The Bonfire with Big Jay Oakerson and Robert Kelly - Loveliest Of Lovelies

Episode Date: December 10, 2024

The guest list at Bobby's Thanksgiving included Jim Norton, Big Jay, and their ladies. They made the trek up to his house in the mountains and enjoyed the holiday except for one person who passed out. They got to see the lavish accommodations that Bob's son Max enjoys. Jay brings authentic cheesesteaks back from Philly. A Boston vs Philly steak sandwich argument ensues. Bob has a problem with hot tomatoes also. *To hear the full show to go www.siriusxm.com/bonfire to learn more FOLLOW THE CREW ON SOCIAL MEDIA: @thebonfiresxm @louisjohnson @christinemevans @bigjayoakerson @robertkellylive @louwitzkee @jjbwolfSubscribe to SiriusXM Podcasts+ on Apple Podcasts to listen to new episodes ad-free and a whole week early.

And now the bonfire with big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly What's up, we're back We're so back what's up everybody serious X have a 103 if Adren dog, it's the bonfire I'm a Robbie K with an ie and we got a big Jay Okerson over there straight from Philadelphia and the crew Straight from Philadelphia with them cheese steaks. All right, you brought I you brought cheese steaks. Okay, I must say this on the air Jim Jim wait Big Jim is here. He's a cheesesteak. Oh my god. He offers it like he's a

It's like monetary value. It's from Oregon steaks It's like monetary value. It's from Oregon Steaks. Ooh. Finely chopped. And Jim, our boss is from Philly. Look how happy he is. Boston has good cheese steaks too, Jim. It's called Steak and Cheese and they're stupid.

Steak and Cheese. Well, I'm not going to fight with you because you guys are a team, but here's the thing. I've gone over this before. Steak is the main thing. It's steak and then cheese. It's not cheesesteak. Jim, you don't have to sit and listen to this, buddy. Did you bring any?

I will. I will have the best cheesesteak from Boston shipped here. He's even calling it a cheesesteak. He's messing up already. It's a steak and cheese. I'll get a steak and cheese this weekend. I'm going back to Boston. I'll bring it back in Monday.

You will have a steak and cheese from Boston. So many hours of car travel. it's not gonna hold up. What are you talking about? You have the same amount of car travel. Jim, have a bite, let me know. Stop acting like you just flew that in. It's finely chopped. Mm-hmm.

Oh, God. Yeah. Is it good? Oh, man, it's so good. Perfect. It's perfect. All right, dude, it's really good. I'm gonna admit this right now.

It's amazing. But the problem with Philly... Mm-hmm. This is the problem with your whole town mm-hmm You got too many spots Yeah, all of them are great. I've never heard of Oklahoma gyms. No one has it's not a place What is called Oregon steaks on Oregon Avenue? Why? I've never heard of it. Why would you have heard of it?

Because I've heard of the. Genos and Pats, because they're in Boyz II Men videos. I'm not. Ha ha ha ha ha. You got Genos and Pats, which is the famous one, which is good, but not better than Boston. No, it is. But then you got, who's the other one?

You got the. Tony Luke's. Tony Luke's. Oregon Steaks. And then you got, who's the other one? You got the, the, the. Tony Luke's. Tony Luke's. Oregon Steaks. And then you got the one at the train stop. Iska Bibbles, Redding Terminal's got a great one. Redding Terminal's got a good one. What's that? Campo's Deli. Exactly, Campo's Deli.

Everybody's. Chicken and Peets, buddy. It doesn't end. It does end. You gotta have at least two and then that's it. The best. No. Where's the best? All of them. They're not's the best? All of them.

They're not all the best. All of them are great. There has to be two good ones. Like you gotta go here or there. Nope. That's how bad other places are that can't figure out the cheese stick is at 700 places have figured it out in Philadelphia.

I don't agree. You just ate it. You're fighting your own insides. I am. Right now. I am. Because it was so delicious. You know I'm. You're fighting your own insides. I am. Right now. Because it was so delicious. You know I'm honest. You want more.

I do. I do. And you feel bad about this. Listen. I do. Boston had its run, dude. What? Sox won the series.

You had Tom Brady for all those years. Now you have a shitty team. I don't even know if you still have a baseball team. We have a f- No one pays attention. What are you talking about? Your stupid steak and cheese is suck dick. Oh my God.

How dare you. I'm sorry. If I had a glove, I'd slap you across the face right now. You wanna take one of my gloves to slap me? No, cause it doesn't have the fingertips. It's true. And that's the slap part. It is not rewarding.

I would miss you. Bye Jim. Bye Jim. I'm bringing you a steak and cheese on Monday. You won't. I will. I tell you what we have. God damn it. Now Jim's gone. It's fucking contract time, dude. Let's do it. you what we have. God damn it.

Now Jim's gone. It's fucking contract time, dude. Let's do it. You gotta come bigger with those fucking snacks. Let's get off my stupid phone. Treats. How do you shut your iPhone off a little? I don't know.

I don't have a watch connected to my phone like a lunatic. Well you do. I don't want to know my heart rate every time I move. I'm trying to stay fit. Adam, could I interest you in, my manager Adam is here. Would you like to try a piece of that cheese steak? You can't just introduce him as Adam, my manager. You gotta give him a big thing.

Adam. Oh, was he here? Adam's here promoting me. No, no, no, no. Like super manager. Oh, super manager. Super manager, yeah, super manager. Manager of the stars. Yes, from Levity Entertainment. Levity, how about, yeah, super manager. Manager of the stars.

Yes, from Levity Entertainment. How about, yeah, manager of the stars from Levity Entertainment. Brought you every mall club across this country. Yeah. If you have. Levity Entertainment, have you ever wanted to do seven shows and buy sneakers and hats?

Do you like skirt steak? Yeah. Do you want to get shitfaced before and after the show next door? I'm doing levity live production of Something's Burning this week on Wednesday. Oh, that's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love that. What are you cooking? I don't know. I know it's way too involved, whatever it is. Make sure he washes his hands. You know he touches his balls. Burt? Burt.

A lot of ball touching. A lot of ball touching. A lot of ball touching. I always fear everything he prepares though is a hot meal, which so I assume the balls burn off within the, you know, it's like when you put alcohol. Right, when you boil something. Like Jack Daniel's sauce, there's no Jack Daniel's in it anymore, it's just sugar.

You're killing all the Bert ball juice. Yes. By cooking it. Right. So if he has sushi, you might rethink this. Correct. But as long as it's a sauce. If it's a cold dish, sushi, you might rethink this. Correct. But as long as it's a sauce. If it's a cold dish, yeah, I'm gonna be like,

bro, would you mind zapping that in the microwave for a little bit? It's sushi, buddy. Still, you know what I mean? Just to get the ball bag off of it. Oh my God, look at all those sandwiches. First of all, tomato. Christine, just so you know, I batted around the idea

of getting one of them chicken cutlet sandwiches because that was awesome too, but wouldn't have traveled. What is the tomato thing? Hot tomatoes. Oh, that's a caprese. Fucking. No, that's a cheese, but wouldn't have traveled. What is the tomato thing? Hot tomatoes. Oh, that's a Capri Sa. Fucking. Right?

No, that's a cheesesteak. I'm sorry. It's a cheesesteak, provolone, tomatoes, long hot, and oregano. Some of them a bitch. It's disgusting. You're out of your mind. Putting a cold tomato into a hot sub.

It's not cold anymore. Yeah, no, that's why it sucks. No, it's good. No, it's not. It sucks. You never had a hot tuna? A hot tuna? Yeah. Not with tomato. Tomato, it's not, it sucks. 100%. You never had a hot tuna? A hot tuna. Yeah. Not with tomato.

Tomato does not get hot. Sure does. Tomato is in a salad, or you mush it up and make a sauce. Or it's in soups. No, you can do a whole, the way to convert that is a roasted red pepper. Nope.

Yes. A roasted red pepper or a pepper is the only version of a tomato. I need to go get some tomato. Oh, there's lots of tomato on pizza. Disgusting, it's gross. It's not disgusting, it's very good. It's disgusting.

You never had a grilled cheese with tomato. You just realize you have, and everything fell apart on you. Listen, this is the thing with you. I'm gonna always admit when I'm wrong, and you won't, okay? That's not true. That is true.

No. That's a lie right there. I look at you, I say I'm a lie. I say I'm wrong often I say I'm sorry you say I've gotten so good at it You've gotten better, but this show the Bobby Kelly big J version of this show is a hyper emotional show We are always on edge Dan Soder was a lot more closet like pinned up. I mean, yeah closet That's the other show. That's the other show. That's the morning show The morning says not closet at all

Thanksgiving loud and proud Thanksgiving my first trans Thanksgiving Happy Thanksgiving to hope everybody had a great Thanksgiving I had a fantastic Thanksgiving me and Christine our dog was sick so she couldn't come to Philly sad and it was sad I had to like drink and party and have so much fun without her. Yeah. It was, every night was more sad than the next, going like, you know what would make me have to leave here sooner and not be drinking? Christine.

But I got through it. I got through it. And, but no, the dog had kennel cough, so she couldn't go, Christine. So I came back for Thanksgiving. You did. And Bobby very sweetly invited us up. I'm she couldn't go, Christine. So I came back for Thanksgiving. You did. And Bobby very sweetly invited us up. I'm so happy you guys came up.

Can I be honest? Mm-hmm. Didn't know, thought I was gonna get the high hat up until two o'clock. Oh, when you texted me. Really? Because I did text you, and I got the, you know. Here's the thing with you. I would assume food decisions were made at that point,

I wouldn't do that, unless there was an emergency of some sort. Food decisions were made, you're absolutely right. Food decisions were made, how much, blah, blah, blah, even though Don fucked up on the mushrooms. What do you mean? Because she usually makes two trays, she made one tray, and Norton, when he comes up, he always,

he eats like a billy goat. So he's just flopping them in his mouth. Just mushing them on his palate. Yeah, him and Max seem like they were in a race to get those in, double fisting. Yeah, they're flopping them down. And they put it right between them. I actually took five away and hid them for you guys.

Smart. And then at one point, they were just eating so many of them, I was like. You gave me one fresh out of the pressure, you go, it's steaming hot, but they're not gonna be around. Yeah, they're not gonna be around. So I kind of had to hide food. She should've... I mean, you make enough food.

I mean, I had to push her face against the glass later that night. Did you put her face against the glass? I did. I had a feeling when we were driving home, I was like, that was pretty perfect, but I still feel like Bobby probably put her face on the glass. I mean, look, man, you make enough mushrooms. You know it's a hit. It's a hit every year. Look, Bobby, she can't think she's stronger than you.

Are you even listening to Corey Hulkin when he talks? I'm 100% listening. You can't not let her think that she has the best of you. Sometimes a face says it's going to glass. I said to Christine when we got in here, I go, Christine, do me a favor. Heat that cheese take up. We were out front, getting ready to come into the building. This big glass building, so much glass for putting face on.

And she had the audacity to go, oh, I thought we were just gonna give it to him to take home, facing the glass. Never said another word, hot cheesesteak in this room. If you came up here with cold cheesesteaks and said, when am I gonna put it in my pocket? Yeah, yeah, she's not thinking it through. Take it home with you.

Hey, bring this to several more counties if you can. You know what's good about that though is she'll never make that mistake again. I don't think so. Which is why. Well, there's a cheek and nose print on the front revolving door of this building that says otherwise, yeah, my friend, you're right. I'll tell you what though, it is adorable, Christine.

It's an adorable cheek and nose print on the front. It is. Yeah, I thought you weren't going to come and then I even put a little passive aggressive thing in the text thread That they still haven't responded yet. That was when I realized we hadn't responded. You haven't responded now I understand that because I'm in a queue Yeah, Christine freaked out about going in the queue this weekend. You were in the freak. I wasn't yeah. Well, I saw her panic I called her she goes. Can you give me three minutes? I go she goes you're gonna But please don't put me in the queue and I went three minutes is a real nice time to get cute And then before I finished typing she called

She knew she didn't want to fall back in the queue. It does make me feel better that you're in the queue Oh, I get cute so much. Here's the thing. Here's the problem the Gabby I mean he'd like love he loves being on the phone loves it. So it's like it it infuriates you I know how much he likes to talk you're wrong about that. I love smoking cigarettes and smoking cigarettes is when I go on the phone Yeah, so if we get on the phone, let's roll. I've already taken an elevator. I brought out cigarettes I found a place to go probably I've got my chai I'm ready to chat. Yeah, where your radio Yes, yes I've got my chai. I'm ready to chat. Yeah, where are your radio? Yes.

Yes. But sometimes I also come outside listening to the radio, and you might fall into cue for... Depends where I'm at with the songs, you know what I mean? If it's really hitting me, if I'm feeling emotional about music that moment, you might get cued for music. Can I tell you why the problem with the cue? Is because when you make a joke in the text thread... It requires response.

And you don't respond. Like, if I made a joke, you said I have something really awesome to give you on Monday, and I went, I hope it's your delicious hot cock. Oh, yeah, right. And you never responded, so now... Well, I didn't want to... If you die or something happens to you

and that's the thing, I'm just sucking your dick and I'm gay. You said my delicious hot cock with three separate sauces. Three separate sauces. Three separate dick dipping sauces. And I will tell you, I didn't want to yay or nay that because I didn't want to give you a clue. It could be, maybe, maybe it was that.

Well that's like when you make a gay joke or a racial joke and nobody laughs, you're just racist. It's just racist and homophobic. I'm just gay. Right. Because I was like, I hope it's your dick with sauces. And then I had to live with that. Yeah, because I know, because you'll go through your head saying things like, I mean, look at that and be like, whoa, what is, no?

Bringing you a cheese steak, you fucking weirdo. I didn't say that at all. I smiled, and I was like, oh, well, no, I'm not going to let them know if it's that or not. Do you know that they made things for you? Little, they're called emojis. Oh, I've gotten big enough emojis. And you could just give me a thumbs up,

and I would've been like, great, or an LOL, and I'd be like, oh, he doesn't think I want to suck his cock and put sauces on it. Yeah, but I didn't want to send back a, I only know a few emojis. I didn't want to send back an angry face or the hearty face with star eyes. Or, uh, and then also like a bashful like, ooh,

like covering the mouth, like, ooh. You know, the image, I would've loved the bashful one. I should've sent the bashful one. Oh, that would've been perfect. Those are my three. Three sauces and the little bashful face. Yeah. I'm real big on heartying or ha haing someone's message now.

I like a ha ha ha. The big ha. They give you the ha ha right on the thing.. I like a ha ha ha, the big ha. They give you the ha ha right on the thing. Little ha. Oh are there different levels of ha? There's a ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Adam you wanna put the headphones on?

You can hear DJ Lou's fantastic board work. Now do you have a belly full of cheese steak? God how good was that cheese steak? It was really good. Hell yeah. Have you been to Boston? I grew up in Boston. Then you know what I'm talking about.

They have good steak and cheeses in Boston. Steak and cheeses? But Philly mops the floor with us. Okay, well hang on one second. Dude, this is where I'm fucking... Look, you've been in Hollywood too long, dude. But I'm gonna agree with you, a cooked tomato is trash.

All right, I'll take it. I'll take it. Don't ever ask me to make you a grilled cheese. Well, I don't, I- You're not gonna like it. I like grilled cheese. You want tomato in it though. I would take a tomato.

I'd rather- No, no, no. You like tomato bread. You know my favorite sandwiches? What's that? Papa bread, toasted. What was his word? Papa bread. What's that?

Tom Papa's bread? No, Papa- Oh, Tom Papa's bread. Oh, you love Tom Papa's bread. Okay, so Tom Papa's bread- I want her face against that glass right now. Hang on a second. Push it against the glass. Oh, you love Tom poppers bread. Okay, so Tom poppers against that glass right now Hang on a second Christine get over here get over there get over here. How dare you? How dare you get against get against the glass how dare you right against the glass

You know what Papa bread is don't ever insult Push it against it harder, Jay. It's Papa, my Papa made the bread. Oh wait, I'm taking her face off the glass for that. Okay. Hang on. Hang on one second. Papa Bread. Papa Bread. Isn't a type of bread that I've just never heard of. ahead and do it. Hang on one second. Papa bread.

Papa bread. Isn't a type of bread that I've just never heard of. You've heard it. It's the bread your papa made. I gave a emotional. Dissertation. Dissertation, okay. I remember.

Yeah, I affected you. It did, but I still thought papa bread for some reason was, so it's just bread. It's not just bread, it's papa's bread. But what's he put in it different that makes it papa's not just bread, it's Papa's bread. But what's he put in it different that makes it Papa's bread versus bread, love? Love. Okay.

And Papa. Is it sourdough? No, it's not sourdough. It is when Papa's done with it. Garbage, stupid Californian trend. Ugh, every fucking actress, I have my sourdough. Fuck that, sourdough sucks. You can't wait to make your own product. Let me tell you something right now.ough sucks. You can't wait to make your own product.

Let me taste it right now. You cannot wait to make your own product. Bobby juice? Bobby juice? I'll take Bobby juice. Whatever Bobby juice is. Buddy, we already have a whole truck we're working on. Oh yeah?

Oh yeah, that's right. What are you talking about? I forget that I'm dealing with a pothead that forgets everything that happened last week. Oh yeah, do we have amazing ideas? We have great ideas. The Flanker is coming out soon. Papa Bread toasted tomato mayonnaise.

I'm in, salt and pepper. Love it, cold tomato. Hot tomato is disgusting. Well, I wouldn't just make a hot tomato sandwich that's at S9. But putting a hot tomato in anything, it gets mushy, it slides out. I don't even know, you know what, I'm gonna take it back.

I don't like it in a cheese sandwich. You don't like it? I don't love it. If you gave me an option of a tomato in a cheese sandwich, a grilled cheese, and a no tomato, I'd take the no tomato, I'll take a tomato soup with the grilled cheese, I'll take a tomato soup, hot. Hot tomato?

Gaspaccio, I'll throw it in your face and then kick your mother in the stomach. None of what you're saying adds up. What? Your temperature things for tomato is different from dish to dish. It's gotta be hot, it's gotta be hot. A tomato in a sandwich is cold, a tomato soup is hot.

Not in a hot sandwich, it's not. You can't have a hot tomato, it gets mushy and yucky, you lose the texture of the tomato. How good is a tomato on a chicken cutlet sandwich? Oh, it's gross. It's not you can't have a hot tomato it gets mushy and yucky you lose the texture The tomato on a chicken cutlet sandwich. Oh gross you it's a white pizza with tomato Roasted on top of it is one of my favorite. It's disgusting. It's not disgusting a tomato Heated in an oven is gross. It shrivels up loses all it all is it texture and also loose staring at you Like you're preaching the word dude I'm serious I heard it but everybody loose still look around the room he lose fucking 50 years old and doesn't need his vet she still wants to

be yelled at to eat his vegetables it's kind of twin brothers got to come in and be like you don't your Brussels sprouts we're not getting Baskin Robbins tomato though huh tomato thank you listen you don't like a hot tomato and a grilled cheese. I sure do. That's exactly where he likes a hot tomato. Give this a guy who eats fucking Lou. Wow, you gonna turn everybody? Gas station casserole.

Gas station casserole. I know. I understand that Lou has the pallet of a fucking vagrant, but the man who understands hot tomato and a grilled cheese is fantastic. Can I take us back a little bit to Thanksgiving? Yeah. Because there were so many funny things there.

There's a lot of funny things. I'm glad, even when you were coming up, you called to tell me, you texted me, you called to tell me there's traffic. Yes, there was traffic. And I was not, I felt like, and you can be honest with me, I felt like you were saying,

hey dude, if I had that moment when you were like, yo dude, there's a lot of traffic. If I had said, buddy, don't worry about it, head home. Would you have head home? If I gave you the okay, were you looking for the okay? No, I would have been like, jeez. I was like, no, no, no, I'm just letting you know that the traffic's way worse than it was.

Okay, that's why I rushed you off the phone. And I was like, no, no, it lightens up. No, I just called you to let you know. I'm like, Dan, it was like a fucking parking lot, like just getting out of the city on the thing. It was... It's the GW Bridge sucks. Once you get past it, five minutes.

Once the people were all there and selected, yeah. What? Bobby, it's not five minutes. Bobby, where you live, when I got off the exit, my ears popped. Bobby lives on top of a mountain. I do. At the tip top of it.

I do not, you guys, here's the problem with you guys. You haven't been out of the city. That's the tip top of it. I do not you guys here's the problem with you guys you haven't been out of the city you don't understand. By the way Max Casa De Max is far more dangerous than I thought. There's so many more things in there that I knew. He's got a 3d printer. Forgot you saw the basement. He's got a 3d printer Jay. He could make bombs and guns. That's not true. And dildos. On my life there is a 3d printer in that basement. Oh my god. Listen, for people who don't know, we're just tuning in for the first time. We had bought a new house. For Max, and you got a couple rooms for you and Dawn.

No, we bought a house, it's a split level, so we decided instead of having Max upstairs, we will make upstairs the adult section, and we'll make it almost like a spa like atmosphere for adults and downstairs will be Max's room and his little spa, a living room with the Xbox and the drums. Most room in the house. No. Square footage most room in the house dedicated to Max. Yeah you're right. The drums are Yes. The drums are Bobby's too though. The drums are mine.

But you don't use them as silly from X. I know, that's not true. I used them yesterday. Yes, downstairs is playroom, because at our old house, you remember old house was a ranch. It was just a one level ranch. So he had his friends over there in the living room.

They were all over the fucking house. And I had to go hide in my bedroom to hang out if I wanted peace and quiet. Now, when they come over, they're all downstairs. Everything is downstairs. Doing Christ knows what. Elisabeth. Yeah.

So upstairs. Smoking pot, they're comparing birds. No, not comparing birds. I told them not to do that anymore. Was this a problem? Was comparing birds. No, not comparing birds. I told them not to do that anymore. Was this a problem? Was comparing birds a recurring problem? Hey, stop comparing birds with everybody.

Last thing you want to hear from downstairs, I don't want to see it again, Max. That's plenty. At least he's the shower. It doesn't taste the same. Yeah, he had a girl over this weekend, and you were in my fucking head. Why?

I'm like, doors are opened, no door's shut, and she was supposed to sleep over too. She's a friend. What? What? Sleep over? What? What do you mean what? You don't have kids? First of all, I don't want- How selfish. I do have kids. You. Them. I don't want what from-

What garbage trash mother's parents are letting her stay over at their son's house? No, she- I wish they'd be like, Hey, Isabelle wants to stay over at a boy's house. Are she moving in with them? She stayed over before. Right. Yeah, they don't do anything. Oh my God.

Cause you're up all night watching them. You can't get pregnant when you're getting fucked with 3D printed guns. Well, she didn't wind up staying over, but I laid down the law. Look man, no doors closed, you sleep in your room, she sleeps on the couch. Condoms.

No condoms. That's insane. That's not insane. I've never heard of a- You're right, no condoms, dude. You're all sleeping over at a boy's house. That's never happened. Yeah, no, it's constant.

Were you about to say no condoms because his jizz doesn't work yet? Yeah, just blowing out ghost loads. Ghost loads. When I was like 13, I spent the night at my friend JR's house all the time, but he was like, even though he wasn't out for another year, he was clearly gay.

We know your guy friends were gay, Christine. We 100% know whatever guy you're talking about as a kid was a warlock and a queer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a queer warlock. Goddamn queer warlocks. I'm glad you mentioned it. Yeah, they all had wands and capes. I fucked a Doug.

Yeah, she did fuck a Doug. What, uh, do my, firstly, well, first of all, I will say it was great. Norton was hilarious and so fun to hang out with, and Nikki was great., I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think,

I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, They were, it turns out as Christine gets older, her fashion and most of her interests line up pretty good with a trans person. 100%. Yeah, yeah.

We both like Christmas decorations. We're talking about the Christmas section. Yeah, they both love animal print clothing. They both like. Yeah, big shoes. Big old shoes. Yeah. That's a bit big too.

I love you. Big high heels. I love you, you say that. I won't, but could we talk about when we were leaving? That was the best. That was maybe my favorite thing of the weekend, because again, I don't have the experience of pre-teen boy at all.

Can I tell you something about you two, which I love? You're just good guests. You show up, you brought a little thing, you kind of dressed up a little bit, you guys looked fantastic, and dude, you were cracking me up the whole time. You were joking and having fun, you're good with Max, you're good with Don. You're a perfect guest over the house,

you and Christine. Try to take up a lot of space. No, you're just. Stay out of the way. You're so good, man. You and Christine. And Norton, I love Norton and Nikki too. They've been over a lot. Great.

But you guys were great. Fantastic. I gotta compliment you on that. Good house guest. Thank you. Cause some people come over and they're a little annoying. They wanna do too much. We have to understand, Louis sets the bar,

do you know what I mean, for everybody else. You're like, well, he didn't break anything. He didn't flood my house. Yeah, I was not on the phone the whole time making deals. You're not making deals. You're not angry and then happy and then screaming at somebody and wondering why you're uncomfortable now

because you just screamed at somebody. Yeah, he's not asking me for, can I keep that? Can I have that? Yes, yes. You gonna use those weights? All of those things. Yeah, he's not trying to walk out with some of your shit. Yeah, can I get a Rolex?

No, he's outta here. Fuck that. You said earlier you were actually worried about Jim Norton. About? This is a pattern. Was that Pillow Talk? Worried about Jim Norton, I'm sorry.

Did I, about Jim Norton, oh, I was worried about him This is a pattern. Was that Pillow Talk? I'm sorry, did I? About Jim Norton. Oh, I was worried about him being Chip the whole time. That's annoying. Sleeping. Oh, well, yeah. This is happening with Jim, and I don't know what the fuck it is. And I think, looking back, maybe it's a thing.

He eats, and then he finds an area like a dog Yeah, and goes to sleep right and doesn't just go to sleep He curls up and just he's out goodbye doesn't say anything anybody just disappears, and he's fucking out Yeah, like we had to take I usually do a Thanksgiving photo. We had to take it around his sleeping corpse Yeah, and didn't even wake up at all. No. Which is crazy to me. I mean, it makes me feel that he's comfortable just to fall asleep at my house. Do you think Nikki gave him hand release

or something before we noticed? She gave him hand release. I think he's tucking out from the probably, you know, road head on the way up. Yeah, he has to blow her the whole time up. While driving. Yim, I will drive the car and you can suck my wiener. I don't think that's a good impression, but.

I don't do good trans impressions. Yah. That's Finland, I think. I still have a wieners. That's very coming to, what is that? Trading places, but I like it. There he is right there, we have a photo, I think we put it up already.

Why is Max just dressed like fuckin' from Scrooged? What was the, David Johansson? Tiny Tim? Get it hot, hot, hot? Cavie hat. He looks like he's from Boston. He looks like he's from Boston in the 80s. That is a real Boston look.

Like he's gonna fucking, he's gonna finger pop Christine outside while she's not looking. He looks like Brian Johnson. Jacob, it's no big deal. I just want a black button down shirt. I mean, let me tell you something about you. You look great.

You showed up, fancied it up, and I appreciate that. And I don't want to let that, I noticed. You came in, no mittens. No mittens. No, because you don't want to get gravy on the mittens. No, no, nice watch. Nice, you had your Movado, the black one, the blacked out, which I love.

And you had the button-down shirt, you looked very fancy. Aside of Jay, I don't get to see that often. And it shows me that, you know what? I respect my friend, I respect his house, I'm gonna show up and give him fancy Jay. Also, who knows if I would've run into Ryan Reynolds up there. You don't talk to him.

I won't. No, he's yours. You don't look at him. He's yours. Seriously. He's yours. He's mine. Just for the record, though, I share all of my, he's yours. You don't look at him. He's yours. He's mine. Just for the record, though, I share all of my celebrity friends with you. Gary Clark, Marcus King,

I've shared all of these people with you, and you don't want to share Ryan Reynolds with me. It's fine. I'll share them with you. You have to get in first. Let me get in first, and then I'll share them with you. But not fully share.

But you did play, and I don't know if you were just feeling good, riding high on emotion of all your friends being around you, but you did tell me for sure we would have at least small parts in the next Deadpool film. Yeah. That's a fact, yeah. I'm working on it. I thought maybe you were just dizzy from the day,

but I'm gonna take your word for that one. I'm working on it, I'm working on it. Could we please, please, God, tell the story of Max when we were leaving? Well, I want to ask a question before we get to that. Yeah. Because that was funny. That's so funny.

I still remember your face. But when you left, because you're a couple, you're trying to get a house, you get a house, right? Sure. When you left, what were the pros and the cons? Because you know you had them. Oh, pros and cons were I left? The conversation when you left now,

because I've done it, when you leave, I like that, oh, that was good. I wouldn't know about that. What were the pros and the cons? Because we just finished the house. I think just in that regard, it was all pros. I mean, if there was cons, it was just like, I don't know if we would need to do that or what the effort effort of doing that would be but like because everything we liked it was like

but I was like I wonder what the Like the oomph of getting like heated floors in the bathroom was very nice Nice touch was one of the things where you're like do we need you know, do we need that? If not for not changing the thing, there's no cons It was more just like right. I thought your fridge was awesome Fridge is great. The cons are things that you guys didn't want. For me it would be no pool,

but having a deck was nice. We can't have a pool because there's a cemetery behind our house. I know there's a cemetery. And I don't want Indians taking my son into a TV. And then just the... I would love a pool, I just don't wanna deal with the poltergeist that comes with a pool.

Bobby, you can get him back with the right small weird-voiced lady Christine is definitely someone who can probably figure out how to pull him back from the other side Yeah, or that warlocks stay away from the light Maximus don't go towards the light This house is clean When we left we were like like, well, I get why I put Max downstairs. I was like, they just wanted the upstairs

for their own private. I mean, the closet room that was supposed to be Max's bedroom is like a dream come true. Do you understand? Now, here's the thing when we did. It is a closet room. It's a whole bedroom that's a closet now. That's how much they don't want Max upstairs.

Well, you have to understand, we went from Hell's Kitchen apartment with a little closet, but not nothing. Then we went, bought the house. We sold that apartment, bought the house, and we didn't have closet space again, nor did we have upstairs attic or basement, right? You do have barn doors slightly sheltering you

from people watching you shit. No, I fixed it. I fixed it. Right? But you do have barn doors slightly sheltering you from people watching you shit. No, I fixed it. Yes. I fixed it. I came in and I went, this has to be closed off. You need to put something here. That lock needs to be on the inside. Flip that door around.

I don't want to hear or see anything. And I had him put insulation on the outside. So when you shut that barn door, you can't hear anything or see inside at all. So I had him fix everything. Good move. From our talk. But I had no cons in your house at all.

But yes, the upstairs, we took, it was three bedrooms. So we had the big master bedroom, we had the bedroom next to us, the other bigger bedroom, and then the office bedroom. So Max was gonna be next to us, but then I'm like, I don't want him next to me. I'll never see my wife. She'll be in there, she'll fall.

Plus she'll have to be paying attention every time he's making some new weapon of destruction in the 3D printer. I don't wanna hear him finger poppin' some. Some girl you let sleep over on a Tuesday? Hey, Deck, you want your girlfriend to sleep over? What? To be fair, you and all your siblings had girlfriends or boyfriends move into the home. Of age. Of age.

Everybody was of age? Of? No. Wait. I don't think you were of age. No, I was for sure. No, me and my girlfriend were both of age at that time. So you moved into your house with your girl? Well, no, my girl moved into my house with my mom and stuff.

So you live with your mom with your girl? And every one of my siblings has done the same exact thing. It is. But do not think, Bobby. All right, hang on. I'm not coming here with like the, All right, Harris. What's weird about that?

It's trashy as all hell this has happened. I didn't realize it when I was living it. When I moved out of it, I was extraordinarily critical of it, I would say. With my, when I go back, I'm like, yo, you're like taking care of six people when only three are your responsibility and two of them are not your responsibility anymore.

Like age-wise. And they're banging. Yeah. Oh yeah. Was there kids born within the house? Ugh. I'm not sure. I mean, we're-

Amelia, maybe. Ray Lynn, for sure. But I'm actually not sure where they were living. So is this proof of fucking? I mean, they all have kids now. But to be fair, his sisters and their husbands Saved enough money by doing that to then buy it by a house All right, the four of them. Well, maybe max will buy a house in a couple years

My mom the only evidence she had when I was there at my girlfriend was one time we tried The dirtiest of dirties. You did. In her butthole. Oh, I thought she did it in your butthole. No, it's not the dirtiest of dirties. That's the loveliest of lovelies. Sorry, that's true, I forgot.

I can't. I gave her. If you don't name your asshole that. The dirtiest of dirties? Will you kiss the loveliest of lovelies? The loveliest of lovelies. Loveliest of lovelies. My asshole is the loveliest of lovelies. Jacob loveliest of lovelies. The loveliest of lovelies. My asshole is the loveliest of lovelies.

Jacob, I only took a shower like an hour and a half ago. You wanna try a blood pop out of my butthole? I would. You'd be fine. Just an hour and a half. If he does it. You'd be fine. If he does it, I'll do it.

If you do it out of mine, it's gonna taste like pennies. Guys, let's load a bunch of them up there. Just have like a bunch of popsicle sticks just sticking out of my ass, crossed over, and you gotta grab one. And every time you get to watch the hole, spit it out. How do we do this. Just have like a bunch of popsicle sticks just sticking out of my ass, crossed over, and you gotta grab one. And every time you get to watch the whole spit it out. How do we do this? You stick one popsicle stick up your asshole,

and then you put five others on a plate, and we have to guess which one. Ooh. By smell, touch, and taste. I'll tell you what, you're gonna be able to tell which one's which because you're gonna be like, dude, that smells like lotion, and preventative hemorrhoidal creams

and all kinds of delightful things. For sure. Ozempic. Ozempic. I don't think that falls out of my ass. It does. Bobby, that was great. You know what, buddy?

Piven. I got the first piven. Look how good I'm getting at throwing these things. You didn't want it? Is that a protest? No, not a protest. Okay. It's the first piven of the Christmas season it? Is that a protest? No, not a protest. Okay. It's the first Piven of the Christmas season.

First Piven of the Christmas season, that's true. That's the advent calendar Piven. Day one. Christine, you know what? I am feeling gracious and I'm feeling generous. And it's the holiday season. Christine, you are now dead even. Oh, God. You stand at zero Pivens. You are out of Piven debt, Christine. I mean... You're the best,ots. You are out of pivots debt, Christine. I mean... You're the best, man. You are the king.

I thought you'd get a little more odd of her for that. I didn't want to over-celebrate myself and make it ugly and have to lose a pivots again. It gets ugly. I'll tell you what, if you start rubbing it in people's faces, I don't like that kind of teamwork. I like that. And you'd lose a pivots again.

What a good audible, good switch on the fly. Christine, I'm happy for you. Thanks, Jacob. I'm happy for you. Thanks, Jacob. I'm happy for me too. As we all know, the negative pivots carry over. Yeah. It does carry over over the weekend. It goes on forever and now you're out.

Now I'm at zero. That's right. You're no longer in pivot purgatory, Christine. You have risen up like the phoenix. So my house, back to my house, the reason why you you understand now, that we were like, we've never had a closet, I was like, let's just make a doorway here,

make this room a walk-in closet. So we had the walk-in closet people come, there's a company, and they charge like $6,000. We had them come, draw up the plan, and we were like, yeah, we're out. And then we took the plan, and we were like, yeah, we're out. And then we took the plan, and Don just went and bought the stuff. Ooh, unscrupulous.

Ooh. Saved thousands. Oh man, what a rip. Then we had our contractor build the closet, right? And now we have a walk-in closet that is- It's a room. There's no- You could put a bench in the middle of it.

I'm putting a chair in there. I'm gonna make a little reading room. I'm gonna start reading. What? At 54. No, you're not. I could put a bench in the middle of it. I'm putting a chair in there. I'm gonna make a little reading room. I'm gonna start reading. What? At 54. No you're not. I am. I do, I have a book.

It's just gonna be called the chair eventually. It is not. It's gonna be called the reading chair. It's not though. And I'm gonna start, I'm gonna learn Spanish and reading. You're gonna scroll. You're gonna learn how to read? You're gonna doom scroll in that chair.

So funny, when I told Donna, I go, Donna, I wanna put a chair in here with a lamp. I want, you know, come in here and read. She goes, who? I went, me. She goes, okay. All right. That's how we all feel.

You don't know that, dude. I'm starting to read more. No, that's how I think Christine feels when I go, yo, we gotta get some gym equipment in the garage. She's like, yeah, that'll start you working. Yeah. But that's why we did that upstairs. By the way, he's got a cologne wall.

How good is that, dude? It's nice. Isn't that nice? Whole thing was nice. I mean, how good was it? Inarguable house. Best part of the house? To me?

To you. Kitchen is great. Kitchen's really nice. Kitchen's nice. The microwave that goes inside the island? Big fan of that. Big fan of the microwave that comes out of the bottom. It's the basement, right? You push a button. The basement? No, upstairs. Oh, upstairs. The microwave that goes inside the island. Big fan of that. Big fan of the microwave that comes out of the bottom.

It's the basement, right? You push a button. The basement? No, upstairs. Oh, upstairs. Kitchen is upstairs. So we're excluding the basement. No, no, no.

They're building, Bobby's building a dumb waiter, though, so they can just send food down the hatch. I'm gonna, actually, I'm gonna send Don down. This is a dumb waiter. Yeah, thanks. I have a dumb waiter in my house, too. Christine, you dumb waiter. Yeah, thanks. I have a dumb waiter in my house too. Christine, you dumb waiter. Ricochet onto you.

All bitches get it today. Yeah, bitches Monday. Bitches get it on Monday. Yeah, so you say the kitchen, not the bathroom. Bathrooms, no, you know what? It is the bathroom, I'll tell you why. Personal reasons the bathroom, that the speaker slash light you have above.

Speaker's very cool, but a speaker in a bathroom I could see it was that goddamn light. The multiple color light. That you can dim. That would make me not have to. Be naked in darkness. Well, in pitch black with a cell phone light, it would change now to like like, a light blue hue.

Guess what you are getting when you get your house. Um, severe debt? Yep. Guess what else you're getting. New anxieties? Yep, absolutely. Guess what else you're getting. I don't know. Christine going stir crazy in the house by herself? Yes, you're gonna actually have that put up.

Christine getting Shining's disease, whatever fucking... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... Christine, I just saw the computer paper says, all work and no play makes Christine a dull girl. Is that, uh... Should we talk to somebody about this, or is this something you want to handle with me?

I'm gonna get you one of those lights for your bathroom. All you gotta do is have your contractor which you have to get I have that Contract you're gonna get one you have to get one because there's gonna be a couple things you don't want to change Get the guy put it two seconds. He puts it in hooks it up It's just a fan for the bathroom, but it's got the Bluetooth speaker and the light that light that changes whatever color you want How was the shower? I mean, come on, the shower. It's beautiful.

I mean, we could all shower together. We should have. This whole show could, we should do a bonfire from the shower. You guys would have been judging though when I was looking at Norton's wife's huge cock. Yeah. I wouldn't have even been shy about it.

I would just stare the whole time. You would have been judging me as I was on my knees in front of her. Telling Don, don't look Don. I would have been not judging Norton while he was nodding at you. Yeah, Bobby, suck it! Please, can we talk about leaving?

Okay, here we go. This made me laugh. I told this so much this weekend. It's such a funny, uh... I saw Tim Butterly was with me this weekend. We were talking because, you know, he has a teenage son. Yeah. Older than Max, even.

And he has jokes even about that. Like, I think what does he say? He goes, living with his like 15 year old boys, like living with, it's like a roommate who you constantly are in fear of catching jerking off. But Max, so me and Christine were, it was about eight o'clock or so, me and Christine were just about to get ready to leave.

So, but before we even said, you know, I think we said, like, internally to, like, Bobby, that we're gonna take off pretty soon. And then Max just makes a full-room announcement. He goes, or to me and Christine, he comes up, he goes, hey, guys, he goes, I don't know if you'll be here in a little bit, because I'm gonna go to sleep. It's eight o'clock.

He goes, I'm gonna probably go to sleep. He goes, who knows though, I may be up in like 20 minutes or something, I might even be back up, I will see, we'll see if it happens. So we said goodbye to him and then we just look over at Bobby and I was like, yeah boy. And Bobby goes, he goes, all right Max, he goes, have fun kid.

Which is so benign, you know what I mean? He goes, all right, Max, he goes, have fun, kid. Which is so benign, you know what I mean? He goes, all right, Max, have fun, kid. And Max starts doing, and then he starts doing the over explain, like he doesn't want to think the jig is up on this. So he turns around, he's going down the stairs. It was almost over. He was almost gonna go downstairs and do

Christ knows what to his who knows what. But as he's going downstairs, he's like, have fun, kid. And he starts doing like the, what do you mean? How can I have fun? Like, I'm just going to be sleeping. Like, sleeping's not fun. And who knows, I might even be back in 20 minutes. And I'm just smiling at Bobby and nodding.

I'm like, yeah, he is. And Bobby's laughing. He's like, why is everybody laughing? What's so fun about sleeping? I don't understand. And then Dawn just finally goes, Max, leave it alone. And then Bobby's like, leave it alone. Max is like, I just don't understand. And then by dawn just finally goes max leave it alone And then Bob is like leave it alone max. I just don't understand. Why you? Why you guys would think I'm not doing what you think I'm doing like I just like I get tired

So it's like maybe I'll be back in 20 minutes So max goes to his room But Jay Geos and Jay when he made the announcement Jay's walking up the stairs and he just walks by me and he just looks at me and his eyebrows just go. There he goes. There he goes.

So perfect. He goes, it was calling, dude. He was getting bored. Yeah. I think Max is, he's 11 years old. I think Max left to whack it during dinner. I think he left to whack it slightly after dinner and then after the meal. If I had to count the times that Max just vanished somehow.

And then Bobby, he was gone at dinner. He left his food on his plate. And Bobby goes down somewhere and he goes, he's wrapped up in a blanket sitting in front of the fireplace or something. Where was he? Left up? We have the TV in the bedroom and we put a fireplace on.

So it just looks like a little cheesy. And he went in there and just was in there wrapped in the blanket in front of the fire. After effect. I don't know, dude. He just molested himself. Nah. He's not over it yet.

I mean, he does take a lot. He's been taking a lot of showers. Damn right he is. And they're going to get longer and longer. I'll tell you what, or shorter and shorter, the more he gets better at it. And we have a thing on the shower upstairs, on the wand, because we have the four shower heads,

and the wand has a, it's called a mist spray, where it just mists out warm water, and that's always on. Always? Anytime I try. Oh, when he gets out? When he gets out, that's the one he's using. You think he's misting his butthole? You think he's getting that advanced? I think he's misting something, dude. You think he's missing his butthole? You think he's getting that advanced? I think he's missing something, dude.

You think he's super advanced and is missing his own ass all night? He's been taking a lot of showers. That's great. Yeah. He's gonna be so clean. Yeah. I bet his bird is smooth as silk.

But this is the best part. So this caught Bobby, it made Bobby laugh. Poor Max, because it's all happening around Max and he's not gonna stop. He wants to do what he wants to do and we all understand that as dudes. But you know, she was trying to keep it cool and when he heard me, Christine and Norton

and everybody walking out the door, magically after his 15 minutes he emerges again. He goes, hey, you guys leaving? And I was like, knuckles. Because he came out like this, he's like, hey, you guys leaving? I was like knuckles yeah because he came out like this he's like hey you guys leaving I was like knuckle pound and Bobby just started laughing and Max just feels funny because Max knows exactly what's going on he's not a dumb kid by any stretch so he's wildly aware what's

going on the jokes that are kind of like flying around the room and still trying to keep his cool so it's like a knuckle pound. He's like, why is that funny, Dad? I don't understand why you're having a knuckle pound. And I can be able to get to, why is that funny? And I'm almost looking at Max like, I don't know why you think it's funny. I'm just giving you a knuckle pound, dude. Yeah, he's touching his shtamake.

Yeah, if not, dude, that handshake would have fucking stayed connected until I got to my car. He goes, Max, I'll see you later. This is like a string break. Bobby, you ought to go out there and karate chop that fucking load string in half. We actually have scissors by the door. Just in case that does happen.

Casey's dragon? Yeah, Casey's dragon. Let me get that for you, Jay. What's the drag on that thing? Oh, hey, Jay, let me cut this off for you real quick. Oh, you had a load attached to your hand. Let me get that. There you go. I got that. This is the load scissors.

Throw the rest on the tree. I just brought the rest of the tree. It's good for it, I think. Oh, there you go. This is the load scissors. Throw the rest on the tree. Just throw the rest on the tree, it's good for it I think. Oh poor Maximus, poor Maximus. It was a good Thanksgiving though. And here's a thing too, I love when people come over the house but they leave at the right time. That's always a great, like you guys were like, we gotta go but then Norton and Nicky were like,

we're gonna go too and it was like the perfect, you know what I mean, all right, we gotta go. But then Norton and Nikki were like, we're gonna go too. And it was like the perfect, you know what I mean? Like, would people stay too long? You still had a couple hours if you guys wanted to just like, family watch a movie or something. Or you and Dawn while Max goes down for round four. He did disappear again? Yeah, of course.

He went down and he said he worked out and then took a shower. Dude, he gave me so, now that I'm realizing realizing he gave me so many points of detail of his day that I have to assume All of them were jerking off He's like I did a pretty tough like full-hour workout today, and I was like oh jerking off And he's like then I did about a half hour in the sauna like smacked it in there He better not be jerking off in my sauna. He's slapping fear. Your son covered in red light, whacking off in a tube? The sauna's in the back bedroom.

I made in the garage. I put the sauna in the little gym area. Because the garage is like heated. Because the heating system is in the garage, so it's really nice and hot. Warm. It's warm all the time in there. I'm gonna have to go down there and catch him. That's my worst fear.

Your son covered in red light, whacking off in a tube. The sauna's in the little gym area. Because the garage is like heated. Because the heating system is in the garage, so it's really nice and hot. Warm, it's warm all the time in there. So I'm putting a gym inside there. I put a little bit of a gym, but it's gonna be a bigger, it's the whole end of the basement's gonna be the sauna and a big gym in there to work out. So I worked out today for the first time.

But the bottom half of the house is one man's jerk dream. I mean, he's got a brand new bathroom. Oh my God, can you imagine watching pornography on a 90 inch screen television right in front of you? You're gonna have to get monster cleaner for that screen, dude. You're not gonna want to wipe that down with Windex. Yeah, I don't know, dude.

I don't know, by the way, I said I completely, I think it's hilarious, but I also sympathize would be the word because I can't empath. By the way, I said I completely, I think it's hilarious, but also sympathize would be the word because I can't empathize with it. I didn't have Isabelle and me and her mom split when she was 12. Right at the rubber to the note stage. It was definitely before having to worry about, like, noticing any of that or seeing...

Being late at night hearing... Exactly. ...vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Then I just find out I left my... It was me I left my vibrator on. In your ass. In my own ass. Yeah, it is a weird thing, because I don't... I don't remember...

I didn't have anybody in my life ever talk to me about sex, talk to me about penis, masturbation, any of that shit. So I don't have a guideline to go on. And my father, who I would probably call my stepdad Larry, is dead, he died a few years ago. So he was the guy that I was gonna go to to ask him questions about stupid stuff like this.

And then of course my real dad. He just showed you? No, I never saw him. And you wanna grab it like this or else you're a weirdo? I still don't talk to him. So it's like, who do I, I can't, it's not like I can go to Colin. I have no, you know, I can't go to him. None of my friends have boys.

I would love for one of your friends to burn you, like when you have an emotional talk with them and they're just waiting to tell other people about it. Exactly. Colin, how do I tell Max about masturbation? Lewis has a kid, but Lewis... It's the same age though, and you guys are both like first, so you guys are actually going through the same thing

together. Yeah, but Lewis will bring it up on a fucking podcast, dude, Bobby called me about Max jerking off, and I don't trust him to have that conversation. With Max? No, about Max. Oh. He'll fucking use it for fodder on a show

if he panics and doesn't have something funny to say. He'll be like, you know what I mean? If we're on the regs and we have a dip. Oh, trust me, Jed Lewis' son is smacking it too. To what? Huh? To what? Well, he's got the memories of a thousand dum-dums

that Lewis has brought through. Yeah, but he lives with. I don't know, if he goes to his dad's phone for five seconds, I'm sure he'll find plenty of horrible, horrible things. But he lives with... I don't know if he goes to his dad's phone for five seconds. I'm sure he gets fun playing horrible, horrible things. But he lives with B, too. And she's very strict, and James is very... I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. Max is more of a dude. Do you know what I mean? Max is, James is kind of proper, a little more polite. Polite schmalite, dude. You find out that you can pull your own pud you do it You realize God gave you a gift And it'd be not right to the world to not share that gift

He does have a gift. Yeah, I mean this kid he's got his foot's an 11 now. Yeah, it's that way keeps whipping it out Fucking show off. He's a size 11 foot. He's a size 11 foot. He's a size 11. We gotta go get it. He had wrestling today for the first time. There's no correlation, by the way, between penis size and foot size. Well, he's got a piece. Look at that, dude.

That should be something that makes Christine hide from me at night. Yeah, you got a big, Jay's holding his huge boot on the table, which is a big foot. Right, and I'm telling you that I can fit a Costco amount of my dicks inside this boot. Yeah, but here's the problem, dude. You've never been- I mean, you would never run out of my dicks if you had as many dicks as I could fit into this boot right here. I bet you have a big dick.

Like me, we have to get the chub around it, away from it. I know. When are we going to get our crowdfunded surgeries? I don't know. One day. We have to set up that GoFundMe for me and yours. Let's set it up after Christmas. I think this, you know what I mean?

No, I think this is the time to ask. You think this is the time to ask? People are having their hardest financial times. We ask them to dig a little bit deeper and give generously Generously to the bonfires Bush-fat bush-fat reduction surgery reductions removal surgery. Yeah, we need done. I just want it out We double double bush fat double bush fat double bush fat. We will Hold hands the entire time

Yeah, you know I want to count backwards from ten together on opposite tables and we'll videotape the whole thing and here's the thing We'll put it live on the YouTube page for subscribers And we're also our punch up our punch up punch up. We have punch up that live put it up on there cuz it's uncensored Yeah, also, you're the boss over there. So not the ones gonna ever give us any shit over there I like true classics and I like punch up dot absolutely. That's why you got in got into ground level dude. You're like Kevin Hart dude, you're a mogul. A lot of people know Bobby Kelly's a mogul. Bobby got into ground level at punch up dot live

and what else? True classics. True classics. I'm wearing true classic underwear, shirts. Absolutely. And hoodie. Absolutely, he is. He's so comfortable and it's really good material.

Absolutely, if you use the promo code Kelly, you're gonna get 30% off your order with shipping in time for Christmas. It's actually dude. It's 15%. Use code dude. I was so happy you guys came over. Really, it was a beautiful Thanksgiving. Really perfect. Oh, I had a plan. We had such a good time. You guys are the first guests. You are out there. You're up there though. It's not a hike. I know some of you can get used to. We used to drive from Philly every day. I mean that was insane. I've been driving. I drove most of that way for the last 10 years. So it's only 20 more minutes for me. So it's nothing. Yeah. But for you, you're going to have to do it too. You're going to have to get used to it. Yeah., but when you do move some minutes away when you do move to Westchester you do lie about 20 minutes

So you say it's 35 minutes, but it's 45 50 maybe an hour probably an hour probably an hour and a half It's a solid Yanis and Verzi Verzi both they give it to you Um, um, verzi verzi both they give it to you They they stopped doing the the i'm closer than you'd think lie Yeah, and they both just laid out now and it sounds crushing when you ask them I go, yeah, that's great. It was healthy. I heard you like a nice area How far are you from the city is like hour and a half. No traffic

Yeah, and I was like, Jesus christ that no traffic 25 minutes further than me Yeah, you have to go one more exit up and then 20 minutes that way Which I would do. That would put you at about 42 minutes. I'm going by Bobby Math. It would be 43. Yeah. Once you get past the GW, honestly, it's like 10 miles away. My favorite was stay in the left lane as much as possible. Yeah, we drove through clouds. We were up so high.

I just didn't want you guys to get discouraged. You go, dude, we can't do it. My ears popped. I got dizzy. My voice echoed. No, we just honestly, because we were running late on a 45-minute commute. And then we saw it was going to be like an hour 20.

And we're like, OK, well, now we're really late. I go, Bobby, you know we're late because of your lies. Because of your goddamn lies. It's quicker, like, on the weekend, though. It's only, like, 35 minutes on the weekends. Yeah? Yeah. No traffic. Yeah, no traffic in and out of Manhattan.

all laugh No, no, it's a little quicker when no one's awake. If you came up at 4 in the morning, fucking smooth sailing. Can I ask a question, though? Will you guys come up again? Of course. Okay, good. It wasn't, like, that bad. But only if there's got to be up again? Of course. Okay good, it wasn't like that bad. But only if there's gotta be a trans in the house.

Doesn't have to be Norton's wife. Oh yeah, no, we always have a trans in the house. Thank you. We never not have a trans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could just hire one off Craigslist if there's not one available to you. There's a new app.

I need a party trans. There's a Starbucks app, you can have a trans. Keep the party going. We gotta take a break. Nikki Norton by the way, dressed sultry. She's gorgeous. Sultry. Yeah, she's very pretty.

Right below her butt, that skirt came. Yeah, that'd be, so, I mean, that's what I- Christine looks like we're a fucking frump now compared to her. I know. Don't dress. You look fantastic, Christine. Don't let him say that about you.

I know, Christine, but no matter what you put on, there's still always gonna be a stupid pussy in your panties. And that's just something I'm gonna have to get used to. He makes a valid point. I mean, there was a... How'd I apologize? There was a really energy going on knowing that there was something over there.

I know. You know what I mean? I know. I mean, Christine, you just have a dumb vagina. There's no excitement or surprise when your underwear comes off. You get a regular-sized shoe at the door. Yeah. Yeah, your girl shoes are girl sizes. No one complains if you compete in women's sports. God damn it. Well, let me tell you something about Robert Kelly, everybody. Tell me. Robert, Dan Soder, Joe

List, Louis J. Gomez. Yep. What riff raff when you say them all out loud like that. Yeah. Well, they're going to be doing the Gramercy Theater with the regs on December 11th, everybody. And then after that, the Beacon, oh, Beacon. Beacon, New York. I'm doing a theater up in Beacon, New York. Kansas City and Batavia, Illinois. And of course, you can catch Bobby every Tuesday night, 7 p.m. at the Fat Black Pussycat Lounge

at the Comedy Cellar for tickets and all tour dates. Visit PunchUp.live. Slash Robert Kelly. Make sure you go to Big J. Oakeson, PunchUp, Big J Comedy.com, and Big J, PunchUp.live.slash Big J Oakeson. Big J's gonna be a New York comedy club in Stanford. Love that club.

This Sunday, December, I might stop by. Day after my birthday. Can I stop by? Yes, sir. One show. Is there only one show? No, now you're complaining about one show? They condensed them?

Hilarious. Can I come by? I like finding out in real time that I'm not selling tickets. That's only five minutes away from my house. Come dude, wanna do a half hour? No, I don't wanna do a half hour. It's this Sunday night, one show combined.

After that he's gonna be at St. Louis, West Palm Beach. Providence for tickets and all of the tournades the don't announce how many shows are at those ones This is there's gonna be shows there's gonna be and then if the one you're at doesn't happen then just know You were the only asshole about tickets for that you are condensed I've been content make sure you go to comicwearables.com all of our merch up there bonfire merch is 15% off if you use the code word Santa. Right now, what a great gift. Bonfire hoodie, we got all kinds of great stuff up there.

Make sure you check them out and get some stuff. What's up? A couple announcements too, I wanna say, Story Wars is gonna be moving times at the stand. So December's gonna be a little wonky. We're gonna be doing some Sundays and I think a Thursday here and there. Just make sure we get the episodes in every week

And then we'll be back to normal, but we're gonna be moving to an earlier time good for story wars live Yeah, I do. It's falling asleep. Yeah. Yeah, it starts late. It's a late show. I did have fun though, but Stand it's a bit of a war, but I think we're gonna fix it and make sure you go in the 17th at the Fat Black Quizzcat. Is it sold out yet? Almost. It's almost sold out. There's a few tickets left so get that. We have very special, I mean very special guests. I am so excited about this show. Who's gonna be there? Matt Reif. No. Oh we couldn't get him? It's still, he's getting back to us this week. Adam. Dane Cook reunion. Is Dane Cook and Matt Reif showing up?

Did you get in touch with them? We're contractually not allowed to say that. Oh, great. Love that, good answer. So surprise guest. Surprise guest. Ain't they okay? We're gonna have a ass off.

Not a face off. Can't do that anymore. Make sure you check out our podcast, rate, review, like, follow us.