... Just take it. We should just take all the cameras. They'll never know. Are these simple screw? Like, bolt and screw? Yes.

I don't know if you know this, Bobby, but I have a 7,000 piece tool set in my house. We know. I opened it one time, upside down, and then every piece of the fucking ratchet thing came out. Oh, that's the worst. And I just reclosed it. You didn't put the ratchets back?

I did a lot of them, but it's like, I don't have to have that other time. It was the most frazzling they've ever been a part of it. Why did I get a 700-piece set? Well, you might get a, you might get a Chevy truck from the 70s. I just opened it the wrong way. I went, I opened it, and I saw it happening. I went, ooh, oh.

And I flipped it over, and it was an eighth inch, a quarter inch, seventh inch, sixth inch. I was looking at it. And you have to look at them all in the light because it's on the metal. You're like, hey, I'm freaking out. I don't need any of these. I need one.

I need two standard-sized ratchet things. Yeah, that's for like an engine. That's if you're going to do car work. It's in my algorithm, though. It is in my algorithm, though. Now I know all kinds of cool things, like, had a hammer in an anchor. Oh, an anchor for, like, a wall. To hang in, put a screw in, the wall.

Yeah, that's good. That's good to know. You hammered in with a screw in it. You don't try to just hammer the thing in. Yeah. That's why they always break. Or you just use the screw and hammered and then push. it in after that and then screw it in well you don't want to ruin the head of your screw you're

going to use so you get it in right with that screw take that screw out and you can put a then you put the screw size you need yeah there you go man talk with jay that's very nice also i said the word calc out loud to think i have to cork my shower and i saw a thing about melting down the front of your cork thing yeah squeezing it down to be flat and then cutting a little triangle yeah yeah yeah and then it somehow lays perfectly now I can't see how it's going to work. It makes me feel like the cock's going to come out like fucking icing flowers on a cake. That'd be pretty.

If you had an icing flower clock in your shower? No one's ever done that. No one's ever done that. It just says happy birthday on your tiles. I guess with home repair stuff, though, I just started a feeling in my mind like if it sucks, you can go like, no, I did it like that. Yeah. Yeah, it goes, this thing's not really hanging.

It's loose in the wall. He goes, yeah, it's like a dang. You have to scrape off the other cock, though. You know that. You have to take off the old cock. You can't just put new cock on older cock. I'll handle cock the way I want to handle cock. I'm the king of cock.

You have to scrape the old cock off and put new cock on. You can't just put it over old cock. Oh, why? That guy's not going to get hard if he smells old cock. Oh, we're talking about two different things. Are we? Yeah, I'm sorry. Oh, are we?

What else have you do? Yeah. You have to just... I thought you just kind of go right over. No, there's a tool that you scrape off the old bad cock. But I feel like everything... Isn't all the tiles going to fall out then? No, they're actually put in with like some type of cement on the back.

So the cocking just keeps it so the water doesn't get between the tiles on the bottom and around the edges. There's a tool you get. You scrape off the old cock and then you apply the new cock. Yeah. Yeah. And you can get. What color cock did you get? What color cock do you like?

Huh? What color cock do you like? Really anything. I mean, yellow for my butt. Come on, Jacob. No one gets mad if you make fun of Asian people, weeners. I'm smelling dread come Yeah there it is

That's a that's the cock remover I saw a guy Instead of breaking a faucet thing He was unscrewing He tied strings around like the whole thing And then got a piece of pipe And like levered it to turn the whole Yeah

Pretty cool stuff Yeah He was changing the Where the what you might call Toilet goes into the wall Yeah These aren't things that I have plans of doing Or need to be done right now

But for some reason my algorithm them has hit these strings because you looked at one thing and now it's like oh you want to start fixing chair or something about putting a if you have a bad like screw hole or something use a rub put a rubber band over the hole yeah you can do that or you can get um you can get glue get sawdust and mix it together and then put it in there and then it makes like a wood finally something to do with all my sawdust that Bobby's my favorite kind of joke that This guy. Lou, I see this thing on the sheet.

I don't know if it was on this show if we got into it this week already, but you already had a Halloween getaway, or you're going on one? I'm going on one on Halloween. Okay, so then this is a good thing to talk about now since it's the last day of the week. Yeah.

Where are you going? I'm going to the beautiful Catskill Mountains. Why, is Shecky Green doing a Halloween extravaganza? No, we rented an Airbnb. Why, is Mort Saul still alive? We rented an Airbnb on some kind of river. Give me one more second. I have one more of these old-timey references here.

Is Pat Roberts or Pat Cooper? Is Pat Cooper doing a... Go ahead. Yeah, so it says on the Airbnb, it says magical Halloween getaway. What does that mean? That means they're going to have... Do spiders? They're going to have Halloween stuff, the town.

I've been to Woodstock, right? Near there, yeah. Woodstock is such a cool little hippie town. I do a lot of fish and all my hiking that I've done with like Ari and Joe and Verzi is up right near that town. And during the holiday seasons, the town gets all into it. So that's going to be a less romantic time. Are you dressing up? No, she doesn't like that.

You doing the whole weekend? She hates Christianity. Yes. No, she loves Christianity. She hates paganism. Oh. I know Halloween's not really Christian. So you're doing a Halloween getaway.

So she wants to be Halloween theme. She likes the idea of Halloween, just not dressing up. She likes scary movies. Are you going to watch scary movies? Yes, you made me watch so many of them. You know, she should do? Well, she's watching the movie. You should go outside and jerk off through the window.

Is that scary? It's going to be scary for everybody. That's horrifying. Leave a little ectoplasm on the window. I like the audience to know that I turn around and winked at Jacob when I said that for some reason. You should come in your hand and slimer So you're going to go to this place And fuck and watch scary movies

Hopefully fuck yeah And veg yeah hopefully why She hasn't let you yet We did think she was pretty You guys haven't fucked yet We do think she's too pretty for you So that wouldn't blow my mind Well that's usually the case with me

Has she never had sex with you yet Because now I respect her more She's never done it She's making him wait She's making wait till the cat's gills Oh I hope that's it She wants to fuck you like an older white gentleman in the cat skills to be honest we used to fuck like rabbits in the first

couple months but we're approaching a year now and it's kind of slowed down right well you can't fuck like rabbits all the time that's too fast yeah it's not a good way to fuck no it's not a good way to fuck I can it's slowed down to what would you say now once a week yes maybe maybe sometimes less we're in a year in yeah oof hmm Hmm That's pretty normal, I guess And if you're fucking on vacation time If you're going away

And you're, look, I'm at the point Where we go away And we don't bang Right When you should You know what I mean? Like we've been to Aruba And it's like

I'm tired I respect it Yeah Which son isn't there Right? That shouldn't matter, Jacob I should teach my son How to bang

It turns me on It turns me on more If I know Max is around Yeah I let him watch Christina And yeah That gets me fucking wound up. Here's our place.

Oh, that's beautiful. Oh, that's nice. You've got to bang right on that couch right there. That place is evil. Pretty expensive. What is it? $500 a night, huh? About four.

Wow. Evil lives there. It's a pretty cool place. Oh, it's great. For evil. How many bedrooms? It's like three bedroom? There's a lot.

Oh, you got a little hammock you're never going to use because people don't use hammocks ever. Oh, that river's nice. Oh, can I come up and fly fish? Sure. What do you mean? Say no. Oh, dude.

We're not fucking come on over. Oh, dude, can I come up and just, can I come up and do other stuff? Just other stuff around? Oh, can I join this fucking cockroach band that you have on the veranda? Wow, that's nice. Oh. It is really nice. That's really nice.

I want the name of that. I'm going to bring Don up there. Yeah, dude, let her know. Dude, let your chick know we're all coming. Yeah, let us all go up. You have a jacuzzi. You have a hot tub? Yep.

Sona. Hot tub is going to be gross. I'll fly fish all day, the outside shower. Dude, that's awesome. Dude, I'll sunbathe outside, but, like, I'll cover my dick with, like, a rag. A small rag. A teeny tiny rag. She's in a nude sunda, man.

I'm going to cover my dick with a half egg from one of those grocery store things you buy when you walk out for 50 cents. Have you got negative in your backyard? Not at once. No, it's a lie. Christine was out of town. I got butt-necked in the hot tub and watched not Bad Girls Club, what is it? as their lockup.

Oh, you did? Yeah. Yeah, in the hot tub. Let my bag float around. And then I just got bummed out because I felt like the jets weren't working right. And then I got out. There's nothing like being sad, naked and cold. I walk around naked up in the tiny house.

Really? Yeah, at night only. Ew. I walk out on the deck sometimes. Don't, though. Why, your son is there? No, he's asleep when they're in bed. Yeah?

Yeah. What if he wakes up to pee and is traumatized by his father, stretching out outside with his dork at the window. He sees how little it can get. Little it can get. Dad, it's not even winter. It's summer out there. Why your ball's so tight?

That is nice, Lil. That is really nice. And right now, it's going to look so good up there. You might as well fucking that hot tub because everyone does. Are you a leaf peeper? Do you like leaves? Do you like the changing of leaves? I wouldn't keep them.

Was that what it's called? I thought he was talking about it. I thought it was, I think he meant looking at other people's cabin windows through the trees. Now, leaf peeping. That's what they call. I'm a leaf peeper. You guys had a score in L.A. with the naked pool people.

Oh, that was great. That was fantastic. That was big. They put on, like, a real... They just were naked family. They just put on a show for it. I like when they put on a show, and there's like an ending in the show.

Yeah. They walked around naked, dick, puss, tits, everything, talked, congregated, showered. Called her today. That was nice, and the guy had a respectable piece. He did. We saw it from across a canyon.

Yeah, what's that? Where is that? That looks like my place up there. It's New England. That's leaf peeping. See that? Go back up. Go back up.

That right there? That's my lake. that's my lake that squam lake that's like winipasaki no it isn't it's not it's squam lake 100% that's the channel between little squam and big squam

you have to go by that house well this article is wrong well it's absolutely a hundred of it Lou am I right you are absolutely right yeah this picture makes me miss it yeah Bobby

yes sir that 100% was too real 100% for what you're doing right now Lou? Lou are you taking taking me to court right now oh i mean i don't take you to court but i just have a few questions okay yes jay why would the article say it's lake winipasaki and be wrong about this also is there more of a chance that a lot of these lakes have a tiny red boathouse jay it's an iconic red boathouse

that's on the channel from little squam to big squam it's one of the pictures that when you go up there for the first couple times that's the one you oh my god i got to take that picture that picture right there is of little squam going to big squam can you bring up what's that house called red boathouse little squam or big squam please there it is what's the house called that's how we saw it's called it's called little red boathouse is it no that's what we call oh okay okay that's fine and bang and listen I have a picture of it

I want it to be right I want you to be right I am right I know you are look at it see it's the exact different house that is not even it's not even the same house

it's a different house it's a different house it's a substantially bigger house fucking Lou what the fuck it's it's got black on it it's an actual house where this is a garage of sorts fucking Lou

I wouldn't have went full force if you didn't back me up You son of a bitch. That is. Same house. It's a house and one's a boat garage. Now, that is a house right there on a squaw. And that looks really cool and nice.

Yeah. The other thing is someone's boat garage, Jacob. Thank you. I believe it's what it is called on a lake that is actually a much prettier scene. Yeah. With the colors for the leaf peepers. But yeah, this is. Well, one's during the summer.

In the fall, if you see that house, it's. It looks very similar. Oh, if you see it from a different angle in your color blind, yeah, for sure. If you assume every red house just proves you're in the same place you were the other time you saw a red house. He said it with such conviction.

I really did. And Black Lou was like, that's it. He did. I was like, God damn it. Blacked you up hard. And I felt so confident going into the trial. I had all my stuff ready. And I'm guilty.

I can't believe for lunch I have to go out there and walk by a girl kid and play. I'm at a girl, black, by the way I've now got to find black dude duos and call them girl that girl tubs and tubs you see what I mean because there's no crockett there's no crockett when they're both black women tubs and tubs both thin attractive women we got it they weren't fat we got it we got it it was a good one I listen I'll always I got to call it how I sees it fair is fair neither of those girls were fat let me see that picture again Christine yeah

memorize it so you don't humiliate yourself ever again i didn't know christine was going to be fucking oh he's like everybody that's the iconic picture that's the iconic picture everyone's got to take this particular picture of not squam lake at squam lake everybody has that dumb picture of that boat house right by the way he's looking for people listening he is gleaming at black loo looking for backup and black lou is just pretending to look at everything but bobby he's looking on it he's on his phone he's looking down at the computer no i had to make sure we were right i still think we are. I think it's just a different angle of the house. It's absolutely not the same house. Are you in your mind?

A green roof versus a black roof. The way the sun is reflecting on the roof. The windows are different. It might be a different angle. He might be right. That, oh, I'm sorry. They put the addition on the new house. Yeah. Also, I also have to notice the other one doesn't have a pier hanging right off of it

like this. No, they took that down with the hurricane. When the hurricane? When the hurricane. This was such a bad lie. You freaked out on finishing the sentence. What happened to the thing? There was a rain. A rain what?

Yeah, dude, see, now if you look real close. Shut up, Jacob. They got rid of the marina and added a second floor. They built the second big part on. They added a second boat house onto it. And then that's when they changed the roofs. Because they changed not the windows. The windows are the same.

They just made them longer in different shape. Nope. The windows, there's 12 spaces in those windows and there's four in these windows. Because they added... Because they added the new 12-space windows. If you're going to do it, you're going to do it right, Christine. Now, by the way, they both are, I believe. Jacob, do we just bore you to almost fall asleep?

They were just crazy. That was crazy. I was not falling asleep. Jacob? You went like this. I looked over at a time and you went... I went like that. I know.

No, and you popped up. I'm not hired. Oh, I'm sorry. This isn't exciting enough for you. Boathouse talk, isn't it? I would admit it. Cratum's taking him down, dude. That was a genuine head.

went back fall asleep and jacob nodded they're both boathouses is this show almost over i feel terrible about myself now it's like therapy all over again yeah this is to be right back to therapy when i bored that lady to sleep i'm worried about showing my daughter i love her enough there's nothing there's nothing worse now listen i want to say something before we go we might not be here next week that's right what yes yes We might not be here, bro. Because of what I'm about to do to Kim Kardashian. No, that, we might not be here for a couple reasons then.

I forgot about that. What, we're fired? Dude, the fucking, we're going to find out. Oh, yeah. We've already found out. Oh, yeah, we've already found out. I mean, no what you were talking about. If 3I, what is it called again?

Atlas. Atlas is a spaceship with life or it's just an asteroid. We're going to know soon? We're going to know Wednesday night when it comes. around the sun supposedly as it comes in it picks up speed but as it comes out if it picks up speed again that means something steering it okay so they'll know what it is right now it's behind the sun we can't see it is it not in the like sun's it's taking this long for us to figure it's i will say that seems like what if it's we're not going to get like high intelligent

life from my that sounds like it's like an alien family on a vacation it's like taking a long time. It goes, no, it'll be more fun if we take a long time. Right. They just go in the scenic route. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, they're coming in like a long time. It goes, hey, we've been tracking this fucking studio bag, this space studebaga for a while. It's the size of Manhattan. Really? The size of Manhattan.

Oh, nice. I like that. That means when it comes over us, we'll get to do the thing like Independence Day where it shadows us completely. Shadows everything. Yeah, yeah. And, yeah, we'll know by, I think, Thursday morning or Thursday at some point, if it is it is actually acting in a behavior of that somebody's actually controlling it. I'm going to go on the roof of this building if we're allowed and go, beep, bo, beep, bo, bo, bo.

That's funny. We're not even allowed to die in this building on the roof. Yeah. Hey, guys, the buildings. You're not allowed to update. Hey, guys, the building's going down. We were just hit by a plane. We have to get out Andy Cohen and Kim Kardashian first.

You sit here and try to hold the fucking studio. together yeah it's coming in uh came in last night the show's on now so we'll know we'll know way more on today uh of what of what it is so we might be so let's give them so just in case it's a thing uh everyone it's been great doing the show all these years bobby you've been an asset to this show love doing it for as long as you've been here i love you so much i love you man um make sure you kiss your families and then if you can if you could figure it out how to do it on your own kiss your own ass goodbye because we are about to become space slaves i could only assume all we have to actually join with china and the other countries and we actually come together as a

world to fight these people or these these creatures or whatever they are i've said this before and i'll say it again bobby and i'm going to ask you stop bring it up i will never work with the chinese why i don't know even if there's aliens attacking us is just the one line i won't You have to stay on your ground. Or my people won't respect me. Well, after the war, we can separate again. No, no, no. Then we're all going to be like, oh, but we did work together that one time.

And it's like, no, fuck that, man. What, dude, what are you talking about? I want to work with the Chinese. You know how it is. You've been divorced. You can still work together, but not be together? No, no. They'll be vindictive when I talk shit behind their backs, too.

Well, God bless you. God bless the world. I'm not going to say America. I'm going to say the world. God bless the world. There's some other places they can wipe off. What if they only wipe us out and they keep everything else? I don't understand, like, what, a comet is a rock.

Good luck having any good music ever. A comic is a lot of things, but yeah. So why does it look like a transparent organism with blinking lights inside? Well, it's a fun rock. They call them fun rocks. Boopi. I don't understand. What could that be?

Well, it's the angle, the angle of the angle of the, we probably already talked about this with our guests on Wednesday. It's the party bus of UFOs. Yeah, that'd be funny if they're just a bunch of goofballs. It's just a bachelor party of aliens. It comes down and just makes a loud noise playing loud music. That'd be fucking grave. There's assholes.

They just get off the bus. What's up? Like, sup. Send us your sluts. We're here for your sluts. We're here for your sluts. Do they all just have two tits? Okay.

Whatever. Fine, send them. You guys have iced tea. We heard about this iced tea. Hey, any of you guys have a fat bitch that could fit this? It shows them weird pronged wang-wanger. It has teeth. All their dick have teeth.

Dude, I'd love to be in a fucking space fight with somebody. It'd be great. Well, here's the thing. We're not prepared for a space force. So they're just going to take volunteers, like, Independence Day. So I could be like, we can come in there, like, Bill Burr can be like our number one crack pilot. Do you know what I mean? He's like, I'm here to throw it, dude.

I drive a helicopter. Dude, it's the same thing as a fighter jet, dude. Loads the missiles up in this cock sucker. Dude, I've been to Saudi, dude. I know how this shit works. Damn, dude. Well, so, there you go. I hope they're hot aliens.

I hope if there are aliens, they're sexy. No, what if they're just hot chicks? That'd be great, like Amazon women on the moon. And they came here because all their men died, and they haven't had dicks in centuries. I love it. Buy pet and buy pussed. They just run off and grab our dicks and suck them. That means two legs and two pussies.

Buy ped, buy puss. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know why. I try to talk science to this guy. He doesn't know anything. That's my fault. Jacob, you don't say you know anything about science, so I don't know why I keep trying to lay it on you.

Go back to sleep, Jacob, do me a favor. Go fucking take your siesta. Finish your siesta. Take your little nap. We'll be over here. Oh, I can't wait. I caught him falling asleep. The only thing we're going to regret.

That emotionally crushed me. We're going to regret it the most. She never got to sing that song ever again. That's right. You fucking died, never doing water. And sitting there idly while me and Bobby massacred it. I've seen a rainbow, something to say,

but do, but fucking debunkers. You told me it wasn't allowed. I hope they're fans of TLC and the show, and they came here to hear that song, and they actually kill her because she didn't sing it, and they keep us. They take us with them. Can we try to go through the lobby now and go, you don't understand I have to meet her. It might be wrapped by now. So you might have clearance to go.

Just you know, whenever I walk through the lobby again, I'm going to walk through the lobby again, I'm going to walk tall like I'm doing it against their will. I'm walking tall, though I'm going like, What, pussies? What? All right, we'll see you guys. Big Jay. He's going to be this weekend. You're at the Comedy and Mothership.

This weekend? Yeah, sold out. This weekend. I mean, of course it's sold out. It's the best club. I think. I mean, Jeff, maybe some loose tickets. Comedy Mothership in Austin this weekend. Friday, October 31st, through Sunday, November 2nd,

he'll be, I can't wait for you to play this club. He's going to be at sidesplitters in Tampa. I was there all weekend. Standing ovations. Whatever. You know, they're going to flip out And you're going to flip out Do they promote my shows while?

I promoted it They promoted it Mike's excited to have you on the show It's already sold out Did they add the Sunday? I was telling everybody in line Come back and CJ Yes, they are adding a Sunday

I say Sunday show Go to the Sunday show So in my little line outside As everybody was I was like You gotta come back and CJ Got to come back and CJ Funniest guy walking right now If you come to one of the other shows

Come back to Sunday So it's not for nothing Calm down, fill it up. And then after that, he's going to be in New Orleans for Skank Fest. For tickets and all the tour dates, go to bigjcom. YouTube.com slash at Big J. Okerson for his live shows and his Them They special, double specials up there right now. And then his double album Them They is available pre-order right now. There's only 500 of them.

And they have a signed dick-face guy photo on there. And that's at BigJ Comedy.com. Yeah. Robert Kelly's going to be at the Amas Theater, at Amas, Pennsylvania. Saturday, November 1st, and at Comics Come Home at the TD Garden, Boston, November 8th. After that, New Orleans for Skangfest, Providence, Rhode Island, Point Pleasant, New Jersey, for tickets and all other tour dates.

Go to punchup.com slash Robert Kelly. Check out that YouTube page, YouTube.com slash at Robert Kelly comedy. Oh, for my live streams and stuff. I'm going to figure out a schedule for it, but I don't know if we're able to do this one this week or last week. We didn't do one. So they'll be back, though, when I can. And then, yeah.

Enjoy your last few days on Earth, I guess. Well, it might be over right now. This might be the last thing you ever hear.