The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Lou's Filthy Dream

Episode Date: May 17, 2023

Black Lou also has a sex dream about Christine!

Hey everybody, I'm Bobby Kelly. And it's Big J. Okerson. We're actually a full radio show on Series XM, not just the podcast. Hey, guess what? For full episodes of The Bond Fire, you can listen on the Series XM app. Go to seriesexm.com slash Bond Fire for a special offer. And now, The Bond Fire with Big J. Okerson and Robert Kelly. And that's what I call Jersey Truck Fuck Rock. Ha ha ha ha. I'm a face for the sun.

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No, the great white snake. I saw white snake and great white together. It was one of the fucking greatest. With cover deal? Yeah. Really? I gotta say, great white. I mean, you probably, if you're a,

if you're a teenage child or whatever, I guess you'd be maybe like a 20-something-year-old child of somebody who died in the great white fire. And if you don't know, I'm talking about Great White, was a one-hit wonder from the 80s with this song right here. And they may have had one other they had to have had something It was another cover it was a cover that was a hit well as I remember as the guy had a pop belly a ugly as fuck He was real heavy on the bangs and uh Yeah, he wasn't super cool looking

The original video yeah look at him But he uh yeah Yeah, he looked like a But he, uh, yeah. Yeah, he looked like a goofy guy that like owned a pawn shop down south. He really? It actually looks like my friend, little J's brother. We got a new. 1988. Was what was that tour? I went to 1988. Great white snake tour.

I believe it was 1988. That all adds up. Yeah. A couple years after I graduated the old, graduated the old maybe the year I graduated high school isn't when I graduate high school this song blows so much but uh you like the old the uh the old western piano the saloon piano hey girls play me out Sam um it's so bad but uh so, if you're unaware in Rhode Island, I believe somewhere they played a very small venue.

And like it was 1988, they pulled out pyro techniques in like someone's house. It was just a small club and a hundred people died in a fire. Eight-foot ceilings. I mean, they had one door and they had no windows. I can't believe. I mean, they had one door and they had no windows. I can't believe. I saw kicks live at the something donkey,

it's called, crazy donkey on Long Island. I think that's what it's called. I saw kicks, and I'm telling you, I could have built a tent in the middle of the floor and a few people were there. And that's kind of what great white was, you know what I mean? At that time. I saw Stephen Adler in a place like that,

Adler's appetite. They were always a small hair metal band. Some things that would go down like that, dude. If you died in Altamont, you're a legend. You know what I mean? If you died in Rhode Island. If you died in Rhode Island at a great white show, your kids are gonna make up stories.

They're gonna tell fake stories. No, my dad died at a pantera concert. He's not some fucking sissy Yeah, that's a good song though. You know how this is a good song though Jay? Oh, there's a lot of good songs Not as good as this one. Not as good as this song Jay Welcome to your hell everybody Big Jay come on Woo get those figures up Yeah, smile Everybody, FinJ, come on. Get those figures up. Yeah, smile. Knees up, knees up.

Yeah, yeah. Everybody, come on, everybody. Come on, Kristi. Come on, baby. Fuck the sixes. Fuck the sixes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, everybody.

Yeah, yeah. Go fuck the sixes. Fuck this! Yeah, yeah! Go fuck the sixes! Just a little happier right there! Come on! That's it! You can't do it today! Come on! We're gonna go fuck the sixes! Pick up the pink part!

Oh! To help you! Here they go! Don't fuck the sixes! What? Fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, the sixes! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, the sixes!

Come on everybody! One, two, three, four, Fuck the sixes! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Good, good night, hey! Go fuck the sixes. Woo! Everybody!

Yes, sir. Go fuck yourself. Enjoy it while you can. They cut the cancer out today. The cell fell off the 76ers and fired dock rivers. Yeah. This is a man with that job. I hope you feel good about that.

I do feel fantastic. I feel fantastic as your dance. You're actually getting into it again. I like it. You knees are up today. Your fingers are popping. What is it called? Mumpin?

If you're gonna mom, you got a mom. Mumpin, you a mom and today, baby. Yeah. I mean, I got to represent. You know what I mean? It would be a fall day. Winter loose, we still mom. I'm me and uh, You know what I mean? It was the default day winner lose. We still mom

Me and Jake Jacob and Christine Me Jacob and me Jacob and Christine are gonna go see a Guardians of the galaxy tonight and I'm thinking Should I put a big popcorn on Jacob's lap and go hit the shitter for a little while? Just let it unfold how it may. No butter. No butter. That's fine. I'm telling you what though, you're going to want a little butter.

You just want to dry the dry. Each through popcorn. Yeah. You like to drive. You remember the story. I say it likes how that's dry. Oh, yeah. No butter.

He's going to make his own butter. Christine, how are leaving is that to make Jacob come you just need grip You don't even need the spit or do anything with your mouth. God bless him. He's gonna come in from the gaze out of the bed But he did eventually end up being on top of you inside of your tight wet pussy Remember that That's the only time Jay's ever called me tight. It was a dream, Christine. Like, tight little ass is so wet waiting for you.

I was reading. I was a mistake on my part. A mistake to read it? Yeah. What were you reading? Your diary? Jacob's journal. Jacob's journals. Jacob's journals. James been journaling. How'd you feel yesterday when you were home? It felt good to get that off your chest and put it put it on your chest again last night.

Yeah. Where's the scrolls? I want to compare stories now. I love how Lewis buried this on the list of things. Did he put in the back? He put it under Colorado driver, tried switching places with dog to a boy, do you like? Like that's more important than his secretary of Christine. It is. I will say real quick before we jump off of a basket ball,

sixers take job, Miranda, and a heartbeat. We know how to deal with a guy who swings a gun around, but it's an amazing tiny player. Did you see what happened when he did again? No, what do you do? Well, you know, John Miranda is. He's a player. I have no idea.

Really? Who is he? Spask ball player. Yeah, I said that. What are you gonna say? You said, you said a player. I don't like the hung me out there on my non-sports knowledge.

I told you, I don't remember things. That's fair. What's your last name? Ocarsten. Thanks. John. I'll just answer you. All right, thanks.

John Miranda's a player on the Memphis Grizzlies. Really good. Really, and he's one of those small guys who's really good. Looks cool. He's like, got everything you need to be a huge superstar. Earlier this year, while the season was still happening, he was at a club like flashing a gun in a video like dancing around like showing off a gun got

suspended for a while what 12 games or something you get suspended for like 12 games and it probably ultimately like affected their very shitty run in the playoffs this year he was under so much. And he had to do all the, if you could find his apology, John Martin's apology video, because he has to do the thing they all do, he puts in like a turtle neck, and sits down and he's like,

I'm learning that I have to be mature, or not act like a child like that. He's gonna win. He's gonna win one chain instead of seven. And then two days ago, that's the original one. And then two days ago, or something like that, three days ago, he's in the car with his friend,

and then there's gonna guns and like, yeah, what's that like yeah and by the way it's not he doesn't know he's being filmed he's like that's what's up more fuck it's crazy what's the original one let's can I compare can I compare the two yeah the first one's less dramatic. J. How do you not take out a gun if you have one though? Buddy, listen, if I ever get a piece, dude, I'm gonna be flashin' a thing at all. All my headshots are gonna be that, lookin' straight down the barrel. Yeah.

If I ever do have guns, I'm gonna carry the double holsters underneath so I can pull them out like that. And that's gonna happen a lot. That might be how I end my set, say go. You guys a bit amazing, man be how I end my sets ago. You guys have been amazing man. Keep on keeping on. Puk out.

Just put two off. There'll be blanks, but those cool blanks, the ones that killed Brandon Lee. They're blanks, but something could go wrong. The Kung Fu. I will say this though, he is, someone will pick him up for sure. Absolutely. And I would pick him up in a heartbeat.

I don't think they're going to give him a way just yet. Now, no, that's too big. Is it illegal to just, is it illegal to where he is to have guns? Not in Memphis, Tennessee. It shouldn't be, but I think like you're not allowed to like, brandish them out in public and swing. And also, as an NBA player, I assume code of conduct has something where you It shouldn't be, but I think like you're not allowed to like brandish them out in public and swing and also as an MBA player I

Assume code of conduct has something where you really can't just be doing that. Well, I mean if you can take if you could have a gun on you Is is is is brandishing a thing? Was it just an awesome word you just used you'd be in true. Listen weeds legal in a lot of places if you have if you're on video Smoking weed though in the MBA you'll get in trouble you can't brand a shit you can't brand this your weed you can't brand this your weed why do you can you love her hate the word brand this dude I'm telling you right now I love it I love the brand ish my wife's a genre in public that guy brandish tonight for you on you he brand it wow people don't believe it people look up lying believe it or not believe that knife was brand is not getting stabbed on the seven train. Bobby got to prove him wrong now you have to go seek street justice in the in the subways to prove you're not lying. I today we we I came out of great song I came out of Alan. Joe, it's not Joe Scarborough, but it's something like that.

Joey Scarborough. Joey Scarbury. Scarbury. Scarbury. Good song. Joe Scarborough's a news man. I came out of Alan today and I went to the train stop. Face your fears.

Face your cold there and see if that guy's there. I went over there and I stood there. You're going to let some Puerto Rican mother fucker tell you how to run this city? Bobby Kelly is New York. Take back the night. I stood there and I just was looking for him. Like seeing if maybe he's on a schedule

because it was the same exact time a little before. And I was just seeing if he would kind of, if that's his little path. You know, maybe he works around the area and he gets off at that time. Yeah, I've done a lot of like waiting for the moment that should have happened to happen that's not going to. I've had a road rage a couple of weeks back.

When was that, Kristi? I was on a phone with you, wasn't I? And some guy just like came up to the car and started like cursing at me and she like that. And then I was going back and forth with him. But he was walking direction I was driving. And when I parked my car and got out of the car and started like cursing at me and she's like that. And then I was going back and forth with him. But he was walking direction I was driving. And when I parked my car and got out of the car, I stood probably 25 minutes out for my building

and be like, walk by. Walk by you pussy. And then thank God mercifully, he just didn't walk by. And I went inside and ended up being a person my own age. I was wondering if he would walk by what I was going to do. Maybe took out a knife again. I'd run again Probably that's probably the right move. Yeah, I'd say take off

If he brandishes on you again, if he brandishes knife on me again, get the fuck out of there Don't just sit there while I got brandishes Can you brandish a penis you can write a brandish penis? Oh, I saw a guy today brandishes penis I was parking my car down by the seller because that's why I park on Tuesdays because I go back down there for my show Did you parallel parking you got it on one turn and he was like dude nice take a look and he gave you a little treat This guy is no, okay, I don't mind that I don't mind when they do it Wow, he's like wow that was a really good parking job and here take a peek at this now you earn that he part There was a car in front of the Ace Hardware

in front of a cross street from the village underground. A truck, a big truck. He just walked over, kind of looked at me, nodded his head and then pissed on the back of the truck. Yeah, I'm really like, those terrorists missed with this city. I gotta tell you, they only took those two buildings. They should have drove this thing right in the middle times to wear it.

It really, this city, it's's just it's wearing on me. I get what's New York man, but I am just Families there was kids like mom's and with baby carriages and like like teenage girls just walking by and nobody Like he was just pissing with his dick out. Time Square. On the back of a truck. Time Square has become... This was no, this was a crush,

it was the village underground. The village too, is a hunk of shit. Village west, west fourth is fucking God-bye. Scuzz, scuzz. It's awful. Yeah, but I mean, no matter where you're at, I was going through time Square, I was going through time Square earlier today and

Driving through those things like if you come this time, so you're going to New York And we're gonna see the buildings and remember really what you're gonna see is like drunk people dressed in shitty costumes out there like bullying you For picture money to take pictures. It's just the scusiest. Do you know who's in rats? Do you know who's in the in those costumes? Former state senators. I was told yes it's all Mexican dudes and Mexican women If you like I saw them one morning getting changed. I was I was doing just a can you know spider-man?

They were getting changed they were getting changed into the outfits, but it looked like MS-13 And then they just jumped into a fucking Mickey Mouse in a spider-man outfit All right today. I'm gonna be goofy and then we're gonna go rub Rodriguez It's a First I'm gonna be goofy for a little bit. I'm gonna be goofy make some of the gittany money you goofy yesterday, man I mean, I want gonna be goofy make some of the june m' money your goofy yesterday, man. I mean, I want to be Deadpool I think it's way super heroes it incensed me. I think is where do you go? Where do you go in the city? Outdoors that's not just you're gonna get New York to probably in some way

Do you know I mean like my box pretty quiet, but like you go up to the corner, like at least, I mean, definitely in front of our place sometimes. But if you go up to the corner, like it's right back to like open season insanity and weird shit going on. I like it. I like a little bit of it because I was here in the 90s when it was fucked, like the peep shows, and all the hookers. I I would I like that. And then it got cleaned up. And I was like, like the peep shows, and all the hookers, I liked that. And then it got cleaned up. And I was like, oh, this is almost too nice. This is stupid.

Time's where it became stupid. It's in the middle now. Now it's like, because now you have like, bubblegum shrimp, and then also outside, like, you know, someone trying to scam you for comedy club tickets and sell your Coke. Yeah, me and Billy were walking by one time, and they told us that we were there.

Oh, I've had worse. I've had someone tell me that I suck, but not me. When I asked about my picture, he informed me that this guy sucks. With your photo. Of my photo, yeah. Oh, that's great. Yeah, it was a lot. Yeah.

It was, it was, I was in a bad place. That wasn't a good time to hear that. But yeah, it was, um, yeah, it's such like, again, like that, that's it. I'm going to keep a place here for sure. And I love working in New York City. I do. I love working up a man to the living in it at this point. I'm so over.

Dude, I love that I get to go on the West Side Highway, drive up the sawmill through Yonkers and hit to this address. To this address. To 74 sawmill road and Hastings. Now, yeah dude, I go right up, hardsley, it's so, I pull into my driveway, the whole streets quiet.

I got my long drive up to the top I get out I look inside sometimes my wife send the recliner watch on the show and a little light on I go in the dogs in the backyard. Oh so nice Just go pat the dog go pat the dog. Maybe let up a bat in my backyard Yeah, I go like this Alexa., hey, turn the backyard lights on. Ting. Really? They go on.

Ting, they go like this. Ping. Can you, no, you have a shed though. I do. I was like, where can you go listen to music or something that kind of night and not bother anybody in the world of the shed? Going to my shed, my shed is so comfortable.

AC? I have AC in the summer. I have heat in the winter. It's good. And I've masturbated in there. Have you? To Christine. No, shit.

Really? That's a whole place is dropping best, Christine. I mean, are you gonna be? Yesterday was a hot show. She's the real bell of the balls. I don't love a big dick. I don't know. That works out here.

It works out for everybody. Well, I don't know. Black we might be. It works out for everybody. I don't know. Blackly might be packing. He's got a fat one, not a long one. He's got a heater, not super long. No, it's a fatty. But sick girth. Yeah, sick girth.

Like, yeah, like a can of spinach. You small head for some reason I'm picturing. Yeah, a little tiny head, but a huge hole. You could put like a quarter in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Louis hung like a, he's like a toilet paper roll, but just like with that big of a hole going straight through it. Yeah, you put the quarter in sideways. Yeah. Everyone's sex dreaming about Christine. How was yours last night, DJ Lou? I don't think of my sisters like that.

You just whacked off to a while you were awake. It's insesduous. You guys are fucking perverts. No, not if you whacked off to it while you were awake It's insesuous. It's you guys are fucking perverts. No, not if you whack off to Jacob's dream. Oh Yeah, but you're whacking off then the dream Christine from Jacob's dream. Then Jacob's got to be involved sure Yeah, what's wrong with that? It's not with that nice body like that. What do you see these? What do you see these bourgeois and shower pictures? I take a Jacob You're gonna be praying to God you get to meet a threesome with this guy. Can't wait for those little ass knuckles What do you see these? What do you see these bourgeois and shower pictures? I take a Jacob. Yeah. You're gonna be praying to God.

You get to be in a threesome with this guy. Can't wait for those little ass knuckles. Oh. The Fossy fingers is my favorite. That's such a good one. Oh, I might actually put that on your wall. That's so fantastic. I thought that's a Jacob. The jumps. Oh, it's not a hard come. It's a wall. That's so fantastic. Jacob Jones. Oh, it's not a hard

cub. It's a soft. Oh, that's it. He's done. No, do we do, do we do it yesterday and let black Lou reveal his pervy tales of Christine in the night? I was gonna say, I was gonna say we'll get to it, but but black Lou really put it at the bottom He really trying to hide it. He doesn't want to do it. So I so happened to Jacob. It's only right 100%

But Jacob tell him you feel cleansed today. It's cathartic Lou. You'll you want to get this off you judge? No, I don't yeah, well I want I want it But do we get to that and first because there's another Thing going on here DJ Lou has a whiskey barbecue happened last weekend and that could be anything from sports legends showing up to Coke and booze fueled fist fighting they can go anywhere when the whiskey's get together and he said he's maybe He said this whiskey barbecue was no exception and it something did

go down and it was pretty good. How about funny, if I went to it and the guy who attacked me was there. He's your girlfriend's cousin. He is. This fucking bag, pushy's here. I don't even know who that, I don't even know the guy who attacked you is, but it's definitely in some version his girlfriend's cousin. There was an attack, so. It could in some version his girlfriend's cousin. Something was an attack.

So it could be a 15th cousin or something. Plus, if it was lose girlfriend, she'd have made contact with that knife, buddy, known with think your line. Then she would have put two across you. She gave you them joke or cheeks. Because it's on my mind because it goes with yesterday's show, I'm itching to hear lose story. I bet you are. I bet you're trying to get something back in the show. I'm itching to hear lose story. I bet you are.

I bet you're trying to get something back in the bank. I'm itching to hear, I'm itching to hear Lew Whiskey's story too. Guys, there's great news. But I'm gonna get to both stories. We got a whole show, fellas. We have a show tomorrow with no ad reads. We have no ad reads.

We're getting fired anyway. We can all just talk about fucking each other, significant other, just. Hey, what do you guys wanna do do to Don while reddit? Doesn't matter. Now but he's doing anything to me. My left tip is bigger than my right tip and my pussy's drier than the Sahara. Stand up, turn around and bend over. Now Jacob fuck yourself. Take charge Jacob. We're doing a show show your ass. Now it's a shovel ass. She's a pig. Yep. She is

Tell you said that that's crazy. Jacob Good Lord What do you think Bobby well? I think let me think Lou That's what I think I want to hear Lou's right a black yeah black little white. I want a black I mean, I want to hear I want to have DJ lose story But I want to tell mine. He's gonna lose his nerve. We don't get to him You want to tell yours. Yeah, I don't mind. He's gonna lose his nerve. We don't go to it soon. Yeah, Christine Which one do you want to hear I want to hear both

Let's go let's go Because DJ Lou you said you're gonna you're gonna lose your you're the thing right? No Black lose gonna lose his nerve. We should get to it. Okay. Let's go then. Let's go black. Look. Let's get on it What black? You have a fan blowing on your face. I don't think he's in bed time of day. I think it starts standing You beautiful pregnant wife laying next to you. She's not alive in this, in this. Hendrix, Hendrix asleep in the room.

Well, you say she's not alive. Past away in there. You killed your wife. It's a dream. It's a dream. So yes, mentally, I don't think I'd be able to do anything unless she was dead. So.

That probably makes sense. Yeah. But just Kristi, no. His mind wants to bang you so bad he did kill her How'd you kill her? Yeah, she's taking away the tornado like Superman's dead man She stuck his head her hand out she didn't have to die but she was like you went to go grab it He went no stay there stay there. Please don't help you. No, you definitely could I know I know you went to go grab it, he went, no, stay there, stay there. Please don't help even though you definitely could.

I know you want to fuck Christine. Go go get out of here. You. I know you can't do it unless I'm gone. So I'm taking a sacrifice. You deserve this, Lou. Okay. So in this dream, your wife has killed herself to give room for you to be free to fuck Christine.

Now from there, go ahead. It was in the winter in Indico and studio. What? Just there really. Well, it's not listen. This is not as graphic as Jacob's story. This is it's a good move though. I tell you why because there's already so much coming that studio. I have to assume There's actually how we get a widow down to yours. There's a kega come in there. There's a kega come. This is a very real deal. Twice to still.

It's in there so I really want a mental picture of the studio. I remember what it looks like now. There's a nine year old come in that. Where's Christine's butt crack sweat mark? Is it right by the cum barrel? No. All right, you're in the studio. Yeah, in the studio.

Yeah. It's not graphic like Jacobs. No. All right, you're in the studio. Yeah, in the studio. Yeah. It's not graphic like Jacobs. It's more weirdly romantic. We got the blue. The sun is setting the fireplace that was in there is on. What a fabulous studio it is. Uh, everyone left after the show and I did something wrong. I don't even know what I did in the in the dream.

I have for steam. You fuck Jay's girl. You fucking learn. Fireplace of music. I made a mistake something bad during the show or something. And I don't know. I don't in the dream. No, no, no, no. I made a mistake, something bad during the show or something, and I don't know, I don't, in the dream, I have no idea what it is, but everyone goes downstairs after the show

and Christine stays behind, till I kinda talk to me. Correct you. Yes. Yes. But he's been a bad guy. Yeah. But, and Jacob can attest to this,

it's not regular Christine. It's Skankfest Christine Oh, what is that? Take charge Christine. Oh, she has her other fat. Her little little Fanny pack on the waste one. Yeah, yeah She got her Fanny pack on a little headset. She have a headset near here. She doesn't the dream But she should she does she's got everyone everyone talking. Yeah. Yeah, she's talking to you but she's really nice. She's talking to Rebecca. Hang on, what's up? No, no, no.

Oh, I'm sending them over right now. Lou, what do you got? Just you know, just you know, I bet her panties and socks are ripe with sweat. Yeah. Is it Vegas or is it? She's been doing 7,000 steps by the morning, by the end of the morning. She's a little frustrated because she just got yelled at by Lewis. Yeah, Lewis just yelled at her. Christian, what the fuck?

Tensions are high. Tensions are high. She came right from Skankfest somehow to the end of the show. Yeah, it's winter. It's winter. There's fire. She's in gene shorts. The curtains are open. The sun is setting. You did something bad. You bad little boy. You came up and only Christine's in the studio. And then, bad boy, what, says what? Don't you, she said something to be effective. Like, you look, you know, you can't do that, dude. Like, you just can't do that.

And I didn't say anything, and then she said, look at me, and then I looked at her, and then she kissed me. Classic. Wow. And then I asked at her and then she kissed me And then I asked her about Jay like what's up with Jay and she said and it almost like you can kiss him too I come on I can money to come barrel like so I second you know I get it. I'm in I'm in I get it. I'm in. I'm in. Damn, dude. This is really rocks. Me and the socks. Jacob and DJ Lewis slide in like snakes off the wall.

Or I'll just bonfire, crack a crackle. Jacob came in playing a lute like a wooden. Yeah. Yeah. So you I'm sorry. Let me take away. She kissed you. Yes. What about Jay?

But you said what about Jay? Because it's interesting because Jacob said no. And you said, what about Jay? But you said what about Jake? Because it's interesting because Jacob said no and you said what about Jay? Well, yeah, because are we gonna lie to him and do this or we gonna tell him? Jacob's Jacob Jacob went no no, Jay like he said no and then it but in his mind He knows Christine's an insatiable Hore bag. Yeah, who no matter his doesn't matter how many nosy says the more knows the more yeses she's

she's starved for cock pennies literally melt off with four nose he seduced the both of us i humped in kindergarten uh... yeah definitely so you say what about jay what does she say did she put her finger over your lips?

Nope, nothing like that. She just said I think you're pulling with Bobby. It'll be hours if I let him. Yeah, he'll fall asleep after he's done eating. Yeah. She just said, like, and it sounded like a drop, but she said, we're open, it's fine. But it was like in her voice, like, we're open, it's fine. Mm-hmm. So you dick crawled back into your body? We're open, stop complaining complaining and just bang me already.

We're all up and like my legs get in it. Man. Stuff me, black glue. Stuff me like a shrimp. Put that pickle can in my ass. Stretch me out like I've never been stretched before. Look at, look Look at look at Christian.

No, I'm not looking at Christine right now. Better in the eye right now. No, look at me. You look to him the whole time. I looked at you a little. Wow, that got weird. Go ahead. After this, this dream was years ago.

This is when we were in that studio. Like the one we were just in yesterday. But like it happened yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. So she said what? She said we're open. It's totally cool. We're open. It's how they fall And then and then magically we were having sex already. No, no, no, no, no, stop, stop, stop, stop, okay How are you having sex where were you on top of use plank and you were having sex? It was like when they kept waking Robo cop up

All they were making them you just come to for a second and people were low for you. Like that genie movie with Shaqiel. Kazan, where in the room? Where in the room? Where are you? You were standing against the back window. So you on a window against the glass window. Yeah.

So you had to mush up against the window and the curtain was open. Yes. And the side was setting. Yes. And anyone could have walked by. No one did. But you would be hired. They could have even liquid taught. Liquid thought didn't happen to walk. I guess someone's a walk. Hey, did you kick our legs open like a top? No, there was nothing. Wait, you were banging her against a wall. A doggy style. Yes. Now, were you on your tippy toes? Because she's a little tall than you. No, that was nothing. Wait, you were banging her against a wall. Uh, a dollar of salt, yes.

Now, were you on your tippy toes? Because she's a little tall than you. No, that was not in the jury. Could they see her titties swinging over in high heat baseball? No. No. Oh. Did you have an arm around her front?

So no, I could see her nips on the one that went on the one. Now, Lou, clearly you're fertile in Christy's down the pill. Where are you blasting off? Well, I mean, do I have to raise his half black child now First of all half black that's full black That's black black lose gum. Oh, yeah, the thing's coming right black. No shit. Yeah, there was no completion You didn't finish. No, no finished damn second dream in a row. Christine can't satisfy him in the dream There was no finish in the dream. Oh, when you woke up and pounded out and then you came like Jacob

No, so only Jacob's you know what it pounded out an actual spill real-life batch to Christine. I fucking pervert. I don't Wow, that came out yesterday, dude they do did it. Did you get forgot the brakes on that trolley? Yeah, you guys and then it jerks off in the shower. What? I gotta make the joke at one point tonight where I get it. I don't go to the bathroom for movies But I'm gonna have to do the like hey guys, I'm gonna go take a piss. Don't you two crazy kids go for it love on me now

I'd love it if you came back and they're just making out. I bet I come back in all three chairs around you except the popcorn with Jacob's load on top of it Think you have to think of it like the because I think this is like, you have to think of it like the, the epilogue to the dream. Mm-hmm. Is that right? Epilogue. Yeah.

You looking at me? I just learned what brand ischment. Prologue epilogue, yeah. The epilogue. You brought us your Weirder Christine. You brought us your Weirder in real life. You know, I was just gotten up and it was like, wow, this didn't, and the dream was frustrating and thing. Do you plan on fitting us over here, dude? Judgment up and it was like, wow, this didn't and the dream was frustrating and

I'm gonna fitness over here, dude judgment free zone. Yeah, man. I don't know what I really wish to got ahead and I've told that last Well, you did and now we know you're really jerked off the J's girl You really do you think if Christine wax off to the thought of Jacob whacking off to the thought of Christine some sort of a portal opens? Is that how the Rick and Morty guns made it? That was folding on top of itself. Reality. We're getting off. Jacob the top of Lewis's dream. This is really his time, the shine now.

I'll tell you what, Lewis was generic enough that I picture that's what he dreams after he meets any white woman that's slightly attractive Pretty cool that he just goes he's like hey just fuck certain whatever you matter in a studio But it's always in that studio. It's always doggy style. It's always shoday playing I guess we leave this up to Christine, but in my mind. It's a no-brainer. I was the better lover. Oh my lord Yeah, it sounds like you win the better. Yeah, there it is Can I say though because I don't love doggy style that much? And Christine does love doggy style

that I thought that might have put you over a little bit though. But it wasn't doggy style, it was stand up. That's even cooler. Yeah, being fucked against the window is pretty fun. So that is, that definitely. What did you say? She said being fucked against the window, that was pretty good.

I didn't hear, I seriously, I didn't hear I seriously I didn't hear it because I stepped on it. What did you say? Let me could I just hear what did you say? I'd say being fucked against a window sounds pretty fun. Yeah. The function is not going to make the drop on you less bad. I never heard of it. I said is pretty fun before like I've done it. I've never had sex against the window it's serious. You never did. Would you though?

Is that really a thing? Like being- There's too many things in there's too many cameras and cameras and stuff. No, I mean in a window, would you, is that a thing that you like being smushed against the window where people can maybe see you? No.

No. No. You want to look over and see some old guy with binoculars jerking off. But your cat cats behind him. Thank you, holding up a sizes, thank you. Thank you. I think, I think, I think lose is hot.

I mean, Jacob, yours was good, but you fought it. You were fighting it and you had to. That's why the payoff was so big. At the end. I'm gonna give Jacob this one. When he really jerked off in the shower. I mean, Jacob also, yeah, again, he fucking did an old dreamscape

He he Freddy Kruger. He did the end of nightmare on stream. He pulled the hat out I grabbed his hat And that was Jacob's batch in the shower Oh, it's not gonna harm you at all. It's already down the drain I now you have to make it happen. You have to make it happen Now you have to make it happen. You have to make it happen. The tail is going to hold me. Dreams do come reality, Jacob.

Dreams can come true. It can happen to you. What would you do if that really happened if you came over to Jacob? In Christi, we'll have an unfair. I don't know. My mind is so thousand different places. Like is he moving in or like? What's that when I'm gone? But your bed was made perfectly. Oh, I would take

Christine having a full blown relationship if the house was nicer. She could have a full, she can call another person her boyfriend. She was, I'm seeing this guy Derek now. I go, she is, but she's made food like three times this week. Pretty impressive. Derek seems to really be evening her out. Can happen to you, Jacob. Yeah. If you're young and hard.

Can I tell you something? You got a, with minimal to no effort, you have a higher chance of fucking Christine and you do a winning lottery. That's true. What? Is it true? Absolutely true.

For sure. Too weird in here. A little weird man. No, sit in the tension. Jay, you made it a little fucking weird. Now we're all just looking at Christine kind of. You guys want to have a shot at Christine? Take your chances.

Is this going to be, can we do a game? Court Christine. Didn't they just do the, they just try to, on Howard Stern, they're trying to woo like a writer's mom or something. They had everybody trying to bang one of the writer's moms. We could do that with Christine. Who, if it was, oh, you know what, I have like 800 shirts with my face on it from my special,

sitting in a warehouse. And I said today to my manager, we should have some sort of a competition where we couldn't give away some of these shirts. And it's like we could also give away like a different, a Christine will give one person a hand job and they get a shirt. And then the second prize could be some mouth stuff and you win a shirt and then get it around the world with a shirt. Either way that we're moving shirts. Right. Your head shot one. Yeah. Oh I love it. Can I get one? Yes you have to have sex. You have to have mouth hand or around. You get to win the

contest that get you either mouth hand around the world. I don't even know the stream whole thing came from it. It's from you. You're all came from you Venus. Yeah, you jerked off in a shower. This is where came from saying I'm sorry You're absolutely that part of it was was the hottest part Obviously that wasn't the real part that I jerked off to last night my shed Jacob It's the only time the story might take moved. Yeah, obviously that was my Melishman in my story I walked all the way here today because I was hard the whole way. I didn't want to be in a train with the hard on.

Um, Christine, have you whacked off the idea that your co-workers went to baguette studios? No. Not yet. I like queers. Although she did name her retouchy magic wand, Jacob. She calls it Jake. I'm very flattered though. I think I think it's so nice. I mean, I think

everybody I think I'm so asexual like in life to people that like it's nice to know that like, oh, you don't think anybody wants to bang you? I just don't I've been with Jay like out of like respect. There's no like flirtatious. I don't have a lot of like flirtatiousness in my life. So it's, you know, it's nice. It's flattering. Everybody can smell my dirty pussy. Oh, that's probably why. I tell people, the synchristine dick picks all the time.

They do. They do. Do you like a dick pick? Not particularly. Really? Why is that? I just, it's a little, I think women are prettier to look at i like pictures from women more than i like dick pics from then

alright so you're right dick pics are ugly guys starts in a picture of your spread assholes to christine you balloon not you like a like hot balloon not christine the bonfire sex out i uh... the dick pics are weird we wasted them like a more rugged style sex.

I'll give him that, but I do think overall mine was hotter. He said, what about Jay? And before she could answer, he fish hooked her and fucked her from behind because he had class. He's smushed her with the glass. Shut up, you nanny sound and bitch. What about Jay? And then he filled her up.

And then she said, Lou, wrong hole. And he said, there is no wrong hole. And she said, you're right. And then he finished in her butt then she said Lou wrong hole. He said there is no wrong hole and she said you're right And then he finished in her but in her butt in her butt. Yeah, then she cleaved it out And she farted it out into the bucket into that that com keg no tiger lady. Yeah, she added she added to the batch She added to the com Oh, how you dropped you shit? Lou and your dream was Christine shaking because she was enjoying it so much like ecstasy.

No, you got me there. She is. She was quivering. Quivering, yeah. But was she doing a new dream, Lou? Was she making any noise? She was trying not to. Like what?

Like how's that go? How does it go? I don't remember that. Like this? Will you hold in their mouth? No. Was she her ass hole to finger so she doesn't fart? Because that could be a thing. Where were your hands? What do we just eat before this fuck says? We're chokener like my home is brother. Where were you? Black Lou is awkward. Black Lou is uncomfortable. He really is. We stand on a book she was making a noise like like this,

like maybe like this. Like that. Yeah, you could say that, sure. And you were doing what? What are you going? Huh. What were you doing? Huh.

I was not making any noise. You had the dream I was not making. You had it. Yeah. Posey was too loose. Was it one of Posey was too loose? No. You weren't feeling that clap. You didn to feel in that clap you can feel them

jeek clapping no no details there unfortunately damn that's wild did the sunset I don't know if it's because we're bringing this topic up or whatever but I feel gosh it's just here the section I had about Jacob last night yes that's very similar what happens very similar similar. Did you go to Jacob's? Radio Andy, fish hooks from behind. People did see liquid tide was there online. Pose a mangan walk by. Eddie trunk was in the distance.

He waved like this the whole time. I holding a balloon like John Wayne Gasey. Me and Bennington milked you from behind, put it in a cup and cheers each other and have a cigar Now I ask questions seriously. Mm-hmm. Have you ever? Did you think my wife is attractive? Sure? What yeah? I crazy. Huh? No, it's not crazy, but it's not confident. I do yeah. I think Christine's hot Look at Christine Christine. Yeah, but you're just being nice. No, I'm not genuinely hot. No don't you know how many you don't have to say this because I think Christine's hot Yeah, but you're just being nice. No, I'm not genuinely hot. No, don't you know how many you don't have to say this because I think dawn's pretty

I'm saying it Christine's hot. No, buddy. You listen. We talked off air. I know your I tell you to spite that I think dawn's very trash that's fucked up. That's fucked up That's not your thing that's no that said never in my life said that yeah, I Basically, Christine's not your thing. That's not what I said, never in my life said that. Yeah, and I was like, what's like your thing? You're like, I like a more attractive face. That's fucked up. Christine, look at me. Look, that's bullshit.

I've never said, the first time you look just like my wife. It's the same girl. It was pillow talk. It was, no, but you're saying there's absolutely true. It's almost the same reason I say I find on a track. It's my type. I'm a dark hair's dark eyes I'm dark hair dark eyes. I love it. It's why I was always strange to me that some of my biggest like celebrity ones I mean, I listen to Milano was number one until she became a person who would hate my guts. Yeah site unseen to you, but like that's the

thing like I was more most attracted to My high school like crush was dark. Here's our best, but I was more most attracted to. My high school like Crush was dark here, but like the big one, Pam Anderson, Anna Nicole Smith, and what's the other one we always watched with the Corys? Nicole Egert. Nicole Egert, holy shit.

Nicole Egert, you were though to me. Like those blondes, those were like the best to me. Nicole Egert was always, that type of blonde was always the girl that I was just unattainable to me. The cool aggregate was always that type of blonde was always the girl that I was just unattainable to me. Never could get it. Even at my hottest when I was sexy, Bobby, I could never get a blonde like that. I've had a couple. I had this girl, I can't even say her name, but anyways high school, she did it the cool guy, Eric, Italian guy, Jane, and she would come to me when they would fight and you would treat her like shit.

Yeah. And we would kiss. And that's it. Yeah, I just kissed and then she go back to him and then she come back to me. And then one day we, I took it to a graveyard and she ate my ass. Nice. It was weird, but it ruined it. It ruined it?

Yeah, that was real. How old were you? It was after high school. Like this is like the year after high school. We were in high school. So I had to be, I don't know. Wait, it was nine, 18, 17, 18. Late 80s.

Yeah, late 80s. Wait, you just lit your ass. Spend over a tombstone. No, I put my leg up on the back of my car. Did she also wish you like doing stuff to your dick with her hands? Yeah, she didn't just go straight into my, she was a hungry. She was just like an asshole. Yeah. You may think we went to the Scrawberry R. She goes, all right, let me eat your ass. I just

spread your bunch. You just look back. She says, don't look back. I don't like that. Well, back in the day, I think we all did this. You had to have your spots, like you would drive somewhere. Because I didn't have an apartment, so you'd have to drive, some of you couldn't take them back and fuck. I live with a Jewish foster father and a Spanish foster brother, Camelo Sanchez. I couldn't bring people back there,

so I would have to spot some spots. I would get spots. And one of my spots was the cemetery that you could drive into, take them up on the hill. As long as you were freaked out by the, you know, the dead people around you. It was kind of peaceful. The girl I lost my virginity to, I fucked in a graveyard, when she took me there one night to go look at her stillborn sister.

Jesus Christ. What the fuck? Very weird. You fucked near the grave? I don't think so. I think we went to a more evil-looking altar. Oh, fuck. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha out. This is my sister once it tastes. What's that? My sister. The muddy hands comes up. And she gets life from your dog. Oh God. Oh God. You fucked in Graveyard's Lou,

growing up in Jersey. Well, it's my virginity and a Presbyterian in church stairwell. Wow, in the church. Okay. Outside the church. I got an A fired. Yeah, you piece of shit on the stairs of a church. Uh, yes, actually I didn't, I lost my virginity in a field later on, but that was pretty. I lost my virginity in the, in the woods. Like I had two, uh, two of my friends were watching Dickie's soul and, uh, Scott Kelly were watching in the bushes. No, you're gay, get away from me. Yeah, that's what they said.

That's why I fucked the girl. They didn't want anything. I guess I'll just fuck her then. You guys suck. We were having sex. She was old in the mean. We had sex and I didn't know what I was doing. And she was like, I put my done-lop win breaker down.

Remember when win break is first, it was like future material I put my done-lop windbreaker down remember when Windbreak is first the knot. It was like it was like future material that type of Swishy pants and Philly. Yeah, we we lie put it down. She's like don't do that. I'm like why she goes I'm a spitter I was like, I don't care. Let's just go and I put it down. I came in her and she spat all my Out on my jacket That's never coming out. I had a throw it away. Yeah, my mom was mad because she just got me that my dad had to sell windows to get it Yeah, it just looks like it just looks completely wet. There's these guys throughout. I didn't even know what I didn't know that that could happen I just read all it and then right on the pocket parts a little kangaroo pocket Yeah, I just my swishy pants.

I remember like fucking with just like pulling weenie out of pants and then like the wet from the couch even is going to just make a mark that's just it's there forever now. It's there forever. You're throwing on. I remember Dickey and Scott were in the bushes going, no, like this.

And they were just like kind of helping me because I was pumping in circles. It's for you. I was doing circle pops. I didn't, I thought you, you stirred the pussy like cookie, like cookie dough. And then they stirred like coffee. And they were like, no, pump like this. I was like looking over the bushes,

and then I started pumping and then it made it happen. I mean, I made the goopy goop come out. Yeah, yeah. She didn't come at all. I know, I found out that she was fucking dickie. She was fucking everybody. Dickie already knew this too, but he was like, get you some.

That's a pretty cool friend. No, he, she fucked him after. She fucked everybody. So she was just banging dudes. She was like banging all kinds of dudes. And then I remember dickie. Did you get mad when Dickie fucked her? Well, he can't, he,

because the girl you lose your Virginia to, again, I know it can be done. I don't believe sex always has to have a hyper-emotion to it. My Virginia story, I'm pretty happy. You know, she was older than me. Got to do it in a bed. It wasn't rushed in any way. There was no thing, like all that excitement fucking,

I think was better, then right away by the way, we fucked in fields, me and her and that graveyard and everything. The first time was just in a hotel bed, no one bothering, no one getting caught, no nothing. It was just, that was much better for me. A week later, Dickey took me into our fort. And you guys compared fingers smells.

No, he said, well, I got him in Scott took me into the, our fort we had by the lake, uh, mystic lakes. And he's like, I got to tell you something. You look for Jenny when you had a fort still. and he's like, I gotta tell you something. You lost your virginity when you had a fort still? But, there he goes. He goes, he goes, I fucked Tony.

Oh, whatever, never mind, I don't wanna tell him I'm on the radio, but he's a fucked entertain. And I, I wish you heard of your first. And I was, I remember I was like, thanks, telling me man. And I shouldn't have been mad at him, but I got mad at her. And I went, I remember I carved our initials in the tree

in a heart by our house. And I went and I climbed the tree. And I was sitting in the tree and she was trying to get me down to talk to me. Oh, you were moping in a tree. I was moping in a tree. Come down. No, I like it up here.

Then I, come on, Bobby, come down. I'm sorry, fuck all your friends. I don't even care about that. I just love it up here. Come on, Bobby, come down. I'm sorry, fuck all your friends. I don't even care about that. I just love it up here. Yeah. I always drive by that tree. It's still there. I want to go back and see if our names is still.

Your open tree? My momodry, because I remember I made a heart with our initials. And I think I put it like an extra or something. I wonder if it's still there. I'd rather you look at a picture of my dick at its softest than show you a video of me just being emotional after some sort of like a break up e thing or just how lame you look. I really love it. Picking a song, moping in a tree. She was like, come down. I was like, no. Why did you do it? She's like, listen, it just happened.

She tried to blame him. Like, he tried and I was like, she didn't know what she did it to. This is nuts. My grandmother worked at the factory, which is where the priest live. She, they did it in front of the bushes of the factory. Where my grandmother worked.

That's not terrible. So the priest lived. This fucking Jesus is right there. And they fucking bang kids all the time. That's true. That's true. So everything's fine. That's kids. Everything evens out. Guys eventually every single shit.

We're gonna take a break. We're gonna take a break. I mean, not to read ads or anything, but just a break. We got a break. Big J is going to be in South Carolina. May 19th. Hershey PA May 20th after. It's Friday Saturday. It's Friday Saturday. Big J is going to be in South Carolina, May 19th, Hershey, PA, May 20th after. It's Friday Saturday. It's Friday Saturday and he's going to Las Vegas. He's going to fully loaded to all summer. He's going to be in the tour with Bert and everybody.

And you got tickets and all the other dates there at bigjcomedy.com and it's special right now, dog belly, YouTube. It's free and it's one of the best specials to come out in the last 30 years. Well, if we're talking about best specials, you might as well check out Killbox over on the ACK. I assume you already got it, but if you don't, get your head out of your mouth. And I'm going to tell you right now,

I had to cancel a bunch of dates. I had to cancel the Boston. Boston, but I canceled the other dates too. It's Memorial Day weekend. I have to, I have some family stuff I gotta go take care of. So, I apologize, I'm going to be re-booking all those dates coming up, but just, Memorial Day weekend I have to have some family stuff I gotta go take care of so I Apologize I'm gonna be re-booking all those dates Coming up, but just I have other dates coming up from on a hampshire this summer

Robert Kelly live com for all my dates and check out my special No, I had a cancel dude Memorial Day weekend dude. I didn't I booked the wrong I fucked up. I booked the wrong weekend Max's birthday stuff and so fuck you Cincinnati. I love my son UK are peeing We'll be back on this moment keeps slipping away Hey everybody, thanks for listening. That was just a portion of our actual serious XM radio show. If you want the whole thing, the whole damn thing, go to seriousxm.com slashbomfire for a special

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